Friday November 14 2008 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue No 683 | varsity.co.uk »p14 Arts »p12 Features »p30 Sport Indecent Expo: Cambridge Entrepreneurs: MyFootballClub.co.uk: Anime explored Cobra vs Innocent Founder interviewed

MASON’S NEWS SERVICE Union uproar over Jude Law mix-up Senior Officer “forced to resign” after covering up speakers’ cancellations Oxford Union hits out at “inflammatory” comments from Cambridge

Hugo Gye deny that he would be appearing at A spokesman for the Cambridge Un- Cambridge. ion said that they “will be conducting Chief News Editor A spokesperson from Premier PR a review of the ways that we book and e Union’s Senior O cer has resigned said, “Jude has never been scheduled to advertise speakers” to avoid a similar a er it emerged that Jude Law would speak this term and nor is he able to as situation in the future. A by-election not be coming to Cambridge. he is shooting a  lm”. Soon a er Varsity will be held for a new Senior O cer on Mr Law had been advertised as a contacted the Union with this informa- Sunday. speaker since the start of term, and tion, the Society con rmed that Mr Boris Johnson also cancelled his played a prominent role in the Cam- Law would not be speaking this term; advertised appearance earlier this bridge Union Society’s termcard and nor will Ukrainian President Viktor term. However, that cancellation is not publicity material. Senior O cer Sé- Yushchenko or Sergei Stanishev, Prime thought to be linked to the current in- bastien Ginet, who was responsible for Minister of Bulgaria. All three men had cident, with the Union putting it down booking speakers, has resigned due to been prominently displayed in the Un- to the London Mayor’s “work commit- his part in the mistake, but as a parting ion’s advertising. ments”. shot, accused the Union of xenopho- A Union spokesman said, “We apol- e Union did not con rm whether bia. ogise unreservedly for the fact that or not the cancelled speakers would be A er a piece appeared in last week’s Viktor Yushchenko, Sergei Stanishev, visiting Cambridge in the future, say- Varsity (Issue 682, November 7) about and Jude Law will not be addressing ing only, “we are making continued the Oxford Union falsely advertising the society this term. Senior O cer e orts”. e Society also declined to Mr Law as a speaker, the actor’s PR Sébastien Ginet, the o cer responsi- say whether it knew of Mr Law’s una- company contacted the newspaper to ble for organising these speakers’ ap- vailability before being contacted by pearances, tendered his resignation on Varsity, although a spokesman said Wednesday”. that they were “aware that there were Adding to the Union’s misfortune, di culties”. Josh Roche, President of its Oxford Following Ginet’s resignation, counterpart, has criticised the “in am- former French president Valéry Gis- 5 matory” comments made by Cambridge card d’Estaing will not be appearing at Speakers cancelled or postponed at o cers about their similar misfortune. the Union. He had been approached the Union this term Cambridge declined to respond to this. through Ginet’s personal contacts, e Cambridge Union criticised Ox- and Ginet now feels it would be “inap- ford for advertising Law, Yushchenko propriate” for Mr Giscard d’Estaing to and Giscard d’Estaing in its termcard come to Cambridge. However, the other when they had not been booked to guests booked by Ginet will still speak 47 speak, with Bott calling Roche “dis- at the Society. Everyone scheduled to Speakers advertised by the Union for honest” for suggesting that Cambridge speak in a Union debate this term has Warehouse inferno: Mill Road closed o a er this term had promised to help secure those honoured their commitment. speakers. Continued on page 4  re in old John Lewis storage space »p3 Cambridgeshire Chief Constable may seek Ian Blair’s job Beth Staton that Julie Spence, Cambridgeshire’s e Cambridge Evening News re- Although she has been policing for that “it has to be the right one.” News Reporter Chief Constable, will apply to replace ported on Saturday that Spence was thirty years and is due to retire soon, When pressed on the issue, Spence Sir Ian Blair as Commissioner of the “seriously considering” seeking the she said in that interview, “I still love would only say: “I will look at the ap- e county’s top police o cer may be Metropolitan Police. Were Spence role, applications for which opened the job and I still want to develop plication and see. is is an opportu- considering applying to be the new to succeed in a bid for the post, she last week. In an interview with the people and develop organisations.” nity, and you just have to sit and take head of the Met. would become the  rst female Com- Guardian, she refused to rule out ap- She added, “It would be good to see stock and say, should I? Do I want to Newspapers have been suggesting missioner. plying. a woman” in the post, but cautioned do it?” Continued on page 3 »p10 John Martyn: Folk legend »p14 Noah and the Whale »p15 How to brew your own beer Something to say? [email protected] Friday November 14 2008 2 Editorial Call the Editor directly on 01223 761541 varsity.co.uk

Nominations are open for the 2009 Varsity100. Any Cambridge student can be nominated at varsity.co.uk/100

Contents An imperfect Union?

he Cambridge Union has o en been Varsity’s favourite sparring partner. Over the last eighteen months, we’ve News p1-7 reported on various Union-related scandals, ranging from totally unfounded allegations to bona  de  st  ghts. TAnd not without reason: the Union has too o en in previous terms been bumbling and bureaucratic. Christmas lights p4 It would be easy, then, as un autre Union hack resigns amid controversy, to aim another blow at this paper’s favour- X Factor reject Laura White is to switch ite punch-bag. At least, it would have been easy, had this term’s Union not been the most accomplished in years. on Cambridge’s Christmas lights this Indeed, whatever the failings of previous administrations, Adam Bott’s reign has been impressive: his choice of de- bates has been inspiring, his bar renovation vital and his line-up of speakers, with or without Jude Law, stimulating. year. (Andy Burnham’s support obvi- Whatever the rights and wrongs of his wayward Senior O cer, Bott’s tenure should be regarded as a success. ously counts for something.)

Submit your letter for the chance to win a bottle of wine from the Cambridge Wine Merchants. Varsity Pro le p6 [email protected]  is week’s winner is Robert ‘Bambi’ Stagg of Emmanuel College. We talk to moth-lover Merlin Sheldrake her that I was ‘clandestinely’ attending hard lately, and she chose to be shrill and Cambridge Spies p7 Bambi responds the Union dinner to help with a pro le indignant instead. Ms Greer can attribute piece I was writing. Ms Greer has eyes to this letter to my errant member  apping Our world-famous round-up of Sir, around uncontrollably if she so desires – Tab Tattle. It’s outrageous. Is Germaine Greer one of your damned this is approximately how she  elded any elusive Cambridge Spies? Your account opposition in debate – but if she wants to of my tête-à-tête with her might as well do so, she’s a big enough girl to come out have come direct from (how else can one see and ears to listen, and might even be and say it herself. say it?) the horse’s mouth. I did not record able to recognise  gurative speech when Faithfully yours, Magazine p9-24 Ms Greer’s conversation, and I did not she stumbles across it. But it appears the Robert ‘Bambi’ Stagg A bookshop of one’s own p9 claim to have done so. I simply informed termites have been dining long and dining Emmanuel College Persephone books pro led. A review of a review call that responsible reporting or what? their name in print. Where the Poles meet p10  e reviewer also stated that this “review I’m sorry you didn’t like your exposure Sir, was irrelevant”.  en WHY THE HELL in last week’s review. But the whole point of  e one-legged folk legend John Mar- In regards to the review about Peter Pan publish it?  ank you for your time and the ADC, as I pointed out less than chari- tyn has inspired ngerpickers for dec- [Issue 682], I found it to be dishonest hope to hear from you soon and HOPE tably in the review, is the “Amateur” in its ades. He talks to Tom Barbour. and disgusting and whoever has written IMMEDIATE action or the matter shall name. It allows amateur actors the chance it should respond with a public apology. be taken to higher powers. to act, much as Varsity a ords amateur  e reason for this concern is because Yours faithfully, journalists opportunities to write. Homeless in Cambridge p11 it contains errors, lies and a disgusting Kamal Hussain Of course, we all want to do what we An intrepid reporter spends a night on paedophilic comment. I believe that a King’s College do as well as we can. And that is where the streets. reviewer is allowed to voice his opinions the critic of amateur theatre has a di cult but this takes it to another level. Firstly, it job: to highlight the strengths of individual makes a comment about the production A review of a review of a review and group performances (as I did) and to Cambridge Entrepreneurs p12 being “for a half term audience” and “did highlight any de ciencies (which I did).  e lowdown on the university’s I mention it was half term”.  at is a lie Dear Kamal, Of course, it’s no fun when reviews are most business-like alumni. because if you look on the Cambridge- Hello. You claimed (in your second Face- not favourable. But realise two things. shire LEA website, half term was a week book message since last Friday) that I had One: there was no malice or bias in what I before, so NO it wasn’t for a half term nothing to say in response to your rebuttal wrote. Secondly – more importantly – you Noah and the Whale p14 audience. Secondly, it states that Richard of my review. must realise when something is meant to Don’t call them twee. Elliot played Smee when in fact it was Two things: the  rst general, the hurt, and when it is meant to be part of Daniel Fenwick. Finally, the comment second speci c. Firstly: what are the a broader review with a variety of aims. I which I am most concerned about is the theatre reviews at Cambridge for? Well, hope you take this on: anyone with your Strange Brew p15 one which made the reviewer “fancy 12 most importantly, they are designed to impressive CV will surely be hoping to How to brew your own beer. year old boys all over again”. Now what give those reading the paper information forge a career in which you will – inevi- does that incite?? Especially in regards about plays. Less importantly, they allow tably – get your fair share of bad reviews to the article on the FRONT page of the people who have an interest in journalism with the good ones. same issue about the “paedophile don” to hone their skills. Perhaps less impor-  ank you. [“Hammond to keep job”, Issue 682] who tantly still, they give people involved in George Reynolds Comment p25-27 will resume work in Caius. NOW, do you plays a glow of self-satisfaction in seeing Corpus Christi College Pondering Paedophilia p26 We shouldn’t confuse Dr Hammond’s Corrections professional and private lives. In our review of Peter Pan (Issue 682, page 19), we wrongly stated that the part of Smee was played by Richard Elliot; in fact, Smee was played by Daniel Fenwick. In our article ‘Plagiarism sparks media uproar’ (Issue 682, page 7), we added an extra ‘e’ to Ant Bagshaw’s name and Can feminists be Flemingists? p27 wrongly stated that he is the CUSU Academic A airs O cer; he is in fact the CUSU Education O cer.  e original Bond books portrayed Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge women as feminist icons. So why don’t college and to ARU each week. the lms do likewise? Editor Patrick Kingsley [email protected] Deputy Editor Natasha Lennard [email protected] Chief News Editors Hugo Gye and Michael Stothard [email protected] Magazine Editor Daniel Cohen [email protected] Comment Editors Clementine Dowley and Olivia Sudjic [email protected] Sport Editors Ben Riley-Smith and Andrew Robson [email protected] Features Editor Robert Peal [email protected] Arts Editor Anna Trench [email protected] Reviews Editor Toby Chadd [email protected] Fashion Editors Joanna Della-Ragione and Ben Margereson [email protected] Sport p29-32 Deputy News Editors Craig Hogg, Martin McQuade and Chris Robinson [email protected] Sports Reporters Jenny Morgan, Jamie Ptaszynski and Dan Quarshie [email protected] Science Correspondent Timothy Leung [email protected] Visual Arts Critic Emma Hogan MyFootballClub.co.uk p30 [email protected] eatre Critics Finn Beames, Elizabeth Davis, Emma Hogan, George Reynolds and Isabel Taylor [email protected] Literary Critic Decca Muldowney [email protected] Film Critics Daniel Isenberg and Fred Rowson [email protected] Music Critics Henry Donati and MyFootballClub.co.uk o ers every Andrew Spyrou [email protected] Classical Critic David Allen [email protected] Food & Drink Critic Robert Peal [email protected] football fan the chance to ‘manage’ and Chief Subeditors Emma Jamison, Sheli Levenson, Charlie Pearson and Colm Flanagan [email protected] Chief Photographers Lizzie Robinson and Zing Tsjeng [email protected] Illustrators Jane Hall, Tom de Freston, Alice Edgerley, Giles Smith, Katherine Spence own shares in a communal football club. [email protected] Photography Team Patrick Garety, Tim Johns, Sean Jones, Katy King and Paul Smith Andy Robson speaks to its founder. Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, Tim Harris, Tom Walters, Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot Ross (Varsoc President), Tom Bird, George Grist, Patrick Kingsley, Putting race back in Formula One p31 Natasha Lennard and Anna Trench NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. SUPPORT Lewis Hamilton may be the rst black RECYCLING Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. ©2008 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a Recycled paper made up 79% of the raw retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed driver to with the Championship, but material for UK newspapers in 2007 at Cambridge Newspapers Ltd — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT questions of racism still remain. RECYCLING Friday November 14 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 3

In Brief

NUS passes contorversial new constitution Controversial reforms to the NUS constitution have been passed at an extraordinary conference. e motion for reform was easily passed, as 614 out of 700 student representatives voted in favour of the new constitution. How- ever, the NUS conference, and the new constitution, have been heavily criticised. Ant Bagshaw, CUSU Edu- cation O cer, called the conference a “faction-ridden farce” and noted that there were some “serious problems” with the constitution. Cambridge delegate Ed Maltby said that the con- stitution “concentrates power in the Union with a group of professionals. It’s antithetical to a students’ union”. NUS have also been criticised for dis- cussing the constitutional reforms at the small, extraordinary conference, rather than at the annual conference, which is larger and therefore more democratically representative.

SEAN JONES Changes to lifestyle can slow progress of prostate cancer Addenbrooke’s researchers have dis- Police investigate cause of Mill Road re covered that altering the lifestyle of prostate cancer patients can slow the progress of the disease. A new study » Blaze took 50 remen over twelve hours to control on Wednesday morning has tested the e ects of increased con- sumption of oily  sh, and a reduction made. Detective Inspector Alan Page was really scared, but the  remen reas- e warehouse is owned by the Mus- in levels of alcohol and salt intake. Craig Hogg said: “Because the building is unsafe, sured us that they would tell us in good lim Academic Trust, in partnership Also prominent in the study was the Deputy News Editor we cannot allow investigators to enter. time if we had to leave”. Walko eventu- with the Cambridge Muslim Welfare introduction of regular exercise, and If anyone saw anything suspicious or ally had to leave her house, spending Society, who had intended to demolish a weight loss program targeting over- Police and Fire O cers are investi- unusual shortly before the  re started the night on a sofa in King’s. to make way for a new mosque. weight patients. Of the 110 prostate gating the cause of a major blaze at a in Mill Road, please contact me.” Another Mill Road resident, Edward Speaking to the Cambridge Evening cancer patients who took part in the former John Lewis warehouse in the Cambridgeshire Fire and Rescue Rice, was less put out by the event: “As News, one witness feared the infer- study, forty no longer required their city. Services said nobody had been hurt in long as no one was hurt and it was not no has decided the future fate of the planned treatments or surgery. e Over 50  re ghters from seven sta- the incident. However, residents and my house that burnt down, I don’t re- building for the Trust: “It will have to changes were monitored using blood tions tackled the  re on Mill Road in sta at nearby Brook elds Hospital ally mind,” he said. come down now. e  re has gone all tests to detect the levels of Prostate the early hours of Wednesday morn- were advised to keep doors and win- Fire and Rescue have said that the the way through. If you go to the back Speci c Antigens in their system. It ing. It took the carefully co-ordinated dows closed as the  re spread through building has su ered extensive struc- there is a hole in the wall and I can see is also believed that similarly posi- e orts of the Fire Service over twelve the derelict building. tural damage. Spokesperson Ronnie a steel girder is bent.” tive e ects would be found in cases of hours to bring the  ames under con- “I woke up at 2am to  ashing lights,” Booth told Cambridge Radio Q103: e blaze caused considerable dis- other types of cancer. trol. said Andrea Walko, the CUSU Welfare “ e big issue now is with potential ruption to one of Cambridge’s busiest Jennie Baker e warehouse is being treated as a & Graduates O cer, who lives in the building collapse. Some of the build- routes. Mill Road was closed between crime scene by police, until a full as- house next to the  re, “and I saw there ing has already collapsed so we need Perne Road and Coleridge Road for ‘ rust’ too sexual sessment inside the building can be was a  re in the warehouse next door. I to keep a very, very close eye.” over 24 hours due to the incident. CUSU LBGT has received complaints about the new name of their Tuesday club night held at e Place. ‘ rust’, the night’s new name, caused o ence because of its sexual nature, which po- Tesco appeals over new store turned down tentially demeans women. A meeting KATY KING has been held between CUSU, LBGT “We objected to the plans, and the and the club’s representatives in at- Martin McQuade Government inspector has accepted tempt to resolve the issue. It is undecid- Deputy News Editor the evidence we put forward at the ed what, if any, further action might be public inquiry that cyclists and indeed taken. Women’s O cer, Natalie Szarek, Cambridge City Council has dismissed everyone else using Mill Road would be suggested that naming the club ‘ rust’ two appeals by Tesco to open a store on badly a ected by Tesco’s delivery pro- did not show due care to how the LBGT Mill Road. posals,” he continued. community want to be portrayed and Tesco had applied to convert an A statement released by Tesco read: de ned: “[A]very hetero-normative empty motorist’s discount store into a “We are obviously extremely disap- night isn’t called something like Tesco Express, including a single story pointed by this decision. We will be ‘Penetration’”. Szarek said that ide- extension, ATM, shop frontage and re- considering the report and looking at ally CUSU could work with the ents frigeration equipment. our options.” partners to “rebrand” the night. Proposals were rejected on the “However, we still remain commit- grounds of highway safety along Mill ted to Mill Road and think that a Tesco Road, as well as parking provision on Express will add to the vibrancy of the the adjoining streets. area. We now await the Inquiry date Local residents will see this as vali- for air conditioning and refrigeration dation of their attempts to prevent the p l ant .” 52 Trumpington Street opening of a new Tesco. e Facebook e decision comes as the result of Cambridge CB2 1RG group ‘Say no to Tesco’s [sic.] on Mill a four day hearing at the beginning of Road’ has over 500 members. October. Evidence was given by both FREE CHELSEA BUN “We are delighted that the planning local residents and Cambridge safety With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop inspector realised just how dangerous it groups. OR would be to deliver to the site,” said So- e planning inspector David Ni- FREE MORNING nia Cooter, of the No Mill Road Tesco cholson concluded: “I  nd that both group. She added, “we are very happy”. of the realistically available servicing COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) Residents protesting Martin Lucas-Smith of the Cam- options would pose unacceptable risks With any cake or pastry in the restaurant against Tesco bridge cycling campaign said, “we hope to highway safety, which would not be now that Tesco will stop wasting tax- outweighed by bene ts or the fallback on presentation of this voucher payers money and everyone’s time, and position. I therefore conclude that both and proof of student status withdraw their second appeal.” appeals should be dismissed.” Chief News Editors: Hugo Gye and Michael Stothard Friday November 14 2008 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

In Brief MICHAEL DERRINGER Union Senior Shop causing crime Mace convenience store on Mill Road has been “actively contributing to crime and disorder” by selling al- O cer resigns cohol to street drinkers, according to Cambridgeshire police. Councillors have rejected a request from Mace » Society denies he was forced out over mistakes to appoint Daksha Bramabhat as the store’s new designated premises su- pervisor (DPS) – in charge of alcohol Continued from front page was engineered by rivals in the So- sales – since she was charged £80 last Ginet says that he was effectively ciety. “I profoundly think,” he said, year for selling alcohol to someone “forced to resign”, being told by the “that there was a vendetta against me who was drunk. Another Mace em- President that if he did not, he would becoming President, because I am ployee was accused of the same of- face and lose, a vote of confidence. French...I am surprised that the Brit- fence in September. Mrs Bramabhat A member of the Standing Commit- ish elite is not open to Europeans.” denies the accusations and has said tee denied this, saying, “‘None of us “The Union has received no evi- that Mace will stop selling strong know what Seb’s playing at. He re- dence whatsoever to support Mr Gi- beer in an attempt to reduce street signed, and everyone on Standing net’s claims”, responded the Union. drunkenness. She claims to have Committee thought that this was “We take allegations of racism very paid the ne only in an attempt to the right thing to do. Who agrees to seriously indeed – if we were to re- avoid legal action. resign and then says they didn’t the ceive any evidence we would obvi- next day?” ously investigate.” The former Senior Officer told Ginet had high praise for some Conduct Disorder discovery Varsity, “I take full responsibility for within the Union. He told Varsity A Cambridge psychiatrist has dis- the mistakes I may have made,” and that President Adam Bott “has done covered a link between aggressive be- admitted, “in the process of learning tremendously great things for the So- haviour and abnormal responses to that those speakers were not con- ciety,” and added, “I wish him all of stress among teenage boys. A study firmed anymore I decided to stay qui- luck for the rest of his term”. which put young males diagnosed et” in an effort to attract the speakers Cambridge students have reacted with Conduct Disorder in tempo- this term rather than postponing or with equanimity to the turmoil. Jus- rarily stressful situations showed cancelling their appearances. tin Woolf, a Homerton fresher who them to have abnormally low levels When pressed on whether or not Senior O cer recently joined the Union, initially of stress hormone in their saliva. Dr he deserved to lose his post, Ginet as- Sébastien Ginet said that he was “shocked” at the Graeme Fairchild, the author of the serted: “If this was the criterion [for resigned on Wednesday false advertising, but concluded that study, told Varsity: “We think that resignation] then lots of members of “this wouldn’t have made any differ- certain responses during stress may Standing Committee would already ence to me joining, because I know act as a brake on aggressive impulses have resigned.” they’ll have quality speakers in the and help individuals to regulate their Ginet claims that his resignation f u t u r e”. emotions and act more cautiously. If these physiological signals are absent or strongly reduced, then it may be harder for people to control their temper and violent impulses.” Dr Man convicted of Fairchild’s study has been praised by specialists worldwide. Karolina Saar assault on schoolboy Objection to Jesus Green scheme A public consultation has shown Christos Lavidas opposition to a proposed new path- News Reporter way and cycle ramp for Jesus Green.  ese features will be dropped from A teenager has been convicted of as- the multi-million pound planned re- saulting a Cambridge schoolboy. Chief Constable Julie Spence vamp of the park.  e plans were put Nineteen-year-old Luka Munizaba has CAMBRIDGESHIRE CONSTABULARY forward by Cambridge City Council, been sentenced to four years in jail a er as a part of a bid for money from the putting a boy in a coma. Heritage Lottery Fund. Public con- He committed the assault on Hills sultation did reveal support for other Road on August 10. Cambridge Police Cambs top cop may parts of the Jesus Green project. told Varsity, “We note the verdict to the Alistair Wilson, the council’s green court and welcome the conviction.” space manager, said, “ e purpose of Munizaba, who was on bail a er the consultation really was to under- breaking a man’s jaw outside a night- apply for Met top job stand the signi cance of the park - club in Harlow, was reported to have what is critical to the park, how peo- consumed a whole bottle of vodka in ple use it”.  e Jesus Green scheme addition to as many as sixteen shots at was estimated to cost £2.5 million, a nightclub and pub in the city centre. » Controversial policewoman considers run but is now costing £4.4million. Ben Sandham, an eighteen-year-old » Students sceptical over Julie Spence’s credentials pupil at Long Road Sixth Form College, New Ensemble at Tit Hall and his friend Matthew Caddoo were returning home a er a night out when Continued from front page Cambridge students seem relatively Period instrument and vocal en- Munizaba hit Caddoo, propelling him Spence sits on the National Associa- unmoved by the prospect of Spence’s semble, Orpheus Britannicus, has backwards. When Sandham confronted tion of Chief of Police O cers, and is promotion. Jamie Ptaszynski, a second- become Ensemble in Residence at Munizaba, the latter reacted violently. Cambridge Crown responsible for improving citizens’ atti- year Jesus student, commented that Trinity Hall.  e ‘Early Music’ en- Munizaba’s attack caused Sandham to Court, where Munizaba tudes to policing. She is president of the “Cambridge isn’t a big city, and she can’t semble was founded by Tit Hall’s hit his head on the pavement, sustain- was sentenced Senior Women Police O cer’s organi- even do a good job here. Students aren’t Director of Music Andrew Arthur, a ing life-threatening injuries leading to a sation nationally and globally, and was well protected, and the level of minor specialist in ‘Early Music’. He hopes coma. A er quickly being taken to Ad- While passing the sentence, a er the awarded an OBE on the Queen’s 80th crimes seems quite high.” that “in time, Trinity Hall will devel- denbrooke’s, the pupil was put on a life teen admitted to assault and grievous Birthday. Ian Blair announced his resignation op a unique reputation as a centre of support machine.  ere, the presence of bodily harm, Judge Gareth Hawkes- She provoked controversy in April from the post of Commissioner in Octo- excellence for ‘Early Music’ in Cam- fractures at the base of his skull and blood worth spoke of the amount the youth a er requesting sta increases to deal ber, blaming a lack of support from Lon- bridge.” During its residency, the ac- clots to the brain were recognized. It is drunk and emphasised the consequenc- with policing issues surrounding mi- don’s Mayor Boris Johnson. His time in claimed ensemble will give concerts unclear whether he will fully recover. es of the attack on Sandham’s life. grant workers. She argued that crimi- the job has o en been controversial, par- for the general public, as well as Munizaba is originally from Serbia,  e sentence includes a consecutive nal cases involving immigrants took up ticularly regarding the Met’s response to ‘open’ rehearsals, master-classes and but was living in Bishop’s Stortford 48 months: 44 for the assault on Sand- to three times longer than most, due to the 2005 Tube bombings and the shoot- private lessons for current Trinity- when the assault took place. He ran o ham and four for the attack on Caddoo. interpretation issues and the potential ing of Jean Charles de Menezes. Hall students. Orpheus Britannicus’ a er the attack, but was later caught He may only serve half. need for investigative trips abroad.  e favourite to replace Sir Ian in rst Cambridge Concert takes place and arrested. Prior to the incident, he Sandham is said to have been a East Anglia has the highest number the £250,000 post is Sir Paul Stephen- on Sunday November 16 at the had been involved in an attack at a rail promising student. A few days a er the of registered foreign workers in the UK, son, currently Deputy Commissioner. Church of St Edward, King & Martyr station, in addition to another two of- attack he received an A in PE A-level, and complex issues surround migration Sir Hugh Orde, Northern Ireland’s top at 9pm. fences blamed on the excessive con- and attained awards in design technol- and crime. Crime in Cambridge overall policeman, is also said to be in the sumption of vodka. ogy and human biology. has decreased over the past few years. running. Friday November 14 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 5

Laura White to turn on Christmas lights MythBusters » X Factor reject to sing in Market Square What Scudamore’s don’t

ITV PICTURES want you to know » Parker’s Piece ice rink opens tomorrow

Local school choirs and bands will Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens accompany the procession as well as News Reporter a brass marching band, a samba band and dancers. ere will also be roast An X Factor  nalist will switch on chestnuts in Market Square. Cambridge’s Christmas lights. e illu- “ e lights will go o at around mination will take place on Sunday in 11pm everyday,” commented a council Market Square, amidst a series of fes- spokeswoman. “ e only ones that will tive events. be kept on later are those on Christ’s Laura White, who has come eighth in Pieces, staying on until 4am, purely for the current series of e X Factor, will safety reasons.” lead the City Council’s celebrations. She e festivities will be joined by follows in the footsteps of Neighbours’ ‘Cambridge on Ice’, the popular an- Stephanie McIntosh, who did the hon- nual ice-skating attraction on Parker’s ours last year. Piece, which opens tomorrow. e White, 21, was controversially voted rink will be one-and-a-half times larg- o the programme last Saturday. Cher- er than last year. A ‘Taste of Germany’ Week 6: Oliver Cromwell’s head is yl Cole, her mentor on the show, was licensed café will be situated on the buried underneath Sidney. the only one of the four judges to vote ice rink, for the post-fall-over injury to keep her on. Simon Cowell, before wind-down. voting against her, said, “First of all you This weekend spells the start of the or once, the rubbish spewing were not the worst two singers tonight, Cambridge Christmas – yet again ec- from Scudamore’s punters’ lips so I don’t know what went wrong to- centrically early – with themed bops, Fhas coincided with fact. e head of night; it was a joke…whatever I say is Secret Santa and full-on turkey, cran- England’s Lord Protector, the signer going to be unpopular.” berry sauce and brandy-butter For- of Charles I’s death warrant in 1649, Cambridge students have reacted ex- mals coinciding with week 8. One is buried at a secret location under citedly to the news. Trinity second-year student quipped: “By the time the Sidney’s chapel. Katie Cody said “I’ll be there!” rest of the country open their advent Only the Master and the Chap- Laura White was e main event will be preceded by a calendars, Cambridge will probably lin know exactly where the head contoversially booted o parade from the Gra on Centre to the have started disposing of its Christ- was buried because, apparently,  e X Factor last week main stage in Market Square at 4pm. e mas trees for Cambridge-Twelfth- they think students will dig it up parade will feature the likes of Father and Night.” and drink jägerbombs from it. If Mother Christmas, the Snow Queen on Turn to page 11 for more on e X you take the trouble to look at the stilts and the infamous Ice Elf. Factor’s highs and lows. plaque in the chapel, however, it is pretty clear where the head was put to rest in 1960. How did it get there in the  rst place, you ask? A er Cromwell’s death in 1658, he was buried amongst the nation’s kings in the Henry VII chapel in Westminster Abbey. But following the restoration of the monarchy in 1660, his body was disinterred, strung up in the sun for a while and then decapitated. e head was set Cambridge University Engineering Society’s up on a pole on the top of Westmin- ster Hall. And there the treasonous head re- mained until a storm blew it o onto the parapet of Westminster hall and Annual Careers and it was picked up by a sentinel, who Pre-U exam meets was (probably) called Chuck. Chuck hid the head in his cloak until he got Placements Fair home. e pigs (or 5.0 or  lth or fuzz mixed reception or whatever the police were called in the 17th century) were out looking for the head, so Chuck stu ed it into Thursday 20th November Simon Glasson a return to the traditional three-subject his chimney and told no-one until News Reporter system, with all examinations being sat he was on his death bed. at the end of the two-year course. It was subsequently sold by Two months a er its introduction, the e current modular system allow- Chuck’s family to a curiosity shop 1-6pm Cambridge Pre-U is  nding itself un- ing multiple retakes is abandoned in where it remained until the turn of der media scrutiny. a drive for “transparency”. e three the 19th century, when it was sold John Fairhurst, headmaster and chair principal subjects are chosen by the to Josiah Henry Wilkinson of Kent. Guildhall of the Association of School and Col- students, who would also have to com- e Wilkinson family kept the skull lege Leaders’ education committee, plete an ‘Independent Research Project’ until 1960, when H.N.S. Wilkinson described the University’s latest learn- and a ‘Global Perspectives Portfolio’. donated it to Sidney Sussex, where 30 companies including: ing initiative as “antediluvian” and “a Cambridge believes this “emphasis Cromwell studied for a year before reversion to a very independent school, on independent thinking and study his career as a regicide. Cromwell, grammar school sort of approach”. So skills, in addition to subject knowledge, like so many great men, had better far, the quali cation has been taken up underlines the aim... to develop suc- things to do than  nish his degree. by just   een state schools, compared cessful students, equipped to succeed at e head was buried in secret by to 35 independent schools. university”. the College Chaplain, the Master, However, the Pre-U’s development Other universities have been tenta- three fellows and Dr Wilkinson on manager, Gillian Whitehouse, believes tive: the Russell Group of elite insti- March 25 1960. Since then the secret this statistic to be misleading. She ex- tutions says only that the Pre-U is an has been passed down from master plains, “there are a lot of schools out “acceptable preparation for university and chaplain to their predecessors. there that are looking at these  rst courses”. ey have gone to great lengths to adopters and watching them to see if Its critics argue that it will prove keep its location from us, so when the quali cation’s going to do the things socially divisive and further the gap you work out where it is, don’t tell we say it’s going to do”. She added that between selective and non-selective anyone. It is a big secret. Also, don’t “nine out of every ten inquiries we get schools. get drunk, dig it up, and play foot- now are from state schools”. e CPU has already been accred- ball with it. Cambridge describes its new  ag- ited, and the government has agreed So, for once, this is less of a Myth- ship quali cation as “liberating learn- to fund it as an alternative to A-levels. Busters column, and more of a Not just for engineers! ing”, and it is seen by many as a serious e quali cation’s  rst students began MythCon rmers piece. attempt to modernise the old A-level studying in September. Michael Stothard system. e Pre-U diploma would see Additional reporting by Dominique Iste Chief News Editors: Hugo Gye and Michael Stothard Friday November 14 2008 6 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Varsity P r o l e MICHAEL STOTHARD Week 6: Merlin Sheldrake, moth enthusiast

ive Merlin a pop culture reference and house as “slightly eccentric”. you will be met with a vacant stare  ere was never any television at home, Gand an awkward silence. Get him talking only a great deal of plants (“my dad loves about moths, on the other hand, and it’s an plants”). So Merlin spent his youth in the entirely di erent story. local park making dens, getting into trou- Last term Merlin chased away those ble with his brother and playing music. 7 exam-term blues by keeping seven gi-  ese years served him well as he now Atlas moths kept in his room ant Atlas moths in his college room.  e plays the piano, accordion, didgeridoo, as multi-coloured moths, each with a wing- well as “dabbling in other assorted percus- span of a foot, were not in a cage or net, sion”. With these skills he and a few friends but were le to  utter around freely.  ey started the Staircase Band.  eir “bois- would occasionally perch on his  ngers, terous,  eet  ngered and on the wonk” when he allowed them too. “I wanted to music, as he calls it, has proved extremely brighten up exam term with some deep popular at Cambridge. 3 reds and yellows”, he said. Walking into Merlin’s room is like walk- Gay Atlas moths kept in his room  ree of his moths turned out to be ing into a Bedouin magician’s tent, with homosexual. “Whenever I o ered them gold cloth everywhere and shelves  lled a beautiful receptive female, they would with herbs and potions. His grandfather go and spoon in the corner with another was a herbalist and so he inherited the pots guy.” Apparently, they never disturbed which add some majesty to the Calamus him when he was trying to work. “If any of root and Yarrow plant. Most of the con- them got too rowdy I would just put them coctions are for his current passion, home- in the fridge for a bit. Calms them down,” brewing beer (see page 15), but others are 20% he said placidly, as if that were not a men- part of his research into plant folklore. Strongest alcohol brewed acing sentence at all. His long Indian robes and traditional Merlin was born near Hampstead colourful Balkan slippers make him blend Heath and attended the London day into the desert nomad motif of his room. school UCS before coming up to Cam- He used to have gold cloth covering the bridge to read Natural Sciences. His father ceiling as well as the walls, “making it feel is a “controversial biologist” in the  eld of like a cave,” he said.  ey made him take parapsychology, researching subjects like the gilded ceiling cloth down because it telepathy. For example, he does studies was a  re hazard. It struck me as mean 8 on whether people can tell if they are be- of them to ruin his cave, but on the other May Balls played by the ing stared at or not. His mother works in hand they did let him keep the moths. Staircase Band sound healing, and teaches a class in Mon- Michael Stothard golian overtone chanting, conventionally Turn to page 15 to read Merlin’s guide to known as throat singing. He describes his brewing your own beer.

Peterhouse May Ball Saturday June 13 2009 Watch the trailer at www.PeterhouseMayBall.com Friday November 14 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 7

Gap years crunched by nancial crisis Cambridge  University applications rise as students are put o by price of gap years Spies

S o um ay a Ke y n e s News Reporter Gap-year companies say that fewer univer- sity applicants are taking a year out due to the nancial situation, perhaps contribut- ing to the rise in Cambridge applications. Applications to the University have ris- en by 12% this year following four years of little change.  e National Union of Stu- dents has argued that this increase is due to students being put o by the rising cost of gap years. With current average student debt ex- ceeding £14,000, it is arguably unsurpris- ing that students are responding to the squeeze by travelling during the summer between A-levels and freshers’ week, rath- er than taking an entire year out. Classy nights out According to Real Gap Experience’s spokeswoman, pressure from parents has Ping-pong lover led to postponement of travelling plans until a er university. Lulu Popplewell, who In the most hyperbolically superla- has applied to read  eology at King’s, de- Gap year students tively wonderful Wednesday night cided not to take a gap year partly because at a Full Moon in town, rhyming with Mindies she wanted to “get on with meeting new Party in ailand and Windies and – to some fresh- people, but also partly because they’re re- ers – Malawi, a robust lad-ette was ally expensive.” engul ng a VK apple. Spying last However, Jess Bohm, a second-year night’s conquest, she promenaded economics student who took a gap year, nonchalantly up to him and in- disagrees with this reasoning. “Gap years cants’ perception is that admissions tutors nancial concerns relating to gap years. make the sacri ce.” quired whether he had enjoyed aren’t the expensive thing – university look less favourably on deferred entry can- Maya Amin-Smith recently applied If decreased numbers of gap years himself with her. Nonplussed by the is,” she argues. “A gap year gives you the didates, although mathematics is the only for deferred entry to Trinity. She says are behind the surge in applications to quizzical expression, she went on to chance to save up to fund your studies.” department actively to discourage gap that “it probably is more expensive Cambridge this year, next year’s data question whether he liked it when About one in ve Cambridge under- years. Recent changes to the Cambridge to go on a gap year now than it was should reveal a drop in applications, as she “used her tongue like that,” and graduates have taken a gap year; the na- admissions procedures may have contrib- a few years ago, but I want to take a those who might otherwise apply post- then whether he liked “that thing tional gure is closer to one in four. Appli- uted to the rise in applications more than year out so much that I’m willing to A-level would already be at university. with the lube, cherry and the ping- pong ball”. She slowly twigged by the abject terror on the face of the boy, that this was not in fact last night’s ping-pong lover, but a similar-look- ing evangelical Christian fresher.

Edit this paper Varsity100 Peterhouse/Corpus Applications are invited to edit and section edit Varsity in Lent 2009. Nominations are now open for the 2009 Varsity100. Love-sick Two compatriots shared more than Application forms are available for download from varsity.co.uk/jobs An online nomination form is available at just a birthday party this week. Hir- varsity.co.uk/100 ing out a venue together, they made  e deadline for editorial applications is Friday Nov 21. a guest list together and entered  e Varsity100 is published at the start of every calendar year and aims the party together.  ey dressed up  e deadline for section editor applications is Wednesday Nov 26. for the ‘gap year’ theme together to list the 100 most talented students at the university.  e list is inevitably and when the time came, opened Positions includeNews Editor, Comment Editor, Features Editor, Arts Editor, Reviews subjective. However, you can help make it as objective as possible by their presents together.  ey were Editor, Sport Editor, Fashion Editor, Science Correspondent,  eatre Critic, Music nominating as many appropriate undergraduates or graduates as you know. together when they were dancing, Critic, Classical Critic, Film Critic,Visual Arts Critic, Literary Critic, Food Critic, and even engaged in a salacious act Photographer, Illustrator in the loos together. (Well, not to- gether, but with di erent people at the same point in time.) At the end of the night they were still together in each other’s embrace, love con- quering all, quietly vomiting in each others’ laps. Two boys, together un- til the last.

Murray Edwards A chance converted Sports captains are used to close sweaty scrums on the pitch, but when captain’s cocktails at the lo- cal pitch went long into the night, two associates decided they missed that invigorating sensation. Find- ing the centre circle, they formed a tight-knit ruck. Eventually, when it all became a little too rambunctious, a penalty was called for inappropri- ate grabbing.  e referee, however, lacking tangibility, was unable to enforce the law and the sport de- scended into chaos, with shirts be- ing torn and private parts being ille- gally pulled. Eventually the ruck got so bad that the groundsman had to come and break them up physically.

Friday November 14 2008 varsity.co.uk

MAGAZINEFEATURES, INTERVIEWS, REVIEWS & LISTINGS // ART, FILM, MUSIC, BOOKS, FASHION & SCIENCE THIS WEEK IN THE MAGAZINE: JOHN MARTIN / NOAH AND THE WHALE / HOME BREWING COMFORT FOOD / A NIGHT ON THE STREETS / ANIME EXPLORED / CAMBRIDGE ENTREPRENEURS

Hi! Society

Week 6: Cambridge University Conservative Association

eople like to write o the Cam- bridge University Conservative PAssociation as an elitist dining society. We like to think we discuss a bit of politics as well. Beyond the port and cheese parties and white tie dinners, CUCA still organises speakers, policy pub meets and campaign sessions in the local area making us one of the most active political societies in Cambridge. Being disa liated from the Con- servative Party allows CUCA to em- brace every branch of conservatism: from traditional Tories, through  atcherites, to Classical Liberals, and Libertarians. Such diversity lends itself to vicious arguments, A bookshop of one’s own most recently about the relative mer- its of Keynes. TIRED OF EARLY 20TH-CENTURY AUTHORESSES BEING OVERLOOKED, NICOLA BEAUMAN SET UP CUCA is still a good means through which to get into politics PERSEPHONE BOOKS TO REPUBLISH FORGOTTEN CLASSICS. IN HER BEAUTIFUL BOOKSHOP IN and the Party. In 1992, e Econo- BLOOMSBURY, SHE TELLS EMMA HOGAN AND DECCA MULDOWNEY ABOUT ENDPAPERS AND ESCAPISM. mist said that “competition to rise to the top of CUCA is good prepara- ’m not interested in big money, house is de nitely Nicola Beauman’s. the inter war period through the c- think modern writers have got it.” But if tion for a political career in the Con- only the books.” With their Beauman’s taste informs every aspect tion of E.M. Dela eld, Elinor Glynn Beauman’s project is not nostalgic, then servative Party, for several reasons. “Ielegant, uniform grey covers and of her publishing, from the authors to and Virginia Woolf. what is it? “I’m very keen on story. In Ideology counts for nothing. What vibrant, eclectic endpapers, Beauman’s the typeface of her books. She person-  e appeal of Persephone books modern novels nothing happens. You matters is knowing how to make books bear an uncanny resemblance ally chooses the end papers for every might seem quite narrow, especially haven’t been changed, they haven’t been friends and when to stab them in the to herself. A woman of de nite vision book by going through the V&A and with a readership consisting of 80% changed. I like books to be about some- back. If you cut your political teeth and forceful opinion, Nicola Beauman private collections: “ ey have to be women and with their focus (summed thing. I like things to be well written, at CUCA, you are liable to end up sits surrounded by memories of a lost in the same mood as the book and the up in the name of the company) on the to have that spark of genius. I don’t like sporting a sharp set of fangs.” Over age, in her shop on Lamb’s Conduit right date.  ere’s no reason for them bourgeois and the domestic. “Mine is modern music because it has no tune, the years, CUCA Chairmen have Street. Her fascination with the period apart for the fact I like it. I thought a feminism of live and let live, rather and the same with modern books.” gone on to become cabinet minis- of 1900-1950 and its art, culture and it would be nice to have this secret than a raging, furious feminism. I have Interestingly, when asked who her ters, EU commissioners, journalists, aesthetic, led her to founding Per- inside.” From elaborate  oral patterns ve children and I don’t see much favourite writer is, Beauman chose historians, and we’ve even had a spephone, which republishes forgot- to Paul Nash prints from the 1950s to prejudice in my everyday life.”  is the male author and Cambridge Labour peer. ten classics of the period, mostly by brightly coloured tulip dress fabric and may seem contradictory, and while she alumnus, E.M. Forster. As Beauman In the university, CUCA is, and al- women writers, including Katherine German Bauhaus wallpaper, each end laments the fact her writers are ignored puts it, “He gets it just right. His style ways has been, something of a joke. Mans eld, Monica Dickens, Frances paper is unique and visually striking. by universities and are absent from is so wonderful. He’s funny and he’s Maybe it’s the Libertarian streak, Hodgson Burnett, Dorothy Whipple Reading English at Cambridge, reading lists, she doesn’t think that perceptive and he doesn’t take himself maybe it’s the ban on political dis- and Winifred Watson (author of Miss Beauman never encountered the modern female writers su er the same too seriously. And he has plot. In fact, cussions at social events, maybe it’s Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which has authors that she now publishes and prejudices today. “ e Orange prize what doesn’t he have?” It is clear that the obsession with elections. As re- recently been released as a lm). loves. “Of course I adored it,” she is… sweet but I don’t see the need for it is these qualities that she looks for cently as 2005, CUCA was described  e shop itself seems to be an elegy says, “But we didn’t do anything a er it.” While she might dismiss modern in every book that she chooses. by e Sunday Telegraph as “secre- to these forgotten voices and their Virginia Woolf. We did far too much writing, Beauman remains convinced In a world dominated by “people tive, conspiratorial, overcomplicated, world. On the long tables are piled from the nineteenth century, tragedy that “our [Persephone’s] authors will who want to make money”, “publish- probably calculated to bene t some stacks of books, the walls are covered and German moralists.” It was only in be recognized eventually, they are so ers in their ivory towers on Vauxhall chum or other, [and] so clever that with ‘Keep Calm Carry On’ posters her twenties that Beauman discovered good.” What makes her writers so much Bridge Road,” and “boardrooms with it is stupid.” Since we are conserva- and the shop is lit by faded lamps with her neglected authors. In 1983, she better? Is it just a form of escapism? “I men in suits”, it is Beauman’s personal tives, we like to think that things antique shades. It has the atmosphere wrote A Very Great Profession, a book hate the word nostalgia”, she claims. vision that makes Persephone books so have never been di erent. more of a house than a shop. And that exploring the daily lives of women in “I don’t think its escapism. I just don’t unique, idiosyncratic and appealing. James Sharpe

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS HERE): Welcome to the adventure story. How exciting. It is time to go on your geography  eld trip. Geography is very well endowed this year, so you can a ord to go somewhere more exciting than just a  eld. But where? p10 e Amazon! p11 Just stick with the  eld, thanks. Magazine Editor: Daniel Cohen; Arts Editor: Anna Trench; Features Editor: Rob Peal Friday November 14 2008 10 Magazine: Arts and Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Letter From Abroad

Week 6: Lebanon

t grabs headlines for being victim to Israeli bombing campaigns, politicalI assassinations, car bombs, Hezbollah and a five-month siege and destruction of a Palestinian camp. The British Foreign Office would rather you go to Iraq. Leba- non, in short, is a complex place. Behind the headlines is a country nestled between warm Mediterranean beaches and snowy mountains, home to a religiously, culturally and linguistically diverse population. Its cosmopolitan capital, Beirut, is unmistakably Western in parts, yet strongly Mid- dle Eastern in others. Downtown Beirut feels like New York, but drive ten minutes south and you're in Dhahiyah Janubbiyah, a Hezbol- lah neighbourhood, where police and government have no authority. Regardless of whom you find yourself amongst, you'll be greeted with that unmistakably Middle Eastern hospitality. Warm, open and interested, the Lebanese are The Gospel According to Johnny Boy reason enough to visit Lebanon. That's assuming that the Mediter- ranean beaches, ski resorts, Roman the one-legged folk legend john martyn has inspired fingerpickers for decades. he talks to tom and Crusader ruins or Lebanese mezze dishes of hummus, tab- barbour about his influences and techniques and why his new tour is not about wrist-slashing bouleh and baba gnoush don't do it for you. xactly what kind of place John Mar- me all the hard things. He’s a lovely percussive punctuation to solo acoustic (and former Cambridge undergradu- Yet, away from the bars and Etyn occupies in today’s persistently man.” Martyn moved to London and pieces. Listen to ‘May You Never’ and ate) Nick Drake, who died suddenly plush hotels of Beirut, are Leba- genre-defined music scene is difficult his first album, London Conversation, you’ll get the general idea. of an overdose of anti-depressants in non's Palestinians, quietly present to say. His continually evolving odyssey was released in 1967, when he was When I speak to him, John Martyn is 1974. Martyn is naturally reticent on as ever. Denied Lebanese citizen- of a career has seen him experiment 20. Very much a folk-based, entirely at home in Kilkenny, Ireland, about to the subject. “It’s become a bit more ship, they are also legally barred with influences ranging from folk to acoustic album, featuring intricate, set off on tour. But this is no ordinary about more than one person. It’s a bit from some eighty jobs (unlike in blues, soul, rock, reggae and funk. Some crystalline guitar fingerpicking, rumour tour. Martyn is revisiting his 1980 wider than that, but in the essential Jordan and Syria). While the Pales- even call him the godfather of trip-hop. has it that before London Conversation album, the emotionally-fraught and kind of thing about it, it’s cool.” The tinians may find comfort amongst Thrown into the mix is the fact that was recorded Martyn had only been intensely personal Grace and Danger, autobiographical sources behind the themselves in the camps (which Martyn is something of a musical Jekyll playing the guitar for a few months. an album that Island producer Chris songs range from the tragic to the Lebanese law forbids the army or and Hyde, a virtuoso within whom the For such a recent beginner, his playing Blackwell thought too disturbing to absurd. ‘Big Muff’ traces its origins to a government from entering), even hellraiser and the hopeless romantic on the record is sickeningly good. “I’d release. Fans and critics alike have humorous incident involving Martyn, those are unhealthily crowded. are continually at war. Oh, and he’s 60, been playing eleven months,” he admits described Martyn as being better than teapots and Jamaican reggae legend Before its destruction by the weighs 20 stone and only has one leg. modestly. “But I didn’t do anything else, ever on the current tour, but why Grace Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry (too long to narrate Lebanese military during a five- He probably shouldn’t be, but he’s still you know. I sat and played and played and Danger? “The only reason I’m here in full, but when you listen to the month war with Islamist militants alive. And he’s coming to Cambridge. and played and played...went out with a doing it is because people asked me to” song it makes sense). Does he still write in May–September 2007, the When he picks up the phone, it is the few girls and came back and played and he says insistently. “I was half in denial, songs based on particular incidents? Palestinian Nahr el-Bared Camp Surrey/Cockney Martyn who greets me, played and played and played.” Many because I thought it would be too “No. Mostly it’s The Gospel According (NBC) outside Tripoli was home rather than his semi-mythical Glaswe- of Martyn’s first musical offerings were miserable, and I forced myself to listen to Johnny Boy, but I have the odd sort to over 5,000 families, or 35,000 gian alter ego which, legend has it, can influenced in a large part by the work of to it and it’s not at all – in fact I think its of off-the-wall moment. There’s always people. With the camp's total de- only be invoked by copious quantities legendary folk and blues guitarist, Davy downright cheeky. There’s no wrist- something obscure…” struction, 35,000 IDPs (Internally of alcohol. He is curiously reticent Graham, an often-overlooked influence slashing involved. It’s just an album John Martyn is 60 – can we expect Displaced Persons) were created about his whereabouts of the previous on the current nu-folk and psych-folk about divorce.” Martyn wrote the album to see more of him in the future? overnight. Fourteen months after evening: “I just wasn’t around”, which, movement. Martyn heaves a sigh. “It’s subsequent to his divorce from fellow “Absolutely. I shall die in harness, dear the last bomb was dropped on when you hear that a famous hellraiser almost criminal, dear boy. He’s not to be folk-singer Beverley Martyn, whom boy – with a large spliff and a bottle of NBC, the humanitarian situation has gone AWOL, seems a somewhat overlooked at all. He’s actually the best he had married in 1969. Certainly, champagne!” is dire, and the problems associ- unsatisfactory explanation. Born in – I mean, without him there would be Martyn’s method of writing (though John Martyn plays the Corn Exchange tonight ated with displaced populations Surrey as Iain David McGeachy, the nothing.” Fortunately, Martyn himself his songs are not all as intense as what (disease, unemployment, petty only son of two opera singers, Mar- does not seem to have been overlooked you’ll find on Grace and Danger) relies crime, breakdown of the fam- tyn’s parents separated when he was by younger music fans, and Martyn’s greatly on the spontaneous commu- ily unit and children's absence five and Martyn was brought up in unique style of guitar-playing contin- nication of emotion, to the extent that Folking About from schools) are as manifest as the rough-and-tumble Southside of ues to influence a new wave of young Martyn has become famous for writing 1948 Born Iain David McGeachy in ever. The Lebanese government's Glasgow. He started playing the guitar guitarists. “I’ve listened to a lot of other songs in the morning and recording Surrey promise of recontruction of NBC in his teens, having been tutored by the chaps – you know, really, really young them in the afternoon. “I prefer it that has remained precisely that: a mere famous Indo-Scottish folk troubadour people and they all play with the back- way, yeah. Unfortunately you can’t force 1967 Signed by Island Records promise. and raconteur Hamish Imlach. The slap technique which I invented. I hear it, the damn thing just happens by itself. 1970 Recorded the experimental Whichever way you look at it, eccentric Imlach is largely responsible myself in a lot of places, and I take it as You can try to force it, but it doesn’t Stormbringer! album Lebanon is a fascinating country, for Martyn’s famously funny onstage a great compliment.” Martyn’s famous really work that way.” Having said that, featuring a collaboration with offering incredible variety for its banter: “He taught me how to deal ‘backslap’ technique is difficult to de- the emotional sources of some of Mar- his wife Beverley Kutner size. It also bears some closer in- with the world of entrepreneurs and scribe but basically consists of his using tyn’s most famous songs can be easily 1981 Phil Collins produced spection. Past the headlines, that is. hustlers and getting ripped-off and his thumb and forefingers to deaden the traced. ‘Solid Air’, for example, is a song Glorious Fool album things...how to heckle the audiences 2008 Retrospective 4CD box set Theodore Bell still-resonating strings in between fin- written for and about Martyn’s close and all that kind of stuff. He taught gerpicking in order to provide a kind of friend, the legendary singer-songwriter released spanning Martyn's career

Amazon Adventure (starts on page 9): An administrative error places you not in the Amazon at all, but in the temporary Peterborough warehouse of amazon.co.uk. ‘Work experience is it?’ says Ian, the warehouse manager. You try to explain about the field trip, but he doesn’t listen. ‘Listen, work experience,’ he says. ‘Never go into the werehouse basement.’ »p12 Why not? »p13 And why did he spell warehouse like that? Friday November 14 2008 Write for the Magazine varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Arts and Features 11

Time In Week 6: Relive the laughter, relive the tears with these X Factor classics on The Street Sleepers of YouTube Cambridge FOR MOST OF US, THE HOMELESS POPULATION CONSTITUTE AN OMNIPRESENT BUT PASSING DETAIL OF CAMBRIDGE LIFE, SO ROBERT STAGG SPENDS A NIGHT ON THE STREETS TO DISCOVER MORE Daniel Evans’ Audition Is this the image still running n a chilly statement on the ‘Home- quips, sporting a joke for every conceiv- of fun; he takes it. Am I embarrassing to hot and ashamed. I bashfully o er up my through the public’s mind? Daniel’s Ilessness’ subsection of their website, able circumstance. Why does he need a  nd that gross? Dusty rolls his shoulders.  oor in Emmanuel for the night. He qui- tragic tale must be pulling in the the Cambridge Council inform those house? He has Sky TV (geddit?). People Dusty tells me how one policeman etly tells me many strangers don’t keep ‘sob story’ voters, because his voice seeking succour that: “If you are not who have houses are “home-users”. tried to bang him up for drinking in their hands altogether to themselves. He indicates he should be back cleaning eligible for assistance then the council Women are “ten per cent nicer than public. In ated charges would have confesses to his imperfections: he drinks, pools in Malaga. has no duty to provide you with accom- men”, and “ten times more attractive” landed him  ve years in prison. Would he infrequently steals, his back hurts. modation even if you are threatened on top. he prefer prison to the streets? He is  e sun dribbles up. I bustle back Laura White’s Fallin’ – Week 1 with homelessness and in priority need.” He asks if I want to street-sleep with politely o ended. What if the govern- home, sink into the warmth, stu myself White’s elimination last week is still I found this stern separation of wheat him and others. I assent, concerned ment promised him with bowls of cereal, shiver, and sleep. unbelievable. If there is anyone who from cha distinctly o -putting, so I that I’ll get no sleep. I’m wearing a thick a house? He’d give I haven’t seen Dusty since. I wish well doubts the stupidity of Louis Walsh thought I’d take a stroll along Sidney black coat, cloth trousers, robust shoes, it to a family.  e of him, and a horrible or the immense ability of Laura, Street to challenge it. shirt, t-shirt, jumper. He laughs. Coats streets are all of-the-moment guilt watch this clip. I didn’t  nd many people huddling up don’t help out here. He shows me the he has. Giving cloisters up in me. for the night on the pavement, maybe delicately calibrated layers of clothing them up Austin Drage’s Billie Jean – Week 2 six, and those I spoke to wouldn’t push he has on. He tucks his trousers into his would Is this the moment when Austin that estimate higher. But I simply have to socks and tells me where to sleep.  ere’s break began to lose it?  e arrangement capitulate to the cliché and say that every a couple of hostels in Cambridge which his works well until he hits the chorus, statistic remains a person. And I could are warm, but he claims he gets ill every heart. then it all goes a bit cringe. He add a further note of distaste to these time he visits one. I wonder if the hostel I feel didn’t deserve to be knocked out gently parcelled re ections by adding: I might give him a little twinge of regret two weeks later, but this marked the didn’t like the  rst individual I met. She for his past, “home-using” life.  e hos- decline of his con dence. had a sourness about her, a resentment. tel has the semblance of a house, a er all, She was twenty and hopeless, stu ed without its air of permanence. He de ly Alexandra Burke’s Candyman – with fuck-you bile and a contemptuous navigates the question. Week 3 stare. My opinion of her didn’t change  e night is marrow-cold, with  aying Alexandra’s  rst song made her look seismically. A twinge of pity nudged its wind and a still, malicious wintriness. like a drag act, yet in week three she way into our conversation. She told me  e air gets emptier through the night, showed her true colours.  e sailor how her family hate her. I registered this and by 3am it’s so cold even Dusty (on hat is the  nishing touch. with something like comprehension. the streets for “over a decade”) considers She hadn’t seen her parents for years. the warmth of the hostel. Cambridge JLS’ Working My Way Back To You She looked thoroughly terri ed of the walks by. Some people dart poisonous – Week 4 prospect. eyes at you, suspicious at your intrusion A group winning the X Factor She introduced me to a coat-swaddled into their life. Several look accommodat- seemed impossible, then JLS decided man called Dusty. He had two dogs. ingly at us, spot Dusty’s errant can of to make Aston the front man, and Everyone notices the dogs  rst. People lager, and instantly calcify. Most don’t everything clicked. try to buy them from him. He gives notice we’re there. them a brisk, bulging “fuck o ”.  ey I meet a young man, right out of gaol, Diana Vickers’ Laryngitis – Week 5 do just that. I ask him how long he has spunked up with charm and con dence. Mariah Carey week was always been in Cambridge. Less than a month, He collects £20 over the slow hours, and going to be a struggle, the most comes the ambivalent reply. Do you like pledges to have fun with it for the rest of exciting moment being the decision it here? He presents a thin smile. Dusty the night. Dusty, who doesn’t beg except to allow Diana to sit out. Did it make explains that he’s a vagrant – he leaves in emergencies, shows no disapproval. Laura’s chances of survival slimmer? for Kent in the coming fortnight. He  e young man is what Dusty calls Was it fair? came to Cambridge from Dover. He “homeless” – he’s been street-sleeping thinks Cambridge less dangerous than for less than a year.  ose toughened Kiran Moodley other places.  e people here are ever so up by a winter’s depredations are slightly less liable to piss all over him; less “street”. But you get so er with age, he liable to smash bottles above, or on, his says.  e wind tears at you. I ask Dusty head; less liable to spew out abuse. But what people do with the scrapings of Time Out the di erence is not a distinctive one. money they’re given. Some funnel it Cambridge is only slightly less shit than into a desperate cigarette, a fumbling SPENCE KATHERINE everywhere else. glug of booze, drugs. Most don’t Dusty isn’t a grim man, terse with his beg, he says, most wait.  e young own tragedy. He is delightfully, expan- man gets £15 to suck o a plump sively funny, riddled with anecdotes and man outside Life. £15 is a night

Cathy Hembry is Director of Wintercomfort, a Cambridge charity for the homeless. Week 6: Hitchhike to Morocco

ambridge Council’s latest published  gure for rough sleepers in the city is seventeen. Robert is right that for every statistic there is a person (and probably a few more). His n 1992, a pair of Cambridge stu- Cdescription of all three characters and their experiences rings true for those working with the homeless. What takes people to the streets o en keeps people on the streets; a dents hitchhiked to Morocco to failure to engage with the wider world, a dependence on drugs or alcohol, mental distress or illness, relationship and family breakdown. Once there they su er from abuse, phys- Iraise money for Link Community ical ill health (tuberculosis is back), a bad back from a rough nights sleep (or worse a bashing), freezing weather and raging sun, prison, and passers by that are more interested Development – a charity dedicated in your dogs than they are you. to improving the quality of educa- At Wintercomfort we o er a range of services. A warm welcome greet for those who have slept out, a cooked breakfast, showers, laundry and a clothing store from 8.30am to tion for children in sub-Saharan 10.00pm every weekday. A range of other charities and agencies come in to o er expert advice on housing, substance misuse and mental health.  e GP service for the homeless Africa. Seventeen years on, this is just a 5 minute walk down the river. However, we recognise that despite the problems outlined above, lots of the people we work with have skills, knowledge and aspirations has become university wide event for the future. Without getting the opportunity to build, develop and acquire new skills people are unlikely to form settled or sustainable lifestyles. To this end Wintercomfort with over 4,500 students having now provide a learning and development service focused on activities, training, education, volunteering and employment. We don’t do this on our own, we are part funded by successfully thumbed li s across Cambridge City and County Council. A host of experts come to the Centre to deliver music workshops, cooking classes, work placements, literacy and numeracy programmes, Europe. Hitch-hiking is a fantastic job searches and much more. travelling experience with bizarre With respect to the problems the homeless have or the fears they can sometimes elicit, ask yourself this question: as a child, adolescent or young adult what did you aspire occurrences guaranteed, and the to? Was it to sitting on a pavement with a can of special brew or begging to maintain a drug habit? Nor are these the aspirations of the people we work with. You don’t have to money raised goes towards a truly scratch the surface very hard to  nd out what it is that people have to o er or want to achieve. worthy cause. If you would like to If you want to nd out more about Wintercomfort or support the work we do please visit our website www.wintercomfort.org.uk. Also, if you can spare an hour to shake a tin take part this Easter, please contact for the Homeless, then come to Emmanuel College on Friday 28 November 10-5. Please book your hour with Clare Price on [email protected]. Rob at [email protected].

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): e  eld turns out to be in the Amazon a er all. Well, the Amazon rainforest actually, because the Amazon is really the river. ough you have to travel up the river to get to the for- est. And while you’re dri ing along in the little canoe, you trail your hand in the water, and accidentally touch a little slimy thing. Aaargh! But what is it? p14 A piranha? p16 A banana? Magazine Editor: Daniel Cohen; Arts Editor: Anna Trench; Features Editor: Rob Peal Friday November 14 2008 12 Magazine: Arts and Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk Cambridge Entrepreneurs

With the economy in turmoil and mass redundancies on the horizon, some may say that now is not the time to seek conventional employment. is week we pro le four graduates who broke away from the monotony of the corporate behemoth and beat their own paths. Smug, self su cient and withholden to no one, these are the Cambridge Entrepreneurs. GILES SMITH

Jude Gomila and Immad Akhund– Smart Balloon

f you think the only career paths Immad Akhund has spent the last site set to change the way we play ceptions concerning the realities open to Cambridge graduates are two years immersed in innovative by facilitating access to the myriad of entrepreneurship and its relative thoseI based in the City, then it is start-up businesses both at home and online games available. Still in its pre- demands, Jude Gomila is quick to evidently time for reconsideration. in the US. From the initial venture of launch phase with the product’s exact reassure me that their fourteen-hour Jude Gomila and Immad Akhund mapping UK restaurants through rev- details as yet undisclosed, heyzap. days and seven-day working weeks are a case in point. Engineering and map.com in 2007, Akhund moved to com, described by Gomila as “the are comparable only to investment Computer Science graduates from San Francisco to pursue an entrepre- youtube.com for online games”, looks banking; but if you are smart enough Caius and Clare College respectively, neurial career as founder and CTO of set for online leisure domination. As to potentially earn a bank millions, these two are the very de nition of clickpass.com. As a site designed to an indication of Smart Balloon’s po- why not go at it yourself? Start now, successful, self-motivated entrepre- eliminate the need for multiple login tential, one needs only consider their even if you do not have a concrete neurship. names and passwords on the web, selection to participate in the 2009 idea; begin the process, and through A er establishing a company clickpass.com has since its inception round of the prestigious Y Combina- ceaseless hard work do not quit until importing packaging from China to received more than seven million tor program. O ering funding and the goal is reached. As Gomila reiter- supply UK supermarkets during his users, and has partnered with some of mentorship from the industry’s top ates, “Being an entrepreneur is like  nal year, Gomila went on to pioneer the largest websites including Scribd. companies and advisors, being an athlete; you’re not going to Sugar, a novel electronics brand com, Disqus.com and Plaxo.com. Y Combinator brings get a gold medal on your  rst run. creating digital photo frames which Combining their entrepreneurial together the best of a Never give up; run a marathon at sold in Selfridges, Harrods and on talent, knowledge of the industry new generation of web sprint seed”. Amazon.com. Putting his business and zeal for innovation, Gomila and start-up innovators in Lili Sarnyai savoir faire to altruistic use, Gomila Akhund partnered to launch Smart that bastion of so - also created Helpthirst.com, a charity Balloon, a pioneering company based ware and technol- game designed to donate water to the in San Francisco. Smart Balloon is ogy: Silicon Valley. developing world through a partner- currently in the process of creating Whilst there may ship with WorldVision. For his part, heyzap.com, a new casual gaming be certain miscon-

Richard Reed – Innocent Smoothies

t all started back in 1998. Having bottled it and sold it from a small explains Richard. spent four years at an advertis- stall. ey put up a big sign reading And the future ingI agency a er graduating from ‘Do you think we should give up our looks bright for Cambridge, Richard Reed sud- jobs to make these smoothies?’ ey Innocent: denly thought to himself, “Hang on, put out a bin marked ‘YES’ and a bin with the I thought you wanted to start up a marked ‘NO’ and asked people to put business?” the empty bottle in the right one. At Richard had shown signs of entre- the end of the weekend the ‘YES’ preneurial  nesse from a young age. bin was full, so the three of them He began washing his neighbours’ resigned from their current jobs windows at the age of eight, progress- and embarked upon the journey of ing to gardening as a teenager, setting building a company, with little experi- up a business called ‘Two Men Went ence and no money. To Mow’. At Cambridge, he re ned Ten years down the line, Innocent these skills further putting on club are maintaining their high ethical nights with friends a er being disil- standards and merry outlook on lusioned by Cambridge’s rather tame life. eir London HQ, named ‘Fruit re- nightlife. Towers’, is carpeted with arti cial cent So, with his two friends Jon and grass and decorated with oversized launches Adam, he settled on pursuing a com- plastic daisies and picnic tables. But, of ‘Veg Pots’ pany committed to making unadul- in the current  nancial climate, will and Orange Juice terated fruit drinks: pure, natural and the social responsibility that Inno- and their expansion ‘Innocent’. A summer jazz festival was cent have so admirably championed across Europe, Inno- chosen to test their new product on be neglected? “We built a business cent seems to be an ever the public. ey bought £500 worth model around giving ten per cent to growing force. of fruit, turned it into smoothies, charity…We’re committed to this”, Alexandra Sault

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): ‘ e warehouse basement?’ Ian asks, pointlessly. ‘ e underwearhouse? at’s where we keep the underwear. We keep it especially clean because it’s the last pro table bit of amazon. co.uk le . e Used & New fuckers have undercut our prices everywhere – except for underwear. No one wants to buy used underwear!’ p15 How about underwear fetishists? p15 Seriously. Friday November 14 2008 Write for the Magazine varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Arts and Features 13

Warren Bennett – A Suit at Fits

arren had always loved suits. One customer recently wanted a A er graduating from Sidney lime green suit with purple lining SussexW in 2004 he went to Nepal to for his newly purchased lime green do some voluntary teaching. It was Porsche, and they are currently there that he met a family of local working on red Christmas suit with tailors, and the idea of an online fur lined lapels and white stitching. tailoring company for bespoke suits  eir quality ensures returning cus- was born. tomers; one customer from Devon With his business partner David has ordered 21 suits in the past two Hathiramani he set up a company years.  ey are already making suits that takes your measurements in for the rich and famous, providing England, and sends them to Nepal out ts for Boyzone on their recent where your suit is made before ship- world tour and Ant & Dec on Satur- ping it back home – all for around a day Night Takeaway. tenth of the price of the Savile Row  eir success is certainly not going equivalent. Warren claims “a lot of unnoticed.  is October they won new ideas are just repackaging of two prizes at the prestigious Startups old ones”, and by stripping tailoring Awards: Online Business of the Year of the “age old black magic of tailor- and Young Entrepreneur of the Year. ing law” they managed to create a And they treat their employees well new market for a ordable bespoke too. Warren and Dave pay their tai- suits. lors in Nepal 50% over the local rate,  is simple idea has been a run and visit them twice a year.  ey cur- away success. From humble begin- rently put 5% of all pro ts towards nings at a stall at Hampstead mar- speci c projects at the school where ket, they had 20% monthly growth Warren  rst volunteered, the  rst rate for the  rst year, and this year of which is the founding of a fully are on track to make 8,000 suits – equipped science lab. more than the whole of Savile Row Speaking to Warren made my combined. It was all done o the own ideas for post university plans back of David’s credit card, and seem distinctly unadventurous. thanks to the internet, initial outlay Warren tells me of the speci c was next to nothing. Warren claims, evening when he decided to throw “ e internet is key to the business, in a job he had on an oil rig near it’s our shop front, it’s our produc- Aberdeen and go with the company tion, it’s our quality checking; it’s full time. “I had no dependents, I our word of mouth – it’s everything”. had no mortgage, I’ve only got my In just over two years the company student loan so I just thought now’s has grown to having 3 stores around the time, I’ve got nothing to loose. London, one in Manchester, one  e time to take a risk is straight in Birmingham and a sta of 100 a er university, all you need is a people. good idea and now with the inter-  e website is astonishing. You net, the world’s your oyster really. can completely design your suit Experience isn’t the necessity, it is down to the smallest detail, and in enthusiasm; in fact if we’d had any total there are 40 million di erent experience we’d probably have given possible combinations.  is allows up very early on!” for some pretty outlandish designs; Robert Peal

CUE Lord Karan Bilimoria – Cobra Beer

ery few people know that aran Bilimoria le Sidney Sussex something”, a simple but crucial ele- June 1990, right at the beginning of VCambridge has its own with a degree in Law, a debt of ment that many people forget while the country’s last recession. Dragon’s Den. Established in K£20,000 and a whole lot of experi- trying to perfect ideas and business One could do a lot worse than 1999, Cambridge University En- ence in the  eld of beer drinking. But plans. Karan encourages those who following a few of Lord Bilimoria’s trepreneurs are the most success- most importantly, he le with a life have ideas to start early, in order to mottos when thinking ful student run business planning goal: “to brew the  nest ever Indian avoid life’s inevitable later responsi- about starting a and creation competition in beer”. Even though in 1989 all the bilities getting in the way of a good new business, Europe. odds were stacked against him when idea. But most importantly, unless since “aspiring  us far, they have had over 450 he founded Cobra, with King sher an idea is clearly not working, he and achieving entries to their competitions and already established in the UK for 8 urges people to stick to their ideas, to against all odds, have awarded £320,000 in grants years and countless other British and take risks and to never give up. While with integ- to 41 winning business ideas.  e imported lagers lining the shelves of many of his friends had found their rity” clearly total current valuation of these supermarkets, Karan still decided to way into the city and into highly-paid worked for him. companies is £42 million. One of take the risk and follow what he calls jobs, Karan and his business part- Andrew their most succesful winners is Dr his B-Hag – his Big, hairy, audacious ner were driving to Indian Spyrou Shamus Husheer, who founded goal. restaurants in London Cambridge Temperature Concepts, His Bangalore brewery managers  ogging cases of Cobra a company dedicated to “getting laughed in his face, reeling o stories from the back of their millions of women pregnant”.  e of the myriad other competitors who battered Citroen. But company remove the hassle and in- had failed before him, saying that it was this initial risk accuracy of ovulation detection for he could never produce a success- that got the company couples trying to conceive. Hush- ful Indian beer. But with a couple of where it is today. eer says “the process of writing a con dent friends behind him, and Karan reassures structured plan, particularly with a er “tasting-sessions” all over India those worried by the a team of people, and then having to  nd the perfect  avour and texture, apparent impend- that plan mercilessly evaluated by Karan turned his obstacles into op- ing recession that potential investors and stake- portunities and went on to brew a now is as good holders, is something that most multi-award winning, international a time as ever entrepreneurs need to become very beer. to start up a good at”.  is extremely inspirational new business. Each year CUE run the £100 Indian-born entrepreneur, who seems His  rst ever challenge, whereby they give away to live his life by a set of motiva- container of beers twenty cash prizes to business tional maxims, admits that the most arrivined in South- ideas. Robert Peal important thing to do in business is ampton on a ship to actually “make the decision to do from Bangalore in

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): ‘It really is a werehouse,’ explains Ian. ‘We found this guy called Bob – nice bloke and everything – but every full moon he changes into a warehouse. We move our stu in and use Bob as a base until he changes back into human form. It’s one reason why amazon’s so cheap – we save on storage space.’ p18 You don’t have to pay Bob anything? p19 And didn’t the full moon  nish last week? Magazine Editor: Daniel Cohen; Arts Editor: Anna Trench; Features Editor: Rob Peal Friday November 14 2008 14 Magazine: Arts and Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk A Whale of a Time NOAH AND THE WHALE ARE UNCONVENTIONALLY PUNCTUAL, FRESH-FACED FOLK WHO RECENTLY FOUND CHART SUCCESS. THEY’VE ALSO BEEN VICTIMS OF THE T-WORD. HENRY DONATI QUIZZES THEM ABOUT FAME AND THE FUTURE oah and the Whale start their barely out of school they seem to have Anderson  lm. interview ten minutes early. For taken it in their stride. If they avoided ey probably wouldn’t like the label, Nthose who have never interviewed the ‘bedwetters’ label of fellow public but Noah and the Whale are part of a a band before, this is no mean feat. school types Coldplay and Keane, it’s growing English Indie-Folk scene with Normally you sit there while the the t-word (twee, that is) that hangs close links to Laura Marling and Emmy soundcheck drags on until the morose, over them, and it’s certainly a dent to the Great (who both feature on their al- Northern tour manager  nally comes most bands’ credibility if their music bum), along with Lightspeed Champion, and says to you, “sorry mate, do you is included in the latest Now compila- Jeremy Warmsley and others. ey’ve mind coming back in two hours?” Well tion, as their summer hit now is. “Are made links across the ponds with the yes I bloody well do, but you don’t say we a pop singles act?” Doug wonders. likes of Je rey Lewis and the New York that and instead return later, and nod “Actually, we’re many things to many anti-folk scene there, and though unsaid, politely as the band tell you how they people”, and fortunately he’s right. e it seems as though their recent tour to rocked Hull last night. rest of their album Peaceful the World America was not quite the success they Noah and the Whale don’t do any Lays Me Down is nowhere near as hoped for. Playing in your home country of this. In fact they seem rather too nauseatingly sweet. While Doug drums, is far better and the “natural way to build nice – bassist Urby tells me that “there’s his brother Charlie provides vocals, up a band,” Doug tells me. not much duller than a band telling his lyrics shot through with twinges of What are their plans for the future, everyone how drunk they got the night melancholy and bitter-sweetness amid then? One overlooked aspect that ac- before”. Possibly true, but it does make the whimsical  ddle and accordion. Oc- companies their music is their endear- for good copy. casionally the doggerel gets rather too ingly quirky self-made videos; singer What also made for good copy close to that t-word again – “Oh, well Charlie has promised a full-length  lm was their surprise hit of the summer, it’s hard to look deep into your soul/Not to accompany the new album next year, ‘5 Years Time’, a syrupy sweet three everything you’ll  nd will be perfect and they’re excited about the prospect. minute gem of a pop song with a gold” on the title track for example – or ey’ve also managed to get to the end strumming ukulele, whistling and an the rather clichéd metaphor that runs of the interview without mentioning unavoidably hummable refrain. ey through every song in the album of the the name of “that song”; if they are seem as surprised as anyone that their physical heart as a symbol for love. But secretly sick to death of it, they’re too lo- folk-rock was suddenly propelled for the most part their playful poppy nice to show it. But whatever they are onto national airwaves: “we never folk with a melancholic bite sounds doing in 5 Years Time, you can be sure planned to get famous,” drummer like it should have been the alternative they won’t be featuring on the latest Doug tells me, and for a band that’s soundtrack to Juno, or the next Wes Now album. Indecent Expo AMONG THE ATTENDEES AT LONDON’S MGM EXPO ARE COSPLAYERS, SMUT PEDDLERS AND FURRIES, ALL OF THEM UNITED BY THEIR ENTHUSIASM. ZING TSJENG IS ENTHRALLED

alloween has come and gone, in a full-body Predator suit, is too costumed heroes (according to the bizarre is the Hbut for some fans, the dressing- cool to talk to. Expo website, 30,000 visitors attend Muslim confer- up never stops. e London MCM For some, the costumes are pe- each year) is enough to make you al- ence, Global Peace Expo is a twice-yearly extravaganza ripheral. Kieron Gillen, a comic book most forget that there is serious mon- and Unity (GPU), celebrating anime, comics and cult writer at one of the many promo- ey behind this business. “Every year, happening down the hall.  lms, but the real stars are the cos- tional stalls, says: “it’s interesting, but [the expo] gets bigger and bigger,” a Women in headscarves players, otherwise known as fans who irrelevant.” Comics are, to him, one Legend of Zelda cosplayer complains, queue up next to Final Fan- dress up as their favourite characters. of the most direct ways human beings “more and more expensive. Some- tasy video game characters at Walking into the London ExCel Cen- see the world. A er thirteen years of times you get worried they forget Costa Co ee. I ask two giggly tre on Expo Day is a bit like seeing magazine journalism, you can almost it’s the fans who started this entire GPU stewards what they every single internet chatroom come smell the passion he has for his newly thing.” Ben Templesmith, the illustra- think of their ExCel Centre to life: there are sci- geeks dressed adopted medium. e thought that tor behind 30 Days of Night, knows neighbour. “We tried to up as droids; anime fans wearing he gets paid for doing something he that all too well. His comic book was get in,” they enthuse, “but ludicrous wigs and carrying around loves is incidental, even “hilarious”. adapted into the 2007  lm starring they wouldn’t let us. It’s ‘FREE HUGS’ signs; and even a few For others, comics are a way of com- Josh Hartnett, going on to gross awesome. It’s like Dis- furries. You know, the ones who dress bining business with pleasure. Bryan over $70 million worldwide. With neyland.” It does feel up in giant furry animal costumes. I from San Diego found himself selling Hollywood increasingly turning to like Disneyland – if ask one if it’s a “sex thing”. “Oh god, yaoi comics a er graduate school. the comics industry for inspiration, Disney discovered no!” a woman in a life-size grey wolf Yaoi is, as he describes it, “porn for it’s easy to lose sight of the source the Internet and costume says. Two furries, one of girls – or gay guys”. It’s basically material and its creators. When Hol- Japanese pop whom is being led around by a leash, comic book smut involving two boys; lywood came knocking, Templesmith culture. I ask Ro- walk by. “Well, for some people it is.” coincidentally, Bryan’s stall is right was, in his words, “young and naïve”. han, a fashion e average age is low and enthu- next to the hentai stall, which sells Fortunately, the director was in love designer from siasm is high; it’s easy to get swept comics of the more heterosexual per- with the comic book art and tried to New York away with the excitement. I begin suasion. Andrew defends his much- remain faithful to it. Others aren’t who has  own to feel embarrassed asking people maligned source of business: “What’s so lucky. Movies like Wanted have in for the GPU why they spend up to six months available in the West is a skewed attracted the rage of fans a er  lm conference, constructing elaborate costumes out sample of the worst kind of hentai. companies completely rewrote the what he makes of cereal boxes, because the answer You can get everything from sweet, original premise of the comic book. of the Expo. He seems so obvious: it’s a lot of fun. romantic stu to extreme hardcore.” “ ey don’t care about selling the smiles at me and says, Anybody in a costume is mobbed by Impressively, Andrew graduated with comics,” Templesmith says. ese prosaically, “Well, life’s adoring fans who demand photo- an MBA in Japanese Business, though days, merchandising is what brings in got di erent  avours.” graphs and hugs; complete strangers it’s somewhat hard to hear this over the big bucks. Creators of the comics Looking out at the strike up friendships based on similar Bryan’s selling pitch, which is a bel- usually never see a penny from that, happy, costumed taste in costume. It’s like freshers’ lowed: “Hot  aming gay smut!” since big  lm companies buy up the hordes, I’m week, but without the social anxiety e spectacle of self-professed merchandising rights. inclined to – nobody, not even the guy who came “smut peddlers” and thousands of What makes the day even more agree.

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): Oh no! e piranha’s just bitten your hand o . You ask your Indian boatman to get help, but you’re stumped because you communicate with him in sign language, and you’re missing a hand. Luckily he gets the gist and takes you to a friend of his who’s a doctor. But what kind of doctor? p20 A witch doctor. p21 A tree surgeon. Friday November 14 2008 Write for the Magazine varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Arts and Features 15

CHRISTIANA SPENS Peal’s Meals

Week 6: Comfort Food

efore coming to Cambridge I was told two facts about the Bcity’s unique climate. One, that the bitingly cold wind blows straight from Siberia and two, that it has the same annual rainfall as Tel Aviv. e  rst fact is manifestly true, but the second is a lie on the forty- ve minutes scale for sheer mendacity. So far this term, Cambridge has had a rainfall comparable to the Dingle Peninsula. With this miserable greyness in mind, I have been keep- ing a watchful eye all over town for the best comfort food on o er. Soup is clearly super on a cold and rainy day, and you cannot do much better than Mouth Music. Strange Brew is year’s new addition to the Mar- ket Square serves excellent vegetar- ian food and an ever changing soup IN AN AGE OF INDUSTRIAL ALCOHOL PRODUCTION, PEOPLE HAVE STARTED TO FIGHT BACK. MERLIN SHELDRAKE IS of the day, the perfect grab buy for ON THE FRONT LINE. HE RECOUNTS HIS EXPERIMENTS WITH HOME BREWING AND TELLS US HOW TO GET STARTED a lunch on the hoof. Origin8, the deli-café on Regent Street cook up various soups which will not only ome things are best eaten alive,” add the yeast to a warm sugary solu- levels compete with each other for produce euphoric and psychotropic give you actual warmth, but also “SI was told as a wide-eyed young- tion and stops when the yeast run out dominance, rather than cooperating, as e ects, while enhancing sexual prow- the spiritual warmth from buying ster. Crouched on the beach of a wild of sugar, or die of alcohol poisoning (a one might hope. However, the freedom ess. ese common herbs were used to from a shop which is everything in island in Canada, curious and appalled, natural death). ey like to be warm, but to create a ‘Frankenstein brew’ (like this  avour and preserve beer before their sustainability and general green- I watched as dozens of slavering oyster not too hot, and reproduce most happily twenty-percent beer) is something to be widespread replacement with hops, and ness. eir soups are made from a cionados gulped down their harvest. in the dark. I  lled a mixing bowl with enjoyed in itself. are a far call from their successors. Hops ingredients locally sourced in the Heads thrown back, they hardly paused apple juice and sugar, and sprinkled in a Home brewing is undergoing some- are traditionally used to induce sleep, surrounding counties – a personal for breath during this ritual sating of couple of teaspoons of dormant yeast (it thing of a renaissance right now. As and to ease menopause (they contain favourite is their tomato, bacon and their appetites. I soon became accus- awakens under favourable conditions). I well as the wide availability of brewing high levels of estrogen-mimics). Such lentil. Bene’t’s on King’s Parade and tomed to such behaviour, timidly return- eagerly watched as swathes of froth ap- kits, promising results comparable to ‘phyto-estrogens’ have undesirable Bene’t Street also have a delicious ing to the feeding frenzies, which took peared, and the cling lm covering pu ed commercially produced beers, wines e ects on men, ‘brewer’s droop’ being range of homemade soups includ- place every Wednesday at sunset. I was out into a bubble. Now and then, over and ciders, there is a growing move- perhaps the most commonly feared. e ing curried butternut squash and a told stories about how humans ate before the course of the next couple of weeks, ment of radical traditionalists who seek intriguing  eld of practical alco-folklore cheeky little corn, leek and potato the taming of  re, the dangers of steri- a small jet of gas would escape, carry- to recreate the potent brews of yore. is accessible only to the amateur brewer, number – all served with warm lisation and the pleasure of eating fresh ing increasingly alcoholic fumes. By the ese may serve medicinal or gastro- given the restrictions on commercial ciabatta bread. What’s more, they food with its soul intact. More recently, a holidays, I could contain my curiosity nomic purposes, and can be made highly brewing operations. do by far and away the meanest hot real ale fan told me that good beer is also no longer, and took the bowl along to a inebriating, depending on the particular Brewing has taken place for millen- chocolate in town. ey have a ma- alive. He denounced the “soulless” and party where it happily disappeared in a interest of the brewer. e history of nia, in almost all traditional cultures, chine called the Dropissimo which “petri ed” sort, which has its life wrung matter of minutes. e brew was drink- healing beers is extensive. Nettle beer using every imaginable sugar source. makes a rich, velvety drink using out by boiling. In this devastating proc- able, if a little sweet, and judging by its is traditionally taken for joint pains, But in the demysti cation of the pure Belgian chocolate drops. If just ess, the yeast are killed, the natural  zz is e ects had an alcohol percentage around and is though to have been the primary fermentation process, and divorcing of thinking about that does not warm exorcised and escaping alcohol is trapped that of a strong beer. medicine-beer of East Anglia. Bracken alcohol consumption from its produc- you up, you are dead inside. by condensation before being injected at was a year ago. Since then I have fern beer was used to “expel worms and tion, we lost our old brewing culture. Of course, the sweet tooth is back into the “slash-vat” in a jet of pres- continued to experiment. e basic kit is ease dysentery”, Borage ale “to revive In the home brewing revival, we see crying out for some comfort food surised carbon dioxide. is serves to simple. A  ve-litre plastic bottle with an the hypochondriac and cheer the hard the resurgence of an ancient practice. as well. e venerable Fitzbillies reinvigorate the now “ accid” brew, and airlock (a little plastic tube bent into the student”, and Eyebright ale “to help and Whether using a kit, or in o -piste serves a Chelsea bun which is the distracts drinkers from the taste, or lack shape of an N) works wonders, and costs restore the sight”. Yarrow and Bog Myr- experimentations, I wholeheartedly last word in indulgence. is beast of it. I asked about wine. Not so comfort- less than a  ver. Honey, spiced apple tle, on the other hand, when fermented, encourage you to give it a go. of baked goodness is a heart attack able with the subject, he gnomically juice, blueberry juice, squashed rosehips, soaked in syrup and covered in suggested that there was only ever one ginger, and mango pulp (to name but raisins. Eating it  lls you with a way to be sure of anything, booze-wise. I a few) will all produce good drink. My A Guide to Gyp Room Brewing strange mix of shame, heart-burn inquired. “Make it yourself”, he replied. most exciting discovery has been ‘turbo and delight. For something a bit “It’s cheap, safe and legal”. yeast’. ese strains are highly tolerant Brewing is legal and safe. Here are some vague outlines to experiment with. less stodgy, the tiramisu at Clowns On the basis of this tip-o I began to alcohol, and fast acting, allowing the on King Street is the prized recipe to investigate home brewing. It turned student brewer to produce powerful Most homebrew shops will try and sell you lots of gear, but you only really need a fermenting bottle with airlock, a packet of yeast and a length of hosepipe to siphon out of the owner Rafaelle and certainly out to be remarkably simple. Yeast does beverages of strengths of up to twenty ful ls its Italian promise of a ‘pick almost all the work. ese diminutive percent in only a week. Turbo yeast is the fermented liquid. ese are all cheaply available from www.art-of-brewing.co.uk. ◆ Decide on what to ferment (this can be any sweet liquid). me up’ as mid-term ennui sets in. fungi convert sugar to alcohol in the only one of many available yeasts, ◆ Lastly, if you are looking for three absence of oxygen, releasing carbon however, all producing Heat this in a pot. You may need to add sugar to increase fermentability. It should end up sweet, but not syrupy. courses of comfort, then a big pub dioxide. Fermentation starts when you di erent tastes, strengths, ◆ lunch is clearly the answer. In the and qualities of inebriation. Let the liquid cool until it feels tepid to the  nger, but not at all hot. Pour it into the fermenting vessel (bottle, bowl, bucket, etc.). centre of town, it is imperative that A slow fermented spiced ◆ you avoid the tourist trap canteen apple is gentler in taste and Sprinkle around three teaspoons of yeast into the fermenting vessel, and put on the lid. Fizzing and bubbling is a sign of contentment in yeast. pubs with their watery gravy and e ect than a turbo, but ◆ wafer thin meat. Instead, try the will not produce such Let the vessel stand (covered up) in a warmish place, until it stops  zzing. is can take anything from a week to three weeks. Pickerel Inn. Why is the Pickerel euphoria in the drinker. ◆ like your mother? Is it because it A turbo-ed ale, on Taste with interest. For a comprehensive guide, written by a master, try Charlie Papazian’s e Complete is old, full of alcohol and open ‘til the other hand, tastes late? No. It’s because it consistently out-of-kilter with itself: Joy of Home Brewing. For an excellent history of brewing, old recipes, and accounts of various traditional brewing practices, try Stephen Harrod Buhner’s Sacred Herbal and serves warming, homely food for the heavy malt taste and hungry students. port-strength alcohol Healing Beers.

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): ‘Oh,’ says Ian. ‘I hadn’t thought of them. en we really are going to go bankrupt.’ He buries his head in his hands, and then buries you in the  eld. He can’t stand it when people tell him he’ll be made redundant. But that’s Ian for you. Listings and Reviews Editor: Toby Chadd Friday November 14 2008 Friday November 14 2008 Get your event listed 16 Magazine: Listings [email protected] varsity.co.uk varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Listings 17

GILES SMITH

VARSITY WEEK theTHE VARSITY WEEK: YOUR COMPLETELY COMPREHENSIVE PULL-OUT GUIDE TO THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS. STICK IT ON YOUR WALL. Music and Jazz e a t r e Going Out Talks and Events Sport Art, Jazz & Classical Film CUR1350 Radio Pick of the Week

Friday 14 Friday 14 & Saturday 15 Friday 14 Friday 14 Friday 14 Ongoing Exhibitions e Baader Meinhof Complex Saturday 15 Come and Sing in Aid of Darfur e Moving Tone Sessions Parade (see pg 19) Rubik’s Cube Fat Poppadaddy’s International Day of Tolerance India v England Fitzwilliam Museum: (below) Soul Food Saturday November 15 Michaelhouse (Trinity St): 7.30pm Empty Portrait (pg 18) Clare Cellars: 9pm (£4) Trinity Hall Lecture eatre, 4-6pm Sky Sports 1: 03.30 • Sir Sydney Cockerell and e Fitz Arts Picturehouse 7-9pm Great St Mary’s: 2pm (£5) (£7/£6 adv) Calendar Girls (pg 19) Local favourites Fat Poppadaddy’s is is a campaign run by UNESCO, rashed in the Stanford Series and • Japanese Pottery (booking necessary) Fri to ur: 14:10, 17:30, 20:30 Soul Food returns for a new term of A very interesting night of new music Hay Fever (pg 18) have played the Clare Cellars before, to make known the dangers of intol- thrashed in the Indian warm up • Palaces in the Night - Whistler’s Prints One to watch, if the recent spate in all things in black music - whether “Kids for Kids” is a project raising funds for children a ected by the appalling humanitarian crisis in featuring 3 innovative acts: Riprap, a Educating Rita (pg 18) but this time there’s a twist: it’s a erance, and to promote peace and match, England need to buck up their • Chinese Imperial Jades good German cinema is anything to you love jazz, funk, motown, reggae go by. Hopefully it’ll join the ranks Darfur. And for the privilege of supporting the only poetry-meets-jazz collective featuring Rubik’s Cube Party. You come wear- understanding. Food and drinks will game if they want to defeat a strong • Tomb Treasures of Ancient Georgia or R’n’B. charity of its kind, you get to sing Fauré’s glorious a saxophonist and a poet; violinist EAST ing many di erent colours, and every also be provided. Entry is free. opponent in the  rst match of the • Greeks, ‘Barbarans’ and their Coins of Downfall and Goodbye Lenin, Requiem and Schubert’s Mass in G. and clarinettist Styles J Kauphmann; English Faculty: 8pm time a certain song or band is played series. For early birds, all-nighters • Picasso Prints – Dreams and Lies without falling into Edukators-esque Sunday 16 and the Cambridge Free Improvisa- Steven Berko ’s east-end adventure. you swap an item of clothing with Unfolding King Lear a Model and cricket enthusiasts this 3.30am mediocrity. One Step Beyond e Schedule: tion Society. someone. e aim is to end the night English Faculty: 4.30pm  xture is tantalising. Kettle’s Yard (all free): 1-3pm Rehearsal: 2 - 4.30pm Friday 14 wearing only one colour... Jeremy Hardingham performs a solo • Conversations High School Musical 3 An eclectic and in-depth jazz-based Tea and Cakes: 4.30 - 5.30pm Saturday 15 Sticky Floor Smoker routine, “chewing and regurgitating Saturday 15 • Paul Coldwell: ‘I called when you Vue show, concentrating on the more Performance 5.30 - 7pm Churchill Jazz Band Pembroke New Cellars: 10pm (£4) Saturday 15 King Lear” as one reviewer had it. Levi: Slalom 1st Leg were out’ (2-4pm) Fri, Mon - ur: 12:40, 15:10, 17:50 experimental and avant-garde side of Churchill College’s Wolfson Hall: 8pm Pembroke Players present their King’s Bassics British Eurosport: 9pm Sat & Sun: 10:10, 11:00, 12:40 ,13:40, things: music that is ‘one step beyond’. Music will be provided and no booking is necessary. (£4/£2) newly-revived informal smoker. King’s Cellars, King’s College: 10pm Like Water for Chocolate What better way to sooth Friday 15:10, 17:50 One of Cambridge’s top big bands (Free until 11pm) Old Labs, Newnham Gardens: 8pm night’s hangover than watch a couple Friday 14 Better than Bond? You bet. Does Haydn, Vaughan Williams Monday 17 kicks o its 08/09 season with a fan- is pun loving night returns with a (Free) of chaps strap skis to their legs and exactly what it says on the tin. Dream of Electric Shepherds To win a pair of tickets to ADC’s mainshow, turn Monday 17 West Road: 8pm (£5) tastic gig featuring classic big band Wolfson Howler host of student DJs (Mundane DJs, Ye Part of the n.e.r.d.i Oscars 2008, this whiz down unbelievably steep slopes 9-10pm to our competition on page 23 CCMS and Clare College Choir per- sounds, ‘cool’ jazz and some smokin’ Wolfson Bar: 8pm Dearth Evaders, 2 For 1 DJs) season-  lm by Alfonso Arau wins the ‘most at unnecessarily high speeds. Daring, Ghost Town Downtempo dubstep. Post-rock form Haydn’s Cello Concerto No.2, Latin tunes. Some of the  nest stand-up comedy. ing the Cellars with a range of dance- delicious’ category. danger and the prospect of a spec- Vue glitch. Orchestral breakcore. Brain- with Sophie Gledhill the soloist, and inciting sounds. tacular crash should entice viewers. All days: 12:20 15:00 17:40 20:20 dance? Will and William explore the Vaughan Williams’ Sea Symphony. Spring Awakening Tuesday 18 Pembridge Art and Photographic (except Sat/Sun) frontiers of modern electronic music. Tuesday 18 - Saturday 22 November Richard III Indie ing Society Finally Gervais gets a Hollywood Let us be your shepherds to musical ADC: 7.45pm (£9/£6) Corpus Playroom: 7pm Kambar: 10pm (£3/£2) e Artroom, H staircase, Pembroke: Saturday 15 lead. He dies for seven minutes enlightenment. Come and Sing in Aid of Darfur Tragedy meets history in the quest for A regular night of Indie Music play- 4-6pm (£4/£3) and ends up being charged with Great St. Mary’s: 2pm Quite rightly, Frank Wedekind’s ‘Spring Awakening’ the crown. Top stu . ing new songs and old favourites. Art Teacher Emma Diamond will be preventing a widow from marrying See pick of the week Tuesday 18 has been consistently censored for over eighty years; running a one-o silk painting an idiot…by her deceased husband. Cubed rape, abortion, communal male masturbation, homo- Troilus and Cressida Mr Scru workshop. Spaces are limited to 14-16 9-11pm Sunday 16 Debussy, Hopkins, Mozart, Bridge sexuality and sadomasochism are utterly unacceptable volcano! + Special Guests School of Pythagoras, St. John’s: Junction: 10pm (£10 adv/£11) people so email Ella Kahn at edk27@ A fresh faced techno show taking you West Road: 8pm (£10) themes for the stage, especially when the characters are e Portland Arms £6 20:00 7.30pm (£6/£5) cam.ac.uk ASAP. from the deepest and darkest techno Peter Britton conducts the K. 239 fourteen years old. Is it right, then, that these directors is exciting band from Chicago who One of Shakespeare’s most bleak and through to the most sripped back Monday 17 Chamber Orchestra in an eclectic have thrown prudence to the wind and decided to draw on in uences from Classic rock, puzzling plays. Fatpoppadaddy’s sounds. Monday 17 mix, including Debussy’s much-loved show us everything? Has this year’s ADC Freshers’ Post-punk, Free Jazz and Noise Rock, Fez: 10pm (£4/3/2) Tata International Social Entrepre- ‘Prélude à l’après-midi d’un faune.’ show gone too far? And can one really comment with- play an intimate gig at e Portland. Spring Awakening is long-running night is a melting- neurship Scheme Subterranean Trawler out going to see it for themselves? ADC: 7.45pm (£6) pot of Indie, DnB, Hip-hop, reggae... Judge Business School: 4.30-6.15pm 9-11pm e Amarilli Ensemble Uriah Heap (above) ADC Fresher’s Show. See POTW Find out more about the programme Showcase of underground music. Sunday 16 Trinity Chapel: 8pm (£5) e Junction: 8pm (£17.50 adv) which o ers  nal year undergraduate Tennis Masters Cup Final Tuesday 18 Five Cambridge Choral Scholars e Priory with Carl Craig Formed in 1969, and named a er Scenes of Mild Peril r u s t or postgraduate students the opportu- Sky Sports 3: 8am Wednesday 19 perform a selection of Monteverdi. Easy Virtue ursday November 20 a character in Dickens’ David Cop- Corpus: 9.30pm e Place: 10pm (£3/£4) nity to work on social entrepreneur- is  nal promises to be big. e Dangerously Unfashionable Fez: 10pm (£7/£5) per eld, Uriah Heep are still around. Brand new sketch show. CUSU’s new LBGT night. ship and corporate social responsibil- tournament, where the world’s top 8 Vue 3-4pm Catch them while you can! ity projects within the Tata Group of male tennis players compete against Sunday 16 Fri to ur: 12:00 14:30 22:50 Join Chris Boreham as he  ghts the Purcell, Handel, Vivaldi and others Considered one of the most important names in Untitled Magic Show Companies in India for 9 weeks. each other, has seen Britain’s Andy See our review on pg 20. tyranny of modernity, bringing you Wednesday 19 West Road: 2.45pm (£6) Detroit Techno. Carl Craig is a true legend. It’s ADC: 11pm VIVID Publications Murray easily defeat his  rst two an hour of the best in classic Rock, Monday 17 A huge range of composers (7 in all) hard to overstate how exciting this is. Having been Motorhead Magic with 5 physical performers. Kambar: 10pm opponents and guarantee his place Let’s Talk about the Rain Pop and Soul. Features include a Tuesday 18 put on by the Cambridge Szeged releasing music since the early 90s, Carl Craig is one Corn Exchange: 7.30pm (£25) VIVID Publications hosts a launch Boris Berezovsky in the semis. With Nadal injured and Arts Picturehouse spotlight on lesser known bands, Society’s “Happy Music Concert.” Fri: 12:15, 16:30 of the great techno producers of all time, and is even One of the UK’s most legendary Wednesday 19 night for their latest issue at Kambar. e Union Chamber, 8pm Federer already defeated once, the Original vs. Cover and Guess that seen as helping to invent drum ‘n’ bass. Yet, unlike rock bands return to live action to Vortigern Featuring lasers, dry ice, free shots, Berezovsky opposed Putin’s ascent money is on Murray. Sat: 11:45, 21:15 Intro. Hungarian Rhapsody Concert most of his peers, he is still at the top of his game, as sonically shake the Corn Exchange Pembroke New Cellars: 10.30pm and music from the legendary DJ and  ed to the UK a er being Sun: 21:30 West Road: 7.30pm (£10) his recent Grammy-nominated Junior Boys remix to its foundations, with support from A fascinating production of a 1796 Frankly Sick. accused of defrauding a regional gov- Mon to ur: 12:15, 14:30, 18:45 Monday 17 e second of the day’s Cambridge ursday 20 demonstrates. It’s incredibly rare to see him in such Saxon and Danko Jones. lost work about medieval Britain. ernment. He has since publicly stated Rugby Blues v Worcester Warriors See our review on pg 20. Faces for the Radio Szeged Society concerts, featuring a small space – the Priory boys done good. that he is on a mission to bring down Grange Road: 2.15pm 6-7pm ursday 20 an even greater range of composers, Two e Priory with Carl Craig Putin “by force”. With less than a month to go before Quantum of Solace Libby and Ellie’s safari through indie Wednesday 19th from Farnaby to Brahms. e Kills Homerton Auditorium: 7.45pm Fez: 10pm (£7/£5) the Varsity Match, John Dawson’s Arts Picturehouse and alternative classics; from e Vel- Junction: 8pm (£13/£11adv) Touching vignettes in a northern pub. See POTW Wednesday 19 men are showing hints of form. A Fri, Sun, Mon, Weds: 13:30, 16:00, vet Underground to e Verve. More Made up of Kate Moss’ boyfriend and FREE Chinese language lesson valiant e ort saw a narrow defeat to Monday 17 18:30, 21.00 fun than a penguin on a bouncy Bach, Pachelbel, Morley an American who calls herself VV, Bedroom Farce Two Le Feet Sidgwick Hall, Newnham: 5-6pm Northampton last week. e Blues Sat: 13.30, 16.00, 18.00, 21.00 castle, and twice as enjoyable! Magdalene Chapel: 9pm (Free) e Kills are a fantastic pared-down ADC: 11pm (£4) Kambar: 10pm Does exactly what you’d think. Teach- will look to build on the positives as Tues & urs: 16.00, 18.00, 21.00 Jonathan Eyre from Christ Church rock band. Support comes from the Alan Ayckbourn’s fast-paced comedy. is bene t in support of the cam- es Chinese. For free. Bring a pen. they do battle with the Warriors. See it because its Bond. And not Sour Lemons High Harrogate gives an organ recital nonchalant and brilliant XX Teens. paign for free education describes necessarily because it’s good. 5-6pm Richard III itself as “a rock-n-radical rombusti- Friday 21 Tuesday 18 Jame Taylor presents Sour Lemons, a Spring Awakening  cation in aid of free education with CU Middle Temple Society Grand Slam of Darts Day 4 Tuesday 18 Mamma Mia show of indie and alternative music. ursday 20 Weber, Beethoven, Elgar Powerplant Troilus and Cressida strings, beats, bleeps and buzzes”. It Clare College: 6pm ITV 4: 5.30pm Vue Corn Exchange: 7.30pm (£10 adv) Junction 2: 8pm (£13/£7 students) Scenes of Mild Peril starts o with live music from Tiger A question and answer session and Fat blokes throw spikes at a wall. Top Fri to Wed: 20.45 Illustrious Royal Philarmonic Or- Friday 21 Percussion-led experimental elec- Boxing Club, Dave’s Cousin’s Band, drinks reception for anyone thinking quality entertainment and top billing It’s Mamma Mia’s last week – make it e Ed and Em RadioGram chestra promises a top performance. tronic music with visuals is one of ursday 6th and Us, before the DJs take over. of going into law. on ITV4. a good one! 4-5pm Peterhouse May Ball my favourite possible combinations. Suor Angelica Fun and frolics for a Friday. You play Saturday June 13 2009 ese two new multimedia commis- Trinity Chapel: 9pm (£10 / £2) “Guess the Topic” as we si through Watch the trailer at AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): sions sound unmissable. See page 19. Yes, and you remember that your boat-driver Werner had said the signal for danger would be when he chucked a banana in the river. ‘We are in danger,’ whispers Werner, to clarify the week’s more frivolous news. www.PeterhouseMayBall.com his banana signal. Sure enough, thousands of Indians are watching you from the riverbank, poisonous arrows poised. But is ‘Indian’ really the correct word for a rainforest-dweller? p22 Yes. p23 No. Reviews and Listings Editor: Toby Chadd Friday November 14 2008 18 Magazine: Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk

View From e Stage THEATRE

Hay Fever by Noel Coward Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’, November 12-15 SEAN JONES Dir. Marieke Audsley; BATS  ather! Having always wanted to drama that ensues is painfully funny, as Sorel’s serious diplomatist, highlighted Week 6: Lauren Horsley, Rlive in an era of weekend house the various houseguests are indiscrimi- this exclusion well, portraying a man Addenbrooke’s Pantomime parties, wooden tennis rackets and real nately taken into the garden, caught tragically lifeless against the crazed marmalade, I had dangerously high o guard on the sofa and swept up by backdrop of the Bliss family home but What’s it all about? expectations for Hay Fever. Luckily, these Judith’s melodramas. equally hoping perhaps to become a part e Addenbrooke’s Panto is an were met and far surpassed. Snappy and Tasked with portraying not only Mrs of it. As a whole, the cast was one of the annual show put on by the clinical with lashings of energy, the production Bliss, but also her actress alter ego, Judith strongest I have seen in Cambridge. medical students, doctors and oth- managed to encapsulate a surprisingly Bliss, the wonderfully over-theatrical It is unusual to see a production that er hospital sta . is year, the new di cult but traditionally British sense of heroine of plays such as ‘Love’s Whirl- so willingly adheres to the traditions of junior doctors at Addenbrooke’s humour. wind’ and ‘ e Bold Deceiver’, Elizabeth this genre without a good deal of tongue will be chosen by a competition Judith Bliss has o cially retired from a Donnelly brought a dizzying energy to in cheek. But the con dence of Marieke known as THE APPRENTICITIS. life on the stage in an ill-fated bid to age the stage. Her character was at times Audsley’s direction and cast pulled this e hand-picked (via Facebook) gracefully. Apparently concerned by her side-wrenchingly funny and always o with remarkable gusto. e ele- group of hopefuls will battle it out husband’s inattentions, she invites Sandy brilliantly animated. Lucy Evans and ments of farce that an audience expects to become the Dean’s right hand Tyrell, a strikingly young and dim-witted Freddie Hutchins as the Bliss’ precocious and relishes in Noel Coward were not man, woman or cow. But all is not boxer, to be a guest for the weekend. children showcased some outstanding over-cooked but were acted with perfect right: there are some in the group Sorel Bliss, in an equally ill-fated attempt comic timing and a convincing sibling timing, just missing the self-consciously Elizabeth Donnelly and who would pervert the course to distance herself from her family’s Sophia Sibthorpe of the competition for their own dynamic. e Bliss family collectively twee. is was the perfect antidote to a ambitious ends! eccentricity has also enticed the suitably created an aura of exclusive British Bo- cold winter work crisis. My cheeks hurt ino ensibly named Richard to the family hemianism that le the other characters from laughing so much. Please go and home. Both guests are booked in for the nervously trying at once to  t in and see it; laughing is good for you. Tell us a Tale Japanese room. e sometimes farcical escape. George Greenbury as Richard, Alice Newell-Hanson During the performance watch out for the panto cow: last year the cow became unruly and appeared Empty Portrait by Claire Wells in a few more scenes than the writ- KING KATY ers were expecting... ADC, November 11-15 Dir. Tom Attenborough; CUADC If you like this, you’ll  like... THE APPRENTICITIS is a mix- y editor says I can’t mention the troublesome. I thought Joe Bannister is is why my Approval Points are ture of the medical humour of Mstar system. It is becoming, quote, as Jamie was superb. I thought Greer all over the place. I’ve given it a number Scrubs, crossed with the cringe- “tired”. So we won’t be dropping the Dale-Foulkes as Raphaella wasn’t. Ban- that I think it deserves: it’s well-direct- worthiness of e O ce, with lots s-bomb this week. Instead we’ll be talk- nister, for me, perfectly encapsulated ed (although I’d question the use of of show tunes and a little bit of ing about Approval Points. the ennui, followed by growing narcis- blue-outs rather than black-outs, and Borat added in for good measure. And this is where this show presents sism, of the obscure artist suddenly some truly dodgy sound e ects), and All topped o with plenty of panto me with two problems. Some wanker at thrust into the spotlight. His place you should SO go and see it: it’s not slap-stick to keep you giggling and the ADC once said they hated it when there owes much to the e orts of Rap- o en that you see New Writing do so shouting “He’s behind you!” the reviewer reviewed the play not the haella, the lawyer who le her husband much, and so well. It’s just that some- production. is is complicated here: only to  nd herself slowly turning into thing of such ambition deserves the What’s in it for me? this being new writing, some form of the man she loves. best, and I’m not sure it’s there yet. Iron As well as being a comedy institu- comment is called for. Well: I thought And it was here that Dale-Foulkes out the kinks, and writer Claire Wells tion in Cambridge, all pro ts from this was a very, very good play. Funny, ceased to be convincing. At  rst, she might have come up with something the Addenbrooke’s panto will go to creepy, deeply interesting. Slightly was brilliant: chillingly e ective as the very good indeed. You might notice the Rosie Maternity Hospital (last overwrought in places - some of the brittle career woman with clear priori- I’m not being my normal assertive self year we raised over £8000 for the symbolism was clunky; Raphaella’s ties. But as these were altered, so her throughout this review: it’s because this oncology department). So you can closing speech was a bit full-on - and performance changed. Particularly in genuinely is something you need to split your sides, knowing it is all for occasionally substituting the word the more emotional scenes - in which make up your own mind about. If you a good cause. Also we have some fab “fuck” for genuine feeling. But, gener- Bannister excelled - she delivered her can bear the late night, though - this is prizes in the ra e to give away, eve- ally, great, and worth every Approval lines with such  atness that it doesn’t Cambridge, a er all - I’m certain you rything from meals for two at many Point going. seem entirely cruel to question whether won’t take much persuading. di erent Cambridge restaurants, to a But the production proved more English is in fact her  rst language. George Reynolds ca eine- lled Starbucks hamper, to an iPod shu e. Educating Rita by Willy Russell

You’ll be happy if the Corpus Playroom, November 11-15 ZING TSJENG audience goes away... Singing the  nale tune, planning to Dir. Pippa Dinnage; Joint Fletcher Players & HATS come back next year, and wanting  to swap course to become a medic! here is no escaping the fact that Wil- Cinderella tale that doesn’t manage to ‘Educating Rita’ would be a play that Tly Russell’s Educating Rita is a very interest or excite or stimulate theatre. could be relevant, or pertinent, to Cam- Little known fact... dated play. It sits uneasily in a modern Rowett plays her alcoholic, pseudo- bridge students. It is: few productions A small brewery was consumed theatre, being sentimental and cynical poet teacher Frank, and bravely attempts can successfully transform the Playroom in the writing of this script. An at turns, full of patronising, simpering to give life to what can o en be a dull into a supervisor’s study through the in- even bigger brewery will be class stereotypes and a ected one-liners. character. Rowett’s acting is, at mo- geniously simple use of stacks of musty consumed on closing night. We At some moments, however, Philippa ments, brilliant, but there is a constantly books, papers and cranky-looking have also rehearsed everywhere Dinnage’s production is genuinely funny drab undertone, going from scene to chairs. e play did genuinely make me and anywhere, at any opportunity; – mainly through the sharp comic scene in a whiskey-induced haze of laugh at some points, and it is also ad- this may have led to some funny timing of Heather Simons, who carries melancholia and inertia, slumped over mirable to see a performance of a work glances whilst dancers were throw- o a near-perfect Liverpudlian accent to his desk in a perpetual state of intellec- which confounds the usual Cambridge ing themselves around on the grass portray Rita, a downtrodden hairdresser tual agony, resembling one of the awful theatrical canon. Whether you want to in Magdalene on a very windy who decides to miraculously open up Chekov characters he teaches Rita, and a be thrown back in to this unfortunate October a ernoon. her life through the Open University slumbering audience, about. time warp, or sit through an hour and Show Details: English Literature course. Simons has e play seems to revolve around two a half of sort-of literary criticism mixed e Apprenticitis is at e Mumford the unfortunate task of carrying the very Cambridge themes: alcohol and with a sort-of sob story about two lonely eatre, East Road, from November 18 play, and manages to be both loqua- academia. Walking to the Corpus Play- individuals battling against a cruel world – 22. Tickets are £10 (£6 concessions) cious and fragile by turns. But ultimately room at 9.30 in the evening, past  gures armed with only a copy of Blake’s poems from the box o ce on 0845 196 2320. she and her co-star Edward Rowett are reeling and stumbling back from various to comfort them, is another question. lumbered under a poor script, a semi- formal swaps, I wondered whether Emma Hogan

AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): Ian looks in the mirror, and re ects. ‘We should, but we don’t – because he doesn’t actually know we use him as a base. Warehouses never think, and humans never think that they’d be used as an amazon.co.uk storage facility for a couple of days each month.’ You care, until you realise that mapping the inside of this human warehouse would be a great human geography essay – and you set to work on it. Friday November 14 2008 Join our Reviews team varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Reviews 19

FIRST NIGHT THEATRE REVIEWS ARE PUBLISHED ONLINE AT VARSITY.CO.UK/REVIEWS Analysis  Company should be ashamed  Serviceable elements, but little overall success  Very good show spoilt by a few weak moments  Level of success outweighs its few faults  Among the highlights of the term  One of the best you'll see at Cambridge

Parade ADC, November 11-15

Dir. Matt Eberhardt, Musical Dir. Nick Sutcliffe; CUMTS Cha r lotte Ru nc ie  Week 6: Puccini (1858-1924) he redneck southern state of Geor- nant - save Jonathan Kanagasooriam’s of a joyful dance that the court engages uccini’s unerring instinct for gia. Racial tensions reaching boiling rousing, stamping chain gang attack in after the initial verdict. strong melody and evocative Tpoint. An unravelling and re-knitting which had the audience whooping. At My American history is shamefully harmony, coupled with his of common justice. I wonder whether the most powerful points atmosphere abilityP to bring to life passionate shaky, but I felt that the writers were CUMTS had the recent US elections in is created by a magnified, thumping trying to cram far too much into the and sensual relationships, has made mind when they chose to stage Parade? heartbeat percussion in which the necessarily simplified musical structure. him of one the most popular of The storyline is peculiarly powerful for sweating claustrophobia and dread is By the end of the production I was still opera composers. Puccini brought a musical: a real life account of a Jewish almost palpable - all credit to musical perplexed as to who was against whom Italian opera into the twentieth factory boss convicted of raping and director Nick Sutcliffe and his assistant and why. Plus, deflatingly, there is never century, synthesising music and murdering a thirteen-year-old belle Joe Bunker. any real doubt as to the innocence of drama in a symphonic idiom, but in the Deep South, and the struggle to The choreography is arresting, and the protagonist. The result is a striking retaining the voice as the focal overturn his conviction resulting in director Matthew Eberhardt makes a musical and, in this case, an almost point. Puccini’s influences were sudden tragedy. bold move in foregrounding it against flawlessly executed production, which wide and varied, producing operas Musically this production is very a superbly minimal set and powerfully fails to make a meaningful connection from Manon Lescaut to Madama strong. Although the score is varied ominous lighting. At several points between characters and audience. Butterfly, and so was his cultural it remains oppressively reminiscent this is truly electrifying and gives the Despite its flaws, take the chance to inheritance. of Sondheim (who turned down the production the emotional crescendo see a tight, slick, pared down, wonder- The schools of naturalism and original commission) - but without his the score fails to deliver. Take the mes- fully cast production of one of the few realism had an immediate effect in wit and incredible emotional subtlety. merising testimony of the factory girls musicals which tries to cut through Italy. With little literary tradition to The result is an astonishingly well-sung against their Jewish boss in the climac- glitter, suspenders and schmaltz. Sarah draw on from this period, Italian production in which disappointingly tic first act courtroom scene and the Palin would probably hate it. writers in the second half of the few of the songs are memorable or reso- brilliant, grotesque, dislocated parody Isabel Taylor nineteenth century seized upon Zola’s beliefs as a potent dramatic source. The style they developed Love and Other Fairy Tales came to be known as verismo and was exemplified by writers such as Giovanni Verga and Luigi Capuana.

L au r e n Juste Howard Building, Downing, November 10-11 The characteristically veristic traits Dir. Lauren Juster; Downing Dramatic Society of strong local colour, down-to-  earth language alongside familiar athering in Downing’s splendid It was obviously their first night, with the least, whilst the flickering between and often personally resonant Howard Room, the atmosphere numerous technical hiccups and a few severe scenes of rape and farcical scenes plots, made the style immediately forG Love and Other Fairy Tales was line slips, but they did their best with a of the bumbling travellers meant that popular. It transferred to opera: very reminiscent of a school play. The bad play. the play never managed to create this Puccini’s La Bohème (1896) depicts aligned chairs, the empty proscenium The actual play, despite the pro- opposition with great conviction. four impoverished artists living and arch stage and the young flautist flutter- gramme informing us of its previous Whether we can lay the blame for this working in a sordid garret in Paris, ing out Chaucerian-esque music from international sell-out success, was puzzling meshing of different genres and an equally poverty-stricken the corner all added to the imminent undeniably a dud. It was confusing and with the script or the director is unclear. young girl who does embroidery for feeling that the next hour (it was actu- did little to transform the well-loved Overall, it was very much a Fresher a living. (These lives are, however, ally only 45 minutes) was going to be Canterbury Tales into an exciting and show; the remnants of A-level drama romanticised in a way that is alien painful. enticing piece of theatrical writing. The were evident in the frequent black- to true verismo). And yet the treasure of the show was blending of Chaucer’s story with that outs, the stock characterisation and Richard Wagner (1813-83) and self-professed novice to the stage Nick of his fictional characters was too fluid the constant (and pointless) exits and Giuseppe Verdi (1813-1901) were Skliar-Davies (left), whose portrayal of to retain a plotline and meant it was entrances. But on the whole it was a the dominant figures as opera the Hugh Grant-esque Squire was suit- hard to understand which characters pleasant piece and did make the audi- moved from the nineteenth into ably adorable. Other notable moments were speaking when. Luckily, the cast’s ence genuinely laugh a lot and often. the twentieth century, and it was came from the Holy duet of Elly Brindle enthusiasm and ability seemed to be As Jenny Marshall’s ‘Alison’ tells us in the great German whose influence (left) and Francesca Bonner-Evans as this production’s saving grace. her final speech, her story was meant was most pervasive, not least on the Essex Nuns, whose comic timing The actual style of the piece matched to have no purpose but merely the Puccini. Puccini’s lifelong interest created some of the biggest laughs of its disjointed layout. Painting the “desire to entertain”: a sentiment which in Wagner began when he was a the night. This left the rest of the cast to androgynous Pardoner with heaps of Love and Other Fairy Tales managed to student and was remarkable for the give apt if unmemorable performances. clownish makeup was an oddity to say represent exactly. Rachel Scrivener fact that very little of the German composer’s music was available at the time. In spite of infrequent Calendar Girls stage productions of his operas, Wagner aroused strong sentiments Arts Theatre, November 10-15 in Italy. Wagner’s particular use Dir. Hamish McColl; Chichester Festival Theatre of mythical subjects, symphonic conceptions, compositional  techniques, philosophy and et yourself down to the Arts Thea- makes a wonderful single mother packed with energy and life, and had psychology left an indelible mark tre now and buy, borrow or beg worried what her daughter will make the audience cheering and clapping on Puccini; Tosca makes powerful forG a ticket to see this heart-warming, of the calendar, Siân Phillips brings to at its tasteful adaptation to the stage. use of Wagnerian leitmotifs to poignant, hilarious play on its pre- life the retired school teacher, Gaynor Unaccompanied singing of ‘Jerusalem’ present Scarpia’s theme interwoven West End tour. Everybody knows the Faye plays the youngest and ‘sexiest’ (the WI’s anthem) and balletic T’ai Chi between the bickering Tosca and story: a group of WI women decide to member of the WI group and Lynda sequences set the mood and allow time Cavaradossi. On Wagner’s death, raise money for the hospital where one Bellingham as Chris is the instigator of for reflection. The death scene is both in 1883, Verdi wrote to his friend member’s husband dies from cancer. the whole idea. stylised and very moving, as is the the music publisher Giulio Ricordi The women shoot a tasteful nude The scenes between Annie (Patricia flooding of the stage with sunflowers (who would later publish most of calendar; interest takes off and dona- Hodge) and her dying husband John at the end. Puccini’s works): “It is… a name tions come flooding in from around (Gary Lilburn) had the whole house The play remains closely linked that leaves the most powerful the world. Based on a true story, it is a in tears. Despite a few deviations to its cause: afterwards people were imprint on the history of art.” tale sure to bring smiles to the faces of from the adopted Yorkshire accents rushing into the foyer to make Daniel Hill any audience. by certain members of the group, the donations to Leukaemia Research It is a huge credit to the scriptwriter tension was held and the humour and or buy a packet of sunflower seeds, Daniel is conducting Puccini’s ‘Suor and director that the production at- poignancy carried the play along. It is umbrellas or jam, all the proceeds Angelica’ in Trinity Chapel on tracted such a high calibre cast. Even so refreshing to see a play with several going to the charity. It is high time Thursday 20th/Friday 21st/Sunday if the storyline does not appeal, the strong female roles for once. that people started to take note of 23rd November, 9pm. £2-£10, acting master-class alone makes this a The scene where the calendar is the powerful effect theatre can have. available on the door. play not to be missed. Elaine C. Smith actually shot is a delightful moment Victoria Ball amazon Adventure (starts on page 9): ‘You know, work experience?’ says Ian. ‘That’s a good point.’ He checks the internet. ‘Uh-oh,’ he adds. ‘We need to get the hell out. Bob’s due to start closing up his orifices.’ But it’s too late. The floor curls up to the back of Bob’s throat, swallowing you along with it. You’re not dead but you’re stuck inside Bob until he turns back into a warehouse or has a shit. Reviews and Listings Editor: Toby Chadd Friday November 14 2008 20 Magazine: Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Books Every Right-Minded Person Should Read MUSIC

Wagner, Finzi, Beethoven Trinity College Chapel, Saturday November 7 The Beethoven Ensemble; Daniel Hill (Cond.); Alice Gledhill (Clarinet)  t is not every evening that one hears of humanity. Mystery came in the breast-beating arrogance to the central Week 6: music-making of this calibre in wonderfully still sections just before the dance-like section, and the coda’s climax ICambridge. The Beethoven Ensemble, development and recapitulation of the was taken ferociously quickly, but once The Ballad of the Sad Café period in size but rarely in practice, were opening movement. A human side came again it worked well. I will be surprised by Carson McCullers conducted by Daniel Hill (right) in a through in the occasional frayed edge if I hear better Beethoven from a student programme that appeared eclectic on in the playing, which only emphasized orchestra. his might be the most haunt- first glance, but turned out to be astute the difficulty of the piece. There were All this leaves little space for the Ting short story I have ever and full of links between the works. mistakes, yes, and I still occasionally Siegfried-Idyll and Finzi’s Clarinet Con- read. It might also be the strangest The highlight was Beethoven’s Eroica yearned for more characterful phras- certo. The Wagner was tenderly loving love story. It is about three people Symphony, in my opinion the greatest ing, but these are very minor quibbles at in its quartet opening, yet confident in in a small dusty town in Georgia. of his nine. After the first few minutes, I such a high standard. the horn calls from Siegfried: there was It is about outcasts, misfits and thought I was going to be disappointed: In the Funeral March came sombre a certainty about the interpretation, as if grotesques, about loving and being I was expecting aggression, strongly gravity, especially in the winds. Mystery Wagner’s love for Cosima, for whom it loved. It is about spiritual isolation accented cross-rhythms and crushingly returned at the opening of the scherzo, was a birthday present, were as eternal and the redemptive power that can vicious timpani. Yet by the end of the through a rare precision in the pianis- as that of the Ring’s heroes. be found even in the worst heart- first movement Hill had provided an simo strings. The confident horn calls In the Finzi, soloist and orchestra break. utterly convincing interpretation. His of the trio aped those of Wagner’s hero blended well, with no sense of a battle Miss Amelia is a six-foot tall hero (Napoleon, Beethoven himself, in the Siegfried-Idyll. The first move- between them, nor a domination of cross-eyed woman who sells feed, whoever) was deeply noble, not needing ment’s humanity returned in the finale, the piece from either side. Gledhill guano meal and moonshine whisky. to stress violence; our hero was exciting beginning with wit, then taking in displayed a gorgeous variety of tone, She has lived alone all her life but solemn, going about his business bubbly winds and a cheekily played moving from gentle to frightening. except for a “strange and dangerous with gravity, mystery and a good deal string quartet variation. There was a David Allen marriage, lasting only for ten days,” to the notorious Marvin Macy, a loom-fixer and ‘evil character,’ who Noah and the Whale “carried about with him the dried and salted ear of a man he had The Junction killed in a razor fight,” chopped the heads off squirrels and degraded Monday November 10 young girls. Their marriage was  short, violent and unconsummated. he annual conference of the Lum- ing live they were given an added depth the room had been waiting for, ‘Five Macy disappeared and ended up berjack Guild’s East Anglian branch with trombone and trumpet players, Years Time’ was played two songs from in the penitentiary. Things might Ttook place in Cambridge on Monday while a stick-thin fair-haired girl who the end. I had never imagined that the have stayed this way forever had night. At least that’s what it looked was, alas, not Laura Marling provided sight of an amplified ukulele could a hunchback of indeterminate like in The Junction. As Noah and the poignant backing vocals. generate quite such an explosive roar. age called Lymon with a suitcase Whale took to the stage in their col- Their indie-folk in songs like ‘Shape Teenage lumberjacks all around me of junk not wandered into town, oured-check flannel shirts, the strange of My Heart’ sounded brilliant, but were jumping in paroxysms of delight, walked up to Miss Amelia and crowd of teeny boppers and mid-life sometimes was close to being overshad- they invented some sort of hybrid claimed to be her cousin. crisis Virgin radio listeners all cheered owed by the drummer who seemed to YMCA dance moves to accompany the Miss Amelia’s love for Cousin back from inside their quilted faux think he was playing in a rock band. chorus. The song which follows - ‘Rocks Lymon prompts her to take him in, Mid-western redneck numbers. Looks And you can’t exactly blame Noah and and Daggers’ – receives almost as good open the doors of her house and like everyone went to Topshop. Disap- the Whale for having an identity crisis a reception: its rollicking fiddle morphs start a café in order to assuage his pointingly, John Cleese and Michael – what exactly are they? Rocky folksters into a full blown hoedown by the end. It fear of the night. The café brings Palin didn’t bound on stage after them, with indie credentials? Pop stars with a left me and most of the crowd wonder- light, joy and hope to the town. and the lumberjacks and jills among the top 10 single to their name? The diverse ing what could possibly follow in the And then Marvin Macy returns audience were left in blissful ignorance audience, from the skinny jeaned to encore, and the answer? Not very much. and chaos ensues. Each character over each others’ appearance. the skinny latte’d, didn’t seem to know The checked shirts in front of me had takes their turn as both lover and Fortunately none of Noah and the either. New material hinted at darker, heard what they wanted to hear, and beloved, and every member of the Whale’s music is actually this twee, in more guitar led soundscapes, but also passed their verdict on the new, final town is drawn into the unfolding fact the lyrics in ‘Jocasta’ like “When revealed the limits of singer Charlie’s song by promptly leaving. They had lots drama. the baby’s born/ Oh, let’s turn it to the vocals. of logging to do next morning after all. McCullers’ terse, beautiful prose snow” sound chillingly cheerful. Play- As for the moment most people in Henry Donati allows her to say so much with small gestures. She is master of the short story because she says the Fordlândia most difficult things in the simplest way. Jóhann Jóhannsson McCullers’ life is also fascinating. She was a cripple who did most of 4AD; Out Now her writing between 4 and 8 am and  worked all day in a clerical job. She n 1929, Henry Ford had had enough. down. always conjuring a haunting memory suffered throughout her life from He refused to import any more rub- 75 years later, Jóhann Jóhanns- of the forsaken Fordlândia, lost to the alcoholism, disease and problems Iber from the British, who had a global son, one of the most prolific Icelandic clutches of nature. Various track titles with sexuality and gender. Gore monopoly. But the thousands of cars musicians of recent times, has made recall other figures who suffered broken Vidal called her work “one of the that were being manufactured every an instrumental album inspired by the dreams, such as John Whiteside Par- few satisfying achievements of our day needed tyres. So without even see- thought of the Amazon Rainforest en- sons, one of the fathers of space travel second-rate culture”. ing it himself, Ford purchased a huge gulfing the abandoned Fordlândia. It is who died in an explosion, no doubt It is clear that she had an intimate rubber plantation in the middle of the an astonishingly beautiful album. Much trying to perfect the propulsion of a understanding of loneliness and Amazon jungle. He created Fordlân- of the music here is played by Jóhann portable rocket-engine. love. As she puts it, “there is only dia, a replica American town, with a himself, with his multi-instrumental Even without taking in these numer- one thing for the lover to do. He golf-course, bakeries and, of course, talent shining through on almost every ous and perhaps rather pretentious must house his love within himself shoemakers. However, the tycoon piece, but duties are also taken up by his references, this is still an extremely as best he can; he must create imposed heavy American values on Icelandic string quartet on some tracks emotional work. The string sections for himself a whole new inward the indigenous Brazilian workers there, recorded in a Reykjavik church, as well consistently contribute to creating the most powerful and moving parts of the hind, one can’t help but realise that the world – a world intense a strange, making them eat apple-pie, sleep in as a 50 piece orchestra on another. All forgotten Utopias and broken dreams complete in himself”. McCullers bunk-beds and dance the Do-Si-Do. adds to the monumentality of this, album, and Jóhannsson’s occasional subtle layering of various digital effects really have no significance, but that took her own advice and created Not only was the soil too infertile to Jóhannsson’s fifth ‘solo’ album. every note on this album is a tribute to this story. Read it. grow rubber trees, but the workers Melodies recur throughout the adds a very personal element. As we leave Fordlândia, with its rusted Model the wonderful immensity of Mother Decca Muldowney unsurprisingly rioted and by 1933, after album, often played at different tempos Earth. Andrew Spyrou losing $20million, Ford closed the place or with different instruments, but Ts and the dilapidated barber shops, be- amazon Adventure (starts on page 9): ‘Hey,’ says the witch doctor. ‘How’s it going? Oh, wait, you’re missing a hand. The spirits must be angry with you. I can’t reattach your hand because I don’t want to anger the spirits myself. Also I have literally no idea how to put your hand back on.’ The mildly interesting tale makes for a good typewritten field trip report, but you fail the exam because you now write very slowly if at all. Friday November 14 2008 Join our Reviews team varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Reviews 21

Take Five ART AND FILM Adverts

I Turned It Into A Palace Fitzwilliam Museum, Gallery 13 Showing until 17 March 2009  Five of the Best our hundred words is not enough Shaknama (‘Book of Kings’) and Ha z’s stumble across a small Hokusai print, space to capture an exhibition as good Diwan, the latter of which has a mini- ‘Minamoto no Muneyuki Ason’, which Cadbury’s Smash asF I Turned It Into A Palace. You enter ature illustration of men playing polo depicts a group of shivering men hud- e 1970s played host to a series of a dimly-lit room expecting to see some from centuries ago. ere are autograph dling around a  re, the smoke billowing ads depicting variously coloured aliens mediocre Victorian paintings and a few manuscripts, letters and scores by Mo- across the sky and through snow-capped extolling the virtues of smash. You’d ceramic vases, and  nd all of your cynical zart, Sassoon, Rupert Brooke, Swinburne, trees; and you are suddenly there hud- need to see a specialist if it made you expectations completely confounded, Hardy and Keats. e swirling handwrit- dling with them. Or coming across an buy smash, but inspired and amazing upturned by the immensity and breadth ing of ‘Ode to a Nightingale’, with its engraving of Albrecht Durer’s Melencolia watching nevertheless. of Sydney Cockerell’s mania and taste intricate corrections and gently sloping I, of a slumped  gure surrounded by for collecting anything and everything. margin, startling in its fragile beauty, mathematical apparatus. Or the six intri- John West Salmon Cockerell was Director of the Fitzwilliam making you imagine Keats sitting in his cate pencil drawings by Edward Burne- e idea – “we’re so dedicated to from 1908-1937 and made it into the Hampstead garden and jotting it down. Jones, an artist known usually for his bringing you the best salmon that respected museum it is today, famously It is almost too overwhelming to  nd so Pre-Raphaelite stained glass and paint- we’ll  ght bears” – is pretty abysmal. stating: “I found it a pigsty; I turned it many gargantuan  gures crammed into ings of extraordinary gothic grandeur, e sight of a grizzly doing karate is into a palace.” one room, though perhaps comforting to shown here in a sort of glorious intimacy. priceless. Fittingly, then, this exhibition is burst- know that Hardy laboured so intensively Or the portrait of Joan of Arc by Dante ing with jewels – from Turner watercol- over Jude of Obscure: writing it and revis- Gabriel Rossetti – I could go on and on, Guinness ours to Greek vases encircled by dancing ing it and revising it again. listing the mind-boggling intensity of an Rossetti’s Joan of Arc e Rhythm of Life ad, when three  gures. Stacked rows of glittering Books I cannot fully express how awe- exhibition that leaves you gluttonously chaps enjoying a pint in their local of Hours, ponti cals, Psalters, bibles inspiring this exhibition was for me, nor reeling, stumbling out of the Fitzwilliam and are transported back through the – some as small as your hand – jostle recommend it more. It is full of moments Museum, sure that you will have to go stages of evolution. next to exquisite copies of Firdausis’ that will startle shock, such as when you back and see it again. Emma Hogan De Lorean “Gull wings doors rise e ortlessly, wel- Easy Virtue coming you inside...Live the dream, today.” Everything you’d want from a Dir. Stephan Elliott 1980s car advert.

Starring: Jessica Biel, Ben Barnes, Kristin Scott omas, Colin Firth Nike  e Scorpion Cage adverts not only e do not need any more re- to ensue. However, it is in the more creasingly drawn to her husband, the featured the best footballers and their minders of your easy virtue.” peripheral sub-plots and narratives war-weary senior Mr Whittaker (Co- sexiest skills, but sparked a worldwide Kristin“W Scott omas is acidic in her that the  lm’s greatest successes lie; lin Firth). Indeed, as more elements phenomenon. e height of cinematic scathing of Jessica Biel in this  lm and Elliott’s decision not to further of his past are revealed as the  lm production was used in their making, adaptation of Noël Coward’s 1926 play, develop some of these limits its ac- progresses, this maintains interest and it shows. though one only desires a few remind- complishments. Coward’s writing more than the inevitable revelation ers of Easy Virtue a er leaving the cin- thrives in its creation of personal re- about the new Mrs Whittaker. ema. Elliot’s direction is well cra ed, lationships, and it is a shame that the Biel tries too hard to evoke the ex- Five of the Worst but this becomes its greatest weakness:  lm does not further explore these. travagance of the 1920s  apper, with Guinness the  lm ends up being too reliant on A superb, yet nuanced, perform- varying success during the  lm. At “17:59. It’s Guinness Time.” Yes, I its sumptuous visual pieces and not ance by Kristin Scott omas keeps moments, too, Elliot relies on stere- love all things Guinness too, but type enough attention is paid to e ective the central narrative of the  lm mov- otyped images, such as the tearful this into Youtube and you’ll be truly characterization and performance. ing forward: her seemingly e ortless conversation facing the rain-beaten appalled by the levels to which our e centerpiece of this household ability to dance between moments window. Yet, serious questions are favourite stout has lowered itself. drama and comedy is the battle for of pointed speech and subtle body raised amongst the lighter comedic supremacy between John Whittaker’s language is especially seen dur- episodes, as we wonder if a young Adidas Dante Quartet’s Giles Francis mother (Kristin Scott omas) and his ing her  rst intimate conversation couple is driven apart by revelation e ‘Impossible is Nothing’ adverts and Judith Busbridge new American bride, Larita (Jessica with her new daughter-in-law in the of the past or by the strain of family? ruthlessly exploit those tied to the Biel). Naturally much of the focus is greenhouse, perfectly exploiting Biel’s Easy Virtue as a whole is less than the company for their sob-stories. To on the sharp wit exchanged between pollen allergy to both comic and sum of its parts, but is worth seeing be encouraged to buy their clothing these two dominant females and the sardonic e ect. Nevertheless, as the for the moments when those parts because Jonah Lomu recovered from culture clash that causes this con ict  lm progresses we  nd ourselves in- shine. Daniel Isenberg a huge kidney problem shows us the darker side of capitalism. Let’s Talk About e Rain My Lil Reminder Dir. Agnès Jaoui Type it into youtube. e most appall- ing acting selling the most pointless Starring: Agnès Jaoui, Jean-Pierre Bacri, Jamel Debbouze object.  hat’s very French sounding”, parents and children who surround evident tenderness, has some of the Handy Peel was one response I got a er them. Even to summarise the storyline best and most believable lines of the “Rub, rinse and peel all at the same time.” “Texplaining the plot of Let’s Talk About and professions of the characters is  lm, even if the  nal revelation, that In the same vein as the above, here we e Rain, and, though o ensive, it’s somewhat unnecessary, as essentially Agathe does not appreciate him until have a frustrated domestic housewife not a bad précis. Troubled suburban- the  lm is an opportunity to string to- too late, is a disappointingly obvious struggling with a concept of a potato ites drank rosé in sunny back-gardens, gether a series of vignettes. Nearly eve- one. peeler; salvation, luckily, is at hand casual in delity was committed by ry scene is a conversation with just two Let’s Talk About e Rain is clearly numerous characters and beautiful yet characters on screen, and these private intended to be slow moving; gently Calvin Klein - Man fragile brunettes gazed atmospheri- dialogues are the  lms strength. ere funny rather than hilarious, and bitter- We think they might have hired Ben cally out of rain-streaked windows à la is the poignantly awkward restaurant sweet rather than tragic. However this Stiller for this one. A better parody of Juliette Binoche. scene with Michel and his teenage ambling pace, especially towards the Klein you couldn’t  nd. e  lm’s central characters are the son, where in few blustering words we conclusion of each thread of the plot, strident female politician, Agathe Vil- see Michel’s desperation to impress begins to grate; don’t expect a clear Competition lanova (Agnès Jaoui), and two docu- the child he sees for only a few days a story arc with beginning and end. e mentary makers, Michel (Jean-Pierre month. Although this  lm is made up dialogue is consistently well written, Next week’s topic is Headlines: send one Bacri) and Karim (Jamel Debbouze), of dozens of interconnecting partner- and the ensemble cast is excellent, but each of your worst and best to reviews@ who  lm Agathe throughout. e plot ships, the brittle Agathe’s relationship this  lm is let down by a lack of direc- varsity.co.uk by midday on Monday follows their developing relationships with her long standing  ancé is one of tion and no clear purpose. 10th, and you could win a pair of  rst- with one another, as well as the com- the most signi cant. eir comfortable Victoria Beale night tickets to the ADC mainshow. plications of various lovers, spouses, repartee, with its sparring insults and AMAZON ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 9): ‘No worries mate,’ says the tree surgeon. ‘Trees lose branches the whole time. And you know what I do to grow them back? Nothing! ey grow another branch all by themselves! I must have the easiest job in the world!’ You doubt that this’ll work for humans as well as trees, but you cross your  ngers metaphorically and wait it out. Sadly you die of blood loss before your hand grows back. Fashion Editors: Joanna Della-Ragione and Ben Margereson Friday November 14 2008 22 Magazine: Fashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk

First Lady

Hair & Makeup by Heike Martin www.heikemartinhairdressing.com Dresses from Dixie’s Stall Wed to Sun at the Market Blanket from Citrus Home Wed & Sun at the Market Model Manon Photography Zing Tsjeng Assistant Michael Derringer Stylists Ben Margereson & Jo Della-Ragione

amazon Adventure (starts on page 9): You’d think it wasn’t politically correct, but Brazilians still call the rainforest-dwellers ‘índios,’ while yer actual Indians from India are called indianos. So there you go. Meanwhile, the Indios have no idea what names you’re calling them, but they kill you anyway just to be on the safe side. You fail your Geography degree, but the examiners bump your mark up to a third out of sympathy. Friday November 14 2008 Write for the Magazine varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine: Fashion 23

amazon Adventure (starts on page 9): I don’t know, but ‘Indian’ is shorter, and if I had to keep calling them ‘rainforest-dwellers’ the whole time then there wouldn’t be room for the rest of the story in this little adventure story box. Rainforest-dweller, rainforest-dweller, rainforest-dweller. Rainforest-dweller. See? Hardly any more room. So to wrap it up, you befriend the Indians, they write your coursework, you get top marks, the end. Magazine Editor: Daniel Cohen; Arts Editor: Anna Trench; Features Editor: Rob Peal Friday November 14 2008 24 Magazine: Arts and Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Great Works Of Art In Cambridge The Day That i c k K n gsl e y atr

P Changed My World #16: The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth But Not The Mineral Rights by Jake and Dinos Chapman Library Court, Jesus College verybody hates the dinosaurs. just aren’t intellectual enough. Dinos Well, not quite everyone. I might himself claims the work to be “a fusion Elove them, but they do not appear to of historical gravity with absolute be to the liking of my fellow Jesuans. stupidity”, a charming description, but Perhaps the view from the library is yes, it is a lot harder to detect under- now a little too distracting. As if an tones of fascism or child molestation. angular metal sculpture ‘thing’ wasn’t Could the Chapman brothers be losing enough, they’ve shoved some massive, their edge? rusty old dinosaurs on the lawn! But Let’s look at the broader picture. The what’s wrong with a little prehistoric work is clearly an “up yours” to public modernity? As I skip gaily through ye sculpture, most obviously to works by olde cloisters, I welcome the reminder Richard Serra and the like – at least, Week 6: I decided to that I am not a character in Brideshead if the Chapman brothers are going to Revisited and that I actually live in slap a block of rust outside, it’s damn trek to the North Pole 2008. well going to look like a dinosaur! was in Year 13 when I realised So why all the fuss? OK, they’re a And what about the implications of that I’d been around for eighteen bit rusty, but, at a wild guess, that’s the the title? You may have written the yearsI and not actually done any- point. And they’re dinosaurs! Every- dinosaurs off as junk, but have you thing. My GCSE certificates, framed one loves dinosaurs! Particularly these entertained the idea that the Chapman and hanging in the loo, were all I beautifully innocent and childlike brothers are making a comment on a had to show for who I was. constructions. I understand a dislike of godless world where capitalism rules I grew up in South London, the Chapman brothers’ usual output; supreme and only the ruthless come where youth crime combined with mannequins of children with genitalia out on top? Or that Jake and Dinos are the absence of opportunities tends instead of facial features might not presenting a piece which deals with the to make people write themselves be everyone’s cup of tea, nor perhaps ferocity of nature, a force over which and others off. I’ve got an old school are their other sexually explicit doll we have little power? No? Even if the report, saying “Nathan lacks the sculptures called things like “Fucking dinosaurs are devoid of all meaning, it motivation to accomplish anything Hell”. But three gentle beasts, reminis- doesn’t make me love them less, in fact worthwhile”. I know I’m rubbish at cent of childhood cardboard models, it serves as a poignant reminder, as I maths, but that’s a pretty sweeping which focus much more on joy and trudge to the library, that life is not just judgement! I suppose I wanted to naivety and being young than any of about books and work, it’s also about prove something to her: not only Jake and Dinos’ usual efforts, have pure, nonsensical fun. that she was wrong, but also that left people cold. Maybe the dinosaurs Marianne Forrest the most “ordinary” people are capable of extraordinary things. So I decided to do something special. I opened my map to pick an exotic travel destination, and Sudoku turned immediately to the Arctic. The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one I’d worked on a scientific project in condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 Games & puzzles through 9 exactly once. Siberia the year before fallen in love with the place. Suddenly I came across this tantalizing spot I’d never considered before... So in April Varsity Crossword no. 492 4 2009, I’ll become the youngest per- 3 1 6 7 9 4 son to trek solo to the North Pole. 1 2 3 4 5 Since I made that decision, things abstract (7) 7 4 2 6 8 have been pretty busy. That trip has 6 7 8 25 Type of massage to cook sushi at been described as ten times harder (7) 6 5 8 9 7 than climbing Everest, so I’ve got 26 Outlining the plot, a Spanish river some training to do. I’m not exactly 9 2 5 follows some smell (8) built like a gorilla, so I’ve avoided 27 Fat in earlobes evidential (5) 10 11 4 1 7 2 6 the brute strength approach and am trying to improve my endurance. Down 8 9 1 7 3 I’m also searching for funding. 5 6 7 8 4 2 I’m hoping to raise money for the 1 Vote for rich, inconsiderate con- Prince’s Trust, so I need to get cor- 12 13 servative leaders: shocking (8) 6 porate sponsors to cover my costs. 2 As climbing in the distance, I trip / MADE B Y Garet h Moo re www.puzzlemix.com All the clothes need to be custom in the jungle (6) made: if you’re walking around 3 Solid allsorts shortly strengthened town and your shoe doesn’t quite fit 14 15 16 drink (4,6) you might get a blister; where I’m 4 Heads of secret police about to end Hitori going, you’ll lose a foot to frostbite. 17 18 movement (4) Although it’ll only amount to forty Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once 5 Eerily familiar French expression per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or or fifty thousand quid – peanuts, in 19 20 21 22 (4,2) vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. comparison to most polar expedi- 6 Terrible weather leaves furiously tions – the recession isn’t making (6) things easy. 8 TV show about scientific cops sur- 6 4 2 1 5 7 5 But perhaps a more fundamental 23 24 25 rounding twisted individual giants change has been my focus. Now (7) I’ve got direction and drive; I’m not 9 To represent, or to denote action! 1 5 1 4 7 4 2 just going along with the flow, do- (5) 7 5 1 4 ing things for the sake of it. That’s 26 27 13 Homo, hominis, homini, for in- 2 3 6 what it’s all about. I’m not doing it stance, enclosed in mystery (10) for fame or fortune – I know I’m 15 Four points to fellow journalist (7) 4 5 7 5 6 5 2 not going to get either – I’m trying 16 Decade of fewer than ten draws (8) to show people that if you go for 17 Vehicle to leave shipment (5) 2 7 6 2 1 1 6 something 1000 per cent, no matter 18 Sounds like Santa has to contain a how unlikely it may seem, with a Across verb (6) 5 6 3 4 1 2 2 bit of luck, you’ll actually get there. 20 Not this church used to keep rain Touch wood. 6 Spicy type of dancing (5) 13 A princess’s Eastern headgear (mi- out (6) 2 1 5 6 5 3 5 7 A perhaps, or the papers print nus 7) to cause alarm (7) 22 Adjustor rioted around (6) / MADE B Y Garet h Moo re www.puzzlemix.com www.solonorthpole.com them (8) 14 And this may link 18 to 18 (11) 24 Unlikely not to be cooked much (4) 10 Fantastic beast unmoveable in 19 Anarchy’s first few capture wit, Contributor: Nathan Allen farmer’s garden (7) turned against conflict (4-3) Last issue’s solutions Interview and article by 11 Steal tablet to get older (7) 21 Neanderthal without hand some- Moya Sarner. 4 8 3 7 6 9 1 5 2 9 9 12 Wal-Mart in Ipswitch contains how without end (7) 1 9 5 8 2 4 7 3 6 5 1 4 6 7 2 5 1 3 8 9 4 20 15 17 3 8 2 4 Bond’s favourite (7) 23 Small amount to ruin language in Set by Hisashi 7 5 4 2 3 1 6 8 9 4 13 Would you like to be interviewed for 8 8 9 1 8 4 5 6 3 2 7 1 7 6 3 1 4 3 2 6 9 7 8 4 1 5 6 12 this column? Please contact Moya Answers to last week’s crossword (no. 491) 3 1 2 3 3 9 8 3 9 6 4 2 5 7 1 19 Across: 1/12 Iambic pentameter, 5 Rock star, 9 Biogenic, 10 Reside, 11 Thomas Edison, 13 Hell, 14 Drill bit, 17 Steeples, 19 Clue, 21 Amateurishly, 24 Statue, 26 Dry slope, 27 Dating. Down: 2 Akin, 3 Bagatelle, 4 Cantor, 5/25 2 4 7 1 8 5 9 6 3 9 1 2 7 Sarner (mts31) 4 Richard The Third, 6 Cordelia, 7 Sushi, 15 Lucky shot, 16 Allude to, 18 Skittle, 20 Thread, 22/8 Titus Andronicus, 23 Iran. 5 6 1 3 9 7 2 4 8 3 1 Friday November 14 2008 Opinionated? varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 25

e Varsity Debate Should the Bank of England have cut the interest rate? Last week, in desperate bid to protect the UK economy from a severe recession, the Bank of England announced its decision to slash interest rates to their lowest level in 50 years.

David Hugo Yes Staines Hadlow No

Financial conditions look set to improve thanks to e decision should not be up to the Bank of the Bank of England’s decision England, it should be up to us

he Bank of England made the right decision grow faster in the future, making us all richer. he interest rate is the price people demand will not stop, but the short-term economic to cut interest rates last week. e economy It is important to counter some common for postponing consumption. If you would growth caused by cheap money must stop Tis headed for a deep recession, so the Bank had myths. Low interest rates were not responsible Tgive up ten apples now for eleven next year, your eventually. to cut the base rate it charges banks in order for the recent crisis. Real interest rates, the actual interest rate is 10%: a free market will naturally Further government action, including drop- to stimulate the economy. e cut in interest price of debt, were not low by historical stand-  nd an equilibrium interest rate. If you would ping the interest rate and the resulting in ation rates will encourage more investment, create ards prior to the credit crunch. Economies were be willing to lend at lower than the market rate, from this expansion of the money supply, might jobs which will o set the expected increase in growing at their long-term potential rate. e fact you can lend at the market rate and make a stave o recession temporarily, but it cannot unemployment and reduce the cost of borrow- that in ation was stable indicates that the world pro t. If you are only willing to lend at above stop it forever and will make it worse. Further ing, decrease the burden of debt repayment for economy was not overheating. Britain expe- the natural rate, no one will borrow from you. government action might be justi ed to allay households and in turn prevent continued falls rienced stable growth for more than 16 years, Why can the government lend at below the su ering caused by previous government in consumer spending and avert job losses on the whilst worldwide, the last  ve years have seen the the natural rate? Anyone else who lends their action, though, of course, it would have been high street. fastest growth in recorded economic history. is money at below the natural rate will have no better if the economy had been allowed to grow Usually when interest rates are cut it raises was not due to monetary policy: central banks shortage of customers looking for a bargain and more slowly in the  rst place, so it didn’t have to concerns that in ation will rise. But not this time: can only control interest rates over short periods, will soon have lent all their money. And anyone recede now. But shock tactics are best: abolish oil prices are falling, and  rms are cutting prices whilst longer term interest rates are set by world lending at below the natural rate of interest is the Bank of England and go straight to a market to attract customers. Claims that cutting the base markets. making a loss, so no one does it. No one, that is, interest rate. In the long run, we’ll all be better rate would be ine ective in the current  nancial Socialist remedies would also be ine ective for except the government. e government cannot o  . climate have proved completely false. combating this recession. Redistributing income run out of money, because it can print it. And Gordon Brown was recently asked if he All nine of the leading high street banks have from the rich to the poor would not while an ordinary lender lending at regretted his boast, “No more boom and bust”. passed on the interest rate cut in some form or increase e ective demand. Keynes below the natural rate will not have He replied, “I actually said, ‘No more Tory other – Northern Rock, HBOS, RBS and posited that poor people consume a much e ect on it, the government boom and bust’”. He did indeed Nationwide have cut the rates they higher proportion of their income can a ect it simply because so say this, once, so he’s not charge borrowers by the full than rich people, implying that much of the money in the lying. But, of course, 1.5%. Inter-bank rates, the rise taxing the rich to give to the poor economy is on loan from he said it without the of which caused the current would raise aggregate demand and the government. “Tory” on many occa- crisis, fell signi cantly in employ- e current inter- sions. e implication is response to the Bank’s ment. est rate is lower than that Labour boom and decisions – shares But em- it would be in a free bust is  ne. is is the kind rallied. Financial pirical market. Why does the of drivel Brown is now reduced conditions should evidence government lend at to spouting. improve and it has disproved this: when below the natural Brown is o en lauded for certainly looks as all factors are controlled, both consume the rate? Why does it removing government interest though the worst is same proportion of their income. It would be want to distort the rate from politicians’ control over. equally unwise for governments to try to spend interest rate? A low and handing it to the Bank But we mustn’t expect their way out of recession. Increasing public sec- interest rate encourages more spend- of England’s Monetary Policy things to improve tor pay would fuel in ation and force the Bank to ing now. It is, in essence, a Keynesian Committee. is seemed to overnight. Interest rate raise interest rates with adverse a ects on the rest policy, and shares his deep contempt for remove ability of governments changes take more than of the economy. Bringing forward large public sec- savings and thri , because a low interest to slash interest rates before an a year to become fully ef- tor investment projects would be risky given the discourages saving and planning for the election, causing a boom, with fective, and the recession is signi cant costs involved in project rescheduling long term. A er all, “in the long run, the bust only following a er unlikely to  nish before the end of 2009. and the possibility of bad projects slipping through we are all dead”, so why bother to plan they have been re-elected. Of course if the recession turns out to be worse a speeded up consultation process. ahead? However, when it was made than expected another cut may be necessary, but If recession is not to lead to a surge in unem- Just as spending by the government independent, the Bank of England was charged the most recent cut should be su cient for what ployment, it is crucial that wages are held down. will cause a short-term boom, cheap lending with controlling in ation. is enabled Brown is predicted. It is particularly important that the Low Pay by the government will encourage more private to carry on spending massively while being able Monetary policy is important, but it certainly Commission remains steadfast: as the economy spending and cause a short-term boom. Most to absolve himself of responsibility for in a- can’t solve everything. For the cut in interest moves into recession it must lower the mini- investment is funded by borrowing, and so the tion. Anyway, the independence of the Bank of rates to be fully e ective, an appropriate  scal mum wage or many of the poorest workers will more money there is available, the more invest- England is now exposed as a sham. stimulus is required. Simple handouts from the lose their jobs. We should have no fears about ments that will be made. e extra investments e interest rate certainly shouldn’t be con- government will not be e ective because people long-term prosperity. e world is in a phase of enabled by extra government money would not trolled by politicians. But neither should it be will either just save them or spend them with no unprecedented growth, with many developing be made in a free market: they are the riskiest controlled by appointed “experts”. It should be lasting e ect on the economy. Instead, a proper countries entering the world economy in a big investments. Government intervention destroys controlled by us. en it will re ect people’s true package should be focused on investment. Busi- way for the  rst time, providing us with cheaper the natural equilibrium between savers and preferences, enabling us to allocate resources ness investment is always the worst hit in times imports and larger markets for our exports. ese borrowers, causing malinvestment, followed e ciently. To prevent politicians for meddling of recession. e best way to encourage invest- two factors should maintain or increase the rate ultimately by correcting recessions when un- again in the future, we should abolish legal ten- ment would be for the government to instigate an of growth seen in the developed world over the pro table investments are liquidated, freeing up der laws and go back to free banking, with com- investment tax credit. Under this scheme,  rms last ten years. capital for new investment. peting currencies, so that no one will be able to would receive a tax cut every time they made an A concerted e ort is required to counter the Make no mistake: this recession is temporary. get away with in ating them. In the meantime, investment in buildings, machinery and so on. recession and strengthen Britain’s economy for It is an inevitable correction to bad investments any increase in the government rate is welcome. And this would not have just a transient e ect: the long term. e Bank of England was right to encouraged by government intervention. Long- We need a return to a natural interest rate. We more investment would help the economy to do its bit by cutting interest rates. term economic growth caused by technology need to return to a truly free market. Comment Editors: Clementine Dowley and Olivia Sudjic Friday November 14 2008 26 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk

e Soapbox Ed Maltby Debt on arrival e government must not scrap the cap on fees

his month the government repayment conditions, a higher rate propose an alternative programme. Progressive taxation is key here: signalled its intention to shi the of interest on loans, probably a lower One alternative programme that the more you earn, the more you pay. T nancial burden of the crisis onto repayment threshold. A er all, if the has been put forward is the notion of Some people argue that graduates earn students’ shoulders by slashing grants government lends out more money to a graduate tax, whereby students don’t more, so they should pay a graduate for 40,000 students and announcing its pay for higher fees, then it will have to pay fees, but they are taxed more upon tax. No – not all graduates earn more, intention to cut student numbers by take steps to get those bigger sums of graduating.  is, too, is a bad idea. we’ve been over that. With progressive 5,000 next year. cash back in time, which means faster Why? taxation, those who earn a lot, whether As the review of the cap on fees repayment schedules. We’re not just Well, at the level of political princi- they’re graduates or not, pay more. comes closer, don’t let’s kid ourselves looking at more debt, then, but worse ple it’s all wrong. HE isn’t an individual  ose who have less, pay less.  is – it is the government’s intention to debt. privilege, it’s a public service. Imagine isn’t just fair, it’s the only logical way of Week 6: raise, or possibly to scrap, the cap on Debt debases your degree. When a country in which there are no uni- raising money in society. fees, and to usher in a more or less free you’re talking about this level of debt, versities. No one studies medicine, en-  e money exists to fund free, Tom Cheshire on killing market in Higher Education. By all in- mass Higher Education – just look at o a dead language dicators, their general consensus seems countries like France and Germany, to be for something around a threefold where the university population has increase in fees. “If Higher Education is a public service, then expanded at the same rate as here, All this adds up to a sustained of- and fees there are negligible. But to t’s political correctness gone fensive against HE as we know it. And win free education, we need a political mad – no, really, this time. Lo- why impose a ‘user tax’ on it? ” in the face of an o ensive like this,  ght, to assert students’ interests and calI councils are banning Latin to students need a plan. We mustn’t let put the demand for free education avoid confusing people; Bourne- events overtake us; we need to decide back on the agenda. At the national mouth puts Latin under its list of what we want and how to get it, and go level, NUS Women’s Committee, NUS ‘ ings to avoid’. Fair enough – the on the o ensive ourselves. unless you’re very rich, in order for gineering, history, philosophy, poetry. LGBT Committee and student unions memory of spending hours trans- So,  rst things  rst, why are we your investment to be worthwhile, In a very real sense, materially and like Sussex, UEA, UCL, Bradford and lating Caesar’s 3rd person self- against the li ing of the cap? Because you are obliged to treat your degree culturally, that country is much poorer. Aston are building for a national dem- grati cation (“and then Caesar, in it means debt; and a market. as a passport to a well-paid job and Higher Education is a social good, and onstration and a national campaign his wisdom, gallantly took the fort Debt means inequality. Poorer nothing more. Fees or a graduate tax so society should pay for it. for free education, taking up the slack single-handedly, while everyone students leave uni with more debt, penalise grads who go o to work in a If Higher Education is a public where the NUS national executive remarked upon how handsome he more of which is private debt. Debt low-paid job, the public or voluntary service, then why impose a ‘user tax’ isn’t. Locally, we need our unions in was”) is not a joyful one for many. forces students to work through their sectors, or even in academia. on it? Would you impose a ‘user tax’ Cambridge – CUSU and the JCRs – to But banning it? Well, just hang degrees, which damages their studies.  e situation we’re in at the mo- on people who have used the NHS? take a stand on free education and on a second matey. Never mind And while bursaries might be plentiful ment, with capped fees, is unsustain- On Secondary Education? Primary? provide the leadership their members how much English depends on at institutions like Cambridge where able.  e amount of debt that students No, you wouldn’t – because these are badly need by organising mass meet- Latin for its more common words there is an unusually low density are getting into under the current things which enrich all of society, for ings and rallies in Lent Term. If you – it’s certainly facile to compose of working-class students, how can system is too high to be negligible to both those who use them and for those agree with what we’re saying, get in clauses that demonstrate the extent universities like London Metropolitan us; but the level of income that student who don’t, so they should be paid for touch with Education Not for Sale, and to which the British language cope? fees generate for universities is far too the same way – by all society, through get along to your JCR and talk to your depends on Latin. Oh, I just did. Raising the cap also means tougher low to fund them properly. We need to progressive taxation. representatives. Inadvertently.  ere I go again. But it is phrases like ‘ad hoc’, ‘QED’, ‘vice versa’ and even ‘via’ that are on the naughty list.  e problem is not so much an ethnic cleansing of the language, as Mary Adrian Beard of this University has com- plained in  e Telegraph, or that Pascu- we threaten the mongrel richness Cambridge on trial of the English tongue; rather, the Tulbure Latin under suspicion is good, e Hammond case is an opportunity for us to show discretion succinct English. You don’t have to know ‘NB’ means nota bene, or that ‘QED’ is a gerundive, to ederasty is alive and well in Cam- cessfully rehabilitated, then this is it. be able to understand their sense diver Tom Daley and a video of a tod- and private life. More problematically bridge. Or, to put another spin on  e moral majority may well point and employ them usefully.  e dler being penetrated. Both, within perhaps, the 1540 photographs on his Pit: Caius fellow found with sickening out that Cambridge, with its rare- Plain English Campaign, a reticent certain contexts, count as paedophilia. computer, although largely of an older cache of disgusting kiddie porn. Or:  ed atmosphere; close-knit supervi- bunch, say that council o cials Would fantasising about Daley be the age group and of milder content, still you could see it coming; he had Oscar sion system; consistent rumours of use Latin to feel important. Now,  rst step on the slippery slope towards contains thirty “extreme” images, one Wilde everywhere in his room. It’s “very strong”, if platonic, attachments I feel very important when I use abducting a six-year-old and forcing her of which was of a two-day-old baby. His very di cult to write about the subject between elderly dons and their eager Latin in essays, but this is because to commit sex acts on video? Research excuse that he had “not intended” to of Nicholas Hammond without either young charges, and secretive societies I’m clever and use clever bits of shows that, from anonymous interviews view the images begs the question as to veering towards  ippancy, moral up to God only knows what; is tradi- Latin from poetry and the sort. taken over the past forty years, a clear why he took the trouble to have them outrage, or smugness. Furthermore, tionally seen as a breeding ground for And a friend of mine once chatted majority of paedophiles have exclusive on his computer; on the other hand, Cambridge being as small, gossipy all sorts of unpleasantness.  is view up a girl by whispering Catullus interest in post-pubescent children. It is I would imagine that such images are and microscopically pored over from is hopelessly antiquated, but it persists in the original into her ear, albeit therefore dangerous to assume that all sent to you rather than downloaded, outside as it is, a whole range of issues with limited success. Oddities like and it is possible to accept the plea will come into play when dealing with us aside, choice Latin is not used that they were on his computer as an his case. What will the papers say? for its own sake. It saves time and accidental part of a group of other, less How will giving him back his job a ect “Clear impartial judgement will always speak explanation – how much more ele- extreme images. On balance, the fact admissions? What about funding, or gant and e ective, and plain, is ‘ad that he was watching, not doing, and legal precedent? Would, as has already hoc’ in comparison to the council’s more powerfully than a one-size- ts-all by and large steering well clear of the been asked, Joe Bloggs (or indeed Joe suggested replacement, “for this worst stu available, seem to back up the Plumber) have got away with it? special purpose”, or ‘status quo’ the University spokesman’s view that he A er all, his judge was a Cambridge approach” rather than “the state of things”. “does not pose a threat”. man himself. Clearly, we have a highly  e Plain English Campaign Let Dr Hammond, in that case, go emotive and sensitive case on our objects to “voters su ering” at the back to work, hopefully chastened and hands. in people who are determined to see have the same tastes and pose the same hands of Latin, saying “they might regretful. Let him do what he does It may therefore seem perverse for Oxbridge as a cross between Brides- threats Some will limit themselves to mistake e.g. for egg and little best – teach and study French litera- me to say that the best way of dealing head and Stephen Fry’s imagination. watching; many do not even download things like that can confuse peo- ture – and, although keeping a  rm with this is to be robust and let Dr However, it is wrong in every sense to the pictures or videos. At the other ple”. O en in such scenarios the watch over him, let him live in peace. Hammond have his job back. On put even a touch of glamour into the end of the scale are sadistic monsters context can be useful in discerning It is a mark of civilisation that we can certain conditions, of course: nobody whole sorry a air: Put whatever spin without limits. Yet to di erentiate meaning.  ere is a lot of overly di erentiate between professional and is suggesting that people should be you like on it, paedophilia is seedy, between such nuances takes discretion, complicated English Latin we private life and not let one get in the forced into being supervised by him, disgraceful, deeply corrosive, and something manifestly absent from shrill could do without (habeas corpus is way of another. Equally, clear impartial or indeed that we should behave as if repulsive in every way. headlines or the infamous “paedo” already on its way out, what with judgement, even when dealing with possessing  een hundred pictures of But – and this is the point which the sprayed all over a paediatrician’s house 42 day detention), but not only is it such an emotive issue, will always speak teenage boys in a variety of contexts mass media conveniently forgets – it in Newport, South Wales. our heritage, it’s still useful. Don’t more powerfully than a strident, one- were perfectly acceptable.  is isn’t also di ers wildly from case to case. Where does Dr Hammond come ban this classical  lth: English size- ts-all approach. Hopefully, we will  e History Boys or Wilde’s trial. But  ere is the di erence between fantasis- into this? For a start, there is no whi of would be a lot murkier without it. ultimately be far better equipped to deal I cannot but feel that, if there is a time ing, watching, and doing; there is also sexual scandal in his behaviour; from with the very worst cases and realise and a place to prove that somebody the crucial di erence in degree between the available sources, it seems as if he that in other cases, rehabilitation can be convicted of this o ence can be suc- photos of fourteen-year-old Olympic struck a balance between professional a viable and workable option. Friday November 14 2008 Opinionated? varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 27

Spk yr brains

Chatroom chinwag between Wi Wendies and Broadband Brians

Week 6: Prince Charles

 e only sentence I remember of him was to his old cow camilla: ‘I WANT TO BE YOUR TAMPON’. Fuck o the entire monarchy I piss in the mouth of charles and his old coe mother. FUCK THEM. Pigfuc08, Bishops Stortford Posted Tuesday 14:38

Anyone for polo? KingCharlesI, Slough Posted Wednesday 03:51

Hes missunderstood. all he really wants is to be a tampon man living inside camela’s trousers. Call him Prince Tampon but don’t insult ANNA TRENCH this bloody fool. FriedEggsandChips, Berwick Posted Wednesday 13:43 Samantha i would do harry in a  ash...woof! ytrogergt48, Hants Weinberg Girls on lm Posted Wednesday 16:48 Ive researched prophecies about Can feminists be Flemingists? the antiChrist for the past 7 years and found that Charles 100% ful- lls all them. if you know anything hen Barbara Broccoli, the is probably why she dumped him for being pleasured by Bond, whether in pendent and attractive, then they might about mathmatical probability producer of Quantum of Solace, an American marine soon a er they a lifeboat, or space ship, is that really just enjoy it too. statistics you will see it is impossa- claimedW on the eve of its premiere that arrived in London. anti-feminist? Surely one of the tenets ble that anyone other than Prince “the early Bond women were very No, Broccoli was talking about the of progressive womanhood is that we charles is the anti-Christ. progressive,” her remarks were widely Bond women – speci cally the ones in can get our sexual pleasure where and Sibilantsilence999, Isle of Skye dismissed as the usual publicity-seeking the early Sean Connery lms, who were as we want it. Just because Bond doesn’t Posted Wednesday 19:17 hyperbole. Kathy Lette described the much more closely based on Flem- have a degree in female empathy doesn’t luscious, usually under-clad lovelies as ing’s original characters than those that mean he’s not attractive; even the they are political, they are rascist, “little more than a life support system followed in the Moore and Brosnan unabashedly Sapphic novelist Jeanette they refuse to accept roman catho- to a pair of breasts,” while Fay Weldon eras. “ e women were unique for their Winterton has admitted to occasion- lics which makes them sectarian maintained that the lms “were at- time,” she explained. “A lot of them were ally wanting to bed Bond. Seduction they are inbreeding drunks drug tempts by men to keep women in their sexual predators who gave as good as is a two-way passage, and as addicts homosexual, lesbian, that place and ensure they still ironed their they got.  ey had professional careers frequently as not, the Bond phil the danish born in greece shirts”. and did extraordinary things.” women were the hunters, german was grooming what about  ere’s certainly much to support that In the novel Gold nger, Pussy Galore and 007 their prey. Good his a air with queenie young cuz – and not only Ursula Andress’ push was a lesbian gang leader; in the lm, on them. If Daniel Craig alexandria that was grooming up bikini top.  e rst quali cation of a she was stunt pilot and, until it suited knocked on my door on MonarchyNZ, New Zealand Bond girl is to look good in swimwear, her, impervious to Bond’s charms.  e a rainy night, I wouldn’t Posted  ursday 11:57 as well as in extremis - something Vesper Lynd of Fleming’s Casino Royale turn him away. Quantum of Solace’s Olga Kurylenko was a French-speaking, double-crossing As the lm series the STEWARTS are the rightful pulls o with panache. No one is ever wireless expert who was prepared to progressed, however, heirs , ,and she is only head of a going to mistake the Bond lms, and take her own life rather than betray her and girl power became church because henry wanted to Ian Fleming’s books on which they men. Honeychile Rider (Dr No) set a more accepted outside fornicate were based, for the works of Andrea deadly black widow spider on the man the celluloid world, Morganissima, Co.Durham Dworkin or Germaine Greer.  ey are who tried to rape her, while Tilly Mas- perversely the centre Posted  ursday 13:41 escapist thrillers about an action hero terton – in the novel version of Gold n- of gravity of the who saves the world from some mad- ger – was a professional ice skater who female leads slipped Charles = prick and i would love man (or woman, think Rosa Klebb or found her heart beating faster for Pussy down from the brain to hold his ears while headbutting Irma Bunt) and ends up in the embrace Galore than it did for 007. Kurylenko’s towards the breasts. him repeatedly! of a beautiful dame with succulent lips Camille is a Bolivian agent with a lust  at is something Bar- RSBenny, Cork and, in the words of Fleming, “splendid for revenge, and her own licence to kill. bara Broccoli concedes: “I Posted  ursday 13:43 protuberances. Back and front.” She comes haring to Bond’s rescue on think we went through a pe- Not exactly feminist tracts then. But several occasions, displaying admi- riod later on when they became your are monstrous future king of Broccoli never claimed they were, any rable driving skills, just as Tracy di more window dressing.  ey were england indeed you are descendant more than she claimed that Bond was a Vicenzo – later Mrs. Bond – did in On draped around swimming pools and of evil king who killed our catho- feminist. Since he believes – like many a Her Majesty’s Secret Service, when she that sort of thing.” lics Henry VIII you are not worthy premier division footballer a er a night whizzed him away from Blofeld’s men But it’s something that Casino Royale, to head the church of England on the razz - that all women have rape with a speed and verve that would have with the bewitching Vesper Lynd, return it to the rightful owner you fantasies, and complains about them stopped Lewis Hamilton in his tracks. reversed – and that Quantum’s Camille are liar anfd thiefps... love you still “hanging onto [his] gun hand,” that No ‘women drivers’ there then. takes a step further. As a Bond fan, too diana...we wont ferget you would never wash. Bond’s idea of a per-  e Bond women were undeniably and a feminist, I enjoyed it. And if pies4u, Wolverhampton fect woman, as he explained to Ti any beautiful and sensuous, but I can’t for a Lette, Weldon and their ilk took o posted Friday 06:50 Case a er an amorous mid-Atlantic second imagine any of them behind the their mud-coloured spectacles and interlude, is “someone who can make ironing board. And while – until Quan- let themselves escape into a world sauce Bearnaise as well as love.” Which tum, anyway - every Bond girl ends up where women can be both inde- Bene’t’s Cafés 20 King’s Parade

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An equal opportunity employer Visit us at oliverwyman.com Friday November 14 2008 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 29

REPORTS

SOPHIE PICKFORD Cambridge succumb to Saints » Spirited Rugby Blues hold heads high after stubborn defence against Northampton

Jenny Morgan is was the moment when the Blues Sport Reporter Cambridge 21 should have crumbled. Broken and bat- tered with a brace of injuries, the Cam- bridge of previous weeks would have It’s no secret that the Blues have been short Northampton 29 rolled over. But not this time. Cambridge on form recently. But with a month to go were soon attacking with an unforeseen until Varsity, Cambridge  nally found soon dulled by a period of fearsome scrim- intensity, making use of new recruit their feet on Monday and gave the North- maging and the play inched its way back Vickerman to exert a dominance in the ampton Saints a run for their money. toward the Cambridge end. A penalty try lineout and the strength to drive to the e early pace was astonishing, and the was eventually awarded to the visitors, and line. A er a sustained period of posses- Saints slipped through to the try line with- a few minutes later an unstoppable Soane sion, Maclennan sent a smart pass out in the  rst three minutes. e onslaught Tonga’uiha charged through the Cam- to pacey James Greenwood on the wing continued, with a strength in the scrum bridge rearguard from a ten metre lineout who stormed past the stunned defence not seen at Grange Road this year. Push- to stretch the score yet further. But some to take a try out on the right. But Cam- ing steadily up the pitch, a quick pass out heroic play from Blues fullback Scott Ma- bridge weren’t  nished yet. Mark Ranby to the le allowed the Saints’ Neil Starling clennan held up former All Black Carlos charged down a Saints kick and raced to skip through and touch down. It looked Spencer’s scoring opportunity, leaving the to the line to rapturous cheers from the to all like Cambridge were to be outclassed half time score 24-7. crowd:  nally the Blues were giving them yet again. e Saints made a couple of useful something to shout about. But some fabulous play from the backs changes at half time and came out hungry But the clock was against them, and the soon turned the situation on its head. A for more points. But the decision to play  nal whistle denied the Blues the chance crunching tackle from Mark Ranby gave uncontested scrums le them with less op- to level the score, leaving it 29-21 to the Cambridge the possession, and, kicking portunity to use their dominant forwards Saints at the close of play. Defeated, yes, ahead of him, Jimmy Richards went hur- to simply steamroller the boys in blue. On but something special had happened out tling up the pitch in hot pursuit. About top of that, we were treated with twenty there. e Blues had dug deep and at last to be caught, he kicked on once more to minutes of top class defending from Cam- found what they had been looking for; is lend speedy centre Chris Lewis the chance bridge. Sometimes only inches from the this the turn around we’ve been waiting to touch down at full stretch. A useful try line, not unlike the dying moments of for? Only time will tell, but the road to Cambridge enjoyed a conversion took the score to a smart 12- the Varsity match last year, they worked in- Varsity is certainly looking less treacher- second half resurgence 7; more importantly, the Saints had been credibly hard to resist the inevitable; when ous than it did just one week ago. shown to be less than perfect when caught it came courtesy of an overlap on the le , Star Player: Mark Ranby led the charge, on the run. there was really very little that could have unleashing some aggressive attacking play However, this  ash of brilliance was been done to prevent it. that inspired his team mates to follow.

CHARLOTTE RUNCIE No sweat for Polo Blues College Catch-up Team of the Week Varsity Sport Cambridge 27 Queens’ College Football Club Cambridge emphatically defeated a weak Essex University team to maintain Essex 0 e spirit of the cup was truly alive their 100% record in the newly created bridge’s favour. last weekend. Queens’, yet to record Upolo competition. e second quarter began in much a victory in college football’s ird e game started at an explosive pace, the same way as the  rst, with some Division, combined tough tackling with Cambridge taking the lead from incisive passing cutting apart the Es- with brute determination to dump a swi counter-attacking move which sex defence. It was Cooke who began to Division One regulars Churchill out forced Essex into committing a major take advantage of the  uidity of the play, Essex defend to no avail of Cuppers. Taking an unlikely lead foul. e resulting penalty was convert- completing his hat-trick within the  rst within 30 seconds of kick o , the un- ed by Steve Smith. e Blues continued four minutes of the second quarter. Es- at goal. As the game entered the last long pass. derdogs were twice pinned back by to dominate proceedings with every Es- sex looked to threaten at the other end, quarter, the Blues really began to turn A superb team performance from a determined Churchill as the teams sex attack being met by stern defence with a  urry of strong shots sailing just the screw, with eight goals from eight the Blues leaves them leading the South entered the last half-hour all square from the experienced Steve Cooke and wide. Cambridge nevertheless ended the di erent players. e game was  nished East League. eir next match is a tough at 2-2. Yet Queens’ once again ral- new recruit Alex Ross in goal. As a re- half 13-0. o in style; Cambridge’s junior inter- away  xture against Imperial in a top of lied, Tom Balling con dently con- sult, counter-attacks at the other end A strong bench meant there was no nationals combined sublimely to allow the table clash. verting a penalty and Ali Wilson were constantly created and the score at rest for the Essex side, who were in- captain Nick McLoughlin to slot home Star Player: Steve Cooke – four goals adding another in quick succession. the end of the  rst quarter 7-0 in Cam- creasingly limited to long-range e orts the  nal shot of the match from Ross’s on top of an impressive defensive display. Gritty determination saw o a late Churchill charge as Queens’ hung

SEAN JONES on for an inspired 4-3 victory and a major cup upset.

Footballers outclassed by Bedford One to watch next week » Women Blues’ strong start to the season halted Downing vs Trinity

Downing have raced to the top of Divi- Jenny Morgan for the Blues. Bedford replied in kind sion one this season with three straight with a stunning volley from the edge victories scoring nine goals and conced- Sport Reporter Cambridge 1 of the area, and Cambridge were once ing just one. is weekend they face more le trying to  ght their way out of their toughest test yet as they face a last Fresh from some early season success, Bedford 5 their own half. Some piercing runs from years champions Trinity at Downing the Cambridge Women’s Football team Helen Bel eld were the only glimmers pitches. With a game in hand Trinity took on Bedford in a hard-fought en- in and around the area was starting to of hope in a game otherwise dominated are sitting in fourth place having won counter on Wednesday. Both teams look more scrappy and goalie Kate Ort- by the relentless Bedford attack. Two one and lost one so far this season. Last started strongly, with little to choose man was forced to make a couple of more goals for the visitors le the  nal time out they clinched the champion- between them for the  rst ten minutes. saves. e defence held until ten min- score a disappointing 5-1. Cambridge ship losing only two games so Downing Cambridge made some excellent tack- utes from half time, when Bedford  - worked hard with many of the defend- will need all of their early season mo- les and blocked passes in defence and nally snatched a goal from open play. ers battling for the full ninety minutes mentum to see o the league favourites. then used the wide options to drive up A er the break, an early Bedford goal against a physical opposition, but they Downing sit atop of the league only on the wing into the opposition’s half. Play- put Cambridge on the back foot. But were outclassed. ey will be hoping goal di erence with an impressive Jesus ing quite deep, however, they struggled some strong defending from Rachel for a return to form in their Cup match side no doubt hoping Trinity can get to always  nd a blue shirt to pass to, Folwell in particular eventually moved away to Birmingham next week. something from the game to give Jesus e Blues were under heavy and Bedford soon came to dominate the ball deep into the visitors’ half, Star Player: Helen Bel eld – some the chance to top the league come the pressure for large spells the possession. With calls for the Cam- where a goal-keeping error then le the neat and clever attacking play in di cult end of the weekend. bridge defence not to back o , the play way clear for Nicola Dutton to convert circumstances. Sport Editors: Ben Riley-Smith and Andy Robson Friday November 14 2008 30 Sport [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Sport Feature: MyFootballClub.co.uk interview

Brooks (right) with Ebbs eet manager Liam Daish Boardroom innovation OVER THIRTY THOUSAND ‘MANAGERS’, ONE FOOTBALL CLUB: COULD IT EVER WORK? WILL BROOKS, FOUNDER OF MYFOOTBALLCLUB.CO.UK TALKS TO ANDY ROBSON ABOUT THE IDEA THAT REVOLUTIONISED THE FORTUNES OF EBBSFLEET UNITED

he last few years have seen an Brooks, who by this stage had carved out ing Brooks. From struggling to nd an nancial mine eld and the impacts of the Russia to Brazil. Tunprecedented rise in the number a successful career as a sports journalist. interested party, Brooks was confronted credit crunch are certainly being felt. “It’s  e obvious aim now for Brooks and of multi-million foreign takeovers in  ough part of a generation of football with no fewer than nine clubs interested starting to bite,” observes Brooks, who Ebbs eet is promotion to the Football English football. Most notably, Septem- fans that fell in love with the Champion- in the MyFC venture. “In a way, we didn’t sees Ebbs eet’s main target as nancial League.  e concept is still in its infancy ber’s extraordinary events in Manchester ship Manager series, Brooks himself was have a penny in the bank, but that was stability. “For us it’s about consolidation, and Brooks freely admits, “the second captivated the football world, but the never convinced by computer games: “I enough for clubs to be interested,” recalls reducing the monthly loss which is still year is key to seeing how feasible this Citizens top a long list of other clubs who never really liked management simula- Brooks who went about assessing each of at around forty to  y thousand.” Press is long-term”. Special praise must be have been the subject of high-pro le tion games that much; I liked the idea the clubs on their merits. coverage still remains hugely impor- reserved for Brooks though, whose ini-  e strongest contender to emerge tant for Brooks and Ebbs eet, as was tiative has earned admiring glances from “I NEVER REALLY LIKED MANAGEMENT SIMULATION was Ebbs eet United. Brooks noted them highlighted earlier in the season. “When across the football world. “It’s been a as a “well-run club on and o the pitch”, we sold John Akinde and the members rollercoaster with more ups than downs,” GAMES THAT MUCH; I LIKED THE IDEA OF THEM and with a location close to the new voted on whether to allow the player to he reminisces. Ask any real football fan Eurostar station and proximity to the join Bristol City; we had 500 people join and they’d surely tell you that they hope south-eastern dominated membership, in two days.” this genuinely exciting project continues BUT I FOUND THEM ULTIMATELY FRUSTRATING. WHY they were an ideal choice. And, a er two Since the takeover, Brooks has ob- on its upward journey. months of due diligence, an overwhelm- served an improvement in attendances, COULDN’T YOU DO IT FOR REAL?” ing majority of 96% of the membership “they’ve certainly gone up”, he notes, with rati ed the deal to buy Ebbs eet United. the gures suggesting an increase of 500 MyFootballClub.co.uk takeovers from overseas investors. To the of them but I found them ultimately “It was symbolic to allow them to put on the average gates.  e club now has average football fan, perhaps disillu- frustrating. Why couldn’t you do it for the ink on the paper,” Brooks recalls.  e a fan base across the world, with 3,500 April 2007 Will Brooks launches site sioned with the reduction of our national real?” And so he did. members in America, 900 in Australia July 2007 53,000 members sign up sport to billionaire’s Subbuteo, a news Brooks’ initial steps to promoting his and a fanatical 400 from Norway, many Feb 2008 Members vote to buy story from way down in the Confer- idea were tricky. His idea, which sought of whom made the journey for the Ebbs eet United for £600k ence provides a great deal more intrigue. to nd 50,000 football enthusiasts to victorious FA Trophy nal back in May. May 2008 Ebbs eet wins FA Trophy Almost one year ago today, MyFootball- invest £35 each to buy and run a football And the impact of Brooks’ idea doesn’t June 2008 Ebbs eet enjoys record Club.co.uk was launched: a proud mo- club, was ground-breaking. He had £35 just rest with Ebbs eet, his initiative has season ticket sales ment for creator Will Brooks who traces supreme con dence in the strength of The membership fee to join been replicated across the globe. Type Aug 2008 Members raise £20,000 his idea all the way back to his childhood, his idea though, admitting, “initially MyFootballClub.co.uk and vote on the ‘myfootballclub’ into Wikipedia and you’ll themselves to buy Michael spent on the terraces at Craven Cottage. I thought the clubs would be bowled key decisions surrounding the club be presented with the project being car- Gash from Cambridge City Watching his beloved Fulham in the over by this incredible idea”. Although ried out in no less than 12 countries from old  ird Division in the early eighties, the clubs Brooks initially approached in deal was completed on February 19 2008 Londoner Brooks, just 12, was le disil- League Two and the Conference thought and a new chapter in Ebbs eet United’s lusioned as his home-town side battled the concept was solid, they saw it as history began. with nancial problems. “ e club was too much of a risk. It was a frustrating Just three months a er the takeover in real nancial di culty,” says Brooks, time for Brooks, who received plenty of had been completed, signs of instant “I’d look at the three or four thousand encouragement for his idea but little in success were already visible. Having gates and think if everyone could nd terms of commitment. “Everyone was never been to Wembley before in the a thousand pounds, that could raise £4 saying ‘great idea, great idea’,” but the o er club’s history, Ebbs eet made it to million and clear the debts.” Perhaps this never came. the FA Trophy Final to face Torquay. was a little optimistic, even for a club Brooks saw only one way of solving Brooks recalls the occasion as “all settled in as a uent a location as Fulham, the problem, “it really was a nal throw very surreal”. He jokes that “the irony but regardless, the early foundations of of the dice to  ip the whole thing on of supporting Fulham all my life and Brooks’ innovative ownership proposal its head and try and get the people rst never having a whi of Wembley was were being laid. and the club second”. In due course, the bizarre”.  e importance of the xture “I could never quite work out why website was launched on April 26 2007. was clear and Brooks freely admits football fans couldn’t co-ordinate them- Football takeovers were very much in the that, “everything rested on one game”. selves,” shrugs Brooks, who felt the fund- news at the time, and MyFC bene ted Fitting with most of this absorbing raising methods of bucket collections and from a great deal of publicity; he sees tale, Ebbs eet went on to win 1-0 and town hall meetings were getting the club the decision to launch the website rst in Brooks’ own words “the fairytale nowhere.  ere had to be something else. as one of the best he’s made. “ at’s the was completed”. February 2005. Brooks, who, he thrilling thing about the internet, if you Since that unquestionable high, the re- confesses, had “bored his mates for years” get the idea right you don’t need to spend alities of non-league football have begun with his collective ownership idea, began a penny on marketing.” to take e ect. Ebbs eet nd themselves to give some serious consideration to  ree months and 50,000 budding in a unique position, bene ting from an e victorious Ebbs eet team celebrate their FA Trophy win in May moving it onto the next level. “ e idea owners later, everything had changed. income stream that none of their rivals began to crystallize in my mind,” states Now it was the clubs who were chas- possess, but non-league football is a Friday November 14 2008 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 31

Jamie Ptaszynski’s Trials Ptaszynski Putting race back in Formula One Sport Comment

n what is truly one of the most excit- answer the latter two questions. “Yes But there were other reasons to discussion, will imagine that Dr King ing a ernoons of motorsport I have and yes,” he might as well have said. celebrate Lewis Hamilton this week. Jr’s posthumous revolutions might everI witnessed, Lewis Hamilton last  at knocked the excitement right Anyone who was awake with a TV  nally have ceased. But that would be week became the youngest Formula out of me. Apparently the team oracles, on at 5am last Wednesday would a repulsively pretentious assumption One world champion in history.  e using some kind of electronic com- have seen Jesse Jackson weeping like to make a er a week in which we have race had everything: an early disrup- puter, could see how wet it was going a prepubescent schoolgirl who’d just taken merely two more small steps on tion to everyone’s race plans due to a to be six laps before the end and were watched Dirty Dancing for the  rst the long stairway to racial equality. shower just before the start; the igno- already aware of Glock’s rate of loss of time. And he was right to. In four Lewis Hamilton is certainly not go- Week 6: Women’s football minious end to family favourite David speed while Hamilton was wondering sensational days we had seen two black ing to let the issue drop. Shortly a er Sporting layman Jamie Ptaszynski trains Coulthard’s career as an F1 driver; a his win, Bernie Ecclestone tried to with a di erent Blues team each week superb display of skill and determina- sweep under the carpet the unresolved tion by Felipe Massa and a double issue of some racist jibes directed at plot-twist right at the death which had In four sensational days we had seen two black men Hamilton in Spain earlier in the year, er being introduced last week everyone who has followed Hamilton’s rise to the absolute pinnacle of achievement within their dismissing them as ‘jokes’. Hamilton, Ato a new and easier way to enjoy short career hiding behind the sofa in an act which must have required the ‘sport’ of golf, I thought I’d try and biting their knuckles in a state of chosen  elds. One has won the Formula One driver’s fairly sizeable testicles, immediately something more testing this time climactic anxiety. turned on the billionaire owner of his around: women’s football. And I Relieved and buzzing at the  nal championship; the other has become president of the entire sport and condemned the sug- write that with no irony intended. result, I started asking questions: does gestion that such ‘jokes’ are okay. How easy it would be for me to say Glock have hostile feelings towards United States We must be careful not to judge the that it’s an absolute waste of time: Massa? Does he have romantic feelings battle for racial equality as won simply that they can’t even throw a ball so towards Hamilton? Can you really lose because the majority of the American there’s no point in trying to make that much time (twenty- ve seconds) whether or not to duel with Vettel for men rise to the absolute pinnacle of population are now willing to be lead them kick it. I could go on for pages in one lap just because you’ve got the  h place.  ey told Lewis to let the achievement within their chosen  elds. by a man who would have been lucky about My Little Ponies and pink- wrong tyres on? If so, did the McLaren German through in good con dence. One has won the Formula One driver’s to share a bus ride with them half a ribboned pigtails and I’m sure all team, through some sorcery, work this  ey were “nervous” but predicted championship; the other has become century ago: Bernie Ecclestone is more the guys would have a good, hearty, out, predict Hamilton would catch they would beat Glock by  ve seconds, president of the United States. intelligent than most and by no means chauvinist chuckle. I’d also end up him and therefore tell Lewis not to which they did. How depressingly un- It seems obvious to draw this a racist, but, even in his mind, it seems with a bunch of bra-burning Greer- worry about letting Vettel through? romantic is that? If I’d known it at the comparison and to many it will seem the boundaries are not yet clear. So, if alikes breathing down my neck for At almost that exact moment Ron time I’m not sure I would even have unnecessary. Some of us, particularly technology is nullifying the excitement the rest of my student career. Instead Dennis, McLaren team manager and been excited enough to stay until the those for whom race hasn’t been an of Formula One, we can still support I’m going to tell the truth as I see it possessor of the world’s least inspiring end. Mind you, it would have saved me issue for a long time, will be tempted Hamilton in his pursuit of the greater (probably risking the wrath of both name, came on my television screen to a good pair of trousers. to see these victories as an end to the victory. chauvinists and feminists). In case it’s been a while, or you’re DHANEESHA SENARATNE female (it’s a joke, don’t get the matches out just yet), football is the one where they try to kick the ball between the posts but under the bar, Jolly hockey sticks not over it; and the version I’m talk- ing about is the English one, where people drink the warm  at English » Blues women sweep to victory against lacklustre Lowestoft beer, called Carling, as opposed to the Gaelic and Aussie versions where Charlie Pearson they drink Guinness or Fosters. Sport Reporter Cambridge 4 Anyway, it turns out women can play it too. Of the twelve girls  e female hockey Blues climbed one Lowesto 1 who came to the Eagles practice on place to ninth in the Eastern Premier Sunday, most had genuine talent. Division on Saturday a er an encour- We started with a few heading drills, aging win over a keen but largely inef- brought the ball to the by-line and re- at which they were fairly well ac- fective opposition. turned a menacing cross to substitute complished.  e defensive drill we  e match was essentially sealed inside le -winger Becca Langton. With her  rst moved on to, aimed at improving the  rst 20 minutes a er an early  urry of touch of the game Langton shrugged o positioning and shepherding the Cambridge goals took the wind from the her marker and de ly li ed the ball over attacker one way or the other, was sails of Lowesto before they really had the keeper to all but secure three points. considerably more technical than a chance to leave port. With barely three Lowesto ’s contribution to the game was anything I ever encountered in a minutes gone Emma Goater dealt well limited while the disciplined Cambridge twelve-year career playing football at with a misdirected short corner and her mid eld a orded them no chance to play. school. Eventually I was put in goal shot was adeptly steered in by the stick Attacking possession for the visitors was E ective attacking saw for a quick six-a-side game to  nish. of le -back Hannah Rickman.  ere brief at best and the Cambridge back pair  ere were foul throws, but there seemed to be a general air of astonish- of captain Rosie Evans and fresher Kirsty Cambridge score three goals in the  rst 20 minutes were foul throws in the Jesus College ment surrounding the Cambridge team Elder mopped up almost every sni of a 1st XI match last week; there were betraying the rarity of such an early lead Lowesto advance. Keeper Fran Stubbins’ missed passes, but not everyone’s in the team’s di cult early season. Yet in- touches were infrequent and unchalleng- Paul Scholes. Most of the girls were credulous faces were soon persuaded by ing in both the  rst half and the start of Nevertheless, Cambridge were still al- just how many Cambridge could score. more Senderos than Deco, but then a textbook short corner strike from Anna the second, and all seemed to be a faultless lowed to display some more lovely hockey Short corner a er short corner were the so are most boys. Stanley six minutes later which ham- performance from the home side until, as the back four passed con dently and only reward for their attacks, and it was  ere is something very di erent, mered against the backboard to prove the 50 minutes in, some decent stick-work in Lisa Noble and Emma Goater continued not to be until the very last hit of the though. It doesn’t look the same as  rst goal was no  uke. the D created Lowesto ’s only real chance. to make hay in the middle, distributing game that an audacious move from the a game of men’s football; they don’t  e third, even better as a spectacle Stubbins was lured out of goal to make a nicely down the centre of the  eld. When  nal corner was converted by a calm slap move the same on the ball, or think and worked all the way from defence, save only to see the rebound worked into on the  eld Jenny Stephens and Charlotte by Lisa Noble to end the a air at 4-1. the same way about using spaces. It’s came on the 20-minute mark. Some ter- an open net around what were by this time Brearly made a formidable striking pair, Star Player: Lisa Noble – strong goal, not because they’re rubbish people, ri c work from Jenny Stephens up front disinterested defenders. with seemingly the only question being good defensively and  ne distribution. it’s simply because most boys are brought up with football all around them. Men start kicking balls and watching FA Cup  nals when we’re four or  ve years old. Some of the e Week Ahead women I was training with only played their  rst competitive game University University University National at university.  e women’s game suf- fers because they do not live football throughout their lives the same way Rugby Hockey Basketball Football as men do. The Blues continue their Varsity The Blues Mens Hockey take on The Blues Basketballers have had a Fabio Capello’s strong start to But this is changing. When one preparations on Monday night Wisbech Town at Wilberforce frustrating start to the season with World Cup qualifying has seen girl launched a massive throw against Worcester Warriors. After Road on Saturday. Last weekend in match postponements preventing England rise to 10th in the world towards the box, another piped a promising display against North- the East League, the team secured them gathering any real momen- rankings. On Wednesday night up ‘nice one Rory’ before I could ampton last Monday, they’ll be a 6-2 win away at Blueharts and tum. They take on Warwick on they face their toughest test in the remember the guy’s name. If you’re looking for more of the same. will be looking for another win. Wednesday lunchtime. shape of Germany. a boy and don’t get that reference, I Grange Road, Monday November Wilberforce Road, Saturday No- Kelsey Kerridge, Wednesday November Watch it at Quinn’s, Wednesday suggest you look it up before your 17, KO 19:15 vember 15, KO 14:30 19, KO 12 noon November 19, KO 19:30 girlfriend embarrasses you. Friday November 14 2008 varsity.co.uk/sport

Will Brooks »p30 Myfootballclub.co.uk Sport founder interviewed TWICKENHAM COUNTDOWN: 27 DAYS TO GO // FORM TRACKER: CAMBRIDGE P9 W2 L7 ~ OXFORD P8 W7 L1 // BLUES FORM PLAYER: TOM MALANLEY DAWSON QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “WE WILL BE GOING ALL OUT TO PREPARE AND EXECUTE OUR MECHANISMS AND FRAMEWORKS ON DECEMBER 11”

JET PHOTOGRAPHIC Captain’s Corner Benoit Ramsay Golf

olf is one of the prestigious ‘ rst- class’ sports at Cambridge and Gnaturally the standard is very high.  e captain explains, “Handicaps usually range from +1 to 4/5. Gener- ally we have one or two outstanding players, who play in top amateur tournaments, and rest of us are solid, low single- gure handicappers.”  e calibre of the squad allows them to Cambridge’s coxed four compete against some of the nest clubs in the country. “We play about thirty xtures against clubs such as Sunningdale, Rye, Walton Heath, Woodhall Spa, Royal Porthcawl, Royal St. George’s, to name but a few. It does mean getting up at ve in the morning – and sometimes before – and then driving for a couple of hours every Blues re Boat Race warning Saturday and Sunday, but the golf is de nitely worth it.” » Cambridge’s top four boat beat Oxford by 19 seconds in Thames time trial  e golfers commit a lot of time to the pursuit of their sport. “We’re » Dominant Light Blues display will cause concern for Oxford’s Olympians away every weekend, all weekend, and there is very rarely any time to do any Varsity Sport cruited for this year’s campaign, with im- the squad had fallen ill in the previous work on a Saturday or Sunday. People ports including a handful of Olympians. month, leaving lingering doubts over tend to collapse into bed on a Sunday CUBC 19m16s Furthermore controversy has surround- the rowers’ tness. Again, with strength night a er a 72-hole weekend!” On CUBC put on a ne display to beat bit- ed these developments, with accusations and stamina at the heart of the Blues’ top of this, there is a weekly training ter rivals Oxford and add momentum to OUBC 19m 35s that Oxford have lowered the bar in dominant performance, these questions session.  e players do though receive their Varsity Boat Race 2009 campaign. admissions to aid recruiting (a number have now been answered. some recompense for the many hours Racing in the Fuller’s Head of the to victory in the Elite 4-man Coxed  ere is one nal factor in Cam- sacri ced. “If we’ve built up a lead at River Fours, an event that sees over 450 event last Friday.  e day was truly bridge’s victory which may have a sig- lunch, our opposition o en attempt to boats compete in a time trial race on the Cambridge’s when their 2nd boat came CAMBRIDGE’S ni cant bearing on future success: the ‘out-lunch’ us to give them an advan-  ames, it was Cambridge who earned within 3 seconds of beating the Dark IMPRESSIVE VICTORY inclusion of Beijing medallists Tom tage in the a ernoon. Our members the bragging rights.  e top Blues boat Blues’ best boat. Such an emphatic vic- James and Josh West in the coach- are expected to handle a few glasses – consisting of Silas Sta ord, Rob Weite- tory will rightly ll the Cambridge camp WILL CERTAINLY HAVE ing sta .  eir role in preparing and of wine such that it doesn’t a ect their meyer, Henry Pelly and Tom Ransley with optimism, especially given that motivating CUBC was, in part, a re- game.”  e generosity of the host (with Helen Hodges at the helm) – man- they raced on exactly the same stretch of QUESTIONED THEIR sult of Coach Nillson’s absence (he is clubs is not the only perk – Ramsay aged to complete the 4 ¼ mile course in river used in the Boat Race (albeit in the ‘UNDERDOG’ TAG currently in New Zealand preparing also reveals that people have received 19 minutes and 16.38 seconds.  is was other direction). for a full time move to England). It job o ers at xtures in the past. the fastest time produced by a four-man Cambridge’s dominant display is remains to be seen whether they will On the subject of this year’s Varsity coxed boat. rendered all the more important in the of people noting a correlation between continue to help out with Cambridge’s Match, the captain states, “We’re quiet- Signi cantly, Cambridge’s rst boat context of the Varsity Boat Race for a students rowing for the university and campaign on Nillson’s return.  is de- ly con dent – we’ve had a good intake beat Oxford’s rst boat by a massive 19 number of reasons. Firstly, up to this those taking a one year water manage- cision may have a signi cant impact this year.”  e match takes place at the seconds. Facing a strong headwind and point, Oxford have been heavy favour- ment course). Cambridge’s impressive on Cambridge’s hopes of success come end of March: we can be sure they’ll rough conditions Cambridge’s top boat ites. In the rowing world, much has been victory will certainly have questioned March 29. get a few holes in before then. set an impressive pace as they powered made of the ‘big names’ Oxford have re- their ‘underdog’ tag. Secondly, many of Star player: ere is no I in team.

In Proud Association with Cambridge’s Biggest Indie Night Featuring Resident Jono Cary

CUARLFCCUARLFC The Squires The Wyverns The PPorcsorcs

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