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Parenting Coordination

Parenting Coordination

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PARENTINGCOORDINATION issues - prosandcons ParentingCoordinationisaBadIdea.Why:

Let'sstartwiththeproblemswithparentingcoordinationthateverylawyerknows:inappropriate delegationofthejudicialfunction,impedimenttocourtaccess,anddenialofdueprocess.Andgoon...

Theparentingcoordinatorconceptencroachesonfamilylibertyinterests,bringingthegovernment behindthecloseddoorsofpeople'slives,injectingintotheprivaterealmathirdpartywhoisnotinany waymorecapablethaneitheroftheparentsaretomakeday-to-daydecisionsabouttheirownfamilies, values,andgoals.

Parentingcoordinationisamade-up,make-workfieldthathasbeeninventedbybottom-feeding extraneous"professionals"whohaveliterallyreproducedlikebacteriainthefamilycourtsystem.

Therearenostudiesindicatingthatparentingcoordinatorsmakegooddecisions,improvethelivesof childrenorparents,orimprovechildwellbeing.And,thereisnoreasontobelievetheywould.

Whatqualifiesapersontomakepersonalfamilyandchildrearingdecisionsforotherpeople -- whatphysicianachildshouldgoto,whatschool,otheracademicdecisions,whatextracurricularactivities achildshouldparticipatein,familyroutinesandschedulingdecisions,seatingdecisionsatthebar mitzvahorsoccergame,andsoforth?Whatqualifiesapersonunilaterallytointerpretacourtorder,or "fillinthegaps"inthedetailsofalegaldocument,a"parentingplan"(aviolationoffreedomofcontract)? Whatqualifiesapersontodo"parentingcoordination"to"helpotherpersonsimplement"alegalcontract (maritalsettlementagreement),asasupposedneutral?

Nothing.

Whatconstitutes"success"atparentingcoordination? Whoknows.Totheparentingcoordinator, perhapsgettinganicefee.

Toajudge,perhapsthathethinkshe'seliminatingwork,clearinghisdocket,orjustputtingoffdisputes toanotherday,oranotherjudge.Ifajudgethinksthisisgoodforthecourtsystem,he'smistaken, becauseparentingcoordinationwillmakethecongestionworseinthelongrun.Whilethepartiesare beingdeniedimmediateaccesstothejudge,thepresenceofaparentingcoordinatorcounterproductively requiresthatthedoorbeleftcontinuouslyopeninthecase,generatingadditionalissues.Theparenting coordinator'sideasintroducedintothecase,theminutiaethatnowhasaforum,andtheinevitable iatrogenicproblemsvirtuallyguaranteethatthisisashort-sightednonsolutiontocourtcongestion.Some oftheseissuesmayormaynotbeimmediatelyapparent,andmayevenavoiddetectioninshort-term surveysofpilotprojects(assumingsuchstudiesotherwisearemethodologicallysound,whichis unlikely.)Theproblemsneverthelessareforeseeable.Andrelievingcourtcongestionbyhindering litigants'accesstocourt(withoutregardtowhetherthisisbeneficialtofamilies)is,inanyevent,of dubiousvalidityasarationaleforthedenialofdueprocess.

Soifreliefofcourtcongestionisn'tameasureofsuccessinparenting coordinationpractice,thenwhatis?Tooneoftheparties,thatheor shenowhasanally?Thatoneofthepartiesishappy?Parenting coordinationadvocatesoflatehavebeenbusilysettingabouttocreate satisfactionsurveys(notunliketheself-serving"evidence"thatwesaw upontheimplementationofmandatoryparentingclassprograms).But thatagivenlitigantissatisfiedwouldnotbeanindicationofsuccessat allunlessweknowwithcertaintythatthatpartygenerallyhasthe moremeritableposition.Itmightwellbeanindicationofthecomplete breakdownofjustice.Justaswiththeparentingclassandcourt docketfauxresearch,wealsowouldhavetodiscounttheseonstudies basedonlackofcredibilitybecauseof$elf-$ervingcorruption,aswellasunintendedbiasthatisbuiltin becauseofnon-randomsubjectselection,unwarrantedoptimism,self-reportingrespondents'fearsthat negativecommentscouldcomebackagainstthem,andothermethodologicalproblems.

Howaboutanobjectivemeasureofsuccess,suchasincreasedfamilywell-being?Howisthispossible whenpeopleareburdenedwithtasksandnegotiationsandmeddlesomereportingsofthedetailsoftheir daystothirdparties,whentheirtimeandmoneyisconsumed,pointlessly,whentheirisintruded uponbythegovernmentlikethis,andwhentheyareforcedtokow-towtothedictatesofacourt- appointed,decision-makingautocratineveryareaoftheirmostintimatelives?It'snot.

Aretherebetterchild-rearingoutcomes?Ascomparedwithwhat?Definedhow?Andifnot,whatthe heckarewesupposedlydoinghere?Underanydefinition,increasedchildwellbeinghasnotbeen showntoflowfromanyoftheideasofappliedtherapeuticjurisprudence ,i.e.tradepromotion,in thefamilycourts.(Infact,increasedwell-beinginthepopulationgenerallyhasnotbeendemonstrated by any researchfromtheburgeoningofpsychologicalinterventionsandtherapiesoverthedecades.)

Justaswithcustodyevaluatorsandguardiansadlitem,andeventoalargeextent,thepracticeof mediation,thereisnowaytodoanydecentstudiesinthisarea.Benefit isnotevenapparentinformallyacrossdemographicgroups.Don'tfall forself-servingindustryarticlesspinningspeculation.Researchwill neverdemonstrateanybenefitsfrommanyoftheseideas,includingparentingcoordination,because crediblestudiessimplycannotbedone.Even,inappropriately,afterthefact.(Ifyoudon'tunderstand why,meprivatelyandIwilldirectyoutomaterialonsocialscienceversusscience,experimental methodology,logic,andhowto docriticalreadingandthinkingandnotbesuchacredulouspatsy .)

Theparentingcoordinationconceptisaninfectionthatcausesalloftheproblemsthatcustody evaluatorsandGALsbringintothefamilycourtsystem,andthensome.Again,whatqualifiesa third-partystrangerparentingcoordinatortomakedailyfamilylifedecisionsforotherpeople?Nothing. Andnothingeverwill.Manyofthesekindsofdecisionsaremadebasedonafreeindividual'sownprivate life,relationships,desires,workneeds,schedule,andpersonalvalues,beliefsandgoals.Theparenting coordinatormakesdecisionsbasedontheparentingcoordinator'sownprivateagendas,preferences, motives,workneeds,values,beliefsandgoals--andwhichpartytheparentingcoordinatorjusthappens tolikebetter(whichalreadyistheunfortunatebutrealbasisformostofcustodyevaluatorandguardian adlitemopinings).Thedecision-makingisbasedon, interalia ,intangiblepersonalitythingsaswell tangiblessuchaswholikesthemandpaysthemtimelyandwell.

Many,ifnotmost,lawyerparentingcoordinatorsaswellasmanymentalhealthprofessionals, notwithstandingtheirostensible"training",completelylackpsychologicalinsight.That'sbecauseit'snot afunctionofacademictraining.Parentingcoordinationalsoisnot"co-parentingtherapy"(whichrarely worksanyway--witnessallthementalhealthprofessionalslobbying,writing,organizing,promoting, buckingfortheauthoritytobemini-judgesanddictatorsina"parentingcoordination"role.)Mostmental healthprofessionalsalsolackaclueregardingtherepercussionsinlawoftheirideas(amoreobvious deficit,sincetheyareprobablynotlawyers),yetthesearepeoplesupposedlyinterpretingand"fillingin thegaps"inlegaldocuments!

Theprimaryreasonthereisnovalid"training"tobehadisthatthereisnobodyofexpertise,no foundationofknowledge,uponwhichtobaseanysuchtraining. It's...alljustmadeup.Maybe they'resmart?Well,notversusallpossiblelitigantsbyalongshot,andnostrangerwillunderstandthe dailylifeandroutines,familymembers'needsandpersonalities,theinteractionsgoingoninsomeone else'shouseholdortheeffectsoftheirideasinpracticeunlesstheyactuallyspendconsiderabletimein thathousehold.Which,ofcourse,theydon't.

Togobacktothecourtcongestionproblemthatismovingthelegislaturesandcourtstoembracethe parentingcoordinationlobbyists'arguments:parentingcoordinationprovides aforumforthearguingof minutiae that,intheabsenceofaparentingcoordinator,thepartieswouldhavetoworkout,andlearnto workout,ontheirown,orjustletgo.Inotherwords,itaddressesissuesthatwouldn'tbethereinthefirst place!Itcannotpreventthelitigationofissuesthataren'twithinthepurvueoftheparentingcoordinator tobeginwith,butstillmustbeaddressedbyajudge.Withregardtotheseotherissues,however,when theparentingcoordinatormakesabaddecision,oroverstepsauthority,simplybecausethiswasthe decisionofathirdparty,thatopensthedoortothecourthouseformattersthatotherwisewouldnothave hadaforum,orwouldnothaveexistedatall.Theverypresenceofaparentingcoordinator,likean uber-parentfortheparents,itselfcreatesopportunityforpettysquabbling,encouragingitbecause, ironically,justlikeamisguidedineptparent,thethirdparty(gettingpaidforhistime)isreadyand availabletointerveneinallmannerofdisputes,thusretardingratherthanencouraginggrowthand cooperation.Conflict is somethingthatharmschildren.Parentingcoordinationcreatesitsownconflicts. Anditnotonlyencouragesnewconflicts,butcreatesanumberofotherforeseeableharms.

Parentingcoordinationisexpensive,evenathourlyrateslessthantheordinaryrateschargedbythese professionalswhentheydorealwork.Thisissobecausethecostisforextrawork,ontopofthelawyers andlitigationexpensesthepartiesstillhavetomaintain;theparentingcoordinationprocessactuallydoes noteliminateanyofthis.Rather,itaddsonadditionalprofessionalexpensestohandleminutiaethat otherwisewouldnotbecreatingexpense.Ultimately,it'sveryexpensivebecauseanyexpensethatdoes notyieldsomethingofequivalentvalueisa wasteofmoney .Moreover,havingaparentingcoordinatorat thereadypermitsonepartytospendtheother'sfundsbyunilaterallycontactingandchoosingtobring issuesbeforetheparentingcoordinator.Generally,bothpartieshavetopayaportionoftheparenting coordinator'sfees;usuallythesearedivided50-50,andtimelypaymentoftheparentingcoordinator's feesalsobecomesamatterofhighconcernfortheparentingcoordinator,addingthatissueintothe case.

Onceappointed,theparentingcoordinatorhasabsolutelynoincentivetoworkhimselforherselfoutofa job.Thepotentialamountofworkisopen-endedandinlargepartabletobeself-generatedbythe parentingcoordinator.Thescheduleisflexibleandtheroyaltiescangoonindefinitely,untiltheparenting coordinatorisremoved(butnot"forcause"becausethiswouldhavetobebasedoncriteriaofsuccess thatlargelyisunabletobeestablished).(Hownicefortheparentingcoordinator.)

Frequentandtypicalmake-workbytheparentingcoordinatorincludesforcingpeopletoincludethe parentingcoordinatorinallcommunicationsandemails,providetheparentingcoordinatorinadvance withparents'andchildren'sschedulesandactivities,meetatthewhimoftheparentingcoordinator, providetheparentingcoordinatorwithschooldocumentsandmedicalrecords,andthelike.Churn, churn,churn,duplicate,churn...

Parentingcoordinationintrudesonprivacy.Amongotherthings,parentingcoordinationpermitsthestate viaastate-appointedagenttodemandinformationanddetailsaboutpeople'slivesthatthencanbe broughtbackintocourtbytheopposingparty,effectivelybecomingongoingcompelledgovernment discovery,contrarytotheFourthAmendment.

Individualswhochoosetodothis"work",tobecomeparentingcoordinators,aretheequivalentof paid yentasandneighborhoodmeddlers. Theytendtobeindividualswhocannotmakeagoofpracticing theprofessionforwhichtheywereostensiblyeducatedandlicensed--theincompetent,the inexperienced,thenincompoops,theuntalented,thelazyand/ortheburnt-out.Agoodnumberhave ulterioragendas,consciousandsubconscious,eitherpoliticalagendas,oragendasofthe psychologicallyissuedpsychicvampireorpettytyrantvariety.Manyparentingcoordinatorshaveaxesto grindandstronglyheldpersonalbeliefsabouthowotherpeople'slivesshouldwork,whatconstitutes "fairness",fathers'ormothers'rights,parentalvaluesandroles,andsoforth,aswellasaneedtore-visit, re-liveandnormalizetheirownfamily-of-originissues.

Abigdrawfordoingparentingcoordinationworkis,ofcourse,thatwhileparentingcoordination promoterstoutthe"lowercost",meaningthattheyarewillingtosettleforlowerfeesperhourforthis workratherthantheirotherwork,theworkitselfisrelativelybrainless.Andit's unregulated and practicablyunabletoberegulated.Thereisnoefficientoreffectiveoversight.Beingunregulatedmeans thatthereisnorecourseagainsttheparentingcoordinatorformalfeasanceormalpractice.Forgood measure,asaddedinsuranceagainstmalfeasance,many,ifnotmostparentingcoordinatorsrequirethe partiestosignvariousconsentsandwaiversofliability.Somestatutesandproceduralruleshave formalizedthelackofaccountabilityaswell.(Hownicefortheparentingcoordinator.)

Ifyou'veheardargumentotherwise,thatthefieldwaschoseninorderto"help"(dictatetoother)people, orbecausetheywere"frustrated"aslawyersorpsychologistsormediatorsinnotbeingableto"help" (dictatetoother)people,thengiventherelativelylower(albeitno-overhead)hourlyfeeschargedfor parentingcoordination,askhowmuchunpaidvoluntaryworkthepersonhasdone.Querywhythis ostensibleadvice-givingdo-gooderismwasn'tjustdonethroughtheirchurch,oracommunitycharity agency,andofferedtoall-comersintheiravocationalsparetimeonano-obligationbasis,whileintheir regularworkingtime,theyjustcontinuetopracticetheprofessionforwhichtheyactuallyweretrained andlicensed.That'showgoodsamaritansandpersonswithkindly,charitableintentusually"help"when that'stheactualmotiveandtheyalreadyhavearealprofessiontopracticeinthefamilycourtfield.

Thenatureofthefunctionasdesignedenablesparentingcoordinatorstochurnmoneybyinsistingonall mannerofcrapthatinvolvesthem,undercircumstancesinwhichtheirdecisionscannotbesecond- guessed,evenbyajudge.Theparentingcoordinator's"work"cannotconvenientlybereviewedbya judgebecausethe"proceedings"withaparentingcoordinatorareinformal,undocumented,andoutside ofthecourtanddueprocess.Inmanyjurisdictions,theparentingcoordinationpracticeessentiallyis professedtobe"confidentialexceptwhenit'snot."(Moreonthis,below.)Also,thereisnocriteriaof "success",nostandardofsatisfactorypractice.Allfuzzy.Ifandtotheextentactsoromissionsofthe parentingcoordinatorarecontested,nomatterwhatoccurs,theparentingcoordinatorsimplycan "remember"conversationsandeventsdifferentlyfromthewaytheyreallyhappened.Ifcontested,the parentingcoordinatoralsocan--andwill--employthereadyCYAalibisof"highconflictcustodycase" andoneparent'sostensibleirrationalityorprevarication.

Manyofthelawyers,mentalhealthprofessionals,anderstwhilemediatorsandguardiansadlitemwho wanttodoparentingcoordinationhavenoactualexperiencethemselvesasparents,letaloneas caregivingparents,letaloneassingleparents--orwithblendedfamilyissues,orwithchildrenwith particularissues,orin"sharedparenting"ordivorcedsituations.Somedo,andasnoted,moreoftenthan not,theyarenormalizingtheirownissues.Theseadvice-giversdonotnecessarilyhailthemselvesfrom successfulwell-functioningfamilies.Parentingcoordinatorsbringtotheirjobtheirpersonalopinionsand valuesandspeculationsfoundedontheirunknownpersonalbackgrounds,includingsomeofthemost dysfunctional(andundisclosed)personalfamilialhistories,andimplementtheirpersonalandpolitical agendas. Theyaretheantithesisof"wisepersons" ,whogenerallyarenotfoundamong neighborhoodgossipsorthosewhorelishinvolvingthemselvesinthemundanedetailsofotherpeople's lives.

Timespentwiththeparentingcoordinator,wherenotcateringtothedysfunctionalweakorabusive litigantswhoarehopingforsupportorasoundingboardistediousandtime-consumingfortheparents. Thesametimewasting,ofcourse,representsa ca-ching inthebankaccountoftheparenting coordinator,whichencouragesploddingandmoretime-wastingmeetingsandtalkings.(Meanwhile,the litigantfantasyofhavingaparentingcoordinator"onthecase"asanallywillendquicklywhenthe selectedparentingcoordinatorinthiscrapshootalignswiththeotherparent.)

Parentsareplacedatthewhimofallkindsofarbitrarydemandsmadebytheparentingcoordinator, includingforthepaymentfortheirtime,whichislargelyinthecontroloftheparentingcoordinatorand possiblytheotherparty.(Thisapplies,toagreatextent,aswell,tovariouscourt-appointedtherapists andGALs).Giventhepresenceoftheparentingcoordinator,andthepaymentincentive,everydecision, nomatterhowpettyorabsurd,isopenforendlessdiscussionandrumination.Inadditiontobeing time-consuming, thisisadelightforstalker-harasserabusivetypes ,aswellasthosewhojustwon't letgooftheotherparty.

Theparentingcoordinatorcanthinkupallkindsofactivitiestodoandwithwhichtorequiretheparents tocomply:pseudo-therapy(unregulatedofcoursebythelicensingboardsbecauseit's"notreally" therapy,andit's"notreally"law);"communicationscounseling";"coaching";readingofmaterials;various "educational"homeworkassignments;meetingswithoneortheotheroftheparties,meetingstogether, meetingswithvariouscombinationsofothers;demandsfordisclosure,frequentlyinwriting,ofprivate thoughts,emotions,andinformation;consultationsandstrategysessionswiththechildren'sguardianad litemandparents'court-orderedorparentingcoordinator-orderedtherapists;meetingswiththechildren's physiciansandteachers;meetingswithanyoneatall;orderingofaparentintosupervisedvisitationor therapeuticvisitation;recommendingtothecourttherapiesofallkindswithyetmoreofthehelping professionals--almostanything.Confidentiality?That'sapipedream.It'sonly"confidential"whenthat suitstheparentingcoordinator,andthere'sacourtissue.Butunderthepretextofhavingtogather information,thePChasauthoritytoyammertoprettymucheveryoneinthecommunity.Andifaparent doesn'tcomply,therearesanctions,imposedbothbytheparentingcoordinatorandthecourtfor "noncompliance".

DoesthisnotstrikeyouasanoutrageousandunconstitutionaldenigrationoftheFirstAmendment freedomofspeechandassociation,FourthandFifthAmendmentprivacyrights,andthefundamental parentalrightsofperfectlyfitparents,astowhomthestatewouldbeunabletofileadependencyaction andremovetheirchildrentofostercare?Free,competentindividualsareentitledvoluntarilytosubject themselvestoprivatejudgesandarbitrators,ofcourse.Butwhywouldanyinformedandreasonably intelligentindividualwhoisnotunderduressandcoercion,everagreetolivingwithonewhocannotbe appealed,discharged,orlimitedtoissuesbroughtbeforehim?Answer:theywouldn't.Eitherthese litigantswerenotproperlyinformed(inanynumberofways),ortheyindeedwereunderinappropriate coercionofsomekindthatrenderedtheirconsentessentiallyinvoluntary.

How-totechniquesforwould-beparentingcoordinatorsinthisnewlyinvented"profession"consistof almostanythingtheparentingcoordinatormightdreamup,sprinkledwithsuggestionsandteachings borrowedfromlaw,psychology,mediationandotherpractices,aswellasfantasiesfromother imaginativeself-styledprofessionalparentingcoordinatorsintherecentexplosionofmanuals,booksand trade-promotion"trainings".(Untilenoughfoolssignonforthiscock-'n-bulltofillaworkweek,forthe ambitious,there'sstillmoneythatcanbeearnedprofessingtobeamavin). Parentingcoordination "training"materialscomprisemostlystuffpluckedfromtheassesoftheirinventors .

Doubtme?Readsomeofit.Parentingcoordinationmethodologyincludessuchthingsasordering peoplehowtotalkwitheachother("usemytemplate"),orderingparentsinwhatmethodtheymayor musttalkwitheachother("emailonly,andyoumustcopyme"),andevenutteringorderstoparents regardingwhenorwhethertheymustormaynotmeetand/orcommunicatewitheachother,withthe parentingcoordinator,withthecourtortheirownlawyer,andwithotherpeoplesuchasextendedfamily, allinastonishingviolationoffundamentalconstitutionalrights.Tofacilitateallofthis,parenting coordinationorders,agreements,"voluntary"consents,"understandings"andintakeformsgenerally requiretheparentstosignawayallmanneroftheseconstitutionalrights--inwhatis,essentially,a busybody'slucrativewetdream. Aspreviouslynoted,havingaparentingcoordinatoronacasekeepsthecasecontinuouslyopenand invitesittoexplodeintoendlessissue-making,ratherthanbeingfinallyresolved,andindoingso, actuallycreatesmore,notfewer,problemsforboththelitigantsandthecourts.Sometimesacasedoes appeartoresolve,butalltoooftenthatisonlybecausethefinanciallyoremotionallyweakerparty,orthe partyunfavoredbytheparentingcoordinator,justgivesupindefeat,beatenawaybytheconstant undercurrentthreatoflitigation,theharassment,andtheneedtoavoidcontinuingcosts.

(Ifjudges'goalsherearetogetpeopletojustshutupandgoaway,wecouldeliminateallofthedocket problemsinthecivilcourtsandachieveequallyfineresultsjustbyclosingthecourtsaltogether.)

Parentingcoordination,thelatestofthetherapeuticjurisprudentialideas,isdangerous,andnotmerely becauseofthedistortionitmakesinthejudicialsystemandofdueprocess. Inrecentyearstherehas beenaburgeoningofchildabuseanddeaths stemmingfromchildcustodydisputesinwhichabusive individualsgetcustodyandvisitationrights,correlatingwiththeriseofjointcustodytheoryandthe intrusionintothefamilycourtsoftherapeuticjurisprudence.Unqualifiedstrangerscanandwillmakebad decisionsthatsimplycannottimelybebroughttocourt,cannoteffectivelybereviewedbythecourt,or whichareprohibitivelyexpensivetobringtocourt.Parentingcoordinatorshavemissed.Conversely,inone Floridaappellatecase ,aparentingcoordinatorwronglyclaimedthat domesticviolencehadoccuredwhenithadn't,promptinganemergencychangeofcustody.Parenting coordinatorshaveassumedfactsthatarenottrue.Theyhaveperceivedemergenciesorsituations incorrectly.Theyhavemischaracterizedeventsandmadeegregiousjudgmentalmistakes.Theyhavelied outright.Seethecases.Theconceptisdangerousbecauseparentingcoordinatorsarenotand practicablycannotbesubjecttoanyeffectiveoversight.Eachcaseisdifferent,therearenostudies, thereisnobodyofknowlege,thereisnomethodology,therearenolicenses,thereareandcanbeno effectiveregulations,therearenoactualpracticeparametersotherthanaspirationalsound-goods,such as"beneutral",therearenodefinitionsofasuccessfuloutcome,andit'sallvaguenonsenseorworse.

Dependingonthevagariesofthepracticefromtimetotimeinthisorthatjurisdiction,parenting coordinatorseffectivelyhavelicensetowieldheavyauthorityandextremelybiasedpower,opiningback toandinfluencingjudges,bringingissuesintothepublicdomainthatdonotbelongthereandwhich werenotbroughtintothecasebyeitherparty,sidingwithonepartyunfairly(evendevelopingpersonal relationshipswithoneoftheparties),andrecommendingorjustorderingtheparentstohirethe parentingcoordinator'sowncroniesfortherapiesandguardianshipsandevaluations.It'sarecipefor morecorruptionand aninsulttotheruleoflaw .

Parentingcoordinatorscan--anddo--violatethetermsofparties'contractualagreementsaswellasthe law.Lobbyistsforstatutoryimplementationofthisrolehaveargued,speciously,thatoversightdoes indeedexistbecause,well,"ifthepartiesarenothappy,theycanalwaysgobacktocourt".Butreallife doesn'tworkthatway,anditespeciallydoesnotworkthatwayunderthesecircumstances. "Ifyoudon't likeit,thentakeittocourt" isadarethatcanbethrownoutcavalierly,becausetheparenting coordinatorrolepermitsthesecourtappointeestoholdovertheheadofobjectingpartiesthepower-- baselesslypresumedtobeexecutedingoodfaith--toobtaintheearofthejudgefirst,andtopoisonthe well.Theyalsoholdmorecredibilitybeforebeforethejudgethanthoselunatic,bitter,embattled, unreasonable,"high-conflict",personality-disorderedparents.Theycananddofunctionasshadow witnesses exparte ,toprovidethejudge(directlyaswellasindirectlythroughguardiansadlitem,other witnesses,andevenviasupporttooneoftheparties)withinformation,evidenceandinnuendo.Their inexpertopinionscanandfrequentlywilllabeloneofthepartiesastherecalcitrant,thewrongdoer,the deadbeat,thecrazy,orthe"uncooperative"one.

So"takeittothejudge"doesnotwork,particularlypost-decree,whenapartymaybeshortoftimeor funds,ormaynolongerevenhavealawyer.Anditdoesnotworkbecauseinmanycourts,daysor weeks,ormonthsmaygobybeforeapartycangetahearing.Anditdoesnotworkbecausean objectingpartyhastoovercomenotonlytheparentingcoordinatorbutalsotheopposingparty--being out-votedfromthegit-go,twoagainstone,aproblemalsoinherentinthefamilycourtguardianadlitem role,butpotentiallyevenworseinthisinstancebecausetheparentingcoordinatorsolicitssupportfrom theguardianadlitem,theappointedtherapists,andtherestofthecourthousecronies.Anditdoesnot workbecause"goingbacktocourt"meansriskingthe irritationofthejudgewhoappointedtheparenting coordinatorinthefirstplacepreciselybecausehedidn'twanttohearaboutit .Thereis nooversight .

Difficulttoremoveinanyeventonceappointed,theparenting coordinatorisevenmoredifficulttoremovewhenheorsheis biased(andthat'sabetterthanevenbet,giventhenatureof ongoinginformalrelationshipswithpeople,especiallywhere thereismoneyatstake,andespeciallygivenwhoisdrawnto thislineofwork).Biasshouldbeoneofthegroundsthat immediatelywouldmandateremovalofaparenting coordinator,butitalsomeansthattheparentingcoordinator willbevestedinpreservinghisownauraofcompetenceand neutrality(aswellascurrentandfutureincomestream),all thewhilebeingvalidatedbythepartywithwhomheis aligned.Moreover,howdoesapartyprove"bias"whentheubiquitousexplanationisthatthe "disgruntled"partywhodidn'tgethisorherwayalwaysmakesthisclaimof"bias".

Thereisnowaytotellinadvancewhomightbea"good"or"helpful"parentingcoordinator.Families differ,circumstancesdiffer,andpersonalitiesdiffer.Topartiesdisputingthis,orbuyingintoasell-jobfrom somementalhealthprofessional,mediator,orburnt-outlawyer,Iwouldask:howgreatwereyouin decidinginadvancewhotomarry,orwithwhomtohaveachild.Whatmakesyoubelievethatthethird partywhowantsthiseasyworkwillbeasecondvoiceon"your"side?

Intheinaneinsistencethat"both"parents"participate"inmakingdecisionsregardingthechild,inorder toavoidstalemate,parentingcoordinationisthe toolforunworkablecustodyandtimeshare arrangements ,notablyjointcustody,whichremovesfromBOTHparentstherighttofunctionwith authorityandautomony.Abigflawintheconceptofjointcustodyisthat,insteadofhavingatleastone functionalparent,thejointcustodychildnowhastwoineffectivehalf-parentswhomaynotfunction exceptintandem,andironicallytheyaretypicallythekindofparentsleastabletopullthisoff.Witha parentingcoordinatororguardianadlitemaddedintothemix,thechilddoesnotevenhavethat, becauseinsteadoftwohalf-parentssharinganundividedfundamentalparentallibertyinterest,thechild hashalf-parentswhoreporttoaparentingboss.It'sinvolvementbythestateinthecompleteabsenceof anyactualthreattothechildthatordinarilywouldjustifystateintrusionlikethis. Oneshouldcounter:ifathirdpartystranger,baseduponnoestablishedfieldofexpertisewhatsoever,is supposedlyqualifiedtomakeandfacilitatedecisionsimpactingotherpeople'sfamilylives,something thatisnotevenusuallyencouragedinclinicaltherapy,thenwhyisnotthebettersolutionjusttoassign thatauthoritytooneoftheparents?Thespheresofdecision-makingauthoritycanbeallocatedtoo.It wouldbeeasier,cheaper,quicker,anddone.Andatleastthenthechildwouldhaveonerealand functionalauthoritativeparent,somethingthatISdemonstrablyevidencedintheresearchtobe necessaryforchildsecurityandwell-being.

Whiletherhetoricisrampantthatparentsarelesslikelyorunlikelytoconsidertheirchildrenbefore themselvesintheirdecision-makingwhentheyareembattledinandpost-divorceissues, no researchactuallysubstantiatesthisconcoctedrationale .

Therationalefirstwasinventedbypsychtradegroupstolobbystate legislaturesforguardiansadliteminfamilylawcases,andlaterwas usedtojustifyinparttheappointmentofcustodyevaluators.It'sbecome yetanotherfamilycourtsystemtruismwithoutashredoffoundation.The anecdotalclaims(ifyouevengetthatmuch,getanyanecdotes)of individualswhohaveapoliticalorprofitmotive,peddlingtheirservicesto themarket,arejustnotcredible,especiallyastohistoricprimary caregivers.Nooneisasinterestedinorvestedintheirownchildren's happinessandwellbeingasthechild'sownparent,or,ifyoumust,as betweentwoparents,thantheonewhoalreadyhasshownhigherattachmentandcommitment.

Parentingcoordinationstandsasproofpositivethatsomethingisvery,verywrongwiththesubstantive directionofchildcustodylawinrecentyears.Asmoreandmorementalhealthprofessionalsstreaminto thecourtsystem,getinvolvedinbarassociations,andencouragelawyerstomixitupin "multidisciplinary"organizations,thesubstantivelawsaregettingworse.Theproblemsconsequentlyare gettingworse.Thesolutionsfortheiatrogenicproblemscausedbythesetherapeuticinterventionsare moreandmoreofthem.That'sdysfunctional.Thatcureis"hairofthedogthatbityou"andgoodgod,the "science"ofthepsychologicalexpertsisaboutasvalid.There'sabettersolution.Youshouldknowwhat thatisbynow.JustSayNo.

-- liz

[liznote:The childcustodycasemanager orcasemanagementsystem,suchasisinKansas,isasimilarconcept.]

ADDITIONALREADINGONPARENTINGCOORDINATION

ParentingCoordinatorPracticalIssues DVLeapbriefin2010case(Washington,DC)arguingsomeoftheconstitutionalissues Morefrom DVLeap

"TheCourt'sparentingcoordinatorordersunconsitutionallydelegatejudicialpowerandviolatedueprocess...TheSpecial MasterOrder'srequirementthatAppellantpayfortheparentingcoordinatorstowhomsheobjectsviolateslawandpublic policy...TheSpecialMasterOrderrequiringAppellanttowaivehermedicalprivilegeviolatesherstatutoryand constitutionalrightstoprivacy..."

ProtectingVictimsofDomesticViolence Outofcontrolparentingcoordinator(Hastingscase,FL2ndDCA,2002) Caveat custodymodificationstandard Outofcontrolparentingcoordinatorandarecusedjudgewhoreliedonhim(Wadecase,FL3rdDCA,2013)

Decisionincludesinformationaboutjudicialbiaswarrantingrecusalaswellasguidanceonwhatconstitutesan inappropriatereferralforapsychologicalevaluation.(Goodworkbytheattorneyforthemom.)

Martindale,D.A.,Falsepromiseofparentingcoordination,MatrimonialStrategist,25:8(2007)

"...aforuminwhichsnipingcancontinueunabated...[M]ostjurisdictionsdonotsufficientlyaddressissuesofdue process...Whenneitherevidentiaryrulesnordueprocessprotectionsapply...theprobabilityofunjustdecisionsis increased...Canthosewhoarebeingpaidtorenderaserviceobjectivelyevaluatetheneedfororeffectivenessofthat service...wemustnotlosesightofthevariouselementsoftheprocessthatcreateariskofiatrogenicharm." PDF

FormerFla.Gov.JebBushexplains2004vetoofparentingcoordinatorlegislation ExampleofunconstitutionaljudicialmandateforinvoluntaryPCappointment(Florida) DelegationofJudicialAuthoritytoExperts ,A.G.Behjani,2007UtahL.Rev.823 CCFCAmicusBrief, Tadrosv.Doyne (discoveryissues,howdueprocessgetsundermined) SampleOrderofReferraltoParentingCoordinator(Florida) ArticleonparentingcoordinationbillinFloridaanddomesticviolence AFCCParentingCoordinatorGuidelines (aspirationalgeneralities,nomalfeasanceoversight) Anattorneyfatherdescribeshisexperiencewithparentingcoordinationinhisowncase http://www.thelizlibrary.org/parenting-coordination/hastings.pdf (Hastingscasemalfeasance) HowtoRepresentParentsAccusedofChildAbuse(FloridaBarCLE) (hint,hint) http://www.thelizlibrary.org/parenting-coordination/wyckoff.pdf http://www.5dca.org/Opinions/Opin2009/012609/5D07-3461.pdf http://www.floridasupremecourt.org/decisions/2005/sc04-1012.pdf http://www.thelizlibrary.org/parenting-coordination/norris.pdf http://www.2dca.org/opinion/February%2001,%202006/2D04-2609.pdf http://batteredmomslosecustody.wordpress.com/ CASEMANAGERS--anobsceneconcept (April2012articleKansas) more kansas-case-managers.pdf KansasbriefonaCASEMANAGEMENToutcome ShrinksGoneWild WillickLawGroup,Nevada ShrinksGoneWild2 WillickLawGroup,Nevada

ADDITIONALREADINGONTHERAPEUTICJURISPRUDENCE

RightofFirstRefusalinParentingPlans CustodyEvaluatorsandDiscoveryofTestData RichardDucote,Esq,onAbolishingGuardiansadLitem MargaretDore,Esq.ontheCaseforAbolishingCustodyEvaluators LizontheLawyerEthicalProblemswithTherapeuticJurisprudence Re-evaluatingtheEvaluators:CustodyEvaluationGuidelines ChildCustodyEvaluators:InTheirOwnWords TherapeuticJurisprudenceIndex

RESEARCHRELEVANTTOCHILDCUSTODYISSUES

Research:JointCustodyStudies Research:JointCustodyJustDoesNotWork MythsandFactsaboutFatherhood WhattheResearchReallySays MythsandFactsaboutMotherhood WhattheResearchReallySays MythsandFactsaboutStepmothersandMotherAbsence ChildCustodyResearch:WhattheExpertsSay ScholarlyReview

"RULEOFLAW"vs."RULEOFMAN"

Acommonthemeunderlyingnearlyalltheproblemsinthefamilycourtsisthesloppyfloatawayfromthe"ruleoflaw"to"ruleof man".The"ruleofman"describessuchthingsasdictatorships,decision-makingbywhim,discretionwithoutoversight,vague standardsthatcannotpredictablybeanticipatedorapplied,faux-expertrecommendation-makingandopiningsuchaswithmental healthprofessionalparentingevaluations,andthepanoplyoftherapeuticjurisprudenceinterventionssuchasparenting coordinationandspecialmastering.Alloftheseabrogatedueprocess,andthefundamentalprinciplesonwhichoursystemof jurisprudencewasfounded.Theideashavebeenpushedbythementalhealthlobbiesandbyindividualswhoeitherdon't understandordon'tcareaboutsomehigherpriorities.

"Ruleofman"isaconceptthatweditchedwiththeformationofthiscountryinfavorof"ruleoflaw".Ourfoundingfathers recognizedthatthereisnowaytoregulateoroverseeindividualsgiventoomuchdiscretionordictatorialauthority.Withregardto thefamilycourts,IkeephearingandreadingwhatareessentiallyinanepleastofixthevariousmisguidedADRprogramsvia "guidelines"(aspirationalonly,andwithimmunityfromsanctionformisfeasance),andfor"trainings",andforgettingridofthose whoare"incompetent"--allofwhichsuggestionsexhibitanastonishinglackofappreciationforthestupidityinherentinthese extra-judicialideas--ideaswhichThomasPaineandourfoundingfatherswouldhaveabhorred(see,e.g. CommonSense ). Dictatorshipcannotbepermittednotbecausetherecouldn't(theoretically)besomewiseandbeneficentdictatorswhowouldbe betterandmoreefficientthanthemessysystemofdueprocessandchecksandbalancesweidealize,butbecauseunderthat dictatorialsystemweinevitablyandprimarilywillsufferthe fools,thetyrants,andthecorrupt .Andthat'swithoutaddressingthe panoplyofotherconstitutionaldefects.Besides,noscientificallysoundresearchactuallyestablishes"harm"fromtheadversarial system--orbenefittofamilies'well-beingfromappliedtherapeuticjurisprudence.Theseideaswereinventedinmentalhealth tradepromotiongroupsaslobbyingtalkingpoints.(Ifyoudoubtthis,feelfreetocontactmeformoreinformation.)Yikes.What arewedoing.Totheextentwe'vebeensoldabillofgoods,swampland,snakeoilandthevoodooof"expertise"bythemental healthprofessions,atleastuntilrelativelyrecently,thestuffwasn'tharmingourlegalsystem.Nowitis.Wakeup,andwiseup.

Whatwedoneedaresomerealisticchangesinthesubstantivelawsaddressingdivorceandchildcustody.Whatwedon'tneed isarevolutioninproceduralrulesandtheoverthrowingofindividuals'constitutionalrights.

Formylistofrants,see theindex tothissectionofthewebsiteonparentingcoordination. Formorereadingonthebasicsof"ruleoflaw"versus"ruleofman"generally,see: http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Rule+of+law http://www.law.umn.edu/uploads/kt/j1/ktj1SiAeuvdPv-_oeK2UdA/Stein-Introduction-Final-Online-PDF-03.30.09.pdf http://duhaime.org/LegalDictionary/R/RuleofLaw.aspx http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_law

--liz(2009)

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