A Wishful Reverie in the Occasion of The Fasting of Our Fathers the Apostles

A Quiet Chat at the Feet of the Great Apostle, St. Paul

One evening, I was walking down the street in a vagary mind. It was dusk, and I was trying to find an answer to many questions concerning the coming Apostles’ fasting: Why do we practice it? What is so special about it? Besides I was wondering about my personal service to the Lord, [for I learned that it is also called the “Service fasting”]. I was, in my own mind, trying to find answers to some questions that puzzled me: Who is the servant? What virtues must he have? What are the conditions for the service that is acceptable to the Lord? How could the Lord be the only source for guidance, and the only reason for our service? I reached home with a heavy and baffled heart. A tear came down my cheek and a feeling overwhelmed me that it would not be long for me to stand before Him and give an account for my service and for the talents, which He entrust me with. I kneeled with contrition pleading for guidance and mercy. Then I retired to my bed half-conscious. The moment I closed my eyes, I found myself in what seemed like a nave of a glorious and brightly illuminated church. On one pulpit stood a tall, magnificent, elderly man, with a radiant smile over his mouth, as if he were encouraging me with it to approach him. I came closer and bowed down in reverence, but I was trembling. He lifted me up with compassion, hugged me and asked me to sit down. I sat at his feet on the carpet and, barely, could lift up my eyes to him with a dubious look. The elder sat down on a couch and greeted me: - Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.1 - From your gracious greeting I am assuming you are my lord, the blessed St. Paul the apostle? - A servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated to the gospel of God.2 - My lord and father, you are the model servant to the Lord. I beg you to teach me about the ‘measure’ to the accepted service. - The divine measure of service, my son, is love: Love of God from all the heart and feelings, and love to whom you serve … “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.”3 And, “Even so you, since you are zealous for spiritual gifts, let it be for the edification of the church that you seek to excel.”4 - And what are the qualifications of the servant? - First: The Call: Since the service is God’s, then it is God who calls on certain persons whom He finds fit to serve Him. For this, God does not call except those whose hearts are full of love for him and whom are eagerly yearning for His

1 1Co.1:3 2 Ro.1:1 3 1Co.13:3 4 1Co.14:12 fellowship and honestly obeying His commandments. The heart of the servant of the Lord should always be kindled with compassion and true love for those whom he serves. Remember, my son, how I used to call those whom I served “my little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you.” 5 And, “my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown.”6 - Second: The Discipleship: No one, who is called for service, is perfect. There is no servant of the Lord who does not need guidance. Therefore, the servant should always keep his mind and his heart concordant to those of a disciple, all the days of his life. He should always ask the Lord to reveal to him his weaknesses and his shortcomings, and should not be afraid or reluctant to accept the criticism of the Holy Spirit, which may be expressed to him by others. He should not be too haughty to accept guidance. I interrupted: - Forgive me, father, but I remember in this context you saying, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may hold for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me”.7 …My teacher continued: - Third: The Ability of the Servant to Avoid Self-deification: The servant who is called by God is extremely sensitive about the awful vice of selfishness. He watches for himself so that he would not be a prey for the demon of haughtiness. Humility is a requirement for those who serve the flocks of the Lord. Service, my son, starts with the washing of feet just as our Lord ordered us… The most dangerous servant is the obstinate one who did not discover yet the inclinations of pride in his disposition. The one who thinks holiness of him, and that the Holy Spirit always inspires him, just because of a sermon he once gave, or a service he once rendered. - The honest and successful servant is that who is not afraid to declare his mistakes, and does not hesitate to repent and to immediately apologize for any selfish or impatient act. The Lord’s servant cannot pity and care for the weak and the outcast unless he have the feeling of weakness, and “denies” himself with a true feeling of contrition. It does well to the servant not to forget his own sins, lest he should be found unworthy of his post. “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.”8 The demeanor of the servant should be that of a weak person who is always seeking God’s help and the support of His grace. God is only willing to support the servant who acknowledges his weaknesses, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”9 I looked at my teacher in admiration, and asked him: - Master, teach me how a servant can edify himself spiritually? - My son, you know that service belong to Lord, consequently, the servant should remember that he is doing “the work of the Lord”. He must, by exigency, be always “in the Lord”10. Having his guidance and his support from the Lord. Moreover, he should take the Lord Jesus as his model servant, following His model in His sufferings, His endurance and His love. That means that the servant of the Lord should “put on the Lord Jesus Christ”11. He, thus, needs to be

5 Gal.4:19 6 Phil.4:1 7 Phil.3:12 8 2Co.4:7 9 2Co.12:9 10 1Co.15:58 11 Ro.13:14 honest and meticulous both in his fellowship with the Lord and his dealing with his flock: - As for his fellowship with the Lord, he should remember that God “covers Himself with light as with a garment”12; that “His way is perfect” 13. That God does not accept fellowship with the works of darkness, “let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light”14. Let us be “fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope”15 - And concerning his flock, the servant who is putting on Christ, must have His love, His sacrifice and His justice, “But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs in distress… in labors, in sleeplessness, in fastings; by purity, by knowledge, by longsufferings, by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love.”16 “Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation? If I must boast, I will boast in the things which concern my infirmity”17. I asked, - What about Christ’s justice? … My teacher answered, - If any person caused a member of the flock to suffer injustice, he would seek the help of the servant of the Lord to reinstate his rights. But if the servant was unjust to one in his flock, this person has only God to complain to. God “executes justice for the oppressed”18 I once said to the church of the Corinthians, “Open your hearts to us, we have wronged no one.”19. With a tear in my eye I pleaded to him: - I beg you, my father, never cease to pray for our service, and for me. He smiled and said with deep love, - We all here are continuously praying for you. The Lord loves you and answers your prayers. Do not be disturbed. The Lord is at hand.

Emil Bishay

12 Ps.104:2 13 Ps.18:30 14 Ro.13:12 15 Ro.12:11,12 16 2Co.6:4-6 17 2Co.11:29,30 18 Ps.146:7 19 2Co.7:2