Volume 7 • Issue 3 November 2002 Heart to Heart Bound Together Forever

FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN FROM CHINA – OREGON AND SW WASHINGTON Relaxing the Grip of Anxiety and Control, Part 2

Editor’s Note: This article is the second of three parts. It has By three months of age, babies have the capacity for been excerpted by Marjorie McRae from Chapter 10 of showing the excitement, distress, and delight. By six Deborah Gray’s book, Attaching in Adoption: Practical months, babies have the capacity for the development of Tools for Typical Parents, published May 2002 by Perspec- excitement, delight, distress, fear, disgust, and anger. While tives Press: The Infertility and Adoption Publisher. infants cannot be considered as having these states yet fully developed as emotions, they have begun to build the In the last issue, part 1 of this article discusses how children physiological branches that will develop into emotions. By who are experiencing intense anxiety have lost the ability to twelve months, the capacity for delight, elation, affection, calm themselves. The parts of the brain that are linguistic, excitement, distress, fear, disgust, and anger is in place. By organizational, and thoughtful are parts of the brain that eighteen months, even further branching in the brain people shift away from during very emotionally intense states, occurs, with jealousy, affection for adults, affection for or when they are accessing traumatic memories. Without children, excitement, delight, elation, distress, fear, disgust, practice in calming techniques, children in highly anxious states and anger states all possible. This point considers the can no longer access calming self-talk. Speaking from her states considered emotions. (Sroufe, 1995, p.59-64). experience, Deborah estimates that children under the age of eight usually have less than two minutes of available time after Experiences develop both the emotional state, as well as the trigger of an anxiety-provoking situation before they are the beginning modulation of the emotional state. Emo- flooded with anxiety and start their ranting, anxious behaviors. tional states can develop later than the early windows, but As children get older, they tend to gain only a couple more most children have a minutes. Children who have a constant high state of arousal harder time sustaining can become over-stimulated by a small stressor. The sugges- positive states after Inside tions, exercises, and aids in this series of articles help children over-development in before they melt down. states of fear, disgust, President’s Message . . . . 3 distress (wariness), and Language Classes ...... 4 The Experience-Dependent Brain Maturation of the brain, including its pathways for emo- anger. Board Members ...... 5 tion and emotional regulation, is “experience dependent.” Even if children have no Volunteer Profile ...... 6 That is, social interaction directly influences the way that memory of deprivation Returning to China . . . . 6 the central nervous system develops (Schore, 1995, pp.11- or abuse, experience Preparing our Children 51). The brain’s early map for emotions influences how impacts emotional for Racism ...... 8 children react emotionally later in childhood. Children development in the Playgroups ...... 8 who have experienced deprivation early in life tend to brain. After reading this, New Arrivals ...... 8 have brains that do not regulate emotions well. They parents might say, “Then Upcoming Events . . . . . 9 overreact and under- react in a way that is adaptive to what’s the use? Why Mid-Autumn Festival . . 10 their old environment. When they are nurturing, comfort- even try?” Humans are Yearning to Learn/Red ing, and positively stimulating, parents give children Relaxing the Grip Envelope Campaign . . 12 experiences that form a new perceptual map. continues on page 7 Asian-American Culture 14

– 1 – FCC – Oregon and SW Washington PO Box 5642 • Portland, OR • 503-295-6322

B OARD OF DIRECTORS

Sheri Campbell , President ...... 503-282-0593 ...... [email protected] Charlie Dolezal , Vice President ...... 503-246-9721 ...... [email protected] Cindra Leonard , Secretary ...... 503-650-8651 ...... [email protected] Marjorie McRae , Treasurer ...... 503-287-5579 ...... [email protected] Don Mallet , Director ...... 503-288-4027 ...... [email protected] Joan Sandberg , Director ...... 503-292-9415 ...... [email protected] Leslie Teplick , Director ...... 503-697-3976 ...... [email protected] Ron Voss , Director ...... 503-669-9811 ...... [email protected]

COMMITTEES

Membership Cindy Shutz ...... 360-887-3358 . . . . . [email protected] Advocacy & Public Policy Jamie Ross ...... 503-279-9184 . . . . . [email protected] Waiting Families Mina Bacigaluupi ...... 503-635-5382 . . . . . [email protected] Culture & Education/Speakers Karen Art ...... 503-655-4588 . . . . . [email protected] Outreach Programs Cathy Rowland ...... 503-635-5653 . . . . . [email protected]

OTHER CONTACTS

Database Amy Bullock ...... 503-252-4437 . . . . . [email protected] Newsletter Debra McIntyre, Editor . . 503-292-0439 . . . . . [email protected] Claudia Wood ...... 503-292-3760 . . . . . [email protected] Single Parent Activities Terri Salvino ...... 503-335-8455 Play Group Coordinators Portland Katherine Zieman ...... 503-695-3494 . . . . . [email protected] Vancouver Mary Murray ...... 360-834-9553 . . . . . [email protected] Educational Resource Shellie Smith ...... 503-259-0467 . . . . . [email protected] Volunteer Coordinator Lisa Mitchell ...... 503-534-9184 . . . . . [email protected] Chinese New Year Chairperson Vicki Paulson ...... 503-289-8287 . . . . . [email protected] Web master Day Tooley ...... 503-246-8709 . . . . . [email protected] Book Sales Debra Hall ...... 503-246-9721 . . . . . [email protected]

Website Local ...... www.fcc-oregon.org/ National ...... www.fwcc.org/

Purpose of FCC-Oregon and SW Washington The ideas and opinions ex- Families with Children from China is a nonprofit organization serving members in Oregon and SW pressed in this newsletter Washington by providing information, support, and activities for individuals interested in adoption are those of the individual from China. FCC is dedicated to promoting awareness of Chinese culture, and fostering ties between authors and do not neces- our children and their heritage. FCC also advocates for orphans in China. Membership includes a sarily reflect those of the newsletter published three times annually, and the support and friendship of others in the community other FCC members. and Chinese communitites. – 2 – From the Editor ... by Debra McIntyre

When I first started working I would like to pass my red pen to the next FCC editor. on the newsletter, my young- There are so many exciting and new changes happening in est daughter had just turned the FCC community both locally and nationally. This is a great one year old. In November, she is opportunity to get involved. going to celebrate her 6th birthday. I originally committed The current process, from organizing the articles to mailing to being the editor for two years. Each year, the process the newsletters, takes over 40 hours to complete. The tasks seemed to get easier, so doing another year flowed to the can be divided very easily into three major tasks that can next year. I have enjoyed meeting and working with four be divided between three people. We currently publish issues different presidents and all the board members. During this three times a year. time, I have made some life-long friends, who have been a source of love and support over the years. Please contact me if you are interested, 503-292-0439 or [email protected].

flash; the look in Samantha’s eyes when she gave us Message from that first big smile, the feeling that swells over me when I see her sleep. It seems impossible that I will feel the President such incredible love for another human being, but I know that I will. Charlene awaits us with her own personality, her own future that is now inextricably remember the day that John and I decided we intertwined with ours. What a privilege we have been wanted to be parents, that it made sense in our given. The future’s gift put in trust to us. Ilife and in our hearts. We were trekking in Nepal, two weeks out and two weeks into an experience that We don’t get such transitions often in our life. Indeed, would change us forever. We sat in a Tea House we probably couldn’t even endure such transitions often above12,000 feet nodding and having a nonverbal in our lives. But each transition, each fall, is earth’s conversation with an ageless Tibetan woman and her 9- reminder of the power of change and the promise of a month-old baby. They had a dance together that was so future. It is a fitting time to reflect and to make prom- natural, so beautiful, that we suddenly realized, for us, ises. To ourselves, our loved ones and our community. children were the gift we wanted to give to the future. Elsewhere in this newsletter, you will see news of new These were not new thoughts for a couple who had board members, reflections on the incredible volun- spent much of their professional lives trying to improve teers that have made 2002 a great year and a commit- the world for children, but it was the door that opened ment the board has made to further our support of us up to the notion that we wanted the children in our children still in orphanages in China. Next year we will home, in our hearts and not just on our resume. We be participating in a national FCC newsletter and we wanted to be a part of that dance, the cycle of life that will continue to link our efforts with those of other is as natural as the turning leaves in our front yard. families throughout the US who have also taken the journey to China to find their heart. And, so it is. Tomorrow we leave to pick up our second child in China. All the preparations, all the “stuff” takes It is an amazing path we are on together. Thank you for over your consciousness until you suddenly get that joining me for the never-ending celebration. Sheri Campbell

– 3 – Chinese Language Classes for Children Fall/Winter 2002-03 by Shellie Garver-Smith

Portland/Vancouver families have an incredible selection of Chinese language and cultural classes offered in our area. We have done our best to give accurate information but we encourage you to verify the information before enrolling.

American West Vancouver Portland Chinese School Chinese School Chinese language, music, dance and crafts are offered for pre-school Chinese language and culture classes are available for children 3- through high school. Instruction is in the Taiwanese style. 17. Mandarin is almost exclusively spoken in class. Class location: Portland State University Class location: Vancouver-Clark College, Hanna Hall Class time: Sunday afternoon Class time: Sunday afternoons Contact: Yu Jen Tai, 503-531-9058 Contact: Pony Mii, 360-885-9406 Kristina Taber Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association has a Master’s degree in Chinese Literature. She offers classes in Chinese Language School Mandarin to children and adults on a sliding fee scale. Classes are designed for elementary school-aged children and Contact: Kristina Taber, 503-281-8057 or [email protected] older. The school is the longest running Chinese school in the Yufang’s Chinese Learning Center Portland/Vancouver area. Native speaker and teacher, Yufang Wang’s first level class teaches Class location: CCBA Building, 315 NW Davis St. Chinese language, culture and traditions through children’s songs, Class time: Saturday morning for Cantonese and Saturday rhymes, games and conversations. The second level class teaches the afternoon for Mandarin Chinese spelling systems, words and alphabets and encourages Contact: Rebecca Liu, 503-223-9070 children to write simple characters. Jeany Li Mandarin Classes for Children Class location: E. Vancouver, N.E. Portland and Beaverton FCC member, Jeany Li, who is originally from Tianjin in Northern China, Class time: varied teaches language and culture through songs, movement, conversa- Contact: Yufang Wang, 503-531-0256 or Email to tion, art and beginning calligraphy. Classes are limited to fewer than [email protected] 12 families. The cost of each eight-week session is $64 per family. Class location: varied Class time: varied Contact: Jeany Li, 503-642-4081 or [email protected] S chools Jiao Ying Chinese Culture and Art School Offers Chinese language (taught in Beijing-standard Mandarin, Atkinson Elementary School using Pinyin and simplified characters), drawing and other arts Offering K-5 classes with 3 hours a week of Chinese language and classes for Children 5 and older; the minimum age for dance is 9. culture. Class location: Portland State University School location: 5800 SE Division Class time: Sunday afternoons Contact: Deborah Peterson-Principal, 503-916-6333 Contact: Jiao Ying, 503-590-5518 or email at [email protected] Chinese Service Center A full immersion Chinese preschool for 2.5 to 5 years. Instruction in Jing Liu Chinese Children’s songs, stories, dance, arts and crafts. these classes are offered in Salem. Featuring oral communication Class location: St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, 5415 SE Powell Blvd., and character recognition. Portland, OR. Class location and time: Weekdays in Salem Class time: 9-1:00 PM Contact: Jing Liu, 503-585-3131 or [email protected] Contact: Lillian Ngai, 503-872-8822 Journey’s Chinese Class International School Teacher Lilly Tsang engages her young elementary students, ages 5 A full immersion Chinese pre-school and elementary program. and up, in singing, dancing, art and children’s literature, as well as This pre-school offers oral training, letter and sound recognition, focusing on Mandarin lessons. motor coordination and social development play. Class location: Journey’s of the Heart Adoption Agency, 1005 NE Class location: 025 SW Sherman Street Cornell Rd Class time: 2-5 days per week, full or half day Class time: Thursdays 3-5 PM Contact: 503-226-2496 Contact: Becky, 503-681-3075 Woodstock Elementary School Northwest China Council This program is offered for K-3 and is taught in Chinese for half of Offers Mandarin classes for adults. the day and English the other half of the day. This year Kindergarten Class location: NW 4th and Couch St. round up is on November 19, 2002. Class time: evenings Class location: 5601 SE 50th Ave Contact: 503-973-5451 Contact: Sherrie Love, 503-916-6380

– 4 – At this year’s annual board meeting, the board decided to add a new twist. We met at the McMennimin’s Cedar Hills Pub. At this year’s meeting the board recognized FCC volunteers. As a recipient of the recognition, I was very honored.

We would like to introduce our new board m em bers: My name is Leslie Teplick and I am a new member of the FCC Board. My husband Stanley and I have a seven-year- old daughter, Chloe, whom we adopted from Jiangxi Province in October 1995. We have been members of FCC since then. I look forward to working with you over the coming year bringing activities Back row, standing (left to right): Day Tooley, Cindra Leonard, Ron Voss, Don Mallet, Karen Art, and cultural events to our adopted Mina Bacigalupi, Lori Price, Charlie Dolezal and Claudia Wood. Seated (left to right): Jay children in the Portland area. I hope to Bacigalupi, Marjorie McRae, Leslie Teplick, Cathy Rowland and Debra McIntyre. meet you soon.

My name is Joan Sandberg . I am married to Scott Sandberg, and we have a six-year-old daughter, Amy. Amy is from Daye in Hubei province, and she joined our family a nine months of age. Amy is in the first grade at the International School in the Chinese track. The Board I was an RN for six years before becoming an MD, and have been a radiologist at Kaiser Permanente for nine years, specializing in mammography. I am active in my church—a lay-led Unitarian Universalist fellowship and volunteer at Amy’s school. Members I am looking forward to being more our daughter is Anna MeiLin ZhiLi Olson- Voss. (We swore we would never hyphen- involved in FCC. I feel the support and Here is this year’s board: cultural activities that FCC provides are ate our names.) Anna was born on incredibly important for the emotional Sheri Campbell , President September 15, 2001, and we brought her health of our children now and as adults. Charlie Dolezal , Vice President back from China on June 1st from Hunan Province. I am 59 years old and owned my Cindra Leonard , Secretary My name is Don Mallet . I am excited to be own CAD business, until Anna came on the board for FCC. I was previously on Marjorie McRae , Treasurer home. Now, I am her primary caretaker or, the board of Journeys of the Heart, and it Directors: Mr. Mom, which has given me even more respect for the single moms out there. was an interesting experience. I have been Don Mallet interested in Chinese culture since I was 18. Lori Price Previous to this Board position I have been active in the WFCC, which, thanks to Our family has been members of FCC for at Joan Sandberg least seven years (our daughter Rosie is Mina Bacigalupi, the leader of that group, is eight). It is exciting to see FCC grow each Leslie Teplick how I found myself in this new position. I year, as more children come home and swell Ron Voss have tried to involve myself as much as our community. I predict these kids will be a possible in the culture of China prior to powerful force in Portland, given their Anna’s actual adoption by taking many of strength and the love they get from their parents and siblings. Jeany Li’s classes. I tried to learn to speak Putonqua through Jeany and Pimsleur language tapes, an almost hopeless exercise While many are involved in ongoing cultural activities, still the for this brain. I became a member of Lan Su Yuan, our own celebrations FCC sponsors are important to show everyone Portland Chinese Garden. And, I traveled to Chengdu for the how strong and vital this community is. I would like to help Half the Sky Foundation last Spring – I was the person men- facilitate this, and contribute in a way that is useful. tioned in their newsletter that was waiting for and received I would like to introduce myself, being one of the newest Anna’s referral while I was there. members of the FCC Board and, probably one of the newer I am looking forward to meeting all of you and getting to know members. My name is Ron Voss , my wife is Janet Olson and you and your children – especially the children. – 5 – Getting to Know Your Volunteers by Marti Farris

I’m Marti Farris, and I will citizen of the U.S. I hope to be writing future columns maintain her pride in both of Getting to Know Your countries as she goes Volunteers. I also cover many through school. Though I of the events FCC participates in, taking pictures and don’t have too many opportunities to volunteer in writing articles. I wanted to take this opportunity to Maia’s class, I do try to increase cultural awareness by introduce myself so you know who is asking you to pose sending appropriate books from time to time, espe- for a picture for the newsletter. I also write an occasional cially around Chinese New Years. The teachers have column on adoption or parenting as a single person. been very happy to share these books with the kids. I’m the mother of Maia Jo YuBi Farris from XinYi city Volunteering is a great way to get to know the people outside of Maoming, Guangdong province. We became of FCC. If you can volunteer even a few hours of your a family in August 1998 when Maia was 13 months old. time, contact the volunteer coordinator. Who knows, I joined FCC shortly before going to China as a way to you may become the subject of a future Getting to connect with other adoptive parents and to learn Know Your Volunteers column! about her cultural heritage. Maia is very proud to be If you have any suggestions or ideas for future columns or Chinese (just ask her!) and also very proud to be a event coverage, please contact me at [email protected].

Returning with Your Child to China by Betty Brickson FCC and Journeys of the Heart Adoption Services are co-sponsoring a slide presentation, Returning to China with Your Child in January 2003. The location and details will be an- nounced later. Four FCC families, who returned to China in June 2002 with their six and eight-year-old daughters, will show pictures of their trip and discuss the experience, for themselves and their daughters. The trip included visits to the girls’ orphanages in Hubei, Hunan, Jiangxi and Jiangsu provinces. The families also visited Beijing, Xi’an, and Guangzhou. Have You Taken Your The families will discuss the logistics of such a Child Back To China? trip, preparing your child for travel, when is the Little Sprout Children’s Services is conducting a survey of families best time to go, reactions and after-thoughts. who have taken their children back to China. Your feedback (which Details will be posted on the FCC web site and will be kept confidential) is valuable to other families who are in an e-mailed announcement to members as considering such a trip. Your input will be used to help other families soon as they are available. Or contact Karen decide whether a trip is right for them. If you have taken your Art at [email protected], or 503-655-4588. child back to China, please contact Tim Swett by phone (360) 546-0883 or by e-mail [email protected] – 6 – Chongqing e-mail list Educational Video If you have a child or children from Chongqing municipal- Play and Learn Chinese with Mei Mei has been a ity, please consider adding your names to our directory. favorite children’s educational video for years, and There’s no cost associated with it, and it will only be now there are two more videos by Mei Mei Hu distributed to those listed in it. There are already 40 families available. Play and Learn Chinese volumes 2 and 3 participating, but I know there are lots more of us out there. are equally as wonderful as the first. Volume 2 Send an e-mail message to [email protected], teaches the concepts “Who is this?” and “What and please spread the word to your travel groups or others are you doing?” Volume 3 teaches “Where is it?” who aren’t on these lists! and “What is this?” Both are excellent and are a must for anyone learning Mandarin Chinese, Looking to contact Families including adults. The tapes can be purchased in Walport directly from Mei Mei herself. Each tape is $24.95 plus $6.00 for shipping, or two tapes for $40.00 Sue Oshiro-Zeier and her family are new to Oregon. They plus $8.00 for shipping. Send a check or money would like to contact other families who live in the central order to: Mei Mei Hu, 54 Fallon Ave., Providence coast area (Walport). Their daughter is 3 1/2. Send a RI 02908. You can also e-mail her at letter to: P.O. Box 897, Yachates, OR 97498 or email [email protected] or check out her [email protected] Web site at meimeiandme.com.

Relaxing the Grip — continued from front page children to feel secure. Children may lean on or fight such adaptable, changing and reaching goals throughout their a strong parent, but they do feel that the parent has the lives. It is a misuse of information to limit children. The power to protect or stop them. information is helpful as an explanation. When parents have a “why” for the harder road that they are walking If children are truly too hard for parents, additional help with their child, it helps them to make peace with the can be sought so that the parent can handle the child. rugged terrain. One child began to bully his parent every Sunday night. For several weeks, his uncle arrived late Sunday afternoon Parenting Attitudes that Assist Children’s Stability to provide reinforcement for his parent. Another child Parents are the pacesetters and emotional touch-points in spent two weeks in a psychiatric treatment facility, return- the home. If children do not have good emotional regula- ing home after he got help for self-mutilating behavior. The tion, it does not make sense to give them the freedom to point is not that parents can single-handedly cope with set the emotional tone for the home. Like music that has everything that their child can dish out. Instead, it is that the accent on the first beat, parents accent the beginning parents can muster the resources necessary to help their of emotional interactions. They set the pacing, not the child. child. I say to children that I want them to get the help to Some parents become so wary of children’s outbursts change and grow in their home. However, if that does not that they nervously observe their child, making constant work, I am willing to get help out-of-home for them. That adjustment to keep children from blowing up. Instead, way, I can give them the best opportunity to return to live parents should be constantly directing the child back to in their families. the parent as a person of security, calm, and joy. Parents Deborah Grey is a clinical social worker specializing in attach- can cue children to calm down by taking a few deep ment, grief, and trauma. She enjoys helping children and their breaths themselves, and then smiling. Parents can model parents in situations where deprivation or attachment losses having a good time. When parents look nervous and make attachment formation challenging. In her private prac- harried, it only causes children to remain wary. Parents tice, parents are usually present in the therapy sessions to need to do some of their own work, taking responsibility provide comfort and safety for their children’s trauma work, or for having a positive life and attitude. to work with their children on attachment-related issues. Her Children often are afraid that they are too hard for philosophy empowers parents with information, offering new parents to handle. Parents who can project a calm assur- skills and techniques to meet the needs of their children. She ance that children are not too much for them help their lives and works near Seattle, Washington.

– 7 – Preparing our Children daughter used her hands to make a funny face, about which for Racism her classmate observed, “Those are Japanese eyes.” My heart sank at my daughter’s report, but I tried to Part 1: Laying the Groundwork by Frances Kai-Hwa Wang, AAV Contributing Editor control my expression as memories of my own classmates’ chanting came flooding back. My daughter said to the girl, I always knew that this day would come and have been “No it’s not.” preparing my children for it since they were two or three. “Yes it is.” I read books and articles, hoping to it off as long as possible. I secretly gave them tools to fight with, without actually “No it’s not.” telling them what the fight was all about. I did not want to A student teacher happened to overhear the conversation taint their innocence, but I knew they had to be ready. and stepped in to say, “My eyes are a little bit slanted, but Still, I was unprepared for how sad I would feel when my I’m not Japanese.” I asked my daughter how she felt and she kindergartner told me about her first brush with a racist slur. said, “Bad,” although she says she felt better after the teacher stuck up for her. When I asked why she felt bad, she I say “brush” because the comment made by one of her said, “Because Andy is Japanese!” Andy is her best friend, classmates was not really directed at her. Uttered in but he is Chinese, not Japanese. Then she said, “I saw a innocence, it was not meant to be insulting or malicious, Japanese person once and his eyes weren’t like that.” but it hurt her nevertheless. At lunch one day, my continues on next page FCC Playgroups

T HE T IGERS New Arrivals by Nancy O’Hara Coordinator: Katherine Zieman ▲ Cindy and Bill Schutz arrived home 503-695-3494 on August 23, 2002 from Xiangtan SWI, E-mail: [email protected] Hunan, with their new daughter, Jillian WanXia Schutz . Jillian T HE RABBITS was born on December 5, 1999. Cindy remarks that Jillian is “a Coordinator: June Berry handful and a joy and absolutely 503-698-8863 beautiful, and started Chinese E-mail: dance and songs class last week [email protected] where she’s already gotten up to dance! No shyness problems here!” Welcome home! ▲ T HE M ONKEYS Rex Armstrong and Leslie Roberts welcomed their newest addition on June 13, 2002. Li Suiyu, now known as Coordinator: Shellie Smith Greer MeiKai Roberts Armstrong , was born on 503-259-0467 December 8, 2000. Greer spent close to eight months in E-mail: foster care before returning to the Guangzhou SWI [email protected] where she was united with her new family. Greer joins a family of four brothers and sisters: Iain (16), Morgan (14), Kyle (6, Linchuan SWI, Nanchang, Jiangxi) and Aeron (5, T HE P ANDAS Shaoyang SWI, Changsha, Hunan). The entire family traveled to China and visited Shanghai, Suzhou, Hangzhou, Coordinator: Mary Murray Yingtan and Nanchang before traveling to Guangzhou to 360-834-9553 adopt Greer. Congratulations! E-mail: [email protected] We are eager to introduce new arrivals to our newsletter. An all-age group that meets twice monthly for fun Please contact Nancy O’Hara at 503-699-5052 family-oriented events. or e-mail at [email protected]. – 8 – She points to the Mulan plate in front of her and explains brown doll is dirty,” so that she learns to look past to me what Mulan’s eyes, my eyes, her sisters’ eyes, and stereotypes and to examine differences for herself. her eyes look like. “Nobody has eyes like that.” Remember She is indignant, but does not understand why. She does not Remember your own childhood experiences with racism, know the rest of that dreaded rhyme, that it slurs Chinese how you felt, what you did, and how you wish it could eyes, too. She does not know that some people confuse have gone instead. Read about other people’s experiences Chinese and Japanese and other Asian people. She certainly and reactions. Talk to other parents and teachers to get does not know that there are those who do not like Asian ideas about how to handle it. Examine your own preju- people, or who think we are not as good and do not belong dices about Caucasian Americans, African Americans, here. Still, she feels it in the pit of her stomach. I am heart- multiracial Asian Americans, and others. If you have girls, broken for my six-year-old, and feel that because I already you will also have to think about sexism in both your fought this battle for myself, she should be spared. Asian culture and in mainstream American culture. I rehearse what I am going to say to the other child’s If you have not had personal experiences with racism, mother, because you have to be careful how to say these think about other instances of bullying or discrimination things. First, I will pseudo-apologize: “Well, it’s just hard on such as ageism, religious and gender discrimination, etc. her because it’s her first time.” But immediately, I am the Editor’s note: This is the first part of a three-part series written one who feels indignant. They never have to worry about by Frances Kai-Hwa Wang. To read the second article, go their child’s first time facing racism, I think. They don’t www.imdiversity.com/villages/asian/article_detail.asp?Article_ID=12707 dread the day when it will hit. Besides, I know that it is not going to be any easier the second, third, or fourth time. So how do we prepare our children for racism? Here’s what I learned from other parents, experts, and my own life: Start early, remember and examine our own experi- ences, practice coping methods ahead of time, build self- esteem and a strong sense of identity, teach them to tell an adult, and show them how to take action. Start Early October 25 - Racist comments can come as early as preschool. Often November 10, 2002 preschoolers do not understand the connotations of what The Portland Classical Chinese they are saying, but they are beginning to notice differ- Garden presents Painting in the ences among them. Just as you would not want to wait Garden, Garden in the Painting. To learn more, refer to their until after your child has been molested by the neighbor- web site http://www.portlandchinesegarden.org/events/. hood pedophile to teach her that her private parts are November 3, 2002 • 3:00 - 5:00 p.m. private, and not to go off with a stranger, you should not wait until after her first encounter with racism to teach Vey Conference Center Auditorium th her about it. (As an aside, experts say that one of the best Doernbecher Children’s Hospital - 11 Floor 3181 SW Sam Jackson Park Road, Portland, Oregon defenses against child molesters is simply teaching your FCC member Alisa Blum recently completed production of a child the correct names for their private parts because video, Perspectives on Adoption International Adoptees Tell Their Stories. then she has the words to tell someone else exactly what Following the video is a panel discussion with adult adoptees. happened. I think a similar case can be made for anti- December 7, 2002 racism education.) NAFA Holiday Potluck features a craft Bazaar, crafts for You do not have to tell her all the gory details about children to make and entertainment. The party will be held at racism, but you can still give her generalized rules and the Washington County Fairgrounds, Arts & Crafts Building. ideas about tolerance like “Do not exclude people” and Contact NAFA to learn more www.nafaonline.org. “Everybody is different and difference is cool.” Correct February 16, 2002 her when you hear her making incorrect, stereotypical statements like, “Boys do not have eyelashes” or “This Save this date for FCC Chinese New Year Celebration.

– 9 – 2002 Mid-

Mid-Autumn Festival On Saturday September 21st, 172 families gathered at Willamette Falls Park in Oregon City to celebrate Mid- Autumn Festival with a wonderful potluck picnic. The children climbed on the play structures and a few braved the chilling winds to wade in the pool. Jenny Li enter- tained kids of all ages with stories of the Festival. Jolly Molly the Clown blew bubbles, passed out candy, and painted many delighted faces. Everyone enjoyed tasting new foods while eating the potluck dinner. As always, thank you to the volunteers who made this event an enjoyable event. We also found two small beaded bracelets. If they belong to you please contact Debra McIntyre at [email protected] – 10 – Mid-Autumn Festival parade On Saturday September 7th, one hundred FCC families joined Mayor Vera Katz, the Seattle Chinese drill team and other groups for a Mid-Autumn Festival parade in down- town Portland. Families gathered in the North Park blocks to prepare for the parade. Our children wore their traditional Chinese outfits and the adults donned beautiful costumes provided by the Chinese Gardens. A striking horse banner proudly proclaimed the Year of the Horse. Even costumed dogs and a wagon full of Panda bears joined the fun. The parade wove its way through the streets of Chinatown to the delight of waving spectators, and ended outside the Chinese Gardens. Following the parade, there were martial arts demonstrations, dragon and lion dances, a Chinese choir and food booths. Word has it that the parade may become an annual event. To receive e-mail notifications of upcoming events, sign up at www.fcc-oregon.org/cgi-bin/mailing_list/mailing_list.cgi. Autumn Festival

– 11 – Yearning to Learn by Amy Klatzkin

A good education is the key to an orphanage child’s future. This their work. Although it is a chilly December day, there is year, the FCC Red Envelope Campaign will sponsor school fees no heat in the schoolkid’s dorm, and no air-conditioning for 320 children in 20 orphanages in six provinces. The total for the summer. In this tiny room with its rickety table cost for this project is about $35,000 per semester, or an and single bare 40-watt light bulb, these children do their average of just $110 per child. homework every day after school, under the supervision of one young woman who is both tutor and taskmaster. On the fifth floor of Changsha No. 1 SWI, ten school-age She locks the supply closet when she leaves, and the kids gather around a large table look at a quilt from America. schoolkids are on their own until the next school day. “What does this say?” asks Wang Zhao, a diminutive 11- Changsha No. 1 SWI, like many of the larger institutions in year-old girl with shoulder-length black hair and bangs, China, has three extremely needy populations: the elderly, ruddy cheeks, and a bright smile. She points to one of the the severely disabled children, and the babies and tod- panels of artwork that FCC kids made in a Jane Brown dlers. Because these three groups require tremendous play-shop in San Francisco. The drawing is a little impre- resources, there’s often little left for the minority of kids cise, but fortunately the young artist included a caption. who are both old enough and physically able to go to “It says, ‘Babies at the orphanage,’” I tell her. “The girl who public school. While most of the schoolkids at Changsha made that is eight years old. She was adopted from China have disabilities (such as dwarfism, missing digits, burn and lives in America now.” scars, or deafness), they are all capable of attending community schools and getting jobs to support them- “How about this one?” asks Li Hong, age 10, whose selves when they grow up. Indeed, a good education is the short-cropped hair and impish grin identify her as the key to their future. Yet until the Amity Foundation came to resident tomboy. Changsha in 2000, their education was likely to be limited. “That says, ‘Me and my birth parents in China,’” I translate. Most able-bodied orphanage children in China get, at This sets off a wave of discussion. most, five years of public schooling, none of which is free. “Do the American kids know their birth parents?” de- Fees for primary school are modest, but after that each mands 11-year-old Zhou Min. “We don’t.” level is more expensive than the last. Many SWIs simply don’t have the funds to send kids to middle school, let “I did,” Li Guo corrects her. Now a teenager, he came to alone vocational school or college. the orphanage at age 5 and has memories. “Yang Lan knows her birth family too.” At Changsha No. 1, the FCC Red Envelope Campaign is funding, through Amity, school fees for 12 orphans in “But why did the American girl draw her birth parents if primary grades through college, including one youngster in she doesn’t know who they are?” Zhou Min demands, a school for the deaf. Knowing that they will be able to ignoring Li Guo. My answer—that adopted Chinese continue their education gives these kids hope for the children often wonder about their birth parents and future. With our help, they can learn the skills to get a good sometimes imagine what they might look like—gets the job and build a good life after they leave the orphanage. whole group talking about what they know, don’t know, and imagine about their own birth families. Full of excite- Funding school fees is one of the most cost-effective ways ment, they ask for translations of the rest of the English for adoptive parents to help children who are growing up on the quilt from America. in orphanages today. Education is power, and we can make sure these kids get it. I’ve brought a pile of new art supplies for the orphanage kids to make quilt panels, and they immediately set to Amy Klatzkin is on the board of FCC-N.Calif., FCC-New England, work drawing pictures of their own hopes and dreams. By and the Chinese Culture Foundation of San Francisco and is a now a dozen kids in warm winter jackets huddle over writer and contributing editor to Adoptive Families magazine.

– 12 – FCC Oregon/

The FCC Red Envelope Campaign* sponsors S.W. Washington is projects in more than 80 orphanages across Supporting the FCC Red China: Anhui :Anqing, Hefei, Lu’an, Ma’anshan, Envelope Campaign Tongling, Wuhu by Marjorie McRae Guizhou: Anshun, Guiyang We know that many of our families feel regret that Heilongjiang: Harbin they were not able to welcome more children into their homes. We wish that somehow the children Henan: Luoyang left behind might have good lives and happiness. Hubei: Chibi, Chongyang, Danjiangkou, Daye, Because many of us want to help children growing Enshi, Hanchuan, Honghu, Huanggang, up in Chinese orphanages, the board of directors Huangmei, Huangshi, Jiayu, Jingmen, Qichun, voted to support the FCC Red Envelope Campaign. Shiyan, Suizhou, Tianmen, Tongcheng, Tongshan, Tuanfeng, Wuhan, Wuxue, Xian’an/ After much discussion, the board of directors Xianning, Xiangfan, Xianning, Xiaogan/ decided that the Red Envelope Campaign is Xiaonan, Xuan’en, Yangxin, Yichang, Yingshan, worthy of our support. Every dollar (100%) raised Yunmeng, Yunxian, Zhuxi by the Campaign goes to China to help the chil- Hunan: Anren, Changde, Changsha, dren. All administrative activities are conducted, Chenzhou, Hengyang, Qidong, Shaoyang, and costs paid by, the members of the other FCC Xiangtan, Yiyang, Zhuzhou organizations that have initiated this effort. The Jiangsu: Changshu, Changzhou, Danyang, money raised is spent in China, buying Chinese Gaoyou, Kunshan, Lishui, Lianyungang, goods and services. No adoptive parents are paid. Nanjing, Nantong, Suzhou, Wujiang, Wuxi, Wuxian, Yangzhou, Zhangjiagang, Zhenjiang We support this effort by providing the campaign with a mailing list of our members. The campaign Jiangxi: Linchuan, Nanchang, Shanggao will send an appeal letter to each member. It is the Jilin: Meiheikou general policy of our board not to share our mailing Ningxia: Yinchuan list with other organizations. However, we thought this effort offers our members a unique opportunity Shanghai (Municipal Region) to give back to the orphanages that cared for our Sichuan: Chengdu children before they came home. We are impressed Tianjin (Municipal Region) with the services and structure of the Red Envelope Campaign. We also believe that this offers us a great Yunnan: Various (surgeries performed at a opportunity to be a part of a national FCC effort as central location) we seek to define our national identity. Xinjiang: Urumqi and various (surgeries) If you want to “opt out” of this appeal–that is, have Zhejiang: Jiande, Ningbo, Yiwu your name omitted from the mailing list we send– *The FCC Red Envelope Campaign funds the please contact Marjorie McRae at 503-287-5579 or orphanage assistance work of the Amity [email protected]. Future member- Foundation and the Foundation for Chinese ship application/renewal forms will also provide a Orphanages. 100% of donations go to China. For space to indicate that you wish to opt out. details and a donor form, please go to fwcc.org/ fccnationalappeal.htm.

– 13 – Do We Just Make Up “Asian-American Culture” as We Go Along...and Does it Matter? by Frances Kai-Hwa Wang, AAV Contributing Editor

When my grandfather passed away, I found great comfort served tea to guests, read books right to left, went to in putting his photo up in a nice frame, placing some fresh Chinatown for late night snacks, and only bought things flowers and fruit before it, and burning incense and paper on sale. My parents did not intentionally raise us to be money for him. I am usually terrible with flowers, forget- Chinese or to be Chinese American. They just raised us. ting about them for weeks until they are dried and black It is not so straightforward for the next generation, and stuck to the edges of the vase, but for my grandfather, however. We know that our cultural heritage has not been I always remember to change them just before they begin completely transmitted. There are gaps and missing pieces to wilt. It all feels very natural, comforting, as funeral rites simply because we grew up in America and Canada, and are supposed to. We fall back on old customs and tradi- we all seem to have picked up different pieces: “You give tions in our time of greatest need, and they support us out red eggs when a child is born, right? Or is it only for a the way they supported our parents and grandparents. son? It means...something.” Except in my case, my parents and grandparents did not My cousins and I joke about how we stack up to “real” practice these rituals. Chinese people from Taiwan and China, and playfully There are no shrines or altars in any of our houses. They compete to see who among us is “more Chinese.” Leap- do not bow or kowtow to the ancestors on the pre- ing across the restaurant table, cousin Laurice grabs the scribed holidays. My family has been Christian for at least check a split-second before I do and laughs, “Ha ha, I’m a four generations, so my ancestors are in Heaven and have better Chinese person than you!” no need for spirit money or food offerings. In fact, I Before a big Chinese holiday like Lunar New Year’s, I learned about all these customs from books. The only obsess about getting it “right,” frantically studying and family altar I have actually seen was at the home of a talking to others to figure out what I am “supposed” to Japanese friend of the family. be doing. I find ten different versions of the Nian story to Is it still tradition if it was not actually “passed down?” Is it really tell my kids. I test five different recipes for New Year’s “your culture” if you read about it in a book? Is it “authentic” if cake, and wonder if we should make dumplings like my you learned about it from some roundabout way? northern side or a fish like my other side. And should you really make offerings to the Kitchen God and smear his Culture is defined as “the totality of socially transmitted mouth with honey so that he won’t make a bad report to behavior patterns characteristic of a people,” and tradition the Jade Emperor if you don’t believe they exist? as “the passing down of elements of a culture from genera- tion to generation, especially orally.” Custom is “a practice Each year I learn something new to add to the celebration, followed as a matter of course; a convention.” All imply a but then I forget about two things I did the previous year. I set of practices that are shared and followed as a matter of know that every element of New Year’s means something, course by a whole people. It is what we do. It is what we but what? I call my grandmother, who just laughs and says have always done. We are not supposed to think about it. she is not sure, something about good luck or good fortune, and does it really matter anyway? My mom just But I think about it all the time. As a second-generation shakes her head at what a country bumpkin I have become, Asian American raising third-generation kids, I often feel teaching my kids all these old peasant traditions. guilty, like I am “creating culture,” just making it up as I go along. Am I? Can I? I do not experience the same anxiety around Christmas, since I grew up with it and know that everyone celebrates it Contrasts in Culture Growing up, I do not remember my parents intentionally differently. My family celebrates on Christmas Eve with only teaching me about culture. We were “just Chinese, “ doing small presents and a big dinner before midnight mass, and my things the way that Chinese people did them. We used husband’s family celebrates on Christmas morning with very chopsticks, ate Chinese food, always knew a person’s expensive wish lists and a formal dinner that afternoon. My zodiacal animal sign, addressed adults as auntie or uncle, Filipino sister-in-law’s family eats after midnight Mass and my friend Sharon’s Jewish family does not celebrate it at all.

– 14 – Some kids leave cookies and milk for Santa, my brother and I the Mandarin, which my grandparents speak) it sounds left sandwiches, my children want to leave him mochi like “a road all the way to death.” At my grandfather’s (although they worry he will not know what mochi is). When funeral, my Aunt Vivian, who also married a Cantonese, I bought stockings last year, the storeowner also gave me distributed candy at the reception because the Cantonese oranges to put in the toe-a Scandinavian custom, I think. I do believe you should have sweets to counter the bitterness not know what it means, but we did it. of the funeral-even though there were few if any Cantonese guests. And yet, if we can craft our own patchwork of Christmas traditions borrowed from here and there, why shouldn’t If even “real Chinese” can learn Chinese culture from we feel free to create our own customized rather than a somewhere else, one begins to ask if there is even such a “real” Chinese New Year’s? thing as “authentic Chinese culture.” I heard of a temple in Taiwan-where there is currently a Buddhist resurgence- Cultural Time Capsules Can I ever claim a connection to “real” Chinese culture, that was trying to recruit Tibetan Buddhist lamas to come when Chinese culture itself has continued to evolve and teach them “more authentic” Buddhism than the ethni- change from the moment my parents emigrated? In a way, cally Chinese monks could impart. the culture transmitted to the American-born has frozen Multiculturalism is a popular catchword these days, but in time, as if placed in a time capsule. AAV editor, Stewart usually translated to mean superficially teaching “Ameri- David Ikeda’s relatives in Japan remark on his can” kids about “foreign cultures,” or perhaps defining grandmother’s old-fashioned, Meiji-era speech and man- consumer markets by race, ethnicity, and language. Within ners. I inherited out-of-date slang from 1950’s Taiwan Asian-American communities, however, multiculturalism is from when my parents were young-the Chinese equiva- becoming a fact on the ground as geographical, historical, and lent of saying “swell” or “groovy” today. When I was political forces mix everyone together. For example, one buying paper money at the Chinese herb shop in of the best Buddhism schools in the world is located in Vancouver Chinatown, the herbalist remarked that he Monterey Park, where all the East, South, and Southeast only stocks it for the families who have been Canadian for Asian traditions are represented under one roof, and English generations; new immigrants do not buy it because people has become the common language of instruction. Such a do not burn paper money in China anymore, but longtime collocation would not have been possible “in the old days.” residents maintain traditions that were practiced when Passing It On they first came. So what do I pass on to my children? The odd bits and Ironically, culture can sometimes “go back,” too. Growing up mismatched pieces I have picked up from half-remem- in mainland China, my Aunt Ling never celebrated Chinese bered stories and overheard conversations? American New Year’s (because of Communism and the Cultural culture surrounds us; we are participants in it; so I do not Revolution) until her aunt, who has lived in Los Angeles since think it needs to be taught, as it eventually comes by itself, the 60’s, visited and taught them how to celebrate it. Similarly, like speaking English. Instead, I intentionally try to stack I recently had a conversation with my father in which I the deck on the Chinese/Asian side so that it does not was explaining to him some tenet of Confucianism, which get overwhelmed by the sheer omnipresence of American I had studied in college and graduate school. mainstream culture or come across as an afterthought. I do not want my children to feel that everything is either At the same time, Chinese culture is multifaceted, riddled American (read European, Christian, “normal”) or Chi- with local particularities that have melded in non-tradi- nese (read “foreign and weird”). tional ways for American immigrants. Once, when my grandparents changed apartments, they were offered To accomplish this balance, I have concluded I must continue Apartment 164, which my Aunt Suzie, who married a to fill the gaps in my experience of traditional Chinese Cantonese man, insisted they decline because 164 is an culture through both careful study and creative license. unlucky number for Cantonese, in whose dialect (not in Asian-American Culture — continues on next page

– 15 – Asian-American Culture — continued Beyond just passing on Chinese traditions, I think it is also kaa.” I point out that their pediatrician is hapa like them. important to teach my children about other Asian cultures They “trade words” with their Japanese- and Spanish- and Asian-American culture. Although my girls and I were speaking friends. We discuss similarities across Asian born in America, we are still often seen as foreign, often ethnicities and cultures, and the different histories that lumped together with other Asians and considered one have brought so many Asians to America. They ask me if all homogeneous group. I want them to know that even Asian people have golden brown skin. though they are minorities in America’s racial spectrum, Culture is supposed to be social conventions and habits there are other lands full of people who look and talk and practiced without thought or consideration. But Americans move and think like them-they are not alone in the world- are a made-up people. And of course, being more recently as well as people with similar experiences as minorities in minted than some, we Americans of Asian ancestry are America. I want to make it easier for them to build these constructing an Asian-American subculture, and multiple connections while knowing that despite similarities, all Chinese-American (and Japanese-American, Indian-Ameri- Asians are not alike. I teach my children that everyone is can, etc.) sub-subcultures-making them up as we go along, different, and difference is cool. yet finding comfort and meaning in them nevertheless. So we read folktales from Tibet, Korea, Mongolia, Cambo- Frances Kai-Hwa Wang is a second-generation Chinese Ameri- dia, as well as stories set in America’s Chinatowns and can from California now living in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She has suburbs. We enjoy Thai, Nepali, Chinese cuisine, as well as worked in anthropology and international development in invented Asian-American foods like Spam sushi and Nepal, and in the nonprofit sector in Michigan. She is now the fortune cookies. They dance the Bon Odori at Japan Financial and Marketing Director of a small business start-up Town’s obon festival. An Indian teacher paints their hands called Two Wheel Tango, as well as the contributing editor for with mahendi. A Thai friend shows them how to put their Asian-American Village. She can be reached at hands together and bow their heads in greeting, “Sawadee [email protected].

Families With Children From China Oregon and SW Washington PO Box 5642 • Portland OR 97201

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