The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, May 24, 2019 — Page 1
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The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, May 24, 2019 — Page 1 Vol. CCLXII, No. 18 The New Hampshire Gazette Grab Me! May 24, 2019 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com I’m Free! The Fortnightly Rant Lest We Remember emorial Day is coming on Perhaps Trump just thinks that Monday, and not a minute the South should have won the Civ- Mtoo soon. Some of us, it seems, may il War. Of course, with him in the have lost the historical thread. Or, White House, Mitch McConnell perhaps, we’ve all just lost our minds. running the Senate, and the GOP Every spring the White House solidly behind them both, one could invites the reigning World Cham- argue that they did. pions of baseball in for a tour. With If only confusion and ambiguity the Trump Administration running regarding our martial history were the place, naturally there were some confined to the 19th century. Be- complications. White House pub- tween December 7, 1941 and Sep- licists touted the event as honoring tember 2, 1945, 450,000 Americans the “Red Socks” for winning the lost their lives in the struggle to “World Cup.” We shouldn’t criti- defeat fascism. As with the Confed- cise them too harshly, though. We’d eracy, though, fascism seems to be make mistakes, too, translating from enjoying a revival. Russian. It’s a wonder they didn’t call War crimes such as the mistreat- the team “the White Socks,” consid- ment of prisoners were a notorious ering that players of color all boycot- characteristic of our enemies’ behav- ted the event. ior during World War II. President Red Sox Chairman Tom Werner Trump is now erasing that distinc- proceeded to compound the con- tion—such as it is*—between us and fusion. Speaking before C-SPAN our former enemies. cameras he said, “Well the president In 2008, Army First Lieutenant is a pretty good raconteur of histo- Michael Behenna of Oklahoma ry and he did say that, uh—he was was ordered to release a prisoner talking about Abraham Lincoln who’d been held for interrogation. a former Blackwater contractor for trend towards using scatological tive war. President Trump seems losing the war and he said ‘Well, I Instead, Behenna shot Ali Mansur crimes ranging from murder to uri- language, while the latter will howl determined to make the same crim- know you guys have lost a game or Mohamed, then placed a live gre- nating on a corpse. Perhaps to make with delight. inal mistake as Bush, with even less two, but this was a war.’” nade under his head. Found guilty sure no one misses his point, Trump It would be a mistake to think, justification. Some media outlets interpreted by court martial of unpremeditated reportedly asked that the paperwork though, that Trump is somehow After 17 years, 7 months, and 17 Werner’s ambiguous wording— murder in 2009, Behenna was sen- be ready for Memorial Day. uniquely awful among Presidents days of bleeding and dying, we’re there were times during the war, tenced to 25 years imprisonment. Sullying the nation’s sacred rituals when it comes to war crimes. Quite caught in a stalemate in Afghani- after all, when Lincoln did appear Paroled in 2014, Trump pardoned seems to be a theme of this Presiden- recent history provides a far worse stan with a poorly-equipped foe on to be losing—to mean that our 45th Behenna on May 6th. cy. Unnamed “top Administration example—so far, at least. his home turf. He wonders why we President doesn’t know who actually That, apparently, was just the be- officials” have told the Washington Addressing West Point’s Class just don’t go home; most of us have won the Civil War. Our view is, we ginning of a campaign to turn our Post that Trump is planning a couple of 1947, President-to-Be Dwight just forgotten all about it. What does hope, slightly more nuanced. war criminals into heroes. TheNew of changes for the Capitol’s Fourth D. Eisenhower said, “War is man- that remind us of…? Oh, yes—two Just last month Trump said, in his York Times reported last Saturday of July celebration. First, the grand kind’s most tragic and stupid folly; more years and this will have taken trademark semi-coherent fashion, that Trump has made an expedit- fireworks display, traditionally held to seek or advise its deliberate prov- longer than Vietnam. “Whether you like it or not, [Robert ed request for the paperwork nec- on the Mall, will be moved instead ocation is a black crime against all “Game of Thrones” seemed to E. Lee] was one of the great gen- essary to pardon a Green Beret, a to a spot near the Potomac. Second, men. Though you follow the trade of last forever, too; and even it is over erals. I’ve spoken to many generals Navy SEAL, several Marines, and the President, who does not nor- the warrior, you do so in the spirit now. A lot of fans expressed disap- here, right at the White House, and mally feature very prominently will of Washington — not of Genghis pointment with the ending. They many people thought of the gener- * The late Robert McNamara, Secretary deliver an address to the nation from Khan. For Americans, only threat must be civilians. Team Daenerys’ als, they think that he was maybe of Defense under Presidents Kennedy the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. to our way of life justifies resort to finely-tuned plan went straight to and Johnson, served under U.S. Army Air their favorite general. People were Corps General Curtis LeMay during the Perhaps in doing so he may unite conflict.” hell, innocents died in droves, and [in Charlottesville, Va.] protesting fire-bombing campaign against Japan the nation. His detractors and sup- When Ike spoke those words, muckety-mucks divided the spoils the taking down of the monument during World War II. According to Mc- porters alike will be hanging on his George W. Bush was still in diapers. while laughing at the very concept Namara, LeMay once told him, “If we’d lost of Robert E. Lee, everybody knows the war, we’d all have been prosecuted as every word. The former will con- Now he paints bad portraits of men of considering the will of the people. that.” war criminals.” demn him if he continues his recent who were maimed in his pre-emp- Who knew it was a documentary? The Alleged News® Nice Infrastructure Bill You’ve Got There … ntil quite recently, House for a Festivus ceremony in the Rose Local Fête Spared in Helium Shortage on capital: “Party City closes some mental concern was briefly derailed Speaker Nancy Pelosi had been Garden. The world—well, the internet—was locations every year to invest more by a spasm of local chauvinism. Utelling Democrats that they can’t His podium bore a sign noting abuzz recently over the news of a po- in its most profitable locations.” Market Square Day is scheduled launch impeachment proceedings that the Mueller investigation had tentially-calamitous global helium How else does one protect the board for June 8th. What if Pro Ports- against the *resident because if they cost $35 millon. It did not. The true shortage. An army of byte-stained members from the stockholders, mouth can’t get ahold of its usual do he won’t work with them on an cost was $25 million, one-quarter wretches all reiterated the same who might otherwise storm the ration of helium? The event just infrastructure bill. the cost to date of the *resident’s provocative data point: Party City, boardroom, pitchforks and torches wouldn’t be the same without those The logic behind that strategy golf outings. apparently the nation’s pre-eminent in hand? towering arches of festive, colorful took a hit on Tuesday evening when The *resident then announced purveyor of mylar balloons, was Never having heard of the place, balloons. We emailed Executive Di- the *resident sent a letter to Pelosi that he’s going on strike until the closing 45 stores in 2019 for lack of we were shocked to learn that the rector Barbara Massar, who prompt- and Senate Minority Leader Chuck House stops investigating him—in the gas to fill them. 45 stores which will close represent ly assured us there were “no issues Schumer saying he wouldn’t work other words, stops doing its job. Per- Last week the New York Times let just five percent of Party City’s full with helium supply.” with Democrats on an infrastruc- haps† he’s suggesting that the White some of the hype out of that sto- complement of 870. Wondering Our civic concern alleviated, the ture bill unless they pass his trade House and the People’s House take ry. The paper quoted an unnamed what we’d missed, we took a look question arose—what other critical deal first. turns working alternating shifts. spokesperson for the company who at the company’s website. That only functions might be compromised by Wednesday morning Pelosi let fly The Senate quit working long ago, said that while Party City is “clos- shocked us further. Party City offers the lack of helium? The further we her opinion that the *resident “is en- of course, convening now only to ing more stores than usual in 2019” consumers a vast smörgåsbord of dug, the more intrigued we became.