“If I can’t dance, I don’t want your revolution” Can the arts world do anarchy?

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 | varsity.co.uk | Friday February 23 2007 | Issue 654

»Comment Streeting hangs Why airline environmental policy is pie in the CUSU out to dry sky »Exec members accuse former President of“betrayal” PAGE 9

that I now have responsibilities to ALICE WHITWHAM represent over a hundred other stu- »Features Chief News Editor dent unions. Although I know that EMI boss John my personal position on the matter is Former CUSU President Wes the same as the official NUS man- Gildersleeve Streeting has been accused of “betray- date, the NSS was a never a main ing” his former student union by plank in my manifesto”. talks to current Exec members after changing NUS President Gemma Tumelty Jossie his stance on the inclusion of Cambridge criticised the unwillingness of students in the National Student Cambridge students to participate in Clayton Survey (NSS). Streeting, who initiated the survey. “It only exacerbates the about the worth the CUSU boycott of the survey while reputation Cambridge has of being an President in 2004-5, went before the elitist institution, somehow separate of degrees PAGE 14 Common’s Education Select Committee from others and affected by utterly on Monday February 19 and accused different circumstances, which is not the CUSU policy of “perpetuating the the case”. She believes it is “valuable” old school tie and secret handshake” and for students who enjoy such a reputa- “doing themselves no favours”. tion as that of Cambridge “to be able »Food During his term as CUSU President to feed into a number of organisations Streeting promoted a policy which that make decisions on future stu- Varsity ponders described the government-backed dents’ experience”. how far the NSS as “not only harmful to student CUSU’s stance has attracted wide- feedback mechanisms, but not useful spread criticism in the academic boundaries of the either”. Currently NUS Vice- community. University of Leeds Vice- President (Education) and a member Chancellor Professor Michael Arthur sandwich can be of the NSS Steering Committee this week described the CUSU boycott pushed responsible for providing “advice and as “a great shame,” adding “this is an planning” on the survey, Streeting has opportunity for students to say what undertaken something of a volte-face. they want about institutions”. Higher He told Varsity that the survey’s Education Funding Council for “methodology” had improved because England (HEFCE) spokesperson it was “less intrusive”, adding that the Philip Walker agreed, stating the “NSS PAGE 26 inclusion of an optional “bank of ques- is very important in allowing potential tions”, which allow each university to students to make informed decisions obtain a more specific set of results, about which university they go to”. make the survey more applicable to Ferguson justified the continued ONLINE Cambridge. “NSS results are having a CUSU boycott by saying that while the direct impact on the enhancement of NSS is a “reasonable survey” for most student experience”, he argued. universities, in relation to Cambridge it ➡Features Streeting’s move has been met with obtains “no meaningful data”, adding indignation by the current CUSU that it is “not representative of the col- Rob Haworth dis- Executive. CUSU Democracy Officer legiate structure”. “At the end of the Jacob Bard-Rosenberg described it as day,” he concluded “we are a world cusses the role of “complete betrayal, given that he led class institution and our expectations charity and the Exec which initiated the boycott”. are higher than those of others.” Current CUSU President Mark Cambridge Pro-Vice Chancellor for the state with Ferguson urged Streeting “to remem- Education, Professor Melveena Peter Oborne ber his past as a CUSU President,” McKendrick has told all final year adding “I agree with Wes’ position on a undergraduates “it would be a glar- lot of things, but I am very disappoint- ing omission… for Cambridge to be ed at this”. Welfare Officer Sam Rose the only university not to have its said that he was “sad that Wes is failing [NSS] results posted along with those to support his old union”. of other institutions when prospec- These reactions were dismissed as tive applicants are making “cheap” by Streeting. “The reasons comparisons”. She urged all finalists why I’ve changed,” he argued, “are to participate in the survey. Streeting speaking at an NUS demonstration on student debt NUS

Letter bomb suspect arrested p3 | Avian forethought p4 | Degrading investigated p7 Chief News Editors: Alice Whitwham and Lizzie Mitchell Friday February 23 2007 2 NEWS Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

In Brief Ecclesiastical economics Cannabis garden »Cambridge research group reveals social deprivation of Catholics Following last week’s arrest of a cannabis growing health shop owner, police discovered a cannabis section of the Catholic community who farm of mammoth proportions in St CAMILLA TEMPLE are “facing tough living conditions, Neots this week. The leader of the harsh working conditions and constant operation described the eight hours Recent claims that Catholicism is over- economic and personal uncertainty”. it took to clear the area of plants and taking Anglicanism as the predominant One case in the report, that of 21 year- equipment. The owner, Mr Chien religion in Britain are at odds with the old Pavel, describes how he “ended up Thang Do, is thought to have been findings of a Cambridge research group sleeping rough in Victoria station” operating a long term enterprise which has uncovered deprivations in before being helped by the Cardinal and had cultivated plants at various the immigrant Catholic community. Hume Centre, a charity set up by the stages of growth. Do, “The A recent report published by a Catholic Archbishop of Westminster. Gardener”, may face deportation to research group at St Edmund’s College The report outlines how the Vietnam. Georgia Artus has exposed the extensive and unseen Catholic Church can help by offering problems of Catholic immigrant com- practical support and also by pro- munities in London. The research has viding a social network and sense of Addenbrooke’s prompted Conservative MPs John belonging for those new to the com- Battle and Bob Spink to call for a munity. Migrants have to struggle £85m expansion debate in parliament in the hope of with emotional isolation as well as sparking a national discussion about poverty and homelessness, and 41% Addenbrookes Hospital has the issues raised. of those questioned said they did not enlarged its capacity and created a The report focuses on the Catholic “feel at home in Britain”. The “much nicer environment” for immigrant community, examining the research has shown that the Church patients by unveiling a new treat- nature and distribution of this commu- serves as a first port of call, partly ment and research centre. The build- nity, the extent of the deprivation and because of its familiarity as “a home ing cost 85 million and includes a the role that the Catholic Church in away from home”, and partly more defined separation between Britain plays in immigrant lives. because of its disassociation with emergency rooms and those dedicat- The Von Hugel Institute Centre for “the authorities”. The Church of Our Lady and the English Martyrs DYLAN SPENCER-DAVIDSON ed to planned care and up to date Faith in Society, which undertook the technology allowing more efficient research, is described by one of its gation of one church jumped from 20 to felt that the research had uncovered a treatments. The facility will act in directors as a “faith inspired and faith- “Catholic com- 1,200 in a week when they introduced “dark side of the British economy” conjunction with the NHS, Institute based scholarly think-tank”. The cur- Mass in Portuguese. According to which was taking no consideration of for Metabolic Research and the rent directors of the Centre, Francis munity facing Davis, the Cardinals became aware of either the actual numbers of immi- University. Was Yaqoob Davis and Andrew Badstock, are look- the difficulties their new congregations grants or the reality of their situation. ing to renew its reputation for high constant eco- were facing and were keen to have con- The recent influx of Polish immi- quality research with this report. crete information and evidence with grants as a result of Poland joining the Toxic gas scare at Francis Davis said that he felt encour- nomic and politi- which to tackle this new challenge. EU has meant that the Catholic aged by the extent to which the issues The research caught public atten- Church is feeling an immense pres- Trinity Hall raised had been taken up by both the cal uncertainty” tion when The Times ran an article sure on its resources and is “strug- press and parliament, and expressed about the report, suggesting that gling to keep up with the changing Trinity Hall fell victim to toxic gas excitement about extending their work Roman Catholicism may overtake pastoral reality”. Between May 2004 in the early hours of the week. to other areas in Britain such as The Institute was commissioned to Anglicanism as the dominant religion and June 2006 the government Drama took over the college on Yorkshire and the Midlands. carry out the research by the Cardinals in Britain. In reaction, Davis agreed approved 264,560 work applications Sunday morning at 6am when three The researchers at St Edmund’s of the Catholic dioceses of Brentwood, that immigration was significantly from Poland, and the challenge of fire trucks arrived after a porter College surveyed 1,000 immigrants, ran Southwark and Westminster when affecting the religious landscape of assimilating the 95% of Poles who are came across ‘a toxic smell’. The area focus groups and interviewed clergy in they noticed the differences in their Britain but emphasised that the main practicing Catholics is described by was evacuated and fifteen firemen three dioceses across London, Essex parishes as a result of immigration. focus of the report is on the plight of the report as being at the same time entered the scene. Various students and Kent. The report emphasises the Congregations were doubling in num- immigrants and the role of the the Catholic Church’s “greatest expressed concern but Varsity was role of the Catholic Church in helping a ber and it is reported that the congre- Catholic Church in helping them. He threat” and its “greatest opportunity”. assured that there was “no danger to any living students, or even any dead ones”. The refrigerator responsible has been removed from ([SHULHQFH,VODP:HHN the premises. Esther Lousada )HE0DU Southern Science Resident hugger South. The N8, an alliance of eight THOMAS MCGEE research-intensive universities in the spreads his joy North of England, is now calling for The newest resident of Cambridge Concerns have been raised that bio- reviews of the national distribution of market is offering not baked goods medical funding favours Southern Research and Development funds. or outlandish clothing but hugs. The research centres. While institutions Manchester was refused status as a newcomer claims to “just like hugs”. such as Addenbrooke’s Hospital in BRC of excellence as the NHS Children have been leaping off their Cambridge have been recognised deemed it to be of insufficient interna- BMXs and women leaving their under a recent government initiative tional standing in some areas. Alan spouses with the shopping for the to identify Biomedical Research Gilbert, Vice-Chancellor of sake of a free hug. The idea was Centres (BRCs) in need of funding, Manchester University, called this inspired by an Australian who post- many Northern research centres have announcement “deeply disappointing”. ed his hugging escapades on been excluded. Researchers protest that without new YouTube. Our own friendly neighbor The South East and in particular the funding the quality of their work is seems to be quite successful; five bound to suffer. Investment, they minutes was apparently his longest argue, is the much needed catalyst for interval between hugs. Elliot Ross “statistics about successful research. But while the N8 believes that bet- where money ter supported Northern Research Centres would strengthen the national goes can be dan- foundation in research and increase the UK competitiveness on the global gerously mis- scale, their demands have met with objections in some quarters. leading” Dr David Grainger of the Department of Medicine at Addenbrooke’s argues that “the only thing that should determine where ‘golden triangle’ of Oxford, Cambridge funding goes is the quality of the work and London has become the research done with it”, saying that “scientists hub of the nation and home to 11 of should be put into competition with Britain’s 14 BRC’s of excellence. After each other”. He warns that “statistics its failure to qualify for funding, about where money goes can be dan- Manchester University became a pio- gerously misleading” and explains that neer in the struggle to close the gap successful research applications are between investment given to universi- those that best meet the specific crite- ZZZLVRFFRXN ties in the North and those in the ria of the funding body. “Just likes hugs” MARY BOWERS Friday February 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 353 422 NEWS 3 Caretaker held over letterbombs »Cherry Hinton man questioned over explosives that injured six

allowing for their institutional abuse DATSHIANE NAVANAYAGAM within the laboratory.” He added “Britain is a nation of animal lovers A Cambridge school caretaker has and there is an amazing amount of been arrested in connection with a support in the public”. spate of letter bombs across Britain. The Prime Minister and Home Miles Cooper, 26, was arrested at 3am Secretary expressed concern over on February 19 and is being ques- the attacks. Outside Parliament, tioned over seven homemade explo- John Reid stated that the events sive devices sent to companies across were “worrying”, and at Prime Britain. Five of the packages explod- Minister’s Questions Mr Blair told ed and nine people were injured. the House of Commons that events Assistant Chief Constable Anton were being monitored “very close- Setchell, National Co-ordinator for ly”. The devices, which were all domestic extremism, told press on crudely homemade and dispatched Wednesday that “Police have been in A5 jiffy-styled envelopes to granted a further extension of 24 addresses in southern England, the hours to question a man from the Cherry Hinton area of Cambridge who was arrested in connection with “there is a very a police investigation into a series of postal improvised explosive real need to devices”. Some of the parcels were specifically directed at businesses break down with connections to forensic science laboratories, and others were sent stereotypes of to traffic enforcement organisations including the Head Office of the animal rights Driving and Vehicles Licensing Agency in Swansea. campaigners as Two of the packages contained the names of two animal rights activists, nutters” but police are still uncertain of the purpose of the letter bomb spate. SPEAK Political, the animal rights based political party, has been quick Midlands and Wales, are currently to disassociate itself from the attacks. under forensic examination. Robert Cogswell, chief spokesmen The arrest of Cooper, who was for SPEAK Political, stressed that, employed as a caretaker of the “we are not responsible for the Teversham Church of England actions”. But SPEAK Political have Primary School, has come as a shock refused to denounce the illegal acts of to Cambridge residents and those animal rights extremists, comparing associated with the school. It was their campaign to the events of the closed for two days while police Holocaust and South African searched the premises. The home apartheid as a struggle that is “above Cooper shares with his mother and man-made laws”, maintaining that sister was also searched. Cooper has “in certain circumstances it can be not been formally linked with the acceptable to break them”. letter bomb sent to Cambridge Cogswell admitted that, “there is a Labour Party Headquarters last very real need to break down stereo- August, but election agent Alex types of animal rights campaigners as Mayer has been kept up to date on nutters and extremists” and declared the ongoing police investigations. Mr his “wholehearted condemnation” for Russ McPherson, councillor of the any actions which harmed living Cherry Hinton ward of Cambridge, beings. But he emphasised that he declined to comment on the arrest, would continue to support non-vio- but was keen to stress to Varsity lent illegal actions by animal rights that Cambridge is an “absolutely” campaigners as long as the safe region. He added, “We have one “hypocrisy of the British judicial sys- of the lowest crime figures in the tem prevented the abuse of animals country and Cherry Hinton is one of in the public sphere whilst covertly the safest regions in Cambridge”. All five bombs were sent in A5 envelopes MIRANDA HOWARD-WILLIAMS “Tory dinosaur bites the dust”over racist jibe

after the report’s publication, decided to act in the best interests of off single or young marrieds and KATE O’RAGHALLAIGH Conservative Councillor Ted Pateman the council by resigning”. Council have children, don’t they?” remarked “There are all different leader Ray Manning said “His deci- Hipkin has refuted the claims of South Cambridgeshire District sorts of wogs here. I don’t differentiate sion to resign is the honourable course heterosexism, saying “I want to get a Councillors have been accused of between them, but treat them all as and will allow us to remember him for retraction, an apology for this false making “heterosexist” and “racist” though they were English”. his good work as a District and Parish accusation. I don’t want correspon- comments, and one councillor has Councillor Ian Nimmo-Smith told councillor”. Nimmo-Smith remarked dence in the city council implying resigned after claiming that he did Varsity that he feels Pateman is “A Tory dinosaur bites the dust”. that I sexually discriminate”. Ian not discriminate against “wogs”. “not a role model for Cambridge, In a separate incident, Councillor Nimmo-Smith told Varsity that the A review of the council this month where we seek to celebrate and John Hipkin, former Mayor of matter has been “blown out of all revealed “a clear perception respect the diversity of our resi- Cambridge, has demanded an apolo- proportion by Councillor Hipkin. amongst some stakeholders that dents”. Councillor Pateman has gy for claims in October that he was There is no accusation for which to some councillors’ attitudes and rejected accusations of racism. “The “heterosexist”. The accusation was apologise, nor any process by which a behaviours are racist and discrimi- term ‘wog’ is in the Oxford English made by the council’s Lesbian, Gay, verdict of not guilty is to be issued”. natory”. The Council was also found Dictionary. It wasn’t meant as a Bisexual and Transgender group in He continued “I think there are by the Audit Commission to be fail- derogatory remark of any descrip- response to a remark made by areas of awareness, particularly in ing to represent and cater for the tion, in fact I was emphasising that Hipkin during a planning committee relation to equalities issues, where service needs of its minority groups. in Cambourne we have a mix of dif- meeting. Councillors were dis- councillors could sharpen our act”. The SCDC failed to attain Level 1 of ferent nationalities”. cussing the ‘family-unfriendly’ It has since been reported that the Commission for Local Pateman has apologised and nature of one and two-bedroom training may be put in place to Government Standards for Equality. resigned. He said “I did not mean to Cambridge flats. Hipkin is reported encourage councillors to avoid het- At a training workshop held shortly cause offence to anyone and have as saying “People presumably start erosexism in the future. Resigned Cllr Ted Pateman Got a news story? Friday February 23 2007 4 NEWS Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news PhD students now turning toward industry

CHRIS WILLETT to keep an eye on the changing job market and changes in circumstances in academia. People should avoid put- Only ten per cent of the 9,000 ting their eggs in one basket, and researchers leaving UK universities develop peripheral vision”. She each year remain in academia. added, “It’s essential to avoid the dis- Findings by the Higher Education traction of angst about the future Statistics Agency, HESA, have during the vital task of writing up”. prompted speculation that the UK is Cambridge University has its not doing enough to keep talented own problems. A survey of over 500 researchers in the academic field. Cambridge post-docs carried out in Post-doctoral research provides the summer by the Postdoctoral opportunities for those who have com- pleted PhDs to continue in academia, devoting the bulk of their time to “Only ten per research rather than teaching. It is viewed by many as a stepping stone to cent of securing a lectureship or fellowship. But according to HESA, the con- researchers tracts are often short-term and pay is comparatively poor, making post-doc- remain in toral research an unattractive option for many and leading numerous academia “ researchers to make strategic moves into industry. PhD students relax in the Eagle Public House DEBBIE SCANLAN According to Helen Potter, a Society at Cambridge, PdOC, high- Chemistry PhD student at Girton lighted the various issues facing departmental commitment, identifying ties are very keen to try to help post- offer advice to some of the University’s College, “The attitude towards taking Cambridge researchers. Two thirds the conflict between teaching and docs,” Clark continued. “The colleges researchers. Anne Forde, the new a PhD has changed in recent years. of those surveyed were not affiliat- research obligations. are a separate group and I have the Careers Adviser for life science post- Not all students necessarily see it as ed to a college, although 86 per cent Jennifer Clark, a Senior Member of impression that they feel they don’t docs, said “Post-docs have achieved a the way into academia”. felt that they would benefit from Wolfson College and PdOC committee have the capacity to offer membership lot in terms of their research expertise “There is strong competition for such affiliation. member, was keen to stress that the to all the tenured academics, let alone but also face an extremely competitive research positions and few places. Although some post-docs saw little University works hard to assist post- all post-docs”. academic job market. I believe that Many PhDs who do not make it into or no advantage in college membership, doctoral researchers, but admits that, The University is working to they need to be strategic in order to academia move into similar research the survey showed that many perceive as they are a relatively new phenome- improve the situation. The Careers secure a long-term academic position. in industry”. academic and social benefits in being non, “many post-docs are not well Service, which is funded only to sup- Securing personal fellowships and Cambridge Careers Adviser Alison part of a college. The study also pointed integrated with the Cambridge sys- port undergraduates and postgradu- gaining teaching experience are key Walsham told Varsity “It’s important to tensions between college and tem”. “I think the University authori- ates, has recently received support to aspects in securing a lectureship”.

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UI Friday February 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 353 422 NEWS 5 Raid on Rethinking Curry bird brains Queen »New research shakes belief that TOM PARRY-JONES Customers were ejected from the forethought is unique to humans Curry Queen restaurant on Mill Road this Tuesday when Immigration standing of future needs and no small Officers swooped on the restaurant in ELLIOT ROSS amount of cunning. a large organised raid. While the In a similar experiment, the owner of the restaurant has claimed Some birds can recognise the future scrub-jays had the choice of a dog- that there had been “no problem” and plan accordingly. New findings food breakfast served up in one com- with illegal workers, the Home Office by Cambridge scientists have partment or a peanut-based gas- suggested in a guarded statement sparked speculation among ornithol- tronomia in another. On being that one arrest was made. ogists over just what else our feath- allowed to cache either food in loca- The busy restaurant was entered ered friends may be capable of. tion of their choice in the evenings, at around 8.30pm, and diners were In order to determine whether ani- they yet again astonished scientists asked to leave immediately, leaving mals plan for future meals or are sim- by demonstrating an understanding behind them tables of uneaten food. ply acting on instinct, Professor of future needs, and a commendable Among those in the restaurant at the Nicky Clayton and her team at the desire for a varied diet, by hoarding time was a large group of students Department of Experimental peanuts in the dog food compart- and fellows from Magdalene College, Psychology performed tests on the ment and dog kibble in the peanut taking part in the annual Social and western scrub-jay. In research pub- compartment. Had they been Political Sciences curry night, which lished yesterday they demonstrated caching merely for current hunger is traditionally held at the Curry that the birds will hoard food items if they would not have discriminated Queen. One third-year student, a they believe that they will be in short between the types of food or the veteran of the SPS Curry described supply in the future. location of the succulent cache. the series of events. Over the period of research, eight Professor Nicky Clayton said, “The “We had just taken our seats and scrub-jays were up with the lark each western scrub-jays demonstrate ordered drinks when a couple of Police morning to choose between the com- behaviour that shows they are con- officers appeared at the top of the partment with ‘no breakfast’ or the cerned both about guarding against stairs. At first we thought nothing of it food shortages and maximising the and a policeman came over and told us variety of their diets in the future.” it should only be a couple of minutes.” “astonished sci- Not only committed to getting their variety of five fruit and veg a day, entists by hoard- these wondrous creatures appear to “we were have a “sophisticated concept of past, ing peanuts in present and future”. escorted from Together with her colleague the dog food Professor Tony Dickinson, Professor the premises, Clayton and her team have published compartment” a number of papers demonstrating the Birds know what’s coming to them MICHAEL DERRINGER and told that remarkable memories of the scrub-jay. Some forms of memory and future thought to be incapable of dissociating another”. A second year historian, we’d have to find compartment with ‘breakfast’. They thinking are believed to be linked in themselves from the present and any who asked not to be identified, were then allowed to gorge them- the human brain and the scientists current motivation. described himself as “positively flap- another curry selves all day. After several days of were interested to see if the same Bruce Martin, bird enthusiast and ping” when the news broke. feasting, the birds were provided might be true of these birds. This former secretary of Cambridge Bird The news will come as no surprise to house” with pine nuts suitable for caching could cause scientists and students Club, was unsurprised by the news. Cambridge’s literary elite. The alba- (hoarding) in the evening. In anticipa- alike to rethink the popular derogato- “The more you delve into birds, the tross in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s tion of a morning without a tasty ry idiom “bird brain”. more questions you need to ask”, he Rime of the Ancient Mariner displays “However, when a waiter tried to breakfast, the scrub-jays consistently Forward planning of this kind is a told Varsity. He went on to outline his a similar culinary aptitude to that of come over and take our order, an hid food in the ‘no breakfast’ compart- complex skill that was previously fascination with “how they don’t hit the modern scrub-jays, as he “every officer blocked his way, and he was ment rather than the ‘breakfast’ com- believed to be unique to humans. each other when roosting” and “how day for food or play / Came to the told in no uncertain terms to remain partment, demonstrating an under- Certain other animals have been the birds communicate with one Mariner’s hollo!” standing where he was. The room then began to fill with immigration officers, at least twelve in total, wearing heavy looking black armoured uniforms with the Home Funding scheme Oxbridge-weighted Office emblem emblazoned on them. Any initial shred of amusement evaporated at this point, and we »Blair’s university funding scheme heavily weighted towards Oxbridge were escorted from the premises, and told that we’d have to find of a public-private giving initiative – Anniversary Campaign. They ments so it can’t be used for staff, another curry house.” TOM WOOLFORD described the government’s finan- would therefore be likely to receive which make the real difference to the Varsity was able to speak to the cial commitment to the scheme as the maximum possible under the standard of education”. He was clear owner of the Curry Queen, who A new University funding scheme “not terribly generous”. The £2m scheme. It is thought that other uni- that a scheme built on private giving claimed that while officers had been launched by Tony Blair has been cap and the 2:1 ratio agreed by the versities are less likely to benefit to could not become an alternative to “looking for illegal workers” and greeted with reservation. Last week government for each institution falls the same extent. Only 75 universi- mainstream public funds. “We should- checking papers, there had in fact Varsity reported a scheme under far short of the £5m cap and the ties nationwide will be eligible for n’t be under the illusion that it would been “no problem” with these at the which the government will give uni- pound-for-pound scheme advocated the scheme. ever replace government funding for restaurant. He pointed out that the versities one pound for every two by the Sutton Trust in its December Vice Chancellor of Anglia any but a handful of institutions”, he restaurant had reopened on pounds raised from private sources. 2006 report. Ruskin University said. Wednesday evening, the night after £200m has been earmarked for the Members of the University and Professor Michael Thorne Thorne was also unsure whether the raid, and was continuing to oper- scheme over the next three years. College Union have expressed welcomed the initiative ARU would even be eligible for the ate as usual. The prime minister has said of the concern following the launch of but admitted to some scheme. “They haven’t published the A spokesperson for the Home initiative that it “will incentivise all the scheme last week, and there reservations. When asked rubric. We’re anxious to make sure we Office refused to comment on “indi- universities to raise more charitable have been fears that the scheme whether he thought the are part of the scheme. This is the vidual details”, but gave a general and private funding”, claiming that could widen the gap between rich scheme would improve the unwelcome aspect of the scheme: they statement in which she confirmed increasing voluntary giving is “a vital and poor institutions. Oxford standard of education in don’t want to spread the funding too “There was an intelligence-led immi- step in enabling institutions to build and Cambridge collect British universi- thin but it’s slightly sad they limited gration operation at the Curry up substantial endowments over the the most in private ties, he replied the scheme”. Queen restaurant ... one Bangladeshi longer term, so that they can endowments of all “No, I don’t. It CUSU President Mark Ferguson national was arrested during the improve infrastructure, teaching and British universities, will improve said that while Cambridge is likely to visit on the Tuesday.” But when student bursaries.” with Cambridge f a c i l i t i e s profit from the endowment initiative, pressed for more details on the Sir Peter Lampl, chairman of the last week reaching but these the £2m cap on each institution would arrested individual, neither the Sutton Trust – the body which orig- the half-billion are one- mean that “all institutions who receive Home Office nor Cambridgeshire inally suggested the establishment mark in its 800th off pay- sizable donations will benefit.” Police were able to comment. News Investigations: Rebecca Lester Friday February 23 2007 6 NEWS Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news Light bulbs go ping in college green league

and college commitment. cling containers to making college through recycling, switching off lights EMILY BLAKELEY This year, 22 colleges responded to events more eco-friendly. It was also and so forth. But the most difference the survey and Churchill was ranked advised that the use of motion sensors is made by strong movements”. An inter-collegiate league table first for the second year in a row, for lights and “power down” buttons Clare Black, the report’s team revealing the environmental status of with a score of 71.3 per cent. Clare for computer equipment would both leader, spoke of a “real change in Cambridge colleges was unveiled on and Queens’ came in the bottom two reduce bills and effectively lessen the attitudes among students and staff Tuesday by CUECS, the Cambridge positions, with 30.5 per cent and 41.8 colleges’ carbon footprint. to more long-term commitments”, University Environmental per cent respectively. Emphasis was Communication between staff and particularly in small-scale initiatives Consulting Society. The fourth report placed on their failure to implement students was highlighted as a key such as displaying “power down” of its kind, it is part of a wider project simple initiatives such as the use of area in which all colleges should be and “switch off” stickers. University supporting environmental improve- low-energy light bulbs. able to extend their “green” attitudes. Environmental Officer Martin ment across the University. It ranks As a result of the survey partici- Speaking at the meeting, CUSU Whiteland praised the report for each college based on their contribu- pants were given a list suggesting Green Officer Aneaka Kellay increasing awareness of college tion to eight specified areas: insula- ways in which colleges could lessen explained that “strong committees environmental issues. tion, lighting, waste, housekeeping, the damage which they are causing to are the most positive thing that can be kitchens and college bars, computers, the environment. These ranged from done for the future”. She added that The full report will soon be available at Churchill College printers and photocopiers, gardens, improving the accessibility of recy- “individuals can help themselves www.societies.cam.ac.uk/cuecs.

Kambar Everybody knows Gents in Kambar made their toilet in an unusually sombre atmosphere this week. Male loo-goers were regaled by a dishevelled trio performing some of Leonard Cohen's better-known work inside a single cubicle. One was identi- fied as a member of skulduggerous fraternity Ferretz International and another as an esteemed and hairy socialist. Most surprising were the distinguished choral efforts of the CUSU Welfare Officer, who is evi- dently taking his responsibility for student spirits very seriously.

Wetherspoons Problem of statistics A large group of mathematicians were left counting rather than drown- ing their sorrows after being uncere- moniously ejected from Wetherspoons and a host of other public houses as their pub crawl became more crawl than pub. After a day’s hard compass-wielding, the lads decided to put the “fun” back into “functional analysis” by kicking back, chillaxing and forgetting all about their secret passion for Euclidean geometry with a few beers. Landlords were less than impressed by their boozy chat and swiftly expelled them.

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&EJUPS Hunting the hunters An eager young classicist, whose various misdeeds will be familiar to regular readers, has established a support group to “share experiences of trauma, and thereby recover from the damaging exposure we have & received”. The Facebook group is #F
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UIUI our reportage regarding her. One of our readers, a beady-eyed college Dean, would do well to take note of the membership of this group. Friday February 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 353 422 NEWS INVESTIGATION 7

ILLUSTRATION BY RACHEL HARDING The college degrading game

»Year on year the same set of colleges have disproportionately high rates of degrading »Correlation between college academic perfomance and numbers of students dropping back

degrade for reasons of illness or some colleges ask their students to one told Varsity, adding “the only REBECCA LESTER “extenuating circumstances” which degrade on grounds of ill health thing required was my assent and a Investigations Editor may interrupt or disadvantage them where the real underlying concern is letter from my doctor”. Another said in their studies. A student consider- with their academic performance. A “My personal tutor provided me with An enormous disparity exists in the ing degrading must speak to their student from New Hall, which has all the options but under the circum- number of students degrading each college tutor, who will then make an one of the highest rates of degrading stances a joint decision [was arrived year across the University, a Varsity appeal to the University Applications across the University, was asked by at] between myself, my tutor, and investigation has discovered this Committee with evidence of medical her Director of Studies to degrade with advice from the college nurse week. Figures obtained under the records, or notes from counselling 7 and doctor, [and] degrading was Freedom of Information Act (2000) sessions. The University guidelines times more thought necessary”. reveal that the rate of degrading at for degrading state that supervision “requests for Colleges at the top end of the aca- Girton was seven times higher than reports have nothing to do with the degraders at demic spectrum do not seem to be that at Caius between the academic process, and it is impossible to degrading can exempt from accusations of irregular- years 2002-2006. Girton also had four degrade for purely academic reasons. Girton than ities in their degrading policy. A stu- times more students degrading than Most students who degrade do so for spread like Caius dent at Pembroke, which came fourth Christ’s, Clare or Downing over the a complete academic year. in last year’s Tompkins Table, has same period. Christ’s Senior Tutor Kevin contagious described her college as making deci- Statistics were obtained from all Bowkett suggested the intercolle- sions in an “autocratic and unortho- undergraduate colleges with the giate discrepancy could be caused by diseases within dox way” and accused it of being exception of Peterhouse, who did not the role of individual GPs in influenc- “very reluctant to consider the finan- respond to the FOI request. ing the decisions taken by students an individual cial implications” of degrading. The Alongside Girton, Homerton and and colleges on degrading for medical College” student complained that “I didn’t King’s recorded the highest levels of reasons. “Some Cambridge GPs are understand the procedure and no one degrading over the last four years. more ready than others to suggest was there to explain it to me”. “My While Girton and Caius have almost the possibility of degrading as a DoS didn’t really give me a choice”, identical undergraduate populations, quick-fix for difficult patients”, he due to illness in spite of her concern 152 she claimed. “He mooted the idea in a told Varsity. He believes that some- that she would be financially unable Cambridge casual way about a week before I thing of a copycat culture exists, to continue with her studies if she degraded, then enforced it later.” She “pressure to describing how “requests for degrad- took a year out. students who was forced to leave Pembroke the ing can spread like a contagious dis- “After I recovered I would have degraded last day after having been officially asked degrade entirely ease within an individual college”. had no option other than to leave the to degrade. A certain correlation also appears University and find a job. In my opin- year The imbalance between colleges focussed on how to exist between a college’s academic ion, the pressure received to degrade appears to underline an innate incon- performance and the number of stu- was entirely focussed on how my sistency in the pastoral care systems my exam results dents who degrade. The three col- exam results would reflect on the col- across the University. CUSU leges at which degrading is most lege, with no consideration as to what Welfare Officer Sam Rose pointed to would reflect on common all fell in the bottom half of would be best for me as an individ- the difficulty of achieving parity the 2006 Tompkins Table, while the ual.” The student praised the support between the colleges. “We’re never the College” five colleges with the lowest rates of her tutor and of the college as a going to have identical systems. were all in the top 15. whole, but described herself as “let Being in a collegiate University with The inter-collegiate pool system down” by her Director of Studies and separate endowments and college seems to have some relation to the confused by the “conflicting opinions” councils makes for inevitable differ- Girton has seen at least 14 students figures. While the five colleges with she had received. 1 ences in welfare systems between degrade each year; Caius has had no the lowest rates of degrading all take But students from Homerton, day of notice the colleges.” more than four. under four per cent of students from another college at which high num- “In the end,” Rose argued, “it In line with current University the pool, Girton and Homerton both bers of students degrade, have given to leave depends on the group of people in the guidelines, all colleges contacted by rely heavily on it when recruiting described the support given by the tutorial office, and their opinions will Varsity claim to assess each case indi- new undergraduates. college as “excellent”. “I did not have Pembroke inevitably come through as unspoken vidually, only allowing students to Allegations have been made that any trouble obtaining permission”, policies on degrading.” Comment editor: Tor Krever Friday February 23 2007 8 COMMENT Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment Sleeping with the enemy?

An obvious criticism is the incoher- ence of attempting to derive social good from a business so seemingly unworthy. For many, in the case of My watch is set to be around 6 ethical porn, no amount of money, minutes fast. At least I think it’s however it was spent, could ever justi- about 6 minutes, I don’t want to fy it. But, given that as both an indus- be too sure. I am also unsure of DANIEL NIXON try and social phenomenon pornogra- how long ago I set my watch fast, phy is not going to disappear, wouldn’t having forgotten ever doing it. I we rather see it used to raise charity am, however, sure it was my ince their conception, funds ? Furthermore, a successful phi- intention at the time to do so. As NGOs have stood as a lanthropist would have some leverage part of my tireless efforts to be force of good in a harsh in marginalising the most morally more punctual, I often strategi- world, offering hope to abhorrent aspects of the industry. cally set my clocks to faster the oppressed and a voice Excluding, for example, material of an times. It’s important that I don’t to the unheard. They pro- aggressive, cruel or purposefully remember doing this, otherwise Svide a humanistic counter to capital- degrading nature (which is not to I’d take the extra time for grant- ism, redressing the moral imbalances defend the moral standing of what ed, so I have to employ a large accompanying the unconstrained remains, but merely to acknowledge number of simultaneous distrac- pursuit of profit. But in a world that sometimes it is beneficical to must tions to help me forget. These where companies exploit the mar- embrace the lesser of two evils). include alcohol, sex and the shrill keting ploy of so-called corporate More practically, would we really voice of my angry girlfriend responsibility, perhaps now is the expect the unadulterated concupis- ordering me to stop drunkenly time for NGOs to reconsider their L L cence driving demand for pornography E fiddling with my watch while foundations and explore avenues pre- N to show sensitivity to altruistic senti- R we’re having sex. viously seen as the domain of capital- O ments? Many would find the notion of C

The upshot is that all my clocks ism. Could entrepreneurialism do for A a “principled pervert” laughable. But P P are now set to different times. If charity today what it has done for I this wouldn’t matter were the website P

I ever want to know the actual capitalism over the last century? Y to secure a market position. There’s B

time, because I have no control To some extent the idea isn’t new – N also the issue of what self-respecting O I clock to refer to, I have to work NGOs have long harnessed commer- T charity would associate itself with rev- A R

my way back through the original cial gains via charity shops and online T enue generated by the degradation of S setting sequence as best I can. payments systems for donations. But U women. But this misses the point. We L L Hence, my computer clock I no charity has so far ventured where I don’t need a charity to endorse a porn know is around 5 minutes earlier their greatest fundraising potential site, only a porn site to donate all its than my phone, which is around lies; in the lucrative markets for is thought to be worth at least $750m proceeds to charity. 20 minutes faster than my watch, morally dubious commodities where a annually. And given the difficulty of So the idea of ethical porn is a little which is in turn 6 minutes faster forward-looking charity could at least “for many, no containing the spread of illicit online far-fetched, and a scrutiny of other than the actual time (although as partially offset the wrong doing done. material, porn sites are around to stay. projects in this vein would undoubted- I’ve said, I don’t want to be too Needless to say, this would require amount of But how about this. A porn site ly reveal similar moral and practical sure), meaning that if it reads a pragmatism that would compro- money, however where all proceeds go to charity; reservations. Nonetheless, if we 2:35pm now on my computer the mise the principled foundations of women’s sexual health education in reduce our concept of “charity” to a actual time is... here my mathe- most established NGOs; the thought charitably used, developing countries, say. It would be simple relation between affluent indi- matical ability fails me and I of Oxfam selling tobacco for the sake unique and massively controversial. viduals with a compassionate agenda have to ring the Speaking Clock. of a few extra pounds is ridiculous. could justify it” But then, for precisely these reasons, on one side, and those in need of assis- Last month’s phone bill regis- But for morally-questionable yet fun- it would attract huge publicity which – tance on the other, then taking the tered 54 phone calls to the damentally harmless industries, good or bad – would translate into objective of the former group to be Speaking Clock, totalling a cost could not a philanthropic entrepre- sizeable revenues. A market share of maximising the welfare of the latter of £10.50. neur – free of the reputational con- Take the unsavoury business of just 5%, plausible considering how using all available resources, it seems Despite the extra toll on my cerns of an established charity – steal pornography. Whilst not renowned for fragmented the industry is, would there is scope for more innovative (if student loan and my sanity, I a substantial market share and gen- its positive contributions to society, it’s generate $35m a year even on conser- heterodox) ways to deliver these can’t seem to break the cycle; I erate funding for aid projects? big business; the online industry alone vative estimates. altruistic goals effectively. can’t set my clocks back to the actual time, because then I’d be late for everything. Admittedly, I’m nearly always late at the moment, but I uphold my belief Severing ties with a bloody trade in the power of deliberately inef- ficient time-keeping to solve my punctuality problems. In fact, I Member of College. It would be nice “reviewed” these particular invest- bied for his release. His well-made think my system could have to see this cross generational attach- ments a bit more vigorously. shackles were not so different from wider applications. At a busy ment to the famous family as an indi- Five rich countries manufacture those used to transport slaves. They train station, for example, if you cation of the College’s continued com- the great majority of the weapons in read “Made in Sheffield”. shaved a fraction off every sec- mitment to the principles William the world. In 2005, Russia, the The conflict in Sudan provides an ond during the night this would espoused. Unfortuntely, one cannot. United States, France, Germany and interesting historical counterpoint to produce a time surplus that could The College is far more ready to the UK made 82 per cent of them. the abolition of the slave trade. be distributed at key points ELLIOT ROSS bask in the bicentennial glow of the Conversely and somewhat conve- Johnian Hamish Falconer has created throughout the day. Late running moral courage and humanitarian niently, more than two thirds of the the national campaign ‘Sudan service? No problem, just bump ideals emanating from the stone vis- value of all arms are sold to Africa, Divestment’ which aims to end the five minutes onto the clock. ages of its most celebrated alumni at Asia, the Middle East and Latin genocide through financial pressure. As Time Lord, I would use rchbishop Desmond the back of the chapel, than it is to America. Kofi Annan says “the exces- World Bank figures indicate that in time for the general good. Tutu described the actually listen to what they had to sive accumulation and illicit trade of the past few years 60 per cent of However, time power will arms trade as “the say. Whilst Clarkson and small arms is threatening internation- Sudan’s oil revenue has been blown on inevitably be abused in the modern slave trade” Wilberforce campaigned tirelessly al peace and security, dashing hopes military expenditure. The conflict has future. When the marketisation last year. His analysis for the abolition of an industry for social and economic development, already killed between 200,000 and of the time industry makes time a must have caused based on violence and exploitation and jeopardising prospects for 400,000 people and created two million commodity, the CEOs of soulless Asome consternation at St John’s which subjugated the poor to the democracy and human rights.” refugees. That Falconer’s College con- corporations will then be in College, as preparations were made financial profit of the rich, the An industry which profits the tinues to invest in the industry which charge and the proletariat will for last weekend’s commemoration of College which schooled them contin- rich, drains resources from the arms the Janjaweed is demonstrative have to give up their time to suit the bicentenary of the abolition of ues to support its post colonial suc- developing world and results in all of John’s persistent and persisting fail- the needs of their capitalist the British slave trade. Adopting cessor two hundred years later. kinds of human rights abuses. ure to learn from its best alumni. oppressors. The poor will be the theme ‘Campaigning Then and The Campaign Against the Arms Sound familiar, Mr Clarkson? Johnian support for the arms trade forced to go to bed at unreason- Now’, the event aimed to commem- Trade (CAAT) obtained figures Some argue that the arms trade is is especially perplexing because its able hours. Families will live in orate, and at a pinch, revive the which show that despite the acceptable because those that create abolitionist history means it really fear of a knock at the door from spirit of the two great Johnian abo- College’s adherence to an ethical and export the weapons are not the should know better. But it is by no the Time Police, come to ask the litionists, Thomas Clarkson and investments policy against which ones who put them in the hands of the means the worst Cambridge offender. chilling question “Do you know William Wilberforce. investments are “regularly world’s 300,000 child soldiers, nor are If the commemoration of the abolition what time it is?” Men and women The magnificent John’s choir were reviewed”, St John’s is still a major they the actual trigger-pullers in the of one odious trade is to have signifi- who have misused their time, and joined by the similarly splendid investor in the arms trade. At the Sudan genocide. Such a defence brings cance beyond idle historical interest have run out of time, will be London Adventist Chorale to sing a end of 2006 the College held shares to mind the Malawian poet and schol- and saccharine self congratulation, hunted down and eradicated. Be musical setting of the famous aboli- worth £326,000 in GKN, £479,160 in ar Jack Mapanje, now a fellow at then the University, and its con- warned, at any time, our time tionist slogan “Am I not a Man and General Electric: both companies Newcastle University. As a prisoner stituent colleges must divest itself could be up. a Brother?” by Wilberforce’s direct identified by CAAT as arms compa- of conscience under Kamuzu Banda’s fully and immediately from its descendant Richard, a current nies. It is time the college despotic regime, many in the UK lob- deplorable descendant. Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment 01223 353 422 COMMENT 9

Ink from Israel EDAN SHERTZER

אני מבלה את הקיץ באזור בנייה, מסתכל על אנשים בונים מגדל ענק לשמיים. זה מוזר מפני שהם לא מגיעים רחוק. נראה שאף אחד לא מבין מה שהשני אומר. כל המלונות מלאים אז בינתיים אני נשאר בבטן של דג גדול. קשה קצת לקרוא פה אבל בקרוב נגיע לחוץ של נינוה. אני חושב שלעבל הבית יש קצת בעיות עם גז. אני מבלה מחר עם שאול המלך. הוא משוגה. שמואל הנביא בא אלינו לפני קצת זמן ואמר משהו בקשר לכבשים. נראה שזה קורה הרבה בתורה, באאאאאאארוך השם. אני מרגיש די רעב בשבועיים האחרונים והצמחים לא גודלים כמו שצריך. אני הולך למיצריים עם איש נחמד שקוראים לו יעקב ואחד- עשר בנים שלו כדי למצוא Just plane-crazy אוכל. יש להם נזיר גאוני שתמיד לובש מאיל צבעוני. חלק מהאנשים קוראים לו Why airlines cannot be allowed to dictate our leisure habits« "סיגמונד" מפניי שהוא ממש tonnes of carbon dioxide annually. price that airport expansion, bring- and should, be doing to mitigate the טוב עם חלומות. ,These emissions accentuate the ing an increase in flight numbers, crisis as much as possible. However already enormous and unprece- inflicts not just on the British econ- with the proliferation of travel dented climate change crisis that omy but on the well-being of the magazines, cheap flights, and TV הכל קצת מוזר בארץ הקודש. the planet is now facing. Tony global population. travel programmes currently on the רק אתמול הלכתי לשחות וכל -Juniper, David Cameron and On December 14th the White scene, aviation is becoming an enor George Monbiot – among other Paper was issued. Plans remain in mous contributor to carbon emis- הים נפתח בחציץ אני מניח -highly informed decision-makers place for second runways at sions. It becomes easy for the con שזה לא מפחיד כמו עשר -and campaigners – all recognise Stansted and Gatwick, a third at sumer to overlook this when book המכות שהיו לנו קיץ שעבר. that climate change is the greatest Heathrow and new runways at ing holidays. There are other ways threat currently facing humanity. Birmingham and Edinburgh among to travel and other places to visit הצפרדעים לא היו בעיה אבל -We can do something to mitigate others. BAA owns and operates closer to home, such as the moun מת הבכורים היה קצת its effects but we need to act now seven UK airports, including tains of Scotland or the energising הרבה. גם לא שמעתי מהאח and, dare I say it, at a slightly Heathrow and Gatwick, and unsur- shores of Cornwall and TESS RILEY greater scale than remembering to prisingly are the main players Devon:;think sexy surfers by day הבוגר שלי כבר הרבה זמן. .evacuate before lift-off. pushing for expansion. Chris and fish & chips by night With the need to cut carbon emis- Mullins, former aviation minister, The World Health Organisation ast year, Chinese sions, it is slightly perturbing that explained, “I learnt two things. suggests that climate change is Southern Airlines, one Chinese Southern Airlines’ proposal First, the demands of the aviation already directly responsible for an ” אחד לא מבין מה .of China’s largest avia- came out in the same week in which estimated 160,000 deaths a year tion companies, the head of major British airport Many factors are taken into consid- “ שהשני אומר revealed its latest group BAA, Stephen Nelson, spoke “The question eration when calculating this figure cost-cutting plan. publicly in favour of the govern- and the number is growing expo- PLassengers are being asked to use ment’s airport expansion plans. In now is whether nentially. Those living in less eco- the loo pre- and post-flight to save the run-up to publication of the nomically developed countries suf- energy. The company believes that government’s latest white paper on we take the fer the most but this is something אני מקווה לראות שנה בואר the policy will greatly reduce ener- the aviation industry, Nelson that is going to have an enormous שבוע הבא. דברתי עם מספר gy expenditure, estimating that a claimed that the government must challenge seri- impact globally. Airport expansion single flush at 30,000 feet uses an push forward with their proposals, encourages greater flight numbers רעוי צאן בקשר לזה אבל הם entire litre of fuel. An equivalent made three years ago, for the third ously or not” at cheaper prices and so it is our לא ממש עזרו לי. איש אחד litre of fuel can carry 40 passengers runway at Heathrow by 2015 and a turn to take some control back from אמר שהוא מדבר לעיצים for 50km on a bus. Reducing flush- second at Stansted by 2020. the industry and opt out of such ing while airborne clearly offers Likewise, Willie Walsh, British commercial blindfolding. הרבה שנים אבל הם אף פעם -great energy saving potential. Airways chief executive, was quot- industry are insatiable. Second, suc- Chinese Southern Airlines’ pro לא דיברו חזרה. אבל הוא היה Some might say that Chinese ed as saying that the environmen- cessive governments have usually posal to stop in-flight flushing is גם קצת משוגע. Southern Airlines’ news is pant- tal argument against expanding given way to them. Although nowa- just a drop (or not, as the case may wettingly exciting. It’s certainly Heathrow was “short-sighted days the industry pays lip-service be) in the environmental ocean. In pant-wetting. But before we get doom-mongering”. These two men to the notion of sustainability, its the aviation world, it is the airport אני כותב את הימן הזה על lost in a myriad of praise for the claim that the new runways will demands are essentially unchanged. expansion proponents who are airline company, it is important to bring an added £13 billion a year to It wants more of everything – air- talking the real shit. גב של גמל. אם מצאתם איזה ”.look at the wider picture. Aviation the British economy. More likely ports, runways, terminals שהם טעויות, כל הכבוד! is the fastest growing source of they mean their own wallets. I am not suggesting that aviation For more details, please see global greenhouse-gas emissions, Walsh and Nelson are not taking is the sole cause of climate change. ww.w.planestupid.com already accounting for eight million into account the much greater There are many things that we can, travel.guardian.co.uk/tag/green Got something to say? Email Friday February 23 2007 10 EDITORIAL & LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/letters

[email protected]

formed; he wrote to them, saying "I trust well-intentioned but meddlesome criti- LETTER OF THE WEEK that the Commissioners will excuse me cism of HEFCE and other bodies. There Surveying the situation for stating my opinion that the present is a happy medium between the stance of Sir, chiefwantoftheUniversityisexemption Dr Corrie (of whom the Cambridge his- from the disturbing power of Royal or torian D.A. Winstanley said "the last It is doubtful as to whether many Cambridge students will Reading your article about Cambridge Parliamentary Commissioners." He was ditch was his spiritual home") and a worry greatly about their failure to fill in the National reforms, one is reminded of Dr George unsuccessful, however, and in 1882 new senseless and spineless attempt to Student Survey when they look back on their final year. The Corrie, a former Master of Jesus College. statutes were imposed at Jesus that, appease the Government. majority will, with MA (Cantab) firmly attached to their He opposed change of any sort, especial- among other changes, abolished the Let us hope that we can name, be seeking to carve out destinies for themselves out- ly that imposed from outside. In 1850, requirement of celibacy among the find it. shortly after he became Master, a Royal Fellowship and granted the power to side of the narrow confines of student politics. It can hardly Commission was established with the elect the Master to the Fellows (previ- Antony Burnham be argued that taking the five minutes necessary to fill out aim of reforming the statutes of Oxford ously the Bishop of Ely held this respon- Jesus College the form would have been particularly detrimental to their and Cambridge. He professed himself sibility). Tell Varsity what’s on your panicked last minute revision, and the majority would 'obliged by a sense of public duty to mind - each week, the best undoubtedly have been perfectly capable of dealing with any decline answering any of the questions Whilesomechangeistobeencouraged,it letter will win a specially selected persistent NSS call-centre attention. which [he] had the honour to receive'. In isbestthattheUniversitycometothison bottle of wine from our friends at Cambridge 1877 a new Royal Commission was its own terms, rather than accept the Wine Merchants, King’s Parade Yet the campaign to boycott the NSS has become something of a cornerstone of CUSU policy this term. Alongside Dear Sir, Stalinesque phallus was built between sport amusing given such a definition; Ferguson’s laudable defence of Portuguese within the 1931-34. I assume the Sayles book that anyone who has ever watched Andy University, the campaign will serve as a legacy of his presi- Following Andrew Zurcher's lyrical let- she mentions describes what is now Fordham play will know just how much dency, just as Iraq will define any history of the Blair min- ter condemning 'the vandal acts of Caius library, and which was previously a darts player can sweat! Furthermore, istry. It seems something of an anticlimax to end the 12 uncouth creatures', I would be much the University Library (passing through the article displayed an elitist sporting months since his election to the CUSU presidency over what gratified if you would publish the a brief incarnation as the Law library). mindset which has long prevailed in is, to be honest, a rather routine student survey. Yet against Nymph's Reply: Cambridge, which remains one of the a clamour of support for the survey from Vice-Chancellors, A more famous work thought to be set in universities most reluctant to react to government departments and even the campaign’s grandfa- We all know books are to be treasured,/ the UL, M R James's 1911 ghost story, change, particularly in the field of sports. ther, Wes Streeting, Ferguson and his Executive have but what's a book not read aloud nor 'TheTractateMiddoth',mustalsoreferto There still exists the traditional sporting used?/ And if, once thumbed, it never Caius library. It appears that the epic of hierarchy, nowhere more visible than in remained defiant. were recovered/ untamed, untended, the present University Library is yet to the Blues system. The fact that an ath- love surely is abused./ So why let your be written. lete may train as hard as any rugby The amount of weight that many prospective applicants will 'Faerie Queene" lie disused?/ When once player yet not receive the recognition attach to the results of the survey is very much debateable. a year a book may be reborn/ in fanly Chris Fenwick they would elsewhere is a gross injus- How students choose their universities is far from rational form. I cannot be accused:/ a page ripped Queens' College tice. That they would, in all likelihood, and, although the aims of transparency and increasing the from a book may lie forlorn,/ but not behave like an idiot either on or off availability of information are praiseworthy, the fact that one Spenser's leaves, once read, from minds Dear Sir, the pitch is no small matter either. institution got three points more than another in a govern- shall ne'er be torn. ment survey is hardly likely to sway the decisions of many In response to the article "Blood, sweat Sadly Cambridge's sporting elitism is as potential applicants. Yet the survey seems a strange choice Laura Kilbride, and a few beers," I have some concerns prevalent as ever, the fact that the Vandal-turned Sonneteer to air. Cambridge has long been majority of the university's members for such a major campaign. It surely cannot do any harm to Queens' College overzealous in making distinctions had never even heard of Eton Fives garner the opinion of students from around the country in between a sport and a game; contempo- apparently of no consequence to the the hope of providing better government provision for high- Miss Kilbride’s original lyric is repro- rary linguistic technicalities make such a Blues Council. The article ended with er education in future. Ferguson’s argument that the survey duced here in prose due to space con- line difficult to draw. My own attempt at the statement "you can get a half-blue is irrelevant to the higher expectations of a Cambridge edu- straints, apologies to Dr Zurcher for the definition, that a sport was based on skill for Korfball. Ultimate Frisbee will be cation could be difficult to interpret in any other way than problems publishing his Spenserian whereas a game was based on luck, was next." I for one would welcome such a Oxbridge elite aloofness for some. wonder last week. proven to be inaccurate when a friend move; it would redress an imbalance observed that by my reasoning noughts that is ingrained in the university's The ‘one size fits all’ stance of the NSS is far from ideal and Dear Sir, and crosses could be considered a sport. thinking. It is time that Cambridge The conclusions of the article fall similar- abandoned its traditional distinction comes from the same stable of government policies as the Olivia Day's article on the UL suggests ly short. The emphasis on strenuous between games and sports and dis- HEFCE governance guidelines discussed last week. Yet the an obscure "1905 tome" entitled 'The activity and perspiration levels as a played some of the liberalism it prides national embarrassment of being the only university in the University Library, Cambridge' for fur- means of defining such activity was mis- itself on in other areas. Ending the dom- country not counted in the survey seems a heavy price to pay therreading. WhilstI'veneitherthetime placed. Shooting is rightly considered a ination of rowing, football, hockey, for what some will undoubtedly describe as the strange nor inclination to search it out (the sport, yet I doubt that any shooter rugby, lacrosse and others is the first moral smugness of CUSU’s resolve, and Ferguson’s wish to Victorian pornography is of far greater undergoes such strenuous activity as to step, one long overdue. leave a legacy of defiance. interest), it is evident from the date of sweat, part of the skill being to keep publication that anyone following up this your body as still as possible. I found the Mark King reference will be disappointed: the article's use of darts as a controversial Jesus College

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 For this weeks sermon the Bishop Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies calls his flock to take note of the to every Cambridge college and ARU weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder of numerous student media awards and a vast number of alumni now working in international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci words of St Augustine: “Now take magazine, The Mays, and an online edition at www.varsity.co.uk. heed, Holy and Beloved, how this Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Harris, Ms Amy Goodwin , Mr question may be solved. Whatever Tom Walters, Mr Christopher Adams, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Christopher Wright, Mr Joseph Braidwood, Ms an evil man brings forth from him- Mary Bowers (Varsoc President), Mr Jonathan Ensall, Mr Joseph Gosden and Ms Natalie Woolman self, is evil”. Editors Natalie Woolman and Joe Gosden [email protected] Associate Editors Jamie Munk and Bobby Recently an outwardly wholesome Friedman [email protected] Chief News Editors Alice Whitwham and Lizzie Mitchell young gentleman seems to have fallen, causing the [email protected] Features Editors Catherine Hall and Rob Haworth [email protected] Arts Editor Lowri Jenkins [email protected] Arts Associate Editor Was Yaqoob [email protected] Interviews ‘bringing forth from himself’ of some utterly unholy Editor Lucy McSherry [email protected] Interviews Associate Editor Jossie Clayton things. Who could this man be, expelled from his last [email protected] Chief Sport Editor Tom Marriot [email protected] relationship when he awoke to find everything he had Online Editor Rachel Cooper [email protected] Online Team Ling Low, Lotte Johnson, Sarah consumed the night before had been violently Rainey, Ling Low, Jack Tunstall, Miriam Burton, Maria Staiano-Kolaitis, Rhiannon Easterbrook [email protected] Podcast Editor Joe Braidwood [email protected] brought forth onto the female with which he was News Editors Elliot Ross, Nikki Burton, Georgia Argus and Rebecca Lester [email protected] Comment lying? Despite confessing, his sinful acts were com- Editor Tor Krever [email protected] Letters Editor Miriam Burton [email protected] Listings Editor pounded one winter afternoon when he was caught in Was Yaqoob [email protected] Science Editors James Shepherd and Michaela Freeland a college public space performing a truly debauched [email protected] Food and Drink Editor George Grist Restaurant Critics Chris Ringland and Ed Ho [email protected] Fashion Editors Beatrice Wilford, Iona Carter and Lauren Smith act; not only was he in a state of considerable [email protected] Literature Editor Tom Stenhouse [email protected] Music Editors Liz Bradshaw undress, he was getting to intimately ‘know’ a close and Richard Braude [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Catherine Spencer [email protected] Screen Editor Stuart Smith [email protected] Theatre Editors Moya Sarner and Osh Jones [email protected] family member of his. Sports Editors Noel Cochrane, Persephone Bridgman-Baker and Simon Allen [email protected] Lest this not be enough to incur the Lord’s wrath, his Production Trish Abraham and Lottie Young Chief Photo Editor Dylan Spencer-Davidson actions of the past week have truly sent him beyond [email protected] Chief Photographers Amica Dall, Emily Wright and Alexandra Constantinides redemption; after a particularly merry formal he pro- [email protected] ceeded to treat a number of his friends to a special Business Manager Adam Edelshain [email protected] Chief Production and Design Michael sort of ‘shower’. Somehow this attracted a willing Derringer [email protected] Technical Directors Michael Derringer and Chris Wright technical- [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] young female, and he was able to lie in sin with her nearby on an extremely large and costly piece of Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. and printed by Cambridge Newspapers Ltd. All copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. modern artwork.. No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any The dark clouds continue to gather over our means, without prior permission of the publisher. parish… © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. 11-12 Trumpington St., Cambridge CB2 1QA Tel: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913 Features &Arts

»Sweet Charity. »Interview »Giovanni »Reviews of Varsity with EMI Menegalle Staggered investigates boss John meets Patrick Spaces and student Gildersleeve Wolf Hot Fuzz volunteering P 12-13 P 14 P 18 P 19-20 Features editors: Robin Haworth and Catherine Hall Friday February 23 2007 12 FEATURES Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

In the run up to National Student Volunteering Week, Varsity sets out to discover the nature of giving, and whether charity really begins at home

n the last week, we’ve heard a lot ice, if you will. This all seems less volun- Week; raising awareness, encouraging par- about gun crime and, in suitably tary, more mandatory. And this, according ticipation and so on. Those of us lucky Imoralistic terms, the ‘breakdown of to Peter Oborne of the Daily Mail, goes to enough to attend this University are fairly society’. What, we may ask, is the cure for the heart of the current debate. Politicians unexposed to the kinds of issues that have the cancer that’s sweeping our cities? are trying to “reclaim the moral legitimacy been making headlines this week. As a Apparently it’s volunteering. As Jerry of the voluntary sector,” with the idea that Varsity survey revealed, virtually all stu- Springer might say, it puts people back in rather than being a state-sponsored exer- dents believe that volunteering has posi- touch with themselves, and each another. cise, charity should be placed firmly back tive outcomes for society. Yet only 3 per- Charity work equals political capital. In in the bosom of the philanthropist. “The cent actually spend significant time doing 2005, Gordon Brown launched a scheme to state just isn’t very good at understanding it. Awareness of how we can help can and lure a million young people into volunteer- society, yet individuals are paying for it to should be raised, but it is only when we ing; David Cameron wants all of us to do do so with their taxes,” he says. have a real imperative to act that we will four-month community service boot camps This all seems rather removed from the do so, whether the state demands it or not.

s upon leaving school. Ethical national serv- aims of National Student Volunteering Robin Haworth

e % 3tudents of s r volunteer fo more than 3 hours a in week 1 3

r students buy the Big Issue

onday morning, bright and hor- help the recipient in some way, does it conscious effort to get involved in ‘big-

u ribly early, I turned to the guy in matter if the motivation is not complete- ger’ issues, be it sitting in an Amnesty Mline behind me at EAT, did my ly selfless? Hugging Porters meets with cage, collecting and donating RAG best to smile sweetly, and offered to buy varying degrees of success, but by far the money or simply signing a petition. But him a cup of coffee. His response? “Sorry most well received act of the week was there is a hideous irony in that fact that

t love, you’re not my type.” No, this was not handing out home-baked cookies to road we can be passionate about the wages me having my amorous advances brutal- crews, policemen, big issue sellers and of strangers and yet we won’t even ly shot down. It was the first in a series of anyone else I could pester. smile at them in the street. attempts to carry out acts of kindness for The levels of mistrust random volun- People have responded to my evident- total strangers, as part of National teering appears to ellicit is surprising, ly sparkling efforts by being offended, Student Volunteering Week. but are people necessarily wrong to be freaked out and grateful, but mostly The second recipients of my aggres- suspicious? Is it, in fact, actually even they were surprised. The lady I had a sive friendliness were the refuse collec- possible to do things for others without lunch with thought it was so unbeliev- tors in Market Square. Ok, so I didn’t getting something in return? In a para- able she phoned her daughter. Perhaps have the right kit, but I’d donned a pair doxical way, my acts of kindness were they were merely surprised by how of marigolds, grabbed a bag and tried not random. I was, after all, trying to get much free time Cambridge students to join in. Apparently this is not the a story. And being told I was a star by clearly have, but I’d like to think that “done thing”. Not only is it against Mark the road sweeper made my week. actually it’s because somebody bothered

e Health and Safety to participate in Even if we help someone by doing some- to notice them. This week, try making a council activities without authorisation, thing we didn’t really want to, none of us difference to someone’s day. Do some- but my actions implied they weren’t can entirely escape the self-satisfaction thing even if unseen; pick up a fallen doing their job well enough. that massages our ego when we feel bicycle or do someone else’s washing up, On the other hand, not all gestures of we’ve ‘done the right thing’ . only try not to feel too smug about it. kindness are unwelcome and if they do As a student body, we seem to make a Gianna Vaughan F DATA: VARSITY SURVEY Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features 01223 353 422 FEATURES 13

Apathy Lad On charity muggers

Ah, the self-righteous prattle of the chari- table. Doesn’t it make you feel wonderful to know that people are out there saving the world by collecting coppers for cancer and having blind dates for the blind? For some, perhaps. For others, definitely not. There is an ever-increasing trend for EWB smug gap-year students to spend a few Campus hours of their otherwise alcohol-fuelled Christian Aid Engineers Without Borders is extended package holidays, painting a By their own admission, Working with Social Services, not actually a supranational wall for some noble purpose. Just like “Christians get a bad press”. Campus Children’s Holidays pressure group, but exists to other volunteers, having successfully But despite the pious implica- provides breaks for Liverpool’s promote Third World develop- completed their “project”, they return tions, Christian Aid in inner city children. Projects for ment. The icing on their struc- to their normal lives with a passionate Cambridge is composed of just pre-teens are held in the coun- 5 turally sound cake is the mission to convert others to the philan- 15 students of varying reli- tryside and provide a glimpse 8% Overseas Summer Placement, thropic lifestyle. of students gious belief. Christian Aid of the rural idyll to urban kids. have gi annually sending students to organises speeches, debates They enable children to per- ven to apply their skills for real in charity this ‘Shopping on an and formals to highlight the form the usual outdoor activities. mon the developing world. EWB issues of Fair Trade, including Last year, 100 students helped th also pressure engineers to con- a speech by a Pakistani farmer them do it in safety, but never duct research towards disaster English high street on later this term. They also aim fear. Volunteering for Campus relief, rather than doing the a Saturday afternoon to pressure EU governments “doesn't take up much time”, all projects that will make them into trading more fairly, and you need is a spare week in your vast amounts of cash, or becom- feels like running the bribe students to show com- crammed summer holiday and ing management consultants. gauntlet from hit 90’s passion in exchange for cake. enthusiasm by the bucket-load. ewb-uk.org/cambridge campressureworks.co.uk campusholidays.org.uk game show Gladiators’

I respect people’s right to make them- selves feel good doing things they believe to be furthering a cause, just as I respect people’s right to make them- selves feel good engaging in a solid round of pub golf. However, to use a charitable cause to make people feel bad for some of the things they choose to spend time and money on is absurd. Charities are businesses and are run as such. For example, RAG executives are careful to recruit only the most attractive collection box shakers. Street collectors play on the rather British ten- dency to, when rudely confronted by a stranger, feel a bit uncomfortable yet at the same time strangely obliged to be polite. This tendency has been exploited to such an extent that shopping on an English high street on a Saturday after- noon feels like running the gauntlet from hit 90’s game show Gladiators. Amnesty RAG Even if you do manage to dodge the gar- U8 4000 Cambridge students are Cambridge RAG (Raise and ish, green-clad hospice representatives The U8 aims to “inspire shared are on the CU Amnesty email Give) consists of warm-hearted with their oversized smiles and bounc- learning” amongst students. If list. Trumped only by the num- students from every college ded- ing energetic approach, I am sure that you were wondering, the “U” ber of letters they manage to icated to raising money for a at some point you will be tripped up by stands for “University”, and its write each week, it speaks vol- variety of charities through the the question, “do you have a minute to members include Kyrgyz umes for their visibility at medium of “fun”. Blind dates, spare for the blind?” It is such a simple National University in addition Freshers’ Fair. Various unpleas- bungee jumps, pyjama pub question, to which an answer of “no” will to Cambridge and Harvard. ant characters across the world crawls and the famous jailbreak likely lead others to believe that you are Unlike the G8, it has 20 mem- are pressured for human rights are all included. RAG is proba- a stingy individual with no care for any- bers. This March’s annual abuses, and it also arranges the bly the most visible charity in one except yourself. A “yes” answer, on meeting will see the “research ominously-named “cage”. Here, Cambridge, which can only be the other hand, will likely leave you volunteers” convene in Warwick. volunteers sit outside King’s for helped by their encouragements agreeing to a rather hefty direct debit. Better there than, say, Nepal hours at a time to raise aware- for you to “Get Spotted” in Lets face it, volunteers are just as because at least the British del- ness of prisoners of conscience. “wacky or unusual situations”. pleasure-seeking and self-motivated as egates won’t have to worry The current campaign is to pro- This year they are on course the rest of us. Only they have man- about the carbon footprint of mote the rights of refugees. to raise a recoard amount aged to create for themselves a monop- that source of hot air. 1in10 of money. oly over the legitimate pursuit of hedo- cuamnesty.org of u nistic principles. So next time someone u8development.org.uk s know it’s cambridgerag.org.uk Student politely refuses to donate his time or V his money, do not judge him, for he is olunteering Week just like you. Joe Rinaldi Johnson ILLUSTRATION BY TIM DRAKE Got a feature? Friday February 23 2007 14 FEATURES Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features E V E E L S

Tom R E D L I

Smith G N H O

Mixing Business J with Pleasure

I was recently sent, via my college JCR newsletter, a remarkably kind and gen- erous offer. A certain organisation was “looking for business leaders of the future”, and “asking” students to nomi- nate talented peers; furthermore, an acquaintance of mine in the year above was willing to put me and my friends on their “one to watch” list – and want- ed nothing in exchange! Another friend, whose name recently appeared on this newspaper’s list of Cambridge talent, has recently begun compiling a talent list of his own: the same recruit- ing agency is paying him £100 to col- lect names of people who he thinks have “potential”. Would I like him to mention me, he asked? John “is it analogous to pimping: selling your friends for cash?”

Suddenly this recruiting tactic has become common. Many people come Gildersleeve back from their summer placement under instructions to hunt for the next batch of interns; or in some cases the task comes attached to a job offer. And Jossie Clayton meets the king of the high street to it’s very lucrative: rumours abound of four-figure bonuses for a successful rec- discuss Churchill, chess and the kudos of your degree ommendation. But as with the above examples, not all these amateur head- he media will have us believe many ple to do things.” We talk about the cur- plaining, when, at the end of the day, it is hunters make it clear that they’re get- things about the retail world. We rent popularity of management degrees our shopping interests that ensure corpo- ting paid. Tare apparently both destroying the and I am told that despite their educa- rations to succeed. The music industry is, Is this a decent way to make money? planet by using supermarket petrol or tional intentions, “the stardust that differ- surprisingly, much the same in terms of a straightforward economic transac- putting the butcher, baker and candle- entiates one leader from another is in the what we want. John likens it to fashion tion? Or is it analogous to pimping: stick-maker out of business by buying DNA.” as “probably the most in flux of all con- selling your friends for cash? It’s a their cheaper produce. So who are the Given this idea that it is our genes that sumer trends” and this makes it a hard question to untangle. Certainly brains behind the brands? differentiate between the Chiefs and the dynamic and challenging business to the transaction makes perfect econom- John Gildersleeve. A name you might Indians, what is the point of a degree? work in. ic sense. Everyone, in theory, benefits. not know, but a man whose influence has John left school with few qualifications Wrestling with the temptation to ask Big companies find it easier to hire affected some of the greatest names in and has risen to the top of a field that for Robbie’s number, I stay on the more people; the recruiting agency profits; retail history. Having joined Tesco Plc. as graduate schemes can only dream of tentative side of celebrity. This is only the your friends pick up a little more pock- a trainee manager in 1965 (he spotted the accurately representing. “Well, if you second media interview that John has et money; and you get a job. send in a CV and it says that you’ve got a ever given and I ask him why pro- But there is something rather repul- 2:i in Chess, it will go in the bin. If you grammes such as Dragon’s Den are yet to sive in the idea of treating your friends ‘initially, he knew two send one in that says you have a 2:i from appeal to big audiences. “I like to keep as a commodity to be bought and sold things about food Cambridge, the subject is almost irrele- my private life private. I don’t consider like cabbages – even more so if you vant. All that a degree does is get you the myself to be famous; programmes like keep your profits a secret - and there’s retailing, “that cheese interview…it’s a life qualification.” This Dragon’s Den would just invade my priva- also something unpleasant in the per- pleases me; fifth week blues are finally cy.” Fame does not mean fortune, then, ‘Itvasivisenessassofumedit. This universitythat, is yellow and meat is looking worthwhile and John’s thesis that and John’s phenomenal example shows already sometimes feels like it’s at the “it is the individual that gets the job” how we need not sell our souls to enjoy takinmouthgof aangiantinterestfunnel, whichinsucksyour red”’ seems fair. I make a mental note to read the dynamics of commercial industries. students relentless into city careers. If up on what my faculty refers to as “trans- On my way out I remember my final deveneskourpafriendsrtner’sare pushing us down ferable skills.” question: will he ever retire? After such the chute, how can we escape? And if advert in an evening paper), John went Retail is a commercial world where an influential career littered with amaz- eequativery buttery,ons,baryouand bopareis permeat- on to be closely involved with its interna- everything is “just business” and John’s ing people, insight to consumer tastes and ed with recruiters, where can we avoid tional expansion and joined the board for particular achievements rely on his ground-breaking statistics, I conjure up ptheatentlycorporateatouch?nd very badly both Lloyds TSB and Vodafone Group Plc. renowned knowledge of consumer trends. pictures of golf courses and empty timeta- chattingFor people whothearen’tm up’overly troubled He is currently non-executive chairman of As he tells me, “every business has a cus- bles. “Never,” he winks. ‘Just remember by scruples or consciences, the corpo- both EMI Records and Carphone tomer by one definition or another.” what Winston Churchill said – “Never rate recruitment frenzy is a goldmine; Warehouse. Awe-inspired, and desperate When he was working at Tesco, the entire give up, never give up, never give up.” there’s an endless supply of freebies to to blag myself a free phone or date with board were obliged to spend every Friday hoover up, champagne to drink, lunch- Robbie Williams, I met with John to dis- on the store floor, asking customers what es to go to, and even money to be cuss the relevance of degrees and the pos- they thought and trying to gain an insid- made. If on the other hand you’re sibility that corporate success need not er’s view of where the competition lies. Is ONLINE bothered by having company logos rely on a system so many of us believe the customer always right? I mention the plastered across your possessions, means selling our souls. fact that during my brief stint at working ➡ Charity abroad - your clothes and (metaphorically What immediately strikes me about on the wrong side of a till, it was difficult Caroline Copley speaking) your soul, there doesn’t John is his lack of pretence. When talk- to remain tolerant. “Yes, they are always seem to be much you can do except tut ing of his initial experience of food retail- right…at the end of the day it’s the cus- ➡ Sarika disapprovingly. Luckily for me, some ing he told me that he knew two things, tomer who pays the bills.” In contrast to Thanki on the robust threats seem to have dissuaded “that cheese is yellow and meat is red.” our assumptions of supermarkets as downsides my list-making friend from using my Amazed at the informal manner of some- ruthless, unfair corporations we have to of volunteering name for his gain. As for the rest of one who admits he “cannot live without a accept that they provide us, the cus- you: next time someone offers you blackberry”, I ask him what it’s like to be tomers, with what we want. As John con- careers advice or a helping hand, ask cited as a mentor by some of the most firms, “at Carphone Warehouse, rule first what’s in it for them; and make powerful people in international retail. number 1 is that the customer is always sure you get your share. “This will sound too pompous but as a right. Rule number 2 is refer to rule num- leader, you have to be able to inspire peo- ber one.” Perhaps we should stop com- Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features 01223 353 422 FEATURES 15 Sitting On The Dock of eBay From collectible sickbags to less salubrious wares, Henry Donati explores sellers’ dedication to customer service in the weird world of the online auction

he thing about procrastination is you bag smuggling ring. I fear Interpol will be isn’t overly thick, but it’s still strong if he was an appropriate Valentine’s gift for can’t put it off. All Facebooked out, onto them soon. enough to last a long time. You should not a girlfriend. They haven’t replied yet, but to Tand at a time-waster’s spiritual nadir, My searches became a bit more risqué. have a problem with breathing using this be honest I’m not convinced the look of I saw something on eBay that changed my “Martin’s Pleasure Palace” do a lovely “high one. Regards, Martin”. sado-masochistic pleasure on the teddy life. It read simply: “Full prosthetic arm set; quality black leather gimp mask” made of I resisted the “romantic restraint bondage child’s size”. This could be interesting, I “soft luxurious lamb’s leather”, boasting kit”, though severely tempted by the blurb – thought - what other bizarre items could I “superior quality stitching.” Though “Everything you need for a quiet evening in, ‘Probably better to go for find? Lots. Prosthetic breasts for example. impressed, I wasn’t entirely convinced this or for theatrical productions and such like.” “It’s used (however, age unknown), and the edible thong’ used to be my mother’s.” It reassuringly added: “all our items come from a smoke free home - no bad odours unless otherwise bear’s face would set a great tone for a mentioned :-).” I was glad they were romantic evening. Probably better to go for wary of the influx of foul smelling the edible thong. products into the already overcrowd- I was impressed with how these prod- ed UK fake tit market. Tiring of ucts combine sordidness with practicali- prosthetics, I broadened my search, ty. For example, the “kinky ball gag” is discovering a subset of human “fully machine washable…there’s no beings I never knew existed: reason why it couldn’t be run through those who collect airline sick the dishwasher either.” Clearly the bags. inspired manufacturers had helpfully In all seriousness, this is managed to combine those two chores of a budding trade in the daily life: sordid sado-masochistic online world. Virgin, bondage, and doing the dishes. EasyJet, Swissair - all the “Dr Johnson’s Japanese Bondage Rope” major airlines are resplendent can be “reused time and again.” I’m not in their regurgatative glory. My entirely convinced the esteemed man of favourite listing was from “chanon- letters would appreciate being associated pat27”, all the way over in with this product, even if “unlike other Thailand. It reads “Thai airways ropes, it will not burn rub or chafe skin.” sickness bag. Now hardly to find in However, being a practical man, my key good condition. Is new old stock concern was its versatility. I wrote “My (unused) for collectable, don’t have any partner and I take kinky sailing trips folds and dustlines.” Adding, in his ele- together, but sometimes get carried gant prose, “Bag size: standard air sick- away; I forget to moor the boat up ness bag (240 x 125 x 70mm),” for the and we find ourselves drifting into benefit of those of us not wholly famil- the ocean. Could your rope tie up iar with the EC’s dictums regarding my dinghy, and then my girlfriend?” puke bag dimensions. He added a Surely I thought, this won’t be taken postscript: “Sorry, we do have not seriously. Within ten minutes, the ver- ship to Italy, because there was cus- batim reply came: “Hi, join the club! We tom problem.” I rather liked the sail too so I can say with some authori- image of the worldwide sick bag collec- ty that yes, this rope could indeed be used to moor your dinghy. Hope this helps...Ian & Cherie”. Unbelievable. ‘I fired off a quick Almost immediately, another email arrived: “Oops, sorry Henry, should have question – “Hi, I’ve added that the rope probably wouldn’t last as long as nylon or terylene in tried these before but salt water, but apart from that can’t see any reason not to use it found them hot, onboard.” Ever since, my dreams have been haunted by visions of Ian & sweaty and chafing on ILLUSTRATION BY LUKE SURL Cherie on holiday: “Have you got the tow- my bald patch. Will this els, the sun cream, the ropes? This one’s was exactly what your typical gimp mask Evidently the seller has seen a different for tying us up to the harbour, this one’s do that?”’ punter looks for; quality stitching tends to production of King Lear to me, and I’m for bondage, but Ian dear, don’t get mud- be my mother’s adage for shopping, rather intrigued. Perhaps the ADC is interested. dled and use the terylene for your asphyxi- than your average S + M aficionado’s. And I Anyway, I’m sure they could use an “iron wank this time, you know how the salt tors’ club Italian branch sitting forlornly don’t think the two have much in common. female chastity belt”. Bear in mind that, water gives you an awful rash.” bagless at home, thanks to the zealous cus- I fired off a quick question– “Hi, I’ve tried “used only once,” it’s apparently “more of a Searching for bizarre things on eBay is toms officials who ignored the vast these before but found them hot, sweaty, novelty conversation piece”. Ideal material rather fun, it might even overtake google- amounts of cocaine and marijuana leaving and chafing on my bald patch. Will this do for the dinner table I’m sure. whacking. But I don’t think I’m ever going Thailand, instead choosing to crack down that?” Unbelievably, he took it seriously. I was more tempted by “Roger Rope the to be able to look at seaside holidays in the on poor chanonpat27 and his illicit sick The reassuring reply coming: “the leather Bondage Bear.” I hastened to email asking same way again. Arts editor: Lowri Jenkins Friday February 23 2007 Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: 16 ARTS Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts varsity.co.uk/arts 01223 353 422 ARTS 17

MOBS AND MUSIC

iance on the t and, sometimes a rel see a revolu- effor e. Get out rs and sisters, do you urdoch-owned Myspac Brothe f losing dreaded M ber- e? We are in danger o head to the city: mem tion out ther k- of the town and king, with friends pic downdisco.com intimate music ma ship to www.buttoned y orm and putting in nings and perf war N ing a line each to sends day-in-advance c t dly A cen rien a . In re full of f R as desired b nights rt clu as much effo ge invites to secret ave developed into hu aylists in the big decades concerts h crowds and catholic pl rs, selling out six even the bigger stadium-set monste moke. You’ll find that H ven buying a CD s et gig, as the e, and e dd secr months in advanc acts enjoy doing the o r soul. Especially in cently shown. But feels like selling you rctic Monkeys have re ver, technology A is in danger e past few years, howe oment this happens, it th ing to be the m e very tenacity of those refus cked as a trend by th and the ns of being hi-ja are showing the big gu cord execs which are homogenised - companies and re different. We’re regain d. Lest we forget, that things can be supposedly being defie the intimacy and the the UK, The Sex ing the spontaneity, e image of anarchy in h music so inspi- th nufactured i an make ally a ma t ation that c ere essenti U ov , w E inn Pistols gh guerril- K nd, whether it’s throu l, a rationa n in boyband. lay- flash-clubbing, the ma nyone with an MP3 p la gigging or as These days, a his own environment age indie DJ, but Varsity looks for those bending the the street is using er can become an aver tphere is big crowds, the stage. what makes an atmos n sh-gigging in recent sic. Cambridge may Guerrilla and fla no sense and loud mu rules in CB1 and elsewhere quite a buzz, with the but flash-gigs are years have created have seen flash-mobs, on the tube, Jane’s ains the hub. Last Others performing still MIA. London rem in Covent Garden and eet station was Addiction busking autumn, Liverpool Str chez Pete ousands of bious impromptu gigs t to a standstill by th du to play brough recent Special Needs’ desire ng to their iPods. The S Doherty. inally, people danci RAVE ette in Acton was, crim t activism is surely a TRE every launedr - increase in studen THEA U.S. too, has seen sim eous music mak- the really never fulfilled. The rfect time for spontan ff their bras, reater political pe erse of e girls took o mis- ction, although with g re’s nothing a like a v hy lot of th asked my per ilar a illy’s ing. The much anarc g is that they , including Reverend B nts go Marching In” to expect to find weird thin eople to get motivation y “When the Sai You wouldn’t er, in a small ver expected p oir serenading unwar ith a swing. We’ve eatre. Howev sion first. I ne ey asked for anti-capitalist ch make your rally go w Cambridge th y, a group he fact that th d. e talent: we need in nglish facult ed but that t ual.” tourists in Disneylan the technology and th orner of the E und- nak n more unus he action? got dark c o push the bo mission is eve he But how to get in on t onial. s are trying t s. my per art student; s akes a the testim rook of student est limitation isn’t a wanky Ironically, it t Rhiannon Easterb re to its furth Beynon a revolution, of aries of theat ntigone, the she’s causing lot eek tragedy A oesn’t think udity “there ed on the Gr ses to be d hat with the n Bas pment promi ly admitting t ty school BAN tion in develo free of the naugh KSY produc edia world in tainly a sense a sit- OR of the multi-m was cer ly, the aim is BUS reflective cy Beynon act”. Ultimate T e. Director Lu girl in the e genuinely which we liv hing on in a e people can b There utting somet uation “wher about ‘Rave ’s a Univer plains it as “p etween s when asked flog sity myth t ex is a tension b e.” She admit hool girl, ged regula hat gets where there ompa- fre ch a public sc rly to bogg hidd space ialism”. The c e’ that “I’m su s years durin le-eyed firs en, suppose nd commerc it, cultur Luckily, other g freshers t th dly for fea anarchy a d re-thinking lly my field”. k mos scr ’ week. Two ough the B r of his arr g the play an it isn’t rea cene. The lac awling an e math- BC websit est, ny are “takin d of club e part of the s doub laborately doubt, ha e, (along w g it into a kin round her ar ge is what le helix on -detailed lf the barm ith, no ontextualisin a n in Cambrid co the front q pretty en in Hoxt re-c rave culture.” perimentatio in the- llege, overn uad of John certain his on) are nfluenced by the of ex Conservatism ight, guerr s’ he’s name is R scene i s of events at es her most. eves the porter illa-style, a from Brist ob Banks a e held a serie astonish d Beynon beli s had gone fter n ol, meanin nd They hav o to aid the new thing an you he to bed. Ma ot take Sc g that it sh drama studi atre isn’t a for 50 years. ard it, it wa ybe when otland Yard ould nglish faculty ate goal people inside invo s at Trinit out if an long to se E ent; the ultim s been “killing ould have lved NatSc y and yone really ek him ct’s developm h it Artaud; he w p is, but who seriou took his su proje the Edinburg at people like till orters arriv cares? The sly. Banksy bversion production at Look ridge, we’re s ed, and, in imp at first am being a xperiments, eatre in Camb - Roman S the manne ressive stu used us w e first of the e hated th chological the oldiers corr r of the nts, from p ith Festival. Th t - “It was a t he calls ‘psy of Mon ecting the bored of fis ainting ‘W s, was difficul stuck in wha sn’t really ty Python grammar h’ in seven e’re ynon explain g, trying spectacle doe the ’s Brian, or the pen -foot high l Be ople goin he idea of nsi- L y wash dered th guin en etters o rt to get pe atre’. T els “a respo L it all off. at closure in n ontinual effo space in ”. Beynon fe A even They prob daubing London c f the here as H get abl satir Zoo, to think o happen in m we have sent dow y did not ical ima to et people not e needed tistic freedo E Ca n. Graffi other s ges of life to g realised w use the ar be N mbridge ti culture ide on th on the ficult. We bility to erself to A town c in e wall as dif he llow h J entr B of th xt w ce.” T ot a m e a ank e Is conte of that spa s” and will n rebel : ore than mounts to Barrier. N raeli Left he perception nd student t money. The N the odd ta little p ow, he pai ge t d a abou O g sn res nts to chan arger crow thinking e I Road Si eaked b ence of R cows in , with a l apped by ther I’ll b T xth-For y a Hil SPA in the experiment tr rigued, whe A mer in a ls Jam spectors ond ell. int R ie. L Gre ie O and sec rprisingly w is certainly tment I ast wee en Day h liver and invites sic, went su d in me s of a depar S kend, min ood- ce Kate Mo ouder mu me in an the depth U was or cons lebrate ss to pa l ey just ca ing off in L caused ternatio . When rties to o’, th tripp L by t n he i ll I h n body said ‘he rted dis- s question. of e nonsens box in S stalled a t “No ople even sta lty is another h Jones some chalk ical scrawli oho, sliced elephone danced. Pe g. A facu Os y-fingered ngs with in half by robin on the pav self-styled a puddle o a pick-axe ement outs poet b f blood ooz you step ide Senate eneath it, W ing from here a son House: ‘If estminste step g you sing have confi r Council m s he ’ a sc ay PEOPLE’S P re to violen nd ‘If you ated it, but OETRY by ad ce you turn stunt, cal BT adopte mitted the ’. Passers- ling it “a st d the Sa y “almost d ment o unning vis insbury’s b ropped the n BT’s tran ual com- SCREEN ags” trying ir fash sformation Poetry is not -SILVER Carnage. W to read it. ioned telec from an ol normally associated with NOT-SO hat can b in ommunicat d- an Live Poets Society meets on the whose g e said abou to a mode ions comp archy. While the thoughts and id first ars the most raffiti cult t a town rn commun any eals it Wednesday of every m video. Yet in recent ye a sig ure finds it provider. ications se t expresses can onth at 8pm in the nuine home n sayi s apot ” rvices be radical and even revolu- is almost one of a ge ith the least osten- ng ‘To the r heosis tion CB2 cafe. Members of the socie face with an ms have been those w washed iver’ which Banksy m ary, poetry is something to be re ty read en it brings us face to stically disobedient fil hant (2003) away ever gets ight once h ad and their latest poems to t most controversial wh and digital styli . Gus Van Sant’s Elep rain y time we h than a he ave been e mused over. But in some he public taking Film is n the age of YouTube use production values aking shower? ave a ligh dgehog sm dgier form, expression advantage o aspect of ourselves. I ffbeat sibly art-ho versy on its release. T t a cliff oking crys is in the strang f the free entry. The Joy of Six uncomfortable ing the comfortably o ical and moral contro It is not a -face, but n tal meth on est places. If you look at is at directors are eschew created huge polit re as the subject s if the futu str ow he has the ro a group of Cambridge-based poe cameras, it seems th uous modern life. Yet e High School massac ture nati re of graffi eet-cred th little more ad works opposite King’s there is ts who er hyper-reality of vac e day of the Columbin , and yet the onwide is l ti cul- an a school a perform their poems in t our of the slick, sinist er-8 film reel th ment was bold enough colour ooking any caught fee boy getting black rubber coating snaking heir own show. in fav rainy. The birth of Sup r art-house entertain oduc- ful. Less th more ding his ta r its w k g er fo s pr a m ay The format has been ntroversy in film, thin e and this matt was the slickness of it Bank n two week of double agotchi in t between the two work sit highly successful in think co aking for the first tim ling aspect of the film re sy work in s ago, a R.E. Or ev he back es. People have both Britai llowed amateur film-m . And most troub storyline becomes mo bo volving thr workin en, an Am written all over n and the US. All you need to in the 1960s a f underground realism creeping dread as the wling bom ee grannie g late into nesty rep it, in many different lan- do ns the enduring icon o tion. It conveys a horrific violence of bs was sold s Par the night o guages is turn up and see what happen gritty footage remai nt this spring, ers the meaningless, (doubtless at Sotheb ade with a n King’s . The messages and poems rang s. And Super8 film experime nister and finally rend r it’s grainy over tea a y’s p bit of chalk e if you find yourself on the Cinecam's upcoming si ore disturbing. Whthe over £1 nd crumpe oses as lit . Graffiti c from the friendly to the crude King’s Parade, with involved for free. ’s conclusion all the m ly 00,000. Pa ts) for just tle a threat ulture ; but at least do read the imp film-makers can get gme the film ant slickness, then, tru from ris Hilton does to C to Cambri a sign of life. Poetr romptu collection on the Cambridge sial realism is the Do 8 or big-budget Van S Banksy v has turned amden Lo dge as it y need not reside in the work t symbol for controver ere student Super llow the camera to o ictim in 20 buck ck at the m pages of a sites—it provides a refreshingly The most recen on Trier. Directors adh depends on a will to a wner in 20 06 to Bank et of soapy oment: a dusty tome. However, for some by the likes of Lars V controversial cinema 07. The ar sy all water and p flicker of common humanity. ovement, championed ing a handheld ch as possible. tist’s real id will be as a sponge a erformance poets, the written w m thing must be shot us de and unsettle as mu bel Taylor entity is right as ra nd ord is a ct code by which every e experi- intru Isa in. tame friend of the spoke to a stri nd which would not b n. It can be ithout any light or sou feeling Mar heard, wildly o Tom Stenhouse camera and w scene themselves. The y Bowers r not, in Cambridge. The ce if they were in the A enced by the audien Write for this section: Friday February 23 2007 18 ARTS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Patrick Wolf Giovanni Menegalle talks to the effervescent songwriter about being in love, sequin leotards and sending “noise” to Yoko Ono

t only 23, Patrick Wolf is set to theless not something to be fetishised. convert the world to his unique He emphasises, “I don’t like the limit of Ablend of ukuleles, Theremins and things being cult. My music isn’t just for sequin leotards. With two albums cool club kids who happen to know the already under his sheepskin belt, the right music magazines. It’s not just one release of a highly anticipated third type of person I write for, in the same album, The Magic Position, demon- way that there isn’t just one type of per- strates the wealth of his talent that son that I would go to bed with.” But does little to hide behind his new when asked to explain how he comes to haystack of red hair. He explains ener- formulate the highly idealised world of getically, “the album is like when you’re his songs, he admits, “You know how walking down the street and you fall in people create their Myspace, and they love, and everybody starts singing, and want to make that the most exciting life turns from the mundane to the mag- ical, like in one of those fifties musicals where the chip-shop man pops out and ‘The originality of his starts singing to you.” work is not something However, the current loved-up chirp is a long way from what most fans remem- to be fetishised. He ber as a much darker Wolf. He himself admits, “I’m not somebody who does rep- emphasises “I don’t etition very easily.” It was at a gig at the Bloomsbury Theatre last March that he like the limit of things skipped back on stage after an interval being cult. My music to perform his new songs and to show off a mysterious change in hair colour. “That isn’t just for cool club one will be a kept a secret”, he tells me. This ritual marked the significant shift kids who happen to in tone from the “dark winter songs” of his last album, Wind In The Wires, to his know the right music reinvention in recent months as a uni- magazine.”’ versal love-spreading jester. “I was hav- ing so much fun, falling in love left right and centre, just having a great year tour- and flashy representation of themselves, ing, and I wanted to share that. I was that’s kind of what my records are in a singing my songs so much from the heart way, how I display myself to the world. I that if you have to enter that mode every package myself up and leave out the night then it can bring you down, and I boring bits, I guess that can come out as didn’t want to be brought down anymore, quite idealistic.” not by my own music.” Without needing to interpret this as a Classically trained at the violin and highly cynical turn for the artist, it is singing from an early age, Patrick Wolf, clear that Wolf has matured from the was born into a family of artists and dreams and nightmares of his first two musicians and started young by sending albums into a self-sufficient fully daz- off tapes of ‘noise’ to Yoko Ono. At the zle-operating pop-star. Beyond his modest age of thirteen he joined the music, this is a re-dimensioning that infamous London art-collective Minty, distances him from the many fairy leg- only months after the death of its noto- ends and mystifications previously cre- rious chief-provocateur Leigh Bowery. ated around his figure. I ask him about “It was as though the Buddha had one of my favourite rumours, had he died”, he comments. He was then men- really been raised in a lighthouse? “I tored by Matthew Glammore who never said that. But if I’m bored in an replaced Bowery and who would later interview or if someone starts asking go on to lead cult club-kids night me who I had sex with the previous Kashpoint. “Through my most difficult night then I have a bad habit of telling years, when I was being bullied and I naughty tales, but it’s happened less was moving from school to school, and less recently as people have started Matthew taught me not only how to put listening to me.” make-up on, but how to have grace and What is certain is that he really does dignity instead of fighting back. It was want to see his songs in karaoke cata- very interesting in London at the time, logues and being crooned on Stars In so many amazing characters; it was like Their Eyes. “You know, I really would joining the circus. I was really lucky. I love to see my music in the charts”, he mean, it’s all been disparaged now. I sighs, almost in the manner of someone was so young, it was very scary. We used surrendering a stolen item. Yet, always to come together in pubs and small ven- riding on the healthily self-declared ues, with synthesisers and Theremins The newly-flame-haired singer explains how being in love has caused an upturn in his subscript that would cut through any and just make noises.” sound, moving from the darkness of Wind in the Wires to the more playful and exuberant magazine-sponsored cultural zeitgeist, The originality of his work is never- sounds of The Magic Position, released February 26th he declares, “I’m a bit Walt Disney.” Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts 01223 353 422 REVIEWS 19

Hot Fuzz ★★★★ DIr: Edgar Wright

The first cinematic outing of Wright, Pegg and Frost, Shaun of the Dead, was a great success both here and across the pond, where the coffers of gold lie. No surprise then that the Spaced boys are back, this time with a noticeably bigger budget. After an intro reminiscent of Infernal Affairs during which Pegg’s character, Sergeant Angel, is established as a hard-as-nails over-achieving officer in the London Met, the film is brought back down to earth by Martin Freeman’s desk sergeant. Angel, it seems, has been making the rest of the police force look bad - his arrest rate is 400% higher than average. To save face, he is shipped off to the quiet village of Sandford. Upon his arrival in Sandford, the clichés of cop action- thrillers are contrasted with rural Britishness and the earthy folk of the village. The most serious crimes Angel has to deal with here are underage drinking in the local pub and graffiti on the fountain. Pegg’s performance is excellent; he takes on the role of the straight man, and much of the film’s humour is derived from the juxtaposi- tion of his straight-laced hard-line cop with neatly surre- al comic touches. Nick Frost plays PC Danny Butterman, a naïve young plod who becomes Angel’s partner. At first, Angel dismisses Danny’s dreams of action-packed police work as ridiculous. However, blood soon begins hour however, Hot Fuzz promises more; a self-depre- den change of pace is surreal and hilarious, but leaves to flow with abandon as a string of grisly deaths cating look at the British obsession with US culture. the film as a whole slightly unsatisfying. unfold. By the end of the film, Danny’s fantasies of The comedy arises from the clash between the kind of Despite this, Hot Fuzz is a truly excellent film; gunplay and heroism have been fulfilled. things Pegg and Frost’s generation have grown up extremely funny and worth the entrance fee even if only It seems as though in making Hot Fuzz, Pegg and watching and aping, and the stereotypes of rural to witness the finest use of the phrase “By the power of Frost set out to simply have a great time starring in British life. Towards the end of the film this is aban- Greyskull!” ever committed to celluloid. the kind of film they’ve always loved. For the first doned in favour of an action-packed climax. The sud- Joe Hunter Write for this section: Friday February 23 2007 20 REVIEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

VIEW FROM THE A Midsummer Night’s Dream ★★★ GROUNDLINGS ADC

regally about the stage, but, along with Ed Blain & Evans, did not seem engaged with the text. The four lovers handled their roles with Moya Sarner differing degrees of success. Lizzie Crarer gave a strong performance as Helena; On pleasures sharp, shrewish and awkward of gait, abused by all onstage but loved by an Groping on stage was met with groan- admiring audience. Rebecca Pitt’s Hermia ing from the stalls this week; we was equally poised, carefully balancing groundlings sighed with pleasure and quiet seriousness with liberated charm, with pain as four different productions and winning pity for her more tragic took us to new highs and lows. moments. Less charismatic were the male Never have we sat through worse lovers, Lysander (Ricky Power Sayeed) and theatre than Waiting for Guagua. It Demetrius (Adam Lenson), whose wooing was the most awkward sort of one and love-making seemed at times strained. night stand; the kind that couldn’t get Also roaming the woods were the troupe it up but spent an excruciating hour of mad Mechanicals: a phrenetic Peter trying nonetheless. It tried every- Quince (Jess Crawford), a psychopathic thing: Beckett, Pinter, and not a little Starveling (Amy Hoggart), and a doped up Lorca, but in so doing did nothing but Snug (Lizzy Barber) were superbly led by accentuate its own shortcomings. The a charming and loveable Nick Bottom narrator told us that what this story (Ade O’ Brien). The group’s mad energy needed was “a decent story injected pace and laughter to the produc- teller…Someone who can really han- tion. They also supplied moments of dle the material”. With a play full of pathos, through the simplicity of the qui- lines like “the monkey of your pleas- eter members Francis Flute (Edward ure”, however, the story teller didn’t Rowett) and Tom Snout (Alice Tarbuck). have much to go on. Interminable A Midsummer Night’s Dream is often a director David Ralph was going to attempt Overall, I thought the production lacked scene-changes provided some respite nightmare both to perform and to watch. to build a bridge to the ‘ballet world’. unity. The element of dance clashed with from the laboured pretension. Sitting Many audience members have already Graceful fairies in beautiful woodland cos- the naturalism of the acting, leaving some in darkness, listening to the sound of seen the play, and are therefore elevated to tume leapt, darted and glided across the strong performances hampered by the snoring on stage, the thought was the dazzlingly lofty status of ‘critic’. Before stage. Enthralling to watch, their speech play’s weaker aspects. I was pleased to unavoidable: ‘how apt’. the show I walked into the lavatories to generally lacked the same colour. A haunt- find my opinions challenged in the debate But fear not. Although the ADC’s find the room awash with debate as people ingly energetic Puck (Sarah Wilkinson) that resumed in earnest in the lavatories new love affair with student writing dug up the bones of past Oberons, or tried valiantly to alleviate the heaviness of after the show: in a celebration of brother- did not take us anywhere near climax extolled the merits of former Helenas. I lis- Oberon’s (Oliver Evans) versifying, but was hood I exclaimed ‘Give me your hands, if with this disappointing night of frus- tened with a wry smile, asking same ques- unable to intervene in the rather lifeless we be friends’, then I realised where I tration, Staggered Spaces brought us tion; what will distinguish this production? interactions of the Fairy King and his was, buttoned up and left. to the brink. Nadia Kamil and Luke Almost immediately we had the answer: Titania (Josephine Price). The latter moved Thomas Yarrow Roberts’ play is witty, touching and thought-provoking; a definite must- see. The structure of the play occa- sionally left it feeling like a smoker, but we’re not complaining; if only all ★★★★ smokers were this good. Self-indul- Staggered Spaces gent it may be, but do we care? These groundlings certainly didn’t. ADC The Mechanicals in A Midsummer Nights’ Dream showed Waiting For Guagua how nihilism ought to be done. Ade O’Brien’s delectable Bottom, People tend to act badly when relation- Frumm (Frumpy) and the ever-so-per- winningly illuminated by Amy ships end: Nadia Kamil and Luke suadable Miss Oroonoko. Frumpo per- Hoggart’s Moonshine, gave a far bet- Roberts decided just to act. On stage. It’s suades her to marry him by claiming he’s ter commentary on the basic absurdi- not a strategy many would adopt, except already told his mother they’re engaged: ty of theatre in five minutes than the masochistic and narcissistic; Luke she has no choice. Out of the fantasy Guagua managed in its painful sixty. and Nadia recognise the absurdity of things aren’t so simple, although Luke is Sadly, A Midsummer Nights’ Dream is their project and both of them send able to ring his mother when he needs not Shakespeare’s masterpiece, and themselves, and the other, up in this reassurance that he isn’t needy. David Ralfe’s use of ballet did little to loveable piece. Like most break-ups, This switch between the reality of their salvage this boring comedy. this one involves the anthropomorphic conversation and the fantasies Nadia If it’s a comedy double-bill you’re involvement of inanimate objects. In this inhabits is adeptly shown through slick wantin’, you’re better off at 7.45pm case, Luke has to ventriloquise his lighting changes and excellent use of a with Conor McPherson than William cheese and ham sandwich to try to get striking red bean bag to represent taxi Shakespeare. The Seafarer has Nadia to talk about it. car, sofa and, triumphantly, Luke. weighed anchor at the National, and Nadia, however, doesn’t want to talk However, the fantasy conceit leaves the this week it sailed to the Cambridge about it. Luke, uncomfortable about the framing narrative occasionally weak as Arts Theatre leaving groundlings undefined nature of their relationship, is Roberts and Kamil reassert their faux- awash with pleasure in its wake. standing on uneasy ground given that he naturalist neutral mode. Some of the Superb acting, a hilarious script, and left her (by employing a heart-breaking jumps seem contrived, as do the more deceptively libidinous Irish accents shoe metaphor). Nadia attempts to dis- energetic acknowledgements of the audi- left us trembling with delight. tract Luke from the question by dragging ence. Nudges in our direction need to be Banter and brouhaha abound as we him into a series of clever fantasies that very clever, and not all of these are. These joined the Harkin brothers (Jim may or may not reflect the relationship. winks would work better in the smaller Norton and Karl Johnson) and their First she ties herself up with blue string, spaces which first housed the play. Staggered Spaces won’t tell you every- ‘friends’ for a Christmas Eve replete contorting her face and getting her toes Luke struggles to remember whether thing you need to know about love, but it’s with Faustian undertones. Out of caught until she falls over. That’s just like Nadia or another ex accompanied him on funny and their story is moving in spite, season this may be, and out of pock- love. They become a twisted Austenite that amazing trip to Paris. After this or perhaps because, of its knowingness. et it will leave you, but go anyway; courting couple, consisting of Lord engaging play, you’ll think you went too. Jeff James it’s orgasmic. Merry Christmas. Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts 01223 353 422 REVIEWS 21

NME Awards Tour ★★ ➡ RWD FFWD➡• The Corn Exchange

start, it was with a slowed down version of “Jack the Ripper” which reached breakneck speed at its climax. This was followed by Liz Bradshaw and “Count in Fives”, which worked the audience Richard Braude of fourteen-year-old girls into a frenzy. Now, it must be said that the Horrors do not write good songs. They write awful FFWD ➡ songs. You will never find yourself singing Quadraginta, The Round Church, their singles in the shower, because they 24/2, £8/£6. Forty of don’t do tunes. It is the spectacle and the Cambridge's finest singers come intensity that makes them special. Watching together for one night to perform them live is like watching an ancient film of Tallis's “Spem in alium” in the Dracula or Frankenstein. Faris, six foot five, oldest Round Church in England. hunched-backed and with black birds nest Eight choirs will sing from all hair is indie’s very own Lurch. In an instru- sides of the main dome, while you mental break down he climbed up the Corn get to walk around and listen to Exchage’s monitors to the balcony above the them. Which only takes about audience’s heads, hopped into the royal box four minutes, so you might as and disappeared from view only to reappear well. Just think of the tales you’ll on stage seconds later to complete the song. have to tell. All seems a bit High I arrived at the Corn Exchange to the The band walked out onto a dark stage, lit It’s nice to see someone make an effort. Church, so maybe someone will strains of openers Mumm-Ra’s most recent only by flashes of red strobe lighting. The View were up next with a hard act to burst in and start smashing up single, “What Would Steve Do”. It was hum- Organist Spider Webb, stood at the edge of follow. The band of nineteen-year-olds from the altar in protest. Oliver able indie-pop which ended in an enjoyable the stage, with his back to the audience, and Dundee play the same sort of chugging pub Cromwell wouldn’t have reverb-laden crescendo as the band depart- spread his cloak (yes, cloak) to creating a rock as Jet or Oasis: outrageously sloppy. approved, anyway. ed. Nothing about Mumm-Ra is particularly black silhouette in a mist of red. Lead singer Kinder critics would call it loveably ram- interesting or edgy. This was only reaffirmed Faris Rotter jerked backwards and forwards shackle; I call it poor. Despite eighty gigs in S.U.A.D at The Union, 23/2, when the next band took the stage. with captivating menace as his band behind three months, practice has not made per- £3/free King’s Cellar resident The Horrors are the current darlings of him struck up a soundtrack of white noise. fect. The drummer lost time constantly and DJs in association with “A little music and fashion press. In 2006 they were At last a band that understood the power of the lead guitarist regurgitated tired penta- less conversation, a bit more featured on the covers of both the NME and theatrics. To be truly thrilling, the Horrors tonic solos at every opportunity. They action”, a new campaigning stu- Italian Vogue, and it’s easy to see why. They had only to launch into one of their singles played their best song “Wasted Little DJs” dent organization, take over the dress like Victorian undertakers sponsored right then, but they didn’t. They gave us three songs in and there was no longer a most appropriately named stu- by Chanel, and their look suits their sound: white noise for five minutes, which didn’t reason for me to stay, so I didn’t. dent night they could find, Shut a shameless resurrection of 60s garage rock. build tension, it bored. When they finally did Simon Scheuer Up And Dance!, for one night only. Promises cheap drinks and music to do just that to, with tunes from Depeche Mode and Le Tigre to The Jam. Slapdash but ★★★★ ★★★★ with their own inimitable style, Hansel and Gretel Cambridge Jazz this will be unpretentious fun, if West Road Concert Hall Kettle’s Yard potentially messy. ➡ RWD Her Daddy Is A Guru, King’s CUOS’s production of People were chattering in the and soft lyrics around the Bar, 14/2. Valentine’s Day loving Humperdinck’s Hansel and line for the first Cambridge white washed gallery. with this confident and cheery Gretel is a staggering series Jazz gig of term. It was the Django is a great name. I four piece. Jangly folk pop with of captivating and excellently cold aftermath of a long wish I were named after a the enough occasional upbeat executed scenes, commanding Friday, but there was enough musician reputed to have the clicks on the drum kit to get the the audience’s attention from music in people’s voices to sug- fastest hands of any jazz gui- couples dancing every now and the very start. The first half gest what we wanted to listen. tarist. This mantle is safe in again, Her Daddy’s highlight of the opera sets up the char- Django Bates and the Soren the hands of Django Bates: was probably a rejigged version acters and situation, with Norbo Trio treated us with peck horn player and one of of “Mercedes Benz” (yes, from Hansel (Lila Palmer) and those warm beats that get feet the outstanding improvisers the advert), though their own Gretel (Ruth Jenkins) carry- defrosted and numb brains on the British jazz scene. It “You May Be Thinking About ing off the lengthy opening racing ever faster to keep up was a pleasure to have heard Love” gave a folksy authenticity domestic scene in their cot- with the rhythm. him alongside the Soren to what can sometimes be just a tage to perfection. The second Set in the artistic residence Norbo Trio whose humour saccharine excuse for heart- half picks up the action, with of Kettle’s Yard, now certainly bubbled over with the music. shaped chocolates. a seductively sinister per- the best venue for professional An album aptly entitled formance from the Witch jazz in town, it echoed the Debates has been produced to Fairport Convention, Corn (Madeleine Bradbury Rance) mood of optimism and abstrac- coincide with the meeting of Exchange, 16/2. I’m afraid to say and enjoyable dancing acts ly controlled swellings and tion frozen in the modernist the avant garde players, and that though they have been going from the other witches who dyings away it was easy to sculptures by Brzeska and at times the compositions by for forty years, Fairport haven’t inhabit the forest. The tradi- forget that this is a student Brancusi. At one stage, when Norbo hardly indeed had the gone anywhere with their music. tional set evoked a familiar production. Despite the inspiration was sought in the sense of being performed for There were some new songs, and sense of childhood, and the potentially dark and disturb- odd solitary bin, it even looked an audience, and seemed judging by the inter-song banter/ gingerbread house looked ing nature of the story, liked the art itself might rather the outcome of merchandising, some original good enough to eat, though Humperdinck’s score remains become the performance, the improvisation and conversa- concepts going on in the lyrics – offset by the giant eerie man- positive in tone, and the drummer taking to playing tion that one might overhear as in “Sir Patrick Spens” - but sized cage beside it in which beautiful ‘prayer’ theme anything in his vicinity in in a recording studio. The everything became muffled under Hansel is eventually held lingers hauntingly in the ear order to keep our interest immediate pace set by the a boom and twang of violin and captive before escaping to long after the performance. glowing, to the point of finding trio was picked up in the solo too-heavy bass. We brought the destroy the witch at the end This was a thoroughly pre- a note in one of the sculptures. of the peck horn, wrapping average age down quite a few of the opera. The standard of pared and brilliantly per- Thankfully nothing was bro- up the audience for their long notches and the usher’s attempts the orchestra is incredible, formed piece. ken, not even a beat,as the walks home. to make a blind lady give up her and listening to their perfect- Lizzie Briggs music echoed a zoo of whistles James I. Green seat for us didn’t make a great impression either. Tut-tut. Want us to list your event? Friday February 16 2007 22 LISTINGS Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk

FILM THEATRE MUSIC OTHER GOING OUT K Bamako Intercontimental Nicholas Daniel: A Little Less E Arts Picturehouse Tuesday27 Feb-Saturday3March Masterclass Recital Conversation, A Little

E Anderrahmane Sissako is one of ADC,19.45 Pembroke College, 20.00, £5 More Action the most distinctive directors now Friday, February 23 working in Africa. Bamako sees At his debut at the Proms, the W the International Monetary Fund Sunday Times described him and globalisation itself put on trial as one of the greatest oboe E in a courtyard where the rituals of players in the world. Today

H justice comingle with the rituals of Nicholas Daniel is one of the everyday life, combining a critique UK’s most distinguished ‘War Photographer’ T of entrenched inequality with a soloists and an increasingly Monday 26th Feb powerful assertion that it is not successful conductor. He will Grad Union, 17 Mill Lane, Free F enough to point and blame. be presenting a recital with Nominated for the Academy Awards Suffering requires immediate rec- Pembroke’s ‘College Musician’ Best Documentary Feature - an inti- O ompense not sweeping gestures. Joseph Middleton, including mate insight into the work of Avoids the pitfalls of appropria- works by Mozart, Schumann, renowned photojournalist James

K tion. And righteously shits on John Woolrich and Britten. Nachtwey - video micro cameras Blood Diamond. This will apparently be very funny Cheaper and more laudable attached to his camera as he works in Union, 21.00-01.00, £3 C

I All films showing at Arts Picturehouse than watching some terrible Indonesia, Kosovo and Palestine. Incredibly cheap vomit-frenzy. unless stated otherwise. rock band soak their guitar You love seeing stuff that presupposes Indie/electro/new-wave DJs. Also not all films being shown are listed. P strings in crocodile tears an ethical disposition in you WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE Bamako 12.00, 16.20, 20.45 Anja & Esther Newnham Old Labs,19.30 Athena Science Film Festival A Little Less Conversation,A Dave Chappelle’s Block The Seafarer CATS, 19.45 Junction 2: The Shed, 19.00, £11 Grad Union, 18.00-20.00, free Little MoreAction Party 23.15 Midsummer Night’s Dream ADC,19.45 Boston Marriage Friends of Peterhouse, Meshes jazz, contemporary (?) SCINEMA screening two films Union, 21.00-01.00, £3 Future Shorts 23.10 FRI 20.00 and classical music with from the program ‘Adaptation’ - Squeaks, Beeps and Filth Devil Wears Prada (Caius) Staggered Spaces ADC, 23.00 sparse vocal melodies. The per- ancient survivors surviving in King’s Cellars, 21.00-12.45,£2 20.30 formance is seated. An insom- the extremes. Mental Rumble Queen’s, 21.00- The Science of Sleep 21.15 niac’s wonderland then 12.45, £2 Theme: usually hell Anja & Esther Newnham Old Labs,19.30 Bamako 12.00, 16.20, 20.45 Fell City Girl + Fonda 500 Fair Trade Petition Subculture Cellar Bar 8, 23 The Seafarer CATS, 19.45 Portland Arms, 20.00, £6.60 20.00-02.00, £3. Dave Chappelle’s Block Market Square, 10.00-15.00 Midsummer Night’s Dream ADC,19.45 about as blistering as a mois- Cambridge’s only Dubstep, Party 23.15 Boston Marriage Friends of Peterhouse, Take a break from supping the turising shower gel. think 2step and Grime night SAT The Science of Sleep 22.00 20.00 blood of developing world work- Met. Opera: Eugene Onegin Staggered Spaces ADC, 23.00 Keane do post-rock and you’re ers or whatever, and sign the unleashes darkness. 18.30 there. you probably love that Oxfam Fair Trade petition. Junglestep collective Match Point 23.10 Harmitage play live Natural Born Killers (Johns) CU Musical Theatre Society Live Music for U8 Henri Gaudier-Brzeska The Sunday Service 24 19.00,22.00 presents Songs from the Musicals La Raza, 21.00-12.30 £3/5 Kettle’s Yard, Tuesdays - Club Twenty-Two, 22.00- Savage Messiah 15.00 ADC, 19.45, £5 In aid of U8 International Sundays, 11.30-17.00, free 01.00, £3 a theodicy is an Lord of War (Robinson) 20.00 Sells out, inexplicably. So book now if Development Student Despite the tragic brevity of his attempt to reconcile the SUN you can bear the pain existence of suffering in the Bamako 16.20,20.45 Partnership. Seamlessly inte- career, Gaudier contributed Notes on a Scandal 17.00,19.00 grate altruism with schmoozin’ world with that of a benevo- greatly to the development of lent God modern sculpture. Go you knob Bamako 12.00, 16.20, 20.45 Fair Trade Debate Fat Poppadaddys 25 Notes on a Scandal 19.00 Keynes Hall, King’s College Fez, 21.00 - 03.00, £4 The Science of Sleep 16.30, Is Fair Trade a moral obligation pleasingly generic, like 21.15 because it supports producers in Morgan Freeman dropping MON some sick beats at a Orchestra Seats 18.40,21.00 developing countries? A some- Last King of Scotland 16.15 what leading question CICCU social

Bamako 12.00, 16.20, 20.45 IntercontiMENTAL ADC, 19.45 Junction Fiver No Straight Lines: Maggi Precious* LBGT Night 26 Notes on a Scandal 16.30 French Without Tears Cambridge Junction, 19.00, £5 Hambling 1963-2007 Club 22, 22.00-02.00, £3 The Science of Sleep 16.00, Arts Theatre, 19.45 Big 10 + Pilots of the Sixth + Fitzwilliam Museum, free pigeonholed TUE 21.15 Sexual Perversity in Chicago Space Cadet Steve + Stringray Exhibition of 20 drawings by the Between the Sheets Orchestra Seats 14.20,18.40 Corpus Playroom, 21.30 + Running Mayfairs. five distinguished painter and sculp- The Castle, 20.00-01.00, free The Queen 14.20,18.45 Footlights Smokers ADC, 23.00 bands for a fiver. uh oh tor. An excuse not to work Kinki Ballare, 21.00-02.00 Persona 21.15 Sells out faster than free money “Free people, remember this” Bamako 12.00, 16.20, 20.45 IntercontiMENTAL ADC, 19.45 Air Traffic Treasures of Today Rumboogie 27 Notes on a Scandal 16.45,19.00 French Without Tears Cambridge Soul Tree, 20.00, £7.70 Fitzwilliam Museum, free is killing Cambridge The Science of Sleep 21.15 Arts Theatre, 19.45 Favourites of Snow Patrol. Goldsmith’s collections of silver 21.00-02.00, £3 WED Orchestra Seats 18.40,21.00 Sexual Perversity in Chicago It’s like we’re being punished from the past two decades. Melamondo The World’s Fastest Indian Corpus Playroom, 21.30 for getting to see so much This has notified many that the Fez, 22.00-03.30, £3/4 (Caius) 20.30 good music earlier in term end is quietly nigh sterilised cosmopolitanism

Children of Men (Johns) 21.00 IntercontiMENTAL ADC, 19.45 Dancing in the living room Urbanite 28 Raging Bull (Christs) 22.00 French Without Tears Cambridge because of the proud return of Club Twenty-Two, 21.00- Bamako 16.20, 20.45 Arts Theatre, 19.45 having nothing better to do 02.30, £3 THU L’ Amore Molesto 17.00 Sexual Perversity in Chicago pathosville, free the week, and your social Notes on a Scandal 12.00,19.00 Corpus Playroom, 21.30 legitimacy, is over Orchestra Seats 18.40, 21.00 29 The Science of Sleep 21.15 Dave Chappelle’s secret concert in FILM OF THE WEEK BLOCK PARTY Brooklyn with stellar Persona acts including Erykah Arts Picturehouse Arts Picturehouse, Badu, the Roots, Dead Tue 27 Feb 21.15 T Fri 23 - Sat 24 Prez and Common. But Bergman’s 1966 film sees February he doesn’t just film the famous actress Elisabeth U show, he wanders Vogler struck dumb, and put

O Famously Dave around his in the care of inexperienced Chappelle’s first neighbourhood nurse Alma - entering an inti- project since his show handing out free mate and difficult relationship G on Comedy Central - tickets, interacting that provides an unnerving and the one that with people he meets and deeply existential portrait N

I attracted so much and you know, of how we interpret others. popular and critical generally fucking i.e. we cannot know another

O attention that it led around. Relaxedly person. In Bergman’s eyes, him to flee to Africa to exuberant and our greatest tragedy. He

G escape. The concept is effortlessly cool. wants us all to hang from the simple. He sets up a rafters. Essential Kate always dreamed of becoming a couture designer.

Today, she’s providing bespoke expertise to Chanel.

Aspirations drive individuals and businesses. By consistently fulfilling ours, we’ve kept ahead in the global marketplace for professional services. It’s the aspirations and ambitions of exceptional individuals like you that have helped us achieve our goals. For Kate, the childhood dream of becoming a fashion designer became something very real. As part of a Deloitte team providing Audit expertise, her role involves considering the impact of factors such as economic conditions, advertising campaigns and stock security on the operations of this well known international fragrance, fashion and cosmetics business. For you, it’s the promise of a career that can take you further – and faster – than you ever thought possible. www.deloitte.co.uk/graduates A career worth aspiring to

Audit.Tax.Consulting.Corporate Finance. Fashion editors: Lauren Smith, Iona Carter and Bea Wilford Friday February 23 2007 24 FASHION Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion

In the wake of London Fashion Week, Lauren Smith discovers that black is back and angrier than ever, as designers take fabric and form to new heights.

s the Autumn/Winter Collections into a vindictive Goddess, complete with choice) into a zipped, clinging coat dress. pulled to exhibit the body in all its glory; rolled out of London last week, the corrugated arm bands, crushed blood-red If you’re a fan of cutesy, whimsical design, contrasted with knitwear from Giles so Amanipulation of fabric and struc- velvet, and leather crinkled and pleated to it’s probably best to stay inside this win- chunky it smothers the models in its thick ture, and the dark cloud of rich tones that within an inch of its life. Schwab played ter, as designers veered more and more rolls. Colour-wise, fashion indulged her descended on the catwalks were, for me, to his form-fitting strengths, and man- towards darkened extremes. Tough, heavy Gothic side yet again, from black lace pop- far more exciting than the wisps of spring aged to manipulate the Puffa, (yes, the fabrics; leather, jewel-encrusted velvet socks at Nathan Jenden to Roksanda chiffon currently cluttering up our shop Puffa, the noble dinner lady’s jacket of and zips have been pinched, draped and Illincics’ taffeta shrouds. floors. A city normally noted for creativity This all sounds terrifying, and a little rather than commercial viability, London bit painful, especially upon learning a trip designers managed to send out some to the Preen show rewarded eager fash- experimental, but wearable pieces that ionistas with a swift blinding with its will inject the high street with a fresh neon lights. But the good news is that the mood in time for autumn. This ‘wearabili- aggressive and extreme designs were ty’ has been attributed to Marc Jacobs often matched with more muted pieces for gracing our capital with his Marc diffusion the timid among us. Even Gareth Pugh, line and transforming the front row into a who used hair and makeup that made social spectacle of trend-hungry celebrities. bondage look like ‘a bit of a joke’, pro- His ‘youthful idyllic army’ was a mischie- duced simple fur wrap coats and striped vous mix of a little girl lost in a skating dresses, whilst maintaining his club kids rink, complete with booties, berets and aesthetic. For every sculpted body suit, long gloves, and geek chic, with the boys there was a sparkly mini shift, screen- draped in Fair Isle scarves and Harry printed satin, or a pair of mint green Potter specs. Whilst it was young and cov- tights to lift the sombre mood. etable, especially the party dress and And the best thing about the collec- paper crown combo, fit for a sixth birthday tions? A focus on showing off the body, but party, there were much more interesting being body-conscious, without zipping ‘armies’ on show. your neckline down to your navel (take Far from playing games with girlish note, Roberto Cavalli, and all you Italian proportions, the rest of the collections took masters of sleaze). So whilst you may not on a fiercer, more aggressive tone, as be itching to strap yourself into those vel- designers created their own versions of vet high-waisters just yet, you can at least body armour. Christopher Kane and wave goodbye to any shapeless Marios Schwab, two designers praised for smock/sack you have been kidding your- their previous forays into the neon, body self was chic, (it’s a sack, and it sags in all con depths of the late eighties, sent their the wrong places, for the love of God). If own version of a warrior princess strut- the new collections have shown me any- ting down the aisles. Taking Elvira, thing, it’s that next winter, fashion is Mistress of the Dark as his inspiration, going to get a lot more angry, a lot less Kane’s dresses sculpted the female form girly, and finally do some growing up. »While away the last of the dusky days with a to

Flights of Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/fashion 01223 353 422 FASHION 25

RIP WHAT YOU SEW

On the childlike

Halfway hall is about college corri- dors getting festooned with jolly second years (and their sick, apparently). To every third year worth their stress-induced stomach ulcers, the inebriated laughs of the second years sound a knell. For us, there is only paperwork to shroud ourselves in until May Week. This makes it frustrating, therefore, that this is the time of year designers show next autumn’s fare, making our future summers into recent (outdated) pasts. Electroclash neons? ‘That’s so next summer’. You’d think that would be a good thing, but fashion houses have already obliterated them in favour of next winter. Who wants to both- er investing in a floaty sunshine- yellow Calvin Klein mini-dress when you know that it’ll be oh-so- summer-07 six months after you have raped your wallet to pay for it. But, such is life and, in the same way I transformed my architecture project into a fashion centre to keep work mildly interesting (fun until your tutor tells you the front- Far left: Ellie wears Black Dress, £5, Save The Children. row fashion editors will need an Above: Black Dress, £35, Miss Selfridge. advanced ventilation system – high Below: Black Polo Neck, £10, Miss Selfridge; Shorts, £30, Topshop; Bustier, maintenance indeed), one must £35, Topshop. look to next season as a handy tip- Photographed by Michael Derringer at King’s and Gonville & Caius. off for wise investments. Styled by Iona Carter. The problem is that next winter is terribly, well, wintry, and rather adult. Giles, Christopher Kane and Donna Karan may have all pro- uch of classic black duced masterful collections, which I suppose can be fun in a grown-up way, but is there really such a thing as grown-up fun? It may be the skinny model debate, or it may be the overdose of kiddie chic (bright colours, exciting but unsub- tle shapes), but fashion houses chose to send out fully groomed, dressed-up women rather than girls. True, the skirts were A-line and eye-poppingly short, and girls should definitely hang on to their black opaque tights and leggings. But the silhouette was demure (slim but not skinny), the colours muted (deep reds, plums, forest greens, all against black) and the tone less loud and impulsive. In brief, the collections suffered from a version of the fifth-week blues. My most stylish friends dressed the way I did when I was eight. My wardrobe was like a dressing-up box; giant sunglasses would go per- fectly with my ski-pants and t-shirt combo, shielding my eyes from those weirded-out schoolyard- stares. Then one day, years later, my friend took me to Prada and handed me the forbidden fruit, and I hid behind more restrained choic- es at school. Although one can’t be a child forever, I know I’ll see May Week bouncy castles and long shapeless ‘princess’ dresses that Fancy will beg to differ. Benj Ohad-Seidler Food & Drink Editor: George Grist Friday February 23 2007 26 FOOD & DRINK Email: [email protected] varsity.co.uk/food

THE RESTAURANT COLUMN

Tom Evans Peking ★★★★★

The first chilli I ever ate was from the chippy outside my secondary school. It was a yellow, torpid dol- lop of a thing festering amongst half-cooked chips and a tapeworm nest of kebab. Once the kebab was gone and the chips had been ush- ered down with a tub of taramos- alata (I can’t recommend this com- bination highly enough), I had the chilli for pudding. It had no taste. Now I don’t know what sort of chilli my florescent friend was. No doubt the Guardian in its frankly Victorian endeavour to categorise everything in the universe on wallcharts for the bourgeois play- MIKE YUE YIN room has published a taxonomy that could help me. One thing I can be sure of is that it was not a ‘birds eye’. These were the little buggers served in the Hu Nan prawns at Peking and were, in the words of my guest, “hotter than the sun”. According to the “Scoville Organoleptic The Earl of test”,they are the ninth hottest chillies in the world, 23 places above the suggestively named Hot Wax chilli. And yet in asking for “something hot”, it was my own chilli-arrogance that brought on the whole episode: but the Hu Nan was well worth it. The Sandwich prawns were enormous and fresh, and the platter artful. The Lunch fanatic Adam Kessler goes all the way other main dish was sweet and » sour pork on crispy rice, also delivered with sizzling aplomb. to the top in search of the snack of his dreams While the lumps of pork may have been a little over-generous, our host claimed that Peking is he first term of a Cambridge career needed to solve the mystery, or at least go Intrigued, and recognising a fellow the only restaurant in Cambridge is a time filled with strange delights to a qualified therapist. Choosing the for- enthusiast, I probed further into the story where the sweet and sour is Tand pleasurable discoveries. mer course, I phoned the company. behind the sandwich. How does he discov- made in-house. Given the com- However, none thrilled me more than find- “You have to help me”, I pleaded. “I’ve er what sandwiches will work? “Well, we plete absence of that dubious ing the Duffy Club Sandwich, a pinnacle of been dreaming about your club sauce. Please sit down with our suppliers,” he told me. saucy residue so common in less- sandwich technology which can be found in tell me – why is it famous? What has it done? “They bring us their beautiful new ingredi- er Chinese restaurants, it would- the King’s College dining halls. This unac- Was it invented by Napoleon to ward off ents; we throw them together and see how n’t surprise me. Peking is fantas- knowledged wonder of the modern world sickness in his troops? Did the Pope promote it tastes. There are certain physical limits; tically unique. The décor is remi- comprises succulent chicken breast, it as an unfailing route to God?” rare beef would make the bread bloody, niscent of a 70s ski chalet and There was a brief, pregnant pause. “I’ll thinly sliced ham is impossible to portion you are fairly exposed to the put you through to the managing director”, properly. Cost, of course, is the major furore of the kitchens. Don’t let “despite its apparent the receptionist said. So Matt came on the restraining factor.” I asked about the more this deter you; the stringy-toffee phone. During the brief wait I’d composed artistic, creative side of the process. “Well, banana tasted even better once fame, I had never heard myself, and only the occasional, inadver- any sandwich has certain physical attrib- we had entertained the sound of tent, squeak revealed my excitement as I utes you just can’t deny,” he told me. “The it cooking. of Duffy sandwiches nor asked him why Duffy Club Sandwiches sandwich has to be moist and robust.” I Part of what you get is charm- were so famous. couldn’t agree more. But has he ever had ing service, and our host had a the world famous club “Well,” he said hesitantly, “I guess they’re any failures? “Definitely,” he said. “We few words for us before we left. sauce contained within” not famous at all, really.” tried a black pudding filling. Nobody liked “Three rules”. First, “we are a All my expectations and hopes were sud- it apart from me. We made five thousand, club, people come back . Second - denly crushed. My excited squeak dropped and sold about five. The world just isn’t to come here, you must have smoked bacon, mixed leaf, and a “world- to a heartbroken moan, life seemed point- ready for a black pudding sandwich.” We money.” With prawn toast costing famous club sauce”, which all meld togeth- less and empty. It was like going through paused in mutual contemplation of the £11 and main courses around the er in a kind of pinkish beauty. This combi- puberty again. £15 mark, she’s right. Rule three nation intrigued me. First, putting chicken “Of course,” Matt added, sensing my mood, is “that we cannot cook with and bacon together displays that superhu- “it does contain our own secret ingredient.” “We tried a black things that are poor quality. We man level of intellect which had been sore- “Secret ingredient?” I said, with rising get in something that is not exqui- ly missing from my recent philosophy pitch and enthusiasm. “What is it? Eye of pudding filling. Nobody site, and the chef will throw it essays. Secondly, despite its apparent newt? Rat cerebrum? Sweet Mother of out.” But you could hardly say fame, I had never heard of Duffy sand- Moses, do you use locusts too?” liked it apart from me” wastefulness is a habit at Peking - wiches nor the world famous club sauce “Um, no,” he said, slightly unnerved, the remains of our gargantuan contained within. Where did it come from? “We use anchovies. You see, all great sauces portions were packed up for us to Why is it famous? How does it achieve have five elements. Sweet, sour, salty...” – tragedy of humankind, and, as I heard him take home. And it’s certainly not such radiant pinkness? These questions there was an impressively weighty pause – sigh, I felt I’d found someone who under- the sort of place you go to order began to obsess me. Deceased animals “the other one, and, finally, umami. It’s a stood. “Well, I’ve got to go,” he said even- novelty fortune cookies. chased me through my dreams, their sleek Japanese word, meaning a meaty, dense tually, breaking the companionable silence. hides coated in a beautifully pink sauce, flavour. Imagine the taste of miso soup – “Sandwiches won’t create themselves. You Peking, 21 Burleigh St, CB1 1DG slavering mouths chomping on mixed and then imagine that in a sandwich. That’s know how it is.” And just for a second, I leaves. It became increasingly clear that I what the anchovies add.” truly did. Friday February 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/food 01223 353 422 FOOD & DRINK 27 Polished Off »Polish drink is making headway over here, so Andy Ryan sets out to explore the cuisine and discovers that it’s not just about cabbage

Since Poland’s accession to the EU in 2004, reputation. In most people’s minds, it evokes ety for the sweeter tooth. Having just dis- establishing itself in Britain? There are cur- thousands of Poles have come to Britain in one images of tasteless, stodgy stews accompanied missed that stereotypical Polish stew as rently about eighteen Polish restaurants in of the largest migrations in the UK’s history. by copious amounts of cabbage and potato. being an unfair approximation of the national London, and a growing number of Polish Some have spoken of the wonders of their There is an insistence on using the adjective cuisine, don’t overlook Bigos, the Hunter’s supermarkets, which does sug- crisp, malty lagers; these days available in any “hearty” which, whilst not necessarily deroga- Stew; the sour cabbage packs a sharp punch gest that the cuisine is good pub. Others have waxed lyrically about tory, implies that Polish food is heavy and and the Polish sausage, known as kielbasa, starting to the vodka, at least until it kicks in. Yet the unrefined in comparison to the more delicate has a smoky flavour that really sets it apart. find a Poles are bringing more than just their drink; dishes of Western Europe and Asia. In reality, Barszcz is beetroot soup, instantly recogniza- clientele a history of repeated invasions has turned ble due to its deep purple colour, and proving beyond Polish cuisine truly international, reflecting that veggie soups don’t have to be tasteless. the “Sledzie is made from German, Russian, French, Italian and Jewish Now let’s turn to the weird stuff. Galareta influences. The synthesis of these various is a dish of pig’s feet, vegetables and spices pickled herrings, onions, flavours with what some have referred to as coated in aspic and served cold – not the most the ‘robust Polish national character’ has cre- appetising of dishes and certainly only for the apples and sour cream. ated a cuisine worthy of attention. adventurous; it’s a demonstration of the expats; it’ll be interesting to see if it It sounds eclectic, but Sledzie is a cold dish made from pickled Polish maxim of “if it’s there and it looks edi- continues to prosper over the coming years. herrings, onions, apples and sour cream. It ble, let’s see what it tastes like”. Czarnina During the last two centuries of world the combination of sounds eclectic, to say the least, but the com- (“black soup”) is made from either duck, history, Poland has been invaded more bination of sweet, sharp and sour flavours is goose or pig blood, normally with added veg- times than any other major European flavours is explosive” explosive. Kotlety are fried pork cutlets coat- etables. It is apparently extremely good for nation. And, according to those who are ed in breadcrumbs; indecently large and won- you, if you can look past the vaguely ritualis- members of a certain ‘political party’ led by derfully juicy, encapsulating that trademark tic connotations of drinking blood. Then there a former Downing lawyer, we are currently they are bringing their culture and, as any heartiness. Pierogi are Polish ravioli, made is the peculiar Zupa Nic, literally meaning under threat of invasion from their skilled Pole will tell you, food is just as crucial. Does with a vast assortment of fillings including “nothing soup”; after some of the more exotic craftsmen. But, politics momentarily aside, this new arrival have anything to contribute to sauerkraut, cheese, mashed potatoes, cab- options this is in fact a rather tame concoction allowing a little Polish cuisine to invade Britain’s already crowded culinary scene? bage, onion and any number of different of eggs, milk and vanilla extract. your diet this week may not necessarily be Frankly, Polish food does not have a good types of meat; there’s even a fruit-filled vari- So are there any signs of Polish cuisine such a bad thing. MONDAY 26 FEBRUARY k u . o c . y t i

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grafton centre • cambridge r o f Friday 23 Feb to Thurs 1 Mar e

ROBERT DENIRO, MATT DAMON, Only) 12.20 14.40 17.00 19.10 21.20 g ANGELINA JOLIE IN Fri/Sat/Wed Late 23.40 a THE GOOD SHEPHERD (15) HANNIBAL RISING (18) (2h20) Daily (3h10) (NFT) Daily 10.10* 17.40 (Not Tues) p (Sat/Sun Only) 13.30* (Not Sun)

17.10* 20.50*(Not Tues) DREAMGIRLS (12a) (2h30) (NFT) Daily s 17.50 i

JIM CARREY IN NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15) (1h55) Daily h

THE NUMBER 23 (15) (2h) 20.40 Fri/Sat/Wed Late 22.50 t (NFT) Daily 11.40 14.00 16.20 ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES (U)

18.20 21.00 Fri/Sat/Wed Late (1h55) Daily 10.15 (Sat/Sun Only) 12.40 (Not n 23.20 Tues) 15.00 o BLOOD DIAMOND (15) (2h45) Daily HOT FUZZ (15) (2h20) (NFT) Daily 11.30 21.10 e

12.30 14.30 15.30 17.30 18.30 20.30 21.30 s Fri/Sat/Wed Late 23.30 Subtitled screening: THE GOOD SHEPHERD (15) i MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) (2h05) (NFT) (3h10) (NFT) t r Daily 12.10 14.50 17.20 20.00 Fri/Sat/Wed Sunday 25th February 13.30* e Late 22.30 Tuesday 27th February 20.50* CHARLOTTES WEB (U) (2h) (NFT) Daily v *Audio description is available on these performances – please 10.30 (Sat/Sun Only) 12.50 15.20 d ask at the Box Office for details EPIC MOVIE (12a) (1h50) 10.20 (Sat/Sun A book now on 08712 240 240 or online at www.myvue.com Friday February 23 2007 Sports editor: Tom Marriott varsity.co.uk/sport Email: [email protected] SPORT & PUZZLES 29 Blues Bruise Bedford Varsity Vase I imagine you second try after some terrific phases were hoping for VARSITY REPORTER of play from the backs. a match report The Blues were fired up in the of the remain- second half with a try scored ing three quar- Cambridge 34 moments after the kick off. The ter finals, given that Bedford 0 restart saw the ball land just past you’ve had to put up the Bedford 10m line and, after a lit- with my ranting for tle pressure from Cambridge, the the last few weeks. Wednesday saw the Cambridge ball was recovered and winger Keo I’m sorry to disappoint. women come away with a great win Shaw swept over the line. No games have been played this in a return match at Bedford. Minutes later, Hannah Batty ran week, AGAIN. In fact, I haven’t Despite a relatively poor opening through the Bedford defence after told the captains yet but I’m twenty minutes, the Blues stepped picking up the ball from the back of going to give them an ultimatum. up several gears to register a con- the scrum, scoring the fourth try of All games must be played by vincing win with the Varsity match the match. next Thursday or both teams are just around the corner. Sensing defeat, Bedford momentar- out. How does that sound? A lit- Watching the start of the game ily came to life forcing the Blues to tle authoritarian perhaps? Well, though, the Blues looked far from protect their line from the Bedford it’s about bloody time really. convincing. A start that even the number 8 and centres. Fly half Emily Queens’ vs Homerton will be kindest of fans would have Riehl put the Blues back in control played this weekend, apparently. described as ‘sluggish’ had the Blues with an excellent kick. Bedford’s We’ll see. I haven’t heard from playing in Bedford’s half, but with- hopes appeared to be dashed and Girton or St Catz since the match out much inspiration. Several han- Cambridge, and then scored a fifth they organised earlier was called dling errors and knock-ons stopped try. Riehl intercepted a fly-half centre off. Its almost certainly a formal- the Blues from pushing for the line, pass and ran the ball well into ity given St Catharine’s’ superi- and a defensive Bedford forced the Bedford’s half before kicking it ahead. ority on paper, but maybe some ball repeatedly into touch, breaking This allowed outside centre, Laura cup (or vase) magic will lift up the play. Britton to pick up the ball two meters Girton to the semi finals. Midway through the first half, it all out and touch it in under pressure. Meanwhile, I haven’t heard a changed as hooker Jo Bradley man- The Blues continued to dominate peep from ARU or Pembroke. aged a try after a series of strong for- the game with another try for Amy They don’t answer my calls or ward punches. Cambridge continued Teal under the posts as a result of an my emails, and I wouldn’t be sur- to dominate in the forwards as overlap to give a final score of 34-0. prised if they had already played Bradley turned over half of their Hannah Batty was named forward but couldn’t be bothered to tell scrums. Despite hard work from the of the match and Emily Riehl was me the result. Well, they have forwards and some great running named back of the match for great until Thursday to let me know, from number 8 Hannah Batty control of the game. The Blues are otherwise Girton v Catz has just Cambridge failed to add to the score now in an ideal position in the lead up become a semi final! until a minute before half time. Amy to the Varsity match against the Teal ran through the defence for a Oxford on March 10. Cambridge dominated in all areas of the pitch ANNE ROMEO Games and puzzles

16. Scrap endless rage (3) Varsity crossword no. 464 17. Tupperware top placed back- COMPETITION wards (3) Win a pair of tickets to the Arts Picturehouse 19. Ash often found at the end of a Kakuro 1 2 3 4 5 Re-arrange the letters by rotating the Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in month (5) discs to create six separate six-letter the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never words leading in to the centre. Email use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur 22. Half a crown to fix Atari (5) your answer to: in the same row in a separate run). 23. Wait for something like bitumen (5) [email protected] 24. Oxford University leads changing 6 7 12 24 23 10 tides in open air (7) J 9 16

25. Bird initially pretends everything U 8 9 20 is normal when hiding disorderly T 32 wildebeest (7) U K S 10 L I 27. Reorder entrée, located in treaty I D Z D E S 13 with French (7,8) L R 10 11 12 I E 22 14 DOWN U O 24 R A

W O 13 14 17 Z D 17 G U 1. (and 8 across) Accountants: value A K H 19 15 13 14 16 17 fishtank barrel maker (5,10,7) R O

2. Record in the heart of the full K

I 13 16 18 19 20 21 cooperative (7) 3. Something to write with in the P © Adam Edelshain middle of thinking (3) 22 18 23 4. He's hiding lice spirals (7) 5. Admiral be urgent: mess up and 21 Sudoku Hitori things get lost at sea here (7,8) The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or 6. Prepare for a pair (5) 1 through 9 exactly once. vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. 24 25 7. Sounds like an insignificant collier (5) 11. Gun found in small Ford - that's 1 7 5 3 1 2 3 6 3 5 26 payback (5) 3 9 6 1 12. Request alien spawn (5) 5 6 5 7 4 3 2 14. Mugabe conceals oratory ability (3) 7 4 1 3 2 18. File about International Space 6 4 3 6 7 6 1 27 Station is radioactive (7) 8 3 19. Reduce? Oh dear, I hear, that's confusing (5) 9 3 2 6 7 4 6 4 4 5 7 ACROSS 9. Note (least) hesitation (7) 20. Headless depraved bird (5) 4 9 10. Hurry! It's not cryptic (5) 21. Fold paper or I return unfinished 6 3 2 2 5 2 4 1. Hens I let hum in church. Man, 12. Skeleton discovered in hydrocar- image (7) 6 5 9 8 1 these are an evolutionary advantage! bon estuary (5) 26. This'll keep you dry as you go up 1 4 4 5 3 7 6 (10,5) 13. Keen to show age in ER (5) Cam (3) 8 5 4 6 8. See 1 Down 15. Eat reconstituted meal (3) ©Phrygian 9 8 2 2 5 7 1 1 1 3

Now here's something more for you to think about. Graduate careers in Consulting. More at accenture.com/ukgraduates Got a sports story? Friday February 23 2007 30 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers Unanimous Blues lose at the death Joe Powell and Oscar Brodkin »Men’s Lacrosse Blues take Grinstead down to the wire

CHRIS JONES Kay Burley duly obliged and was kicked-off Dancing on Ice last Cambridge Blues 11 week but our profits remained East Grinstead 12 frozen as Derby succumbed to a combination of refereeing errors and ‘Pilgrim’ prowess at Home The Blues approached this semi-final Park. With three weeks of term to Flags game confident that they could go we will now be aiming to smash go one up on last year. Having lost an the £100 barrier and catapult our- extremely close game in the East selves into the tipstering pantheon. Grinstead swamp before Christmas, Indeed, much of gambling’s histo- the Blues were relieved to see that ry is deeply rooted in Ancient Greek Grinstead had elected to play this society. They favoured dice games, cup game on astro-turf. The fast- likening it to warfare when ‘winner paced playing surface should have takes all’ was the mantra of the day. allowed the better team to really Soldiers were even known to have stamp their authority on the game. divided the spoils of war over a However, it did little more than game of craps. Cock fighting and demonstrate the minute gap in abili- sporting events, such as chariot rac- ty between these two teams. ing, were also popular to bet on and The early exchanges were tight, drew massive crowds of punters to with both sides struggling to find a venues like the Circus Maximus. chink in the armour of the opposition Gambling also has religious ‘sdefence. It was East Grinstead who roots, which is ironic considering broke the deadlock, and went into the stance taken by so many reli- the first break a goal up. Cambridge gions today. Lots were even cast however, rapidly fought back in the for Jesus’s garments after his second quarter leaving the teams all death, as foretold by the Prophet square at half time. Isaiah. Although in this day and The game opened up dramatically in age they’d be straight on ebay, the second half. Passes became more those lucky people bagged them- frantic with mistakes being made by selves a lifetime of peace and pros- both teams. It was at this point that the perity. We’ll be hoping for similar Blues, working hard under pressure, divine intervention this week. took the lead for the first time in the The Carling Cup final looks a game, and by three quarter time had prime betting opportunity for the stretched it to a two goal advantage. ‘Porters’ tip’ this week. Arsène Grinstead quickly retaliated, draw- A tangle of legs and a clash of sticks in front of the Cambridge goal JOHN JAMES O’BRIEN Wenger has played his kids all the ing the scores with 10 minutes to go way through and they have proved and another quick goal gave Grinstead 10 minute period a goal up. Grinstead received the ball and got the shot for their chance of revenge, as they themselves to be of the highest a decisive lead. However, as the last came out strong again, adding another away. However, on this occasion, he play East Grinstead in Cambridge this quality. Chelsea have been far from few seconds disappeared off the clock, goal early in the second term of extra could not avoid the goalie’s body, and Saturday in the league (2pm, Queen’s indestructible this season and 3.6 the Blues stuck in another goal to take time as the prospective final appeared the game ended with Cambridge Pitches). Expect a big performance (around 5/2) to win in 90 minutes the game into extra time to be slipping out of the Blues’ grasp. falling at the penultimate hurdle. from the Blues in their final game of rates great value about the As the floodlights began to warm Cambridge clawed back the deficit, Although disappointing, there were preparation for Varsity on March 3. ‘Gunners’. £5 goes on to win £13. up, the game continued at a frenetic making it only a single goal, and set- many positives to take from this game, The Mens, Mixed, and Women’s The ‘Long Shot’ runs in the pace, the Blues’ fitness sessions clear- ting up an anxious end to the game. and if the Blues can maintain their Lacrosse Varsity, is taking place on Racing Post Chase at Kempton this ly paying off. But Grinstead midfield The Blues managed to claim the ball standard of play, then Varsity in two 3rd March at Parker’s Piece, with Saturday. ‘Limerick Boy’ has a was equally unrelenting as they made off Grinstead and Blues attacker Dave weeks should be a thrilling encounter. the Women’s Blues match finishing great record at the track and with the first penetration, ending the first Haines popped open on the crease, The Blues will only have to wait a week the day at 3pm. Venetia William’s horses hitting form towards the business end of the National Hunt season, this looks the one to back. We’ve put £3 on CAPTAIN’S Sunday night at Fenners. During tasty odds of 7/1 (8 on Betfair). KarateVarsity the second term things become a For the ‘Bank Job’ this week we CORNER bit less structured as we aim to play travel to Vicarage Road for a scintil- win for Charlie Gray and in the sec- our traditional fixtures and BUSA lating encounter between Watford IAN MACLEOD ond round of fighting Steph, Charlie matches in time to leave us a good and Everton on Saturday. The and Madeline Wood all won to com- Men’s Football run up to Varsity. ‘Toffees’ are no slouches on their Coming back from three years of plete a fantastic victory for the Is it difficult to balance the work travels having notched up 12 goals defeat, Cambridge University women’s team. Cambridge’s Captain with training? and with Watford desperate for Karate club came back to complete a was up first for the men’s A team It sometimes can be - I’ve played for points this is sure to be a goal fest. total whitewash of Oxford in this against the Oxford captain and com- the Blues ever since my first week at Over 2.5 goals is at the staggering year’s Varsity match last Saturday. fortably out-fought him to get the Cambridge so I don’t really know it price of 13/10 (2.34) and £12 is sure The match kicked off with the kata men off to a great start. This was fol- any other way. Generally my method to bring you back a ‘pony’ – a gift competition (prearranged sequences lowed by solid wins for Nick Worth is to play football for two terms and of strikes and blocks). Strong per- and Tom Johnson before Paul Smith catch up with work in the third. It’s Running total: £32.68 formances from Simon Picot and rounded off the first round of fight- worked ok so far touch wood. Tom Johnson won both the A and B ing with the move of the match, What are the Club’s chances this team competitions. This significant surging forward, he knocked his year for Varsity? points advantage was topped off by opponent’s front hand down and, We’re quietly confident. We’ve The Bank Job two fantastic team kata performanc- with lightning speed, scored a per- worked very hard at all aspects of our Watford vs. Everton more than es by both the men’s A and B teams. fect punch to the face, rewarded Alex Coleman game this year, and results have 2.5 goals The Cambridge women were initial- with an ippon (full point). The supe- started to go well for us. I’m very Stake: £12 ly put on the back foot by a number riority of the Cambridge side was How long have you been playing pleased with the way the team’s shap- of experienced Oxford girls but a now truly apparent and the men’s B football? ing up, especially the development of The Long Shot superb team kata by Madeline Wood, team confidently defeated the I joined my first club at six years the squad since the La Manga tour in Limerick Boy to win the Racing Charlie Gray and Libby Boyd edged Oxford B team with wins for Tom old and have been playing weekly January. We’re playing some excel- Post Chase at Kempton Cambridge in front before the fight- Auld, Gareth Bradley and Thomas ever since. During school I played lent football and have strength in Stake: £3 ing half of the competition. Holroyd. The match finished with for Wycombe Wanderers youth depth in every area of the pitch. However, Oxford were still dan- the second round of fighting for the team and played in semi-pro youth When and where is the varsity The Porters’ Tip gerous, even when behind. But men’s A team who controlled every and reserve teams before coming being held this year? Chelsea to win the Carling Cup Steph Mctighe opened the fighting bout resulting in a 9-1 thrashing of to Cambridge. The match is at Loftus Road (QPR, final for the Cambridge women against the Oxford fighters. The final scores How often do the Blues train each Shepherd’s Bush) on March 17th, k.o. Stake: £5 the Oxford captain and Mctighe’s saw a clean sweep of Cambridge week? 2.30pm. Tickets are on sale now at £8 skilled, strong fighting overpowered victories for the men’s A team who We generally train twice a week each. On that note, the Second team the far more experienced Oxford won by 102-28 points, the women’s with one or two games each week. Varsity is at Grange Road on March fighter to record a vital first win for Team won 60-42 and the men’s B We also have a circuits session on a 3rd (k.o. 3pm) Cambridge. This was followed by a Team won 90-40. Friday February 23 2007 Got a sports story? varsity.co.uk/sport 01223 353 422 SPORT 31

Sports Henley Strait to Henley Round Up »CUWBC talk about their season and the upcoming boat races Upcoming Fixtures ANITA DAVIES & LUCY WORDLEY Saturday February 24 Men’s Lacrosse Blues v East The members of the Cambridge Grinstead, Home. Women’s University Boat club might Women’s Hockey I v Wisbech Town justly get the title of the invisible ath- I, away 1:00, Wisbech Hockey club letes of Cambridge. Unlike their male Women’s Hockey II v Lowestoft I, counterparts they are not easily spot- Home 12:30, Wilberforce Road ted by virtue of the fact that they are Women’s Hockey III v Ely I, home about two feet taller than anyone else. 11:00, Wilberforce. They vanish from college at the almost 2nd VIII Varsity and 3 position non-existent hour of five in the morn- Varsity, Small Bore Club, home. ing to go and train at Ely, where they Men’s Hockey Blues v West Herts, are out of sight and, to many, out of home, 2pm, Wilberforce Road. Sunday February 25 College cross-country league, “Trialling is over, Selywn Relays, Wilberforce Road. Wednesday February 28 now the real Women’s rugby v Leicester, away Women’s basketball v UWIC I, away work begins” Women’s Lacrosse I v UCL, away, BUSA Cup Women’s Lacrosse II v Newcastle II, home, BUSA Cup mind. They turn up at lectures at Men’s Table Tennis v Oxford, away 9.00am leaving a slight trail of damp Men’s Tennis I v Warwick I, away kit but otherwise looking unexcep- Women’s tennis I v Nottingham I, tional. They then vanish in the away evenings to do ergs or circuit train- Men’s Volleyball v Bournemouth, ing. But this façade of quietly getting home on with it masks a steely determina- The Cambridge Women’s Lightweight crew complete another gruelling morning outing JIMMY APPLETON Women’s Volleyball v Kent, home tion, an absolute desire to push to the limit, and one of the most gruelling pasta consumption than the entire selected, the stage of trialing is over, hopefully victory. Upcoming Varsity Matches and demanding training schedules of Italian nation, the crews for the 2007 but now the real work begins. Each All three crews were out in action any university sport. boat race crews have been selected. crew must work to become a single in Nottingham at the weekend where Now, after five months of twelve The Blue Boat features three unit that will push for each other, as they raced over the 6km course of training sessions a week, freezing win- returning Blues in Elselijn Kingma, much as for themselves, come race the Head of the Trent. The Blue Saturday February 24. ter mornings in Ely, gale force winds, Jen Reid and president, Lucy day. Every outing counts in the Boat finished head of the women’s Fencing varsity, Fenners Gallery, countless ergs, and a greater overall Wordley. The line up also includes two final run-up to the boat race, and eights division, bringing home the Kelsey Kerridge Sports Centre, 11- returning Blondie rowers, as well as Robin Haslam trophy for the fastest 5. GB squad member Rachel Jefferies, women’s crew in the event. Table Tennis Varsity, Fitzpatrick Women’s Blue Boat who has just dashed back from the Women’s Lightweight Everyone is now building towards Hall, Queens, 11am. Youth Olympics in Sydney where she Blue Boat the Women’s Eights Head of the Rugby Fives varsity, St Pauls. won two gold medals. They are coxed River Race which takes place on the Sunday February 25. by last year’s Blondie Cox, Jimmy Tideway in London on March 17. Eton Fives Varsity, Eton College. Cox: Jimmy Appleton (Girton) Appleton. The lightweight crew also Cox: Eleanor Goodfield (Fitzwilliam) This event will be attended by all of Stroke: Guen Bradbury (Jesus) has as strong contingent of returning Stroke: Fran Rawlins (Trinity) the top national and European crews Anna Simpson (Corpus) rowers, three having rowed with the Claire Hansell (Fitzwilliam) and is a chance to pace the crews Results Lucy Wordley (Caius) squad last year. The Blue boat is being Lilie Weaver (Trinity) against Olympians and Jen Reid (Newnham) backed up by a strong Blondie crew, Lucy Rackley (Pembroke) Internationals, as well as the girls in Rachael Jefferies (Newnham) who will be stroked by Kat Lange, Tosin Farinre (Newhnam) dark blue. Whatever the outcome in Gaelic Football Elselijn Kingma (Trinity Hall) who stroked the Cambridge crew to Helen Ralston (Trinity) London, there are then only two Cambridge v Aston, won 21-11 Sonia Bracegirdle (Caius) victory in the first ever sprint race Jen Gulliver (Girton) weeks left to put the final prepara- Badminton Bow: Hannah Stratford (St John’s) against Harvard at the Head of the Bow: Sarah Rose (Lucy Cavendish) tions in place for the one that really Men’s I v Cardiff, lost 3-5 Charles last autumn. With the crews counts, at Henley on Sunday April 1. Women’s I V Gloucester, won 6-2 Basketball Men’s I v Newcastle, lost 69-74 Men’s II v Nottingham II, won 72-42 Men’s II v Oxford, won 90-65 Sport In Brief Women’s I v Oxford, won 54-43 Men’s I v Oxford, lost 62-65 Fencing Trampolining Gymnastics Cuppers Rugby Women’s I v Imperial, won 124-111 Hockey The trampolining Varsity match on Sunday saw the 20th annual Varsity Caius met a strengthened St. Catz Women’s I v West of England, won 6- February 17 saw the closest result in gymnastics competition take place at side in the first round of Cuppers 0 recent years. After good performanc- Marriot’s Gymnasium, Stevenage, last Thurday. The 1st division side Women’s I v St Alban’s II, won 5-3 es at BUSA, the team was confident with a number of breathtaking dis- welcomed back Blue Chris Lewis Women’s II v Lancaster, lost 1-5 that they could repeat last year’s win. plays from both the men and and U21 back-rower Charlie Rees, Netball The A-team of Lee Meakin, Charlotte women’s teams, and some impressive the latter securing a well-earned Women’s Netball I v Oxford, lost 36- Pocock, Chloe Purcell and Andy individuals performances. Man of the Match with superb work 25 Edge all performed very well, with The men’s competition comprised in the loose throughout. Women’s Netball II v oxford II, Won Meakin and Purcell taking second and team members competing on floor, After initial early pressure from 39-31 third places respectively, and Edge’s pommels, rings, vault, parallel bars and Caius, Catz took the lead through Rugby routine gaining the highest form high bar. Some strong performances on Jack Barret who took a quick penalty Men’s Rugby League I v Sheffield I, marks. Despite this, Oxford narrowly floor put Cambridge right in front from to score. Despite Caius hitting back won 24-8 won. In the B team competition, some the start, and the winning streak con- instantly, Catz’s scrum began to dom- Women’s Rugby v Nottingham, won unfortunate mistakes cost tinued throughout the day, with Oxford inate with Wallace, Clarke and 32-5 Cambridge a heavier defeat, despite coming a definitive second on every Skillen who picked up bronze in the Rueben in the front row winning a lot Women’s Rugby v Deeping, won 8-3 Zoë Leake taking first place. The C- piece of apparatus. And for the second individual competition, whilst Josefin of ball against the head. With Lloyd St Catharine’s v Gonville and Caius, team competition was a convincing year in a row, the Cambridge captain, Larsson secured a well-deserved gold and Calvey running the game from 9 24-7 Cambridge victory, with a clean Alex Hedges, took the men’s individual in the B team individual competition. and 10 respectively, good tries were Trinity v Jesus 13-5 sweep of the top three places. gold. The women were less fortunate, a At the end of the day, the Men’s team scored from Parkes, Lewis and Rees, Tennis Overall, the final result was combination of harsh judging and a just won by 273.1 points to 270.7 whilst when the ball was spun out wide as Tennis men’s I v Oxford Brookes I, Cambridge 412.7, Oxford 416.3. strong Oxford team led to a Dark Blue the Women’s teams lost by 180.4 points Caius began to tire. Although the won 10-0 Perhaps disappointing, but such a victory. Nevertheless, Cambridge put to 148.1 giving Oxford an overall victo- away side did hit back in the last five Tennis Women’s I v Imperial, won close result could have gone either up a good fight, with memorable per- ry. Despite this, it was a commendable minutes with a well-deserved try 10-0. way and Cambridge look forward to formances from the team on floor, and performance and a fine display from after Catz went down to 14 men, but avenging their defeat next year. an impressive bars routine by Sophie everyone in the teams. they still won the match 24-12. Friday February 23 2007 varsity.co.uk/sport Upcoming Rowing Women’s Rugby Varsity looks at what’s Blues take on SPORT to come on the river Bedford Page 31 Page 29 Cambridge fail to reach heights of Oxford »Seconds netballers emerge victorious but Blues defeated

were nevertheless the marginal SIAN FOLLEY underdogs, finishing one position Netball Correspondent below Oxford in the League. Having lost the first quarter of last year’s Varsity match by so much, the Cambridge Blues were Netball Blues 25 conscious that they had to start the Oxford 36 game more aggressively this time. Thankfully, this is what they did. While both teams fought hard to Netball 2nds 39 dominate play, the skill and Oxford 31 strength of Cambridge’s centre court combination impressed itself on the game. Jesus’ Harriet Sunday February 18 brought with McGrath in particular rose to the it a battle of the Blues, or at least immensely hard task of eliminating blue shades as Cambridge’s mint- Oxford’s skilful Centre from the green netball ladies took to the game. By frustrating and riling court for this year’s Varsity match. Swarbrick to an impressive extent, First up were the Second teams. Cambridge’s defensive strategy of After an energising warm up, keeping the feeders from the cor- Cambridge captain Hannah Kaye ners of the D proved highly effec- led her team out to face the Oxford tive. An air of brutality was estab- Roos. Cambridge were more than lished and Cambridge finished the up to the task. With a superb inter- quarter with a promising 9-5 lead ception from newcomer Sarah on the dark blues. Stefanini at Wing Defence, and In the remainder of the match, some fast movement from Centre though, this promise seemed to Kaye and Wing Attack Ania Dean, waste away. The physical effort of Cambridge finished the quarter 7-8 the first quarter caught up with the down, but with the momentum very Blues, and Oxford came out deter- much in their favour. mined to level the score. The second quarter saw the Cambridge’s defence set up a rota- scores remain fairly equal at 14-15, tion that meant the Oxford Goal as neither teams’ shooters were Shooter, renowned for her height about to miss a single opportunity and penchant for being static, was at the net. The physicality of such a highly unsettled and forced to work close-run game began to show by very hard. But the tables were the third quarter, however, and it turning, and Oxford left the court was Cambridge that came out on 17-13 up at half time. top, thanks largely to some serious- Cambridge could have recovered ly strong defensive skills from the from this margin, stepping up their circle pairing of Alex Godlee and game from a solid first half per- Zoë Pelter. formance. Cambridge Goal Shooter Tactical substitutions at half- Kate Yateman-Smith’s trademark time of Jo Nicholson and Amy dodge gave some cause for hope, Scorah provided an extra dimen- keeping Oxford’s gigantic keeper sion to the Cambridge side and guessing, but from the offset of the they dominated the final quarter third quarter Oxford upped their with some impressive goals from pace. The result was some pretty the unstoppable Goal Shooter ferocious collisions from both sides, Rebecca Crawshaw and Goal and a further increase in Oxford’s Attack Laura McIntyre. score line. McIntyre’s shots from all over the But continued pressure from the D earned her huge cheers from the Cambridge side, and some great crowd, and the player of the match interceptions from Wing Defence award. Oxford worked hard Rachel Smith, was not enough to throughout the match, but it was hold Oxford off, as their height not enough to match their opposi- advantage at both ends proved too tion, with the full-time score a much. Despite the tireless efforts of deserved 39-31 to Cambridge. every Cambridge player, right up Now it was the Blues’ turn, as to the final whistle, and the experi- they sought to avenge the 29-40 ence of their attacking trio, the battering they had received the light Blues were unable to close the previous year. The atmosphere was gap. Oxford ran out 36-25 winners, light during the warm-up, but the leaving Cambridge to commiserate players knew the pressure was on; themselves with the knowledge the BUSA league had produced one that it was a tough-fought contest win for each team, but Cambridge and a gripping spectacle. Despite some good periods of pressure, Cambridge fail to convert possession into points SOPHIE PICKFORD Saw the game? Read the report? Think you could write it? [email protected]