PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.com #9 know I’m supposed to be jaded. I’ve been hanging around girl found out that the show we’d booked in her town was in a punk rock for so long. I’ve seen so many shows. I’ve bar and she and her friends couldn’t get in, she set up a IIwatched so many bands and fads and zines and people second, all-ages show for us in her town. In fact, everywhere come and go. I’m now at that point in my life where a lot of I went, people were taking matters into their own hands. They kids at all-ages shows really are half my age. By all rights, were setting up independent bookstores and info shops and art it’s time for me to start acting like a grumpy old man, declare galleries and zine libraries and makeshift venues. Every town punk rock dead, and start whining about how bands today are I went to inspired me a little more. just second-rate knock-offs of the bands that I grew up loving. hen, I thought about all these books about punk rock Hell, I should be writing stories about “back in the day” for that have been coming out lately, and about all the jaded Spin by now. But, somehow, the requisite feelings of being TTold guys talking about how things were more vital back jaded are eluding me. In fact, I’m downright optimistic. in the day. But I remember a lot of those days and that “How can this be?” you ask. overwhelming feeling that there was no future, nothing left to ell, after we mailed out the last issue of Razorcake, I do but get fucked up and dance on the ruins of society. When went on a spoken word tour to support my new I compare that to now, where people are actually working WW book. While I was on that tour, I saw some towards the future and struggling in their own ways to make incredible things. I saw a handful of high school kids in rural the world a better place, I feel like the DIY culture is more Pennsylvania who wanted a place to skate, so they put on a vital now than it’s ever been. huge punk show, drawing a couple hundred kids and raising a got home from that tour inspired by all these kids and all bunch of money for their town to build a skate park. I hung the things they were doing themselves. I couldn’t wait to out with a kid who turned his mom’s East Texas blues bar into IIteam up with Todd and the rest of the Razorcakers and a cool punk rock venue. I saw a twenty-two year old become work, in our own way, towards producing something cool. a de facto patron of the arts by turning the courtyard in front So, in that vein, here’s the latest issue of Razorcake, our little of his apartment into a space where local artists and attempt to make the world – or at least your bathroom – a performers could do their thing. After an eighteen year-old better place. --Sean

AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #10 • We will not accept electronic ad files. August 1st, 2002 Hard copy only. EMAIL OR MAIL US • Send good laser prints for the ads. Use FOR THE RATES solely black ink on all art. Do not output your ad on a bubble jet printer even if it AD SIZES looks black and white. It will reproduce • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. like complete shit when it goes to an offset • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. printer. • Quarter page, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. • Only for full-page ads, we'll accept • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. film. Positive stats, RRED (right-reading, emulsion side down) only. • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. • All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI (85 line screen). ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS • If you feel the need for us to invoice • All ads are black and white. you, understand that your ad won't run • Make ads the right size and orientation. If until we have the cash on hand, so make ads are the wrong size, they won't run or those arrangements before the ad we'll chop 'em up with scissors to fit. deadline. • We don’t reserve ad space. • If any of this is fuzzy, don't hesitate to contact us. We'll explain it.

• Sean • Todd • • Rich Mackin • Nardwuar • • Designated Dale • • Rhythm Chicken • Everyone else can be reached c/o Razorcake.

Razorcake is made by: Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, ktspin, and Skinny Dan. This issue is dedicated to the memory of Dick Drazan. Beer in fancy goblets? Julia Smut Thank you list: Intergalactic thanks to Kat Jetson for taking this issue’s cover and Pete Hucklebuck got hitched. shot of Strike Anywhere, plus the ones in the interview; Knuckle-poppin’ thanks, as always, to Julia Smut and Printworks for holding my candy-assed hand through the printing of the cover; fine line thanks to Art Fuentes for the Dee Dee Ramone picture and head-dipping thanks to Matt Braun of Dick Army for the eulogy; Formula 44 D thanks to Chris Zeigler for Fleshies interview and trimmed beard thanks to Andy Harris for the pics.; Liz O. for plumbing the darkness of tribute bands; Randy from Mint for the help with the gosh Damned screen grabs; Shawn Granton for the pen-perfect illustration in Sean’s column; Donofthedead for the dread-rattlin’ Strike Anywhere shot; Boston Not LA thanks to Al Quint for the Out Cold live photos; record reviews trenches thanks to Cuss Baxter, Roger Moser Jr., Matt Average, Dan Yemin, and Namella J. Kim; pool-cleaning thanks to Bradley Williams for his zine reviews; the slave labor insert crew; and Sean wants to send out a special thanks to all the people who fed, housed, or drank with him while on tour. And to Univision, for allowing us to watch the World Cup without having to pay for cable. Issue #9, Aug./Sept. 2002

Cutting. Tasty. www.razorcake.com and PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042

Table of Contents ***** Jimmy Alvarado and ReTodd ...... Emo Death Match ...... pg. 4 Art ...... Lil’ Beez and the Misfinks ...... pg. 7 Sean Carswell ...... A Monkey to Ride the Dog ...... pg. 8 Ayn Imperato ...... 94103 ...... pg. 10 Ben Weasel...... That Iron String ...... pg. 12 Money ...... Pog Mo Thon ...... pg. 14 Rich Mackin ...... The Twisted Balloon ...... pg. 20 Nardwuar The Human Serviette ...... Who Are You? ...... pg. 22 Gary Hornberger ...... Squeeze My Horn ...... pg. 28 Designated Dale ...... I’m Against It ...... pg. 30 The Rhythm Chicken ...... The Dinghole Reports ...... pg. 32 ***** Ben Hamper ...... Interview by Maddy Tight Pants ...... pg. 34 Out Cold ...... Interview by ReTodd ...... pg. 38 The Briefs ...... Interview by Money ...... pg. 44 Fleshies ...... Interview by Chris Zeigler ...... pg. 48 Tribute Bands ...... Article by Liz O...... pg. 52 Strike Anywhere ...... Interview by ReTodd ...... pg. 58 ***** Alas Poor DeeDee ...... He Sniffed Some Glue ...... pg. 69 Dan Monick ...... Nameless, Faceless Photo Page ...... pg. 71 Record Reviews ...... Fucking Fucker, This Fucking Shit’s Fucked ...... pg. 72 Zine Reviews ...... Saggy Boobs and Sexuality Issues ...... pg. 92 Book Reviews ...... Review is a Six Lettered Word ...... pg. 96 Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. and Complete, Utter ReTodd ReToddnation

Not even a line of crank two-hundred feet long and the necessary lung power to snif f it all in one humongous huf f could keep me awake long enough through this disc to care.

TOO BAD YOU DIDN’T SAVE I couldn’t do it alone, so I bamboozled an the shelves in one foul swoop? ENOUGH ROOM intrepid (and highly susceptible to praise) “Well, when I called Dale and told him of IN YOUR BACKPACK FOR TALENT cohort, Jimmy Alvarado. For the past seven my idea, he said he was unfortunately unable to years, both he and I have reviewed – quite liter- participate as he had a pressing appointment to Wallowing in the Nobody Loves Me Pile ally – a few thousand records. I figured it was have his “Beat on the Brat” promotional base- of the Razorcake Record Rack time we did it together. So, with a cardigan ball bat’s display case bulletproofed. When I pulled closely, box of tissue at the ready, white asked Sean, he mumbled something I couldn’t Or belt cinched tight, I gave Mr. Alvarado a little quite make out, holed up in his room, and told hair gel so he could Romulan-up his bangs while me to keep him out of it unless we were going to Tag Teaming E-Vile: In Which Todd and he made sure my backpack was secure. We were sell the CDs back. Maddy said something about Jimmy Feed Their Masochistic Cravings by ready to go into the weenie-fied emo trenches. a court order, stemming from a wild criminal Reviewing a Bunch of Emo CDs in One We knew the goings would be rough, mano-a- escapade involving Honey Bunches of Oats, Marathon Sitting mano, old fashioned knife fight style. We’re pro- preventing her from leaving her current state of fessionals. residence. Rich is on tour again, Money claimed Just like witnessing a crime, Jimmy’s recol- to only listen to tapes, and Don called my moth- The plan was simple. Review emo and emo- lections of these events are a little different than er a series of increasingly rude names. So…. looking records to clear some stuff out of mine. Here’s what he had to say. You wanna come over and help me do a little Razorcake HQ’s bin. Not to alienate any read- –ReTodd emo reviewin’? You’re easily the most integral ers, the title “emo” is supposed to be a shorten- part, the lynchpin if you will, of the Razorcake ing of the word “emotional,” which has quickly family and we would be completely unable to become a pretty retarded, yet heavily regarded, function as the huge corporate entity we have name of a genre. Why do I find it stupid? become without your keen observations about Because if music’s made by people and not the music world. We need you, buddy.” robots, it’s inherently emotional on some level. Realizing that my services were once again The problem is that the emo tag has been needed and noting that Todd had not resorted to hijacked by band after band of mealy-mouthed giving me some snow job to get me aboard to do pansies (no offense to the flower), opting for one what needed to be done, I happily signed on. of two basic emotions: complaining and having Call it selective hearing, call it blocking out a poetic license to be very, very vague. those things that traumatize us most, call it a One gripe people who haven’t reviewed leaky noggin’, but the word “emo” didn’t regis- more than ten records in their lives is, “You ter until I was halfway to Razorcake’s corporate should give it a fair shake. You should judge it offices. By then I figured it was too much hassle on its own merits.” On paper, it sounds fine, but to turn around and, besides, running through a what’re your feelings if someone takes poop gang of emo CDs in one sitting couldn’t possi- after poop directly into your ear? Humanity, bly be much more taxing to either my or Todd’s fairness, and hugs play less of a role. So, it’s psyche than doing it over a month’s time. snap judgement time, and a time to lose poten- Besides, the wife was at a meeting with the labor tial advertisers. Fuck it. Even though I’m not reps for the sweatshop we co-own with Kathy quite sure what the exact aesthetic of Razorcake Lee, so I had oodles of free time. With that, I is – and keep in mind I’m one of the founders – pressed on. I don’t know one out of our thirty-or-so review- I was met in the penthouse suite atop Razor ers who likes emo, even passively. Why the Tower in Razorcake Circle (in downtown hatred? Why the aversion? Time to stick the Beverly Hills, for those not in the know) by needles in the ears and find out. Todd, who carried with him a black Hefty bag One problem in this line of business is that, This is the visual equivalent to filled to bursting with compact discs covered if you haven’t heard of the band, and you throw emo. Cry to get in the right mood. with fuzzy, grainy photos of assorted trees and away all the press material that comes with it sunsets and ratty old tennis shoes and flowers. I (which is a matter of principle for me, plus we looked at him warily. just don’t have the room), all you have left is the In theory, it sounded like a perfectly good “As you’ve probably guessed,” he started, record. For better or worse, you must judge it by idea when Todd called that morning. “contained in this bag is our assignment. I know its cover before it’s even thought of being “Hey, Jimmy,” he said. it looks like quite a bit of work, and I can tell played on the stereo. This isn’t a very nice thing “Hey yourself,” I responded, hell-bent on from that look of abject terror on your mug that to admit, yet we have our lives to think about. not being one-upped. you feel just a teeny bit apprehensive about the Listening to a crap record takes precious time “Listen,” he began, “I was sitting here, look- whole thing.”

Jimmy Alvarado and ReTodd away from brushing our teeth, changing spark ing at the piles of emo CDs no one is crazy I had to admit that he had me pegged there. plugs, and making breakfasts with reconstituted enough to look at, let alone touch, and it came to And then some. french fries stirred into scrambled eggs. me: Why don’t I just call up one of our staffers “Well, let me put your mind at ease, Jimmy, Important things, indeed. and see if we can’t clear some of this dreck off ’cause it ain’t gonna be all that bad. See, I’ve got 4 a plan and some ground rules that very pink – cover convey? Pussy, The Culprits: On the Might of The Culprits: Audiocrush will get us through this pile of not straightedge screamo band. Princes The Crime: So You Call These steaming emo love in under two The Crime: Where You Are and Flowers hours flat. The Culprits: Death of Marat Where You Want to Be Responsible Party: Lorelei “First rule is: we listen to each The Crime: All Eyes Open Responsible Party: Traffic Jimmy: Any band with a song enti- disc for thirteen seconds, max. This Responsible Party: Stick Figure Violation tled “Autumn Leaves” deserves a will prevent any feelings of com- Jimmy: With a band name that pre- Jimmy: See the two guys on the solid kick to the nuts. Any band that plete despondency resulting from tentious, it’s hard to believe that the cover of this (a fat dude and a skin- follows said song title by polluting the prolonged listening of these members actually had the balls to ny dude running on the beach)? the air with music this bad is just discs from setting in too deep and put their names on this. Nope, there They’re running away from their screaming for a solid kick to the will keep the risk of bleeding ears they are in all their glory. Good stereos. Why? Because they put nuts. By the way, “a new,” which is to a minimum. thing they didn’t include addresses. this disc on and it got stuck in the how you spelled it, is actually one “Second rule is: we each say Todd: They named the band after a player. word. the first thing that comes to mind painting by a French painter from Todd: Emo to screamo back to emo Todd: Question. If you have a pic- into this little pocket tape recorder I the 18th century, the cover looks again. It’s a classic example of how ture of a metal-bladed fan on the have here. This will eliminate the like vertical blinds pulled open, hardcore got confused up into emo, cover of your album… trouble of having to think too much about the crap invading our eardrums and minimize the risk of irreparable psychological damage and insanity. “Third rule is: we take lots of breaks, to avoid any potential rot- ten moods that may develop. “Fourth rule is: eat kosher sala- mi.” With that last bit of piss-poor Ramones humor, we set to our task with the full expectation that we would be through in an hour, tops. Four days later we emerged, tired, delirious and more than a lit- tle grouchy. Although neither of us have any concrete recollection of it, some Razorcake employees on the 112th floor said that I had seemed to have developed a nervous tic and was mumbling something about “monkey pus.” Todd was said to be clutching two handfuls of what looked like his own hair and screaming uncontrollably. “It sounded like he was either calling for his mommy to loosen the straps to his backpack, or was fixated on a food order he wanted made at a nearby Jack-in-the-Box,” Suzy Horowitz of the advertising department said. “I was terrified.” Three weeks later, Todd and I This is the visual equivalent to punk. Note beer gut and frantic movement s. reentered the scene of the crime,

desperate to find out what we there’s no lyric sheet, and the and half the band members end up Jimmy: Dude, I didn’t even know Jimmy Alvarado and ReTodd accomplished and what went so music’s obtuse as hell, self- with beards. And the song title, it was a fan. horribly wrong during those four absorbed, repetitive, like a tooth- “The Water Vs. the Anchor”? Come Todd: Seriously, how do you days of utter hell. less Unwound. Art school chodes! on. That’s what anchors are used expect it to sell? “Man, I’m a fan. Of the 327 discs slated for More indie than emo, but still real for. What’s next? “The Bricklayer It’s a fan on the cover. It’s so review, we apparently made it fruity. Vs. the Trowel”? “Musician Vs. the mine.”? through nineteen. What follows is Microphone”? Ohhh, the humanity. Jimmy: The song’s really titled, the fruit of that labor. The Culprits: Gravity Willing Two points for the fat kid running “Space Before the Question -Jimmy Alvarado The Crime: Requia in his bathing suit on the cover, but Mark”? Responsible Party: Vagabond five points off for the overly-blur- Todd: Why would there be a space Todd: Sullen bridge on the cover. ry-you-can’t-make-out-the-picture before a question mark?… Waah? The Culprits: Destro Morning comes. I never thought a photo on the back and the super He’s saying his prayers before sup- The Crime: The Accuracy of band could make the Crash Test clear picture of a U-haul on the per and the song’s not about gram- Broken Whispers Dummies sound hardcore. Argh. insert mar? You think if a supreme deity Responsible Party: Ides of March More of the barely readable cursive was involved, these songs would Jimmy: Surprise, surprise, a hard- handwriting that hides the fact that The Culprits: 200 North kick super celestial ass, or at least core band. Got that modern HC this is folky, adult contemporary The Crime: Watching the World itty bitty hamster ass. Can’t I just sound and an Ian MacKaye sound- poo in the shoe. Die get a clear answer? Why is art so bite from Another State of Mind to Jimmy: Pearl Jam goes emo. Responsible Party: Forgot to look confusing for a pop punk band? boot. 1,000 punker points off for Included is a twenty-five second before we dumped the trash. And the picture of the blurry disco releasing something that looked track of total silence and that, dear Jimmy: Apparently, 200 North has ball doesn’t help matters at all, like an emo record. friends, was, hands down, the best done us a favor. Their CD is bro- either. Todd: Fire your graphic artist. track. ken. Thanks, guys. Jimmy: Is that a disco ball or a city What does cursive handwriting Todd: I think their tears broke the skyline? It looks like a building at over an incomprehensible – yet CD. the same time. 5 Todd: It’s the Death Star, killing when we first met. It was freshman noise, then there was a four click Jimmy: Someone get the singer music from the inside. summer. I can’t forget. I day- and that was the end of that. some Pepto-Bismol quick! Judging dreamed of you and I wrote your Todd: It’s schizophrenic. It starts from the way he’s singing, his The Culprits: Flipping Hades name in my folder a thousand out mean then quickly whimpers, band’s music is giving him a The Crime: Tell Peaches Lula times.” [huge amounts of laughter] cowers, and harmonizes in the cor- tummy ache. Called That starts out the album. Just ner. They’ve got a band member Todd: “I hear you smoke while you Responsible Party: Derailleur because it’s in your Pee-Chee does- named Hippie. Are these guys psy- cry on the phone that’s far away.” Jimmy: I wonder if these guys find n’t mean it should be a song, for chic or related to Dionne Warwick? Jimmy… Jimmy? Why’re you cry- themselves last on every bill they crap’s sake. One guy’s wearing a They’ve got the lyric, “I wanted to ing. Don’t cry. The CD’s nearly play, ’cause with college bar-band Backstreet Boys shirt. cry.” over. [Reaches for eject button] It’s music this bad, they can probably Jimmy: Are you kidding me? [Beers crack open. Todd can’t drink okay. clear a room with little effort. Todd: No. ‘em fast enough. Jimmy pounds ice Todd: On the cover, there’s a pic- Jimmy: I guess they’re another tea.] The Culprits: Sixty Stories/ ture of a someone answering a band trying to blur the line between Painted Thin phone, surrounded by film nega- punk rock boy bands and regular The Culprits: Caesura The Crime: Different Places to Sit tives and someone eating a micro- run-of-the-mill boy bands. The Crime: More Specific Less Responsible Party: Small Man phone. Todd: They probably buy the floor Pacific Jimmy: Two shitty bands for the Jimmy: And there’s a Telecaster pumps of hair gel. They’ve got the Responsible Party: 54° 40’ or price of one! What a bargain! and a Stratocaster on the inside intentional tousle down to a tight Fight Todd: Sixty Stories, turn off the back, which, I guess, gives them alt science. Jimmy: No matter how much you Intellivison blipping and beeping in rock points, too. [record goes in] dress them up with neat dynamics the background before hitting the Todd: Hmm… [head scratch] Todd: What’s wrong with your and edgy production values, shitty “record” buttons. Painted Thin is Fuck…. I don’t know what to say people, Jimmy? Why are they giv- songs remain shitty songs. listed as “was” instead of “is.” about that. ing into The Man? Todd: I didn’t know Jawbox’s slow Does that mean they broke up? Jimmy: Dude, I’m getting very, half sister were still around. With [High fives are exchanged.] The Culprits: 32 Forty very upset. Four Latinos… these pictures of cranes on the cover and The Crime: Hearts and Mirrors are Valley Chicanos. Man, they lyrics like “subrosa sobriquet dis- The Culprits: Todd Larry Lloyd Responsible Party: Lotus don’t count. It’s like saying the tance never hesitates,” it sounds The Crime: Your Dumb Idea Jimmy: This puppy has so moved French people are the embodiment like their music’s made by tired the- Responsible Party: Unity Versus me that I am inspired to write a of all things Caucasian. saurus machines. Jesus, what he Apathy poem about it: “Emo pop/ makes just said is “private nickname’s dis- Todd: I like it when bands put my colon drop/ its hefty load/ like The Culprits: Time Spent Driving tance never hesitates.” Sir, you’re a right-on, self-fulfilling prophesies pie a la mode /you make me want to The Crime: Just Enough Bright bonafide dick. in their lyrics. Makes the job easier. climb into a bell tower and smoke Responsible Party: Sessions Jimmy: It’s sad enough when emo “Like you and me, it’s all stupid.” four hundred people just to ease the [record goes in] has this high art quotient to begin Jimmy: Lame college-boy agony of having to listen to your Jimmy: You know, the more I hear with, but when emo artists try to attempts at being cool and musical- trite songs/ refrigerator mouth- this emo crap, the more I realize sound arty, it’s even worse. ly daring. Next time Todd and wash.” I’m especially proud of the that they are desperately trying to Larry (the two responsible for this) surrealism at the end there. Hope relive the glory days of Fleetwood The Culprits: Ampline wonder why they got beat with my English professor thinks it’s Mac, the Eagles and James Taylor. The Crime: The Choir astonishing regularity back in worthy of an “A.” Same quiet, laid-back quality that Responsible Party: Tiberius school, all they need to do is put

Jimmy Alvarado and ReTodd Todd: The cover, when you get sounds about as threatening as a de- Jimmy: Instrumental emo. Jeepers. this back on and the memories will Photoshop, there’s installed images clawed kitten, as emotional as a What a novel, new approach to a come flooding back. that come free with the program. Cylon raider and as good as a tone- wretched genre and a whole new The heart one? They cut it and deaf Counting Crows singer war- pigeonhole to loathe. Thanks. The Culprits: Necronauts taped it. bling “Rhiannon” while thinking Todd: You’d think with the cleans- The Crime: Melodic Array of Jimmy: Ooh. Punk rock. Dude, are it’s about the most compelling song ing of the vocals, it’d improve. The Change these guys from Texas? since Manilow’s “Mandy.” instruments seem to whine. Sweet Responsible Party: High School Todd: Florida. Todd: It’s blurring together. It’s Jesus, a vibraphone? You know it’s Football Jimmy: Figures. kind of like if the Keebler Elves bad when I’m hoping for it to get to Jimmy: Billie Joe Green Day Todd: What’s terribly confusing is went techno. It’s like an audio ver- the verve of at least Herb Albert. hooks up with Sugar Ray and they that one of the guys on the back of sion of a braided belt. The cover’s a backlit airplane prop. all indulge in a full-on, double-fist- the insert – the tattooey one – looks Jimmy: Time Spent Crying. What I The inside’s blurry motion. New ed circle jerk. You’re gonna go like he could be in Agnostic Front, want to know is when the words category invented: Artpoo. blind, kiddies. but if you listen to the CD, you’d be punk rock came to equate MOR Todd: How much irony and post- convinced he’s just a really, really radio music. The Culprits: Code Seven whateverthefuck can a band dole good knitter. Todd: MOR or AOR (album-ori- The Crime: The Rescue out until they realize joke’s on Jimmy: Either he’s a really good ented rock)? Responsible Party: The Music them? knitter or he’s wearing that beanie Jimmy: Middle of the road. Cartel for Chicano points or something. Sean: Didn’t you already play this Todd: Guess which one’s made up: The Culprits: Jet By Day [At this point, Sean pokes his head one? “The Sounds of Cyan and The Crime: The Feedback That out of his room and looks suspi- Todd: Is that chimes? They’re Magenta” or “Memories in Yellow Distracts Us ciously around.] playing chimes. Hey, they thank and Black”? One’s a real song title. Responsible Party: Moodswing Todd: It’s pop emo. They thank Audiocrush in their liner notes. Bands like these make pictures of Jimmy: Too bad it didn’t distract someone for their “sweet backups.” Sean: [leaving] It’s too hard to be recording studios look like crime you enough to quit playing. Sean: Survivor’s gonna be pissed. funny when you’re fuckin’ angry at scenes. Todd: Or go deaf. Or lose some Todd: Excellent. all this shit. Jimmy: Not even a line of crank fingers. Looking for a hook. two-hundred feet long and the nec- Looking for a chorus. Looking for The Culprits: Audio Karate The Culprits: Moneen essary lung power to sniff it all in redeeming quality. Man,… pow- The Crime: Space Camp The Crime: As Told by Dr. Lazlo one humongous huff could keep me ers… draining… can’t… make… Responsible Party: Kung Fu Pronowski awake long enough through this fun… of…. Jimmy: Complete, utter garbage. Responsible Party: Smallman disc to care. Jimmy: I think I’m gonna go out Your friends at bible study class Jimmy: This abomination only and buy a dog now so I can take it must be dropping your names like served to make my headache inten- The Culprits: Gold Circles home and kick it a couple motherfuckers, though. sify. I thought it was a grind album The Crime: Abuse the Magic times. 6 Todd: “I remember to begin with ‘cause of this wall of Responsible Party: Copter Crash

I didn’t wonder what upset him or where he was running to or anything. I just thought, damn, that kid looks funny.

was running at a full sprint, too. Just like the kid. looked so scared that he scared me. I stopped The Screaming Kid Only not nearly as fast. The woman was a good running. thirty-five pounds overweight and looked like “Hey pal,” I said. “I think you’re scaring I was on my way to the post office when I she hadn’t run in years. The boy, on the other the crap out of your mom. Why don’t you come got to where the old library used to be and the hand, was booking it down the sidewalk. Arms back to the park with me?” new library is being built. There’s a long row of still flailing above his head. Still screaming. The kid stared at me. Nothing in his face scaffolding protecting pedestrians from the con- Finally, it clicked in my mind. I realized demonstrated that he understood what I’d said. struction site. I stepped under the scaffolding that the woman in the park was trying to catch Maybe he wasn’t used to an adult who didn’t and noticed a woman and her son walking her child, and her child was way too far away baby-talk him or maybe he wasn’t old enough to towards me. The son wasn’t watching where he and way too close to the traffic roaring down speak. Most likely, he was just like all the other was going. He seemed intent on staring at his Figueroa Street. I took off running. young kids in the neighborhood, and he didn’t feet and letting them take him wherever they The kid had about twenty yards on me by speak English yet. I thought about talking to him wanted to go. The mom walked about a step this point, but I could travel as far in one step as in Spanish. Not that I speak Spanish. I don’t. But ahead of him. Between the two of them, they he could travel in three. I bore down on him, my do I know vamanos. took up the whole sidewalk. I realized that, if I boots clomping on the sidewalk, my wallet chain “Come on, buddy,” I said. “Let’s not give kept walking, I’d walk into the kid staring at his jangling. The kid heard this and stopped. He your mom a heart attack.” feet, so I just stopped. I figured I’d let the kid turned and looked at me wide-eyed, completely The kid walked up to my side, and we make his own mistakes. petrified by this big man chasing him. The kid started walking back towards the park. The Sure enough, the kid didn’t look up and walked right into me, his forehead bouncing off my thigh. His mom didn’t say anything. The kid didn’t say any- thing. He didn’t even look up at me. He just took a step back, then walked around. I didn’t think anything of it. I walked down the long row of scaffolding, idly checking out the ads pasted on the plywood to my right. Mostly movie posters. Nothing too inter- esting. I checked out the graffiti painted over the ads and saw that Thief Turtle had struck again (not that I know who Thief Turtle is. I only know that Thief Turtle is the only neighborhood graffiti artist whose tag I can read). I also saw that some kid with a Sharpie had given Meg Ryan a goatee on every Kate and Leopold poster. Good kid. As I got to the end of the scaffold- ing, I saw a little boy, maybe two or three years-old, on a full sprint. He was head- ing straight towards me, screaming, tears streaking down his dirty face, his arms flailing over his head. And, man, was he running. The kid was quick. It didn’t occur to me at the time that a two-year-old boy shouldn’t be run- ning down the sidewalk by himself (I mean, it’s not like he was out for a jog). I didn’t wonder what upset him or where he was running to or anything. I just thought, damn, that kid looks funny. I even laughed to myself. I took another few steps down the sidewalk. There’s a park on the other side of the library construction zone, and all the way across the park, forty yards away from me, a woman who 8 looked to be in her fifties woman came out of the park gate and onto the screaming and crying. I kept picturing his tear- I said to her. “Have fun.” She clearly didn’t sidewalk. She saw me and her kid and realized streaked face. I couldn’t figure out why it had understand, but smiled and climbed into the that everything was safe. She tried to talk, but any effect on me at all. At first, I thought maybe backseat. This made me think about my inabili- was breathing too heavily to say much. All I I just felt good because I saved that kid from a ty to talk to children like anything but adults, could make out was a “Thanks.” dangerous situation. But let’s be realistic. I did- and it reminded me of the screaming kid. I The kid walked up to her. She scooped n’t do anything. That kid was pretty well pro- thought about how long it had taken me to react him up in her arms. “He was chasing his moth- tected by the scaffolding. It would’ve been to a child acting hysterically, and realized that er,” the woman said. tough for him to run out into traffic, and he I’d probably be a pretty lousy father. But that This made no sense to me. It took me a probably would’ve tired himself out before he wasn’t why I kept thinking about my little few steps to sort it out in my mind. Okay, I final- got to any cross streets. encounter. I thought about it more and told peo- ly realized, this woman must be the kid’s grand- Next, I thought that maybe I was ple the story of the little kid. mother. The mom must’ve been that woman impressed because I’d seen the kid’s world I walked to the post office every day, and who I’d seen a few minutes earlier, whose son crumble and rebuild all in the time it took me to looked out across the park at moms and kids and walked into my thigh. And this little boy pick up my mail. But that wasn’t it, either. I’m swings and slides and tattooed guys playing must’ve thought his mom had left him, so he not that sympathetic. And I hate to sound cal- basketball. Every time I walked past the park, panicked and made a run for it. lous, but I live in a big city where gunshots and the gate was closed. It wasn’t locked or any- The kid looked at me over his grand- car wrecks and ghetto birds aren’t necessarily a thing. Anyone could walk into or out of the mother’s shoulder, his hair matted against his daily chorus, but they rip through the silence of park, as long as they were tall enough to lift the forehead, lines on his face where the tears had my day all too often. People’s worlds crumble latch. The gate only kept in the kids who were cut through the dirt, leaving a dry wash on his around me all the time. It never seems to pene- too small to open it. I noticed this and, finally, it cheek. An arroyo seco. I smiled to the kid. The trate the shell I’ve built around myself. clicked in my mind. kid didn’t smile back. He just kept staring at me. For a few days, as I walked around the Okay, I thought, that’s why that little kid His grandmother walked through the gate and neighborhood, my slight brushes with people, impressed me so much. Because that gate was back into the park. I headed straight, towards my glimpses into their lives became more acute. always closed. Every time that kid played in the the post office. I walked behind two short, Guatamalan women park, he was locked in. And one day, when the I passed the park again on the way home. for about a block one morning. Then they world wasn’t working out the way he thought it The kid’s mom and brother had returned, and all stopped and faced each other. One of the women should, he saw that the gate was open to him. four of them were sitting around a park bench, put her hand on the other woman’s cheek and The world behind the gate was big and danger- eating burgers and fries from the hamburger kissed her forehead. I walked past them. ous and full of uncertainties. Anything could’ve stand on the corner. I watched the little kid stuff I saw the people downstairs climbing into happened and, more than likely, he’d get his face and thought, how about that? That kid’s their Honda one afternoon. Both of the little devoured out there, but it didn’t matter. He had world fell apart and came back together and he girls were decked out in identical dresses that a plan to make things better and he went for it. even got an order of fries on the side. their mother had probably sewn for them. I Screaming and crying and arms flailing over his smiled to the youngest girl. She said something head, sure, but the little guy still went for it, did- For the next couple of days, I couldn’t get to me. I only picked up on the first and last n’t he? that simple little incident out of my head. I kept words of her sentence: hola and abuelos. Going – Sean Carswell thinking about that little kid sprinting past me, to see the grandparents, I figured. “That’s cool,” Ayn Imperato tinue. Justnot gans. The shenaniganswillcon- indulging ininebriatedshenani- and does. drunken blitzwhereanythinggoes myself fromsegueingintoa my alcoholintake,toprevent thumb I’vefinallysettomeasure cement law, justageneralrule of public forum.It’s notaset-in- drinks thatIwillconsumeina mum I amenactingthe The citybreathesacollectivesigh. drink turnsintothefour-to-six aries, moreoftenthannotthetwo ment. IfIdon’t setthesebound- enter aliquor-bearing establish- TWO DRINK MAXIMUM Not thattherewillbeno The timehasfinallycome. – thelimitedamountof

I feelgood.haven'tinflictedgratuitousviolenceonadrunkman.amincontrol ofmydestiny! Ayn Imperato every singletime two drinkmaxi- I These arethemomentsofswiped and theliquorcabinetisdry. when therearenobandsintown others onmoresoberoccasions, evening, worthyofretellingwith eight-to-ten zoneisafun,riotous which wayit’s goingtogo. once I’minthezoneIneverknow things happeninthiszone–and place altogether. Oneoftwo ten drinkzonewhichisanother drink zoneslidesintotheeightto Tourettes. erupt likebooze-induced and wrongtosay, yetthewords correctly determinewhatisright In addition,Ilosetheabilityto mental gemsloudlyinthestreet. wit, yetproclaimwhatIthinkare start tohappen. drink zonewhereotherthings The firstpossibilityinthe Sometimes thefour-to-six Around fourdrinksIloseall 94 at alaterpointintimeisirrele- duces chucklesfromallwitnesses pro- Is Trueand also ThatWhich some frequency. The factthatitis Which ShouldNotBeSaidwith Said. ple of That Which ShouldNotBe “Stepford Wife” isanotherexam- Calling aguy’s girlfrienda their banddoesactuallysuck. include tellingsomeonethat,yes, Which ShouldNotBeSaidmight Which ShouldNotBeSaid. That my headthatweedsout That that Iloseparticularfilterin is onepossibility. bor’s-kitchen-window party. This going-straight-through-the-neigh- cue afternoons. The fireworks- are theflaminghulahoopbarbe- the nightfrombartobar. These garden gnomeshoistedthrough 1 Around thispointIsay That The secondpossibilityis 03 reasons allowable fun. even ifitmeansthemaximum the maximumallowabledrinks, I shallhangmyheadandaccept So whatdoesthatmean?Itmeans and nearlyalwaysinvolvedbooze. however, werealsooff thecuff sure. Myleastfavoritemoments, Spontaneous drunkenacts,for been spontaneousacts. ty. Myfavoritemoments have boundaries –itdampenspossibili- is arevelation.Ihavetroublewith will consumeinanevening? This and plantheamountofliquorthey actually dosuchathing–goout drinkmaximum?Dopeople ter: A rub: thetwodrinkmaximum. quasi-sober, andthereinliesthe not thingsIwoulddoifwaseven it’s notaprettypicture. These are bathrooms withunderageboys– do atthetime,doingcocainein like astrangelybeautifulthingto way at4 AM becauseitseemed along anotablylesswelllitfree- Market parkinglot,walkingsolo quented (andwelllit)Boston sex intheextremelywellfre- cringe-worthy exploits–having social retardation. This leadsto ally challengedtothepointofnear moments Iam,aswell,inhibition- drink. vant. Insteaditisareasonnotto mind into functioninthe morning. than thecoffee fix Iusetoeasemy out. Maybeitis. Butnotanymore there isabalance. towards 16oz.frames–Ithink Considerably so. Yet I’minching ter througha40oz.lens? and lifeispain.Doeslookbet- Francisco –it’s abig,coldcity it. IdrinkbecauseliveinSan scene bullshitthatgoesalongwith versely totuneoutthepettymusic rock –itssillyinsanityandcon- life. Idrinkinreverencetopunk for anevening,thegrindofdaily motivator –funIdoittoforget, there aretoomanytolist. to those.Onfirstthoughtitseems But therearejustsomany My firstthoughtonthemat- In theseextremedrunken Some saydrinking isacop Other thantheobvious to drink. Which bringsme And non-drinkers just seem more, six foot tool. is used to motion when holding and asks me which band I am wait- well, tense. It needs to be released Two drink maximum. Two these babies and I’m starting to get ing for. He thinks I am a groupie. I and, other than sex or another form drink maximum. bored, waiting. There is only the look down at the beer. The bottle is of exercise, I can’t think of a better Half a block down the street cool beer in my hand, dripping its sweating. Two drink maximum. way to let go than a simple beer. I run into an acquaintance who sweetness over my fingers. Just “I’m waiting for some glides me effortlessly inside. another small little sip. A little friends.” My first evening of the two “Riding coattails?” the bouncer malty foam on the tongue. Two He looks at my fishnet drink maximum brings me to a smirks, as though it was a big drink maximum. Two drink maxi- stockings. “Fr-ie-nds,” he says, larger sized club early to meet the accomplishment on my part to join mum. chuckling, and walks off. Two punk band who is opening that my own friends inside the empty Sitting there, my mind starts drink maximum. Two drink fucking night – first big mistake. The door- club. So I walk inside. I’m early. to wander. I think about my maximum. I look away and lift that man pulls the rock star moves: No one, I mean no one, is there evening earlier at the gym. My bottle for the final gulp of beer “Can’t let you in unless you’re in yet. No people. No bands. There is small attempt at releasing stress in which slides down like beautiful the band.” nothing but the bar – a large, pret- a healthy way – foiled again. Note relief. In the end I have shredded “They’re friends, it’s cool.” ty wood square with all those to self: do not under any circum- the label, warmed the glass, and He puffs out his chest. shiny bottles. Only the bartender is stances wear t-shirts with any sort feel I have performed an unnatural “Can’t do it.” The guy is getting standing there, tapping the wood of writing on them whatsoever to act with the bottle.

paid to stand here and tell me I with his fingers. the gym. To do so as a female is to Finally, said friends – the Ayn Imperato can’t enter an empty club that I Well, what the hell. I can leave yourself open to conversa- opening band – arrive. But they will be entering anyway in a few drink two, right? tion from dufuses in purple pull-on haven’t even set up their equip- minutes. I sit down and have a beer. A pants: “The Sti-tches. Is that a ment and I’ve polished one off “Really, I just want to talk to single beer. I am going to nurse band? They sound creepy!” Can’t already. And I’m in a sour mood some friends inside for a minute. this baby until it is warm in my he see I’m lifting weights for god now which doesn’t mix well with I’m on the guest list even, so it hand. I hold it. It’s cool and wet. I sake? Why doesn’t he bother the either booze or restraint. doesn’t really matter if I don’t drink slowly, a sip of malt sliding 250-pound meathead on the bench But in the end the evening come out again to pay.” It’s just a down – just a little. It’s an art, this press? Do I have a sign on my passes. I make it through alive small punk line up tonight, not the slowness. It’s not my speed. I chat forehead: LOOKING FOR HOT with only two lowly beers inside. Rolling Stones for god sake. with the bartender for a minute. A MALE PURPLE PANTSUIT That Which Should Not Be Said “Look, I’m not a stalker for a band girl materializes in an archway – ACTION? remains unspoken. I know every- that no one has even heard of.” the coat girl – and walks over to Even a brand logo is an invi- one I speak to will still be speaking “Doors don’t open for a half hang around. She sits next to me, tation: “You wear Vans? I wear to me in the morning. That is moti- an hour.” He looks away as though quiet. Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes Vans too!” vation in and of itself. I won’t pay I have already vanished from go by. The ice water from the out- Two drink maximum. Two with a sick head and heart in the sight. side of the beer drips down my drink maximum. morning, for once. That cost is “Fine.” I walk down the hand, which aches from holding it At the club a few people fil- high and, for now, my pockets are street to kill a half an hour in a bet- in the same stiff position that my ter in. A random guy comes up to empty. ter way than conversing with this hand is unaccustomed to. My wrist me, gives me the once over twice -Ayn Imperato PogPogPog MoMoMo ThonThonThon

The Discovery of what this fog is?” took matters into his own hands: said. “Did you say ‘black heli- The brothers replied: “Get out of the road, you freak- copter.’” America “What is it?” ing freak.” “I did,” Nimrod answered. (Part V - Final Then Spike said: The freak regaled the punk “And it’s Trevor. My name is Chapter) “This fog is a symbol of the rockers with a flurry of epithets. Trevor.” dangers ahead. It blinds us, conjur- The freak shook its dainty first. The The bad feeling Spike had been ing up illusions of fame, wealth and freak splattered all over the wind- carrying around got a little worse. The Promised Land limber women with few scruples, shield of a bus plowing through the “Okay then, Trevor, we are but beware, there are hardships yet intersection at great speed. here to unleash Punk Rock upon of the Punks ahead.” The Promised Land of the Saints!” The members of The Defeated Looks Like Shit + Trevor frowned. For the first time in weeks, murmured their “okays” and “I’m afraid there’s been a mix- Spike’s cell phone rang. The phone “whatevers,” wondering aloud why Smells Like Shit=Shit up.” had been placed on a rock in the Spike was always trying to bring Spike replied: shadow of a larger rock. Spike did them down. After spending many hours “A mix-up? I don’t understand. not want to answer it. He was total- “Sometimes fog is just con- looking for a parking place, The Jimmy said we were playing here ly depressed and he did not want to densed water vapor that limits visi- Defeated disembarked the van and tonight. Is this not true?” deal with more bad news. Nimrod bility,” opined Wienie Todd. approached the club where Jimmy Trevor smiled easily. was still missing, Suzy Swallow Then the fog dissipated and a had arranged for them to play. It “Yes, it’s true, or at least most- was still dead. But he didn’t want to strange and wonderful light shone was called The Trap Door. ly true. You are playing, just not look like a pussy in front of his all around the van and rendered its Nimrod met them at the door, here, and not tonight. I can brothers, so he picked up the phone occupants speechless. but he did not look like the Nimrod explain.” and held it to his ear as if it were a They found themselves crawl- of old. His hair was clean and And explain he did. The black scorpion, fearful of what new ing along a crowded freeway. Palm styled with gel, and the tips had Defeated were scheduled to play pain contact with the outside world trees hung in the sky like moldering been bleached blond. He wore later that week at a smaller club off might bring. props of exploded fireworks. Mort black shoes with clean socks, fresh- the strip. They would be issued It was Jimmy, and Jimmy said: and Measles “oohed” and “aahed” ly pressed pants and a button-down tickets, which they would have to “You got a gig tonight.” at every turn. The sun hid in veil of shirt with a (gasp!) collar and sell in advance. If they did not sell Spike asked where the gig was. haze. The light seemed to come adorned with a curious piece of pat- these tickets, the band would have Jimmy told him and hung up the from everywhere at once. The terned fabric that was knotted at the to buy them, or they would not be phone. streets were as cracked and pitted neck and hung down to his belt. permitted to play. Spike gathered his vanmates as a neglected pool, and EDPs “What is that thing?” Measles “That blows,” Morty said. together and told them the news: (emotionally disturbed persons) asked Morty. “Sorry,” Trevor said, “but that’s “Brothers, we have a gig stood at every corner, howling in “I don’t know,” Measles the way it goes.” tonight in The Promised Land of demented fury. replied, “but it looks like it hurts.” “Yeah,” Measles added, with a the Punks.” “Hollywood,” Spike said, “The Nimrod addressed this old van- scowl befitting his angry mood and The members of The Defeated Promised Land of the Punks” mates. worsening temper, “but it still cheered with one voice. They gave They drove around all after- “Greetings, brothers! How blows.” glory to Jimmy. They gave even noon, passing famous landmarks of good it is to see you here!” more glory to Spike. But they gave Punk Rock’s past. They passed the Spike returned the greeting. He the most glory of all to Punk Rock, spots where Iggy Pop scored ludes, was happy to see Nimrod, but he The and this is exactly as it should have Darby Crash copped blowjobs, and was cautious, wary, anxious, skep- Not-So-Promising been. tical and in the mood for a cup of Belinda Carlyle fucked just about Land of the Punks Spike and the members of The everybody. They passed basement non-fat yogurt. Defeated, minus those who were rehearsal spaces, back alley bars “It is good to see you Nimrod. traveling with them, shrugged off How did you come to this place?” The asshole formerly known as and rundown restaurants where LA Nimrod rescheduled The their sadness and piled into the van. bands first gave glory to Punk Nimrod answered. Spike worried, briefly, about what “I do not wish to be called that Defeated’s debut in The Promised Rock. They cruised past the park- Land of the Punks for Monday the Unhappy Dude had told him ing lots where punk rockers got name anymore. That part of my life about Jimmy, but he managed to is over. A new life has begun. You night at the Carpet Club, an alterna- their heads kicked in by cops. From tive lifestyle café in West put his fear, or at least most of it, the suburban beaches to the down- see, I wandered in the desert for out of his mind. forty minutes and forty seconds. I Hollywood with organic coffee, town boulevards, the San Fernando non dairy scones and a tiny perfor- They took on provisions for the Valley to the South Bay, they thought I was going to die, when I last leg of their trip at a 7-11. Then was picked up by a kind-hearted mance space. passed all the famous landmarks of The night before the show they pointed their van in the direc- the Promised Land of the Punks, gentleman in a black helicopter, tion of The Promised Land of the who brought me here and gave me Spike and Seany Rock went to but they knew it not for they had all check out the venue and post some Punks and chased the setting sun. been torn down to make room for a job managing his club. Is that rad As the evening drew on, a great fog or what?” flyers. A mannish-looking woman mini-malls. wearing bib overalls and a crew cut enveloped them, so that they could The van lurched to a stop. A The members of The Defeated hardly see, and this gave Spike a murmured amongst themselves, mangled Gospel songs on an drunken thing had staggered into acoustic guitar. bad feeling. the road. Its wig was cockeyed, its agreeing that it was indeed pretty Spike said to his brothers: rad. Seany said: mascara smeared. “This place sucks.” 14 “Do you know Jonaz, the violence enthusiast, “Excuse me, Nimrod” Spike Spike replied: band.” “Verily.” “You mean it’s not Bastard Seany asked: Fuckchild? “What is that under the per- Morty answered that it was not. former’s armpits?” “Goiterneck?” To which Spike replied: “No.” “Either it is a rare species of “Slurm?” rodent, or five years worth of “No.” underarm growth. Alas, I cannot “Who is it then?” Measles say which.” asked. Seany, who in the course of the Morty replied: last three months and witnessed “Cheap Trick.” infected boils, infested bedrolls and Measles tilted the bottle and woefully neglected undergarments, drained it. recoiled in horror and secret fasci- “Dude,” he said, “you are so nation. gay.” “Say it isn’t so.” Spike answered: True Love “It is so.” Seany replied: Skeebo sought and found a “Gnarly.” strip club filled with misanthropic freaks. Measles & Morty’s Barrett bought a glass pipe and Big Adventure copped some speed at a hot dog stand. While The Defeated waited to Wienie Todd geeked out in a play, the members of the band dis- used record store. persed to explore The Promised Jonaz picked fights with a Land of the Punks, each according department store security stiff, a to his own wants and needs. bouncer and a Kinko’s employee, Measles and Morty went in and won. search of punk rock pleasure. They Piker resumed his losing battle walked down Hollywood with the bottle. He learned to Boulevard like they owned it. They accept the demonic figures that sparechanged passersbys until they assailed his peace of mind at every had enough money for a bottle of turn, peering at him from the Good Times. At the cynosure of recesses of dark alleys, huddled Hollywood and Vine they reveled under freeway underpasses with a in unusually strong vibrations. It brace of shopping carts, gazing was a great fucking day, so, of through the windows of city buses course, Morty had to go ahead and as they rumbled past. He went to an ruin it. A.A. meeting, found God and lost He said: him again in the narrow aisles of a “I have a confession to make.” corner liquor store. He paid ten dol- Measles took a pull on the bot- lars to get sucked off by a hollow- tle and passed it to Morty. eyed runaway. He shot his load. “I know,” Measles said. The runaway puked on him, spat in “You’re gay. I’ve known for years.” his face. He smelled sulfur, tasted To which Morty replied. fire. He cuffed her bloody and col- “No I’m not.” lapsed in the shadow of a neglected Measles answered: palm tree. “Dude,” he continued, “it’s Ape drove over to the Valley okay. You don’t have to hide any- and went looking for salvage yards. thing from me. I’m not going to be, He didn’t find what he was looking like, taking showers with you or for, but in Canoga Park he found a anything, but you’re still my box of gay porno videos near a strip friend.” mall dumpster. He went back to “You don’t take showers,” West Hollywood and made enough Morty snapped. money off the tapes to buy a new Measles said: water pump for the van. There was “Whatever.” a little left over so he sent his Measles reached for the bottle. sweetheart back home a dozen red Morty wouldn’t give it to him. roses and a shiny Mylar balloon “Not until I hear you say I’m that said: Besitos para mi amor. not gay,” he said. Measles replied: Where the White “Okay, you’re not gay.” Foam Kissed His Feet Morty gave up the bottle. While Measles drank, Morty asked: Of all the members of The “Do you want to hear my con- Defeated, only Felch was happy to fession or not?” be in West Hollywood. Felch was a Measles answered: punk rocker first and foremost, but “Yes.” he was something else secondmost, Morty said: and he’d had to suppress this other “I lied to you about my favorite aspect of his selfhood for far too long. He was overjoyed to be “Who’s Toaster Coil?” whiskey nor wine but came with a headed south. amongst his own people. Seany responded. cork. He remembered Jimmy had And lo they came unto Unfortunately, these people did not “Who gives a fuck?! We’re given him a thin gold pen, which he Anaheim, home of Disneyland, a feel the same way about Felch. ‘special guests!’ I thought we were promptly pawned the next day. The place much loved in the imagina- If he went into a bar, they opening!” pen was practically brand new. tion of unimaginative people all refused him service on the basis of He was mightily pissed off. He’d only used it once. Oh, yeah. over the world. his youthful countenance and out- Spike shook his head. He said: The contract. Skeebo said: of-state ID. At coffee shops they “So did I.” Spike said: “Spike, ever since I was a small asked Felch to sit outside, away They went inside. The club was “I see.” boy, it has been a dream of mine to from the other customers on a shambles. The room was cluttered The asshole formerly known as go to Disneyland. If I can just get a account of his odor. Prissy little with tables and chairs. The remains Nimrod said: glimpse of it, I will not feel like fags followed him around book of a party – a private bridal bash— “I’m not sure you do. I should such a failure. My life, such as it is, stores to make sure he didn’t steal was in evidence everywhere. have killed you when I had the will be complete.” anything. After dark on Santa Platoons of empty wine cooler bot- chance.” Spike reflected on Skeebo’s Monica Boulevard he was accosted tles and spent cans of whipped Spike said: words. He had long regarded by cross-dressing street walkers cream bedecked the tables. “What? Skeebo as a mildly retarded species who hissed at him to get his Measles said: The asshole formerly known of punk rocker. However, he’d been raggedy ass off their turf. Beautiful “Man, those kitty kissers know as Nimrod replied: uncharacteristically eloquent, and he-men muscled him off the side- how to party!” “Nothing. I always wanted to his words moved him. walk and into the street. No one Spike instructed the merch say that.” “Okay,” he said. “Let’s go to loved him here. It was even worse gang to help clean up and clear out Spiked ended the call and Disneyland.” than New Jersey. all the tables and chairs. The rest of dropped the phone in a pitcher of They arrived many hours in He took a bus to Venice and the band loaded in and set up their beer. He never wanted to talk to the advance of the park’s opening, so went to the boardwalk to prowl for equipment. There was no stage. asshole formerly known as Nimrod they fortified the van with canned skank. Bad idea. All he saw was They set up between the condiment again. beer and speed procured, ironically hippies and tourists. He felt anxious bar and a magazine rack. Around Seany Rock approached him: enough, at a SpeedMart. and sick, like he might puke up a eight o’clock, customers started “What do we do?” he asked. When dawn broke, the van was hummingbird. trickling in. They saw Spike and Spike answered: quiet, everyone had passed out He went to the water’s edge. He those who traveled with him setting “We’re going to do what we drunk, except for Skeebo and took off his boots and felt the pull up, and they became very angry. It came here to do. We are going to Barrett, who were totally sketched. of the tide at his ankles. I’ve never seems Monday night was open mic give glory to Punk Rock! Are you Skeebo doodled concepts for a done this before, he thought. A night for amateur comediennes, with me?!” Mickey Mouse tattoo while Barrett breeze blew in from offshore, scat- only no had told the comediennes. The men of The Defeated gave composed a letter to his dead moth- tering the whitecaps, changing the They were extremely aggravated. forth a thunderous shout, and then er. shape of the waves. Birds combed Seany Rock chased them off. they gave glory to Punk Rock with At the appointed hour they the troughs – for what? A wave rose When the last of the humorless everything they had – the only way stumbled out of the van and headed up and broke before the setting sun, comediennes was gone, Spike the knew how – even though no for the park entrance. transforming the wave into a prism, called the asshole formerly known one, not a single soul, came to see Jonaz, the violence enthusiast, that inoculated him with dazzling as Nimrod on his cell phone and them play. halted. He said: rays before it was destroyed in the asked to speak with Jimmy. The “I can’t do it.” surf. Felch laughed and laughed asshole formerly known as Nimrod The Spike asked: and laughed. informed Spike that Jimmy wanted “Why not?” “What’s the big deal?” he asked nothing more to do with Spike and 1,467,98 th Jonaz, the violence enthusi- aloud. The Defeated. He told Spike that Happiest ast, answered: He tipped over a trash can and Jimmy had shelled out close to thir- Place on “I gave four years of part- used the greasy paper fast food con- ty grand in getting The Defeated to time employment to Check E. tainers and twelve-pack boxes to The Promised Land of the Punks, a Earth Cheese. It may sound silly, but I start a fire. He felt warm, happy to sum that the band was legally liable wore the uniform with pride. I be alive. for and would have to pay. After their set, Spike made people happy. It was my A young man walked into the Spike said: gathered The Defeated in only time in my life that I have firelight and sat down in the sand. “What?” the parking lot behind the known love.” He was astonishingly handsome. The asshole formerly known as Carpet Club. He said: Measles interrupted: “Hi,” he said. Nimrod said: “Brothers, we have “Dude, you worked at Felch, feeling lucky, took a “Drugs, food, wireless phone come to a desperate pass. Chuck E. Cheese? That is so chance. He said: service. Those Dial-A-Fuck calls Jimmy has forsaken us. lame!” “You’re a dirty little surfer boy, really add up, Spike.” We are out of money. Jonaz, the violence enthusi- aren’t you?” “Yes, well, I see,” Spike sput- The Promised Land of ast, responded: The stranger replied with a tered. “What exactly does that the Punks sucks big time. “Shut up, Measles, or I’ll fuck- smile. mean?” Tomorrow we will pool our ing kill you.” “Yes,” he said, “I am.” “It means,” the asshole former- resources and go home. We were Measles continued taunting Life is easy, Felch thought, ly known as Nimrod answered, promised many things, and none of him: except for when it isn’t. “you’ve blown your entire budget them came true, and for that I, and “Go for it, Chuckles. Come on. on speed, burritos and phone sex. It I alone, am responsible. We have Are you a man or a mouse? Squeak A little Bit Farther \ means you’re going to have to learned much in the course of our squeak!” record, press, distribute and pro- discovery of America. We learned Spike, Seany, Piker and Ape South of the mote the record yourself with the that Piker is weird drunk, Measles’ spent several minutes tried to sub- Promised Land money you have left.” breath smells like ass and Felch due the violence enthusiast. Their Spike fought off the urge to soil likes boys. Hopefully we’ve each adventure at the Happiest Place on The members of The Defeated himself. learned things about ourselves and Earth was getting off to an inauspi- assembled on Monday night at the “Record? What record?” those discoveries will not be in cious start. When Measles had been Carpet Club. The club’s marquee “You signed a contract, remem- vain.” muzzled, and calm had been read “Tonight: Toaster Coil with ber?” The punk rockers from New restored, Jonaz, the violence enthu- special guests.” Spike vaguely recollected his Jersey hung their heads. Some were siast, continued: Skeebo stared at the sign. It first meeting with Jimmy in a back- sad, some were agitated, some were “For me, there can only be one confused him mightily. water bar on the Jersey shore. He utterly defeated. über mouse.” He said: recalled a bottle that was neither They piled into the van and Spike answered: 17 She went on: “I was talking to Seany Rock. He said you’re going back to New Jersey?” Spike nodded. “That was the plan.” She continued: “You should stay. There are lots of places to play down here. You so fit in. The scene is dif- ferent here. Punk rock may have been invented elsewhere, but this is where it lives and breathes.” She touched his chest. Little explosions went off in there. There was a demolition crew. Light ordnance. Things collapsing, falling down, clearing the way for something new. He looked into her eyes and found he could not break her gaze. Something was being communi- cated, and he knew exactly what it was. He had never felt more certain about anything in his life. He said: “I think we’ll stick around a while.” The band launched into their second set and the room exploded. The party went from a place where people stood around smugly telling each other lies to the re-enactment of a cyclone with “Methinks your devotion to icons of corpo- Spike answered: humans playing the part of wind, force and fury. rate consumerism is misplaced, but I respect “I am no other.” A dozen drinks went airborne. People crashed your wishes.” She said: into the room from every doorway. They’d Spike and those that traveled with him “Is this your band, The Defeated?” smash glass, climb through windows to get crossed the parking lot to the park gates. They Spike replied: inside. They surged toward the stage. If some- waited in line exactly two minutes when they “It is. You’ve heard of us?” one fell over an amp, tripped over the mic chord, were accosted – there is no other word for it – by “Shit yeah!” she said. “Look…” or knocked over the cymbal stand as they scram- numerous men in bright windbreakers embla- She withdrew a CD from her purse. It was bled to regain their footing, it was okay. A hand zoned with a logo that featured the Magic The Swallows newest release. She opened the reached out to steady an errant torso or wobbly Castle. CD and read from the liner notes: mic stand. If the singer stopped singing to take a One of the security guards addressed Spike: “‘This album is dedicated to The Defeated, drink, no big deal, the people in the crowd knew “Step out of the line, please.” the best punk rock band in America.’ It says here the words. The members of The Defeated were Spike responded: a lot of the songs were inspired by you. Were all goofy smiles and fuck yeahs. This was the “Why?” you two lovers or something?” punk rock moment they had been waiting for, The goon responded: “Or something,” Spike said. “When did this and they were all equally entitled to it. No one “You will not be admitted to the park today. come out?” was excluded because no one was anything. No Not dressed like that.” “Yesterday. When are you playing next? I’m one was this way or that way. Boy or girl, gay or Spike stood his ground: dying to hear you!” straight, sideways or sober. Each of them expe- “This is discrimination. This is America. Spike answered: rienced a negation of identity, the joyful and You can’t discriminate people in America.” “We are, um, between gigs.” spontaneous annihilation of self. Life was a Many days later, while retelling the story of “I’m having a party at my house tonight. Do fucking bore filled with people who had all but the fascist policies at Disneyland, it will occur to you want to play?” forsaken their humanity. Stupid teachers and him that the history of America could be viewed “Shit yeah,” he said. Something interesting soulless bosses. Girlfriends who wanted to as a chronicle of discrimination between those was happening here. Life suddenly seemed not break their balls, boyfriends who didn’t have who controlled exploitable commodities and to suck so much. any. Kids who took without ever giving any- those who did not. Verily, many of the have nots thing back and parents who withheld their love. were themselves exploitable commodities. This A Frangible Thing The same asshole in numerous guises always epiphany saddened him, but at the moment, he trying to change who and what they were. was feeling rather impotent. Spike followed the punk rockers directions Sometimes they succeeded in turning them into “Sir,” the pseudo-cop said, his bristly mus- and found the party. They set up, plugged in, and something very un-punk rock until one day they tache twitching, “I believe you to be intoxicated. played. It was easily their best show, their finest looked in the mirror and could not recognize the Either you can leave peaceably, or I can call the hour. Everything felt right. Their music made person peering back. The music was a vital police.” sense here in these crowded, smoke-filled rooms reminder that the transmutation was only tem- Spike sighed. He supposed he should feel with spilled beer on the floor and shipwrecked porary. What caused it? None of them could say. anger, indignation, even rage, but all he could punk rockers passed out here and there. It was part alcohol, part amplifier, part animal muster was disappointment. He deeply regretted After their set, Spike was hugged, shoved exuberance. Protest and celebration, same fuck- his decision to excuse Jonaz, the violence enthu- and subjected to boozy embraces. People spilled ing thing. Whatever did not lead to this moment siast, from the day’s festivities. His single-mind- things on him, gave him drinks, proffered pills. was of zero consequence. Now was all that mat- edness would be useful right now. He said: There were punk rock chicks everywhere, and tered. The time to observe had passed. “Okay then.” they were all beautiful in their own fashion. Reflection would come later. There was only the One by one The Defeated stepped out of Another band was setting up. They had music. They didn’t just listen to it, they entered line. They headed back to the van with the played hours earlier and had been urged, nay it, hurled themselves at it like something blasted knowledge that it was going to be a bad day, and coerced, to play again. out of a cannon. Only a dipshit would call it it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet. Spike brushed up against someone’s ass. dancing. Spike and those traveling with him cel- “Excuse me, are you Spike?” The woman turned and Spike saw that it was the ebrated this new discovery that was not a dis- Spike looked to see who was asking. It was punk rocker he had met in the Disneyland park- covery at all but the resuscitation of something a punk rocker. She wore red pants, a white ing lot. vital, essential, necessary for human life. They wifebeater and blue creepers. Her hair was “You guys were great!” she said. “You have didn’t make the music, but it was their noise, pulled back in braids. She had big eyes, large given much glory to Punk Rock!” theirs to revel in, each according to their lips and a spectacular rack. She was astonish- Spike thanked her. own wants and needs, and none of them ingly cute. would ever be the same again. 19 The Twisted Balloon

My favorite chant this weekend was actually the five minutes of Black Bloc kids chanting “Whose big fucking pointy thing? OUR big fucking pointy thing!” at the Washington Monument. irst of all, this is not going be everywhere. The average Nike-wearing, influence. The fact that the corporations objective journalism. Heck, I don’t Budweiser-drinking Joe had a fleeting glimpse allegedly running things are those like Enron believe there’s such a thing. Sure, into another Seattle-type thing where kids with (need I say more), Coke (who sells an unhealthy many FFstrive for it, but to say you have no bandanas decry capitalism in the city that was product and is charged in any number of human feelings about something means you aren’t barely beginning the healing process to the rights scandals), Monsanto (who are behind human. I choose to bask in my humanity, not largest wound in our collective history. No much of the world’s bioengineering and other attempt to ignore it. If you think Dan Rather wonder people were quick to look for controversial issues), Phillip Morris (whose doesn’t consider the ties between who writes his inconsistencies. But isn’t the blame more most well-known product kills those who use it paycheck and whom he reports on, think harder. accurately put on those who organized the as directed, while Phillip Morris makes Besides, it’s my column and I get to write what protest-inspiring event? Before someone incorrect statements that people dying save I want. So nyah. complains about people protesting something, governments money), and Shell (which has been I spent the weekend in Washington D.C. shouldn’t there be at least some curiosity to flat out accused of murdering activists such as at protests and rallies. The first protest was a what the thing is? Ken Saro-Wiwa in Nigeria). These companies Critical Mass-style bike ride on Friday, with a Then again, the last time I was in DC, I have further influence over politics through full day of activity on Saturday, and events was in the Smithsonian Institute and watched organizations such as the IMF and World Bank. going on through Monday afternoon. The funny kids on a field trip ask each other what a display As a result of such influence or not, the U.S. has thing is, I can hardly say myself how many was. Rather than walk two feet and look at the a strong military and cultural (if McDonalds can actions I attended, as many of them ebbed and placard, if they couldn’t guess what it was, it be called culture) presence in many countries, flowed into one another. I saw specific actions was deemed “stupid.” Why would I be surprised and this is part of what upsets groups like the against the IMF and World Bank, talked to when people think protesters protest just to Taliban (even though they had no problem people who rode in an anti-School of the protest? Why would an American go out of taking our money in recent years to combat that Americas bike ride, witnessed rallies for the one’s way to ask an informed person of other abstract war – the one on drugs). people of Iraq, Afghanistan, Colombia, something when it’s easier to just assume they So we were attacked, and we retaliated by Palestine, and the Philippines, and others against need a job? bombing Afghanistan, despite the fact that most Coca-Cola, Monsanto, Israeli Prime Minister From April 19-21 our nation’s capitol was of the terrorists involved were Saudi Arabian. Sharon, the Bush Administration, and the so- abuzz with activity which came across not as Or the fact that we didn’t bomb Montana when called “War on Terrorism.” disjointed, but more like many pieces being McVeigh blew up a building, or the fact that war Ironically, this is only a few months after assembled into a single puzzle, bricks being means killing innocents, which is supposedly the World Economic Forum protests in NYC built into one wall. Sure, the signs mentioned the sort of thing the terrorism we are fighting provoked critical backlash for being disjointed any number of subjects, but there was an does. Or the fact that the School of the Americas (at least from the less political punks I talked to). underlying theme to this all. (although recently renamed) is alleged to be To many, what should have been shown as one For one, the simple fact that there is little more than a terrorist training program. Or, message seems scattered with references to strength in numbers. Solidarity was the theme of in a half-assed simplification, America means Enron and the now ubiquitous protest icon the weekend. People who are unhappy with the corporations and military power that hurts Mumia Abu Jamal, whose plight is brought up system stood together, supporting one another’s people all over the world, and this upsets many seemingly randomly in any protest. It’s not that causes. For another, there was networking. people for many reasons. Toss in the American I don’t support the Mumia movement, just that I Protests have become a social thing, and while government’s support of Israeli leader Sharon’s don’t know if an anti-bioengineering event is the this means fun and making new friends, it is also occupation of Palestine, and you have tens of place to bring it up. At least “Free Mumia” signs a gathering of like-minded people who can share thousands of people rallying together. “People were conspicuously absent in DC this time. The their personal causes with one another. While are starting come together to see that these former is simply one example of corporate many people were arguably protesting for the things are all linked,” summarized Beverly, a crime that the WEF critics showcased, while the sake and rush of protesting itself, much of this member of Act Now to Stop War and End other is a symptom of any large gathering – weekend was the joining of people with mutual Racism (ANSWER). whatever the point of the actual event. If goals and mutual enemies. If the problems being The exact number of people protesting is attention is to be had, someone will find a way brought up were so diverse, it is only because hard to say. After all, there were people coming to exploit it for a cause, related or not. Consider we live in a system that creates so many and going over the weekend, and indeed there if John 3:16 has any direct connection to any problems. I encourage readers to research these were separate rallies all over downtown sports venue or rainbow wigs*, for instance. topics on their own. I cannot do justice if I try to Washington. (Including the counter protest, Furthermore, the whole concept of the World explain WTO, IMF and numerous activist “Rally for America,” featuring many militia and Economic Forum is pretty unknown to the causes in one article, and by all means, don’t super-patriot types, as well as unrelated rallies average American, who is unaware that the take my word for anything besides what I say I against eating disorders and the inevitable heads of major corporations and other saw with my own eyes. However, for some “4:20” crowd.) The point that was made again financially powerful figures have such sense of clarity, the point of this weekend’s and again, by every activist and even the networking conferences at all. Certainly, the events was something like this... counter-protesters I talked to, is that while there media owned by these companies wasn’t going America’s government, represented by were so many causes, they all joined together at to explore how the meetings usually happen in the unelected George W. Bush, is heavily 3 PM for a single mass march, which police Switzerland and were allegedly driven out by influenced by corporate powers. So, we already estimates say involved 75,000 people. From the mass protests, landing in NYC where 9-11 have some people upset at the selling out of our vantage of the next street over, I rode my bike 20 aftermath and emotions were so-called “democracy,” catering to financial from the Washington Monument to the Capitol Building, and there was a solid wall of people On Sunday, I watched an anarchist debate The official events being over for the day the whole way. concerning some party members’ love of by Sunday afternoon, my friend Rosie and I This was the first time I attended such an Revolutionary Communist Party Chairman Bob biked about, searching for adventure (and the event as a journalist. I enjoyed this because it Avakian. It was held by two college students cute boy she met earlier). I endorse, if at all gave me reason and legitimacy to approach who seemed unable (even after ten minutes) to possible, the attending of protests and travel in strangers to ask them questions. I got to talk to explain how he became the group’s leader or general with bikes. It makes it easy to zip away, the crackpot with the anti-circumcision sign even why they like him. This was actually find a bathroom, and get back to what you were laden with fascist propaganda. (He was something I look back on a lot. Bob Avakian doing, and act as a messenger between front and comparing circumcision to the holocaust, I reminds me of a cross between L. Ron Hubbard end of a march. We rode past fellow activists guess.) I talked to a patriot from a right wing, and the pigs in Animal Farm. Like L. Ron, he and stopped to chat. Always one of the great anti-tyranny group who seemed as much an says a lot of things that aren’t so much wrong as parts of looking weird is the, “Hey, you look like anarchist as anyone, just that he labeled himself they are bad rewrites of someone else’s thoughts we could be friends” reaction. They told us conservative and not liberal. An old women framed as if he is a brilliant visionary. RCP about a party featuring folk singer David from Palestine cried to me about her loved ones people talk like Catholics defending the Rovics. being bombed. I got to talk to preppies in khakis inconsistencies of their faith – they believe in Yeah, I am mentioning a folk singer in a who swear the system punk zine. Sorry. works, and that capitalism The only people who seemed to be fully out of place were the Actually, the issue Todd and democracy are the has with him is that after same. AND I HAVE IT undercover cops… Possibly because – new bandana and two days of researching issue ALL ON TAPE! stubble aside – the Starbucks cup is a dead giveaway. number seven’s Ford While differences piece, Todd found some were put aside for the fact garbling in Rovic’s actual marches, there were song “Henry Ford Was a still differences. Among Fascist.” That aside, many Palestinians and David is an amazing Palestinian-Americans, it singer and songwriter, was hard to tell where and it’s nice to hear anti-Sharon sentiment and music without getting anti-Zionist sentiment jumped on sometimes. ended, and plain old anti- The show was Semitism and racism actually at a house that began. While it’s hard to was opened up to the fault anger in people public, with free food, whose immediate family no less. This capped off are being murdered, and the weekend for me; the concept of any given such a huge sense of bad guy being “the next community and family. I Hitler” is a recurring mentioned that I wished theme, the image of the I had some zines to give swastika was used a bit away. When asked, I too freely for the comfort explained my zine being of many, including many a collection of funny anti-racist activists and the letters to companies, group of Rabbis who provoking Rovics to ask marched in solidarity. me if I had heard of Rich Some activists sought to Mackin. A few sentences stand in unity with the later, I was reading to Palestinians, but worried the crowd from the one that they might be semi- stained copy of the zine I endorsing nazis. Many had on me. It was neat. I people dislike what the government of Palestine this because this is what they believe in. I have got to contribute to the event instead of just eat does as much as they dislike Sharon, and it gets maybe fifteen minutes of them babbling. (My free food. hard to communicate subtleties such as RCP experience was further tainted by seeing So, as I write this back in my Boston supporting the people of a country while RCP people show up at an anarchist house party apartment, overtired and with sore feet, I think downcrying the government in a three-line sign, and not pay at the door for the bands and house of the chant “The people united can never be soundbite or chant. fund because of political differences. If that’s divided.” I can’t say for a fact if it’s true or not, To many mainstream Americans, the the case, sure, don’t give the anarchists money, but it looks like the uniting part is well under protest movement is made up of nothing more but get your own free food and bands.) way. than scruffy white kids. They were there, many Many activists of all creeds were wary of –Rich Mackin from the Boston area. But not all these kids how much ANSWER actually did to help create thought alike, and they kept their ideological this event and how much it merely was taking Selected sources for more info on the actual boundaries up even in context of solidarity. credit for the work of others, while others points that were rallied for/against: Those who sought more “sanitary” protest discussed ANSWER’s often unspoken links to http://www.globalizethis.org chided members of the Black Bloc, the bandana- Socialist groups. Having witnessed these http://www.A20StopTheWar.org/ masked anarchist brigade, for (nonexistent) discussions firsthand, I realized that groups Or just look it up. You know how this stuff violence. I was unable to hear anything about seemed to have more of a sense of apprehension works I bet. any actual violence, but the Bloc has a about how each person was seen representing reputation for such from mainstream media their own views, not in any sort of exclusionary *for those not in the know, a man dubbed reports, and even some fellow activists buy into “my rally/ your rally” tone. “Rainbow Head” for his clown wig would it. This weekend, anarchists were more likely The only people who seemed to be fully attend sports events with signs referring to the spotted playing Frisbee and cooperative out of place were the undercover cops. Possibly Bible verse “And God so loved the world…” He playground games. (My favorite chant this because it’s pretty obvious that a 40-year-old ex- is referenced a lot in pop culture, and by now weekend was actually the five minutes of Black football player isn’t an anarchist, no matter what many of the references are third or fourth Bloc kids chanting “Whose big fucking pointy is hastily scrawled on his jacket. Possibly generation, hence Austin 3:16 in the WWE thing? OUR big fucking pointy thing!” at the because – new bandana and two days of stubble (formerly the WWF) and all. Washington Monument.) aside – the Starbucks cup is a dead giveaway. 21 Nardwuar: Who are you? giving away a vintage organ from the history of Dave Vanian: I have no idea. The Damned? What’s the Captain doing? Nardwuar: You’re Dave Vanian of The Damned! Dave Vanian: Well, I’m surprised he isn’t doing Captain Sensible: I’m Phil Collins and buy my it for money, actually. Does it not work or some- records ‘cause I need some hair restorer. thing? [laughs] Nardwuar: You’re Captain Sensible of The Captain Sensible: No, it’s all right. You occa- Damned! sionally have to fix it with an elastic band, you Captain Sensible: Ahh, thank you. Thank you know, the tone wheels, but cut that bit out, it is in very much ladies and gentlemen. Buy my records. perfect working order! [laughs] I need the money. Nardwuar: Dave and Captain, it’s great to have Nardwuar: Who else is in The Damned these you back. Thanks for coming back together again, days right now, Dave? Grave Disorder! Dave Vanian: There’s piles of them. Captain Sensible: [laughs] Fuck off! Nardwuar: What other people... come on, your Nardwuar: Yes, a brand new record, a brand new wife (Damned bass player Patricia Morrison), record together. [The Captain grabs and shakes your wife. Don’t forget your wife! Nardwuar] Now how long has it been there, Dave Vanian: Oh yeah right. He plays drums. His Captain? How long has it been, Captain, since name’s Mr. A. Pinch. He’s from... I was gonna say you guys did an album together? You got a brand Reservoir Dogs but... new album out? How long has it been? Out come Nardwuar: The English Dogs! the bananas! [The Captain starts eating a banana] Dave Vanian: He’s from The English Dogs. See, Dave Vanian: Twelve years! this man knows more about us ‘cause we’re actu- Nardwuar: Twelve years of rock. Now, you were Nardwuar ally imposters. almost lost to the Misfits there, weren’t you Nardwuar: Well, this is kinda what I want to Dave? learn more about. Dave Vanian: No. versus Dave Vanian: Any minute now, it’s all gonna be Nardwuar: Did the Misfits approach you? “Scooby dooby doo” and it all comes off [Dave Dave Vanian: No. pretends to take mask off] and I’m actually the Nardwuar: ...No? the Damned caretaker! Captain Sensible: Oh yes, they did! [laughs] Nardwuar: And who else is in the band, Captain Nardwuar: Oh yes they did. Tell us, Captain! Sensible? Please explain. Captain Sensible: I have absolutely no idea. I Captain Sensible: A friend of mine called Monty don’t know what you’re talking about. Oxy Moron playing keyboards. He’s actually won Nardwuar: You were going to be singer of the awards for playing jazz. He was a jazz keyboard Misfits for a little while, according to Jerry Only. player the year of 19...? Captain Sensible: You’d better take that up with Dave Vanian: ‘87. him then. [laughs] Captain Sensible: Yeah... [laughs]... And now he Nardwuar: Ba-boom. Now let’s move really for- has joined the Damned. So he’s added a new ward to about two weeks ago. Guess who was in dimension. this very room? Billy... Nardwuar: He’s a Punk Floyder isn’t he? Dave Vanian: Connelly. Captain Sensible: Yeah, it’s a good name for a Nardwuar: Billy I... band isn’t it? Dave Vanian: Billy I... I know. Billy I... have a Nardwuar: So, Captain Sensible of The Damned, fiver to give to Captain Sensible! I understand you’ve got something to show us on Nardwuar: That’s what I was wondering. Do you the wall over here. This is a picture of your have any good Billy Idol stories? He was just here school. Could you please explain what this is all at the Commodore Ballroom two weeks ago, about. Captain. Captain Sensible: [Looking at old photo of Captain Sensible: Yeah, he shagged Rat Scabies’ school kids] Well... uhmm... I was ‘round me missus. [laughs] When we was out on tour in the dad’s and he was clearing some old junk out and States, apparently he was seeing to Rat’s missus amongst the garbage was this old photograph of while we were out working, you know. And when this old school, Stanley Tech in South Norwood we got back – it was a terrible hoo-ha, actually. I Hill, and I though it would be fun to chuck it up remember whenever we went into a pub and the on the website, , and juke box had – I don’t know – “White Wedding” do a competition where if they can find where I or something. Yeah, I’d put “White Wedding” on am in the picture, I would give them a Hammond and Rat would go “Oi! Turn that fucking shit off!” Organ ‘cause I just recently moved into a flat and [laughs] I haven’t got much space, you see, so I need to get Nardwuar: Rat isn’t here right now, but how rid of it. So if anyone wants to win my Hammond would he react to the knowledge that The Clash Organ, they can pick me out of this rag bag of old played their first North American gig here, at the toss-pots there. Commodore Ballroom in 1979, two years after Nardwuar: Dave, how do you feel about that, you guys played New York? The Clash played here, Dave. The Clash, where you’re playing in New York wanking at the time. Dave Vanian: Which one is it? [laughs] tonight! Nardwuar: Because isn’t there another connec- Captain Sensible: Well, we loved the Ramones, Dave Vanian: You’re a very excitable chap, tion between John Lennon and the song “W” on and Joe was such a nice bloke and he nearly got aren’t you? [laughs] Clash, yeah, fantastic. your new record, too? to his 50th birthday, but he missed it by a few Nardwuar: Just wondering if you have any Captain Sensible: No. days. So his mum organized the gig anyway, and Canadian connections? I want to bring out the Nardwuar: Yes there is, because “W” stands he had his birthday party anyway, and it was Canadian connections. for Wings. And did you not displace Paul quite touching back stage. The Ramones meant Captain Sensible: We only came here a couple McCartney’s Wings with “Love Song” in the so much to everyone really, apart from Phil of times, that’s the trouble. We came here once charts years ago, Captain Sensible? Collins, who hated them. in ‘77 I think, and then there was a big gap Dave Vanian: Yeah! [laughing] Nardwuar: And you guys got flown over to that before we came back. Nardwuar: What is the story behind that? event. You’re, like, one of the few bands from Nardwuar: I thought you didn’t really come to Captain Sensible: I think that week, less people out of town that actually played. Canada until you came to the El Mocambo in bought McCartney’s song than bought ours. It’s Dave Vanian: Yeah, it was really a New York Toronto, in the early ‘80s when you destroyed as simple as that, I’m afraid. [laughs] event with Cheap Trick, Blondie. It was like the El Mocambo’s sign. Do you remember that Nardwuar: You guys also have a song called being at a big family event. It was quite good. at all Captain Sensible? “Looking for Action” there, Dave from the Nardwuar: Now, the Damned weren’t always Captain Sensible: [Silence then banana-eating Damned. New Yorker family-type people, were you? You noises]... To be quite honest, I don’t remember Dave Vanian: Dave of the Damned, that’s me, have that song “Idiot Box,” don’t you Captain much about anything really, because my brain yes, and? Sensible? was usually addled with drink and drugs. There Nardwuar: You also have a song called Captain Sensible: Tom Verlaine you hideous you go. “Looking for Action.” Now did Robert Plant go snot, you should have wrote the golden shot. Nardwuar: Dave, you like Donald Sutherland “looking for some action” at a Damned gig? Yeah... though. He’s a Canadian. Dave Vanian: He is a Canadian. Captain Sensible: Yeah, he’s done some good films. Television pulled out Nardwuar: Do have any Canadian Nardwuar: You’ve also got Pinch in the band of a gig with us, which connections? Are there any from English Dogs, who’s a shirt lifter. actually caused us Canadian connections at all for you financial hardship guys in the Damned? Dave Vanian: [laughs] Good God, he’s not a because we were doing Dave Vanian: We don’t, do we? a gig with them on the None that I can think of, have we? shirt lifter, is he? west coast in 1977, was Captain Sensible: I have a particu- it? We had to put a box lar hating of Molson beer, does that on the door saying – count? Robert Plant checked out the Damned and actu- because Television right booted us off their gig Nardwuar: That’s kind of Canadian. Billy ally enjoyed you guys? or whatever – “If you want to see The Damned, Cowsill, he lives in Vancouver, British Captain Sensible: That’s an interesting segue if you want to send them home, put some money Columbia, Canada. CS and... there isn’t it? Yeah, he did. Down at the Roxy, in this box.” It was full, actually. We had Rod Dave Vanian: Ahh, yeah! the old punk club. Stewart and all sorts of people on the guest list Captain Sensible: The Cowsills, yeah! [sings] Nardwuar: So you have a lot of the old rockers for that one, didn’t we? “The rain, the park and other things, ta-da ta-da, checking you out and enjoying you, because I Dave Vanian: Except Jake Riviera (Damned da-da da-da... “ heard a story when you first came to New York manager) tore up the guest list. Yeah, he said, Nardwuar: What’s Captain Sensible’s obses- in 1977, that the Rolling Stones left you guys “They could pay!” [Ripping sound] sion with Billy Cowsill there? some hookers and some b-b-blow... Captain Sensible: [laughs] Dave Vanian: He loves the Cowsills. Captain Sensible: [silence] Nardwuar: Jerry Nolan of The Heartbreakers, Captain Sensible: They’re an exceedingly Nardwuar: ... Pies! he dissed you guys too. That’s another New good band and I think a Cowsill revival would Captain Sensible: Yeah, some pies and um, York guy. He said you were kicked off the be long overdue. In actual fact, you know how what else? Oh yes, some hookers. That was nice Anarchy Tour because you were sissies. bands have got website things going on? I of ‘em wasn’t it? Captain Sensible: The truth about the Anarchy checked out the Cowsills’ website. They’ve got Nardwuar: The Rolling Stones supported the Tour was that we were on a small label with Stiff this new album out called Global, actually. So I Damned. That’s incredible. and the other three bands were on big labels. bought it on the internet and they took my Captain Sensible: Some of them liked us. I And we were staying at a little bed and break- money and sent me the record. And it’s jolly mean Marc Bolan from T-Rex liked us. He fast. I don’t know if you know what bed and good as well. I think, you know, there’s a lot to could see it. But some of them were threatened, breakfasts are over here – they’re tiny sort of lit- be said for the Cowsills, and the internet. The people like, well – probably nobody remembers tle flea pits. You’re lucky if you’ve got a phone great thing about the internet is that obscure Phil Collins now – but I remember at the time he in there. They were staying in swanky, flash things – there’s no one in Britain who likes the said, “I’ve looked at this so-called punk phe- hotels. So anyway, our manager went over... Cowsills – so you can get in touch with people nomenon and I see nothing of any worth.” But Nardwuar: “They” being the Sex Pistols, right? who equally have this Cowsills fetish. Bolan thought it was brilliant and he took us out Dave Vanian: Yeah. Nardwuar: “Would Be So Hot” is the name of on tour with him. Captain Sensible: They went over to negoti- a new song on the Damned record, right there, Nardwuar: Sir Cliff Richard didn’t like you ate... Dave? guys, did he? He didn’t want to introduce you Nardwuar: You’re not afraid to say that word, Captain Sensible: No, “Would You Be So on some TV show, Dave? are you Captain Sensible? “Sex Pistols.” Soon Hot.” Dave Vanian: That’s the name; he objects to the to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Nardwuar: “Would You Be So Hot”! Now, name. Fame! [The Captain then grabs Nardwuar and Mister Captain Sensible, excuse me, that has Nardwuar: He just wanted nothing to do with pretends to punch him.] How do you feel about some Lennon-esque references in it, doesn’t it? you? that there, Captain Sensible? Captain Sensible: Yeah, I think John Lennon Captain Sensible: No, but we had people out- Captain Sensible: I love them. I think they’re would be really pissed off the way people are side our shows in California, didn’t we, the first great. [singing] God bless the Sex Pistols! talking about him as being some messiah, Jesus time we went over, with banners saying like They’re a bunch of wholesome blokes! figure and stuff. He’d be really pissed off. So “This Damned menace,” and “Send ‘em back Nardwuar: Why was Sid always chucking stuff we’re basically agreeing with John there. home” and stuff like that. at you? Hey Dave, why was Sid always chuck- Nardwuar: Did he ever hear you guys? Did you Nardwuar: But let’s not say that America hates ing stuff at you? ever run into John Lennon? Did they ever have you, because you guys recently were at Joey Captain Sensible: ‘Cause he was fucking out of a Damned record at all? Ramone’s birthday party. That was a real touch- his mind on heroin, what do you think? Dave Vanian: No idea. ing event. Maybe you could comment about that Nardwuar: Well, did he like you? Come on, he Captain Sensible: I think he was busy in his flat there, Captain or Dave? must have liked you still deep 23 down. Dave Vanian: I’ve ended up on my unceremo- Nardwuar: Now, did you ever think that punk Captain Sensible: No, when you look back at nious rump many a times, sir. [laughs] would end up this way, Captain Sensible? those days, the punk scene, you know... It looks Nardwuar: Captain, what’s going to happen “Walking by the Queen mum, a group of young- as though it was a scene and everyone was like with the bananas tonight? And ice cubes? sters representing the punk era”? sort of getting on and all this stuff. But like with There’s always bananas, up ass! Ice cubes, up Captain Sensible: Yeah, the Queen mum’s most sorts of things, there’s dreadful rivalries ass... and other places too, Captain. You’ve still looking great. The reason we’re out on tour going on. We absolutely hated The Clash and got it. You’re Captain Sensible and Dave Vanian though at the moment is that we hear rumors The Clash hated the Pistols and the Pistols hated of the Damned! that she’s going to die while we’re away, so the Siouxsie and the Banshees. It was one of those Captain Sensible: Yeah! next few days, I think you might be hearing sorts of things. I remember the Clash went Nardwuar: You’ve also got Pinch in the band some tragic news from Britain, and hopefully ‘round to see Johnny Rotten one day they’ll get it all over with and because he’d slagged them off in a music we can go back and it’d be paper and Joe Strummer walked out cry- safe. When she pops her clogs, ing, or was it Mick? You know, really you won’t be able to open the upset. It wasn’t like everyone sort of newspaper or turn the TV on going, “Yeah, great to see you,” and all this without, “Oh, she won the sec- stuff. It’s fine now. ond World War, the most mar- Nardwuar: Johnny Rotten called you a velous granny in the world,” “glossed-over Eddie and the Hot Rods.” and all that old bullshit. Yeah. Dave, Dave don’t leave. Dave, what do They’re still about. This is you think about that? why punk has got to work Dave Vanian: For one thing, it’s the harder to get rid of them. wrong kind of music, so I don’t know why Nardwuar: I said Captain. he said that. Captain Sensible: I said wot? Nardwuar: ‘Cause I think that’s kind of Nardwuar: I said Captain. mean though, isn’t it? That is kind of Dave Vanian: What you mean. want? Captain Sensible: Yeah, lots of bands say Nardwuar: I said Captain. lots of things about each other. Captain Sensible: [laughs] Nardwuar: Are you going to make up Nardwuar: I said Captain. with them at all? I mean, are you just going Captain Sensible: I said fuck to just forgive him and put him on the off shithead or I’ll fucking guest list for your upcoming LA gig at all? knee you in the bollocks, you Captain Sensible: Who? John? Captain Sensible: The Ramones meant cunt! Nardwuar: Yeah. so much to everyone really, apart from Nardwuar: It’s funny you say Captain Sensible: He’s a great, great the word “shithead.” Joey bloke. I think he’s a tragically overlooked Phil Collins, who hated them. Shithead of the rock and roll talent, especially in our country, in Britain. band DOA, he put out some of He should have his own TV program. But your records. Do you even because he’s a bit raunchy and he doesn’t suffer from English Dogs, who’s a shirt lifter. know that? DOA from Vancouver, Joey fools gladly, he’s had to come over here to work. Dave Vanian: [laughs] Good God, he’s not a Shithead of Sudden Death Records. You’re on It’s bloody terrible isn’t it? shirt lifter, is he? Sudden Death Records, do you know that Dave? Dave Vanian: He has his own TV show, I Nardwuar: He’s a shirt lifter! Pinch is a shirt Dave Vanian: He obviously owes us money. think... lifter. Nardwuar: Ok, well, we’ll edit that part out. Captain Sensible: Yeah, they pulled the plugs Captain Sensible: He wouldn’t be the first. We Dave Vanian: Where is he? on it after one series though. had that bloke out of Culture Club. He was in Nardwuar: He’s on tour, he’s on tour, I swear. I Dave Vanian: It was too controversial, I guess. the Damned for five minutes. swear. Now you also have a song called “She” Nardwuar: You guys recorded New Rose on Dave Vanian: John Moss! on Grave Disorder, “She”... speaking about “cider and speed.” Now what did you record Captain Sensible: John Moss. [laughs] He was “She” – sorry if I spat on you right there – “She, your brand new Nitro release on? a shirt lifter. God bless him though. Nice bloke. she,” Chrissy Hynde, can you give me a little Captain Sensible: [laughs] Tonic wine. Nardwuar: So how much snot and gob has got Chrissy Hynde tidbit because I think she kinda Nardwuar: Tell us more about that Captain thrown at you guys? was around back then. Sensible. Dave Vanian: None. Dave Vanian: You leave her tidbits alone! Captain Sensible: It used to be a tragedy. Nardwuar: I mean in the early days, is there Nardwuar: Just a little bit of Chrissy Hynde- Touring in the States was really difficult because any good example of snot and gob? ing, please there Captain. What do you remem- there was no decent beer. It was Molson, Coors, Captain Sensible: That is Rat Scabies. [laughs] ber about Chrissy Hynde, ‘cause she always, Schlitz, Budweiser, Miller, stuff like that. It was Nardwuar: Come on, you must have taken the you know, brags about being around back then. appalling, absolutely tragic. But nowadays you brunt of it too. He’s behind the drums. He’s safe. What was she like, there, Captain? got these micro-breweries and blah blah blah. Dave Vanian: Nah, he always used to get off the Captain Sensible: She was great. She’s great Apparently, we’re going to do a tour of Sierra drums and run round the front. now. She got in terrible trouble for saying Nevada Pale Ale, which is our particular Nardwuar: And then he’d get the snot and gob. “Bomb McDonalds” didn’t she, when she was favorite, so it’s safe to tour the States again. Dave Vanian: Yeah. on an animal rights demonstration. Nardwuar: At the beginning of the interview, Nardwuar: Captain and Dave of the Damned, I Nardwuar: She was a punk back then, eh? you hauled out some bananas. Now there’s wanted to ask you about this press clipping. I’ve Captain Sensible: Yeah, I hate McDonalds as always bananas around the Damned. Are there shown it to so many bands over and over again, well. Bloody shit they are. going to be bananas on stage tonight Dave? And but if anybody is authorized to examine this and Nardwuar: You don’t like Siouxsie Sioux. how have you avoided bananas? And has the tell me the history behind this, maybe you can. What’s the deal on Siouxsie Sioux? Why is she Captain used ice cubes, too? Dave Vanian: [looking at the clipping which such a snob? Dave Vanian: I always avoid anything that shows actors dressed as punks beside the Queen Captain Sensible: Well, she just is. She’s an looks like a dangerous weapon, which is usually Mum] See that one there with the wooden leg? appalling snob. Only marginally worse than a banana. That’s Captain’s sister. Steve Severin (Siouxie and the Banshees Nardwuar: Now how come you’ve never Nardwuar: Let’s just read the caption here. bassist) who’s a complete tosser. slipped in any bananas? “Remembering punk: a group of youngsters rep- Nardwuar: How bout Paul Weller? Dave Vanian: I have. resenting the punk era walk past the Queen mum Captain Sensible: No, Paul’s alright. Nice Nardwuar: What? Please tell us a little bit and Prince Charles.” bloke. about Dave’s experience. Captain Sensible: Oh, fucking great. Dave Vanian: He’s just a bit mis- 25 erable. [laughs] Holland, they’re actually building a huge dam bloke. And I blame that partly on McLaren... Nardwuar: Dave, tell me about your motor- which they’re draining this whole piece of land You’ll have to run that by your legal people, I’m bikes? which is hundreds of square miles, which is afraid. [laughs] Dave Vanian: I’m not telling you anything. going to add a huge portion of land to Holland. Nardwuar: Dave Vanian and Captain Sensible Nardwuar: Oh, please, come on. Tell me about Very interesting. Because over the top of the of the Damned, here we are winding up with this your motorbikes. You have some Harleys don’t dam is a motorway as well. And it’s a great bit interview. Is this what it often looks like at the you? of civil engineering. end of a Damned gig, Dave? Dave Vanian: They’ve got two tires and han- Nardwuar: Now do you find it hard explaining Dave Vanian: No, but it looks like the end of dlebars. What do you want to know? something serious like that, looking at my face the dressing room. Nardwuar: Yeah, I want to know which ones just covered in banana and cheese? Nardwuar: The dressing room here at the you have, like what model, if you’re into it, Captain Sensible: [chuckles] You’re making Commodore Ballroom in Vancouver, British etcetera, etcetera. Is Dave being elusive right me hungry. Columbia, Canada. The Damned are back! now, Captain? What’s going on? Nardwuar: You love eating, don’t you? Wasn’t Grave Disorder, right, there, Captain Sensible? Dave Vanian: Nine point two. your nickname “Eats” too? Didn’t you have a Dave Vanian: Arr, arr! Captain Sensible: [mumbles something] nickname “Eats”? Captain Sensible: [laughs] Thank you very Nardwuar: What can you do with that banana Captain Sensible: It was! You know too much! much ladies and gentlemen. It’s so kind of you. Captain? Could you maybe help us out with that, That’s amazing. God bloody blimey. Nardwuar: Now that’s an ad there for your new please? Nardwuar: You’re Captain Sensible but you’re LP, Grave Disorder, but you’ve done some other Dave Vanian: He’s very good at origami. also “Eats” too. ads haven’t you there Captain Sensible? Nardwuar: Yeah, is there anything you can do Captain Sensible: Marlon Eats, yes, that was Weetabix. What are you doing with Weetabix? with that banana there Captain Sensible of The my preferred nickname. Then I ended up with Captain Sensible: [laughs] Yes, the sensible Damned, for us, that you can examine or show? Captain Sensible. choice, Weetabix. I needed the money, to be

Captain Sensible: I said fuck off shithead or I’ll fucking knee you in the bollocks, you cunt!

[The Captain then gives Nardwuar a banana Dave Vanian: What about Dame Edna quite honest. “face wash.” Mumbling, grunting ensue.] Beverage? Nardwuar: And you also have a commercial for Nardwuar: Ah, ooooh, that’s pretty good. Captain Sensible: Oh yes, mmm, yah, knock, the telephone company in France or something? That’s pretty good, Captain Sensible and Dave knock, knock... Who’s there? Captain Sensible: How do you know these Vanian of The Damned. Thank you very much Dave Vanian: [Spotting at picture in the book things? Yeah! for giving me a face wash with the banana. Too the Album Cover Art of Punk) Malcolm Dave Vanian: Oh god! bad you don’t have any ice cubes there, Captain McLaren looking like a teddy-boy. Captain Sensible: I’ve actually recorded Sensible! Captain Sensible: He’s a fucking wanker. “Captain, I say Wot,” and it’s the captain of the Captain Sensible: Do you like cheese? Nardwuar: Yeah, that’s what I wanted to ask French football team who’s done it. And uh, Nardwuar: I love cheese, oh I love cheese, I you guys. Malcolm McLaren. To me, he seems yeah, I can hear the sound of cash registers as love cheese. Can I rub my face and your face like a genius, touring the south and all the crazy we speak. [laughs] now, too? stuff. There was some neat stuff about Malcolm, Nardwuar: I said Captain... Captain Sensible: Yah. wasn’t there? Captain Sensible: I said wot? Nardwuar: Let me rub my face and your face... Captain Sensible: He invented everything, Nardwuar: I said Captain... [Before Nardwuar can rub his face into the everything in the world, you know. He told Dave Vanian: Lots of Euros. [laughs] Captain’s mug, the Captain pushes some chunks everyone to do this and that and blah, blah, blah. Nardwuar: So Dave and Captain Sensible of of cheese into Nardwuar’s ears]... Oh! I love Yeah, he invented punk and rap and he did this! the rock and roll band The Damned, anything cheese, thank you. [The Captain then throws Genius, absolute genius. else you’d like to add to the people out there? some water at Nardwuar almost hitting Dave.] Nardwuar: What did he do wrong to you guys, Captain Sensible: Yeah, I’ve noticed in Nardwuar: Oh! See, Dave never gets hit. That’s Dave? Vancouver there’s quite a lot of sushi houses, so where I am going to move, over by Dave. Dave Vanian: He didn’t do anything wrong I’m going to get some food. ‘Cause I don’t think Dave ever gets hit with any- with me. Nardwuar: Why should people care about The thing. Nardwuar: Well what was wrong with Damned? Why should people care? Captain Sensible: [grabbing microphone and Malcolm McLaren then? Dave Vanian: If they like music. singing] “It’s only a game, so put up a real good Captain Sensible: No, but I mean, as Sid Captain Sensible: We’re better than Britney. fight. I’m going to be snuggering you tonight, Vicious’s manager, I don’t think he was really Nardwuar: Alright, thanks very much and doot whoo hoo!” Buy my records, you cunts! looking after his own interests to say, “Here, doola doot doo... Nardwuar: The Damned, Dave Vanian and also take these drugs and go berserk Sid.” It may Captain Sensible and Dave Vanian: Dooo Captain Sensible. Now winding up here have escaped his attention that drugs actually dooo. Damned, have you guys ever been to a dam? kill people –especially heroin, you know, it’s not -Nardwuar Have you ever been to a dam? And what is your a good one. And so I just... Sid was a... when he http://www.nardwuar.com favorite dam? was off his face he was an appalling human Captain Sensible: Well, round the top of being. When he was straight he was a good 27 SqueezeSqueezeSqueeze MyMyMy HornHornHorn

Seems that oath that doctors t ake doesn t apply if your p atient just killed the President. What is it about death that’s so I’m pretty sure it was because he field wall. time I got a hold of a “grrl” comic, gripping? Why am I even talking saved some guards, not the prison- Finally, even the bad guys get I dashed it. Truthfully, I like this about it? Let me tell you why. A ers. Up until Louise’s death, she into the act. This one was about the one. The last one I reviewed sucked while back, my wife informed me tried to clear his name. Still, to this passing of a bank robber. Eddie the life out of me because the writer that she likes to read the obituaries. day the family is swimming against Watkins, known as “Fast Eddie,” was just plain gone. How do you All I could think was, “That’s sick.” the political red tape. because he liked to get in and out get into something that just pro- But, of course, they say that one On the same page I got some without harming anyone. This guy gressively gets worse and worse? can’t look away from a wreck. I had history on the Vietnam war, due to was amazing. It’s almost funny This one is upbeat and funny. These to see what was so enticing in that the fact that Gen. Van Tien Dung – because this guy was a revolving girls have a serious wet pack for section of the newspaper. It turns the man that led the capture of felon. The paper states that he had a Star Trek. One is hot for Wil out that one can find bits of history Saigon – died. Oddly, history is 43-year career. At least he knew Wheaton and another is in want of in those pages. They cover every- cruel or genius because it gives what he was good at. It almost the robot Data. Hell, if girls talk

thing from sports to financial wiz- people the opportunity to be sounded as if the city of Cleveland about stuff like that on the phone, ards. One of my favorites was a famous twice. I’ve read about a guy embraced this guy as a favorite son. they should record it and sell it like woman named Louise Mudd from NASA who was really This guy had a hard-on for banks, the Jerky Boys did. This one is Arehart. The name means nothing, responsible for space flight but, so I guess if you’re good at some- filled with girl talk, girl fantasy, and so keep reading. It turns out she’s because he wasn’t in the capsule, thing and you go for it, it must even some gratuitous sex. There are the granddaughter of the doctor that became back page news. I found become easier over time. two good shorts at the end. The first set John Wilkes Booth’s leg after he who was responsible for creating So, yeah, I’m getting off on has this girl feeling down until her shot Lincoln. Doctor Mudd got a the Los Angeles zoo. It’s all there. reading the obituaries. It’s like cat shows up and, of course, that life sentence for doing that little You just have to get by the macabre learning history without someone’s animal perks her up. I know. I’ve job. Seems that oath that doctors factor. warped twist on things – just brief, got three dogs. The second just take doesn’t apply if your patient Of course, some people proba- short facts that tell the reader to plain says it all, “Too much rock just killed the President, but if he bly don’t want to be in those pages. make up his or her mind. I don’t and roll makes me want to dance did in any of our commoner great Take Al Smith, a pro baseball play- want some glossed up story about and yell and fuck hard! It’s the grandparents, I think the govern- er and a pretty damn good one after some founding father cutting down devil’s music!” Long live rock and ment would let it slide. Now I know reviewing his stats. It seems that a cherry tree, I want to know if he roll. You can imagine the visual for why there are militias in Montana. while playing in the World Series, got sick from eating the cherries. that. I don’t know if this one is writ- Back to our Louise. She spent her Mr. Smith took a beer in the face Checking the death files is a pretty ten for girls or anyone, but I’ll tell whole life trying to clear her grand- while watching a home run fly over cool source of information. Useful you I kinda got a rise out of it. father’s name. See, they sent this the fence. I have to admit it’s one or useless? Alright! Let’s get to my Pretty good art work on this one, guy to a remote prison in the fine photo, unless you’re Al. The meat and potatoes. Let’s do some too. I recommend this one if you Florida Keys, and while he was guy must have brought the beer comics. want to find out what makes girls there he saved the lives of some from home or they allowed beer tick. (Bedhead Press, 2100 N. Main prisoners and some guards during a pitchers at the ballpark in 1959, BEDHEAD PRESS St. #B6, LA, CA 90031; yellow fever outbreak. For that, because it’s the longest stream of “The future of grrl comics.” That’s ) President Johnson pardoned him. fluid I’ve ever seen fall over an out- what the cover states. Well, the last DENNIS COTE WAS right, would bring Spiderman the pipe under a road where they draw (BlindWolf/ Electric Milk Comics, Presented by movie into the file with that horror on the concrete and store all the PO Box 465, THE NEW COLLIER’S movie called Captain America. used kite string spindles. She catch- Cross River, NY 10518; $3.50 U.S., $4.95 Can. Also, they claim that there is going es up with him to tell him that his ) If ever a common man dies and his to be a Deathlok movie. This little mom is pissed and he should be friend glorifies him in the pages of gem is a treasure chest of informa- getting home. At this point, the kid TOWN O CRAZIES a comic, this is it. Now one has to tion on strange but cool video finds. gets stuck in the tunnel, and the art $ 2.00 U.S. ask oneself, “Is my life story so bad The fact that these guys hang out work is so good that the reader gets Well kick my ass, here’s some art- that it graces the pages of a comic, with the Green Lantern is just a a little worried for the kid. work. The cover alone is worth the or is someone so evil they would sensory overload. Unfortunately, However, after the scare he frees price. The first work is awesome. It mock me after I’m dead and this is an old issue from last year himself and is so relieved that when uses a verse from Psalms. The main buried?” Well, I’ve got to tell you and I pray that these guys are still he emerges from the tunnel he character goes on a samurai ram- that this is really well written. The doing this stellar work to inform gives his friend a grateful hug. I page in a town of Nosferatus. The writer gives a good, objective look the population at large of these find this story taking me back to artwork in this is spectacular. Next at his friend’s life. He gives both remarkable finds. So if you guys when I was a kid: the day dream- up is the short history of Campbell the highs and lows. I personally read this, please send some more ing, the contemplation of growing California as seen through the eyes like how Dennis takes his dog from stuff out. Feel the joy. (Geek older and getting shit-scared when of one of its own citizens. Then an abusive owner and names it Monthly, 1072 Island Dr Ct- you get into a tight fit. So, if you there’s something called “sketch Astro, so the dog would respond Apt.104, Ann Arbor, MI, 48105; can identify this kid with some- book.” This stuff I would hang in after being called asshole by the ) thing you did when you were my house if they were originals. previous owner. Also, there’s the young, you’re going to love this. If The art is way out there but cool confrontation with a cop about lit- THE MAGIC WHISTLE not, don’t read it, and go back to like the Aliens stuff. Lastly is “Dee tering after this Dennis character #6, $2.95 U.S. drinking your beer. (Michael King, Emergency Driver.” I just couldn’t throws an apple in the gutter. The I want to say that I read one of the 2125 I Street #2, Sacramento, CA get into this one. The art is simpler. cop tells him to pick it up and earlier copies of this comic and it 95816) It’s not bad but not like the first Dennis’s argument is that it is had some funny stuff in it, but this three. Then there’s the story line. I biodegradable. I’m for the later. one was a struggle to read. This one PATRICK THE WOLF BOY just couldn’t get it. There’s a time Basically, the book goes through is pretty much bathroom humor – $2.95 U.S., $3.95 Can. line that’s hard to follow and char- the trials and tribulations that guys going home to their inflatable At first I was thinking, “Oh great, acters that don’t fully evolve and girls, or telling another character an Eddie Munster rip-off,” but, places that are vague. It’s like pass- that at least he can still get a boner. actually, the little imp grows on ya. ing by a bakery and getting one of Let me tell you, I sure as hell didn’t Come on, anyone who can get the those good whiffs but not being get an erection thumbing through grim reaper to shake the jeep from able to put your finger on what it is. the shit in this read. I’m really hop- Popeye out of a tree for themselves So, with the first three sections of ing that this guy had brain freeze is pretty cool. Then again, anyone this book your monies are well and that he had writer’s block up to who has an in with the reaper is spent and you may or may not like the deadline. Hopefully, the next impressive. The three little stories the fourth. The cover by itself issue will be back to the funny stuff about the wolf boy are silly funny screams rock’n’roll. (Jerome now that the crap is unclogged. and that’s what makes this comic Opena, 2700 Ulloa St., SF, CA (Alternative Comics, Inc., 503 NW great for kids. That’s right, I’m a 94116; 37th Ave., Gainesville, FL 32609) big kid and yes, I watched the ) “Munsters” and “Elvira” so I can MODICUM3 appreciate the wolf boy. There is -Gary Hornberger $2, U.S. also a short in the back of this one This is an interesting little comic, that deals with space beans and with an unusual cover – six head bloaty dogs, that, to friendships go through. When the shots drawn in a way that these be honest, I just two drift apart, they still keep in people seem to all be from the same don’t get. touch. In the end, tragedy takes the tribe. The story in the pulp section Patrick alone life of Dennis just when things are of this little comic is stingingly is worth the clearing up. He’s hit by a car while sweet. The story is about a nine- read. riding his bike. All in all, this one’s year-old kid who seems to be hav- a heartfelt eulogy to a good friend ing age crises just before his ninth in a medium that the writer can best birthday. This kid’s mind drifts far- convey his feelings. As for wanting ther off than a piece of wood in the to read this, I say hell yes. We’re all river, but as I remember about common Joes on this paved planet youth, that was the way it was. At and we all have stories that make us the start he’s helping his mom paint laugh or cry. Those memories are ladybugs out of rocks. Then he the things that keep us going, so if starts pondering that he’s halfway we can save them we sure as heck to eighteen, which would mean he should. (Drawn and Quarterly, PO was eligible for the draft. While Box 48056, Montreal, QC, Canada pondering, he paints a bug on H2V458; the lawn chair which gets him ) sent to his room. Of course, the room is shared with an older GEEK MONTHLY brother who teases him, then tries #3, #1.00 U.S. to rat on him. So, what does one Here, I’ll just say it. This rag is do but go fly a kite? That’s right. fucking great. These guys have the Kite flying, which is the perfect lowdown on great movies to be. I place to do some heavy thinking. had no idea that someone was actu- While kite flying, a girl friend yells olf Boy ally working on making a Ghost up the hill at him which sends him Rider movie. This movie, if done running to their hangout, a flow Patrick The W 29 , I’mI’mI’m AgainstAgainstAgainst ItItIt

Keith Moon did to the drums what O.J. Simpson did to his ex-wife Nicole. Beat. Maim. Destroy. Kill.

We speak of them when trying sion that they are better off using sticks at night, looking to literally with a particular one he really got to explain that one of these people their drumsticks to pick their nose blow away whatever drummer into, a newly formed group that can make or break the band. These and scratch themselves, ‘cause graced the same stage as he did by featured ex-Yardbirds guitarist fine folks punk their gear up a flight what they are doing behind that giving it his all. He was fully dedi- Jimmy Page, seasoned session whiz of stairs like an overloaded mining drum kit just ain’t cutting it. Punk cated, to say the least. Referring John Paul Jones, and old band mule, whether it be for a rehearsal rock has spawned a tidy sum of back to what I was saying earlier in chum Robert Plant, who was the or for access to the upstairs stage shredding, slamming, top-notch my column here, John didn’t just one responsible for bringing for a gig. (Actually, that’s a ball- drummers, that’s for damn sure. Yet simply keep a beat – he uncondi- Bonham onboard. Led Zeppelin sweating round of exercise for the over the years, I’ve come to find tionally gave 100% by always was on its way on becoming the whole band, come to think of it.) time and time again that a number pulling more than his weight on the next supergroup to storm the world, They are the ones tightly holding it of bands that some would consider drums; pure, raw heart. The real but that didn’t mean that John all together for the band while “dinosaur,” “dirtbag,” or “hippie” thing. He was an unbridled monster wouldn’t go and get raging drunk cranking it out big at the end of a have had drummers playing right on the skins, the way he would play around his old stomping grounds live set, similar to the plighted per- along with ‘em that were as punk as (and God damn, could he play) where he grew up. He always son who’s holding a quivering, fuck, even though the band’s music from the supernatural pounding (it respected his roots and lived a rich brewing shit within their bowels wasn’t. And it’s kinda interesting, wasn’t how hard he hit the drums, life with old friends of his past. Be until the minute their ass hits the to say the least, seeing how many but how he hit the drums hard), to it soaking it up in the local pubs, toilet. They can also be the major of these so-called “relic” drummers his impossibly clean chops, the the numerous parties he threw at his cause of things to fall apart miser- have heavily influenced a whole unmistakable-sounding offbeat fills family’s home out in the country, or ably onstage at a live gig, kinda like gang of punk drummers, new and from hell, and a right foot that any out racing his cars and motorcycles the previously mentioned person, old. drummer in the world would cut off at insane speeds with his mates sit- but in this case letting that same But because of limited space, his left foot for, John had it all as a ting shotgun, absolutely petrified, load of hot-steeped shit rush down what follows here is only a few of rock and roll drummer, period. John laughed and howled like a their leg and all over the floor. the old school drummers, some that (Incidentally, for all of you jaded maniac. Friggin’ nutjob. (There has been a So. Cal. term I consider the best at their craft, a jerkoffs rolling your eyes while John worked extremely hard at coined for this certain type of live few that have had great influence reading this, you don’t have to be a not only being the best drummer he performance fuckup – it’s called on fellow drum maniacs to follow. fan of Led Zeppelin at all to realize could be, but being the best drum- Chris Reesing it, ain’t that right, And as for the countless, showboat- any of this. John’s drumming mer, period. Hard work resulted in Mark? Yuk, yuk, yuk.) These cer- ing hacks banging drums, oblivious proves this fact on its own, fuck playtime being even harder. Too tain musicians I’m alluding to are like the jackasses they are (you you very much.) hard, for some people, actually. usually the butt-end of some stale, know who you are), you get noth- John would even go as far to Some of the best Bonham stories lame-ass MIT student’s joke ing and like it (God bless you, Ted “offer” (forcefully suggest) his ser- are the unbelievably crazy ones. (Musician’s Institute of Technology Knight). These dolts themselves vices to the other band when they The one particular story that makes – fuck them violently in the ass would warrant a whole other col- would break during a gig, vying to me laugh out loud every time I hear with a amputee’s nub). umn, maybe even magazine, so horn in on the other drummer’s gig it is when John was in Los Angeles I’m sure most of you know don’t even get me started on their after telling the band how much for a few days on tour with which band member I’m flapping uselessness! better it would be with him behind Zeppelin. He had just bought a my trap about here, right? You Ahem. Okay, fuck saving the the drums, basically telling them he muscle car the same afternoon as don’t? The people I speak of here best for last. I’m gonna start with was going to give it a go with them. one of their sold-out nights at the are drummers, the upstanding back- who I think is the be-all/end-all of All of the bands he pulled this with LA Forum. While he was tearing bone of all bands who use one. rock and roll drummers who played were skeptics about his intentions, ass all over the streets of They’re the four-on-the-floor moth- with more heart than anyone I’ve but were always proven wrong Hollywood like a lunatic with no erfuckers who make you dizzy ever heard in my life – John Henry when given the chance to have him brakes, John was eventually when you watch their band live or Bonham, former drummer for Led sit in on the drums. The problem flagged down by a policeman. So spin their music. Unfortunately, in Zeppelin. Now for those who are was that trouble usually mounted what does he do? He stops in the the case of some bands, drummers booing, crying, or yelling, “What? between John and the current bands middle of the boulevard, gets out can have the effect of a herniated Led Zeppelin? Fuck that shit! Fuck he was playing with when they with a big smile on his face, and disc, and that can be real painful to you, Dale! That ain’t punk!” just let would go into the studio to record. walks up to introduce himself to the be in a band with, let alone watch me say this – sit down, shut up that The sound engineer in the studio officer. “Hi! I’m John Bonham! from the audience side. If you real- stinky hole under yer nose and I’ll would tell John that he was How you doing?” I suppose the ly pay close attention to the drum- explain why Bonham was one of “unrecordable” because of the loud officer must have been a fan, mer the next time you’re taking in a the biggest punk-as-fuck drum tuning John preferred on his kit, as because he recognized him and gig, chances are you will be able to beaters from the old days. John’s well as the volume he was accus- John went on to tell him, “Hey, tell if they are pulling more than early days in Birmingham, England tomed to playing at. So he’d walk. we’re playing tonight, you should their own weight to push their were as blue collar as you can get. He figured, fuck it, I’ll find some- come down! It’ll be great!” Then he bandmates to get their rock on and He swung a hammer by day, in the one who will play and record the asks the officer if he’d like to check make the tunes kick some ass (like construction company kept alive by way I do. out the engine of his new wheels all bands should do). Or, you will his father and grandfather, and He did this often with a number while he goes and pops the hood… come to the conclu- swung a really mean pair of drum- of bands until he found his niche all while parked in the middle of 30 the street. Fucking great! If that ain’t punk as fuck, tell me what is. Another drummer who was right up there with Bonham was actually a good buddy of his. Keith Moon was the insane drummer who played like a man possessed for The Who, one of the three loudest bands in the world, right along side Motorhead and Wasted Youth. Moon did to the drums what O.J. Simpson did to his ex-wife Nicole. Beat. Maim. Destroy. Kill. But, unlike that use- less wad of bukkake named O.J., Moon’s destructiveness behind his drum kit was a much-anticipated event to witness live. What he did with a set of drums was literally inhuman, with a flailing style that could almost be compared to the likes of an epileptic having a full- blown seizure. This quickly became Moon’s signature style, along with packing such a thunderous wallop and precision attack that would make any drummer’s jaw. Like his confidant John Bonham, Moon would ask to sit in with other bands he was watching who were doing a set. But, unlike Bonham, Moon would jump behind the other of dressing yourself – it’s an attitude, the way When Ringo is asked about what he thinks drummer’s kit (whether or not the drummer one lives. Being that Purdie was one of, if not about all this, he’s got the same damn answer approved) and start to jam with the band, when- the best, soul drummers at the time, he fully every time – “Then what was I doing in the stu- ever he could get the opportunity. In one exuberated that attitude, and rightfully so. dio?” Earth to Ringo – it’s called a scratch track. instance, Moon pulled this maneuver on one That attitude is noted perfectly in this fol- On the studio master reels, anyone could have particular band and worked the jam up into such lowing story that makes me crack a grin and re-recorded over your takes. I find it weird that a crazed frenzy that the drummer’s kit he was guffaw whenever it comes to mind. It seems that Ringo didn’t even step up to the plate to fight going apeshit on literally broke apart. Fucking Purdie showed up to the studio one day for a the allegations or even question it. I mean, exploded. Feeling his work was done there, he recording session, and as he walked in carrying c’mon – these are Beatles songs we’re talking stood up, surveyed the wreckage, quickly apol- a briefcase, he strolled right over to where his about here! It’s unimaginable why Purdie would ogized to the drummer, and walked up to the drum kit was set up, opened his briefcase, and make up such an outrageous lie to begin with bar. Whether or not he bought a pint for the poor pulled out and unfolded a large sign. The sign because he had more than enough on his plate bastard who was then the owner of a pile of read, “Pretty Purdie: if you need me, call me – for his own career. It’s not like he needed the drum parts remains to be unknown. He might the little old hitmaker.” He then continued to bread. I guess it’s not all that important to have. Maybe he didn’t. Who gives a rat’s ass? hang the sign on the wall directly behind him. Ringo…the yutz. It would be hysterical to see That’s a funny fuckin’ story. During the session, a couple of the other musi- all of this unravel one day, because I have two The Who were notorious for demolishing cians couldn’t help but notice the sign and were words for Ringo Starr – Charlie Watts, bitch, their gear onstage at the end of their live sets. kind of looking amongst each other, muttering CHARLIE WATTS! Hell, Tommy Ramone When they appeared on “The Smothers “What’s this shit?” A little while later, when should have taken over Pete Best’s job – at least Brothers” (Homer Simpson: “Booor-ing!”) Purdie was out of the room, one of the musi- maybe The Beatles could have had more balls. show, Moon decided to one-up the smashing cians went up to the sign to check it out, and Or balls at all, for that matter. and bashing at the end of their performance by when he turned it over, there it was printed in Anyhoo, there’s my two cents on some of secretly packing plastic explosive inside of his big letters – “FUCK YOU.” the more underlying punk-spirited drummers. bass drum. Not knowing the serious effect it I dare anyone to tell me that ol’ “Pretty” Even though they didn’t bash it out with bands would have when it discharged, the explosive Purdue didn’t have that pure punk spirit living ushering in the punk explosion starting in the boom dummied up some eardrums (ain’t that inside that soultastic heart of his, bless ‘em. An late ‘60s, it’s all still there to see, but more right, Mr. Townsend?) and sent cymbal shrapnel interesting side note about Purdie is that he seri- importantly, to hear. Still skeptical? Let me flying across the TV studio, injuring a studio ously attests to have recorded drum tracks for leave you with just a few names of punk-driven worker who got unexpectedly tagged with a some twenty-one Beatles songs from their earli- drummers that I’m sure most of you will recog- piece of the metal souvenir. Now, can you hon- er catalogue. The strange thing is that the only nize: Marky Ramone of the Ramones, Jerry estly sit there and tell me that this crazed people who know about this are himself, the Nolan of the New York Dolls, Dave Drive of Englishman (lovingly known as Moon the Beatles’ manager Brian Epstein, and the engi- The Gears, Carla Maddog of The Controller,. DJ Loon) wasn’t punk as fuck? Right. Didn’t think neer who sat in with Purdie for those sessions. Bonebrake of X, Philthy Phil and Mikkey Dee so. Unfortunately, Brian Epstein is dead, and he of Motorhead, Chuck Biscuits of the (ruling) Besides these two characters, there were a will never be able to comment on any of it, and Circle Jerks, DOA, Black Flag, Danzig, and string of other drummers from years past that the engineer has remained unnamed. Purdie Social Distortion, Bommer of R.K.L, Danny had some of the same attitude towards being a gives the reason that it will be a very big story in Marcroft of (the mighty) Big Drill Car…and drummer like Bonham and Moon had. One in the future and he wants to be the one to cash in guess what? The above mentioned skin-beaters particular, that most people wouldn’t expect, on all of it. I can’t blame Purdie for feeling this are honest-to-God true believers of at least one was a fantastic session drummer from the ‘60’s way, because if all this did indeed happen, what of the “old-school” drummers I have rambled on named Bernard “Pretty” Purdie, who most would you rather have? A one-time payment for about here today. Believe it or don’t, fucko, notably laid down tracks with James Brown and a month’s worth of session work (recording that’s a fact. Smell you later, suck it easy, and Aretha Franklin. I know, you’re thinking, “Soul Beatles drum tracks) and a separate hush-money have a big one. music? What is so fucking punk rock about that, check or would you choose to rake in the con- I’m Against It. Dale?” Well, keep in mind that the punk spirit tinuing royalties of Beatles recordings? More –Designated Dale isn’t simply some bottled sound or wacky way power to Purdie. 31 The chili-fueled ruckus rock cut through the punk rock fart fog like a hot safety pin through lard!

The Dinghole Reports luxurious two-bedroom Milwaukee coop with a ence. I’ve seen Boris the Sprinkler drench the By the Rhythm Chicken balcony view of Lake Michigan for a one-room crowd with gummi worms. I have yet to see the (Commentary by Francis Funyuns) shack within walking distance from Lake Go-Nuts, but have heard of their snack-rock [Edited by Dr. Sicnarf] Michigan AND the bay of Green Bay with no concerts leaving the audience waist-high deep in running water and a space heater (which is still snack food. I can only imagine the types of punk MOVING IS HELL! Every couple of in use as of May 29th!). Simplification is bliss. rock recipe-swapping parties that go unreported! years I find myself getting particularly bored Moving, however, is HELL! with whichever corner of Wisconsin I’m nesting (Boy, you’re really stretching it THIS time, in and spend weeks criss-crossing the state with (Enough with the geography lesson, already! Rhythm Rooster! - F.F.) carloads of carrets and drumsticks, always keep- Where’s the ruckus? - F.F.) ing a watchful eye for possible Gary Coleman [I’m not quite sure what’s getting stretched here. roadkill. My most recent move was from SO, due to my hectic schedule of moving, I’m still a little hazy about the whole “dinghole” Milwaukee back to Wisconsin’s own little Cape- finishing up night school, trying to give away thing. - Dr. S.] Cod-wannabe, Door County. Door County is the unnecessary possessions to ease the move, and “thumb” of Wisconsin’s mitten-like shape, the paying homage to my favorite Milwaukee SO, upon reviewing official Rhythm peninsula that jets out into Lake Michigan. watering holes, I haven’t played a gig since Chicken sighting documents, I found a few Every May through October, Door County is Leipzig, Germany (unless you count this cases of food-inspired ruckus rock in my past. overflowing with wealthy vacationing Chicago spring’s telephone tour from the Woodshed). Aside from my regular diet of radioactive bird- yuppie fucks throwing their cash around (but seed and Pabst, a few culinary carryts have indirectly funding my ventures). Its small [WOW, Mr.. Chicken! That was over 3 crossed my performance platter. Scandinavian villages hosted many of the early MONTHS AGO! - Dr. S.] drunken Rhythm Chicken tours. I am now living [It’s spelled “carrot,” C-A-R-R-O-T, carrot. - back in my old Door County coop, the (Holy shit! Is the Chicken even the Chicken Dr. S.] Woodshed. It is literally a one-room shed behind anymore? Are you hibernating or what? -F.F.) the trashy trailer that houses Ruckus Thomas. Dinghole Report #20: Ruckus Fueled by The nearest neighbor is the Moravian church a Leave me alone! I’m a busy bird, all Rhythm Chili! quarter mile up the road. Basically, I gave up my right?!! Besides, I will soon celebrate my tri- (Rhythm Chicken sighting #140) umphant return to the county with a Freddy K The legendary Freddy K. memorial tour, but more about that Green Bay’s Rock’n’Roll Highschool was later. hosting another star-studded evening, Bantam Rooster, Zeke, and the New Bomb Turks. All [So you obviously don’t have any that was needed for a well-rounded evening of recent concerts to report. Which ding- ruckus was a Rhythm Chicken appearance. hole will you stretch THIS time, However, Chicken sightings at Turks’ shows Rhythm Chicken? - Dr. S.] have become somewhat common. I needed something to “spice up” the show. I started Luckily, I always have enough docu- brainstorming for spices. Hmmmm ...cumin, mented gigs in my past to pull some ...cilantro, ...garlic, ...cracked black pepper,.... A gems outta the ol’ carrit bag. HA! Chili powder!!! Yes! That was it! CHILI! This was Green Bay, home of Chili-John’s! [Uh....Mr.. Chicken? You’ve already Green Bay-style chili! Green Bay-style chili is a misspelled ‘carrot’ twice, and... - Dr. S.] lot like a flavorful black tar, heavy and dense with beef, no vegetables. As Uncle Itchy says, —-uneasy awkward silence—- “Vegetables aren’t food! Vegetables are what food EATS!” SO, today I’m going to discuss the I showed up early to get a good merch importance of food in the world of punk table near an electric outlet, plugged in the rock. Nesco hot pot, and began heating up the first ever batch of.....RHYTHM CHILI! I put up my [Food? - Dr. S.] “prices”: Rhythm Chicken newsletters - free. Rhythm Chili - $2/bowl. Whatta deal! The back (...but... F.F.) of the venue was soon filled with the haunting aroma of Rhythm Chili. The doors were opened Yes, food, that basic necessity for sur- and in came the punks. They were hesitant at vival, can often be seen taking on first, but soon formed a hungry line after wit- important roles in the punk rock arena. nessing Zeke’s roadie inhaling a bowl of the I’ve seen Leonard of the Dickies show- meat-heavy tar. The other merch tables could ering the crowd with white bread. I’ve only offer shirts, CDs, stickers, etc... Only the seen Man or Astroman? launch endless Rhythm Chicken could satisfy your hunger for asteroids of Little Debbies at their audi- ruckus rock AND chili! All twenty-one bowls of Rhythm Chili were sold. The venue’s sound sys- tem could barely squelch out the chorus of chili farts from the punks. The Rhythm Chicken strives to satisfy ALL your senses, baby! Then, just moments before the Turks took the stage, the ladies room erupted with the audio ruckus riot! The crowd squeezed towards the shitter door to catch a glimpse of the chef. The gin- soaked rhythms flowed from the girlie shitroom like molten hot ruckus!

[AGAIN?!! - Dr. S.]

(OK, Chicken! Now your plagiarizing YOUR- SELF!!! - F.F.)

[Plagiarizing yourself? But... - Dr.S.]

All right, all right!.....The chili-fueled ruckus rock cut through the punk rock fart fog like a hot safety pin through lard!

[Hey, Chicken. Did you ever consider writing for Hallmark? - Dr.S.]

(Or maybe Bon Appetit? - F.F.)

—-uneasy awkward silence—- pitcher of Point Special Beer. I even made a sign The infamous Woodshed that said, “FUCK ON!” I SO, the Turks’ started rockin’ the main was sick of fuckin’ off and stage. End of Rhythm Chicken show. I packed decided it was time to turn SO, back to Door County news. It is with up the Chicken kit in the Rooster Roller, things around a bit. John proudly hoisted the the deepest sadness that I tell you of the recent enjoyed the rest of the Turks’ set, and drove two “FUCK ON!” sign, repeatedly reminding the passing of Door County’s polka king. Freddy K. hours up to Door County to catch last call at JJ’s concert-goers to “KEEP ON FUCKIN’!!!” This Fred Kudanko was eighty-nine. He lost his dri- La Puerta. The cook always gets his shift drink. is where my alcohol-enhanced swiss cheese ver’s liscense some fifty years ago. He could memory kicked in. I remember the Kill-a-watts often be seen driving his tractor to the AC Tap Dinghole Report #21: The Rhythm Chicken finishing up and the Mistreaters taking the stage. tavern daily. I’ve heard that there exists no law Bakesale/Foodfight The joint was packed. I remember singer about driving a tractor drunk since it is catego- (Rhythm Chicken sighting #138) Christreater addressing the sea of heavy-metal- rized as a farm tool. He was once quoted as say- devil-horn hands, “We are the ing, “I’ve never had a girlfriend longer than thir- Friday nights are usually drunk and chaot- Mistreaters!.....but first, THE RHYTHM ty minutes!” Freddy K was the self-proclaimed ic at Milwaukee’s Cactus Club, but a certain CHICKEN!” and that’s about the limit of MY polka king of Door County. He would arrive at Friday night was exceptionally so. Local memory for that night. Luckily, my road crew various local festivals and baseball games wear- garage-rock favorites, the Mistreaters, were were able to piece together random bits of ing a blue cape and a home made crown com- playing their CD-release show and formally THEIR memories of the night. posed of tinfoil, wire, and leftover blue cape requested a ruckus appearance of the poultry Lord Kveldulfr claims it was the worst, material. He would choose a high-traffic area kind. I was even on the flyer! (boyish squeal) drunkest, and sloppiest Chicken gig he’s ever and set up his folding chair. Here he would play Since this was one of those rare “scheduled” witnessed. Apparently, I was having a little trou- polka cassettes on his junky boombox and play performances, the element of surprise was lost. ble executing flawless rhythmic perfection along with home made wooden noisemakers for I needed something to make this performance while drunkenly falling over onto my drums. Go the enjoyment of passer-byes. The guy was bril- stick out, something to really stimulate the sens- figure. Other sources claimed that my inability liant! I like to think that, in some ways, there’s a es. I needed something to conceptually CRUSH to simply PLAY my drums angered me into yet lot of Freddy K in the Rhythm Chicken. In the the competition. Then it came to me. OF another wrestling match against the drums. If days to come I will be embarking upon the COURSE! A RHYTHM CHICKEN BAKE- you can’t beat’m, beat’m. I’m not sure, but it’s Rhythm Chicken’s Freddy K Memorial Tour, a SALE! Everyone loves cookies! The night possible that the drums might’ve won that twenty-one carrat salute to the Door County before the show I bought two rolls of that match. No matter. There was still a whole room Polka King! Pillsbury shape and bake cookie dough and a full of PEOPLE to wrestle, which I guess I did. big bag of M&Ms and brought them to my sis- I heard that a girl in the audience ran to Eric the [CARROT! C! A! R! R! O! T! CARROT!!! - ter’s house. Not only did she have the proper owner/doorman complaining that “some drunk Dr.S] baking equipment, but three children to fill up guy in a rabbit head is tackling people and the production line, ages eight, seven, and four. falling down a lot!” Eric peeked in and calmly Well, the last time I trusted my Child labor, cheap and easy! The cookies were replied, “Oh. That’s just the Rhythm Chicken.” spellchecker it suggested that “dinghole” should shaped like chicken heads with M&M eyes and The girl stormed off. I woke up hours later on be replaced with “DUNGHILL”! To tell the noses. They had that child-like retarded emo my coop’s living room floor all bruised up in my truth, I’m somewhat impressed that my look that would make all the drunk garage rock- beer-soaked spandex biking shirt. spellchecker’s word bank includes the word ers go, “Aaaw, how cute!” The supplies cost me “dunghill.” OH! If all goes as planned, by the under $12. It made thirty-six cookies for me to [You’re lucky you’re from Wisconsin, or some time this sees print, you should be able to visit sell at $1 apiece. I was gonna be rich! That’s people would say you have a problem. - Dr.S.] or to get the skinny on the bird.. for the money! (Hey! What happened with the bakesale? - F.F.) Somehow, I ended up with three roadies [My first editor’s note! While spellchickening that night, probably for my three piece Well, I think I sold maybe two cookies, this one, it suggested that Christreater should be Chickenkit, I suppose. Lord Kveldulfr, Ruckus and the rest of them fueled some type of drunk- “Crist eater!” Chris’ll dig that one! - Dr.S.] O’Reily, John Burger, and I rounded our corner en punk rock food fight. Yup! I completely lost of the bar and soaked up pitcher after pitcher my profit margin in the name of ruckus! -The Rhythm Chicken after pitcher after pitcher after pitcher after 33 bENbEN hAMPERhAMPER RIVEtHEADRIVETHEAD

InterviewInterview && illustrationsillustrations byby MaddyMaddy TightTight PantsPants Chances are, you’re either a huge Ben ten, and so much fun to read, Rivethead is the Hamper fan or have never heard of him. In my story of Ben Hamper’s life on the assembly line group of friends, beat-up copies of his book, for General Motors in Flint, Michigan. Filled with Rivethead, have been making the rounds for stories of worker sabotage, drinking, Ben’s facto- years. I know people who own several copies ry-themed punk band (Dr. Schwartz Kult), and a just to loan ‘em out to their friends. Go to the promotional giant cat named Howie Makem (who Triple Rock (a punk bar in Minneapolis) and men- roams the factory “inspiring” workers in one of tion the word “Rivethead” and you’ll find yourself the worst human resources’ decisions of all with several new friends before the night is over. time), this book has already become the working Why all of this excitement? Well, punk’s Bible. I thought it was about time to intro- Rivethead might just be the best book about duce Razorcake readers to the man, the myth, working written in the past, I dunno, hundred the legend, Ben Hamper. 34 years. Hilarious, incredibly well-writ- Maddy: What are your favorite work scams? basically – stick to factories and leave rifle sports to someone else. Ben: Naturally, not showing up for work was near the top of the Maddy: Did you ever worry that GM execs were sitting around list. There was a doctor near our plant who used to charge fifteen reading Rivethead? dollars for a medical excuse. Frequently, it looked like he was run- Ben: Quite the contrary. I was eager for them to read my articles. It ning his own assembly line. You’d walk into his office and he’d was important for me to let them know I would always have my already be writing out your slip. You’d have to check it on the way say... if not the last word. There were a few scams I was up to that out just to see what malady you had. “Hmmm, appears I have a weren’t divulged until after I left the plant and wrote the book. sore back today,” or “Diarrhea? If you say so!” Other than scam- These weren’t omitted due to any fear I had of GM brass. It was ming to miss work entirely, I’d have to say drinking on the job was more a case of self-preserving certain secrets and deceptive acts. a personal favorite. I recall several Friday nights in the factory Maddy: Have you ever been approached by any GM higher-ups or where we were having so lawyers for anything you’ve much fun that it seemed written? like an annoyance to have Ben: While I worked there, to leave at quitting time I learned a valuable nothing more than an occa- and relocate to an actual lesson that day, which sional scowl or menacing bar. stare. After the book was pub- Maddy: Have you ever was basically – stick to lished, the only official com- read Scam zine? factories and leave rifle ment I ever saw was a brief Ben: I haven’t read Scam. factories and leave rifle statement a GM spokesman I’ll just assume it’s not sports to someone else. contributed to a People maga- endorsed by either GM or zine article about me. It stated the UAW (United Auto something like, “Ben Hamper Workers). is not representative of the many hard-working people employed by Maddy: What’s better? A job you like but can’t scam or a job you General Motors.” This, naturally, was a vast lie. Not so much hate with lots of scamming possibilities? because I represented the typical autoworker – more because I Ben: Well, I suppose if you had a job you liked, scamming would- actually was a hard worker. I just went about it in a manner that n’t be a huge priority. Not that I’ve had any experience with that was rather atypical, to say the least. kind of set-up. On the other hand, I think it’s crucial for one’s sur- Maddy: Once your writings became popular, you wrote for a vival and self-image to employ scams on a dreadful job. I always bunch of magazines like Mother Jones and the Utne Reader. What perceived it to be a war within a war. They could have my effort are some of your thoughts on these “alternative magazines”? and labor, I could cash their paychecks, but I also needed to create Ben: Writing for Mother Jones was frustrating. Their fact checkers a situation where I felt there was some form of exploitation of the used to drive me nuts. One time this guy called me up to ask, “Was overall format. To use a phrase from the book, “It’s like being paid the North Unit roof that you referred to in your piece actually to flunk high school the rest of your life.” called The North Unit Roof?” Pravda probably allowed for more Maddy: Yeah, and a really good work scam is often fun! I often free expression. As a whole, my experiences with these supposed think that, if I ever get a real job, I’ll miss all the constant thoughts liberal rags were always the worst. They were claustrophobic in of, “What can I get away with?” Working a shit job while under- their silly concessions to political correctness. I recall one of these mining it is, I think, many times more fun than a “serious” job magazines having a problem with my use of the term, “girlfriend.” doing something I care about. Plus, what would either of us write I changed it to “galpal” and they deemed that acceptable. I’ve pur- about? Making our first million in some weird corporate position? posely avoided these kinds of publications for years. Who needs Boring! On a related note, have you found it the bullshit? harder to write without the daily job experiences Maddy: Seeing as how you make fun of The for inspiration? Do you ever sit around Boss for pretending to be working class, what’s and think, “If only I had a shitty job again, I your take on the editors of these magazines could write Rivethead Pt. 2”? being really interested in life on the assembly Ben: I don’t necessarily find it any more difficult line? to write, though my output might indicate other- Ben: In my own case, I think they were simply wise. I’ve never been one to just write for the attracted to me as a novelty act. It was like, “Oh sake of writing. It’s nothing I’m compelled to do. goodness, here’s a talented wordsmith and he’s However, there’s a validity to what you’re say- an actual member of the proletariat!” It was like ing. The factory was an abundant source for Spin magazine clutching onto some white dork material. Perhaps had I continued there I might that could rap. very well be up to Rivethead (zine) #9... though Maddy: Yeah, as an intern for Utne Reader more than likely they would’ve figured out a way (yuck!), I can relate. The things that so many to have toppled a crate of steering gears over on people do everyday – work full-time shit jobs, me and nixed that notion. Who knows what the get drunk, play in bands – seem really novel to a future holds? Rent considerations and an alarm- bunch of rich new-agers. At my internship, ing lack of skills could force me back into anoth- many people were shocked that I did a zine and er shit job at any time. I could reinvent myself as wrote for other zines without getting paid! And Mufflerhead or Pin Monkey Man. this from a magazine that says it’s about the best Maddy: In all of my shit jobs, I’ve always had of the alternative press? Ack! Did you ever think some fear that the people I work with/for would discover I was of self-publishing a book or doing a zine to get around the Mother writing about them. Considering that you were once physically Jones and Utne Readers of the world? threatened by a co-worker you made fun of in print, was writing Ben: I was fortunate in the fact I never needed those people in the about your job worth it? first place. My income was being provided by GM at the time. The Ben: To my knowledge, all of my co-workers enjoyed the fact that writing was just this sideline thing I did to alleviate some of the I was bringing an honest illumination to this lame world of ours. boredom and feelings of alienation I was experiencing. I didn’t The incident you refer to with the hostile linemate was entirely even have plans to write a book. One day, I was sitting around my separate. I’d written a rather scathing piece about deer hunting and house and the phone rang. A literary agent said he thought I had a was stupid enough to include this cro mag I worked with as a main book inside of me. I asked him if he was sure he wasn’t holding target for ridicule. I learned a valuable lesson that day, which was someone else’s x-rays up to the light. Two days later 35 he called to say Warner Books would give me forty grand to string Stooges were from just down the road and played Flint often. my articles into a book. I’ll get right on it, I told him. Naturally, Maddy: What’s your take on punk rock today? the downside to this was that MRR wouldn’t review the book Ben: From all I can tell, it’s still going strong. Right when you because it came out via a big evil corporate publishing firm. I’m think there’s a lull, something will come around and kick your ass. still in therapy over that disappointment. Of course, where I’m located now, up here in the boonies of Maddy: Do you still hate Bruce Springsteen? Northern Michigan, there isn’t anything more punk than some dick Ben: This is a popular misconception. I do not hate Bruce coverin’ an REM song on open mic night up at O’Keefe’s Pub. Springsteen. I think I own a couple of his albums, not that I ever Thank god for mailorder! listen to them. In Rivethead, I merely used him as an example of Maddy: Going on tour with Screeching Weasel – what was it like, how a lot of rock stars were posturing themselves as musical rep- how did it come about? resentatives of the working man. Bruce, Seger, Mellencamp.... I Ben: Being that I was forty-one at the time, it was quite nerve found it offensive. My intention was to point this out as a means of wracking, especially having to sleep on some teenager’s basement coaxing workers to sing their own songs. I’d floor every night and wondering if I’d brought prefer to hear four shitheads who were famil- enough Klonopin (for anxiety) to withstand it iar with factories or shipping docks describe all. Not to mention having to listen to Ben that mess to me rather than listening to some Weasel condemn me every night for getting surrogate trying to manufacture their version wasted and screwing up the merch sales. of that reality. Actually, it was also a lot of fun, especially Maddy: One of my favorite parts of when the band was playing. That was Rivethead was the stuff about music. Phil Screeching Weasel at their peak. Ben, Jughead, Ochs once said, “A protest song is a song so Vapid and Panic – right around the time of My specific you can’t mistake it for bullshit.” On Brain Hurts. It came about on a lark. Ben a similar note, maybe a song about working Weasel wrote something in MRR asking if any- is a song so specific you can’t mistake it for one knew of my whereabouts. Assuming I bullshit. In Rivethead, you write, “Let assem- knew more than most, I got a hold of him and bly workers sing about assembly workers. one thing led to another. I expressed an interest Let waitresses sing about waiting tables. Let in writing about a punk band on the road, they garbagemen sing about garbage.” I’m really re-routed the tour to start in Flint and away we into the idea of specific songs. Did your band all went in that piece-of-shit van of theirs. write about the specific duties of a riveter? Maddy: If the Rivethead could destroy one Ben: Not so much from a riveter’s point of band, what band would that be? view, per se. We did tunes that factory work- Ben: The Eagles, without hesitation. In the ers in general could’ve related to – “He’s a event they’re already dead or retired, I would Suckass,” “Drinking Makes Sense,” “Rat aim the bazooka squarely at Korn. Like Me,” “Are You Going in Tonight?” Maddy: What are you up to these days? I’ve Maddy: Were a lot of the factory workers into punk? Ever think heard rumors about more books or even “Rivethead: The Movie.” about playing a surprise “in-factory show”? Ben: Basically, I’m living the life of a country rube. I ride tractors, Ben: The GM Truck and Bus plant was hardly a hotbed for punk play golf, booze it up, record mixed tapes/CDs, and do the occa- in any form. I did meet a couple of people who were into it. I start- sional speaking gig at universities using the book in order to help ed a punk band with one of these guys, Dave Steel. We never real- on the rent. I’m working on a Rivethead website that should be up ly had any desire to play an in-factory show. We valued our health by mid-summer, having cut ties with the one I had via Michael more than that. I recall our main objective at the time was to write Moore’s website. The movie rights to Rivethead are currently a single that could replace any number of the fraudulent “worker” owned by Richard Linklater who, the last time I spoke with him, tunes over in the jukebox at Mark’s Lounge across the street from still intends to make the film as soon as some studio wises up and the plant. We wrote the tunes but they never appeared on a 45 and supplies the cash. only recently showed up in limited CD form. I hear a couple of Maddy: So, did you make a lot of money from the book deal? them will be available sometime in June on mp3.com, whatever Should other aspiring punk writers look to big publishing houses to that is. Just poke around for Dr. Schwartz Kult if you’re interested. fund their record buying for the rest of their life? Or is it just a Maddy: Were punks interested in Dr. Schwartz Kult? Do you feel waste of time? like you fit in with the punk scene, considering a lot of it is Ben: I made good money from book sales. Since the book is still younger, middle-class kids? used a lot in universities, I continue to draw decent royalties. Ben: Well, it was punk rock, so I would assume so. We never got Nothing huge, but enough to keep me in booze, cigarettes and too far with it. Right about the time we were releasing our tape, Teenage Shutdown comps. The real money was in the sale of the two members were transferred to plants outside of Flint and the movie rights. That’s when I graduated from crayons to perfume, as band just ended. We never even played a live show, though that Lulu once sang. I really have no advice for aspiring punk writers was due more to the fact both the guitar player and myself were other than stop with the fuckin’ tattoos and buy me a beer. having severe problems with panic disorder at the time. The Maddy: How do you feel about Rivethead being required reading strange thing is that we’re finally scheduled to play our first show in many college classes? It must feel strange to know that people in June. These young guys from Flint re-released our tape onto CD are sitting around critiquing class and work through Howie Makem last year and have talked me into reconvening the band at least for and stories about getting drunk. one show. Should be fun... if I can make out the cue cards. Ben: It’s certainly nothing I would’ve ever predicted. I’ve lost track Maddy: What was the punk scene like in Flint? of how many universities are still using the thing. I received an Ben: It was quite vibrant back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s. I hosted email the other day from a student at Yale who says they’ve been a punk radio show for eight years in Flint and we played a lot of using it there. It’s both humorous and ironic that all these kids are local stuff. There were a number of great bands during this time – being forced to learn the ways of the world, at least in an industrial The Guilty Bystanders, Dissonance, Political Silence, Dachau sense, from some lazy ass who flunked high school journalism. All Club, Smiling Sacrifice. There were plenty of hall shows and a I know is that it keeps the royalty checks coming in, which, few bars that featured punk. Flint’s always been a fertile area for in turn, keeps me from washing dishes. garage/punk dating back to the days of The Bossmen, Question Maddy: Would you ever go back to working in a factory? Mark and The Mysterians, Terry Knight and The Pack. The Ben: No, thanks. 37 An irony about hardcore punk is that it seems to be fragile. Part of it is design. Attack, ruin, explode, beat the fuck out of everything, yourself included. What’s left? Charred remains. Corpses. Think for a second. How many bands in this genre have kept their vision beyond a couple albums without merely retreading the exact same ground or retarding themselves – while still remaining a certifiable hardcore band? (As in there’s no mod- ifier needed before the word hardcore, like: melodic, jazzy, or art-damaged.) No fault can be placed on super powerhouses like Minor Threat, Negative Approach, Necros, Los Crudos, Rudimentary Peni, Bad Brains, and Charles Bronson that came in, and exploded city blocks worth of music – leaving both craters for music fans to fall into decades later and stumble over into the unforeseeable future. Yet, bands with true staying power with their initial vision intact for at least a decade, that’s another entire category. The pickin’s as thin as the bands are deified or completely obscured, and I’m sure some of you are going to disagree, but here’s the list I came up with: Black Flag, Seein’ Red, The Neighbors, The Freeze, and DOA. Here’s my point. It’s tough to come out with one truly great hardcore album and infinitesimally harder to follow it up with four more full lengths, a live record, six splits and EPs and scads of compilation tracks, all of which are phenomenal. Out Cold’s done that. Perhaps the greatest trick of all, is that with all that time under their belts, and all of the music they’ve released that’s readily available, they still remain virtually unknown. Shit like that should be illegal.

38 Todd: Why is there a period after over all the songwriting. Transfusion and 13 Ghosts (two Mark: The manager owns the the name? Todd: Fred is your brother? other bands that members of Out name. That’s weird, huh. John: It kind of gives it defini- John: Yeah. Fred, especially in Cold are in)? Jaye: And they play more reggae tion. the early years, he had a very Mark: We three are all in 13 than they do hardcore now, too. Mark: I don’t know how that Dead Boys, Johnny Thunders Ghosts and John and I are in Alien They hardly play any of their old actually came about, but someone influence. A lot of that rock’n’roll Blood Transfusion, which is more stuff. just put it on there on the original stuff got into it, especially on the kind of like anything goes. We’re Todd: I was thinking of Agnostic logo and it looked really cool, so (self-titled) first record. But, we such music fans, we needed Front, but they broke up for we always put it on now. It’s kind slowly worked that out. something that wasn’t structured awhile. of like our symbol, almost. Consciously, we said, “We’re get- as tightly as Out Cold that we Jaye: And they turned into a Todd: What were your ages when ting too rock’n’roll-y. We want to could do whatever. Stuff like the thrash band. you started the band and how old stay a strict hardcore band. So the New Bomb Turks or Dead Boys Mark: I don’t know. I guess are you now? second (Permanent Twilight or any of our other influences. we’ve always wanted to play the John: ‘89. I was fifteen, sixteen. World) and third albums are more And Jaye actually started 13 same. We want to have our last Twenty-eight now. hardcore and when Fred left, it Ghosts. album sound like our first album. Mark: I was nineteen, twenty. really got even more hardcore, Jaye: 13 Ghosts started out in We never had a problem putting Thirty-two now. even though we tried to keep one Maine when I was still living up out the same record over and over Todd: Why is it that you’ve foot in the punk stuff. there, and then lineup change again. Not exactly the same, but toured Iceland, Finland, and Mark: That was one of the rea- after lineup change, I ended up variations on the same theme, Japan and never the United sons why Kevin left the band. He with these guys in the band. I’ve ‘cause we always want to be the States? only did the first album with us always wanted to keep that hardcore band where you could Mark: Our label, Kangaroo, is because he wanted to go totally straight-forward, too. I love old pick any record and you’ll always overseas, so that kind of got us into a rock’n’roll thing and I think surf rock and a lot of new surf like it. There won’t be a, “Oh, going with the overseas thing. he felt – we wanted to keep it rock, too. that’s when they started to go this There really hasn’t been any inter- hardcore and I think he felt both- Todd: Have you guys ever done a way.” est in the States. Now, it seems to ered by that. hootenanny bill where you do one Todd: There’s never going to be be starting to build up, but there John: Creative differences, you was no real option before. know? Todd: How Iceland? I’ve never Todd: John, what’s a “spinach heard of hardcore bands just bin” and why is Elton John’s going to Iceland to play. Captain Fantastic and the Brown John: It’s kind of through Jaye. Dirt Cowboy in yours? He had a friend that lived in John: That was this guy from Iceland who knows the band Lowell, who runs a thing called Mínus (pronounced “mee noose”) “Statutory Tape.” He has a web- and, actually, we kicked the idea site and through local people, he around a few years ago because queried them on their record col- band, then the second band, then like SSD’s How We Rock? No Jaye suggested we stop over. lections and put it on the web and the third band – all in one night? Bad Religion’s Into the Unknown Finally, we decided to do it. called it a spinach bin. You know John: No. Actually, Alien Blood (currently the only Bad Religion Todd: Was it good? how people used to keep their Transfusion’s never played live, album unavailable through Mark: It was really cool. records in spinach bins? They’re ever. Epitaph that was initially released Todd: How was your very first just boxes. So, I sent them a list of Mark: It’s almost kind of like a by the label)? tour, years ago, paid for by a all my records and I love Elton recording project. Mark: Never. record company? John, so I had Captain Fantastic. John: I think it’s more that by the Jaye: The most disappointing Mark: Kangaroo paid for the Todd: Has Elton John ever fil- time we got ready to play out, Out thing to me when I was younger, plane tickets and the whole bit. tered into Out Cold in any way, Cold was so active that we didn’t first getting into music, I’d really Todd: Have they done anything shape, or form? Have you taken a have the time to focus on it. like a band like – two good exam- like that since? lyric or, “No one’s going to notice Todd: Is it true that you’re now ples are Suicidal Tendencies and John: It’s dwindled away. The this drum fill right here”? currently America’s longest, con- DRI – their early stuff. They second tour, he paid some of it John: Actually, no. Honestly. tinually running hardcore band turned into complete garbage and this tour he said, “No, we Mark: We’ve done stuff like that, that puts out records? If not, who after awhile. I never want to do can’t pay you anything.” though. We’re such huge pop do you think is? that. Todd: There’s been several lineup music fans, you know what I Mark: I don’t know. I wonder if Todd: Especially when you’re changes. What’s been the most mean? You always try to write we are America’s longest running first starting off to get records, dramatic change in sound when your songs to be catchy and every hardcore band. you’re like, “Corrosion of someone new has entered the once in a while, you take a lyric John: Can’t be. Conformity. I’ll pick that up.” band? from something that you know no Jaye: It’s a tough call, too, ‘cause And then you listen to it and go, Mark: [to Jaye] Why don’t you one’s going to know but it’s like a a lot of hardcore bands turn into “What the hell?” You’re not con- answer that because you liked us little private joke and if someone metal bands or whatever kind of scientious enough to look at the before you joined the band. ever does bring it up to you, band after awhile. year it was released. John: How did you fuck us up? you’ll be psyched because they’re Mark: You could say Poison John: It’s one of the first things I Jaye: I really haven’t noticed a a fan, too. Idea, even though, supposedly look at. Band. Year. major change. The first album Todd: From what I’ve understood they’re still together without Pig Todd: Jaye, you have to respond (self-titled) seemed a little more from your previous interviews, Champion. But I don’t like their to this and this is a direct quote punk. The production on the third you want to keep the vision of Out last couple of records. They’re too about you joining Out Cold: “Jaye record, Warped Sense of Right Cold pure. What exactly is that metal. Toothaker has jumped on every and Wrong, was a lot more pro- vision? John: How about the Bad Brains? other trend from emo to street duced-sounding, I guess. Jaye: Really angry, straight-for- They never really, officially broke punk to that Victory garbage and I Musically, it’s always been pretty ward hardcore that doesn’t deal up, did they – even though they’re guess now it’s thrash.” That’s consistent, as far as I’ve noticed. with political lyrics. It deals more in a different form now? from www.vitalmusic.net. John: I think the biggest change with shit that’s going on with us. Todd: They can’t perform under Jaye: I’ve always hated emo that’s occurred is when Fred left Todd: And how does that vision the name Bad Brains though. It’s music. I used to play in a metal the band. Basically, Mark took differ from Alien Blood Soul Brains, sometimes. hardcore band for a while, and

39 that’s just because I grew up with name as someone in England and angrier, more intense punk rock. sive pop rock. Personally, I love the guys and they had the band still tour and stuff, we thought it Todd: What has been the longest the later Government Issue going and asked me to sing. would just be better – ‘cause running threat to your definition records. It’s a totally different Todd: What was that band? we’re planning on touring there – of hardcore? world. That’s fine but don’t call Jaye: Polyglot. Living in Maine, to change the name before we put John: Metal influence. yourself a hardcore band any- there aren’t a whole lot of things out a full-length record and start- Mark: Yeah. That whole New more. Call the kettle black. to do, so I thought it would be fun ed touring. York scene from ‘89 or some- Todd: Mark, you did extremely to play in it. And I do like some Todd: Since you do stuff with CJ thing. When you tell people early stuff with GG Allin. Did he bands in that genre – not a lot of Ward, how does he feel not being you’re in a hardcore band, they ever ask for a hug from you? them – but I listen to what I listen included with the Ramones’ immediately think you have these Mark: Yeah, GG hugged me to. I’ve never gotten out of any induction to the Rock’n’roll Hall metal breakdown things. I haven’t before. kind of music, either. I still like of Fame? even heard those bands. I stopped Todd: What’s the most un-GG- old metal. I like punk. I like coun- Mark: He thought it was just sup- going to shows before then like behavior that you experi- try music. Surf rock. Rockabilly. posed to be the original Ramones: because the shows were so stupid. enced with him? I’m into all that. If someone’s Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee, and John: Actually, that’s a little out- Mark: Him playing with my says I’m jumping on bandwagons Tommy. They were the ones that dated. The past few years, every- dogs. He wasn’t very GG-like. It was very friendly. Todd: He never flung poop at you? Mark: No, no. He was just a friend. He accepted me for who I was and I accepted him the way he was. He was just someone with a really good sense of humor and very nice, funny, and very just because I’m open-minded to started the band and they were the one’s become very conscious of it knowledgeable about a lot of music, it sounds like they’re pret- ones that should just been in it. now. “Hardcore is ‘82. Minor things. You could talk to him ty close-minded. When Marky heard he said that, Threat.” But, a few years ago, it about anything. Very articulate. Todd: And, no offense, but Out he got really mad and was like, was a big thing. Todd: What do you think was the Cold’s not a big bandwagon. “Well, I’m important, too.” And Jaye: Obviously, people come up catalyst for his big change in per- Jaye: Oh, not at all. then Johnny really wanted CJ with all sorts of different defini- sonality? Mark: The thing is, too, that’s involved with it because he told tions. There’s hardcore techno. It Mark: First of all, going to why Jaye works in the band so The Village Voice that he consid- seems like anyone can call them- prison. After he got out of prison, well ‘cause he’s such a music fan. ered CJ more important than selves a hardcore band. he was going more crazy, but I We all listen to different types of Mark because he was the front Todd: Looking at it from a differ- think it really was his bizarre music. It’s weird. In the hardcore man and that started a lot of weird ent perspective, what instrument upbringing. Something was a real or the punk scene, the second you infighting, ‘cause Johnny consid- can not, under any circumstance, demon in his personality and he like anything else or kind of show ers – besides the original mem- be used for hardcore music? was constantly trying to get it out an interest in something else, then bers – CJ the most significant John: Harpsichord. of him. all of a sudden you’re abandoning member. Mark: I can’t picture it being Todd: What’s the last book that it. But you never hear those peo- Todd: How did you get involved done with a banjo. you read that you’d recommend? ple complain about the bands that with CJ? Jaye: I don’t think anything It can be any type of book. put out so many shitty records but Mark: I’ve always been a big besides guitar, bass, and drums. Mark: I read the Johnny are still touring that only put out Ramones fan and my buddy Jim Todd: Okay, what about bands Thunders biography, which I real- one good record. It’s weird. Most used to work for them and he kind like Marginal Man that start out ly like. people into punk and hardcore of hooked us up and it just kind of pretty fast, then slowly add poppi- John: Coming Out of the Ice by aren’t music fans. They’re genre started like that. With a friend- er elements to their music. What Victor Herman. It’s about this guy fans. ship. do you call that? – his family moves to Russia in Todd: I believe a little bit of it Todd: Have you ever had any Mark: Like the Subhumans, the ‘30s and he got sent to the comes with age. I tend to trust nicknames growing up? where they would start as hard- prison camps in Siberia. It was the people who have been into punk Mark: [to John] Mr. Nosey. core and they’d do the Worlds most incredible story I’ve ever longer than a year or two – John: That was never a nick- Apart thing? See, it’s weird. I like heard. It makes you feel like because they seem to have more name. all aspects of it. I don’t consider you’re living the life of an reference points. They draw from Mark: [surprised] Oh, really? Worlds Apart a hardcore album. absolute king, the shit that guy more things. I know so few peo- John: That was just a shirt I wore. It’s a pop album, but I still like it went through. ple who can listen to thrash 24-7. Mark: I thought everyone called because it’s catchy. I can under- Jaye: I think the last book I read You’re just going to turn to jelly. you Mr. Nosey. Fred told me he stand a band progressing as long – I don’t read as much as I proba- Mark: And how can you call called you Mr. Nosey. as it seems like it’s natural pro- bly should – it’s probably the yourself a music fan if that’s all Jaye: Jaye’s a nickname for gression and the songwriting did- book, Ed Gein: Psycho documen- you like? Jaye, he likes so many Jason. It was something my friend n’t suffer. They were still writing tary. That was all right. There was different types. I really barely came up with in high school. It really catchy songs. They just a lot of stuff they left out. I’ve ever listen to hardcore. There’s kinda stuck. grew. That seems like a natural read a lot of other stuff that was just very few bands I like. Todd: This is basically for the thing for some bands and I have better, more just even in magazine Todd: Mark, why did The Warm benefit of someone who’s looking no problem with that. Trend- articles and stuff. Most of the Jets (a band that Mark is in with at the term for the first time. How jumping is what I’ve always had a books I read now aren’t fiction. I CJ Ward/Ramone) change their you define what hardcore is? problem with. With Out Cold, have a lot of serial killer books. name to Bad Chopper? What are some defining elements we’ve always made a conscious Todd: What are your current Mark: No one said anything to us that you have to have for you to effort not to change. But some jobs? about it, but what happened is we be considered hardcore? bands don’t feel that way. Mark: I do laundry at a hospital. realized there was a band, years John: I think hardcore, according John: Like Government Issue. I’ve been doing it for years. I just ago, called The Warm Jets in to my definition, is basically very That’s a classic example of a band deliver clean linen to the floors. England and even though it’s real- intense punk rock turned up with starting out as totally raging hard- It’s awesome. It’s just a nice job. ly weird – you can have the same speed. A little faster, a little bit core and going complete progres- I’m alone all the time.

40 John: I’m a mechanical drafts- Jaye: I get as much time off as I incident.” I don’t like driving with some pretty crazy shit with this man. need. That’s probably why I stay him. It makes me nervous. type of music. GG was a good Todd: What kind of projects have there and while I’m there I get so Mark: I’ve had a lot of people die example of that. You’ve just got to you been doing? frustrated. I think it helps when on me in the last couple years. be careful with it. John: Mostly, the stuff I do is we play live. Having any more people exit my Mark: I don’t see it like that. I’m basic, like enclosures. Real unex- Todd: John, do you drink? life is something that I worry totally doing it for me. You want citing stuff on the computer. I John: Yeah, a little bit. about. I don’t really need any people to like it and stuff. It is don’t think anyone does hand Todd: How many of the Schlitz more losses right now. very powerful, but I never restrict drafting anymore. twelve-pack 7” holders have you Todd: What are the most preva- what I say or anything like that, so Mark: Weird, huh. It’s like a lost sold through your record compa- lent themes in your music? people don’t get the wrong mes- skill, if you think about it. ny, Acme? John: Frustration, depression, sage. It is a very powerful thing John: We do CAD (computer John: Five, maybe. anger, desperation. with me. The thing that’s always assisted design) and solid model- Mark: He’s not a heavy drinker. Todd: Why haven’t those themes been my one on-going friend is ing. We actually build things in John: One person bought four. been resolved? the music. three dimensions. Instead of That’s basically all postage Mark: Because we’re fucked up. Todd: How is it that Will Attack If drawing views of it, you build it money. It’s kind of expensive to Jaye: Because we’re still alive. Provoked is your fastest record in the computer. send them. Todd: Do you think it’s environ- and you’re older? Todd: What’s the most exciting Todd: Do you fancy them up at mental or chemical? Mark: Do you think it’s our thing you’ve ever drafted? all? Use duct tape? Mark: Probably a little bit of fastest record? John: I’ve worked on drawings John: I put in a cardboard brace both. With me, I think it’s defi- Todd: Yeah. And meanest. for warheads. It’s not like I built it so it’s sturdy and tape up the nitely a chemical thing and I think Mark: I don’t know how that from the ground up, though, I just sides. One day something clicked it’s just a way I was brought up happened. I think as the albums made changes to it and stuff. in my head, “Oh, that’s about the and we kind of just fed off of each went on, it got more focused. By

Jaye: I put price tags on CDs at size of a 7”,” and I tried it. other ‘til I turned into a really the time we did this album, the Newbury Comics. I’ve been there Perfect. screwed up adult. songs I was writing, they had to four years and I’m probably more Todd: Everyone has to answer John: Bad processes with dealing be better than the last album. It’s bored at my job than anybody. this. What are you most nervous with things that probably don’t just that really desperate feeling. Todd: Do you think that the jobs about? solve things. They just sort of You know what’s going to really that you have help or hurt the Mark: I’m a wreck. I don’t even keep things perpetuating, unfortu- do it for you. When you’re play- music that you make? know how to answer. nately. ing your own songs and you feel Mark: Mine helps. I bring my Jaye: I’m not a very nervous per- Jaye: I never really deal with any- like you’re just going to just guitar into work and play. I wrote son. Not being able to pay my thing. I just get pissed about it. scream or you’re going to burst most of the last Out Cold album rent, my bills, and day-to-day shit, Todd: Sonically, how do you into tears playing them, then you (Will Attack If Provoked) at work. probably, are the biggest things. want listeners to react to the know it has to be a really desper- I can play my amp and no one My job doesn’t pay shit. Every music itself? Not the lyrics, the ate, anxious record. Anger’s one even knows I’m over there. All time we go on tour, I have to bor- sound. thing, but to make a record des- my lyrics and stuff. Everything. row money off of these guys. John: We want people to feel a perate-sounding, is what you Todd: Do you try material out on John: When I drive with my frenzied kind of energy. A real always go for. That’s what sepa- invalid patients? father. He drives like a maniac intensity. A violent reaction. We rates bands like Black Flag. Other Mark: When I’m up on the and he doesn’t wear glasses. He don’t want people to beat each bands, they don’t have that anx- floors, I keep it low key. I try to should be wearing glasses. I kind other up in the pit or that kind of ious sound to them and you get in and out of there as quick as of close my eyes a lot when we’re shit, just a real intense reaction. always tend to go for the bands possible and get over my own lit- in the car. Let my body go limp. Todd: Someone explain this that feel the most passionate. tle world. Todd: Has he ever hit anything? quote. “Punk is kind of like a Todd: What do you think the first John: I’ve got to say that my cur- John: Yeah. He’s gotten in quite a weapon. You have to be careful certifiable hardcore record was? rent job is probably hurting, only few accidents. I was in the car how you use it.” Mark: [to Jaye] What do you because I’m sitting at a desk all once and a cop pulled him over John: Basically, it’s a very pow- say? The Teen Idles? You’re the day, my body’s deteriorating, I’m and said, “Listen, someone called erful form of music. It has a lot of big record collector. losing my stamina, but I’ll over- in on their cell phone from anoth- power over me. I just meant by Jaye: It’s hard to say. It’s hard for come it. er car saying there’s a road rage that, you can drive people do me. In 1980 I was in kindergarten.

41 I wasn’t there to pick up the records. Todd: What do you guys do Todd: What was your first tattoo and did your beyond the bands that you’re in parents approve of it? to support music in other ways? Mark: My first tattoo was really typical. John, you’ve reviewed records, Black Flag. And I had “Hate Edge” written haven’t you? over it and my parents – I don’t know, I don’t John: I have but they never got think my father approved of it. He didn’t say published. anything to me. He was a cop… Jaye just got Todd: Didn’t you review the Get his first tattoo and his mother doesn’t know Up and Go’ers? yet. John: Weird shit you come up Jaye: She knows now. She probably doesn’t with! That’s the only thing that’s like it. I don’t think she really cares. When we been used. It’s amazing that you were in Wales the last time, someone gave me came across that. There’s a zine a tattoo for free so I got the Out Cold logo on in Wales called Mass Movement my arm. and he wanted me to write a col- Todd: What animal are you most scared of umn for him and I was like, “I’ll and have you ever been attacked? try.” I never got around to writing Mark: Sharks and spiders. They are my two columns. Instead, I was like, “Let big nightmarish things. Sharks. I can’t believe me write reviews,” because I people swim in the ocean. These things can really like writing about music, just come up and grab you and they bite you in and I sent it, but he never pub- half. Go to a lake or something. lished it. John: The whole insect species. I hate insects Jaye: But you do a record com- the worst. I was attacked was by Mark’s dog. pany. (Acme) [gesturing to Mark] John: Yeah. Mark: You stuck your hand in his bowl. Years Todd: Mark, who did you inter- of warning, when he’s eating, don’t go near view Johnny Ramone for? Mark: Mine’s shape is a box. The color him. He’s a great dog. He put his hand in the Mark: I’ve done interviews with all of the would have to be black. It stays lit because bowl to fluff up his food or something. Ramones for little college papers. Johnny’s there’s a faceless person down there shoveling John: I was just trying to be playful. very good at giving interviews. He talks very coal into it. Jaye: I’d have to agree with John on the insect well, has a lot to say, and a lot of interests. John: Like an open fire, I guess. It’s red and thing, especially spiders. Cockroaches now, Jaye: The only other thing I do other than it’s stays burning because… there’s just a lot after living in my last apartment. The last time actual playing in a band, I go to shows more of fuel there. I was attacked by an animal was actually by than these guys do and I buy a shit load of Mark: [in funny voice] It’s a ragin’ kegger. my turtle. He bit me on the lip. records. Jaye: Man, shape? A rectangle like a dead-end Todd: Were you giving it a kiss? Todd: Name one record that you can not be alley. Definitely black. What keeps it burning? Jaye: [bashful] Yeah. without. This is probably one of the least popular bands Mark: We’re big turtle fans, by the way. It’s All: Ooooh. I’ve ever been in, but I get more out of this one of our favorite animals. Todd: All right, five. band than any other band I’ve been in because Jaye: I’ve had a turtle ever since I was eight Mark: Cheap Trick’s first album, The the music is exactly what I want to be doing years old, I think. Ramones’ first album, T. Rex’s The Slider, and I can relate to the band and the people in Mark: Micah, too. Micah and I went out last definitely Bowie’s The Man Who Sold the the band more than any other thing I’ve ever week into a swamp and he dove in and World, and Man or Astroman’s Experiment done. I’m still going to have these feelings grabbed a painted turtle for me. He’s definite- Zero. unless I die or I win the Megabucks (a lottery). ly the wilderness guy. He’s the one that’ll John: AC/DC’s Let There Be Rock, The Even having money, I’d still have these feel- sleep out in a swamp or something. I’m not Beatles’ White Album, Black Flag’s Damaged, ings and this band is a good outlet for it. like that. New Bomb Turks’ Nightmare Scenario, and Mark: Out Cold is a very lonely feeling. Todd: You’ve said again and again that Out Elvis Costello’s Trust. That’s what the whole thing is. You don’t fit Cold is not a gimmick band, that you’re just a Jaye: It is a tough question because there are into any scene, even in the punk scene. It’s bunch of ordinary guys. Do you think that’s a definitely records I couldn’t live without but I like being in high school. We never fit in. We detriment? don’t necessarily listen to them all the time. never felt comfortable even around people Mark: It’s probably a detriment but I would- Bad Brains’ Black Dots, Misfits’ Static Age, who were supposed to have liked the same n’t feel right about doing anything like that anything by Hank Williams. Hank Williams is stuff. You’re still an outsider even with them. because it’s not us. I’d rather that we remain probably my favorite performer, or was. Black That’s what Out Cold is. The ultimate outsider unpopular – we never thought we’d get as far Flag’s First Four Years, any old early band. A certain degree of loneliness and frus- as we did – so we never thought about gim- Ventures record from the ‘60s. tration, that’s what keeps it fueling. You are micks. We took it too serious. It wasn’t a fash- Mark: There’s so many good Ventures never really at home or satisfied with yourself ion show. It was all about the music. I’m a big records, too. or anything around you. It seems to be a con- New Bomb Turks fan and I like them more Todd: Didn’t they release like sixty-two stant thing and you’re always trying to get that because they don’t have a gimmick. records? out of you, but it never really works. Playing Jaye: I love the Misfits but it’s hard to take Mark: I think they have ninety-seven. helps. Writing songs and knowing that you’re them seriously. Jaye: But not all of them are good. They’ve recording great songs, that really helps Todd: You guys don’t like being tagged as a got crappy ones. because you’re going to have that release for a straight edge band. Do you drink at all, Mark? Mark: The ‘70s ones were disco-ish. They little while. It’s like knowing a certain private Mark: No. didn’t know what to do. part of you is going to come out and be Todd: Why do you shy away from that tag? Todd: This may sound kind of fruity, but exposed and be seen as a really strong, signif- Mark: We’re not really into the label thing. I everyone has to answer this. If there’s a flame icant piece of you. If by no one else, at least by think it’s great if people are straight edge. I burning inside of you for Out Cold, what’s its yourself. It’s like, all of a sudden, all of the don’t care if people aren’t straight edge. I shape, color, and how does it stay lit. covers are off. There’s one feeling of yours don’t list myself as straight edge. It’s just a Jaye: Wow. That is fruity. I don’t even know and it’s not a weak feeling, it’s a really strong personal thing for me. But that’s another gim- how to answer that. feeling. Out Cold’s definitely a very mick for other bands. You’ll see them in five Todd: I’m not going to hold your hand or any- frustrated band. years and they’re doing coke. thing. Don’t worry. Free hugs later.

43 The Briefs are bleach-bblond barbarians. They eat switchblades and piss chardonnay. They have enjoyed sexual congress with your mother. They are malodorous, stench-rridden, kimchi-rreeking villains. They gorge them- selves on fish plucked from fish tanks and toilet bowls. They think suntan lotion is a sexual lubricant and can see in the dark. They break into record collectors’ homes while they are away at conventions and leave their singles behind. Their friends are cooler than your friends. They shoot toothpaste and gargle bourbon. They’ll short-ssheet your bed y and disassemble your scooter. They are the hardest working punk ne Mo d rock band in America, and they are coming to serenade your y od b et tonsils and make your heart hoarse. The Briefs are Daniel ew R y i y ne J. Travanti and Steve E. Nix on guitar, Chris Brief on rv b o e s M nt ic d drums, Lance Romance on bass and cow balls. I p an $: I’d like each of you to describe for me throwbacks and a breath of fresh air. Which Lance: Yeah, it’s an automatic comparison. the moment you knew The Briefs was spe- is more accurate? Daniel: Robert Johnson was great and cial. Daniel: Throwbacks? Breath of fresh air? I you’re just something that’s vaguely close Chris: I don’t think we’ve figured that out mean obviously we love all that old stuff a to it and maybe that’s how we are to some- yet. lot. And we take from it a lot, too. What do thing that was really great back then. Daniel: I think last week I was sitting in you think Steve E? Chris: If someone reads that The Briefs that motel room when Lance was [Steve E writes in his notebook.] sound like this and this and this, then they bending over and his giant cow balls were Chris: I don’t think any of us thought we can go out and buy those old great records. just hanging there – then I knew. That was were doing anything all that new, anyway. That’s cool. the moment I knew we were meant for spe- So, it’s not really a surprise to read but I Lance: Then again, we’ve played in front cial things. think it gives people the wrong idea so I of people who don’t get it at all and they Chris: I think it was after the first practice. don’t particularly like it. Sometimes it does- don’t care. They just want it to be done. $: I knew someone was going to say that. n’t bother me, but there have been a few Daniel: They just want the next emo band Lance: I think it was when someone wanted write-ups where people have said it in a to come on. to book us or give us a show. That seemed negative way. Chris: We played with Creed somewhere pretty exciting. $: Do some of the comparisons come from on this tour, I’m pretty sure of it. $: You mean without you having to call for out of nowhere? $: I heard SXSW (South By Southwest, a it, someone was calling you? Lance: Yeah, we were once described as a music conference) was an emo orgy. Lance: No, the fact that we got a show ska band, which is kind of cool. Chris: It was, but not our show so much. because I don’t think anyone really antici- Chris: There’s a couple that say they like Lance: We played with the Sons of pated anything other than just doing it for the keyboard parts, and there’s no keyboard. Hercules. They’re old school and they do it fun in a basement. $: Maybe they got you mixed up with the very well. And the Original Sinners. Daniel: More often it’s the moments that Spits or something. Exene’s new band. So we did pretty well. we hate that come to mind. Lance: We’re not doing anything new but Daniel: Lots of emo everywhere. Here an Lance: Like my large balls. we’re having a lot of fun doing it. emo. There an emo. Everywhere an emo Daniel: Not those again. Chris: It’s cool when people say, “You emo. Chris: Why do you have to bring that up? guys took me back to when I saw this band Lance: There were a lot of bands we played Daniel: I don’t know, it’s like seared in my in 1979,” or whatever.... with in weird spots that are basically frat brain. Daniel: Yeah, especially since we’re guys who spike their hair on the weekends Chris: Now people are going to want to see nowhere near as good as a lot of those and want to play punk rock. them. bands were... Chris: “Hey Chris, remember me? I used to $: I respectfully decline your generous $: Like? kick your ass! I’m into punk rock now!” offer. Daniel: Foghat. $: You all take turns singing… Daniel: Someone will get a shot sooner or Lance: Foreigner. Chris: Right now? later. Steve E: Like if you’re a blues band you get $: There’s no true frontman… 44 $: You’ve been described as compared to Robert Johnson. Lance: That’s not true. I’m definitely the frontman. I don’t care what these guys say. Chris: No. They thought he was a cop. Bizkit? $: Was that a conscious decision or did it $: Because he was targeting prostitutes. Chris: I thought it was Anthrax. just work out that way? Chris: Yeah, on this strip in Seattle. $: It was way before that. Chris: We didn’t have a singer and we $: Where Steve E used to hang out... Chris: I’m going to say the Bullet Boys. were all like: fuck, we’ll just do it. I think at Lance: He worked at a car painting place so $: It’s not like anyone listens to them any- first everyone was like, “I’m not going to do he was able to paint his truck different col- more. it, you do it.” Then someone did it. And ors all the time. Pretty creepy. Chris: All those crappy fucking bands that then someone else did the next one and it Daniel: Really the song is about Doug were trying to be metal. I hate that. just kind of happened like that. Henning, the hippie magician. “Welcome to Daniel: Like Odin. Wild Cherry. Lance: We were looking for a singer and the wonderful world of magic!” Lance: Right now I can’t stand all that we couldn’t find one. We had a show, a Lance: It’s about something different every Limp Bizkit shit because it’s so over the party to play, and so we took turns singing. time we play it. top. I think at that point everyone was like: Daniel: So you have to pay attention. [Steve E revises his selection.] “We’re still going to get a singer, we’ll just Chris: That song creeps me out, too. $: Fugazi? do this show.” Daniel: It scares us all. Just like Eric [Steve E nods.] Daniel: It’s true. We’re still looking for a Clapton. $: Wow. singer. Do you sing? $: If you could eradicate one band from the Chris: See, I love Fugazi. They’re one of $: Only in the shower. face of the earth so that you also erase all my favorite bands. Lance: It’s cool because we get to play dif- memories of ever having heard them, which Lance: Emo stuff. I’d definitely get rid of ferent songs in different keys. Keeps it dif- band would you choose? emo stuff. ferent. Daniel: If you get rid of Yes, you get rid of $: You have to pick one band. Chris: We all sing in the same key but it’s Asia too, right? Lance: I guess I’ll go with the Doobie different because we’re all bad. $: A two-for-one. Brothers. $: Who’s the worst singer? Lance: You get rid of prog rock. Daniel: But if you pick the Doobie Daniel: Lance! Daniel: You eliminate the whole genre and Brothers, you lose that cool “What’s [Steve E raises his hand.] I hate that shit. Happening” episode where they bootleg the Lance: We take turns being the worst $: [Noticing two Bob Seger albums on the Doobies. singer. dashboard] Did you guys bring Bob Seger Chris: That’s a funny episode. Chris: This week it’s Steve E. records with you on the road? Daniel: And Rerun has the recorder and he Lance: Last week it was Daniel. Chris: They were gives this big speech... you have no idea Daniel: We’ve done all these shows and given to us last night. we’ve had like three days off since March Check it out. One of 10 (thirty-five shows in thirty-eight nights). them is sealed. I like Daniel: It scares us all. We had this bright idea about not taking any this. [He removes the days off and playing every night for six sleeve, which pic- weeks. In hindsight it’s not really a very tures Bob Seger and good idea because we’re all getting fucked the Silver Bullet up. Chris and I had to go to the hospital for Band in soft leather antibiotics and now Steve E’s fucked. jackets and pants in Lance: I got a rash. strange poses. It’s $: Tell me about the songwriting process. hard not to notice Daniel: We write songs. their large asses.] Chris: It depends on what records we buy Lance: Fucking at the time. cool. Lance: Steve E likes to stay up all night and Chris: What are they drink Dr. Pepper. That’s how he comes up doing? with his ideas. $: He looks like a [Steve E nods.] young, fat Siegfried. Lance: I’m going to answer for Steve E Daniel: I tried to from now on. bust that record Chris: Steve E likes to wear women’s onstage and it is, in underwear. fact, like a rock. Lance: I don’t think there’s one specific Lance: And then I thing, at least for me. I’m not very good at went to my knees it. Everybody contributes and we fuck last night and every- around. We try not to spend too much time one was like what on one thing. If it works, we can tell right are you doing? I’d away. And if we all get excited about it, we slipped on it! pursue it until it’s done. Just like Eric Daniel: I saw you Clapton. fall. $: What’s that song “Where Did He Go?” [Steve E hands his about? That song really creeps me out. band choice on a slip Daniel: It creeps you out? Good. How of paper to Lance.] come? It scares you? Lance: The Guess $: It makes me think of the Green River Who? killer. Chris: Steve E! Daniel: They caught him. [Daniel sighs.] Chris: Well, supposedly. They caught a Lance: Who started guy who killed four of the women who that whole rap rock were missing. thing? Was it Limp on. Daniel: Was he a cop? Just like Eric Clapt Sensible to have Daniel: It’s like cheap applause. The giant feet because Weirdos are great, but we can’t keep doing he’s British. that. Chris: What does $: What about the Rotters “Sit on My Face that mean? Stevie Nicks”? Lance: It means I Daniel: That would be appropriate. have big socks. [Steve E makes an obscene tongue gesture.] $: When I saw you Daniel: That was really gross. at the Key Club in $: Is The Briefs an allusion to your sexual Hollywood I performance? noticed Steve E had Everyone: [laughs] a Flipside sticker Lance: We have a new answer! When peo- on his guitar. ple say it’s underwear, we can say: “No, it’s Daniel: No, I did. our sexual performance!” Still do. Daniel: That’s good. Thank you for recog- $: How come? nizing that. You’re very astute. Daniel: Because I $: If you guys shoot a video, will you have loved Flipside and matching creepers and studded belts? we got them from Chris: I’ve never in my life worn creepers. Mary. I was always Lance: Steve E and I are the only ones who into Flipside way wear creepers, but we never have matching more than I was ones. We’re very careful not to match. into Maximum $: Isn’t being careful not to match the same Rock-n-Roll. thing as matching? Chris: Those were Lance: Okay. the only two. Chris: You know, just for that, tonight I’m Daniel: I felt like it going to take a shit on stage. educated me on a Daniel: And roll in it? lot of things when I Lance: You have to roll in it. was like thirteen. I Chris: There was a show we went to in thought it was cool. Iowa City and there was a pile of shit on the [Falcon pops into stage. We were like: was that for us? the van to get Daniel: That was in Des Moines. names for the guest Lance: It was a pile of shit. And it was list.] human. Chris: That guy Chris: “I fuckin’ hate those Briefs. I’m what we’re talking about. knows what’s in a Swedish taco. Falcon? gonna shit on the stage.” $: Not a clue. Falcon: Pussy. Daniel: Money’s not amused. Daniel: Just go with it. $: Now that you guys have signed with a $: Complete this sentence: In a perfect Lance: Fuck it, I’m sticking with Anthrax. major label, I have to ask a few token rock world, a dollar from every record and from $: What are the ingredients of a Swedish star questions. every ticket would go to ______. taco? Daniel: Okay. Here are the answers. For the Chris: Swedish tacos. Lance: The primary ingredient, or all of money. And because we wanted to. Daniel: We’ll give that one to Steve E. them? Lance: And the chicks. [Steve E scribbles fast and furiously.] Chris: What is a Swedish taco? $: Have you ever snorted cocaine off a strip- Chris: We’re pretty political so... Daniel: Is that a sexual question? per’s ass, taken a bath in champagne, or had Lance: In our pocket. Lance: Because if it is, you’re going to have carnal relations with an admiring fan in a Daniel: All the nice people at Razorcake. to ask Falcon, our tour manager. vehicle larger than my apartment, and if so Lance: Falcon’s wardrobe. Chris: Lutefisk. That’s my answer. could you describe these experiences for Chris: Our roadie keeps hitting us up for Lance: We’re a Swedish taco, aren’t we? me? money. He’s been wanting us to buy him an We’ve all got blond hair. Lance: How big is your apartment? escort. Daniel: Natural blond hair. $: It’s a one-bedroom. Daniel: That’s probably like three or four Lance: Does it involve crepes? I say crepes. Lance: I had a chick snort coke off my ass hundred dollars. [Steve E writes: Lima beans.] while I was riding on the bus. Chris: Okay, then we can go out and buy Daniel: Did you just make it up? Chris: I’ve snorted coke off of Lance’s ass. some sushi. $: I’m asking the questions. Lance: Off my balls. Lance: We could use it for that other ques- Daniel: You don’t have to get mad. Daniel: No, no, and no. tion about strippers and champagne baths. $: Who owns the most pairs of shoes? Chris: We’re a straight edge band. We’re Daniel: Or bring Flipside back. Daniel: Definitely not me. Lance. not into that kind of stuff. $: The first time I saw you guys was with $: And what does that say about him? (That’s not entirely true: half the band The Spits at the Three Clubs in Hollywood. Daniel: It says he’s got a bag the size of a drinks, the other half does not.) Chris: That was a fun show. refrigerator. That’s what it says. And $: What covers do you play in your sets? $: I’ve heard all kind of crazy stories about nobody likes it and it’s going to disappear Daniel: We do “You Are in My Vision” by The Spits. someday soon. Gary Numan sometimes. Lance: They’re all true. Lance: It means I have large balls. $: Really? Wow. Chris: Do we have any crazy stories? There Chris: He’s got Captain Sensible’s shoes. Daniel: We do a Replacements song. A are so many. When we were with the Damned one day he Boys song. Weirdos song. $: Are they Seattle’s favorite dysfunctional threw his huge skateboard-sized creepers $: “Neutron Bomb”? band? into the van and they didn’t fit anyone. Daniel: Yeah, but we have to stop doing Chris: Definitely. Their favorite thing to do Lance: I have a lot of shoes. that. is book a show and get a lot of buzz going Daniel: You wouldn’t expect Captain $: Why? about it and then not show up. Lance: Usually because one of them is in songs that they’d play over and over again. damn it. jail or rehab. Daniel: Chris actually played drums with $: So what’s next for The Briefs? Chris: It’s not like they plan it. One of them them for a little while. Lance: Rent a limousine and some strippers. will be at home and be like: let’s just have a Chris: Yeah, as a fill-in. I’m the guy they Daniel: We go home in like five days after barbecue instead. like to talk shit to: the fucking Briefs. Then this tour. Lance: Last show ever. they’ll call me up. Come on, play with us! Chris: And then we leave again. Chris: That’s their favorite. We love those guys. Daniel: Then we mix the record that we just $: They put it on their flyers? $: Didn’t the singer tour with you recently? did for Interscope. Then we’re gonna go Chris: No, they just spread it around. Daniel: Sean. back out and hopefully do some shows. And Lance: “Hey bro, it’s our last show.” Lance: He traveled around with us for a then I don’t know what we’ll do. Get jobs. Daniel: They’re not actually brothers in that while. Sean’s great. We can call him right Bag groceries. Go back to our normal lives. band. They’re lovers. now. Chris: Disappear. Chris: On Thanksgiving I managed to get Chris: We’ve been passing our time crank Lance: Wander the streets. some friends of mine out, like Dave from calling people. We managed to get all these Daniel: We’ve been talking about it quite a Scared of Chaka who’d just moved to numbers. Our favorite thing about being on bit. Seattle, and they put on what was by far Interscope is that we were able to get phone Chris: I picture Daniel sitting on his front their worst show ever and I’d brought all numbers for Marky Mark, Kid Rock, all porch with his guitar, throwing rocks at little these people there to see them. It was their these weird numbers that we’ve been prank kids. worst show, but it was their most amazing calling. Our roadie Vas will act like this Daniel: I do that now. show. They went across the street to the character Rockodile Dundee and he’ll sing Chris: Steve E will have his dog-walking thrift store and pulled all these old pots and these songs “Boom Boom Boomerang” and business. pans and old microwaves from the dump- “What’s in My Baby’s Outback?” and he Lance: We actually have quite a few singles ster. During the show, they’d put the stuff in has the worst possible accent. He’s East in the works too. the microwaves and shit was exploding. The Indian and he’ll go in and out of this weird $: Different labels? sound guy was freaking out. They were Australian/East Indian accent. He sings the Lance: Yeah. We’re going to get that going. dressed as Kind Diamond-looking freaks. songs. We’re going to do a bunch of shows locally. Daniel: He was Ritchie Blackmore that Lance: It’s amazing. Except we’re running We’re going to get something going with night. out of people to call. Dirtnap and maybe hit the West Coast with Chris: That’s right. And they couldn’t play. Chris: Some people think it’s all right, the Dirtnap bands like the New Town Their old drummer used to get completely some people get confused. We won’t say Animals from Vancouver. fucked up and couldn’t play at all. There who exactly we’ve called because some of Chris: And The Sleazies. They’re one of my would be twenty minutes of them fighting them might live close to here. favorite bands that we played with on this each other on stage and then three or four Lance: But we’re gonna keep doing it, god- tour. I don’t know what label they’re going to be on, but definitely keep your eye out for them. $:Tell me about the songwriting proc Daniel: We have this fantasy ess. about doing this great Dirtnap tour with The Spits and The Epoxies. Rotate the line-up so nobody knows who’s playing first or last. That’s our fantasy. $: Like the Warped Tour. Daniel: Is that how that is? $: It usually changes every venue. Lance: This will be a lot less organized. Daniel: And we’ll have corpo- rate sponsors like Campbell’s Soup. $: Is Interscope going to release your stuff on vinyl? Lance: We’re working on that. Daniel: They said they would. $: Yeah, but... Lance: If they don’t do it, some- body will, even if we do it our- selves. We’d be foolish if that didn’t happen. Daniel: I want it on vinyl. $: You’re all big record collec- tors right? Daniel: Yeah, I mean I would personally like to own a copy of the record. I think we can make it work. They’ve been cool about letting us do singles with other people, we’ll see... songs. Lance: We’ll be a lot We write wiser in a year. Daniel: 47 You know you’ve got one special little to sue – and maybe that’s why Fleshies had the total Sid Vicious spiky thing going body part that really likes rock’n’roll the put out their most recent LP, Kill the on. Because it was like “Crazy Hair Day!” best. Of all the lumps of muscle and Dreamers’s Dream, on Alternative at school and I decided to keep it for a day knots of nerves you got sloshing around Tentacles. I caught the band in a party after that because I decided it looked pretty in there, there’s that certain sweaty slab mood with a dose of Dr. Crow (one part cool. But then I realized it was really high of flab that really sparks up when you Old Crow, two parts Dr. Pepper; slide maintenance and I said, “Fuck it.” hear that first power chord ring out. down into a drainage ditch and serve) Matt: I got a half-mullet from some guy in Though I might not know exactly where and let my special little body part take Asheville one time. I was really drunk and I yours is – though if you give me five min- over from there. decided to get a haircut, and this guy did utes, I can perform a quick examination this thing: it was kind of like a Wolverine – I will tell you this: whether it’s between John Geek: Vocals. thing, with like a half-mullet in the back. your legs or behind your eyes, it’s gonna Matt-O-War: Guitar. Brian: A mullet-hawk! find something in Fleshies (no “the,” just Brian Hamiltron: Drums. Chris Z: That sends a lot of mixed mes- “Fleshies”) to make it burst a vein and Vonny Bon Bons: Bass. sages. die happy. These four cheerful fuck-offs Matt: I had a great mullet, man. In high from Oakland can and do win the hearts Chris Z: Has irony completely ruined your school. and minds of Marines and Marxists life? How so or why not? John: Up until what grade? alike, with big ugly Turbonegro-rhino- John: Irony is like slamming a trampoline Matt: I probably had it ‘til I was sixteen. fucks-Hickey riffs for the meat-or-metal- with a hammer which has a rubber head and Between fourteen and sixteen. heads and smart, socio-aware and bitter- a sharp back end pointed at your face. But Brian: I had a devil-lock. ly sarcastic lyrics from singer John Geek hey, I didn’t really need that eye anyway. John: I think all of us had mullets at one (or Johnny No Moniker or Johnny Chris Z: When did you guys get your first point. Pseudonym or whoever he is when talk- punk rock haircuts? Vonny: I never did! ing to the media this week). They’ve got Matt: I got my first mohawk a year ago, on John: I actually had to tell my dad to get a some kinda what-the-fuck? magic that’ll tour. haircut at one point. He didn’t realize it, but penetrate your homeland security Chris Z: Was it an ironic mohawk? Or a he had this really ridiculous mullet. defenses sooner or later, especially if you real “punk’s-not-dead” mohawk? Chris Z: How’d you break it to him? see ‘em live. That’s when I surrendered. Matt: I don’t even know what happened. John: I was like, “Dad, you live in El Maybe that’s when they got Old Man Me and brother were shaving my head for Sobrante, and all the auto mechanics and Biafra, too – you know, with their naked- tour, and I didn’t know he took the guard speed freaks and the people sitting in their ness and their political pot-shotting and off on the clippers, and I was like, “No, you front yards at two in the morning doing their don’t-make-’em-like-that-anymore gotta go shorter on the sides,” and I took nothing? Well, they all have the same hair- personality, the kind more bands had the clipper to the side of my head and made cut as you.” And he got really upset about before they discovered how a big line. So I was like, “Ah, fuck it.” that. And then he cut it off – he couldn’t 48 John: For like two days in ninth grade, I deal. Chris Z: So what’s the teenage psychology John: The posters were really depressing. it’s not like we take planes anywhere. that goes into a bad haircut? It was really sad – it made me sick. I knew Matt: I don’t think they’re really worried Matt: I was just trying to be a dirthead, but that within days there would be some horri- about us doing what we’re doing. at the same time, I wanted to be an innova- ble response that would end up resulting in John: But we are on the most FBI-moni- tor – like a dirthead innovator. Like, “It’s about the same amount of innocent people tored independent record label around. gonna be short, but long!” I thought it was killed somewhere else. Chris Z: Seriously? gonna be pretty rad. But then I realized – Chris Z: I think at last tally, we’d doubled John: Alternative Tentacles has gotten after looking around me and seeing all the it. sued by the government two or three times. other mullets and realizing what kind of John: “That’s the US way!” (The Dead Kennedy’s album) dipshits had them – that it kind of upset me. Chris Z: “Give it 110%!” Frankenchrist and also the Crucifucks. So I was trying to take the mullet in a new Vonny: “And it’s a price we’re willing to there might be a point where “they” have a direction, and it didn’t quite work. pay!” problem with something we say. Who Brian: The problem with the mullet – it’s John: “For democracy!” knows? We’ll be joining the axis of evil, proof you can’t have your cake and eat it, Vonny: Because you know, we all decided baby! It’s more likely than if we were still too. Because you’re going for too many that that was a price we’re willing to pay. on SPAM (Records), though it’s pretty haircuts. But lemme tell you about New York. We fucking unlikely. John: But the thing is, mullets are played spent all day in bars, listening to stories and Chris Z: What do you think about the idea out now. It’s all about the “industrial ass- drinking all day, and some guy in the bar of “Reagan Syndrome?” The idea that bad hole” haircut. Where it’s all long and then we were at worked for the clean-up crews, government makes for good music? And shaved around the sides, like all the way up. and he was saying there were just truck- how does Sept. 11 factor in? Vonny: “The Rammstein.” loads of body parts going out every day. John: Well, it is kind of good for music – Matt: People who listen to industrial Hands, arms, legs – crazy shit. there’s a lot of good bands around! music, play D&D. Chris Z: What was your own reaction? Matt: But the labels – as far as major labels John: And shoot up their classmates. Brian: We were en route to Richmond, just and all that fucking bullshit – are going to Chris Z: Trenchcoat Mafia style? in the van all day and it was surreal. be afraid, and they’re not going to put any- John: Yeah! I think America needs to start John: It was all radio. And I was scared thing good out there now. It’s gonna be picking up the Trenchcoat Mafia style. shitless. I just knew that within a very short even worse than normal because of the Matt: They actually made those D&D peo- time, that everything would change. And it amount of government control over the ple scary for a while. has. And it sucks. media, what’s poisoning people’s minds John: I hate those guys because they failed Chris Z: But I think it’s been in ways that and shit. in being able to crash the plane into New people didn’t expect. Chris Z: It seems like a subtle pressure. York, like they’d been talking about. John: I don’t think it’s unexpected at all. I Now, it’s not exactly cool to start talking Chris Z: Yeah, it’s too bad that Americans had a feeling that was pretty much how it shit about the WTC or anything. couldn’t pull that off. I guess we just didn’t was going to happen: they’re gonna curtail John: Well, rock’n’roll is so reactionary want it bad enough. the shit out of civil liberties, they’re gonna anyway, just by nature, that when all this John: [in an “all-American” voice] Yeah, it consolidate power into the executive action’s going on that’s really firm and took twenty of them damn foreigners to branch. solid in one direction, there’s gonna obvi- take out some big-ass buildings! Chris Z: The shadow government? ously be an equal and opposite reaction. Vonny: Me and my housemate were gonna John: They’ve had that for decades, but And rock’n’roll is one of its many manifes- drive our car into the side of a fire-training now they’re just more out about it. People tations. It doesn’t really change much, but tower. As a political statement. are more comfortable with the idea. it’s a reflection. And, of course, music is John: It’s a great way to go. They’re just using it as an excuse to make going to reflect a fucking viewpoint that’s Chris Z: So is America ready for some people more comfortable with this totalitar- not the same as the people in charge. good terrorism jokes yet? ian presence. Brian: Underground music might become John: I don’t know. Do you think people Chris Z: How’s it affected you as a band? more relevant – there’s a large percentage got the joke in that thing in The Onion? John: Not so much yet. of people who don’t agree with the govern- [Fleshies did a “Justify Your Existence” for Vonny: It’s such an underground network – ment right now, and that music’s not gonna The Onion in January.] We got in some trouble for that. Chris Z: What did you say? John: I think the thing that pissed people off the most was saying we promised to dedicate absolutely zero percent of our profits to victims of the terrorist attacks. Vonny: I think that’s funny. Chris Z: Yeah, we’re in California – what do we care? It was just more action footage on TV. John: [sarcastically] Exactly! Vonny: Well, we were there right after it happened. It was like a warzone. Like a volcano blew up. John: It was like the 14th. Chris Z: And the show still went on? Brian: Well, they cancelled it, but they still let us play. We played a few blocks from where it was. Chris Z: What was it like? Brian: Such a weird smell. John: Bodies, asbestos... Brian: ...metal, plastic... be heard on the radio. Gene Krupa was a grand master of blast John: Not anymore. Chris Z: Do you think people will rise to beats. Chris Z: Because you’re getting the car- the occasion and dissent? Or are people just Chris Z: So how did you end up with an cinogens for free? gonna be too afraid to be threatening? album on Alternative Tentacles? John: In those areas, you just say “Fuck it” Matt: I think the underground scene will be John: Jello just saw us. He wasn’t really after a while. I lived there for a few years pushed further underground. But I also that into it at first – he told Phantom Limbs even after high school, and in those areas, think the cops are too busy looking for they could do a record whenever they want- it’s just kind of hopeless. There’s not a lot fucking terrorists. We’re saying what we ed. And he thought about us for a while, going on. And it’s produced a lot of crazy believe outright – we’re not as dangerous as and saw us again, and that was it. culture, crazy music – but nobody ever real- the people who are conspiring and doing Vonny: We went and had dinner – it was ly acknowledges it because they relocate shit. like a fairy tale! out here [to the East Bay] and John: The problem is that do their thing. it’ll come down to the same Chris Z: Hence SPAM shit it always does, which is Records? (A label with close that the fucking opposition ties to Fleshies and the sub- and the Left, or whatever you urbs.) wanna call it, will fragment, John: Which still maintains and the other side will contin- the El Sobrante PO Box! ue to be this big nasty jugger- Matt: We kept bringing up shit that we did- Matt: It’s definitely the real shit. And naut that it is, and there will be a lot of n’t know we weren’t supposed to bring up. SPAM shows are always the most fun, the fomentation, but no one will have enough Like John kept talking about the Feederz, most fucked up and usually the most illegal common ground to really be able to do and Jello just kind of starts twitching, like, ever. much, unfortunately. But at least it’ll be “You know the story, don’t you?” Chris Z: So, what’s really going on in the present – there will be flashpoints. I mean, Chris Z: Didn’t they rip him off? East Bay right now? What’s exciting now? reactionaries rule the world! They rule the Matt: The singer ran off with his wife! And John: There’s a bunch of Marines standing country right now. cleared his bank account! And we’re like, on the bridge and I heard they’re staying at Vonny: They rule my ass. “Oh, fuck!” the Marriot. John: They rule Von’s ass. I was gonna John: I’m like, “When are you gonna put Chris Z: We’re going over there then, babble something about Foucault, but I’m out that Feederz reissue? I fucking love that right? gonna leave that out. band! That’s one of my favorite bands Matt: Marines know how to party, man. Chris Z: Yeah, this interview might be get- ever!” We were in Little Rock and they started ting too polysyllabic. Vonny: I didn’t even know any of this getting all homo-erotic on each other. John: We gotta keep our moronic image. stuff. John: Oh God! There were these two huge Chris Z: “Rock. Rock on.” John: Yeah, we were totally clueless. Marines and there were all these high John: “No Foucault. Just R-A-W-K.” “Hey, we’re from the suburbs, man!” school bands that played, and they were Vonny: “What’s you guys favorite kind of Chris Z: So, none of you are from the East getting their funk metal on. beer?” Bay? Brian: This is in a gazebo in the middle of Matt: “I poured some beer into a condom John: We’re all from trashy suburbs. Not a park, by the way. the other day and sucked it out like a baby like the nice suburbs. Well, maybe Benicia John: And by the time we were playing, bottle!” – but Benicia’s entire backyard is a refin- there was maybe fifteen people left, and the Chris Z: Unlubricated, right? ery. Where I’m from is kind of defined by Marines were two of the people who stuck Matt: “Nah, I like that powder in the beer, the fact that there are giant refineries a few around the whole time, and they’d been ya know?” miles away that could spew out a toxic super-violent the whole time. And then we Chris Z: Fleshies are a political band like cloud of sulfuric acid at any point. And kill played and they went from being super-vio- (you-fill-in-the-blank) is a (you-fill-in-the- half the population. lent to super-super-homo. It was amazing. I blank) band. Why? Chris Z: But oddly enough, you don’t had my shirt off and my underwear said John: Fleshies are a political band like smoke, right? “NO GENDER” on it, and they were like grabbing on my nipples and rubbing my nipples, and then some guy grabbed the mic and threw me up on his shoulders and was like, “This guy’s getting his feet dirty walk- ing all over your faces!” Brian: And John was yelling things like, “Transgenderism!” And they’re all like, “Yeah! Yay for unspecific gender!” John: I felt like we won for a minute! Chris Z: That underwear: is it grey by design or just well-used? John: It’s just underwear I’ve been wearing for a while. You roll around on enough floors and no matter what you’re wearing, it’ll eventually look grey. I wash it, but it doesn’t matter. Matt: I don’t know how many times I’ve heard him say, “Where’s my pants?” after a show. “Where’s my shoe? I can’t find my sock.” John: Aw, enough of nakedness. Chris Z: What? There can never be enough nakedness. Matt: Uh, actually, yeah, there can be. Chris Z: What’s the limit? to be Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter. She Matt: The limit is if we’re not playing took a shit in the hot tub. around our friends or we’re not playing a Matt: I think she’s lying – nobody totally dead show that’s really boring with SAW the shit. four people. John: There were a lot of aspiring John: I take my clothes off when I’m models-slash-actresses. uncomfortable. Chris Z: Make any connections? Chris Z: I’d love to see you at a job inter- Matt: I fell asleep on the couch. That view. place sucked. John: I just figure I’ll take it to the next Chris Z: What are the things you level and make everyone else uncomfort- need for a Fleshies-approved party? able, as well. Matt: Prince. Matt: If we’re really sucking, like my amp Brian: Naked hot-tubbing. breaks or whatever, having a bad night, then Matt: No, that ain’t even necessary. that’s a good time. John: Prince, coke dealers in full- Vonny: John’ll do it also when there’s like body camouflage… a really violent crowd – he’ll go rub his nuts Matt: I’d say Prince records are the on these very testosterone-y guys and ultimate party requirement. they’ll back up. John: I don’t party anymore. I just sit John: Tongue-kissing helps, too. in my room and twitch. Vonny: He sat down in a skinhead’s lap in Matt: It’s whatever you’re doing Minneapolis. with your people, whatever makes it Matt: Molested his braces. Adjusted his interesting. Like this is a party, right suspenders. now! Vonny: Gave him a lap dance in the middle John: I hate parties. I’m old. of a show. Matt: We had a siz-yrup party at Chris Z: Are macho dudes into that? That’s Vonnie’s place. I made 50/50 (Vicks) an interesting way to defuse a situation. 44 (cough syrup) and Vodka and fla- John: Well, I’ve never gotten hit. vored it with a little concentrate and Vonny: I got hit with a beer bottle, but that we took shots of it out of the little was just my friends. I got a scar. cup that comes with the 44. And we Matt: As far as the naked thing, it usually did a bunch. And at the beginning, means the show’s sucking, if there’s nudity. everyone’s like, “Yeah Yeah! Have John: It’s a good barometer for it. some Robo! This is gonna be great!” Matt: Yeah, we have to get naked to offset And then by the end of the night, the fact that we suck. everyone is just quiet, staring at each Chris Z: Overcompensation? other. It killed the whole party. John: Total overcompensation. To distract Chris Z: It’s not a party drug. Chris Z: Is human history a downhill spiral from the terrible, terrible rock. John: Well, you got 3-6 Mafia. They’re so into darkness, a relatively stable cycle of Vonny: It’s like dazzle camouflage. good. “Sippin’ the siz-yrup.” suffering and salvation, or a painful groping Chris Z: Did you get naked when you Chris Z: If there’s kids out there that wanna toward utopia? And where do Fleshies fit in played during the Sundance Film Fest on get into abusing drugs, where’s a good place to this? tour? to start? John: All I know is that there isn’t going to Vonny: I don’t think I’ve ever gotten naked John: Huffing. be any Christian Apocalypse anytime soon, at one of our shows. Brian: Whip-its. no matter how much they try to bring it on, John: Yeah, you did. Libertatia. We all did. Vonny: Rubber cement. and even if half the world blows up, I still And so did three-quarters of the audiences. Matt: It all starts in third grade, telling peo- have a 50% chance of waking up in the That must have been scary. ple what they can and cannot do. Honestly, morning next to somebody I barely know, Matt: There was a big dust storm, too, so people are trying to be fucking parents, and and then I’ll painfully grope towards my you’d see all this dust and then all of a sud- trying to get everyone else to be fucking own personal utopia all I want. But that’s den, a pecker would stick out and then go parents, and it’s fucked. really none of y’alls business. back into the big cloud of dust. John: It all starts with Pixie Stix. Chris Z: Seriously, what is the role of an Chris Z: That’s uncomfortably vivid. So Chris Z: Did you ever put Pixie Stix up artist in society? tell me about Sundance. Like the girl who your nose? John: To help destabilize it bit by bit, and claimed she was Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter. Matt: Fuck yeah! It hurts! hopefully contribute to its complete ruina- John: And Brian in the street yelling at John: Pixie Stix and Shasta Cola – you mix tion. Then the artists can try to make their everybody, asking if they wanted to be on that up and that is the gateway drug. own society, which’ll barely work since Baywatch. Tell the story of what you were Vonny: I snorted some Saltines once. Like they’re a bunch of goddamn flaky nutjobs. doing. a year ago. Inevitably, some asshole will burn down the Brian: Um, I don’t remember what I was Matt: Coke and Pop Rocks! And you can barn and wreck the whole experiment – i.e. doing. It was funny – the whole city was hear your stomach popping – that’s like the the fate of just about every 19th century really nice and clean and cheesy, like you’d best sound ever. utopian communal town. I highly recom- imagine, and we were ten drunk dirty peo- Chris Z: Do you think rock’n’roll has final- mend Sidney Lens’ classic History of ple outside, stopping cars... ly killed emo? Radicalism in America for several shining John: Get in front of cars, just start gyrat- John: Tribe 8 and Turbonegro killed emo. examples. ing... Chris Z: What’s the most you ever helped Chris Z: And finally: fuck, art, or rock? Brian: I almost licked a man’s asshole! the revolution in one twenty-four hour peri- Which one and why? And our friend wrote “FUCK BUSH” all od? John: Fuck for rock and rock out, over this guy’s house! And someone took a John: I didn’t brush my teeth for six days you artfuck. shit in the hot tub! once. Fuck flouride! Brian: We’re done! John: That was the girl who was pretending 51 Tribute Bands Tribute Bands Tribute Bands

by Liz o. by Liz o. by Liz o.

It’s Friday night in the San Fernando Valley and, despite the fact material at weddings, bar mitzvahs and local watering holes, tribute that most of this suburban collective has shut down by 10:00 P.M., artists become their rock heroes. Like an Elvis impersonator, they Paladino’s is alive. Located in the corner of a mini-mall on Reseda study the band’s costumes and stage persona. They mimic studio and Boulevard in Tarzana, California, Paladino’s is a dive of a bar with the live recordings note for note and bring elements of videos and live prerequisite dark wood decor, tattered pool tables, and heavy metal performances to their own stage show. As is the case with imperson- blaring through the speakers, yet it is typically packed beyond capac- ators of the King, tribute bands are often lambasted by critics and ity. Harley Davidsons and pick up trucks cram together in the parking music aficionados or, on occasion, given the hipster-style backhand- lot leaving little room to walk up to the club. Longhaired guys in flan- ed compliment “it’s so bad it’s good.” nel shirts pick up on girls who look as if they have taken all of their “In a sense, what we are doing is cheesy,” Warren says. “We’re fashion cues from Kelly Bundy. It is, perhaps, the least trendy crowd basically schlocking out songs that someone else wrote and making a you will find within the city limits of Los Angeles. There are no haute big theatrical production out of it, drawing large crowds and being couture mullets. No intentionally tattered Bob Seger t-shirts pur- paid for it when there are talented local original metal bands out there chased at Fred Segal for a few hundred dollars in sight. Instead, the like Prototype, Teabag, Artisan, Uprooted, Project1, and more, that scene at Paladino’s consists of a few hundred hessians still mourning are creating phenomenal work and are having to drudge through the the loss of Headbanger’s Ball and waiting to catch a glimpse of the ticket-selling process, dealing with smaller crowds, not being paid, Iron Maidens. dealing with unscrupulous promoters and sometimes getting little After a performance by the all-female AC/DC tribute, Whole appreciation or response from the crowd for all their talent and hard Lotta Rosies, the five leather-clad women who make up the Iron work.” Maidens take the stage and begin their aural assault on the crowd. The While tribute bands may not always be taken seriously by the crowd screams and bangs heads as if a case of whiplash is a spoil of music press, this movement cannot simply be brushed aside as a pass- war. The band rages through a repertoire culled primarily from the ing trend. No one can deny the fact that there has been, and will con- Bruce Dickinson-era of Iron Maiden as singer Jenny “Bruce tinue to be, a demand for tribute artists. In the words of Jose Chickinson” Warren nails her impersonation of the legendary Maiden Maldonado, lead singer of Smiths/Morrissey tribute The Sweet and frontman complete with the howling command “Scream for me, Tender Hooligans, “If there was no demand for it, we wouldn’t be out Paladino’s” (Dickinson’s catchphrase, his website is www.scream- there…. There’s an interest out there. There is a demand, we supply forme.com). Cameo appearances are made by the Devil from the it.” “Number of the Beast” video, Iron Maiden mascot, Eddie, and the Consider the continuously staggering sales of releases from the “naughty daughter brought to the slaughter” as the crowd waves devil rock legends of yore. SoundScan, which tracks the national sales of horns and screams song titles. The Iron Maidens have proved that albums, reports that since the company’s inception in 1992, Van they can bring an arena-caliber performance to suburban bars that Halen’s catalogue has sold over 15.5 million units. The Smiths and hold, at best, three hundred people. Like thousands of other bands Iron Maiden, who received considerably less support from commer- worldwide, these five women have carved a niche in the competitive cial radio and MTV at their peak, have sold over four million units a music world by playing someone else’s music. piece over the course of the past ten years. Interest in these bands has 52 Unlike cover bands, who perform a wide range of never faded, with new fans emerging on an almost daily basis. With that in mind, it is easy to understand why tribute bands mean big and diehard fan of Van Halen tribute, the Atomic Punks. “I first business for promoters who have realized that the designer imposter saw the Atomic Punks two years ago at Scruffy O’Shea’s in Marina version of a rock supergroup leads to standing-room-only events at del Rey [now defunct] and I thought that they were unbelievably real. venues that may not be able to draw anything more than a few locals I never had the chance to see Van Halen, let alone David Lee Roth’s on other nights. Meanwhile, the bands serve as a creative outlet for Van Halen, live, so this was the next best thing. I make a point to go talented musicians who may struggle with a career based on original see them whenever they are playing in Los Angeles.” songs. Most importantly, tributes are the closest fans may ever get to “The thing about the Atomic Punks is that they are not only real- attending a show by their favorite bands. ly good, really talented, but they play great music from an era and According to Lenny genre of music that is Mann, guitarist for Led- hard to find on a regular Zepagain and founder of basis these days. I admit www.tributecity.com, the that I love ‘80s metal premier website docu- and rock ‘n’ roll and menting this musical always will. For all of subculture, there are two the bands that I missed sorts of tribute artists. seeing in their heyday, to “There are tributes for see a really good tribute artists who are currently band play is almost as popular on the charts. good. Sometimes it’s There are Britney Spears even better because you tributes, Shania Twain, get the experience and that sort of thing. That get to hear your favorite appeals to one section of songs live, but, at the the population where it’s same time, you get the a matter of cost. Maybe, small venue feel, which if they are lucky, that is way better than a huge artist will come into their arena any day.” city and do a concert and While tribute they’ll have to shell out bands are commonly $30.00 or $40.00 for tick- associated with hard ets. Whereas, if someone rock and heavy metal, nails it, they can see it at a local alternative music fans have not venue and pay maybe a quarter of been neglected. Of the 666 bands that price to see that sort of an act. (above) Patrick costello, a popular listed on tributecity.com, a number On the other side of the coin, for minneapolis-based elvis impersonator of acts offer tributes to modern rock example with our Led Zeppelin trib- icons such as the Cure and Depeche ute, people will never get to see Led Mode. In Los Angeles, perhaps one Zeppelin. They will never get to experience what a Led Zeppelin con- of the most popular local acts is the Sweet and Tender Hooligans, who cert was. So, we’re appealing maybe to the baby boomer generation have managed to build a solid international following playing the who maybe saw the band and wanted to recreate the moment. That’s songs of the Smiths and Morrissey. priceless, something they could never hope to see unless a tribute Formed in 1992 as an original music band with a Smiths- band was doing it.” inspired name and a singer whose looks and mannerisms make him Reagan Boyce is a twenty-five-year-old resident of Los Angeles the brown-eyed Morrissey, Sweet and Tender Hooligans gradually When thinking of tribute, one envi- sure. I think it’s kind of funny. We get sions a group who look, sound, and act guys who just get off on women dressed like a particular band. The same could be the iron maidens in leather playing metal and then we get said for Los Angeles-based tribute, the and placement. I keep his persona and cos- skeptics who cross their arms and snicker Iron Maidens, except for one thing – this tume concept in mind. Besides, Dickinson to their friends during the first song and a band is fueled by estrogen. was a huge influence on my vocal style. I got half, but even those guys stay until the end Jenny “Bruce Chickenson” Warren ini- into the Di’Anno-era material after I had and are rocking out until our last song.” tially formed an Iron Maiden tribute with exhausted my eardrums with albums like While the Iron Maidens still have hur- Melanie “Steve Heiress” Sisneros and three Piece of Mind and Powerslave.” dles ahead of them, including trying to con- male members. Under the name Wrathchild, Warren is very matter-of-fact when dis- vince “out-of-it booking agents that Iron Warren and company played across the city cussing the preconceived notions that Maiden has a large, loyal following who will with relative success. Soon, the male mem- Maiden fans might have when realizing that come out not only to see Maiden played bers of the band were replaced by Sarah a girl will be filling the shoes of Bruce accurately note for note, but to see it done by “Mini Murry” Marsh, Linda “Nikki Dickinson. women,” they are successfully making their McBURRain” McDonald and Josephine “I ask people who have never seen us way through the boy-dominated world of the “Adrianne Smith” Tarus and the name was after the show, ‘Honestly, what was your heavy metal tribute. “Now that the word is changed to the Iron Maidens. expectation of our show?’ Usually, they say, out, people rock out and the crowds are big- “Our first show had been hyped for so ‘I thought it was going to suck but you guys ger and a little calmer. Don’t get me wrong, long that when we finally did play it, the blew me away.’” they still get into the shows, we’ve just had audience mostly consisted of rabid Maiden Even though Iron Maidens have a knack less freaks jumping on stage and pulling their sex-starved lunatics, skeptics and friends,” for converting Doubting Thomases, there is pants down and making lewd gestures. Now Warren recalls. always the person who will hold gender the people that come to our shows are so into In the band’s early days, Warren went against the band. “I’ve had people tell me, Maiden, any behavior or rude comment by the double nickname Bruce ‘You aren’t a real tribute band because you would almost be considered disrespectful to Chickinson/Paulina Di’Anno, as a reference are women.’ I think that’s hilarious because the real Iron Maiden. We’re there paying our to both Iron Maiden singers. She dropped the we sound, dress and move like the characters homage and respect to Iron Maiden and their latter explaining, “We only do four Di’Anno- we portray, we just feminize them a bit.” fans are there paying respect to us. Maiden era tunes right now and my voice is much However, Warren is quick to point out, fans are really very loyal. It’s a nice vibe.” closer match to Bruce Dickinson’s vibrato “Being female helps our appeal, that’s for 53 began to explore life as tribute artists. “There was a I think what that particular meeting said is that he was okay with Morrissey/Smiths convention that was held annually,” Maldonado it. One thing I did get out of that conversation was that he found it explains. “The very first one in LA was held in 1992. I though we rather amusing that he has an impersonator. When he thinks of people should see if they’ll let us play and we could play a whole set of who have impersonators, he thinks of Elvis or Madonna or Cher or Morrissey/Smiths songs. So, that became an annual thing. We contin- Neil Diamond. These kind of iconic people have impersonators. So he ued to do our original music year-round but, once a year for the con- finds it rather amusing that he is one of these people that inspires an vention, we would do only a Morrissey and Smiths set. As time wore impersonator – someone who would style his hair like him and dress on, we started to drop the idea of having an original band. The tribute like him onstage for the show, sing like him. I gather that he was quite thing became more frequent, more common than doing original pleased with that.” music.” While Morrissey acknowledges the existence of the Sweet and Over the past decade, Sweet and Tender Hooligans gigs have Tender Hooligans, David Lee Roth wrote in his book Crazy From the evolved into an event strikingly similar to an actual Morrissey con- Heart that the Atomic Punks are “the best Van Halen tribute band cert. In fact, their recreation of the Smiths/Morrissey live perfor- ever.” A former member of the LA Guns, Ralph Saenz, formed the mance is so accurate that the famed singer recently walked onstage Atomic Punks during the mid-’90s. “Metal was being smashed by before a show in Arizona and greeted the audience with, “Hello, we’re grunge,” he explains. “The clubs started dying off, musicians moved the Sweet and Tender Hooligans.” Given the fact that Maldonado is a to Seattle. After our first show, clubs wanted to book the band. It was more-than-reasonable facsimile of Morrissey, it’s no wonder that fans as if we became the release for people. Metal was dying but Van engage in traditional Moz-antics, such Halen’s music would live forever. The as climbing onstage and throwing people responded wherever we flowers at the singer. played. Even if you are not a Van “I sort of look at it as the way that Halen fan, you will become one after I’m doing an impersonation of hearing Van Halen’s music. It happens Morrissey. I think that the kids are all the time.” While Eddie Van Halen doing an impersonation of what they used to check out the Atomic Punks are like when they go to see a play at the legendary San Fernando Morrissey show. I, by no means, take Valley rock club, F.M. Station, David myself so seriously that I think that I Lee Roth and Michael Anthony have so much power over them. There watched the Punks show in their have been people running onto the hometown of Pasadena, California. stage to hug me and try to rip my shirt Roth is alleged to have remarked off, just like they do to Morrissey. “Good thing I got maternity insur- They’re just getting into the show. I ance,” after meeting Saenz, who also want to encourage people to bring performed “California Girls” in the gladiolas and to revisit what a Smiths movie Rockstar, at the Sunset Strip’s show was like or what a Morrissey heavy metal club, the Rainbow Room. show is like.” Anthony actually performed with the Maldonado points out that, like band at a Valley strip club. “We were most tribute bands, the sole purpose of so nervous that we played everything Sweet and Tender Hooligans is to keep really fast,” Saenz recalls. “The the spirit of their favorite band alive. crowd lost it. Michael said he felt like “We do it for the sheer reason of only talent borrows, genius steals. he went back in time.” the love of Morrissey and his songs Of course, out of the thou- and the fact that people ask us to do it. If people didn’t ask us to do it, sands of tribute bands in existence, only a few are able to win fans and we would still do it, but we would be in our garage playing for a few impress icons with their performances. Just as in the world of original friends over a twelve pack of beer. But, it’s by no means a source of music groups, many tribute bands remain obscure, playing in ghost income. town venues to inanimate crowds. Charles Livingston, a writer based “One could look at what we do for Morrissey. Do we keep his in South Carolina, learned this lesson with his own tribute to U2. music alive? Do we keep the live experience alive? I tend to think that After witnessing a performance by Beatles tribute, 1964, at a the answer is yes. I’ve made a few Morrissey fans out of having this barbecue competition in Phoenix, Arizona, Livingston caught tribute band together, performing this music live. I can’t tell you how many fever. people said, ‘I only like Morrissey’s stuff with the Smiths,’ and once “This was the first live gig I had seen in years that was actually they heard us, they got into his solo material even more so than they fun. You know, you go see live bands all the time trying to make it, already were with the Smiths. If I can do that, I’m the happiest person but most of them just aren’t very good or entertaining. My own all- alive. He’s got so much to say. He has such beautiful, beautiful songs originals band was in the long, slow process of falling apart at the that inspire me in so many ways. [This band has] given me the oppor- time, so I filed the idea away in case the band didn’t pull through. As tunity to spread that around.” it happens, the band broke up about six months later and I had already As Morrissey evangelists, Sweet and Tender Hooligans recently been putting together some demos of U2 material myself, so as soon toured the U.K. and finally had the chance to perform in their heroes’ as the old band called it quits, I went straight to work on the U2 trib- hometown. “It’s like you’re a Van Halen tribute band you’re playing ute.” Pasadena. It was very important to know that [Manchester] was okay Aside from being his favorite band, U2 appeared to be an with us. They were a tough audience, but certainly one of the best. By untapped source of tribute material, particularly in the southeastern the time we did ‘Bigmouth Strikes Again’ there were probably more United States “where dinosaur Southern boogie-rock is still king and people onstage – people had jumped onstage to dance around the band few people outside of big metropolitan areas like U2.” Calling his – then there were people on the floor. I could feel it buckle a little bit.” band Rattle and Hum, Livingston’s homage to U2 began in 1998. With the fanfare surrounding quality tributes, one must wonder Livingston describes problems that occurred even in these early days. what the original bands think? “The Southeast is a terrible place to find audiences and musicians Maldonado has met Morrissey on four different occasions in interest in U2. There is still this ingrained idea here of the worship of addition to meeting all of the members of the Smiths and Moz’s cur- the instrumentalist with most musicians and audiences feeling that if rent band. “The very last time I met him, he told me that he has a VHS the band doesn’t have at least one hotshot solo player, it’s not excit- copy of one of our shows and the he liked it. He said that I did a fan- ing or worth listening to. This particularly poses a problem with find- tastic job and should release ‘Lost’ as a single, which I did not take ing an Adam Clayton, because there is a perception out there that he seriously. I told him, ‘That’s not our job, that’s your job. I do what I is a lousy bass player. With all of the Flea disciples out there and do because I love your songs. Thank you for your beautiful songs.’ whatnot, it is very hard to convince bass players to 55 stick with Adam’s simpler bass lines. We went through three bass ple realized that he could not sing very well, we started having a players because of this.” After several lineup alterations, they hard time getting gigs. That’s not my opinion – we had talent buyers changed the name to U2 Zoo. tell us specifically that the reason they were turning us down was that While all of the members of the final lineup for U2 Zoo were the singer was weak. If you are not tight and very pro, you will lose zealous fans of the Irish supergroup, sometimes the line between the the audience sooner or later. That certainly happened to us many musician and their onstage persona became blurred. times. The proof was that we stopped getting gigs because the word “I made the mistake of giving the Bono position to a guy who had got out that we weren’t very good.” looked frighteningly similar to Bono – same facial features, body While Livingston has since left the realm of the tribute band, it build and same quirky, off-kilter personality. That ended up being a seems as if more musicians have made public emulation a way of life. big problem. He considered himself to be an ‘artist’ and was con- Jose Maldonado made a passing reference to an inscription on the stantly pushing way from mimicking a performance and trying to vinyl 12” for the Smiths’ hit “Bigmouth Strikes Again” when he said, move the band towards originals. “talent borrows, genius steals.” “He also didn’t take care of his voice and flat-out refused to seek “Don’t all rock bands borrow from their influences? If you strip vocal coaching so that he could learn some techniques to preserve his everything down to what got people into [rock] music in the first voice. It was really a heartbreaker – his vocal tone was very similar place, it begins with either Elvis or the Beatles. Even if they didn’t lis- to Bono’s, but over the course of two years, he wiped his voice out ten to those bands, someone down the line was listening to the completely.” Rolling Stones or the Beach Boys or Elvis Presley or the “Bono’s” vocal shortcomings proved to be the breaking point for Beatles. Everyone borrows from what it was that inspired U2 Zoo’s performances. “In the beginning, I think audiences were them to make music in the first place.” Perhaps all a tribute kind of intrigued by the similarity in his looks to Bono, but once peo- band is doing is taking the obvious to an extreme. and now... a feature presentation “I discovered the world of tribute bands bands. Tribute follows Sheer Heart Attack as as a fan. A Queen fan. So when I heard there they take on Los Angeles and ultimately lose was a Queen tribute band, I had to check it their singer to the German theatre; docu- out.” ments KISS tribute Larger than Life from Rich Fox was “blown away” by Sheer their humble beginnings through their Heart Attack’s recreation of a Queen con- singer’s nervous breakdown; delves into the cert. “On the one hand, it was hilarious and lives of Escape (Journey tribute) and campy and I couldn’t stop laughing. On the Bloodstone (Judas Priest tribute); and show- other hand, I really enjoyed it on an emo- cases feuding Monkees wannabes, the tional level. I’d never seen Queen perform. Missing Links. Curry explains that, “bands This was as close as I was going to get.” with a big visual were important (KISS), Friend Kris Curry notes that Rich since it is film, and we were also attracted to became “addicted” to Sheer Heart Attack’s acts that had an irony quotient (Journey, The performances. What began as an infatuation Monkees). At least that’s what we thought at with tribute band culture culminated in the first. It soon became clear that a few bands duo’s first film, which is currently making have interesting ongoing stories in their lives the rounds on the festival circuit and plans to and you have to run with them. I mean, when make its international debut this summer the Gene Simmons in your Kiss tribute starts with premiers in Scotland and Australia. to go insane, you know you have to go with Tribute, a documentary directed by Fox and that story!” much obsession.” Curry, with Steven Soderbergh serving as Perhaps more interesting than the bands Fox states that after five years he executive producer, chronicles the lives of are the fans. Says Curry, “We did indeed run “learned that most of the bands are normal five bands dedicated to the art of the into a lot of fans who were deeply passionate guys who have pretty good reasons for doing homage. about their tribute bands, men and women what they do. We were surprised to find out “The more Kris and I talked about trib- alike – people who never miss a show, how much we related to musicians in tribute ute bands and saw tribute bands, the more whose social life revolves around a given bands and how similar our livers were to we discovered it to be really fascinating. We band.” Most notable is Sheer Heart Attack theirs. We all had big dreams and were wanted to know why these talented musi- devotee Mark (a.k.a. Superfan), who treats forced to compromise those dreams as we cians spend so much time on other people’s show dates as if they are Holy Days of got older. Most tribute musicians didn’t seek music. Was it that they wanted to be the per- Obligation, complete with preparation ritu- out to be in tribute bands, but they’re making son they were imitating? We wondered why als and ecstatic behavior in front of the stage. the best of it since it might be their last the fans treated them like the real thing. And, “There is no question that tribute bands option as a musician.” personally, I wondered why I was so into it.” are an outlet for deep musical obsession. Curry agrees adding that he “was Curry adds that, “One thing led to Fans often become attached to the tribute impressed with the degree of musicianship a another and when we ended up spending our band, almost as if it is the original band. In a lot of these tributes showed. I mean, to play New Year’s Eve at a ‘tribute-a-palooza’ lot of cases, the original band is gone, so the Eddie Van Halen’s licks note for note – and show, we knew that a documentary was tribute band is the only outlet for their obses- that’s what is required in a Van Halen tribute inevitable.” sion. As a Queen fan, I can relate to this. – you have to be able to play Eddie Van “As we started filming,” Fox explains, Also, the fans can get to know the tribute Halen’s licks note for note. Plus, a lot of “we found we related to the topic on many band personally, something they can’t do these guys who play in tributes play in more personal levels. This wasn’t just about trib- with big rock stars. For Superfan, Queen and than one, so that they play Van Halen note ute bands. This was about fame, failure and the tribute band take on a religious signifi- for note and Boston note for note and Pink trying to achieve your dreams against the cance in his life. It’s what gives him comfort Floyd and Led Zeppelin, too. That’s a pretty odds. This was about obsession and getting and gets him through the day. We did meet big repertoire. I always wondered why some older. These were the ideas that drove us to some others like Superfan, but Superfan is of these guys weren’t established studio spend five years on this film.” also one-of-a-kind. Most people think some- musicians – some accident of fate, maybe? While Tribute was never intended to one that obsessed with music would stand Certainly not a lack of talent.” represent the tribute scene as a whole, Fox out as weird, but here’s a normal, and very and Curry did select an eclectic array of nice, sweet and intelligent guy who has that 57 In Defiance of Empty Times Interview with Thomas and Matt Sherwood by Retodd Photos by Kat Jet son (unless noted)

When I really think about punk rock and what it truly easy to gulp down as sweet tea. It s been a long time since means at its core, it quickly gets pared down to this: this I ve heard a band sound so contemporary and so traditional music keeps me alive and living a life I want. It s naked. It at the same time. can t have a uniform. It s my pep talk. My meditation. My If you think punk s been long dead and buried, look again. close family. Partly, my rage. The fact that others with much The coffin s been resurrected and been built into another larger media megaphones and fancier pants have acquisi- stage for a basement show when you weren t paying atten- tioned parts of it doesn t bother me that much. Perhaps, in the tion. seventeen years I ve been involved with it, I ve developed an instinct. I can smell shit a mile away, no matter the dress Todd: Strike Anywhere, the name, does it mean you’ll ready to code or the raping of its most obvious rituals. To be ignite at any time or that you’ll encourage people to exercise sure, at times, it s tough to see through the their right to fair treatment? gauze of advertising that would have worked Thomas: Probably the latter, more like joyously on me even a year ago. Our own clever inhabiting a parallel media to the actions of folks weapons even our very own words and putting our voices in everywhere that we can. have been used repeatedly against us to Todd: Matt, what’s the minimal accepted sell to punk s skin and appearance over amount of flair on a Strike Anywhere guitar and over again. Two things usually hap - strap? pen. We either get smarter with each Matt: One piece of flair is the minimum turn and learn from our mistakes or we acceptable amount. I have shown more in the give up, give in, and tie our own hands past and I realize the folly of my ways. I mean, behind our backs because we re I felt excited about it at the time but the photo- already so very fucked. graphic evidence shows it wasn’t the way to go. All s very far from lost. It helps to Todd: What were your pieces of flair? think in these terms. If there wasn t some - Matt: I had a pin that said something along the thing real and vital an earnest intimacy lines of “Chess Makes You Smart,” I had an old punk would dissipate completely. It s not all Boy Scout, a Batman pin, some comics book stuff, a false manufacture. If it were, we d all be talking Mork from Ork pin – that was some real shit – and in the past tense, purely as historians, picking at bunch of pins from bands we play with that I like a lot. the parts with sterilized tweezers. That s far from the Pins are kind of a lost art form to a lot of bands. It’s kind of like case. patches. Not all bands make ‘em. I’ve pared it down to the Batman Strike Anywhere is the compression and ignition of a long pin because that was the statement I wanted to make. tradition of hard, melodic bands. Start with the terrace-raising Todd: I was talking to Chuck from Hot Water Music a while back, sounds of early Cocksparrer and Blitz. Add to it the simple, and I noticed that he had a symbol tattooed on his arm of three swelling compassion of Avail and the kinetic explosiveness of arrows going in the same direction in a circle. To be honest with Kid Dynamite s ability to make an active yet kindly pit. Lead it you, the reason I first listened to your EP, Chorus of One, was that with clear, acerbic, and thoughtful political lyrics. Steep it in symbol was on your CD. What does it represent? over a century of Southern heritage. Instead of a photocopied Thomas: It was a symbol that was used several different times in miasma that zings off in too many directions, their sound is history. The earliest that was know of it – and I’m sure there are amazingly clear and directed, sieved and distilled into some - people who have researched it better – it was the anti-fascist move- thing that that can be simultaneously as hard as straight ment. It was the Berlin progressive paper that was an organ against shots of bourbon and as the lies of the Nazi party and the street violence and they got shut

* Eric: Drums * Matt Smith: Guit ar * Matt Sherwood: Guit ar * * Garth: Bass * Thomas: Vocals *

58 down right around, before or after, the Kristallnacht (“Night of Todd: Going off of that, I’m going to give you a date and you’re Broken Glass” – refers to the organized anti-Jewish riots in going to tell me what happened on that date. April 2nd, 1864. Germany and Austria, November 9 and 10, 1938.) and were Thomas: That’s the bread riot. destroyed and taken to camps. They were the anti-Fascist resisters Todd: What has not fundamentally changed in those 138 years of that terror and they were also in places and cities all over Europe. since a woman lead a protest by saying, “As soon as enough of us And then, in Moscow there was a plaque I saw of the Jewish Anti- get together, we are going to the bakeries and each of us will take a Fascist International and they were there from the ‘30s until loaf of bread”? What are some historic parallels that are still viable ‘46/’47, when Stalin came to power and really took everybody to in Richmond in 2002? the gulag and said, “All right all y’all, there’s no more bullshit. It’s Thomas: I would say that the bread riots were about a lot of differ- time to die.” That’s on the part of the radial streets in Moscow ent things, but including the Confederate army burning Richmond named for Peter Kropotkin, the anarchist and that’s where the so the Union couldn’t have it and hoarding the food from the rest of Jewish Anti-Fascist International met. The Redskins, the anti-fascist the people: the Africans that were still in the slavery system, the Communist skins in New York City in the ‘80s used that symbol a freedmen, the dissenters, and all the women – all over Richmond. lot, too. And Chumbawamba, in their anarchist days – they’re still There were so many people in Richmond, and the South in general, in their anarchist days – but in their pre-radio-friendly anarchist that did not agree with the war, with either side. Or switched sides. days… Or were terrorized. My great, great, great uncle was one of them. Todd: The pre-”soundtrack for the trailer promoting Home Alone 3 He died in the Chimborazo Military Hospital, which is now a park anarchist days… in the old part of the city of Richmond. I would say that the rich Thomas: They used that motherfucker. have a lot of shit and they manipu- My friend, Joe, got to see them in the late it really well and they keep their early ‘90s when he lived in London for business completely secret and awhile. He brought me back a t-shirt somehow legal – but it gets caught that had that symbol on it. So, it is up every now and then and found out everybody’s symbol. We definitely – and there’s still a lot of voices and wanted to bring it State-side and I think a lot of people that are trying to orga- we want it to be known. I think that we nize and crack it open and get the either inferred or figured out through wealth and the food and life back. the cultural ether what the arrows Todd: Food that otherwise would be mean. feeding the city’s residents was Matt: Liberty, equality, and solidarity. being commandeered by the military. Thomas: And I don’t know where we Thomas: We even develop cultural got that from. channels to encourage high demand Matt: It’s kind of loose research online in this or to discourage people learn- and looking through what historical ing how to fuckin’ feed themselves documents we could find. That’s actu- or take care of each other. Everyone ally a French slogan translated into stays isolated. I helped start, with English that’s ancient as hell, too, by some friends, a community garden some socialists. right before I left for this tour. In Todd: Liberty, equality, and fraternity. Church Hill, which is an old neigh- Thomas: I think Chuck has that tattoo borhood in Richmond, which has because we all met when I was in my been burned several times, we’re old band, Inquisition, and Inquisition applying the same ethic to the Food used that symbol a little and Chuck just Not Bombs we have in Richmond, got that tattoo in a passionate frenzy radicalizing it, and moving it into and I plan to get it too – same one, low income neighborhoods and his- same place, eventually. Hot Water torically African American neighbor- Music always has an understated iden- hoods and getting people to remem- tification with the working class and ber about nutrition and about food the roots of folk music, especially with just coming out of the ground and the research that they do and their side sharing it with each other. project bands, Rumbleseat. Matt: And even just about cooking. Todd: And The Blacktop Cadence. About making food at home, prepar- Thomas: We hold a lot in common ing it. The rituals that go along with with that – that aggressive underground hardcore and punk, and that and family and being involved in your neighborhood. All that rock music in general – has to have a populist base. As artists, you good stuff, so that you just don’t go down to the corner store and create because of the voices all around you. It’s not just some kind buy some crap and eat it. of abstracted inner artistic vision – that’s a part of it, too, but it has a Thomas: Or drive fifteen miles to a suburban strip mall to get some lot more to do with claiming the vitality of everyone around you shit that’s filled with pesticide and gives you cancer. It’s just and talking about issues in your community and just communicat- strange that people lose touch with that and I think that’s one of the ing. first steps in people becoming machines, to work their treadmill, and remain isolated from each other. Matt: The beautiful thing about the community garden, you don’t even have to go to the over-the-top, gourmet health food store, either, and give them the money. You can just pull it out of the

60 ground and go cook. grandfathers leaving the war, getting hunted down by mercenaries. Thomas: The community garden is this tax-delinquent, abandoned One of them went out to Texas. The other one was shipped back up property that’s just been staring at me hungrily since I’ve moved to Richmond after being captured and recaptured by the Union. He into the part of the ghetto that I live in, and me and my friend Mark, died. It’s insane. who’s in the band River City High – we were home for a weekend Matt: They actually just found a really complete diary of a captured and we went to the Home Depot and the Richmond straight edgers Union soldier. He spent a lot of time in Confederate camps, did a work at this Home Depot and our bass player, Garth, is kind of like bunch of watercolor paintings, and has insanely complete diaries, so their overlord. it’s a really nice picture of everyday life of a prisoner. It’s not glam- Matt: Tom just made that up. orous, but it’s really interesting. Apparently, he was a really gifted Thomas: That’s a bit of an exaggeration. Anyway, they let us use illustrator, so he was tapped to do that. this fuckin’ tiller. As long as we got it back by six, they wouldn’t Thomas: There’s this island in the James River that we all go to, tell their manager, so we tilled up this ground. The last thing that it’s called Belle Island. It was actually called The Isle of Misery. It had happened on this earth, aside from a lot of 40 oz. bottles being was a prison for captured Union officers. tossed in the weeds, was the houses burned down twenty years ago. Matt: They starved them to death. It was very rich soil. Thomas: They also starved the city to death. Then they burned the Todd: Another interesting thing I found out about the bread riot is fucking city. It’s insane. At the same time, there’s a lot of manipula- that a lot of the troops from the Public Guard that were called in, tion and bullshit on both sides and I don’t think Abraham Lincoln their own wives were among the rioters. was the clear-cut hero of it, either. A lot of people contend that it Thomas: I think, a year later, when the war ended, April 4th, 1865, was the Fourteenth Amendment (“No state shall make or enforce Lincoln walked through the town with his son, like the day after any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens Richmond was liberated. It was a jubilee. All the freed Black folks of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, were singing and dancing and it had to be the best day of that liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any Lincoln’s life because seven days later he was killed. But he was in person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”) that Richmond and there’s nothing in Richmond that talks about that, to commemorate his walk. He walked past the Devil’s Half Acre – that was where all the enslaved Africans came to the South, through Richmond, right at the Manchester slave docks, walked through the night, and were put up on the blocks. There was a jail there. They were bought and sold and all that. Matt: The cobble stones on our streets were the ballast in the ships, when they sailed away and were sailing in from inland. Thomas: We played shows in Richmond at this place called Alley Katz, which is six and a half blocks southeast of the Devil’s Half Acre. To finish the story, the war ended. Everybody was emancipated. The day after that, Lincoln and his son, Tad, marched through the town. The man who was the over- seer/ businessman of the slave trade in Richmond turned to an African woman who had been his property for her entire lifetime, realizing he’d been very much in love with her for that whole time, married her in a fit of joy and powerful cultural defiance. That woman, after he passed away, turned that place into a school for Blacks in Richmond, during the Reconstruction, right before the Reconstruction went freed the slaves and not the Emancipation Proclamation. It’s frus- sour. Obviously, that is what informs us – whether it’s subcon- trating. sciously or whether it’s right in the song. That’s why we’re a punk Todd: How does the sleeping cop inside of you force you to do band from Richmond and why that matters and why it’s different something almost against your will? than being a punk band from anywhere else. Matt: It doesn’t let me relax properly. The sleeping cop, to me – I Todd: A lot of people forget that Richmond was the capital of the didn’t write the words – there is an aspect of that. It’s this abject Confederacy. perfectionism that you can’t escape. It’s kind of a more personal Thomas: And there was so much misery and so much dissent on thing. We don’t really think a lot about adhering to rules, but you both sides of that. Nobody thinks about that shit. The people that go kind of naturally do. You’ve got rituals that don’t really make sense to schools in the North talk about the righteousness of the Union, but you function within them and if you don’t do them exactly cor- holding itself together, and freeing the slaves and Confederate rectly, it can cause a lot of mental anguish. pride, the confusion about heritage, the need to think that our great, Thomas: We have rituals that are emotional self defense things. All great grandfathers weren’t manipulated and they weren’t fighting for a rich man’s cause, which, essentially, they were. It’s horrible to think about. I have several histories of different great, great of us do it. Supposedly, they keep us on point, but they’re basically tar, we had to reconstruct our identity as a band instantly. Almost control dramas that came out from traumas that have occurred to us. like this version of ourselves. Not a version in an artificial way, but So, we try not to repeat patterns when we feel like we’re going to really embrace the idea of it to retain a wholeness and not be just, get hurt. That isolates us. We need to ritualize being open more than “We’re missing a dude. Fuck it. As long as y’all mosh, it’s cool.” If ritualizing shutting down. Every aspect of our society, including its it’s a great show and there’s something that I feel is fearless, it hap- economy and the way we think we’re organized, it’s all about keep- pens – where you walk right up to the middle of the maelstrom or ing us isolated and hateful of our emotions instead of embracing maybe jump on someone’s head that wants it. Or just singing along them and trying to work with them, like art. I think the sleeping cop with people and just connecting in a way that is vulnerable and is also the parts of me that feel too exhausted and don’t let go of intense. And even though it seems ritualized from a distance, when negative shit, but lies to myself so that I can’t embrace really posi- you’re in it, it’s not. It could never be. I think that for a lot of people tive things. It goes through it like that. There are also aspects of the that detract from punk, and think that it’s just a processed, con- sleeping cop that are a lot more ideological. They have to do with sumer-driven, artificial thing, I don’t think it’s possible because standing on the treadmill and believing a lot of the myths about if there’s so much creativity in this connection. you work hard, the system can work for you and will take care of Todd: I hate to sound cheesy about it, but getting a hug from a you and all that shit and it doesn’t work for millions and millions of good friend – someone you really care about – that’s a ritual. You Americans and it’s like playing a lottery. That’s how I feel, politi- can see it on TV and in movies ten thousand times, but just because cally, the sleeping cop works in this country and this age. of that, it doesn’t take away from the power of your personal rela- Todd: The converse to that, what’s the last fearless thing you’ve tionships with people. If you mean it, that’s what counts. done? Thomas: Meaning is being taken away from all art and all culture Matt: I study kung fu. My instructor, we were doing applications because meaning gets in the way of profit and commerce on a gut where you actually pretend to be in a fight, which is sort of weird level. Meaning makes people hold on to something. Meaning makes and I’m really terrible at fighting. Accidentally, I ended up kicking people go home with whatever tools they have and create something for themselves and not just consume the next product. That’s fearless. That’s why aspects of this are still frightening and when I can get through that and do it, it makes me happy and makes me feel like there’s courage left. Matt: People make those criticisms and they’re totally legitimate – that you’re going through a ritual, you’re going through a cycle, you’re participating in something that is a consumer culture and it seems that way. We’re an anti-consumer band. We’ve got merch in the back, bling, bling. Thomas: We said that in a political basement show and everyone laughed. ‘Cause we try to bring it both ways. You have to have the self- awareness and self-analysis, but there’s still hope, you know…. I got married in February. That was probably the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken in my life. It’s good. It’s intense, emotionally, and I don’t know why it is because we had this marriage that was devoid of any of the patriarchal rituals and had a very earthy, elemental, sacramental fab- ric. It was definitely something that we craft- ed ourselves, was casual, and was in our own home. That was probably the real, fearless thing I’ve done recently. my older brother, who can beat the hell out of me if he wants to, Todd: Do you work at a stained glass place? right in the balls. And I just kind of looked at him and I felt really Thomas: I did. My wife is a manager at a stained glass art studio. I sorry, but I actually didn’t feel afraid of retribution. Maybe I was worked shipping out art paper. Her boss was the owner of two sepa- just confident there wouldn’t be any. rate companies. He owned an old warehouse, seven-and-a-half Thomas: I always feel painfully aware of my fears. Sometimes blocks away from the Devil’s Half Acre. It’s our focal point, sub- playing shows, even though we’ve played over 250 times. consciously. We also practice there. It started getting to where we Matt: Oh, playing as a four piece was the last fearless thing. were getting all of our mail there. We wrote most of Change Is a Thomas: We had to wait for Matt Smith to get off tour with his Sound there and I’d work there forty, fifty, fifty-five hours a week other band, Liar’s Academy, and meet us in Sacramento, and we’d for years and years and years, but right before we left for tour, we never played live as a four piece and it worked out much better than moved all the glass to a proper art studio and we had to move all of we thought and it was an incredible time. our stuff into the van. Now we don’t have a practice space. We’re Todd: Did you feel extremely exposed, not to have the fifth mem- homeless as of right now. Every now and then, I will work for the ber? stained glass studio, but not so often any more. Thomas: We had to not just play our Todd: Matt, you have a degree in engineering? songs minus a second gui- Matt: Yeah. Todd: Have you ever used those skills in this band? Matt: I fix all of our equipment.

62 Todd: Electrical engineer? Thomas: That shit’s cold. Matt: Yeah. I’m expected to fix all of our equipment free of charge Matt: I was sitting there, getting made fun of because I had this and then fast. spirulina. “You eating that green shit again?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m Thomas: We started making him bill the band. It worked better, just listening to music and working on CAD (computer-assisted emotionally. design). Leave me alone.” Matt: I’m allowed to charge a little bit. Ten bucks apiece now, Thomas: And they’re interested in something that automatically which is awesome. spikes the tires of someone going over the border. Thomas: We could give you a raise. Matt: Technology’s crazy. People don’t even know. It sounds like Matt: No, no, I don’t need a raise. X-Files, but it’s not. It was actually a really interesting job, but I’m Todd: Do you bring your solder gun along on tour? glad that I left. Matt: I do. Todd: I have a feeling that Strike Anywhere is getting musical Thomas: Other bands are like, “We wanna tour with Strike influences from a lot of different places. How do you get those dis- Anywhere. We can get Matt to fix our shit. We really don’t like that parate influences from overcoming the aesthetic of the band? What band, but Matt’s in it.” type of checks and balances do you have band-wise? Matt: Every now and then I’ll over-extend myself and break some- Matt: We fight like fucking dogs when we write. It’s painful. thing for somebody and they won’t ever ask again. You’ll definitely Thomas: We know it’s not personal. see me before shows, with stuff taken apart, with a soldering iron Matt: Seriously, writing songs in this band is one of the most out, plumes of lead smoke rising up and out. I’m the dude when painful things that I do in my life and I love it and I love what we there’s math to be done or something scientific to be explained. end up with, but it’s so hard. Todd: Do you have you masters in it? Thomas: The process is insane. Matt: Just my bachelors. I worked in Northern Virginia a little over Matt: ‘Cause we all care a lot. a year before the beginning of the band and I was actually designing Thomas: It’s so full of checks and balances and everyone swings to spy gadgets. I was working for the intel- every side. “These songs suck, these songs ligence community. And then I quit that rule. My songs suck, your songs rule. to be in this band. All this stuff with Your songs suck, my songs rule.” Donald Rumsfeld and the fuckin’ Nonstop. All of us get so passionate, and (Department of) Homeland Security (The so far it works out to this balance, this mission of the Department of Homeland Meaning makes people hold clarity. I don’t know how it’s happened. Security is to: “Prevent terrorist attacks on to something. Meaning It’s like weather patterns. We also joke within the United States, reduce among ourselves – it’s probably more than America’s vulnerability to terrorism; and makes people go home with partially true – we’re like ambassadors of minimize the damage and recover from whatever tools they have the different aspects of the subculture. attacks that do occur.”) There are so We’re different ages. We all have differ- many institutional problems. I can tell and create something for ent influences. Ideologically, we’re from you first-hand that they have not a hope the same base, even though we have dif- in hell of pulling this together. They need themselves and not just ferent shades, but it’s important to be in a to just scrap it all and start over because consume the next product. band with dudes that don’t all listen to the everyone involved with it is so self-inter- same five records and don’t agree on the ested, Rumsfeld can’t possibly be suc- bands you want to sound like. I think cessful. No information will be collected That s fearless. we’re trying to be inclusive of all the punk or assimilated in the interest of stopping music, folk music, and rock’n’roll – all innocent Americans from being killed, that shit we love. At once sometimes, and and that’s their stated goal. They can try, in fragments. I love it. but I don’t think it’ll happen, ‘cause people would come to my work Matt: That’s pretty much how it pans out. We just put it all together and they’d be all, “We want a death beam.” in a big pot and cook it with our hatred. Thomas: No bullshit. Thomas: We’ll write songs or parts of songs, two or three of us at a Matt: “We’ll give you twenty million dollars if you build us a death time. We all play guitar. We all put parts on the table. It’s pretty beam.” The senior engineers would be like, “Sure. Just give us democratic at that point, and then everyone goes, “That shit sucks.” twenty million.” Of course, they knew it was totally unreasonable, The other two people will shelve that shit forever, thinking, “It’s but they needed the money to stay in business. The intelligence never going to happen.” And then the people that hated it the most community operates that way. They’re asked for these devices and will be like, eight months later, “Let’s bring that shit back. What’re they’ll contract these research and development companies to build you doing?” And it goes back and forth – and that’s why we have this specialized equipment. A legitimate outcome of research is the everything from fuckin’ street punk and oi and early ‘77 punk that I fact you can’t realize the entire object that was contracted for. So, grew up on and loved and Four Walls Falling, a Richmond straight that’d be like, “Take this scientific principle and build us something edge hardcore band that was the first Jade Tree LP, that were under- that can drill through walls without actually touching them, with rated as hell in America and really popular in Europe. There is so water.” much that influences us all the time and that’s what’s really fantas- Thomas: Or using microwaves at riots. tic about playing with these fellows. We write a lot on acoustic. Todd: Really? Even the real fast, aggressive songs, a lot of them get started that Matt: Yeah. That’s a new riot control device. I never had anything way. In fact, we wrote some of the record with acoustic guitars in to do with that, but that’s some new shit they’re pulling out. They’re the van. going to start cooking protesters. It was just ridiculous and people’s Matt: The downfall of writing on acoustic is that if you get too attitudes were so bad and people’s politics were terrible. They had involved in the details, when you take it to electric, sometimes the no compassion. They were utterly self-interested to the exclusion of details can’t come through the everything else, even future generations, their own children. Nobody had any compassion. It was bizarre. same way and if it hinges on those details, it loses some of the nice- Fangy T is one of them. Our friend Max was recording a 7” for us. ness of the song. When I was recording vocals, he would turn the mic off, so every- Thomas: Just to cap that, in the end, we also try to listen each oth- one in the control room could hear them, but not me, and he said, er’s influences and know that as much as we mean it and as much as “Thomas is just fangin’ in there.” Everyone’s like, “Tom, stop fan- we’re passionate about what each of us writes, it’s not going to be gin’.” And I never knew what it meant. It must be the stupid way I good without everybody else. make my face when I scream. Todd: What was the first show you realized a bunch of people Todd: What’s the story behind the song, “Sunset on 32nd”? began pointing back at the lead singer when there was a breakdown? Thomas: They were doing a racial profiled drug dragnet shake- Matt: Four Walls Falling – all I remember was Taylor in the middle down. Any Black male between the ages of twelve to thirty that’s of this big heap of people clamoring for the mic. He would hold it riding a bicycle, they assume is a runner for the corners – for the out. He’s a spindly little vegan dude with a powerful voice, but he drug trade. There are corners in our neighborhood. There are run- would just get mobbed constantly. Every song, people would sing ners. Maybe some of them are on bikes. Many, many of the kids got along. arrested for these arcane bike violations that would never have been Thomas: Most of those things are true for some of our DC and applied to anyone in any other neighborhood, or any white kid rid- Richmond shows. For me, I seem to have inherited his style. We ing a bike, anywhere. It was horrible. Harold, our neighbor from had a really interesting, home-grown version of the ‘88 straight edge across the street, had to get diapers for one of his kids. They have scene in Richmond that had a lot of heart and a lot of political two daughters. He went and came back. His bike’s brakes were awareness that went further – not to disrespect our elders – than the fucked. It was a pretty old bike. The police, I guess, had followed New York straight edge bands, beyond just the “go vegetarian” and him back to his house and he went into his home and they broke “stay positive,” but discussions of capitalism in 1988 in a hardcore down the door, ran into his house, flashed their weapons in front of band were amazing. Four Walls Falling went to Europe, and then Chanté and their kids, Tiosha and Niasia. They went into the back, we heard about bands from the Netherlands like Man Lifting where he was, and pulled him onto the carpet in the hallway and Banner, a communist straight edge beat him and then dragged him out of band. And I was never straight edge. I the house. Six or seven cops. He’s a was always one of the punk kids, big man. He works at Lowe’s. We sneaking beers in the back alley behind would hang out with them all the time. the club, but it still meant so much to We’d have them over. They were great all of us. And now, me and those punk neighbors. We would take care of the kids that were in Inquisition together kids sometimes, too. They’d come over are now in Ann Beretta, River City and play with our dogs. High, and Sixer. I’m in a band that son- We heard this because we were tak- ically and ideologically resembles the ing a nap in the back room at my stuff we grew up on in Richmond, par- house. We heard them – from inside ticularly, but it’s still a part of the fab- their house from across the street to ric of each of us. inside our house – he’s screaming, Todd: Has anybody threatened to cut “I’m not resisting you. Please stop your hair? beating me.” It was the most horrible Thomas: Like jackasses at a show? thing to hear someone say that. Ever. No. My bandmates sometimes have. Here’s a strong, kind, intelligent, proud Jesus, my mother-in-law always does, man. Proud of his family. They were but she’s kind of a wacky lady. I’ve filled with life, this whole family was. had dreads for ten years. My cousin, We were good friends with them for from Gambia, she came in 1991. She about a year and a half. put them in my hair. The police saw me and Leslie come Todd: What is your direct connection out of the house and they kind of with The Black Crowes? You have met stopped kicking him a little. They had and worked with some person who has three cop cars, about six or seven worked with them. police, including the sergeant, who is Thomas: John Morand, the producer the head of that district in Church Hill. for A Chorus of One. He also made He’s an unbelievable racist, who’s Inquisition records. They’re the studio gone to the local bar in our neighbor- that Avail’s recording their new record hood and said, “We’ve been pushin’ in. It’s the Richmond studio that David ‘em back North ever since the ‘60s,” Lowery from Cracker came down and referring to the collusion between real started in an old warehouse with vin- estate investment in the historic neigh- tage equipment and gifted engineers. John Morand’s the producer of photo by ReTodd borhood and racist police practices, dri- The Black Crowes, us, the solo record for the woman who sings for ving people of color out of the neighborhoods that their grandfathers the Cardigans, and other really obscure, talented people rolling and grandmothers have lived in. It’s horrible. Because of our skin through Richmond. He was one of the first generations of punk color, I’m assuming, and the shock that there were Caucasian folks rockers from Richmond in ‘77. There’s a picture of him in the paper in the neighborhood watching them beat down a citizen, they from Freeman High School, “Punks! What is this!?” A picture of stopped. We walked right through them with the most intense dis- him with a trench coat. Just a trench coat. But back then it didn’t gust and rage I’ve probably ever felt and contained in my life. We matter, you could have just a trench coat and it was scary. So, he went over and picked up their kids. How do you call the cops on the knew where we were coming from on that shit. cops? So, we called the media and Todd: Do you have the nickname, Fangy? we tried a program Thomas: How the fuck do you know these things? There’s a lot of different nicknames for me.

65 called “Channel 12: On Your Side.” We called the newspaper. We Southern Christian Leadership Conference came in and rallied there called our city councilwoman and we left a couple messages. We the week before we left for tour and he was shot. He was a man that got a few callbacks. Nobody was interested. It happens all the god- had some outstanding warrants in DC. The police pulled him over damn time. Our heroic police force is doing a great job on the war and he ran and as he ran, they emptied a clip into him and when he on drugs. This is just collateral damage. One of the cops said, “I was on the ground, she emptied another clip into him. This woman, thought he had a gun. I thought he was running into this house to a police officer, was awarded a medal for heroism for shooting a take these people hostage.” It’s his fucking home. They said the man in the back. And he was armed and he had outstanding war- most worthless excuses. rants, but he was running. One shot or a warning, whatever, it’s Todd: And I’m assuming that if you’re getting some Pampers, the understandable in this context. So, that’s what we’re faced with and package is pretty big. what every community’s faced with. This is just our experience in Thomas: Groceries and diapers. Anyway, the police had a lot of Richmond in particular. fabricated shit about the incident. They took him to the hospital Todd: What are you going to do, as a band, from becoming your first. They cleaned him up. They took him to jail. He stayed there own parody or cliché? What are you doing internally in keeping the overnight for resisting arrest. Chanté had to testify in court. It band vital? destroyed their life because they didn’t have the money to fix the Thomas: We talk about this a lot. We have a self-awareness. We door before the landlords came. The landlords kicked them out make fun of ourselves to ourselves constantly. We are the first band because the door was broken off the hinges. They had to move to joke on our own songs. We make crazy fun of our songs. We North to the projects, which is the intention of police actions like know that there is a lot of vitriol and aggression and love for this in every neighborhood in America. Me and Leslie would take humanity that drives us – and a love for how flawed and stupid and their kids to the park and take them to work when we could. We got silly punk still needs to be. It has to be something that is self-aware Chanté a job. and it has to be something that has ideals, but isn’t just like a They broke up. Harold humorless political move- actually started getting into ment or a backdrop to a fights. There was gunplay in bunch of people mimicking the neighborhood. He went to a political movement. We jail. She found another are really aware of those boyfriend, and I don’t know potentials and it’s conflict- what happened. The drug trade ing and strange and we got in their lives, where once, write songs that we give it wasn’t. Where once, they our hearts, trying to diffuse were a nuclear family, working any sense of musical tactics and filled with happiness and or the hidden aspects of potential. The last thing we being a product. We try to heard, the kids ended up in a get that out of music and foster home. Those kids who still play what we love and were like our godkids. They’re tell the stories that we have gone. We can never find them. to. That catharsis is what It’s insane. It just breaks our punk’s really about and it heart. We helped them finan- has to start from a personal cially and with our friendship level. I think we’re still try- for a long time, and we tried to ing to do that – and learn- get local activist groups ing from each other and involved, and all it basically making this a part of our turned into was a song that we lives, not just like a busi- sang and a warning and that is ness or artistic venture or the most frustrating thing. And some combination of the line in that song about, either. We’re making it a “holding your family close to part of our lives, our your heart,” is the most critical adventure in the world, and therapy for this event for me. still retaining our humility I can’t begin to imagine about it and to know that what it meant for them to go we’re just a small part of it through this. We just saw this. and we’re happy to add We’re across the street. And we hate those photo by Donofthedead whatever momentum we can because it meant fucking cops with our guts. We see them at the Church Hill diner so much to us. and just look the other way. There are a lot of people in Richmond that are curious about this event and we’ve talked to so many people about it, and there’s awareness building. The Councilwoman was generous with us and there’s a sense that maybe with incidents like this – there was another shooting of a man, Levester Carter Jr., was shot to death by a police woman in Richmond. Actually, the

6 North 19th Street, Richmond, VA 23223

67 Dee Dee Ramone 1952-2002

I first met Dee Dee Ramone in the basement of the now defunct New York City venue Coney Island High. I was half out of my mind on the cheap and strong drinks that made that place so much fun in the early going (Vodka and tonics were my drink of choice that night, if I’m not mistaken), when my friend nudged me and said, “Look who’s standing next to you!” I was in a state. “Who?” I asked. “That’s Dee Dee, man. Dee Dee Ramone.” There are moments in one’s life one will never forget, when every- thing falls perfectly into place and are just so right that you’d swear they never happened at all. The DJ was playing “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes. I turned to Dee Dee and spoke. “Hey, when are you gonna make another rap album?” “I’m never doing anything again!” declared Dee Dee. “I’m lucky to be alive!” Furious George used to practice in the same basement I used to call home and some drunken night along the way, George Tabb and I came up with a less than wonderful song entitled “Betty Crocker, Punk Rocker.” It wasn’t long before Furious George were recording the same stupid song for their Lookout EP. Somehow, George arranged for Dee Dee to sing backup vocals. Even though I (thankfully) wasn’t in the band, I was thrilled. After much anticipation, on the appointed day, Dee Dee and his wife Barbara arrived at the recording studio to lay down his vocals. George played him the recording as the other members of the band and myself sat somewhat in awe of Dee Dee. When the song had reached its dénouement Dee Dee turned to George and said, in classic Dee Dee fashion, “George, I know you’re a writer, so you can quote me: I’m not impressed.” In spite of that, when the first issue of Dee Dee’s color-photocopied fanzine, Taking Dope, hit the streets, the phrase “Betty Crocker, Punk Rocker” was emblazoned over several pages. I couldn’t have been more proud. When Dee Dee left the Ramones the band seemed less fun. Without trying to be maudlin or overly sentimental, I suspect that the world will seem just a little less fun too now that Dee Dee’s gone. He’s never doing anything again but we were all lucky he was alive. -Matt Braun, Dick Army

I met Dee Dee in Long Beach when I was dating Scott Drake. Scott got really jealous because he said Dee Dee was flirting with me. Dee Dee was very sweet and let me steal all the beer (Heinekens or Becks!) from the backstage area. He was just a real easygoing guy – completely oblivious of the adoration and adulation all around him from a punk rock worshipper like myself, who posed in front of the mirror in her Chucks and bass guitar, doing the Dee Dee feet-spread-apart stance while Chinese Rock-ing out. I’ll miss him. It’s like a part of your happiest memory as a kid suddenly keeling over and dying for good. –Miss Namella J. Kim

I remember seeing/hearing The Ramones for the first time on Sha Na Na’s weekly television variety show. They did “Rock’n’roll High School” and I think one other song. I remember sitting there in front of the TV in the living room, watching them jump up and down in those leather jackets, listening to that monster guitar fuzz emanating from the television speaker and thinking it was one of the greatest things I’d ever seen in my life. Better than Kiss Meets the Phantom by miles, which is saying something ‘cause Kiss was my favorite band at the time. The Ramones just seemed louder, rougher, and way more real. They looked like the anti-Beatles with those haircuts and requisite biker leathers, street bums who could give a rat’s ass about “all you need is love” or some hippie crap like that. They were modern-day lords of Queens who would happily shank you and then sing a seriously rockin’ tune about it. I loved ‘em then and I love ‘em now. In the grand scheme of things, I think Dee Dee’s death is a tad more tragic than Joey’s, in that Dee Dee’s was preventable. Here was a man who was entitled to all of the rights and privileges associated with being a “living legend,” a man who helped change the face of rock’n’roll specifically and western culture in general by giving it all a sorely needed kick in the ass. I’m gonna miss him. What a damn shame. –Jimmy Alavarado Dan Monick’s Photo Page

These are crowd shots from a huge two day radio festival in 1998. Dozens of nameless, faceless bands.

I have no idea who these people are watching and I don’t think they do either. pained, emotional, and profusely Please note: If you’re drenched in gritty, downtrodden manli- an established record ness. The gut-tormentin’ guitar wails, weeps, and shrieks, but it ultimately company, and you cavorts like a sun-baked alligator slith- send us a pre-release ering through the dark, murky waters of an uninhabited backwoods marsh. The without all the album shuffling, loose-steppin’ drums merci- art, we’re probably lessly pitter-patter along like huge drops of torrential rain ricocheting off the tin going to throw that roof of a dilapidated old chicken shed shit away... stuck way out in the boonies somewhere all by its lonesome. Mercy, mercy me; cock gobbler. I’ve now heard this century’s Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, and Jimi Hendrix 2¢ WORTH: Still Sick all rolled into one (but “Busted” could After All These Years: CD very well be a long-lost outtake from Melodicore in the vein of Pennywise ZZ Top’s first album, “Leavin’ Trunk” meets Jughead’s Revenge. sounds uncannily like Cream’s –Donofthedead (AVD) “Politician”, and the blazin’ ragtag ren- dition of The Beatles’ “She Said, She Said” is raucously southern-fried to all- ADICTS: Rise and Shine: CD out exquisite magnificence!). Indeed, Another band from the old days comes If you're a fucked up fucker who's been fucked this hot and zesty CD pristinely pos- up with a new release and this one ain’t with, fucked, and fucked over, fuck this fucking sesses the bare-bones, back-to-basics sound of long, dusty dirt roads, vast so bad. Monkey’s voice sounds differ- shit and buy the album. -Namella J. Kim ent, but the music’s still the same overgrown stretches of thriving cotton anthemic punk rock the Adicts are The songs – except the hammer song – second disc is a bonus release of nine fields, and grandiose Southern antebel- known for. Only thing is I’d swear that seemed a little flat, falling into too sim- songs to give the listener more to cher- lum architecture surrounded by squalor, the version of “Falling in Love Again” ilar musical grooves, but when I popped ish. All this is packaged together in a misery, heartache, and hardships aplen- is the same one from way back when. it on the headphones, I liked it much special release box. Now go scour the ty. Pass the jug, Uncle Jed, I’m a-comin’ –Jimmy Alvarado (Captain Oi) more. For someone who’s known for internet and get this. Horrorwood home. –Roger Moser, Jr. (Alive) pretty hard-to-miss parody – like the Distribution sells Balzac stuff in the AGAINST ME!: song “If You Own the Washington states. As good as an ice cold beer! BLAZING HALEY: Reinventing Axl Rose: CD Redskins, You’re a Cock” off the excel- –Donofthedead (Diwphalanx) Mas Chingon: CD From the opening riff, when the ghosts lent Redefining Music – I found myself Don’t worry, although Blazing Haley of “Folsom Prison Blues” segue into a enjoying the musical nuances and how BAZOOKAS: loosely fit into the psychobilly/rockabil- mid-tempo hardcore songs, it’s clear he layers the instruments and loops on Beach Blanket Blast-Off: 7” ly mold, they don’t play like they’re that this is not an ordinary album. top of one another. Not bad. Not bad at It’s simple, really. Sometimes, a sub- recording and episode for the Comparisons are hard to make. Sure, all. –Todd (File 13) genre of punk rock can be so inundated Halloween episode of Happy Days or there are elements of folk guitar, but this with mediocrity that fans will dismiss it making songs that could be used to sell is no Pogues rip-off. Sure, you can tell BACKSEAT BASTARDS: altogether. Sometimes, a band will Cheez Whiz to folks with pompadours, the singer has spent years singing along Fuel Injected Action: 7” come along and blast through the medi- nor do they sound like they spend too with Fugazi, but this is no emo record. A four-song seven incher boasting the ocrity and lend credence to that sub- much time deliberating on the height of Sure, the Clash drips off the edges of likes of The Cramps, Dick Dale, and a genre again. That’s clearly what’s hap- their jeans’ cuffs. Balls, bite, and drive this CD, but that’s not what defines gang of garage heads getting together to pening with the Bazookas. They take overcome all that. They’re my reigning these songs. No matter what point of rage while the singer rips off the liquor four surf punk songs and shred through favorite if I want a change of pace from reference I try to launch from to cabinet and yer Dad’s secret porn stash them with speed and finesse. They’re straight-ahead punk, to something describe this album – from “a hillbilly right down to the very last drink/mag. like Johnny Boy Gomes at Pipeline, infused with more country. They come Husker Du” to “the black bloc throwing Music that makes you drag your knuck- swinging a bottom turn and setting up across more authentic and stylistically bricks through a Replacements record” les and groove and bob around with for the barrel when most people would together than Tiger Army, and have – it all seems to fall short. And that’s a your ass high up in the air (a dance struggle like hell to kick out of the more diverse tempos and are less good thing. Considering how much new affectionately known as The Schlep, wave. –Sean (Fanboy) schlocky than The Slanderin’. Go right music I listen to, I’m amazed that I can invented by fellow brothers Chris to the top. They remind me of prime hear something that’s this original and Vonovich and Todd Agajanian). My BLACK KEYS, THE: Reverend Horton Heat –bluegrass stains on their knees, there’s amazing dexteri- that’s this good. The songs are all well- favorite jam here is “Monkey Shake.” A The Big Come Up: CD written with thoughtful lyrics, catchy fine party platter, indeed, only if it is I recently returned from a five-day, sin- ty in their fingers without becoming hooks, vocals that are tuneful even only seven inches. Good tunes here, you filled excursion to New Orleans where flashy, and they’re able to pull off slow- when the singer’s voice is ripped bastards. –Designated Dale (Fanboy) the abundant bayous and waterways are er songs that come out of the stereo like through to the chords, and a really densely shaded in a thick forest of smoke rising off a single cigarette in a happy guitar and a bouncing rhythm BALZAC: Terrifying! moss-enshrouded cypress trees. It’s a still room. When they pick up, lead section backs it all up. I guess the best unique and archaic region of the Deep singer Matt Armor picks up a classic The Art of Dying / Greg Graffin of Bad Religion tone to his way to describe this album is this: these The Last Men on Earth II: CD South where dragonflies aimlessly buzz are the campfire songs I want to sing through the droopy, humid air and the voice that somehow fits right in with Still obsessed with the Misfits and Dave Kruger’s frantic standup bass. while the society around me burns itself Samhain? You have every item related spicy smell of boiling crawfish seems to to the ground. –Sean (No Idea) forever linger heavily in the atmosphere Okay, I’ll say it. If you wish X had writ- to those bands known to mankind? How ten a good song in the last fifteen years about trying a band that is still together? throughout all hours of the day. So I’m ATOM AND HIS PACKAGE: here to tell you all, The Black Keys per- and Exene was muted, you’d be listen- They have a fan club called “Fiendish ing to Blazing Haley whenever you Hamburgers: CDEP Club,” dolls and all the merchandise a fectly capture the magical, forbidden, A quick Atom synopsis: It’s one guy and and mysterious essence of the fetid, slick you hair back. Cool stuff. –Todd fanatic could latch on to. Many reading (Rode to Ruin) a sequencer/mixer, accompanied some- this are probably saying that I already snake-infested river bottoms of Dixie times by a guitar. You wouldn’t be too know about this band. This is intended country. This hoodoo-daddy duo far off supposing he’s like a punk rock for those not in the know. First off, this authentically replicates the sparse, BLUE COLLAR SPECIAL: Weird Al Yankovic or a one man Dead band put together two things that I am poverty-stricken sounds of an old, self-titled: CD Milkmen, but you wouldn’t hit the nail interested in – Japanese things and punk gnarled black man sittin’ on the front When you pull out a pile of CDs to on the head, either. What impresses me rock. Mix that in with a worship for porch of his ramshackle shanty-shack review and you find yourself hitting with Atom is that he opens me up a lit- Glenn Danzig, the Misfits and Samhain. and musically moanin’-and-groanin’ to repeat and it’s not until the fourth play tle bit to things I patently loathe – like They have devil locks and their skulls the all-natural rhythm of a mid-summer that you realize you should move on, dance music, beats, and straight-up are similar to the Misfits. The music is night’s howlin’ wind. But these two well, that’s a good sign. These guys indie rock – and incorporates them similar to a point. But they take it fur- disheveled white-boy minstrels add remind me of Circle Jerks (esp. catchily into a song called “I’m ther to add their own punch. What is enough of a flavorfully piquant dash of “Wonderful”), D4, All, NoFX’s best Downright Amazed at What I Can presented here is a re-recording of their lean and mean, blue-eyed aggression to stuff and not so much the Freeze but Destroy with a Hammer.” I’ll be honest, long out of print first album, The Last the mix that it flawlessly gels into a later bands that were inspired by the the first several listens, I wasn’t that Men on Earth. The songs were re-done sumptuous swirl of Mississippi mudwa- Freeze. A few bits make me think these 72 gripped with this EP. to give it more punch. Included in the ter garage-blues. The vocals are soulful, guys also listen to Tool and country. I like NoFX’s Heavy Petting Zoo a lot crazed, psychotic acoustic ramblings of and would imagine that if that album “Madcap Laughs”-era Syd Barrett. The were harder, rougher around the edges, remaining three tracks are loopy, funky, and made with less goofiness and more trippy, psychedelic, experimental, and sense of purpose, this would be the undeniably British with a grungy scat- album. (Which is to say, if you like tering of Black Sabbath-style riffage NoFX you should like them, but if you tossed into the mix. And throughout it don’t, you probably will, too.) The final all, I definitely detect hardy hints of Top 40 7”s track’s reggae influence seems more The Pixies, Nine Inch Nails, Butthole from the Choking Victim school than Surfers, and Joan Of Arc vivaciously straight reggae. Various songwriting blended with a circus-like swirl of old- CDs will never credits explain how one band can have time dance-hall liveliness and ‘70s- such a range while maintaining a style blaxploitation soul-sister choral become this “sound” that works consistently. My harmonies. Hell yeh, this is one of the collectible. one complaint with this album is that it most eclectic and intriguing aural treats should be much longer. –Rich Mackin that’s ever salaciously serviced my ears. (Destroy All) –Roger Moser, Jr. (Brazen Hussies) You can t just burn another 7 . B-MOVIE RATS, THE: BRIEFS: Love and Ulcers: 7” Bad for You: CD The more I hear from ‘em, the more I The aurally unforgiving, raucously love ‘em. Title track: More Voidoids- These are the top 7 s roarin’, sick, twisted, and sinister damaged mid-tempo punk rock. B-side: since the last mag. sounds of The B-Movie Rats are good, driving punk that seems to have cacophonously comparable to all-out just a dash of Beach Boys in it as well. rock’n’roll Armageddon! It’s cranked- You’ve gotta love a song with the cho- up, out-of-control, and violently fren- rus “God bless the fucked up USA.” Yet zied; a hedonistic heapin’-helpin’ of another winner from these guys; one of Underground Medicine Mailorder, Conneticut belligerence, bravado, and robust reck- the only reasons why Seattle shouldn’t , So Electric (Slow Gold Zebra) lessness; explosive, percussive, concus- 1. Crimson Sweet be wiped off the face of the earth. (Dirtnap) sive, and wildly exuberant; Iggy And –Jimmy Alvarado (Dirtnap) 2. Spits, 19 Million A.C. (Rapid Pulse) The Stooges of the now generation; an 3. Bomb Pops, Everything Looks Like Her auditory disaster just waitin’ to happen! BUNNY FIVE COAT: 4. Briefs, She’s Abrassive (Dirtnap) After only one intense and fiery listen, Negative Attention: CD (Dirtnap) I’m spastic, speechless, and covered 5. Briefs, Love and Ulcers Hey, I didn’t know L7 changed their (Old Age) from head-to-toe in self-produced slob- name. Where’s all the metal licks? 6. Mike Rep & the Quotas, Mama was a Schitzo bery-slick drool. Take me to rehab, Ma, –Jimmy Alvarado 7. Shrapnel, Combat Love (*****) ‘cause my ears are lethally addicted to (www.bunnyfivecoat.com) (Alien Snatch) The B-Movie Rats, and I’m shameless- 8. Teenage Rejects, Teen Trash Vol 2 , I Got a Lot (Broken Rekids) ly enjoyin’ it waaaaay too much! This is BUSINESS: 9. Tyrades better than the most ingratiating and (Slamdance Cosmopolis) Suburban Rebels: CD 10. Fuses, Communists Don’t Dance tantalizing aspects of sex, booze, and This band’s first album is released yet (Diapazam) rock’n’roll, I shit you not. –Roger 11. Hymans, I Don’t Need Anybody Like You again, this time by Captain Oi! in a nice (Noma Beach) Moser, Jr. (Junk) digipak format with an “album sized 12. Cadavers, Never Mind The Bodies... poster” of the cover to boot. Although 13. Le Shok, S&M (Slamdance Cosmopolis) BOB LOG III/ the sound doesn’t seem to have been 14. Automatics UK, Wild One (Diapazam) ZEN GUERRILLA: Split 7” changed any and, aside from the pack- RocknRoll Hero Man,self-titled (Diapazam) Jesus Chronky it’s a great fuckin aging, I see no other significant 15. Addicted to You (Just Add Water) record! Bob Log works his wiggly changes, it is nice to know that this is 16. Loose Lips, magic on “Wigglin Room” and then still readily available to anyone who 17. Decay, self-titled (SS) Zen G pulls some kind of jack-in-the- wants it, as it was and is one of British Big Bang (Backstreet) box number with the oddly weird 18. M-80’s, oi/punk’s high points. Recommended. Actung Duschbag (Big Neck) “Pocketful of String,” a song that –Jimmy Alvarado (Captain Oi) 19. Moorat Fingers, sounds like nothing else they’ve ever 20. Tyrades, Stain on Me (Rip Off) done (that I know of). I wouldn’t be sur- CADAVERS, THE: Never prised if it’s a cover, but I don’t recog- Mind the Bodies, Here’s…: 7” nize it. If you like either of these folks, If you ever wondered what the Bodies Disgruntled Mailorder, California try very hard to get up on this. –Cuss sound like with a backup girl singer – Baxter (Fanboy) it’s pretty fuckin’ cool. Coupled to 1. Lube, Music of Chance (Revenge) Abe’s higher-than-normal-for-street- 2. Sex Pistols, BOSS MARTIANS: punk singing is the tough-but-distinct- Schools Are Prisons (S.T.P.) 3.The Numbers, Making the Rounds: CD ly-female yelling of Tannia. No lyrics Letters (Stereodrive) 4. Les Sexareenos, All right, rock and roll with lots of are included, but from what my secret We Gonna Ball (Corduroy) decoder ring can figure out, they cover surf/instrumental influences, but way 5. Smogtown, Black Ball too tight for my tastes. I prefer my rock the same imagistic lines of the Bodies – (Hostage) 6. Neon King Kong, and roll/garage a little more crazy and betrayal, Vietnam, guns, and patriotism. Mix up the Mix (GSL) sloppy. If this were a cereal, it’d be reg- Fast, snappy, and catchy. Little time is 7. Tyrades, Detonation (Big Neck) ular Cheerios. Okay. –Maddy (Musick) wasted and the harmonies are hard to 8. Beltones, Shitty in Pink miss. It’s both hard and sweet. I always (Radio) 9. Strike Anywhere, BRAZEN HUSSIES: think that if the Bouncing Souls hadn’t Underground Europe 2001 (Scene Police) given up trying to write good songs 10. A Feast Of Snakes, self-titled: CD-R EP Bow Legged Woman (Dropkick) I unexpectedly received this homemade about four years ago, you’d get this 11. Richmond Sluts, Sweet Something band (well, The Bodies, who this band (Disaster) musically diverse disc in the mail today 12. Cadavers, Never Mind the Bodies...Here’s the Cadavers from many miles across the vast, tem- sorta became later on). Apparently this (NomaBeach) 13. Peepshows, pestuous Atlantic Ocean (from London was originally released in 1993, but it’s Surrender My Love (Stereodrive) of England, to be exact!). So I hurried- being re-released in a batch of five hun- 14. Zeke, Rock & Roll Catastrophe dred on this label. Not bad. –Todd (Black Lung) ly rushed home and excitedly plopped 15. Moorat Fingers, I Don’t Know this auditory delight into my CD chang- (Noma Beach) (Radio Blast) 16. Rebel Truth, er. Boy, were my ears pleasantly sur- Doing It for the Kids (THD) CAPITOL CITY DUSTERS, prised by the sheer varying magnitude 17. Hookers, God Made Me the Raven of the mentally deranged sounds the THE: Rock Creed: CD (Get Hip) Brazen Hussies spastically spew forth! Somewhere in Washington D.C. there 18. Antidote, Let’s Get Drunk (Dirty Faces) are, presumably, a handful of girls relat- The first and last songs sound like a 19. Kill A Watts, Dig These Kids (Yakisakana) ed to, or even worse, romantically mellow, laid-back cross-pollination of 20. the wry sonic commentary of The involved with, some or all of the mem- Dr. Know, Burn (Mystic) Kinks during the late ‘60s and the bers of The Capitol City Dusters, dread- ing the next gig. I feel their pain. At music along with a frayed and decayed After that, who knows? Is this the same Crypt Kickers: See their review adja- least I did for 41 minutes and 30 sec- moral sentiment from this band and it Paul Cutler who went on to 45 Grave? cent to this one for the full report. More onds. What you need to know: “I’ve got lends a perfect disenfranchised aura to The music is great. There’s definitely a revved-up ghoulish good shit with titles the heart of a revolutionary, but I’m an already fucked up world. If you’re a UK influence, even in the vocals with like “Walkin’, Talkin’ Dead Man,” singing like a yellow canary.” File this fucked up fucker who’s been fucked their fake British accent. Hyper and “Grave Diggin’ 101,” and a cover of under “For those who forgot to rock” with, fucked, and fucked over, fuck this jumpy with nervous rhythms. The guitar “Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron.” The Pine and steer clear. –Money (Dischord) fucking shit and buy the album. You’ll sounds scratchy and filthy, like he’s Hall Haints: Utilize the spookiness of be heartened to find a band that trans- scraping a tin can across the strings! playing the saw, like a cartoon ghost, CHRONICS, THE: lates all your frustrations into a solid –M.Avrg (In The Red) that fills the background. Solely snare It’s Too Late: LP CD full of that vitriol and seething drum, acoustic guitar, and voice accom- Really great ‘78 or ‘79 style punk rock anger encapsulated into a three minute CRIMSON SWEET: pany it. Makes one realize that the years and roll! Think: The Real Kids, Pagans, punk rock song. Clone Defects also So Electric: 7” before the proliferation of TV, that fam- Dickies, Stiv Bators. These songs keep slow it down a bit so you can reflect on Quite the rockin’ three piece from NYC ilies would sit down with bits and pieces getting stuck in my head and I go all the shit and piss that’s been shat and that can stir up a fuzzy, sonic hum spin- of instruments and play the hell out ‘em around all day trying to think of what pist on you by life. At times, it’s remi- ning round and round, but aren’t afraid in a way that was both ethereal and grit- band it is, thinking it’s some late seven- niscent of the Gun Club, other times it’s to be melodic at the same time. Dale ty. Real enjoyable. The Plain Clothes ties group, and then I remember, it’s the like a Hank Williams 78 played on 33, like. Definitely a band I would catch Creep String Trio: Banjo, washtub bass, Chronics! All right! I’m pretty sure coming off bad speed. Besides, isn’t live and from reading here, they have a and doleful lamentations. In the best they’re from Sweden, too, and we all that why we are punk rockers anyway? few more things out to listen to. Right way, they sound like three miscreants at know that Scandinavian bands can rock Enough of all the pretty punk shit going on. Take a spin with this one, dear a corner store playin’ their hearts out (see Turbonegro)! If this were a cereal, around – life sucks, I’m ugly, poor, une- Razorcakers, but keep both yer hands just to release the pressure building up it’d be Fruit Loops! Yum! –Maddy ducated and criminally insane, get me on the wheel. –Designated Dale (Slow in their fingers and heads. It’s hard not (Demolition Derby) this album! P.S. Nods for the Berlin Gold Zebra) to slap the knee along with their tunes. Brats cover. Killed By What? –Miss Three-ways good. –Todd (Arkam’s CIRIL: self-titled: CD Namella J. Kim CROWD, THE: Punk Off: CD Black Owl) What we have here is a pissed-off band (Tom Perkins) You may already know the Crowd from that at first reminds me of what I loved the fucking genius Beach Blvd comp C*NTS, THE: about traditional LA punk. I definitely CODE, THE: Alert Aware from way back when in 1979, (by the Oh No It’s the C*nts: CD hear some early Black Flag and D.I. Involved: CD way, that comp might just be the best Man, the cover is beautiful: kid in dress influence. Then I got to the third song, The differences between this band and comp of all time!). Total southern and monster mask stands next to upright which is more loosely structured and bands I like are subtle. But where Anti- California beach punks, straight from beaver. Inside, there’s a mess of songs really creepy, while still being really Flag is angry and wild, The Code are Huntington Beach! Catchy early eight- that make just about as much sense: “I aggressive and engaging. It reminds me precise, and where The Foamers are ies poppy punk with just the perfect tiny Was Born in a Crack House,” “I Live in of some of the more art-oriented bands reckless and fun, this quintet from X mix of early eighties hardcore. So, I a Tree,” “I’ve Got Problems I Can’t featured in the Decline of Western strike me as squeaky clean. If there is know what you’re thinking, “Sounds Explain,” “I Can Run Like You,” and so Civilization. The remainder of the such a thing as being too on the nose, great, Maddy, but I’m SURE they total- forth. It’s sorta like if the Angry album vacillates between these two The Code are it. Not bad, but they’re ly stink NOW! What are they, dude, like Samoans hadn’t sucked so much when styles. I definitely get a nostalgic feel late for the party. Five years too late. eighty years old?” For the record, I they started to suck. Anyway, it’s from this record. Even the production -Money (A-F) firmly believe that the Sex Pistols always nice to hear a band that sounds gives me this vibe, especially in current reunion sucked. The Buzzcocks new like they’re just having fun, rather than times, when every record I hear sounds COMBAT WOUNDED VET- LPs suck. If the Clash ever reunited, trying to be something that they’re not. like it was recorded at the same studio. ERAN: Duck Down for the that would probably suck, too. But this, –Cuss Baxter (Disturbing) The layout and artwork look like these Torso: CDEP this is so damn good! This album does- guys just don’t give a fuck, but I mean It’s as much feel – the tones of the n’t sound at all like an old band trying to CURBS, THE: this in a good way, as in “we don’t give instruments – as much as how they’re milk what they were doin’ years ago! Fast Tracks to Oblivion: CD a fuck what you think!” The song lyrics played, flayed, and serrated. Only those This sounds new! Great! Exciting! Full Try as I may, all I can think of while this are scrawled in between really odd and with brave ears need apply. The first of energy, harmonies, punk rock, and a disc plays is “J-Church on speed.” That sometimes scary drawings of anguish, three songs plong out like an intergalac- manic whirl of great surf-punk! The is by no means a compliment. –Jimmy death, despair, and alienation in various tic meatloaf; they grind up big, thick perfect album for a summer full of fun! Alvarado (Braindart) forms. This is good… -Yemin (Know) slabs of sound, slather and stew it in a If this were a cereal, it’d be Honey Nut blood red sauce, choke it with pepper Cheerios – it’s been around for about CURLUPANDDIE: CLONE DEFECTS: and sonic voodoo spices, and have it the same amount of time as the Crowd, Unfortunately We’re Not Blood on Jupiter: CD clog and chog in their colons for about a and it’s still as good as ever – seriously! Robots: CD You can tell by the thunderous introduc- month. The music’s all chunky, splatter- –Maddy (Unity Squad) I’m going to sum this up real quick by tory Japanese drums (Kurosawa’s Seven ing, heavy, and intentionally irritating. saying that this is like mixing Blood Samurai sample?) that this album is It’s hard artcore that ice skates through CRYPT KICKERS, THE: Hag with SOD having song titles like going to change the status quo – not a sludge – somehow remaining crisp in Lamentations of the Dillinger 4. One song is broken into mere pretty faux marble finish here, but the morass. Fans of Kylesa, Tragedy, Living Dead: CD four tracks to emphasize each lyric. an all out wrecking balls to the wall Men’s Recovery Project, the movie Putting the harm back in harmonica. These fuckers are clever! Brutal metal deconstruction of all present day con- Brazil, or a good old-fashioned ear- Putting unmarked liquor in big jugs. and thrash that goes a long way for this ventions in rock’n’roll. The Clone whooping won’t be disappointed. The Picture alcoholic zombies who can play reviewer. –Donofthedead (Revelation) Defects hail from the Detroit scene but fourth song, “Folded Space: Mapping better blind drunk who don’t want to get enough of the waxing rhetoric on the Unexploded Ordinance,” is a mono- off your porch at 4 AM and after punch- CURSE, THE: demo: CD regional proto-punk influences (every- logue by a robotic voice backed by ing your front lights out, asking why it’s Holy shit, this rules! These guys are body’s pimply brother and gay dad has dying seagull synthesizers – that I sus- so dark, then burning their fingers from from my city (Philadelphia) and I’ve to cite the MC5 and The Stooges as their pect is chock full of subliminal mes- keeping their lighters flicked. Yeah, it’s watched them grow into a great band inspiration these days. Heck it’s just sages – about a mega battle (and even- lo-fi, but perfectly so. What’s captured over the last six months. This demo is a damn good rock’n’roll for misfit punks, tual triumph) against giant squids, is a clear polaroid snapshot of a won- great representation of their capabilities. not some flowery review composed by destructive floods, dying so many times derfully fucked up situation. Picture sea If you like blazing melodic hardcore some sweater wearing college boy with that the narrator finds it tedious, and the shanty pirates singing dirges in pickup (NOT like the kind that Fat or Epitaph a vinyl fetish! So, in honor of my homo- power of a smile at the end of the day. trucks bouncing down a dusty Alabama usually put out) then you will absolute- sexual father, I will NOT compare the As a post script, I finally figured out road… and the passenger falls out, finds ly love this. The Curse’s music contains Clone Defects to the aforementioned where they got their name. In Florida, some instruments, and continues to play elements of classic eighties hardcore, bands, thank you.) Clone Defects have they have license plates with Combat like it’s the most natural thing – to play and some more mid-tempo (dare I say) done much damage to many ears in the Wounded Veteran stamped into the absolutely broken as easily as the blood streetpunk influences as well. The Midwest during the Horizontal Action metal. We can close the book on that gushing from his head. Excellent. singer’s voice sounds like he swallowed Blackout shows, where they stole the mystery. –Todd (No Idea) –Todd (Nation of Kids) nails, while still retaining some melody show with singer Timmy Vulgar’s throughout. The vocals come at you drunken rock icon-in-the-making antics CONSUMERS, THE: All My CRYPT KICKERS/ THE relentlessly, barely pausing for breath. and the band’s trademark disaster-core Friends Are Dead: CD PLAIN CLOTHES CREEP There are even hints of a Hot Water art punk. The title song throttles one Not much is readily known about this STRING TRIO/ THE PINE Music vocal influence in one of the ‘77 Phoenix punk combo. There wasa over to the other side of the room while HALL HAINTS: Tales from breakdowns. The musicianship is tight this writer finds it as inspiring as speed- couple mentions about them in the July and dead on, and the recording is top- ‘78 issue of Slash. They relocated to LA the Front Porch: split LP trap sex on the 134 over the hills of La Three down-home, acoustic bands play notch. This totally and fell in with the Canterbury clique. Canada. There’s a dire urgency in the songs of old with hearts a-new. The crushes my puny little 75 head, but I keep listening to it over and consciousness, until you find yourself my favorite band for such a long time. them after that, you suck. over (and over) anyway. Also, the lyrics back at the record player, dipping the The soundtrack and inspiration to so –Donofthedead (Fat) are super smart and deal with subjects needle into the grooves, filling the many crazy middle of the night bike like religious school indoctrination and house with sound. I can honestly say rides, drunken porch sitting, zine writ- DUKES OF HAMBURG: fighting the 9 to 5 workday paralysis. this: it’s like nothing I’ve ever heard ing, protesting, kissing, feeling Some Folks: CD Get this. –Yemin (the Curse) before. Oh, man. –Money (S&M) depressed, feeling ecstatic… Whereas I Some pretty straightforward sixties cov- havta sit in my room and listen to the ers courtesy of former Mummies drum- CZOLGOSZ: self-titled: 7” DEFNICS: Look at Me Mom Replacements or the Clash and dream of mer Russell Quan and some of his pals. Here are five solid-but-sloppy, political I’m Not Dead: 7” an era I know so little about, I have seen The song selection is great, they are punk songs that all sound like they’d fit An old Killed By Death band gets back D4 dozens of times, singing along until very well done, and the band’s sound is perfectly in the old MRR hardcore together to make some more racket. The I’m hoarse. If you don’t run out and buy authentic. What more could one ask for? comp, Not So Quite on the Western title track is a decent slab of punk rock this album (possibly their best yet), Recommended. –Jimmy Alvarado Front. And you can’t beat a band named noise in that KBD style that refuses to you’re gonna be kicking yourself like a (Gearhead) after a guy who shot the president of the die. The B-side, a live version of “51 teenager in 1976 NYC who never got United States. All hail Czolgosz! –Sean Percent,” is pretty damn snappy and not around to checkin’ out the Ramones. ENDS, THE: Jump Ship: 7” (Rodent Popsicle) embarrassing in the slightest, which is a What can I say? If you can’t feel pas- Snot pop with sonic punk grease as the relief. –Jimmy Alvarado (Smog Veil) sionately about the music you listen to, pie filling. Think Buzzcocks. Think DAN MELCHIOR’S BROKE you’re either a detached hipster asshole Saints without the horns. Think of REVUE: Heavy Dirt: CD DERITA SISTERS, THE: or need to listen to something else. I enjoying the fact that a twelve pack of Two guys from England and two from Whore Stories: CD fucking love the Dillinger Four! If this Pabst is around five bucks. Think the Florida live in New York and make joy- Fans of Dead Lazlo’s Place or the were a cereal, it’d be Lucky Charms! Jam way before Style Council. Think of ful, sloppy garage blues with hints of Badtown Boys might be interested in –Maddy (Fat) days when actual singing – instead of thee Headcoats and the Country this one. Gizz, a member of the latter mumbling and outright screeching – Teasers. Dan’s voice and accent drool bands, is in this one. This ensemble is DILLINGER FOUR: wasn’t seen as a sign of weakness and charm and there’s no shortage of har- more loose than the previous mentioned Situationist Comedy: CD guitars didn’t have to be perfect, yet monica or slide guitar. I find myself bands. Old school, in the vein of the Wholly fuck! Fat has released a big can sounded right, like they could shave all repeatedly compelled to double-play the early eighties. Silly lyrics over sloppy of whoop ass that is going to blow up the hair off your body in a single swoop anthemic “Fashion,” with its Zeppelinia three chords of punk fun. Twenty songs the world. The mighty D4 has returned and give you a few goosebumps. Think and deadpan girl backups, but you’ll to fill up some time when you need to create a rock opera of brimstone and that the best hooks are the ones you undoubtedly find a favorite of your some messy pleasure. –Donofthedead fire that is beautiful to watch at the same haven’t heard before. Think balding own. Unless you’re stupid. You’re not (Big Lizard) time. Cutting and tasty (Hey, that’s the drummer. Think that that makes me like stupid, are you? –Cuss Baxter Razorcake motto!) is what spews forth them even more. Pretty cool debut. (In The Red) DIESTO: self-titled: 7” out for your audio pleasure. Every bit as Look forward to more. – Todd Think late-eighties AmRep noise rock good and to me even better than their (Mortville) DEFEATED, THE: and you’re in the right ballpark. Pretty classic Midwestern Songs... From start to finish, an accomplishment of aural Asbury Cocksucker: 7” good. –Jimmy Alvarado (Elastic) EPOXIES: self-titled: CD Oh, man. This record is unreal. It’s one perfection. Songs that take you up and down to the point of exhaustion. I am As I was on my way out his door, this of those rare recordings that stays with DILLINGER FOUR: CD was handed over by our own you days after you’ve listened to it, like proclaiming this one of the best records Situationist Comedy: CD of the year. If you don’t know this band Retodd who smiled and said, “Just lis- an unfinished letter, a mirage swimming Holy shit! I cannot possibly write a by now, go buy, borrow, tape, or steal ten… it’s good.” Now, Todd and myself in the distance, the answer to a trivia review that would do justice to this one of their releases. If you don’t like usually have one thing in common when question just below the surface of your album. The Dillinger Four have been talkin’ bands – if it’s good, really damn good, we’ll go out of our way to share find, caustic, dark shit that would do and/or suggest bands to the point of irri- you well to pick up. Spearheaded by the tating people (Me being the more irritat- acid-spitting Frank Discussion, The ing one, trust me). This CD from the Feederz never took any sides – left or Epoxies is what was missing in the right, right or wrong – except their own. record bins in the ‘80s. This is the new Yet they were super-intelligent and wave that should have been buzzing out graphically smart about pulling off this of your parent’s speakers during those musical coup. You’d think that some- house parties you threw while they were thing so nihilistic would immediately out of town. Really great songs played implode on itself. Luckily, they record- by a very competent lineup along with a ed a couple albums before that hap- synth player who is spot fucking on, pened (although they’re playing out unlike some of the throwaway Flock Of again). The songs themselves are fan- Hairdo bands that came and went some tastic and it’s almost impossible to trace twenty years ago. I hear hints of The how many bands have shamelessly bor- Rezillos (“Stop Looking at Me”), X rowed from The Feederz without giving (“We’re So Small,” “Bathroom Stall”), credit where credit’s due – from the out- and let me tell ya, it’s all done quite right intelligent antagonism (rarely well. I think Roxy Epoxy could very duplicated), the guitar strangulation, the well sit in for Chrissie Hynde if Chrissie absolutely amazing drumming that sets ever needed a stand-in for one of her a definite mood and pace, the ability to Pretenders gigs. I have the feeling the play a slower song that’s completely next time the Epoxies are in LA, I’m frenetic and dizzy, how to make truly going to be flailing spastically ala Jim moving protest-against-everything Decker of The Crowd (who would be a music, and the flow of the entire album good band to bill the Epoxies with). itself. The Feederz were many things, And you silly gooses thought that but they had several recurring themes: Seattle only shits out Starbucks all over anti-capitalism, anti-advertising, anti- the country. Well, guess again, fucko – submission, and anti-religion. here come the Epoxies. –Designated Indispensable jewels are songs like Dale (Dirtnap) “1984,” which rails against working so someone else can make a buck off of EPOXIES: self-titled: CD you. (“You go to school for twelve years The New New Wave is here you where you learn just one thing/ How not smacked asses and the Epoxies are at to mind being bossed.”) In every fold of the front of the pack. How is it Seattle, the CD jacket, Frank suggests you steal Dirtnap in particular, keeps pressing this album, to use their artwork, to tape records that fill huge voids we didn’t the songs at home. Juxtaposing the CD even know existed until we find our- cover subvertisement of an attractive, selves spinning the disc for the dozenth busty bandita is the talk bubble, time in a row? Somewhere between X- “Vandalism, beautiful as a rock in a Ray Spex and Pat Benatar, the Epoxies cop’s face.” Leaving no big stone unturned and walking away from no have made a record with one foot in core. The song titled “Intermission enough to pull it off like it’s the most 1981 and another in this not-so-new fights, they go right for the robe. In “Jesus,” re-named from the original (Time for a Snack)” is just that. Mellow natural thing in the world. millennium. The songs get up and go vibes and a ticking clock for a minute Recommended. –Todd (Adeline) with snappy drums and bass lines, rock- LP’s “Entering from the Rear” – leaves little room for interpretation. (“Jesus and five seconds. Half of “Taking the ing guitars and a healthy infusion of Night” sounds like a musical. A really FREE VERSE: spirited keyboards. (Their website even entering from the rear/ Fucking you in the ass/ Just another faggot/ In just good musical that I’d like. About riot- Mierda/Aeresol: CDEP features a photo of a rare species of gui- ing. So, if you see both this and Ever Two songs to get a feeling for this three- tar known the keytar…) But what stands another mass.”) I’ve always found it more than a little weird that The Feel…, get the other, but if you have a piece, all-girl band from Seattle. Don’t out is the songwriting. Singer Roxy choice between this and, say, an emo be scared; these girls have chops. Epoxy holds nothing back, no territory Feederz didn’t get as popular as, say, Dead Kennedys. Perhaps it’s because record, this’ll do your head good. As an Remember, before goth, there was death is deemed too private, no fear too added bonus, this also has a long live rock. That is what these ears hear mixed painful to be explored. It’s courageous they fought with their gloves off and they constantly attacked for exposed, show video on it (which can’t be played with some metal overtones to put the without crossing over into mawkishness on record players). –Todd (Broken) umph into their attack. It’s also a little or melodrama. Part of the appeal is nos- hypocritical throats. Perhaps it was because this album was fucking tough loose and raunchy, which make this lis- talgic. The Epoxies have a weird cold FLESHIES: tener appreciate this more. I’m enthusi- war vibe that seems right at home in to find for years. The original LP ver- sion of Ever Feel… (“Pay no more than The Game of Futbol: CDEP astic to hear what else comes from these these paranoid times. Songs like “We’re Like the Butthole Surfers in their prime, women. –Donofthedead (Free Style) So Small” and “Losing Control” feel $0.00 for this record”) had sandpaper on both sides of the jacket, designed to you want Fleshies to fuck with you. It’s like cold war anthems of the heart. This fun to hear them molest your eardrums, is a record about the next cataclysm – be scuff the records next to it, as a fuck you FREE VERSE: to record collectors (which backfired, and this EP kind of feels like kneeling Mierda/Aerosol: CDEP it personal or global, public or private – down before a priest who kicks you that we can do nothing to stop. Post 9/11 because it’s worth a lot of dough.) All “Mierda,” for some reason, reminded said and done, this is an extremely wel- square in the forehead with soccer me of Vice Squad’s “Freedom Begins at love songs for your timid, tortured cleats. Then you realize why he’s wear- hearts. –Money (Dirtnap) come re-issue that I’ll be playing inces- Home.” The second track was a noisy santly. The irony that this is quite possi- ing those shoes. So he doesn’t trip in punk tune, with lotsa time signature bly more timely than when it was first your blood while he dances around, changes. Not the best thing I’ve heard FANTOMAS MELVINS making fun of you. This EP should all week, but I ain’t exactly complain- BIG BAND: released doesn’t escape me either. –Todd (Broken) come with the instructions: “Steal a can ing, either. –Jimmy Alvarado (Free Millennium Monsterwork: CD of Scotch Guard. Spray into plastic bag. Style, no address) State-specific tuneage that is the musi- Huff until the bag’s stuck around skull cal equivalent of a non sequitur. I FEEDERZ, THE: Teachers in Space: CD in tight seal. Shit yourself. Go blind.” GBH: City Baby’s Revenge: CD wouldn’t try listening to this without My favorite songs are the first and third. drugs. If you have neighbors who sus- With a picture of the space shuttle Some records are really hard to listen to, Challenger blowing up, the title doesn’t “Fists of Mercy” and “The Tickler” not because of how good or bad they pect you do nasty, dangerous things in show you that they’ve got the chops to your abode late at night, you might want sound as nicey nice. While not as tick- are, but rather because of what they ling my punk fancy as their first record, write perfect punk songs. The other four evoke. This one is just such a record. I to pass on this. If you have a boyfriend scream that they don’t give a fuck about or girlfriend you want out of your of life there are more harmonies, less thud, and have so many memories tied up around opens with a Crass-y spoken word over my or your expectations. These songs this band and this album, from assorted and is slow on the uptake, put this in and destroy in different ways, from the select “repeat.” –Money (Ipecac) tortured instruments song that isn’t as fights to assorted drunken parties to essential. In other words, a bit more loungey, ether-happy, four-minute, being drunk and fighting at assorted twelve-second long title song to the FEEDERZ, THE: Ever Feel arty, but upon repeated listens, it’s gigs. It seems like it was last year or growing on me. It makes me realize “Sexiest Man Alive,” sung in a metal, something when this was originally Like Killing Your Boss: CD nut-squishing falsetto that begins with Anger can be an amazing source for how truly funny, diverse, and inventive released and it’s actually been nineteen The Feederz could be away from hard- bleating sheep. Gotta appreciate bands years. Nineteen fucking inspiration. This is classic, long hard-to- with gonads this big who’re crazy 77 years. That is an absolutely mind-bog- still a lot of great lines. And the wank- underdog and not only being ready to HOT HOT HEAT: gling concept, one my mind almost has ing guitar solos from the first album prove yourself at any time, but succeed- Knock Knock Knock: CD trouble grasping. Yeah, it’s still a damn have been replaced by more solidly con- ing in the world you’ve created. That This really sucks sucks sucks. –Money fine album. Yeah, the lyrics are still structed songs. It’s a fucking awesome hits so close to home, it’s not even (SubPop) okay at best and the folks at Captain Oi album. –Sean (Thick) funny. I can’t think of a higher recom- were kind enough to include the “Give mendation for this CD. –Todd (No Idea) HOT POCKETS: Me Fire,” “Catch 23,” and “Do What GEZA X AND THE MOMMY- Kiss ‘n Run: LP You Do” 45s on this. Yeah, I highly rec- MEN: You Goddam Kids!: CD GREG MACPHERSON Yay! How could I NOT like this? It’s ommend it to those not familiar with the The sole solo recorded output from this BAND: Good Times got a guy from the Spaceshits (one of band Mykel Board once called “Great former Deadbeat and famous producer, Coming Back Again: CD the best garage bands of all time, easi- Big Hug” (a name that rolls outta my this long out of print gem finally resur- I don’t understand why I got this, or ly), and they cover a Beat song mouth in giggles every time someone faces. For those who are either too why they sent it to this magazine. The (“Walking out on Love”) AND a Beach mentions ‘em) although I will do so young or too burned out to remember punkest thing about it is that one track Boys song (“Girl Don’t Tell Me”)! And only after I tell them to pick up the what this sounds like, imagine Are We has about fifteen seconds of Breeders- both of the covers rule! Total lo-fi Leather, Bristles… and City Baby Not Men?-era Devo trying to stretch out reminiscent intro, and the Breeders garage and sloppy! Just the way I like it! Attacked by Rats albums first. But good and get weird and jazzy, and then add a descended from the Pixies, and some A slight Devil Dogs influence on some GOD, has it been a long time! I usually marimba. Believe me, it sounds better punks like both of those bands (myself of this stuff, and a total early nineties try hard not to get all nostalgic for the than that description. The music doesn’t included). But fifteen seconds in the garage influence (think: Devil Dogs, “old days” or anything, but I’m listen- sound dated at all and, in addition to midst of twelve whole songs of Chris Teengenerate, Supercharger….aaaahh- ing to “Drugs Party in 526” right now “classic” tracks like “Isotope Soap” and Isaakan altpop don’t mean shit to me. If hh…). One bad song, but what can you and I just can’t seem to help myself. “We Need More Power,” you get a cou- this was some sort of cruel prank, I’m do? If this were a cereal, it’d be Don’t know about you all, but I’m ple of bonus tracks. Big thumbs up here. gonna jam a Twinkie in someone’s eye. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Gimme more, gonna buy me a 40 of OE, put this –Jimmy Alvarado (Dionysus) –Cuss Baxter (G7) more, more! –Maddy (Alien Snatch) puppy on LOUD and remember a time when buying a GBH shirt at the local GRABASS CHARLESTONS/ HEMI CUDA: HOT SNAKES: mall was a completely alien concept. BILLY REESE PETERS: Classics for Lovers: CD –Jimmy Alvarado (Captain Oi) Suicide Invoice: CD Split CD Surprise! I love it when my intuition is First, the rant. Although I understand Fuck yeah. During this rotation of CD wrong. I thought this was going to suck the music industry wants to give GBH: Midnight Madness reviews, I though to myself, “Am I hard! I hesitantly put the disc into the reviewers music before it hits the and Beyond: CD being too harsh? Am I becoming a flap- player, ready to dismiss it. Pouring out shelves to build excitement and that art- This is the album where GBH and I ping cockhole critic who can’t hear of the speakers was a blast of raw work often doesn’t get finished until the parted company. There are some mighty good in front of him? Why am I not lik- punk’n’roll mixed with a strong flavor last minute, but I can’t help but feel like fine songs on here. The songs that did- ing a lot of bands I’ve never heard of?” of pop melody. Kinda sweet and dirty at a chump when I get a piece of music in n’t seem so hot so long ago are actually That ends here. Both of these bands are the same time. Songs that barely cross a clear plastic baggie solely with the not so bad after all and the sound that great, and for reasons I can’t explain, over the three minute mark keep things album name, song titles, and street date made them huge can still be found in the Grabass Charlestons win by a nose. interesting. They would probably be a instead of the full package. (This also there somewhere, but the metal that was (There are overlapping band members band that is great in a live setting. Great coming from ex-members of Drive Like always bubbling under the surface between the two bands and it gets con- songs that have them sounding like a Jehu who silkscreened on their CD, began to become more prevalent and fusing who hootenannies from one band cross between early Redd Kross and “CD’s really fuckin’ blow.” Why do that, kiddies, made all the difference. to the other, even after it was explained The Waitresses or Josie Cotton. CDs blow? One reason – shittier, small- –Jimmy Alvarado (Captain Oi) to me that Will Beltone drums and sings Looking at the insert, I see pictures of er artwork. But versus no artwork at on the first seven songs. The fact that the band. Out front are two women with all…? I digress.) It’d be like me sending GC5, THE: Never Bet the Devil the entire album repeats itself confuses matching outfits and wigs playing gui- out magazines “for preview” with a Your Head: CD my simple brain even more. But after a tar and bass and trading off on the vocal bunch of pages missing and without a Just when I thought everything had been lot of deliberation, you know what? It duties. I read that the drummer is male, cover. That shit just ain’t right. It’d be said and done with street punk and the doesn’t matter.) It’s prototypical (not to but no pictures are to be found. I guess another thing if I wasn’t even a fan of genre was starting to play itself out, be confused with predictable) the label didn’t think he was marketable music and I worked for Spin; if this was along came this new GC5 album to Gainsville punk – and what that means for his sex appeal. –Donofthedead (Pop just my job that I hated, then just rewrit- destroy all my preconceptions. I’ve to you is that they’ve got an inherent Sweatshop) ing the press kit. I like the Hot Snakes, been trying to figure out what sets the love (either subliminally or explicitly) so it just bums me out that I don’t even GC5 apart from all the street punk of Leatherface. They fit right into the HOLLYWOOD HATE: know what the album looks like. Plus, bands that came and went within a year pantheon/fireside ruckus of Panthro UK self-titled: CD without a package, I tend to lose all the or two of that first Dropkick Murphys United 13, Radon, Dillinger Four and It’s here. It’s finally fucking here. The skinny CDs in my piles. Now the album. I scratched my head over this as The Beltones. The music zings and first Hollywood Hate full length that’s review. This is the mellower, more rock- I listened to this album again and again. crashes around like a drunk, sloppy, ready to be rammed down your throat ’n’roll side to their debut, Permanent Finally, I realized that it’s not one thing happy gang of friends that stomp on like an oversexed face hugger from Midnight. The structures are tighter and that sets this album apart. It’s every- fires holding uncapped gas cans above Aliens and rip you apart from the inside more traditional, there are less sproing- thing. It’s the fact that they owe as much their heads. Happy, strong combustion, out. I can’t say how much you need to ing angularities and meticulous breaka- to the Workin’ Stiffs as they owe to pure and simple. It’s made by people hear this first disc from what I hope, parts which smear into blasts and whis- Cocksparrer. It’s the new energy and who could give a fuck about being fash- there will be lots more from one of LA’s pers. It’s all more straight ahead – well, anxiousness they bring to their songs. ionable and can pull off Cheap Trick’s finest outfits right this moment. If you as straight ahead as you’re apt to get It’s their ability to stick a slow, acoustic “Hello There” like they wrote it them- have had the fortunate pleasure of from the twisty music from present and song in the middle of the album without selves. Take, for instance, what I pose is catching the Hate live, then you know ex-members of Mule, Pitchfork, Rocket killing the flow of the album and with- our generation’s “Pinball Wizard.” (Join it’s all gold, here, baby. Punk that’s not From The Crypt, and Tanner. It’s like out coming off as a second rate bar along in this exaltation if you consider afraid to rock without makin’ itself look with the first album, they were charting band. It’s the way they can sneak out- your generation having nothing to do like an asshole. The good stuff. Tooth- music as complicated as a heart – veins, law-country-style lyrics reminiscent of with mall mentalities, music on the chippin’ music. I can almost picture arteries, and jumping, jittering parts – Waylon Jennings or Kris Kristofferson radio, moving units or Soundscan, just myself ramming your too-hot-for-words and Suicide Invoice is a large leg muscle (yeah, Kristofferson’s a weenie of an the love of loud, raw, fun music that Mom as I listen to songs like being operated under ether with big, actor, but he was a great songwriter) ain’t afraid of thinking as much as “Peacemaker,” “Slow Ride,” and splotted tools. It’s creepier and more into their songs, like this one: “I got my drinking.) “Galaga Wizard” has got all “Kickboy.” If you don’t believe a sylla- sparse overall and you can see how the education in the ivory halls/ Found the this boy needs to fuel his brain and ble I’m spraying outta my loud mouth, all parts operate and help one another. pulse of the nation on truck-stop toilet make him hoarse from shouting along. just grab a listen to what they laid down The diagram’s simpler, the lighting’s stalls.” It’s the way they completely rip It follows a protagonist being picked up in the studio here on the CD. Now, if yer steadier, but the result is pretty much the off the Swingin’ Utters in one song, yet in a limousine full of dignitaries and a Doubting Thomas, cheap-ass mother- same. A kickass, non-traditional rock- somehow get away with it. It’s little bits “neon girls, minor legions with cocaine fuck, you can also access a coupla tunes ’n’roll album by a bunch of veterans and pieces, and the way they all fit pearls,” pissed that he’s called an ama- on their site, but don’t just be a song- who know how to not sound like a together. I got their first album, Kisses teur, then locks into the world of the sampling yutz. Experience the full- supergroup. (Name a single supergroup from Hanoi, a couple of years ago and game itself, as “them falling bees is fledged fuck-upping that is Hollywood that was better than groups the members have listened to it consistently since looking fucking scary,” ending, no less, Hate. You can thank me later when I’m were famous from. Two points off if then. I was hoping their follow up with “it’s some sacred shit to be spread- done with yer MILF of a Mom. you even thought of Damn Yankees or album would be as good, and Never Bet ing ‘round.” It’s cool because it’s about –Designated Dale the Traveling Wilburys.) –Todd the Devil Your Head definitely holds up playing a video game, but works on so (www.hollywoodhate.com) (Swami) against their debut. The lyrics are less many different levels, like meeting political on the new album, but there’s expectations, forever tagged as the 79 IRONBOSS: Rides Again: CD During the early to mid-‘80s, my cousin JOHN WILKES BOOZE: KUNG FU KILLERS: These are the things I think about when Scott was a dare-devilish semi-pro skater self-titled: 7” Burning Bush: 7” I hear this band. The movie Easy Rider, who chaotically careened across many a This outfit rocks and rolls southern style Wha?!? Sounds a lot like the Coors beer, hot rods and seventies plywood flux ramp in backyards and while wielding a white-hot poker, Adolescents “blue album” era. Bullshit, southern fried rock. –Donofthedead skateparks throughout the entire nation. swinging at your head punker style with you say? Well, check the vocal delivery, (Reptilian) I’d often accompany him to the local the rasping and ripping “Whiskey and guitar work, and how the music has that flux, which was situated right smackdab Pills” and cooling out on the flip with a cruising feel. Now, are you convinced? JEWWS, THE: L’ explosion du in the middle of a loblolly wilderness tune called “Marc Bolan Makes Me My only gripe is this is two songs. Son de Maintenant!: LP several miles outside of town. There in Want to Fuck,” complete with slide gui- Don’t hold out on us here! –M.Avrg As soon as the needle touches the LP, the heavy and humid summer heat, Scott tar. I can totally see these guys raging (TKO) there’s this vibrating shimmy. The would perform some of the most amaz- onstage with Throw Rag or even Tom Jewws have the immaculate ability to ing aerial acrobatics on his splintered Waits. Like to see a full length from KUNG FU KILLERS: and chipped skateboard, occasionally sound instantly recognizeable without JWB, hell yeah! Even the name of the Game of Death: CDEP sloppily ripping off their influences bailing and hittin’ the bottom of the ramp band kicks ass! –Designated Dale Okay, so the kung fu thing was getting (from Man or Astroman? to Chuck full-force and body-first. I distinctly (Family Vineyard) tired five years ago and it doesn’t need Berry), and are one of the few garage remember a well-worn, multi-stickered to be brought back here, but this is a old jambox was always blaring the latest bands around right now that are natu- JOLT, THE: self-titled: CD great little record. “Wasting Time” has rals, who don’t sound like they were and liveliest California skatepunk me pining for the full-length. Also fea- cacophony, which provided the ultimate Prime-grade English mod-punk from specifically produced to be lo-fi. way back when that’ll whet the appetite tures a nice rendition of The Misfits “I Dynamically impressive, this is great energy-enhanced soundtrack for an end- Turned into a Martian” and a blistering less afternoon of spectacular death-defy- of both the average Jam fan and the for a bunch of different ocassions. average punker with a jones for some- cover of Black Flag’s “Room 13.” Lower, it’s great mood music, cranked ing skateboard feats. Yep, what ya have Rumor has it the members of KFK real- here is exactly the same kind of teeth- thing good that predates Ronald up really high, it’s pretty much guran- Reagan’s presidency. Included in the ly are martial arts fanatics and are for- teed to get you laid. Excellent. -Todd gnashing “old school” skatepunk bom- mer hardcore heads from back in the bast that inspired a sweat-drenched deal are extra tracks from assorted sin- (Demolition Derby) gles/EPs and a great cover of “Whatcha day, but prefer to keep their identity a legion of diehard ollie-grindin’ enthusi- secret. I can’t figure out who they are, asts to grab their boards and giddily hit Gonna Do About It?” Pretty up there on JFA / THE WORTHLESS / the recommendation list. –Jimmy but I suspect “KFK Theme” holds the the ramps a-runnin’ during the culturally key… -Money (TKO) BLUE COLLAR SPECIAL: retarded Reagan era. JFA (one of the Alvarado (Captain Oi) Concrete Waves: split CD indelibly inspirational originators of the The JFA songs were so miserable that I skatepunk genre) and The Worthless and KOOPAS, THE: LAB RATS, THE: just couldn’t bring myself to even Blue Collar Special (two youthfully exu- When Opposites Attack: 7” Start Thinking: CD acknowledge the tracks by the berant newer groups who passionately A six layer log of smelly EMOtional Since this band is based up in the bay Worthless and Blue Collar Special. It’s carry the skatepunk torch in the most songs that smacks of trying (yes, trying) area, I would picture them perfectly at a very traumatizing when a band you frenzied of fashion!); three bands, three- to lift late ‘70’s-era guitar riffs of the Gilman Street show. These guys blew have effectively worshipped for nigh on million decibels of all-out raging fury, Ramones. I fucking pray that Joey and me away! I get goose bumps when I twenty years suddenly sucks this bad. and fifteen bone-shattering songs about Dee Dee haunt your ass for this abomi- hear elements of Nardcore meets late Don’t think I’m gonna be able to sleep skating and being a social outcast in nation. –Designated Dale eighties fastcore. Intensity that doesn’t tonight. –Jimmy Alvarado (Disaster) today’s fast-food, quick-service, throw- (www.thekoopas.com) waver. The speed without going into a away society. What a raucously cool blur. Punk rock that has the snottiness, JFA / THE WORTHLESS / combination! –Roger Moser, Jr. speed, and musicianship that pulls it all BLUE COLLAR SPECIAL: (Disaster) together. They definitely kept my atten- Concrete Waves: split CD tion. I felt like I was back at the Cathay de Grande. If you don’t know about the intricately intermingle into one ears’ calibration, I listened to this ten and pops. My copies are pretty worn Cathay, it was my Gilman back in the immense explosion of unstoppable times over two weeks, steeled my from being played so much. It was early-to-mid eighties in Hollywood. energy (think Husker Du, Leatherface, nerves, scrunched my face, and listened probably hard to compile all these songs With the name they have chosen, I and an entire regiment of Molotov cock- to Remedy from tip to tail. Nope. Didn’t because everybody has their favorites. I swear I was going to get to listen to tail-tossing seditionists). I swear to you, stick. –Todd (BYO) appreciate the effort and I think this is a some mediocre melodicore band. Loved this is one of the most life-altering audi- good listen. Go buy this before you to be proven wrong. I am a fan! tory experiences I’ve ever endured. So MASTER CONTROL: waste your money on Ebay on the orig- –Donofthedead (New Disorder) rise-up and meet the Manifesto Jukebox self-titled: CD inals. –Donofthedead (Beer City) challenge as soon as humanly possible. A self-described “combination of old- LO-LITE: Sidekicks: CD Your ears will be eternally grateful! school hip hop aesthetic, classic rock MDC: Dirty sounding hipster blues some- –Roger Moser, Jr. (BYO) (which I personally hear zilch of, thank- Now More Than Ever: CD where between Pussy Galore and Jon fully), and new wave blended with the The title says it all. In a time when self- Spencer Blues Explosion. The blues MANIFESTO JUKEBOX: methods of modern electronic produc- appointed messenger from God, John influence dominates the sound, which is Remedy: CD tion.” What that translates to is bass Ashcroft wants to rip our civil liberties a good thing. Better than most bands People mention Husker Du and drum-driven new wave that would be to shreds, Dick Cheney keeps trying to who do this stuff. –M.Avrg (Slovenly) Leatherface when bringing up thoroughly boring were it not for the use pad his bank account with the spoils of Manifesto Jukebox. I’d huck in a splot of robot voices throughout the entire Alaska, and Tom Ridge’s color-coded MANIFESTO JUKEBOX: of Jawbox. Someone even name disc. Don’t quite get the whole “fall of homeland security system tells us if it’s Remedy: CD dropped, Mush, Leatherface’s master- American culture” stuff, but the robot orange we’re totally fucked, we need I hate to sound redundant and cliched, piece. Fellow Razorcake creator, Sean, voices sure are cool. I’m a total sucker MDC. Beer City presents thirty-one but the first word that comes to mind walked in when I was giving this one of for robot voices. –Jimmy Alvarado hardcore anarcho-protest songs from when listening to Manifesto Jukebox is many listens and without making a joke, (www.hsarecords.com) the dark days of the evil empire that intense (as defined by Webster: “Having asked, “Is this Hot Water Music?” spawned the New New World Order. or exhibiting a distinctive feature to an Hmmm. Maybe me ears aren’t hearing MDC: Think of it as a hardcore time capsule extreme degree” and also “Deeply felt; things right. Yeah, the vocalist sounds Now More than Ever: CD from the ‘80s. But it’s not all “smash the profound.”). Manifesto Jukebox’s dis- like he’s sandpapered on vinyl. The gui- A greatest hits package that spans from state” and “kill the cop in yourself,” tinctive feature is their aural rage that’s tars can glisten and slice, but the tempos 1980-2000. Once formerly the Stains songs like “Deep in the Heart,” passionate, precise, and, yes, profound. all seem to be in the same range. All the based out of Texas, they changed their “Skinhead” and “Nazis Shouldn’t It’s most definitely pure punkrock songs fold into one another without a name when they found out there was a Drive” demonstrate a sense of humor kineticism in attitude, emotion, and whole bunch of distinction. Sure, it’s band with the same name in East LA. that MDC’s contemporaries couldn’t delivery (but thankfully without all of well played and they do a decent job of When they (with name changed) and match, paving the way for bands like the stylish and predictable bullshit sounding desperate and taking a couple DRI moved to SF, they became one of NOFX and Anti-Flag. MDC is one of antics that routinely permeate the twists and turns, but it just doesn’t grab the bands of the scene that broke out the few politically aware bands that punkrock airwaves today!). With this me, shake me, make me want to sing throughout the world. They were at the insist you take them seriously and endearing CD, my ears are appreciative- along, or make me want drink gasoline forefront in the early eighties with their reward those who do with passion, ly basking in an arousing assortment of from a bottle or lend a closer ear. To me, politically charged lyrics and brash intelligence, and humor. –Money sound that’s riveting, original, and it’s the difference between sterility and hardcore attack. Their first album, (Beer City) uplifting. Gravelly, anger-tinged vocals, organic explosion. Manifesto Jukebox Millions of Dead Cops, and the EP, jangly and urgent distortion-heavy gui- seem to be playing inside the craters Multi Death Corporations, was a must MELVINS, THE: tars, power-surge undercurrents of bass- that previous, better bands – bands that have at the time. I still pull those records Hostile Ambient Takeover: CD thumping splendor, and sporadic deaf- I’ve listened to and enjoyed for years on out to this day. It’s nice to hear many of Jeezusss!! The fuggin’ Melvins are a ening bursts of volcanic percussion all end – have cleared out. To check my the same songs here without the cracks bomb in the subway. Total sonic destruction, ear splitting guitars and rible, but HAS to end soon. And then I MUSIC/NINJA: 8-song EP: 7” band. What the fuck! Don’t kids nowa- drums to turn your brain to mush. The get CDs like this for review and I real- Although I’m not convinced that the days ever check to see if a band name best thing they’ve done lately, and oblit- ize how overly optimistic I was being! band themselves know if they should go has been used before? Shame on them! erates all the bands trying to stand in Moneen sounds like every other band for the minimalism and angularity of Has trying to be original just too hard? I their shadow. My year-old son can’t get that sounds like post-indie, post-punk, Wire (“My TV”), the stark moodiness guess so since the music is average enough of this disc. The future looks emo college rock hell. Allow me to of Joy Division (“Donny Donny”), or melodicore. As punk as you get if you bright. –M.Avrg (Ipecac) quote from the lyric sheet, “Awake, a straight-ahead lo-fi, primarily atonal, take the punk elements of Sum 41 dream of fate I cannot escape, now it’s Flipper-ish punk blasts (“A Cop, a mixed with Bracket. –Donofthedead MILES BETWEEN US: too late. Time dies in straight lines.” I Clown, and a Handgun” and “The (Static) self-titled: 7” could go on. I refuse to waste anymore Record Player and Me”), I’ll give them Hardcore, straight edge style. It even of my time describing this crap. (Please, this – everything about them sounds icy, NO USE FOR A NAME: says so on the disc label. Straight Todd and Sean, have pity on me!) If this cold, and brittle. Too arty to be robots, Hard Rock Bottom: CD edge… don’t you need a straight edge to were a cereal, it’d be stale Special K. A they go well out of their way mute all These guys have grown past me. I know chop and line up healthy gaggers of grown-up cereal we can all agree to harmonies and hooks. Just as I wouldn’t that the better you get as an musician, cocaine and/or speed? Hmm, I suppose hate! –Maddy (Smallman) like watching a flash-frozen dog thrown the songs need to be more challenging. not in this case. I’m guessing it means out of a skyscraper every day, on occa- I seem to like it the first listen through, the X’s-on-your-hands, singers-point- MOO-RAT FINGERS, THE: sion it’s interesting to see music shard, but quickly get bored afterwards. It’s ing-to-the-sky-while-singing kind of Actung Duschbag: 7” crash, and chunk apart instead of mere- real pleasing to the ears, but maybe a lit- straight edge. How silly of me to think Two versions each of two ‘77-style ly falling down, bouncing a couple tle to sanitary. I am a big fan of large, of honkers initially. And I hope that scorchers. I don’t know what they’re times, and becoming completely pulver- well produced recordings. My heart rate those are tofu burgers sizzling on the about. I wonder why they didn’t just put ized. Definitely not for everyone. Hell, just does not go into spasms over this. barbecue grill as pictured on the other four different songs on here but maybe definitely not for me most of the time, Don’t get me wrong, the guitars are side of this disc label, because if they they could only write two songs and but interesting nonetheless. –Todd crunchy, bass precise, drums punchy, ain’t, some pissed-off bovines are gonna with a name like Moo-Rat Fingers (Strandad Sjobuse) and vocals up-front without being over- come down and violently mule-kick all maybe they’re only seven years old and bearing. For me, good for an occasional your doors in until they find the offend- anyway it would work good in a juke- listen. Their fans will disregard what I NIXON NOW: U.C.P.: 7” ing parties… straight edge… good box because both songs rock and it Sloppy punk and roll on the A side with have to say. That is good anyway; it’s GAWD… –Designated Dale wouldn’t matter if you accidentally “U.C.P.” and a B side that sounded like better to have your own opinions. (Blatherskyte) played the wrong side or it would be the record skipping until I realized that –Donofthedead (Fat) good for a blind person, too. –Cuss it was the “song” titled “In a Loop.” MISS, THE: No Radio: CD Baxter (Big Neck) Nixon Now is a cool name for a band, NOFX: 45 or 46 Songs That Noisy rock band mines the gray area though, just as long as there’s plenty of Weren’t Good Enough to Go on between 100 Flowers and Jesus Lizard. MU330: Live... Oh Yeah!: CD thick, curvaceous go-go dancers to per- Our Other Records: 2xCD Results aren’t too bad. –Jimmy If you loves these guys and they never form with them. Shimmy, baby, shim- The title is self explanatory. Well, not Alvarado (Morphius) have come to your town, take a couple my! –Designated Dale (Fanboy) exactly. Some of these songs were on of hits of LSD and put this disc on. It their other records. –Donofthedead MONEEN: The Theory of will make you feel like you are there. NO ALTERNATIVE: (Fat) Harmonial Value: CD Enjoy! “I have never heard of them,” Now or Never: CD So, the other day I was riding my bike you say? Real quick answer, a group of I thought this was a repress or bootleg NUGGETS, THE: Are the and my thoughts turned to the whole guys who seem to have fun and who of San Francisco’s No Alternative circa Alchemists of Music: CD post-whatever, indie emo invasion. And play ska. –Donofthedead (Asian Man) (I think) 1979. I open this up and see a Neo-psych hippie pop. Includes a cover I was thinking about how, yes, it is hor- picture of three kids representing the of the Beatles’ “Run for Your Life.” It bored the shit outta me. Next. –Jimmy ambient wasteland of thematic jams and ways. –Jimmy Alvarado (On/On PRIESTS, THE: Alvarado (Sounds of Subterrania) non-moshable pure weight. Seems like Switch) Streetwalker: CD a great record to take drugs to, or to play Should I break it to them or should you? OFFBEATS: Dumb Looks Still and try to convince yourself you’re on PORNSTORE JANITOR: “The Makers already exist.” Free: CD drugs. I’m thinking of Robitussin, Porn Again: CD -Miss Namella J. Kim (Garage Pop) A retrospective of an old Cleveland specifically, but I’m not trying to tell Really good musical melding of the hardcore band that made the rounds dur- you what to do. I didn’t get any packag- Dwarves and early Poison Idea, but ing the years 1982-86. If you’re looking ing, so I can’t say who’s in it, but those their weak attempts and shock value are RANDY: Cheater: CDEP for comparisons, think Heart Attack Neurosis fellows have done some pretty unnecessary and boring. Damn good I can’t stand bands with good intentions covering Adrenaline OD. The later out-there shit lately and it’s on their thing they were smart enough not to but sound like they’re slowly putting a tracks are slower and poppier, but not in label and I tell you it fits. Ought to be a include a lyric sheet. –Jimmy Alvarado pole up the audience’s collective ass. a painful way. Good listen overall. soundtrack for something. –Cuss Baxter (Scooch Pooch) Randy is not one of them. With the –Jimmy Alvarado (Smog Veil) (Neurot) legions of Hives insta-fans, a quick way to test their grit is to ask ‘em about PRETTY GIRLS MAKE OXYMORON: Randy, ‘cause anyone up on Swedish- ONE TIME ANGELS: GRAVES: Good Health: CD fuckin’-rock will attest their ability to …Tricks and Dreams: CDEP Feed the Breed: CD I like this. It’s got that frenetic, about- This is a lot happier music than you slay some serious musical dragons. This is a six song offering from a to-pop-but-don’t-worry-everything’s- They go right to the rock’n’roll well- melodic rock band hailing from would expect to come from the surly under-control feel of At the Drive-In. looking guys in the pictures. That is, the spring and hearken back Chuck Berry California. I’m pretty sure that this is It’s complex but not confusing. They more than occasionally. I don’t want to Doug from Screw32 on vocals and gui- three almost identical group shots. don’t forget to always propel their songs Nothing wrong with that, really, just not parallel the Hives too much, but this EP tar. I have no reference point for this, forward to keep the ass a-wigglin’ and is sorta confusing, like the Hives’s Hate because it’s not the kind of music I ordi- the most interesting design they could the heads a-bobbin’. It’s also good have come up with, and I am somewhat To Say I Told You So three-song CDEP, narily listen to. The tempos are mid- because they don’t shy away from the which had two previously released paced but things pick up considerable in concerned that the members of this band occasional tantrum and use a synthesiz- cannot change the expressions on their tracks. Cheater contains a song off their the second half. The songs are definite- er in a way that doesn’t suck scrote. The last album, The Human Atom Bombs, ly well structured and the vocal hooks faces. Very catchy sing along Oi/street guitars scream down from far away punk, the songs are all set up so that I two songs off their CD single, I Don’t are smart and well placed. It might mountains and tackle each other, like Need Love, and the title song that’s also interest some people that Jesse Michaels envision circle pits during verses and head-butting rams. Solid, exciting, everyone singing along in a pile during on the newest Epitaph comp – so there’s sings backup vocals on this. The guitar repeated thuds. All the songs topple and only two songs exclusive to this release. work is also interesting. The fourth shows. (Well, yeah, that’s what hap- spin and shoot around constantly like a pened when I saw these guys.) Song origins aside, Randy plays crisp, song, “Two Steps to the Edge,” really perfect play on a really good pinball intentionally lo-fi recorded rock’n’roll grabbed me, as it has a sort of mod- Musically upbeat working class game (like Monster Mash). The female- anthems with pissed off lyrics and a that covers topics between straight-up meets-XTC feel to it. I’ll definitely put fronted vocals add to the texture, water- social consciousness (they’ve had this song on a mix tape this summer. I straight ahead rock and roll spine. –Rich shed the harmonies, and then sprays Mackin (GMM) tracks on AK Press comps) to just hav- would definitely recommend this to them back out so the album seems to be ing fun and hanging out. I like that fans of post-punk melodic rock. –Yemin dripping all around you like a fine mist they’re brash and not stodgy. I like the (Lookout) PIRHANAS: self-titled: CD when it’s on the stereo, permeating fact that they totally deny releasing a This, apparently, is a re-release of their everything it touches. Exciting stuff. ska 7” that is long out of print. Randy’s OXBOW: An Evil Heat: CD first album with tracks from a single and For what it’s worth, the bassist used to songs are so good that when co-creator A record that starts with a couple of a radio ad tacked on for good measure. be in the Murder City Devils. Sounds of this here magazine and I are listening songs of Beefheart-fronts-EyeHateGod The music is crazed, chaotic trash rock nothing like ‘em. –Todd (Lookout) to ‘em on his truck stereo after getting and then ambles off into kind of a noisy that causes headaches in all the right home, we’ll sit with the engine running until the song ends, then go about our get-thru-this-song lyrics from Portland SHRINKS, THE: (key lyricist Johnnie Walker and drums business. It just wouldn’t be right to of all places. They aren’t the most orig- My Minds Gone: 7” virtuosity Ben Swank) have added the leave a song half played. I mean, shit, inal songs, and it’s not the most original Super hot set of four Rip Off-styled organ, guitar, and sax accompaniment what do I have to do that’s so important sound. But it’s the first time I’ve heard mongolisms. All method, no message – of Oliver Henry, making the Soledad to mess with the magic of rock’n’roll? this style of music with this style of there’s something to be said for purity more concentric with their new sound Powerful good. –Todd (G-7) singing. And it works. I like it a lot, and of vision, and it’s “fuck, yeah!” –Cuss and direction. Don’t get me wrong, if I bet you will, too. –Money (TKO) Baxter (Radio) you’re a fan of the previous debut RETOX: Last Call: CD record of packed, solid white meat alba- Snappy hardcore that’s pretty strong in RITCHIE WHITES, THE: SHRINKS, THE: core blues, then you’re gonna be a big- ger fan than ever before with this here the music department with, judging Snitches Get Stitches: CD My Minds Gone: 7” from the song titles, a lyrical obsession Rock’n’roll in punk clothing. Not very Essentially this is the Trust Fund Babies new record. The oggity boogity keeps in with beer and weed. They’re astute riff thrilling. Sorry. –Jimmy Alvarado with Mundo (ex- Workin’ Stiffs) on the step with their rendition of Mississippi thieves, biting shit from everyone from (TKO) geetar. Killed By Death style punk on a Fred McDowwel’s “Break ‘Em Down” Rush to the Bad Brains, and they get hell bent search for a good time. Tightly and a curious revision of “Ain’t No away with it for the most part. –Jimmy RUNNER: The Goods: CD wound, but loose just the same. Like a Sunshine When She’s Gone.” Oh yeah, Alvarado (Malt Soda) I suspect Runner are a good garage band high strung paranoid crashing after a break it on down, sit on that porch, that recorded an album when they were weekend of white crosses. There’s an sweat your toxins out, and pray for RICHMOND SLUTS, THE: drunk and nobody was looking. –Rich extra unlisted track with a different death or rain… or both – just listen to Sweet Something b/w Sad City: Mackin (Sick Room) vocalist as well. –M.Avrg (Radio) this record, damn it. –Miss Namella J. Kim (Estrus) 7” Mid-tempo classic rock/punk that’s SEX SEX SEX: Like Crows on SOLEDAD BROTHERS, THE: SOLEDAD BROTHERS, THE: dancey and prances around. Sorta like the Slaughterhouse Fence: CD Steal Your Soul and Dare Your Steal Your Soul and Dare Your where the Dead Boys mixed darkness The Misfits decide to play Swedish Spirit To Move: CD and blood into slower songs like “Ain’t punk’n’roll and let a four-year-old write You don’t learn the blues, you have to Spirit to Move: CD It Fun,” these guys do with light and their lyrics. Throw away the lyric sheet live the blues to play the blues. I mean, Wanda snapped this up as soon as it got smoke, fluffed up with an organ and and rock out. –Jimmy Alvarado (NDN) learn all your lessons the hard way early in the house. Whenever I’d go in her shaker eggs. On a seemingly complete- on so you wise up on fools trying to office to get a rubber glove or some ly irrelevant note, their shaggy bowl, SHOOTER MCGAVIN: come up on you; eat, sleep, and shit in upholstery tacks I’d hear a snatch of it mousse-erect haircuts scare me, but Saving the Day: 7” places you never thought you would, and go, “nice Stones riff” or “I didn’t they do parallel the music – meticulous- These cats reminded me a tiny bit of learn to cry on cue, love your lover, know we had any Thorogood.” Finally, ly fucked up (messy/clean), and highly that one and only outfit known as The leave your lover, kill your lover for I got it back and found it to be a heapin stylized. Not a total Rolling Stones Other, yet come nowhere close. Skip leaving you, beg for money, have sex hot bowl of soul-funchin electric blues wannabe, either, but Mick Jagger’s and this and go track down The Other’s CD. for shelter, drink your sorrows, fight that ranges in intensity from sub-Gun Keith Richards’ soundprints are all over Trust me on this. Depending on your your way out of a bar, eat your weight in Club through Doo Rag and on out to this, too. Pretty good. –Todd (Disaster) sex, you’ll either be pitching a tent or humble pie, then pick up a guitar and let Immortal Lee County. If you were tap- getting wet as a mop upon hearing The it all out. Yeah that’s a lot like this ing it for car listening, there’s not one RIFFS, THE: Other. Sorry, guys, this just don’t do it record. If you liked the first Soledad song you would leave off. –Cuss Baxter Dead End Dreams: CD for me. –Designated Dale release, it just keeps getting better with (Estrus) I can’t believe how quickly I warmed to ([email protected]) this latest offering. It sways with more this record and how good some of these rock’n’roll and (good, old) country with SONGS FOR EMMA: Red Lies songs are. It’s a weird blend of hooky a heavy nod to seventies gospel/coun- and Black Rhymes: CD guitars and I’m-so-fucked-up-let-me- try-tinged Rolling Stones. The Brothers Have to give them credit for not being histrionic. There’s nothing bad about pers muted. Revolution to dance to? smoggy summer weekday, Spontaneous myself at a reasonable price. They were this CD, per se, other than the music is Give me something new to shake my Disgust come along and do away with also on the No Borders comp that far too restrained. This is a tad disturb- ass to like the GC5, Strike Anywhere, or all the depression I find I suffer from Suburban Home put out awhile back. ing to me, since I’m so predisposed to Dillinger Four. –Todd (Broken Rekids) after a long day’s review session. While By chance you do come across a copy, like these guys. Here are the reasons I I find no clunker on this woefully too pick it up quick! First track, titled “Jo thought I’d like them more than I do. 1.) SPAZZ: Sweatin’ 3: Skatin’, short “concept record,” I will admit that Anny Ta,” blazes so fast you feel like a They’re named after Emma Goldman, Satan & Katon: CD I found “The Punk Rock Air Supply,” “I diesel truck almost ran you over. Lyrics the lady who said, “If you can’t bowl They’ve stretched their back catalog to Promise to Wring Your Neck,” “Weepy are assumedly sung in English which is while doing it, I don’t want to be part of three volumes?!?!? Jeezus... Maybe this Boy Band Cannon Fodder,” and badly translated from Japanese. I your revolution.” Or something of that is the final installment. Who knows. “Sometimes I Wish Someone Would Hit always love that. Musically, they are essence. Just fill in what you really like Okay, if you missed out when these Me Repeatedly In the Head with a heavy in every conceivable way. For to do. 2.) The vocalist and lyricist, records were originally available, here’s Hammer So I Could Relate to Piebald” those who love Japcore, you know what Tommy Strange, and the drummer, Dian your chance to catch up, or catch on. to be the most satisfying tracks here, to expect. I need to get off the computer Glaub, are both from Strawman (RIP), Sixty-seven cuts taken from nineteen skillfully blending rockin’ tuneage with so I can scream into the speakers. who I liked quite a bit. Tommy sounds a records of various sizes. Power-vio- acerbic wit to produce some of the most –Donofthedead (Badman) lot like Leatherface’s Frankie Stubbs – lence legends influenced from power- satisfying punk-related music in easily like he flosses with burlap and huffs violence originators like Man Is The two decades. If you’re already a fan, STYLEX: smoke directly from a factory chimney. Bastard and Crossed Out. One of the consider this mandatory. If you’ve Wonder Program: CD 3.) The lyrics are pretty darn good. few good bands from the past decade. never heard them, get your head out of Some pretty good synth-heavy spazz They’re compassionate, well crafted –M.Avrg (Slap A Ham) yer ass already. Either way, snatch this rock here. At their heaviest, they’re and well thought out. They read like up if you spot it, ‘cause there’s suppos- slightly reminiscent of Phantom Limbs stand-alone poems that don’t suck. The SPITFIRES, THE: Three: CD edly a grand total of 127 copies out on Prozac, which is to say they’re less trouble I have is that the music seems Okay. I don’t ask for a lot. The require- there and I guarantee the ebay thieves gloomy and not as intense. Not too secondary to the lyrics. The lyrics are ments for being called “punk” are not as are gonna be making a killing offa this shabby, considering I expected this to delivered so deadpan and so up front, difficult as many make them out to be. I in just a few months time. –Jimmy suck big time. –Jimmy Alvarado that the music itself sounds constrained, think that if a band gets interviewed on Alvarado (address illegible) (Friction) cobbled, and labored when they kick in. MTV of their own volition, they are not It’s readily apparent in “Voice of a punk band. Does this mean Green Day STOMPEDE: self-titled: 7” SUGAR SKULLS: Barcelona,” which starts out feisty and isn’t punk anymore? Yes. Does this Japanese HC + Pushead artwork + col- The Waking Hour: CD rollicking, then downshifts and chugs to mean that Spitfires aren’t a punk band? ored vinyl = collectible ebay bait. This Every time I hear the first (title) track, I match the mid-pace vocal pattern. There Yes. Come on, haven’t you heard “MTV band from Tokyo features Pushead art- want to say it sounds exactly like (LA’s) are so few places in the songs with true Get off the Air”? Send this to Spin or work over red vinyl with blue and white X, but as the rest of the business flows breathing room or ignition. As a matter something, dude. Oh, and while I am it, splatters. Five tracks of intensely sweet past me, I have to eat that thought (it’s of fact, my favorite snatches on this CD fuck press kits. This is General Mills Japcore. I see people sweating, salivat- okay; it tastes like Lucky Charms). Boy are the beginnings of songs and the test marketing or something. I don’t ing already. Many of you collector singer and girl singer weave a harmonic bridges between choruses when gui- know. Who needs it? –Maddy nerds out there might recognize this cat’s cradle over bouncy-but-not-frantic tarist Mike Millet is allowed to zing (Longshot/Scratch) band. They were featured on Pushead’s instrumentation – instrumentation around, but my overall ear for Red Lies Bacteria Sour comps series Volume 2 which often includes a small horn sec- and Black Rhymes is that it’s running SPONTANEOUS DISGUST: (both versions) and Volume 3. Those tion that lends texture rather than assert- with the parking brake on, that it inten- comps were so hard to get just because ing itself as horn section per se. There’s tionally keeps all the tempos in first or Emo Love Fest: 7” These guys just keep cranking them hits Pushead’s name was on it. I did manage at least one cussword if that’s your cri- second gear, and all screams and whis- out! Like a breath of fresh air on a hot, to get the two versions of Volume 2 for teria, but mostly it’s just a charming, sometimes pretty, mid tempo listening TEENAGE REJECTS: “A” and “F.” Musically and vocally, the words and confusing artshit to continue pleasure. –Cuss Baxter (BAK) Teenage Trash, Vol. 2: 7” AFI reference is stronger but the ideol- on a unique path, one that I’m happy to Rock and fucking roll! The Teenage ogy is more Anti-Flag. Solid production listen to over and over again. Included SUPER CHINCHILLA Rejects are proving that Wisconsin is in line with both bands referenced. The are two songs that aren’t on their highly RESCUE MISSION / the capital of rock and roll (seriously!) songs are darn right catchy. Promoted recommended CD, The Citizen BOTTLE DIRT: Split 7” with this super great record! Fast rock right, this band should achieve a follow- Abortion: “Run From Love” and “Birds Super Chinchilla Rescue Mission: I and roll (think: Rip Off Records style) ing similar to the referenced bands. I in Catsuits.” The Ragin’ Hormones – if swear by these guys. They’re another and the cover art for the record looks so was quite pleased with what was pre- Chuck Berry was dead, this would be new-ish band that hasn’t written a bad damn cool! Plus this record features the sented to me. –Donofthedead (A-F) like watching a band piss in his mouth song yet and continues to improve. If the Wisconsin punk classic “We Don’t Like at the funeral. So awful I don’t even name throws you, don’t let it. The band You,” one of the best songs to come TOTIMOSHI: Mysterioso: CD want to comment on it. –Todd doesn’t dress in matching Chinchilla outta the Midwest in quite some time! If Some more swell noise from these guys. (Stardumb) suits with capes while occupying their you like rock and roll, you need this Imagine High on Fire covering time saving cats from trees. As a matter record! If this were a cereal, it’d be Nirvana’s Bleach and you ain’t too far of fact, they’re gimmickless. If you Corn Pops! All right, bay-bee! –Maddy outta the ballpark. Just the right amount TRISTEZA: self-titled: 12” enjoy the tightly-revved inner smolder of (Alien Snatch) of volume to be rockin’, the right The sound floats into the air and hangs Leatherface, the heat blast of Panthro amount of derivation to be familiar and as all these elements float about and UK United 13, the earnest, evocative TEMPLARS: Reconquista: CD the right amount of originality to be build upon one another. At times the lyrics of Tiltwheel, or just enjoy A collection of tracks from assorted worth listening to. –Jimmy Alvarado compositions seem repetitious, but lis- stripped-of-artifice punk rock that’s as splits and comps from this venerable (Berserker) ten closer and you’ll discover many lay- satisfying to yell along to as read along skinhead band. I’ve made no attempt to ers under the surface. Brass and wood- with, I recommend this without reserva- hide my disdain for most modern skin- TOYS THAT KILL / winds snaking about, guitars skittering tion. It’s top notch it-ain’t-all-been-done- head music, especially that of the THE RAGIN’ HORMONES: 7” through fluid-like bass lines and before punk rock. Just straight ahead, American variety, but the Templars Toys That Kill have yet to disappoint. swoops. Ambient music that can be densely played, amazingly well written have always been kinda the exception to They’re stealthy. If you listen with a quiet and loud all at once. The drum- tunes, from lyrics, to guitars intertwin- the rule for me. Their sound seems just lazy ear, they may sound merely spastic, ming can be subdued while a baritone ing, to drum and bass interlock. These as authentic (for lack of a better word) a little retarded, but with repeated lis- sax borders on skronk, and in the back- two songs are as good a reason as any to as anything put out in the “golden age” tens – as opposed to bands like The ground you can hear the sound of space. buy a turntable. Bottle Dirt: It is truly of oi, and they seem to truly believe Vandals and Guttermouth who revel in –M.Avrg (Gravity) strange to hear a Japanese band sound what they happen to be on about at any being booger-eatin’ morons with cryo- like they’re from Midwest. Stranger yet moment, which is more than can be said genically frozen minds of twelve-year- UNDISPUTED HEAVY is the vocalist seems to be borrowing for much of the other bands pushing olds – their smartypants quotient WEIGHT CHAMPIONS: directly from the Replacements’ Paul similar wares. Recommended. –Jimmy becomes apparent. Their songs never Stay Down: CD Westerberg’s throat while the rest of the Alvarado (GMM/Victory) lull, stutter step, or miscalculate. I can Sometimes I wonder if my trying to band rifles through and punches early hear flashes and snaps of Cheap Trick, trade in crappy CDs like this for better ‘Mats subject matter straight in the arm. THOUGHT RIOT: Shattered Psychedelic Furs, and “I know that ones might be ruining my reputation. I (i.e.: “We are still drinking though our song”-ness amplified, messed with, and mean sure, I’m a reviewer and all, but I bodybags are ready.”) The good news is Mirror Syndrome: CD It’s kinda of ironic to me that this band groomed in their own style. I’m not say- would imagine most would think I will- that they don’t do a complete carbon ing they’re geniuses, but the lyrics and ingly sought out this unholy garbage. copy, pen in some mighty catchy hooks is on A-F Records. The first two songs, I thought they sounded like Anti-Flag music combined reinforce the idea that Last time I went in to trade, I coulda of their own, and deliver two excellent this is, indeed, a band that doesn’t have swore the guy behind the counter songs. –Todd (Snuffy Smile) and AFI. See the irony? They need to change their name to incorporate the to be flashy and doesn’t have to use big looked at me kinda funny as he flipped through the eighteenth emo CD I inad- these ears. Their angst is truly felt Wipers are a force to reckon with. Greg YESTERDAY’S KIDS: vertently picked up outta the review through the music. This is their second Sage is amazing on guitar, and it’s his Can’t Hear Nothin’: CD pile. Maybe I should just stop trying to full length and is every bit as good as style that really gives this band the Yesterday’s Kids is an amazing pop trade ‘em in and go back to giving out their first. Worthy of a notice. edge, not to mention the impassioned band. Yes, that’s right. A pop band in the as Christmas presents to people who –Donofthedead (Beer City) vocals that tell tales of paranoia, loneli- pages of Razorcake! Maybe you could owe me money and chucking them at ness, and alienation. This three CD set say that there’s some sort of punk influ- annoying pigeons like I used to. Oh VINCENTS, THE/IGNITERS, contains their first three LPs (Is This ence, and maybe there is a sorta Sweet yeah, this disc sucked pretty hard. THE: Split 7” Real?, Youth of America, and Over the Baby, Mr. T Experience thing going on –Jimmy Alvarado (Undisputed The Vincents do a hard rock, Stooges- Edge, as well as outtakes, some unre- at times. But these boys were raised on Heavyweight Champions) influenced thing that didn’t strike me leased, liner notes, and rejected cover good, classic oldies. Beatles and one way or the other. Maybe I’m just art. Not to be missed. Seriously, once Herman’s Hermits records, oh yeah! If VARIOUS ARTISTS: Home on burned out on that stuff right now. The you hear this, the Wipers will be one of you aren’t a total punk asshole, and if Igniters were an awful, slow, metal- your favorite bands. No hype, just the you love sixties pop, you will like this the Range Volume 1: CD truth. –M.Avrg (Zeno) A Midwest comp with twelve more influenced dirge of dookie! If this split band! Unfortunately, I found some bands that ain’t worth the trouble it took were a cereal, it’d be Corn Flakes (okay aspects of the recording a little annoy- to listen to ‘em. Apparently limited to cereal, nothing I ever buy these days) X: At Home With You: CD ing – too many instruments, too much 1,000, which is about the best thing I and All Bran (from a cereal scene I am Nice piece of work here. This is the sec- stuff goin’ on. But the songs are still can say about this. –Jimmy Alvarado definitely NOT into). –Maddy ond (?) album from the Australian band there. And it’s not just my Wisconsin (Bingo Lady Record Collective) (Diaphragm) with claims to this name and not the Los pride speakin’. Yesterday’s Kids really Angeles band. While just as primal as should take over the world! And while VARIOUS ARTISTS: VIRUS, THE: their first album, this has somehow got you’re at it, pick up their CDEP on Nearvana: CD Nowhere to Hide: CD a more refined feel to it, almost like Panic Button, Everything Used to be Oh, hey, look – it’s a Nirvana covers Spiky-headed English-inspired hard- what Birthday Party would’ve been had Better. If this were a cereal, it’d be CD. Nirvana completists will probably core, kinda like GBH with the singer they been more rockin’. –Jimmy Frosted Flakes! A classic treat for you want this. If you want mine, drive over from Voodoo Glow Skulls handling Alvarado (Morphius) and yours! –Maddy (Panic Button) to the front of my place and honk – I’ll vocal duties. Not very original or any- come out and throw it at you (not TO thing, but in a world littered with suck- YACOPSAE: YOUNG AND THE USELESS, you – AT you). Why? Because you ass bands like Total Chaos and the Einstweilige Vernichtung: CD THE: A Smile Is No Good for wasted some high-priced gasoline to Casualties, this is a welcome change of Gawd, this five inch aluminum disc Me: CD drive over here for nothing, except for a pace. –Jimmy Alvarado (Punkcore) contains the blasting power of an A- The lyrics and vocals are kinda emo-ish. jewelcase-sized dent on the side of your bomb! Faster than what would seem Insert a tear here. The music does tend vehicle. Shame on you for even consid- WATCH IT BURN/ TILT- physically possible, they’re super tight to get tedious at times but breaks out at ering it. –Designated Dale (Tinnitus) WHEEL: Twice the Dose: CD as well. Unbelievable. The instruments points when they start playing fast. Writing for Razorcake, I knew it was sound rickety and dirty, perhaps it’s But... Attention not there... Fighting VARIOUS ARTISTS: only a matter of time before Todd sent from how the band mercilessly throttles urge to push stop button... Must listen to some Tiltwheel my way. Watch it Burn Ramones Forever: CD ‘em in every single song. But that’s whole disc... I have failed... - An international compilation wherein is all right, but these three Tiltwheel good, as the power of their music is Donofthedead (Thorp) bands from all over the map mangle songs are makin’ me want more and often found in the rawness and urgent more! Think Jawbreaker or the approach. Not one song close to a Ramones songs. Most of the tracks Shitloads more new blow sheep (unless techno versions of “I Dillinger Four. Lyrics like, “I’m finding minute long. Many not even thirty sec- solace in broken things like wind- onds. –M.Avrg (Slap A Ham) record reviews are at Wanna Be Sedated” and www.razorcake.com “Psychotherapy” are your cup of tea), shields, bottles, hopes and dreams,” and the remainder leave little doubt that with great mid-tempo punk rock. Plus, Belgium should be wiped off the face of in Todd’s interview with Tiltwheel the earth. As far as “tributes” go, maybe (available on the Razorcake web-page!) they should’ve just walked up to the lead singer Davey says great things like, remaining Ramones and kick each of “OK. You go into a bar and you just ‘em square in the balls. That would’ve want to get mangled. I do this. I always been much less painful than having tell the bartender straight off, ‘Here’s one’s name attached to this abomina- the deal. I’m fucking depressed. I’m tion. Oh, wait, Marky was involved in pissed off. Something’s going to this. Guess he really, really needed the break.’” Or “I like a lot of country money. –Jimmy Alvarado (Radical) music and I don’t really see a difference between country music, blues, and punk rock. I think punk rock is blues. It’s the VELVET TEEN, THE: natural progression from blues, from Immortality: 7” sitting on a porch, trouble on your mind Lured by the purty picture disk, I was and you’re a long ways away from punished by listening to something that, home, that’s what blues is all about. To by comparison, made the Carpenters me, that’s punk rock. So, that’s country sound as heavy as Slayer or Enya as fast music, too.” My thoughts exactly! So, if as Bad Brains. Even if I were a four- you haven’t already heard Tiltwheel, teen-year-old girl wearing nothing but a maybe this isn’t the best place to start, Slinky, I’d still think I could kick all but start somewhere! If this were a cere- these guys asses and bitch slap ‘em with al, it’d be just one bite of Fruit Loops! I their own arms, but they’d probably want more! –Maddy (ADD) start playing and I’d fall asleep. Fuck you all, you triangle-tinkling Tylenol PM of a band. I’ve read children’s sto- WHORE DADDY-OHS: Kill ries more threatening. –Todd Your Stepdad: 7” (Pandacide) Goofball punk, sorta like the Skudz without the drive. “John Lennon Sucks VERY METAL: (As a Roommate)” warranted a chuckle, Hit and Run: CD although on the whole it wasn’t all that Stop on the dime St. Louis outfit that impressive. –Jimmy Alvarado (nigel- plays music that is a mixture of [email protected]) Motorhead meets Discharge, leaning a little more in the metal spectrum. The WIPERS, THE: name of the band should have given that Box Set: 3 x CD point away. The lyrics are more on a The Wipers were (are?) an incredible personal view of what disturbs them. band. They transcend all musical cate- The production is tight, not overblown gorization. Punk, rock, psychedelia, to make it sugar coated. It is balanced country, etc. They mix up the music and and the energy level is in the red. The create their own rich sound. Anyone sound is pummeling yet pleasing to who has heard this band will agree, the Contact Addresses to bands and labels that were reviewed either in this issue or posted on www.razorcake.com in the last two months • 1-2-3-4 Go!!!, 716B 47th St. NE, Seattle, • Disturbing, 3238 S. Racine, Chicago, IL 60608 WA 98105 • Diwphalanx, 2-3 Kanda Awajichou, • On/On Switch, 780 Post Street, SF, CA 94109 • Adeline, 5245 College Ave. #318, Oakland, Chiyoda-Ku, Tokyo 101-0063, Japan • One Take, Lehmkaul 19, 66822 Lebach, CA 94618 • Dragstrip 77; Germany; • A-F, PO Box 71226, Pittsburgh, PA 15213 • EKG, 1118 Walnut Unit H, • Pandacide, PO Box 2774, Petaluma, CA 94952 • Alien Snatch, Morikeweg 1, 74199 Santa Ana, CA 92701 • Panic Button, 3264 Adeline St., Berkeley, Untergruppenbach, Germany • Elastic, PO Box 17598, Anaheim, CA CA 94703 • Alternative Tentacles, PO Box 419092, • Empty, PO Box 12034, Seattle, WA 98122 • Pop Sweatshop, 2103 Harrison Ave NW, SF, CA 94141-9092 • Estrus, PO Box 2125, Bellingham, WA 98227 Suite #2, Olympia, WA 98502 • Angry Planet, PO Box 141092, Dallas, • Excursion, PO Box 20224, Seattle, WA 98102 • Punkcore, PO Box 916, Middle Island, TX 75214; • Family Vineyard, PO Box 2161, Bloomington NY 11953 • Anti-/Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Blvd., IN 47402 • Radical, 77 Bleeker Street, NY, NY 10012 LA, CA 90026 • Fanboy, Weidenallee 29, D-20357 Hamburg, • Radio, PO Box 1452, Sonoma, CA 95476 • Apparatus Engine, PO Box 768, Downington, Germany; • Reptilian, 403 S. Broadway, PA 19335; • Farewell, c/o Micha Meyer, Gustav Freytag Str. Baltimore, MD 21231 • Arkam’s Black Owl Records, 3000 County Rd. 18, 47057, Duisburg, Germany • Revelation, PO Box 5232, 10, Florence, AL 35633 • Fat Wreck Chords, PO Box 193690, SF, Huntington Beach, CA 92615 • Asian Man, PO Box 35585, Monte Sereno, CA 94119-3690 • Rode to Ruin, PO Box 23409, CA 95030 • Fiend Music, PO Box 41470, LA, CA 90041; Santa Barbara, CA 93101 • Attention Deficit Disorder, PO Box 8240, • Rodent Popsicle, PO Box 1143, Tampa, FL 33674; • File 13, PO Box 2302, Philadelphia, PA 19103; Boston, MA 02134 • AVD, 8370 W. Cheyenne, Box 109-22, • Rollin’ Rock, 2460 Casey Dr., Las Vegas, NV 89129 • Free Style, PO Box 85364, Seattle, WA 98145 Las Vegas, NV 89120 • Bad Taste, PO Box 1243, S-221 O5 • Friction, PO Box 6605, Grand Rapids, • S&M, 800 Monterey Ave. #201, Lund, Sweden MI 49516 Morro Bay, CA 93442 • Badman c/o Martin Cesky, Nebrehovice 7, • G7 Welcoming Committee, PO Box 27006, 360 • Scooch Pooch, 5850 W. 3rd St. #209, 38601 Strakonice, Czech Republic Main Street Concourse, Winnipeg, MB R3C 4T3, LA, CA 90036 • BAK, 870 N. Woodstock St., Philadelphia, PA Canada • Scratch, 726 Richards Street, Vancouver, 19130; • Garage Pop, PO Box 8803, Rochester, NY B.C. V6B 3A4, Canada • Barse 77 c/o Liam Brown, 5 Pentlands Terrace, 14618; • SDZ, c/o N. Mugnier, 12 Av. Du Parc, South Stanley, Co. Durham, DH9 6QJ, England • Gearhead, PO Box 421219, SF, CA 94142 92170 Vanves, France • Beer City, PO Box 26035, Milwaukee, • Ghoultown; • Sick Room, PO Box 47830, Chicago, IL 60647 WI 53226 • GMM, PO Box 15234, Atlanta, GA 30333 • Slap A Ham, PO Box 7337, Alhambra, • Berserker, 411 S. Impala Dr., • Gravity, PO Box 81332, San Diego, CA 92138; CA 91802-7337 Fort Collins, CO 80521 • Slovenly, PO Box 204, Reno, NV 89504 • Big Lizard, PO Box 72946, • In The Red, 1118 W. Magnolia Blvd, PO Box • Slow Gold Zebra, PO Box 20506 NY, NY Las Vegas, NV 89170 208, Burbank, CA 91506 10009; • Big Neck, PO Box 8144, Reston, VA 20195 • Ipecac, PO Box 1197, Alameda, CA 94501; • Smallman, PO Box 352, 905 Corydon Ave., • Bingo Lady Record Collective, 119 N. Winnipeg, Manitoba, R3M 3V3, Canada Broadway, Billings, MT 59101 • Jade Tree, 2310 Kennwynn Rd, Wilmington, • Smog Veil, 774 Mays #10-454, Incline Village, • Blasting Agents, 509 Caswell, Belvidere, DE 19810; NV 89451; IL 61008 • Johanns Face, 1624 W. Columbia Apt #1S, • Snuffy Smile, 4-1-16-201 Daita, Setagaya, • Blatherskyte, PO Box 40088 Rochester Chicago, IL 60626 Tokyo 155-0033, Japan NY 14604 • Junk, 7071 Warner Ave. F, PMB 736, • Soul Is Cheap, PO Box 11552, • Blowback; Huntington Beach, CA 92647-5495 Memphis, TN 38111 • Bomp/Disaster/Alive/Total Energy, PO Box • Know, PO Box 90579, Longbeach, CA 90809; • Sounds of Subterrania, PO Box 103662, 7112, Burbank, CA 91510 34036, Kessel, Germany • Boss Tuneage, PO Box 74, Sandy, Bedfordshire, • KOB, Via Cantarane, 63/C, I-37129, • Stardumb, PO Box 21145, 3001 AC Rotterdam, SG19 2WB, UK Verona, Italy The Netherlands; • Braindart, 1159 Midpine Ave., San Jose, • Last Place, 2076 W. Strasburg Rd., Coatesville, • Static, 17215 Mack Ave, Detroit, MI 48224 CA 95122 PA 19320; • Strandad Sjobuse, c/o Fredrik Svensson, • Brazen Hussies; • Lobster, PO Box 1473, Santa Barbara, CA Höders Väg 2, S-611 50 Nykoping, Sweden 93102; • SubPop, PO Box 20645, Seattle, WA 98102 • Broken Rekids, PO Box 460403, SF, CA 94146- • Lookout, 3264 Adeline St., Berkeley, • Team Emu; 0402; CA 94703; • Thick, 409 N Wolcott Ave, Chicago, IL 60622 • BRYCCHouse, 1055 Bardstown Rd., • Los Fastidios; • Thorp, PO Box 2007, Upper Darby, PA 19082 Louisville, KY 40204 • Mad Butcher, Bergfeldstr. 3, 34289 Zierenberg, • Tinnitus, 250 Napolean St. Ste K, SF, CA • BYO, PO Box 67609, LA, CA 90067; Germany 94124; • Malt Soda, PO Box 7611, Chandler, AZ 85246 • TKO, 3126 W. Cary St. #303, Richmond, VA • C/Z, 4756 U. Village Pl. N.E. #469, Seattle, WA • Manic, PO Box 667, Huntington Beach, 23221; 98105; CA 92648 • Tom Perkins Entertainment, PO Box 970936, • Captain Oi!, c/o PO Box 501, High Wycombe, • Mock Orange, 5222 East Esche, Newburgh, Ypsilanti, MI 48197 Bucks, HP 10 8QA, England IN 47630 • Touch and Go, PO Box 25520, • Cheetah’s, PO Box 4442, Berkeley, CA 94704 • Morphius, PO Box 13474, Baltimore, Chicago, IL 60625 • Cochebomba, PO Box 546, Randolph, MD 21203 • Triple Crown, 331 West 57th St #472, NY, NY MA 02368 • Mortville, PO Box 4268, Austin, TX 78765; 10019; • Curse, The; • Turbo A.C.’s, The, PO Box 20691 PABT, NY, • Demolition Derby, PB 4005, 2800 Mechelen 4, • MuSick, PO Box 1757, Burbank, CA 91507 NY 10129; Belgium • Nation of Kids, 804 Stevens Ave., • Twenty Stone Blatt, PO Box 14911, • Destroy All Records, 3818 Sunset Blvd., Huntsville, AL 35801 Grangemouth, FK3 8WA, Scotland LA, CA 90026 • NDN, PO Box 131471, The Woodlands, • Undisputed Heavyweight Champions, 2226 • Diaphragm, PO Box 10388, Columbus, TX 77393-1471 Eastlake Avenue E #91, Seattle, WA 98102 OH 43201 • Neurot; • Unity Squad, PO Box 1235, Huntington Beach, • Die Slaughterhaus, 2373 Fenhurst Pl., Atlanta, • New Audio Terror, PO Box 8024, CA 92647 GA 30338; Minneapolis, MN 55408 • Your Funeral, 706-501 Pacific St., • Dionysus, PO Box 1975, Burbank, CA 91507 • New Disorder, 115 Bartlett, SF, CA 94110 Vancouver, BC, Canada V6Z 2X6 • Dirtnap, PO Box 21249, Seattle, WA 98111 • No Idea, PO Box 14636, Gainesville, FL 32604; • Zeno, PO Box 97281, Phoenix, AZ 85060 • Dischord, 3819 Beecher St., NW Washington, DC 20007 • Noma Beach, PO Box 735, Sonoma, CA 95476; ARISE!, #1, $1 (free in Minneapolis), everyday internal struggles, the you by Drunken Master. It’s good, 8 ½ x 11, newsprint, 32 pgs. pained uncertainties of life and it’s good. Check it out. –Bradley I don’t know why I thought this death, greed, corruption, govern- Williams (Lost Dog Press, PO Box would be a real fish-wrapper of a mental bureaucracy, positive self- 51033, Pasadena, CA 91115; zine. I guess because so many peo- esteem, earnest servitude to the ) ple who work at the Arise! book- Hare Krishna faith, individuality, store and info shop handed me their insanity, turmoil, confusion, and DUNK AND PISS: #7, $1, pocket zine when I was there, and I’m the general unnerving chaos that sized, photocopied, 62 pgs. always skeptical of free zines. But I life often relentlessly spews into ?How could this be? Are my eyes was wrong. This zine rocks. It’s full our unsuspecting faces. Although playing tricks on me? I could have of well-written articles about police this particular lil’ periodical obvi- sworn that this zine was called brutality, protests, DIY democracy, ously lacks humor and although DRunk and Piss!? Holy shit I have the story of the Arise! collective, some of the content is blatantly too lost it! What the hell? Shit! Alex, I global economics, and so on. dark and politically correct for my am sorry for that. I’ll owe you a Perhaps the most impressive thing obnoxiously inebriated tastes, it’s few rounds at some hole-in-the- about this zine was their coverage still a thought-provoking and gut- wall bar if and when I meet you. of the Palestine/ Isreali conflict. It’s wrenching read which will defi- Now, if I have not damaged my a thoroughly researched collection nitely get the ol’ brain cells to exer- integrity too much, by f-n’ up the of passages from several different cising. –Roger Moser, Jr. title of this fine zine, let me say that Send all zines for review to books about Palestine and Isreal. (CounterIntelligence, 755 Douhet Dunk and Piss serves the purpose Razorcake, PO Box 42129, Together, these passages give a Drive, Unit #46, Barksdale AFB, once again. Scratchy comics, good detailed history of the conflict and LA 71110-2429; stories on the trip-ups of the LA, CA 90042. Please a broad view of the Palestinian per- [email protected]) younger years, reviews, and much include a contact address, the spective. I ended up reading this more. Plus it fits in your pocket yo! number of pages, the price, zine cover to cover, and I recom- DOWN IN FLAMES, $3 -Bradley Williams (Dunk and Piss, and whether or not you mend not only sending these folks Jimmy Reject, ex-member of the 11 Alger Dr., Rochester, NY accept trades. a buck to check out their writing, Dimestore Haloes and a really big 14624) but I also recommend swinging by GG Allin fan, writes his punk rock the bookstore the next time you’re life story. Peeing on Donny the FRESH RAG, #3, $2 in Minneapolis. –Sean (Arise!, Punk, briefly joining a “fascistic art If punk rock and roll (a la Devil 2441 Lyndale Ave. S, Minneapolis, band,” smoking A LOT of weed, Dogs) is your thing, you might MN 55405) meeting Mykel Board, hallucinat- wanna get yourself a copy of the ing and thinking he’s Satan, then latest Fresh Rag. Interviews with ASSASSIN AND THE WHINER, Jesus… Jimmy has quite the story the Hellbenders, Lazy Cowgirls, #14, $1, 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied to tell! Never boring! Here’s a sam- and Adam West, articles on AC/DC I’m sure a lot of you have heard of ple, “As I persevered through the and GNR from the always excel- this zine before. If you haven’t, blazing days and soothing nights, lent Josh Rutledge, show, movie, Assassin and the Whiner is a comic more psychic revelations came to record, book, and zine reviews, book with stories about the life of me. My defunct garage band the plus a CD straight outta Steve Carrie. This issue is pretty dark – Dismal Serenade had recordings (King of Rock and Roll) Baise’s lots of stuff on depression, anger, (made secretly by a CIA surveil- studio (with tracks by D4 (not feeling asexual, alcoholism… read- lance van parked outside the Dillinger Four), Dirty Fingers, ing this was a little uncomfortable. O’Keefe garage) that were climb- Bombpops, Tinglers, Jet Boys, and But there’s also some humor ing the charts. The cover of these Nancy & the Knockers. Rock and thrown in – plus a pretty great strip singles had an actor portraying me, roll! –Maddy (Holly, 816 Baldwin about buying a bra for the first time giving a limp wrist gesture in front Ave. #1, Norfolk, VA 23517) after discovering saggy breasts. of a banner of a swastika. A gay (Ack! Why are women cursed with nazi. That’s how the public per- FILM GEEK, #7, such matters?! May it never happen ceived me. Fuck ‘em all. I was $1, 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied, 28 pgs. to me!) Plus, the drawing is usually famous.” How could you NOT In a very pure sense, Film Geek is really good. If you haven’t read this want to read this? –Maddy (Jimmy what a zine should be: a photo- already, give it a try! –Maddy Reject, 115 W. Squantum St. #203, copied collection of stuff written (Carrie McNinch, PO Box 481051, Quincy, MA 02171) by people who have a genuine Los Angeles, CA 90048-9651) enthusiasm for something that oth- DRUNKEN MASTER: erwise would never be covered in COUNTERINTELLIGENCE, Unwanted Dead or Alive #6, $2.95, print. In the case of Film Geek, the #1, free (but definitely toss him a 8¼ X 10¾, color cover, offset, genuine enthusiasm is geared buck or a couple of stamps to cover thick stock, 48 pgs. towards B-movies. Personally, I postage), 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied, 38 pgs. Aside from being a kick-ass haven’t kept up with B-movies The inaugural issue of this wordy, painter, photographer, comic strip since Creature Feature went off the yet deeply profound, zine is appro- artist, story teller, and all-around air about twenty years ago, but the priately subtitled “An Outlet for bad-mofo – Kiyoshi Nakazawa writers of this zine are so gung-ho, Rebellious Expression.” It’s the finds a way to pull all that together I get swept up in it. I swear I’ll rent innermost ruminations of a poeti- into what is now known as the movies and I make a mental cally creative and spiritually Drunken Master #6, Unwanted list. Then, I go to the video store enlightened non-conformist type Dead or Alive. For those of you and forget my list and rent whatev- who definitely possesses a deep- who now Drunken Master you er I would’ve rented anyway. And rooted appreciation of the English might guess at what creeps therein. still, I look forward to the next language. He convincingly espous- For those of you who don’t, this issue of Film Geek, because, in the es his personal opinions and politi- issue is full of comics – ranging end, I realize that I don’t really cal points-of-view with the utmost from violent to humorous and mix- want to see these movies as much of prideful flair. Each page is elo- ing both, interviews with the likes as I want to read about them in this quently crammed with colorful of the Dropkick Murphys, and zine. And, yes, I mean that as a self-reflective poetry, as well as TSOL, and tail-kicking fighting compliment. –Sean (Alan Fare, PO 92 articulate outspoken rants about styles. Aka the world brought to Box 501113, Tulsa, OK 74150-1113) GARAGE AND BEAT!, #6, just boring, others were kind of irri- from the Urchin. From the inter- On the cover it states that there are $3.50, 8 ½ x 11, offset, 56 pgs. tating. Particularly annoying was viewer. And, as far as I can tell, “hundreds of punk and indie pop If there’s one magazine that I the article by A.J. about 9/11. She English is his only language. I kept reviews” inside. Actually there are eagerly anticipate receiving every spoke of Dubya’s “newfound lucid- reading through this zine because somewhere around 330 record couple of months (along with the ity” and how no one will ever be they covered some of my favorite reviews (I tried to count them but visually stimulating Razorcake, of the same. Add statements like, bands: Strike Anywhere, Toys That lost track), 7 inch reviews, and a course!), it’s definitely the “And all about me, thousands of Kill, the GC5, and Out Cold. With book review section. I’d have to almighty, mind-dazzling GAB! in people defeating terrorism in the each interview, I became more say that Shredding Paper is inter- all of its fabulous shag-a-licious best way possible: by enjoying a frustrated with the zine. The inter- ested in the aforementioned punk glory!!! I’m inevitably always beautiful, tranquil day in peace,” view made Todd from TTK sound and indie styles, and basically all guaranteed to have one helluva and you get the idea. The other like an idiot. And I know Todd. the types of music you want and/or frolicking, rollicking good time 9/11-themed writer was a lot better, He’s a pretty intelligent, well-spo- need to know about. There’s an when reading this grandiose and but it wasn’t enough to save this ken guy. The interviews with Strike interview with Andrew W.K., who groovy lil’ mag. Why, honey, it’s zine from the overwhelming feel- Anywhere and Out Cold made I saw pictures of, and heard about tastier than eatin’ eel pie, guzzlin’ ing of mediocrity. –Maddy (Low those bands look like idiots, and, if everywhere a month ago. I have yet Guinness stout on draft, and lust- Hug, Station A, PO Box 2574, you flip the zine in your hands back to realize his music is playing at fully snoggin’ Emma Peel all at Champaign, IL 61825) a few pages and read the interviews anytime I may or may not have once! As usual, you can whole- with those bands, you’ll find that been listening. My lack of knowl- heartedly expect the ultimate in PICK YOUR POISON, #1 & 2, they’re pretty intelligent and well- edge is in no way indicative of jovial and entertaining interviews $1, copied, 48 pgs. each spoken also. Finally, I realized that Shredding Paper, unless you take (this eye-titillating issue includes I started reading issue #1 of Pick the real problem was that the editor into account that although I still The Monks, The Lemon Drops, Your Poison and nothing really of this zine (who also conducted haven’t heard the music, I know The Creation, Jeff Punk Rock grabbed me at first. It’s a series of these interviews) couldn’t write a more about it, which keeps me Martin of The Surf Trio and Blood very short stories – anecdotes real- sentence if his life depended on it. interested, be the end result good or Red Vinyl, and Andy Babiuk of ly – about a kid growing up in sub- Usually, I’m pretty patient with bad bad – what more can you expect The Chesterfield Kings). There’s urban Minneapolis. And even grammer and inarticulate writers, from print? Should it fold your also a brain-rattlin’ array of well- though it didn’t grab me initially, I but while I was reading clothes and scramble your eggs? I researched and cheeky-fresh arti- continued reading. I can’t say why. Quickdummies, I had no idea what know… I know… it would be nice. cles about stellar ‘60s-era rarities, Maybe I was just bored that day the fuck this guy was writing about –Bradley Williams (Shredding out-of-print auditory treasures, and and had nothing better to do. most of the time. To steal a line Paper, PO Box 2271, San Rafael, other such obscure rockin’ riff-raff. Maybe I unconsciously saw some from him, Quickdummies was “a CA 94912) And I need not even hesitate to potential here. I kept reading. The good ideal at the time, but it’s out- mention the always enticing carni- kid’s friends grew more interesting. dated it.” –Sean (Quickdummies, SLUG AND LETTUCE: #71, free val of colorfully descriptive His life became crazier. He started 6810 Bellaire Dr., New Orleans, in person or p.o.p. through the reviews, which never fail to awe, shoplifting and doing fucked up LA 70124) mail, 11¼ X 15, black and white amuse, and excite me to no end things. He smoked too much pot newsprint, 20 pgs. whatsoever! If John Lennon, Dave for someone his age. His friends THE RIGHT PATH, #13, ??? 8 ½ I’d heard of Slug and Lettuce Clark, Lenny Bruce, Roky seemed to be on a collision course x 11, newsprint before, but until this point I’d never Erickson, and The Rutles had ever with doom. His life and childhood It seems every big hardcore scene seen, and hence, never read it. collectively published their own started seeming more and more has its local zine like this, and usu- There are a lot of zine reviews zine, it would’ve surely been GAB! familiar. He and his friends got in a ally they seem to be more about which is f-n’ cool, book reviews, – what a deliciously alluring read it lot of trouble with their parents and layout and design than writing, and and record reviews of bands that, is! –Roger Moser, Jr. (P. Edwin with the cops. At the same time, often they are so much about lay- taking to heart the reviews and pic- Letcher, 2754 Prewett St., LA , CA their parents and the cops were outs that are so fancy on the com- tures, might just well kick some 90031; www.garageandbeat.com) barely tapping into their juvenile puter they are designed on, that ass. There are stories on sex, being deliquency. Oh yeah, I thought, I they can’t be read when printed. a “grown-up,” and learning to live GET OFF MY LAWN!, #18, $1, 5 remember this from my own ado- John Twentyfive does a great job with troublesome emotional/ neu- ½ x 8 ½” copied lescence. The settings have here breaking that mold, keeping rological conditions. There is a These kids get points for titling changed and the situations and the pages interesting but very read- comic and a classified section as their zine after one of my favorite names are different, but a lot of it is able. The writing is good in that it well. All in all, this is on the up and phrases. Your standard zinester’s acutely similar. Damn, I could real- is informative and gets the point up. Highly recommended. zine; rants, babbling, cut and paste ly relate to this kid. I was totally across, but many of the columns –Bradley Williams (Slug and (albeit very well done cut and hooked. I devoured issue #1 and come across as being written so Lettuce, PO Box 26632, paste) layout, reviews and an inter- started in on #2. The stories got that the author can have a column Richmond, VA 23261-6632) view with the singer from Grade. better. The author wrote more intel- in a zine, not from any inspirational Oddly enough, a minimal collage ligently, more insightfully about thought. The writers seem to know SPIDDER: #6, $1, 5½ x 8¾, pho- of a guy hugging someone from his experiences. In the end, I was a lot about hardcore bands I don’t tocopied, 28 pgs. another photo and the solid black glad that I’d kept reading. Pick personally care all that much about Herein lie comics, ghost stories, a page are the things that got my Your Poison turned out to be a real (and that’s me, not a judgement), review of a sound guy, and a right- attention the most. Certainly worth gem of a zine. I’m looking forward but there are lots of moments like mighty fine taste in music. This is the buck if you enjoy zines as a to #3 and I’m hoping that Nate reviews of Citizen Fish… “a band pretty much the Arkam/Black Owl concept. –Rich (Get Off My keeps me on his mailing list. –Sean I’ve meant to check out.” and Records answer to zines. It’s a sta- Lawn!, PMB 141, 7107 S Yale, (Nate Gangelhoff, PO Box 8995, Suburban Voice “This was actually ple of the Alabama house show Tulsa, OK 74136) Minneapolis, MN 55408) my first encounter with this zine.” I arena. One thing – they have sta- don’t mean to pick this apart so plers at the copy shop, I used to use LOW HUG, #7, $2, 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied, QUICKDUMMIES, #14, $4, 8 ½ much, I think it’s just a clash of my it, ya’ll might want to as well. That A reviewer in Reader’s Guide to x 11, newsprint, 96 pgs. thirty year-old punk self not getting or a damned paper clip or some- the Underground Press apparently I started flipping through this zine these kids today. –Rich Mackin thing. I about lost the pages for this called this zine, “unpretentious and and saw a short interview with the (Josh Lyons, 244 Rutgers, one before I got around to review- honest, though not necessarily Urchin. I like the Urchin but I also Rochester NY 14607, www.enter- ing it. Write to the new Mr. and Ms. exciting, since 1998.” (How do I know that none of those guys speak prisehardcore.com) Barrier for your stapled copy today. know this? It’s in the zine… much English, so I was curious to –Bradley Williams (The sinister twice!) Indeed, Low Hug is not hor- see what they had to say. I read the SHREDDING PAPER: #31, cult of Spidder, 3000 County Rd. rible, but certainly not an interest- interview and the lack of ability to $3.95, 8¼ X 10¾, color cover 10, Florence, AL 35633) ing read. While some parts were speak English came through. Not black and white print, 114 pgs. 94 STRAY, #1, $2, 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied quizzes. The first one was to see if tion” – and maybe it really is fic- reproduced photos make this zine with color cover, 56 pgs. you were a “strayboy” (a straight tion – either way, it sheds a whole about the subject, not a quest to fig- This is an entire zine dedicated to gay boy). I scored low on this one. new light on Kranzke’s sexuality ure it out. –Rich Mackin (Jef the premise that the editor, Robert What can I say? I’ve never gone to blurring. All in all, Stray is serious Taylor, 140A Harvard Ave Suite Kranzke, is not gay. He writes the store to buy Biore strips and my and silly and well-written, and, 308, Allston, MA 02134) about male actors who he thinks are personal grooming habits are the deep down inside, I don’t care one cute, he admits to washing and pits. I noticed that the second quiz way or another what the gender of WONKAVISION: #16, $3.95, 8 X styling his hair every day, he has a – to see if I was a “straygirl” – was Kranzke’s lover is. I just like read- 10½, color cover/black and white favorite sweater (a navy blue girl’s pretty non-specific gender-wise, so ing his zine. –Sean (Robert print, 82 pgs. cardigan), he’s a huge fan of Buffy I took that quiz, too. I scored really Kranzke, 2658 Griffith Park Blvd. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the Vampire Slayer, and he reads high on that one. Apparently, that #253, LA, CA 90039) is, in my opinion, one of, if not the Elle Décor UK, but he’s not gay. Of means I’m a lesbian. Not that best, book made into a movie ever. course, the initial, knee-jerk reac- there’s anything wrong with that. URBAN PANTHEIST, Spring 2002, So when I first read this title, my tion to this would be to say to I’ve kind of had my suspicions all $3, 5 ½ x 8 ½, copied/ color cover eyes must have widened, as no one Kranzke, “Dude, you’re gay,” and along. So it wasn’t hard for me to While many zines are collections of was there to witness my first expo- dismiss the zine. But I didn’t want deal with this revelation. My next rants and collage art that form a sure to Wonkavison, I am left only to be a knee-jerk, so I kept reading. question was this, though: if I’m a tapestry of insight into the creator, to speculate as to the physical signs What I found was a bunch of pretty lesbian, does that make my girl- this zine has the specific goal of hinting at my excitement. This is a funny pieces about and/or by a man friend a lesbian also, even though “helping… to understand and pretty cool zine. If you like, what I obsessed with the gray areas of she’s dating a man (me)? I wrestled appreciate urban wildlife.” Most of consider, pop-punk or melodic human sexuality. He wrote about with this one for a while and final- this zine reads like a nature guide punk then this will right up your his favorite teen movies of the past ly decided that, yes, my girlfriend focused on the animals you would alley. Inside there are band inter- few years. He wrote about who he is a lesbian because she’s with me. see in the city – crows this issue, views, record reviews, some short would most like to be stuck on a Thanks Stray! But beyond the silly rats and pigeons in previous ones – fiction, and what-have-you. There deserted island (called “Hump and lighthearted, there are some as well as articles on animals that is a cool series of interviews with Island”) with – first five females, very well-written, deeper pieces in live in zoos besides the ones in some of the moguls in the world of then five males. He even covered this zine, also. One is a fantastic cages, and animals that live in indie/punk labels (i.e. Fat Wreck the “sweet and charming” parts of essay on state of modern feminism parks. This reminds me of channel Chords and Fueled by Ramen), as the Kama Sutra. There’s also a by Jenn Quinly. The zine is worth surfing and landing on the well as conversation reviews, in comic in here about two guys who picking up for that essay alone. The Discovery channel, you might not which a random CD or record gets buy a dildo, ostensibly for one of second piece is a story written by be thinking about how you want to played and the conversation that the guys’ girlfriends, and everyone Kranzke about riding the bus home learn about crows, but as soon as arises from it is recorded as a thinks the guys are gay. The guy with his girlfriend and when three you start taking it in, you find your- review. This is well put together, and who doesn’t get the dildo keeps knuckleheads accost him for being self fascinated. In this case, not just they have a website too. –Bradley asking the other guy if he’s gonna a “faggot.” Kranzke stands up to because of the subject, but also Williams (Wonka Vision, stick it up his ass. I couldn’t stop these guys, and they end up beating because of the witty, high quality PO Box 63642, laughing. There were also two him up. The story is labeled as “fic- writing. Good layout and decently Philadelphia, PA 19147) the British Empire, ending slavery, giving women occurred is against party line. But how do you the right to vote, creating the eight-hour workday, treat a guy with an Instamatic camera, who’s restoring civil rights, protecting a woman’s right going to draw – not render as realistically as pos- to an abortion, and moving all the way up to clos- sible for a future lineup – a comic of what just ing down the WTO meetings in Seattle in 1999. went down? An official’s regular radar doesn’t go None of these chapters do a very thorough job of off and this is partially why Sacco is allowed so covering these historical issues, but together, the much candid access to a very fucked up situation chapters do an excellent job of demonstrating the in the Palestinian refugee camps and the areas in historical (and current) importance of activism constant dispute. Plus, he’s a great listener. and protest. Among these short chapters are also I also suspect Sacco is a person who’s at reprints of the Bill of Rights, of Henry David least aware of zine culture, which gives him Thoreau’s essay “On the Duty of Civil elbow room to insert his own feelings and emo- Disobedience”, and of the USA PATRIOT Act. tions to a highly charged situation. Beyond deep These three reprints alone make the book worth feelings, he lets the reader know when he’s tired, the ten bucks. when he’s horny, when he’s hungry, and what Beyond this, though, The CD Handbook also lines he won’t cross (like letting someone lend has several chapters explaining the nuts and bolts him their underwear). And then he links these of protests and civil disobedience. These chapters very basic feelings – feelings that everyone has – give sensible, practical, and detailed advice on into the larger plight of this specific conflict. how to stage a protest, what to expect, and how to Good examples come in small details, like how be prepared for the inevitable backlash. They also the Israelis methodically cut down groves of olive give detailed, practical advice on how to raise a trees under the guise of avoiding possible ruckus. It’s these chapters that particularly ambushes. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never impressed me because they do something that is thought of a tree as a brother. Sacco takes his time very rare in political and activist writing: they with the trees, explaining that they’re treated like offer solutions to the problems they discuss. members of the family, that, if tended correctly, I ended up reading nearly this entire book are kept for generations, and are excellent sources while I sat in that mall food court, and perhaps it for cooking oil and revenue. All his details – in was my surroundings and the anger that my sur- both his writing and drawing – dovetail back into roundings fed me, but the book hit me just right. the war. It’s a very precise book, evocative book. As I was surrounded by the unbridled con- Palestine is an excellent introduction and sumerism, the destruction of workers rights, and open invitation to inspect the reasoning behind The Civil Disobedience Handbook the unquestioning loyalty to our corporate culture, why Israel and Palestine are in a state of constant Edited by James Tracy, paperback, 95 pgs. I had in my hands something that was, if not an war. Highly, highly recommended. I almost never go to malls. I hate them. It’s answer, at least a start to solving a lot of society’s –Todd (Fantagraphics, 7563 Lake City Way NE, not the unbridled consumerism that makes me problems. And that’s why I recommend this book. Seattle, WA 98115) hate malls. It’s not the overall cheesiness or the –Sean (Manic D, PO Box 410804, SF, CA 94141) fact that all the clothes sold in malls are ridicu- Punk Is a Four-Letter Word lously overpriced and were sewn for pennies in Palestine by Ben Weasel, paperback, 176 pgs. sweatshops throughout the world. It’s not the fact by Joe Sacco, paperback, 285 pgs. When Ben Weasel used to write for that, like the mass media, all the stores in most It’s quite a testament that within the pages of Maximum Rocknroll back in the early nineties, I malls are owned by a few elite corporations. I a non-fiction graphic novel, I learned more about used to read his column all the time. It was usual- mean, all that stuff bugs me. All of that explains the makeup of the war between Israel and ly the first thing I’d read in MRR. Then, about six why malls are fundamentally evil places. But Palestine than I had in twenty years of passively months ago, I was flipping through an old MRR whenever I find myself stuck in a mall, I look at watching network news. The irony doesn’t escape and stopped on one of Ben’s columns. I started to the faces and clothing of people walking by, and I me that a comic book is a hundred-fold more read it and realized that, in that column at least, inevitably realize that these are the people on informative than endless of hours of looking at Ben wasn’t a very good writer. He was an excel- whom advertising works. I look at these people in Tom Brokaw’s never-aging head. Although it is lent ranter, and I used to love that, but now that their name brand clothes and name brand shoes, clear who Sacco is more empathetic with – the I’m older and less open to people ranting, his old wearing name brand make-up, carrying name title gives that away – he does a great job at look- column didn’t do much for me. So I was a bit hes- brand bags from name brand stores and walking ing at and criticizing both sides, making sure nei- itant when I opened up Punk Is a Four Letter to name brand cars, and I think to myself, “If all ther becomes mere monsters nor caricatures. Word. I was even more hesitant because I knew you bastards weren’t such suckers for advertising, As a comic book artist, there is no doubt to that we’d just taken him on as a writer at I wouldn’t be constantly beseiged by ads.” And Sacco’s talent. His pictures evoke Crumb’s style – Razorcake, and I was really hoping that his writ- then, I feel hatred. It may seem as if I’m digress- tiny details are never forgotten. Expressions on ing abilities had improved over the past ten years. ing here, but I’m not. I’m working myself towards people’s faces are precise. Where Crumb was As I found out, Weasel’s writing has a point. often subsumed with women’s asses, Sacco tack- improved a lot. Punk is a good way to see exactly I got stuck in a mall the other day. It wasn’t les refugees and war. how much it’s improved. The book starts with my fault. I was getting film developed and they Palestine has very little gore and blood, and Weasel’s early MRR columns, moves through told me it would only take an hour. When I came instead focuses the dread, anxiety, and the feeling stuff he wrote for his own zine (Panic Button) and back an hour later, they told me it would be anoth- of imminent, corrosive doom most Palestinians for his web site (www.screechingweasel.com) and er half hour. Then another half hour. Then anoth- feel. There is a lot less rock throwing and more various other zines, and gets to articles he wrote er. I ended up sitting at a table adjacent to the huddled meetings of people, telling stories of woe more recently. It’s interesting to read through this Nordstrom’s coffee shop for nearly two hours. in cramped places. Network news is primarily book and to watch Weasel’s growth as not only a Since I wanted to do something more productive interested when a building is blown up or a human writer but as a thinker. His rants become more than just sit and stare loathingly at name brand body is blown apart, whereas Sacco goes deeper, subdued (with the exception of his later rants for fuckers, I started to read The Civil Disobedience to the complex and maddening politics, the clash Hit List, which are probably best to ignore), yet Handbook. It soon became the perfect antidote for of religions, and the humanity at play. his stories become more exciting. You get to read everything I was feeling. At first, I didn’t think it would be possible stories about Weasel hanging out with Jawbreaker The Civil Disobedience Handbook is essen- for a comic to tackle it all, that elements of under- backstage at a Nirvana show; putting in time as a tially a collection of essays and tidbits about dif- standing would be lost from a narrator with mas- punk extra in a Ministry video; working shit jobs ferent ways people have fought and continue to sively drawn lips, but one reason Palestine is as a paperboy and library aide and janitor; and fight for change in their world. It starts off with a unbelievably powerful is because it debunks not finding some peace through, of all things, jog- brief preface explaining why civil disobedience only what a comic can and cannot do, but it also ging. All in all, this is a pretty good read and def- still matters. From there, the book runs through a expands the very parameters of journalism. Say initely worth picking up. series of short chapters documenting the positive there’s an incident and journalists rush to the –Sean (Hope and Nonthings, PO Box 148010, changes that civil disobedience has brought scene. Those with TV gear or fancy still cameras Chicago, IL 60614-8010) 96 about: casting off the shackles of will be the first to be turned away if what had just