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Parenting Coordination for High-Conflict Separated Parents

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Parenting Coordination for High-Conflict Separated Parents 1 Parenting Coordination for High-Conflict Separated Parents Greg Kovacs, LMFT Upstate Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Parenting Coordinator M.S., Marriage and Family Therapy, University of New Hampshire M.Phil.., Child and Family Studies, Syracuse University M.S., Data Analytics, University of Maryland Ph.D., Child and Family Studies, Syracuse University (est. 2021) ⚫ www.gregkovacs.com ⚫ https://www.facebook.com/upstatemft 2 3 Welcome Message At the UMFT Parenting Coordination Program we use the latest research on the effects of high-conflict divorce and separation on children to coordinate with parents, children, attorneys, courts, and other providers to create and enforce a comprehensive and effective coparenting plan Our Vision: We Will Empower Parents To Communicate, Negotiate, And The UMFT Resolve Differences To Help Their Children Thrive Parenting Our Philosophy: Building On The Foundations Of State-of- The-science Research, We Will Always Be Driven To Understand The Complexities Of Couple Coordination And Family Interactions To Help Parents Overcome Challenging Patterns Of Program Thought, Emotion, And Behavior 4 A Non-confidential, Child-centered Process For High-conflict Divorced Parents Parenting A Form Of Dispute Resolution For Parents In Which Mediation Would Be Inappropriate Or Coordination Ineffective Due To High Levels Of Conflict is . Hybrid Role Performed By An Impartial Third Party • High Rates of Litigation and Re-litigation • Parents are Overly Focused On Their Own Needs • Difficulty Viewing Situations From Another’s Perspective What is a • Extremely Sensitive To Criticism • Chronic Inability to Communicate About Child-Rearing Matters • High Levels Of Rigid Thinking High • Distorts Or Misinterprets Information • Focus On Negative Stories Of The Marriage And Separation • Not Held Accountable For Destructive Pre- And Post-Divorce Behaviors Conflict • Behaviors Are Reinforced By The Adversarial Process Of Divorce • Remain Engaged To One Another Through Conflict And Hostility Family? • Often Unable To Trust One Another 6 7 Meetings: I meet with parents and children together and, at times, alone to learn the distinct needs and desires of each family member. The meetings are not mental health counseling. Rather, parents discuss, negotiate, and come to agreement on various coparenting items, including parenting time, transfers, behavior management, vacation arrangements, and parent-parent communication. After any number of meetings a formal Parenting Plan will What the be developed and notarized if there is not already one in place. Between meetings I maintain contact with parents to ensure that the agreed- Parenting upon Parenting Plan is being adhere to, and I offer support and guidance to parents as needed. Coordination Between meetings, if I was assigned by Court Order, then I will communicate with the Court, attorneys, and Law Guardians to discuss progress in Process coparenting and adherence to the Parenting Plan. Between meetings I will make referrals, if needed, to mental health professionals and will coordinate and collaborate with those professionals to Looks Like ensure that the child(ren)’s best interests are being managed. If coparenting progress is being maintained, and the child(ren)’s best interests are consistently met, then the Parenting Coordination process will terminate Multi-Factor Intervention Many factors influence children’s adjustment to separation 8 9 • Puts Children in the Middle of their Parent’s Animosity • Places a Burden on the Child’s Development and Identity Formation • Impairs Reality Testing Impact of • Interferes with Responsible Parenting High Conflict • Alters the Nature of Parent-Child Relationships • Threatens the Protective Nature of Parents on • Persistent Fear Children • Increases Anxiety and Distress • May Assume an Adult Role • Behavioral Aggression Cost Professional Bias Re-litigation rates burden the court Information from community sources system of therapy can be biased due to lack of whole family system engagement Limitations of Limited Scope Lack of Monitoring Our Legal Courts are unable to provide a Courts are unable to monitor System therapeutic intervention effective for parental behaviors binuclear families Confidentiality Lack of Resources Collaboration between the Court Courts have limited financial community resources is limited due resources and manpower to to confidentiality implement comprehensive intervention programs 10 How Families Become Engaged with A Parenting Coordinator •Parents Can Voluntarily Contact UMFT Parenting Coordination Program •Consent Order by Court •Court Order 11 Advantages of a Comprehensive Court Order • Governs the role of the Parenting Coordinator • Requires that all parties adhere to the guidelines set forth in the document • Increases cooperation amongst participants and lessens the likelihood of coalitions between parent and Parenting Coordinator • Protects the Parenting Coordinator and minimizes role confusion • May reduce litigation and future court involvement 12 Recommended Elements of a Court Order or Stipulation • Clear Definition of Parenting Coordinator Role • Clear Terms • Indicate that Parenting Coordination is Non-Confidential • Indicate Scope of Parenting Issues and Concerns • Indicate Whether the Court would like Oral or Written Communication of the Parenting Coordinator • Indicate Conferred Scope and Authority of Decision-Making by the Parenting Coordinator • Indicate Whether the Court would Like Recommendations of the Parenting Coordinator • Indicate Whether Testimony of the Parenting Coordinator will be Required • Indicate How Parenting Coordination Fees will be Allocated Between Parents (50/50 is typical) • Indicate Parenting Coordinator Appointment and Term of Appointment Primary Goal of To Empower Parents Of Divorce Or Separation To Parenting Communicate, Negotiate, And Resolve Differences To Help Coordination Their Children Thrive 14 The Secondary Goals of Parenting Coordination To Foster A Constructive Post-separation Parental Alliance That Empowers Parents To: • Disengage From The Physical And Emotional Marital Relationship • Clarify New Boundaries • Manage Conflict • Make Effective Mutual Decisions • Increase Positive Cooperative Behaviors • Understand The Impact Of Separation And Parental Conflict On Their Children 15 Use State-of-the Science Research On Divorce And Educate Separation To Educate Parents On Best Practices That Maximize Child Outcomes Actively Monitor Parent Behaviors Through Regular Monitor Phone or Face-to-Face Contact To Ensure Success Of UMFT Parenting Agreed Upon Parenting Plans Coordinator Roles Use Mediation Skills To Ensure A Parenting Plan That Mediate and Meets The Needs Of Parents And Children Responsibilities Refer As Needed To Mental Health Providers And Ensure Manage Case Compliance. Coordinate With Schools And Other Professionals To Maximize Positive Child Outcomes Offer Professional Opinions To Courts Based Upon Arbitrate (optional) Assessment, Research, And Family Circumstances 16 Educate Parents Regarding The Impact Of Parental Educate Conflict On The Child(ren)’s Development UMFT Parent Coordinator Teach Parents Anger Management, Communication, And Teach Negotiation Skills While Informing Parents Of The Impact Educational Of Divorce And Separation On Children Responsibilities Offer Access To A 3 Hour Online Or In-Person Seminar On Seminar Basic Coparenting Skills Records And Safeguards The Monitors Parental Child(ren)’s UMFT Compliance With Emotional And Parenting Court Orders Physical Needs Monitors Parental Coordinator Compliance With Monitors And Program Reports Family Guidelines And Progress Monitoring New Agreements Monitors Parental Responsibilities Behaviors In Order To Reduce Conflict And Stress For All Family Members 18 Works with parents in Mediates UMFT Parenting developing a parenting detailed concerns to Parenting Plan reach a Coordinator for issues such mutually as discipline, satisfying Mediation transitions, resolution that decision-making meets the Responsibilities* procedures, unique needs of communication, the family etc. * Greg is Trained as a NYS Divorce Mediator 19 • Central To The Team • One- And Two-way Communication UMFT Parent • Consults And Collaborates With Coordinator Other Professionals Case • Balances The Needs Of The Family With The Requirements Of The Management Court Responsibilities • Not Constrained By Confidentiality Agreements 20 • Family Systems Theory • Adult Psychopathology UMFT • Developmental Psychology • Child & Adolescent Divorce Recovery Parenting • Parental Alienation Coordinator • Mediation & Conflict Resolution • Communications Theory Training and • Basic Legal Aspects Of Divorce Experience • Parenting Plans & Time-Sharing Options • Domestic Violence & Substance Abuse • Psychotherapeutic Interventions 21 Child Initial Sessions Interview Family Phone Contact, Virtual Meetings, Types of Session or and Face-to-Face Contact Occur Joint Relapse Regularly and As-Needed Sessions Sessions Prevention Extended Significant Family Others 22 23 • Modification Of • Parental Transitions Communication • Modification Of Time- • Parent-child sharing Communication • Holiday & Vacation • Religious Potential Topics Schedules Engagement of Discussion • Behavior • Daycare Placement Management • Educational During Joint • Health Care Placement Sessions • Other Treatment • Supervised Visitation Providers • Mental Health • Children’s Clothing Services • Safety Measures • Extra-curricular Activities
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