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No. 625 Friday October 28, 2005 BANNEDThe Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947

Sir Trevor Brooking FROM CAMBRIDGE >>page 39 NOW CHARGED WITH MURDER

area to “keep their eyes open have been in St John's, Joe Gosden for any bloodstained item of Pembroke and Downing as clothing or bloody knives”. well as New Hall.” Although ary Chester-Nash, who Chester-Nash, who is report- denied by the college, several was barred from all ed to have been living rough in New Hall students told Varsity GCambridge University the St Ives area, had become that evidence had been found property in May 2004, has notorious in Cambridge and that Chester-Nash may have been arrested by Devon and was banned from every bar even been living inside New Time for tea Cornwall police on suspicion and club in the country after Hall for a period of time and >>page 9 of murder. Chester-Nash is set 9pm as he was considered a had been approaching stu- to appear at Truro Crown “danger to women”. dents. In his diary, found in Court on Tuesday November 1, It is thought that Chester- 2004, he made repeated refer- charged with the killing of 59 Nash spent nights in New Hall ence to a girl called Tiffany, year-old cleaner Jean during the Easter term of although it is unclear whether Bowditch, who was attacked 2003. His possessions were he was referring to a student. while she cleaned a property reputedly found in the college The diary also suggested that in Carbis Bay near St Ives. A and he is said to have gone Chester-Nash sought a job at post-mortem revealed that from door to door asking girls local nightclub CoCo’s (now Bowditch had been stabbed to go for a drink with him. A renamed the Soul Tree) to be repeatedly with a blade by her New Hall student recalls the in close proximity to women. attacker. police told her “it is important Dr Saxton told Varsity “If he The 80 year-old owner of that we catch him as we need has now been arrested for the property had found the to speak to him in connection murder, it suggests that the body on returning from a with several incidents.” It is Police and the Colleges were shopping trip and is now said believed that Chester-Nash ing posters of Chester-Nash. Dr 2004 to let them know if right to take action to warn to be “deeply traumatised”. spent time in New Hall Owen Saxton, Senior Tutor at Chester-Nash was seen in the students about him last year. Modern manners Police named their suspect as between 1997 and 2003. New Hall, told Varsity college, as they were investi- We can all be glad the action >>page 7 Chester-Nash on Saturday, In 2003, New Hall took the “Cambridgeshire Police asked gating several incidents involv- taken encouraged him to leave appealing to residents in the unprecedented step of circulat- New Hall students in May ing him. He was known to the Cambridge area.” Colleges clean up their act Who owns your work? Arts Feature on investments The Intellectual Property debate representatives of the Sidney duced by externally funded News Reporter Sussex student body”. Christ’s Tom Whyntie research, apart from work chan- Jess Holland College have also adopted an nelled through the routes of “nor- n investigation by Varsity ethical investment policy. he question of students’ mal academic publication”. on doing it all has revealed that Churchill College Bursar, lack of Intellectual Property Subject to an agreement ACambridge colleges have Jennifer Rigby, said that the vast TRights (IPR) was once between the researcher, the spon- by yourself taken significant steps to reduce majority of their investments again raised by Wednesday’s sors, and the University, every- their investments in arms com- were held through HSBC who announcement of a ballot on thing a student produces while >> page 25 panies. In many cases this has pursued a “socially responsible amendments to current working at the University under come as a direct result of pressure investment policy”. University policy. external funding (inventions, from the student body, including Tim Holt of the University Set for early December, it will designs, notebooks, laboratory CUSU and Varsity. The list of col- Press Office told Varsity that “The allow members of Regent House data, and computer files) can be leges that invest ethically is University and colleges of to vote for a series of amendments transferred to Cambridge and the extensive, with the majority of Cambridge are strong believers in proposed by the “Campaign for sponsor. Patenting rights are also colleges owning no shares in any socially responsible investment.” Cambridge Freedoms” (CCF) and controlled by the University – a sort of arms company. Sidney Far from being the “Ivy League championed by Professor Ross key part of the process of getting Sussex has even given a place on of Arms Trade Investors” as Anderson that aim to give control revenue from research and the the college’s investment panel to claimed by the Campaign Against back to the people who generate creative process. But the agree- their JCR treasurer in response to the Arms Trade, an accusation the ideas. ments, according to the CCF, are student pressure. Senior Bursar based on figures compiled almost Under the current policy, put open to interpretation. Their Charles Larkham told Varsity that a year old, Cambridge Colleges forward by Pro-Vice Chancellor amendments claim to make the the college regularly “discusses have in fact taken major steps to Ian Leslie, Cambridge has control researcher’s rights explicit, in that issues of ethical investment with improve their portfolios. over the IPR of everything pro- >>Continued on page 4

Sleepy head? >9 Chris Addison interviewed >16 Looking at me Voyeurism >20 League tables Sport >37 2 Varsity News 28.10.05 news in brief Three Weeks, Three Threats: No Warnings

Punt touts face fines Varsity wants to know why no one’s talking about student safety The controversial punt tout alarms. A Pembroke 2nd year rape. When Varsity asked the anyone else about the incident, bylaw announced in early said “the college looks after us college’s Porters and the Senior “My first concern was 2005 has finally been rati- all very well”. Senior Tutor Dr Tutor about the incident, all Robinson students. I thought it fied by the Government. Mark Wormald said that he had claimed to have been told noth- was probably an isolated inci- Cambridge County Council not felt it appropriate to inform ing about it. dent and I didn’t want to scare- now has the power to fine JAMIE MARLAND other colleges about the inci- JCRs are under no obligation monger.” She added that she punt touts up to £500 if dent, despite the fact it occurred to inform their colleges of risks would now contact CUSU and they annoy passer-bys. close to Newnham and Selwyn. to student safety and their admitted “in general I think Companies can tout in the He saw it as a “matter of discre- emails go directly to students that if something is serious immediate surrounding tion” for senior tutors to decide rather than through staff. This enough to tell one’s own stu- areas of five recognized when this step should be taken. means colleges can stay in the dents then the whole punt stations. At present, A network of senior tutors dark about serious incidents. University ought to know.” freelance touts do not have and Porters does exist and can Wormald felt this could be a CUSU Welfare Officer Vicki anywhere to tout. be used to alert colleges about positive aspect of the system by Mann expressed concern about threats. “There is a real level of allowing two different chan- the lack of communication understanding between tutors” nels through which informa- between the Welfare Officers Pole dancing returns to Wormald assured Varsity “and tion could be circulated: “Our at different colleges. She said Cambridge on balance the system is work- Junior Parlour are free to alert “there is a list for all welfare An email went round the ing.” But colleges appear to students to risks, they do not officers and they are encour- ADC list this week adver- have little guidance about when have to go through us.” aged to send news of attacks tising the “all-new, glitzy, to talk to each other. Christ’s Some students said they felt around it, but it’s difficult - we glamorous, sexy, truly attacked near Hills Road; and Senior Tutor, Dr Peterson, said happier telling their peers as can’t make them. Last year the spectacular Cambridge Rachel Divall last week a Robinson 2nd year “the college has no fixed policy opposed to tutors about inci- lists seemed to be used much Pole Dancing Society”. The was the victim of an attempted about when to contact others.” dents. A New Hall student told more, I don’t know what’s club promises opportuni- Just three weeks into term and attack by a taxi driver. No stu- Alan Finlay, Churchill’s Senior Varsity, “I’d worry that if I told gone wrong this term. The sys- ties for performing at May Varsity has already been dents we spoke to had heard of Tutor, said “We tend to rely on college about something, tem relies on a sense of obliga- Balls and “venues around informed of three incidents that any of the three incidents our Head Porter’s discretion.” things might be blown out of tion.” Mann will look into set- the country” and requires highlight dangers to students in unless they happened to be Jesus College relies on “com- proportion.” ting guidelines for welfare offi- no previous experience. It’s Cambridge. This article might from the colleges in question. mon sense” when deciding The Robinson 2nd year who cers to follow when this sort of not the first time that pole well be the first that those out- Varsity has found that whom to contact. narrowly escaped being situation arises in the future. dancing has been seen in side the three colleges involved although the level of pastoral The attempted rape of a abducted by a taxi driver said Cambridge College’s PC Cambridge. Last year a 13- have heard of these episodes. care offered to students by their friend of a King’s student only she had been “too shaken” to Carole Langton said that strong Cambridge group Varsity has looked into how colleges is very good, there is a prompted an email sent tell the Porters about the inci- unless students informed the known as the “Fellowship communication has broken severe lack of inter-collegiate through the College’s Student dent right away. Details of the police about incidents there of the Pole” gained wide- down. communication. Union warning King’s students: attempted attack were circulat- was nothing they could do. spread press attention after In Week One a Pembroke As a result of the Pembroke “Do not walk home alone.” The ed to Robinson students by “We want to hear even about it was reported that they 2nd year going to her accom- incident an email was circulated email said the attack took place their Women’s Officer, attempted attacks, just making had used college funds to modation in Selwyn Gardens among students, an article “on a busy, well-lit street before Rhiannon Edwards, who us aware of what’s going on is pay for professional train- was followed and later about safety featured in the col- midnight.” warned students to “please helpful. People don’t have to ing from a stripper. approached by a man; in the lege’s in-house magazine, and Cambridgeshire Police con- avoid walking anywhere on press charges. I just despair if early hours of October 18 the students living in Selwyn firmed a man had been arrested your own at night”. She told people aren’t reporting friend of a King’s student was Gardens were all offered rape and charged with attempted Varsity she was yet to contact things.” Chemistry a bit dry? Experiments were disrupt- ed at the Department of Liar, Liar, Flying Higher Chemistry on Wednesday, as the building ran out of Dis-Orientation over name change Alpha1 have started selling tickets tap water. A piping prob- to fly between Southampton and lem led to a loss of water the Isle of Man. But boss Martin pressure in several labora- Halstead abandoned plans to fly tories used for both Amy Goodwin takes a look inside a troubled Faculty from Cambridge to Oxford research and teaching. because the relevant airports do Chemists were left without A proposed name change for the ‘orientalism’ and all that”. Walsh Another academic joked that the an option. The student represen- not have “the correct infrastruc- this vital resource as water Faculty of Oriental Studies has denied that this was necessarily only truly suitable name for the tatives on the Board have since ture” to cope with his “big air- gradually trickled away caused great controversy among an issue, claiming that a Professor Faculty was “The Other”. sent out an email survey canvass- craft”. The teenager decided to throughout the morning. both academics and students, and of Japanese studies could always CUSU Council is set to debate a ing students’ opinions, the result give up the Oxbridge route five Practical classes were post- there seems to be no universally contact colleagues in Japan using motion on Tuesday condemning of which will be presented before weeks ago, when he realised his poned as simple laboratory acceptable solution in the the name of the ‘East Asian not only the proposal but the a general vote at the Faculty planes were too big. The public processes like filtration pipeline. In 2004 the School Institute’ instead. A major cause “rather strange approach” the AGM at the beginning of were nevertheless told this route and cooling were rendered requested a total Review of the of friction is that there is no con- Faculty is alleged to have taken to November. Head told Varsity that would open at the end of October, impossible. Normality was Faculty, a move CUSU President sensus on how the faculty is the issue. Many students believe at present approximately 85% of Halstead recently telling Varsity restored in the afternoon. Laura Walsh deemed “highly regarded by the outside world; that the consultation process has respondents have been against “we’ve researched the route fully unusual”. Undergraduate Faculty CUSU maintains that most paral- been totally inadequate consider- changing the name of the Faculty, and it will be a success.” However Board representative Jacob Head lel academic institutions use the ing the impact a name change and over 90% against changing when Varsity revealed on October believes the review was instigat- term ‘Oriental’, whilst Professor could potentially have on the way the name of the Tripos. 14 that both airports knew noth- The truth is in ed because in the context of gen- Bowring believes the term their degree is perceived. CUSU One senior academic told Var- ing of the plans Halstead was Cambridge eral funding cutbacks the Faculty “means nothing” to his counter- has said that students were “bare- sity that he believes some under- forced to admit defeat. An Alpha1 In a recent speech in the is regarded as being particularly parts abroad, and the Board’s ly consulted” about the change. graduates tend to “romanticise” ticket office agent acknowledged, UK actress Gillian “expensive and obscure”. It has Chairman Professor Kornicki is An official email soliciting opinion the term “Oriental”, which is in "[We] made our name from this Anderson remembered that one of the highest staff to student alleged to have said, “I just don’t was sent out in October 2004, but fact “misrepresentative” of a Oxbridge route idea and we've got when she spoke at the ratios in the University and want to be known as an only thirteen replies were Faculty attempting to modernise loads of publicity from it." Cambridge Union last year, encompasses many disparate, Orientalist”. A senior member of received. Barker told Varsity that whilst producing cutting-edge "All they wanted to ask me lesser-known disciplines. the Faculty told Varsity that this “last year the correspondence research on some of the issues at was about X Files. After a Although the Review makes issue could have been resolved if from the faculty to the students the forefront of current national while [I] thought: 'Have numerous recommendations and the Review had been carried out indicated that the name change concerns. The furore over the >>page 10 they got nothing else to has been generally accepted as more thoroughly, for example by was very tentative. However, Faculty’s name may well be hin- talk about?' But then I ‘quite fair’, the totemic issue of including representatives from since the ‘emergency’ Faculty dering more fundamental con- On Islam realised, I haven't done the Faculty’s name has divided foreign universities to give a Board meeting this past July, the cerns from being addressed. The anything else." an institution described by Board clearer picture of the Faculty’s name change is suddenly immi- financial problems the Review Jon Swaine member and Master of Selwyn image abroad. nent, and this without enough was designed to tackle have College, Professor Richard Further problems are present- inquiry into student opinions on already had the effect of “freez- hears Irshad Bowring, as “one big happy fam- ed by the fact that the Faculty is the matter”. The meeting Barker ing” certain posts. Many academ- ily”. known to be more of a “dustbin” refers to has proved a point of bit- ics have suggested that potential Manji’s case The Faculty’s Graduate than an intellectually coherent ter dispute. As it was called in the applicants may be being deterred listen Student Representative, William unit. Professor Bowring admits Long Vacation, only Jacob Head by the Faculty’s “old-fashioned” for reform Barker, believes that the term that the grouping makes sense was able to attend the meeting to image, embodied in its current ‘Oriental Studies’ has fallen out “institutionally, but not intellec- represent students’ views. It is name. You can hear of favour due to the sway of tually”. Among the names pro- alleged that Professor Kornicki Professor Gordon reminded political correctness, although the posed by the Review was the effectively forced a vote in a Varsity of the Faculty’s greater Varsity on the move comes over twenty years ‘Faculty of East Asian Studies’, a “tense” Board meeting held last responsibilities. “We need to keep radio on after Edward Said’s influential proposition described by Walsh as Tuesday, in which various propos- in mind that the present title fits book ‘Orientalism’ was first pub- “totally unacceptable and inap- als were eliminated before a final above the main Faculty entrance Mondays at lished. Professor Gordon, the propriate”. An eminent vote which saw ‘The Faculty of doors, which are only about two 7pm. Regius Professor of Hebrew, Egyptologist allegedly shouted in Asian, Near Eastern and Middle metres wide. Some of the newer agreed that “many of our col- a discussion earlier this month, Eastern Studies’ win seven votes proposals would require much CUR 1350 leagues, especially those dealing “Well, I had better go and phone and ‘The Faculty of Asian Studies’ larger doors, which could be with East Asia, are uncomfort- the British Embassy in Cairo and win twelve. ‘The Faculty of unhelpful in the university's able with the Faculty’s name: tell them to relocate to Asia!”. Oriental Studies’ was not listed as present financial situation”. our policy The VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Week In

THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT Weather ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY PUB- LICATIONS LIMITED. 28.10.05 News Varsity 3 ADC begins 150th anniversary celebrations Jenny Lee, director of Wild Honey, the Amateur Dramatic Club’s anniversary show, looks over the Club’s history Amateur is a dirty word. It the ADC’s progress into the ly and reassuringly states “we smacks of the unskilful and twentieth century has been are not pretentious luvvies, unprofessional. The connota- somewhat shaky: it was obliged we’re not scary or intimidating tions of “amateur drama” can to hand over the maintenance – we’re just students who are be even worse, carrying with it of the theatre to the University enthusiastic about theatre.” the whiff of small-town and for financial reasons and has When I emailed Sir Richard small-talk, conjuring up images only incorporated disabled Eyre to find out about his expe- of trampy actresses with ciga- access into its residence this rience of theatre at Cambridge rettes trailing from their lips year. Others have viewed the he replied, without prompting: and impoverished impresarios. ADC as unapproachable: the “The best thing about being at So how does the University’s theatrical world in Cambridge Cambridge, if you’re interested Amateur Dramatic Club fit into is a tight-knit community and in theatre, is the ADC. It’s run this picture? by students and funded by the The ADC has come a long University, and is the single way since its genesis in the reason that so many directors, back rooms of the Hoop Hotel “TRAGEDY STRUCK and actors, have emerged from on Jesus Lane. The Club’s first Cambridge in the last 40 years.” performance was a series of IN 1933 WHEN THE Eyre went on to explain that he one-act plays of varying quali- HOOP STAGE WAS never directed in the theatre ty: “the receipts were scanty DESTROYED IN A while he was at Cambridge, but a start was effected.” By the FIRE, BUT instead “spending an inordi- beginning of the twentieth cen- SUPPORT nate, no, excessive time acting tury the Club was a nationally FLOODED IN, in productions at the ADC, and The first Amateur Dramatic Club Committee renowned and respected group. incidentally being involved in the professional world and Honey’s creative birth reflects overambitious play, highlight- Tragedy struck in 1933 when INCLUDING A the Footlights. My contempo- have spawned a host of highly the fusion between the ama- ing both its sharp and often the Hoop Hotel Stage was MESSAGE FROM raries were the Monty Python successful alumni. For 150 teur and the inspired that the absurd humour, and its preoc- destroyed in a fire, but support THE KING crowd, so it was irresistible.” In years the Club has been a Club has continually cultivat- cupation with the violent and flooded in, including a message the rehearsal room with my whelping ground for the som- ed. inexorable passage of time. from King George V. Eighteen own contemporaries, my cast nambulant techie working a In 1985 Michael Frayn, a months later a new building for Wild Honey,I feel the mag- sixty-hour week, an irresistible Cambridge alumnus and veter- Wild Honey is on at the ADC at was opened by the Club and ”those who thrive off the small- netism of the actors, and am playground for any aspiring an of the Club, put his hand to 7:45 from Tuesday 1st November to the ADC Theatre, now the old- town, small-talk side of thrilled by their ability to over- director and a guardian of fine Chekhov’s first, and relatively Saturday 5th November. est University Playhouse in the Amateur may have found a come the difficult and seeming- acting in Cambridge and inexpert play Platonov, rework- country, was born. haven in the ADC bar to which ly impossible tasks I set them. beyond. ing it into an acknowledged In the true style of any old- the Club’s devotees flock. Yet The ADC sets high standards On the 150th anniversary of masterpiece. Frayn’s adaptation school Cambridge institution, on their website the Club firm- for itself which translate into the ADC, it is fitting that Wild of Platonov distilled a long and www.cuadc.org Trinity Dean pulls through Calls for Patten of reform ties. In recent months allega- sities. Both lag behind Professor recovers from rare skin disease Adi Dasgupta tions of under-performance American Ivy League institu- have been levelled at Oxbridge tions such as Harvard, MIT and Will Smith Oxford University Chancellor by various politicians and the Yale in terms of funding. Lord Patten has called for Labour party’s introduction of Cambridge Vice-Chancellor The Dean of Trinity College, reform of the Cambridge variable top-up fees has drawn Professor Alison Richards has Professor Michael Proctor, is University system of gover- significant attention to the uni- yet to introduce any sort of recovering from a serious skin nance. Patten, who is deeply versities’ structures of gover- reforms on the scale of Oxford’s disease that left him fighting embroiled in a bitter struggle nance. proposals. Former Cambridge for his life in Addenbrooke’s with Oxford academics’ propos- Both institutions have insist- Vice-Chancellor Sir Alec Broers earlier this year. als to reform the Oxford gover- ed repeatedly that they require was the last to introduce any Prof. Proctor, 55, was diag- nance system, announced to an more funding to remain com- significant changes to the gov- nosed in April with the rare audience of Oxford alumni that petitive on a global scale. ernance system in 2001 - and potentially fatal disorder he hoped Oxford’s reforms Elements of the media such as changes which at the time were Stevens-Johnson Syndrome would “make it easier for the Financial Times’ former edi- considered to be almost revolu- (SJS), which caused his skin to Cambridge to follow…if we can tor Richard Lambert have tionary. The Oxford proposals blister and peel off, and has get sensible proposals in place”. sought to counteract this claim, go much further than these or given him long-term problems Cambridge University Press stating that the universities any other comparable reforms with his eyesight. Office refused to comment on need to perform more efficient- in UK collegiate universities. The disease, affecting only whether Patten is being taken ly and should report directly to Cambridge is making signifi- one in a million people, is a seriously by the University or politicians before they receive cant attempts to aid its current severe allergic reaction, usual- whether any similar changes more funding or are allowed to funding crisis, but is still man- ly to prescribed medication. It were being considered. The pro- go private. Cambridge’s decen- aging to lead all other UK high- affects both the skin and the posals would see him at the tralized structure has come in er education establishments mucous membranes, which head of Oxford’s governance for a great deal of criticism from with £246 million worth of erupt into widespread lesions. structure, moving his role closer commentators such as Lambert, research funding in 2004 alone. In cases like Prof. Proctor’s to that of the Vice-Chancellor. who blame it for much of the The “800th Anniversary SJS can develop into a more Patten warned that reform is alleged inefficiency. Campaign” aims to raise a bil- serious form of Toxic necessary if Oxford and Patten’s comments come at a lion pounds by 2009 and is Epidermal Necrolysis (TEN) Professor Michael Proctor recovering in hospital Cambridge are to maintain their crucial time in the history of already £300 million towards whereby the skin begins to mainly with my eyes. No-one warn patients, have “interest- status as world-class universi- Oxford and Cambridge univer- its goal. slough, giving it the appear- has ever promised me a full ed” Mr Proctor in pursuing ance of having been severely recovery with them – I may the idea further. “I have suf- burned. Roughly fifty per cent end up with impaired vision”. fered a lot of inconvenience” of TEN victims do not survive. In Prof. Proctor’s case, the he explained. Knocked out in the last round “It could have gone either outbreak of SJS-TEN was trig- Above all, he is keen to raise published by the NUS states that way”, Mr Proctor told Varsity, gered by sulphanomides he awareness of SJS-TEN, admit- Amea Koziol “clubs should take note of the “but I didn’t know that at the took for mild arthritis. ting that beforehand he “knew codes of practice put forward by time”. The pain of the experi- The recent rise in SJS-TEN nothing about the disease”. Cambridge University Amateur Disability, Racial Equality, and ence made him hallucinate. cases is attributed to an “If it’s recognized as a problem Boxing Club has been accused Equal Opportunities “When you’re really ill, you increase in the use of prescrip- you can have a better outcome of ageism after numbers were Commissions.” President of don’t think straight”, he tion drugs. A number of med- – it’s progressive, so the soon- cut this week according to new CUABC Cat Tubb hit back, “the MICHAEL DERRINGER explained, but added that at icines are thought to be linked er the better”. criteria. These criteria were sent age is 35 or over due to ABAE one point he had feared the to the disease, including Looking back on events, in an email earlier this week, ruling which imposes an upper worst for his life. aspirin and ibuprofen. In the Prof. Proctor admits he was specifying that participants must age restriction, and anyone over It was Prof. Proctor’s wife, a US successful lawsuits have “very lucky” things had not be: “under 35, a student of this limit is not permitted to GP, who recognized his symp- been brought by SJS victims turned out worse. His survival Cambridge University, and have box.” Although da Sol has toms and ensured his admis- against leading pharmaceuti- can be partly explained by the every intention to fight”. threatened legal action, Tubb is sion to Addenbrooke’s cal companies. fact that his wife recognized Boxers were told numbers Blues Boxers in action sticking to the rules: “We are a Hospital, where he remained Prof. Proctor has so far been the symptoms after having had to be cut to make space in competitive boxing club and so for four weeks. “After two “reluctant” to seek legal attended a course that men- the gym for more competitive rule out students on the basis of everyone training must be eligi- weeks it was clear that I was- action, stating that SJS “is at a tioned SJS the previous week. training. This caused the exclu- the age, race or any other dis- ble to box competitively.” The n’t going to die”, he said. Two level where drug companies But despite the early diag- sion of at least three club mem- tinctive element constitutive of club has announced it will months later, he was back at can be forgiven for not men- nosis and the expert treatment bers, some of whom had prior one’s sociality. This provides reopen for more attendees after work, but the professor’s prob- tioning it on the packet”. he received, the seriousness of boxing experience. Giovanni da grounds for a formal appeal to the Varsity matches. lems are far from over. But allegations made in the SJS meant his survival was Col, a PhD student, was particu- the University’s foundations.” Prof. Proctor’s skin has now US that companies knew of still in the balance. He reflect- larly upset, “If the University Whilst age discrimination is healed extensively, but as he the strong link between their ed, “I could easily have died accepts students of any age, no not mentioned specifically, the explained: “the problems are products and SJS, yet failed to anyway”. University club has the right to Clubs and Societies handbook www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuabc/ 4 Varsity News 28.10.05 On Campus Who owns your work? Graduate elections half-day event is sponsoredby Elections for the GU Executive PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP are to be held on November 2. and aims to showcase some of Intellectual Property Rights debate heats up Nominations close at 5pm the best University of today. Hustings will be held in Cambridge originated compa- added, “If students… have the the GU, 7pm Tuesday nies. Ten companies will make Tom Whyntie right to go their own way November 1. Seven positions short presentations to an there could well be an are up for election, and the GU assembled audience of poten- continued from front page unseemly grab for patents. It will be adopting a new constitu- tial investors. “Networking ses- they own the IP on everything does not take much imagina- tion. sions” which will allow would-be they have done from the out- tion to guess whether it is staff investors to meet the people set. or students who will more Dinner with Derek? behind the ideas. Professor Leslie, speaking to likely be the losers in a free- On the day Big Brother 6 contest- Varsity, said the current policy for-all.” ant Derek Laud was due to speak Literature Festival was necessary to “provide as Cornish also said the at the University, the Cambridge reading much consistency as possible” amendments should be reject- Union was still advertising places This Friday sees the third in a in the IPR process, and that ed because of the University’s for dinner with him. Derek spoke year-long series of readings the policy as it stands “offers a “right to a share” of the profits at the Union on October 25, that organised by Magdalene College fair, transparent and account- from ideas generated while afternoon Union members were as part of their festival “A Year in able process which protects working at Cambridge. “The also told they still had to apply for Literature.” Scottish writer and students and staff alike and inventor should not be dinner with his “co-star” Makosi Magdalene graduate John gives ultimate control to the enabled to keep everything. Musambasi, due to appear at the Herdman and the twice Booker creators of intellectual proper- Ownership of the rights leads Union tonight. Endemol will film Prize nominated Julian Rathbone ty”. The idea is that if the to the sharing arrangements in the appearances. will read some of their own works, University has control, it can the [royalty agreement] and literary agent Andrew Lownie divide the rights as appropriate Schedule, [which is] generous Hong Kong keeps will also speak. The evening is without the need for the legal by the standards applied across CUSU Waiting being held at Benson Hall and wrangling normally associated all universities”. Varsity has learnt that the missing starts at 5.15pm. with contentious IP issues. While Anderson agrees that CUSU cards are stuck in Hong But Anderson, Professor of the shares are comparable to Ross Anderson, University professor in Security Engineering Kong. The cards ought to have Cambridge student Security Engineering at the those of places such as the been in Cambridge for the start of wins Keats-Shelley Computer Science University of York and The issue is one of control you trust with your IP rights? term, but JCR Presidents were prize Department, who describes Carnegie Mellon in the US, he and as to which position actu- Balloting will take place in the told this week that they have yet Cambridge post-graduate David the current state of affairs as a points to the examples of MIT, ally gives the student more first two weeks of December to be dispatched and that CUSU Taylor has been awarded the “war of attrition” between the Stanford and Cambridge itself rights. The amendments pro- (1st-12th), while fly-sheets for have no idea when they will 2005 Keats-Shelley prize for “centralisers” and the “com- between 1987 and 2001 (the posed by the CCF would give opinions - to be distributed arrive. Presidents of some col- excellence in writing on Romantic munity of scholars”, does not widely documented the control back to the cre- with the ballot papers - need to leges are currently pressing for a themes. Taylor, who is studying believe this to be the case. He “Cambridge Phenomenon” of ators – the people who gener- be submitted by November 14. deduction in CUSU membership for an MPhil at Trinity, came first in believes that with the “con- high-tech start-ups around the ate the ideas in the first place. fees as a result of the mix-up. the essay writing section of the trol” the University has under city) as examples of But, like any system where competition. He was presented this policy, it is the students Universities where complete individuals are responsible, Forum for investors with his prize by author, director who lose out over what is IPR freedom has inspired com- there is room for abuse. In the Campaign for Cambridge Cambridge Enterprise will hold and comedian Stephen Fry. Also done with their ideas. For mercial success and attracted current form, the University Freedoms: their second Investors’ Forum at on the judging panel were the example, if an attractive offer big name academics. “In order policy provides the mechanism http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/~rja14/ccf. New Hall on November 16. The poets Matthew Sweeney and is received from a large corpo- for Cambridge to maintain its for “fairly” assigning the rights html John Hartley-Williams. ration (or the military) for a reputation as a centre for to ideas. But to do this, they Reporter Article student’s invention, the world class research, the require automatic ownership http://www.admin.cam.ac.uk/repor University can sell the IPR incentive of IP ownership is of the IP in the first place – ter/2005-06/weekly/6013/3.html Graduate Union Intellectual without the permission of the essential”, and that the impact which means that, potentially, Property Rights Campaign: student. As holders of the on students of the resultant they can abuse their position http://www.gradunion.cam.ac.uk/is Cross Campus copyright, Cambridge could “brain drain” would be “disas- too. sues/ipr/ also impose restrictions on trous”. So the question is - who do publication of certain materi- President of the Graduate Smelling less than Harvard in touch als – effectively providing a Union, Alex Broadbent, is yet What is Intellectual Property? Saintly with feminine side means of censorship. to be convinced of either view St. Andrews University inline Harvard University has inti- Leslie counters this by argu- with regard to student rights. “Intellectual property, often known as IP, allows people to own their cre- skating team have been mated that it may at last cre- ing that the proposed amend- “This amendment does not ativity and innovation in the same way that they can own physical prop- banned from playing at their ate a women’s centre. It is ments in fact damage student serve to focus debate where it erty. The owner of IP can control and be rewarded for its use, and this local ice rink because of com- currently the only Ivy League rights. “The Amendment goes is needed - on the fundamen- encourages further innovation and creativity to the benefit of us all. plaints about their odorous University not to have one out of its way to create [a] tal issues,” He said, “Some nature. This has caused major and Radcliffe Union of divergence [between staff and steps are necessary in order to Four main types of IP: patents for inventions, trade marks for brand iden- problems for the team who fear Students thought last week students]… under the prevent exploitation by com- tity, designs for product appearance and copyright for things such as lit- that they could be out of action that they had at last managed Amendment, the University is mercial sponsors and by indi- erary and artistic material, music, films and software. However, IP is for up to six months. The to convince the university to deliberately prevented from viduals, [but] we should be much broader than this extending to trade secrets, plant varieties, geo- Director of Sport confirmed the rectify the situation. It is how- providing equitable treat- wary of moving to a situation graphical indications, performers rights and so on.” problems caused by the team’s ever worth remembering that ment”. Professor Bill Cornish, where the University is the kit being left in the facility, say- the university has been say- Chair of the University’s arbiter of intellectual property From: http://www.intellectual-property.gov.uk ing that “they’re just too ing it will build one soon for Research Policy Committee rights”. smelly.” almost 30 years now.

SOAS on strike? No second chances The School of Oriental and for Scots CUR1350 success African Studies (SOAS) Edinburgh is considering put- announced a internal review ting a stop to students re-sit National student radio nominations and plans to seek expert medi- ting failed examinations in the ation to avoid industrial action summer. University staff over controversial plans to members have said they Charlotte Forbes make two specialist librarians would prefer to see students CUR1350, the Cambridge and redundant. The librarians, spe- taking more coursework than APU student radio station, was cialists in Chinese, Japanese spending summer revising nominated last week for four and Korean. departure has pro- without supervision. Other national awards . voked specualation that further universities such as Oxford, Nominations in the categories cutbacks will be made in these Cambridge and Durham only of Student Radio Station of the areas. Strike action is antici- give students one chance to Year, Technical Achievement pated from late November. re-sit. (Charles Thomson), Sports Broadcasting (Ed Bolton; Sports Show) and Specialist Music Crossdressed Catz ATMs’ advice for Programming (Sam Green; Kol Broadcasting at CUR1350 re-matriculate students Cambridge) were received, in St Hilda’s College, Oxford’s ATMs in UK universities will what Station Manager Michael for Best Specialist Music matriculation photograph for feature a warning not to drink Brooks called ‘a fantastic year’. Programming, remains the only 2005 will include two stu- too much. As students with- “I'm thrilled that CUR1350 has Jewish radio show broadcasting dents from rival college St. draw cash just before a night again proven itself to be in the top in the UK. Catherine’s who gate crashed out they will see a simple ani- tier of student radio in the UK. We CUR1350 has just finished a the photo shoot. Two male mated message: "Enjoy your have worked hard over the past summer of renovation including a students donned make up night. Take it easy". Carling year to adapt to the increasing new website featuring a gig guide. and hair bands to become and NUS have teamed up to demand of CUR1350 by increas- A club night took place at PoNaNa freshers Nichola and produce the ATM advert ing the choice of programmes and at the start of term and an appli- Annabelle, mingling with St which will also appear printed increasing investment”. cation for a Community Radio Hilda’s freshers and getting on the withdrawal receipt. Broadcaster Ed Bolton of (FM) licence is currently in into one shoot before being The advert will feature on Downing said he was “really progress. The awards will be pre- spotted by college represen- ATMs in 19 universities happy” at the news. The Sports sented at a ceremony next tatives. across the country until Show’s live coverage of the month. December 18. Bumps had won them the nomi- Does my bum look big in this? Club 22’s entrance policy of charging a nation; “one of the most techni- pound per item of clothing was taken to extremes by one broke student on cally ambitious broadcasts” yet Sunday evening. Wearing a tie with a vest was also strictly optional. seen. Kol Cambridge, nominated www.cur1350.co.uk 28.10.05 News Varsity 5

Zoe Pilger investigates the difficult SELLOUT moral choices colleges face n 13th March this year, a ny. This alone should prompt the But does it need money to the AM dinner was arranged and University, if not those ex-alumni point of blaspheming every prin- Opaid for by BP in celebra- and fellows who attended the ciple of integrity on which it was tion of New Hall’s fiftieth dinner, to wonder why on earth a founded? Debts do not throw anniversary as a college. The din- ANDREW T Cambridge college is accepting its scrutiny out the window. To the ner took place at The Science patronage. contrary, the tight corner into Museum in London, with Lord Browne, like Albright, which the government has Madeleine Albright as a guest was clinical in his valuation of squeezed universities must be speaker. women’s education. He described fought through their integrity The object of the evening was New Hall as “founded on the prin- alone. Otherwise we will be to “fundraise.” Albright, who ciple of equality of opportunity, McStudying in McCambridge. served as Secretary of State in the and we support that because, in This may seem extreme: it’s Clinton administration, was her- the competitive world of business, not. BP has donated £23 million self a product of single-sex educa- you can’t ignore half the talent to Cambridge, and the tion. She had attended Wellesley base”. University now has it’s own BP College, USA, and so felt especial- The message is clear: women Institute. As Lord Browne men- ly moved by the achievements must be educated, because busi- tioned in his New Hall speech, and continued existence of New ness needs women. Is it old-fash- BP has bestowed Cambridge Hall. Albright’s praise was specific: ioned to question this logic as not with “a series of scholarships “I believe that to have economic merely skewed, but fundamental- and studentships for women stability and health and political ly damaging? Single-sex educa- from around the world…[which development, women have to be tion, hanging on as an archaic will demonstrate] in a small fully employed and part of the anomaly in this country, seems way, one of the benefits of glob- system”. little more than a convenient gim- alisation…” If this seems rather strange, it mick to attract money. No link is Another benefit of globalisa- is. For Albright, “economic stabili- forged between what is possibly tion, which Lord Browne failed ty” is of key importance to the single redeeming feature of a to mention, was the newly women’s education. Never mind women-only college - that it pro- opened Baku-Ceyhan pipeline, intellectual or creative fulfilment. vides a haven for women of cer- commandeered by BP and pro- Women must be resolutely “part tain religious backgrounds, many viding a 1,750 mile corridor of of the system”. Suddenly equality of whom are Muslim - and the oil throughout the Caspian seems like an ominous prospect. flagrant political agenda of region. The Baku-Ceyhan Women’s education, Albright Albright herself, or her policy on Campaign group counted 173 assures us, is based “on the princi- “We heard that a half million chil- ment because she is a wonderful into universities provides assur- the Middle East. violations of World Bank envi- ple that every individual counts”. dren have died. I mean, that’s speaker, and a very impressive ance that “we will take and hold Similarly no link was forged ronmental and social standards This did not seem to be more children than died in woman.” the high ground against the ter- last June when New Hall agreed in the pipeline’s design stage Albright’s “principle” in 1996 Hiroshima. And, you know, is the When pressed on the human rorists who say murder is pleasing to the covering of the painting alone. NGOs have described the when she gave an interview to price worth it?” Albright replied: rights abuses evident in Albright’s to God; and we will steadily erode Gulf Women Prepare For War. The pipeline as “colonial”. Lesley Stahl on the primetime “I think this is a very hard choice, track record, Lonsdale responded the legitimacy of dictators and painting depicts a Muslim President Lonsdale has denied American TV show Sixty Minutes. but the price - we think the price that there were “good things tyrants and bigots who claim vir- woman in purdah, crouching in the growth of corporate influence Stahl was questioning Albright on is worth it.” about it”, though failed to men- tual divinity for themselves”. the desert and brandishing a in the college, or the University. the Clinton administration’s poli- Albright‘s candour is chilling, tion what these “good things” Surely this language belongs to large weapon. It was covered on She says: “I don’t know what you cy of sanctions on Iraq. A 1995 but lends valuable insight into the were. a neo-conservative Evangelical request of the US military who mean by influence - there’s no report from the UN’s Food and true mechanisms of US foreign In her address to the New Hall sermon, not a college anniversary. had booked the New Hall din- influence. I mean, we don’t do Agriculture Organization (FAO) policy. I asked Anne Lonsdale, the anniversary dinner, Albright Nobody seemed phased, howev- ing-room for a private event. anything that BP or any other had revealed that more than 1 President of New Hall, if Albright made connections between the er; nor by the speech of Lord Maggi Hambling, the artist, said company tells us to do.” Perhaps million Iraqis had died, including represented a positive endorse- importance of women’s education Browne, BP Group Chief at the time she was “appalled” at corporations no longer have to 567,000 children, “as a direct ment of the college. Dr. Lonsdale and the current War on Terror. Executive, who sponsored the this censorship. “tell” colleges what to do; influ- result of economic sanctions.” stood by the decision: “BP invited According to Albright, the same event. BP is the world’s third New Hall, like other colleges, ence comes in the form of aca- Lesley Stahl asked Albright: [Albright], with our eager agree- “principle” that allowed women largest oil and natural gas compa- has a large debt. It needs money. demic consensus. From Clare to the Commons Cambridge MP David Howarth will miss college supervisions, but not Blair, Brown or Blunkett On his move from supervisor tion. For others I think the issue these issues as unimportant. The ment’s position, maintaining to MP of terrorism is wholly a pretext. biggest mistake the Lib Dems that students in the lowest “I miss the view from my old If you read Blunkett’s speeches, could make as a party would be income bracket won’t be any supervision rooms in Clare. for example, you’ll find he has to start following others’ agen- worse off, is wholly untenable. There’s certainly a similarity nothing but contempt for the das. Civil liberties, along with the It’s the first step towards privati- between being a local MP and a rule of law and the idea of war in Iraq and climate change, sation. Tuition fees will do even supervisor; in both cases you rights. They have never meant is the issue that is most impor- more to perpetrate the wide- JAMIE MARLAND have to listen to what people are anything to him in his entire tant to us.” spread misconception of saying and try to help them. political life and this is why he Cambridge University as a Being an MP is not didactic, was so dangerous as Home On his Cambridge constituen- socially elitist place.” however, and it’s not my job any Secretary. Gordon Brown is even cy more to tell people exactly how more dangerous. The govern- “The views of the electorate in On student politics and stu- to do things.” ment’s centralising control-freak Cambridge seem pretty consis- dents’ politics tendencies can all be traced back tent and I get letters about the “Today’s students are more On his youthful political devel- to Brown rather than Blair. He’s same things from students and engaged than they’ve ever been. opment been completely in charge of the rest of the community. I They care about wider political “I was very politically involved domestic policy since 1997. The think this similarity explains issues, which I’d say is a good before I came up to Cambridge. way in which the Treasury now why there was such a large and thing. They’re certainly less There was a huge amount of controls all aspects of public obvious swing in the election.” interested in party politics, as local activity in my home town services are a reflection of you can see from NUS candi- which stemmed from issues of Brown’s view of the world, On the future of Cambridge dates’ platform, although I was industrial conflict, strikes and so where a central government tells University immensely impressed with CSLD on. Essentially I was attracted by people what to do. Localism is “The University needs to be able during the election. The problem the Liberal view of industrial nothing more than a buzzword. to act independently of the gov- is that now students have to democracy. Then, as now, we It means local ways of imple- ernment, and the only way for it think about their personal had a Labour government who menting Labour policies. Even to maintain its autonomy is to finances. When I was a student didn’t care about civil liberties. when Brown’s in favour of mar- raise its own funds. Only 10% of this wasn’t a day to day concern; The scale of government inter- ket mechanisms, it’s still him funding comes from HEFCE so I was on full grant and benefit vention was frightening.” telling you have to have market tuition fees are too small an ele- and so could devote all my ener- mechanisms. It’ll be quite a job ment to determine long-term gy to politics.” On Labour and civil liberties for a future Lib Dem govern- policy. The Vice Chancellor’s “Whenever a Labour govern- ment to reverse everything he’s 800th anniversary drive is a step On the Liberal mission in the ment is in power, it attacks civil done.” in the right direction. I am con- wider world liberties. At the moment it’s just cerned, however, that the “The job is an ideological one. doing it in a more obvious way On how to defend civil liberties University hasn’t freed itself If you only act on the practical than ever before. There’s an in the present climate entirely from old-school ways of level nothing deep will change. ongoing struggle for political “I think we need a social and thinking about funding. It’s still Change has to be effected on freedom which I see the Liberal political movement in their raising funds for buildings rather home turf, but we should be Democrats as being at the fore- defence. It’s not possible to than endowment, for example.” particularly conscious of the front of. Freedom of speech and defend them solely through the European role in internal fr dom of political activity are Courts; judicial protection of On access and tuition fees debates in the US. It’s not a under serious threat. Some rights is what you should get at “There’s a justified fear that matter of being confrontational. politicians, and I would include the end of the process. The cru- tuition fees will affect access. It It’s to do with argument and Blair in this, are panicking and cial thing is for people to cam- wouldn’t surprise me if they had the dissemination of ideas.” not thinking properly about the paign outside Parliament, and for a very negative impact on state ramifications of recent legisla- the electorate not to dismiss school applications. The govern- Amy Goodwin David Howarth just before his electoral victory was announced 6 Varsity News 28.10.05 Varsity asks: Do you feel safe in Cambridge? The students: do you feel > In light of this week’s investigation safe? “I feel safe here. I would walk into student attacks in the city, home on my own if I had a few drinks inside me - you do, don't Varsity asks whether we’re afraid you? I've seen drunk people and whether we should be being sick, but I've not seen any trouble. I don't think people here “Yes I do think students feel safe. here, I’ve been here for sixteen put themselves at risk - everyone We take special measures to see years and there has been only one seems quite sensible.” that rooms are secure and we do serious incident. Our students are Sam Hart, Sidney Sussex have a little system where we do older and more aware of their not let visitors into the premises surroundings.” “I feel less safe even than in after 11. They are then chaper- Valery Brackley, St. Edmund’s London, because there are less oned and seen off the premises. “There is only so much a college people about. Mount Pleasant is “There's an illusion of safety. I We also have closed circuit televi- or an employer can do. An indi- weekdays poorly lit at 7pm. I wouldn't walk think if people do take risks, it's sion cameras. We do rely on stu- vidual has got to take responsibil- back home on my own at 9 or out of complacency. There does- dents cooperation and ask them ity for their own safety. When 10pm.” n't seem to be anyone in to report anything suspicious, and risks are perceived, personal con- Gemma Veitch, St Edmund's Cambridge who would rob you, suspicious persons.” trol measures should be taken. R OB N EWMAN and it's impossible to identify who Mr. Colin Lock, Head Porter There’s only so much an organi- MANAGER OF CAMBRIDGE UNITED FC “People in general take risks, would, so it's easy to have the and Night Porter, New Hall zation can do and it’s the same in when they get too drunk and view that no-one would ever rob “At many levels, Cambridge is wider society.” wander around on their own. I you. My college would give me a entirely safe, at others it is more Mr Steve Daly, Head Porter, try not to take risks.” subsidy if I took a taxi home late vulnerable. Cambridge as a city is Lucy Cavendish Thursday Amelia Hodgson, Pembroke at night.” relatively safe. I don’t know if stu- “By and large, I do feel that stu- Got to the ground around 8.45am. Did a check up to see who’s Sanjay Patel, Selwyn dents take unnecessary risks. We dents feel safe here. Cambridge is injured and who’s not injured. We then trained at Huntingdon for “Generally, students do take warn them about the dangers of a very safe city. In college, we an hour and a half. Then lots of work doing administration in the risks. They take it for granted “I feel safe in Cambridge, but coming back home at night the work together with the JCR and afternoon, left around 5. that they'll be fine and nothing women might not. 11.15 would same way I would warn my CUSU to offer our students as will happen to them. I'm not be the most dangerous time - the daughters when they were much information concerning Friday saying it will, just that it's a pubs have closed and there's gen- young. We actively discourage personal safety. The college does Took the minibus down to Portsmouth as we had a game against question of using common eral unpleasantness on the people coming home on their take steps to ensure safety, There Weymouth the following day. We left Cambridge at 10 and then sense. Walking home in groups streets, bordering on harrass- own. In terms of special safety is personal responsibility expected trained at Portsmouth’s training ground at 2pm as I know Joe would lower the risk. Burrell's ment. Lots of places here are measures, I have heard discussion on behalf of students but of Jordan, the first team coach. I like the idea of travelling in the Field, behind my college, is quite poorly lit - the park behind about a student operated system course we do the best we can.” morning and training in the afternoon before spending the night in dangerous because it's poorly Drummer Street station, for where students volunteer to walk Mr. Denis Hay, Head Porter, a hotel rather than training in the morning and then travelling for lit.” example.” home with other students who St John’s 4 or 5 hours. Tobias Garnett, Trinity Guy Matmon, St Edmund's would otherwise end up being on “The vast majority of undergradu- their own.” ate students at St. John's are very Saturday Dr. W Owen Saxton, Senior fortunate in being able to live on In the morning we went for a walk, then had our pre -match meal. The staff: should students feel safe? Tutor, New Hall the central College site. As such, Left the hotel at 12 o’clock because Weymouth is a bit of a pig to “It would be very interesting to look at crime figures and statistics to “I hope students at Cambridge security concerns are less of a get to, but it took us an hour and three quarters so we were a bit determine between perceived risk and actual risk. Colleges can’t feel safe, we have security here. problem. Most of our external late. Gave in the team sheet and had to rush to put the kit out – ensure personal safety, but what we like to do, together with the MCR Cambridge is as safe a place as accommodation is also close to there’s only me, three of us to do everything for the team before and JCR is make advice available. There’s a difference between what anywhere. I think students College, mainly on quiet residen- the game. I take the warm up, bring everyone back in and then we we can do to ensure safety and what sources of support we can pro- should avoid being alone, any- tial streets. Cambridge is certainly went and lost the game… vide and how we can direct students to resources. This is more appro- body, not just students. I would- a safe place to live, but students priate to our role as a college. They form a protective community. n’t want to walk alone, you must not forget their responsibili- Sunday Senior tutors send circulars to other senior tutors when there has been should have somebody with you. ty for their personal safety.” Sunday was a bit crap as we lost. How much I enjoy my Sunday is an incident, not any incident, but if a student is accosted on Grange Our students have the rape whis- Greg Lowden, St. John’s JCR dependent on the result from the previous day. But I like to try Road by someone unknown, we inform other colleges.” tle, which they can apply for and President and keep Sunday as a day of rest; stay with the family and try not Dr. Terri Apter, Senior Tutor, Newnham College get one for free. We’re very lucky to answer too many phone calls regarding football because I think you need a release.

Monday Which junior research Described by fellow students as Came in disappointed, obviously. We went down to the Common fellow, famed for pro- a "flamboyant yet colour-blind where we had a tough training session for 2 hours, trying to get claiming he would dresser with extravagantly dyed the frustrations and anger out from Saturday’s game. In the after- never sleep with any ELEMENTS OF hair" and as a "social deviant noon I took two interviews for the vacant youth team job. lady whose lingerie did ROMANTICISM WERE , with a kestrel-faced mien", our not match, was recently “TO SAY THE LEAST, ridiculous hero is alleged to Tuesday involved in steamy sex FRAGMENTARY have stolen a number of vials of Trained early again, but had to go back to the Common as the Sidney sessions on the top controlled chemicals in order to pitches were waterlogged. It was another intense training session. floor of the UL? Well, I slake his insatiable desire for Then a quick bowl of soup and I’m off to watch the Orient vs would love to tell you new hair colours. What a fop! Southend reserves. Then met with the vice chairman in Bury St his name, but in the Edmunds to interview again for the youth team position before interest of propriety, I room with a provocatively going to watch Bury at Needham Market. can only say that the involved theoretical text. Have you got some juicy gossip? elements of romanti- ” Has your neighbour met with Wednesday cism were, to say the The bio-chemistry department scandal? Went to see Aldershot against Wycombe reserves. You don’t go to least, fragmentary. All has been rocked by allegations Email the hottest happenings as watch premier league reserve games because they’re nice ones and young women who are that dangerous and controlled and when they happen. we’ve probably got too many of them anyway. You go and look at anxious to exert an substances have been stolen... to Get those scoops and scandals to your Wycombe’s and your Aldershot’s, Orient and Southend as they Unsubstantiated influence upon this dye students' hair. One promi- [email protected] might not be as good technically but what they have is a bit of phys- not brain-box lothario must nant PhD student in particular ical presence. That’s what we’re concentrating on over the next two Transubstantiated come matched up, and was mentioned in connection or three weeks. sit in the UL reading with these absurd crimes. Because Mitre makes Righter.

death.’ Desire becomes the only thing wor- most important thing is the comfort Whatever that historian might say, if the thy of our desire. Logical but rubbish, was involved in addiction. To know what one objects are worth it, they will not devalue. incidentally... my first impression. I think it was too hasty: wants, what is about to make you even His view has led to too many destructive I realised that the feeling of being addicted more happy, seems a great luxury in this moves away from love. As women (and by zoe organ to addiction was more familiar than I had world where everything is devalued, and probably as men too, though less obvious- suspected, although I haven’t died yet. I even time itself passes so fast that every- ly), we brought up to dress and behave as esire has been an enemy of power realised this when I was reading Alan Carr’s thing seems compromised to the point of an object of desire. As the daughter of an since the beginning of civilisation. Easy Way to Stop Smoking- unfortunately- at collapse. To me one of the worst feelings in unrepentant ex-hippy father, I was person- DThe very word is infused with a the point where he starts talking about the world is to get home with loads of time ally made to think that all forms of degree of passion- and a longing for self - nicotine as pure revival of an artificially on your hands and not know what you Buddhism, meditation, contentment sacrifice that is itself supposed to single us sustained craving- the craving who, rather want to do. should be aspired to. out from the animal kingdom- but it poses than being satisfied by a cigarette, is simply Desire, it seems, does not want fulfil- Fashionable anti-capitalism and imma- such a threat to that other human distinc- made more demanding in future, he grows ment, because it is so entertaining in itself. terialism tells us that contentment is the tion: self- control. Even imperial control bigger and wants more. If he had put it like It’s the ultimate procrastination technique, way forward, hence all these awful self- Cleopatra dragged Anthony from Rome, this, I might not have noticed anything. in danger of dying out. This year, lots of my help books. We now have access to the second great civilisation of Western Instead he calls it “the little nicotine mon- third year friends have already fallen metaphorical fulfilment: chicken soup for Europe, but it’s their love that we celebrate, ster in your stomach.” With a long year of deeply and passionately in love- “like an the soul. Yet this forgets the unique expe- not their wasted kingdoms. tragic drama and weighty dissertations adolescent” is the phrase which keeps rience of devoted self-annihilation, and It’s commonly thought that in our con- ahead, I thought this monster sounded recurring. It seems there is too much ener- attendant pleasures. Love need not always sumer society, desire is so quickly fulfilled quite good company, someone who might gy and stress flying about (already!). In be unrequited for desire to survive- we can that it regenerates itself immediately and drag you outside in February afternoons danger of being put into academic thought, desire the same thing again and again: time searches new prey. One historian has writ- and give you something to indulge in. I it seeks more beautiful outlets. I have plied means that there is always the future in ten that ‘the more inflated one’s desire, the immediately quit trying to give up- and myself with caffeine into the early hours of which fulfilment must perpetuate. As crea- more it devalues the empirical world realised the wisdom of all those unfunny the morning simply to stay up and ‘be’ in tures born in the medium of time, we where it seeks to fulfil itself, and so the people who had told me that their New the company of this vast presence of the should stop trying to find heaven here, in more it must curve back on itself, a con- Years resolution was to “quit giving up desired object. Desire, when it is not for the satisfied present, and we should go, summation which it can achieve only in chocolate…caffeine… alcohol.” But the itself, is a will to live. It is enough. and seek our objects. 28.10.05 Features Varsity 7 RUDE-IMENTARY GUIDE You’re Rubbish MANNERS SPECIAL What’s become of Britain’s courteous culture? Have we lost all respect? Everyone’s been raving about etiquette. Sure it’s BETH ALEXANDER takes comfort in Cambridge’s pedantry for protocol tasty, but doesn’t it get crumbs everywhere? hile the French have John's rowers inadvertantly No, no, no, etiquette is a conquered fashion killed Trinity’s 2nd VIII’s cox, series of easy rules to follow Wand the Italians boast and in memoriam, the Trinity to allow you to pass unno- Pavarotti and mozzarella, we Boat Club continues to allude ticed in modern society. But, Brits have always prided our- to the tragic loss by the titular I see what you mean! It does selves on our impeccable man- omission. sound like ‘eating cake’! ners. But not any more. For Although Cambridge now some, the nation which claims to be indiscriminate in I love rules. invented queuing has degener- its admissions process, this was Everybody loves rules. Show ated into a rude, vulgar and not always the case. It’s no me a rule, and I’ll show you indifferent society. wonder Cambridge earned a a little deity. Without rules What’s more, Birmingham, reputation for snobby elitism things would be stolen and the city which gave us Birds when masters like Caius were nobody would mind. custard and HP sauce has, less around. During his tenure as prestigiously, been labelled master of Gonville and Caius Is etiquette a new thing Britain’s rudest city. And don’’t College, he refused payment then? think that this egregious laxity but insisted instead on several No: it’s very, very old. in standards has gone unno- unusual admissions stipula- ticed. For one, Lynn Truss, the tions. “Deaf, dumb, deformed, Older than my grandpa? fastidious socialite who lame, chronic invalids and Is he polite? launched an attack on our Welsh” applicants were all cat- punctuational shortcomings in egorically denied entry to the Oh, certainly. Eats, shoots and Leaves is out on college. The maverick master Then older than him. a rampage once again. Her lat- also commissioned a three- Etiquette first crops up in est book, Talk To the Hand, is a sided court “lest the air from Homer’s Iliad when hefty volume of moral flagella- being confined within a nar- Odysseus is tied to the mast tion that would induce an row space should become as he sails past three beauti- uncontrollable sweat in even foul.” ful maidens who lure sailors the most polite of Britons. Fortunately, our 800-year by singing the word ‘please.’ Truss is merciless, hurling old institution has shown signs Odysseus desperately out disdainful gibes at Britain’s of modernising since then but screams ‘no thanks’ but he scandalous “Eff off Reflex” still, the question lingers. Why doesn’t mean it (which is which, she claims, has replaced does Cambridge continue to what etiquette is all about). the traditional and cherished cleave so rigidly and steadfast- And it’s been a part of our mindfulness for Ps and Qs in ly to a myriad of ancient tradi- lives ever since. The our everyday encounters. tions and symbolic rites? Victorians, especially, went What cure is there for an ail- What is it about the ubiqui- loopy over etiquette, and ing Britain that has become tous gown that endows its would sprinkle it behind more obscene than obsequious wearer with a feeling of great them when they went into and is home to more Bart importance and authority? the forest so they’d have a Simpsons than Bertie Why does our university have trail of etiquette to follow Woosters? ‘triposes’? And why are our home. But the path disap- Well boys, help is at hand. If rooms, elsewhere known as peared and the forest you’re handicapped in the art the bog-standard common became strangely full of very of small talk and inept at carv- room, distinguished as well mannered birds. The ing the Sunday joint, then the ‘Combination rooms’? Why do forest represent civilisation, new ‘etiquette college’, estab- we enjoy croquet and why is the birds represent Russia, lished in the quaint locale of a our preferred mode of trans- the etiquette represents Scottish castle may be just the port the punt? Why do we rudeness.

thing. Dubbed the “first finish- ADAM WELCH employ deans and masters and ing school for gentlemen,” the why do we say grace in an So how can I apply eti- college opened in response to an adequate level of amicabili- Formal halls just wouldn’t obsolete language? quette to my everyday life? complaints from pupils at a ty, while glossily lipsticked be the same without the time- Perhaps as the debate on Well, for instance… say you female finishing school that women are strongly recom- honoured tradition of penny- declining manners and were at a dinner party and their boyfriends merely mended to restrict themselves ing. Upon discovering a penny respectability in Britain rages the port was given to you. “grunt” at them. to air-kissing alone (for obvi- “ at the bottom of one’s glass, around us, we can begin to You pour your port (or rather Customers lacking in civility ous reasons). WHAT CURE IS the target is compelled to appreciate the rationale behind you ‘pour-t’), but then where will be groomed in public Yet as Truss and her fellow THERE FOR AN down their drink in one or eat the ostensible madness. The do you put it? Don’t pass it speaking, perfect poise, ball- manner-minded Britons work their meal without hands. Cambridge experience, if you to the person on your right! room dancing and car mainte- up a furore over inconsiderate AILING BRITAIN However, bear in mind that choose to accept it, is a groom- Hand it to the young lady to nance. In addition, the aspir- mobile phone conversations THAT HAS pennying is not always consid- ing process in chivalry and whom you would most like ing aristocrat will develop his conducted on trains, unhelpful ered harmless fun. One plucky gentility. Our traditions and to be betrothed.* If her chap- handshake technique and be and grouchy shop assistants, BECOME MORE student went down in the heritage can never be abol- erone accepts your proposal, guided on appropriate dis- offensive road rage and noisy OBSCENE THAN Cambridge annals for penny- ished because they serve to he will stroke the gravy boat tances at which to stand when neighbours, we in Cambridge ing Stephen Hawking. He later inspire and educate us. under the chin with his fore- introduced to new acquain- can afford to be just a little bit OBSEQUIOUS learned the error of his ways If you thought your educa- finger. If he rejects it, he will tances. sanctimonious when it comes when he was shamefully rusti- tion here was confined to aca- spread his marmalade with And girls - don’t be as pre- to the finer points of etiquette. AND IS HOME cated, another typically demia alone, you are sadly her dowry. This means you sumptuous to imagine that For, from the moment of TO MORE BART Cambridge term for being sent mistaken. Cambridge provides are betrothed to the gravy. we’re immune to this recent that integral right of passage down. Whether or not he was a golden opportunity to hone scourge on modern manners, known as Matriculation din- SIMPSONS still inebriated at the time your creative skills and devel- Thank you so much. Now or lack thereof. Included in ner, we are initiated into a sur- THAN BERTIE remains a moot point. op new talents. where’s that cake?! the November edition of Good real world of medieval tradi- The preponderance of posh It would be far too conceited Ha ha ha – it’s been a pleas- Housekeeping magazine, a spe- tions, and ceremonious ritual. WOOSTERS? accents and fine breeding are and snobby to suggest that we ure! I love you! You and your cial ‘noughtiquette’ guide has Oxbridge is unique in its zeal- conspicuous elements of our in Cambridge do not need comical misunderstandings, been designed to set the record ously regard for principles and university environment but it’s reminding of good manners you darling! You person I straight once and for all. protocol. Where else would the speculated myths and leg- and etiquette. On the con- created simply to patronise “Ogling other men in the pres- students be required to drink a ends that carry in fervent trary, etiquette is institution- my readership in a lazy dia- ence of your boyfriend” and mystery cocktail out of a cup ” whispers to each new genera- alised here precisely to keep us logue. Let’s date. Please.* “flaunting your naked body in made of the horn of an extinct tion of students that add to the on our guard and to keep the the gym changing room” are buffalo-like animal? (Corpus grandeur and magic within our ‘Polite Police’ at bay. One need *If you are a lady, you should definite no-nos according to its Christi, third year feasts). And halls. only glance back at our prede- simply pour-t over your left authors, and revealing a thong where else is it acceptable to Has anyone considered how cessors and the successful arm. above your waistline is severe- only drink with your left hand The First and Third Trinity May products of our university to ly scorned upon. As far as and to be so pretentious as to Ball earned its queer title? appreciate the virtues of ** Thanks. social kissing is concerned, two never say the word 'drink' but Allegedly, in a scandal dating Cambridge as the ultimate fin- The Corpus drinking horn pecks on the cheek is deemed rather 'imbibe?' (St.John’s). to the 19th century, Saint ishing school. 8 Varsity Features 28.10.05 MONKEYING AROUND Scientists have now worked out the sequence of the CHIMPANZEE GENOME. But does it really matter? asks CHRISTINA GEIJER

n The Descent of Man, Darwin ple, gene therapy, which aims to our closest relative, the chim- to regulate and orchestrate the bravely claimed that man, correct defective genes giving rise panzee is a unique animal model expression of many other genes. IGod’s ‘finest’ creation, shares a to hereditary disease such as cystic for certain human diseases. The consequence is that muta- AINWRIGHT common ancestor with the fibrosis and Huntington’s Disease, Armed with the knowledge of its tions in these specific genes can African Great Apes. To tell the genetic make-up, scientists will completely alter the gene expres-

OLLY W truth, it is surprising that undoubtedly be more able to sion of cells and hence could humankind had had the wits to identify new ‘disease genes’, and change the appearance and discover electricity, make equa- ultimately to design new treat- behaviour of a species. tions about gravity and under- “HOW IS IT THAT ments relevant for humans. And lo and behold, the genes stand how the solar system works ALTHOUGH WE’RE Furthermore, many neurologi- showing the greatest variation before anyone put two and two MORE THAN 98% cal disorders are known to affect between humans and chimps fall together. Come on, seriously. GENETICALLY those characteristics which define within this transcription factor How can you not be struck by the us as humans. In this sense men- category. Scientists can now home uncanny similarity between us IDENTICAL WE tal retardation can be regarded as in on such candidate genes, to and our nearest relative the chim- HUMANS GO ‘interference with intelligence’ gain an increased understanding panzee? AROUND PLAYING and dyslexia a ‘disruption of high- of what they do and how they But last month the extent of THE PIANO WHILE er-order language abilities’. have been modified over evolu- this similarity was revealed when CHIMPS... WELL, Comparing the chimp and human tionary time. This will give clues the initial sequence of the chimp CHIMPS JUST genome will help scientists to as to how human-specific traits genome was published by the DON’T? identify and characterise the emerged. Chimpanzee Sequencing and genes involved in these uniquely So instead of focusing on the Analysis Consortium, in Nature, human functions, as well as shed- similarities, we will learn a lot showing that we are 98.76% ding light on the causes of the dis- more about ourselves by looking genetically identical to our chimp orders. at the differences between us and cousins. ”has benefited hugely from this Another exciting implication of our chimpanzee relatives. A fasci- Genomic sequencing is the knowledge. the chimp genome sequence is nating example is the transcrip- process of determining the order Scientists studying an inherited the hope of answering the ques- tion factor FOXP2, which differs of the nucleotide building blocks disease can now use the database tion “what makes us human?” only slightly between humans that make up the DNA on the to speed up finding the sequence How is it that although we’re and chimps, yet this dissimilarity different chromosomes in our of the genes causing the problem. more than ninety-eight per cent- is thought to have contributed cells. Numerous organisms have Knowing the sequence then genetically identical, we humans crucially to our capacity of speech. already had their genomes enables them to predict the pro- go around painting caves, com- All in all, the completion of the sequenced, including yeast, fruit teins coded for by the affected municating using pretty compli- chimp genome sequence is a flies, mice and, perhaps most genes, giving clues as to how the cated languages and playing the landmark accomplishment both importantly, man. But do all disease should be treated. piano, while chimps… well, in terms of scientific achievement these experiments achieve any- So clearly the human genome chimps just don’t? and as an example of internation- thing that might be even vaguely sequence is extremely useful for But as geneticists well know, it al collaboration between scien- interesting to the average citi- biomedical research, as is any- is not the quantity of the genetic tists. For the future of comparitive zen? thing that puts the development difference between two species genetics, it’s the end of a begin- In fact, databases containing of new treatments on the horizon. that matters, but rather the quali- ning but, maybe it’s also the the human genome sequence But what has the chimpanzee got ty. The protein products of certain beginning of the end in the quest have many applications within to do with anything? genes, collectively referred to as to answer the important question the field of medicine. For exam- One major answer is that, as transcription factors, are known of what it means to be human.

CAMBRIDGE ECONOMIC POLICY ASSOCIATES

Cambridge Economic Policy Associates (CEPA) is an economic and finance policy advisory business. Although now London based, we aim to retain close links with the University of Cambridge academics. Our focus is on issues where economics, finance and public policy overlap. We advise clients across three practice areas:

I Emerging Markets. Clients include developing country governments and international donors such as DFID, World Bank, MIGA, Private Infrastructure Development Group (PIDG), and the Commonwealth Secretariat. I Regulatory Economics and Competition. Clients include the UK’s Ofgem and Ofwat, the Portuguese Competition Authority, Dutch Office of Energy Regulation (DTe). I Public Policy and Finance. Clients include the UK government’s DEFRA, DfT, Becta, HM Treasury, ODPM.

We also advise a number of private sector infrastructure service providers across the three practice areas.

CEPA provides interesting and varied professional consultancy work in an informal and flexible work environment. We will be interested in receiving applications in 2006 from individuals with strong analytical, economics, finance and consultancy skills, with at least a Masters degree in Economics or a related field. For further information about what we do and current vacancies please visit our website: www.cepa.co.uk 28.10.05 Features Varsity 9 A DEEP, DEEP SLEEP Is sleep deprivation a serious problem in Cambridge? JACQUI TEDD asks ou wake up, arguing with Cambridge he has an “unhealthy” Loughborough, without sleep, the One student agrees with F. Scott your alarm clock. How can sleep routine. He explained: “I cerebral cortex, governing what Fitzgerald when he stated “The it already be time to get up? often go to bed at 3am and then we do, say and think, just stops worst thing in the world is to try to

JON LOPEZ Y You only closed your eyes minutes get up at 6am for four or five days working. sleep and not to.” She finds that ago; now your electronic friend is As students required to attend despite being “extremely tired” insisting you get out of bed to face lectures, write essays and think once she gets into bed her “mind another day. A consequence of a critically on a daily basis, regular just won’t stop working” resulting few weeks in Cambridge is the sleep is a prerequisite of our life. in her “lying in bed for hours, feeling that you have been con- “STUDENTS DEVISE Without sleep, we are simply unable to fall asleep.” stantly awake. Between rapidly NUMEROUS unable to perform or communi- Students who find it difficult to rising mountains of work, REMEDIES TO cate as needed during the day. sleep reported looking enviously attempting to be an extra-curricu- When asked, just under fifty at their friends who can sleep lar deity and perhaps even seeing COMBAT DAILY per cent of students admitted to wherever and whenever they friends from from time to time, TIREDNESS, devising and trying numerous choose. Being an excessive sleeper when do we get time to sleep? INCLUDING remedies to combat their daily has not actually been found to be But does it really matter if we CONCOCTIONS OF tiredness. Ranging from concoc- detrimental to your health, but are unable to get a “proper’” tions of Red Bull and Pro-Plus, to neither is it deemed as necessary. nights sleep? Will not sleeping RED BULL AND constantly drinking coffee and Such people would be able to affect the way we feel? Does our PRO-PLUS taking short naps. While perhaps function perfectly well on less health and academic work suffer providing students with a much- sleep. Sleep, like eating, needs to as a result of odd nocturnal ways? needed burst of energy, such be done; yet, if we can afford the Contrary to popular belief, methods to fight fatigue are not luxury we will do it more, just there is no “optimum” amount of ”running. By the end of the week, sustainable over long periods of because we can. But, with over sleep we all should have. I have to spend nearly a whole time, and could potentially be eighty per cent of students sur- However, research done at day in bed because I feel so detrimental to health. veyed in Cambridge saying they Loughborough University has drained.” But it is not just academic work feel less than alert most days of the shown that subjects regularly get- We spend nearly a third of our at risk. Research has shown that week it does appear that sleep is ting eight hours of sleep found lives in it: sleep is necessary to life. health problems, such as high one comfort that in Cambridge we having fewer than six hours inad- But the only organ that actively blood pressure, headaches, weight are not fully entitled to. equate. Thus, the amount of sleep requires sleep in order to function gain and stress can also be linked While the long-term effects of we require in order to not feel is the brain. As long we receive to sleep deprivation. Often, stu- continuous sleep deprivation are tired during the day does vary sufficient rest and eat a balanced dents find themselves in a vicious not yet fully known, it is suggest- considerably between individuals. diet, there is no evidence to sug- circle, realising that their lack of ed that the stress having no sleep A general, simple rule is: if you gest our other organs will fail us as sleep is affecting their moods, causes could potentially totally don’t feel weary and sluggish, a result of sleep deprivation. The work, eating habits and stress lev- overwhelm the body resulting in then you probably had enough brain - specifically the cerebral els. Yet, trying to sleep, they find it illness or even fatality. So before sleep the night before. cortex - requires sleep in order to almost impossible to do so. going to that party or struggling to But many students in operate properly. It is not enough Research has shown that ‘body finish a question sheet at four in Cambridge feel that they rarely do simply to rest. During the core clocks’ are not as accurate the morning, think about the get a sufficient amount of sleep. hours of sleep, the executive part amongst young people; this harm not going to bed may do to One student, as a result of sporting of the brain slows down and is means that we tend to find it your mind; just put the book commitments and a “desire to repaired. harder to fall asleep when we down and go to sleep. You will socialise”, believes that while at According to researchers at want to. probably feel better for it. What the Just my cup of tea Doctor Ordered Lawyer’s Wine and Oyster Bar - Restaurant Review by Anthony Marlowe and Joe Schutzer-Weissmann e feel sorry for lawyers. exterior on a busy intersection Relative Dimension in Space.” We don’t drink coffee, I take tea the so-called ‘Champagne of crastination, or a well-earned Imagine squandering the gives way to a calm and capacious drank rare, rich claret with our my dear” Sting informs us in Teas’, is another Indian product, refreshment break. But where to Wbest years of your life intimacy within, all book-lined mains and a lively but well man- “I his ’Englishman in New York’. grown in the foothills of the find the best brews? If you are deep in tort or lost in the complex- walls, wine-bottles, discreet jazz nered young Cotes de Rhone with Tea drinking has become as Himalayas on 100 highly presti- searching for more than the PG ities of “Juicy Whip v. Orange and stalactitic candles. our cheese. For starters and fish I inescapable a feature of British cul- gious estates. Its eminent reputa- Tips and Twinings which fill Bang.” Have you ever come across And finally, like a Tardis, would recommend the delightful tural heritage as sarcasm and tion lies in the delicate, astringent Sainsburys’ shelves, head for the a (sane) lawyer who actually Lawyer’s is an excellent place for and very reasonable Chateau Sunday roasts: we drink 165 million flavour and subtle undertones of Health Food Store on Bridge Street, enjoys his course? Whilst most time travel. We happily spent Haut-Rian and the delicate cups of tea daily. From dandelion muscatel that give this particular where they stock an extensive and actively eschew their discipline, almost four hours of a Monday Gewurztraminer. leaf to Jasmine pearl, second flush cup of tea a unique and exotic exciting range of teas, infusions, lawyers tend to revel in an Ally evening wrapped up in the warm, All bar this one wine bars in Assam to Turkish apple, the huge taste. Both of these Bengali based distillations, and indistinguishable McBeal-ish anxiety and intensity enticing and slightly inebriate Cambridge are, like lawyers, over- variety of tea available to us today brews have two yearly “flushes”, or packets of what only looks like dis- and even seem to dress like their embrace of this excellent inn and priced and boring- Lawyer’s, how- is somewhat daunting. The most pluckings; the first produces the integrated birdsnests. Particularly stressed-out idols. And then they its exemplary food. ever, is very reasonable and the common commercial products to most highly prized vintage, but all delectable is the Bio-organic go on to devote the rest of their wines are eclectic, small, often be found on the British market are Jamaican Spice Tea, whilst the lives to this drudgery, whose only obscure but always of an excellent generally imported from the Far Triple Ginseng plus will set you up consolations are the pay and the quality. East, in particular China, India and nicely for an all-nighter of work or occasional perverse satisfaction of Lawyer’s has been happily Sri Lanka (or Ceylon). Each speci- play. The Cornucopia Delicatessen sending down delinquents and “LAWYER’S SEEMS overlooked by students- this is cer- men has subtle and distinctive “BENGALI BASED on Bene’t Street is another haven renegades. tainly an important part of its traits, due to varying places of ori- for fine teas. Amongst others, it sells Don’t let this put you off MORE AKIN TO A charm. Nonetheless, in our con- gin and methods of production. BREWS HAVE TWO Jackson’s and Ahmed Teas, both Lawyer’s. Lawyer’s has little in TARDIS THAN TO A cern for those pitiable lawyers out To provide you with a cheat’s YEARLY “FLUSHES” renowned for suberb quality (and common with lawyers; it is divert- JURIST there we recommend you to put guide to the most revered cuppas OR PLUCKINGS the quintessential tins they come ing, tasteful, good value and down your tomes, leave your of our time, it seems mandatory to in). For those with a sweet tooth, try seems, if anything, more akin to a libraries and your boredom and begin with China, which, for many the dessert-inspired range at Tardis than to a jurist. Odd as it head down to Lawyer’s to eat and centuries produced the only teas Whittard’s, on Petty Cury. Mango may sound this very simile was drink and talk till the candles have known to the western world. Its Indica, apple crumble and blueber- used by the owner and founder to ”The menu is based around seri- burnt themselves out. For such a most prominent blend is Lapsang, ”crops are of worthy calibre. ry yogurt are all flavours of their describe his hostelry and we find it ous staples and fish freshly deliv- service even we would pay. a unique large leaf tea, distin- The most cherished flavour when whimsical Pudding range, undoubt- apposite in three ways. ered each day on its way south to guished by a tarry taste and smoky it comes to scented teas is that of edly frowned upon by Darjeeling- First, his calling to the bar trade Billingsgate. Joe nearly wept over In a nutshell aroma, which is acquired through Earl Grey, traditionally obtained sipping tea snobs... from the legal profession came, as his Sea Bass steak whilst Anthony Where: 6 Lensfield Road the drying of leaves over pine wood from a blend of black China teas “If you are cold, tea will warm the Tardis does for the Doctor, in was almost Welsh in his praise of When: Restaurant stops serv- fires. Yunnan is another black tea mixed with natural oil of Bergamot you. If you are heated, it will cool the nick of time. The site, once e some tender young lamb. Next ing at 10pm, bar open until from China, recognizable for its fruit, from which the infusion you. If you are depressed, it will home to an Irish drinking pub, month the menu will change to 1am malty flavour, and excellent for a derives its perfumed aroma and cheer you. If you are excited, it will raves, drugs and police-raids, was incorporate local venison and our Price: Dishes £4-£18 breakfast brew. flavour. Jasmine, Rose congou, calm you” wrote Gladstone. Indeed derelict. Our man salvaged it, and favourite pert pan-fried pigeon Food highlight: Sea bass Assam, on the other hand, is Magnolia and Lychee are other with properties that detox, refresh, with it his soul. breasts. The starters are similarly steak, King Prawns imported from India. It is known for teas in this category worth a try. relaxing or energize accordingly, He also found room in it for diverse and surprisingly filling Wine: Excellent French its robust, full-bodied flavour and To bring us back from the Orient, exploring new tea territories is sure some of his extensive law library. (that Tardis effect again) whilst the wines like Yunnan, also boasts a malt Cambridge presents no exception to scratch your every itch...and pro- Like the Tardis, Lawyer’s appears desserts, with the exception of pungency, ideal for a morning to the rule of British tea-loving. Tea vide you with just your cup of tea, diminutive on the outside and some slightly adolescent cheese, Ratings boost before lectures. Darjeeling, works wonders as a tool of pro- so to speak. expansive within. It is very likely were very refreshingly adult. Food 8/10 that many of you will have often Wines are where Lawyer’s real- Value 9/10 Sasha Nicholl passed it unawares. The sober ly travels through “Time and Atmosphere 8/10 10 Varsity Features 28.10.05 O KINGSLEY TOM TROUBLE AND STRIFE

An outspokenly feminist, gay Muslim woman and a foreign policy hawk - Author

and journalist IRSHAD MANJI has been labelled “Osama Bin Laden’s worst nightmare”. JON SWAINE looks” to finds the substance behind the stereotype

y must-catch train to years ago with the political leader cliché’s dull hum: posters declare But doesn’t her book’s over- pus. As Irshad Manji simply put it, London has been can- of Islamic Jihad in Gaza: “What’s George W. Bush the ‘World’s whelming focus on Islam’s short- “both rightist and leftist orthodox- Mcelled; I’m going to be late the difference between suicide, Number One Terrorist’ without comings mean that she is soft on ies are dangerous”. for the already-re-arranged inter- which the Qur’an condemns, and irony in Cambridge windows. Is it, America, even if only by ommi- “I will argue for free speech,” view with Irshad Manji. martyrdom?” she asked. I ask, a search for comfort, a hope sion? She is recalcitrant. “I take she says. ‘But that doesn’t mean Unforgettable to those who “Suicide,” he answered, “is done IMPERIALISM that reality isn’t quite so awful, America to task, and not just the I’m some kind of doe-eyed ideal- have seen her blistering appear- out of despair. But most of our and that by solving the ‘easy’ Bush administration - a no-brain- ist. Argument is best addressed ances on BBC Newsnight, Manji is martyrs today were very success- CAN COME socio-economic things, and voting er. In my book I point out that with counter-argument - by cen-

the 36 year-old Canadian author ful in their earthly lives.” out Dubya, everything will be since Eisenhower, more than 50 soring, you turn these dema- whose bestseller demands the To Manji, it seems clear that in IN MANY okay? years ago, American administra- gogues into martyrs. Bring them world know The Trouble With Islam such cases there is a powerful root “It goes beyond hope,” she says. tions have known of evidence that on to campus - make the universi-

Today. Her writings and speeches less easily resolved by liberal con- SHADES AND “It is a deep-seated fear of the ‘r’ Muslims resent the United States ty a market-place for ideas. Do not have caused murmurs of ‘female jecture. A contorted interpretation word: ‘racist’.” Indeed, through- for propping up autocratic govern- patronise students by assuming Rushdie’, bolstered by her receiv- of their religion seems specifically MANY SKIN out our meeting, she makes clear ments who repressed their own that they are not capable of ing persistent death threats from what assured men like these of the “ that escaping people from this fear democratic aspirations. America responding in adult ways.” some quarters. Being proudly rightness of their actions. And, TONES sits high on her list of priorities. It must recognise that they need to But Manji does more pointedly feminist and gay has also tended speaking as a practicing Muslim, is a personal liberation she seems be there for reform-minded focus her work on her beliefs on to rile. she believes that the sooner the happy to have publicly achieved, Muslims, and not just wait around the Muslim world’s need to open The lady at station information world gulps and accepts this, the having reconciled herself to the until the next crisis.” itself to similarly rigorous debate. doesn’t care, really. “Vandalism. sooner we can hope to address the accordant threats to her life it For Manji, this does include “It wasn’t like this historically,” Blame the little yobs who wider problem we face today. might continue to inspire. military intervention in she says. Her book pleas for ijtihad, smashed up the train.” For her, Islam’s Trouble centres “After my university lectures Afghanistan (which, having agi- “a lost tradition from within Islam, And I did, considering things on unquestioning, literalist read- anywhere in the world, broad- tated over the impact of the of independent thinking and criti- aboard the next available crawl ings of the Qur’an. Bright, spiky minded, liberal people whisper to Taliban for human rights since cal reasoning,” which she believes into King’s Cross. Vandalism and direct, Manji is always careful me, ‘thank you for saying what 1996, she would have “endorsed history shows the religion as seems a baffling, irrational act, to pre-empt comebacks, even needs to be said’.” But she is “tired five years before 9/11”) and after a exuding in its early centuries. achieving nothing but the general when notably drowsy from the of these being left as whispers.” “real struggle with herself”, also From it, she vividly enthuses, worsening of life for everyone. head cold with which England has She knows that “many students Iraq. But on the latter, she is visi- diverse fruits grew, ranging from But its causes are often confident- welcomed her. will want to ask questions about bly furious - saddened and frus- “some of the first universities” to ly explained: boredom, disaffec- Therefore, while she is what is happening in the name of trated that the ‘peace’ has been so “aspects of contemporary western tion and deprivation felt by young absolutely clear that “not only Islam today”, but that they “fear fundamentally under-planned popular culture, such as the people. We should do our utmost Islam has a problem with literal- being called racists, neocons, and mis-managed. mocha coffee and the guitar”. to eliminate these, of course. But ism: American Christianity has its Zionist puppets – all things I am Nonetheless, she implores Manji believes it must be made there are plenty of bored, relative- evangelicals, Jews their ultra- called.” Her advice? “Grow a thick Western leaders be braver and clear just how much contribution ly deprived and disaffected orthodox, even Buddhists have skin, be big boys and girls. But you more open in debating these was made by Islam to modern teenagers who don’t vandalise. fundamentalists,” she holds that don’t have to make peace with it,” actions, and say exactly why they ‘civilisation’. Aren’t they insulted by the logic “only in Islam today is literalism she insists. “Because when your are so important. She laments that She argues in her book that the that they should be more likely mainstream worldwide. We are 1969 Born in Uganda accusers allege ‘racism’, remind “as supposedly progressive a pres- tradition must urgently be redis- to? raised to believe that because the them that in the last 100 years ident as Bill Clinton never had the covered, to provide argument Ultimately, there is no perfect Qur’an comes after the Torah and 1972 Moves to Canada alone, more Muslims have been guts to publicly call what was hap- against the Qur’an-quoting explanation – a truth too difficult the Bible chronologically, it is the with family after Idi Amin tortured, maimed, raped, impris- pening in Bosnia a ‘genocide’,” jihadists, but also “to update the for some. Trivial though the inci- final, perfect manifesto of God’s exiles all South Asians oned and murdered at the hands even when it was Muslims being practice of Islam for the 21st cen- dent was, I was reminded of will: not given to the ambiguities, of other Muslims than of any for- slaughtered, because of the prima- tury”. She is hopeful – this is “not Manji’s account of her interview inconsistencies, contradictions and 1983 Demands proof from eign imperial power.” cy of considerations of spin. a foreign tradition, but one by an Oxford student reporter in human edits of those other ‘sacred her madressa of the It could be argued that she is For Manji, he “didn’t want to be already there.” the days following July’s terrorist texts’.” “Jewish conspiracy too sweeping in her use of the ills considered a warmonger by the And therein lies the bald belief attacks on London. The girl plead- Key, then, for Manji, is that against Islam” and is told of 20th century Islamic states. The left and the Muslim world”, and so Irshad Manji tries to communi- ed with Manji to understand what “even moderate Muslims believe “Believe or get out.” utilisation of the faith by such the real issues were allowed to cate, in a discourse through which drove those bombers to more dev- that as an article of faith, the Leaves to study Islam on regimes has been nuanced - in blur. “These are the dilemmas we the past and present transgres- astatingly smash up other trains, Qur’an is ‘God 3.0’, and none shall her own some cases, making it quite unfair need to have honest and open dis- sions of both ‘sides’ must be and a bus, along with 52 people come after it. This is a supremacy to associate Islam with their cussions about,” affirms Manji. weighed for a constructive way and themselves. Couldn’t she see complex that I argue is danger- 1990: Graduates in history behaviour at all when seeking to “But neither those in the West, forward to be found. She is deter- that “relative economic depriva- ous.” at University of British illustrate different, current prob- nor in the Muslim world are will- mined that from historical debates tion” amongst alienated Muslim As well as “disproportionately Columbia, winning the lems. But clearly, it is a broad gloss ing to do that.” on the 8th century Spanish recon- youths had done it? That this was empowering the extremist fringe”, Governor General's Manji sees as true enough, and For the former, she has opin- quista to contemporary religious British society’s problem, not she believes the “reasonable cen- Medal. Takes job as one necessary to force the point of ions on how, in the wake of and political issues, Islam must theirs. tre” is inhibited from asking hard Legislative Assistant to her wider anger on things com- reported extremism on UK cam- more sharply focus its attentions Alas, for Manji, as for me, the questions about the perils of Canadian MPs mitted in the name of her religion. puses, students might better chal- on the problems it has caused for non sequitur was too powerful to dogma of any kind in a modern, She is also adamant that this is lenge orthodoxies of political itself to better contribute to this. ignore. Sweeping derision of ‘the pluralist world. “The jihadists are 1997: Releases Risking certainly not to deny the ills, some extremes. The BNP remain “We need to recapture ijtihad’s youth of today’ is utterly frustrat- expert in pulling from the Qur’an Utopia: On the edge of a continuing, of Western imperial- banned from speaking at spirit, and for it to be restored, ing for decent young people; so to justify their violence. Because new Democracy ism. “Not at all. It is merely to Cambridge and elsewhere, while democratised and popularised. too must we be specific about these the rest of us are taught that ask- point out that imperialism comes the Respect Coalition, whose asso- There are other scholars who very exceptional cases if we wish to ing questions of the text is off lim- 1998-2001: Produces and in many shades and many skin ciated groups are “no less atro- much back this up, proposing that resolve them, and avoid offensive- its, we are left with the feeling that hosts TV shows in tones.” And thus, through her cious, racist and stereotyping,” it should be extended to poets, ly blunt understandings of young questioning the jihadists is ques- Canada debilitating sniffles, Manji makes tour the UK untroubled. comics and musicians,” she says, Muslims, practically all of whom tioning the Qur’an itself.” her point precisely: of course we But worse, and as seen at optimistically. choose to reject such a tragic path. But why, I ask her – in the reas- 2002: Releases The must be unflinchingly sceptical Middlesex University last week, And so, in a parallel to her pre- She conceded that marginalisa- suringly tatty confines of Amnesty Trouble With Islam Today and critical of what is done by a students determined to maintain scriptions for the wider world, tion diminishes self-esteem. In International’s London Secretariat West led by an elite of Christian the denial of a platform for the comes her mantra: “We ought to turn, it can leave its sufferers vul- – does she see there being such 2005: Becomes contribu- conservatives. But the same criti- BNP are equally as determined to let many Muslims find their voic- nerable to those offering a radical, reluctance in the West – especially tor to the Huffington Post cal instinct must be applied to protest for the right for Hizb ut- es before we decide which voices instant solution. But she also amongst students – to suggest this online journal Islam, from inside and out, if bal- Tahrir – the violent, anti-semitic to listen to.” Which is, perhaps, a refers to her conversation three might be so? Instead, we have ance truly is to be achieved. Islamist group – to speak on cam- modest proposal. 28.10.05 Features Varsity 11

Mirror, Mirror 05. Lip Service The ephemeral focus of the fash- Tip Three: Finish me off ion camera has zoomed in on Having painted your shape on an pouting stars like Thumbsucker’s otherwise blank canvas, you can Lou Pucci, Michael Pitt and the now perfect your tone. One ubiquitous Angelina Jolie. At last option is to go with a lip gel that month’s spring/summer 2006 will seal in the pigment and add a shows designers sent out fresh shine or matt effect. However, faced girls with maybe just a subtlety can sometimes be key touch of bronzer or foundation and simply blotting the colour sporting deep cherry red or after application will give you a grapefruit pink lips that punctuat- tone that’s blended with your nat- ed the face, leaving eyes fading ural lip colour and will therefore into the wintry background of the suit you more naturally. current season.

Tip One: Plump as a plumb Collagen can easily seem like an appealing process. One quick injection and you’re out of there (looking like an exotic fish and holding a whopping bill). If you feel your lips are simply in need of a good buff, then try Wexler’s No- Injection Lip Plumper. This subtle formula will produce a collagen Tip Four: Like Pulling a Pillow like effect but won’t sting like sim- To avoid cold sores (I know... ilar products. Unfortunately this yuck!) and to generally keep vel- shape-enhancing product is only vety soft in these tough icy available in the US, but for a months, simply use lip balm. Stay measly $16 (or about £10) it’s clear of heavy petroleum jelly worth calling up a store and mak- contents, as this will distort the ing an order. Henri Bendel in New pucker’s ability to naturally wet York is worth a try. itself. Instead, resort to cocoa butter and balms with other natu- Tip Two: My lips are like a red ral contents that are available at red rose The Body Shop and Officina Glosses have become a thing of Profumo Farmaceutica di Santa the past. Fashion’s new darker Maria Novella. Cheaper in its mood calls for strong statement original location, this Florentine colours that highlight shape pharmacy has a branch at 117 instead of texture. The perfect Walton Street in Chelsea and still shade can only be decided when uses recipes that were created in compared to your colouring but a 1500 for Catherine de Medici. shade of red is generally indis- Lips so soft that they’re fit for a pensible. Chanel is great for the- queen and maybe even a kiss atric bold statements, and MAC goodnight. and Anna Sui also offer a good range of “lip stains.” Benj Ohad Seidler quick recipe

Pot Rump Beef Roast, Red Onion Marmalade I first tasted this dish at the (sadly-defunct) restaurant, Thyme. The meat is only cooked for a couple of minutes, then left to soak up the juices. You will have to get the meat at a butcher's: you want the thin end of the rump, something you will not find in a supermarket.

Ingredients Instructions 1 Beef rump (500-600g) 1-2 min - Trim meat as much as 2 red onions, quartered possible, within reason. 1 tbsp oil 2-20 mins - Cover the beef in 1 glass red wine rock salt and marinade. 1 glass water 20-22 mins - Heat the pot (no 1 tbsp Demerara sugar oil) and add beef with salt. Sear Rock salt, pepper a minute each side. Fresh herbs (parsley, thyme, 23-24 mins - Add wine, a little bayleaf etc.) water and fresh herbs. Leave to reduce. 24-39 mins - Take off heat and costumes from much ado about nothing, astrakhan winter You will need leave in the pan with the lid on. 1 large pot with lid 39 mins - Take the beef and its and suddenly last summer, modelled by cast members Chopping board juices out and put the pan back Knife on low gas with residue. (Low Plate sodium diets: scrape residue out.) Add oil and onions. 40-50 mins - Let stew. Add Serve with sugar and pepper, and let An eye for the stage A green bean salad caramelise whilst stirring. New potatoes mashed with To serve: Slice the beef thinly olive oil and lay out with marmalade. production and costume design by lucy minyo Cover with reheated cooking juice. David Nowell-Smith 12 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05

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Picture the scene: I finally find my sister’s blog. There are various words and THE phrases that I don’t know and a few more that I wish I didn’t. I read that I can subscribe to a podcast in which I will find recordings of my sister’s latest singer/songwriter creations. My sister of the wail that makes children and small CONSTANT mammals shy away in terror. I can only conclude that this podcast thing is the work of the devil and must be stopped. Far from being the work of the devil podcasting was initially developed by a man called Dave Winner and then taken further by the work of Adam Curry. The idea came about as a result of a desire to be able DIRECTOR to send people audio recordings automatically, and at regular intervals, for listening to on their computer or portable mp3 player. The He directed the groundbreaking City of God and his new film The audio recordings are often likened to online radio shows, but they can contain all sorts Constant Gardener has met with rave reviews CAMILLA MACDONALD of audio content. catches up with FERNANDO MEIRELLES in the middle of a press circus But why podcasting? Podcasting is a portmanteau that combines the words "broadcasting" and "iPod”. It is in fact a bit of a misnomer nd tell him he’s not to boots. His body language sonal life seems to run prospect of working in as you do not need an iPod to ask Mr. Fiennes about exudes energy as he sits fid- through Meirelles’ films, as he Hollywood: “I’m not planning listen to the content and no “A Harry Potter”. It is dling with the corner of the says with what seems like an to do a big studio movie. I broadcasting is actually 12:30 am at the Dorchester table and sugar cubes. I am almost naive simplicity: “I want to do my own personal involved. The term may have hotel on Park Lane and the cir- curious as to where this ener- want to talk about things.” projects. If you do a film with been coined by Ben cus has begun. Actors and gy comes from; is it an itching This said, he seems surprised a very high budget people will Hammersley in an article journalists cluster in various activism or simply a desire to at such positive reactions from come to control, you have to written for the Guardian on rooms as PAs and PRs stride up tell stories? Both his films the high brow to The Constant work with marketing people February 12th 2004. and down the corridors bark- could certainly be described as Gardener, which although “a who tell you what to do or ing into walkie talkies. I am political, topical, and contro- good, well-made film,” he how to cut so they can get So this podcasting hasn’t waiting to interview Fernando versial, yet their artistic finesse expected to be taken at a more their money back. I am more been around long then? Meirelles feeling ever so certainly sets them apart from commercial level: “Of course I interested in doing films that I Indeed it hasn’t. But just slightly like an underage the growing trend for overtly like the film but I’m very glad can control.” because it is quite a young drinker who is bound to ask political ‘docu-movies’ pio- that audiences and journalists Despite his perfectionism technology don’t for a minute for a pint of tonic and gin. neered by Michael Moore and are recognising something else and desire for control, think that it isn’t very The Constant Gardener, which the like: “I never try to send a in the film which is there but Meirelles’ approach to film- important. Since the inclusion opened the London Film Festival message like an activist, to that I thought people might making is far from rigid. He is of podcasting in Apple’s last week, has already proved make a point. What I always not appreciate. I think for continuously enthusiastic: “I iTunes software millions of that the man who brought us try to do is to expose a situa- some reason in the last year don’t have a vision. I do as I people have signed up to the astonishing City of God has tion that intrigues me, that everybody is more interested go. When I am on set with receive regular podcasts. not lost his eye for a good shocks me. Like City of God;I in political films, even the actors and a camera then the story. Set in Kenya, political read the book and thought this young generation, everybody ideas start coming . . . 10 years Do I have to use iTunes to thriller-come-lovestory based is Brazil and I live here and I is getting more involved.” In ago I would write precise plans listen to podcasts? on the John le Carré novel have never seen it. I wanted to The Constant Gardener he about what I was going to do, Not at all, but for those new to revolves around the murder of go there to understand...I explains how initially he had where I would set the camera, the technology it might be the the British diplomat Justin wanted to expose that world, hoped to really emphasise the I would try to control every- easiest way to find out what it Quayle’s (Ralph Fiennes) wife but not thinking that this political side to the story. The thing. But now, I really trust in is all about. iTunes acts as a Tessa (Rachel Weiz). As Justin could change something or original film contained docu- my instincts, I’ve never had a podcatcher – a piece of tries to uncover the truth, we move the government, just to mentaries from Oxfam about block. I never stop and I never software that automatically are plunged into the dark expose. I am a storyteller.” “Big Pharma”; “But then let people stop working.” downloads the latest podcast world of corporate and politi- He smiles cheekily as he watching it, it was like my At this, he claps his hands for you – and as a directory of cal manoeuvrings, in this case admits that his next project is own voice, like the director and grins. The energy and podcasts. This makes it very those of the pharmaceutical about globalisation. Activist or preaching to the government charisma of this rather small easy to find and use industry. Fernando Meirelles not, his protestation, “I don’t you know? I could hear myself man is astonishing. Perhaps podcasts. The first time you and his director of photogra- know, I mean I might do a saying look how they’re bad that is the key to understand- click on the “Podcasts” button phy César Charlone (City of romantic comedy in the and what they do, so I started ing his film making; it is not in iTunes you will be taken to God) once again produce a cin- future. You don’t know what to cut. In the end it became look-at-me activism or soupy a page that lists some of the ematographic masterpiece. life will bring to you” is hard more of a love story.” philosophising, but sheer most popular podcasts as well Poignant images of Justin and to believe. He describes that interest and energy. Fernando as letting you browse through Tessa’s marriage are inter- what he found so appealing or Meirelles, the story is Meirelles is just a damn good the entire database. The most spersed with beautiful shots of about The Constant Gardener paramount. This is made director. He himself admits popular podcast on iTunes UK the barren Kenyan and was not only its political ele- Fall too clear by the con- that “all the stories I’m always at the moment is “The Best of Sudanese landscapes and ment but that it had a “touch trast between what he origi- thinking about, they don’t Moyles” from BBC Radio 1. energised, frenetic, colourful of the existential about it”; it HIS FILMS nally planned to do and the look like regular films” but the scenes of life in the Kibera seems this will be a lasting final cut. He describes how he challenge of them seems only I’m sorry but I refuse to use slums of Nairobi. penchant in his films. COULD tried hard to bring a “Third to increase his delight: “If a piece of software whose Despite the film’s over- His next project, which he “CERTAINLY BE World perspective” to the film, something seems impossible, other users willingly subject whelming success, when hopes to call Intolerance: a even introducing Kenyan you just go step by step and in themselves to that man. I Meirelles finally bounds in, sequel, he reaffirms is not part DESCRIBED AS characters to see the same the end you’re there.” think the devil may be our congratulations for the of any social or political agen- POLITICAL YET story from the their point of He beams as though he has involved after all. film are met with a qualified da: “its just a subject that view but abandoned the idea just revealed his deepest In that case you might like to pleasure: “Yeah, I’m happy interests me. True, it is about THEIR ARTISTIC as “the plot with Ralph and secret. I am puzzled. What try going to ipodder.com. This with the film. Of course I globalisation but it’s not a FINESSE SETS Rachel was so strong, that exactly drives Fernando is a community run site that is don’t want to see this film political or sociological film. I every time I cut to the subplot Meirelles is elusive, his enthu- the brain child of none other again because when I watch it think it’s more philosophical, THEM APART I would be interested to go siasm seems to perpetuate than Adam Curry, who you there’s so much I would it’s about happiness. It’s about FROM THE back to the main story.” There itself; something increasingly should remember from earlier. change. I torture myself. I regular people living in differ- GROWING may be political and social evident as he drags the con- Here you will find a big never stop working, its terri- ent conditions so its more messages in the film but in the versation back to his forth- selection of podcasts and free ble.” From the way he sits about just what we’re doing TREND FOR end, Meirelles is pragmatic. He coming film once more, software for Windows, Linux perched on the edge of his on this planet.” Similarly in OVERTLY is trying to entertain, but with “Emotionally, I’m in some- and Macs that you can use to chair, as though he might leap The Constant Gardener, as thought provoking material. thing else already. I’m discon- download and listen to them. off to make those changes at Justin alienates himself from POLITICAL Following the success of City nected I’m . . . dying to move any moment, peering at every- his safe world as a British ‘DOCU-MOVIES’ of God and now The Constant on.” As a PA materialises out one through his black square diplomat, his sense of identity Gardener, this architecture of the wallpaper it’s clear it’s rimmed glasses, I can believe becomes increasingly inter- PIONEERED BY graduate from São Paolo has time I was moving out and Mr. it. twined with the memory of his MICHAEL MOORE come a long way from show- Meirelles on. I wonder where www.apple.com/itunes Meirelles is quite the picture wife as he tries to understand ing German films at his uni- he’s going. www.ipodder.org of a director; dressed in blue who he is and what he can do versity Cine Club in the ‘80s. I Doug pin-striped trousers, a cool with his life. This questioning, ask how he feels about having The Constant Gardener is McMahon black v-neck jumper and be it about social issues or per- ” all eyes on him and the released on 11 November 28.10.05 Features Varsity 15

Battle in Heaven (Batello en el cielo) ##### TOM WINDLEY The primary emotion inspired its publicity generated by its by a glance at the poster for graphic depictions of sex, Battle Battle In Heaven, with its star in Heaven is surprisingly Anapola Mushkadiz’s naked unshocking. The viewer may breasts just obscured by the groan (for the wrong reasons) title and a guidance warning at the opening shot, where the us to expect “STRONG REAL camera slowly crawls down SEX”, is, curiously enough, a Marcos’ nude body to reveal a sense of disheartenment. For tediously predictable blowjob those of us “fortunate” enough being executed, but for some to have watched 9 Songs, reason the sex in this film Michael Winterbottom’s recent never feels gratuitous. exercise in unsimulated cine- Reygadas lingers as long on matic sex (not to mention the obese bodies of Marcos and boredom), this sort of adver- his wife as he does on tisement masquerading as an Mushkadiz’ lithe form during advisory would appear to be these scenes, and there’s all you need to give Mexican something strangely moving director Carlos Reygadas’ new about it all. It may sound like film a wide berth. This would the old clichéd argument for be a shame as this tale of social defending sex on film but it injustice, infidelity and desper- just feels honest. Given the ate circumstances actually choice between this and a turns out to be quite a bit more scantily-clad Jessica Alba being than the sum of its (graphical- bullwhipped in Sin City, I know ly displayed) parts. which I find more offensive. Reygadas’ central figure is That said, Battle In Heaven Marcos, a private security has numerous failings. guard silently tormented by Reygadas’ disconnected style, his and his wife’s botched kid- and his use of non actors napping of a baby. Drawn into whose stark ‘acting’ often just an affair by the daughter of his seems like line reading, never wealthy employer, who prosti- allow us to truly connect with tutes herself for kicks Belle De the characters or the situation. Jour- style, Marcos’ predica- The incessant protracted cam- ment slowly, inevitably, spirals era shots and seeming inertia into despair and death. In of it all can be frustrating to terms of plot, not much more say the least. The unremitting takes place; or at least that’s bleakness often feels senseless, how it seems with Reygadas’ and there were periods where trademark directing style I couldn’t tell whether what I which can best be described as was being beguiled or bored. I funereal in pace. His camera didn’t ‘like’ Battle In Heaven, lingers endlessly on faces, bod- but I don’t think it’s a film that ies and locales; unmoving and can be liked, and several of its silent. Dialogue is minimal – moments, such as the hitherto it’s the continual silence of impassive Marcos’ unexpected human relations that appears disintegration into sobs on a to fascinate Reygadas. When hilltop overlooking the vista of music intrudes, it’s ear-split- Mexico City, ensure that it’s a tingly loud (the soundtrack, cut about the usual preten- combining baroque concertos tious, instantly dismissible with spaghetti-western style “provocative” arthouse fare. fanfares, is one of the films Go and make up your own strengths). mind. For a film that, if we’re hon- est, will have the majority of Carly Farthing Voyeurism, Nipples and Civil Rights HANNAH BRIGGS talks to filmmaker CARLOS REYGADAS about his latest film BATTLE IN HEAVEN

couldn't help expecting the the Cambridge premier of his an overriding sense of disap- the camera." things we can trust, "When we The film has recieved a contro- visionary behind a film which new film, Battle in Heaven (Batal- pointment. Despite the contro- Carlos makes a point of cast- speak, a lot of crap comes out, versial reception across festivals in its opening sequence fea- la en el cielo). versial subject matter and ing non actors in his films, who but when we move, we imitate. in Europe this summer. Perhaps I o tures a 360 performance of fel- Inspired by Dostoevsky's experimental use of sound and are largely friends or strangers Bodies speak for themselves, so attitudes towards sex are simply latio, to be a portly Mexican Crime and Punishment, the film image, the film is largely stag- he finds on the streets. "I like I just tried to pay homage to our more liberal in South America, smoking a fat cigar. It came as tells the story of Marcos, a nant and lacking in spirit. A their presence and their ener- flesh." as films such as Amores perros some surprise therefore, to be working class Mexican who has great deal of screen time is Cinema by definition is and Y tu mamá también would greeted by a most affable thirty- kidnapped a baby and spends devoted to shots of Marcos star- voyeuristic although, for Carlos, suggest. "As a dilmmaker, I’ve four year-old, modest and his time chauffering around the ing into oblivion. However. on this is very much a positive noticed that sex is defintely a understated in scruffy jeans and General's daughter, who hap- one occasion he does wet him- statement: "The problem with taboo subject in America and leather. I took the opportunity pens to be a high class teenage self, as he come to terms with “ voyeurism is when it becomes a Britain, which is very hypocriti- to sit down with lawyer turned prostitute. Having just watched his criminal status. The attempt FOR ME, sickness and you prefer to watch cal given Americans are the filmmaker Carlos Reygadas, at the film, I couldn't help feeling to convey a character's internal others rather than living your- greatest global consumers of thought processes through WATCHING self. We have a complex about pornography. Britain seems to sound and visuals is in fact very watching sex in society. For me me a very violent society, yet creative. In reality however, this SEX IS THE watching sex is the same as you have all this stupid political is difficult to pull off and risks watching a couple walking correctedness about animal alienating the audience, as I feel SAME AS through a park, hand in hand. If rights. For instance, my previ- is the case with this film. you want to understand some- ous film Japón was rated for However, Carlos is keen to point WATCHING A thing deep happening between general viewing in France and out how an audience’s percep- a couple, you can learn a great Mexico, but here it was an tion of film is really a question COUPLE deal by observing them having eighteen." Maybe we simply of habit. "People are so bom- sex." have a culture of not wanting to barded by the warm faces and WALKING I can now quite believe that offend, I point out. "Yes, but so colours of television that they Carlos’ mother is an anthropol- do we, it's just the measure of cannot identify with something THROUGH A ogist turned psychiatrist. offence is very different. Why less familiar." Comfortable in the realms of for instance are nipples always Don't you think that this kind PARK, HAND conversation about voyeurism, I edited out of films in the UK? of objectivity has become a kind IN HAND was keen to get Carlos' take on What's so offensive about nip- of cliché in arthouse cinema, I the film's ending. "Do you mean ples?! As a Mexican this kind of ask curiously. "No, not at all. I the blowjob? It's meant to be a amuses me, but if I lived here I'd film people in this way so that kind of redemption, a gift for be thinking this is a violation of the audience can see things to a the viewer, to show that there is my civil rights." different degree. If you have a some happiness for the charac- Carlos anticipates making a lot of dialogue and acting, the ”gy," he remarks affectionately. I ters after all. The whole film's love story for his next project, audience can only identify with then proceed to ask him about about longing. I'm trying to which he plans to shoot next characters on these levels. the film's uncomrpomising por- show that when you long for year. Knowing this director's However, I think this creates a trayal of the body, to which he something, in a sense you appetite for the controversial, barrier between the audience smurks and mutters mysterious- already have it; it's a form of audiences look set for another Carlos Reygadas at the Sarajevo Film Festival and the actors' pure presence on ly that bodies are the only hope.” treat. 16 Varsity Features 28.10.05 ULTIMATE BAG-UETTE LADY BENJ OHAD SEIDLER meets GABRIELA DI CARLO, former Commercial Director of Fendi, Bottega Veneta and Versace to discuss her new ‘It’ brand - Shiro

abriella Di Carlo is a the wonderful opportunity of Emphasising the Romance of tion. It’s such an eclectic world ‘big’ enough for their coats and niche product. It’s not for the logo woman of few words. growing up with peers that came her life, a silky blend of travel, that you have more exposure to furs.” driven person; we’re not talking GThey are, however, laced from all over the world. When luxury and traditional Italian val- the different sides of business. You When she says big, I give her about the woman who gets on with clarity, sensitivity and a cer- dealing with fashion we are not ues, Di Carlo attributes the hap- can’t only do business, you have one of my (much practised) looks the bus and is wearing the same tain wit that, unlike that which creating or directing a product penings of her life to passion. A to have a sense of style. You have of journalistic disbelief. When I bag as everyone else.” Judging by we find at Cambridge, has a uni- only to one culture; we’re talking passion that gets your talent to know about design and pro- then realise that she means large these prices, though, I’m guessing versal resonance. The former internationally,” she reveals, as motorised and is brought about duction, you need to know your in terms of character as opposed that’s because the woman owns commercial director of Fendi, she takes a sip of her cappuccino, by a profound respect for what numbers, and how to deal with to stature, I poke myself in the the bus, the bus is actually a Gucci’s Bottega Veneta and “It’s extremely important to you do. So profound, in fact, that the press. It’s a very difficult world eye, trying to pass off my idiotic stretch limousine, and there’s no Versace was born in Italy and understand both from a product she actually slept next to her first to deal with because its tough to expression as something related one else in it. raised in New York, finding her- point of view as well as a com- Gucci bag as a young girl. constantly change and many peo- to an allergy. “What I liked at And where brands can be syn- self back in Rome in time to mercial point of view what are Even then she realised the ple would rather have a more Bottega Veneta.” Di Carlo contin- thesized into facts and statistics, attend an International Catholic the needs and expectations of dif- allure of luxury, and went on to secure job and an easier life.” ues, “was the quality factor. I liked success cannot. I am surprised to high school. ferent cultures. You study marketing at university. that everything was handmade. see Di Carlo evolve into a mystic Di Carlo has the ultimate cos- need to know “That was extremely important,” From a styling point of view I as our conversation continues. mopolitan manner. “Having exactly what’s she notes, “If you’re looking at thought Bottega was a bit too soft “How can I tell if a product will attended international going on [around the business side of fashion you compared to Fendi that was very be successful?” she contem- schools,”she explains, “I had the world] need to have that kind of forma- “ avant-garde due to Karl Lagerfeld, plates, “I think that’s some kind because fashion is tion after high school. After YOU CAN’T who is a remarkable designer... of magical sensation I’ve had. affected. In Japan University, I was attracted to the ONLY DO [When] Versace relaunched I People always say that I have a there are problems fashion world and I just started tried to help them by going back ‘smell’, I know if it’s going to with the colour with writing my ‘little letters’ to the BUSINESS, YOU to the fabric and design history, happen and I go for it. I just because white is con- various designers. And in Rome at HAVE TO HAVE A but I wouldn’t say I’m much of a know it... that’s something I sidered a colour of that time there weren’t that many SENSE OF Versace woman.” have... its like a sixth sense or mourning. You fashion houses [there still aren’t]. There are no mentions of sales something. People tend to make have to be aware. But I wrote to Fendi and Carla STYLE figures and business growth. She fun of me, saying ‘you’re a What you see on the Fendi personally asked me for an does not gossip about Fendi’s witch.’ And I say ‘maybe I am, I runway, that’s differ- interview. I was just out of college recent dubious collections and am dressed in black.’ ” ent. On the runway and when we met it just clicked… how she turned Bottega Veneta But Di Carlo knows the ins you have to provoke.” I think she liked the fact that I was from an ailing house to one of and outs of fashion and her ded- But why fashion? Why an Italo-American as Fendi was ”When I delve into her fashion Gucci’s most successful fledgling ication is the why and the how aspire to a deal with working with the US market. She past, Di Carlo methodically analy- brands. She does not feel the need to her success, as she notes, Harrods when you have also had a very good insight and ses her work and what it meant to explain why she left Versace so “The secret to fashion is that enough diplomacy and she understood that I would be a for her own personal sense of quickly, because what’s done is nobody has the final word. The insight to negotiate the good little ‘creature’ for her. She style. Di Carlo does not gush done. She picks up her handbag boardroom can dictate numbers treaty of Versailles? Di Carlo gave me a job and that’s how it when she illustrates her points, and caresses this piece of exquis- but if you don’t have the design- speculates, “my family is started.” but calmly notes; “my first experi- itely low-key, supple black croco- er to create the right product, Italian and had a knack for a cer- But what Carla Fendi wanted ence at Fendi was my longest… I dile leather. the press to support it and the tain taste and way of life. I was her ‘creature’ to do exactly stayed with them for seventeen That bag brings us to Shiro, a buyers to buy it, it’s useless. just always attracted to fashion, I remains a mystery. “Believe me,” years. I must say that they affect- new luxury leather and fur-based That’s why I find this work so loved it. But I never thought it Di Carlo continues, “in fashion ed my style a lot. I actually was label she has launched with fascinating. It’s a pattern and would become my occupation. It nothing is very specific. I think it’s considered the Fendi lady because designer Massimo Callestrini. everyone is entwined, so every- was just my own thing… It was very rare that you’ll find someone I represented a type of Fendi “Shiro is a totally quality-oriented one has to work together with something innate.” with a really defined job descrip- woman because I was tall and Italian-made product, and a very everyone else.”

about the show’s content are terribly deeply, I mean I don’t All the marked with an *. have the time. Even if it was an hour without any jokes, I Answers Varsity: How are you? couldn’t go into it* very Chris: I’m fine how are you. deeply. It’s an hour, the vast “ Varsity: I’m fine thank you. majority of it is jokes.* I’M NO Chris: Well done.* They’re things which I find SMARTER THAN Varsity: Your show, Atomicity: really interesting*, and really Has it changed since good starting points for think- ANYBODY IN MY Edinburgh? ing about things in a differ- AUDIENCE. THE Chris Chris: Well…* it goes on ent way.* SUBJECTS ARE longer. In Edinburgh you get Varsity: Do you have any very restricted time slots, advice for aspiring comedians BIG: THE JOKES Addison you have to get out in an around the university? ARE SILLY hour or else you get fined. Chris: Well. Your particular by I find my self straying from university does have a tradi- the show a lot more and tion of that. Luke going off on further tan- Varsity: It does have a tradi- gents, because I haven’t tion of that, yes. spoken to anyone during Chris: You know, Footlights ” Roberts the day. and smokers and various Varsity: Does that make for other ways of doing come- point of view as well as, you a better show? dy at comedy are an know, jokes. Chris: Oh, yes, definitely. anomaly. Varsity: Any other comedy After being the nearly-winner Sometimes, yeah – it’s a very Varsity: That’s true. heroes? of the coveted Perrier for many concentrated thing to get Chris: There are student Chris: You end up always years running, bombarding an through in an hour.* And reviews every so often in going back to things you audience with shows about there is a temptation to make other universities. loved most first – for me that Britishness, class, civilisation it a bit more baggy when Varsity: Yeah. would be the Goons. My first and evolution, Chris Addison you’ve got the time. (So far no advice) real understanding of how is bringing his show Atomicity Varsity: And do you find the Chris: For me starting out was astonishing stand-up could be to the Junction this Friday. It’s responses of your audiences like it was for everybody. was watching ‘An Audience a digressive and whimsical change as you move around Schlepping round doing five with Billy Connolly’ which ramble sparked by the periodic the country? minute spots was recorded for LWT in table, which once more earned Chris: Some places have Varsity: Yeah. 1985. Is still the best stand-up a Perrier nomination. His suc- more momentum, but I don’t Chris: for free at pubs set available on video. cess on the stand-up circuit think there’s any sort of sys- Varsity: Yeah. The Goons and Pythons has recently led to a part in tematic change. Different Chris: trying to get paid used to take big notions - Armando Iannucci’s high- places have a different feel, work, building it up slowly Spike Milligan would take big quality Whitehall sitcom The different nights of the week. from then famous novels from the Thick of It, and a Radio Four Whether it’s raining or not. (no advice coming.) canon of world literature. series The Ape that Got Lucky, Varsity: A lot of people go on Varsity: The Thick of It,I Nobody ever ever accused based on a previous Edinburgh about you being a really intel- guess, is the next thing to talk them of being massively too show. ligent comic. Is that some- about. What’s it like working- intelligent. In this interview, however, thing you get sick of? with Armando Iannucci? Varsity: Thank you. I think I asked him things that do Chris: Yeah. I don’t think I Chris: Working with that’s enough. Thank you relate to Atomicity, but failed am. I’m no smarter than any- I don’t ever think ‘I can’t do because I find them fascinat- Armando Iannucci is aston- very much. entirely to ask him questions body in my audience. It’s an that because the audience ing in a sort of pub-quiz-dile- ishing. Great. The process of Chris: No worries. Thank you about the content of the actu- easy thing for journalists to won’t get it’ – you’ve lost if tante-ish way, you know, in making The Thick of It is really for your time.* al show. But it’s easy to see say. The subjects are big: the you think that. They’re much the way that people find ‘did intense and quite demanding these things in retrospect. The jokes are silly. Doesn’t require cleverer than most of us ever you know facts’ quite excit- and quite frightening. He’s an Chris Addison presents points at which Chris Addison any previous understanding think. ing, people find these* quite extraordinary comedy brain ATOMICITY at The Junction on clearly wanted me to ask him about what I’m talking about. I choose my subjects exciting. I don’t go into them* on him, from a structural Friday 28 oct 7pm 28.10.05 Comment Varsity 17

FEE FIGHT Hallelujah, It’s Reading Men CONTINUES CUSU PRESIDENT It’s time to tackle the last ghetto in Cambridge Laura Walsh

ou’re not still fighting fees, are you?” said a Chloe Sackur “Yfriend as I told him of my year’s plans. Yes I am. Several years of campaigning came to an ambridge is a spe- CALDER SIMON side, deciding to study end in 2004 when the Bill allow- cial place. Just the something more ing top-up fees was passed. So Cother day, for ‘manly’. Hemingway what’s the point if they’re already instance, on a jaunt would have been out- happening? The point is there is from p’lodge to street, I raged; he fitted his still a fight to be had. passed a young man creative bursts in very Top-up fees will be here from patiently instructing a manfully amongst his 2006 - currently capped at girl on how to restring huntin’, fishin’, shootin’ £3,000, but for how much her bow. I mean the and fightin’. He called it longer? It is due to be reviewed in kind of bow you use on writin’, I like to think. 2009, and if the cap is lifted, vari- the Amazonian battle- It’s down to English able fees are likely; universities front, not the nancy being written off (ba- charging differing rates to attract kind used for making boom) as being about ‘consumers’. Cambridge, of fine cultivated music. mushy girly stuff, like course, will not need to adopt Such an anachronistic feelings and, you know, such tactics as they have their activity should perhaps the Darkness of the reputation to rely on. Cambridge come as no surprise. In Human Soul. Perhaps, if can afford to charge more, and many other areas it the near mathematical will. But many are unable to pay. seems we like to live in obscurity of Literary The University, the colleges, the past. While women Theory was intimated to CUSU and the students have over the age of 21 were the Physics-loving done so much over the last few given the right to vote teenage male, he might years for access; we can’t allow it in 1928, here in liberal be enticed to abandon to be undone. Cambridge, today, we Newton for Nabakov, Variable fees bring the concept stubbornly hold onto Hawking for Hawthorne. of higher education as market- our single-sex havens. But what we really place. The thought of people And yet since students need isn't better adver- choosing universities on their of New Hall et al seem tising. Oh no. What we cost horrifies me. CUSU believes content enough to have need is a new superstar potential applicants should ask voted to remain in their scribbler. Perhaps not a where they want to study, not time warp, it is not for Beckham of performa- where they can afford to study. If me to dispute the per- tive poetry (“I’d like two you believe that too, then help us petuation of St Trinian’s tickets for Rooney’s do something about it. into the twenty-first Rhymes, please”), but Many are sitting back and century. some other, less gender- accepting fees. I have news for The thing is that at ambiguous, literary lion. you; the University is not sitting least denizens of the If the near-mathematical obscurity of Literary Theory If we can't convince still. They are moving forward in News (‘hall and ‘nham) men to study English for their fight for fees, so why aren’t were given the choice. were intimated to the Physics-loving teenage male, he its own sake, we should we moving forward in our fight In the University's other “ might be enticed to abandon Newton for Nabokov trick them into it by against them? The idea of oestrogen ghetto there playing on their insecu- Student Unionism is to fight for has been no such demo- rity and willingness to students, so if we don’t do any- cratic innovation; the hard to love; I have to warren. guy to twenty chicks” tical use than feigned follow a more socially thing to halt the increase in fees, English Faculty remains agree with the chap I I got to thinking of ratio and swiftly taken soul-searching. adept leader. A geneti- who will? proudly, if unofficially, overheard telling his this after stumbling up residence in the It seems sad that cally engineered cross That’s why I owe it to every man-free. friend, ‘the English across a couple of male common room to prac- there aren’t more ”men between the Pied Piper student in this University to carry For all of those who Faculty seems to have Historians there. I asked tice their most angst taking English. The and Keats is what the on the fight. While I applaud the no longer converse in been designed by some- them what exactly they ridden, thoughtful facial problem begins post- doctor has ordered, Vice-Chancellor for launching the country’s official one who hates English were doing, though not expressions. Their GCSE, in that crucial though ideally one less the 800th campaign and search- vernacular, but rather in students’. in a hostile way, because endeavours did not, period of indecision that prone to death by tuber- ing for other sources funding, I a combination of utter- Yet apart from this English students wel- however, afford them all Generation-eXam culosis. Listening to his find her comments that they are ances apparently based observation from a lone come all-access trips to much success. It tran- kids face so frequently song the rats will come, prepared to charge students more upon Riemann’s hypoth- male amongst trillions our arty asylum. spires that seminars on in the form of, well, and English faculties troubling. If variable fees are esis, this is the ‘salmon (my estimate) of female Wandering past the the objectification of forms. Somehow, all across Britain will swell allowed, Cambridge will be one pink’ building by West students, a deeper voice Faculty's glassy exterior, women by the male gaze those potential dissectors with men applying their of the most expensive. Top-up Road. Independent of its is rarely heard in the they had noticed the in sixteenth-century of Shakespeare fall by spatial awareness to the fees are here yes, but we need to sexual bias the place is concrete-and-glass disproportionate “One poetry are of more prac- the misinformed way- space between the lines. work to ensure they do not go higher. We may have lost the battle - we can still win the war. Come to our “Facts on Fees” meeting on Wednesday 2nd Well-Read Male Seeks Girl Impressed By Bookworm November at 6.15pm in the McCrum Lecture Theatre, Corpus: a chance to learn about How books can help you escape your self-hatred the history of funding, where we are now and where we can go from here. We can go somewhere if we are strong and united. The University needs to realise Adam McNestrie that it doesn’t matter how good like books because I don’t appear as a effect. In the end, I was nothing but a the prostitutes of life experience; they’re allowed to write. I don’t appear as char- your bursaries are - many stu- character. Not explicitly, anyway. Not lonely singleton carrying around a book I always willing to accede to your acters in the books I read. At least I don’t dents won’t even get as far to find Iby name. Books don’t fuck me over. wasn’t reading as a very Cantabrigian advances, with or without Beauman’s think I was a character inThe Great Gatsby. out; they will have already been They don’t set me essays. They don’t virility symbol. (I’m not alone: a recent Fitzgeritical mating dance. Maybe I should read it again to find out. put off by Cambridge’s reputation complain about my formulaic sentence survey revealed that one in three con- Books aren’t just hazard-elusion Perhaps it would help me get women… of unaffordability. Alongside structure. In fact, they don’t give a fuck sumders in London admitted to having devices, effort-savers, or problem-solvers. So you see, writers are the greatest of campaigning against fees, we about me. They treat me as if I was you bought a book just to look intelligent.) They don’t just save us from difficult men. They are visionaries, need to push the University to and that, let me tell you, is the greatest Pace Beauman, books don’t get you decisions and independent world inter- hermeneutists on a grand scale; in show potential applicants that compliment that anyone or anything can girls, no matter how well you talk about pretation; they fictionalise as well as choice and apprehension they merciless- they will get the financial support ever give me. They are not identity-con- them afterwards, no matter how experi- represent. They are heightened. They ly outstrip everyone else. They are they need to study here. tingent; if they were I probably wouldn’t mental your hand gestures, no matter are just as much art as reportage; they are path-finders, guides, a source of forlorn Bursaries should make a tangible read. how bold your neologisms. Books are worlds ideal and nightmare, portraying hope for humanity, appraising and ren- difference to those from the poor- Two-time Guardian Student Media good because they are representations of characters heroic and anti-heroic. Books dering where others cower with est backgrounds and not just be a Award nominee Ned Beauman (see last the world. They’re extrapolations, distor- are more than just the amputation and clenched eyes. They show us projec- nod towards their agreement issue but one) likes F. Scott Fitzgerald; I tions, presentations, rationalisations: the reproduction of manageable novel-sized tions, scenarios, constructions, with the Office for Fair Access don’t. I liked the way The Great Gatsby world obliquated through the mind of the bits of life; the raw material is beaten, externalisations of their inner worlds; enabling them to charge full fees. was quite short, but I found Gatsby author and presented, self-contained and abused and reshaped by the artist’s store they give us privileged access to their CUSU will play its part in this entirely unworthy of his alliterative epi- linear, before the reader. Obsessions are of prejudice, psychosis, artifice and pla- relationship with the unfathomable through our access work, get- thet; the mediocre Gatsby or the friends of mine because they obviate the giarised pretensions. without. Writers sculpt alternate worlds ting the message across that ludicrous Gatsby would have been more need for choice. I like books for the same Not another fucking list, Adam: it’s clear out of language with immanent truths, there are ways to afford to apt to my mind. Fitzgerald’s aphrodisia- reason. The world out there is gargantu- that your own writing is about cutting the per- where each detail and phrase chosen come here, but this is a message cal qualities have also been an, eclectic, unsifted, unintelligible; if we ceived world into bite-sized morsels, assigning from an infinity of similitude is fitted we should not have to be giving disappointingly exaggerated. I took Gatsby want to experience it we have to judi- apt, if difficult, adjectives to them and laying together to create something complete. in the first place. Higher educa- off my shelf after reading Beauman’s arti- ciously exercise will and choice. Books them out with a linearity that mirrors your That is, good writers do; not the con- tion should be fair, should be cle and carried it round with me all day; I have done all the work for us; all we discovery. Not more self-referential bollocks: temptible dilettantes who write for funded and should be free. We even pointed it suggestively at several have to do is choose which tome's ver- stop critiquing yourself in the article. execrable ego exhibitions like Varsity need to fight for that, and for women, but without any discernible sion of the world to buy into. Books are This is why I read and oughtn’t to be and TCS. that we need you. 18 Varsity Comment 28.10.05 TOM KINGSLEY

ummer has turned to Autumn and Winter isn’t far behind. I sort of think Sfour seasons is a bit lazy, and six- teen would be a more reasonable number to expect; mainly because I hope it would be reflected in the number of toppings on the pizza which shares its name. Women glow when they’re pregnant. Not the kind of glow you get when you have to hold the woman under the light for a few minutes, and then cup your hands and peer and peer in with one eye. No. A more attractive glow. Apparently this is to make their men stay with them. It’s not a conscious thing, that women have this glow function and just choose when to turn it on. No – Nature does it. It’s all Nature’s work. Thanks Nature, you’re beautiful and your favourite colour is green, which is fine by me even though my favourite colour is blue and you don’t like blue much at all. But wouldn’t it be nicer if nature just gave women this glow all the time? And why not even maybe give the men that glow sometimes? Nature, not for the first time, you’ve let us down. First wasps, then hurricanes, and now this. Man and nature have a fairly awkward relationship. Man has done things for Nature – Nature would never have got half I’ll Do Graffiti If You’ll Sing To Me In French her ideas without GCSE textbooks to describe the nitrogen cycle and the water cycle and blood – yet Nature still seems Love doesn’t conquer all. Statistically speaking. grumpy. Nature apparently communi-

cates with mankind most often to indicate here are three things you realise pints you also find they were inextricably And they’re not the only kind of rela- Mary that mankind needs to urinate. This is when you are brokenhearted: i) You tied to a little package called “good tionships that manage to disintegrate odd. Twill never really find anyone quite judgement”, and besides, you’re certainly quicker than the time it takes for you to But then, I guess there’s a reason we’re as lovely as the one you’ve left behind not going to find your Casanova in pick up your new room key from the not really on talking terms anymore. Since sobbing at the train station; ii) Cambridge Kambar. There are no sirens on the rocks Porter’s Lodge. Why do you think that the industrial revolution, our pollution has is no good for relationships with people at Soul Tree. they have a postbox in the University been the equivalent of a rude word chant- who are not in Cambridge; and, iii) Ben And then there’s oxbridgelife.com, the Library? And why do they sell so many ed during school assembly, louder and and Jerry’s is two for a fiver in dating service that snorts “don’t marry postcards? The truth is, these little slips louder until a figure of authority hears it. Sainsbury’s and its certainly not going to outside your intellectual class”. Am I the of cardboard are emergency messages Nature’s only bloody heard – and during a last long enough for you to worry that only one who senses something sinister home. They say “look mum, I’m still memorial assembly for a really close the gyp room doesn’t have a freezer. in this scheme to get us all to marry as if alive,”. There’s one of the Reading Room,

friend of Nature.* And pretty soon the Regular Ophelias will know the emotion- in order to multiply and create a ‘super complete with grey carpet and soggy pine Bowers glow of pregnant women might go entire- al benefits (and serious physical draw- desks: I wouldn't be surprised if it was a ly. backs) a tub of ice cream and a teaspoon bestseller. Call me a bad daughter, but I What can we do to prevent this? I think can bring, but to spare you (and my was surprised not to find my face under it boils down to the country code – it turns upchuck reflex) I will set aside my Phish “ the missing persons helpline column last out all Nature wants is for us to close the Food inspired spiel and merely concern Regular Ophelias time I bought the Big Issue. Sting must gates behind us. There’s a gate left open myself with point number ii). (Although have done time in Cripps' too: we should somewhere, and Nature will calm down do give the Dublin Mudslide a go). will know the just send a ‘message in a bottle’ floating when we find it. Sorted. Great. Ta. Get Cambridge is absolutely no good for emotional benefits down the Cam. You know, an SOS to the

hunting! For gates, not foxes. relationships with people who are not in world. Maybe also recycle and don’t use so Cambridge. Even the most amorous, (and physical There are some who seem to main-

much electricity or water. But this is hard dewy-eyed of freshers, overheard in the tain perfectly good relationships with and takes effort, or at least a good mem- corridor squealing “you hang up first...no drawbracks) a tub parents, lovers, pet hamsters, best ory, so proceed with caution. Play it by you” into her Sony Ericsson will be snog- friends from primary school. There’s of ice“ cream and a ear – if you’re desperate for good weath- ging someone else’s face off in Cindy’s by that girl whose name I can’t quite recall er one day, or really desperate for your the beginning of Lent term. We’ve got a teaspoon can bring but I remember her face from matricula- roses to bloom, put some recycling out in sweepstake going on how long the eye tion dinner. the morning. The fact that it happens so candy upstairs can hold out against hours So, what is the future for us bright infrequently will make it seem more spe- of late night essay crises and the constant young things? Enough job prospects to cial to Nature – like a nice little treat - and predation of the second year boys’ drink- race’ of incredibly academically gifted ensure your head spins with the choice Nature will reward you appropriately. ing society. It’s a shame. Her boyfriend (although possibly socially inept and very of office walls to stare at, a six-figure Stop playing sports. You’re kicking up came up from Brighton last weekend. He likely a bit horsey) children? Somehow salary before Cantab can print the words those fields like nobody’s business. seems so nice. the words “Aryan” and “genocide” come ‘first-class’, and an alcohol tolerance Rugby’s a definite no-no. Only Table It is scientifically impossible to make to mind, but that might just be a result of that means you’ll drink even the most Tennis is absolutely fine – fantastic if you your summer love last when you hit, my overactive historian’s imagination. As hardy of young interns under the table. keep your table tennis table in the exten- well, the un-Real World. Suddenly your someone pointed out to me, they haven’t Then return home to TV dinners and pet sion: Nature abhors a vacuum but adores essay looms bigger than Hokusai could built the gas chambers. Alsatians (the same ones that will maul the back room. You can confuse Nature draw a tsunami; that Google Society for- Yet. us after our death, Bridget Jones-style). by storing your vacuum in the back room. mal you just can’t miss is only ten min- According to my friend Eva, 60% of Yes, I’m so grateful that I find myself You’d think, because of the sort of utes away and you’ve got to iron your Cambridge graduates marry other in one of the most prestigious seats of stooped-over way that they walk, that old gown (or something); and before you Cambridge graduates. This is either, i) learning in the world. Yes, I’m so excit- men would be really good at playing prop know it, you’ve forgotten to reply to that untrue, ii) a shocking coincidence (the ed that every day I pass by a young forwards in rugby matches. Turns out text message he sent you in the UL that mathmo next to you at speed-dating can maths prodigy, an internationally they’re not. But Nature doesn’t mind you quickly had to hide as the scary probably work out the exact probabili- renowned concert pianist, the next rugby in this case, because rugby helps it librarian was walking past. Last month. ty), or, iii) my theory is correct: it sim- Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and two take its course. And then helps the nitro- What about your prospects within ply is too difficult to hold a relationship champion blues rowers before I’ve even gen cycle. Cambridge? Well, after a year it has final- with anyone outside Cambridge. If you left my front door. Yes, its amazing, yes, ly clicked that, no matter how much you can prove me wrong do write a letter. we are so young and yes, yes, I really * Maybe Wordsworth. Probably leave your inhibitions behind, after a few Please. will miss him. Wordsworth. Wordsworth. We’re going to print 100,000 free newspapers next term. We could do with a hand. Could you edit Varsity? See page 26

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A question of rights work put in by myself and controlled immigration; Letters Two outstanding pieces of new student writing are CUSU to architects: other CUSU officers, or the just see the latest issue of we fought together donkey work of postering, Durham University’s discussed in this week’s Theatre pages. According to flyering, and petitioning, or Palatinate (on which Mr section and other such Intellectual Property laws, the university owns Dear Sir, even the substantial Roach used to work) for distinct categories. them. If these had been the circumstances for an finances we pumped into proof. It was under his Irishness is a fluid undergraduate Tom Stoppard, Britain’s well-loved I was most surprised and the campaign, but through editorship, after all, that identity. Anyone can go playwright would be considerably poorer today. amused to discover a letter the support and the unashamedly right- into an Irish Bar. No doubt from Bengt Cousins-Jenvey mobilisation of the student wing ‘Broadhurst Berates’ many non-Irish Cambridge Indeed, he might have been barred from staging his and George Rhys Jones body as a whole. column began in our students have ventured most famous play. Yet whilst playwrights will (Varsity Letters, 21 It is indeed a sad pity and paper. into one. But perhaps this always form an admired minority, this significant October) throwing their sign of the times that some I suppose the difference fluidity is not as fluid as problem is of far greater concern for all at the uni- toys out of the pram students still believe that between us is that I never the English Faculty because of a flyer from CUSU is a separate entity had the chance to go to a assumes. An “Irish Bar” versity who won’t be personally rewarded for their CUSU highlighting a that simply provides grammar school. I went to cannot, after all, be own research, especially in scientific fields of prominent example of an services (yawn), rather than a comp, where being renamed an “English Bar”. endeavour. occasion where CUSU stood a union of students in conservative was most Ireland adopts English Intellectual Property is about rights. People who shoulder to shoulder with which we can unite certainly not de rigueur. second-rate footballers. create ideas need to have rights to protect those its members to defend their together, fight together and But living in a certain They helped Northern education and welfare on win together. Midlands city, every day I Ireland beat England in ideas, because there will always be people who an issue that mattered to saw the failings of welfare- September. But this is no can’t create, who will try to steal them to their own them. Wes Streeting state, multicultural, EU- reason why the English advantage. Much as I am annoyed CUSU President (2004-05) dominated Britain. should claim Irish first- A university is a community of ideas – of collec- that the lectern I allowed And I’ll never feel the class literature. tive thinking and creativity in every field. them to borrow has not PS - Give me my lectern Right is inadequate, even been returned, I find it back! while Mr Roach starts to Patrick Leonard Cambridge is such an ivory tower. Not a centralised somewhat amusing that sound horribly centrist. Girton College corporation run by professional managers. No insti- they seem to believe that A Durham Tory is tution is greater than the sum of its parts and it is the rally was about “us” and proud to be Right Robert Broadhurst A word from our the individuals who inhabit this place that make it “them”. Deputy Editor, Palatinate chums at Oxford The attendance, publicity, (Durham student newspaper) great. Their individual ideas. and triumph of that Dear Sir, Dear Sir, As with Physical Property laws, whilst land can be campaign (there was more An unfair owned, people cannot – they would be subject to to the campaign than I was most interested in generalisation I just wanted to write to slavery – and distinguishing between people and simply the protest) are a the pen product of Mr Tim compliment you on your new tribute to the huge efforts Roach (Varsity Comment, Dear Sir, layout. At "the other place" their ideas is a difficult thing to do. But the rights of that students of the 28 October). Mr Roach we're enjoying it greatly, even students are not satisfactorily represented here, and architecture department put should know that there is The English Faculty places if it is a bit Guardian! case studies constantly submitted to Varsity provide into saving their subject, at least one student who Irish Literature in the endless reminders of this. supported by their union. will never break out into English Literature section. Andrew Dagnell This policy clearly discriminates against students, Not just through the “blushes” when making This is despite having an Deputy Editor, Cherwell intensive lobbying and press the case for such things as American Literature (Oxford student newspaper) and against college fellows. It undermines academ- ic autonomy and will inevitably dissuade people from studying here. It signals only the beginning of Money and the the university's main Quick Sudoku (Hard) a great debate... “milk-snatcher” donor - a shadowy entity calling itself “Her Majesty's Dear Sir, Government”. Not only Dear Sir, The next issue of Varsity will include interviews with the does it support free trade leading figures from either side of this debate: Professor I'm sure I cannot have and have daily contact Despite much practice over Anderson and the Pro Vice Chancellor Ian Leslie. been the only reader left with many despotic the summer, I would still slightly mystified by Zoe regimes - it also invades consider the above an Pilger's assertion (Varsity other countries using oxymoron. Investigations, 21 October) dodgy evidence and makes The right fight? that Margaret Thatcher, students pay to go to Dave Solan our former prime minister, university. Homerton College After a long, exhausting battle, NUS and CUSU’s fight to is unsuitable as a donor to Surely Varsity wouldn't prevent the introduction of top-up fees ended in disap- Cambridge university. Ms be so unprincipled as to pointment in 2004. For those sixth-formers who success- Pilger's three major gripes suggest that Cambridge fully traverse next month’s interviews process, annual - that Mrs Thatcher should accept the supported General government's money fees of £3,000 to study at Cambridge will be a fact of life. Pinochet, cut university simply because it would go Letters of the So will they be in any conceivable future under a Labour funding, and, um, bust without it? Week win a spe- government. supported “free trade” and cially selected The alternative of an (increasingly likely Cameron-led) Letters of the other similarly fascist Edward Turnham bottle from our Conservative administration offers no more reason for policies - were all well- Christ’s College Week known at the time of her friends at optimism to the present student consensus. If and when third endorsement by the Cambridge Wine the party finally gains a coherent policy for higher educa- electorate in 1987. Merchants, tion funding, it looks certain only to rank ‘as bad’ or Perhaps Ms Pilger should Letters may be edited for ‘worse’ by CUSU’s standards: a not-so appetising choice be more concerned about style or space King's Parade between top-up fees or a reduction in student numbers and commercial rates of interest on student debt, lessen- ing the burden of state subsidy. “Westminster is, essentially, a giant Oxbridge college” This is the real-life context in which, as Laura Walsh writes on page 17, CUSU will continue to fight for a ‘free The Last Word education’. Their fears regarding the Vice-Chancellor's apparent welcoming of the cap’s lift in 2009, and resolve to fight it, seem well placed and encouraging. The battle This Week: From Cambridge to Parliament against this dramatic, inequitably stratifying change of the f it was the real world dawdle in your way when Andrew Marr (Trinity Hall) Stephen Parkinson situation still offers considerable prospect for debate and that I was hoping for after you're in a hurry, and the sell their exposés of the even victory. three years in Cambridge food in the canteens offers secret Oxbridge mafia run- ens to pan out in front of But regarding the wider fight, Walsh’s assurances to her Ithen the Conservative plenty to stomachs nostalgic ning Britain - but I'm much me, and words like “career”, members that “alongside” continuing the campaign Research Department, for the fare they grew hard- less bothered. “mortgage” and “pension” against fees per se, she will pressure the University to bet- tucked away in the heart of ened to over three years in The perverse snobbery lurk on the edge of conver- the Westminster Village, was Hall. The only real differ- directed at Oxbridge gradu- sations, I find it helpful to ter publicise its bursaries schemes, seem lacking. For never going to provide the ence I've noticed, in fact, is ates overlooks the fact that break time down into the far CUSU to even entertain prioritising the former at the cost starkest example of reality. that the porters here are all so many of us were state more manageable chunks of fulfilling their own responsibility to do the latter seems Essentially, the Palace of armed. school-educated, and that we call “terms”. It's supris- a stubborn, futile denial of reality. Westminster is just a giant It's probably not surprising the admissions policy which ingly reassuring not to have Oxbridge college. It's not that there should be such gave us the privilege of an to think further than eight Perceptions of debt deter applications from poorer only the architecture, and similarity between the beat- Oxbridge education is built weeks ahead, despite the backgrounds. As Walsh says herself, CUSU “has done so the quickly-acquired pre- ing heart of British democ- on the noblest pillars of mer- occasional drawbacks: I much for access: we can’t allow it to be undone”. tence of being blasé about it racy and our nation's great itocracy. made a bit of a prat of myself Aggressively and straightforwardly publicising both the all (“Oh, that? That's where universities when so many Anyway, it could be far wishing my colleagues a more open availability and benefits of a Cambridge Charles I was put on MPs are Oxbridge alumni worse: in the general elec- happy Chrismas break last trial...”), it's the little simi- (27 per cent, to be precise). tion held the year I was year, and telling them I'd see degree - and bursaries that might relieve its financial bur- larities. There's an internal To some, that's an invidious born, more Old Etonians them “next term”. den - seems the way to do this. Wasting any more valu- mail service which isn't ter- fact - and one which certain- were returned to Parliament I guess some things just able time, energy and resources on a lost fight for a ribly efficient, the tourists ly helps people like Jeremy than women. aren't the same out here in chargeless education does not. seem to have been trained to Paxman (St Catharine's) and As the rest of my life threat- the real world. 20 Varsity Arts 28.10.05 28.10.05 Arts Varsity 21

SPECTRUM OF SPECTATORSHIP

Dressing up as bird flu: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? there is no scarier costume this Are the arts permitting a gaze that isn’t rightly ours? Ned Beauman discusses the voyeurism at Halloween Emma Paterson casts a critical eye the heart of his new play Camera Obscura

ehind the term ‘Peeping Tom’ lies a I’m sure that if you visit the Union women during the moments before sex, that it shouldn’t, do we become complicit here are three reasons why someone might infantrymen in Iraq in exchange for gory photos NOVEL: Nabokov’s 1955 masterpiece, Lolita, draws us into the obsessive gaze of very simple legend: in 1796, as a tonight, Makosi Musambasi will do a far and then kills them. It was released in the in a voyeurism that we would otherwise be watching you at this very moment: 1. of Iraqi casualties, who can tell? And I thought, Buying bikes from Humbert Humbert as it dwells nude Lady Godiva rode through the better job. The point I want to make in same year as Hitchcock’s Psycho, but throw to the mire with society’s outcasts, They are a voyeuristic psycho, stalker, or who would be the big players in a market like the police pound: uncomfortably on the twelve-year-old B T ‘nymphet’. streets on horseback, all the surrounding this preamble is that Big Brother was finally where Hitchcock’s film terrified yet renounce as seedy, and quickly wash our pervert, and they are so close to you that you can that? Britain has more CCTV cameras per head very cheap, very residents shut up their windows with rescued by the simple fact that sex has delighted, Powell’s repulsed, leaving an hands of? Have the arts become an aid for almost smell their sweat; 2. They are the govern- than anywhere in the world, with the average cit- gangsta, and there moralistic conviction and refused to look. always sold, and, as poor Peeping Tom will aftertaste so bitter in the mouths of those our guilty and most secret pleasures? ment, with a CCTV camera, and every second of izen caught on camera thirty times a day - and in might be cocaine or All but tailor Tom, that is, who was glad to no doubt tell you, when it comes to that who watched it that a complete and I remember watching Jonathan footage is being analysed, encrypted, duplicated, every control room there is a bored, lonely diamonds hidden in observe – though was later struck blind for uncut version of the film was not released Caouette’s Tarnation (2005), and Capturing tagged, and archived; 3. They are aliens. human being. My play didn’t end up being about the seat cushion the offense. until 1979, after major sponsorship from the Friedmans (2003), and wanting to (Although the early drafts of my play Camera This week, the stars of Big Brother 2005, Martin Scorsese. The distinction between excuse myself from the claustrophobia of a Obscura featured aliens in almost every scene, the Derek Laud and Makosi Musambasi, join the reactions is a baffling one. Both films family dynamic of which I was not legiti- paltry budget of an ADC late show forced me to the Cambridge Union to discuss their jour- followed a male protagonist whose sadis- mately a part. Or feeling the compulsion cut this aspect entirely.) ney through the moral and intellectual tic obsession with the female form pushed to watch the full eighty minutes of I was left with the following question: what vacuum of today’s reality television. In HAVE THE ARTS them to violence; both characters were Michael Winterbottom’s 9 Songs because as relates the Peeping Tom (whom Emma Paterson SOMEONE MIGHT 2003, the sudden deterioration of the pro- “ motivated, in part, by destructive parent- much as the sexual explicitness made my discusses in her article, left) and the hidden cam- “ gramme’s viewing figures threw Channel child relationships; both were presented eye intrusive, I couldn’t tear it from the era? Normally, they are presented as quite sepa- Four into fits of worry and despair, BECOME AN AID as much as victims and they were villains. screen. Or thinking that really, if I open rate. The government agents and surveillance BE WATCHING YOU FILM: Jonathan Caouette’s dizzying prompting a desperate attempt to reinvigo- So why the disparity? Tracey Emin’s recently published autobi- experts in Orwell’s 1984 or Coppola’s The Conversa- autobiography, Tarnation, disturbs as much rate ratings with poor-house rich-house FOR OUR GUILTY As reductive as it sounds, it was simply ography, Strangeland, and begin to read tion are sexless, almost robotic. They are interest- AT THIS VERY Splash Disco: every as it dazzles. The keynote scene remains Saturday from 5:30 at the ten minute close-up of Caouette’s divides; love shacks; and the shameless the camera that Peeping Tom’s protagonist that she was raped and sexually abused as ed only in preserving themselves and the state. schizophrenic mother as she falls apart planting of homophobes and racists PLEASURES? held, and Norman Bates didn’t. Bates a teenager, I should close the cover. I They get no dark pleasure out of their godlike MOMENT Parkside before our eyes. amongst an otherwise tolerant candidate peered through a hole in the wall as he remember thinking to myself that staring knowledge of the lives of innocent people. But pool.We list. If only they had saved themselves watched Janet Leigh undressing. Lewis might suddenly become sharing, yet that that’s deeply implausible. Look at Abu Ghraib. If don’t some trouble and skipped straight over to looked through a camera, as though all my reservations would not stop me you put someone in a position of enormous know what the on-screen copulation that finally sent watching a film, and suddenly, unnerving- from giving this transition my full assent. power over a group of people for whom they it is but it ratings soaring. Following the explicit ly, the audience felt as though it was Was Peeping Tom’s blindness a deserved have nothing but contempt, with no accountabili- those people, but about a man on the brink of sounds union of Stuart and Michelle in 2004, and which we are not meant to see, we just doing the same. Wasn’t the revulsion fate? As the other residents shut up their ty, then half the time they'll abuse that power and destruction who is forced to spend an evening in amazing Anthony and Makosi in 2005, Big Brother ”can’t stop looking. And what I really want engendered by the subject matter of Peep- windows to Godiva’s torso, were they bit- they'll have fun doing it. ‘Who watches the ”their world. To the government, the streets of reclaimed its 8 million viewers and became to talk about is the film, Peeping Tom, ing Tom merely a projection of our own ing their nails and playing with their hair, watchmen?’ as Juvenal said. London have become a foreign country which Channel Four’s highest rated show. Michael Powell’s landmark cinematic discomfort with our role as spectator? consumed by the desire to open the There’s an urban myth that, if you know the they have to colonise. Every crime has a witness. Fizzy fish: some of Now, I don’t really intend to delve into achievement, and the most reviled work of Certainly, as in so much of today’s cinema, blinds? If this was 1796, I’m sure I would right person, you can buy bootlegged footage of I'm not against CCTV, because I don't want to be an investigation of the multiple evils of 1960. the film raised to the surface the uneasy have been struck blind by now, but while rape, torture and murder to watch in the comfort mugged in the street. But it still scares me. the best sweets to be reality television, or the highs and lows of Peeping Tom centres on scopophilia, the connections between spectatorship, sex, I still have my sight, and until the arts put of your home. I didn’t used to believe it, but since had in Cambridge: Channel Four’s ratings popularity. Firstly, morbid desire to watch. Its protagonist, violence and the arts. As our gaze an end to their commitment to bare all, it was discovered, like Abu Ghraib redux, that Camera Obscura, winner of the Other Prize 2005, is three packets that would be excruciating, and secondly, Mark Lewis, works in movies, films becomes increasingly fixated upon images I’m afraid I’m just going to keep looking. American websites are offering free porn to US on at the ADC at 11pm November 9th-12th. for a DOCUMENTARY: Before Guy Ritchie, pound in Madonna was married to Sean Penn. They argued – violently - and when they didn’t, Sainsbury’s she masturbated on stage during her ‘Blonde Ambition’ tour. And in In Bed With Madonna, it’s all caught on camera.

Justice: French elec- trohouse duo: you may know them from their remix of Simian’s ‘Never Be Alone’. They are going to be big. So big. Probably bigger than the actual abstract philosophical concept of justice

TELEVISION: Big Brother was the first and the worst, but still the only circus act to pull in a record 7.8 million viewers. in 2005.

Pure badger-hair shaving brushes: pimp my face

ARTICLE: Laura Mulvey’s “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” (1975), introduces us to the concept of the objectifying male cinematic gaze, and is one of the most widely cited and anthologized articles in the whole of contemporary film theory. 22 Varsity Arts 28.10.05 Illustrations: Too hot to burn? fr mBAKHL yCALSBURNS CHARLES by HOLE BLACK om Graphic novelist CHARLES BURNS meets JONNY REGAN

he graphic novel format years. As the dust jacket to how dark the book is, but I was has, incrementally, risen Black Hole highlights, this was aiming at bringing out the Tto some sort of esteem in the vague period “back when it intensity of youth- how amaz- recent years, and the early 21st wasn’t exactly cool to be a hip- ing its highs and its lows are.” century looks like it might her- pie any more, but Bowie was This is where the visual aspect ald the genre’s true coming of still just a little too weird.” of the format really comes into age. It’s an interesting phenom- Despite its geographic and his- its own. The weird aesthetic of enon because it disrupts the torical specificity (Seattle, mid- alienation is developed natural human desire to 70s), this is a book about every- throughout, with the characters pigeonhole: no one quite one’s adolescence, as Burns regularly removing to Seattle’s knows how to categorise a nar- says: “What I tried to do with heavy woodland or to rative form that simultaneously Black Hole was develop an Washington State’s amazing authentic voice. I tried to tell coastline to try to escape the my story as clearly and precise- quotidian ennui. Thus, Burns ly as I could. The series reflects gives himself plenty of scope for I TRIED TO MAKE SOME on a time period in my life, and painting an evocative picture of it’s all about getting that frus- youth in solitude: “All of the OF THE SCENES SEXY, tration that I felt as an adoles- drawing, all of the writing- “AND I THINK I’VE cent out there. I think that the everything is connected togeth- PULLED THAT OFF frustration that you find in er in this series. There are pure- Black Hole is universal, and you ly visual elements that do not can recognise it if you were in push the narrative forward, but North America in that period, they definitely contribute to the comprises words and pictures. or in Britain right now. My story on some level, even if it’s From such shady categorical experiences were probably not explicit. I tried to really ”interstices have emerged some much more boring than those bring out the physicality in the of the most interesting artistic depicted in the work. I was try- look of the woods, because that developments throughout his- ing to show the post-sixties kind of thing builds the atmos- tory, and some of the most thing where that wave of music phere of the story as a whole. compelling art of the last two has broken, and there’s a sense Maybe if you are reading Charles Burns Factfile decades has been made by of ‘what do we do now?’ It’s straight through, you will not graphic novelists. Step forward kind of a lost period, and that’s catch those things. These subtle Burns was born in Washington D.C in 1955 before moving to Seattle which later Charles Burns - the man who when I grew up.” visual elements of Black Hole provided the setting for his semi-autobiographical Black Hole, started in 1994. Over has helped to elevate this tradi- are very important to the story the years he has been a regular contributor to RAW magazine, and has had a tionally unrespected format to line.” weekly strip entitled Big Baby. He has also illustrated covers for magazines such the status of popular art. His A kind of inverse theory of masterpiece is Black Hole, a definition works in relation to as Time and the New Yorker, as well as designing the sets for stage productions. ALL OF THE DRAWING, He has also turned his hand to advertising, creating campaigns for companies like comic series that started to ALL OF THE WRITING- Burns’s drawing style. His illus- appear in the mid-nineties and trative style used to be a Altoids, and has designed album covers such as Iggy Pop's Brick By Brick. which has recently been made “EVERYTHING IS colourful mash, a far cry from into a single hardback book. CONNECTED the clean binary of his recent TOGETHER mothers up late at night, but extent, this was unlike when I be hung in the halls of the Tate The transition from serial to black and white drawing. This Burns insists that nothing in was having my comics seri- Modern or Manhattan’s newly unified novel suits the work, evolution hasn’t come at the this novel is superfluous to the alised in newspapers. Back reopened Museum of Modern and it also suits its creator, who expense of visual attractiveness. plot: “There are passages of the then, there was a healthy Art - they are visually appeal- is “very happy” with the way Rather, the clean lines of story that are quite graphic, but amount of self-censorship. I ing in the extreme. He has a the book looks. Much has been made of Black Burns’s drawing in Black Hole I don’t think any of Black Hole is was dealing with some issues great sense of how to drive nar- Black Hole doesn’t just com- Hole’s pitch black content and, seem to augment the weirdness gratuitous in any way- all of that got me into trouble. For rative forward. Black Hole is a bine the novel and the comic. It ”yes, there’s a fair amount of of the tale. We are being what’s there contributes to the example, there was one issue compelling story that forces you presents that extended lost gruesome material between its offered a story of unspeakable story. I tried to make some of where I was dealing with a fun- along until its fulminant con- moment in youth culture when covers. However, the series was oddity in simple black and the scenes sexy, and I think damentalist religious leader, clusion. It forces a re-examina- the idealism of the late sixties always about emphasising the white, and this somehow that I’ve pulled that off, but another where I was doing a tion of any potential precon- had abated, leaving a genera- beautiful aspects of youth as makes it harder to dismiss. with this book, there was never thing about God, but as far as ceptions about alienated youth, tion confused about where they well as the darker moments, as Themes of twisted sex, drugs, any issue of censorship. It was Black Hole goes, I realised that I it makes us think twice before were heading and what it Burns articulates: “I was trying genetic mutation and violence originally put out by a relative- didn’t want to or need to cen- deriding the graphic novel form meant to be young after the to bring out the beauty of ado- may sound like the kind of ly small publisher and so there sor at all.” again, and it makes a girl with a upheaval of the previous ten lescence. A lot is said about things that keep Mid-West was very little editing. To an Some of Burns’s pages could tail seem genuinely sexy. The little dog laughed to see such fun there was also the introduction So, we reach the JK Rowling Rhiannon Adam of The Examination. One cre- era of the “Chapter Book”, ative writing piece to write per where books are written for he relationship between year, and we were examined on mini-adults who have already T illustration, words and the it. A right and a wrong answer: lost their ability to imagine. reading public is a complex talk about stilting creativity. These days, all children’s litera- and ever-evolving one. Would I It got worse as we grew older. ture seems to suffer from what I be an English student had it not Soon we were taught to analyse have nicknamed “Petit Prince been for Quentin Blake, Tove everything and anything, and by syndrome”- remember the Jansson, Bon Brooks, or Ralph the age of 16, I can safely say story? A small boy draws a Steadman? The answer is proba- that I could no longer pick up a snake swallowing an elephant bly “No!”. Had not these intrigu- pen and paper and draw the and the adults see it as a hat? ing visual stimuli captured my scene I read in a book. Logic Sound familiar? Try it- give the imagination early on, I probably took over, I craved a sense of next child you see a piece of would never have been interest- realism, and if I read The Hobbit I paper and tell them to draw that ed in reading. Pictorial interludes wanted to think about the time same scene: I’ll bet they attempt can either provide an unexpect- scheme, or the significance of to draw realistic snakeskin, prob- ed insight into the text, or rune symbols. ably because they’ve watched a embellish readings and interpre- The problem is that some- documentary of it on the Discov- tations. It is for the latter reason where along the line our critical ery Channel. The trouble is that then, that illustrations rarely find brains are switched on, and the more we are exposed to, the their way into adult fiction. I Coleridge’s “willing suspension less we can visualise for our- suppose that the difference of disbelief” becomes redundant. selves. between adult fiction and chil- The sofa-explorer culture we The purpose of illustration? dren’s picture books, is that as have built means that nothing Debatable. If you think I’m writ- adults we draw on a wealth of seems beyond our grasp, and is ing off the picture book altogeth- experiences to make narratives the enemy of illustration. Every er though, think again. come to life, rather than rely on pencil mark these days comes Children’s books are not just for our ability to realise the ridicu- embedded with a heavy serving children anymore: take a look in lous and far-fetched through of world knowledge. The illus- the kiddie section of the book- imagination. trators of the pre-television era shop next time you’re passing. I had a rather unique and iso- could maintain some level of You’ll find some real treasures. lated upbringing, where I didn’t innocence and a notion of the Appreciate the drawings for have to go to school, where I abstract. They could create illus- what they are: an interpretation didn’t see other children, and trations that took on complete probably not too far removed where television was an alien independence. The new crop of from your own. concept - I had no need to judge illustrators and recipients, how- anything by the ‘real’ or the ever, are encumbered by a Recommended: ‘tangible’. As soon as I came to stodgy serving of too-much- I Sara Fanelli England I realised that things information and have had their I Bon Brooks were not so: there were schools, childish naivety beaten out of I J. Otto Seibold and rules. If that wasn’t enough them. I Junko Mizuno RHIANNON ADAM 28.10.05 Arts Varsity 23 Venue Guide: the essential events of the next seven days Emmanuel bar

Where is it? Try not to be put off by the Funnily enough, Emma bar can names. The brilliant Funk Da Bar be found in Emmanuel College. takes place every Wednesday and Easily recognisable by the tragic prices vary from week to week, ‘60s exterior and its allegedly but never expect to pay more boat-like design. The bar, that is, than a fiver. In the past it has not the college. Unless you can attracted DJs and MCs from bribe a student for a Cor-key, around the world and as there’s entrance to Emma is through the something different every week, theatre All My Sons Orgy Porter’s Lodge situated on St. there’s no reason not to try it at Andrew’s Street. least once. A devastating and tragic A shocking masterpiece Why Emma bar? Indie In D Bar is Funk Da Bar deconstruction of the It serves pints from £1.10. If that’s gone indie (bet you never saw 150 Years of the by Italian filmmaker and not enough to persuade you, it is that coming). ‘Indie’ is perhaps an ADC American way of life. playwright Pier Paolo also unlikely to be overrun by the exaggeration, but it’s certainly family, morality and com- Pasolini that lays bare types you normally cross the more alternative than most Frayn’s Wild Honey fol- street to avoid and is home to Cambridge club nights and at munity are all held to trial the seedy underside of some very comfy blue seats. Oh, only £2 and dirt-cheap drinks you lowed by a Celebration in Arthur Miller’s first middle-class existence. and it runs some pretty decent can’t really go wrong. This term of the club’s acting tal- great play. Ents too. they run on the 4th November ent. What goes on? and 2nd December. ADC, 7.45pm & 11pm, Tuesday Pembroke New Cellars, Corpus Christi Playroom, Emma runs two renowned events: Jamm Jazz sessions are also 1st until Saturday 5th November, 7.30pm, Tuesday 1st until Satur- 9.30pm, Tuesday 1st until Satur- Funk Da Bar and Indie In D Bar. running this term. prices vary day 5th November, £5 day 5th November, £5.50/£4 book now: of the

film & music Pather Panchali Battle in Heaven From 1955, the first of This new film by Carlos An Evening with Jo Brand Cambridge Satyajit Ray’s legendary Reygadas, who is inter- Brian Sewell Grandmother-shocking jokes viewed in Varsity this The notorious Evening about periods delivered in a University Apu Trilogy, based on Standard art critic will throaty voice... and so much Chamber the novel by week, shocked audi- dazzle you with his nightclub more! Orchestra Bibhutibhushan ences at the Cannes film ballads, close-up magic, and saucy anecdotes about his Bandyopadhyay. festival with its explicit time as a chorus girl at RKO Heaps of Beethoven. sex. studios in 50’s Hollywood. Corpus Christi, 8pm, Tuesday 1st November, £2 Arts Picturehouse from Friday Cambridge Arts Theatre, Corn Exchange, 30th West Road Concert Hall, 8pm, Sunday 13th November November Saturday 29th October, £3 Pick Week

Joseph Dance A funny thing reviews Living with happened on the Lady Macbeth at the When I was 21 way to Glamis... Playroom Ron Arad notorious artist, designer and architect “A funny thing happened on ular girls; “She’s not pretty scene in which her and Lily the way to Glamis,” or so the enough”, says her brother; narrate the imaginary death In what year were you 21? 1972 saying goes. Happily for me “She’s just too, well, nice,” scenes of the popular girls this particularly funny thing her mother adds in a desper- who blight their existence What were you doing? Studying @ didn’t involve any digres- ate attempt to dissuade her has to be the comic acme of the Academy of Art in Jerusalem. sions into mobile forests, daughter from what she sees the production. Where did you live? Lived in Ein child slaughter or invisible as inevitable humiliation. In addition to stealing Karem, a village just outside cutlery; instead it took the However, Lily has differ- every scene she’s in, Burke Jerusalem, in an old water cistern I much less spectral form of ent ideas. What follows is a has also managed as director converted to a studio/home. My first the Fletcher Players’ latest to achieve an impressive ever piece of architecture. offering, Living With Lady staging of Rob John’s play. Macbeth. Props are kept to a mini- What was your favourite outfit? And before you well-read mum, and décor is decidedly Own brand of 60’s hippy-wear: 2nd intertextual types start get- au naturel, featuring noth- hand , flee market, self made stuff, ting ideas, no, this isn’t a A WELL ing more than the stark inte- hats. Hair! dramatisation of a Kristeva THOUGHT OUT rior of the Playroom. This “ What were your illegal activities? essay, nor a biting domestic was a good choice I feel, as portrait of a young Lorraine BLACK COMEDY the stage could easily have Organized a mock military parade in What music did you listen to? Broonzy, protest against the planned military Dylan, Bartok, Monk Kelly’s struggle for accept- resembled a set from Grange THAT REALLY parade across Jerusalem. We also ance on the Glaswegian Hill if cluttered with too sprayed the route of the parade with sten- Where had you travelled to? England stand-up circuit. Much bet- MAKES YOU much scenery. Instead spot cilled graffiti images of tanks, bombers What are you ashamed of having done? ter, this production is quite LAUGH lighting is used to great etc. We were arrested 2 minutes after I’ve done n-o-t-h-i-n-g! simply one of those rarest of effect, illuminating charac- starting the march, spent the night in cus- things: a well thought-out ters as they wander in and tody. What did you keep secret from your black comedy that actually out of the story passing com- parents? Not much, grass in the garden makes you laugh. ment on Lily. The fact that What was your most prized posses- maybe. Gytha Lodge, in the cen- the piece feels more like a sion? My guitar, still have it. My 6B clutch tral role of Lily Morgan, brilliantly acted portrayal of tightly edited “mockumen- pencil. What was your most political action? plays a modest adolescent one girl’s defiant quest for tary” is a testament to See: illegal activities (above). ” What were you afraid of? determined to prove her recognition and acceptance Burke’s thoughtful blocking What made you cry? worth by landing the much in the face of well-dressed and the cast’s effortless per- Fundamentalism, violence, tedium. End of puppy love. sought after part of Lady adversity. Although Lodge’s formances. This has to be the What made you angry? Fundamentalism, What did you hope to be? More or less Macbeth in the upcoming performance as the increas- best comedy to appear at the violence, tedium. what I am. school play. Unfortunately ingly obsessive misfit-come Playroom for a long time: go for Lily, nobody really thesp is hugely enjoyable, it see it. Who were your heroes? Dylan, What do you wish you had known then believes she quite has the is Katy Burke’s deadpan turn Yossarian, Morgan, people with names that you know now? What’s right & gumph needed to tackle the as “Mon” (Lily’s Daria-esque Corpus Christi Playroom, ending with N. what’s wrong. fiery First Lady of best friend and general voice 9.30pm, until Saturday 29th Shakespearian tragedy. of reason) which makes this October, £5.50 /£4 What did you believe in? Knowing what’s “She’s too tall”, say the pop- production such a treat. The right & what’s wrong. Emily Stokes 24 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05 28.10.05 Arts Varsity 25 Independents’ Day H&M and HMV not catering to your tastes? Play’em at their own game. Cambridge creatives making their own culture show JESS HOLLAND how

Harvest Time Benj Seidler The Record Recordings The Fashion Label Designer

Harvest Time started around 3 years ago reflect the label (see Paw Tracks, I started designing when I was fif- what you can come up with. and is a platform for all independent Constellation, Eclipse) teen, just by working my way 3. Work. Though internships with music from live shows through to 3. Have a definite idea about the music around a mannequin. I was really more prominent designers tend to recordings. Starting as a regular promo- you want to release and only release the keen and began doing intern- go to design students or people tion, we had bands such as Herman music you love. There’s no point in put- ships/work experience with Anna with previous experience, there Dune, Nina Nastasia and David Grubbs. ting something out which even you After the success of these, we formed a don’t like that much! Sui (who I designed T-shirts for) in are many young designers in New record label, which has released 7” sin- 4. Packaging. From the very first release New York, Gucci's Bottega Veneta York, Paris and London that are gles by Of Montreal, The Broken Family Harvest Time decided to have quite elab- in Milan and Roland Mouret in looking for a helping hand. These Band, Lionshare and Wooden Ghost orate packaging of the highest quality. London. I did my Foundation will be un-paid and time consum- along with a host of CDs and CDRs. Unique packaging is great. Alternatively, Degree at Central Saint Martins ing so be prepared for a tough but Harvest Time is now concentrating on its no thrills packaging can be really cheap College of Art and Design in educational time. Being in the stu- online record store, which specialises in and work well, like Dischord Records. London and learnt a lot of my dio is the ultimate way to pick up all forms of independent music, while 5. Remember that if you are totally con- skills there. the tricks of the trade and will featuring a host of specialist areas such fident into the music you release and as free folk. you believe that it life changingly good, push you into doing hands on then don’t worry if it doesn’t sell, you I take most of my inspiration from work. HOW TO START A LABEL are just 2 steps ahead of the game. Hah. art and mix it with whatever mood 1. If you want to do a ‘proper’ run (not I want to convey. Then I think 4. Look. It helps to look at what's CDRs for example, although there is Harvest Time’s ‘November Season of Free about how people wear clothes happening in fashion now so that nothing wrong with these!) then you Folk Sounds’ will feature 3 concerts with per- and how to design so that the gar- you know what's out there and will need a reasonable amount of capital. formances from Taurpis Tula, Directing ment suits the person's needs. can learn about how other people You have to pay all outgoings before Hand, A Hawk And A Hacksaw, Lionshare, made it. You may think you've got anything even reaches your house, let Haeti,Sharron Kraus, Alec Redfern and Fur- HOW TO START DESIGNING alone the shops. saxa to be held at CB2 Basement and The the most original ideas, but could 2. Decide on a name. Names are very Portland. Full information can be found at 1. Ideas. If you've got ideas for then open Vogue and see five dif- important and this should, in most cases, www.harvest-time-com clothes that you think are new ferent versions of it. Going to and haven't been done before shops and seeing how things are then keep a notebook and draw made and what kind of materials them. If drawing isn't really your are available and how they can be thing, then you can write your used is a great way to learn. ideas down. 5. Money. Making clothes costs a 2. Make. You can learn how to lot. Investigate using cheaper sew by taking short courses at materials like cottons and recy- Central Saint Martins over the cling materials from old clothes. holidays or by buying patterns and Starting small by making bags and sewing books and teaching your- small accessories is a great way to self. Even if you haven't got a practice skills and means you clue but know you want to make won't have to buy metres of mate- clothes, buy a mannequin and a rials. sewing machine and just try to figure it out... you'll be surprised The Danielson Famile, who played a Harvest Time gig last year A Seidler at the Cambridge Fashion show Rachel The Guerrilla The Magazine Editor Wolf Cinecam 24-hour I've always been over-ambitious; I ful on a coffee table. Filmmaker convince myself that I can do three The last few days were manic. But film festival by Kirsty Dootson supervisions' work in a night, or learn they were also among my best days in Bea Martinez-Gatell Chinese in a month - it doesn't usu- Cambridge. I was exhausted and irri- I have wanted to be a director for as ally work. With Avenue,I decided table, but energised to my eyeballs - long as I remember. Reading every there was no reason why students possibly a result of caffeine as much book on filmmaking in the library is a couldn't create a professional prod- as excitement. All of the team agrees; start but will never teach you as much uct, which would be read for interest they were terrified it wouldn’t ever as going out and making a film. In my rather than information. And maybe appear. Now it has, all the stress was attempt to keep up with Steven more importantly, would look beauti- worthwhile. Spielberg I wanted to make my first feature before I was 21. This summer I shot Essayette with a semi-profession- al cast and crew working for free. from leaving after 5 consecutive 20-hour days. HOW TO MAKE A FEATURE FILM

1. Whatever you think the budget will be, double it! Leave enough money for emergency problem solving too. We While in the third week of term, most and professionalism of the films on the almost had leave the film unfinished Fresher's find the concept of yet more whole was impressive. because of the number of things we had new people and experiences leaning a lit- What some lacked in technical ability to pay for that went wrong. tle on the catatonic side of mundane, was compensated for in witty dialogue around 25 of them decided to brave it all and entertaining performances, while 2. FOOD! They say an army marches on over again by taking part in Cinecam's others scarified entirely cohesive plots for its stomach. Seriously, it really does and a film crew is a lot more like an army than Fresher's Film Challenge, the products of aesthetic considerations showing you think. which were screened last Friday at thoughtful deliberation over locations, Robinson's Brickhouse Theatre. Unlike angles and scoring. The winning film by 3. Believe in yourself and your vision anything on show at the UGC or Nadja Ortelt and Anna Wexler; while 110%. Trust in yourself inspires others to Picturehouse that night, all of these films quite photographic in character, was the trust you. It may be easy to convince peo- were made in just 48 hours by people most polished of the films. Their depiction ple to come and work for you HOW TO START A MAGAZINE You’re as good a critic as anyone else. who had mostly never met before, never of the unravelling of a 'sticky' first date (unpaid), it's much harder to stop them 1. Organisational structure is key. 4. The people who aren’t directly mind made films together. struck just the right chord with Cinecam from leaving after 5 consecutive 20-hour involved, like advertisers or printers, days. For a magazine, getting together the All the entries went under the title - 'a judges - quirky yet unpretentious, avoid- editorial design and business teams are really important. Even if they piece of cake' - the irony of which will be ing the pit falls of the usual student rom- can be much trickier than finding the mess you around a bit, it’s worth 4. Make sure you interview potential making an effort to keep good rela- appreciated by anyone whose attempted com dross. crew members and take up their refer- articles and writers. If you find the to make a film in Cambridge over the As those who took part in the challenge right people at the beginning, it tions with them. It will probably ences. A showreel may be beautiful but if save you hassle in the long run. course of the year, never mind in a single will agree, there's a lot to learn this year in you can't bond (at least professionally) makes your job much easier at the end. weekend with a budget of vaguely zero student film-making but this was a prom- with the person who made it, your work 5.Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. (minus the odd expenditure in Nadia's). ising way to start. will suffer. 2. Delegate. You cannot create and No-one ever keeps to them, however While two teams didn't manage to com- run something alone. Trust the peo- hard they try. Have someone really plete the challenge, the four who did will If you think you'd be interested in taking part 5. Plan everything (storyboards, shot lists, uptight on your team, who sends out prop charts) but remember it will never ple involved and delegate as much as testify to the fact that film making needn't in the next -university wide- 48 hour film chal- possible. emails which irritate everyone. be exactly how you imagined on the day. Accept that you won’t always stay on be complex, expensive or (too) time-con- lenge, sponsored by apple, email Jenny Leow Leave enough space and time for yourself suming. [JERL2] or Kirsty Dootson [KSD28] or see 3. Make your project something you’d schedule, but don’t let it stray too far in case you want to add that extra either... Considering the complete inexperience www.cinecam.co.uk thought you hadn't thought of. want to read/be involved in, not just what you think other people would like. of most of the participants, the coherence 26 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05

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Come and meet us at Downing College on Monday 31st October at 7.15pm BCG The Boston Consulting Group Global leaders in strategy consulting Apply online at www.bcglondon.com 28.10.05 Arts Varsity 27 All Night Blenders The Fantastic Four Sam Blatherwick explores an exploding market in indie mixes Dave King meets Four Tet n 2005, genre hopping is the cranium in the early stages Iname of the game. Erol before slapping you across the Alkan is probably a familiar face with kids choirs singing name to you – he played a ‘Good Vibrations’, angular CUSU ent and St. John’s ball guitar originals and revivals in last year. Bugged Out comes as Gang of Four and The Rapture a double CD package, one and sugar sweet post-punk- mixed CD and an unmixed pre-pop-punk in White Mice. compilation – the mix thumps Screeching guitar riffs burst through, with pulsating bass into ‘Atomic’ and the breath- throughout and takes in the less affair closes with Love’s Rapture, Goldfrapp and beautiful crooning Soulwax along the way. Alter ‘Everybody’s got to live’. Psy- Ego’s thumping ‘Rocker’ che Out! is almost entirely dif- grinds through the later ferent and demonstrates the stages, whilst earlier on in the sheer range of Optimo’s mix there is a more techno- sound. In spite of fewer crowd house vibe. The unmixed pleasers, the album is incredi- rom the moment you with - it’s no good just work- “selection” is a more laid back bly strong, again starting with Fmeet Four Tet, a.k.a. ing with someone whose affair, taking in rarities – a dancier feel setting a tone for Kieren Hebden, it is clear music you like. Surprisingly he there’s a suprising fondness the album before breaking he is at the opposite end of the adds “I know I would be quite for 60s weirdness, taking in down into more poppy spectrum to the fame-hungry, happy if Mariah Carey phoned The Wicker Man and Girton’s melodies. Throbbing Gristle’s image obsessed attention me up tomorrow and said ‘let’s finest, the White Noise. The sleazy classic ‘Hot on the Heels junkies who seem to dominate make an album.’” It was prob- later side of the compilation of Love’ and Simple Minds’ music today. But having lis- ably this playful but sincere concerns itself with the more ‘Theme for Great Cities’ set tened to his last album Every- desire to explore new ground indie side of dance. Or the the tone to the later part of thing Ecstatic, it’s not surprising that attracted Radiohead, who other way round depending the album before it closes with to find Hebden to be just as asked Hebden to support them on how you look at it – also treasures such as ultra-rare interesting, unpretentious and on tour and remix a song for leaves you wondering whatev- ‘Kiss Me Again’, an all out mysterious as his records. In them. Some people might be er happened to Clinic? disco classic, the best seven his words his music is “made slightly boastful that If that’s a little too beat minutes of your life should be on computers, it’s instrumen- Radiohead just “phoned up heavy for you and you’re spent listening to this song – tal, it’s influenced by a huge and were like ‘we really like looking for a song, try Leave perfection spills out, nothing range of styles, in quite a pure your stuff, will you open for Them All Behind – it’s a similar more than bizarre though. Diplo’s own ‘Way More’ is is left to chance, yet it retains way what I do is hip hop, and us.’” Hebden however says it format to the Alkan disc, this Diplo has been making priceless. a feel of spontaneity. Utter equally it’s influenced by jazz, “happened in a very mellow time mixed by Modular DJs. inroads this year, being heavi- Optimo in their own words: magnificence seals the record techno, rock music, one of the sort of way”. He will concede It’s a far more mainstream ly involved with M.I.A. and he “We always say there isn’t a before it closes with Sons and ideas is that it draws on every- though that “it’s really exciting modern indie offering, produced one of the tracks of ‘sound’ but I guess there is Daughters’ ‘Johnny Cash’. thing”. for me to be able to do some- although beautifully spans an the year on the Kano album. actually a sound to our ‘non And then it’s back to the play I get the impression that it is thing very underground in my indie-dance platform. It’s defi- His Fabriclive mix is one of the sound’. It’s kind of hard to button… music itself rather than any own little world, and then nitely worth checking out, strongest of their kind, com- define but I know it when I one type of sound that fasci- next week work on a even if it’s only to hear the bining chilled hip-hop with hear it. It’s perhaps more a nates Hebden and gets his cre- Radiohead remix, and then go Long Blondes’ incredible more aggressive beats, whilst spirit rather than a sound.” ative juices flowing. His Four do something weird and tour ‘Giddy Stratospheres’, which throwing in crowd pleasers – Two albums produced by Tet releases, whilst maintain- Taiwan.” is startlingly gorgeous and the Cure splicing into Outkast Optimo have dropped this www.optimo.co.uk ing a distinctive electronic Like most serious music col- worth the price of the album splicing into Le Tigre is some- year, How to Kill the DJ Pt. 2 www.fabriclondon.com vibe, have explored different lectors, Hebden has a passion alone. The appearance of The thing to cherish, M.I.A.’s drills beats, pumps bass and www.modularpeople.com directions and influences and that walks the tightrope Killers at the end seems a little ‘Bucky Done Gun’ over pounds dirty riffs into your www.trashclub.co.uk he was also part of the post- between nerd and enthusiast. rock band Fridge. Next year Naturally when I ask him what Hebden has two albums com- he’s listening to, I am not ing out under his real name expecting a mainstream with jazz drummer Steve Reid answer. He is particularly keen who played with Sun Ra and on the Sublime Frequencies James Brown. Each new label, guys who travel the release has to offer something world doing random record- album reviews different; “I’m very conscious ings of radio stations and mak- of the constant fear of just ing compilations. He gets ani- repeating myself…I try to mated when talking about peo- Gemma Hayes make sure things are always ple who are “true innovators”, El Presidente moving forward, evolving, like the architects of the d’n’b The Roads Don’t Love You changing. I never want to get explosion, “something that ##### El Presidente ##### stuck anywhere.” It’s this genuinely sounds new, that desire to innovate that sets before it existed you couldn’t While her debut attracted ite parts of one long musical Hebden apart. To make a good imagine it in your head. It’s the widespread critical acclaim, soundscape. Consequently, Mary Bowers collaboration he tells me, you people trying to make those this second endeavour is the album gathers a more have to have a natural connec- sorts of bold moves that inspire comes down to you, girl,/ you quite possibly far superior. consistent sense of tion with the people you work me.” were never on my mind” The gentle, lilting songs momentum. croaks the cookie monster show more semblance of The music is driven by unconvincingly on ‘I Didn’t melody, a quality occasion- Hayes’ characteristic hon- Really’) but who cares? From ally lacking on the previous eysuckle voice; a breathy, opener and A-side ‘Without Hold You Tight album, which relied more soft confection that some- You’ to the swirling sweet heavily on raw sweetness at times threatens not to carry delirium of ‘Hanging Around’ the expense of melodic itself. This is saved by the They say that in pop, as in this is an Indie-Pop carnival Rebecca Brown checks out development and direction. subtle, yet unmistakeable politics, it’s a case of survival that doesn’t stop dancing in Her lyrics are more credible Irishness of her intonation, of the fittest. Well, they don’t local talent at Teenage Kicks a way that is endearingly and weighted with more the vaguely manipulated actually, but El Presidente are unselfconscious. And makes ne mile High have been Stewart, singer in Badwell Ash, sincerity, erring always on vowel sounds of her pro- looking very fit indeed: chis- the wallflowers secretly jeal- Otogether for around 18 worked the crowd with a confi- just the right side of sac- nunciation and the indie-like elled Italian Dante on lead months now and gui- dence defying his eighteen ous as they critically slurp charine. She seems less way that her voice intermit- vocals, elfin girls Laura and tarist Andy describes them, as years of age. Youthful they may their cans of Red Stripe. concerned with misty emo- tently breaks into a more Dawn on keyboards and having “A really wide range of be, but this band have fifty-odd The only drawback with El tional allusion and more gravely, guttural drawl. drums…need I say more? influences. Everybody in the gigs under their belts and this Presidente is the fact that the focused and self-assured; Despite her willingness to They’re not just aesthetically band brings something differ- shows in their well-honed set. Scissor Sisters got there first, her new-found straightfor- experiment instrumentally, pleasing either: the band’s ent, from AC/DC to Wildheart.” The 9foldpunch frontman

Charlotte but what they lack in filling a wardness makes each indi- Gemma Hayes is not averse eponymous debut sparkles It was evident as they kicked worked the crowd and the hole in the market they make off the night with a set that whole band worked to give a vidual song potent and to stealing the odd line: she with T-Rex inspired riffs, up for in filling a dance floor. melded classic ‘80s rock riffs charismatic, dynamic perform- memorable, instead of plagiarises the phrase “the androgynous descants and They might not be set for with more recent guitar-pop. ance. Anti Cage, from the appearing as mere compos- kick inside” from Kate Bush. the kind of pulsing beats that world domination, but El Dear Old Blighty took to the Czech Republic, contrasted with Interestingly, she also adds would be produced if Presidente will be ruling the stage next and the young front- the otherwise Cambridge based her name to an ever- Supertramp met Super Mario. man had a considerably more line up. With reggae influenced Newman disco. increasing list of female There are times when the Jim aloof stage presence. The three- tunes, their country of origin song-writers who have writ- Henson impressions can piece were clearly all accom- was not the only thing that set ten songs or albums enti- make sentiment seem silly plished musicians, who were them apart. Tonight was a char- tled ‘Horses’. Can there be (“when it joined later in their set by a cel- ity gig in memory of a young any accounting for this phe- list who added a haunting musician, Tom Jones, who died esidente.co.uk nomenon? Answers on a www.el-pr depth to the lo-fi sound. The tragically earlier this year and postcard please… Barnum Effect went down very the quality of the music and well with the audience who, supportive atmosphere was a from the first chords responded credit to all those involved in enthusiastically to the this thoroughly enjoyable Nirvanaesque grunge rock. night. 28 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05 Careers Service

Careers in Economics Wednesday 2nd November 2005 – 1.00pm to 3.00pm Marshall Library of Economics, Sidgwick Site

A new event for undergraduates and postgradutes. Careers and internships in economics. Come and talk to: Bank of England Institute for Fiscal Studies Cambridge Economic Policy Associates International Monetary Fund CRA International LECG Deloitte Oxera Ernst & Young Transfer Pricing Group PricewaterhouseCoopers Economics Practice Frontier Economics RBB Economics

MORE DETAILS: www careers.cam.ac.uk

Graduate Opportunities 2006 entry The feeling you get at Diageo is like nothing else. It’s that intangible something that makes us so unique.We can offer you extraordinary career opportunities and superb training & development across Marketing, Finance, Sales, Supply Chain, Engineering,Technical, Procurement, Production & Packaging and a range of commercial roles.

To understand the Spirit of Diageo, you need to experience it. Please come and meet us at: the spirit the spiritof DIAGEO of DIAGEO All Bar One 36-37 St Andrew’s Street, Cambridge Monday 31st October at 6.30pm

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The DIAGEO, SMIRNOFF, SMIRNOFF BLACK ICE, GUINNESS, BAILEYS, BELL'S, ARCHERS and GORDON'S words and associated logos are trade marks. © Diageo 2005. 14.10.05 Arts Varsity 29 “The Future’s bright, the Future’s grapefruit” CAMERON ELAINE Mathilda James their natural comic abilities. rassing too-close-to-homeness of it like the best games of Confident enough in their material all, or indeed because of the self- Consequences – weird, wonderful predicts The Future to take their time over it, The Future knowing ‘bet you didn’t think I’d and, worryingly, making an unex- sees them mixing surreal wit and make a joke about that did you’ pected amount of sense. at the ADC physical clowning to perfection - posturing of so much student com- A piece of scrawled graffiti on the but never allowing that confidence edy. But because they’re Genuinely back wall claims ‘We want answers ‘The day we stop copying other to slip over into self-indulgence or Very Funny. There’s an enviable to the questions of tomorrow’. companies’ ideas is the day insularity. They know they’re effortlessness to their performances, Whatever. With Joe’s bemused exas- everything goes down the pan’. funny – but they also know that as if none of this was scripted at all, peration, and Jonny’s infectious Well then, Joe Thomas, you and doesn’t mean they can stop trying just something they happened to ever-hopeful grin, I’m wary about Jonny Sweet have really messed to make us laugh. In the hands of think of, there and then. With char- taking anything these two say seri- up this time. Because The Future two less engaging performers their acters ranging from a widower, ously. Except their claim that this is is new and original and if you peculiar flights of fancy might prove now engaged in a not-quite sexual the future of comedy. It had better don’t apply for a patent soon, I alienating, but here they’re charm- relationship with an extractor fan, be. With Jonny and Joe, the Future’s will on your behalf. And I’ll be ing and we’re willing to laugh as to a property developer under- Bright, the Future’s ...Grapefruit. Go taking your royalties. soon as the house lights go down. standably confused by the night- see. Joe Thomas and Jonny Sweet’s Not because we know the catch- marish similarities of house num- ADC, 11pm, Wed & Thu £4/£3, Fri new sketch show is a showcase for phrases or because of the embar- bers and doorbells, The Future is a bit & Sat £5/£4, 26-29th October Johnny Sweet and Joe Thomas bring the house down in The Future CADS The Invention of Love Through alternation between ciously lewd and accessible opinions in their discussions Andy Heath Housman’s older and younger jokes. Virginia Corless and Will with the older Housman. The selves, his story is gradually Pearse also show great versatil- interchangeability of the rivers sees Stoppard’s revealed to the audience. ity. Pearse’s deliberately plod- Styx and Thames also under- As in much of Stoppard’s ding Charon, complete with scored this, implying that literate comedy work, the jokes flow in an bowler hat and waist coat, is whether one is en route to the impressive tide of scholarly both a figure of fun and of underworld or a picnic is as at Christ’s research, requiring a skilful quiet gravity, providing a won- much a matter of one’s inter- delivery to make them bob to derful foil to the self-conscious nal perceptions as it is of exter- the surface rather than sink wits surrounding him. nal realities. The cast of Rebecca Leigh’s unnoticed. The actors rise to The production’s minimal, This CADS production man- production cope admirably the challenge, with excellent unchanging set was effective, ages not just to evoke complex with one of the most demand- variation of tone to suit every- echoing themes of the play. questions about the nature ing of Tom Stoppard’s works. thing from jolly, undergradu- Characters cross and recross and reception of history, liter- The Invention of Love examines ate slang to the wistful eroti- the same physical space, ature and sexuality, however. how the life and death of the cism of Housman’s lyrics. revolving around one focal It also communicates an poet and classical scholar, A. E. Darren Craig, in particular, point but weaving their own, enthusiasm for the poetry Housman, was affected by deserves to be mentioned for conflicting, narratives of inter- which prompts the characters homosexuality. Living through his combination of pithy asper- pretation. The doubling of to consider them. For both of a remarkably fertile and ity, as Pater, and sensitivity, as parts accompanies this these achievements, I recom- dynamic period of intellectual George Chamberlain. nowhere more strikingly than mend it. and social history, Housman Especially in the first role, he when David Walton appeared shares the stage with, amongst provided a lesson in how to in rapid succession as Wilde Christ's New Court Theatre, others, Walter Pater, John seamlessly marry high-brow and young Housman, the two 7.30pm, £5/4, Tue 25th - Sat Director Rebecca Leigh reinvents love Ruskin and Oscar Wilde. cultural theorising with deli- characters offering different 29th October Rainy Days at CHRISTIE NAOMI the Playhouse Tom Royston enjoys September in the Rain

“Nowt wrong with crying. Ah’lll other characters as they play out pee less, that’s all.” – Jack [cry- their lives. It’s great that this ing] play is very rarely just a dia- Out of playwright John logue. And it’s fine writing that Godber’s big brassy Yorkshire fil- can reliably both raise a laugh ing cabinet of stock characters and build a character. “Good tan spring Jack and Liz in this light- on him.” Liz says of a Blackpool ish comedy to which, at only 75 waiter. “I bet he lives here.” minutes and £4, nobody could Both of the cast are very particularly object. Frail enjoyable to watch. Helen Yorkshire OAPs Jack the miner Cripps in particular has mas- and Liz the housewife – the only tered as Liz the range of accents two characters – are stationed and manners which she needs inexotic Blackpool on their to keep usengaged. Holly Hunt’s probably-last-ever annual holi- direction sensibly keeps props day. and lighting changes to a mini- Stuck indoors, they use the mum. Even so, it is difficult to opportunity afforded by rain to avoid losing pace. Good scenes look back with us on their lives finish too soon. “Always leave of benign obscurity. So here are them wanting more” said some- their stories of family holidays one famous, but they surely Eshwar Elladi and Isabel Schoelcher talk dirty “before the M62 was built”; of can’t have meant every ninety radiators overheating in B-road- seconds? This is the kind of play that you dents or speeches that really were. This, though, is a minor traffic jams, or paddling with the Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, can take in one of two ways. shouldn’t have been funny. quibble. It was a brave produc- kids in the lee of open sewage £4/5.50 , Tues 25th - Sat 29th Personally, I was bawling my Talking to Aaron Safir, who tion to put on, precisely because pipes. But here also - distinctly eyes out from around twenty plays Roberto, the rapist and the subject matter is so serious, immiscibly - are the worries of a minutes in until the lights went torturer turned respectable doc- and on the whole I think that it eviews

young wife about whether she r up at the end. The guy directly tor, he mentioned that they worked well. The very fact that will ever conceive, and the toll opposite me sniggered every hadn’t really considered the the audience felt the need to of a life down the pit on an old time the word “shit”, “fuck’” possibility that some might find relieve their tension is testimo- man’s health. “cunt”, “rape” or “torture” was the play amusing. This was ny to how effectively the piece Given no space to develop, mentioned, and on numerous something of an oversight. as a whole worked. It seems to these Serious Bits do not serve other occasions besides. Seeing There are clearly meant to be me that there is a fine line to be much purpose: rocks lobbed as the play is about a woman some funny moments; or at walked, when dealing with hor- into a river to make a splash. owing story of who has been raped and tor- least moments that relieve the rific events such as those of the The production would flow tured, he sniggered quite a lot. tension of the inquisition. Maiden, between glibness or

much better from scene to scene harr This says it all. If you’re of a sen- Perhaps if the direction had con- flippancy on one side and bom-

without the resulting, clichéd, s timental disposition, the play is sidered this in advance then it bast on the other. Although this dissonance, optimistically genuinely harrowing: there are might have been possible to elic- was perhaps not controlled with described in the programme as some extremely powerful it a more controlled response the coherency of a professional

“bittersweet.” alker-Churchman moments in it, particularly in from the audience. As it was, I production, the play did not feel

Now, Godber always enjoys W the husband and wife scenes felt that many were laughing at to me like it mistreated its sub- making his actors work for their played between Eshwar Alladi points that weren’t meant to be ject matter. That, I think, is a money. Not only do Jack and Liz as Girardo and Isabelle funny (although I think in part serious and quite profound have to shuttle from scene to Schoelcher as Paulina. On the this can be put down to the typ- achievement. scene – few last more than three other hand, the script itself is so ical Cambridge student’s minutes – but they are also tense that at times I felt that the response to four-letter words) St Chad’s Octagon, 9pm, MIRANDA HOWARD-WILLIAMS Ariel Dorfman’ guilt and torture at St. Chad’s Octagon required to conjure up umpteen Georgia audience were laughing at inci- and remaining silent in bits that £6.50/£5, until Saturday 29th

Death & the Maiden 30 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05

MAYSfourteen

THE MAYS is Varsity’s annual anthology of invites submissions of new student writing in the fields of new writing from students from universities in Cambridge & Oxford, sold Prose G Poetry G Drama nationwide and distributed to every major literary agent. For more info, to submit G Non-Fiction G work, or to join the team in any of the roles mentioned, please e-mail for publication in Mays 14 – the 2006 anthology [email protected] for an application form. Deadline for submissions: January 26th, 2006

We are also inviting applications for the following roles: Editorial Committee

Marketing Manager Cover Designer 28.10.05 Arts Varsity 31 A way of life no more? Kettle’s Yard is one of Cambridge’s premiere arts spaces. Varsity asks academic Dr Margaret Jonathan Yarker talks to Garlake and Kettle’s Yard curator Sebastiano Barassi if it has a future Tobias Rehberger

im Ede, writing in 1984, How should the University The internationally renowned defined Kettle’s Yard as “in continue its guardianship of German sculptor Tobias Jno way meant to be an art the house, taking into Rehberger is currently exhibiting gallery or museum, nor is it account modern trends in several works at Kettle’s Yard, simply a collection of works of curator ship, security and including lying around lazy, not art reflecting my taste, or the conservation? even moving for sweets, coke,tv taste of a given period. It is, MG: I think that the house or vaseline, a sculpture that is rather, a continuing way of life” should be treated like a updated every nine years into the This definition is simultaneous- National Trust property for latest fashion. ly liberating and constricting for which it would be a perfect Where do you see the work the visitor and curator. Ede’s candidate. lying around lazy, not even house is truly domestic, Ben SB: The big challenge at KY is moving for sweets, coke, tv or Nicholson’s and Alfred Wallis’s to find the right balance vaseline in 2009? vie with lavatories and wash- between Ede's vision (and The idea of the project is to con- basins for space, there are no obsessions) an modern curatori- struct a sculpture that changes labels, no spatial restrictions al practice, the two often being over time with fashion. and no trendy curatorial spin. apparently incompatible. Hard No, the idea is not about my But, this can seem stifling, it’s work, but not impossible.” taste, its not personal I try to difficult to view the art distinct- update the work by using as ly from Ede’s other objects and What is your favourite aspect many contemporary sources as the importance of light raises of the house? possible, it will be what is fash- serious problems of conserva- GM: On the one hand a lot of ionable and the most sexy look of tion. Thirty five years after the paintings and on the other the time. I am trying to relegate Kettle’s Yard was given to the the quirky things like spirals of my own point of view and deci- University it seems appropriate pebbles on windowsills. sions and make it a piece about to return to Ede’s words and SB: Light play. I am lucky contemporary fashion…I sup- ask whether his desire for a enough to have the opportuni- pose I am trying to loose control ‘continuing way of life’ has suc- ty to see the light fall Into the of the work. ceeded? Dr Margaret Garlake, house at different times of the But surely you have control by formally an associate lecturer at days and of the year. The the very nature of being the the Courtauld Institute of Art Variations are mesmerizing and creator? and Sebastiano Barassi, curator always surprising, even after Sure, but I am trying to relegate of Kettle’s Yard discuss the suc- many years. my own input and decisions, by cess and future development of A Cambridge way of living: Kettle’s Yard making it the taste of other peo- Ede’s creation. What is your least favourite ple, I am loosing the personal aspect of the house? input- of course I have control, How far do you think Ede MG: A tendency to fetishise but I use that control to loose achieved his desire not to Ede's presence in the house - control. reflect the taste of a given KETTLE’S YARD IS IN NO WAY which includes things like spi- Many of your works are both period? MEANT TO BE AN ART GALLERY OR rals of pebbles (yes, I know that works of art and practical, is MG: I don't think Ede did suc- “ this is contradictory); at some this important to you? ceed at all in not reflecting peri- stage pebbles accrue dust and Yes, I am most interested in the od taste (or a section of it, MUSUEM... IT IS A WAY OF LIFE have to make way for, perhaps, ambiguity between art and func- rather). I think it's almost ” a vase of flowers (the NT model tion, trying to reconcile different impossible not to reflect con- again) or an empty space. perspectives of a work of an temporaneous taste in such a 'anti-museum'. Many of the certain moment i.e. an Is Kettle's Yard the most pro- Perhaps pebbles are a metaphor object, you could look at venture and this impossibility is display techniques adopted by extremely rarefied period taste, gressive public space in for my suspicion that even a ‘Massimo Ranieri’ in a philosoph- the same sort of constant Ede (no chronological order, no compared with ribbon develop- Cambridge or a modernist relatively recent one-period site ical or art historical way or just a reassessment through a current labels next to works, works dis- ments and stockbroker Tudor. 'relic'? has a short life in its pristine purely utilitarian way as curtains. lens that keeps historians in played on the floor, interplay of SB: Above all as an historical MG: If you are divorcing house condition; already we see What are the relevant questions business. artworks with natural light etc.) document of the thinking from gallery, I shall assume that Kettle’s Yard from the perspec- of art? Is lying around lazy mere- SB:What Ede wanted was, are definitely unconventional processes, aesthetics and col- you are, the house has to be a tive of 2005 when we can ly comfy to sit on? As a sculptor I above all, to avoid for the and very rarely found in muse- lecting of the Modernist era. modernist relic. The gallery's understand that the nostalgia am trying to give things multiple house to become a kind of'peri- ums and galleries. Ede liked to Also as an alternative model for admirable and needs to be aspect (which takes in the peb- meanings and several possibili- od piece' frozen in time. think of KY as a house of them fruition of art to that con- treated separately (please!). bles) is in danger of obscuring ties. But, I am approaching all my Unfortunately this would prove prayer, or a place of contempla- ventionally found in museums. SB: I think it is both, which what might be a much more work from the position of a tradi- very difficult to achieve in a tion, and fashioned the atmos- probably says more about vigorous intellectual position, if tional sculptor, I’m not interested place that was created as a phere in the house accordingly. What features have ensured Cambridge than it does about it were allowed to. in merging with other fields my domestic environment but It has to be said, however, that its survival? KY. SB: From a curatorial point of work isn’t architecture or paint- which has not been lived in for some of his views on the enjoy- MG: Apart from the view, the condition of the ing, it’s sculpture. over thirty years. Indeed today ment of art have been taken on University's involvement in its How far is it possible to building, which is deteriorating What are your next projects? many argue that KY has in recent years by some of the survival (not insignificant), I divorce Ede from the house significantly. From a personal I am working on a couple of pos- become exactly what Ede want- more forward-looking art guess the nostalgia factor is and collection? point of view, the immobility of sible projects; working with video ed to avoid, the expression of organisations. important; this may be intellec- MG: Not at all, except of course the display. I am lucky enough installations…I am showing in his taste and aesthetics. tually deplorable, but I don't from a few later incursions into to be able to see paintings and four galleries all over the world. I Why is Kettle's Yard so think it should be underrated. the collections. sculptures in different locations suppose my work is quite inter- If Kettle's Yard isn't a muse- important? Then there is the fascination, SB: Very difficult, as it would and light conditions from those national. A lot of people say my um, what is it? MG: Well, KY’s importance is which I think is valid, of a sin- be with a work of art from its chosen for them by Ede. Some work isn’t very German, I don’t MG: Oh, I'm sure Kettle’s Yard surely (and I'm afraid this could gle-period artefact i.e. the maker. KY was very much pieces really come to life when believe in a national context, is a museum; Ede was simply be considered facile) that it house and its contents, which Ede's 'masterpiece', a work of moved. national identity isn’t very expressing an aspiration, wasn't does represent or summarise a are powerful, coherent and art in its own right created by a important for me, much more he? period taste that was the prod- good to look at. man with strong artistic aspira- important is the 30 km around SB: It has been dubbed an uct of English modernism at a tions. www.kettlesyard.co.uk me, location not nationality.

Dessert Plate from Catherine was a passionate of acceptable quality. She was admirer of ancient Greek and determined that the design of the Catherine II Roman civilization. Each item is each piece should be original, decorated with heads of pagan although based on the ceram- Service deities and scenes from ancient ics of antiquity. Sevres, 1778 myth or history. The stunning In December 1837 the Winter bleu celeste colouring was sup- Palace in St Petersburg, home Fitzwilliam Museum posed to resemble turquoise to the Russian Imperial Family, stone and the tooled gilt floral caught fire. The building was scrolls, rinceaux, were inspired looted and about 160 pieces of This 18th century porcelain din- by decorations on the 1st cen- the magnificent dinner service ner service was made in France tury BC Theatre of Marcellus in disappeared. By 1840 the for Empress Catherine II of Rome. The nucleus around pieces had turned up in London ound Russia. Made by the Royal which these elements sit is the and they have subsequently porcelain factory at Sevres it monogram of the Empress; E II, been dispersed to museums took three years of extensive for Ekaterina, the Russian form throughout Europe and work to complete and was the of her name written in flowers America. This plate in the first neo-classical dinner serv- and gold, surrounded by a Fitzwilliam is one of 288 dessert ice to be produced there. The wreath of laurel and myrtle and plates from the original service. service comprises eight hun- topped by a golden crown. The dred pieces. The centrepiece monogram appears on every Each week we highlight an was a figural group consisting piece of the service. object of aesthetic interest in of ninety-one pieces over which Catherine was a fastidious Cambridge. presided a model of the patron; the precise shape of the Empress herself depicted as plates was modified eight times Send suggestions to Minerva, the Roman goddess of before she was satisfied and [email protected] wisdom, surrounded by nine three thousand pieces were muses. fired to produce eight hundred Fitzwilliam Museum Art Ar Cambridge 32 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05 Our momentum is your advantage.

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We are an equal opportunity employer. Certain activities and services performed by the businesses referred to above are provided by Banc of America Securities LLC, an affiliate of Bank of America Corporation. © 2005 28.10.05 Listings Varsity 33

Wild Honey Living with Lady Something Dark Michael Frayn's funny yet Macbeth Part of BLACK HISTORY MONTH poignant adaptation of Chekhov. The story of an aspiring actress. A journey of the soul and a tri- ADC, 7.45pm, £5-£8, Tuesday 1st until Saturday umph of the heart. Corpus Christi Playroom, 9.30pm, until 5th November The Junction, 8pm, £10/£7, Saturday 29th Saturday 29th October October Celebration Scenes and monologues by mem- Death and the Maiden The Little Match Girl bers of the Amateur Dramatic Thriller about torture and guilt. Hans Christian Andersen's uplift- Club, past and present. St. Chad’s Octagon, 9pm, £6.50/£5, until ing story. Saturday 29th October stage Calculus ADC, 11pm, £3-£5, Wednesday 2nd until ARU Mumford Theatre, 2.30pm, £8/£6, A darker side of Isaac Newton. Saturday 5th November Saturday 29th October ADC, 7.45pm, £5-£8, until Saturday 29th October Orgy Horrible Histories Dave King “The most scandalous show of Children’s books brought to the The Nightmare Room the term.” stage. Arthur Conan Doyle’s Chilling Tale The Future Cambridge Arts Theatre, various times and Corpus Christi Playroom, 9.30pm, £5.50/£4, on Halloween night. Saturdays are over: the age of Future-based sketch show. prices, until Saturday 29th October ADC, 11pm, £3-£5, until Saturday 29th October Tuesday 1st until Saturday 5th November ARU Mumford Theatre, 7.30pm, £9.50/£8, Sunday is upon us. Sunday’s Monday 31st October vibe is different; people seem less manic, less viciously Lady Salsa Footlights Smoker September in the Rain Red-hot rumba, mambo, cha-cha, severe in their drinking habits. The second hour of stand-up and Nostalgic comedy of a couple on holiday in Blackpool. Macarena and sensational salsa. Anyone who saw Four Tet at sketches this term. Cambridge Arts Theatre, various times and Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, £4/£5.50, until the Soul Tree will know what I ADC, 11pm, Tuesday 1st October prices, Monday 31st October until Saturday 5th Saturday 29th October mean. This Sunday offers up November three treats for our consump- tion, all of which embody this Sunday Spirit. The biggest is Roni Size at the Fez, a fantas- The Little Vampire (U) Broken Flowers (15) Battle in Heaven (18) Arts Picturehouse 11:00 12:00, 14:30, 16:40, 18:50, 21:10 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45 tic chance to see a true D’n’B Corpse Bride (PG) Beau Travail (15) pioneer in an incredibly init- Friday 28 October: 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 17:00 Battle in Heaven (18) Crash (15) Broken Flowers (15) mate venue. Anyone who 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45 16:20 12:00, 14:30, 16:30, 18:50, 21:10 loves to dance with wild aban- Broken Flowers (15) Godzilla (1954) (PG) Corpse Bride (PG) 13:40, 15:50, 18:10, 20:30 17:00 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 don should be there feeling Corpse Bride (PG) Godzilla (1954) (PG) the beat and loving the flows. 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 Tuesday 1 November: 16:20 Crash (15) Battle in Heaven (18) On a different musical land- 16:20 12:00, 14:10, 16:20, 20:45 scape sits Songs in the Dark Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (18) Broken Flowers (15) St John’s Late Show 22:40 16:00, 18:50, 21:10 Skeleton Key: 30th Oct 7pm & 10pm at the Clowns Café. This Future Shorts - October Programme Corpse Bride (PG) Crash: Thurs 3rd Nov, 7pm & 10pm acoustic night profiles local 23:00 13:10, 15:00, 17:20, 19:10 Ghost Dog (15) Duck Soup (U) performers in an atmosphere 22:50 21:15 Corpus Christi as personal as music can get. Godzilla (1954) (PG) The Blue Angel (PG) Panther Panchali: Tue 1st Nov, 8pm, £2 17:00 Sunday 30 October: 13:30 The performers include the screen Battle in Heaven (18) return of founder Jeremy Saturday 29 October: 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45 Wednesday 2 November: Caius Battle in Heaven (18) Broken Flowers (15) Battle in Heaven (18) Koktebel: Thu 3rd Nov, 8pm, Free Warmsley (who is now signed 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45, 22:45 14:15, 16:20, 18:30, 20:40 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45 to Transgressive Records, Broken Flowers (15) Corpse Bride (PG) Broken Flowers (15) 12:00, 15:50, 18:10, 20:30 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 14:30, 16:40, 18:50, 21:10 Christ’s home of Battle and Ladyfuzz), Corpse Bride (PG) Crash (15) Corpse Bride (PG) Sideways: Sun 30th, 8pm & 10.30pm, Varsity’s own Mary Bowers, 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 16:20 11:00, 13:10, 15:00, 19:10, 21:00 £2 Crash (15) Godzilla (1954) (PG) Godzilla (1954) (PG) and a rare acoustic set from 16:20 17:00 16:20 Sleepwalker. At Clare Cellars Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (18) La Ville Est Tranquille (18) The Perfect Catch (PG) Robinson 22:40 12:00 11:00 The Ring 2: Sun 30th Oct, 4pm & 9pm they are hosting, with CUSU, Ghost Dog (15) The Shutka Book of Records (n/c) Battle Royale: Thur 3rd Nov, 9pm Slam Poetry. In celebration of 22:50 Monday 31 October: 17:40 Godzilla (1954) (PG) Battle in Heaven (18) Black History Month this 17:00 12:00, 14:10, 18:30, 20:45 Thursday 3 November: poetry and spoken word night brings two New York poet- MC’s to perform with a live jazz/funk band. Otherwise, Ways of Living Coveney: Island Life, ritual and bootleg VJ’s Eclectic Method Contemporary sculpture from four Identity in the Fens immortality: Eating offer live mash-up on Friday internationally renowned artists. and Currency in Africa with support from DJ Sketchy Each exhibit explores the relation- Two of several small exhibitions in and Drinking in China and djembe-drumming from Special display of Chinese bronze, ship between art and life (above). the Andrews exhibition gallery that jade and ceramic vessels used for Shekere’s Theo Bard. On Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 1st October until 20th explore the extensive reserve col- November rituals and daily life Tuesday, Martha Wainwright lections of the museum. Fitzwilliam Museum, 4th October - 3rd January Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, 2006, free entry adds her voice to the family free entry, 19th September Until 1st December musical dynasty, while Status Quo play all three chords they The Real Madagascar Drawn to Africa know repeatedly. On An exploration of the flora and Workshops including African Wednesday, King Creosote fauna of the strange island of fabric painting, Sona sand draw- Madagascar, from pre-history to presents Twisted Folk at the ing, Kente cloths and African the present day (right). Indigo dye drawing. Junction, or there’s the Museum of Zoology, free entry, 19th July until Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, 24th December selected dates throughout October and November, Crimea’s beautiful indie har- free monies at the Portland Arms. Cambridge The Antarctic On Thursday, finally, there’s Illuminations Photographs of shambolic pop from The largest and most comprehen- sive exhibition of illuminated Herbert Ponting Architecture in Helsinki at Photographs taken from the origi- APU. manuscripts including ten cen- nal negatives of the intrepid turies’ worth from Cambridge photographer who accompanied collections. Scott's expedition to the Antarctic exhibitions Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, 26th July until 11th December in 1910-1914 (right). Scott-Polar Research Institute, free entry, 1st September until 31st March 2006

Eclectic Method Lady Midnight Songs in the Dark Fat Poppadaddy’s Martha Wainwright Twisted Folk Kubrick AV bootlegs, last seen Halloween psychobilly, acoustic bliss the ‘alternative’ alter- sister of Rufus with King Creosote, emo post-hardcore at Fabric and Cargo grime, electro with 8pm £1 native 7pm £12.50 Jose Gonzalez and with support from 9-1 £4 apple-bobbing Clowns 9-2:30 £2 NUS The Junction Twisted Fingers Keiko Clare Cellars 9:30-12:30 £2 Fez 7pm £10 8pm £4 King’s Cellars Roni Size Status Quo The Junction The Portland Arms The Broken Family the man who killed International Student we know you’ve Band Salon Rouge jungle comes to Night already got a ticket The Crimea International Student alt-country new burlesque night Cambridge pohjanmaan kautta! 7:30 sold out John Peel favourites Night 8pm £7 8-12 £3 9:30-2 £6 9:30-2 £5 The Corn Exchange 8pm £7 na zdravje! The Portland Arms Nusha The Fez Life The Portland Arms 9-2 £4 Top Banana Ballare Uptight! The Broken Family Poetry Slam School Days CUSU’s weekly Funk da Bar Motown on a boat Band part of Cambridge ‘free entry in school fruit-market with the Get Down Urbanite 10-2 £15 second night! Black History Month uniform’ 9-2 £4 NUS Crew with DJ Semtex The River Boat Georgina 8pm £7 9pm £4 9:30-2 £5 Ballare 8-12 £3 9-2 £3 The Portland Arms Clare Cellars Ballare Emma bar The Soul Tree Bhangra Nights Unique ‘Asian flavas’ Rocky Horror Show Letz Zep LBG night Club Goo First We Take 9-12:45 £4 ‘Halloween cheese’ tribute to Led Zepellin 9:30-1 indie night Manhattan... Queens’ 9-12:45 £4 7pm £12 £4 9-2 £4 Devilry and revelry Queens’ The Junction The Soul Tree 9.30-2 £3 before 11 Kambar fri sat sun mon tue wed thu YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO GOING OUT IN CAMBRIDGE 34 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05

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Happy MAKE A DIFFERENCE Halloween Get paid to collect regrets from from students for a study Join a stimulating, home-based plan regarding the human for our 11-year old, mildy autistic daughter, based on the ‘son-rise’ capacity for remorse. programme. To apply, send c.v. to We would like to ask you to work for Parker’s mulfi[email protected] 2-4 hours a week (for six months). More about the research No experience neded; full training given. £5 an hour. All over clipper cuts £9.00 project Make the call: Dry cuts from £10.50 regrets.org.uk Tel: 01223 248622 No appointments necessary Opening hours 8.30-5.30 Mon-Fri FOOTLIGHTS opens 8.30-5.00 Sat applications for 35 Regent Street, Cambridge DIRECTOR Tel: 01223 471582 of the 2006 FOOTLIGHTS Tell only your best friends... NATIONAL TOUR Applications must have an adventurous taste in comedy, and some experience in devising comedy. BURSARIES Applications must be sent to Simon Bird ([email protected]) by MONDAY 7th NOVEMBER. They should include a para- THE CAMBRIDGE graph explaining your vision for the show, SOCIETY OF PARIS and an extensive CV. Make a difference! is prepared to provide a small amount Sam Smiley of funding to current students of the Sam Smiley University where 68 Trumpington Street - a link with France can be demonstrated; - there is a project which is a Special Offer for requirement of the student’s course; and Baked potato with 2 - difficulty is being experienced in financing that project CAMBRIDGE Full details on the Bursary web LEISURE PARK 1 page at baked beans & Tel: (01223) 414488 www.camsocparis.com grated cheese.

Applications to [email protected] Buy any takeaway pizza at the Pizza not later than 31 December 2005 Only £1.50 Hut above from Monday to Thursday and get two DVDs for the ADVERTISE ON THIS PAGE FROM JUST £20 price of one at CHOICES rental on To place your ad, e-mail [email protected] the Leisure Park. or visit us at 11-12 Trumpington Street Have a great NIGHT in ON US! 36 Varsity Advertisement 28.10.05 28.10.05 Sport Varsity 37 Princeton scrape past CUBC in Boston Russ Glenn Wyper, both of St. Edmunds, helped break the United States, moving to a commanding two- The last fortnight has seen the length lead. At this point, the

Cambridge University Boat experience of Germans ERIC SUMBERG Club competing successfully in Thorsten Engelmann (St. two international regattas. A Edumnds) and Sebastian win over stiff national-team Thormann (Pembroke) showed competition in Germany and a to carry the boat over the line second- place finish in the 18 seconds ahead of the trail- USA, mark a successful ing German crew, who were autumn and have set the tone followed by the US, Dutch and for a blistering season to come. British. Thormann is now the CUBC drew a line in the only man to have won the sand at the E.On Hanse Canal event all five times it has been Cup in Rendsberg, Germany, raced - the first four victories in early October. The Canal with the German national Cup is a unique race, placing five crews in a side-by-side competition over 12.7 gru- “Cambridge elling kilometres. This year was the first time a non-inter- beat a US crew national crew had been invit- that contained ed, with Cambridge rowing against Germany, the 6 from the Netherlands, the USA and Great Britain. Olympic gold After some preliminary sprint races, Cambridge settled medal boat” into an efficient rhythm, push- ing out in front of the pack, team and most recently with which included a US crew that Cambridge. contained six of the nine ath- The Boat Club looked to Cambridge win the E.On Hanse Canal cup in Germany but are pipped in the Head of the Charles by Princeton letes from the 2004 Olympic continue this high-level suc- gold-medal boat. Over the next cess last weekend at the Head Cambridge started at the front Netherlands crew defeated at Princeton University crew narrow defeat to Princeton. ten minutes the US and of the Charles Regatta, in of the pack, racing as the first the Canal cup also nipping at managed to race over the Next month brings competition Cambridge battled for lead, Boston, USA. As the largest boat out in the Men’s their heels, CUBC fired out of course four seconds faster than closer to home, with Cambridge pushing the Germans back one two-day rowing event in the Championship 8+ Event. the blocks and sprinted down CUBC. toeing the line against the and a half lengths, and drop- world, the regatta boasts over Behind them were a British the course. Despite British Although disappointed with Other Side at the Four’s Head ping the Netherlands and 7,000 competitors and 200,000 contingent entered as the Olympians Tom James (Trinity the second-place in Boston, the in London on November 12, Great Britain to the horizon. spectators. Head races such as Leander club, an Italian nation- Hall) and Kieran West boat club heads into the Winter and at the British Indoor At 6km, Cambridge newcom- this are run as time trials. al crew, and the cream of the (Pembroke) pushing the pace of buoyed by the success of the Rowing Championships on ers Kip McDaniel and Don Owing to last year’s victory, US colleges. With the same the Cambridge boat, a veteran Canal Cup and hungry from the November 20. Victory for John’s Churchill go top Claire Standley Adam Edelshain

MARLAND Churchill have moved to the DOWNING 7 top of the first division of col- SCHNEIDER ST JOHN’S 17 JAMIE lege football after an impres-

sive 3 – 0 win against Trinity. CLAUDE Tuesday afternoon saw the Trinity, who were semi finalists much-anticipated clash in the cup last year and pushed between last year’s league Fitz in the league until the end winners, St. John’s and run- of the season, were rolled over ners-up Downing, but the by Churchill, who are on 6 final result didn’t come as points after beating Homerton much of a surprise. John’s in the season’s opener. appeared to have lost several Joining them at the top are veteran players from the year Jesus and St John’s, who have before, and Downing also also maintained 100 per cent fielded a team that was records. Jesus followed their 3- depleted from the side that 0 demolition of Caius with a last year ended John’s 3 year slightly grittier 1-0 win over St unbeaten streak. Catherine’s. The cup winners Early pressure from the are still short of a quality strik- John’s forwards put them in er, but their 4-5-1 formation Downing’s half, where they seems to be working a treat St. John’s look to mount another attack against Fitz proceeded to stay for the bet- and they look likely to concede ter part of the next 20 min- very few goals this campaign. and only failed in Cuppers on will remain in contention utes, taking advantage of St John’s are current penalties, but have now lost come the end of the season. some loose play on Downing’s favourites to go on and win two from two, and already And if this is the case, the fix- part. This must have come as the league, having beaten last look out of the title race at this ture list has thrown up some an unwelcome change for season’s best two sides away early stage. fantastic final fixtures. Jesus Downing, who last year were from home. Trinity went down There are still plenty of play host to St John’s on the known as having the strongest 3-2 and last weekend John’s games to be played and in col- penultimate match week and pack in the college league. felled Fitzwilliam, last year’s lege football injuries can really finish with a game at Finally unleashing their backs, champions. Fitz won every cripple a good side, but it Churchill. The title could well John’s Bidder had a quick game in their last campaign seems likely that the top three go down to the wire. break up the left wing, which looked like a certain score, but the men in green held on. MEN’S RUGBY DIVISION 1 MEN’S FOOTBALL DIVISION 1 Despite this, play was still all P W D L F A PD PTS P W D L F A GD PTS in the hands of the attacking side, and their perseverance Downing win the line out but cannot contain St John’s John’s 3 3 0 0 58 10 48 12 Churchill 2 2 0 0 5 1 4 6 finally paid off as Bidder flew over the line for a try in the the ball over to their advan- ing John’s by surprise and Girton 3 2 0 1 40 25 15 9 Jesus 2200404 6 last two minutes of the half. tage. Despite pressure as far reminding us all that Downing As John’s kicked-off for the up the pitch as the John’s rugby can be a force to be Jesus 3 2 0 1 30 38 -8 9 John’s 2 2 0 0 5 3 2 6 start of the second half, the twenty-two thanks to excel- reckoned with. A final battle Downing 3 1 0 2 33 37 -4 6 Christ’s 2101321 3 run of play looked to continue lent running from the brought the ball over John’s as it had started. An early try Downing backs, the result was back line, with the try scored Magdalene 3 1 0 2 11 30 -19 6 St. Catz 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3 by Bidder was met by more yet another try from John’s, by Dalton in the corner. What resolve from Downing, partic- with a successful conversion then followed was a truly out- Pembroke 3 0 0 3 21 53 -32 3 Darwin 210123-13 ularly after another missed following. standing conversion by conversion. The majority of John’s thought it was all Ringland, into the wind and Other results: Caius 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3 the 50/50 balls were still going over, but Downing had yet to from two yards inside the Homerton 200213-20 to John’s and every green be convinced. A remarkable side-line. Downing left the advance into red territory was surge in energy led by comeback too late though - Madgalene 8-3 Pembroke Fitzwilliam 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0 met with a solid defending Schilling brought the men in the final whistle blew, leaving Jesus 3-27 Girton line that repeatedly turned green fully into the game, tak- the visitors victorious, 17 – 7. Trinity 200226-40 38 Varsity Sport 28.10.05 Hawks vs Ospreys: the truth An investigation into the fortunes of our two clubs of sporting excellence

footing. Thanks to the generosity of the Sophie Pickford senior committee a clubhouse is now being rented from Jesus College, after Founded in 1872, the Hawks’ Club three years without one. The building epitomises everything Cambridge is in the process of being renovated and about Cambridge. Its gentleman’s club should be open on Jesus Lane in a mat- A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF

image, distinguished alumni, palatial ter of weeks. The vast majority of the MICHAEL DERRINGER clubhouse and old-boys network make Ospreys’ annual revenue comes from DAVE MILLS it the nearest thing we have to the five extremely lucrative corporate UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL Hurlingham (though perhaps with a sponsorship deals with UBS, IBM, few more drinking competitions). Citigroup, Morgan Stanley and GSK Founded in 1985, the female equiva- totalling about £55,000 this year (with saturday lent, the Ospreys, has had a good deal an additional £15,000 in the pipeline). Lose 2-1 in opening BUSA match of of catching up to do, or so I thought. £13,000 of this is earmarked for bur- season, away to Nottingham. Day is This week I met with Eimear Neeson saries, but with annual running costs of memorable less for below-par per- and Steffen Buschbacher, Ospreys’ and formance than Mugan’s inspirational Hawks’ presidents respectively, to find post-match philosophising. out how these social bastions of sport- “Few would deny ing excellence are fairing financially in the twenty first century. there is still a sunday The Hawks’ generates an annual rev- ‘Day off’ where I get in a cheeky nine- enue of £120,000 from its bar and gender bias in ty for Catz vs Darwin and come out restaurant alone, if you add to this the Cambridge sport” with 2 goals, one sweet drilled money from subscriptions - £20 a quar- attempt from 20 yards past Falcons’ ter for between 90 and 130 resident captain and fellow Rochdale sex god members, as well as additional funds c.£35,000 for the whole club (exclud- James Dean. We run out winners 3-1 from dining-only members - you would ing the new clubhouse, the running and duly celebrate in Life later-on. expect the club to be on a solid financial costs for which will be covered by the footing. Yet this is far from the case, senior committee until it can pay for with an annual struggle to balance the itself), the financial future of the monday books. Around five years ago they only Ospreys is looking extremely bright Morning off so plenty of time to wal- narrowly escaped bankruptcy, with few indeed. Combined with the fact that low in hangover. Afternoon training at Fenners proves therapeutic, mainly people using the clubhouse facilities, members only pay £28 for life, it seems due to our endlessly mockable Greek something that has been turned the Ospreys are getting a great deal. utility player Pantos. Mugan in net around by the significant efforts of Yet this turning of the tables denies Members of the Hawks Club at a recent dinner also provides ginger-related and mal- committee members. Without revenue that there is still a gender bias in coordinate humour. from the bar and restaurant the club Cambridge sport. It is the men’s Boat would provide more funding for and Ospreys are increasingly advertis- would be in serious jeopardy, some- Race and the men’s rugby Varsity women’s sports and try to balance out ing each other’s matches and encour- thing not fully appreciated by the match that are televised, spectator the gender disparity.” He adds, “you aging their members to attend games. tuesday Hawks’ thousands of non-resident numbers at men’s matches in general can’t just throw money at it, you’ve Perhaps this grass-roots approach will Should be day-off, but elect to play members, who are largely unaware of are much higher and it is men’s sport also got to start caring about it too,” eventually even out the more impor- for the Falcons as I can’t/am incredi- what a perilous position the club has that on average attracts more funding. and points to the low numbers of tant sporting disparity between the bly reluctant to make the 7-hour been in, and whose annual subsidy of But, as Eimear says, “let’s not get women who attend their friends’ sexes in Cambridge; the increased round trip to play the Navy tomorrow. Si Harris snaps his ankle, dangling at £50 is optional. depressed about it – it’s time to do matches as evidence of a lack of peer- financial stability and prominence of right-angles on end of leg. Ugh. The Ospreys on the other hand has something and move forwards.” support in women’s sport. In an effort the Ospreys can only help in this never been on such a solid financial Steffen agrees: “I wish the University to address this problem, the Hawks’ endeavour. wednesday Squad travels to Portsmouth to play Navy, I spend the morning learning how to ask open questions in a con- Coventry blown away by Blues sultation (vet student) and the after- noon looking at pictures of horse lent understudy. maintained their lead thanks to a fine tain Alex Mugan. teeth. Back to winning ways with a 3- Axman Luge On an overcast West Midlands after- parry from keeper James Dean, and the Coventry refused to submit, but the 1 victory. noon, the Blues generated palpable staunch defending of a backline among tide of the match had turned. Turnbull energy to mingle with the threatening whom Will Stevenson was outstanding. and Pantelides formed a bulwark against downpour. Encouragement to play at In this darkest of hours, the Blues were increasingly direct attacking, while the thursday CAMBRIDGE 3 Day off for some, but I’m in lectures COVENTRY 0 high tempo rang out across the field, further hurt by an injury forcing Payne’s pace and persistence of Threlfall was a then a few more, indeed cheekier, and when tempo is required, Mikey withdrawal. Stray elbows - to his nose constant threat. It was he who created minutes for college vs Jesus, probably Adams, appearing courtesy of the Judge and ribs - ensured that he could barely the second, drawing two defenders to the most negative team in college Once more unto the Midlands dear Institute, is the man to have around. speak or breathe. him like moths to a flame. He released football. Freshers’ curry; so much friends, the Blues embarked on a fifth The Cambridge front-man’s pace had Cambridge were decidedly the happi- Mugan to chip the approaching keeper. hilarity and widespread debauchery consecutive away game, this time in a the Coventry defence looking like the er to hear the half-time whistle, and As the Blues dug in, tempers frayed involved. BUSA group including Birmingham, cast of a teen horror flick; scared, disor- Coleman, now in a coaching role, made on the Coventry side, though Dean Nottingham, Warwick and Wednesday’s ganised and all sporting highlighted changes to regain the structure of the was at his best to keep out a curling opponents Coventry. Inter-university hairstyles. It was Adams who, ten min- team. Dave Mills, the large animal vet- kitchen sink twenty minutes from friday competition is characterised by the dom- time. With Coventry pressing desper- No game this weekend so head for a inance of the home side, with points on ately, Mugan again got in behind the little light relief in the gym (until I get “Threlfall created the second drawing sick of seeing lycra-clad rugby boys the road notoriously hard come by. defence and drew a foul from the goal- indulging in macho, homoerotic Against this scene the fifteen strong two defenders like moths to a candle” keeper. Mills stepped up, sent the groans, and one-upmanship. Why not Cambridge cast took to the stage, keeper the wrong way and his penalty play a technically demanding sport, though they were dealt a cruel blow utes in, ran from midway inside his own erinarian, was introduced to the mid- against the post. It was an unfortunate big boys?). when ever-present leading man Alex half, beat three and crossed for Rich field. Coleman was vindicated quickly, miss from the man whose influence Coleman was forced out in the warm Payne to show that he is much more as Mills, from a ‘quarterback’ position, turned the game. up with injury. This year though, the than a target man with a cool finish. and stretched Coventry with searching This was not to be the midfielder’s last Blues’ start has been built on the qual- Having met their pre-game target, the passes for the speedy front three of word. In the dying minutes, his tackle- ity of a large first team squad, and Blues allowed Coventry into the game Adams, Fitz prodigy turned mature cum-through ball sent Mugan clear to Alex ‘Slice’ Morgan has been an excel- as the midfield shape disintegrated. They Blues player Brendan Threlfall, and cap- finish the match with his second.

Win one of three copies of ‘Guess THE LOW-DOWN Who’. Guess Who is available to buy sport in brief or rent on DVD on 12 September 2005 from Twentieth Century Fox : Home Entertainment. Thanks to Football www.fox.co.uk Trampolining In the women’s college league Jesus thrashed Trinity 6-0. Last year’s run- ners up comfortably overpowered >>Name: both the form and difficulty of the the defending champions thanks to Cambridge University Trampolining moves. However, many people come goals from Ambrose and Comberti. Club just to keep fit, do cool moves (multiple L O O K E S >>Where: twisting Somersaults, anyone?), or to Hare and Hounds: REUWET Leys School Sports Centre cure an addiction to bouncy castles. The next college league race will be YNIAEC >>When: >>National: held on Sunday at Grantchester D N G N O H Tuesday: 8.15pm-10.15pm, Thursday Kirsten Lawton (12th in 2004 Meadows. For more information see 6.15-8.15pm (both open to anyone), Olympics), Gary Smith (7th in 2004 www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuhh. Saturday 4-6pm (beginners), 6-8pm Olympics) (advanced) >>Cambridge: RRCNIE >Who: Unfortunately we lost the last two Award nomination: Anyone - from complete novices to sea- Varsity matches, but had some excellent The CUR1350 Sports Show has soned competitors to the completely individual results in the last year been nominated for a National GORNUG © Adam Edelshain mad! >>Contact: Re-arrange the letters by rotating the www.cutc.co.uk Student Radio Award. The ceremony >Aim: Visit or email takes place in Covent Garden, discs to create six seperate six-letter [email protected] words leading in to the centre. To have fun! Competitively the aim is to London on the 24th November. complete a 10 move routine scoring for Email your answer to: [email protected] 28.10.05 Sport Varsity 39 Footballer turned administrator Joe Speight meets FA Director of Football Development Sir Trevor Brooking

When you walk into the headquarters ful playing career with over 600 match- of the Football Association, cast a es for the club he supports, West Ham glance to the left, and shining brightly United. He reveals the motivations behind a glass wall are the two most behind his time with the London club: MARLAND Channel recognisable trophies in English football “the first aim really being to survive and Hopper – the FA Cup and the 1966 Jules Rimet make a success of it – the harsh fact is JAMIE trophy. And plastered around the sur- that 90% of youngsters who go y now, you know old Channel rounding walls are images of players through our academy structure now Hopper. The old hopster, the and fans celebrating, unbounded ela- are out of the game by the age of 21. Bhoperoonie, the big cee aitch. tion emanating from their ecstatic faces. Then, to get a winning goal in the1980 He’s a reasonable guy. He’s not one to In just one room, the essence of sport FA Cup final against Arsenal was very jump to excessive judgement. He’ll let has been captured. For Sir Trevor special. I didn’t realise it at the time but you draw your own conclusions. Brooking, it is this image which greets that has become the defining moment Well, none of that namby-pamby crap him as he enters his office every day, of my career”. A career which also this time. Let’s be clear from the begin- and this image which motivates him to included 47 England caps under four ning: Scare Tactics is wrong. In fact, it’s make a difference in the sport he loves. different managers, including the 1982 the first convincing sign that the Last Brooking currently holds the position World Cup in Spain, and a brief but Days are upon us. Reader, I have seen of the FA’s Director of Football highly successful period as manager of the Antichrist, and her name is Development. What does that really Shannen Doherty. The former star of mean? “It’s a really varied role with an Beverley Hills 90210 hosts this hellish overall brief across both the technical “90% of version of Beadle’s About. “We’re unit (the highest levels of English foot- about to take four unwitting people to ball) and the national game (the youngsters who go the edge,” she says, with a weird kind grassroots of football) which previously of dutiful glee, “and then push them seemed to be working in isolation” he through our over, with the help of their friends!” explains. “It’s nice to get involved with The help of their friends! This’ll be fun! Sven Goran Eriksson and the national academies leave Here’s a fun bit. Angela wants to be a team and I always go away with them doctor, so she arranges some work and act as a buffer between him and the the game by 21” experience in a local surgery. Except, players and the committee but the real West Ham in 2003. Though manage- the doctor is a bit mad! It turns out he’s key for me is the development of the ment he says is something he will not harvesting organs from patients game”. And this encapsulates return to for “family reasons”. who’ve come in for a tetanus jab! One Brooking’s attitude as he seeks to give But since his retirement in 1984, thing leads to another, and thanks to something back to the game which has Brooking has made a career in sports some nifty prosthetics, before very provided him with a career in sport. administration. Famed for his “sit-on- long Angela thinks she is involved in He hit the heights in a highly success- the-fence” style of punditry in a twenty an operation to remove a kidney from year broadcasting stint with the BBC, an unwilling subject. She doesn’t when it comes to the importance of Sir Trevor Brooking at his office in Soho Square know what to do. She wants to get out sport his determination is obvious. “As of the situation, but she’s scared. “I fact file a youngster it teaches you so many life role at the FA and preparing the next 2006 and what’s going to happen after can’t do this, I’m not trained for this,” skills and being physically active gives generation of footballers for the chal- that but Sven has got a contract until she wails. The doctor shushes her, and Name: Sir Trevor Brooking you a much healthier, lively body and lenge of international football. Yet 2008. Sven’s done an excellent job and says the man will die if she doesn’t Born: Barking mind.” Brooking remains optimistic about the whatever anyone says his competitive help. She helps. Age: 56 This passion for sport carried current team’s chances. “To be honest record is massively impressive.” She puts her finger into the cavity as Playing career: 635 appearances Brooking to the role of Chairman of we’ve have two or three bad games and But the immediate task for Brooking instructed, to hold something or other and 102 goals for West Ham; from Sport England and through this fasci- the perception seems to be that we’re is in the development of the game. “We in place, and blood promptly begins to 1965-84; 47 England caps with 5 nating lens he reveals the challenge either world beaters or no hopers, but I are currently working on the coaching seep from the relevant spot. The patient goals facing sport in this country. “It was a think the reality is that we are some- aspect. Sports psychologists say that the palpitates. His ECG flatlines. The doctor, Honours: Won F.A. Cup in 1975 very frustrating time. I would sit in a where between. I think Brazil will be biggest learning time for the brain is who is really an excellent actor, screams and 1980 government department thinking favourites though they are vulnerable between the ages of 6-11 and at present “What did you do? We’re all going to Other: Appointed to Sports nobody has got a clue what I’m on defensively, but we are capable of win- we have the worst paid and qualified jail!” Angela is, understandably, sob- Council in 1989 and Chairman of about here, they’re the ones with all ning. There is a lot of emphasis on coaches in that area. I relish the chal- bing, in pieces. It’s time for the big Sport England up to 2002 the money and making the decisions Wayne Rooney but we can’t rely on lenge I’ve got here and I think we can reveal. The doctor does the honours. Broadcasting: BBC Radio and where the funding is going. Our parting one person. Between now and next transform the quality of football in this “Angela – I have to tell you - we’re televsion pundit 1984-2004 was a bit acrimonious, but it was frus- summer there is still a chance for one or country”. And hopefully then Sir using Scare Tactics!” Angela looks blank Currently: FA Director of Football trating to see bureaucracy blocking the two to force their way into the squad.” Trevor will walk past more World Cup and continues to cry, because obviously Development (2003-) money getting to the right people.” And his view on the current head trophies and scenes of jubilation as he this isn’t Candid Camera, no-one’s ever But now his eyes are firmly on his coach? “Everyone is concentrating on arrives for work at the FA. heard of Scare Tactics, so he tries again. “Angela, you’re on Scare Tactics! You’re on TV! There’s a camera there and a 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down camera there!” Hare and The guy whose kidney has been 1. Sitting on the fence makes stom- 1. Promise an oath (4) removed sits up and smiles and claps. Hounds 9 10 ach muscles strain, we hear (10) 2. Slough outhouse (4) “This is so fucked up,” Angela sensibly 6. Thought aide produced (4) 3. Scattered on the pictorial points out; “I’m going.” And go she 11 9. Renovated, carried on deliveries representation of cultural sci- does, although on her way she pro- RAF match (10) ence (12) duces a half smile which the viewer is 12 10. Right away when father comes 4. Hundred in real ceasefire (5) meant to read as permission to find the back (4) 5. Deference from a bee’s icon (9) whole thing hysterically funny. Aidan Brown 13 14 12. Files on Carly reproduced so as 7. Malice is dissembled in doctor’s We aren’t finished. Donna, a teenage 15 16 17 to be used in court (12) denial of responsibility (10) babysitter, is convinced the child in her Last Saturday saw the Hare and 15. Instrument’s charge after 8. Suffocate snake - I hate care has been abducted. A group of Hounds struggle with the RAF and 15 agreement (9) unknowns around (10) hikers are duped into believing their East Anglia Athletics on Magog 17. Legal defence - I bail out (5) 11. Experience partner infre- friend has been killed by a bear. Cody Downs. In the women’s race, Tanya 18 19 18. Approach jog at university (3-2) quently (12) and his friends think the hitchhiker Taylor (22:26) of EAA came home 19. Leader’s quiet tenant (9) 13. Unpredictable debts after they’ve picked up has murdered their 19 20 first, followed by two of her team- 20. Frustrated demonic ace - with better run in charge (10) friend and has his head in a bag. When two points - was runner-up (4,2,6) 14. Dismal scientists come into mates. Sarah Kummerfeld, (23:38) of 20 21 the trick’s revealed, they all kind of Cambridge took fourth. Catharine 24. Bird loses tail in river (4) ship dishevelled (10) quiver in relief and then put their best Wood (24:00) followed, just snatch- 23 22 23 25. Devilish graduate laid coil out 16. Expressionless, I offer no Good Sport faces on. This is maybe the ing 6th place from fresher Tricia (10) resistance (9) most depressing thing about the show, Peters (24:02), reversing their posi- 24 25 26. Ribbon has gone back around 21. Clique King removed from that its subjects are not, generally, as tions from the freshers’ fun run. corner (4) black operation (5) ballsy as Angela: they accept In the men’s race, Will George, 25 27. Impression about plan I put 22. Came shuddering to climax (4) Television’s right to fuck them up. together for distribution (10) 23. Allotment design (4) Doherty winks knowingly at the end, Rowan Hooper and Paolo Natali, all 26 27 of Cambridge, took the lead and Anne Robinson style. Her closing plat- maintained an admirable, pace. Set by Mathmo itudes attempt a sort of deferral of Unfortunately, Hooper developed responsibility: “I bet you enjoyed that breathing problems half way round as much as we did,” she chirrups: the first lap, and dropped out soon POT BLACK “scare you later!” It doesn’t cut the after. 10km of perspiration later mustard. Irony will only get you so far: Natali and George led the University Instructions: for fronting a show which signals the team in to take all five top places, Complete the questions in order from red to black. The answer to beginning of the end times, we’re each ball is integral to the following question. with Natali (34:01) just beating going to need rather more by way of George (34:06) in a tense sprint an apology. How about a human sac- Which Brazilian footballer is nicknamed the Beast? finish. rifice, Shannen? We could take your Which club did ‘Redball’ join in the Summer? entrails out and feed them to you while you bleed to death. Nah, don’t Which ‘Yellowball’ defender has scored at both ends this season? worry, only joking. It’s all in fun! Which club did ‘Greenball’ sign from? Scare Tactics, Sky One, 1.50am, weeknights. Which ‘Brownball’ player signed from Chelsea in the Summer? For answers to the crossword and Pot ‘Blueball’ got his first call up when at which club? Black, contact: What is the nickname of ‘Pinkball’? [email protected] Varsity 28.10.05 HOCKEY ROWING RUGBY HARE AND HOUNDS

Mixed fortunes for men International Success Jesus 3–27 Girton Men win in RAF match sport Defeat in league to Ipswich Light Blues win in Germany Girton take Jesus apart while Women finish a close 2nd as but followed by cup win and take 2nd in Boston St John’s beat Downing men storm to victory AI MARLAND JAMIE Captain’s Corner

LYDIA TONG Hockey Club President

Every year, around June, clubs around the university quiver with fear at the thought of losing all their players. Saying goodbye to your entire defen- sive line with 15 blues between them, your flair international; or even losing the club clown can feel like a real blow. But this year CUHC is excited by a new squad; droves of freshers have descend- ed, and it appears they might actually be quite good. Yes, CUHC is experienc- ing a boom year. On the men’s side of the club an almost brand-new Blues team is keep- ing up the fight to keep Cambridge in its place as one of only three universi- ties to have a team in the National League. With such a high player turnover this is a formidable task for Blues Captain Andrew Middleton and his squad. The National League is tough, but it gives our men’s Blues game a definite maturity – one that showed during their win in the Varsity match last season. A 2–0 win this week- end in the National Cup competition should keep their heads up and eyes on the ultimate task – Varsity 2006. “ALMOST HALF OF OUR 45 REGULAR PLAYERS HAVE COME FROM FRESH STOCK” Inconsistency costs Blues dear The Women’s squad has been revi- talised this year. Almost half of our 45 regular players have come from fresh stock – and a fine stock that is. The Varsity Sports Reporter Men’s First Hockey XI win cup tie but fall in league women’s Blues, under the leadership of Jennifer Lees, are scoring freely so far Cambridge University Men’s Hockey conceding a goal by self-destructing. work in attack eventually paid off with Fareham trying to break up play this season. In addition, with four Blues Blues continued to struggle with An elementary lapse in concentration thanks to a reverse stick strike from at every opportunity. Jamie Parker players who have represented their league form this weekend, but had an resulted in a soft Ipswich short- Jamie Parker, eligible as a recent added to his already impressive goal region (ex Blues-Captain Rachel opportunity to put that behind them corner which they duly converted. graduate working at Addenbrookes, tally with a double on Sunday pro- Wheeler, Blue Rosie Sherman, Lizzie on Sunday with a kind HA Cup draw. Going in at half time 2–0 was not a which made the final score 3–1 to viding the University with a cushion Ballentine, and Pippa Woodrow), the On Saturday the Blues welcomed fair reflection on the balance of play, Ipswich. This result characterises the upon which they relaxed in the Blues have some extra spice to accom- bottom of the table Ipswich to however the team learnt the hard team’s season so far; the Blues often second half. Some bizarre umpiring pany their sturdy playmaking. Wilberforce Road for a crucial EHL way that it is not possession or terri- don’t need to fear the opposition - decisions saw the Blues reduced to New sponsorship from Merrill Lynch National South league game. tory which get you points – it is their biggest enemy is themselves. nine men in the second half, yet and Deloitte has helped give us freedom Cambridge started the game goals. Sunday brought lower league despite also being awarded a penalty to get the coaching we need. We are brightly, deploying ten minutes of The second half saw Ipswich score Fareham to Cambridge for a third flick Fareham were unable to break a very grateful for this support as like so prolonged pressure featuring two an early goal, again a result of poor round Cup encounter that was seen resolute Cambridge back line deter- many clubs we are now coming close to narrow short-corner misses. Cambridge decision-making in distri- as a welcome distraction from league mined to keep their first clean sheet teetering on the edge of existence from However, having emerged from that bution, which effectively killed the difficulties. As expected the match of the season. The 2–0 victory pro- season to season without sponsorship. early pressure unscathed, Ipswich tie as a contest. Cambridge’s hard was a rough, unattractive encounter vides the Blues with a fourth round The gift of Rory – our lion mascot, the began to express themselves slightly tie against Premier League Guildford, kind help of our ball-boys and girls from more coherently and were able to the fourth best team in the country. St Faiths school and new beer-serving capitalise on some poor marking “THE BLUES RESPONDED TO Meanwhile the women’s Blues clubhouse are helping to make the inside the circle with a simple tap-in; hockey team has had a disappointing Men’s Blues home matches a fine spec- the vital first goal of the game. As so CONCEDING A GOAL BY few weeks. Last weekend they were tator event this year – see them in often in sport, the next goal was the beaten 3–0 away at Crostyx, and in action next on Sunday 6th November: most critical. Not for the first time SELF-DESTRUCTING” the preceding BUSA league match the 1pm at Wilberforce Road. this season the Blues responded to Oxford Blues came out on top 3-1.

9 6 2 1 Coming Soon Quick Kakuro     Quick Sudoku Medium   Hard 8 3 6 9 5 The Times’    6 1 Bel Mooney  4 1 5 6 solves your Fill the grid so that each run of  squares adds up to the total in  8 9 university the box above or to the left. Use  The object is to insert the num- only numbers 1-9, and never use   bers in the boxes to satisfy only 7 3 blues. Email: a number more than once per one condition: each row, column run (a number may reoccur in the and 3x3 box must contain the 1 4 8   [email protected] same row in a separate run). digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 4 9 3 5 Solution and solving aids at www.dokakuro.com What could be simpler? © www.dokakuro.com © Daily Sudoku Ltd 2005