Vista Psychological & Counseling Centre, LLC

FOCUS WINTER 2009 Inside this issue: ...A Long Winter’s Nap How To Keep Your Cool 2 With Mindfulness What if there were a safe, THE SLEEP CYCLE nontoxic, simple, free way to To understand why napping Affair Proof Your 3 increase your alertness...boost can be so valuable, it helps to Marriage your creativity...improve your understand the basic concept 4 memory...reduce your of the sleep cycle and how it Rub Away Your Pain: Pain Relief Trick stress...and even reduce your applies to both nighttime risk for heart disease, all in sleeping and daytime napping. just 20 minutes a day? There Through the night , your sleep is. It‟s called a nap. moves through a consistent NAPPING WITHOUT pattern of four distinct GUILT phases...Stage 1. This occurs In our work-driven, activity- when you‟re just falling asleep driven society, the hardest and generally lasts for only a part of taking a nap is getting few minutes. Your structured past that little voice in your thinking gradually gives way to 4. During stage 4, you move head telling you that napping dreamlike imagery. Stage 2. into rapid eye movement is a sign of laziness. Reality: After you‟ve fallen asleep, (REM) sleep, or dreaming. People who nap tend to be stage 2 sleep takes over. Dur- REM sleep is when you con- more productive, not less. ing this time, many parts of solidate more complex infor- When you allow yourself that your brain are less active, but mation and learning, such as a brief period of rest and re- stage 2 sleep is the sleep that vocabulary list in a foreign freshment, you wake up alert restores alertness and helps language. In the course of the and energized, ready to be consolidate motor learning— night, you generally go active for the rest of the day. anything that involves muscle Wishing your through stage 1 sleep only The time you spend sleeping movements such as dancing or once, just as you fall asleep. is more than made up for by driving. Stage 3. When you After that, you cycle through family PEACE the improved work or activity move into stage 3 sleep, your stage2, stage 3 (SWS) and time a nap can give you. In- brain waves slow down, so stage 4 (REM) sleep several stead of a nap, you could just much so that this is also called during this times through the night. Each have coffee or another form of slow-wave sleep (SWS), In cycle takes about 90 minutes. caffeine to perk yourself up, SWS, your body repairs itself Of that, about 60% is spent in Holiday Season. but a nap is a better idea. Caf- because growth hormone is stage 2 sleep. The amount of feine makes you more alert secreted during this phase, time spent in SWS and REM but it doesn‟t give you any of which helps with muscle fiber May your sleep varies through the cycles. the other benefits of napping. growth and repair as well as Example: Napping enhances bone growth—basically, the YOUR OPTIMUM NAP New Year be performance on a wide range antidote to cortisol, a stress Most people feel a natural lull of memory tests. Studies show hormone— and consolidates in their energy levels some- that a 90-minute nap is as memory, such as new informa- time during the afternoon. filled with JOY good as a full night‟s sleep for tion you‟ve just learned (a That „s the natural time for improving your memory. phone number, for example) napping. In many countries, and WELLNESS! so that you‟ll remember. Stage

A Long Winter’s Nap (continued from front page)

the traditional siesta happens debated question. Over the feel more refreshed in the at this time. Ideally, because years, some studies seemed to morning. Exception: Don‟t one sleep cycle takes about 90 show that people who often nap within two to three hours minutes, you would nap for napped had a greater risk for of your usual bedtime—it that long and awaken feeling death, especially from heart could keep you from getting refreshed and alert. Not too disease. A recent Harvard to sleep on schedule. many of us can imagine a full University study, SLEEP AND AGE 90 minutes in the middle of however, strongly Older adults find the day however, and not suggests the oppo- themselves waking up everyone feels the need to nap site. In the study, earlier than they used that long. To choose the best more than 23,000 to and having trouble nap length for you, decide people in Greece getting back to sleep. what you want to get from were followed for an Shifting to an earlier your nap….Stage 2 nap. Re- average of 6.3 years. wake-up time—and duces sleepiness, heightens None of the indi- feeling the need for alertness, increases concentra- viduals had a history an earlier bedtime—is “Many people who start tion, enhances motor per- of heart disease, a natural part of the formance and elevates mood. stroke or cancer at Choose the length changes in body taking daytime naps report Sleep for: 15 to 20 minutes. the start of the of your nap based rhythm that come Stage 3 (SWS) nap. Clears study, and they upon your needs. with aging. Rather that they fall asleep more away useless information, ranged in age from than fighting your improves conscious memory 20 to 86. The results showed body‟s normal needs, accept easily at bedtime and feel recall and restores and repairs that the people who regularly them. A great way to make up tissues. Sleep for: 60 minutes. napped for about 30 minutes for the lost sleep and help more refreshed in the Stage 4 (REM sleep) nap. at least three times a week had yourself stay up later? Take a Increases creativity, improves a 37% lower risk for death morning.” nap! perceptual and sensory proc- from heart disease than that essing, and improves memory of non- nappers. Taking a nap for complex information. in the afternoon doesn‟t usu- Sara Mednick, PhD, Sleep for: 90 minutes. ally affect a person‟s ability to associate professor , NAPPING AND YOUR get to sleep at his/her normal Department of Psychiatry, HEALTH bedtime or to sleep for the University of California, normal number of hours at San Diego. We know that lack of sleep is night. In fact, many people definitely bad for your health, Dr. Mednick is author of who start taking daytime naps but is napping good for it? Take a Nap! (Workman). report that they fall asleep That has actually been a hotly more easily at bedtime and www.saramednick.com

How to Keep Your Cool

Ever feel like blowing up—or melting down? Be compassionate toward yourself. Reconnect with your body— and Whether it‟s due to cramped living quarters Instead of a judgmental rebuke disconnect from the crisis around or cranky coworkers, almost everyone feels (“Crying again? Big bay!”), silently say, you. Take a quick walk, do some stressed occasionally. Mindfulness is a “My body is giving me a message. I yoga poses in the restroom, or simply technique rooted in Buddhist tradition. It will listen and learn from it.” Shift close your eyes and gently massage can calm and focus the mind, slow the our focus. Rather than fretting about your temples for a few moments. heart rate, reduce the need for oxygen and a physiological response that you Take action. Consciously free your quickly ease muscle tension. Here are the can‟t control, such as a flushed face mind from resentful or hopeless basics… Assess what’s happening— not in or choked voice, concentrate on one thoughts. Reflect calmly on specific the situation, but within yourself. Are your you can control—your breathing. solutions that will allow you to re- hands shaking? Head pounding? Recogniz- Slow, deep, rhythmic inhalations and gain control over the situation—and ing these signs for what they are —normal exhalations help you to regain a sense yourself. responses to stress—reduces their power to of mastery over your physical reac- Jeffrey Brantley, MD, Duke upset you further. tions. University for Integrative Medicine

Page 2 Winter 2009 How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

It seems that every week we take care of myself? Example: tion, and it is important for learn about another politician, I‟m feeling anger…I‟m feeling me to understand this perspec- sports star or celebrity caught this way because the guy cut tive.” when the initiator has having an extramarital affair. me off the highway...The best had her say, the partners can But public figures are hardly thing I can do to take care of switch roles. Avoid distrac- the only ones guilty of infidel- myself is let the anger go. Run tions during I to I time, and ity. Surveys show that between through these questions two do not try this when one or 40% and 60% of husbands or three times each day for 60 both of you are exhausted. and between 30% and 50% of days and you will become This will not be a comfortable wives will be unfaithful at much more aware of, and in process at first, particularly if some point during their mar- charge of, your own emotions. lots of negative feelings exist riages. Loneliness is the most CONFLICT INTIMACY between you and your spouse. common cause of infidelity. If you practice it two or three All couples fight, but couples Almost everyone who enters times each week for about 20 with emotionally intimate into a marriage does so in- minutes at a time, it can be- marriages fight productively. partner? What to do: Do not tending to remain faithful to come a very useful process for They don‟t just try to win assume that your partner de- his/her part, but long-term working through the marital arguments—they listen to their sires the same types of affec- relationships are difficult. conflicts that could lead to partners and come to under- tion that you do or that you Partners often drift apart. The unhappiness. You and your stand their points of view, know what your partner needs romance and the excitement partner will get good at fight- even if they do not agree. because you have been to- of the initial period eventually ing productively, which will What to do: When you are at gether for years. Come right ends. Many people do not end up bringing you closer. know how to recover the odds with your spouse, try an out and ask your partner what closeness of a relationship established technique called AFFECTION INTIMACY types of affection he/she once it fades, so they look Initiator to Inquirer or I to I. Being in love with your part- would like you to provide outside the marriage for the One spouse serves as ner is not enough to prevent more often. Get specifics. fulfillment that they no longer “initiator.” This spouse raises infidelity. You also must show Then communicate your own receive at home. The secret to a troubling issue and shares your love and affection in the needs. Do not take it person- a fulfilling and faithful long- his feelings and opinions on ways that your partner needs. ally if your partner says you term marriage is maintaining the matter. The initiator pre- Even a well-meaning spouse have not shown enough affec- “emotional intimacy:— sents these thoughts as his can run into trouble if he fails tion. This reflects the partner‟s openness, trust, communica- perspective on the situation, to realize that the type of affec- personal affection needs, not tion and caring between part- not as the only way to look at tion he is providing is not the your own shortcomings. Ex- ners. When spouses feel this it. Example: The wife is the type that his partner desires. ample: A man thinks he intimate closeness, they are initiator, says, “I felt hurt be- Types of marital affection shows his wife plenty of affec- unlikely to cheat. Emotional cause it seemed to me as if you include...Verbal. How often tion by buying gifts, holding intimacy is not just one skill— intentionally were trying to do you tell your partner that hands, and helping around it is a combination of several hurt my feelings,” rather than you love him? How often do the house. His wife feels he is different abilities…. “You intentionally hurt my you express your gratitude for never affectionate, because she wants verbal affection and he SELF-INTIMACY feelings.” The other spouse‟s the things your partner does role is “inquirer.” He is to for you. Actions. How often never says “I love you.” If you In order to have an emotion- repeat back the substance of do you do things just because fail to provide the types and ally intimate relationship with what the initiator has said to your partner enjoys having amounts of affection that your someone else, you first must show that he has heard and them done? This might in- partner considers appropriate, understand your own emo- understood. The inquirer clude buying a gift or doing your spouse may stray. Provide tions. Men in particular tend then asks questions that aid in some favor or chore for the the desired affection, and your to pay insufficient attention to understanding. The inquirer partner that goes beyond your spouse is less likely to seek it their emotions. What to do: is not allowed to question the normal responsibilities. Physi- from others. Take one to two minutes a validity of the initiator‟s feel- cal (nonsexual). How often do Steven Solomon, Ph.D., few times a day to ask yourself ings. When the desire to do so you hold hands, hug or kiss Psychologist based in La Jolla, three questions—What emo- arises (and it will), the in- your partner? How often do California. Co-author of Inti- tions am I feeling right now? quirer should silently remind you provide foot massage or macy After Infidelity: How to What specific situation is caus- himself that “this is not about back rubs? Sexual. How often Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your ing me to feel these emotions? me...it is only about my part- do you have sex with your Marriage (New Harbinger). What, if anything, do I need ner‟s perspective on the situa- to do about this situation to

FOCUS Page 3

Welcome to Vista! Our FOCUS is on you by offering the very best in psychological and counseling services. Established in 2008, our clinicians hold over 60 years of combined experience. V ISTA We are committed to helping you achieve PSYCHOLOGICAL greater emotional wellness and adjustment & C OUNSELING by providing individual, child and adolescent, CENTRE couples, and family therapy. We are available to you Monday thru Saturday

1201 South Main Street with day and evening hours for your convenience. Suite 100 North Canton, Ohio 44720

Phone: 330.244.8782 Rub Away Your Pain: Feel-Good Pain Relief Trick Fax: 330.244.8795

www.vistapcc.com Ever notice how having your arm lightly and that he and his colleagues have started a stroked feels really calming? Stroke a cat‟s new study to investigate the potential of these head and you will hear purring. People — interactions among pleasant touch, CT affer- and some animals — like to be stroked and ents and pain. now a group of Swedish researchers at the If you are interested in giving it a try in the University of Gothenburg have discovered real world right away, it‟s helpful to know that why this feels so pleasurable. They also un- in humans the pleasure paths of the CT- covered evidence of how this simple act afferent system are located on the hairy skin might someday be harnessed for pain con- of the arms, hands, legs and face. Go ahead trol. and lightly rub these areas on yourself or An earlier study showed that we have a someone else, using a very light, soft touch. separate sensory system in the skin that car- Dr. Wessberg noted that the longer the strok- ries the perception and pleasure of being ing took place, the happier the study partici- touched to the brain. The nerve fibers in this pants became. At worst, it feels good — at best, system are called “CT-afferents” (C being a we may someday learn how to use it for spe- label for “very slow” and T meaning tactile). cific pain relief. These researchers took this finding a step Johan Wessberg, MD, PhD, associate profes- further, discovering that the pleasure signals sor of physiology at the University of Goth- evoked by stroking skin lightly bypass other enburg, Gothenburg, Sweden. types of messages traveling from the same area to the brain. This discovery may open the door to a new — and entirely pleasant way to control pain. Johan Wessberg, MD, PhD, an associate professor of physiology at the University, emphasizes that research is the first step to- ward an application that remains speculative. He states that it is “well grounded in current theories about brain mechanisms for pain”