Friday February 27th 2009 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 692 | varsity.co.uk »p9 Comment »Centrefold Special pull-out »p17 Arts Orwell’s The Dial: exclusive four-page Patrick Wolf: a overrated preview issue inside very odd man
Sidney’s vomit ZING TSJENG bug spreads Students warned as other Colleges hit by norovirus Caedmon Tunstall-Behens open. Following a closure as punishment for non-Sidney students vomiting in the e outbreak of a vomiting bug in Sid- toilets, one bar worker commented, “ is ney Sussex has spread to other colleges, week it’s been the Sidney-ites themselves the University has con rmed. who have been having vomit problems, Although the University declined to albeit of quite a di erent nature.” say which Colleges have been a ected, e viral infection induces projectile Varsity understands that cases have also vomiting, fever, nausea, fever and diar- been reported at Queens’, Clare, Newn- rhoea. It can be incubated for 48 hours ham and Homerton. before its symptoms becoming appar- A spokesman said: “ ere are a few ent, and ends 48 hours a er the last isolated cases in other Colleges. It has vomit or bout. been con rmed that most of the indi- Transmission occurs through contact viduals a ected had had contact with with contaminated surfaces, body-to- Sidney people over the last few days.” body contact, orally or from inhalation e news comes a er Sidney was in of infected particles. lockdown for over a week with just over Sidney called in the city council’s en- 80 students, Fellows and catering sta vironmental health o cers at noon last debilitated by a suspected outbreak of Friday. ey directed sta on a range of norovirus, also known as the ‘winter measures to prevent the spread of the vomiting virus’. virus and a team of external cleaners e race is on for CUSU Access Students at Sidney with the virus were fought to bring the virus under control ordered to stay in their rooms until the through thorough and regular cleaning Access beneficiary, CUSU insider and JCR president go head to head bug was contained, with friends being of communal areas. instructed to avoid contact with them. Max Beber, Senior Tutor at Sidney, Three serious contenders in this year’s tightest election contest Formal Hall was cancelled for a week to his access background. He was one of looks set to cruise to an easy victory told Varsity that contract cleaners are Andrew Bellis amid fears that the virus would be spread providing an overnight service. only 135 students in the whole country against his only opponent, Guolong Li, further in a large gathering of people “It’s di cult to know exactly how A charismatic JCR president, an outreach receiving free school meals to get three a second-year from Churchill. and during food preparation. many are a ected because we’re asking success story and a CUSU insider are bat- As at A-level. He is a carer for his par- e contest for Education O cer is e College bar, however, remained all people with u-like symptoms or tling to be Access O cer in 2009’s most ents, on a full bursary and was the rst this year’s largest eld, with four candi- worse to report them. ere hasn’t been hotly contested CUSU election ght. in his family to go to university. He has dates running for the post. Ed Maltby, a much change since earlier in the week,” Joe Farish (right), Andy McGowan since been a JCR access o cer and has prominent student activist who helped he said. (le ) and Ben Henriques (centre) are in been involved with various CUSU out- organise last month’s law faculty occupa- “ e boat club dinner on Saturday the running for the £16,550-a-year post. reach schemes. tion, is advocating a reading week as part 80 will go ahead as planned,” he contin- e three candidates all claim sig- Whilst the election for access o cer of a nine-week term. His call for rents to The number of people at Sidney hit ued, “but without outside guests so as ni cant experience. Farish was Trinity’s looks set to be a close ght, the race for remain the same despite the extra week by the winter vomiting virus to restrict spreading.” JCR president and formerly the JCR’s CUSU President is barely even a tus- has been attacked by his opponents, Sam E-mails have been sent to all students access o cer. He has also worked as a sle. Tom Chigbo, John’s JCR president Wake eld, Dan Chapman and Nina by College nurses. Advice on how to researcher for the Cambridge Admis- and this term’s Union Society treasurer, Walters. e only other contested post is avoid contracting the virus includes sions O ce, analysing intake gures. Welfare, with two candidates. thorough and frequent hand washing Henriques has spent a year working FOLLOW THE RACE ONLINE Candidates will take part in 14 hustings with anti-bacterial soap, as well as en- with CUSU, another two on Robinson’s Updates every day at over the next ve days. Students can vote 48 suring that surfaces are kept clean. JCR and has three years of experience online on Monday and Tuesday, and in The incubation period of the virus in Additional reporting by Ben Watts and with the shadowing scheme. blog.varsity.co.uk their College on Wednesday. hours before symptoms are seen Michael Hornsey McGowan attributes his motivation Candidate pro les on page 5 Man charged and two arrested over series of muggings Varsity News In a spate of violent incidents, vic- istrates Court yesterday. by two o enders wearing homemade lent incidents, police increased patrols tims reported being approached dur- The first three robberies, all in balaclavas and being forced to hand in the area. ree suspects have since A man has been charged following ing the early evening and forced to the west of Cambridge, took place over valuables, including mobile been arrested: Sandford, a 16-year-old a series of muggings in the west of hand over valuables to two youths between 11.20pm and 11.35pm on phones and cash. boy and a 36-year-old man. Cambridge over the weekend. wearing balaclavas. Saturday night in Queen’s Road, Two further robberies, in Storey’s e 16-year-old has been bailed to e spate of connected attacks oc- Shaun Sandford, 19, of Queens Grange Road and Madingley Road Way and Queen’s Road, took place reappear at Parkside Police Station on curred between Saturday and Monday Close, Over, was charged with ten of- at 11.35pm. late on Sunday night. March 11th. earlier this week. fences of robbery at Cambridge Mag- Victims reported being approached Following reports of these o en vio- Continued on page 4 Something to say? [email protected] Friday February 27th 2009 2 Editorial Call the Editors directly on 01223 761541 varsity.co.uk
A special preview issue of e Dial, a literary magazine based at Queens’, can be found inside the centrefold. It is the fourth in a series of magazine previews in Varsity.
Contents Vote, but don’t get too excited he CUSU elections are shaping up to be a (moderately) interesting race. e battles for Education, Welfare and Access TO cers will be hard fought, and are awash with committed candidates. All the candidates will all do an important job, News p1-8 representing us in dealings with the University and outside bodies. ey all deserve for us read their manifestos, give it a little thought, and cast a vote on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. CUSU election coverage p5 Our only caveat would be to ensure that students elect o cers who will do their job of running a students’ union and Who are the candidates, and why should representing us in the University, not those who intend to use their position as a political soapbox. For better or for worse, CUSU is an administrative organisation, not an activist one, and that is what it will remain for the time being. you vote for them? ere is only one serious candidate for President, despite Guolong Li’s endearing attempts. is is perhaps a little anti- democratic, but it does, happily, mean the almost certain election of Tom Chigbo of St John’s. Chigbo has wide-ranging Varsity Pro le p6 experience and good ideas, and should make an exceptional CUSU President. Despite big talk from the candidates about changing our lives through CUSU, it is worth pointing out that there is only We speak to Blues rugby captain Dan so much it can do. e big news this week has been the norovirus outbreak and a spate of muggings in Cambridge; these Vickerman. are things which directly and materially a ect large numbers of students in a way that motions at CUSU Council never will. Perhaps this is all obvious. However, it is always useful to remember that CUSU is not going to change the world – even if it Comment p9-11 gets its own ‘Ethical A airs’ sabbatical o cer. e Essay p9 Ben Slingo on why Orwell was a Varsity Drugs Survey 2009 bad writer with worse politics. Varsity is conducting an online survey on academic performance-enhancing drugs. It is anonymous and very brief. Please visit www.varsity.co.uk/drugs Blame the journalists p10 e self-ful lling prophecy of doom-mongering hacks. CUSU elections blog Visit blog.varsity.co.uk for comprehensive coverage of the CUSU race. Magazine p13-30 Edit this newspaper My Week p13 Applications are currently open to edit Varsity in May Week or in the Michaelmas We speak to Hermes, the University messenger god. term. For more information visit www.varsity.co.uk/jobs e Wolf man p17 Meet Patrick Wolf, indie god but Submit your letter for the chance to win a bottle of wine from the Cambridge Wine Merchants. rather odd. [email protected] All letters may be edited for space and style.
El Sistema p21 Don’t pummel Pokemon the racialist notion that “they all look A CUCA correction Taking Venezuelan kids o the the same to me”. Beyond this, and the streets and into orchestras. Dear Sirs, insane notion that Pokemon is anything Sirs, less than entertainment of the highest I surely speak for every person in Cam- intellectual and emotional value, is the A correction, if you please, to the Lewis Wolpert p24 bridge who had even the semblance of a mind-boggling display of chronological February 20th edition of Varsity. In When is science dangerous? normal, well-balanced childhood when ignorance. Dragon Ball Z – originally his column, Mr Sharpe is credited as just Dragon Ball – is Toriyama Akira’s President of the Cambridge University magnum opus, and it began in 1984, a Conservative Association (CUCA). Sport p32-36 full decade before the original Pokemon Whilst Mr Sharpe has presided over an- Red and Green games hit the shops of other excellent term in CUCA’s history, Sport comment p33 I say that the inclusion of Pokemon Japan, not to mention the TV series he is not its President, but its Chairman. in your list of the ve worst cartoon they inspired. It astounds me how un- e former position is held by e Rt Pity the poor referees, pleads characters in the February 20th issue is cultured Cambridge students can be. Hon. Michael Howard QC MP. Dan Hitchens. not only outrageous but indeed racist. Lumping all of our favourite pocket Yours faithfully, With best wishes, Jolly boating weather p34 friends, from the majestic Mewtwo to the cheeky Charmander, under the label Dominic Morris Mike Morley Samantha Davies, British sailing of one character ‘Pokemon’ smacks of Corpus Christi College CUCA Chairman, Easter 2008 heroine and Cambridge alumna. Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge College, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.
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New university concerns over In Brief controversial essay-buying websites Finger food causes fire fight Firefighters were called to Cam- Lizzy Tyler cern from University authorities over derives in part or in its entirety from sity’s courts, which could lead to their bridge’s Atmospheric Research unit plagiarism. the work of others without due ac- being sent down. after a sausage roll was left unat- Students at universities across the Gradeguru.com claims to take a knowledgement. It is both poor Although Cambridge is not listed tended in a microwave. At 3.46pm country have been contributing to tough line on plagiarism, working scholarship and a breach of academic as one of the main institutions from on Tuesday, the offending finger and using a new note-sharing website, with anti-plagiarism software to detect integrity.” which work can be found on Grade- food burst into flame, setting off an Gradeguru.com. if any material contributed to the site This ranges from copying full essays guru.com, with universities such as automatic fire alarm at the centre, The website claims that it is “a note- is second-hand. The site warns against from sites such as Gradeguru.com, to Durham, Manchester, Nottingham which is shared by the University’s sharing website where students who those who might wish to use site mate- failing to attribute a quotation cor- and York topping the list of top con- Departments of Chemistry, Ap- need relevant, course-specific study rial to pass off as their own. rectly. Any students discovered to have tributors, the popularity of the site plied Mathematics and Theoretical notes can find them, and where stu- It states, “Gradeguru is not the lazy contravened these rules may face dis- could well bring an increased range of Physics, and Geography. Luckily, dents who have study materials can path to qualifications…Cheap plagia- ciplinary action at one of the Univer- contributions. fire engines were able to quench the share them to get rewarded with cool rism of material portions of essays and flames quickly and prevent the fire stuff and recognition.” coursework is not the goal of Gradegu- from spreading beyond the kitchen This “cool stuff” comes in the form ru”. However, with material on the site in which it began. The Cambridge of financial reward. So far, the collected from a wide range of subjects and in- Fire Service issued a statement ex- earnings of the “gurus” who contribute stitutions, the extent to which the team plaining the course of events: “There to the website amounts to £7,848. behind it can limit its use as a source of was a fire in the kitchen next to the One of the most prolific contribu- assessed essays is questionable. chemistry room. Two fire crews tors, or “top gurus”, is a second year The Varsity plagiarism survey last attended and entered the building management student from the Uni- term recorded that of the 1,000 stu- using breathing apparatus. It was a versity of Manchester, who has already dents who took part, 49 per cent of small fire.” A University spokesman received almost £400 for her contribu- them admitted that they had plagia- confirmed: “The fire was started by tions. rised work. a sausage roll in a microwave which The most popular subjects on the The results varied between subjects overheated, setting off the smoke website include Law, Literature and and colleges, with Law students being alarms.” He was keen to empha- Psychology, with work ranging from amongst those who plagiarised the sise that “no-one was injured and notes and tips to full essays. most. This seems to correspond with there was no significant damage to Unlike other essay-sharing websites, the popularity of Law on Gradeguru. the building.” Both the Fire Service Gradeguru.com allows free access to com. and the University have urged stu- all its users. Those at Colleges lower in the Tomp- dents to be vigilant whilst prepar- Oxbridge Essays, another popu- kins table appeared to be plagiarizing ing food. lar site, provides students with essays the most, with 67 per cent of St. Ed- suitable for assessment, and can charge mund’s students admitting to breaking Car park on Jesus Green? up to £1,000 for an undergraduate su- University rules on plagiarism. pervision-type essay and over £20,000 The Cambridge University policy Plans for a temporary car park on for a full dissertation. The existence of states: “Plagiarism is defined as sub- Jesus Green have been condemned such sites has caused increased con- mitting as one’s own work that which by residents and councillors. EDF Energy has submitted plans to in- stall a large storage compound on the green while it replaces an elec- tricity sub-station in Thompson’s Lane. It would see workmen oc- University plans to redevelop Mill Lane site cupy the triangle of land between the grass tennis courts and the » Businesses in the surrounding area earmarked for relocation, as council consultation begins path running from the end of Por- tugal Street to the footbridge at Je- » Dojo, Bombay Brasserie and the Anchor may all be under threat sus Lock for 18 months. Four trees would be felled to make way for the Beth Staton the lecture halls and the University halogen-lit compound. Councillor Sports and Social Club. Colin Rosentiel has vowed to block Cambridge University and the city Because many are listed, care will the plans, saying Cambridge City council have released proposals for be taken to ensure that buildings like Cam br id g e Ne ws Council will not allow the works as redeveloping the riverside city centre the Pitt Building and the Emmanuel it is common land. Simon Godfrey, site on Mill Lane. United Reformed Church will remain an independent punter who oper- The current home of Dojo’s, Bom- prominent features in the newly de- ates from the La Mimosa mooring bay Brasserie and the Anchor, as well veloped cityscape. station, said: “Jesus Green is one of as the lecture halls and University A new 70-room hotel and areas of the most picturesque and best-loved Press, was earmarked for potential de- student housing are strong possibilities open spaces in Britain - anything velopment in a policy document three for the site, as are commercial spaces that detracts from its atmosphere is years ago. for creative industries such as craft an obvious concern. Laying down After expressing an interest in re- workshops. all this concrete will wreck the grass locating some Mill Lane sites to other It is hoped that the development and it will take years to recover.” A areas, the University began work with will incorporate sustainable transport spokeswoman for EDF Energy said the council to produce a draft planning infrastructures, and one of the stated the work was part of £2.7 million of document, which is in consultation un- aims of the project is the reduction of essential upgrades to the electricity til April 6th . parking spaces within the city. Green network in Cambridge city centre to In a statement, the University said spaces will be maintained and im- cope with added demand. they had for some time been interested proved. in relocating their activities on the Mill As it is housed in a listed building Lane and the Old Press site to more ap- the Mill pub will escape demolition, propriate locations within the city. and the Anchor will probably re- The University and Council have also main, although the space in which it is expressed interest in redeveloping the housed it will be adapted. New Museums site, although no plans All businesses based in the area are 52 Trumpington Street have yet been proposed for this. being consulted, and a spokesperson Cambridge CB2 1RG The council’s vision for the area pro- from the council was keen to stress poses retail, business and residential that the proposals allow plenty of FREE CHELSEA BUN development, and includes possibilities commercial space for the endurance With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop for increased restaurant and café space of favourites such as Dojo and Bom- OR overlooking the river. bay Brasserie. FREE MORNING Widening pavements on Silver “The document is in its very early Street and improving junctions, which stages at the moment,” she said. “It COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) now present a conflict between pedes- outlines our aspirations for the area, With any cake or pastry in the restaurant trians, cyclists and drivers, are also and seeks for guidance for develop- priorities. ment. We are looking at indications on presentation of this voucher Buildings set to be demolished, or of how the space can be used to its and proof of student status significantly redeveloped, include best advantage.” News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday February 27th 2009 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Police arrest three over Review slams primary education system muggings » Government-backed Cambridge study describes state of young education as ‘impoverished’ Beth Staton ents and to government with a procedure Continued from front page. which does not compromise the very The 36-year-old man remains in A Cambridge report has condemned the thing for which schools are existing.” custody at Parkside Police Station. “impoverished” state of Britain’s primary “We’re arguing for a concept of enti- Despite these arrests, police have education. tlement which is qualitative rather than encouraged Cambridge residents and The report, part of the government’s quantitive; not just about the number of students to maintain vigilance at all Rose Review of the primary curriculum, subjects but about high quality of teach- times. Police Liaision Officer Carol states that a focus on testing and stand- ing and learning in all of those, regardless Langton said that students should ards have narrowed children’s education. of how much time is devoted to them.” not get “complacent” and should al- Robin Alexander, director of the study But the Department for Children, ways “be aware of their surroundings and Wolfson Fellow, said that failings in Schools and Families, denied the claim and not advertise personal effects”. primary education have compromised that primary education was failing chil- She also stressed the importance children’s “statutory entitlement to a dren. of registering property on www.im- broad, unbalanced curriculum”. A spokesperson for the Department mobilise.com. “We’ve successfully The report expressed a concern that said, “To say our children are receiving a tracked down the owners of items maths and English have become dislocat- deficient education is insulting to hard- we’ve retrieved. It does actually ed from the rest of the curriculum, which working pupils and teachers everywhere, work,” Langton added. is in itself confused. and flies in the face of international Detective Inspector Adam Gallop It urged that arts and humanities should evidence. English children have recently added: “We would ask people in the assume their “rightful place” rather than been recognised as the highest achieving area to take sensible precautions with being marginalised in favour of formally in maths and science among European regard to personal safety: stick to well- tested league-tabled subjects, and argued countries.” lit areas, don’t carry large amounts of for a curriculum which better incorpo- The report outlines twelve aims for cash and don’t advertise the fact that rates creative and personal education. primary education, beginning with ideas you may be carrying items such as At present, primary schools incorporate of well-being and empowerment, factors ipods and MP3 players.” daily literacy and numeracy hours into which then interlock with eight further A series of thefts has also been re- their timetables, and children are exam- “domains of knowledge, skill enquiry and ported taking place within Colleges. ined on core skills in maths, English and disposition”, including arts and creativity, On Tuesday, a student at St. Catharine’s science at age 7 and 11. The report’s “sub- citizenship, and, centrally, a “revised and reported their laptop stolen from their stantial” proposals, designed to address strengthened domain of language, oracy unlocked room. A laptop has also been “serious” problems, aim to create a more [oral skills] and literacy”. taken from a room in Clare. balanced curriculum in opposition to the Other recommendations included A fresher at Queens’ expressed con- current “policy-led belief” that “breadth greater adaptation to community-based cern at the recent spate of muggings: and standards are incompatible”. learning, so that 30 per cent of a school’s “Up until now I thought Cambridge Professor Alexander said: “It should curriculum is tailored by local authorities was a safe city. Now everyone has to be be possible to assess children’s learning to suit the distinctive needs of a particular extra vigilent on the streets at night.” and for schools to be accountable to par- area.
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CUSU ELECTION More online at blog.varsity.co.uk From the Archives Fighting for your vote Ahead of next week’s CUSU election, Varsity assesses the candidates standing for each position PRESIDENT Week 7: October 30th 1987 TOM CHIGBO GUOLONG LI An increase in robberies...
ST JOHN’S CHURCHILL ambridge has seen an 86% rise in Experience: John’s JCR president, 2008-09; Experience: Maths Faculty student rep- Cviolent robbery over the rst six
Union Treasurer, Lent 2009. resentative; member of CUSU council. PHOTOGRAPHS BY TIM JOHNS months of 1987 and a Crown Court Policies: Lead “vigorous” campaign for Uni- Policies: “Olympic spirit” to encour- judge has ruled that the city might versity’s own sports centre; ditch failing club age participation; the spirit of Hakuna become a “no-go zone” unless the vio- nights and support a wider variety of ents; Matata to promote the enjoyment of lence is stamped out. double frequency of newsletter and revamp Cambridge life; the solidarity spirit to Police statistics show that Cam- website; publish CUSU council attendance encourage sharing between Colleges. bridge has not escaped the rising tide gures. You’ll vote for him because... he’s also of violence. e Chief Constable of the You’ll vote for him because... you want a known as pizza and Superman. Cambridge force, Ian Kane, has set up President who’s serious about the role. Online: www.prchina.eu a special Crime Support Unit to patrol known high risk areas of the city. Whilst the crime statistics show Cambridge to have the second lowest ACCESS OFFICER crime rate in the country, there is, nev- ertheless, growing concern over the number of street attacks in the city. JOE FARISH ANDY McGOWAN BEN HENRIQUES Many students have found them- selves the object of a growing number TRINITY TRINITY HALL ROBINSON of street attacks, some arising from the Experience: Trinity JCR Experience: Trinity Hall access Experience: Robinson access continuing animosity between town president, 2008-09; Trinity JCR o cer, 2008-09. o cer, 2007-08; external o cer, and gown. Some seven students have access o cer, 2007-08. Policies: Track progress of shad- 2006-07; CUSU catering and reported serious assaults this term. Policies: Use publicity from owing scheme participants and facilities o cer, 2007-08. Women, particularly, are at risk of 800th anniversary celebrations push for more College rooms; Policies: Secure more funding attack. e police prohibit the use of to launch extensive access publicity campaign; work with the President to oppose raising of the to allow more school visits and more advertis- “o ensive weapons” carried by women produce website with Oxford’s students’ union top-up fee cap; encourage greater co-operation be- ing; strengthen links with teachers and compile a for the purpose of protection. to combat misconceptions about applying to tween JCR access o cers and the admissions o ce. database of those involved with access schemes; use Oxbridge; provide greater support for JCR access You’ll vote for him because... he knows what University committees to change policy. January 22nd 1988 o cers. access is all about – he’s a ‘free school meals’ kid, You’ll vote for him because... he’s the CUSU in- You’ll vote for him because... he’s the charismatic receiving a full bursary and the rst in his family sider, with the knowledge that will help him work ...and the subsequent University JCR President with experience of the issues. to go to university. e ectively from day one. precautions taken
series of attacks on Cambridge Astudents prompted a meeting at EDUCATION OFFICER Robinson College last Sunday. Police Sergeant Trevor Gilbert told the meet- ing that there had been 13 reported SAM WAKEFIELD DANIEL CHAPMAN NINA WALTERS EDWARD MALTBY incidents in the Grange Road, Burrell’s Walk and West Road areas last year. TRINITY HALL DOWNING PEMBROKE ST JOHN’S e meeting was called by Cam- Experience: CUSU education team Experience: Downing JCR Experience: Pembroke academic Experience: National secretary of bridge University Student Union at the 2008-09; faculty board member. president, 2008-09; services o cer, o cer, 2007-09; faculty board rep- Education Not For Sale. request of the Robinson Student Asso- Policies: Longer library opening 2007-08. resentative, 2006-09. Policies: Campaign for a reading ciation. Helen Watkins, Welfare o cer hours, particularly for arts subjects; Policies: Improve links between Policies: Campaign against Saturday week, with no increase in either for Robinson students, complained of exam feedback; encourage sharing JCR o cers and faculty reps; man- exams, which discriminate against workload or rents; defend small inadequate policing. She said she had of best practice datory training Jewish students; courses and “never seen a bobby on the beat” in the between subjects. for supervisors; demand feedback subjects; ght for Burrell’s Walk area. A view that was You’ll vote for raise awareness for exams. abolition to top-up shared by other students. him because... he of CUSU support You’ll vote for her fees. Sergeant Gilbert replied that the knows how stu mechanisms. because... of her You’ll vote for area was patrolled every morning by happens – he You’ll vote for passion for the him because... of an o cer on foot and two or three worked for the him because... role and her track his transparent evenings a week by an o cer on a University in his he’s a proven JCR record in resolv- enthusiasm and bike. He said that this was the maxi- gap year. president. ing casework. dedication. mum policing given the resources available. He then made a plea to stu- dents and local residents to “report every incident no matter how trivial” WELFARE AND GRADUATES OFFICER CO-ORDINATOR WOMEN’S OFFICER and he encouraged the carrying of personal attack alarms and the use of college-based “escort” schemes. JONATHAN BIRTWELL AMIYA BHATIA CLARE TYSON NATALIE SZAREK Street lighting in the Grange Road Experience: e incumbent Women’s area was also criticised. Council repre- HOMERTON ST JOHN’S MURRAY EDWARDS O cer. sentative Mr Paul Eliot told the meet- Experience: Trained College peer Experience: John’s JCR welfare o cer, Experience: CUSU communications Policies: Creating working groups ing “Grange Road is better lit than supporter. 2008-09. o cer, 2008-09; New Hall JCR presi- to get more students involved with several areas of the city” and so im- Policies: Raise pro- Policies: Develop dent 2007-08. women’s issues; a focus on casework. provement would be a “low priority”. le of welfare and “creative” welfare Policies: Promote You’ll vote for her e discussion then turned to other increase visibility campaigns; hold University Sports because... she is possible solutions. It was generally felt of support. “fun” events during Centre and autono- passionate about that a late-night bus service for the area You’ll vote for him exam term. mous campaigns. women’s issues; so was the most promising solution. Mr because... he’s been You’ll vote for her You’ll vote for her much so she wants Glauert, Junior Bursar of Trinity Col- instrumental at because... she has because... she is to run again. Very lege, said that they had proposed such promoting welfare wide ranging poli- much better than capable, and far a scheme but that the initiative “needs at College. cies and is a sexpert. RON. better than RON. the support of other colleges”. News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday February 27th 2009 6 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Call for research funding reform CUP book on ‘oddest Minister says action is needed to retain UK’s world-leading position to our skills base.” concepts more commercially suc- title of year’ shortlist Timothy Leung Denham said, “Universities have cessful for the benefit of society, the John Denham, the Secretary of State expanded business co-operation, be- UK economy, the inventors and the Avantika Chilkoti ligram Containers of Fromage Frais. for Innovation, Universities and Skills, come more adept at exploiting intel- University.” An analyst at The Bookseller, Phil- has called for the re-organisation of lectual property and are better able ere are many examples of A Cambridge University Press publi- lip Stone, commented, “Six seems the UK’s research base in order that to support spin out companies. And spin-out companies re- cation has been featured in The Book- such a cruelly low number given the nation might retain its position as these trends need to continue. sulting from research seller magazine’s ‘Oddest Title of the that titles such as Excrement in the a world-leader in research. “We should not allow any ob- carried out at Cam- Year”’ shortlist. Late Middle Ages and All Dogs Have Denham’s comments, expressed in stacles to stand in the way of bridge. ese in- The title of Emmanuel Kowalski’s ADHD were rejected.” a speech at the Royal Academy of En- researchers who wish to com- clude Cambridge book about the study of prime num- Titles are often selected on the gineering to a number of British sci- bine blue-skies and translational Display Tech- bers, The Large Sieve and its Appli- basis of their susceptibility to mis- entists, emphasised the importance activities, or who wish to cut nologies Limit- cations, one of six interpretation. The ris- of research in terms of equipping the through traditional discipli- ed, Plastic Logic books nominated qué suggestion of kinky country “to meet the global econom- nary boundaries.” Limited, Smart for the award, is pensioner activity im- ic challenges we will face after the Cambridge is regarded by Holograms Lim- undoubtedly mis- plicit in one short-list- downturn”. many as a paradigm of Den- ited, Campath leading: if your ed title, Strip and Knit Denham spoke of the role of re- ham’s vision. The Research Sci- and Cambridge innumerate mind with Style, is so self- search in contributing “to this coun- ences Division holds numerous Serial Total En- has conjured up evident that the book’s try’s future prosperity and our ability Research Sciences seminars which ergy Package. a somewhat eerie publisher has since felt to help resolve the big global chal- highlight cutting-edge research for picture of oversized compelled to clarify: lenges,” and stressing the need to in- industry partners. vegetables and Her- “No, not that kind of crease private and public investment A report published by Library culean pasta, you stripping. Strips of fab- in both fundamental and translation- House in December 2008 are certainly not ric! Get your mind out al research. stated that the University alone. of the gutter and take He also said that the organisation generated £49.4 million The winner will your knitting to a whole of the UK’s research bases will de- last year from collabora- be decided on new place.” It goes with- termine the extent to which global tive research. It also not- March 27th by a out saying that allowing companies will invest in the country, ed that “the University popular vote on he the misinterpretation the growth and sustenance of home- of Cambridge is very Bookseller webpage to stand may not have grown companies, and effective use active in knowledge (www.thebooksell- been necessarily detri- of our pool of researchers. transfer with business, er.com). mental to sales. Denham suggested that interna- and is particularly out- The current title The titles are spotted tional collaboration would attract standing in terms of holder, If You Want Closure in Your and submitted by publishers, book- leading researchers to the UK and al- collaborative research, Relationship, Start With Your Legs, sellers and librarians around the low universities to develop as “genu- licensing, and spin-out has set high, if not tasteful, standards world. The submitter of the winning inely global institutions”. activity.” and the competition is indeed stiff. book will receive a magnum of cham- Universities were targeted as areas In addition, the Other bizarre titles among the six pagne. where better organisation could facil- report praised Cam- nominated for the Diagram Prize in- A spokesperson for CUP said: itate the realisation of the full benefits bridge Enterprise, clude Baboon Metaphysics, Curbside “We don’t know if our odd title is of research if we are “more sensitive which helps mem- Consultation of the Colon, Techniques odd enough, as it is up against some to the impact of research on the wider bers of the University for Corrosion Monitoring, and The mighty titles, but we’ve got our ngers economy, including its contribution “make their ideas and 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-mil- crossed!”
SOPHIE PICKFORD Varsity P r o l e Week 7: Dan Vickerman, Cambridge rugby Blues Captain
he girl behind the counter at Cam- he feels so strongly about in sport. bridge Blue Café starts making Dan Vickerman now lives in Cambridge TVickerman’s order before I even reach with his wife, Sarah, a primary school the counter. teacher, and their dog, a Bichon A regular haunt for grads, the well- Friese called Molly. He likes to take hidden café behind Silver Street is fast Molly, his “little mate” flown all the 6´8´´ becoming an extension of the Mill Lane way from Australia, to Castle Hill. Vickerman’s height lecture site for the mature Land Econo- He describes his love for all animals, my freshers, Vickerman included. not just poodles. ough he has never e 29-year-old rugby legend applied seen them in the wild, he particularly to Cambridge on the advice of his neigh- loves bears. bour in Canberra, who read Economics Whilst at school in Cape Town, he here. He has subsequently been elected did volunteer work for South Afri- Captain of the Light Blues this term. can National Care of Birds. His ideal Having left his school in Cape weekend, he describes, would be 119 Town, Vickerman came to England “away in the mountains, fly-fishing – Vickerman’s weight in kilograms to work in a glassworks factory in not that I have the chance to do that Cheltenham for a year, before em- at the moment!” barking on an impressive sporting When not mulling over the ISLM career including 55 Test matches for model or the Human Rights Act as Australia, where he hopes to return part of his degree, Vickerman can after graduating. often be found, pint of Guinness in 776 Before Cambridge, he played for – to hand, in the Eagle or the Granta. The number of Wallabies that came name but a few – Sydney University, “Cindies? I think I’ve been there before him the ATC Brumbies, New South Wales twice...” I remind him of one occasion Waratahs and the Wallabies, as Vice- in particular, and the unfortunate VK Captain and the team’s “vital cog”. Un- overdose experienced by those of us derstandably, then, he is idolised by in the group below 6’8’’ and 119 kg Courtney’s White orn. rugby fans across the world. –“Those things are horrible!” ough not a big music fan, he en- In turn, Dan’s ultimate idol, he Despite his captaincy, Vickerman has joys classical music, and loves Andrew tells me, is Nelson Mandela. Having never yet tried a Tomahawk, let alone Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera. grown up in South Africa, he un- downed one in Hawks’ Club style – “I Vickerman graduated in 2007 with derstands the hardship of Mandela’s love Guinness too much!” his rst degree in Financial Planning, struggle for equality, and it is a sub- Aside from drinking, he enjoys from the Royal Melbourne Institute of ject he feels strongly about. watching lms – a recent favourite Technology. A er completing his Land He has, for example, been Ambas- being, ttingly, Australia, which he Economy BA, he hopes to work as a sador for Australia’s national “Har- describes as “awesome – a nice story” property fund manager. mony Day”, promoting the equality – as well as reading books like Bryce Anna Harper Friday February 27th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 7
Addenbrooke’s under fire over child welfare In Brief child fatalities have brought the issue “It is deeply worrying that some “The team is trained to identify Gemma Oke to wider public attention. very basic checks to protect our most suspicious injuries and knows how to Addenbrooke’s Hospital has attracted Following the death of ‘Baby P’ vulnerable children are not in place raise concerns if necessary”. Flat as a pancake criticism after a Freedom of Informa- in August 2007, an independent re- in A&E. In 2007 over 81,000 people at- tion request revealed that staff at the view was commissioned by the then “The NHS is doing its best, but tended the A&E Department at Ad- Pancakes were responsible for a hospital’s Accident and Emergency Children’s Secretary Ed Balls. The many hospitals are getting incoher- denbrooke’s. disaster of an unexpected kind this department do not routinely check findings highlighted broad concerns ent messages about what to do to The Cambridge University Hospi- week when a council chairman was child patients against the Child Pro- over frontline agencies’ lack of co- prevent tragedies like the Baby P case tals NHS Foundation Trust, the local rushed to hospital after falling over tection Register. ordination and co-operation in child from happening again”. healthcare group to which Adden- during a pancake race. Chairman of Although it is not compulsory to protection cases. A spokesman for Addenbrooke’s brooke’s belongs, was rated ‘excellent’ Huntingdon District Council John check if a child is thought to be at Andrew Lansley, MP for Cam- said, “Although our emergency team for its use of resources and quality Davies, was attempting to overtake risk of neglect or abuse, a number bridgeshire South and the Shadow doesn’t routinely check the register, of services in 2008 by the Health- the mayor of Godmanchester during of high-profile incidents concerning Health Secretary, expressed concern they are all conscious of the need to care Commission’s annual report on the race in Huntingdon town cen- communication failures leading to over the findings. safeguard children. healthcare Trusts. tre yesterday, when he slipped and cut open his head. He also suffered a badly bruised shoulder and ribs. Councillor Davies blamed himself for the accident, saying, “I should have warmed up properly. My legs Test tube babies to find ‘donor siblings’ just locked and I went down like a sack of potatoes.” But the Councillor » Cambridge study suggests test tube babies could have over 50 unknown relatives is keen that his accident should not affect the future of the annual event. have rarely been mentioned in policy Christos Lavidos Around 150 people took part in a discussions about the regulation of series of races along the High Street. A Cambridge study has found that gamete donation, beyond concerns Davies confirmed his position in the babies conceived with the help of about the possibility of unwitting ‘in- race at the time of his fall as “in front donor sperm or eggs could have as cestuous’ relationships between peo- of the mayor of Huntingdon and be- many as 55 donor siblings. ple conceived with the same donor.” hind the mayor of Godmanchester.” The findings of the University’s She added: “Our most important He is the first casualty in the history Centre for Family Research, pub- finding is that the practice of donor of the event. lished in Europe’s leading reproduc- conception is creating new family tive medicine journal, Human Re- forms based on genetic links between production, on Tuesday, have given families with children conceived by Under the sea rise to concerns over the new forms the same donor, as well as between of extended families created by clin- donor-conceived children’s families Cambridge scientists have discov- ics’ repeated use of a single donor’s and their donors’ families. ered a massive mountain range sample. “Contrary to what might be ex- under the Antarctic. Researchers Director of the research Tabitha pected, this research has found that braved temperatures of -30 degrees Freeman said that in some cases, par- contact between these new family to map the ancient Gamburtsey ents found more than 10 donor sib- forms can be a very positive experi- range, two miles below the world’s lings. One parent found 55 brothers ence for those involved.” She went on largest ice sheet. Having predicted and sisters for their child. to explain that in some cases mothers a flat plateau, they instead found a The findings have implications for experienced maternal feelings for do- range similar in height and shape to a donor’s right to anonymity as bio- nor siblings of their own children af- the Alps, its peaks as high as Mont logical relatives attempt to track each ter such families came into contact. Blanc. One lake, Vostok, was 300km other down, and could spur legisla- 90 per cent of the parents featured long, similar in size to Lake Ontario tion limiting how many times genetic in the study were based in the United in North America. They also found material from one donor can be used States, where the guidelines for the water, turned to liquid by the pres- as a fertility aid. use of a donor’s sperm or eggs are sure of the East Antarctic ice sheet Dr Freeman said, “The study has less strict. above it, in rivers and lakes. Scien- exposed the fact that some clinics UK law since 2005 has stated that tists hope the findings will enable are using the same donor for a lot donors must agree to identification them to predict the effects of climate of families. Guidelines suggest this by parents who have used their sam- change on ice sheets. Their discovery should not be the case but they are ple to conceive. Identification must will also challenge long-held views not strictly enforced.” also be agreed to by children after that the ice sheet formed over mil- She continued, “Donor siblings their 18th birthdays. lions of years, as it suggests instead that they formed in a fraction of the time and the area could have been ice-free at some points in history.
City bonus The Government is planning to pump money into both the City and County councils to help them face the “difficult economic climate.” In an initiative designed to beat the recession, Cambridgeshire Country Council will receive over £482,000, whilst the City Council, hit hard by the Icelandic investment crisis, can look forward to an injection of al- most £531,000. County councillor We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and John Reynolds emphasised that it “is not extra money, but rather funding student socs and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 that has been held back, and which EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2009 single malts, Port, Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. If we and other authorities have been you can drink it, we sell it. waiting for.” He explained: “The scheme only returns funding that Festival Flats have a large number of good properties Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale was generated locally from business available in the heart of Edinburgh, all within walking accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. rates – and indeed the local economy contributes far more than it takes distance of the various venues Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial from central governments.” Head of Pursuit challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. the City Council Ian Nimmo-Smith, said that the money would go towards Please call Carole or Elaine on 01620 810620 if you Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill maintaining the “pre-eminence and would like us to help find the perfect flat for you. vitality” of the city’s shops; namely, Road. Edinburgh too. the revamping of Lion’s Yard shop- E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected] www.cambridgewine.com ping centre. News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday February 27th 2009 8 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Cambridge
Spies ca m b ridg e v en i n g ne ws
Newnham Red sky at night...
One fire-haired female visited her equally ginge sister last week and was treated to an exotic extrava- ganza at the city’s most Moroccan of night-spots. One red-blooded lad took a fancy to said school-girl, recently having celebrated her su- per sweet sixteen, and on consult- ing her role-model, it was decided that she should be in the advanced party on the way home, and that her new beau should accompany her back through the dark streets, dim enough to provided ample cover for a little ‘rumpy-pumpy’ to kindle under the College gates be- fore bed time. HQ M11 gridlocked as beer lorry overturns and sheds its load Who said air hostesses he M11 suffered considerable delays last Friday as 300 beer kegs fell from a goods vehicle. Frustrated motorists had to wait hours in a queue before they could pass the had all the fun? over-turned truck, blocking the slow lane, and rejoin the motorway. Each of the barrels holds 72 pints of beer when full, meaning a total of 21,000 pints were lying on the Tmotorway. The vehicle carrying the beer was overturned at 5.15am on the southbound carriageway between junction 8 for the A11, and junction 9 which leads to London After a certain flying-related- or Stansted airport. To help clear the beer kegs, highway agency officials closed slip roads between junction 8, the A11 and junction 10, for Duxford. Essex police were pleased ganisation within the university to report that no-one was injured in this accident but have said that a central reservation barrier has been damaged during the crash. Sufyan Khan finished its annual frivolities last week, the decorum usually as- sociated with the club was firmly abandoned. Fellow students would certainly balk at the sumptuous gastronomic experience enjoyed Controversy over fee cap abolition report by the few at the college with two Royal patrons, but what shock after » Government-commissioned report calls for tuition fee caps to be removed the event? Once back on home ter- ritory, and subsequent to the depar- so university providers feel a stronger “A competition-based system of vari- of a major economic downturn, John Caedmon Tunstall-Behrens ture of certain guests, a ‘naked bar’ sense of customer demand.” able fees depends on the assumption Chisholm is suggesting that hard-work- was declared. Clothing abandoned, A government-commissioned report He went on to say: “In most markets that university applicants and their ing families could pay up to £20,000 a pyramids of flesh were constructed has called for the removal of the cap on price capping has perverse consequenc- advisors can fully understand and navi- year towards the cost of higher educa- from soberly-challenged aviators. student tutition fees. es. It is not difficult to imagine that the gate their way through the process. tion – and that’s without living costs”, What would they get up to a mile The report, by Sir John Chisholm UK university sector could respond en- “Given the sheer amount of work we he said. higher, one wonders? (below), was published last week, hav- ergetically and creatively once artificial have to do to explain the current system Chisholm asserts that removing the ing been submitted to the government restrictions on student fees were lifted.” and ensure that students aren’t deterred cap would result in “greater flexibility Fitzwilliam in December. Charlotte Richer, CUSU’s access of- from applying to Cambridge through to develop and execute their own strat- Chisholm commented in the report ficer, commented: “Removing the cap misperceptions of costs, I think that egies. Regal relations that “the university business model is on fees would create a system dictated this premise is fundamentally wrong.” “That flexibility would be derived driven by research. There would ap- by market forces and overly influenced NUS president Wes Streeting is op- from a significantly higher proportion The president of a notorious dining pear to be a strong argument here for by the whims of graduate employers. posed to the recommendation, saying of private sector income coming from society was accosted by the manager releasing the cap on student fees and/ “We don’t disagree that the sector is that raising the fee cap would be “cata- student fees, donations, and knowledge of a distinctly unregal former cin- or channelling more of the government under-funded, but raising fees is the strophic”. based services including continuing ema who firmly informed him that funding through the student customers wrong way to go about remedying this. “It is staggering that, in the middle education.” none of his boys need “ever bother coming back”. Feigning a look of surprised innocence, he enquired as to why this request was being made. In stone-cold silence, she pointed towards a scene of carnage. Following an evening of beer Ol- ympics, four of the eight assembled blokes were vomiting copiously in a corner, to the consternation of five staff cowering on the balcony, one of whom, in evident distress, was holding a spouting undergraduate at arms’ length and shouting, “No, you can’t do this in here”, whilst a pass- ing tramp looked on gleefully. Friday February 27th 2009 Get it off your chest: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 9 e Essay
Homage to a Mediocrity Ben Slingo George Orwell is an author students love to love. His intellectual courage and plain style are two factors regularly invoked in such a judgement. But Ben Slingo argues that Orwell was a bad writer with bad politics, and deserves a colder re-evaluation.
he politics of Standpoint, a neo- 1984 is less jejune and has a certain him to aunt a masochistic brand of steeped in a utilitarianism just as Tconservative monthly founded cachet as every precocious thirteen nastiness as distasteful to the society harsh and brutish as that found last year, are not to this columnist’s year-old’s favourite novel. e plot, that reveres him as the snootiness he in the strictures of Jeremy taste, outlandish though that taste however, is as full of holes as the always reviled. Obsessed by manual Bentham. Style, ction, even undeniably is. A strident cheerleader prose is of memorable phrases (of labour, the lthier and more exhaust- art itself are to him not in- for what one might call the ‘John which Orwell coined so many he ing the better, he cultivated not only a trinsically valuable treasures Stuart Mill with cluster bombs’ school could have opened a literary version vegetable garden but also a contempt to be prized and celebrated of international relations, Standpoint of the Royal Mint). If Julia has slept for the e eminacy of ‘fairies’. With but mere tools worth no bewails our feebleness in defence of with dozens of party drudges before, respect to food and wine, fashion and more than the political ‘Western civilisation’. Amongst the why is her doom with Winston (more décor, his socially motivated austerity motive for which they are frenzied keening, however, there is subtlety!) so inevitable? Worse still, le him in the most lamentable state pressed into service – hence one page that is always diverting. the novel fails to terrify because its known to an intelligent man – joyful his impulse to censor the Emblazoned with the words totalitarian regime is far too per- and unashamed ignorance. His crude ‘dangerous’ Salvador Dali. In ‘Overrated / Underrated’, its recipe fect – untarnished by such human patriotism, and his admiration for this outlook, if in little else, he is unvarying and simple. Take one touches as corruption, confusion or the ‘emotions’ if not the ‘allegiance’ resembles the propagandists he illustrious intellectual prone to le ish sincerely-carried ideological baggage, of Colonel Blimp, cast doubt on so cleverly satirised. urges and attack him with a (more it becomes superhuman and thus whether, in matters of fundamental Yet if Orwell is unworthy of or less) gurative pick-axe. en incredible. morality, he ever strayed too far from the praise with which it is fash- pick another thinker who is reliably e riposte of any dedicated Or- his public school roots. e ascetic of ionable to smother him, per- right-wing, ostensibly inferior and, if haps such acclaim is a paradoxi- possible, altogether unknown. Gar- cally suitable punishment. Many nish him with abundant (if dubious) of those who now appeal to his laurel leaves and one has a punchily “ e irony is as ponderous as Boxer the memory are precisely the people revisionist column. Sometimes, as in whom he would most despite. To the demolition of Eric Hobsbawm horse’s transformation into glue” be invoked by the Daily Mail for and Norman Foster, this technique the trivial purpose of condemning has its advantages. But when one wellian is predictable: it is in Orwell’s later years, a er all, for all this class a government initiative on putting starts resurrecting Ian Fleming at the essays, not his ction, that one must fervour, did rather evoke the ill-treat- sensors in wheelie-bins must, a er expense of John Le Carré things get seek his genius. ese too, alas, are ed boarder at wartime Eton. all, be the sort of experience that very gruesome very quickly. irredeemably marred, and one of Yet Orwell’s obsession with simplic- would inhabit George Orwell’s In the spirit of ‘if one can’t agree the dis guring factors is also one ity is most vividly apparent not in personal Room 101. with it, one might as well plagiarise it’ of Orwell’s de ning characteristics: his lifestyle but in his prose style. It I shall embrace this model, albeit in inverted snobbery. In his literary is here, perhaps, that the adulation an abbreviated form. No other British criticism this prejudice can be ruin- heaped upon him is most lavish and intellectual inspires the same hushed ous, not least because what it ruins is least explicable. Whilst his plain reverence as George Orwell. Even so o en perceptive. sentences may resound with a sort of Darwin, whose birthday has just been A er a clinical dissection of Dick- frugal elegance, he knowingly rejected celebrated with a t of glee, elicits an- ens’ caricatures (never characters), in the most exquisite possibilities of the ger from religious zealots and disdain which he observes that they are essen- English language. He may never have from trendy postmodernists liable to tially static and can only be imagined wasted a word, but then had Michae- be anathematised in the aforemen- repeating the same phrase or action, langelo whitewashed the Sistine tioned Standpoint column. Orwell wilfully blunts his scalpel by ceiling he need never have wasted a Yet, like most universal adulation, refusing to rank the great Victorian brushstroke. ings can be beauti- that enjoyed by Orwell is largely charlatan lower than Tolstoy. His ful without being necessary: that is unearned. In the case of the novels his grounds? Unlike the Russian, Dickens the rationale behind literature, the mediocrity is glaring. Animal Farm, can “reach simple people”. Orwell’s heights of which Orwell enthusiasts though a brave work for a man on the elevation of George Gissing to the claim he scaled. radical Le , is so devoid of subtlety status of Greatest English Novelist In a revealing comment, Orwell that every one of its characters can be because of his attentive depiction of once compared style to a window matched exactly to a real-life Russian. the working class in New Grub Street pane, its sole function being to Snowball, Trotsky; Napoleon, Stalin: displays the same perversity. convey with clarity the enlightening there is more allegorical cunning in Nor are such prejudices always clad content that shone through it. is C.S. Lewis’ Narnia. e irony, mean- in the tasteful guise of bookchat. Or- statement captures a aw connected while, is as ponderous as Boxer the well’s embrace of proletarian culture, to, but still more debilitating than, horse’s transformation into glue. while o en bold and trailblazing, led his class prejudice. Orwell’s work is Comment Editor: Robert Stagg Friday February 27th 2009 10 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Foreign Guy Correspondence Stagg Crunched News The recession has given us miserable and lazy journalism Cambridge goes all over the world in a riot of semi-imperialist journalism he silly season was credit crunched into all avenues of life. Finance, at one quantity. Firstly, obsessive commentary lowed by interest rate predictions. If the Tthis year. Stories about Morris time conversational suicide for any self- on the recession has made for predictable recession has encouraged an isolationist dancers chasing wheels of cheese across respecting dinner party, became the only and unimaginative journalism. Secondly, mentality, it is one that journalists have the Cotswolds went the way of Lehman valid topic of discussion. Oscar Wilde’s endless recordings of every dip and blip made no e ort to resist. Brothers. Columns once reserved for clichés on the opposition of art and util- in the graphs-that-make-the-world- Ultimately, what has been exposed is anecdotes about gallant remen saving ity seemed to spell the end for catwalks go-round further de ate the already the ckleness of the whole journalistic misplaced pets were replaced by experts and galleries alike. Even the bubble felt punctured bubble of consumer con - enterprise. Signi cant global events test in every eld of doom and gloom. the e ects, with students giving up on dence. irdly, attempts by journalists previously nascent opinions – as the BBC News spent the entire month graduate employment and nding little to divine increasingly dystopian visions recent con ict in Gaza demonstrated recycling photographs of traders, bankers comfort in rolled cigarettes or Manage- of the future exploit reader concern with with the sudden polarising of the student and stockbrokers, each sweating the last ment Studies. a rather indulgent form of sadomaso- body into caricatured advocates of terror- of their self-respect into the last of their chism. Finally, the recession has ism or Zionism. However, these opinions Jermyn Street shirts. Every headline been transformed from a nancial come and go with the tide of popular Week 7: Sri Lanka seemed to quote generously from the phenomenon into an intellectual interest: out with the climate change, in Revelation of Saint John. In September fashion, a bandwagon onto which with the credit crunch. Obsession not y the time the sun had risen on light relief nally came in the form of the almost every hack has jumped. only makes the hypocrisy of journalism 2009, my plan to see in the new Large Hadron Collider managing to re Other interests and concerns - more obvious, but it lters the rest of the Bdecade in Sri Lanka had already been up without swallowing Switzerland into political and social matters of world through a paradigm of exaggera- formulated. New Year’s Eve over a black hole. genuine consequence - have been tion. there is mesmerising, and it is home For those of an Apocalyptic persua- subordinated to the fortunes of the Newspaper editors have a tremendous to my best friend who I do not see sion, newspapers must have been a stock exchange. in uence over the nature of public debate o en enough. source of constant joy. Broadsheets imag- e recession becomes doubly and the tone of public understanding. However, Sri Lanka is also the ined the City of London as a ghost town pernicious in its e ect. Not only ey both respond to it and direct it. stage for one of the longest civil wars within a decade, and within a generation has government spending on Af- Necessarily the recession dominates Asia has ever experienced, which Canary Wharf rebranded as the Museum rica, in both aid and peacekeeping, newspaper headlines as it dominates our has claimed in excess of 70,000 lives. of Capitalist Civilisation. Tabloids took been dramatically reduced, but own lives. But this should be measured Since the Tamil New Tigers militia the more pragmatic approach of printing We cannot deny the recession, nor can popular interest and support has waned not by popularity or ubiquity, but by was formed in 1972, its members more esh. we ignore it in the hope that it will go as newspapers pursue an increasingly justi cation. have been orchestrating suicide Soon pundits tried to outbid politi- away. Journalists have a responsibility to introverted policy of domestic reporting. Editors must ensure that any journal- bombings and military skirmishes cians in the negativity of their economic respond to the economy, especially when e future of Afghanistan seems to istic production, whether reporting or in order to secure North-Eastern re- forecasts: drizzling comparisons to Black its behaviour proliferates through all have deserted the public conscience, commentary, is rst and foremost an at- gions of Sri Lanka as their independ- Monday became tempestuous recollec- avenues of interest for the potential read- as newspapers see t to report only the tempt to improve understanding and not ent territory. tions of the Great Depression, trumped ership, whether interior decoration or death of an occasional soldier, and even merely to propagate doubt and hysteria. e rst time I travelled to Sri nally by likening the saturated property football transfers. Many journalists have then as long as it does not get in the way e fact that we are in a recession does Lanka in the summer of 2004, the market to the Deluge itself. e more ful lled this responsibility with insight- of another exhausting review of corpo- not necessarily justify writing about the peace brokered by Norway between journalists adopted the rhetoric of the ful and honest analysis of the problems rate bonuses and banking practices. recession. Less is more. Admittedly, an the government and the Tamil Tigers rapture, the more traders acted as if the facing us at the start of the twenty- rst Crucial public debates, on everything article condemning the ills of recession- was still being upheld. However, by End of Days was right round the corner. century. from Europe to educational reform, are journalism would most probably be the the next year it held only nominal Such pessimism cannot fail to di use e criticism is not one of quality, but given no space for expression, swal- rst to go. authority, and in my subsequent visit in 2006 a car bomb exploded in Colombo, only a couple of streets away from where I was sleeping o the thirteen-hour journey. Since last George year, when the Sri Lankan govern- ment pulled out of the truce, the Owers Cloud Cuckoo Conservatism violence has escalated. e events of the past few weeks have certainly made me question the CUCA is irresponsibly wrong about the economy booking of my ights for December. On Friday, two planes controlled by the rebel group the Tamil Tigers at- tacked the capital of Colombo. At the UCA’s hard-right ideologues must state action can save us. Most responsi- seems to be just about the only institu- the ensuing slump. It appears that Mr beginning of February, nine people Chave been pleased to see their Chair- ble economists realise that the only way tion in the entire world that attributes Sharpe wants us to ignore these lessons were killed in the shelling of a hos- man, James Sharpe, appear in Varsity last to get the banks lending again is to na- the current crisis to too little marketisa- of history and leap back into Dark Age pital in the northern Vanni region. week to defend Conservative Party eco- tionalise the entire banking system now. tion rather than too much. Only by state of greed and market failure, only this So the threat of potential violence nomic ‘policy’. To be fair, at least Sharpe Leaving the current motley collection of action to regulate economic activity time with complete abandon. e Tory remains and is unnerving. admits that a hardcore neo-liberal ideol- nancial bloodsuckers in charge of the can we manage these risks and prevent Party of Stanley Baldwin lives on. I am fortunate. My destination ogy underpins his party’s stance. e nancial system is like leaving Dracula periodic nancial crises. Mr Sharpe and his neo-liberal Tory is the town of Galle, in the virtually Tory leadership doesn’t have the guts for in charge of a lengthy blood transfusion e hard empirical evidence for this cronies are what Adam Smith termed una ected south. Still, any trip to Sri any such enterprise. is, however, is operation. Inadvisable. truth exists – it’s called the past. From “men of system”, unable to adapt their Lanka begins and ends in its interna- hardly surprising, given the absurdity of Even if the state could realistically be- 1945 until the 1970s the world had a rigid prescriptions and ideology-crazed tional airport in Colombo, the focus such a position. come the ‘nightwatchman’ that the clas- well-regulated nancial system operating models to the reality of people’s opinions of so many attacks. Mr Sharpe does not address the and wants – namely, security, full Part of me wonders if it is irrational fact that if the state had followed his employment, and prosperity without the to go somewhere if you are aware you prescriptions over the past two years and insane extremes of greed and inequality. are putting yourself in danger. But if le the market to determine the fate of “ e current crisis is the best chance...to Although cold comfort to those suf- fear triumphs then so do those who the actors within the world economic fering now, the current crisis is the best use it as a weapon, and I do not want system, then it is improbable that there save people from these atcherite zealots” chance in thirty years to make these to let terrorism limit my experiences would be a nancial sector le by now. modest ambitions a reality and save or my enjoyment. When the US government let just one people from these atcherite zealots. However, there is obviously a line nancial institution go bankrupt, namely sical liberals salivate over, it shouldn’t. within the framework of the Bretton- In last week’s article James Sharpe said between continuing to act normally Lehman Brothers, the resulting panic Contrary to Mr Sharpe’s assertions, this Woods settlement. that the economy is only “slightly more and being realistic which must be and market turbulence came close to catastrophe is the result of a dumb faith Whereas the neo-liberal era has seen important” than people dropping ciga- navigated carefully. With regards to collapsing the entire nancial system. in the e cient market hypothesis, and increased instability, lower growth, and rette butts. To the minor aristocrats and the situation in Sri Lanka, though, If the market had been allowed to only a result of the failure of the state in- spiralling levels of inequality, during assorted examples of the upper-middle- given the Foreign O ce’s advice determine the fate of every such troubled sofar as the state did not act more rmly the post-war consensus years boom- class that attend CUCA’s cheese and port just to remain in the south, I do not institution, the resulting carnage would to prevent such madness. and-bust was largely (if not completely) evenings, this may seem plausible. To believe that I am foolishly putting have been the nancial equivalent of a Actors in a market are not rational curtailed, and the world enjoyed a ordinary people who don’t have Mummy myself in danger. I hope, both self- thermonuclear apocalypse. calculating machines able to use data ‘golden age’ of relative nancial security and Daddy’s nest-egg to fall back on, ishly and sel essly, that it is a peaceful e same applies if governments to e ciently determine the optimum and increasing living standards. In 1945 the health of the economy is what their country in which I shall arrive in around the world had not re-capitalised allocation of resources. ey are o en it seemed that we had stepped back livelihoods depend on. I hope for their December, but I shall be arriving the banks (as suggested by Gordon driven by irrational exuberance, which from the brink and said: “Never again”. sake that we can nally return the world nonetheless. Brown). e state is too enmeshed in leads to insane speculative bubbles that We seemed to have learned the lessons to economic sanity. economic life to simply withdraw at a can destabilise the real economy. of the speculative madness of the late George Owers is Publicity and Publica- Vanessa Macdougall stroke without massive consequences. In Surely that is apparent to everyone 1920s and the ensuing orgy of classical tions O cer of Cambridge Universities fact, if anything, only more emergency by now. e British Conservative Party economic orthodoxy that prolonged Labour Club. Friday February 27th 2009 Get it off your chest: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 11
Spk yr brains
e Wit and Wisdom of the World Wide Web
Week 7: e Oscars
I went to see Gran Torino on Friday, a movie that deals with real issues facing our society. It also dealt humourously with racism, ageism, gangs and guns. Would the luvvies have considered it? Of course not because there was no gay agenda and it had those dreadful guns being used in a positive way. Shame on Clint Eastwood for making such a relevent lm
I can’t believe the number of people who say they don’t care about the Oscars, only to assume anyone cares
ANNA TRENCH about what they have to say. I mean, the guys made some good lms and so they have to get your jealous complaints on here. e worse part Joe is, I’m the one sad enough to respond Farish to you. e Image Problem [email protected] Cambridge has a poisonously bad reputation for fair access I think that Slumdog Millionaire was THE best movie of all time! Yay Slumdog! WHOOO!!!! It absolutely, totally deserved winning the Oscars! e are constantly being told by enough, also donated money to the col- university life even in the unlikely event person who was prepared to look care- Shows that Britain is not bad a er Wour Government and by the lege, just in case. Alternatively, everyone that they are accepted. fully at the statistics used as ‘evidence’ all! Go slumdog, go slumdog! On media that Cambridge harbours an at the University must be library-loving e problem is that the media, gov- by the BBC would not come to the the whole it was great! Kate Winslet institutional bias against state school geeks who are chained to their desks ernment, teachers and parents are rely- same conclusions. must have also been very happy...... applicants. Each year there is continued twenty-four hours a day. No one ever ing on stereotypes that are 30 years out Year a er year MPs heap criticism on of course winning the Oscars! Britain debate over the applications processes goes out, does any sport or extra- of date. According to the NFER report, Cambridge for not meeting arbitrary tar- rules!! Obviously in the lming of Cambridge and Oxford. curricular activities or anything normal when asked to estimate the percentage gets for state school students. John Den- industry it totally does rule! A Level results are scrutinised, quotas like ‘socialising.’ of Oxbridge students from state schools ham, the Secretary of State for Universi- and percentages are drawn up, and Given this misguided and false teachers gave answers ranging from ve ties, talked of a “social bias across higher RP, Blackburn, Kent data is analysed. And the Government’s image, which remains sadly prevalent to 70 per cent, when this gure is closer education”. eir headline-grabbing conclusion? e poor performance of among would-be applicants, it is no to 55 per cent. Many teachers were rhetoric only does one thing – makes a Look at that silly girl sobbing into state schools’ applications to Oxbridge wonder that many of the brightest and also unaware that it is o en cheaper to bad situation worse. Instead of address- her cleavage, akll too much on must be the fault of the elitist institu- most able students are put o applying study at Oxbridge, instead giving their ing the real issues (inadequate funding, display. WHAT was she thinking of?? tions that have proven unwilling to support and advice in schools), MPs nd Does she not have children? What open their doors beyond a narrow pool it easier to whip up some vote-winning will they think seeing mummy on of privileged private schools. anti-elitism which damages Oxbridge’s the television exposing herself to However, it is exactly this type of already poor reputation. millions of viewers? It’s Janet Jackson negative rhetoric and one-sided pres- e tragic irony is that the institution- gone mad. Who cares about the Os- entation of Oxbridge in the media and al bias that hampers Oxbridge applica- cars anyway? Ppl are dying all over by the government which perpetuates tions comes not from the universities the world in Zimbabwe, struggling and compounds the problem. If we themselves but from the media and to make ends meet, and all we care want to see Cambridge becoming more government’s insistence on portraying about are which celebs have got the representative of state school applicants them as elitist and socially biased. While most plunged necklines. ps. didnt and students from underprivileged it is right that our universities are held to madge look terrible. backgrounds then we need to encour- account over their admissions proce- age more applicants to apply in the rst dures to ensure that they are fair and honesttaxpayer, bedford instance. unbiased, this should be done construc- e fault does not lie with Cam- here. Nobody talks about the people, students incorrect information which tively, objectively and independently. ey should give all the money to bridge’s application process; on the con- who are diverse and interesting, or the overestimates the cost. It’s easy to see If we want to see more students charity. trary, the admissions procedure is both extra-curricular activities, which are why some state school students would from under-represented backgrounds transparent and fair. e problem stems wide and varied. be discouraged from applying if their applying here then we need to tackle [email protected] from Cambridge’s image and it is this Rather, an image based around exag- teachers are poorly informed and are Cambridge’s image problem head on. that needs to change if we are to make gerated stereotypes has been le with- providing them with a negative view of We need to dispel myths about the Good, informal show this year! any progress in improving the number of out being contradicted or challenged. Oxbridge. interview process, the cost of studying Wolverine did a grand job! Snickt! students from under-represented groups. Indeed, a 2005 report by the National Similarly, the BBC claimed in re- and the social life to ensure that people Why waste your time commenting if Cambridge is commonly seen as a Foundation for Educational Research sponse to a report by the Sutton Trust are making decisions based on facts, you didn’t like the show? It’s like my university attended by the posh, the (NFER) showed that the perceived in 2007 that the school someone attend- not outdated stereotypes. gran said before she died of cancer: rich, the geeks and the nerds. It is as- social mix of students was a signi cant ed was key to their success in gaining Joe Farish is standing to be CUSU if you cant say nething nice, dont say sumed that students got a place because factor putting people o applying to a student place at Oxbridge. is sug- Access O cer. Another Access anything at all. BRAVE JADE 4EVA. their family has been going there for Oxbridge. is perception further dis- gestion is both false and damaging, and candidate, Andy McGowan, has written generations, Daddy paid for a private courages well-rounded applicants, since represents journalism in its laziest and an article for the Varsity blog: cervicallover, London school education, and as if that wasn’t they don’t think they’d t in or enjoy most irresponsible form. Any intelligent http://blog.varsity.co.uk M43190 355x270 Cambridge:x 20/2/09 10:56 Page 1
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THISMAGAZINE WEEK IN THE MAGAZINE: MEET IAIN SINCLAIR, RELUCTANT FATHER OF PSYCHOGEOGRAPHY / LONDON SLANG / PATRICK WOLF / STREET STYLE / LEWIS WOLPERT / THIS WEEK’S DRAMA
Photograph of the week by Natasha Amladi his photo was taken of“T the fountain in Trinity Great Court early on a Sunday morning in late December. I was trying to take a picture of the whole foun- tain, but it was the piercing Cam- bridge sunlight (the stu that blinds you as you cycle to lectures in the morning) that drew my attention to the elaborate detail at the top. It was not the skilled cra smanship of the ligree detail- ing of the grey stone that caught my eye; it was the simplicity of the light and shade that - to me - truly captured its intri- cate form.”
If you have a poten- tial Photograph of the week, send it to features@varsity. co.uk My week by Hermes, University Messenger God* evening – my erupting volcano and Sunday that it would have made Genghis Khan deadlines, so the ve o’ clock rush hour your quivering earthquake will frenzy Always a busy day with the drinking see eye to eye with Gandhi. I spend the was spent delivering a few essays, and SARAH WOOLEY the FTSE100.” Some things just can’t be teams organising their endless swaps. morning delivering two hundred emails lots of excuses. ere seem to be three ursday explained away. ese messages are notable for their of disgust from the more right-on forms of excuse: extraordinary circum- During the internet age the poten- insincere use of irony when actually members of his faculty. Lef3 called him stance, whinging self-pity and good tial for shame and ignominy can be Friday delivering a statement that is deadly a “stupid racist” and noh8 a “disgust- old fashioned honesty. My favourite of just a mouse-click away. How many Busy morning with a raging debate over serious, example: “ e Mercenaries are ing, reactionary pig”. I did deliver one the later this week from chil2 was “I Cambridge careers, I wonder, have a college mailing list about ethical eat- going to show the Cambridge women’s message of solidarity though, from the nd enclosure deathly boring so I just been irretrievably set back by missing ing. e college environmental o cer sailing team how to really hoist a sail Emmanuel May Ball Committee. couldn’t help but spend the whole day the ‘reply to sender only’ button and recommended free range eggs in hall, this evening.” watching e Wire instead... Would you clumsily ordering me to ‘reply to sender only to be called a “hemp-chewing, Wednesday still like it maybe in a couple of days?” and all recipients’. A covert relationship sandal-wearing beard fetishist” by the Monday A er a day of considered silence, I between lad69 and his DoS that had captain of the rugby team. It’s gone all I was attempting to get some sleep in delivered an unquali ed apology to the ursday been ring for over a year was let out the way to the top; I have just deliv- the small hours of the morning, when I SPS mailing list on behalf of dum101. Supervisor replies to chil2, “Not a the bag today for precisely that reason. ered draconian orders from the List was called into action at half past three. He confessed that alcohol makes him problem, I feel your pain, try writing a In reply to the DoS’s message that the Monitor. Lad69 has been doing his best In response to his invitation to a talk racist, and he only sent the email a er PhD on it. Could you lend me Season talk on the economic consequences of to explain away yesterday a ernoon’s on African nation-building, dum101 getting back from a heavy night out, but 3? I need to know what happens to natural disasters had sadly been can- mishap, but his fellow students are had me deliver a message to every lef3 was unconvinced, demanding what Stringer Bell.” celled, lad69 innocently replied “Shame, unconvinced and the Senior Tutor is single member of the SPS mailing list kind of drunkard checks his emails at how about I come to yours instead this perturbed. containing such furious imperialism three in the morning. Big day for essay * As told to Rob Peal
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS HERE): It’s Pancake Day and you’re chundering all over the shop. Chunder on the carpet; chunder on the duvet; chunder on the cheese toastie machine; chunder on the MacBook Pro; chunder on the dis- sertation; chunder on pretty much everything, in fact. Chunder chunder chunder. Bleurgh. p14 You ate too many pancakes. p15 You’ve got the Noros virus thing. Food & Drink Editors: Jonathan Franklin & Amanda Palin Friday February 27th 2009 14 Food & Drink [email protected] varsity.co.uk
EDITOR-AT-LARGE ED CUMMING, CONFINED TO HIS SICKBED, PONTIFICATES ON THE INS AND Ed at large OUTS OF TAKEAWAYS (AND PRAWN COCKTAIL) s decent and civilised readers ity was rst aroused by a message in making their way out through the nobody, except possibly slags, goes Ayou’ll accept my apologies for my inbox. is message went out to same way they came in. In which case, into a hospital with a broken leg to be this week. Clearly you haven’t read all in statu pupillari, so you may be said the college nurse, I was to stay in reassured by a diagnosis of “It’s not the piece yet, but as we go on just familiar with it. In it were set out a and not go out until that which was Chlamydia,” do they? remember that I’ve banked that apol- range of medical symptoms, of varying going in was staying in, and not going When one is in and can’t be out, one ogy, and that as decent and civilised grossness, and an advisory that anyone out the way it had come in or going has two choices for food, either one readers you are honour-bound to displaying said symptoms, which out the way it was supposed to go out gets someone who’s out to get a take- accept it and make do. I hope I’m not seemed speci cally designed to include before due time. During this time it out to bring for you to eat in, or one too insensitive, but I’m always asked to common man- u and hangovers, was went without saying, she said, that orders a delivery man to come out and be outlandish. to stay in and not go out, and not let nobody was to go in or out until that bring food in to you. I chose the latter. ere’s a famous description of anyone else come in and go out again, which was causing the whole hokey- In delivery food, as in life, you tend to cricket, beloved of tea-towel-makers, unless the nurse made an outcall and cokey confusion was out. get out what you put in. Our thoughts which plays humorously with the insisted you weren’t infectious. Nobly I accepted my fate, not least turned to the miraculous ‘Flying Wok’ prominence of ‘in’ and ‘out’ in the I replied to this email in a rare par- because I felt slightly guilty for impos- delivery service. e Flying Wok is game’s lexicon. Whilst I think of tea- oxysm of civic responsibility, observ- ing on the poor lady the following unique amongst restaurants, both take towels as rarely as the next man, which ing that I had been display- ing conversation: out and in, in seeming not physically is to say hardly at all, I nonetheless one or two of these “What’s wrong with to exist, but rather to exist, like the found myself remembering this phrase symptoms, me?” wind, in the motion of its little this week for reasons which we’ll come namely that “Well, it’s Noro- cartons of mislabelled oriental to. For the bene t of the ba ed, I one or virus.” variety. Myself and a fellow paraphrase, but it goes something like two of the “Phew, well invalid had a selection, not this: foodstu s I that’s a relief. I all of which were inedible and You have two teams, one out in the had of late thought it was some of which were very like eld and one in. Each man that’s in the ingested certainly a virus. the dishes we read about and side that’s in goes out, and when he’s had been Is it a bacterial ordered. Like all food delivered to out he comes in and the next man goes making infection?” impatient inpatients, it was in as soon in until he’s out. When they are all out, their way “No, it’s Norovirus.” as it was out, and some of it was then the side that’s out comes in and the out rather “I’m sure, but it must be out as soon as it was in. side that’s been in goes out and tries to too keenly, something, surely. I mean I Guiltiest in this regard was the prawn get those coming in, out. Sometimes and some didn’t eat that much cheese.” cocktail they put in in lieu of prawn you get men still in and not out. Etc. others have “You’ve got Norovirus.” crackers, an outré gesture not so much Very droll, I’m sure you’ll agree. Ex- been “So you said, but what jumbled as crazy. Prawn cocktail, like cept for those of you who are actually about the ‘neither’?” Liberace, was once rather in, but is now unfamiliar with the rules of cricket, One has to amuse de nitely out, as was proven by the in which case you’re probably better oneself, and for a speed with which it went into the loo, served by TCS anyway. nurse I felt she a place prawn crackers have never, in Anway. Without going into the ins was being most my experience, gone. We were quite put and outs of it too much, my curios- unspeci c – out: it just wasn’t cricket.
FRANKLIN AND PALIN GO HEAD TO HEAD ON THE GREASY ISSUE OF JUNK FOOD Junk in the Trunk Taking the Biscuit carrot and celery, ground cumin and of a healthy lifestyle and there is no need Walkers Multipack coriander. Blend for a smooth nish. to deny oneself fats and simple sugars love Waitrose. ose extra aisle Whatever happens, you won’t come because of the actions of a few irrespon- hose of you who haven’t been liv- inches make all the di erence. I’m away with the sweaty hands of someone sible mothers. e junk food debate has ing in a cauldron will surely have Chocolate Junkyard aI tongue, not turkey twisters girl, you who has been reaching into a shiny foil been maternally polarised, with ‘yummy Tnoticed that Walkers have brought see. Or was it twizzlers? But good, packet of heart disease. Admittedly, mummies’ who’d rather see their out a new range of avours, designed Bene’t’s on King’s Parade – £2 wholesome fare shouldn’t have to be carrot batons don’t always make a party, children with an AK47 than a packet of by the willing general public. I don’t t could have been a children’s party. the reserve of the Wellie Brigade, and so I’m willing to stretch to a ‘bit of this, Quavers. Of course, there are the other know who they were looking for, but A chocolate item was presented to its colour scheme needn’t be limited to bit of that’ approach. But please don’t let type of parents, vili ed by Jamie Oliver they didn’t nd them, unless they were meI by a smiley, bespectacled, bald sludgy greens. I happen to have a spe- your bit of that include ‘Rustlers’, that and the Daily Mail alike, who think that planning to employ all the people man. e party factor lay in the fact cial passion for orange foods. is does very slightly beefy snack advertised as Starburst count as one of the ve a day. neglected by Care-in-the-Community that the Chocolate Junkyard came with not include the ‘Monster Munch’ that being ‘nought to tasty in seconds’. Or if Do not be sucked, impressionable reader, programmes. Choosing between the a knife and fork. I de nitely didn’t set a Jonathan speaks of, mind. What is most you must, consider toasting a pumpkin into either groups’ blinkered vision. unappetising and the stopwatch, pull on a few items of fancy suspicious about this as a foodstu , seed or two to sprinkle on top of the Miss Palin and her set would have unoriginal, it is now dress, and try to eat as much of the is that unlike the ‘pan-fried corn-fed’ square of congealed whey-powder (or you eating cabbage for a midnight essay the public’s duty above as possible using only the uten- chicken, ‘Munch’ o ers no indication processed cheese) provided. snack and celebrating birthdays with to vote which one sils provided though. I was too busy of what one is about to place in one’s freshly baked quiche. Presents serve becomes canonised. thinking about the shiny head who mouth. Heavens, it’s not even a noun. a social function by being unneces- Among the treats had just given me a free shot of melted e two occasions when I have sampled sary (only thoughtful presents from are Fish’n’Chips chocolate that gave me a moustache, this maize savoury (the rst when I moth-eaten relatives contravene this and Hoisin Duck. which can only be empowering, right? swapped lunches with Araminta, whose rule), and treats have to be the same. If Eschew the e strength of a man was necessary mother was known to be disreputable; you try to get vitamins through your former unless for the Junkyard; the thing weighed the second on a motorway during a culinary vices, you’re making a big you want to release more than its shape insinuated. It com- dark night of the soul), I experienced mistake, snacks need to be unhealthy a smell akin to Margate at pub prised a few inches of treacly apjack, exactly the same salty, sugary taste lapses in an otherwise faultless diet. If closing time. e latter is preferable, nished with another centimetre or sensation. you eat your Brussels sprouts and check although still tastes of formaldehyde. so of butter-heavy, and thus bitable Herein lies the problem with pack- your pulses, and dessert isn’t a piece Builder’s Breakfast (all the grease and chocolate. is was embedded with aged goods; the lucky dip factor from Peace of Cake of cake, then why not Twix yourself or none of the taste) is to be avoided, a Mars bar chunk and white choco- buying, say, some Space Invaders, or a take a Malteaser breather. It’s impor- and Onion Bhaji does to crisps what late mouse. And get this: there were Double Decker, is over a er your rst ultipacks of crisps, eclipsed only tant to di erentiate between the role of Bride and Prejudice did to cinema. additional hundreds-and-thousands, pop. ey taste the same every time. My by black pudding, are one of the food in joining body and soul and its ose who think Chilli and Choco- which added a very important textural sort of orange food, on the other hand, mostM unappealing examples of British potential as a source of comfort. Tasty, late sounds appealing should stick to dimension to an otherwise chewy always comes out a little di erent. For eating habits. Partly because they seem greasy, saccharine junk food should Cadbury’s. Although nothing beats the snack. ey also added to the acid-trip example, ‘red’ split lentil soup (which to go straight from shelf to screaming play a part in your diet, for paying too stench of road-kill, Cajun Squirrel has experience of sitting in Benet’s, replete has a misleading name of its own). pram and partly because the smell of 24 much consideration to self-denial is resulted in a public health recall. Don’t as it is with ice-cream counter, small Fry an onion, add lentils and some packs of Monster Munch is worse than unhealthy. Choose chocolate, have encourage them: choose an election fernery, and chemistry-class-colourful stock, and simmer. For added excite- sewers in July. However, as Cadbury’s screaming children (but never let the where there are serious candidates, like bottles of ‘Vitamin Water’. ment: ginger and garlic, nely chopped reminds us, treats can be enjoyed as part twain meet). Guolong Li for CUSU President.
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): You can never eat too many pancakes. p13 Have another go. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Columnists 15 Slang Tang SHOCKED BY ITS LINGUISTIC LIMITATIONS, KIRAN MOODLEY STARTS A ONE MAN CAMPAIGN TO BRING THE STREET TO THE COBBLED LANES OF CAMBRIDGE eeking to liven up a conversation First word of the day had to be However, if you did decide said girl Swith public school-hopper Emma, ‘butterz’. e main hurdle with but- was choong, you would obviously I asked what her favourite piece of terz is that it has to be said without go to chirpse ( irt) her (I could tell slang was. Bemused, my Bloomsbury- pronouncing the t’s, otherwise you Emma was getting slightly confused dwelling friend revealed that she didn’t really do sound like a parent attempt- at this point). Upon chirpsing the girl, really know any. It set me on a mission ing slang. But for some, it’s just too it may dawn upon you that she was to repaint Cambridge with the linguis- hard to chip away at the bastion that is butterz and not bu , and thus you pro- tic colour of slang, and Emma would the Queen’s English. What I did notice ceed to chunder. is ruined the kotch Competition be my rst pupil. during our daily lessons was that slang and all was no longer lush. Never, ever, Cambridge’s rare ed bubble has is always better at describing stu that chirpse a munter: it’s just brass. Each week we set a di erent crea- le us cut o from the hectic world of is associated with bad or ugly things: I became wary that I did not want to tive writing exercise. e person who slang. Cam-slang consists of simply ‘minger’ and ‘bint’ surely out-weigh give Emma too much attitude, invert- submits the winning entrance has shortening commonly used phrases: ‘nang’ and ‘heavy’. ing her heavenly demeanour into some their story printed in the next week’s ‘plodge’ or ‘ent’ for example. So our sort of Cambridge sket. In fact, ‘sket’, Varsity, and is rewarded with two free native slang is, one could say, rather “NEVER, EVER, CHIRPSE although peppered with bad connota- tickets to an ADC eatre show. shank. Such a sentence caught my tions, is apparently a Caribbean term friend by surprise: “Shank? You mean A MUNTER: IT’S JUST for ‘super ho’ which I thought made it Week 7: is week, try to give a voice to an inanimate object, in prose or as in lamb shank?” Emma had a long BRASS” sound quite exotic, conjuring images verse. Your object could be anything from a tub of lip-gloss to a block of way to go; think My Fair Lady in of a sexy Lilt lady. Not such a bad ats – what would it think and say, if it could? Would it have anything to reverse. thing. tell you, any hopes or fears? In many ways the experiment was Another word unfamiliar to Emma’s Emma has now slowly begun to about forging a new bond with Emma; ears was ‘choong’, which I always took adopt my linguistic ways, but can the breaking down the language barrier to mean really hot, as in, ‘she’s well rest of Cambridge? Perhaps we could Winner: between us. Indeed, I recently found choong.’ However, choong (or chung) ease in with our own version of cock- e Scream out that community nurses in Scotland can also mean when someone’s stoned, ney rhyming slang, a highly adaptable managed to deal e ectively with drug which I guess can be merged with the discourse that has begun to mould addicts by speaking slang with the previous meaning. You might think itself into the modern world. For ex- t was ticklish at rst. Really ticklish! I couldn’t stop gig- patients. e barriers instantly came that a girl was pretty choong, even ample, a ‘Melvyn’ (Bragg) is, of course, Igling! e paintbrush just went on and on, drawing waves of down and they accepted them as though she was butterz, but because a shag. I am currently still working on wet oily colour on my skin. I could feel the shades of red and someone they could talk to. Could I - you were chunged, that’s why you some local examples, but all I’ve got is orange, playing with the blues and greens; they were mingling nally relax, use my normal vocabulary thought she was choong. us, being a ‘Tony’ (Badger): a shagger. Apologies with each other in streams of emotion and warmth; and yet, in and be understood? e next few days chung can make someone else look to the Master of Clare if this becomes spite of this blurring feeling they created, they somehow man- were going to be well long. choong. commonplace. aged to remain distinct in their brightness and intensity. At rst, I thought it was going to be just a play, but it wasn’t long until I realised how wrong I’d been: it wasn’t the joy of life that these colours were praising. No. ey were in search of something else…something inde nite; I couldn’t gure out what it was. Suddenly, it was burning hot! I could feel the anger, the frustra- tion steaming from the paintbrush! It was DESPAIR, confusion, panic, a nightmare! All I wanted was this agony to be nished as soon as possi- ble. But then I suddenly realised: by the time the painting was nished, I would have become the voice in it, a ridiculous bunch MISSION: TO DELVE INTO CAMBRIDGE’S SECRET ORIFICES of colours, claiming an identity of its own; a face trapped between WEEK 6: OCCULT DINNER SOCIETY reality and ction, immortalised in a hopeless attempt to give ts not every evening that one attends oak-panelled room. Champagne and not su ciently disguised my disingenu- voice to some terrible feelings! Dreadful! a dinner to which the anonymous tentative introductions greeted me as ous quizzing? It was time for a cigarette. A er moments of in nite struggle with my emerging passions handwrittenI invite is replete with mys- I glanced around the room, hoping to I went outside and lit up a B&H Gold. and desires, I was nally given a soul and a mouth to shout out terious insignia, and a disturbing name see such wild expectations ful lled. A fellow diner approached, sucking on my despair. I was just a nameless ghost, just a body for this ter- that sounds like a con ation of chimera However, my heart rate fell as the actual the golden lter of his Sobranie. e rible, awful feeling! I was trapped inside the painting condemned and obscure. Allegedly the name refers mundanity of the evening’s company Sobranie took one look at my cig and to silence and immortality! Hanged on a wall, I was not a piece of to light and dark. My nervous but dawned on me. ere were no wizened sneered, leapt onto its horse and noncha- cardboard anymore, not even a painting: I was a sti ed soul, beg- welcoming assumption was that the old wizards with oor-length beards, lantly kicked mud into my cig’s eyes as it evening would lean signi cantly on the no sly Freemasons practicing their took o into the distance. ging for mercy, crying for salvation, yet unable to do so. dark, and lightly on the light. handshakes, and no perverted priests e evening moved on to a set, where I’ve seen so many people now staring at me with blank faces. Images of eeing bodies being pur- eyeing up the boys. Instead, the room port and cheese were on o er. As a man Some of them seem to pity me, some look away in disgust, some sued by sinister thick set men chanting was full of Catholics, CUCA members of simple tastes and easy pleasure I opted treat me as if I was just a piece of cardboard once again, but what otherworldly tracts, whilst dressed in and kilts. In place of capes were bow for the hard stu ; cheddar, not brie. is really starting to worry me, is that most people look at me in red capes and holding he y candles, ties, cava instead of potions and small Conversation developed over a print of a DESPAIR: the same despair they can see in my very own eyes. ew through my mind. My imagination talk instead of rituals. medieval village. “ is eenth-century ran wild with glimpses of indulgent However, this was but a minor Flemish painting is deathly boring,” And I keep asking myself: why is that? Does it mean there really depravity and Tolkien-esque mythol- setback, and one that my rationality declared one; “Flemish painting and is no hope le ? And if so, why don’t they shout out loud their ogy. I was scared, but intrigued. Putting had secretly anticipated. In a room full deathly boring?” quipped his friend, “I cries and frustrations? Why don’t they let the world know about such fears of devious doings aside I set of unreconstructed dults, zzing with thought the two were synonymous!”. En- it? I am just a bunch of colours and oils: but what about them? o , hoping that I would return with my repressed homosexuality, oddness was suing gu aws made my ba ed silence Are they afraid that the others will turn their backs and run away clothes, innocence and sphincter all still still the order of the day. At my table, deafening. e room lled with smoke; on their own bridge towards redemption? Are they all living my intact. We rendezvous at the harm- the conversation started with a discus- my eyes reddened and my mind slowed; lessly sedate Pickerel – so far so normal. sion of the Mass, moved on to favourite I felt vulnerably unaware of how the vibe tempera tragedy out there in the real world? Over a pint of happily foaming ale and whiskys and before I knew it a hearty was evolving. en a ringing lifeline. e Once, I’ve even heard someone asking: “What’s this painting reliably tasty salt and vinegar crisps, I declaration of Jacobitism was made, a nostalgic revels were interrupted by the called?” And a calmed, composed voice replied: “ e Scream, by picked the brains of the society ‘mem- political outlook which I had ignorantly intrusion of modernity – a smoke alarm. Edvard Munch.” ber’ who had invited me. She was not assumed was con ned to the eighteenth A ban on smoking was announced. “But forthcoming, preferring to heighten my century. e surrounding characters this is a Monte Cristo,” declared one out- Corina Balaban nervous anticipation with ambiguous revelled in reactionary opinions, idly raged guest; “ at can pass,” conceded and suggestive remarks, and a wide- oating across the table comments with the host. Next week’s competition: Triolets. A triolet should rhyme abaaabab. It also eyed look that combined a patronising power to shock medieval sensibilities. It was an evening which at every turn uses repeated lines – line 1 becomes lines 4 and 7, and line 2 is repeated as line sense of pity and amusement at my In for a penny, in for a pound, I hoped to ful ll a bygone age. e cigars, 8. In a good triolet, the meaning of the lines should be subtly di erent when artlessly eager questioning. decided. I met their jokes with encour- the port, the conversation, the mass, the repeated: don’t be afraid to change punctuation, etc. Dash a couple o ! Send We made our way to one of the more aging laughter, tolerated their opinions toasts, the kilts all shouted ‘throwback’, submissions to Colette Sensier at [email protected] no later than 9 am on wealthy but less popular colleges in and quizzed them further. But a rat was but not nearly as loudly as the organis- Monday, March 2nd for the chance to win two tickets to the following week’s Cambridge, where we were led to an smelt, my insincerity had surfaced. Had I ers had hoped to contrive. ADC main show, and see your work printed in our next issue.
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): It’s a fact: you’ve got Norah’s virus. ough quite how you got it is a mystery because you don’t know any Norahs, and even if you did, you wouldn’t have borrowed a virus o them. “Never borrow a virus; always buy it rsthand” – that’s your motto. Anyway, enough: you need to work out who this Norah person is, so you can give her back her virus. p20 She’s running for a position on CUSU. p21 She’s your supervisor. Want something listed? Friday February 27th 2009 16 Listings [email protected] varsity.co.uk THE VARSITY WEEK THE COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS
e a t r e Music & Nightlife Art & Classical Talks & Events Film
Tuesday 3rd Friday 27th Ongoing Exhibitions Sunday 1st The Curious Case of Benjamin Romeo and Juliet Green Mind 8th Birthday (Part 2) Fitzwilliam Museum (free): Salsa @ La Raza Button Arts eatre: 7.45pm, Saturday mati- e Junction 1: 7pm (£5 adv.) • ‘I turned it into a palace’: Sir Sydney La Raza, 4-6 Rose Crescent: 9pm (free) Vue: 12pm (Fri/Mon-Weds only), nee 2.30pm (£10-£20) Green Mind Gigs continues its Cockerell and the Fitz (until March CUiD are proud to present another 9pm (daily until Weds) Romeo and who? Runs until Sat 7th. birthday celebrations (see p30 for our 17th) night of Latin tunes, sultry dancing Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett tick review of Part 1) with e Mono Ef- • e Immortal Stone - Chinese jades and delicious cocktails. Featuring all the Oscar boxes in the story of Derek - Footlights Spring Revue fect (below), e Tupolev Ghost, e (until May 31st) up-and-coming Cambridge DJ John a man who ages in reverse. 2009 Cathode Ray Syndrome and more. • Changing faces: Anthony Van Dyck Gomez, a veteran of the Madrid club- ADC: 7.45pm, Saturday matinee as an etcher (until May 31st) bing scene. Confessions of a Shopaholic 4pm (£6-£9) • Kachōfūgetsu – the natural world Daily: 12.20pm, 2.50pm, 5.20pm, e life of a normal loser, told in Japanese prints (until May 17th, Monday 2nd 8pm (not Mon-Thurs) through sketches. Runs until Sat 7th. check next week for our review) ‘Participation or Delegation?’ A girl who has a particular talent Kettle’s Yard (free): e Forum: 7.30pm (free) for shopping lands a job as a col- Father/Son • e Roundhouse Of International Professor Gerry Stoker, author of umnist advising on money-saving Corpus Playroom: 7pm (£5-£6) Spirits (until March 15th) Why Politics Matters: making de- tips. Oh, the irony. A new play by Freddy Syborn. Runs mocracy work and Natalie Szarek, until Sat 7th. Friday 27th elected CUSU Women’s o cer and Gran Torino member of the protest occupa- Vue: Fri/Sat only: 12.30pm, Britten and Rudland 3.10pm, 6pm, 8.45pm, 11.30pm Cardenio Great St. Mary’s: 8pm (£3-£10) tion of the Law Faculty explores Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ College: con icts and compatibility between The man with the most intimidat- Cambridge alumnus Oliver Rudland ing voice in cinema returns to 7.45pm (£4-£5) conducts the world premiere of his representative democracy and direct Shakespeare’s mysterious ‘lost play’. action. clean up the filthy streets of sub- Oscar Wilde-inspired work as well as urban America. It’s Dirty Harry Runs until Sat 7th. David O’Doherty two rarely performed Britten pieces – e Junction 2: 8pm (£10 adv.) with lawnmowers, and Clint is soloists include the indomitable Sam out for blood. Historical Fiction See Pick of the Week. Furness. Pembroke New Cellars: 7.30pm The International (£4-£5) Saturday 28th Rimsky-Korsakov, Sibelius and New student-written comedy about Half-ton Studios 1st Birthday Gig Vue: Fri/Sat only: 12pm, 2.40pm, Beethoven 5.30pm, 8.15pm, 11pm the possible destruction of the time- e Portland Arms: 8pm (£3) West Road Concert Hall: 8pm (£4-£12) space continuum. Runs until Sat In a week of local music biz birthdays, Clive Owen and Naomi Watts Soloist Catherine Myerscough and the negotiate lots of jump-cuts while 7th. head to e Portland to hear Truly student-run Cambridge University Beautiful Disaster, e Winter Kings, trying to expose an evil financial Symphony Orchestra perform Sibelius (boo hiss!) organisation who Wednesday 4th Um and DJ Nochexxx. violin concerto, Beethoven’s overture Van Dyck at e Fitz e Chairs secretly deal in weapons and to Egmont and Rimsky-Korsakov’s secrets. ADC: 11pm (£4-£6) ursday 5th Scheherazade. Tragic farce. Runs until Sat 7th. Revelation Rock-Gospel Choir Lent Wednesday 4th Concert Pier Paolo Pasolini’s Salò Vicky Cristina Barcelona Saturday 28th Arts Picturehouse: Fri/Mon-Wed: Seven Jewish Children West Road Concert Hall: 7.30pm Beethoven Ensemble Lucia Windsor Room, Newnham Col- ADC Larkum Studio: 10pm (free) (£4-£6) lege: 7pm (Free) 3pm, 5.45pm; Sat-Sun/Thu: 12pm, Trinity College Chapel: 8pm, (£3-£10) 7pm See Pick of the Week. A mixture of rock and gospel music e Cambridge Beethoven Ensemble n.e.r.d.i. present a showing of Paso- including songs by Israel Houghton, lini’s highly controversial lm, with Penelope Cruz (clutching a treat us to an unusual ‘concertante’ BAFTA), Scarlett Johansson and e Vampire Ziggy Marley and MC Hammer. work and a Mendelssohn symphony an introduction by the writer Jenny Corpus Playroom: 9.30pm (£5-£6) Diski and Robert Gordon, a special- Javier Bardem star in Woody Al- inspired by the love of Mary Queen of len’s latest movie, set in Barcelona A voracious vampire and a beautiful NSPCC night with DJ Flash Louis Scots for an Italian lutenist. ist in Italian cinema. virgin take their places amongst the Kambar: 10pm (£3 before 11pm) “because the government offered craggy cli s. Runs until Sat 7th. Get down to Kambar for a one-o ursday 5th to pay for it”. Apparently it’s quite Sunday 1st good nonetheless. night to raise money for e Lady Frances Singers ‘ e Brain Drain: Emigration of Brit- e Water Bears NSPCC knife crime awareness. ish Scientists Abroad’ Sidney Sussex College Chapel: 8pm, St. John’s Films Wolfson Hall, Churchill College: (£2-£5) Fitzwilliam College Auditorium: 6pm 7.30pm, Saturday matinee 2pm (£5, King’s Jazz Jam (free) Sunday 1st: 7pm and 10pm e rst concert of the Lady Frances Cloverfield urs £4) King’s Bar: 8pm (free) Singers sees the new consort tackling A round-table discussion concern- e annual play from the CU Come down and jam with the house ing the ‘brain drain’, the movement 16th century motets and folksong ar- Thursday 5th: 9pm Chinese Cultural Society. Runs until band in King’s bar. All are welcome to rangements. of scholars across international Fri 6th. join in or sit back and enjoy the jazz! boundaries. Dostana
David O’Doherty Seven Jewish Children Friday 27th Wed 4th - Sat 7th e Junction 2: 8pm (£10 adv.) ADC Larkum Studio: 10pm (free) A sample: “Celebrity news – stop ap- Caryl Churchill’s new ten-minute pearing at the end of real news. You play, which has just finished its are not real news. You get a really odd run at the Royal Court Theatre juxtaposition like: ‘And the death toll in the West End, comes to the from the earthquake could rise as high intimate space of the ADC’s as 45,000. Christina Aguilera’s cat Larkum Studio next week. Seven has alopecia.’ Fuck o !” Head down scenes of family life from recent to the Junction tonight for some sheer Jewish and Israeli history create brilliance from the mini-keyboard- a powerful and human drama. wielding Irish comedian. It’s also free.
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Employ hand, and rinse thoroughly a erwards. Standard. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Features 17 e big bad Wolf COMPARING BAROQUE MUSIC TO R&B, SHOWING FRIENDS EXPLICIT VIDEOS OF HIMSELF HAVING SEX, AND BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH HIS VIOLA. AS STEPHANIE DAVIN DISCOVERS, PATRICK WOLF IS A WEIRD ONE eing “locked in a house for a year for older, better times does not end writing. Apparently, if he could live in showing, when my friends are over, feel exposed or pigeonholed, but there Band a half” is enough to turn any- there. In response to a question about an era it would be the Elizabethan pe- really personal, sexual videos on my seemed to be no need to ask. From his one crazy, and Patrick Wolf is certainly what he was wearing, he talked about riod because of the music, which was computer of me and my boyfriend”. love of revealing his deepest feelings to no exception. However, on the upside how he was currently very in uenced “quite anti-establishment”. He goes on However, rather than embracing showing explicit videos of himself to he has emerged with an album. Called by “fabrics that you would have to to present the rather startling view that the feeling of embarrassment, it would his friends; from adoring the confes- e Bachelor, the album (soon to be wear if you were going into battle”. “Baroque for me is like RnB… I de - seem that he does not even experi- sional quality of Joni Mitchell songs followed by another) is apparently is reference to his new album was nitely would want to murder people ence it: “ ere’s no such thing as too to being incited to murder by Baroque “grander”, “tougher”, and more mature followed by the ba ing claim, “I feel a if I lived in the Baroque era. I’d go out much information… we can talk about music; it all seems to display the value than his previous output. It can’t have bit like a mediaeval James Dean at the with a gun and just shoot everybody.” anything. I really enjoy it.” is hon- he places on raw communication. been an easy period. moment”. is comment is perhaps in keeping In order to nance the new album, Wolf views himself as a pioneer. He with Wolf’s tendency to speak his “I REALLY ENJOY SHOWING, WHEN MY FRIENDS shares are being sold on bandstocks. seemed perplexed by people taking mind without inhibition. Certainly, his com. is is one aspect of Wolf’s desire inspiration from a couple of decades music and lyrics are drawn from and ARE OVER, REALLY PERSONAL, SEXUAL VIDEOS ON to be involved in all aspects of the in the past, instead describing the re ective of di erent events in his per- record, from the artwork to the direc- in uence of older classical sonal life. On asking if this is ever em- tion of the music videos, as well as his music on his song- barrassing he told that MY COMPUTER OF ME AND MY BOYFRIEND” refusal to compromise on a choice of “embarrassment is esty and exhibitionism central to his Talking about the current music producer. something to be persona both onstage and on record. scene, he expresses doubts: “I’m always at said, although he views this embraced… I Indeed, he was equally unguarded positive about what could happen kind of undiluted contact between art- really enjoy when I asked about all of the instru- next. I guess at the moment I feel the ist and fan as positive, Wolf does draw ments he is listed as playing, saying, stu that’s being hyped in England by the line at illegal music-sharing. He “It’s a big fuss made out of nothing, re- certain tastemakers lacks any heart. tells me that when he was younger, he ally, for me”. Apparently he has always I’m sure there are ideas oating about used to make mixtapes for his friends had an obsession with instruments and some interesting sounds...but I all the time “but it was just one song and collects them – if he nds an really think we need a heart at the bot- – I never copied albums”. However, as instrument in a charity shop, “even tom of everything.” he tells me, later on “I was well into if it’s broken, and makes a new Coupled with this emotional ele- a creative rhythm so I kind of didn’t sound, I want to buy it”. However, ment, however, is a love of melodrama have time to stop to think to worry talking about his pro ciency he – something to which his costumes about that stu ”, admitting that he’d says that “I guess I do play them… and stage persona have always been a bought CDs, copied them and then I can see my accordion right here and testament. Indeed, we can ask whether returned them to the store. What kind I can play three songs on it. I’m not these two traits go together. Rather, of CDs? “Bach, Sibelius, Rachmani- secure on these instruments; I just like could his exhibitionism not threaten nov,” apparently, because the pro ts writing songs on them”. to undermine the genuine sentiments go to major music labels, rather than e only exception to this is his which he aims to share? He is playful, independent ones. viola, which he played as a child and certainly, but I found it di cult to Indeed, further questioning recently picked up again a er a year, take him seriously – something which revealed a vehement dislike of people feeling that the viola “was his best he seems to want, given his idealistic illegally sharing music from small, friend… you were my best friend at views of music and composition. at independent labels: “Don’t take that school, you got me through every- said, perhaps this kind of judgement for free and take that for granted, thing”. Incidentally, this viola is some- depends on his audience. Asking about because it’s taking the piss out of the thing which he says that he would the British press, he observes that whole idea of creativity, and produc- save if his house caught on re – the “there’s a lot of cynicism here”, and one tivity with creativity.” Similarly, he ex- viola and, he adds, “his boyfriend”. might say that a cynic is inclined to horts Cambridge students, if they were Other things to save include his box dislike an artist such as this. How- going to steal, to do so from larger of archive material from his early days ever, it remains debatable whether he stores like Tesco and Sainsbury’s rather making music and some shamrock genuinely has substance, and the depth than small local businesses. cushions, knitted by his grandma and to which he will go to accomplish the Wolf also seems to view himself as le to him in her will. innovation for which he appears to a purist. He talked of how he used to is rather personal admission re- strive. “walk through a eld or go down to ects how Wolf sees genuine emotions, It probably does not matter what the beach and just get lost in 45 min- what he terms “heart”, as immensely one’s view on this is. Certainly, having utes of music,” and laments the fact important. I had planned to ask him done the interview, I don’t think I that nowadays people might enjoy a whether descriptions such as the would want to be Patrick Wolf’s friend. single track of his, played on a mo- Junction’s website which de- However, cynicism aside, he does bile phone on a bus. Indeed, scribes him as “brimming care deeply about his music and the his yearning with emotional way in which he makes it. Perhaps the passion” ever proof simply has to be in the listen- give him ing – something which it is easy to cause to forget with a personality as distinct and memorable as his. Talking of having nished his recent album, Wolf said, “my dream – my wish – has come true”. All we will have to do is wait until the spring (or the Junction) to discover whether Patrick Wolf’s dream makes for impressive listening.
Patrick Wolf will be playing at the Junction on Tuesday 10 March; tickets are £11.50.
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Sexually, obv. Fashion Editors: Kate Womersley, Alice Newell-Hanson & Katy King Friday February 27th 2009 Friday February 27th 2009 Contribute to Varsity Fashion: 18 Fashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk varsity.co.uk [email protected] Fashion 19
Photography by Katy King, Dominique Iste & Soumaya Keynes Le to right: Robbie Stern, Izzy Finkel, Jo Starte, Dominic Morris, Abbie Glen, Zing Tsjeng, Adam, Slavica Delevic LENT TERM 2009 PREVIEW
Th e Dial was a Queens’-based magazine which ran from 1907-1953. It was resurrected in 2008 as a space for new and experimental writing. In Michaelmas we ran an issue of two hundred copies containing poetry and prose from students across the University. This term we’re hoping to increase our print run and our readership. The Dial Society also runs termly readings, continuing the tradition of contemporary readings at Queens’.
Th e Lent Term edition of Th e Dial will be available from the 2nd March. A limited number of copies will be distributed from Th e English Faculty library, Queens’ College Porters Lodge and various other locations across the University. For more information on how to contribute, on readings and other Dial-related events please email lgmbk2@ cam.ac.uk or join the Facebook group ‘Th e Dial’. OETRY Dance Egon Schiele
You chopstick a whitebait. Unripe green banana belly, Why bare yourself to the butcher boys? Dip it, fl uttering. Odori-Gui, Why bare yourself to the carving knife this squirming mouthful, the Japanese Why form a claw and forget you ever made it? for dancing- eating, Th ree-day-old banana next to red stiletto shine refuses easy vanishment, Blood on a tissue dries and goes muddy fi ghts Drip black currant tears on this salt-washed turquoise green fragment the peristaltic walkstep’s Washed up out of the closed cupboard of years one-two count disposal. Th is is food insoluble Pope, Telescope Vine tomato glossed into acrylic plastic that chemical stench in function. Th at dress like wallpaper in a tobacco stained room I’ll put up a shelf and leave my bright orange peel there No slow prosaic bolus, He smoothes his hands over its hips the silver fi sh and pulls its eye to rest against his own, Your slippers almost fi t like a salt-washed turquoise green fragment does the sparrowdance. zooms into the dark to study fi refl akes Your hair is washed with the tortoise shell kitten strung up and blizzarding Th ose brown paper boots crease over watercolour stardrips Leaps. across the dome of atmosphere. What sea of white sheets crumpled your fl esh putty fl oats out Psalms and intercessions drift And laps into black forest Th e memory up to universal rafters, with Sunday smoke Woman hold me like shore holds cliff of that once-read sailor-cure for the seasick, from mouths, and lungs On a dull picture postcard in a puddle by the circus. the pork-rind tied to swallowed string, broadcasting into black. jerks now – Spotlit on a rough shanty-heave As he focuses the glass into the distance, leg, stockings on the toppling wavecrest. it doesn¹t seem to matter if End in feet stretched into bloated sun stained sphinx the star above the stable Calves meet knees in uncooked meat colours Th e Masai spearmen, was really only Jupiter, Breasts fresh and bursting though stale cherry cupcakes whose fresh-fried bloodclots bending closer just to see the fuss; What sea of white sheets crumpled your fl esh putty fl oats out stretch like elastic in the throat, Dry eye paste Are slamming their high, redrobed warjumps. he means to keep an eye out for Stuck trained with dim beam for horizon his echoes bouncing off the asteroids, You gag, in case an eardrum reaches up to catch Blake-scale visions of meat-body distortion weightless on the off beat. and beats a sacred cadence back. Hang arms drooping hammers night’s dumb anaesthetic Sick god’s yellow shadow in eyes of lost father Every night he sieves the cosmos through his sinuses Shelter him marble-mother, cover bright child with calming. and scans the skies for codes, for explanations - come morning, as the sun brights out the blueprint Richard Osmond he swings a fi ery meteor Bruno Burton to wash the earth in outer space.
Charlotte Runcie ROSE
Extract from La Sainte Vierge du 14 juillet
From the boat in the middle of the bay, fi reworks arch up into the warm night sky. On the hill, the cicadas’ buzz battles against the bangs. Th e lights bathe everything in pink glow. Standing on the garden wall, Agnès thinks she could topple all the way down through the town and fall into the sea.
Th e beach is heaving, illuminated in the gloom. She can’t make out the people, only their ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’. Behind them, the men have moved the long tables out of the road. Plates are stained with smears and sauces; big bowls hold traces around their edges, all the spoons are gone. She turns to see Papa swallowing the last morsel of tarte. He winks, smacks his lips, puts his fi nger to them: Tais-toi, rien à maman.
A last burst of golden green and the spectacle is over. Everyone trails slowly back to the tables, adults woozy with wine, children’s heads lolling heavy on their shoulders. Agnès sees Marie catch Roman in her arms. Her own mother stops to kiss her godson’s head as he is carried off to bed. Mama looks strange in the candlelight, smoke wafting from her lips like a ghost. She looks sad, the corners of her mouth turned down towards her chin. Out of the darkness, a hand clamps Agnès’ shoulder. Gleaming talons dig into her skin. A wall of fusty perfume hits her, and Madame Ochin’s scratchy voice issues out into the night.
“Béné, you must let me show the girls my Blessed Virgin.”
Francesca Whitlum-Cooper
Editor: Laura Kilbride Design: Lizzie Robinson Editorial Team: Kate Doyle, Maddie Power, Florence Privett, Lizzie Robinson, Amy Shepherd, Vicky Sparrow Arts Editor: Emma Mustich Friday February 27th 2009 20 Arts [email protected] varsity.co.uk Points of View Drunken, dishevelled and riotous, the View are brand new purveyors of good old-fashioned rock and roll. Laurie Tuffrey catches up with Dundee’s finest to pick their brains on travelodges, getting pissed, and Pete Doherty Paul smith he Junction holds a special place in Falconer is an animated talker; as he tars and piano and a Dundee-meets- drunk to perform at a gig in Not- the hearts of The View. “We played talks, his hands stab the air to make his Treasure Island pirate sea shanty, tingham last year, Falconer tells a There with Babyshambles ages ago, it point, and he offers up some convinc- ‘Distant Dubloon’. They provide a story of the last time they stayed in was kinda the first time we’d ever been ing impressions (his Noel Gallagher surprising answer when I ask if this the Cambridge Travelodge: “It was out of Dundee,” Kyle Falconer, the is particularly good). Recalling the genre-breaking is down to any new in- fuckin’ mental man. Pete was doing band’s lead singer and co-songwriter, time when the band first met Morris, fluences. “I listened to a lot of ABBA. blood paintings on the wall, writing tells me before their gig there last “he said ‘you’re a junkie, you’re a hobo, Barbara Streisand is one of Owen’s ‘The View’, and we were like ‘we’ll Thursday. “We didn’t think we were you’re completely thick’, he just like favourites – The Way We Were – we get in trouble for it, fuck’s sake!’” The getting paid for it, and then Pete totally labelled us.” He laughs, “we just listened to that a lot”, he says, before apex of these extravagances came in [Doherty] came out and gave us £300, thought ‘who’s this cheeky bastard?’” singing a snatch of the 1973 classic. 2007, when they were banned from which was like gold dust!” But the cheeky bastard proved to be an The album also signals a change in Travelodges nationwide after causing As well as unexpected pay- adept foil to the band’s working ethic, direction lyrically, becoming more £7000 worth of damage by flooding ments from other rock stars, tours particularly their more lubricated introverted and private, with ‘Unex- rooms in a Liverpool branch. Falconer in Japan and the US and meeting methods. “We recorded in Owen’s pected’ seeing Falconer reflect on the seems unamused when I ask him if the such luminaries as Paul McCartney, house, just stayed there a week and got death of his father. Although he was ban from the chain of budget hotels The View are doing pretty well for pissed up and recorded”, he explains, reluctant to debut this song, written has affected them, “no, not really”, themselves. While probably still best which led to some unusual production in his mid-teens, to the rest of the before explaining that Travelodges are known for last summer’s ubiquitous techniques from Morris, including band, “I remember one time I showed “shite innit”. ‘Same Jeans’, the View’s second album constructing a throne placed halfway them, and they never knew what I was As I leave, any thoughts of hotel Which Bitch? was released earlier this up one of the studio’s walls to record on about,” the track is now one of the endangerment seem far from their month. It reached number four in the vocals on. standouts of the album, embellished minds. Happily tucking into a Nando’s album chart, and has so far garnered The new album signals a distinct with a string arrangement from New meal before their gig, the band seem two singles, ‘5Rebbeccas’ and ‘Shock change of tone for the band: while Yorker Ollie Krauss. unaffected by the trappings of fame. Horror’. The band recorded again ‘5Rebbeccas’ is of the same mould as The band have become synonymous Though they now may be rubbing with Owen Morris, who worked on Hats Off...’s ‘Wasted Little DJs’, ‘One with some rock ‘n’ roll behaviour. shoulders with McCartney and the their debut Hats Off To The Buskers Off Pretender’ combines post-punk Having being kicked out of the pub Gallaghers, it seems clear that you can and has previously produced Oasis guitars with rapping from Falconer, where they first practiced for riding take the boys out of Dundee, but you and The Verve. ‘Typical Time 2’ has skiffle-esque gui- a scooter along the bar and being too can’t take Dundee out of The View. Living the life of Rileys During their recent appearance at the churchill ball, indie newcomers The Rileys chat to Lucy Bryant and Laurie Tuffrey about playing live, their song writing process, and the fast track to fame it has earned them aving attended universities in like the Kaiser Chiefs or the Kooks... cally about people, because you might oured single, ‘Jimmy Is A Lunatic’, was about the role of MySpace in one of its both Lancaster and France, the oh we’ve never heard that one before!” not want to sing it in a year’s time”. a major step for the Rileys. “I think biggest success stories: “People say ‘oh RileysH frontman Joseph Fielder is well But while their recordings are being The emotional content of the songs that was a turning point in the way yeah, Lily Allen was found online’, but experienced when it comes to balls. “I given accolades and earning them il- is all his own, but the story may be we viewed ourselves”, says Fielder; “I either way her dad’s famous, so she was was in the Champagne region; we had lustrious comparisons, performing live someone else’s: “You get inspired to think once that happened it was like, always going to have label backing.” our ball in the champagne cellars so it is their first love. Recording in a studio write a song about something that’s wow, we’re being played on a major But most of all, the Rileys’ lead was free all night, which was abso- can be “very insular”, but “when you’re happened to you but you change it... I radio station, people like us! It gave us singer is excited about the year ahead lutely brilliant. The Lancaster one was standing in front of a crowd I always might write a song about splitting up confidence.” Putting their records out and what’s still to come for the quartet. in Blackpool, so it had a completely end up singing a lot more aggressively, a with a girlfriend, but a lot of the lyrics on their own label, the band appreciate With another EP on the horizon and different vibe about it!” Hopefully the lot louder, because I’m there and it’s ac- wouldn’t necessarily be relevant to the hard work that goes into releasing plenty of dates ahead, Fielder can’t Rileys felt comfortable amongst the tually happening.” They certainly drew my situation.” Their last single, ‘Baby music, especially with the huge avail- wait: “Now it’s all come together, it’s free-flowing Cava at Churchill’s ‘Neon in the crowds on Friday night, despite Blue’, uses the example of a girl Fielder ability of music publishing afforded by brilliant.” Thinking over the success of Sunrise’ spring ball last week, where tough competition from the ball’s ninja knew at university in France, who had the internet. “It’s good because anyone ‘Jimmy Is A Lunatic’, Fielder reflects, “I they played a set along with Nine Black assault course and sumo wrestling. a child whilst studying, to express the can get music out there,” Fielder think that was the first thing to make Alps and a DJ set from Foals. Fielder’s lyrics are highly personal, difficulties of “being young, not always explains “but the problem is, because us stand up and say fucking hell, we’ve While providing the entertainment though he’s careful to guard himself making the right choices and having to there are so many people doing it, it’s got a chance to do something good”. at a friend’s charity rugby match is from not giving too much away; after deal with the consequences”. hard to differentiate yourselves, hard Judging by the response at Churchill, the band’s only previous Cambridge all, “It’s tricky to write songs specifi- The achievement of the XFM-hon- to stand out.” He also remains sceptical they are well on their way. appearance, they are well-loved in the south-east. Having formed in Essex, after Fielder met guitarist Dave Giles at a school induction day, the band have released a self-titled EP, which was chosen for the XFM Uploaded single of the week. They are at the beginning of a nine-date tour across the country to support their new single ‘Do You Feel Me’. “We’ve got a lot of ‘80s influences like Duran Duran, then a lot of mod- ern bands like Kings of Leon and Bloc Party,” Fielder says. While this sounds like a unique mix, it doesn’t stop endless comparisons to other bands: “Every time we do an interview or a radio show, people say oh, we sound
Vomit Adventure (starts on page 13): Yes, good start: she wants to take over from CUSU President Adam Corrigan in some capacity. By the way, as an aside, how effective do you think CUSU is? »p22 Sickeningly effective. »p23 About as effective as a stick in a bucket. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Arts 21
Redemption Song IN LIGHT OF THE UNSTOPPABLE RISE OF GUSTAV DUDAMEL DAVID ALLEN EXPLORES VENEZUELA’S EL SISTEMA, A SOCIAL PROJECT WHICH BRINGS CLASSICAL MUSIC TO THE LIVES OF BARRIO CHILDREN OTHERWISE BLIGHTED BY CRIME AND DRUGS
ustavo Dudamel is not a tradi- neighbourhood ‘nucleos’ to the SBYO the system become in the Venezuelan of Shostakovich’s Tenth Symphony, a of Scotland’s poorest housing estates, Gtional conductor. He positively itself, has in uenced the formative social fabric that even he hasn’t at- piece full of pent-up rage, melancholy Raploch, with the ‘Big Noise’ project. bounces onto his rostrum at the front years of nearly 300,000 Venezuelans. tempted to reform it, instead securing love, and triumph, which was simply e social impulse is clear: project of the stage, his wide smile gleaming Yet this is not simply a massively ex- its budget. e SBYO’s players, though astonishing not only in terms of the administrators exhort that their aim under a shock of frizzy black hair. But panded youth orchestra system, based conscious they could leave the barrios technical skill on show, but in the is not to nd another Dudamel, but to then his is not traditional story, and on prior talent and ‘European’ learning behind, o en return to their local emotional depth the youngsters drew cure problems of self-esteem, thereby nor is the story of the Simon Bolivar methods. Children as young as four nucleo to teach and help out where upon. e experience of the barrios reducing the risk of children turning Youth Orchestra. are not thrust into one-on-one lessons required. ey feel an incredible bond was poured into every note. e press to crime, substance abuse and anti- To watch him communicate with the with a teacher and the dully repetitive with the system that has given them so hailed the evening as the greatest Prom social behaviour. No child is turned players of the SBYO is to see a relation- practice that goes with them, but are much. Dudamel, despite his enormous there has ever been. away, integrating children from stable ship of true equals. When they take thrown in at the deep end, straight into success, says “the most important at concert was emblematic of and more challenging backgrounds. their applause, Dudamel stands not on a huge band, sometimes twice as large thing is the project – the System.” Dudamel and the SBYO’s rise to Just as in Venezuela the project is his podium to take a bow, but within as a usual symphony orchestra. Yet the SBYO’s strongest indication superstardom. Four well-received intense, with three sessions a week in the orchestra itself. e youngsters e result is, unsurprisingly, not of patriotism and collective belong- CDs have been issued, including one term time and a full-time programme who play for him are his friends. None exactly musical – simpli cations of ing comes in their encores. Under of Latin American music. A double- in holidays for children no older than is older than their mid-twenties, and Beethoven symphonies are part of the darkened house lights, the orchestra bassist, Edicson Ruiz, became at 17 8. Yet the project has been criticised Dudamel himself is only 28. ey have usual fodder – but an intense feeling and their conductor change into garish the youngest member of the Berlin for simply copying El Sistema’s meth- grown up together (the conductor was of community is born out of the fun sports jackets in their nation’s colours Philharmonic since a harpist in the ods: naysayers argue that Venezuelan appointed music director at 17), and nineteenth century. Dudamel himself slums are quite di erent to British they play together like no other or- “THE EXPERIENCE OF THE BARRIOS WAS POURED has been appointed music director of housing estates. Given as much help as chestra on the planet. Dudamel coaxes the Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra possible, however, there seems no rea- sounds and rhythms from them using INTO EVERY NOTE. THE PRESS HAILED THE EVENING (at the 2008 Proms he got their brass son to suggest that the project cannot every available inch of his short, stocky dancing, jackets ostentatiously taken succeed. e astonishing success of El frame. Sometimes he will wiggle his AS THE GREATEST PROM THERE HAS EVER BEEN.” o , in an encore of ‘Tico Tico’), and Sistema ought to confound cynics. hips, as if dancing a salsa, occasion- the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Last e transforming power of music ally he will snarl at the brass to obtain of playing and learning together for (yellow, red, and blue). ey then Saturday, he gave a performance of and El Sistema is perhaps best voiced the sound he wants, or jump a foot in hours on end, day a er day. ere is launch into short pieces written by Mahler’s Fi h with London’s Philhar- by young Venezuelans themselves. the air. e SBYO’s passionate playing thus little competition between players, Latin American composers, and o en monia Orchestra so utterly staggering One says: “If I hadn’t found music? style is a far cry from the sterility of the atmosphere instead being one of the ‘Mambo’ from Bernstein’s West that every single member of the audi- Obviously I’d have gone back on to the professional orchestras the world over. mutual support. Dudamel, indeed, Side Story, with a glee and fervour that ence leapt immediately to their feet. streets to steal, beg and take drugs.” Combined, they give the impression o en talks of the SBYO as his ‘family’. no other orchestra could contemplate Most importantly of all, however, El Another says that, without her violin, that every single note counts, that they “ ere’s collective pressure,” he says, matching. ey dance in their seats, Sistema is being copied and adapted she’d be “like most 17-year-old girls in live and die by their performance. “but in a positive way. If a musician creating a swaying ‘Venezuelan wave’ across the world. In Los Angeles, Palo Verde – hanging with the gangs In a less than abstract sense, they gets ahead of the group, the group must e ect; the cellos and double basses Dudamel’s arrival has prompted the and pregnant”. Not for nothing does do. e SBYO, named a er a man follow – that’s how the social aspect of twirl their instruments like seasoned creation of YOLA, Youth Orchestra Dudamel call the system a “social who helped liberate Latin American El Sistema feeds the music we make.” jazz pros; the trumpeters stand and Los Angeles. In Scotland, a char- saviour”. As Sir Simon Rattle has put it, from imperial Spanish control, is the is sense of belonging is of marked spin their instruments like Catherine ity called Sistema Scotland aims to “ ere is nothing more important in agship group of ‘El Sistema’. is contrast to the fear and isolation of the wheels. Needless to say, the audience open three centres by 2013. ey the world of music than what is hap- Venezuelan social project aims to take barrios, Venezuela’s suburban slums: it consistently goes mad at such expres- have already begun work in the one pening in Venezuela”. children o the drug and crime rid- is no shock that relationships between sions of uninhibited joy. den streets of the country’s cities, by orchestra members blossom. At the Proms in 2007, in their giving them, free musical instruments ere is a clear degree of escapism London debut, the SBYO brought the Can’t beat El Sistema and intensive training in the hours about all this. Most of the SBYO say crowd to their feet, their infectious a er school. El Sistema was founded that they hope to play in famous Brit- rhythms forcing the prommers to 1975 Formed by economist and amateur musician José Antonio Abreu by an economist, the extraordinary ish, American or German orchestras, dance. ey were almost dragged o Jose Antonio Abreu, in 1975, with the moving away from Venezuela in search the stage by their management: before 1996 UNESCO appoints the orchestra members as Artists for Peace idea of taking music into some of the of a better life either musical and not. they went, the 150-strong band threw world’s poorest slums, giving desperate But the children of El Sistema are also their jackets into the audience, giving 2004 A prizewinning documentary, Tocar y Luchar, is made about El Sistema children and their families hope and, representatives of their country, their a lucky few, me included, a priceless 2006 Abreu is awarded a UNICEF prize for his work with children eventually, pride in their achieve- system, and are proud of it. ey have memento of a concert they will never ments. irty years later, a pyramidal been known to accompany President forget. What made it all the more im- 2004 Pledge to support 500,000 children by 2015 structure of well over 200 groups, from Chavez on foreign trips; so rooted has pressive was the rst-half performance
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Indeedy: Norah takes you for ermodynamics classes. In fact, you borrowed her virus because you were thinking of studying it for your dissertation. And now you’re chundering every- where, which means you might be late for today’s class anyway. You’ll need to email her to smooth things over. p24 Semi- irtatious: “Hey Norah ;)... V sorry but vomming everywhere so will be in late x”. p25 Deadpan: “Dear Dr Norah, Am ill; can’t come; very sorry. Regards.” Features Editor: Joe Hunter Friday February 27th 2009 22 Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk Psycho Semantics HIS WORKS MAY BE CELEBRATED AS FOUNDATION STONES OF MODERN PSYCHOGEOGRAPHY, BUT IAIN SINCLAIR REFUSES TO BE SEEN AS THE GENRE’S NEWEST PROPHET. HE TELLS PATRICK KINGSLEY ABOUT THE FOOTPRINT LONDON 2012 WILL LEAVE ON HACKNEY
or an author who supposedly per- walk. But the purpose of psychoge- this is only tting. it follows that his latest work, Hack- does see some advantages to the re- Fsoni es its revival, Iain Sinclair is ography has always been unclear. For But if Sinclair doesn’t identify ney, at Rose-Red Empire, while it building – “quite conservative people startlingly ambivalent about psychoge- some, it’s a means of examining how himself in psychogeographical terms, lacks “anything that could really be have become very active as a result ography. “It’s nothing to do with me,” buildings a ect our behaviour; for how exactly would he de ne his writ- described as psychogeographical”, is of it” - in general he is despondent. he says so ly, swivelling on a Union others, it’s the more intangible ‘read- ing? Very simply, as it turns out: “I based on a series of walks through “What I once thought was a disaster chair a er last week’s Olympics debate. ing’ of a city. For the French, it was a buy into a union between writing and Sinclair’s native ground in north- is now much worse than that: it’s a “It’s a nuisance. It’s something which political medium; for the British, it’s walking. I think there is as much of east London (one of which features c at a s t rop h e .” existed in the late 50s and early 60s more of a literary phenomenon. And that going on – or more – than what Emmanuel’s English DoS, Robert Yet perhaps there are encouraging that disappeared for many years and whereas Guy Debord and his gang of could be described as psychogeogra- Macfarlane). It’s a timely celebration comparisons between the Olympic then was reinvented simply as a pro- 60s Parisian Situationalists said it was phy. I have this notion that there are of Hackney, an area already massively site and Sinclair’s old Hawksmoor vocative device. And now it’s become a ected – for the worse, Sinclair feels churches? Will the former not contrib- pretty much anything you want it to “[PSYCHOGEOGRAPHY]’S NOTHING TO DO WITH strongly – by the new Olympic site. ute to London’s palimpsestic nature m e an .” e book argues that while “Hackney in the same way as the latter? “No, Sinclair’s attitude is unexpected: ME. IT’S A NUISANCE... AND NOW IT’S BECOME itself is magni cent, it’s always battling I don’t think so. I don’t think any of the man is an icon of psychogeog- with a level of input from whoever’s this will last long enough to do that. raphy. He has published nearly 30 PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING YOU WANT IT TO MEAN” trying to control it from above, for e actual Olympic structures are works associated with the subject, generation a er generation.” so tawdry that they’ll be gone soon, he’s shot Super-8 films about it, and subversive – a rebellion against typical, two kinds of writers: there’s one called For this particular generation, whereas the Hawksmoor churches are one of his early works, Lud Heat, workaday city activity – Peter Ackroyd ‘pods’, and there’s another called Sinclair suggests, the battle is with so massive that even though they went went on to exemplify the London (author of London: e Biography) ‘peds’. Peds are the kind of writers the Olympic developers and their through periods of neglect, somehow psychogeographical resurgence. argues the opposite: for him, psycho- who very de nitely have, within their lackeys on the local council. “There they hung on. e Olympic site, by Peter Ackroyd calls him a “vision- geography is simply a way of recognis- writing, this rhythm of journeys and is suffering on an enormous scale contrast, will be a totally transitional ary” of the genre. Will Self describes ing the way the city controls our every walks and pilgrimages and quests. because of [the Olympic develop- landscape. It has no notion of perma- Sinclair’s books as must-reads. And action. In short, then, psychogeogra- And pods are these other writers who ments]… Local people have been nence. It’s built to be destroyed, to be Merlin Coverley notes, in his intro- phy’s only de ning feature is its lack of sit in a room and just draw the world kicked out, the building works revised.” ductory survey of the subject (called de nition. If the man who reinvented to them in whatever ways they want have released toxins into the water, Sinclair’s forthright views have seen simply Psychogeography), that “if the concept can state that he “never to. And there is a very distinct gap we’ve lost allotments, we’ve lost the him banned, hilariously, from his local there is one person who is respon- was a psychogeographer” and even between the two.” football pitches in Hackney Marshes, library (where he was scheduled to sible for the current popularity that deny “much sympathy or interest in By his own de nition, Iain Sinclair we’ve lost fourteen swimming pools, give a talk) by the Hackney council. psychogeography enjoys, then it is [the subject’s] manifestations”, perhaps is clearly a walking writer, a ped. And cycle lanes…” And while Sinclair Publicity-wise, this was a blessing:
Iain Sinclair.” TOM DE FRESTON “It proved the thesis of the book and Why, then, is Sinclair almost scorn- it was a catastrophic piece of PR [for ful of the genre? Perhaps psychogeog- the council]. Instead of being a very raphy’s transition – from a marginal, small event with ten or twelve of us almost occult fascination to a very sitting around a library chatting about marketable, middle-class brand – has a book, I’m on the Today programme caused him to dri away from the defending the freedom of speech.” e subject. But Sinclair himself denies underlying argument, however, still even this: “I never dri ed into it! My causes Sinclair rancour – “the whole use of it was pretty minimal in terms thing was about mendacity, and spin, of my writing. At the start of my book, and lies” – and he’s still visibly irritated Lights Out For e Territory, I did do by it all when his debating partner a V-shaped walk which was a sort of Andrew Gilligan, a hack who certainly psychogeographical project. But the knows about spin, swaggers into the walking round the M25 [in London room. Orbital] – that wasn’t a psychogeo- Gilligan joins in the Olympic graphical project. It was just a project grumbling. “I am simply going to leave of human perversity, a geographical town,” he promises, before reiterat- project about deciding what London ing points he made during the debate topography was and where London itself: the Games will clog up the city; nished.” they’ll be expensive. Sinclair smiles: And what of Lud Heat, which “We’re more or less obliged to have a explored the behavioural effect major terrorist attack to justify the ex- Hawksmoor’s London churches had pense.” Gilligan, ever the journo, turns on their neighbouring, non-Chris- to me: “ ere’s your quote.” tian population in the 70s? “That was not psychogeography; that was Iain Sinclair’s latest book, Hackney, much more to do with an English at Rose-Red Empire, is out now. tradition belonging to people like Al- fred Watkins [a nineteenth-century archaeologist]. Though Lud Heat has become this psychogeographical text Psycho paths in retrospect, psychogeography was never even heard of or thought of at 1943 Born in Cardi that time. The subject didn’t occur to me when I was writing it. I was writ- 1970s Studies at Trinity College, ing it simply from the perspective of Dublin. Works as gardener a gardener.” in East London. Yet perhaps it’s not surprising that the ag-bearer for such an ambiguous 1975 Publishes Lud Heat genre has such an ambiguous attitude to it himself. A er all: what is psycho- 1991 Publishes Downriver geography? No one seems sure. It’s a very hazy idea. It concerns cities – 1997 Publishes Lights Out for traditionally London and Paris – and it the Territory involves walking: this much is certain. And it involves recording, with words 2002 Publishes London Orbital or photography, what happens on one’s
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Yes, it’s so e ective that it actually sickens you. at’s the real reason why you’re vomming le , right and centre. Anyway, back to the adventure: you decide to go along to the hustings to give Norah back her virus. You need to attract her attention. p29 Ask her a pertinent question. p30 Vomit all over CUSU. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Features 23
tom playford Come Sail Away sailing isn’t just for salty seadogs, according to rachael sprot, nor reserved for those with redfaced and wealthy parents who spend all day quaffing wine on the deck. cambridge university yachting is for you, too
ast year, the University bought its the cushions, which also serve as your sign up for a weekend of training or For many people this was their first Lown boat. Or should I say yacht, bunk, they’ll be damp indefinitely. Get cruising relatively cheaply. Compared experience of sailing, and of Norway. seeing as there are hundreds of Uni- back on deck and relieve Helen on the to sailing with a commercial sailing Few people know the other crew Kestrel’s Statistics versity-owned boats wallowing about helm – she’s been up there since she school, or to other types of ‘adventure members before they get on board and to the tune of anguished grunting on came on watch at 2am this morning. holiday’ like skiing, that is: somewhere the ‘club’ simply consists of an email Model: Sigma 38 the Cam every morning. Unlike some other countries, Britain in the region of £120 per week. That’s list of hundreds of people who have Before you throw the paper down in can’t seem to attract the masses to cheaper than most youth hostels and sailed on the boat at different times, or Length: 11.55m horror, convulse with liberal guilt and the sport. On the other side of the definitely cheaper than a May Ball, so would like to get around to it one day. lament the return to the days when Channel, in France, every pot-bellied, you can tear up your ticket to a white- Membership does not require anyone Beam: 3.6m Teddy Landed Fitzgentrysnob and to be a practised jellywrestler, to have chums spent their time away from the “the days spent surfing down huge waves drunk so much that they pass out in Displacement: 6250kg Pitt Club on Daddy’s yacht comparing their pudding and wake up wondering blazers, let me offer you a Cuppa-Soup with a manic grin and a delirious sense of where the face mask came from and Draft: 2m from a plastic cup that I half poured the cheesecake went. Spending days down my front when the boat lurched, liberty are few and far between” at sea with ten people in a space the Berths: 10 including 2 double aft and protest that sailing suffers from size of your bathroom but without the cabins an image problem. Don’t sit down pipe-smoking man and each scrawny tie champagne-soused evening before hot-water option and personal hygiene Designer: David Thomas whilst you’re drinking it either, your sun-leathered woman has a boat, or a the word ‘elitism’ escapes your lips. equipment you find that people bond wet weather gear is soaked through friend with one, that they potter about Our strength is certainly in our num- of their own accord. Sails: 4 Genoas, 3 Mainsails, 2 with salt water and if you get that on in, whiling away those long French bers. A boat owned and maintained The days spent surfing down huge Spinnakers, Storm sails jo wightman weekends, public holidays, strike by all the different people who sail waves with a manic grin and de- days... In Blighty, you’ve got to sell on her becomes quite affordable, and lirious sense of liberty are few and Berth: Swanwick Marina, River your house and downsize to a potting the availability of a team of dedicated far between. Or at least, the good bits Hamble, Hants shed with an allotment before you can people working long hours in return don’t have much narrative quality and access the water. for some free sailing keeps her floating. though you can return to the brine for recollections of the day, so you bundle This is bizarre, because we’re one At the moment the boat is on the more they don’t preserve well in the back into the floating caravan, unani- of the few countries where you don’t south coast of the UK, occasionally vinegar of memory. The bad bits, like mously convinced that you’ve been need a licence to own or sail a boat: cruising over to France or the Channel the time the fuel tank split and filled having a really good time. Inexplicably, seafaring is considered a basic British Islands. Over Easter there are several the boat with diesel, or Min set fire to you probably were – the disappoint- right. The only reason that yachting training trips planned. The instructors the galley, or the mast fell down and ments and the failures, the being really is expensive is because there isn’t the can qualify beginners as Day Skippers the lifeboat had to be called, stick like frightened and the being really bored demand for cheap sailing. Thanks to under the RYA (Royal Yachting Asso- glue; as do the people that they hap- are part of the challenges that make our fondness for attaching class labels ciation) scheme or help more experi- pened with. the experience worth having. to everything in life, we limit what we enced members hone their skills. CUY Much of the time the weather is foul There is no advance starred review do to a comfortably narrow band of has already nurtured and taught over and you don’t reach the destination for sailing, no traffic light labelling sys- socio-economically defined hobbies. forty skippers, many of whom had you had in mind because everybody tem confirming your suspicions that But not for much longer; the industry little sailing experience before arriving has had enough of being cold and wet it is, indeed, bad for you, and neither itself is changing and Cambridge has but are now fully fledged Yachtmasters. and sick so you stop off in a differ- I nor my secretary will be taking irate become the first university to own This year Kestrel will spend four ent harbour instead. You manage to phone calls from anyone who signs up its own yacht, run specifically with months cruising in the Baltic, going tip several tins of Morrison’s mild for a trip and hates it. All I’m saying is student budgets in mind. through the Kiel canal and up to Swe- chicken curry into a pot and prod it that there is a boat out there, for our Admittedly, the boat, Kestrel, cost a den and Finland in one- or two-week until it loses the perfectly cylindrical use only, going to extraordinary places small fortune to buy (almost £50,000 time slots. Last summer various dif- shape that it held onto for far too long, with unusual combinations of people once she was properly kitted out) and ferent crews took part in sailing her to before slumping exhausted off to the and you’d be mad not to go with it. I has been costing more small for- Norway (a four day passage across the pub. You’re still wearing your Michelin will promise that there’s no snivelling tunes ever since – the salt water and North Sea), cruising up the coast via Man outfit of sixteen layers and leak- geek with weird headgear sitting at the the constant battering from nature’s fjords, and visiting idyllic anchorages ing rubber boots. Unfortunately, this back shouting orders about pushing elements etc. means that things are and cities with a Ryanair connection deserted spot hasn’t got so much as a harder, or some other incomprehen- always wearing out. But absolutely for crew changes. She returned via the corner shop selling a four pack of Car- sible request. Skippers are a funny anyone, novice or Admiral, can join Shetland Isles, through the Caledonian ling and a scotch egg, but everyone is breed, but as far as I know they haven’t Cambridge University Yachting and Canal from Glasgow to Edinburgh. thoroughly warmed by the rose-tinted started using microphones yet.
VOMIT Adventure (starts on page 13): Maybe. Although, this being an adventure written along vomit-themed lines, one could more accurately say that CUSU is about as effective as a s[t]ick in a bucket. Geddit? Features Editor: Joe Hunter Friday February 27th 2009 24 Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk No Fiction in Science is our design intelligent? is science dangerous? never mind whether or not god exists, why do we believe he might? science correspondent rosie powell-tuck asks lewis wolpert about science and ‘the people’
s a young man, Professor Lewis the age of 79, he is Emeritus Profes- Professor Wolpert is most famous shaped like a human ear!” things remain whole unless some- AWolpert didn’t want to be a de- sor of Cell and Developmental Biol- for his work on ‘positional informa- Wolpert is the first to admit that thing breaks them,” he expands. He velopmental biologist or even a sci- ogy at University College London. tion’ in chick limb development. he himself has not always been proposes that this notion of cause entist. He started his career as a civil “And the strange thing,” he chuckles, He proposed a ‘French flag’ model wholly successful at relating to a and effect led in evolution to our engineer, a field he chose “because it “is that my son is now a Professor to explain how cells in a develop- wider audience. In 2002 he partici- ability to make tools. “The evolu- sounded less greasy than mechanical of Engineering here in Cambridge, ing embryo know what to do. “One pated in a highly publicised ‘Telepa- tionary advantage of causal beliefs engineering… I really wanted to be [having trained] as a neuroscien- mechanism is that they get assigned thy Debate’ with a former colleague was that you could make tools and a mathematician, but wasn’t clever tist!” a position.” He continues, “If you turned parapsychologist, Dr Rupert that’s what drove human evolution.” enough.” Only later, studying for a want to form a French flag – you can Sheldrake. Who won? “He won. The Once humans had mastered tool use, PhD on ‘The Mechanics of Cell Di- hold up blue, white or red – you’re audience were totally in favour of they started to want to understand vsion’, did Professor Wolpert in a line, which piece of paper are Rupert. Oh yes! Telepathy… total the cause of other things. Professor become interested in you going to hold up? If you know nonsense… do you know his ideas Wolpert argues that this moment developmental your position in the line, then you’ll about ‘morphic resonance’? You in our history was the evolution- biology. hold up the right one… and that’s know that if you teach a mouse to ary origin of belief. “You wanted to Now, at what cells do.” run a maze then mice all over the know why you got ill, for example, Recently Professor Wolpert has world will run that maze faster?” and the most obvious cause of most become interested in the impact that When we ask Professor Wolpert things was a human-like cause, science and its discoveries have on to elaborate on this – how is that because that was the one cause you society. “I’m lecturing on Bioethics supposed to work? “That’s morphic were absolutely sure of …and that’s sean jones tonight… I’m going to say that most resonance,” he replies in a false tone why most gods have a human char- of it is moral masturbation.” of mystery, “no-one knows how it acteristic.” He goes further too, in an That being said, he is aware that works!” On Sheldrake he comments, attempt to explain what he calls our new scientific applications, “he used to be a very clever plant “mystical minds”. “The people who for example genetically scientist, oh yes! Before he went did believe in religion,” he says, “did modified crops, give rise gaga.” Though Professor Wolpert is better than those who didn’t and so to important issues that amusing in his approach to many religion became partially incorporat- necessitate discussion. of our questions, he is consistently ed into our brains.” In support of his He is adamant that sci- frank and straightforward. He feels idea he entreats us to consider the entists are not the peo- it is important to debate the par- “boring molecule of LSD”. “You take ple to be making these ethical decisions. “The “The role of a scientist is to understand the role of a scientist is to understand the way the way the world works. I don’t want scientists world works. I don’t want scientists making ethical making ethical decisions… they are not our decisions… they are not our elected representa- elected representatives” tives.” In an article entitled ‘Is Science Dangerous?’ anormal “to show that these things it and you have these extraordinary that was published in don’t exist”, but he totally dismisses, experiences. It can’t be LSD doing it, Nature in 1999, he argued for instance, the idea of Intelligent this means the brain circuits must be that all scientists have a Design on the grounds of no evi- there and LSD is just turning them social obligation to fully dence. “I will not debate Intelligent on... there is something in our brain disclose all aspects of their Design because the evidence is zero that leads us very easily to mystical research. So long as this – you know, that there’s a God or and religious beliefs.” happens, he wrote, science anything like that.” Wolpert himself, despite his is “most emphatically not” Religious belief has been a key evolutionary origins, subscribes to dangerous. “I wouldn’t let focus for Professor Wolpert, not a secular view of life. He insists that my scientific colleagues, least when his own son became a his book is neither an argument for love them as I do, choose born-again Christian. “You see he nor against religion. “I’m not against my tie,” he grins mischie- actually tried to commit suicide, he religion so long as they don’t try vously, “let alone make was on drugs and things like that, he to interfere and impose it on other ethical decisions on my jumped from a window… and then, people.” Even as a Vice President of b e h a l f .” when he was recovering, he was the British Humanist Association, Professor Wolpert is the evangelised.” Wistfully he recalls an the organisation behind the recent author of several popular incident shortly after this episode in bus campaign that had London books. “I wrote a very nice which his son proclaimed, “Dad I’m buses bearing the slogan, “There’s book, The Unnatural Nature so envious of you because you will probably no God. Now stop wor- of Science.” Laughing vigor- be dead soon.” rying and enjoy your life,” he is not ously he adds: “Well, I like “Whatever do you mean?” too keen on atheists interfering with it!” As an advocate of the “I’m longing to die because I know religious beliefs either. Did he agree clear communication of I’ll go to heaven,” replied his son. with the campaign? “No, absolutely science to the general As a life-long atheist Professor not. It’s not going to have an effect… public, he concedes that Wolpert did not think it strange that but Richard Dawkins did sell 2 mil- in practice it is not his son should become a Christian. lion books.” easy. “We don’t control “No, it made perfect sense… and There is a sustained pause in our the media and many I never tried to persuade him not conversation when we ask Profes- articles about science to be because it helped him a great sor Wolpert if he has any advice in the papers are mis- d e a l .” for budding scientists. “It’s tricky… leading. My favourite This exchange with his son was you’ve got to choose the subject example… have you a key trigger that prompted Pro- you really care about. Work on a seen that picture fessor Wolpert to write his most problem that really matters to you,” of the mouse with recent book, Six Impossible Things he counsels. Currently, Professor a human ear on Before Breakfast – the Evolutionary Wolpert is writing a new book about its back? It’s not Origins of Belief. In it he describes the science of ageing. He will be a human ear at how humans, distinct from other appearing in Cambridge on Friday all – it’s just a animals, possess causal beliefs about March 20th, for round two of the bit of cartilage the physical world. “We think that Telepathy Debate.
VOMIT Adventure (starts on page 13): True to your word, you are late. “Better late than never,” you point out to Norah, who nevertheless isn’t too convinced. In fact, she looks pretty surprised to see you. Why? »p26 You have chunder all over your clothes. »p27 Another sartorially-specific reason. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Arts 25 Violent Upheaval Romeo and Juliet: A Story of Hatred and Betrayal? Charlotte Westenra shows Laura Freeman what Brazilian politics can teach us about Shakespeare’s Verona
irector Charlotte Westenra is a prominent member of parliament, my long sword, ho!’ ‘Draw if you machismo-fuelled brawl in which magnetic, tense and utterly convinc- Dnot having any of this ‘star- developed a branch of ‘Legislative’ or be men’ ‘What, drawn, and talk of the wrong man is killed. It starts ing. cross’d lovers’ business. “Of course ‘Forum Theatre’ which encouraged peace?’ and ‘Put thy rapier up.’” She with something as simple as a bitten The cast clearly relish the power of it’s a love story” she says, “but the his audience to participate in and wields the lines like a true swords- thumb and ends with blood on the their blades. In between runs there’s love story is there despite the fact direct plays drawn from everyday man and admits, “I want to hear the piazza flagstones. In the pivotal fight boasting over who has the best sword that they live in a world generated adversities. By engaging his audi- clink of metal on metal.” scene there are eleven swords and and Lord Montague can be heard by hatred.” Taking on Romeo and ence as “Spect-actors,” Boal gained It is a bold directorial decision. Re- half a dozen daggers on stage. When making lightsaber noises while com- Juliet can feel like reinventing the an insight into some of the favellas’ hearsals are punctuated by the stac- Romeo stabs Tybalt, his blade flexes bating thin air. Boys with toys. But wheel. The play has been through most pressing problems. Having cato clash of blades and the seductive to a sickening curve as it strikes that’s what Romeo and Juliet is really every permutation and reimagining identified the very real and immedi- slash, slash, slash of swords like flesh. Stage fighting too often falls about. Tybalt, Mercutio, Romeo, and possible. Prokofiev did it in tights, ate injustices in Rio’s slums, Boal butchers’ carving knives. The fight into the trap of mannerism, of stagey Benvolio are angry young men, fired Zeffirelli did it with Lawrence Ol- presented his findings to Parliament, scenes are choreographed by RADA pas de deux, artfully choreographed up by a hot summer and schooled in ivier, West Side Story set the action and, thanks to Legislative Theatre, fight director Bret Yount. He’s taking fencing matches with no real sense of the hatred of their parents. They will in 1950s New York, Baz Luhrmann the Rio Assembly have passed and no prisoners. “If Romeo drops his threat. Under Yount’s instruction the bite a thumb in haste, and with no gave us Romeo + Juliet to a pop-rock continue to pass laws to alleviate the elbows,” Yount warns Rob Carter’s fights are visceral, and commanded laws, no firm government, murder soundtrack, and Shakespeare in Love pressures that make life difficult in Tybalt, “just smack him.” Westenra by senseless violence. He jokes that their kinsmen in the fray. offered a sneak peak at Romeo and the favellas. One of the Theatre of argues that it has to be convincing. it is ‘Romeo and Juliet: Revolutions’. Juliet: The True Southwark Story. the Oppressed’s great triumphs was Romeo and Juliet is a play that degen- The thrilling silken draw of metal Romeo and Juliet is at the Arts Westenra argues that her pro- the introduction of a witness protec- erates into chaos, an adrenalin- and and the lattice of flying blades are Theatre, March 3rd-7th. duction of Romeo and Juliet at the tion scheme for residents who report tim johns Cambridge Arts Theatre is differ- to the police on the drugs trade. ent because it is not the traditional Westenra is familiar with the misadventured romance with a few theme of justice gone awry. She fight scenes on the side but a play began her career running drama about “a society that is completely workshops at HMP Styal, and went fractured. Romeo and Juliet can’t on to direct Gladiator Games at the be together because society won’t Crucible Studio in Sheffield and Kiss let them.” West Side Story and Baz of the Spider Woman at the Donmar Luhrmann came close to apprehend- Warehouse (both plays condemn ing this, casting the Capulets and fatal cracks in the prison system). Montagues as rival gangs, but the At the Donmar she worked under film posters are revealing: Tony and Michael Grandage and subsequently Maria kissing on a fire escape, the directed Frost/Nixon and Piaf on angelic Claire Danes and her knight their West End transfers. With in armour Leonardo Di Caprio such a cosmopolitan résumé, what kissing at the costume party. The brings her to Cambridge? “It’s the guns and gangs are simply fill- history,” she tells me. “Think of all ers in between the real business of those great actors who started off romance. The poster for Westenra’s in Cambridge. You want to tap into Romeo and Juliet overthrows all that talent right at the beginning of romantic conventions. Brutish and their careers.” confrontational, James Walker’s But even in Cambridge, in the bloodied, shirtless Mercutio displays august company of the Marlowe his wounds like a risen Renaissance Society, Rio is not forgotten. Christ and, face contorted, lets out Westenra’s reading of Romeo and a convulsive scream of rage, despair, Juliet is inspired by Augusto Boal’s and vengeance. Romeo and Juliet, essay ‘Romeo and Juliet: A Story our erstwhile hero and heroine, are of Hatred and Betrayal’, in which nowhere to be seen. Boal argues for the corrupted heart Is Westenra a cynic, then? It’s not of Shakespeare’s most performed the impression she gives over coffee romance. The Prince, the supposed on King’s Parade. She is ebullient, dispenser of justice, is an ineffectual talkative and full of praise for her threat maker. The play opens with mentors, her colleagues, and her the Capulets and Montagues on cast. Jack Monaghan and Lucy the verge of civil war. A hot after- Evans as the eponymous lovers are noon descends into a brawl and the “ah-maazing”. But she has a sharp Prince intervenes, stating that he political streak and it is this keen has already given three warnings. He sense of social injustice, of “top- claims that this is the last pardon he down corruption” which motivates will give. Boal argues that four par- her choices as a director. dons is already several pardons too While studying Drama at the many: “A society of hatred becomes University of Manchester, Westenra entrenched, as in Brazil today, where attended a workshop run by the no one obeys the law.” Theatre of the Oppressed, a chari- During rehearsals, Westenra table organisation founded in 1971 reminds her cast, “Our prince in our by Brazilian politician Augusto Boal version has completely lost con- to address injustice in Rio’s slums. trol.” Verona, then, is a thoroughly The players ended the session with modern state, although Westenra the inviting proposition, “See you in has maintained a period setting. She Brazil.” Westenra took them at their defends her choice of a ‘traditional’ word and joined the company in Rio backdrop for Romeo and Juliet de Janeiro. (‘traditional’ is a dirty word when it The Theatre of the Oppressed comes to Shakespeare adaptations). began its life in Rio’s troubled “The reason I’m keeping it period,” favellas, the outskirt slum-cities she rallies, “is because I want to forgotten by politicians and largely use sword fighting. There’s all these abandoned by the police force. Boal, wonderful lines about: ‘Give me
Vomit ADVENTURE (starts on page 13): Norah is very understanding and says you don’t have to come to the class. You spend the rest of the day in bed. Boring. »p21 Or you can send another e-mail. Theatre Editor: Joel Massey Friday February 27th 2009 26 eatre [email protected] varsity.co.uk
View from the Groundlings THEATRE
Richard II by William Shakespeare
ADC eatre, February 24th-28th ZING TSJENG Dir. Tom Attenborough; CUADC
ood omens abounded when the with conversations in pro le. Because of which generally worked except that his Oscar Toeman tells us what’s Gcast came on stage dressed in the this, it is almost impossible to comment adopted accent was di cult to tune in what in theatrical week 6 khaki and black military-esque out ts on most of the actors’ facial expressions, to and caused him to mutter key lines that seem to have become the apparel of because we saw them so rarely. To really monotonously. Underplaying the lines was going to use this article to choice for productions of Shakespeare’s add to the di culty of glimpsing the was a problem as it gave the play a very plug The Tempest, but we sold histories: the opening scene took me actors, the whole stage was plunged into slow pace and shattered any possible Iout last week so I don’t need to. back to CAST’s Henry V with its at- a sopori c semi-darkness. tense climaxes. Instead, I’m going to attempt to mospheric choreographed ght ‘dances’ ese set and lighting choices meant Nevertheless, Audsley must be highly stick as many terrible puns as and fast paced, hard-hitting dialogues. that brilliant delivery of the lines was commended, bringing to life every role possible into a 400-word piece. However, rather disappointingly, the necessary to engage the audience, she played, and Rogers’ embodiment But first, Marlowe Masterclass costumes are where the similarities end- particularly as the whole play is written of the elderly Duke of Gaunt was most nominee Jess Hyslop’s new play ed. e stage was covered in soil, which in verse. Alas, for the most part this did convincing. ere were glimpses of di- The Heights, which won the the actors used as one of their sole props not happen: many lines appeared to rectorial brilliance, namely the composi- Madhouse Writing prize, is on at throughout. Dead owers added some be gabbled and it was a strain to catch tion of characters at the back window the Judith E. Wilson Studio until colour to the otherwise black stage. every word. Jagger, Carter, Audsley and and the backlighting through the door. tonight (Friday 27th), and with e play had many shortcomings Press really stood out, as they delivered e gloom of the stage, lighting-wise, shadow puppetry, a very fine cast that prevented it from ever developing clearly, with resonant diction, which the drab costumes and the droning de- and an accredited script, it prom- into the gripping, tense drama it aimed was such a relief and these actors were livery of signi cant lines led to a rather ises a great deal. But will it hit the to be. e actors frequently addressed a pleasure to listen to. Bannister’s bland performance of what could and heights? There’s only one way to lines upstage, towards the king, only portrayal of Richard II had overtones of should have been a gripping historical find out. occasionally interspersing this approach a young, petulant, uncomplicated child, drama. Victoria Ball
Also in the air this week is JAMES MURDOCH Night Breath at the Corpus e Medics Revue 2009 Playroom, a piece which will leave you gasping; the choice of ADC eatre, February 25th-28th the stifling playroom to show this work is perfect. In a similar vein, Dir. Lydia Chambers Caryl Churchill’s powerful new piece, Seven Jewish Children, a ten minute play about the ongo- have to admit that I had scribbled lack of punch lines, none of it mat- were the result of an amusing in-joke ing Gaza/Israel conflict, is on in Ipre-show notes such as “crude, tered. It was still absolutely hilarious. or story in the medic community that the Larkum next week: be warned minimal set” and “good projector,” And it’s not just a case of “it’s so bad one of the writers “had to get in.” e though, it’s as one-sided as a mili- just in case the evening’s proceedings it’s good,” as some of the material was evening was even more amusing as tary response. were too dull to nd anything to write incredibly strong. a result, as an objectively weak joke One play starting tonight is about. Dull, in retrospect, was the one ere was a noticeable reprise of would result in resounding belly- Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, which thing this show was not. ideas, such as a fraught mother-son laughs from the large audience – while can be found not in the “gutter In short, it was farcical and over- relationship, which cleverly steered the my friend and I sat there having no to the end of its days,” but up at theatrical. Lines were projected know- production away from sketches based clue what was going on, and laughing Churchill. Be sure to make the ingly out towards the audience, winks, on its main ‘Borat’ theme. Modern cul- at this reaction. trip. cheesy tuneless dance numbers galore, tural references on the whole worked Sketches featuring Yang Chen in Looking ahead very quickly, and so on. I half expected a thigh slap. for the show (a Lord of the Rings sketch particular prompted riotous laugh- BATS have got their act together, One performer, spotting that I was was particularly well-timed), providing ter and applause. e sight of a and scheduled two intriguing poised in the front row with my note- a refreshing foil to the largely studenty man swearing at juggling balls as he productions – Cardenio, Shake- pad, decided then to glance down at nature of the majority of the other dropped remains the funniest thing I speare’s ‘lost’ play, reimagined by me to check if I was laughing. In every. sketches. is is not to say that they have seen on the ADC stage. Chen was Bernard Richards, and Sodom, by Single. Sketch. were amateur, or resorted to crude sex the star of the night, demonstrating a the Earl of Rochester. Which to e show had aws, but none of references or Cindies jokes. real skill for timing in a show that will me sounds a bit like The Liber- them mattered. e awkwardness, the I did get the sense that certain leave you both bemused and amused. tine, the play where naked girls poor over-characterisation, the total sketches based in university dorms Juliet Shardlow sat on large ceramic dildos and sang while being pulled around DAN STRANGE by midgets. It sounds like a future e Heights by Jess Hyslop Big Fish Ents night. Talking of Big Fish, Crystal Maze: The Musical Judith E. Wilson Drama Studio, February 25th-27th is also hitting the streets, up at Dir. Hannah Love; Telltale Productions & Madhouse eatre Robinson. “A love story, set in the infamous maze,” one must hope that it doesn’t lose its way. And finally, something to get he Heights won the Madhouse Adam and Eve as Punch and Judy; and the visual e ects were superb. e set excited about at the end of term is T eatre prize. You can see why: it’s the idea of time as a constant, yet omi- was weird and wonderful; a selection of the Miscellaneous Theatre Festi- completely mental. Surreal; mysterious; nous reminder of mankind’s destiny). items suspended on long ropes above the val 2009, an event which has been absurdist; and experimental, it sounds a But Hyslop’s laudable writing ambition dining table provided an intelligent coun- continually growing in stature and decent enough excuse for an evening trip ultimately proved the play’s downfall. e terpoint to the external material world. reputation. Featuring work by, to the Sidgwick site. problem was that there were just far too Once the items were removed from the amongst others, Ollie Evans (Gna- From playwright Jess Hyslop, e much going on here to create a coherent, ropes, all that was le were hooks; a diges Fraulein), Marlowe Master- Heights is an innovative piece of new fully developed piece of theatre. In just bleakly proleptic image. class nominee Emma Hogan, and writing whose action centres upon a eighty minutes we had several MON- Whilst most of the acting was safe the (big breath needed) soon- ‘House in the Wilderness’, and the strange STER themes to get our heads around rather than spectacular, special men- to-be-great-you-heard-it-here- goings-on of Ambrose and his eclectic (and even the small matter of domestic tion must go to Alashiya Gordes for her first Edward Herring, this FREE mix of ‘guests’. violence at the end). Despite some classy portrayal of Orpha and for managing to festival is not to be missed. Essentially, the play is an allegory moments (like the eloquently composed make a drowsy character anything but So there you have it: absolutely presented through the medium of a Tim lullabies and monologues) I came away sopori c to watch. loads of stuff still to see. And Burton-esque fairy tale. ere were some disillusioned by the smorgasbord of half- Frustratingly, despite a promising you thought things were winding challenging themes on display here (the baked ‘messages’ that the play sought to concept, this play never really reached down. allegorical role of the Fall in representing a rm. the pinnacle that its title promised. the weaknesses and toils of mankind; To the production’s credit, some of Alex Winterbotham
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): You do have chunder all over your clothes, which is disgusting. p24 But that isn’t actually why she’s surprised. Friday February 27th 2009 Join our Theatre team: varsity.co.uk [email protected] eatre 27
e Tempest Tickle the Bishop MOVE! Context READ ALL THE REVIEWS ONLINE AT VARSITY.CO.UK/REVIEWS
e Goat or Who is Sylvia? by Edward Albee TIM JOHNS Corpus Playroom, February 24th-28th Week 7: e Chairs and eatre Dir. Isabel Taylor; Revived Emmanuel Dramatic Society of the Absurd ugène Ionesco’s (pictured veryone loves Albee. He’s a little selves from the shackles of these jokes restraints of their environment. Despite Eabove) The Chairs, on next edgier than Miller, yet he takes that the production really picked up. the uncertainty within the production, week at the ADC, is a seminal Efewer risks than many of his European Josh Stamp-Simon’s Martin on oc- Isabel Taylor directed the play with verve example of Theatre of the Absurd. counterparts; the audience knows that casion su ered from this uncertainty, and intelligence. As piece by piece the The term was originally coined they can comfortably settle in for a sometimes bordering on a parody of furniture was upturned, the set was le by Hungarian-born critic Martin couple of hours of slightly le -of- eld Woody Allen (surely one is bad enough eerily peopled with a number of human Esslin, who made it the title of but still quintessentially American these days?). But generally his nerv- models, emphasising Martin’s increasing his 1962 book on the subject - drama. And this was what caused many ous, antsy performance made his self isolation. Theatre of the Absurd refers to a of this production’s problems; their indulgent character suitably punch- And yet, for a play written in 2002, particular type of play which first uncertainty about whether to satirize or able without ever isolating him from e Goat is incredibly dated. Of course became popular during the 1950s empathize with the middle-class intel- our sympathy. And despite the poor I’m not demanding that productions be and 1960s. ligentsia they portray in e Goat or comic timing (and the occasional wobbly infused with credit crunch metaphors, Staging the ideas of French Who is Sylvia? stems from Albee’s own American accent), all the actors deserved or have pictures of Obama hanging on philosopher Albert Camus who, ham- sted attempt to do both. the audience’s attention, performing well stage, but this performance could not, in his 1942 essay The Myth of e Goat is billed as a tragi-comedy, in the contained environment of the at times, alleviate the sheer tedium of Sisyphus, defines the human but the jokes lacked bite, and attempts to Corpus Playroom. the script. Bestiality does not necessarily condition as basically meaning- incorporate them into the performance is contained setting became almost make something interesting, or funny, less. Camus argued that humanity undermined the tragic consequences of claustrophobic as the play progressed, the and this production’s attempt to incorpo- had to resign itself to recognising the play. e focus on the ‘comic’ meant characters pushing themselves up against rate both pathos and bathos meant that that a fully satisfying rational that the opening scene dragged, and it the white walls in reaction to Martin’s it ultimately sacri ced both for neither. explanation of the universe was was only when the actors freed them- revelation, as if hoping to escape the Nick Beck beyond its reach; in that sense, the world must ultimately be seen AMELIA VINEY as absurd. Night Breath by Bryan Oliver Theatre of the Absurd openly rebelled against conventional Corpus Playroom, February 24th-28th theatre. It was, as Ionesco called Dir. Robyn Hoedemaker; Homerton Amateur eatrical Society it, “anti-theatre.” It was surreal, illogical, conflictless and plot- less. The dialogue often seemed hen I shu ed in to watch Night e rather sheepish Dee-Dee (Nalan a healthy squeeze of the 1984 plot and to be complete gibberish. And, Breath last night I had no idea Burgess) then comes in and tries to stu . Now, is it me or is that not just a not surprisingly, the public’s first whatW to expect. Well, I say that, but light some candles. At this point, the teeny-weeny bit o ensive? Surely you reaction to this new theatre was that’s not quite true. “Night Breath,” I wee person starts into life, throws o can’t just harvest atrocities for a litany incomprehension and rejection. thought, “I’ve never heard of it: perhaps her ingenious newspaper disguise and of grisly details to stick in your pu ed When The Chairs debuted in it’s new – oh God, it’s not going to be a violently threatens to attack Dee-Dee up play can you? Or is that what passes Paris in 1952, many critics did studenty, pretentious load of old post- with the chair. e punchy chameleon as being terribly artistic and informed not know what to make of the apocalyptic balls is it? Because that’s turns out to be Yana (Leonie James), an these days? play. A few praised the produc- what it sounds like.” Needless to say, ex-teacher who now, covered in dried Anyway, aside from the script, there tion. Renee Saurel believes the I was very wrong: it’s not new, it’s by mud, looks uncannily like Stig from was a fair bit to celebrate. Across the play is “hauntingly beautiful and Bryan Oliver. Guess what though – it Stig of the Dump. board the acting was very strong. Na- perfectly structured under its sur- very much is a load of disastrous gu . We learn slowly, thanks to allusions lan Burgess carried o Dee-Dee with face of incoherence.” e set consisted of some scraps to “your people” and “the camps” and a great deal of compassion and Sophia Most critics were not as kind. of screwed up newspaper, muddy- “the soldiers”, that some sort of civil Sibthorpe grappled with the con ict- Some regarded it as a little bit looking blood-smeared walls, a chair war and genocide has happened. It all ing ferocity and sadness at the heart of strange. Others were just plain with a broken leg and a wee person happened, like, not that long ago and Pinky with extreme precision. Unfortu- confused. This is hardly surpris- curled up in a ball who was desperately we are possibly in the Balkans some- nately, such precision was not re ected ing though, considering the trying not to look like a person by where – de nitely Eastern Europe – by the abby and half-baked script that author seemed just as lost. In the being cunningly draped in rags and maybe with a dash of Rwanda thrown the talented director and performers programme for the original pro- other bits of miscellaneous rubbish. in, and then sort of all capped o with had to work with. Nathan Brooker duction of The Chairs, Ionesco wrote, ‘‘As the world is incompre- MICHAEL DERRINGER hensible to me, I am waiting for Crystal Maze: e Musical by Simon Burdus & Peter Facer someone to explain it.’’ By the time the play was Brickhouse eatre, Robinson College, February 25th-28th revived in Paris in 1956, how- ever, most critics and audiences Dir. Okey Nzelu & Peter Facer; Big Fish eatre seemed to have got it, and lauded Ionesco for his unique staging and profound sense of humour. obinson College used to be famous But hang on, what the hell was I Juan, and use the proceeds to fund new In truth, The Chairs is not that mainly for Nick Clegg-related rea- expecting from Crystal Maze: e US sitcom Friends that will be shown confusing at all. Yes, the ‘guests’ sons,R but not any more. Its Brickhouse Musical? I actually reckon the produc- on TV everyday for the next 20 years, are represented by chairs but once eatre really is currently hosting a tion is just, just saved from its manifold thus securing the station’s nancial you’ve got passed that you’re fine. musical adaptation of Channel 4’s cult aws by the sheer silliness of it all. future. is was, of course, all revealed If you really want a show that 90’s game show e Crystal Maze. Needless to say, this is certainly the through a song. e chorus was “Save you are very unlikely to under- As with the original, we watched only show this term where you will see our station with your subjugation,” and stand, try watching Beckett’s host Richard O’Brien lead six contest- giant dancing bananas, the camp aw- it included lines like “Veronica, you’ll Breathe (1970) – a play often la- ants, wearing awful Vanilla Ice track- fulness of Richard O’Brien masterfully pay for Monica, Joss, you’ll pay for belled as the ultimate conclusion suits, through the maze in the hope captured by Fergus Ross Ferrier, and a Ross, but who will pay for Rachel?” of The Theatre of the Absurd. of getting crystals that buy you prize Crystal Dome made out of tin foil and Don’t go if you like your theatre The entire play consists of noise winning time in the Crystal Dome. chicken wire. slick and polished, but if you’re up for in the place of dialogue. Person- Let’s just be honest, in terms of And I haven’t even mentioned the a laugh, why not? In a way it was all ally, I don’t get it. But I’m pretty production quality, this one was a real ludicrous plot. Sorry to spoil it, but I quite refreshing. e Cambridge drama sure that’s the point. shocker: weak singing, horrendous have to tell you this. OK, Channel 4 is scene does perhaps take itself just a Tim Checkley scene changes, nervous acting; oh yeah, secretly kidnapping the contestants so little too seriously, and this is one show The Chairs is on at the ADC from and the curtain went up 35 minutes that it can sell them to a Mexican slave- that de nitely, de nitely, didn’t. February 4th-7th at 11pm. late. trader with a Geordie accent called Joel Massey
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Quite. “I thought you were going to come in Latex,” says Norah, her disappointment almost tangible. “No,” you clarify, whilst almost touching her disappointment, “I said I would come ‘come in late x’. Not ‘Latex’. I was giving you a cheeky kiss. Capeesh?” She capeeshes, and the confusion is over. You return her virus and give up bog-roll for Lent. Anyway, I’m running out of space, so we’ll reconvene on page 28. p28 Hurry up! Reviews Editor: Laurie Tuffrey Friday February 27th 2009 28 Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk iWatch Week 7: Secret Life of the Motor- way, BBC4, Wednesday 8pm, MUSIC available on BBC iPlayer
NME Awards Tour Florence and the Machine, White Lies, Friendly Fires and Glasvegas e Corn Exchange, Friday February 20th at the back experience a very di erent Diamonds’ into the bona de anthems show to those standing nearer to the they are live. Even in more down- stage. Here, White Lies set themselves tempo moments like ‘Ex-Lover’, it was apart; Friday’s set permeated the impossible not to be carried away by whole crowd, not just those at the the sublime synth-laden euphoria of front of the stage. And in introduc- the most entertaining band on the nyone who assumes a docu- ing their last song by saying “We are line-up. mentary on motorways would White Lies, this is ‘Death’”, they may And so the headliners finally make beA boring is a closed-minded fool well be contenders for the best line their appearance. The figures of – the sort of clot who would assume used to close a show ever. James Allan and his clan emerge to that the rst motorway in Britain ere’s something quite remark- rapturous applause, barely discern- was the M1. In actual fact, it was able about Friendly Fires’ live show. ible against the blacked-out stage. A the Preston bypass. As this excellent Relatively sedate in interviews, the brief pause, a mumbled introduction documentary revealed, there is a pounding funk of opener ‘Lovesick’ from the frontman, and Glasvegas wealth of history behind getting transformed frontman Ed McFarlane explode into ‘Geraldine’. The guitars from A to B in a hurry. into an irrepressible dancing machine. serrate the air and the drumming has Motorways are now so ubiquitous Utterly compelling, the band’s fast- a tribal feel, before Allan’s Scots howl that it is easy to forget that they are Glasvegas paced set maintained momentum with ekes every drop of emotion out of in fact of very recent formation. the early highlight ‘Jump in the Pool’. the lyrics. Whereas fascism brought motor- ast Friday saw the NME Awards for last year’s single ‘Kiss with a Fist’, Its layered percussion was matched From here on in, there is no let ways to Italy and Germany decades LTour, tastemaker for new music, though it sounded tame in compari- by a frenetic red and blue light show, up. ‘It’s My Own Cheating Heart...’ previously, in 1956 Britain was still arrive at its Cambridge stop, with son to werewolf-inspired new track interspersed with lasers, for a sublime and ‘Flowers and Football Tops’ are persisting with a road system laid the big-draw Scots, Glasvegas, being ‘Howl’. With such a mesmerising stage rendition of ‘Skeleton Boy’. blasted out in all their cathartic an- out in a pre-motorised age. Britain’s supported by the bright new things of presence, the Kate Bush and Bjork e sheer dance potential of themic glory, the latter extended until quaint country lanes and town high Britain’s indie scene. comparisons are obvious. Her cover Friendly Fires’ self-titled debut has every brick in the Corn Exchange was streets were becoming increasingly Show-opener Florence and the of ‘You Got e Love’ could have been criminally overlooked: with the ringing to its Victorian foundations. congested, and it was time to – liter- Machine, fronted by the enigmatic wiped the oor with Candi Staton, exception of the superb balearic Aero- Who ever said that shoegazing was ally – speed up the pace of change Florence Welch, could well be the providing a thrilling set closer and a plane remix of ‘Paris’, it’s a shame DJs dead? With My Bloody Valentine’s with the greatest public works since elusive ‘next big thing’, or a victim fantastic start to the night. haven’t transformed tracks like ‘White resurgence last year, and Glasvegas’ the building of the Victorian railways. of over-hyping. Winning the Crit- Where so many young bands thrust JAMC-like wall of noise, we should all e recollections of engineers ics’ Choice Award at last week’s Brit into larger venues fail, White Lies throw our hands in the air in joyous and construction workers, and the Awards, it’s easy to forget her album have upped their game perfectly. rapture (and hope that those hands footage of old Public Service Broad- isn’t out until the summer. However, Harry McVeigh’s vocals feel as e ec- contain earplugs). e headliners’ casts, betray an unashamed spirit her set on Friday proved she is just tive as ever, particularly in opener set seemed to sustain a feedback- of optimism and high expecta- that special. ‘Farewell to the Fairground’, and their drenched energy throughout, barely tions, seemingly centuries removed e NME tour has been no stranger bass-heavy tracks sound stronger wasting a second of its short intensity. from the blaze and ironic tone of to quirky ladies, hosting Skunk Anan- here, the band keeping the delicacy of And, in a haze of hair gel, Raybans today. e welfare state had been sie (with bald singer Skin) and CSS’s their record, without sacri cing any and distortion, the band leave the formed, Britain was pulling out of Lovefoxxx in previous years; but, power from their show. stage. Our ears ringing and our eyes the austerity of the early ies and decorating the stage with a harpist With a back catalogue that’s more dazzled by the ashes of what has a collective sense of an imminent and bird cages, Florence took bizarre- than a little dark, White Lies’ show to be one of the best light shows of arrival at New Jerusalem was all ness to a new level. ‘Between Two was so perfectly maudlin. But the recent times, you can’t help but leave pervasive. A er the completion of Lungs’ was a stunning opening, with songs aren’t slow dirges, dragging contented: any concerns for the future the M1, sight seeing buses o ered Welch demonically banging a drum around emotionally-drenched, dying of British music were quite ably, and trips down the new motorway, and before unleashing her incredible melodies; these are tracks played with Florence and the Machine loudly, washed aside on Friday night. families piled into the car just to voice. Despite the early stage time, pace and potency. Particularly in a Paul Smith, Lucy Bryant & drive up and down the new road – a considerable crowd had gathered venue like the Corn Exchange, those Laurie Tu rey the M1 was a destination in itself. e heroes of this lm were most e Joy Formidable @ Green Mind’s 8th Birthday (Part 1) certainly the Navvies. Between 1951 and 1961, half a million Irish labour- e Portland Arms ers came to England to take part in the public works projects. e Saturday February 21st majority of workers on the M1 were Irish, so many so that two Catholic priests were brought over from ppearances can be deceiving; e ey have incredible presence. With occasionally focus Ireland to be present at the build- Joy Formidable are a perfect il- an impressive e ects pedal-to-band on quite emotional, ing site, and to the navvies. ese Alustration of this point. When the band member ratio, this distortion-heavy sometimes serious labourers, tough as old boots, drank took to the stage of the Portland Arms sounds brought to mind thoughts of material, these songs as hard as they worked; as one re- on Saturday night, we were met with ‘90s grunge, in particular Smashing are steered from members, “ ey didn’t so much give three reasonably unassuming, seem- Pumpkins, whilst the set’s pace and any dangerously us wages as give us beer tickets!” ingly shy band members. It could be energy brought to mind more contem- sentimental territory A er watching the documentary, argued they looked sweet. porary indie bright-lights such as Blood by the bile of Ritzy’s I would still claim that everything e disparity between the band’s Red Shoes. delivery. is girl about motorways is ugly; the stark look and their sound was clear with the Highlights of their set included the has teeth. With this signs, the mouldy concrete bridges very rst notes of their set. e Joy For- new single, ‘Cradle’, and fan-favourite, and her good looks, and the dark grey tarmac can be midable make an impressive noise for ‘Austere’, which they closed the show she has no doubt pretty soul destroying. However, their number; they got the attention of with. On the record, A Balloon Called numerous Deb- many of the voices on the documen- everyone in the room and held it. With Moaning, these tracks stand out, but bie Harry, Karen O tary insisted on the beauty and mag- a debut record that sold out before it live they really take o . e songs have and Courtney Love ni cence of these roads. When allied was even released, they’ve got the atten- a subtly aggressive quality to them comparisons to look to a spirit of optimism and change, tion of a few more people than those in which is achieved via a careful balance forward to, but as a musician Ritzy has they “like to give as much as they can” these now boring and functional the crowd on Saturday night. of all the band’s instruments. One is a style all of her own. when they play live, which doesn’t sur- blights on the landscape were once e band had a live sound which never allowed to scream over the oth- To put it simply, this show was amaz- prise me; on Saturday night they gave a magni cent portents of the future. was a beautiful balance between sweet ers. is is a restrained, perfectly medi- ing. It was a highlight of the term, and lot. If this show is anything to go by, we Rob Peal songs with a little darkness that were ated anger; the scariest kind. quite probably one of the best I’ve ever can expect exciting things from e Joy played with intense determination. While e Joy Formidable’s lyrics seen in Cambridge. e band have said Formidable. Lucy Bryant
VOMIT ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Hello again. We’ll recap: you’ve just returned Norah’s virus and given up bog-roll for Lent. is, of course, begs one of two questions, depending on what kind of cove you are. p16 Either: how are you going to wipe around the vital areas now? p17 Or: how did the virus get transmitted in the rst place? Friday February 27th 2009 Join our Reviews team: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Reviews 29
Take CLASSICAL, FILM & LITERATURE Celeb career changes
Wagner, Long and Brahms King’s College Music Society and King’s Voices King’s College Chapel, Sunday February 22nd resented in the lower half of Long’s Chaconne was that it was unexpectedly beautiful and the bal- King’s College Chapel, this con- more difficult to tell whether the ance between the forces was excellent Pcert promised choral and orchestral right notes were being played or not. throughout. Problems were to be had, Five of the Best warmth in a veritable orgy of late Its long sustained dischords worked however, with sloppy consonants Romantic harmony. well with the resonance of the space, and straining of tenors and sopranos Mickey Rourke The orchestra began with Wagner’s and tempting aural snippets of Shos- to reach their upper registers. There What do you call a man who sus- Siegfried Idyll, a work first performed takovich and Ligeti were all flying seemed to be a lack of enthusiasm, pended his acting career for four years for the composer’s wife in their bed- around, reaching a dystopic tritonal excepting a jolly fine bass effort, and to become a boxer, ran for a WBA room, but this intimacy was imme- climax. The dance section which fol- this reflected in the music. The two title and then came back to acting to diately gobbled up by the cavernous lowed was more easy on the ear with redeeming features of the concert make a film called The Wrestler? You chapel. Though the acoustic blurred some form of identifiable melody, were the magnificent baritone solo call him Mickey Rourke. Or ‘sir’. all before it, the faulty intonation and wafted gently over the audience by part, as sung by King’s chaplain, out of time string-playing still de- the nine players. As contemporary Richard Lloyd Morgan and some Henri Rousseau tracted from the performance to such music goes, this was very endurable, finely crafted wind solos, notably flute Originally a custom’s official, taxing an extent that any semblance of nu- but it’s certainly not going on my (Alfredo Deano) and oboe (Emily farmers who bought their produce to ance when straight out of the (stained iPod. Ross). The chorus no doubt went the Paris markets, Rousseau went on glass) window. The first violins made Brahms’s Ein Deutsches Req- away with a huge adrenaline rush and to become a celebrated painter, feted that squeaky sound which occurs uiem brings together passages from sense of achievement, but the only by Picasso and Signac. Très bon! when some players fail to scramble chord told the whole story: nearly Luther’s translation of the Bible shiver down the audience’s spines was high enough to a top note and the bearable, but not quite. and was bravely sung in German by brought on by the February cold. Ronald Reagan horns were far from majestic. The last One of the advantages of James the King’s Voices. The opening was Andrew Browning Nicknamed the ‘Great Communica- tor’, Reagan had a 28-year-long acting career in Hollywood before becoming Three Monkeys the 33rd US President. Dir. Nuri Bilge Ceylan George Foreman Starring: Yavuz Bingöl, Hatice Aslan and Ahmet Rıfat Şungar The lean, mean, boxin’ powerhouse stopped fightin’ and started calorie re- hree Monkeys is one of the most ematographer, Gőkhan Tiryak, work This is a ponderous, ducin’ by introducin’ the Lean, Mean beautiful films I have ever seen. incredibly well together to produce a contemplative film, with Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. TNot beautiful in an obvious, flock-of- film full of diminished colours, strik- very few explosions and parrots-in-an-orchid-garden kind of ingly composed shots and menacingly essentially no appear- Ringo Starr way; more like the faded appeal of a designed lighting. As the deserving ances by Vince Vaughn. It The man who “wasn’t even the best sepia photograph kept in Helen Mir- winner of the Best Director prize in begins and ends with a roll drummer in the Beatles,” according to ren’s handbag. Cannes, Ceylan clearly knows what of thunder, and presents John Lennon found his niche lending Events are set in motion when a local his audience wants to see, and enjoys a thoroughly unpleas- his Liverpudlian tones to children’s politician runs over a pedestrian one not giving it to us. Some very intimate ant vision of domestic TV programme Thomas the Tank night and then pays his usual driver to scenes are shot from a great distance, hell and the tragically Engine. take the blame and serve nine months and many of the key events in the film inevitable breakdown of in prison. During this time, a series of occur off-screen. Most memorably, a family with a budget of affairs, betrayals and suicide attempts we are given lingering, uncomfortably 25 spoken words a day. It Five of the Worst unfolds, with only a comically morbid intimate close-ups of characters as they sounds depressing, and it ringtone offering any glimpse of grapple with their demons (which are is, but at least it’s trying to Arnold Schwarzenegger humour. Still, I laughed more than last many and unpleasant). If Shakespeare do something interesting. Mistaking the ‘I’ll be back’ catch- week. There are only really four char- had hired a mime troop to perform It doesn’t depend on a crowd-pleasing you to trust it, make the jump over the phrase for political agenda, the acters, and the plot is at times pretty Hamlet, confiscated their invisible ending, a steroid-filled comeback kid, subtitles and the sadness, and spend an ‘Governator’ is now the Governor thin, but there is still a lot to like here, ropes and told them that all their pet a shouty Winslet, a pouty Cruise or hour and a half watching something of California after relinquishing his especially if you have a taste for tragedy. kittens were terminally ill, it wouldn’t the Satan-spawn that excreted He’s with real ambition. career as a human wall. The director Ceylan and his cin- be far off what we have here. Just Not That Into You. It just relies on Tom Morris Joaquin Phoenix Love’s Civil War. Elizabeth Bowen and Charles Ritchie: Letters and Diaries 1941-1973 A recent interview on The David Letterman Show saw the actor-turned- Ed. Victoria Glendinning rapper (above) appearing decidedly worse for wear. Key quote: turning to Simon & Schuster, out now Phoenix, the host said “Well Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be with us ictoria Glendinning, Elizabeth Bo- a good witch” – continued to her death. “very much doubts” that he would “ever tonight.” wen’s biographer, has just released a Bowen often wrote that being with him have fallen for her if it hadn’t been for her Vcollection of Bowen’s love letters, written was her only ‘reality,’ and when she died books,” and later suggests that when with Jeffrey Archer to the love of her life, Canadian diplomat he declared “the Poetry gone – now Prose her “I become like a character in one of Perverting the course of justice: from Charles Ritchie. endless prosey Prose to the last of my her stories – a romantic character ob- politician to novelist to convict in After a cull by Ritchie, not all of Bo- life.” Ritchie married a cousin seven years served with love.” Her writing sometimes three easy steps. wen’s letters survive, and none of his, into his affair with Bowen, continued unnerves him, however, as he wonders if so the story of this thirty year-passion to have other affairs, and occasionally she “thinks of it as a ‘fairy tale’ – a word David Icke is an intermingling of Bowen’s letters alludes to coolings-off. Moving in her she once used about it.” Bad news guys, turns out all the with Ritchie’s diaries. This peculiar post-Bloomsbury, polygamous society, This collection gives an interesting world’s being controlled by lizards. sense of omission – losing Ritchie’s re- Bowen, though she had difficulty with insight into Bowen’s writing process, and No, it’s true: former football player- sponses, and Bowen’s private thoughts Ritchie’s marriage, refused to take it “au into the lovers’ sophisticated society; turned-Isle of Wight-dwelling con- – is oddly fitting with this strange grand tragique”. At one point she writes figures include Iris Murdoch and Lyndon spiracy theorist Icke says so. Now, all romance. “My inability...to ‘take’ the fact of your Johnson. However, the book is essentially bow to the Lizard King... When the pair met in 1941, she was being married to someone else is a sort of a tragedy, of two people waiting thirty ‘companionably’ married and a few deformity in me, like my stammer. Help years to enter the ‘reality’ of their love. Eric Cantona years older than him. Ritchie was clearly me with it.” Bowen always kept a ‘home’ for the mar- The former Manchester United star’s stricken with her, asking his diary “how One of the diaries’ most interesting ried, constantly-travelling Ritchie, but it film career hasn’t really taken off, can a woman of forty with... the air of threads is Ritchie’s simultaneous enchant- was not until her death that he longed to only notable for a bit part in the first a don’s wife... have such a body?” This ment with and intimidation by Bowen return to it. Elizabeth film. Très mauvais! enchantment – he calls her “a witch, but as a writer. Early on he concludes that he Colette Sensier
Vomit Adventure (starts on page 13): “What are you giving up for Lent?” you ask her, pertinently. “Why - I’m giving up vomiting,” Norah replies, also pertinently. Two can play at pertinence, it seems. But her pertinence is more problematic than yours, you soon realise: if she’s giving up vomiting, she probably won’t want her virus back. With a heavy heart, you therefore elect not to give it back to Norah until Easter. Arts Editor: Emma Mustich Friday February 27th 2009 30 Arts [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Great Works Of Art In Cambridge tim johns Sex in the Univer- #25: Three Figures by Sean Crampton City Churchill College
s far as Cambridge collegiate are mechanically abstracted to a series architecture is concerned, Churchill of brutal, jagged planes. They appear winsA hands down for sheer monotony. to wield machine guns welded to their Nikolaus Pevsner, that great chronicler arms. Crampton had served as a second of British buildings and champion of lieutenant in Italy in 1943 and 1944. On all that is concrete, devoid of character a reconnoitre mission in January 1944, and oppressive praised Churchill Col- he and his party stumbled upon a belt lege as “an outstanding conception”. If of mines. In the dark, Crampton’s foot supersized nuclear bunkers arranged on struck an ignition switch. He held firm a Centre Parks scheme are your thing, while his companions retreated and Week 7: One Night then Churchill is indeed outstanding. then, lifting his foot, allowed the mine to Mercifully, in the course of the College’s explode. Crampton was severely injured. Stands history, some perspicacious Churchillian Later he was awarded the Military Cross saw the need to enliven this paean to and George Medal for bravery. ou know that Simpsons episode concrete with a collection of sculpture. In the aftermath of an amputa- where Bart runs for class There’s a Barbara Hepworth sculpture tion and a long, drawn-out period of Ypresident, and Homer paints him a in the grounds entitled Four Square: rehabilitation, Crampton developed a campaign poster that reads “SEX! Walk Through cast in bronze (though new sensibility to the figure. His Three Now that I’ve got your atten- looking suspiciously like concrete). Figures, then, are soldiers, so dehu- tion...”? Well, that was basically the Hepworth was a suitable choice for manised by war that their bodies have technique employed by my sixth- what was then a women’s College; she taken on the metal edge of a grenade, form history teacher. He believed left her triplets with the nanny in order an automated rifle, a tank. Their forms no historical topic, be it the origins to pursue her artistic career. Good are shattered by the ricochet of bullets of the Russian Revolution or the feminist behaviour. and the explosions of land mines and decline of the Third Reich, could In the south-east corner of the their limbs have been truncated by keep our skittish adolescent focus grounds, Sean Crampton’s Three Figures amputations. Their metal casing serves if it didn’t descend hastily into a are mounted on a plinth, defiantly clad as protective armour, but, at the same discussion of Trotsky’s mistress or in a delicate shade of concrete. The Three time, annihilates individuality. The Goering’s foot fetish. Figures is the most exciting work in three shattered veterans proclaim: we When he ran out of tangentially Churchill’s spartan grounds. The figures were soldiers.Laura Freeman relevant historical perversions, he would just remind us all of his fa- vourite fact: that any woman can go up to almost any man, tell him she wants to have sex, and no sooner has she spoken then they will be Games & puzzles getting to know each other bibli- cally in the nearest car/phone-box/ history textbook supply cupboard. no. 501 Despite his failings, this anonymous Varsity Crossword Sudoku (now sacked) history reprobate 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 23 Colloquial demonstration comprises The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one had a point. While men, given one third of noughts and crosses (or so condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 their greater tendency to be, well, the Americans would claim) (7) through 9 exactly once. axe murderers, have less success 25 Mostly undiluted, an amoeba has in propositioning women with no
9 10 one composer (7) preamble, women can if they are so 26 “Detective – gosh!” exclaimed a bit 7 inclined demand from any under- as the French say (7) grad a hasty walk back to college, 27 A well-known broadsheet supple- 8 1 and most, if not all, will respond ment follows Simon to places (5) 7 2 8 5 3 with disbelieving enthusiasm. 11 12 28 What would exist, had equal to a One night stands give you a flatter inclination (3,6) 1 6 7 2 4 3 glimpse into another student’s 2 5 3 8 life/interior decorating choices Down (South Park: The Movie posters 13 14 15 7 5 1 8 2 6 and Edward Hopper prints both 1 Perfectly round, alternative place of charmless in their own ways). In rest (5) 1 7 3 9 6 addition, there is always the pos- 2 Perfectly matched with European sibility that, as you emerge from 16 17 18 19 20 21 singer taking question (5,2) 4 5 the VK Cherry haze, you will be 3 Fashionable insect good at chilling (7) treated to your host’s choice of
2 / MADE BY G a r e th Moor www.puzzlemix.com 4 Monsters made of minerals eating ‘mood music.’ A good example is girl’s head (5) a friend who endured an entire 22 23 24 5 Free-thinking poets entering bath, The Varsity Scribblepad album of crackly Jimi Hendrix, a implying euphemism (2,2,5) strange choice when, as she put it, 6 Somewhat similar to 8 (3,4) “Sex is ridiculous enough without 7 Obvious evil never stops to make an having to keep to the rhythm of 25 26 impression (7) ‘Cross-Town Traffic’.” 8 A bit of self-reference when? It’d go And soon the nasty realisation wrong (5,4) dawns that your life is not, and 13 Insect, in love, runs away with never will be, a scene from Cruel
27 28 kudus, perhaps (9) Intentions, and while an hour ago 14 Camus even to test out a new series, you may have felt empowered, one which carries on when nobody’s now you are dealing with an over- 12 The most time-consuming pig, eat- watching (9) zealous Caius economist (say), Across ing little, is Latin (7) 17 Initially, art fits without any preci- who won’t give up until you’ve 1 1 x 1 of the 1s (3,6) 13 A change of direction regarding sion (2,5) either faux-screamed loud enough 6 Exhaustive military method show- image (5-4) 18 What 24 demand could be rawness (7) to get the room portered or fallen ing strain, with German leader’s 15 Berio’s tonality, retrograded, con- 20 Regarding quantity – a couple of implausibly asleep. invasion replacing victory (5) tains something incorrect (3,2) nuts and marinade to start, on a bed Finally, when leaving in the 9 Elaborate bedroom containing not 16 Pirate unbounded at sea with a sort of fried rice (7) morning, do not wince in the ac- me, but (shortly) you and I (7) of headgear (5) 21 Busy criminal gone hot (2,3,2) Last week’s solution cusing sunshine: hold your head 10 Booking, perhaps, a fashionable 19 Soundly beaten, remove an arbi- 23 Bad smell after turning up a load of high and act the model of carefree way to communicate (7) trary number? (5,4) dirt – idiot (5) 3 2 4 9 1 8 7 6 5 empowerment. You might even 9 7 8 6 4 5 3 2 1 11 Many battles not starting after toy 22 Flit about before a gangsta greeting 24 1 and 2 down, for instance, arbitrari- 6 5 1 7 3 2 4 9 8 be convinced, until you get your 4 6 2 5 7 9 1 8 3 money used abroad (7) – cheers (5,2) ly require solving (5) Set by Hisashi 5 8 3 1 2 6 9 7 4 forgotten tights UMSed to college. 7 1 9 3 8 4 6 5 2 Answers to last week’s crossword (no. 500) 2 9 6 4 5 3 8 1 7 Betty Friedan would be proud. Across: 1 Koh-i-Noor, 5 Blight, 10 Armenia, 11 Arbiter, 12 Shrove, 13 Peacock, 15 Alcoholic, 16 Patsy, 17 A-Team, 20 Knobblier, 23 Epstein, 24 War room, 25 Nieces, 26 Blowfish, 27 Nudity, 28 Rap sheet. Down: 1 Keats, 2 1 4 5 8 9 7 2 3 6 8 3 7 2 6 1 5 4 9 Tricky Phealen Homeric, 3 Nineveh, 4 Oral, 6 Labia, 7 Get lost, 8 Turnkey, 9 Gazpacho, 14 Slaking, 15 Agamemnon, 16 Pub crawls, 18 East End, 19 Mae West, 21 Idolise, 22 Rim-shot, 24 Wilma. VOmit Adventure (starts on page 13): Good plan: by chundering all over the ballot papers, the returning officers, the other candidates and a smattering of the voting public, you soon get Norah’s attention. Only problem is that whilst you’re chundering the virus escapes and hides amongst all the vomit. Norah is not pleased and never lets you borrow her viruses again. Oh well: win some, lose some. CUSU ElECtionS
Cambridge University Students’ Union
online voting: march 2nd & 3rd voting in colleges: march 4th
www.cusu.cam.ac.uk/union/elections
y o u r s t u d e n t s ’ u n i o n W h a t d o y o u s t a n d f o r ?
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Quick Catch-up REPORTS
University Catch-up Rugby Boys beaten by Wooden Spoon Rugby League » Cambridge pay dearly for big mistakes in what could have been a comfortable win JAMES GRAVESTON With the Varsity match less than a Jimmy Pickles week away, the Rugby League Blues Cambridge 33 fought back from 16-6 down at The Wooden Spoons match is always half time against tough opposition, a friendly affair and a fitting celebra- Spoon A-As 36 Cambridge halt a to win their eleventh consecutive tion at the end of a tough season for breakaway runner game: perfect preparation to regain the Blues Squad. It’s a chance for the from individual dashes. the Varsity trophy. leavers to make their last big hits in James Wellwood epitomised Cam- Recently crowned champions of the the blue and white hoops of Cam- bridge’s match: two or three times BUCS division, they went into this bridge and for the younger men to he failed to watch the high ball right game against the Harlequins U18s learn just one more quick step, one into his hands, but he also pleased with great con dence. more trick pass before their mentors the spectators with some immensely Quins started the stronger and depart (though probably not from powerful runs and a beautiful under- made raids into the light blue twen- Trevor Boynton). the-arm offload to Pat Crossley for ty metre area but good defence kept Sadly the match did not go as well the Blues’ third try. them out. Fighting back, the Blues’ as the Blues would have liked, as Chris Lewis had a good last game the score shows, but this was large- for the side he has represented 49 Luke Tyson scored from close range ly down to individual costly errors times. As well as scoring a try he was for the rst points of the day. which would not have been made in also involved in Cambridge’s best However the try only served to re a match of any real importance. move of the match: Crossley sent the up the young guns and they hit back It would be easy to single out oc- ball right over the top of the lineout with three tries before half time. casions where tackles were inexcus- and it was spun on to Lewis on a typ- e scoreline was 16-6 and a fair re- ably missed, particularly when the ically strong charge. Getting quick ection of a side who had punished slippery Spoons full back Adam ball from the contact, the back line mistakes ruthlessly. Thwaites was on the ball. At this sent it straight out to sub Will Bal- e second half was a carbon copy stage in the season, though, criticism four who put it down in the corner. of the rst with the rst points going is unlikely to be taken seriously by The entire process took only a few to Cambridge: captain for the day the rugby squad. thrilling seconds. Paddy Hunt crashing over on the The Spoon A-As back line looked Outgoing captain Jon Dawson’s le hand side. An accurate kicking to play a quick, running game and memory of Cambridge will be pock- game from the halves James Hunt Cambridge’s (perhaps understand- marked with moments of such gen- and Rupert Wingate-Saul meant able) lack of absolute concentration ius. I expect he also enjoyed seeing that errors then started slipping and commitment played right into his successor, Dan Vickerman, walk into the Quins’ game. Cambridge their hands: Their tries came largely over the line for a try. piled on the pressure allowing Aaron Sonenfeld to shoot through, leaving the score line in the balance with only a few minutes remaining. e comeback was completed when Fearless football Blues outplay Northampton hooker George Sykes planted the ball down at the side of the posts and » Cambridge take their chances well to defeat stubborn opposition with the conversion, Cambridge took the lead for the rst time with Rob Jones born opposition. Northampton bat- acter with encouraging composure. the winning score, 24-20. Cambridge 5 tled their way back into the match rough patient passing they eventu- e Cambridge team seemed and their captain put them on the ally recovered a dominant position in thrilled at the win, which was the e Blues faced Northampton on Northampton 2 scoresheet with a sublime lob on the the game. rst against Harlequins in four Wednesday, looking to build some half hour mark. In the 58th minute, Rutt made a cut years. is victory will hopefully momentum in their BUCS promotion But the ghtback was short-lived: inside from the right wing with a surg- send them on their way to a Varsity battle and for the run-up to the Var- for their positive football when Rutt in the 35th minute, Amos lost his ing run and won a free-kick in a dan- match win in London. Based on sity Match at Craven Cottage. gathered a poor clearance from the marker to latch on to a long-ball, col- gerous position. Baxter stepped up to this performance, it’s de nitely a Northampton started well and goalkeeper and sent a beautiful curl- lecting it calmly before ring into the take it, and struck it sweetly beyond the team worth supporting. forced two corners in the opening ing lob into the top right corner of the bottom-corner to restore Cambridge’s keeper’s reach and into the le side of anks to Stan Knowsley three minutes. Showing grit in the net from thirty yards. three-goal lead. At the half time whis- the goal. tackle, determination in the air and ough Northampton seemed un- tle the game looked all but over. Cambridge now looked supremely some slick interchange moving for- ustered by the second goal and con- e dramatic opening moments of comfortable. When Northampton Varsity Catch-up wards, they asserted themselves im- tinued to push forward, the Blues ex- the second half were to put a com- missed an open goal in the 63rd minute pressively on the match. tended their lead in the 27th minute. pletely new complexion on the match, their heads dropped. For the rest of the Karate A nervous Cambridge suddenly Striker Matt Amos showed great skill however. Just seconds a er the re- game they gave the ball away cheaply settled and some good hold-up play in the penalty area, before squeezing start, Northampton’s lone striker ri- and allowed the blues to control the pos- Cambridge secured another re- from Matt Amos allowed Johnson a pass through to Michael Johnson, ed in a spectacular shot on the turn session and the tempo of the match. sounding victory against Oxford and Rutt to press forwards. With a who let the ball run before placing to make the score 4-2. With the wind e only blemish was an ankle in- at Saturday’s Karate Varsity Match, clever ick, Amos put through Bax- it low and hard into the bottom le - and slope to their advantage, it looked jury sustained by Michael Johnson in the club’s third win in a row. ter, who crossed back from the by- corner as if Northampton might be able to the closing moments. e Blues will In the kata event, a commanding line for Amos to volley powerfully e score-line perhaps attered claw their way back into the game. hope for a quick return for the striker, into the bottom corner. Cambridge, who were actually in the Cambridge were not to be intimi- whose partnership with Amos will be performance from British and Ger- Cambridge were further rewarded throngs of a real tussle with stub- dated and reacted to this test of char- crucial against Oxford in March. man champion Roman Sztyler set the tone for total Cambridge domi- nation. Further classy perform- ances from Nim Sukumar and Paul e Week Ahead Smith completed a Cambridge 1-2- 3 in the Men’s A. On to kumite and up rst was International College College National Smith who comfortably eased Six Nations Rugby Lent Bumps Cuppers Rugby Carling Cup Football past the Oxford rst man. Steph McTighe dominated the women’s Cancel your Friday night plans, It all comes to a climax tomor- With a couple of rounds safely The 49th Carling Cup Final event, taking control of both of her because Wales-France is on the row with the nal races of the out of the way without the un- sees old enemies Sir Alex ghts, and there were further wins box and it is guaranteed to be a Lent Bumps calendar. It’s close at necessary bother of actually Ferguson and Harry Redknapp for the others. However it was in the good un. en tomorrow, stay the top and even closer down the playing any matches, only the go head to head once more. Men’s B where the real excitement put as Scotland take on Italy, bottom, and with May Bumps cream of college rugby is le to United have already eliminated was with Andreja Erbes producing followed by England’s desperate order to row for, it should be ght for the title. e big one Spurs from the FA Cup this the point of the day. A win for Mike stand against the Irish at Croke very exciting. Get out there and this week is John’s-Jesus; always year, but Redknapp may yet Hayoun and a hard-fought draw for Park. get shouting for your college. worth a watch. have something up his sleeve. Chai rounded o an excellent day Fri 27th, Sat 28th, BBC 1 and 2 Sat 28th, The Cam, from 12.40 Tues 3rd, John’s Pitches, 2pm. Sun March 1st, Sky Sports 1, 3pm. and a clear win for the Light Blues. Friday February 27th 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 33
Dan Cooney’s Marathon Hitchens Sport Angels and Demons Comment Lauren ast week, in one of those frighten- anyone be a referee? Here is the best world he is a part of. He jogs around sense, you might be put o ; but if you ing accidents which have made reply: because the referee does not an entirely di erent pitch to the one were a good candidate you would Cooney ourL world such a dangerous place to actually make any decisions. where games are won and lost, or even ignore this bizarre commotion and get inhabit, I refereed a game of football. Of course a referee does decide some where decisions are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. on with the paper. e good referee e refereeing was entirely unpremed- things, in that he adjudicates a dispute; ey might be right or wrong, but only turns, perplexed, from the abuse, and itated: I turned up as a substitute for but not in the way a parent adjudicates right or wrong in the context of the gets on with applying the rules. my College team and was suddenly set between two childrens’ claims to a toy. rules. Since nothing so abstract as rules Footballers nd it hard to empathise Week 7 upon by various captains explaining e rules of football make the deci- can take o ence or make a protest, the with referees just as ecologists nd it that once again all the relevant interna- sions; the referee is only interested in referee has nothing to fear except his hard to empathise with lumberjacks: In which Lauren takes inspiration from the tional bodies had failed to provide an the rules. He is vaguely aware of two own self-criticism. they look at the same thing in entirely Oscars. o cial, and that out of the twenty- di erent ways. Managers misunder- three people who happened to be on stand referees even more, because their the sports ground at that moment, I ‘ e referee is not just impartial: he has situation is exactly opposed: o the y run today was inspired was almost certainly, in their opinion, pitch but completely engaged in the by the Oscar clips I have the best quali ed for the role. competitive nature of the game. at is Mlaughed (yes, and cried) at in the It is not unfair to say that my no idea of what it is like to be partial’ the reason for the wounded sulkiness last 24 hours. I’d like to thank my performance was markedly that of an of a Ferguson or a Mourinho. mother for encouraging me to amateur; nevertheless, in the strange teams giving all they have to overcome And this is why they are so un- So if you want to know how it feels run this ridiculous race, the nice course of the ninety minutes I came each other, but his interest in the com- ustered by crowd chants and player to be an angel, I recommend refereeing man in Sportworld who sold me to understand what must be obvious petitive aspect goes no further than a abuse. e referee is only really per- a football game. ough perhaps I was a succession of ill tting train- to anybody who has refereed a game distracted curiosity. e referee is not forming an intellectual exercise out of lucky. e game ended in a compre- ers, God for making this week so of sport, but to me at least had been just impartial; he has no idea of what it his own interest. He is taking an exam. hensive thrashing for which no referee much warmer than last, Jim, Greg, invisible. And it o ers an answer to might be like to be partial. If, during your exams, angry crowds could be blamed. It is, indeed, quite and Bi , oh you’re always smiling the di cult question many football at may seem a tiny distinction, besieged the hall and called you rude reassuring when the horribly insistent Bi , Jade Goody for remaining an fans have wondered at: why, given but it is what makes the referee’s job names, while people you didn’t know question oppressing your conscience inspiration and ghter until the the abuse, the anger, the possibility possible. Like the angels in Wings of walked around saying that you were as you lie awake is in bed: was the very end, Varsity for allowing me of getting it completely wrong, would Desire, the referee cannot touch the short-sighted or lacking in common eighth goal o side? to share my innermost feelings, and oh God, Paula Radcli e, who rises again, you are my brother. My Gawd. is wasn’t entirely pointless, and helped me occasionally to for- get the slow speed at which time actually passes, as well as brie y F-F-F-F-Freestylin’ ignore my lower leg sti ening. e week has taught me that it is even MARI SHIBATA TALKS WITH ABBAS FARID ON THE THE FOOTBALL FREESTYLE MOVEMENT possible for the soles of your feet hose reading this will probably est bodies to maximise their physical to hate you and everything you associate sport with world record abilities. Handy for breakin’ power stand for. Tachievements by individuals, teams or moves which I now practice on my new Marathon manuals advise ‘visu- nations. No surprise then that dance mats in my living room! I really want to alising’ as a coping technique for won’t t into this category. But if ice- showcase those in my upcoming battles long distances. ink of your goal, skating can achieve a place in the Olym- – I still get nervous trying those things and picture yourself achieving it, pics as a sport, then some dances like out in public.” and surely you too will one day be break-dance could too, especially with At this point, I suggest the possibil- able to swap that shampoo bottle its power moves so close to the concepts ity of compiling acrobatic promotional for a golden statuette. of gymnastics. An upcoming star in the videos. “No,” he says immediately; “I Sometimes when I am lagging football freestyling scene, Abbas Farid want to save all my new acrobats for the I imagine that it is race day and I reckons that using a football in conjunc- bigger platform, to win, and for the audi- am about to pass a crowd of my tion with his breakin’ tricks might add a ence to gasp with amazement!” Can’t jeering friends. Although this further sporting avour. wait to see some of that. helps me speed up it has the un- At our joint breakin’ and football free- On the subject of impressing audi- fortunate by-e ect of making me style performance at Armaan, the CU ences, we touch on fame. “On the most run 400m or so with my middle Pakistan Society Ball, a couple of weeks recent Red Bull freestyle competition, nger up. ago, Abbas spoke vividly about the dis- they used my logos in more than sixty I tend to be all too conscious of covery of the new movement. “Football countries without asking for copyright my running persona. e swearing freestyling was rst promoted through permission. at silouhette was me... sprinter is the split personality of the Nike Freestyle Campaign in 2001 but I don’t care, I’m not an attention the wounded soldier; a veritable when a competition for sport freestylers seeker. I’m here to prove that sport can Jekyll and Hyde. e swear- was held. Owing to the huge success be malleable like an art, developing your ing sprinter transforms into the of this competition new freestyle sport very own character and staging your wounded soldier when things get awareness continued – one of those was personality on show. On top of your that bit too much/tiring/achey. football freestyle.” physical presentation, polishing up your e new solution involves limp- Abbas was soon heavily involved. look with rare clothing helps shape up ing, panting, looking sorry for “I entered the Second Nike Freestyle those subtle di erences – I’m obsessed myself, and giving noble glances Championships two years later in 2003, with footwear!” to passers-by, hoping that they will which I won. is became the starting He takes o his trainers and shows think I am in considerable pain point of my journey to become both a them to me. “I found these Nikes in New and have been running for hours. skilled and powerful football freestyler, York last year. Aren’t they great? Haven’t But today’s run, in the spirit and part of promoting the movement.” seen anyone wear them since, I want of Oscar ceremony, transcended Abbas explains his unusual combina- to perform in them soon. One place I the boundaries of method acting, tion of football and breakin’. “I always really want to go shoe-shopping is Japan and had me in genuine pain. e wanted to be in the sporting scene. I – they seem to have numerous limited ceremony aspect came from the started o aiming to be a professional edition products there!” e combina- taxi I had to ag down to drive me cricket player, but I moved away from it tion of both rhetorical physical training home. Looks like physio time on when I was thirteen. I became interested and exible performing attitudes makes Monday. in both football and breakin’ around the football freestyle a uniquely relaxed and My justgiving page is in the same time just by going to breakin’ jams enjoyable sport. process of being set up but is and being inspired by the FIFA World Finally, I ask Abbas whether football reliant upon the charity receiving Cup in 1998. As someone who was pas- freestyle will develop a history like the their gi aid tax reference number. sionate about both, to meet a scene that other sports. “Give it time, each country Be patient people, your pockets allows the freedom to combine the two is currently developing a style. In my will be lightened shortly. is the best thing that has happened.” opinion, Japan and Korea are currently In case you didn’t get a chance His mission to inspire future at the top, but the immense technical to check out the charity last time, generations of freestylers means total power from the Dutch and Brazilian with it, although I personally prefer and appeal the movement to be worthy here is their website for you to dedication in re ning his own style. “I playfulness is tricky for others to imitate. the old-skool hip-hop style as that’s the and ambitious in a di erent way from a peruse: http://www.cambridger- really recommend everyone to pursue Sooner or later there might be a speci c music I’ve always breaked to. In the standard sport or dance.” I wish him all apecrisis.co.uk/ gymnastics, as it teaches even the small- genre of music that may be associated meantime, I want to represent the UK the best. Sport Editors: Jenny Morgan & Jimmy Pickles Friday February 27th 2009 34 Sport [email protected] varsity.co.uk
Interview: Sam Davies Britannia Rules the Waves JENNY MORGAN INTERVIEWS THE DARLING OF BRITISH SAILING, CAMBRIDGE GRADUATE SAMANTHA DAVIES
y the time Samantha Davies whole race and was one of the few how much she had enjoyed herself in the Vendée line up. Bsailed into Les Sables d’Olonne sailors to cover more than four hun- for the duration of the race. Talking The boat was sometimes a source Sam’s Race in the moonlight on Valentine’s Day, dred miles in one day. of her “holiday heaven” alone aboard of annoyance, however, as, at nine she had already navigated her way Not bad for someone for whom a souped-up yacht in some of the years old, it just didn’t have the rom the start Sam kept pace into the hearts of many. The third racing was not always a definite world’s most beautiful locations, her power and the speed of some of the Fwith the newer boats. Up to the person to cross the finishing line of lifetime ambition: “When I started positivity and refusal to cry were newer models. “It was sometimes Equator she never dropped lower the gruelling Vendée Globe 2008/09 university I never thought I’d make refreshing to those keeping track of frustrating that she is no longer than eenth place. after more than ninety-six days at it in sailing. I actually wanted to be the race. the fastest on the water, even when A er the Doldrums as she sea, she was met by hordes of family a yacht designer, working on the But she has never doubted her sailing at 100%. Having said that, a crossed in the Southern Hemi- and friends and many of the excited marine side of things. I saved my decision to pursue such a demand- lot of newer, faster boats never got sphere she stayed in fourteenth, locals, despite the unsociable hour. sailing for the holidays.” ing race or even the sport in general: to 100% due to technical issues, and despite losing more than three For this is not just a blonde girl in In fact, throughout her time here “I love what I’m doing. Sailing is this race is about endurance.” hundred miles in four days stuck a pink boat. Sam is only the fourth she never sailed for the Blues. “I more than a sport; it’s a passion, an Roxy clothing have stood by Sam in light winds around the St woman ever to complete the race, didn’t sail at Cambridge, as I was adventure. I’ve always said that if I and are thrilled with her results. “As Helena high. and holds the second fastest female already competing offshore at week- ever wake up and don’t want to go soon as we met Sam we just knew She surfed her way along the time after Dame Ellen MacArthur ends and they took an all or nothing training then that’s the time I’ll give she was perfect for us, she represents Southern Ocean swell still in four- aboard Kingfisher in 2001. “I’ve approach. In fact my main sport was up. Still now, I’ve never had a day everything we are about as a brand teenth, just 560 miles behind the just sailed around the world!” said a rowing; I was the Lady Margaret when I haven’t wanted to get up. I’m and a lot more,” said Marketing leader at that point. breathless Sam as her support team Boat Club captain and trialled for just so lucky to have this opportu- Director of Roxy Europe, Maritxu Sailing into the Kerguelens, boarded the boat. “It’s amazing!” the lightweights. I also swam with nity to do a job that I love.” Darrigrand. Who knows, they might avoiding her rst icebergs, she The Vendée Globe is known as the the Cambridge Swimming Club and A large part of her enjoyment and be the ones to help fund her step up crept up to tenth as many of her Everest of solo sailing, and with good played Water Polo for John’s!” indeed her success is the relation- to the next level to fulfill her dream rivals got into di culties. en she reason. Now in its sixth edition, it at- Despite appearances, her time at ship she has built up with her sixty- of a Vendée Globe win in 2012. had to abort her race plan to sail tracts the best (and the bravest) sin- Cambridge was not wholly spent foot yacht, Roxy. Designed and built After all, Sam has made clear her to the rescue of the injured Yann gle handers from all over the world, on or in the water. She completed in 2000 by this year’s winner Michel ambitions for a repeat attempt at Eliès, before continuing, now very though few have managed to oust the an Engineering degree, something Desjoyaux, the yacht already has two the ultimate round-the-world race, much alone, towards Australia. French from their dominant posi- which she says has been incredibly Vendée Globe titles to her name. “I but next time in a different boat. With more fellow competitors tion. It incorporates stages around useful in her chosen career. “The en- would describe my relationship with “She was perfect for the Vendée. But falling by the wayside as a result all of the three great Capes – Good gineering knowledge I gained from Roxy as like that between a horse now I’d love to have a new one, and of a series of active low-pressure Hope, Leewin, and Horn – facing four years at Cambridge has been and rider. You need each other, but maybe combine my two passions by areas, Sam was up at eighth by the the dangers of icebergs and scream- invaluable. Everything I learnt I use; it’s a purely professional match. helping to design and create it from time she reached the Antipodes ing gales of the infamous Southern it’s really why I’m where I am now. Roxy was a great proven boat, mean- start to finish. That’s all part of the and then fourth as she rounded Ocean, and taking on the high risk It’s amazing how much you need ing that I could get out there straight adventure. Before the race begins Cape Horn. North Atlantic in mid winter after your brain for a sport like this. And away, and I had 100% confidence in the adventure.” With around 7000 miles still to three months at sea. Sam clearly rel- it’s good to have a balance – I think the technical side of her.” Indeed, the adventure is just go, Sam struggled up through the ished the challenge, deciding to do it it gives me an edge.” Sam took over the boat in 2007 beginning for this particular sailor. South Atlantic, pretty much neck “because it’s the longest race I could Whatever her previous aspira- and had it modified slightly to suit Riding a wave of popular support and neck with Marc Guillemot. find to be alone at sea!” tions, Sam has clearly found her a female sailor, with chocks to help and admiration for her fantastic Only when the latter’s boat lost Extreme and dangerous, many niche in life. While other competi- her balance when reeling in the sail performance and extremely likeable her keel was Sam able to push sailors fail to complete every year. tors talked of the trials and tribula- and a stronger winch. Her sponsors, personality, I think we’ll be hearing ahead into the Azores and nally This time around, three boats dis- tions of life at sea, the effervescent Roxy, then had it repainted in bright a lot more of Sam and her boat of cross the line in third place. masted on the second day and Yann Brit could not emphasise enough pink and orange, ready to stand out hearts in the future. Eliès found himself stranded and JEAN-MARIE LIOT/DPPI helpless after breaking his leg eight hundred miles south of Perth. Sam selflessly left her race path to sail to his rescue, although in the end the Australian Navy beat her to it. Her time was corrected as a result. “There are many things beyond our control, and it takes just one thing to go wrong and the whole race is over. When something happens to someone else you imagine it hap- pening to yourself in that situation, it’s quite scary.” Sam is no stranger to disaster. In 1998 an attempt at a non-stop round the world race in an all-female crew headed by her childhood inspira- tion Tracy Edwards was halted when they suffered a dramatic dismast- ing. Since then she has built up an enormous amount of experience in trans-Atlantic and round Britain races, all the while aiming for her next big chance. Her ability to come back from the brink is evidence not just of her steely determination, but also of a genuine and astonishing talent. She cut her teeth on the Mini Transat and French Figaro circuits, racking up the racing miles in smaller and joint crewed boats. She also trained with the prestigious Pole France, a Sam battles the ocean on top level solo racing squad, before board Roxy progressing to these individual classes in December 2007 with her first solo race from Brazil to France. But her talent really came to the fore in the Vendée Globe where she averaged a cool 12.02 knots for the Friday February 27th 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 35
REPORTS Quick Catch-up
Varsity Catch-up Basketball teams bomb at Varsity Trampolining » The Men’s Blues are the last of the teams to flop against their experienced Oxford counterparts For the third time in the last four JAMES GRAVESTON years, Cambridge defeated Oxford Pranav Sood half-time leading 41-26. to win the trampolining varsity Cambridge 59 Oxford burst out of the blocks with match on Saturday. e Cambridge men’s team took to the immediate e ect at the start of the Cambridge showed its consider- court on Saturday a ernoon as the cli- Oxford 93 third quarter, seemingly oblivious to able depth, dominating the C team mactic act of a compelling day of bas- the comically insulting jibes being competition. All four Cambridge ketball. made by one particularly enthusias- bouncers completed their routines Oxford had had the better of the Chris Bohn saw the Light Blues take an tic member of the home crowd about to a high standard and Suzanne day’s earlier xtures, with the Cam- early lead before their Oxonian coun- their unusually hirsute limbs. Tobin took the individual competi- bridge Lions (men’s IIs) having lost terparts rallied, leaving the scores level Before long, the Dark Blues were tion. 85-76 in a nail-biting encounter and at 21-21 and the spectators’ mouths playing the free- owing Basketball As the B team competition the women – despite a heroic e ort watering at the prospect of a genuine that has become their hallmark over started, Oxford reminded the from Kim Lamza – slumping to a re- contest. the course of this season and even the Cambridge team that they meant sounding 98-43 defeat. Nonetheless, Eager not to disappoint, Cambridge excellent Bamiedakis was powerless to business. ey demonstrated the the atmosphere was upbeat ahead of continued in much the same fashion in prevent the away side from stretching importance of nishing all ten the game, with some in the Cambridge the second quarter, regularly resorting their lead to 72-40 at the end of the skills. A strong individual perform- camp even quietly con dent that the to physicality to neutralise Oxford’s quarter. ance by Cambridge’s Brioney Gee Light Blues could pull o a shock vic- key playmakers. A marginally improved perform- wasn’t enough and Oxford snuck tory against an Oxford team boasting However, just when the Dark Blues ance from Cambridge in the fourth home by 0.9 points. several American college-level play- were starting to look ustered, Dro- quarter, courtesy of some important All competitors performed ers. chon su ered an unfortunate ankle contributions from Alan Aralbayev, strongly in the A team compulsory e rst quarter began in frenetic injury and had to be substituted. is did little to halt the progress of the Ox- routines, leaving the teams tied go- fashion with Cambridge, under the seemed to cause a lapse in Cambridge’s ford juggernaut. Eventually the visi- ing into the voluntary. Bouncing leadership of Hugo Drochon, defend- collective concentration and a pro- tors cantered to an easy 93-59 victory, Oxford soar above the rst Carol Evans started Cam- ing stoutly and occasionally attacking longed period of ill-discipline from thereby completing a day of Oxonian Cambridge defence bridge on a positive note. Next, Nu- with real air. Silky work from guard the home side saw the visitors go into domination. ala Tumelty performed near to her best routine and Cambridge held a narrow lead. Kate Bramall main- tained the standard by nishing a well controlled voluntary routine. Fencers cut Oxford down to size With the Oxford captain and vet- eran, Jenny Crowter, to bounce last, » It’s a Light Blue whitewash for the fencing Varsity teams Cambridge was relying on its nal bouncer, GB representative, Asha Varsity Sport on hand to bring Cambridge right Bayliss. Bayliss completed a strong Cambridge women 117 Cambridge men 122 back and duly dispatch the opposition routine with a total di culty of 9.1 On a sky blue Saturday morning the with a convincing overall 135-107 de- (the equal highest ever in a Varsity 102nd fencing Varsity Match took place Oxford women 114 Oxford men 92 feat. Match), sparking jubilant scenes in the Old Exam Halls amidst a vast and A er unexpected defeats in the last amongst the Cambridge crowd. vocal crowd of Cambridge supporters. two years, the nal match of the day, A er four strong Cambridge rou- Starting the day were the men’s sec- a narrow 127-120 victory. ticularly strong in this phase. the men’s Blues, was always going to tines, there was little Crowter could onds, led by captain Richard Booth. Next up were the women’s Blues. With the scores level, there was eve- be an exciting one. But with an inter- do to in uence the result. She com- Coming up against some strong Ox- Staring down Oxford at their strongest, rything le to play for in the épée and national trio to play with, Cambridge pleted an almost awless routine to ford opposition, the men fought hard in the foil, they managed to keep the the match remained too close to call. were certain to put up a good ght. claim the A team individual trophy to wrest the advantage in the sabre. Fol- overall di erence to a minimum, which e Blues’ star player, GB international In the rst round Cambridge domi- and nish o the highest standard lowing on from them, Tom Williams’ they then smashed aggressively in the Hannah Shackleton, took the lead, only nated absolutely as Danny Ryan cel- varsity match in the history of the épée team nally wrapped it up to take sabre. Captain Agnes Foeglein was par- to be caught by her Dark Blue oppo- ebrated his sixth and nal Varsity competition, but the Cambridge nent. With just thirty seconds le on the Match, taking the victory by fourteen team took the A team victory, and clock, she èched quickly and repeat- points. Star Cambridge player, Alex the match, by 2.5 points. edly to steal victory right from under- O’Connell, last seen in action at the e win will boost the con dence neath the nosese of the favourites by a Beijing Olympics, predictably added of the Cambridge A and B teams e Women’s fencing team score of 44-41. ose three points were to the victories in the sabre and then as they prepare for BUCS nals in ght their way to victory enough to guarantee the overall victory showed extraordinary discipline in the Bristol on March 22nd 2009. on a satisfying day for the ladies. foil. e women’s seconds were the only Extending the lead and ensuring Blues team to halt Oxford last year, and Cambridge’s rst victory in the latter in were on equally good form this time ve years, Zach Eaton Rosen and Dan- around. e rst bout was abandoned iel Summerbell played in an aggressive Varsity Catch-up for passivity, but then Emma Lough, and eventually overpowering fashion. It who only played at Novice level last was then le to the épée team to polish Rock Climbing year, took the initiative with a high- o victory, which they acheived more scoring win. quickly than any of them might possi- is was only the h rock- Taking advantage of Oxford nerves bly have hoped. climbing Varsity Match and, bar the team produced a con dent and Adding insult to injury, new recruit one minor blip, Cambridge has accomplished display of fencing. Al- fresher Valentin Dalibard nished o taken victory at every recorded though the Dark Blues brie y pulled the nal opponent to end the match encounter. e Cambridge team
JAMES GRAVESTON ahead in the sabre, Sarah Scholtz was 122-92 to the Light Blues. was somewhat apprehensive; Ox- ford has access to a good train- ing wall in their city and always Varsity Preview Varsity Preview Varsity Preview Varsity Preview put out a strong team. e match did not disappoint. Once the four Hockey Lacrosse Women’s Football Rugby League male scores and two female scores were added together Cambridge had come through to win with a See the Blues battle it out in the All three rst teams are in action this e last two Varsity confrontations e Blues have had a cracking sea- score of 2200 over Oxford’s total 109th Varsity match next week. Saturday on the spectator-friendly have ended in penalties, with Ox- son. With just two losses to their e men have had a fantastic sea- Parker’s Piece. e men have su ered ford taking the honours the rst time names since October and an impres- of 2140. Performance of the day son and will be looking to nish in variable form recently, whilst the around but Cambridge coming back sively high scoring rate, they travel has to go to Ben Safdi who domi- ne style. e women, meanwhile, mixed have twice been thrashed by for last year’s title. e Blues will be to the home of the Harlequins in nated the men’s category beating have lost twice to Oxford so far this their Oxford counterparts this year. hoping for a smoother ride in this high spirits. eir Oxford counter- his nearest Oxford rival by 175 season, and will be hoping for a Only the women look certain for a year’s match. e Eagles, on the other parts have had a more erratic time of points. Fred Lyon took second turnaround in fortunes. Either way, win, but can they set the tone for a hand, will be hoping for a repeat per- it lately, but funny things happen in place for Cambridge. Nika Eng- there’s all to play for. hat-trick of Oxford domination? formance of last year’s whitewash. Varsity Matches. Nothing’s certain. berg won the women’s category, cementing a whitewash of indi- Tues March 3rd, Women 2pm, Men Sat Feb 28th, from 12.15pm, Parker’s Sat Feb 28th, Eagles 10.30am at urs March 5th, 7pm, Twickenham vidual wins. We look forward to 4pm, Southgate Hockey Club. Piece. Grange Road, Blues 2pm at Fenners. Stoop. the BUCS meeting. Friday February 27th 2009 varsity.co.uk/sport
Sailing wonder Sam Davies...
Jenny Morgan interviews the Vendee Globe success story, Sport p34 VARSITY MATCH RUNNING TOTAL: CAMBRIDGE 11, OXFORD 9. NEXT UP: HOCKEY, LACROSSE, RUGBY LEAGUE, WOMEN’S FOOTBALL
View from the Cam comeback in netball Varsity River » Harriet McGrath’s netballers storm ahead in the second half to steal the Varsity honours SOPHIE PICKFORD Silas Jenny Morgan Sta ord I used to play netball, back in the day. Cambridge 34 I know my shoulder pass from my el- bow. But my, how things have changed. Oxford 31 e passion and the power exhibited he London Tideway, where the in sixty breathtaking minutes of hard Cambridge-Oxford Boat Race and nasty netball on Saturday were Hot o the restart once more, this Tis held, is hands down the worst nothing like my plimsolls and gym- time Cambridge took the lead within piece of water I have ever rowed on. knickers version. is was something seconds. Wing attack Emma Darke If you combined the worst aspect else. And it was fantastic to watch. was on hand to deliver the ball beauti- of everywhere I have rowed, you Cambridge were the rst to take the fully under the post for her shooters, would get the tideway. lead, a cheeky interception followed something Oxford would struggle It has the oating condoms and by an obstruction by the Oxford with for the rest of the match. With hypodermic syringes, it has the keeper handed an easy penalty shot to Jess McGeorge substituted on at goal corkscrew bendiness, it has the the Cambridge attack. But it was not attack making the most of the neat never-ending ow of boat tra c, to last. Oxford called for calm in the feeds into the attacking circle, the and it has the erce wind-churned frenzy of the rst few minutes, and goals kept coming and Cambridge waves. Add to that the ripping and were soon rewarded with their own kept the lead. reversing tidal currents. Add to that penalty which they duly put away. e game turned into a physical the fact that somebody thought it e play switched continuously battle in this third and crucial quarter. was a good idea to change tra c from one end to the other in a fast and Players on both sides were repeatedly patterns with every tide. exciting rst quarter. Perhaps getting pulled up for contact, and the penal- is past weekend we trained in a little too frenetic, the Cambridge ties racked up at both ends. In fact London. A er a couple of calm tech- passing quickly started to go awry, and the Oxford captain and her opposite nical rows, we did full rate pieces the sharp shooters from Oxford were player were warned several times that over the racecourse. As we launched, punishing every slip in accuracy. they needed to calm down or risk fur- moderate winds agitated the waters, Soon the visitors had pulled ahead ther disciplining. but it was manageable. We warmed by two, but a great interception from en, with seven seconds le on the up though the increasing winds, and the Cambridge keeper Emma Rowley clock, McGrath went down injured af- pulled up ready to the start-line. gave the Light Blue attack the chance ter an o -the-ball encounter to gasps Never before in rowing has it to hit back. Captain Harriet McGrath from the home crowd. Pulling herself occurred to me that experienced was getting a hand to everything at up until the whistle went, her team rowers could capsize an eight-man centre but it was not quite enough to were still only two goals ahead; there shell. It did now. Waves came crash- disrupt the Oxford possession for an- was still a lot to play for. ing over the low gunnels, ramped ything more than a eeting instance. But the nal quarter was a time for up to head height by their impacts As the whistle went for the rst f- Cambridge to nally turn the screw. with the riggers. Mashing my teen, Cambridge trailed with four Pulling further ahead immediately, knuckles into the gunnels became goals to Oxford’s six. they put ve and then six goals be- inevitable as the waves clipped my But Cambridge were straight back tween themselves and the Dark Blues. oar. e only thing I could think into the game, drawing level shortly Oxford were struggling with some about was putting my oar in the a er the restart. Taking advantage of erratic shooting, and the Cambridge water and driving the legs. As we the Oxford ill-discipline in defence, defence were hot on the rebounds to rounded Hammersmith bridge, the the attacking duo of Rebecca Craw- send it straight back down to the other Cambridge’s Emma Rowley defends her goal water calmed as quickly as it had shaw and Jo Nicholson worked well end where McGeorge and Crawshaw risen, leaving us exasperated and around the post and kept popping were waiting with open arms. easily a oat with six inches of water away the shots to stay just one or two With just four minutes to go, at 31- in the bottom of the boat. behind for the next ten minutes. 27 to the Light Blues it looked like it I think the tideway’s astringency Oxford were now looking more was all over. Credit must go to Oxford has much to do with its promi- controlled and clinical, making their for ghting right to the end, putting nence. World-class athletes travel way methodically up the court to pull the last shot away just ten seconds e netball had been fast and furi- Mention must go to the seconds halfway around the world to train further ahead just before half time. from the nal whistle. But it was not to ous, with both teams equally hungry who played a tough opposition earlier there. ere is a sense that if you But somehow Cambridge dug deep be, and as the Dark Blue captain sank for the victory. If the two enemies in the day, just losing out by two goals can row on the tideway, you can and clawed it back to a level fourteen to her knees, the sports hall erupted continue in this vein, here’s looking in an equally close and exciting Var- row anywhere. all in time for the break. for the Light Blue victory. forward to next year’s encounter. sity confrontation.