Th e student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London

Issue 1,407 felix Friday 13 June 2008 felixonline.co.uk

Inside

The NUS debate

Pages 10 to 13

Caz’s Quest to find the Meaning of Art

Pages 20 & 21

Refugee kids’ mental health

Page 17

Communism’s effects on Beijing 7 years of Sykes

Felix looks back on Sir Richard’s achievements and controversies. See pages 3 to 7 Pages 24 & 25 2 felix Friday 13 June 2008

News News Editor – Andrew Somerville [email protected]

Scientologists preparing for 2008 Colours Awards results protest at Imperial College Imperial College Union’s Council approved the nominations for the 2008 ICU Colours Awards on Monday night. In total, 67 people were awarded Colours out of 90 people nominated. Many of the winners Church of Scientology sub-group, the CCHR, to picket Royal will be presented with ties and given a hearty pat on the back from the Union on Wednesday, as a thank you for their dedication to ICU College of Psychiatrists’ annual conference on 1st July at IC throughout the year. The full awards breakdown follows: HALF COLOURS Tom Roberts Eunice Agboola Timothy Keating Editor-in-Chief Shray Amar Jessica Longley John Anderson Kartik Lotlikar The Church of Scientology’s anti-psy- Christos Argyrakis Peter Mabbott chiatry sub-group, the Citizens Com- Douglas Blackie Guy Martin mission on Human Rights (CCHR), Hemel Bosamia Sotiris Mastoridis will be coming to Exhibiton Road next Ruth Cattell Hannah Monaghan month, to picket an event being held at Felicia Chang Chris Namih Imperial. Dave Coolegem Susie Ogilvie The event in question is the Royal Jack Cornish Shaimaa Orabi College of Psychiatrist’s Annual Meet- Luke Dhanoa David Paw ing, which is being run on campus Sian Fogden Ali Rauf from 1st July until the 4th July. It’s cur- Kilian Frensch Leila Serrao rently not clear whether the CCHR will Manish George Kumaran Shanmugarajah be protesting for all four days of the Daniel Hill Kadhim Shubber conference. Matthew Hoban Rosie Smithells The Royal College of Psychiatrists Joanne Horton Andrew Somerville is the professional and educational Fiona Jamieson Amadeus Stevenson body for psychiatrists in the United Andrew Jasudasen Daniel Wagner Kingdom and Republic of Ireland. The Eleanor Jay Yun Wang organisation gives representation to psychiatrists and aims to improve un- FULL COLOURS derstanding of mental health problems Daniel Burrows Robert Jarvis through research and education, ac- Mark Chamberlain Jess Marley cording to its website. David Charles Jon Matthews According to Scientologists, how- Rachel D’Oliveiro Jovan Nedic ever, and more specifically its founder, Viktoria Eriksson Ian Preedy L. Ron Hubbard, “psychiatry is making Andreas Esau James Smith people insane.” This belief has been Alex Grisman Ammar Waraich held within the Scientology com- Mary Williamson munity for decades, and in 1969 the CCHR was founded as a sub-group OUTSTANDING SERVICE AWARD of the Church of Scientology, in order Shiv Chopra Jennifer Morgan to investigate and expose “psychiatric Jarvist Frost Luke Taylor violations of human rights.” Alex Guite Lily Topham Now it appears the CCHR’s lat- est investigation will bring them to FELLOWSHIP Imperial. Eugene Chang An official from IC has said that Col- The Church of Scientology’s UK headquarters based in London Andy Mason Emiko Yoshikawa lege is liaising with police to ensure that protestors do not enter the uni- DISTINGUISHED FELLOWSHIP versity’s premises. The police are being protest against their own rally from bition Road on 1st July. Ashley Brown supportive and any protestors will be members of anti-Scientologist group, Rumours that the new Rector, Sir Daniel McGuinness Eirini Spentza kept on the opposite side of Exhibition Anonymous. News of the CCHR’s pro- Roy Anderson, will spend his first day Road away from the College’s main test has spread quickly across internet in office out on the street protesting PRESIDENT’S AWARD entrance. forums and many Anonymous mem- against the CCHR, whilst wearing a Ashley Brown Ram Gidoomal If members of the CCHR do turn bers have already declared that they ‘V For Vendetta’ mask are completely Hamish Common Thomas Roberts up, they can expect a heavy counter- will be making an appearance at Exhi- unfounded.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London felix 1,407 SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper Friday 13/6/08 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2008.

Felix was brought to you by:

Editor-in-Chief Business Editor Music Editors LOLCATS Tom Roberts Afonso Campos Peter Sinclair Susan Yu Deputy & News Editor Politics Editors Andrew Somerville Li-Teck Lau Technology Editor James Finnerty

Deputy & Politics Editor Arts Editors OF TEH WEEK Kadhim Shubber Rosie Grayburn Travel Editors Caz Knight Ahranyan Arnold International Editor & David Paw Nadine Richards Busybody-in-Chief Emily Wilson Ammar Waraich Gilead Amit Nightlife Editor Fashion Editors Copy Editors Greg Mead Sarah Skeete Louise Etheridge Daniel Wan Tom Culley Film Editor Anthony Maina Zuzanna Blaszczak Sports Editor Gilead Amit Jovan Nedić Jesse Garman Games Editors Azfarul Islam Photography Science Editor Sebastian Nordgren Sally Longstaff Ed Henley Vitali Lazurenko Friday 13 June 2008 felix 3 [email protected] News Sir Richard’s impact on Imperial What has the thirteeth Rector of Imperial College done since he began his tenure back in January 2001?

Andrew Somerville has taken under Sir Richard serves the Deputy & News Editor university’s primary purposes. Sir Richard’s increasing Sir Richard himself has been almost pay compared to the Sir Richard Sykes has only three weeks constantly surrounded by controversy left of his seven and a half year term as over the past 7 years, both within IC previous IC Rector Rector of Imperial College, succeeded and nationally, due to his outspoken by Sir Roy Anderson who officially views and “authoritative” style of re- takes over in July. He leaves behind form. He has attracted criticism from University Total pay him a very different College to the in- College staff, academics and students stitution that he took over in January for his approach; ‘absence’ of consulta- Lord Oxburgh 2001. This week, Felix examines the tion with the members of the univer- £158,000 (2001) impact that he has had during his time sity; his business focus (Sir Richard is in South Kensington. also Chairman of the ‘Reform’ think- When Sir Richard was appointed as tank: a lobbying group that pushes Sir Richard £243,000 the thirteenth Rector, Imperial faced for more private sector involvement (2001) an uncertain future. Although IC was in public services); support for top-up well respected academically, and reg- fees; and the magnitude of his salary, Sir Richard ularly placed second or third in the which at £348,000 is the UK’s largest for £348,000 league tables, College’s finances were the head of an educational institution. (2008) in a mess, governmental subsidies To get the full picture of the changes were under debate and facilities were that Sir Richard has made since 2001, in great need of modernisation. Col- one needs only to look at the differenc- lege Council made the surprise choice es in College statistics between then different. 30% of full time students of appointing not an academic, but a and today. are now from outside the UK and EU business leader to take care of these is- combined, a massive proportion for sues and plan Imperial’s future: Sir Ri- Since 2001 a relatively small student population. chard, then CEO of GlaxoSmithKline, UK students make up only 40% of the was picked to take control after Lord The most obvious changes that Sir Ri- total, and according to statistics, stu- Oxburgh’s departure. chard has made are in the student body dents from China now make up ap- The changes that he brought with and departmental research. It is in proximately 15-20% of the students at him were immediate, and his stated augmenting these aspects of the Col- Imperial College. IC now has a larger aims were clear. Sir Richard’s vision of lege that he has increased the income proportion of Overseas students than the future of Imperial College was of so greatly and safeguarded IC’s finan- all of the comparable UK and US insti- an internationally competitive “uni- cial future. However, the changes are tutions by a significant amount. versity business” (as he referred to it), drastic, and have almost certainly had Similarly, when we examine the in- a world famous centre of lucrative re- unforeseen repercussions. crease in the total number of students, search, modelled on the biggest suc- The number of full time students at we find that there are 2154 more stu- cesses in the US. As these pages show, Imperial has increased by 22% over dents at IC now than when Sir Rich- he has more or less succeeded in these the seven years, from 9975 students ard entered as Rector, but of these new aims: Imperial is now fifth in the THES in 2001 to 12129 students last year – a places only 514 have gone to Home world rankings; the profile of College massive change in number. In addition and EU students combined. The rest has indeed been raised worldwide, es- to this, the makeup of those students have gone to Overseas students. Over pecially in Asia (he even appointed a has also changed drastically. the last 7 years, for every Home/ Pro-Rector (International Relations)); In 2001, 20% of full time students at EU student place created, there have College’s finances have expanded; out- Imperial were Overseas students, com- been more than three Overseas places dated campus facilities are being refur- ing from countries outside of the UK created. bished and replaced; and research is and EU. This was similar to the pro- This trend is reflected in the bal- now Imperial’s main strength. But these portions within comparable universi- ance sheets, and thus the financial achievements have not come with- ties such as Oxford, Cambridge, UCL, planning of the College. In 2001 fees out price, and many have questioned Harvard and Yale. Last academic year, from Overseas students accounted for whether the direction that Imperial however, the picture at IC was very 5.6% (£22m) of College’s income, and The 13th Rector of Imperial College London, Sir Richard Sykes, steps in 2007 this increased dramatically to down from his position in July, succeeded by Sir Roy Anderson 10.1% (£56m) of the total income. This suggests that Imperial’s financial sta- bility now relies almost twice as heav- Worth it? paying more for their degree, but receiv- Student nationality statistics of ily on Overseas fees. This sum has not ing less and less teaching. The support just been increased by recruiting more As was previously stated, Sir Richard structures and social aspects of the Col- leading international universities Overseas students though. The fees has undoubtedly achieved his aims as lege appear ill-equipped to cope with charged have also increased dramati- Rector of Imperial College, rebranding such a radical demographic change, cally, with an increase in the average and all, but the statistics lend weight to leading to a divided and isolating cam- Overseas Total from £11,055 to £15,427 between 2001 the arguments of his critics. Whether pus which feels, to many students, re- Students as and 2007 (compared to the average his business-like attitude and focus on markably impersonal and uncaring. University Number of percentage of Home/EU of £1,578 to £1,894 – prob- the corporate nature of the College is What is certain is that the focus Students ably largely due to Top-up fees). best suited to its primary purpose of at Imperial is no longer on students. total However, this 22% increase in the to- education and research is still very Whether this trend spreads across tal number of students is not matched much under debate. the country as universities struggle to Imperial College by a proportional increase in spend- From the experience of being a stu- compete for funding and elite status, 12129 30.0% (2007) ing on teaching. The number of aca- dent here, and from the statistics them- or reverses with the incoming Rector demic staff has decreased since 2001 selves, it appears that criticisms of this and his more academic experiences, from 3531 Full-Time-Equivalent staff approach are valid. Students seem to be remains to be seen. Imperial College 9975 20.0% to 3067 FTE staff. Similarly the aver- (2001) age academic’s proportion of teach- ing time has decreased from 22.6% to roughly 18.5% in 2006. This is again Average annual cost of Average time spent on UCL 16504 23.6% significantly lower than either of our tuition per IC student teaching per academic main UK competitors, Oxford (23%) and Cambridge (21.5%), especially giv- Oxford 18635 21.9% en the distribution of teaching load per Time Average Average subject. This is especially significant Student University allocation Cost in Cost in Cambridge 18077 19.5% since science subjects require far more type % teaching time than the humanities 2001 2007 Harvard 20042 19.5% which will certainly affect the Oxford Imperial 18% and Cambridge averages. Home/ It would appear that our academics £1,578 £1,894 Yale 11454 16.0% EU are, under Sir Richard, spending far Cambridge 21% less time teaching than they used to. Overseas students are defined as nationalities outside the UK/EU This decrease is matched by a mas- zone for the UK universities, and as any non-US nationality for the sive rise in the average amount of time Overseas £11,055 £15,427 Oxford 23% US universities spent on research, increasing from 44% to approximately 53% over the 7 years. 4 felix Friday 13 June 2008

News [email protected] Sykes’ Imperial: Jan 2001 – Jul 2008 Next month, the 13th Rector of Imperial is due to hang up his lab coat and hand over his test tube tongs to Rector-elect Sir Roy Anderson. Felix charts Sir Richard’s comments, controversies, and the changes he’s brought to Imperial during his seven-year stint as leader of our dear institution. Bottom’s up etc, etc

Jan 01: Sykes appointed 13th Rector of IC Aug 01: Intl. Brand manager appointed Feb 01: Sykes merges Biology and Biochemistry departments ir Richard made his intentions for Imperial even clearer when he appointed the very first May 01: Major S Pro-Rector (International Relations). Professor David Ewins was appointed and tasked Mar 01: Rector says with promoting Imperial abroad to industries and faculties reshuffle universities should potential students. The Rector wanted to make charge top-up fees Imperial’s brand much stronger, in order to pull in fter four months in office, Sir Richard Sykes more funding to help remedy the financial problems made his presence felt by ordering the biggest College had back at the turn of the millennium, A shake-up in the College’s history, when he and so that Imperial could compete better with the completely reshuffled the make-up of Imperial’s world’s leading institutions. faculties. Biology and Biochemistry were merged into the Faculty of Life Sciences; Medicine remained unchanged; and Engineering swelled as the Royal May 01: Rector gives first School of Mines was completely swallowed by new the Faculty of Engineering, much to the dismay of talk to student body and hundreds of Miners. The remainder of departments attends Union Council. formed the Faculty of Natural Sciences. Suggests top-up fees are Further dramatic shakes-ups were outlined for “burden” on students the Finance, Security, Registry and Personnel departments who were asked to make 10% cuts to their funding, otherwise, they would have to justify their budgets. Sir Richard also made clear his enthusiasm for “blowing up Sherfield”, although he admitted this was infeasible. Instead the building would be Oct 01: Rector sighted refurbished at a cost of £6m to “encourage greater in Felix office! communication.” Before this refurbishment would Nov 02: Imperial-UCL happen though, he promised priority to be given to building a new sports centre in Prince’s Gardens and Nov 01: Rector writes for Felix, the refurbishment of the crumbling Southside halls. merger called off, sigh promises: “close contact with staff and students” fter four weeks of discussions, the spirits of thousands of Imperial students hoping A for a well-balanced university lifestyle were crushed, when it emerged that the proposed merger bringing Imperial and University College London (UCL) together as one ‘uber-versity’ had been called off. Sir Richard claimed that it had “become clear Jan 02: Rector announces that the best interests of our two institutions are intention to make IC not served by a formal merger.” However, this was more of an assumption on the independent university Rector’s part; one senior academic from UCL told Felix about IC’s political intention, describing the proposals as a takeover rather than a true merger. The academic referred to the situation as “more of a rape than May 02: Sykes steps downnas as a marriage.” Ultimately, the merger crumbled since many UCL academics GSK Non-executive Chairman feared that it would leave many of their scientists without jobs, whereas Imperial’s staff would suffer far less. Oct 02: IC-UCL merger on the cards? Jan 03: Imperial rebranding fails to impress

ontinuing in his attempts to push and increase Nov 03: College senate debates Imperial’s global presence, Sir Richard entirely re- leaving University of London C branded College, ditching the traditional crest for today’s more corporate, minimalist blue logo. Back in 2003, the logo was branded “embarrassing” by students, who felt it smacked of “Welcome to London Polytechnic!” New signs were initially constructed, “Blue Peter style”, as College staff members sticky-taped new signs over the old ones. The rebranders declared “the white is an impor- tant colour in our clean, modern [society].” However, the clean look was severely hampered only eight hours later when one sign outside Huxley began to peel off. College also introduced new writing guidelines to help members “understand” the branding, including the discour- agement of using ‘IC’ instead of ‘Imperial’ and that com- munications ought to be “authoritative, not dictatorial.” Friday 13 June 2008 felix 5 [email protected] News

Jan 04: Top-up fees Higher Education Bill scrapes through

tudents feared it for years, but even-ven- tually Tony Blair’s Labour Feb 04: Rector given pay rise of S government got its way, and 15%, 9% higher than average in January of 2004 the latest Higher for UK university heads. Total Education Bill was passed by a a margin of just five votes. emolument hits £294,000 The Bill which allowed universi- ties to charge variable Top-up fees of upto £3,000 per year was success- ful with 316 votes to 311. These votes were accompanied by 18 very signifi-- cant abstentions. Back in 2004, ICU greeted the pro-o- posals with protests, and when the Billill was finally passed the Union remaineded Mar 04: Rector insults “third resolute. “There is still plenty to fightght for” commented ICU’s Deputy Presidentent rate” Luton University (Education & Welfare). University officials welcomed the re-re- hilst criticisng the government’s target to ensure that 50% of school leavers sults, and the Rector’s hopes becamee re- carry on into higher education, Sir Richard managed to single out Luton ality. “I’m extremely pleased that attemptsmpts W University as a “third rate” university. The Rector said that “third rate” insti- to derail this vitally important bill have tutions are a drain on better universities, stating that “a penny spent [at Imperial] is a not succeeded,” Sir Richard told Felix.x. “I’m hell of a lot better than a penny spent at Luton for the economy.” He gave further criti- convinced that it will prove to be a positiveositive cism saying that “it costs more to teach those kids [at third class institutions] because move both for universities, which desperate-perate- they’ve never been taught.” ly need extra funding to maintain standards,ndards, The comments landed Sir Richard in a spot of bother with university heads from and for young people ... who will havee access around the country, not just Luton’s Vice Chancellor. Some Vice Chancellors called to the world class teaching we provide.”e.” for him to resign from his position on HEFCE (the Higher Education Funding Council for Education). However, Sir Richard later retracted the comments and wrote to both HEFCE and Luton’s Vice Chancellor, apologising for his “ill considered and clumsy” comments.

Jun 04: Tanaka Business School and College’s new main entrance opens Oct 05: Rector dents Southside to commence demolition Aug 04: Wye courses ir Richard climbed into a small, orange me- to be transferred away chanical exoskeleton and chiselled away at from campus S the old Southside complex, marking the beginning of the end for the fondly remembered halls of residence. The ceremony signified the realisation of two Nov 04: Imperial ranks things: firstly, the Rector delivering on his prom- 14th on THES World ise of a reconstructed Southside, and secondly, the beginning of Imperial’s status as a permanent University Rankings building site. The building was scheduled to finish construc- tion in October 2007, at a cost of more than £50m. College almost delivered on this promise, but their record of finishing nothing on time actually remains intact. Many rooms lacked furnishings, toilet seats were left unattached and some students still had their windows boarded up with dust sheets.

Oct 05: Imperial ranks Nov 05: Life & Jan 06: Ethos finally opens 13th on THES World Physical Sciences thos eventually opened its University Rankings faculties merged doors, four months after E it was originally sched- uledul to finish. Students flocked to makem use of the free facilities lead- Nov 05: College attracts inging to a huge waiting list for gym inductions.ind TheT opening was very well re- international media attention ceived,ceiv although some unfortunate studentsstud had to be evacuated, drip- with plans for dress code pingping wet, during the first week after

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Imperial College have announced a obscured the face such as veils, scarves or hooded tops. strict dress code for its students and staff. Failure to comply could result in students being “removed from the College’s premises”. The dress code states that “at all times while on campus staff and stu The decision, which attracted worldwide media atten- dents must wear their College iden- tity cards”. On top of this employees- and students are told to “refrain from wearing clothing that obscures the face such as a full or half veil, hooded tops or scarves worn across tion, was one which the College has never really lived down the face”. The rationale behind this is that it will “maximise our [College’s] chances of detecting the presence of anyone who shouldn’t be here”. According to Imperial, this dress code has been implemented “in light of security concerns raised since. Only recently, the issue was raised at Union Council. by the terrorist incidents which occurred over the summer”. The ruling appears to be quite unenforceable as there are numer ous entrances to the College, and- there is a public right of way straight College later revised the code, explicitly stating that cul- through the middle of College along Imperial College Road, connecting Queens Gate to Exhibition Road. It is clear that College also have doubts about the enforceability of the ruling. An Imperial spokesper Mar 06: Sykes’ tural or religious garments were allowed and that students son told Felix, “It’s not a question- of it being enforceable – rather it is a question of College security. We expect all students to take their

Continued on page 3 What Not To Wear! Imperial’s verision of Trinny and Susannah won’t like you wearing a scarf, hoodie or “offensiv only need to be able to present their swipe cards. You could be escourted off campus if you don’t wear your swipe card around your neck (right) I salary rises to e clothing” (l £305,000 6 felix Friday 13 June 2008

News [email protected]

Sep 06: Development Oct 06: Imperial to pull out of of BP bio-fuels centre at Wye campus halted University of London

ollege had been discussing Oct 06: Imperial ranks moving towards independ- 9th on THES World C ence from the University of University Rankings LondonLondo (UL) for years. In 2006, talks finallyfinally became reality when Imperial felt it was big and ugly enough to fly the ULU nest. ConfirmationCon that IC would leave Jan 07: Rector cuts UL cameca at the University of Lon- don’don’ss Council when the terms of the withdrawalw were agreed. cheese Centenary cake StStudentsu who started univer- sity wwhilst IC was part of UL were ollege marked its 100th birthday with a year’s worth of Nov 06: Sykess asaskedke whether they wanted a de- celebrations, beginning with the Rector cutting a very says lifting grgreeee from Imperial or the Univer- C tasty birthday cake. sity of London, the main differ- top-up fees capap sity Later on in the evening Sir Richard gave his Centenary lec- is “absolute enencec apparently being the colour ture in which he talked about the history of the South Ken- of yyour graduation gown. Oh, and sington campus. He even managed to slip in a small gibe about nonsense” cocontinuedn admittance to some of Felix. When holding up a copy of the paper from 1957, he com- ULUL’s facilities such as the library. mented: “This was back when Felix was a good newspaper.” PPostgraduate students who We love you too Dickie. bebegan in October 2007 are now ononly eligible for Imperial de- grgrees. UL degrees will no longer be available to any students en- rorolling as of next year. ICU soon followed in IC’s fofootsteps by leaving UL Union, saving itself around £80,000 per year.

Apr 07: Marquee Aug 07: IC student satisfaction invasion begins in freefall according to GUG

espite most recently ranking 5th in the Times Higher Education Supple- May 07: Speculation over ment’s World University table, Imperial still can’t resolve the perennial D problem of an unsatisfied student body. Rector’s replacement mounts. Early contender, Back in August 2007, the Good University Guide (GUG) published its latest data, revealing Imperial as the third best university in the country. However, taking the BP’s Lord Browne, lies in student satisfaction criterion out of the results pushed Imperial into first place. court over relationship Conversely, taking out all the criteria except student satisfaction placed Imperial with gay escort. Search for in 68th place. the next Rector continues Since then, students have become even more miserable, with Imperial slipping to 87th place in the student satisfaction stakes, according to the GUG 2009 statistics, Jun 07: Rector takes take which were published in sledgehammer to door April of this year. Reduc- of Linstead Hall. Work ing the student satisfac- Jul 07: College takes tion weighting to zero in on Eastside begins control of Union finances in this latest data sees Impe- exchange for money to fund rial in second, compared to the previous year’s first Beit Masterplan place. In comparison, Cam- Jul 07: Sykes’ successor bridge ranks first place announced: Sir Roy Anderson for student satisfaction this year, with Oxford in 6th and UCL in 33rd. Whether Oxford or Cambridge are better Oct 07: Rector goes off institutions than Impe- rial is debatable, but the on one about “Mickey Oct 07: IC NHS dissatisfaction amongst Healthcare Trust Imperial’s student body is clear to see. Mouse” degree courses created

ir Richard continued in his out- Oct 07: Southside halls open, spoken manner in October of S last year, when he slammed the unfinished. Only £155 per week UK’s education system, not for the including glorious view of portacabins first time. The Rector criticised so called “Mickey Mouse” courses (ie: David Beckham studies), saying that “the system has to change. It will then make people think twice before they go off and do those damn silly Jan 08: Ethos to remain courses that are no good to them and free to students for won’t get them a good job at the end foreseeable future of the day. It would mean university Nov 07: Imperial ranks is not just a nice four years off.” 5th on THES World He also made clear his support of University Rankings increasing Top-up fees to £5,000 af- ter the 2009 review. [email protected] Friday 13June 2008 funding. government with institutionsprivate then putthem into and state schools pupilsfrom these this isto remove for doing method andone deserve, they the education who are notgetting 93% ofchildren to “save” the other He isneeded saidthat action institutions. private drastic the from 7%ofthecame student that population attend that undergraduates “frightening” 40%ofImperial was inwhichhesaidit attack system, onthe UKeducation A-levels. necessary foursince orfive many so achieve students indifferentiating the between difficulty scribed L entranceset exam announces may IC Jun 08:Rector The accompanied awider announcementwith was if they want to want Thede- study atif they Rector Imperial. mayplicants have to gothrough another yet exam that announced SirRichard ap- futureIC week, ast delayed untilsummer2008 Jan 08:Libraryredevelopment we ahappybunchafterall? Student Surveytables.Are May 08:RigginginNational around thecountry, at£348,000 pay chartforuniversityheads Mar 08:Sykes’ salarytops I Where next forImperial? dawns. era Jul 08:Anew dered the ofapproximately culling dered 6million cattle. and Mouth outbreak whichhecontroversially during or- put incharge of controllingwhen hewas the 2001Foot advisor a governmental notably as ofCollege, outside in1984. Professorship his obtaining before workingat Imperial career his early completing andafter hisPhD much hespent of ology inZo- adegree with Imperial from He graduated ment. the depart- Epidemology more specifically of Medicine, title,ofthe iscurrentlyFacultyhim hisfull amember Rector.” become has fortunately have to July, to movethe meeting when[he] andthat “un- hewill humanity numerous from diseases, Sir Roywent onto work for numerous organisations to give FMedSci FRS, SirRoyMAnderson Professor citing his busy schedule travelling saving schedule theciting hisbusy globe however, week, at moment, he cancelled the last SirRoythis with aninterview readers to bring histenurestart next month inJuly. Felix hadhoped mperial’s 14th Rector, isdueto SirRoyAnderson, O annual pieingforcharity receives 08:Rector Mar unsubstantiated. unsubstantiated. ter the are Rector’s completely lecture hisCentenary comments during year. every charities for various money which raises year. himself ineach find tosomehow repeatedly manages Rumours chloroform that with af- laced Felixto be the ordered flan Week RAG during bytheThe dispatched City&GuildsHitSquad ‘pie’ was on that unfortunate day inMarch, at that timeofday that unlucky he Walkway alongthe Sherfield walking to be hejusthappened because aplate ofshaving foamto the received full face nce the again, Rector bit more discussion over its direction. over its bit more discussion thein a College approach,more engaging ofahands-on auniversity,governing adopt orwhetherSirRoywill followtor Sir Richard’s will approach authoritarian to a more andstudy. enjoyableplace inwhichto learn have SirRoywill hisworkoutto cut makeIC business-like, andbecome student its focus lost has cerns that Imperial of the UK’s con- student andwidespread tables satisfaction proach to “the universitybusiness.” SirRichard’s following andstaff, dent body ap- divisive policy. have He ofthe will to thestu- quicklygain trust butexcellingSir Richard, andacademic research inboth experience of business the lacking heavy of anacademic, 2007. inOctober demology Epi- Disease ofInfectious Professor toas College turned Adviser, ChiefScientific ofDefence as istry SirRoyre- It will be interestingwhether theIt incoming be toRec- see will With to the bottom close currently languishing Imperial toCompared the current Rector, SirRoyismuch more Eventually, to secondment the year Min- athree after felix News 7

Written & designed by Tom Roberts 8 felix Friday 13 June 2008

International [email protected] Headlines from around the globe The world beyond College walls...

Counter-Terrorism Bill

United Kingdom The House of Commons has narrowly passed a bill to extend the number of days terrorism suspects can be held without being charged. The limit, which is currently of 28 days, may potentially be raised to 42 if the bill is passed by the House of Lords. The debate over the extension has raged in recent weeks, with many claiming that this latest proposal of Gordon Brown’s is both unnecessary and unjust. Various human rights groups cite the way in which other Western countries deal with terrorism suspects, rarely needing to keep suspects uncharged for more than a week. Many have also mentioned that few terrorism cases so far have even reached the 20 day limit, raising doubts about the necessity of a future extension.

Negotiations with Iran?

Germany While staying in Germany, President Bush has met with Chancellor Merkel to discuss the future Western attitude towards Iran. The President would like to maintain his policy of diplomacy and negotiations, but has warned that “all options are on the table”. Chancellor Merkel, for her part, has announced that the possibility of future sanctions cannot be ruled out, but insists that such a decision rests with the Security Council. Though sanctions may or may not be put into effect, consensus is growing that an Iran with nuclear capability would make the world a more dangerous place.

Aeroplane Crash

Sudan A Sudan Airways Airbus crashed in Khartoum airport earlier this week, leaving almost thirty people dead. Though the available reports are quite heavily conflicted, the most recent figures indicate that some 171 passengers survived the explosion and the fire. The number of people unaccounted for has gone down from 66 on Tuesday to 14 at the time of writing, in the second Khartoum plane crash since May. The crash has since been attributed to bad weather, with both sandstorms and heavy rain interfering with the plane’s ability to land safely. The plane, built in 1990 and having twice been passed between airlines, is supposed to have had 217 passengers on board. Friday 13 June 2008 felix 9 [email protected] International

Hashish Find

Afghanistan The world’s largest drug bust took place earlier last week in Afghanistan’s Kandahar Province. Almost 250 tons of hashish were found in the region’s trenches, an amount with a net worth estimated at some 200 million pounds. According to one American commander, the seizure of the stockpile will “seriously cripple the Taliban’s ability to purchase weapons that threaten the safety and security of the Afghan people and the region” The size of the stash, which has led to expressions of frank amazement from even the most hardened officials, meant that the only way to safely dispose of it was to bombard it from US Air Force planes. The entire supply has since gone up in flames.

Friendly Fire

Pakistan A US airstrike near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border has left 11 Pakistani soldiers dead in the worst case of friendly fire in the region since fighting began in 2001. The Pakistani military have presented a formal complaint to the Tripartite Comission (comprised of US, Afghani and Pakistani military commanders) over the incident, considered to be a profoundly humiliating War Criminal gesture. While the US claim that the deaths were the result of a legitimate cross-border pursuit, the Pakistanis claim that no possible justification for the incident exist, and have formally Arrested expressed their anger to the US ambassador to the country.

Serbia Stojan Zupljanin, one of the four Serbian war criminals still wanted for trial by the Hague, has been arrested near Belgrade. The outstanding accusations are for mass extermination and murder, as well as for his command of troops guilty of a variety of atrocities during the Bosnian war. The 56-year old Serb is expected to be extradited to the Hague within the week, a move likely to be shortly followed by his trial. Now that Zupljanin has been arrested, the Hague are still searching for General Ratko Mladic, Radovan Karadzic and Goran Hadzic, still at large after thirteen years.

Designed by Gilead Amit & Kadhim Shubber 10 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of Felix

1. Read the following comment pieces 2. Check out www.live.cgcu.net for a televised NUS debate and further comment 3. Consider the question: ‘Should ICU remain affiliated with the NUS?’ 4. Vote yes or no, online, from 17th June: www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

NUS affiliation referendum Should ICU remain affiliated? With voting in the latest referendum on NUS membership due to open on Tuesday 17th June, Felix hears from both advocates and critics, to help inform your opinion when you come to cast your vote next week Vote yes to ICU by voting No! to NUS

egular readers of Felix will and I feel that this would be a naive issues of concern over this agenda comes for students. This represents a have noticed that I have on stance to take. For the avoidance of through our position on the stake- chronic waste of cash that I would like several occasions this year doubt, these are the same people who holders working group and are partic- to see spent on what ordinary students wrote about what was go- continuously attempt to waste every- ularly keen that the students selected want. Ring on in NUS. Voting to af- one’s time on pointless debates about to take part in the juries should be Just because we can afford NUS af- filiate by 53% to 47% hardly represents esoteric issues in far off lands. representative of the full range of stu- filiation that doesn’t make it a good a ringing endorsement for the NUS I would love to sit some of them dent voices. We have argued that care use of funds. I can afford the latest from Imperial students and through- down and talk about pressing issues should be taken not to include merely Girls Aloud CD but it doesn’t follow out this year I have attended countless such as assessment feedback and stu- "politicised voices" through organisa- that I would be wise to spend some of events to attempt to make the NUS dent housing but whilst they are more tions such as the NUS.” my money on it. better. My own perspective on this was interested in ranting on about what a Is an organisation that is dismissed In October this Union supported Steve Brown that I was “taking one for the team”. I great job Hugo Chavez is doing run- by the umbrella body for all UK Uni- NUS reform on the condition that this ICU President would be the last student from Impe- ning Venezuela and why students versities as unrepresentative and dom- year was the last year of waste and rial ever to have to sit through some should go on strike for no reason at- inated by voices that are needlessly farce. We stipulated back in Novem- tortuous meetings where everything tempts to do so are futile. politicised really something that we ber that if things didn’t change then has to be dumbed down to the point It is quite right that there are now a want to subsidise? Both these state- we would re-consider our member- where any meaningful debate is not lot of people questioning the legitima- ments are inferred by the above text ship. This is an uncontested fact and possible. I took the view that this was cy of NUS. Indeed, over the Christmas which raises serious questions about being aware of the amount of effort worth the effort as if the NUS changed holidays I was forwarded an email that the NUS as the marvellous student this Union has dedicated to changing then it might have stood a reasonable had been sent by the Chief Executive voice that they claim to be. £46,000 is NUS this year. I find the accusation chance of becoming a respected na- of Universities UK to the College ad- a lot of money to pay for an organi- made that disaffiliation would repre- tional voice for students. vertising the Student Juries scheme sation which is treated with such dis- sent a reactionary step not compatible Looking ahead for the foreseeable which is being run by the government dain. NUS’ 2008/09 budget indicates with this Union’s work over the past future NUS will continue to operate via the Department for Innovation, that they are spending £502,073 on 12 months. I am now of the view that in a farcical manner. I could take an Universities and Skills. The NUS will taking decisions which is £200,000 the NUS is now well past saving and idealistic stance and raise the notion tell you that they are the only show more than what they intend to spend attempting to do so will just be a waste of some sort of consensus could be in town when it comes to talking to on campaigning and advocacy. That’s of our time and money. Next week, reached if only we hung around for the government and that they are re- right folks, the NUS thinks it is bet- vote No to NUS affiliation is you want another year. The reality is that those spected as the authoritative voice of ter to spend huge amounts of money to send the strongest of messages political activists with a vested inter- UK students. It saddened me to read on political events where officers can that Imperial College Union thinks is voting No est in how the NUS operates have no the following excerpt whinge at each other than it does that students deserve better and that intention of changing their position “UUK has been working to raise spending the money on delivering out- £46,000 could be better spent. vote online imperialc It is very important that you vote in this referendum, read the views and opinion discussion and then vote online from 00:01 Tues 17 June until 23:59 Mon 23 Ju Friday 13 June 2008 felix 11

[email protected] Comment NUS makes an impact

s a product of Im- fect you today and will have an impact management and making £300,000 in currently affecting students’ unions. perial College and a on students for generations to come. savings as well as putting an end to NUS produces weekly briefings on member of its Court, With the new higher education fund- successive years of financial deficit. It education issues which support your I have never doubted ing policy passed at our Annual Confer- hasn’t been easy, but the organisation sabbaticals to represent you. Recent “A either its strength or ence in April, NUS has taken the initia- has come out leaner and, with a new topics have included the taught post- excellence. The Court attracts brilliant tive and we are challenging all political three-year strategic plan, much more graduate experience, feedback on students and its academic work is sec- parties and stakeholders in higher edu- focused on the core issues of defend- assessments and league tables. Fur- ond to none. That’s why NUS benefits cation to come up with radical ideas ing and extending students’ rights and thermore NUS is provided the central from ICU membership. But 25 years and solutions to the current funding developing and championing strong information for when students need as a journalist and in government have crisis. I know ICU doesn’t agree with students’ unions. to register with the charities commis- taught me that the best are stronger every aspect, but it ultimately means The next step is to pass the reforms sion, and getting legal advice on issues when they work with the rest. The re- that NUS isn’t a broken record just needed to make these changes perma- such as the employment status of sab- Wes Streeting ality is that governments of all colours calling for free education. Instead we nent. The Annual Conference this year baticals and the pension scheme for NUS President pay attention to NUS; and unless ICU become a realistic and respected voice narrowly missed the two-thirds major- our union staff – legal advice on this has a place in the national union, its at the national table, shaping a fairer ity needed. But reform has not failed – alone cost another London union over students are, in effect, voiceless. We and easier system of fees and support. its just stalled. Nor is it time to throw £100,000 when they sought it alone. All can all argue about how best to make That is something that I’m sure all stu- in the towel and admit defeat. NUS will this information is cheaper by sharing the case for student finance, improved dents will be glad their national union change and it will do so soon. But let’s resources with other unions through housing, higher standards of teaching; is doing. be clear, if ICU disaffiliates, the people the NUS. NUS saves you money. but that’s a debate that ICU students NUS makes an impact. We have won celebrating loudest will be those that Earlier this year, Bill Rammell, the can only have if they are inside NUS. council tax exemption for students, benefit from our broken structures. Minister for DIUS, attended a debate In essence, NUS needs ICU; but ICU doubled the disabled students allow- Now is the time to hold fast and see at a campus, and a student asked him also needs NUS. Anything less and you ance, reined in unscrupulous landlords this change through to the end. about the point of NUS. short-change yourselves.” with a new national tenancy deposit ICU also benefits greatly from NUS “What I can say,” he explained, “is These are the words of Trevor Phil- scheme, and run a successful campaign in more than just national representa- that if NUS didn’t exist, the lives of lips, but they also reflect my own to convince HSBC to back down over tion and campaigning. NUS trains your politicians would be whole lot easier.” thoughts as ICU embarks on a refer- their plans to end interest-free student elected officers, develops networks to We know NUS is not perfect. Repre- endum on affiliation to the National overdrafts. This alone saved students promote best practice between our 600 senting the diversity of seven million Union of Students (NUS). As the new an estimated £22 million. members with ICU President Stephen students across the UK is an enormous President of NUS, I can only implore NUS needs to change and ICU has Brown attending a residential with oth- challenge. But if you really want the you to vote no to this attempt to disaf- been an unwavering supporter of NUS er presidents from across London and student voice to be heard nationally, would vote Yes filiate from NUS so you remain part of reform. With you we have already re- the South, and provides expertise on then we must not become divided. Say the national debate on issues that af- structured internally, bringing in new issues such as the major legal changes no to this attempt to leave NUS. Leave this ridiculous organisation

ny discussion about the and it’s beliefs, instead of champion- respect to their graduate accounts. Unions. All Unions have a duty to work NUS can quickly and eas- ing their return to the embrace of But to say that the NUS led on this is together when an area of common con- ily descend into obscu- membership. They figured it was more like saying you or I runs their favour- cern affects students at different insti- rity and opacity for the worthwhile for their own ends to let ite football team by joining in with the tutions. This can quite easily be done A wider spectator as those ICU students to be universally labelled crowd and screaming words of en- outside of NUS. ICU doesn’t need the unfamiliar with the sphere can quick- as villains who eat puppies for break- couragement at the players. The HSBC NUS in order to pick up the phone and ly be baffled as the premises taken as fast rather than for standing up and demonstration was organised and led talk to other sabbaticals about working read broaden and multiply. So lets get welcoming the fact that they chose to independently of the NUS, and by and together on shared goals. clear a few things that otherwise might come to the table to discuss NUS re- large was a result of facebook, word of Why pay £46000 when large groups be forgotten or left un-elucidated. The form. Even the self-styled “moderate” mouth, and national press attention. of NUS delegates will not even listen primary role of any Union is to repre- leadership of NUS are still of the mind- We see time and time again that noth- to ICU delegate simply because they Chris Mullan sent its members interests. Your Un- set that the very existence of excellent ing gets things done better than when are from Imperial? Why pay someone KCLSU President ion, Imperial College Union, works to Universities like Imperial College un- a small group of organised people get else to talk to your local MP when you improve the educational experience dermines the more recent additions to together to try and get change, be it already have your own full-time sab- elect for all students at Imperial college. The the University sector. They constantly in the form of the HSBC groups that baticals? Why pay so much money to NUS was founded to give all students argue for money to be taken away from came together in agreement over that an organisation that NUS President- in education representation nationally, places like Imperial and spent in line issue, and then dissolved when a so- Elect Wes Streeting has called broken, so in essence this whole debate, despite with their own highly subjective defi- lution was found, or London medical ancient, and unrepresentative? what you may hear, comes down to rep- nition of what is “fair” in line with the student groups getting together to run The NUS is a nice idea in theory resentation. Representation is about tired dogma and rhetoric that they have their own protests about changes in but in practice their working practices delivering a message to those that can been mulling over since the late 70’s. their housing situation whilst working make it very difficult for sabbaticals make the decisions, and making sure They seemed to want to disown you for the NHS. like the ones at Imperial to get involved that the decision taken is in line with politically while keeping your money With breathtaking arrogance the NUS as they generally would rather spend those you represent. In order to be ef- all for the sake of maintaining a false will offer you the false choice between their time doing their jobs than playing fective at this, the representative must sense of “unity” amongst the compet- NUS membership and being complete- NUS politics. ICU gave NUS a chance be taken seriously, something the NUS ing socialist sects that currently oper- ly disconnected from the wider world. and despite their spin NUS have in re- currently has problems with. ate in and lead NUS. Next year when I take up my post of ality been an organisation that doesn’t Rather than welcoming Imperial in to The NUS also claims to hold a mo- President of KCLSU I would be failing deliver, doesn’t represent, and happily NUS membership, and the substantial nopoly on all non-local representation, in my duty if I childishly refused to work slanders the students of Imperial Col- new funds it allowed, for petty-politi- a fact which is completely untrue. One with Imperial or any other Union that lege when it suits. Stop wasting both would vote No cal reasons, a plethora of fairly extreme of the ‘triumphs’ of NUS so proudly has seen sense and left NUS. It should your time and money and vote to leave people to slag off ICU, it’s members displayed is the U-turn by HSBC with not be membership of a club that unites this ridiculous organisation. ollegeunion.org/vote ns of both sides of the n. 12 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Comment [email protected] Stay in and change it for the better

mperial joined the NUS as a I opposed the recent attempt at a The National Union of Students was they care about. Tweaking the way the result of a college wide autumn governance review by the NUS, not be- proposing a new structure which would NUS is governed would ultimately do term referendum 18 months cause I think the NUS is fine the way it have meant that minority student little to change this and risks making ago. We have been fully ratified is- I don’t think anyone does! But there groups would potentially be excluded the situation worse by alienating peo- I members, able to participate in were many aspects of the review which from the decision making structure of ple that aren’t interested in governance NUS democracy, for just over a year. I disagreed with, mainly the introduc- the NUS. Put simply, the Nomination structures. This term we face leaving it as a re- tion of a trustee board to NUS govern- Committee which would have been The NUS is our chance, as students, sult of a further referendum called by ance. These reforms aimed to turn the selected by the Board of Trustees (one to have a voice on a national level. It is the ICU leadership in a recent council NUS into something more like a pro- of the most powerful bodies in the new our chance to stand up and be count- Camilla Royle meeting. The disaffiliation campaign is fessional lobby group than a union, proposed structure) would have been ed. It is our chance to ensure that the asking students to make a huge deci- they were described as a union voting responsible for recommending who government hears us loud and clear. sion about the fates of students in years to destroy itself. should sit on the Board of Trustees. Ef- The fact that the governance review to come. I also disagreed with the way the fectively, the Board of Trustees would did not pass this year should not be Leaving the NUS now would be governance review was carried out. An be a self-selecting body. There would used as an excuse to throw all our taking away the rights of future stu- emergency conference was held where not have been guaranteed represen- toys out of the pram and disaffiliate. dents to be part of such an organisa- one of the two rounds of voting need- tation of the smaller student groups We need to be involved to make a tion. Taking them away when they ed to pass the review could be carried such as those who are part of the Lib- change. need them most- when education out- Imperial selected its delegates to eration campaigns (Women, Black Whether you were for or against the is becoming more marketised with this by mini-bus driving ability and students, disabled students and LGBT governance review is irrelevant in this universities being thrown into com- names pulled out of a hat. I also don’t students). debate, the fact is that the NUS is our petition with each other for funding remember any kind of consulting proc- The NUS needs to have more of a voice. If we disaffiliate today, we don’t is voting Yes and an increase in top-up fees being ess for ordinary students to express presence on campuses, be more rel- lose a discount card, we lose our voice. considered. their views on it. evant and ask students what issues It’s your vote, use it wisely. There’s currently no ‘us’ in NUS

hen I go back to my deserve to speak. Such petty issues dis- the stakes are not small. However, the ‘normal students’ who cares about the hometown, I inevi- tract from the business of representing NUS seems to continue the image of exploitation and evils of capitalism in tably end up talk- students. Kissinger’s student politics. This leaves the City. Both sides invoke an imagi- ing politics with my Many complain that the far-left are the government uninterested and un- nary ‘normal student’ who is actually W dad: He is a Tory, I ruining the NUS, I would argue that challenged. A government that happily typically the person who does not vote am a Lefty; He reads the Telegraph, I they are a symptom of deeper prob- increases tuition fees. for them, so it is a matter of second read the Guardian; He loves Boris, I lems. Firstly, eight delegates (that are There have been some victories over guessing. voted for Ken; However, we both be- sent to NUS conferences) is too many. the years such as the Council Tax stu- I have two solutions: firstly, bloody lieve that tuition fees are negative to For Imperial this is around 1500 stu- dent exemption, issues that transcend- vote in the referendum, even if it is education, so did any of the previous dents per delegate: about the turnout ed the spectrum and affected everyone during exams (which does suck), it will information matter? In short, no, and at a sabbatical election. This allows ex- – things can get done. Our sabbatical show everyone that you care and give Matty Hoban this appears to me to be the problem tremist factions to form due to the low officers get trained and also we can those who try to represent you some- with the NUS. amount of votes needed for them to get discounts (at a price) whilst being thing to represent you on; secondly, Whether ‘right’ or ‘left’, these labels be elected. Attempts at reforming this part of the only large student-led or- and more fundamentally I propose re- actually begin to define you to the failed at the last convention. Although, ganisation in the country. Despite all building the NUS as a de-centralised, point where your initial philosophical I still believe even if reformed, that the of this, we cannot avoid the fact that regional and apolitical organisation liberation by discovering politics be- divisions within the NUS are so deep voter turnout at any higher education that only deals directly with issues of comes an imprisoning experience; you as to still render it ill-suited to repre- institution is well below substantial welfare and educational standards of are subjugated to each other’s expecta- senting students. and the NUS representatives are elect- higher education institutions. I believe tions to the point where the only thing Naturally, I would support the NUS ed with small mandates no matter how that politics is integral to how we live, driving your idealism is your opposi- as an organisation for positive change many of them are elected. but we can do without party politics tion of the other’s viewpoint. Now, do and a platform on issues such as af- This is a fundamental problem of that only serves to compromise our not get me wrong, I believe that argu- fordable housing, equality, financial student activism and politics, and then already fragile platform. Our nation- ment and disagreement are healthy for support for the poor and education if turnout is increased then maybe the wide institutional differences are not a politics, but with the caveat that they quality support. However, when I look NUS will have earned its reputation as matter of elitism in my opinion but in are about the issues and not the people to an institution, I look for decisive- the national student voice. Trust needs general of geographical location, Lon- themselves. For example, many in the ness and self-belief, not the bickering to be restored in student representa- don universities share a lot of the same NUS ascendancy want to give the BNP that emanates from all elements of its tives that they can actually change problems regardless of their stand- no platform from which to speak. Now, political spectrum. things for the better. Until then the ing in the flawed league tables. These I hate the BNP more than anything, I think Henry Kissinger put it suc- ‘right’ will constantly talk about rep- regional student unions can then be but the fact that they were elected (no cinctly when he said, “University poli- resenting ‘normal students’ who just brought together to resolve larger is- is voting No matter how flawed the democracy, as I tics are vicious precisely because the want a well-paid job in the City after sues and hopefully we can finally prove shall discuss in a second) means they stakes are so small.” I would add that university, and the ‘left’ will talk about Kissinger wrong. Insurance for the future

don't really give a toss about Un- victories but stumbles along the path, democratic. If democracy doesn't suit the Lord Mayor's Show, or yet another ion politics. I'm an average stu- why the fuss about staying affiliated or you, I hear Zimbabwe are accepting merry-go-round for me to throw up on dent who just wants to have fun, not? citizenship applications. during the Summer Ball. get a good degree, and do some- The reason why Imperial’s Union All these endless discussions bring- At the end of the day, affiliating with I thing I excel at and enjoy. Now wants to leave is simple: some issues ing up reasons to stay and reasons to the NUS is kind of like taking out an I'm being asked to choose whether or adamantly fought for by our dearest leave are really just smokescreens. The insurance policy. When you don't need not the Union should stay with the delegates didn't make the cut, as other crux of the issue is very simple, do you it, you feel like you're wasting money. NUS. What do I do? members of the NUS disagreed with want to: But every so often you do make use of Some people tell me that the NUS them. One of the reasons this repeated- 1. Have a national voice it, and then you're pretty damn glad has done great things for students in ly happens is because the NUS encom- 2. Not have a national voice you had it in the first place. And there- the past, and that it provides us with passes Higher and Further Education, I don't know about you, but No. 1 in lies a major reason why we keep hav- Kilian Frensch a strong voice when issues affect stu- which clearly aren't all too compatible. sounds pretty good to me. Some peo- ing this discussion. dents throughout the UK. Other peo- So should we leave on the back of not ple will tell you that the £46k affiliation In times where we feel like we're ple tell me that the NUS is mismanaged always getting what we want? Sounds fee can be better used by clubs and not getting anything in return, we act and doesn't always represent Imperial’s a bit like a petulant toddler who's un- societies, but considering that most of childish and cancel our policy. So don't views. After doing a bit of research, I happy that mummy wouldn't buy them the Union's £1.3m of income doesn't go listen to the gibberish about “value for found out that most of this is pretty the newest toy. How about we accept to C&S anyways, that seems unlikely. money“ or “diverse opinions“ and just is voting Yes true. the fact that we can't always get what The money will probably be lost some- keep the insurance in case we need it So it's an organisation that scores big we want, as, in this case, decisions are where funding some stupid float for in the future. Friday 13 June 2008 felix 13 [email protected] Comment Lack of reform is not the problem

lthough this is an arti- are come from average universities. sonal freedoms, or because they herald to blow themselves up in a (bodged) cle asking you to vote NUS does provide a national voice, the start of long periods of detention terrorist attack was the white male ‘No’ to continued NUS but that voice is – and always will be without trial, but because in the cur- Nicky Reilly. membership, I’m not go- – ‘average’. rent climate they are being used to tar- Rather than having a sensible debate A ing to trot out the same Our voice at Annual Conference was get one group. on national security issues, hearing the tired lines about NUS being guilty of shouted down by those, including the Two people called instead for a wider concerns of both sides, Tumelty chose financial mismanagement, being full new VP (Higher Education) Aaron discussion on national security, point- to discriminate against a group based of career politicians or having failed to Porter, who branded us “elitist”. Our ing out that the new laws may be nec- on their gender and the colour of their reform. The fact is, the financial mis- crime was wanting to keep tuition fee essary to keep people safe. This could skin. NUS uses racism issues to whip management has been brought under money paid by our students within have been a good debate on how na- people up into a placard-waving fren- control in recent years and the other Imperial, rather than handing it over tional security issues affect academic zy, but is not interested in listening to Ashley Brown two problems, while true, are not the to a National Bursary Scheme for dis- freedoms, but for one problem. Those diverse views. most compelling reason to vote against tribution to other universities. The speaking for opposition to the laws NUS. I no longer believe reforming scheme is only necessary because the were Muslims, those calling for a wider In Conclusion NUS will resolve the deep-rooted cul- government regulator failed to ensure discussion were white men. In the NUS tural issues it faces. universities spent enough of their tui- it seems important to keep track of the A culture of excessive political cor- tion fee income on bursaries, yet hav- race and gender of those speaking. rectness, where the majority are con- Mediocrity ing failed in this respect NUS proposes NUS President Gemma Tumelty had demned for expressing their views, we give them the money to dish out spotted these “white males” (her words) stifles open debate and prevents what The NUS seeks to represent over 7 mil- themselves. and condemned them for challenging could be important input into the deci- lion students, most of those in Further Institutional mediocrity means NUS the other speakers, as they could have sion making process. Education colleges around the country. is incapable of being our national voice, no idea what it was like to be on the re- Attempting to represent such a di- The rest come from over 100 universi- no matter how much it reforms. Our ceiving end of anti-terror laws. While verse range of students means the NUS ties, both good and bad. With such a students want to be the best, the NUS true, they had every right to express cannot be the voice we need it to be, as diverse membership, consensus can be speaks for the average. their concerns about being blown up the bursary issue shows. difficult to achieve, but the NUS will by terrorists. She turned it into a race NUS suffers from institutional medi- take a stance even in the face of strong Hypocrisy and Division issue when it needn’t have been one: ocrity, hypocrisy, division and contra- objections. NUS must reflect the needs terrorism affects Muslims just as much diction. Don’t vote ‘No’ because NUS of the majority of its members, the vast The NUS has a culture of division, dis- as is affects white males, bombs are in- reforms failed to go through, vote ‘No’ majority of whom have nothing in crimination and blinkered ignorance discriminate. The implementation of because the problems are so deep they common with Imperial’s students. As a which was shown at annual conference these laws has a disproportionate focus wouldn’t have mattered anyway. result, NUS can be nothing more than in April. A motion called for opposi- on the Muslim community currently, what it represents: the average. The tion to anti-terror laws and moves to but they can affect everyone. For thirty A longer version of this article can is voting No majority of members are not in high- have universities spy on their students years the #1 terrorists in this country be found at http://live.cgcu.net/ er education, and most of those that – not because they infringe on per- were white males, and the last person editions/nus/1782 Once more, with feeling!

’ve always thought of the NUS but we left ULU because we decided The problem with this was that the might think that it’s the UN, but it’s up as a bit like Marmite. You either: that for Imperial to progress, we need- Board itself had little accountabil- to us to stop it from thinking like that. love it, hate it, or haven’t heard ed to be our own institution, and thus, ity. Furthermore, Board membership Imagine if there were plans afloat of it. But even amongst the Mar- our motives were academic. It seemed could be manipulated to suit political to rid of international students at Im- I mite population, you get this like sacrilege back then to mention get- needs – external non-student trustees perial. Could ICU with its limited re- odd batch of people, who don’t really ting out of ULU. could be appointed onto the Board. sources muster a campaign against it? care or have much to say. I hope that I Anyway, we decided to jump back Others were not too happy with veto Even if they could, wouldn’t a unified can provide some insight as to why we on the NUS bandwagon. But when we powers of the Senate and Board. This student’s body echoing our voice be should be just a little bit less apathetic joined, the NUS was in the middle of gave them the power to reject anything more effective? Surely it’s a bit naive to on this matter. Let’s start with a bit of a governance revolution. The so-called that was passed up from the Zones, in think that we are perfectly fine on our history. Governance Review was designed to the name of financial and legal peril. own. Because once we are in trouble, Salman Waqar In 2006, the college voted to re-affili- radically alter the way the NUS was The lack of representation from LGBT, it’s going to be a rude awakening when ate with the NUS. One of the main sell- structured, in an attempt to cut down Disabled and Black groups on the we realise that we are alone and with- ing points was diminished national rep- the amount of time spent talking. Board caused further irritation, as they out support. People question what the resentation, as we were leaving ULU. It Instead of having one policy and de- had dedicated positions before. NUS has achieved for us. The trouble was thought that without the support cision making body; the new structure In the end, the review was defeated is, we haven’t really been part of the of ULU, Imperial’s voice in the wider would split the work into two. This by just 25 votes process for long enough to see any world would be lost; and we would gave an executive body – the Senate, In some ways the call for referendum results. become isolated and unable to cam- consisting of the President and other was expected, anyone who was at the It is a gamble, but it’s not down to paign effectively. And of course, there executive members, and a 14 mem- conference would know how much of chance. If we decide to stick with the were some who thought that the NUS ber legislative body – the Board. The a joke it was. I was also there this year, NUS, we need be proactive and not Card would herald a prosperous era of theory was that the board would pro- but not with IC – and I completely just sit back and see what they can of- student discounts – unfortunately this vide some accountability and ensure sympathise with the cynicism that the fer. It seems that this referendum has didn’t quite happen, although the 5% that everything was legally and finan- delegates expressed. been called as a reactionary response to discount on Amazon is quite handy. cially sound. The NUS delegates would People think that the NUS talks too something that hasn’t gone our way. If I can’t really comment on the level then draft whitepapers in conferences much about Palestine, Darfur etc. If we keep up with these charades, Impe- of support that ULU offered, but I’ve called Zones, and present them to the you look at the agenda for the con- rial will become known as some spoilt heard it wasn’t much. What’s interest- Board, who would analyse them. The ference, all these issues are the VERY sport that throws a tantrum every time ing is why was there no furore about annual conference would vote on the LAST things that are discussed. This the other player gets the prize. is voting Yes ULU affiliation before the disaffiliation paper and then the Senate would im- year, only Darfur was debated because And then we might just end up tast- took place. Correct me if I’m wrong, plement it. conference ran out of time! The NUS ing like Marmite.

“Should Imperial College Union remain affilated to the National Union of Students?”

Now you’ve read the comment pieces, head to live.cgcu.net to watch last night’s televised debate between members of the Yes and No campaign teams

Then, from 17th June until 23rd June, head to imperialcollegeunion.org/vote to cast your vote Vote No! to NUS Myth - The NUS gets you discounts

Myth:- If we leave NUS we will not have a voice. Facts - The NUS no longer offers a free discount card and now asks that students pay £10 for one in order Facts:- Unions that are not affiliated to NUS such to balance NUS’ books. Imperial College Union has as Southampton and Glasgow are free to work sold less than 600 of these cards in total which sug- with any other relevant Unions if something im- gests that the overwhelming majority of Imperial stu- portant comes up. Leaving the NUS is not to say dents do not think that this represents a good deal. ‘no’ to national student issues or national debate All companies who offer student discounts are legally – it is simply to say ‘no’ to an ineffective vehicle obliged to give them on production of a valid student of representation in this field. ID so we don’t need the NUS Extra rip off.

Myth:-It will cost ICU tens of thousands of pounds to register with the Charity Commission. Myth:- The NUS is good value for money. Facts:- The £100,000 figure quoted by Wes Streeting as the cost of another London Union registering with Facts:- ICU pays a disproportionate amount in NUS af- the Charity Commission mostly consisted of consultan- filiation on account of the fact we receive a generous cy work that was not part of the registration process block grant from the College. The NUS is not a gov- and that ICU would not be required to repeat. In any ernment of Students’ Unions but is arrogant enough case, NUS does not provide you with tailored advice to act like one by taking money from some Unions and ICU would still have to pay our own bills as we to subsidise others. It is ridiculous that we pay many did with the legal advice we sought last year when ICU times more than students at Cambridge despite Impe- reviewed our decision making structures despite be- rial having far less students. ing NUS affiliates. Myth:- NUS’ officer training programme is impor- Myth:- It is possible to enter in to a debate with the tant to ICU. opponents of a new NUS. Facts:- There are several companies who can pro- Facts:- Hard left groups such as Student Respect rep- vide training tailored to our needs, in most cases resent the worst excesses of NUS and they will con- costing far less than the £500 per officer that the tinue to shout and scream that changing NUS so that NUS charges on top of our affiliation fee. Network- more money is spent on campaigning and less on ing opportunities to meet sabbaticals at other political meetings is “undemocratic”. Re-opening con- relevant Universities are provided via organisations sultation on this assumes we are dealing with reason- such as the Aldwych Group where ICU officers can able, rational people who are willing to compromise. exchange ideas with officers from other leading This is not the case. Universities.

Myth:- The NUS will reform before Christmas. Lets instead spend £46,000 on Facts:- No timetable for the next attempt to changewhat Imperial students want and rel- NUS has been set ! No! evant academic representation! Vote online at www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote Vote 00:01 Tuesday 17 June until 23:59 Monday 23 June 2008 Friday 13 June 2008 felix 15 [email protected] Comment Genetically different baby

n the Science section of last This is assuming our genes have NOT ketchup doused burger. For others it is such as Bardet-Biedl syndrome are week’s Felix, Laura Starr report- changed. Perhaps the rate of mutations not for want of trying. If you are try- characterised by obesity. Jordan’s son ed on the discovery of a gene in this particular gene have augmented ing to juggle a hectic career in order to Harvey is thought to suffer from sep- thought to be linked to obesity. over the last century (due to increas- sustain a family, pilates will not be top to-optic dysplasia which has an effect I The gene in question is one that ing carbon emissions, perhaps?) and of your ‘to-do’ list. on movement and so his weight gain is encodes the G-protein coupled recep- so the increase in people with volu- Perhaps I am a little/lot jaded in my unavoidable. These are rare cases and tor, Melacortin 4 (MC4R), involved in minous derrieres is because of those view of things. I suffer none of these anyone who is in a position to loose relaying intra-cellular messages within devilish nucleic acids. Until the mass misfortunes: I have access to a wealth weight should. Let me clarify about the hypothalamic cells in the brain. Ac- change in our genetic make up can be of healthy food and exercise options whom I speak. I am not thinking of Caz Knight tivation of this receptor leads to the in- proved let us assume that the popula- and being a student I have endless the people with a little bulge here and hibition of food intake and so a muta- tion’s ‘genetics’ has remained more or hours at my disposal to work on my there. I mean the critically obese. A lit- tion in this gene and subsequent fault less constant. tush. I am also very fortunate to be tle bit of a belly can be quite cute and in how the receptor functions could As Laura’s article informed us, muta- educated so that I know exactly what attractive in many cases. What I fear lead to the excessive consumption of tions in the promoter of the gene (that happens to my endocrine system when for is people’s health. When the sheer food. Obesity here we come. is the sequence preceding the gene that one heavenly mouthful of cream and effort of walking is too much and leth- Blaming the obesity pandemic on controls its expression) were 30% more jam laden scone pervades my ileum. argy leadens each lumbering footstep, genetics is a convenient way of mak- common in Indian Asians rather than Others do not. However, in a few years that is when one should rethink the ing humankind feel as if the affliction European lineage. How is is then that (and maybe as of now) due to the gov- way one lives one’s life. Our appear- is beyond our control and eliminates America (and Britain in close competi- ernment vehemently campaigning for ance says a lot about us and the way the need for us to take responsiblity for tion), with only 0.5% of its population healthy living, the ignorance excuse in which we operate. I know of a CEO our own actions. Indian-Asian, suffers most profusely will not hold. who never employed the over-weight “Genetics” (I use the inverted com- from excessive adipose tissue? This government aims to have free secretaries because they exuded an air mas as the term is thrown about rather Lifestyle is the answer. And that is swimming for all by 2012 to encour- of slowness. Harsh, but possibly true. too liberally in non-scientific litera- the factor which has not remained age exercise. As far as I am concerned So, the solutions. Laura’s article men- When the ture), that is to say our genome, pre- constant these hundred odd years. I every able bodied person has access to tions drugs which target these mutat- cisely what genes we are made up of, needn’t elaborate on why lifestyle has round the clock free exercise: walking. ed, malfunctioning proteins. Another sheer effort of has been the key factor in our physical changed and how it has changed. You Again, my abode in cosy SW6 allows drug, tensofensine, was seen to reduce manifestation since the dawn of time, are at Imperial, go figure. Only to say me to amble carelessly. My young, sin- weight by 10% over a six month period walking is too since that beautiful double-stranded, we Westerners eat more as more is gle female counterparts in SW9 are not by altering appetite-controlling neu- right-handed, 3.4 base pair per turn available; we eat food pumped full of in such an easy position. As advised in rotransmitters serotonin, dopamine “ and noradrenaline. These are indeed much, that is DNA molecule came to be. If genes crap; we move less because of our jobs. my previous column, bedroom raving were the deciding factor in our weight Once ensconced in our daily habits it is is another option if the streets outside solutions but they do not teach people and the amount of delicious cheese hard to break them especially if greater your door are crack-addict addled. moderation and how to lead a healthy when one should topped calories we masticate and de- priorities do not allow it. Some people (Warning to those living in W14: lots lifestyle. Why bother eating less and vour had little significance, then our are not aware of what a healthy lifestyle of crack addicts around that area ap- exercising if we can just pop a pill? It rethink the way obesity rates would not have changed entails: their parents have brought parently, as I was so informed walking will take time to undo the bad habits over the last hundred (plus) years. (I them up on TV dinners and sloth and there late last week). which have crept up on us, and even one lives one’s write this hypocritically, stomach re- they have only ever encountered fi- I know in a very small number of longer to bring the incidence of obesity plete after enjoying a 12” four cheese bre in the form of a wilted lettuce leaf cases obesity is completely out of the back down but we must start towards life pizza). drowning in the viscous embrace of a control of the individual. Conditions this goal. ” The Cow

think it is time that someone set unreasonable animals and would ter- the record straight on what ex- rorise towns unless fed vast amounts actly a cow is and how it came to of sorrel. The cows were finally de- be the popular meat it is today. feated in the Guerre de Boeuf of I To begin the history of the AD1121, when an uprising was caused cow, one must go back millions of by particularly bad crop of sorrel. A years to the Vikings. Not many people pregnant cow called Firebrand led know that the word ‘vi’ is actually just the revolt against the prevailing rul- David Stewart a shortened form of the word ‘bovine’ ers, successfully storming the Norman and it is indeed true that Vikings con- castles, apparently by 'simply walking sidered themselves to be the Kings of through the gates'. The cows, who had the Cows; this fact is documented in dressed themselves in 'vêtements fron- the Qaran (see p97). cés de fille’ (frilly girls’ clothes) looked It is not so unreasonable a conceit so ridiculous that it was impossible to however, as it has been shown using look at them without collapsing into carbon dating that the Vikings actu- a giggling heap. It was then that they ally selectively bred mice for millen- were able to kick the shit out of the op- nia, getting them fatter and fatter with posing forces. The Normans quickly each generation until eventually they developed a technique for telling each looked like the creatures they are to- other jokes which were so bad that it day. In fact if you speed up the sound was impossible to laugh for five hours of a cow moo-ing you get precisely the afterwards. Thus they were able to sub- sound of a mouse squeaking. However, due the uprising and, to prevent fur- it was not out of desire for food that ther revolts, fed the cows vast amounts the Vikings bred cattle but out of their of cannabis until they suffered brain notorious love of sailing. They discov- damage and have the docile nature that ered early on that mice float, which is we currently expect from them. Indeed why they chose to inflate mice through the fact that the cows were so high all breeding. (Cats for instance sink.) It is FACT: Cows smoke da reefa, just like this mellow fellow the times led to quite a lot of cattle fall- due to the fat content of cows that they ing from cliff-tops. Local Anglo-Saxon are so sea-worthy. There is a Viking peasants would collect the animal and expression which roughly translated useful in this respect as they had horns port now known as Cowes. To this day, smoke it in wooden pipes, therefore is "If a cow should sink then it is Bud- which could be used to direct them. no-one knows how the extra 'e' ended getting high. The subsequent munchies dha himself that willed it so"; such was Scholars now believe that the etymol- up in the modern day name, but it is led to the taste for beef which is una- the faith that the Vikings had in their ogy of the word ‘steer’ is directly re- a commonly held belief that it was put bated even today. Vikings cows. lated to this. These formations were there as a joke. Current uses of modern cattle in- The popular misconception that Vi- mistaken by native Englishmen for Cows have a special place in British clude incorporation into laser technol- bred cattle but kings sailed in longboats is probably 'long-boats' from far away. Another in- society. The cows, which from centu- ogy, where it has been found that they due to the fact that cows were sailed teresting consequence of this mode of ries of Viking berserking were vicious, refract light. out of their (ridden) in a long thin formation which transport is that the first place the Vi- “ scared off potential predators like kings landed was on the Isle of Wight, notorious love of plaice, since the cows together looked having drifted a long way off course by Apologies that there is nothing from either A Geek or Gilead Amit sailing from underwater like a giant centipede. an incorrect assessment of the overs- this week. Neither submitted anything. Weird that... eh? ” Moreover, the males were particularly teer of the lead cow. They moored at a

Friday 13 June 2008 felix 17

Science Science Editor – Ed Henley [email protected] Lone refugee kids’ mental health Think Imperial is bad? Young asylum-seekers have it worse. Laura Starr puts exam stress in perspective

pon arrival she was only education consultant and has provided 16 years old. Her mother consultancy support to schools and had passed away as a re- local authorities across the UK since sult of a neurological dis- 2003. Mr Spafford explained how the U order, she doesn’t know study’s “findings support what many who her real father is and after a decade practitioners in the field know; unac- of cruel detention in her home country companied asylum-seeking children of Burundi there was only one option – and young people have experienced to escape, and escape she did. enormous stresses and risks. The Lana is not alone: there are an es- losses they have endured and the lack timated 5,500 lone asylum refugees of a caring, nurturing and safe envi- residing here in the United Kingdom ronment in the UK means they can at – their destination in a quest for pro- times suffer poor mental health.” In his tection and shelter from danger. How- view, “the research demands renewed ever, upon arrival in the country she scrutiny of the care arrangements pro- felt extremely lonely, shocked and con- vided” for these individuals. fused, while suffering from a number of health problems and unable to ac- cess the help she needed. This is not “The Home unusual. For the first time, British scientists Office asks have conducted an investigation com- paring the post-war experiences of lone schools to asylum-seeking children with those that had been accompanied – their prepare lone results having recently been published in the Journal of Child Psychology and asylum-seeking Psychiatry. Dr Matthew Hodes, lead author of children for the study from the Division of Neuro- science and Mental Health at Imperial possible return. College London, explained how the work was “also the first to clearly relate This may Not the sort of asylum they were looking for. But it might beat what we provide to lone refugee children the associated psychological distress to quality of care, reflected in living increase anxiety, arrangements.” These unaccompanied asylum- and undermine seeking children have been sent away from their families or made to flee as learning and a consequence of persecution, violence and war. Those aged between 16 and security ” 18 are in most instances placed in bed- and-breakfast accommodation where- Dr Hodes also emphasised the im- as those of a younger age are entered portance of his research, stressing that into a more supportive care system, “the findings are significant as they in- including foster families and children’s dicate that the legal claims for asylum homes – monitored environments of the unaccompanied children should where appropriate treatment can be be taken very seriously. From a health administered. perspective, they illustrate the impor- tance of assessing physical health in this group as many had been tortured “More than half or in combat and injured. They high- light the psychological difficulties and of lone asylum- importance of high-support living arrangements.” seeking children Spafford expressed further concerns, describing how “the research findings have a high risk serve as a warning to those working in education that the legal processes of developing [associated with seeking asylum] can increase the refugee’s fear of, and pre- post-traumatic occupation with, the persecution they have experienced. The new Home Of- stress disorder” fice reforms emphasise a ‘twin track’ approach, engaging schools and col- The team of Imperial scientists leges in preparing the unaccompanied found that the solitary asylum-seeking asylum-seeking children for possible children were at a significantly greater return to their country of origin. This risk of developing a range of mental may significantly increase anxiety and health problems, increasing the likeli- undermine learning and security.” hood of unpleasant experiences such This novel study powerfully illus- as frightful flashbacks and nightmares, trates the importance of supporting compared with their accompanied those who seek asylum. Children ar- peers. Many more of the lone children riving in the UK often have a past were found to have been involved in filled with terrible experiences. It is a combat, having experienced torture of necessity to reduce their vulnerability some kind as well as having been im- and sense of isolation and it is crucial prisoned. As a result more than half of to help them acquire a sense of self, al- the male and nearly three quarters of lowing them to integrate into society. the female lone asylum-seekers were Admittedly, monitored living arrange- found to have a high risk of developing ments are a costly alternative for the post-traumatic stress disorder – these local authorities however it seems that figures being significantly higher than they provide the support so vital for those for the male and female accom- the thousands of children who have no panied refugees, which were around choice but to escape and flee for safety 14% and 35% respectively. in their search for protection, shelter Tim Spafford is a freelance refugee and a better quality of life. 18 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Culture & Arts Editors – Rosie Grayburn, Caz Knight, David Paw & Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] Segal is blinded by the lights Ben Segal gives us another perspective on some well known London landmarks and turns conventional perspective on its head in some of his eye catching photographs

t is rather refreshing to come art always seek to capture emotion. In across a shy artist. Albeit, irritat- this city of stabbings, LondonLite and ing when their reluctance to big grime, it is glorious to behold some- Caz Knight themselves up means that your thing and just appreciate it for how it I Arts Supremo has to do all the looks. No thought about the artist’s Arts Editor leg work and write something interest- alterior motives and the message he is rt: it is anything you ing when all Benny Boy has given me is trying to send. want it to be. Rather like a strained ‘interview’. Bastard, The photographs of the London Eye Kinder Bueno. However, I jest, of course. Ben is extremely tal- and St Paul’s capture London’s beauty that is a rather broad, ented, although his GCSE Art grade perfectly: and London does have beau- A blanket statement which does not reflect his immense talent ty. One must look for it in sometimes does not really answer the question. I and interest in photography (for his hidden places, trying to block out the hate using the term ‘art’. It is much too reticence in exploring his work in bustle of tourists and commuters. vague a word and rather suggests I am writing). Save for the “Teapot”, most of Ben’s not quite sure what I am talking about: Spontaneity is how Ben works best, pictures are taken at night. One of his “I like art”. Do you really?! Well I hope not giving too much thought into what favourite places is the South Bank after you do by now, especially if you seek he will capture and how he will carry sunset (where he has spent many an weekly solace in these “arts” pages. If this out. And why bother when the re- enthralled ‘trip’). A passion for music you do not like any form of art then sults are so stunning. production fuelled by a love of club- why don’t you start your own form of “The reason I like photography bing has enabled him to exercise his art: start a movement for which you doesn’t go any deeper than me liking atility at capturing moments as the will be lauded in years to come. If taking photos of cool looking things. I club environment is ideal for taking you are having trouble getting off the don’t do it to express my feelings.” in the contrast between faces and the ground then look no further than this This is a contradiction in terms to dazzling light which illuminate the week’s beautiful section. Inspired by what a lot of people think of art (see the subjects. For some of Ben’s aural art: The Anti-Colouring Book, its pages “Cencus” overleaf). And why should www.myspace.com/circa90music View of St Paul’s from Millennium Bridge full of inspiration ideas to get the crea- tive juices surging, we have dedicated some space for you to let your scien- tists hand, hitherto clad, constrained and suffocated beneath nitrile gloves, metamorphose into one of a crea- tive genius. Rebel against your school teachers of old and colour (or indeed ‘monochrome’) outside the lines, per- haps meandering into the news section and fashioning a moustache, or worse, on your least favourite Felix editor. A shame we are no longer running the centerfold: perfect chance for some of your own “airbrushing”. If you have any back issues of Felix, I give full permis- sion and openly encourage you to cus- tomise my centerfolds. I’d be extremely interested and delighted to see any work you produce! An equally non-descript term is ‘art- ist’. Sure, it gives people a brief idea of what someone may have done or does as a career or in their spare time, but nothing else. ‘He is a cardiologist’, gives a huge amount more away, especially to those with even a slight knowledge London Eye from bug’s eye view I’m a little tea pot, short and stout of science and/or the medical profes- sion. ‘Artist’, gives nothing away even to people with reams of art degrees and experience in the world of paint- ings, sculpture, literature, music, dra- matics…. I think the majority of peo- ple, when using the dreaded ‘A’ word, mean is paintings and ‘all that jazz’. (Perhaps not the best idiom to use here given that jazz itself is a whole other art form). In my opinion, an artist is anyone who creates art in any manner of ways be it for their eyes only, as a hobby, as an outlet or as a profession. Someone who transforms their anxie- ties, joy, happiness or grief into a poem is an artist. Someone who just feels the urge to break open a pot of paint, pour it over themselves, roll around in leaves and then video the whole thing. I have never known anyone to do this but its sounds like great fun and may even try it. Watch this space for how that went. This week is designed to be a slightly ‘lighter’ edition for those, like me, still revising (good luck) and for those who have turned off their brains for the summer period. Enjoy! The Next Jimi? Guitarist envelopped by light and sound Light and Darkness Friday 13 June 2008 felix 19 [email protected] Arts Be Inspired: sketch, doodle, create!

Not content with what the standard colouring-in books have to offer, Felix Arts is offering you a chance to unleash the creative genius lurking behind that logician’s brain of yours, and even have the chance to win a free hug from the editor of your choice! Let your imagination be carried away: using the picture below as ‘inspiration’, bring your pieces of art down to us in the Felix dungeon or email them in. Or simply use this as an opportunity to dispel any boredom that the end of exams has brought on. Ready, steady, draw! 20 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Arts [email protected] Caz’s quest for The Meaning of Art Felix’s art supremo, Caz Knight, sets off on a mission to ask Imperial students what they think of art, and how their opinions differ to those ‘others’ studying subjects outside of Imperial’s scientific curriculum

“Art is a physical/auditory representation of a person’s thoughts and or emotions. My favourite artists are Salvador Dali and Andy Grey, whose an amazing psychedelic artist, full of colour.” Ben, Photography Student

“Art is unique, subjective. Independent in each viewer’s eye. Favourites are Jean Michel Basquait and Warhol: repetitive art in its own unique style.” Krisi, Interior Design Student

“Banksy is my favourite artist, as he is an artist who produces pieces which everyone can relate to. I particularly like the controversy that some of his pieces create and the way that his work does not necessarily fit into the dictionary definition of art.” Nikhil, Civ Eng Gala of the Spheres by Salvador Dali

Art is one person’s perception of the world that surrounds them. Cavemen drew bison because their world was all about surviving; the Pre-Raphelites saw beauty all around them and put it on canvas. I draw the world with cloud-like trees and stick people because that’s all I can do. I’m an old fashioned gal – my favourite artist is Diego Velazquez. His paintings are regal, full of attitude and very technical. My flatmate and I agreed that Velazquez was good at doing water which is very hard to do. It may sound cliched but I’m a huge fan of Leonardo da Vinci. He was a ‘Jack of all Trades’ and a very forward thinker. I would love to have met him – I bet he was really eccentric and quirky, just like your average artist/scientist/inventor. Rosie, Chemistry Walking in Water by Velazquez

“Art is something that causes a reaction or makes you feel something. I am a fan of Monet... don’t really know why though.” Alex, Chem Eng

“NOOO! Please not now, I’m too stoned. Really, too much effort.” Alex, Mech Eng

“Art is anything that produces an emotion in the receiver of the art. In the classical art sense, as in painting or drawing. I don’t really have a favourite, probably Dali as it’s weird and cool at the same time.” Malcolm, Bio Chem

“Oh god, hardly know any artists at all. Guess it’s a piece of work usually drawn, sometimes with colour, to show a picture or expression or meaning.” Emily, Language Student The Houses of Parliament by Monet

“You’re so asking the wrong person. I guess art is any form of decorative or illustrative media if i’m going to avoid lengthy hand-wavy definitions. I’m not sure i know any specific artists well enough to be able to name a favourite. Perhaps, William Blake. Couldn’t tell you why, I’ve just always liked his paintings: multi-talented, you’ve got to respect that, although Da Vinci’s work as an inventor and an artist rank him pretty high.” Sam, Theoretical Physics The Ancient of Days by William Blake Friday 13 June 2008 felix 21 [email protected] Arts

“Ummm, what is art? Everything is art, theres a good one. My favourite artist is Pink Floyd, well its a band. Apart from that Patrick Demarchelier.”

Emerson, ex-Physics

“What is art? Something for the perception of the people who view it and an expression for the person making it. My favourite artist is Dali. I’ve been to his house and really liked his exhibitions. I’ve seen his work in lots of places where I’ve had fun.” Anne-Katharine, Classics Student

“Ooh, good questions. I’ll have to think about that because I have not engrossed myself in art for quite a while!” Mustapher, Physics Album Cover, Pink Floyd’s Darkside of the Moon

Henri Matisse. His art is always so cheery and colourful, but very varied and technically brilliant too. My earliest art memory was seeing ‘The Snail’ – it was the first art postcard in my now vast collection, and I still visit it to say hello every time I go to Tate Modern. ‘Red Room’ is also astoundingly beautiful. Oh, and Henri Rousseau is another fond favourite.

Emily, Biology

“What the hell? OK, art is something visual. It’s a way to connect the viewers with the artists both emotionally and physically. I like William Turner because he went to medical school and did physics and still managed to be a famous artist.”

Dickson, Biochem Fishermen by William Turner

“Ooh let’s get philosophical. The externalised, or physical impression that an artist has got from the world around them. My favourite artist is Giger without a shadow of a doubt. The band Tool do crazy 3D art. It’s wicked, mate. Art is vital because the expression of creativity makes you healthier; a healthier and happier brain.”

Rach, English Student H.R. Giger, taken from his book Necronomicon Editor’s Comment: Caz reflects on the census

o continue on from of them. Instead, I was offered very the subject. My “best” answers came what I started discuss- comprehensive answers from a couple. equally from arts students and Impe- ing in my column, art Others gave pretty ‘textbook’ answers rial students. is a very vague term which were all very similar: art as a I would have to agree “without a T and can spark off days’ medium of expressing emotion. shadow of a doubt” that Giger is a stu- worth of debate as to ‘what’ it is. By This common perspective on art pendous artist and has replaced poor saying “art is anything you want it to may be a product of how we have been old Vincent (Van Gogh) as my top art- be” I mean that it can inspire, fasci- brought up on art in schools and how ist. Giger is another multi-dimensional nate, calm, take you away to far away it is presented to us in the media? Al- creator delving into painting, sculpture, lands, save you from insanity, induce though this is very true I would have architecture as well as inventing new insanity, provoke thoughts and de- to disagree as in many instances the concepts and ideas whilst managing to bate, distract you, make you happy, artist has created their work solely to draw in a huge range of admirers. decorate a room, send a message, depict beauty and not necessarily as It was cheering to to see that a mu- evoke memories and more. It can an emotional outlet. Perhaps they wish sic band was seen as another form of do this visually, through sound and to purvey a message. It surprised me art especially one that I happen to love in writing. Art affects us through that very few people mentioned mu- and were innovators in their own time. most senses, sometimes through sic, drama, sculpture and other forms Pink Floyd pioneered psychedelic rock more than one sense at once. This is of creative processes given that music using strange noises, experimenting one girl’s opinion. I was rather disap- is enjoyed extensively by young peo- with the sound to create something pointed with the answers I got from ple. It was very interesting to see what truly unique. Their philosophical lyr- my fellow scientists. I was expecting the scientists had to say in comparison ics, inventive cover art and impressive apoplexy or at least vehement reluc- to the artists. Judging by the answers live shows as well as the fact that their tance at the prospect of being asked it should not necessarily be assumed fan base is ever growing and spans a more abstract question, especially that artists are any more clued up on many generations only deepens their as I was disturbing revision for many what art is or how much they know on gravity as artists. 22 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Arts [email protected] The Great Culture Crawl Chapter Thirteen – Jazz clubs, nice

Ronnie Scott’s

Yes, it’s a tourist trap and yes, there are plenty of posers to be found, but this Soho insti- tution didn’t become one for no reason. Once you’ve booked ahead and paid the cover charge, shrugged off the pricey drinks and settled down, you are treated to some of the world’s greatest jazz and soul acts. With an almost-unrivalled star power, the venue has some of the best live music in town – no amateurish efforts, no bum notes, just slick, passionate and seasoned players playing the life out of their instruments for your aural delectation. Scheduled for the coming weeks are excellent jazz guitarist Martin Taylor, Pharoah Sanders, Larry Coryell, Kenny Garrett and Steve Howe. Even if you haven’t had the time to keep up with the scene or become acquainted with some of the acts, more than likely the show on any given night will be more than enough to blow you away. Recommended.

Pizza Express Jazz Club

There’s something slightly disheartening about heading to a club to hear a great new singer, head- ing down the dark stairs in the dimly lit restaurant, cosying up to the table and opening the menu to find identikit pizza staring you straight in the face. Soulless? Formulaic? Don’t bet on it. De- spite appearances, Pizza Express has been an avid supporter of the UK jazz scene in many of its larger restaurants and as a taster or a happy compromise with your other half, it’s hard to beat the relaxing surroundings of this small club. All the essential ingredients are there – soft lighting, great acoustics, an intimate atmosphere and a terrific line-up of acts. The music definitely leans towards the vocal, but that’s no bad thing. Forget the jazz nazis and enjoy the friendly atmosphere and music with a favourite pizza dish.

Le Quecum Bar

For those who like their jazz with a little more attitude, this little bar/brasserie on the Battersea High Street is the perfect antidote to the multitude of banal “smooth jazz” (read: background music) currently swamping the market. Inspired by the sounds of the Left Bank and the heyday of the Hot Club of Paris, the main draw here is the gypsy jazz and live jams held virtually every night of the week. Gypsy jazz is a style that was made famous in 1920’s Paris, in particular by the energetic Quintette du Hot Club de France, fronted by the prodigally gifted guitarist Django Reinhardt and equally talented violinist Stéphane Grap- pelli. Characterised by tantalisingly energetic guitar and violin melodies and improv over a driving and shuffling rhythm guitar section, this style is ideal for aspiring jazzers wishing to expand their horizons beyond bop. The bar serves light brasserie-style food and has an extensive wine list, and despite the nostalgic references to said Parisian institution, the star of the show is the music. Friday 13 June 2008 felix 23 [email protected] Arts

Written by David Paw, concept by Rosie Grayburn

Jazz Cafe Camden

Probably one of the most broad-minded jazz venues in the world (lacking only in the experimental side of the genre), the Jazz Café is a must for anyone who appreciates the spirit of jazz but cares lit- tle for purist pedantry. The world’s finest musicians come here: cutting-edge fusion acts like Allan Holdsworth, Tribal Tech, Victor Wooten and Mike Stern have all played here. It’s electronic creden- tials are excellent as well – influential high-priests of nu jazz Jazzanova commonly play live sets here, and international denizens such as Kyoto Jazz Massive often play floor-filling DJ sets here. In addition, the Jazz Café is the best spot in town for acid jazz – genre definers Incognito are fix- tures here. Hip-hop is also a big draw, as is its impressive bevy of international and world music acts, and the blues is also well-represented – luminaries John Mayall and Keb’ Mo are both scheduled to play in the coming weeks. And finally, for the faithful, amongst the freeform and refreshingly egalitarian attitude to the genre are traditional bop and swing acts – an affectionate touch to a com- prehensive to a vast sea of styles.

Vortex Jazz

How far is too far in the search for a great venue far from the crowds? How about N16? Though for most the trip to Dalston is only slightly less of a trek than overlanding through Africa, the effort is well worth it. Your endeavours are rewarded with one of the slickest in- teriors of any club in London and a great drinks list as well as a strongly progressive policy towards educating and expanding the local jazz scene and nurturing young talent. These guys are passionate about their art, and they want you to be too. Crossing from classic bop styles to gypsy jazz, the club also hosts open mic nights for aspiring musicians/singers as well as live poetry readings.

606 Club

Real jazz in Chelsea? Who would have thought? But look beyond the rules (non-members have to dine) and somewhat pricey international menu (teriyaki in a jazz club?) and you will find a music venue of the highest calibre. Located under- ground, it is crammed enough full of music-lovers and musicians to give it considerable cred. Order a short drink from the bar, imagine the smoke lining the low-lit ceiling and get caught up in the random audience members (also musicians) joining the jams. Or, if you too know your way around the modes and melodic minor, head down and give your chops a serious test. 24 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Travel Travel Editors – Ahran Arnold, Nadine Richards and Ammar Waraich [email protected] Communism and China’s capital Nadine Richards consumes copious amounts of dumplings whilst pondering the effects of communism on China’s society as she continues her travels in Beijing. Warning: contains immoral behaviour for your benefit

hink of a communist country. Did Cuba, Laos or North Korea spring to mind first? Most likely not T – most likely you would have thought initially of China. Alter- natively, think of China. Most likely “communist” is one of the first things that you associate with it. As a tourist venturing into a commu- nist country for the first time, I was ex- tremely curious to see if it was an im- agined label for the country, or whether it was something more tangible that could be seen to affect people on a daily basis. Obviously, my short trip (and my ignorance of politics) meant that it was not enough to answer this question in any great depth, but it was interest- ing for me to see superficially at least, whether this country seemed different from others in a way that could be at- tributed to its communist label. Taking it to the extreme, some of my imagined “signs” of a communist coun- try would be a heavy military pres- ence; a reliance on official documents that makes the NHS appear to be free of bureaucracy; and a solidarity and unity within the country’s population. When it comes to official documents, my personal experience left my opin- ion unchanged. Two hours of waiting at the Chinese Embassy (thankfully shortened by the presence of a very attractive guy I chatted to – if you are The view across Beijing’s Forbidden City, albeit on a very smoggy day him, get in touch), three days with- out a passport and 40 pounds sterling lighter finally got me a Chinese visa, the most important. Having a similar and so, thankfully, I was allowed into to Imperial such that I refused to don one would normally step in before I and easy entry into the country – or problem in Singapore, I pulled out this the country. A tendency to rely on of- such a ridiculous guise for the entirety exposed myself as being an Imperialite, so I thought. Upon arriving at immi- particular magic card, and the officer ficial documents? Check. of the day? Nope, of course not. and being thought of as the most clu- gration control however, the officer says “Oh! You go to Imperial!” and I Two issues ago I mentioned my ini- So I brushed up my accent, my wit, less and ignorant of students seemed scrutinised my photograph closely. was waved into the country. So the tial two days in Beijing, so let’s skip for- my sense of smugness, and adjusted a small price to pay, seeing as this is a “This doesn’t look like you,” he told card may be defunct when it comes to wards to the third day. I was on some- the way my scarf was wrapped around daily occurance for me at Imperial any- me. Well of course not, I thought, no printing at the IC library, but I now be- thing of a whirlwind tour of the city. my neck, and I was ready to go. I’m way. I made a mental note to brush up grimacing, miserable creature ever re- lieve it holds special magical power in The third day of my tour proved an sure I could have fooled Oscar Wilde on my Chinese history however – one sembles their true selves on their pass- sticky situations which nobody could interesting one since I had to pose as a himself... The only problem (and as never knows when the knowledge that port. “Do you have any other ID?” he have imagined). student from Oxford. Before you shout it turned out, it was quite a big prob- the Ming dynasty ruled from 1368 to asked me. Well, no I didn’t, as I thought Anyway, after examining my various “traitor” and hurl stones at me, please lem) was that the tour guide, I swear, 1644 could come in so useful. my passport would suffice, but having cards, the officer must have concluded understand that this was the only way seemed specifically intent on catch- Our first stop was the Heavenly no choice I pulled out my oyster card, that the bespectacled, blurry version of I could take full advantage of the tours ing my eye when it came to addressing Temple; so called because the temple is various library cards and my Imperial my passport-self did not resemble the offered by Beijing University to the Ox- questions towards the group. ‘Er...’ was built specifically to symbolize the con- card, all with marginally better pho- person standing before him, but my ford students on exchange there. And the best I could manage on every occa- nection between Heaven and Earth. tos of myself on them. (Incidentally, it angelic countenance could not possi- this meant a free tour guide, and free sion, much to the bemusement of my Circles represent heaven and squares is the Imperial card that I believe was bly have posed a threat to his country, entry to all the sites. Was my loyalty fellow Oxfordians. Thankfully, some- represent earth. The unity of the two was clearly carefully thought out dur- ing the temple’s construction. I’m sure I couldn’t appreciate the architectural effort, but the temple itself is certainly heavenly for the eye to see. It is not the temple however, that remains foremost in my memory, but more the congregation of Chinese people gathered within the temple grounds, which is nearly 3km big. The people were all engrossed in their various sports and activities, and the superb talent on display meant that strolling the grounds was something akin to watching a free variety show. Like something out of Crouching Ti- ger, Hidden Dragon, all sports were carried out with a combination of in- spiring grace and amazing acrobatics. There were people practising a sort of bat-and-ball game, which involved keeping a dimpled ball balanced on a racquet whilst swirling and twirling it in all directions around the air and oneself. If this wasn’t difficult enough, there were many people practising Jianzi – like keepy-uppies with a foot- ball, only the ball is substituted with a giant weighted shuttlecock. Mao’s Mausoleum in the rather gray Tiananmen Square The entrance to the Forbidden City There were mini-plays being per- Friday 13 June 2008 felix 25 [email protected] Travel

The Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests inside the Heavenly Temple Locals play Jianzi in the grounds of the Heavenly Temple. The aim is to keep the shuttlecock off the ground formed, colourful cloths being waved proclamation of the People’s Repub- straightened my opinion on this. He the places I visited whilst in China was was allowed to open there, or whether and twirled in the air, not to mention lic of China by Mao Zedong in 1949 was teaching in Southern China, and the Forbidden City. I had always as- it remained for 7 years. I’m not going the swathes of elderly who had gathered to its mass rallies during the Cultural told me that out of his whole class, only sociated the glorious palace with The to comment that Starbucks is a symbol en massé to participate in aerobic-style Revolution, Tiananmen Square has one of his pupils had any inkling that Last Emperor (which I urge you all to of capitalism either... happily though, exercises to music echoing over the been the centre for echoing the politi- the massacre had ever occurred. This watch, as it is fantastic and one of the it’s now been replaced by a teahouse temple grounds through loudspeak- cal situation within China. Of course, was the first incident that truly made only films which has been licensed to [it’s equally out of place and overpriced ers. Unanimously, we all agreed that most Westerners would now associate me question how much of an impact be filmed in the Forbidden City), and in though! – Ed]. with its undeniably great community Tiananmen Square with the Tianan- the Chinese government have in con- life it is certainly as vast and impressive So, if one were to read my previous feel, China would be the best country men Square Massacre of 1989. trolling their people. as displayed on film. Being the largest paragraph then perhaps you’d be hard to grow old in. The unity displayed by As we approached the Square, we Interestingly, I caught an episode of palace in the world, and consisting of convinced that China is a strict com- people gathering and socialising for a rather unscrupulously started placing ‘Paul Merton in China’ upon arriving a never-ending complex of halls, walls, munist country as one would imagine. relaxing afternoon was deeply impres- bets on whether our tour guide would back in England. In the programme, gates and courts, it is definitely one of Going back to my somewhat imagi- sive, and a stark contrast to the sedate mention the massacre. I was somewhat he dined with China’s top socialites the most exhausting and rewarding nary ‘signs of communism’ though, I’d sunbathers littering London’s parks. disappointed to find that no mention and asked them about their views on places that I have ever visited. Sadly, say they are irritatingly strict on entry In a completely different setting to was made. This shouldn’t have been too freedom of speech in China. They all the only fact I can remember about into their country. Either that, or I do the Heavenly Temple, was Tiananmen much of a surprise, however, consider- agreed that China was a free country the palace from our tireless tour guide indeed portray a shady character and Square. The square itself, I felt on ar- ing how well publicised it is that China when it came to expressing opinions might be classified as trivia – but it’s it has taken me this long to realise. As rival, had very little charm to offer has attempted to erase this particu- and views, but having just seen for my- interesting nonetheless. The Starbucks for military presence, this was heavily – consisting mostly of a square block lar event from history. I had assumed self something that appeared to repre- built within the Forbidden City in 2000 felt within the airport and Tiananmen of concrete. But considering its role however, that people in China were still sent the opposite, I was disappointed (because there are not enough Star- Square, where the surly guards and of- in Chinese history, perhaps it is more aware that it had happened, although when the documentary did not really bucks in the world already) was forced ficers who glared at my friend when important as a symbol of Chinese it may not necessarily be talked about. explore the topic further. to close down in 2007. I’m not sure she tried to ask for a photograph. As politics than anything else. From the One person that I talked to however, The last, and the most stunning of whether I marvel more at the fact it for the unity of people: if the Heavenly temple is anything to go by, then the Communist party have not failed in this area. Many people claim that China will be the next world superpower. As the host of the Beijing 2008 Olympics, it seems that China has announced its entry and role as a global first world coun- try. However, many questions remain about how this will be possible with a government which, to the Western world, is still rife with propaganda and censorship. It seemed ironic to me that Star- bucks, a modern symbol of capitalism, was allowed to be built within Beijing’s most cultural site. At the same time, the Tiananmen massacre of 1989 was not that long ago, and seemed to be China’s way of telling the Western world that the communism regime was to continue far into the future. My time in Beijing opened my eyes to question whether a country which seemed full of contradictions could become the next superpower. I would be really in- terested to hear more opinions from Chinese people, as my views really are limited. My belief is that it will become the next superpower, although like the rest of the world, I am curious to see how the everyone will coexist. The first step, perhaps, is to see how the Beijing 2008 Olympics will be handled. One more thing – communism is not the first thing that enters my mind when I think of China, in fact. The first thing is dumplings. Big, fat, juicy, de- licious, delicious, dumplings. Call me greedy, but I could eat about 10 Jiaozi The Circular Mound Altar inside the Heavenly Temple. The temple complex was built during the early 1400s right now. SummerImperial College London Ball 2008 21.06.2008 DON’T MISS OUT! CASHLESS BARS

In order to speed up serving times at our bars on the evening we will be using a cashless bar system.

• Come with enough cash for the evening • On arrival, go to one of our token stations • Purchase as many tokens as you think you will need for the evening, we will be selling them in multiples of 5; 1 token = £1 • Exchange your tokens for drinks at the bars without the worry of carrying round change all night

Tokens can be purchased using cash or cards, we advise you bring along cash to avoid unnecessary queuing. Tokens are valid at all bars in the Summer Ball including da Vinci’s, dB’s and the Union Bar on selected drinks. Tokens are valid from 17:00 21 June 2008 until 10:00 22 June 2008.

STANDARD LAGER = 2 TOKENS, SOFT DRINKS = 1 TOKEN, HOUSE SPIRIT & MIXER = 2 TOKENS

for more information and to buy tickets: imperialcollegeunion.org/ball

The Imperial College London Summer Ball 2008 is a fund raising event for Imperial College Union with all proceeds going towards the Building Redevelopment Fund. Friday 13 June 2008 felix 27 Hangman Putting the cat out to dry [email protected] O-Bitch-uaries... Why God, why?! Not that you’ll miss these chumps pictured below. Maybe their families will put these obituraies to good use sometime soon. I give the Sabbatical Officers 10 minutes in the real world... maybe 15 for Tomo, if he’s lucky

From left to right: Alistair Cott (DPChuffSucker), Stephen “Destroy the Unions” Brown, Kirby... I mean Kirsty Patterson, Chris Larvin (it up), Don Tomash Roberts

Alistair Cott Stephen Brown Kirsty Patterson Chris Larvin Tom Roberts

Cause of death: Auto-erotic as- Cause of death: Choked on his Cause of death: Heart attack Cause of death: Ink poisoning Cause of death: Chronic allergy to phyxiation... look it up accent caused by steroid abuse related suffocation sunlight

was as a child that Alistair ay before you jump lmost always full of ad- he Hangman team are wahili Felix Editor-in-Chief, Cott was shunned by his to any conclusions, venture, Kirsty spent her genuinely upset about this known to his enemies as Don peers due to the scien- any correlation childhood whiling away one. He was our favourite. Tomash, and his friends... tific anomaly of being with Alistair Cott’s her summers playing Chris is one hell of a well, as Tom the Bomb, is a T born with that rather im- W death is purely co- A with little Tiffinay. Tragi- T party animal. He did not S complete moron, and quite pressive animal latched onto his chin. incidental. Mr Brown was in no way cally this ended when little Tiffinay let the fact that he is a half man, half frankly we’re glad he’s dead. Needless to say, the foreign object watching Cott, exclaiming in that rus- was diagnosed with motor neurone gnome stop him from being a real hit Abused as a child by the neighbour’s fused with Alistair’s facial area within tic Scottish brogue: “That’s it Alistair, disease. Kirsty swiftly went from chav with the ladies/men, although at Impe- cat, Tomo had a perpetual fear of the his first year upon the planet, and then give it what for!” to emo, falling into a downwards sprial rial, there’s not too much to tell them Felix mascot and a disturbing tendency the two became one. He still referred When asked as a child what he be- of sex ,drugs & rock ‘n’ roll emo. apart... let your imagination run wild. to watch German shisha porn on full to it as Vladimir Kostnidov up until his lieved his future held for him, Stephen In an attempt to rid herself of her Known for being able to down a yard volume when the rest of us were trying finals days on this great planet. promptly replied: “I will become the negative image, Kirsty went to Imperial in 0.000009 seconds, Larvae’s reputa- to work. Alistair’s successes in life have been, next Margaret Thatcher! There were College London to start afresh. Whilst tion amongst the gnome community Tomo made many promises in his well... minimal. He did one time win nothong wrong with Maggie, uhh yeah, at IC, Kirsty didn’t hesitate to make was immense, earning him the title of time at Imperial, lying and cheating to the chicken wrangling contest at the she were alrite.” Stephen spent many NO friends, choosing to flirt outra- Beit Hall Gnome-in-Chief. get to the top. However, being such a local parish fair. His childhood dream a weekend prancing in his mothers geously with certain highly placed Un- The now, sadly, former DPFS is spaff stain on the bed sheets of life, he was to spend his adulthood living high heels, wearing her make-up and ion representatives to finally become said to have died slowly and painfully died having accomplished nothing but amongst the cannibal tribes of Papa flouncing around in her best dresses. DP (Education & Welfare). During her screaming for forgiveness for that one a scarily pale demeanour and dishev- New Guinea... sadly it was not to be. Stephen “The Boy Wonder” Brown time as Deputy President, Kirsty made night of passion he so desired with a elled appearance. It is a sad day, my friends when a has accomplished many feats through- revolutionary changes to IC welfare 7-year old. To pay for his coke habit, and the man passes away while doing, well, you out his obviously interesting life. He with triumphs such as S.H.A.G week Chris’ death from ink poisoning was welfare checks of his numerous chil- know... what he does... Er... learned to speak at age 6, hold a spoon (admit it you had fun). caused by over-zealous use of the Un- dren, Tomash became an underground For Alistair Cott, this day came when at age 7 and was oppressing the masses Kirsty was found last week in the ion entry stamp... He was said to have crime lord. Beating up many an old he realised that the entirety of his time at age 9. However, his ultimate achieve- women’s changing room in Ethos, been heard screaming; “It’s not the woman and relieving small children of as DP (Clubs & Societies) encompassed ment was beating Rector Sykes in the where she had been living since her Easter Carnival anymore you incom- their mobile phones, Tomash started nothing but the Fresher’s Fair. best thumb-war he’d ever had. The well documented break up with Hugh petent morons!” out small. He recently ran the larg- Alistair spent the duration of his video was watched on YouTube over Jackman... The staff and regular users He was found lying in a paddling est drug syndication this side of the Imperial degree perfecting his ability 7.4 billion times by one person. are said to have believed she was mere- pool full of Union money with polaroid Thames. to store his worldly possessions in his The death of Stephen Brown has come ly taking a prolonged nap. Her death pictures of himself making out with a A pool of human flesh was found ‘Beard’ and playing shuffleboard with as a surprise to everyone except the Ant was caused by the overuse of steroids cash register... Yeah that’s right, that in Beit Quadrangle early one morn- an imaginary friend. Kingdom, which was plotting his assas- causing vital bodily fluids to build up tight one in da Vinci’s. ing. Information was hazy, but since The news of his death has prompted sination from the moment he could hold in her muscles, eventually collapsing We would like to pay tribute to Chris then witness reports have clarified that his friends to send in photographs of a spoon. This man was loved by few, re- upon themselves. Larvin and honour his memory by re- Tomo was unable to scurry back to the Alistair’s ‘Beard’ glimmering in sun- spected by even fewer and is guaranteed, Kirsty will be sorely missed... I fusing to attend the Summer Ball as a Felix offices before the sun rose. light from 82 different angles. in death, to make everyone’s day. couldn’t keep a straight face either. sign of protest. RIP. May he never rest in peace.

“OMFG... I Just sent this text and it “Oh shit! It worked! I’ve got to tell about? Aargh! No! You’re stabbing me! Kirsty. Condolences from appeared on the newspaper! How the someone, this is amazing! Hey you! Oooh mmm, I mean ouch!” Love, XXX (Triple X). fuck? Lemme try again” Check this out! What’s that you’ve got xxx (Those are the kisses, not my the Student Body in your hand? What are you so pleased “I will never forget your beaming smile name...)” 28 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Fun & Games [email protected] Needy McNeedy: speaking on iPhone since ‘54 Flicking her bogies at you whilst you read this. Email your problems to: [email protected]

ave any of you guys tak- crazy sleeping patterns, and adversity What do you think I am, a travel agent? en my advice to heart? to cleanliness. You know that guy who Yes, my friend, yes they do. Get a large Why the hell would I care that you and I’ve been noticing an in- you go out with quite often, and think black bin liner and scoop all flammable your obviously well minted mates are flated mood this week; is really fun? Imagine getting up to go to items off your floor, and turn them into confused as to which beautiful beach to H students were seen par- an exam and finding that in a drunken a barbeque for your friends and fam- visit and get that inevitable “I’ve been tying in the quad, and a general air of haze he came home and vomited in ily. No, seriously, I saw it on Blue Peter travelling” photo of you in front of the summer joy seems to be creeping in your clean laundry. You can still meet once. You can grill chicken on them, but azure sea/rainforest. For God’s sake, go to Imperial. Either that, or you’re all up with him for nights out. Secondly, make sure to marinate it first in some to a European city and try to visit some getting high off the hayfever drugs. and most importantly, live with a small soy/chilli/spice, so that it’s extra tasty. art galleries or something. It might just Summer’s started kids! Email agony. number of people. You get to know them I learnt that from TV as well. It’s full knock some culture into you. [email protected] to tell me about better, you’ll have more space to share, of all the best tips, especially the stuff the amazing time you’re all having. Or and there’ll be more love and kindness they show in the daytime when all those Needy xxx not. between you, which, as avid Needy fans people who can afford barbeques are will know, is what I’m all about. out at work. Dear Needy McNeedy, Dear Needy McNeedy, Needy xxx Needy xxx My boyfriend is really close to one of his female friends, and I’m convinced I’m really worried about finding a Dear Needy McNeedy, Dear Needy McNeedy, that he’s cheating on me with her. I house next year. I’ve got a group of read a text on his mobile in which she mates that I’m planning to share with, I’ve finished all my exams but now I applied for a few internships over said “see you at 8 xxxxx” and then he but there are quite a lot of us and no- I’m left with a floor full of paper: revi- the summer, but as I’m generally in- told me he was going out with some of body actually seems to be searching for sion notes, exam papers and the like. competent I didn’t get offered any and his other friends that night. How can I houses to view. We haven’t had experi- I’ve been ignoring them for a while: I I’ve decided to go travelling instead. A find out the truth about my boyfriend’s ence with this kind of thing before and usually wade through them to get to couple of friends want to come along, relationship with this girl? people are beginning to argue over lit- my bed but the other night I heard and we’re looking for something really tle things. How do I choose the right some buzzing and I fear there might be out of the ordinary to do, as it’s our Crying people to live with next year? dirty crockery under there (plus some last free summer before the end of our assorted home grown wildlife). Do degrees. What exciting things can I do Dear Crying, Distressed students really burn their notes after with my summer? exams? Nobody wants to go out with a paranoid Dear Distressed, ExtrepidTraveller freak that checks their text messages. I DirtyFloor think he’s well shot of you. Don’t live with anyone who has the fol- Dear ExtrepidTraveller, lowing character traits: any bad habits, Dear DirtyFloor, Needy xxx H to the o, r, o, sizzle copes – it’s the Horoscopes

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

This week after 8 I hope you enjoy Whoa, sorry about Now that I’m weeks in the library, your summer like I Cancer’s entry, but relaxed, I then you snap. That guy enjoyed pounding I saw this cute little begin to remove my who has sat behind on your gonorhea- hottie in the club the trousers slowly and you for the past two riddled mother last other day and I just steadily all the while months who kept night. Oh yeah, she gotta know where feeling the sexiest clicking his pen has pissed you off no end. was like filling a festering teenager boil with she went. She was a pretty little thing who I have ever felt. I then begin to feel my penis You jump from behind your desk and then small meat packets. Is this offensive enough smoked constantly like a Hollywood starlet. becoming tumultous, almost a homing beacon grab that pen from his filthy fingers and get yet? No. Okay, well what can else can I say? And best of all, when I went to go give her for all eroticism in the room. I then grabbed the nearest piece of paper and write him the Well, have you ever had sex with a corpse, that some international aid south of the border, she my penis and begin to stroke it violently until angriest note ever. You feel somehow your would be infinitely preferable to mowing the had the biggest dick and balls I’ve ever felt. I’m climax. What?! Why can’t having a wank be Britishness has let you down again. diseased sore that is your mother. onto a winner here. romantic? You fucking prude.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

You are the worst ex- I’m nearing the end This week, This week you cuse for a human be- of my tether, want everybody has feigned interest ing I have ever seen. to see my tether? finished their in the Euro 2008 You are the kind of Well, get a fucking exams except soccerball league person who actually microscope because you. You stupid cup in order to win makes a conscious that is the only fucking biologist/ the respect of your effort to litter the streets. I hope your colon way you can see I am so far near the end. You biochemist/retard. Everybody else is drinking, peers. They however find you out when some fills up with fire-breathing ants and they slowly make me want to swallow a child’s skeleton partying, enjoying the sun, being attractive team or other scores a goal you shout, “COME blister you from the inside until all the doctor and then butter up a camel’s tongue whilst and socialising you are stuck in your room ON EILEEN!” You then realise that dummie’s can do is pop you in a giant iron lung and then cross-dressing into a Albanian milkmaid. That learning the equation of a line. I did that for guide to football was published in 1986 and get the cleaners to mop you up and reconstruct is how fucked up I am right now, I could just I GCSE you cunt! When you finish your exams you look a right prick. It’s okay because foot- you using a jelly mould and a fridge. don’t know, FELCH A FUCKING TADPOLE? everyone has left Imperial, no fun for you! HA! ball is a pile of shit anyway.

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

Pi is exactly equal to If you recognise Tonight is gonna Would you like a 3. Deal with it you yourself in the be the night. It’s cider or a cock in ci- prick. photopho below, then all gonna happen der? You could have PLEASEPLE CALL tonight. I got the a picture of a rooster 07777777777777077 Candles lit, I got and a bottle of Mag- my Barry White ners or something on the CD player and I’m wearing my clean Can I have some chew gum please Mr poker underwear. Things are hotting up, I put on shark... Ok, so this was sent in by one lovely some nasty Eastern European grade porn. I reader and it makes absolutely no sense to me, unzip my trousers and then get comfortable whatsoever. It did when she said it verbally, but sofa, drink a bit more wine so I am relaxed. now I realise she’s totally batshit crazy. Friday 13 June 2008 felix 29 [email protected] Fun & Games

Slitherlink 1,407 1,406 solution lines between the dots to create one common place to start on a Slith- long, and most importantly, looping erlink grid is by drawing crosses line. It should have no start or finish; around any zeros. Drawing crosses 231 3 just like an elastic band. is purely done to so that you know 2122 2 2 3 3 3 232 3 Each number indicates how many where there can’t possibly be a line. 2 2 1 2 1 lines should be drawn around it, for So, take the pattern below as an ex- example: ample. Begin by drawing crosses, 3 3 3223 3 then by filling in some lines: 1 1 1 2 1 3 2 222 3 22222 2 2 1 222 1 2 1 2 1 x Cells which don’t contain a number 31 2 2 2 3 1 3 x x 0 2 3 3 can be surrounded by any number of 0 3 2 1 lines. x 1 223 3 1 Remember, the line must form a The winner of Slitherlink 1,406 was loop, so the line cannot branch. The Richard Taylor! Congratulations! following situations are not allowed: 2 2 Awesome cheesecake with redcur- Now the lines can only continue in rent puree and a cinnamon biscuit the following directions: 3 2 3 2 2 3 base. We’ll give a prize out in the summer. The more entries, the bet- 2 2 1 0 2 2 ter your chances. How to play: x x 0 x 3 222 3 2 2 Crudely speaking, Slitherlink is simi- Squares are not allowed either. There x lar to Minesweeper mixed with a are never cells containing the number 3 2 2 2 2 1 3 dash of Sudoku. 4 in Slitherlink. The object of the game is to draw So, where do you start? The most

Wordoku 1,407 This week’s texts:

“DOUR”

C N “DOUR” E K U O C “DOUR” “Riki I love your height. what’s the E J K secret?”

U C E B “DOUR” 1,406 Solution Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; K J E we’ve just replaced numbers with “Dour” S E N G O N B A M letters. Once you’ve completed 07980 148 785 I U O K N B M S A E G N O the puzzle, there is a hidden word “Whoever checks the Wordoku gets G A O M N B S E N to find. Email answers to sudoku. paid too much. And if they don’t . O J B E O N N B S A M G [email protected] TEXT US! OR get paid, they should be tortured in A N S E M G N O B a medieval fashion.” OK, so we made a mistake, B M G O N A N S E WE WON’T U O N J B my bad, but the word was “Dour” N S E N H O M B A MONGBEANS. This weeks word FEED THE CAT! O N B A S M E G N is brought to you by Chazzle “Dour” I U M G A B E N O N S Dazzle Wordoku extraordinaire!

Crossword No. 1,407 Answers to: [email protected]

1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 8 ACROSS DOWN 1 Put an end to juice game (6) 1 Burning to hold a note while giving 4 Celestial body is a drug (8) voice (8) 9 Neighbours on either side make 2 Inform us about costumes (8) 9 10 animal noises (6) 3 Chase around London 10 Portuguese count in Western coast neighbourhood (4) 11 11 of Ionian province (8) 5 North country measurement from 12 God with sore back (4) police HQ (8,4) I saw plenty of people attempting last 12 13 14 13 Distorted facial expression in the 6 Throw out, so as to measure up (4) week’s crossword in the Felix office, hoods (5) 7 Empty lives of Greek fruits (6) but alas, no one actually managed to 15 13 16 14 Hear hear? (4) 8 Jackass has master key (6) finish it. Better luck with this week’s! 17 Sex addict can champion many 11 Calm hometown somewhere in the Enoch 17 movements (12) Empire (12) 20 Christian ship on the run crashes, 15 Confusion over no money runs 16 18 18 19 but brings them back dead or alive riot (5) Solution to Crossword 1,406 (6,6) 16 Cherish the radioactive material S P I N A L C O L U M N 18 20 23 Significant work stirring soup (4) found in the valley. (5) C D F O U O B H 24 Looks at the gentry (5) 18 Exclusively non-drinking lyrics in 21 22 21 22 23 A W E S T R U C K R O U S E 25 Steady business (4) disarray (8) L O A A E I P P E B O N L N A 28 Dizzy Prime Minister (8) 19 Compressed tread contains enough P A L T R Y H S W I N D L E D 23 22 24 25 29 Past elements include faded to be flattened (8)t E N S P M G A U A A T R E F E colours (6) 21 Bird in an apartment over the L E T H A L L P R E D A T O R 26 26 27 30 Indication to stop in a seedy part of riverhead (6) O P O T T E A M E O I I N N town (3,5) 22 Tightened wallet is dead (6) F A R T H I N G E C L I N I C 28 29 31 Remained boring-sounding (6) 26 Malign head of African state (4) E I E I E A T A A A C J D S R 27 Massive Virginia highway (4) L E A V E N E D M G E N O M E L E D T A E L D H B V R C N A O D O U R T O S T R I C H E S 30 31 W H R O T E P C M O T E R E E RE R S C H E E R L E A D E R MS 30 felix Friday 13 June 2008

Picture of the Week

Serenity, by Shaimaa Orabi PhD Chemical Engineer

We want to exhibit your art. Send in your photographs. [email protected] Friday 13 June 2008 felix 31 [email protected] Sport Convincing win as Imperial bat down opposition

Rajiv Shah cessive battering by their bowlers and our swiping shots resulted in large cra- What was effectively the 2XI’s ULU ters and excessive amounts of rubble semi-final game, started in stark con- on its surface, forcing our openers to trast to that of the 1XI who had played avert attention to their green fingers. theirs the previous weekend. Having The unprepared feet of slippery toed arrived a respectable two hours before Captain Slow (Ali Najefi) (28) cut short the game in order to warm up thor- the fine display of our very own Bol- oughly, they systematically sabotaged lywood hero Kavington (30), as he their chances of winning with the bat, seemed poised on the verge of making ball and in the field. a big score. It was no matter as Sabah Our tale begins with my arrival at the (re-elected President and ‘God’ to union at the supposed meeting time of many of us) made short work of excep- 10.30, where I was greeted by glori- tional bowling. His fifty was reached in ous South Kensington sunshine, the double quick time, despite agile cap- rasping shrieks of the Kendo club and taincy and shrewd field placement by a respectable total of FOUR players. the opposition. He relieved the pres- As the sky quickly turned an alarm- sure from our lower order and brought ing shade of grey the scent of trouble up his fifty with an all-run four, barely began to loom in the air. Slowly gath- raising a sweat and certainly not out ering more of our PUNCTUAL mem- of breath. Jeeves (29), author of this bers we were subjected to a series of piece, played a valuable second-fiddle unfortunate setbacks involving the etching his name in divots near the minibus keys, which finally resulted cow corner boundary. This gave our in us abandoning our scheduled mode innings a much needed acceleration of transport and frantically letting helping our score from 70 at the half loose on public transport ALMOST 2 way mark to a formidable 210 by close; HOURS LATER. The team tactically taking into account the shambolic state split up as we travelled to various un- of the wicket. derground stations in order to get lifts However errors detected by the op- from our better connected teammates. position due to the poor mathematical All in all in spite of this commotion we prowess of our inexperienced scorer, managed to arrive SAFELY before the medic Hemant the destroyer Laxaman forfeit deadline of 2.30. provided an early interruption to our On arrival at the UCL ground near St bowling. A mothers meeting ensued Albans we were greeted to a well mani- on pitch resulting in a more reserved cured, lush looking sports complex. estimate of 200-7 finally being agreed. However, unsurprisingly, the football All involved fear that their runs may took pride of place as they trained on have been noted down as extras or the Wimbledon perfect outfield of the even worse, given to Sabah, with a con- main square and we were relegated to fused Jefi adamant this he was robbed the contingency pitch. Two prior days of a grander score (he wasn’t). of rain of this less thoroughly tended to The afternoon in the field was largely wicket had left us with horrible posi- uneventful. Catch after catch was Ved smashing the opposition for six tion of playing 80 overs on a pitch as dropped behind the stumps that led to moist as a peat bog. Closer inspection some inspirational, if not slightly un- with the fingers nearly resulted in them orthodox tactics by the master crafts- ful back peddling helped preserve his was far from ideal, but by tackling been swallowed whole into the earth. men Khayam. His string of beamers 100 percent catching stats. Bowling by these challenges as a team undoubt- UCL won the toss and wisely elect- unnerved the batsmen and forced er- Mezza and Nihal along with Hemant edly help exercised our wits. Each ed us to bat. The sensational talents rors on more than one occasion. The and myself ensured that UCL never member stepped up to play their part of Adnan (9) and Suraj “Fatty Batter” cat-like reflexes of Adnan at gully were came close to our target as the game in a win that still leaves us unbeaten in Dhanani (15) were no match for the matched by the comical galloping of slowly fizzled out. ULU and out and out favourites to win troubles possessed by the pitch. Suc- our captain PORNO as his success- The preparation prior to the game the cup. Bring it Queen Mary’s. Kendo Club celebrate 10 year anniversary

Tim Simpson ebrated the successes and challenges of and for dan grades, if there was a draw the longest series of fights) a bento box well as make new ones. There is a spe- the past ten years. Naturally more was elimination beckoned. The 50-odd stuffed to the brim with fresh sushi- all cial Kendo term for this: kou ken chi Rubbish. This is not a word associated yet to come. attendees happily filled the hall and courtesy of our main sponsor the Japan ai (knowing others by the crossing of with Kendo. Especially not with our The following day saw the main event demonstrated some pretty nice kendo. Centre. swords). So there you have it. Ten years 10th anniversary weekend. The social of the anniversary: a unique seminar Of interest were the fights amongst the Looking back it was a fine weekend on and still going strong. Here’s for the event of the calendar year began one and competition combo held in Ethos. higher grades since, not content with and helped reaffirm friendships, as next ten! Saturday morning not so long ago with For this, the great and the good came just watching, referees joined the fray. a three-hour open practice session. from all over the country to have a We were treated to the spectacle of our Present were three senior sensei- a 4th go. Kendoka from Cambridge, Kent, sensei (5th-dan) having at the sensei dan from the University of Kent, a 5th UCL, and the University of the Arts from the University of the Arts (Lon- dan (our very own Emiko Yoshikawa), formed the backbone of the contend- don), a 5th-dan and former captain of a Japanese 6th dan as well as around ers with a smattering of old Imperial the Korean National Ladies team. Fun- 35 armoured lower grades. Together Alumni from Japan to add spice to the nily enough neither could draw a point all helped make the Union Gym oscil- mix. Leading this competition was the out of the other so they both fell out late to thumps and cries whilst trying 7th-dan Japanese coach of the British of the competition. It is good to know to bash the spots of their opponents. National squad (Matsumoto-sensei). A your teacher is amongst the best. This By the end of the session shinai splin- friend of the club, this gentleman has led up to the final match. ters were strewn about and a few more featured before in this paper. Matsumoto-sensei (7th dan) against holes existed in what is already a pretty The morning began with a training a Japanese 6th dan from the Univer- beat up floor (Take note union penny seminar focussing on basic techniques. sity of Kent. Unlike other matches that pinchers!). Like all martial arts the key to Kendo is revolved around physicality (heated Following this workout the Imperial to rigorously understand and apply the thrust, rapid retreat and pushing) this kendo crew took a trip to the nearby basics- something Imperial’s club has match was almost serene in compari- V&A where they were given an in always put at the front of its practice. son. Minimal movement was made depth tour of the Japanese section by After this “tuning-up session” we sat with emphasis being on sensing small their multi-talented sensei, Yoshikawa- down to a free bento-box meal provid- openings made by the sword tips. Then sama. As if this wasn’t enough for a day, ed by the Japanese food shop ‘Natural- in a flash it was all over. the lucky members of Imperial’s finest Natural’. Nothing quite like a bit of cold Matsumoto cut a rapid hit to his club took a trip to the plush surround- fish of a lunch time to put you in the opponent’s kote (wrist) and took the ings of the ‘Thai on the River’ restau- spirit for hitting your friends. match. Winners took home special rant in Battersea for a commemoration After this, and a year in the plan- gifts including Imperial College ten- dinner. Amply provided for with wine, ning, came the competition. Unique egui (head cloth) and for one lucky rice and cake these fortuitous few cel- in its layout a fight’s winner stayed in, UCL student (viewed to have put up Repeat: Kendo is not rubbish. Kendo is not rubbish. Send in your sport reports: felix [email protected] sport High resolution photos only Rain, rain go away IC Women’s cricket team bat their way to history

Emilie Michie Dharani a chance to make some deci- who were rumoured to have an Eng- bowled brilliantly, with Priya taking Considering most of our cricketers sions! We lost the toss and fielded first, land reserves player and an England her first of what will hopefully be many have been playing for less than a year, This term has seen us make history we kept their run rate low and man- 1st XI coach. With another chance to wickets for Imperial. Although some we aim to be even bigger and better for the IC Cricket Club. The women’s aged to get them all out for 69 runs, take a union minibus down to the sea- quick thinking and fielding by Aleeza next season! A special thanks should team having been newly formed last with Tara getting us a key wicket. Af- side, we packed up our bats and pads caused an early run out we could not go to our founding member and cap- year, entered it’s first official tourna- ter tea our batters headed out to the and gathered outside the union early shake their best player, the England re- tain Sian Fogden for her amazing en- ment, the BUSA south-east league. crease, but things started looking wor- last Wednesday morning. Down came serve, who got most of their runs (103 thusiasm and cricketing talent. She This was a great opportunity for us rying when the top end of our batting the rain again, and washed our hopes of a 181 score) so it was with much has worked tirelessly for the team for ladies to develop our game and gave crumpled early. Realising that it was away, as they predictably called to can- satisfaction that Sian caught her off the past three years and will be sadly match experience to some of the more staying power we needed rather than cel and rearrange the game for the Fri- Clare’s bowling in the last over. Eve- missed! novice players. The teams we were up runs, Priya and Clare kept cool heads, day. Sadly the rescheduled day was not ryone preformed amazingly well, con- Although the fixtures are over, net against were UCL, Kings, and South- forming a good partnership and held in convenient for some of our girls and sidering it was Aleeza, Thubeena and sessions will continue into the summer ampton. We had previously played an to give us the win we were after. we could only put out a team of eight. Christina’s first ever cricket match. and some possible friendlies to be or- indoor friendly against Kings in the In glorious sunshine the following We won the toss and opted to bowl Veena too showed her potential, suc- ganised. If you are at all interested in winter, but UCL and Southampton Sunday we took a train up to Potters first. Starting with eight players, Clare, cessfully stopping a number of bound- joining in, or just to see what cricket were unknown to us, so the tension Bar followed by a bus that confusingly arriving straight from her presentation aries. Following a great start at chasing is like, please contact the newly ap- began to build before our first sched- dropped us on a bridge over the M25, half way though the first innings took their total, we lost a few wickets early pointed captains Priya and Dharani uled match away at Southampton. We and navigated our way to the UCL us up to a total of nine! All the bowl- and could not quite keep the run rate at [email protected]. put long hours in nets, had the minibus sports ground. We were all a bit nerv- ers really showed how good they could up to what it needed to be, falling a few We welcome anyone from newcomers booked and were ready and assembled ous taking on UCL who had a repu- be, Flo, Dharani, Priya and Clare all runs short of the total. to the sport to oldhands. early one Sunday morning for our trip tation as a strong side. Winning the down to the coast. toss we batted first, and put in a much Rain stopped play. It was all very dis- better performance than our previous appointing when we got a call to say match. Making 40 runs for 3, on the our game was cancelled due to a flood- fourth wicket we decided to up the ed pitch and unrelenting rain. Cricket run rate and start smashing it around is just not possible in the rain, and as bringing us to a total of 82 before tea, is obvious when playing the sport here Dharani and Georgie top-scoring. De- in the UK, the wet-weather strategy spite the great effort, we were unable can play an important part. Unfortu- to defend our run rate and UCL nar- nately neither side could offer a team rowly took the win. for an alternative day and so it ended For the next fixture, we headed to in a draw. play Kings. With greater match expe- Next up was UCL at our home rience now, there was a calmer feeling ground in Harlington, but the weather amongst our players and we knew what was failing to improve and alas another we needed to do. We won the toss and match was called off by rain. Our ladies took on the Kings bowlers first. Karm- swiftly agreed to an alternative date to ani and Clare opened forming a strong be played away, but UCL were unable partnership they made a fantastic 53 to put forward a team, giving us a de- runs together. The wicket was incred- fault win. Although we were frustrated ibly slow, with little or no bounce and at the lack of play, we were looking we worked hard and finished our in- healthy on the league table and confi- nings with an incredible 151 runs. This dent to take on Kings in the next home was our first triple digit score as a team match. Sun was shining and we finally and it felt great. With great wickets thought we’d get out on the field, but from Sian and Flo and some awesome Kings called last minute to cancel due catches, we easily defended our score, to a lack of players, giving us the win! finishing the game ahead by 110 runs. Disappointed but undeterred we Narrowly missing out on winning packed up a lovely tea and headed to the league, we still qualified for the Na- Harlington to play Southampton. Fi- tional BUSA Shield knock-outs. nally, this gave co-captains Sian and We were set up to play Bournemouth, IC women’s cricket make triple figures against King’s Medics