Halachically Speaking: Lag B'omer and the Upsherin

M_00804-19,20

Halachically Speaking: Lag B’Omer and the Upsherin By Rabbi Moshe Lebovits

Grade Level: Middle School-High School, Adult

Description: These essays cover the halachos pertaining to Lag B’omer and the upsherin. “Halachically Speaking” is a biweekly publication that explains and expounds upon one relevant, timely topic in halacha in each issue. All sources are footnoted and the information is divided into organized sections. This is a wonderful resource for teachers and parents to increase awareness and knowledge about vital topics in halacha.

Goals/Objectives: Students will examine the English summary and compilation of sources on each halachic topic to gain a better understanding of how to keep the halacha properly. Instructions: The newsletter can be used in a variety of ways: 1. The teacher can present the weekly halachic topic to the class and use the newsletter as a teaching resource for the sources and for the presentation of material. This would not necessarily tie in to the curriculum. 2. Depending on what the class is covering, the teacher can select the relevant halacha topic that he wants his class to focus on. 3. Parents can use the weekly newsletter as an interesting and informative way to generate discussion about the halacha at the Shabbos table. 4. Teachers can assign the newsletter as an enrichment activity where the student researches the topic from the footnotes of sources that are provided. Note: Halachically Speaking is compiled by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits a former chaver kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath and a musmach of Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. Rabbi Lebovits currently works as the Rabbinical Administrator for the KOF-K Kosher Supervision.

Chapter Nineteen

Lag B’omer

Lag B’omer is a day which people celebrate with great simcha and joy. What is the reason for this great celebration? When does it start? At night or by day? Why do so many people go to Meron on Lag B’omer? Should one go to Meron for an Upsherin? All these questions and many others will be discussed in this issue.

The reason why the day is called Lag B’omer not Lag L’omer is because B’omer is the numerical value of Moshe Rabbeinu and Rav Shimon Bar Yochai (see below) who was from the neshoma of Moshe Rabbeinu and rose to the same level as Moshe Rabbeinu.1

Lag B’omer will always fall out on the same day of the week as Purim.2

What Happened on Lag B’omer Many different happenings took place on Lag B’omer.3 Some say it is the day Rav Shimon Bar Yochai came out of the cave that he and his son were in for thirteen years.4 Rav Shimon Bar Yochai died on Lag B’omer and revealed to us the Zohar.5 The Rama also died on Lag B’omer and many have the custom to go to his kever on Lag B’omer.6

The Simcha of Lag B’omer On Lag B’omer we are happy.7 Some say the reason is because the talmidim of Rav Akiva who died throughout the days following Pesach stopped dying on Lag

1 Elei Heim Moadei page 382, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 301, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 268 in the footnote, Ohr Mufla pages 66-67. 2 Tur O.C. 428, Shulchan Aruch 428:1. Refer to Me’or V’Shemesh page 142, Ohr Mufla pages 69- 70. Lag B’omer also happens to fall out the same day as Moshe Rabbeinu’s Ushpezin (Shar Yisoschor Chodesh Iyar 20:page 98, Gal Einay page 31). 3 Refer to Nesivos Sholom 2:pages 327-331. 4 Refer to Mesechtas Shabbos 33b, Bereishis Rabbah 79:6, Koheles Rabbah 10:8, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 302:6. 5 Birchei Yosef 493:4, Chai Adom 131:11, Kaf Ha’chaim 493:26, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 302:7, Gal Einay page 32. Rav Shimon Bar Yochai lived till about eighty years-old. 6 Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 302:8, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 278. 7 Darchei Moshe 493:1, Rama 2, Shulchan Aruch Harav 5, Yaavetz page 163a, Matei Moshe 68:page 148, Me’am Loez Vayeitzeh page 575, Gal Einay page 11.

1 B’omer.8 Some poskim ask if so many talmidim died why is this a reason to be happy?9 The answer may be we are happy that the talmidim which Rav Akiva acquired afterwards did not die.10 The talmidim of Rav Akiva died because they did not show respect to each other.11 Some say they spoke loshon hara about each other.12 Others say although each talmid grew to higher levels of Torah, they were treated by each other as if they had not grown at all, because they were still friendly from the olden days.13

Others say the reason is to show honor for Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.14 Some say the mon started to fall on Lag B’omer.15 Others say the reason for the joy is based on reasons of kabbalah.16

The Greatness of the Day Lag B’omer is a segula for parnasa.17 Some say it brings one to yiras shomayim.18 It is a day for one to ask for his needs through tefilla.19 It is a day where one can ask for salvation in any area of life.20

Meron and Lag B’omer The custom to go to Meron on Lag B’omer dates back to the Rishonim.21 One should not go to Meron by himself.22 Some say going three days before and after has some meaning as well.23 Although some question the inyun of going to Meron

8 Refer to Mesechtas Yevomos 62b, Meiri page 229, Shulchan Aruch 493:2, Levush 493:2, Gra 493:2, Mishnah Berurah 8, Divrei Torah 3:83, Aruch Ha’shulchan 493:5, Taamei Haminhagim page 251:604, Mishnas Rav Aaron 3:pages 13-17. Refer to Pri Megadim M.Z. 493:1, Mishnah Berurah 7. 9 Pri Chadash 493:2, Moadim B’halacha page 301. 10 Pri Chadash ibid, Sdei Chemed Eretz Yisroel 6:page 8. Refer to Maharsha to Mesechtas Moed Kotton 28a “Meis B’chamishim). 11 Mesechtas Yevomos ibid. 12 Me’am Loez Vayeitzeh page 575. 13 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. 14 Chai Adom 131:11, Kaf Ha’chaim 27, Orchos Rabbeinu page 92:16. Refer to Birchei Yosef 493:4. 15 Chasam Sofer Y.D. 233, Sefer Hatodah page 259, Ohr Gedalyuhu Moadim page 77:2. 16 Ibid, see Bnei Yisoschor (Nissan) 12:12. 17 Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 292. 18 Sefas Emes Emor 652, Ohr Gedalyuhu Moadim page 154:4, Lag B’omer page 260. 19 Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:pages 292-293. Some say it is a day to do teshuva (Yaros Devash 2:11, Ohr Mufla page 26). Some say it is a day for hasmuda in learning (Gal Einay page 15). 20 Bnei Yisoschor (Iyar) 2:page 98. See Ohr Gedalyuhu Moadim page 154, Gal Einay page 16. 21 Refer to Ateres Zekanim 493, Kaf Ha’chaim 493:26, Sharei Halacha U’minhag page 165, Taamei Haminhagim pages 256-266 in depth for a list of who went to Meron. Some say if one does not go he does not see simcha in his days (Taamei Haminhagim page 275). 22 Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 276. 23 Nachlas Yisroel 51, Taamei Haminhagim page 268:footnote 43. Refer to Da’as Torah 3:46 who seems to argue.

2 on Lag B’omer,24 the custom is to go. It would seem that one who does not live in Eretz Yisroel does not have to be matriach himself to go to Meron on Lag B’omer.25 One who can not go to Meron should learn the teachings of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.26

Today, when one goes to Meron he can see animals being shechted on the side of the road. One should make sure that these animals are shechted properly and salted etc according to halacha. This is usually not the case, and one should be careful not to eat from animals that were shechted in this way. Furthermore, when going to Meron one should be careful to avoid the areas that people walk around dressed immodestly.27

Lag B’omer and Rav Shimon Bar Yochai Any person who is asked will tell you that Lag B’omer is the day that hundreds of thousands of people go to Meron to the kever of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.28 Why is this so?

As mentioned earlier, Rav Shimon Bar Yochai was niftar on Lag B’omer.29 Normally when a tzadik dies the yartzeit is not a day of simcha and joy, rather one fasts.30 However, Rav Shimon Bar Yochai is different. Before he was niftar he called his students and revealed to them the secrets of the Torah. These secrets were written down and are contained in the Zohar.31 Therefore, we are extra happy and rejoice on the day that these secrets were given to us. Others say since a miracle happened to Rav Shimon Bar Yochai that he did not die when he was in the cave,32 we celebrate his yartzeit by being happy.33 The day Rav Shimon Bar Yochai died

24 Shoel U’meishiv 5:39, Chasam Sofer Y.D. 233, Taamei Haminhagim page 271. 25 Taamei Haminhagim page 269:6. 26 Moreh B’etzbah 8:223, Moed Lechul Chai 7:8, Kaf Ha’chaim 493:27, Taamei Haminhagim page 272, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 277:6. The Doleh U’mashka page 196 says he did not learn the teachings of the Zohar etc on Lag B’omer. 27 Yechaveh Da’as 5:35, Yalkut Yosef Moadim page 435, Mekadesh Yisroel 107. 28 Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:page 347. The simcha is made in America as well but on a lower level (Mekadesh Yisroel 104, see Minchas Elazar 4:60). Kohanim may not enter the kever of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai (Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 366:23:footnote 34). Approximately 400,000-450,000 go to Meron for Lag B’omer. 29 Taamei Haminhagim page 251:kuntres achron 604, page 271:11, Bnei Yisoschor (Iyar) 3:2:page 123b (new), Sefer Hatodah page 258, Moadim B’halacha pages 299-300, Yechaveh D’as 5:35. 30 Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 376:4, see Shulchan Aruch O.C. 568:7-9. 31 Moreh B’etzah 223, Mishmeres Shalom 38:1, Taamei Haminhagim page 256, pages 267-268 in depth, Kaf Ha’chaim 493:26, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos pages 314-315, Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 96:13, see Lag B’omer (Artscroll) pages 50-52. 32 Refer to Rabbeinu Chananel Mesechtas Succah 45b. 33 Shem Aryeh O.C. 14. Before he was in the cave he was Shimon Bar Yochai, and after he left the cave he got the name Rav because of all the Torah he learnt there (Mekomos Hakedoshim page 18).

3 three-thousand halachos were introduced. This is another reason why we are happy on Lag B’omer.34

Anytime it says in the Gemorah Rav Shimon without any other name, it means Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.35 He was the talmid of Rav Akiva and Rav Yehoshua.36

The day that he was niftar is referred to as the “yom hilulei” of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.37

Tachnun on Lag B’omer Tachnun is not recited both on Lag B’omer and on the day before at mincha which is the thirty second day of the omer.38 One recites lam’natz’eiach yancha etc. on Lag B’omer.39 However, others say that it should not be recited;40 this is not the overwhelming custom. When Lag B’omer falls out on Sunday (as it does this year) one does not recite tzidkascha tzedek at mincha on Shabbos.41

Fasting One may fast for tannis chalom on Lag B’omer. One should not fast for a yartzeit on Lag B’omer.42

When getting married on Lag B’omer those who have the custom to fast on their wedding day should do so.43 Others are lenient.44 Even one who did not fast

34 Matamim Hachodesh page 16, Shar Yisoschor Chodesh Iyar Gal Einay 23. Refer to Taamei Haminhagim pages 251, 267-268. See Lag B’omer page 229. 35 Rambam in Pirush Hamishnayos to Zerayim page 59b column 1, see Rashi in Mesechtas Shavuos 2b “mishmo.” Refer to Avos 4:17, Berochos 43b, Gittin 67a for other sayings of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai. 36 Refer to Medrash Rabbah (Vayikra) 21:8, Mesechtas Gittin 67a. 37 Zohar 3:page 291a, Moreh B’etzbah 223, Chai Adom 131:11, Aruch Ha’shulchan 7, Kaf Ha’chaim 493:27, Taamei Haminhagim pages 265-266, 272. There are different translations for the words hilulei. Some say it is simcha others say it is hallel (refer to Moadim B’halacha page 301, Lag B’omer pge 212). 38 Darchei Moshe 493:3, Rama 131:6, 493:2, Levush 493:2, Pri Megadim Eishel Avraham 493:3, Sharei Teshuva 493:2, Be’er Heitiv 5, Matei Moshe 688, Shulchan Aruch Harav 6, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 120:6, Mishnah Berurah 131:35, 493:9, Shar Ha’tzyion 11, Igros Moshe O.C. 1:159, Mekadesh Yisroel Sefira 108. Refer to Chok Yaakov 493:6 who seems to say that tachnun should be recited on Lag B’omer. 39 Shulchan Aruch 292:2, Pri Megadim Eishel Avraham 403:3, Mishnah Berurah 439:9 (CHECK) Mekadesh Yisroel 108. 40 Pri Chadash 131:1, Siddur Yaavetz 2:page 163, Shulchan Hatohar 131:18. 41 Levush 493:4. 42 Refer to Meiri Yevomos 62b, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos 17:23-24. 43 Magen Avraham 573:1, Chai Adom 132:43, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 146:2, Mishnah Berurah 573:7, Da’as Torah 493:1, Aruch Ha’shulchan E.H. 61:21, Mekadesh Yisroel 111:page 156, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 365:22. Refer to Shulchan Haezer 6:3:6 and Misgeres Ha’shulchan 146:3 who bring lenient opinions. Refer to Otzer Haposkim 61:1:10:2 pages 261-266 in depth.

4 should still say viduy at mincha.45 When a fast day precedes the day of the chuppah one should still fast on the day of the chuppah.46 The same would apply if a fast follows the day of the chuppah.47

Marriage The custom is that one is permitted to get married on Lag B’omer.48 Some say that the only time that one may get married on Lag B’omer is by day.49 The Sefardim have the custom to marry on the thirty-fourth day of the omer.50 The overwhelming custom is that one may get married the night of Lag B’omer.51 However others have the custom not to get married on Lag B’omer as well.52 A wedding that started on Lag B’omer by day may continue into the night.53 Dancing and music are permitted at a wedding on Lag B’omer.54

It is interesting to point out that one who goes to a chasana during the time he is observing the restrictions of sefira may only dance after the chosson and kallah come out from taking pictures, since before they come out the dancing is not considered being mes’ameach the chosson and kallah.55 Even those who hold like the Arizal and are noheg the issur of taking haircuts on all days of sefira,56 may

44 Elya Rabbah 573:3, Mishnah Berurah 573:7, Piskei Shemuos page 68. If the wedding is on Lag B’omer at night then all would agree one fasts on the thirty second day of the omer (Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 272:8). 45 Pischei Teshuva E.H. 61:9. 46 Igros Moshe O.C. 1:167, Rivevos Ephraim 3:125:3, 3:587, Shraga Hameir 7:64, Yismach Lev 1:page 365, Chai Ha’Levi 3:87. Refer to E’ven Yisroel 7:28. The Shraga Hameir 3:103:3 is lenient with brushing one’s teeth on the day of the chuppah even if one is fasting. 47 Shevet Ha’kehusi 4:314. The Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 404:13 is lenient. 48 Rama 493:1, Magen Avraham 5, Levush 2, Minchas Elazar 4:60, Darchei Chaim V’sholom 636, Yechaveh Da’as 3:31. If the chosson has one minhag and the kallah has a different one, the custom of the chosson is followed (Refer to Yechaveh Da’as 3:31, Igros Moshe O.C. 1:158, Yismach Lev 1:page 100). Some say the dancing should be done by day and the seuda may be done at night (Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 365:footnote 81). 49 Elya Rabbah 7, Pri Megadim Eishel Avraham 1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 120:6, Mishnah Berurah 11, Kaf Ha’chaim 26, Sharei Halacha U’minhag 222:page 165, Yismach Lev 1:page 101 quoting the opinion of Horav Chaim Kanievesky Shlita. Refer to Shulchan Aruch Harav 5. 50 Shulchan Aruch 493:1, Pri Chadash 1, Biur Halacha “yeish,” Kaf Ha’chaim 25, Minchas Yitzchok 4:84, Yechaveh Da’as 3:31. 51 Machzik Beracha 5, Aruch Ha’shulchan 4, Kaf Ha’chaim 28, Mahari Asad (Yehuda Yaleh) 2:39, Chelkes Yaakov 1:97, Igros Moshe O.C. 1:159, Shevet Ha’Levi 8:168:5, Shearim Metzuyanim B’halacha 120:13. Refer to Hilchos Yemey Ha’omer pages 40-43 in depth. 52 Divrei Yoel 26:1, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 214:footnote 17 (Minhag in Skver), see Lag B’omer page 178:footnote 31. 53 Igros Moshe E.H. 1:97:page 247, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 217:19, Mekadesh Yisroel 103, Chut Shuni Shabbos 4:page 380. 54 Igros Moshe E.H. 2:95, Avnei Yushfei 1:113. 55 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. 56 Refer to footnote 69.

5 make a wedding on Lag B’omer.57 No weddings are permitted on the night before the thirty second day.58

Haircuts/Shaving According to the opinion of the Mechaber one may not take haircuts until the thirty fourth day in the morning.59 The Rama holds one may shave on Lag B’omer.60 Many say this means even at night (because no tachnun is said already from erev Lag B’omer),61 while others say it means first thing in the morning because if one waits a little in the morning it is as if one waited a whole day. This is known as miktzas hayom k’kula.62 The custom of many seems to be that shaving or taking a haircut is permitted after neitz hachama.63

When Lag B’omer falls out on Sunday (as it does this year) shaving etc is permitted on Friday because of kovod for Shabbos.64 The reason why it is kovod for Shabbos is because by the mincha before Lag B’omer one does not say tachnun, so technically shaving would permitted on Shabbos, but since one can not do so, the allowance is pushed back to Friday.65 One may not shave etc. on Motzei Shabbos when Lag B’omer falls out on Sunday.66 Furthermore, many say that shaving etc. in the above situation is not permitted on Thursday night if one has time to do it

57 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Minchas Elazar 4:60. 58 Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 216:18. 59 Shulchan Aruch 493:2, Biur Halacha “yeish,” Kaf Ha’chaim 25. Refer to Kaf Ha’chaim 493:18. If Lag B’omer falls out on Friday then even according to the Sefardim haircuts etc are permitted on Friday because of kovod for Shabbos (Shulchan Aruch ibid). 60 Rama 493:2, Levush 2, Chai Adom 131:11, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 120:15, Machzik Beracha 2, Aruch Ha’shulchan 7, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 222, Ben Pesach L’shavuos page 249:footnote 17). This was the opinion of the Chazzon Ish and the Steipler (Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 95:10). 61 Be’er Heitiv 493:5, Chok Yaakov 6, Elya Rabbah 7, Shulchan Aruch Harav 5, Mishnah Berurah 11, Shar Ha’tzyion 12, Biur Halacha “yeish,” Mekadesh Yisroel 103. 62 Gr’a, Mishnah Berurah 6. Refer to Machtzis Ha’shekel 3. 63 Shulchan Aruch Harav 5, Mishnah Berurah 7,10, Lekutei Maharich 3:page 569 (new), Doleh U’mashka page 196. The Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 364:footnote 80 is lenient, since bonfires etc. are made at night, haircuts etc should not be different. 64 Rama ibid, Chok Yaakov 7, Shulchan Aruch Harav 5, Chai Adom 131:11, Mishnah Berurah 5, Aruch Ha’shulchan 6, L’Torah V’horah 2:page 19:2 quoting the opinion of Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l, Rivevos Ephraim 6:page 294:2, Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 95:11, see Chok Yaakov 7. This is even according to the Sefardim (Bais Dovid 208). Lag B’omer falls out on Sunday in the following years (5767, 70, 71, 73, 74, 77, 84, 88, 91, 94, 95, 97, 98). Some say to take the haircut on Friday after chatzos if possible, although taking it before chatzos is also permitted (Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 364:footnote 79). 65 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. Refer to Nodeh B’Yehuda 1:28:page 64 (old). 66 Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 250:foontoe 20 quoting the opinion of Horav Elyashiv Shlita, Doleh U’mashka page 196, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 364:footnote 31.

6 on Friday.67 One who started shaving etc. on Lag B’omer may continue after shekia as well (even if he holds no shaving after Lag B’omer).68

According to the opinion of the Arizal shaving is not allowed even on Lag B’omer.69 Shaving is permitted on Erev Shavuos even for those who go with the Arizal’s opinion.70

Meron and Upsherin Hundreds, if not thousands of people, cut their children’s hair in Meron on Lag B’omer.71 This was the custom of the Arizal.72 Some say the reason is because the holiness of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai should be a zechus for the child.73 Others say the reason is because hair is part of the yetzer hara and this was taught to us by Rav Shimon bar Yochai when he gave us the Zohar.74 Many have the custom to go to Meron on Lag B’omer and cut the child’s hair even before the child has actually reached the age of three.75 Others say only if the child was born during sefira should one go to Meron. If the child was born after Shavuos or before sefira then one should not go to Meron to cut his hair.76 Some question the reason to go cut hair at a kever of any tzadik.77

Saying “Today is Lag B’omer”

67 Refer to Mishnah Berurah 260:5, Rivevos Ephraim 1:338, 4:131, see Kaf Ha’chaim 23, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 250. One who did not cut his hair in this situation until Sunday was not mezalzel in the honor of Shabbos (Rivevos Ephraim 1:338). 68 Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 96, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 247:7:footnote 10 quoting the opinion of Horav Chaim Kanievesky Shlita. 69 Sharei Teshuva 493:8, Birchei Yosef 3, Moreh B’etzbah 8:221, Kaf Ha’chaim 13, Lekutei Maharich ibid, Shulchan Hatohar 260:8, Darchei Chaim V’sholom 628, Rivevos Ephraim 3:540:7, Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:15. Refer to Moed Lechul Chai 6:7, Minchas Elazar 3:65. 70 Kaf Ha’chaim 13, Ohr L’tzyion 3:17:6. 71 Refer to Pardes Yosef Tazria 13:33, Minhagei Eretz Yisroel 23:13, Sharei Halacha U’minhag page 166, Chanoch L’nar 32:footnote 4, Yalkut Yosef 5:pages 435-436, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 316:8, Eyunei Halachos 1:page 457, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 364:footnote 32. Some go on other days to Meron for this even not on Lag B’omer (Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:pages 312-315). Others go to the kever of Shmuel to cut the child’s hair (Radvaz 2:608). The minhag is to permit the haircut to be done at night of Lag B’omer (Mekadesh Yisroel 82). 72 Ateres Zekanim 493, Sefer Hatodah page 258, see ibid:page 259, Minchas Elazar 4:10, Divrei Yoel 27, Peros Noshrim page 328. 73 Sdei Chemed mareches Eretz Yisroel 6:page 7. Refer to Lag B’omer pages 313-314. 74 Aprakasisa D’yana 1:161. Refer to Kotzosov Taltlaim page 60 for an additional reason. 75 Ben Pesach L’Shavuos 19:13:footnote 20, Lag B’omer page 27:footnote 29. Some say he can even be two and a half (Kotzosov Taltlaim page 39:footnote 16). This topic will IY”H be discussed in full detail in Volume 3 Issue 19. 76 Refer to Arugas Habosem O.C. 210, Aprakasisa D’yana 1:161, Chinuch Yisroel 8, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:246, Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:pages 351-353, Hilchos Yemei Ha’omer page 33. The Chazzon Ish said if one makes an upsherin earlier than he is supposed to it is damaging to the child (Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:246). 77 Mishpetei Tzedek 74.

7 Some poskim say one who has not yet counted the sefira of Lag B’omer should avoid telling someone else today is Lag B’omer, since doing so may be considered counting the day.78 Other poskim permit this since his intention is not to count the day, rather he is referring to the name of the day since it is a day of simcha.79 This seems to be the minhag ha’olom.

“Chai Rotel” Something which one finds when visiting Meron is the drink called “Chai Rotel.” The Bobov Rebbe zt”l said that one who gives out this mashka on Lag B’omer is zocheh to great things including children.80 Many people who can’t attend Meron on Lag B’omer to hand out the mashka pay people to hand it out for them. Chai Rotel is an ancient Israeli measurement which today is equivalent to 54 liters. The minhag used to be to hand out only wine or grape juice. However, today water and soda are also handed out.81

Bonfire Some say the reason for bonfires on Lag B’omer82 is because when Rav Shimon Bar Yochai revealed the secrets of the Torah to us, he brought light to the world, so we make light in his honor.83 Others say the reason is as a remembrance of the fire that surrounded Rav Shimon Bar Yochai while he was in the cave.84

Some have the minhag in Meron to throw garments in the fire on Lag B’omer.85 Some say the reason is because Rav Shimon Bar Yochai did not wear clothes when he was in the cave, and when he wanted to learn he would cover his body in sand.86 Those who permit this say there is no bal tashchis by throwing the garments in the fire,87 while others say that throwing the garments in the fire is

78 Refer to Shulchan Aruch 489:4, Biur Halacha 489 “sh’im,” Lag B’omer page 176. 79 Ohr L’tzyion 3:16:4:footnote 4, Avnei Yushfei 5:75:5. 80 Taamei Haminhagim pages 263-264, Gal Einay page 13. 81 Anyone interested in giving money towards this inyun can call 1-718-435-1661. 82 Aruch Ha’shulchan 493:7, Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:pages 347-348, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos pages 32-321, Lag B’omer pages 237-242, Mekadesh Yisroel 106. The Sheilas Rav page 33 one should not go to a bonfire but he should learn Torah. Refer to Doleh U’mashka page 195:footnote 523. Some place oil in the bonfire (Ohr Mufla page 66). 83 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Taamei Haminhagim 606, see ibid:607 for an additional reason. Refer to Bnei Yisoschor (Iyar) 3:6:page 88a, Gal Einay page 12, Ohr Mufla pages 54-55. Some recite a special tefilla before lighting the bonfire (Lag B’omer page 243). 84 Seforim. 85 Sdei Chemed Eretz Yisroel 6, Taamei Haminhagim pages 272-274, Torah L’shma 400, Shem M’Shmuel 8. 86 Yehoshuas Malka 12:page 152 (Lekutei Torah), Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:pages 280-285. 87 Urion Tlisa 52.

8 indeed bal tashchis.88 The minhag today seems to be that no one throws any garments in the fire.

Night or Day Many have the custom to make the bonfires (and dancing) on the night of Lag B’omer. Others say that the simcha should start by day.89 However, it seems that because of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai the minhag is to do the bonfire and dancing etc at night all over the world not only in Meron.90 However, music not accompanied by a bonfire should not be listened to until the next day after neitz hachama.91

Bows and Arrows On Lag B’omer the custom of many is to shoot bows and arrows.92 One reason is because Hashem shows a rainbow (keshes) in the sky when He wants to destroy us, but the rainbow is the simon that he will not do so.93 In the generation of a few people a rainbow was not shown because of their merit. One of those people was Rav Shimon Bar Yochai.94 Many tzadikim have the custom to shoot a bow and arrow (representing a rainbow) as well.95 Some say since Lag B’omer is a day that is fit for one’s tefillas to be answered we shoot a bow and arrow. The beginning words of shema kol tefilaseinu spells keshes (rainbow).96

The Bar Yochai Song On Lag B’omer many people have the minhag to sing Bar Yochai,97 which was composed by the mekubel Rav Shimon Ben Labia who died in 1584.98 Many people

88 Refer to Pischei Teshuva Y.D. 251:4, Shol U’Meishiv ibid, Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 96:14, Doleh U’mashka page 195, 89 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, opinion of Horav Korelitz Shlita quoted in Doleh U’mashka page 194:footnote 520. 90 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Mekadesh Yisroel 103, Chut Shuni Shabbos 4:page 380, Doleh U’mashka pages 194-195 footnote 521. The Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 362:footnote 23 says dancing is permitted on Lag B’omer even if it is not for a devar mitzvah (refer to Ben Pesach L’Shavuos 15:4:footnote 4). The Avnei Yushfei 1:98 is not convinced that dancing is permitted at all after Lag B’omer. 91 Poskim. Refer to Doleh U’mashka page 194:footnote 520, Mekadesh Yisroel 103. 92 Refer to Sefer Hatodah page 259, Taamei Haminhagim page 252:605, Lag B’omer page 249, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 289:20. The equivalent of Rashbi and Keshes separately is 805 (ibid:page 251). See Me’or V’shemesh page 142. 93 Refer to Eitz Yosef on Medrash Rabbah to Bereishis 35:2. See Bnei Yisoschor (Iyar) 33:3-4:page 88, Ohr Mufla page 64. 94 Medrash Rabbah Bereishis ibid, Yerushalmi Berochos 9:2. 95 Lag B’omer page 251, Ben Pesach L’Shavuos page 339. 96 Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:14. 97 Darchei Chaim V’sholom 634:page 205, Mishmeres Shalom 38:1, Lag B’omer page 278. Others did not sing this song (Yosef Ometz 589:page 125) because it had too much meaning. 98 Lag B’omer ibid.

9 have the custom to sing this song every week in the zemiros of Shabbos.99 Some say the reason for this is because Rav Shimon Bar Yochai was called Shabbos.100

Rabbi Akiva Umar Rabbi Akiva etc. is popularly sung on Lag B’omer since the ideas expressed in the Mishnah coincide with the purpose of sefira, a period of spiritual cleaning in preparation for Shavuos. These words are taken from the last Mishnah in Yoma.101

Lag B’omer on Sunday There is a discussion in the poskim when Lag B’omer falls out on Sunday if the bonfires can be made on Motzei Shabbos. The reason for the discussion is because they are made on Motzei Shabbos the police etc may have to be mechalel Shabbos to prepare for the event (this is especially applicable in Meron where there are many Jewish police officers). The minhag seems to be lenient with this.102

99 Lag B’omer page 280, Otzer Hayidios (Shabbos) page 210, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 288. 100 Lag B’omer page 281, see Zohar Nosso page 144b. For this reason some people wear Shabbos clothes on Lag B’omer (Ohr Mufla pages 25-26). 101 Refer to Lag B’omer (Artscroll) page 41. 102 Sharei Tzyion (Rabinowitz) 14:pages 21-214 in depth. Refer to Modanei Yom Tov 1:54 who discusses the halachos that apply to one who wishes to sleep in his car on Shabbos in Meron before Lag B’omer that falls out on Motzei Shabbos.

10 Chapter Twenty

The Upsherin

A male child’s first haircut is called an upsherin, which is taken from the German words “sherr” (cut) and “up” (off). It is also called chalakah.1 The mitzvah accomplished by cutting the hair is forming peyos on the child.2 The Chinuch3 says the mitzvah of peyos removes us from the goyim. Others say the reason to cut their hair to form peyos is to train the child not to go in the ways of the goyim who grow their hair long.4 When cutting the hair one should have in mind to fulfill the mitzvah of peyos harosh.5 The reason for the simcha on the day of the haircut is because the child is beginning to fulfill the mitzvah of having peyos.6

Different Ages There are many different customs as to the age that one cuts his child’s hair. Some have the custom not to wait at all, and cut the child’s hair as it grows.7 Others have the custom to wait until child is nine months old.8 Others cut the child’s hair at two years, since this is generally when the child is weaned.9 Some even wait until four or five years old before cutting the child’s hair.10 However, many have the custom to cut the child’s hair when the child reaches the age of

1 Refer to Taamei Haminhagim (Hilulei D’Rashbi) page 269:footnote 44, Pe’as Harosh page 14. 2 Refer to Bnei Yisoschor Elul 2:2, Nichpei B’kesef 2:18. See Biur Halacha O.C. 251 “afilu” who says many are lenient with this and do not cut the peyos in the proper place. Refer to Teshuvos V’hanhugos 4:198. In regard to keeping peyos behind the ear see Be’er Moshe 5:138, Peros Hanosherim pages 323-325. 3 Mitzvah 251. On this mitzvah see Mesechtas Maakos 20a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 181. 4 Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 133, Maharam Brisk 2:98, Torah L’shma 389, See Rambam Hilchos Avoda Zara 12:1, Moreh Nevuchim 3:37, Tur Y.D. 181. 5 Sharei Teshuva 531:7, Kaf Ha’chaim 531:30, Kapus Temarim 14, Pe’ulas Tzadik 3:236, Nichpei B’kesef 2:18, Sdei Chemed Bais Hachnesess 10:page 231. 6 Nichpei Yosef ibid, Sdei Chemed ibid. 7 Refer to Shulchan Aruch 531:6, Shita Mekubetzes Nedarim 30b, Chesed L’alafim Y.D. 178:1. In Yerushalayim there is no specific day set aside to do this mitzvah (Orchos Rabbeinu 1:page 233, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 365:footnote 83). Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita cut his children’s hair when they were half way in their third year. 8 Refer to Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 2:1:footnote 1. Some say one should cut the hair when the child begins to talk (Sefer Matamim (Saros). Refer to Da’as Zekanim Kedoshim 19:23). 9 Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:1, Pe’as K’hilchoso page 345. 10 Refer to Kaf Ha’chaim 531:30, Peulas Tzadik 3:236, 3:248, Sharei Halacha U’minhag 296, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 3:1.

1 three.11 Some say the reason for this age is because just as the first three years of fruits are off limits and the fruits of the fourth go to Hashem, a child is also “off limits” in his first three years since he can not speak as well, and in the fourth year when he begins to speak he is dedicated to Hashem.12

Day or Night Based on the writings of the Arizal hair should not be cut after mincha gedolah.13 Some say the reason for this is because we are scared one would forget to daven mincha.14 At an upsherin this is usually not the case since there is a minyan made before or after the haircut. Others say the upsherin should be done in the morning.15 However, many Gedolim cut the hair of a child at night,16 and in fact this seems to be the custom of many people.17

Cutting the Hair Earlier and Later There is a discussion in the poskim if those who hold one makes the upsherin when the child turns three are allowed to make it earlier or later. Many say that one should only cut the hair on the day the child turns three years old.18 The Chazzon Ish says making the upsherin earlier than it is supposed to be is not good for the success of the child and does damage to him.19 It would seem the reason is because you are making the child wear something when he is not ready for it, and it may cause him to hate mitzvahs. However, there are some poskim who maintain that one may make the upsherin earlier than the child’s third birthday.20

11 Toras Yekose’al 47, Maharam Brisk 2:98-99, Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:16, Yisroel V’hazemanim 59, Chinuch Yisroel 8. Refer to Gan Hamelech 62, Be’er Heitiv 531:7, Arugas Habosem O.C. 210, Sharei Halacha U’minhag 2:296, see Medrash Tanchuma to Vayeira 22:3. 12 Medrash Tanchuma Kedoshim 14:page 159 (new), Arugas Habosem ibid, see Shevet Ha’Levi 8:206 who does not agree with the Argas Habosem’s reasoning. 13 Refer to Magen Avraham 255:5, Elya Rabbah 232:6, Birchei Yosef 232:3, Ben Ish Chai Vayikra 1:11, Moed Lechol Chai 6:7, Shulchan Hatohar 251:5, Melei D’chasidusa 57:pages 203-204, Taamei Haminhagim 255 (kuntres achron) page 122, Pela Yoetz (Giluach) page 106 (new). 14 Poskim. Refer to Ben Ish Chai ibid. 15 Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 242, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 43:footnote 26. Many do it after shacharis (Chinuch Yisroel page 509:11). 16 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 1:5:footnote 10. If one is cutting the hair on Lag B‘omer it may be cut at night (Kotzosov Taltlaim pages 54-55:footnote 51). 17 Pe’as Harosh page 40:35. 18 Arugas Habosem ibid, Toras Yekose’al 47, Aprakasisa D’yana 161, Sharei Halacha U’minhag ibid, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 239 (old), Pe’as Harosh page 15. One should not make it on Sunday only because that is when people are off from work (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 497:footnote 11 new). 19 Quoted in Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:246. One should not tell a child a scary things because it will damage the child (Noheg Katzon Yosef (Limud) page 101, Be’er Moshe 8:97). 20 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 38.

2 If the child’s hair is so long that it causes the child pain then one is permitted to cut the hair before the child’s third birthday.21

When the day to cut the child’s hair falls out on Shabbos, the hair may be cut on Friday,22 while others say that it should be pushed off until Sunday.23

Where to make the Upsherin There is a discussion in the poskim if one is allowed to cut a child’s hair in a shul. Many say that doing so is permitted,24 while others hold it may not be done.25 It would seem that if one will not be giving the child a complete haircut one is permitted to do it in a shul even according to those who are stringent.26 L’maseh, even if one only cuts a little bit of hair it should not be done in shul.27 If the upsherin must take place in shul it would be better to perform the upsherin in the women’s section.28

Hundreds, if not thousands of people, cut their children’s hair in Meron on Lag B’omer,29 as was the custom of the Arizal.30 Some say the reason is so that the holiness of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai will be a zechus for the child.31 Others say the reason is because hair is part of the yetzer hara which was taught to us by Rav Shimon Bar Yochai when he gave us the Zohar.32 Many have the custom to go to Meron to cut a child’s hair even before the child turns three.33 Others say one should only wait to go to Meron if the child was born during sefira. If the child

21 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 2:4:footnote 6, Sheilas Rav 1:15:1. 22 Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:4, V’yan Yosef 2:314, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 499 (new). 23 Refer to Chai Ha’Levi ibid. 24 Shulchan Gevoah 531:13:2, Sdei Chemed Bais Hakenesses 10, Sdei Chemed Chol Hamoed 5:page 613, Kaf Ha’chaim 151:45, 531:30, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 61:33:footnote 67, Vayivorech Dovid Y.D. 97:page 329, Tzedaka U’mishpat 12:9, Chinuch Yisroel 8:pages 490-491 (new). 25 Lev Chaim 2:172, Chinah D’chaya 55. 26 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 8:4:footnote 9, Piskei Teshuvos 151:footnote 26. 27 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. 28 Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Pe’as K’hilchoso page 352. 29 Refer to Pardes Yosef Tazria 13:33, Minhagei Eretz Yisroel 23:13, Sharei Halacha U’minhag page 166, Chanoch L’nar 32:footnote 4, Hakotton V’hilchosuv 1:23:4, Yalkut Yosef 5:pages 435- 436, Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:page 316:8, Eyunei Halachos 1:page 457, Pe’as Harosh page 29. Some go on other days to Meron for this even not on Lag B’omer (Natei Gavriel Pesach 3:pages 312-315). Others go to the kever of Shmuel to cut the childs hair (Radvaz 2:608). 30 Ateres Zekanim 493, Sefer Hatodah page 258, see ibid:page 259, Minchas Elazar 4:10, Divrei Yoel 27, Peros Noshrim page 328, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 503 (new). 31 Sdei Chemed Eretz Yisroel 6:page 7. Refer to Lag B’omer pages 313-314. 32 Aprakasisa D’yana 1:161. Refer to Kotzosov Taltlaim page 60 for an additional reason. 33 Ben Pesach L’Shavuos 19:13:footnote 20, Pe’as K’hilchoso page 347, Lag B’omer page 27:footnote 29, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 502:footnote 15 (new). Some say he can even be two and a half (Kotzosov Taltlaim page 39:footnote 16).

3 was born after Shavuos or before sefira then one should not go to Meron to cut his hair.34

On Thursday The Taz35 is of the opinion that taking a haircut (or cut one nails) on Thursday is not an honor for Shabbos since the hair will grow on Shabbos. Many poskim argue with the Taz, and permit taking a haircut on Thursday.36 Accordingly, if the child’s birthday is on Thursday one is permitted to have the upsherin.37

Rosh Chodesh Some say if a child’s upsherin falls out on Rosh Chodesh one should push it off to a different day.38

Ben Hashmushos A child who is born during ben hashmushos should have his upsherin the day after his birthday.39 A child who was born after shekia and before ben hashmushos should have his upsherin on his birthday.40

Chol Hamoed A child who was born on Chol Hamoed may have his upsherin on Chol Hamoed.41 If a child was born the last days of Yom Tov one may cut the child’s hair on Chol Hamoed if he so desires.42

Ben Hametzarim- The Three Weeks

34 Refer to Arugas Habosem O.C. 210, Aprakasisa D’yana 1:161, Chinuch Yisroel 8, Hakotton V’hilchosuv 1:23:7, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:246, Minhag Yisroel Torah 493:pages 351-353, Hilchos Yemei Ha’omer page 33. 35 O.C. 260:1, see Elya Rabbah 5. Refer to Likras Shabbos 6:21. The above halacha does not apply to women (Shevet Ha’Levi 6:21:2). 36 Refer to Pri Megadim M.Z. 1, Shulchan Aruch Harav 2, and (kuntres achron) 1, Mishnah Berurah 5, Aruch Ha’shulchan 6, Halichos Bas Yisroel 15:footnote 24, Kaf Ha’chaim 15, Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:4, see Nishmas Shabbos 1:158. 37 Pe’as K’hilchoso page 345. Others are stringent (ibid:page 346:footnote 5), see Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 499. 38 Kapos Temarim 14:page 151, Rivevos Ephraim 4:97:34, Sefer Rosh Chodesh 16:10:footnote 17 quoting the opinion of Horav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt”l, Natei Gavriel (Usheirin) 11:1-5, Chut Shuni Shabbos 4:page 319, Shraga Hameir 8:74:2, Chai Ha’Levi 4:11. Others are lenient (Maharam Brisk 2:99, Divrei Shalom 6:46). Some say it is only permitted if the upsherin day falls out on the first day of a two day Rosh Chodesh (Divrei Shalom ibid). 39 Yisroel V’hazemanim 59:page 316 in the name of the Satmar Rebbe zt”l. Refer to Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 1:3:footnote 6. 40 Ibid, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 43:footnote 25. 41 Gan Hamelech ibid, Sharei Teshuva 531:2, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 501:2. Some say the minhag is not like this (Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 365:footnote 83). 42 Apraksisa D’yana 161, Be’er Moshe 7:20:page 24, Mekadesh Yisroel 77.

4 There is a discussion in the poskim if a child born during the three weeks may have his hair cut during this time.43 The minhag seems to be that one can cut his hair unless it is the week of Tisha B’av.44

Who should cut the Hair? One should explain to the child what will be taking place during his haircut.

It is proper for the father of the child to be present and cut the child’s hair since he is obligated in the mitzvah.45 The custom seems to be that the mother of the child does not cut the hair.46 Many people have the custom to go around to different tzadikim on the day the child’s hair is cut so the tzadik can cut off some hair.47 Some say there is no source for one to go to different tzadikim to cut the child’s hair.48 One should invite relatives to cut the hair.49

It is very important for the people who are cutting to know where and where not to cut, to make sure that the place of the peyos is not cut in a forbidden manner.50

One should not take a haircut with a goyisha barber.51 The reason is because we are concerned the goy may kill him.52 If there is a mirror so one can watch the goy,53 or there are other people present then it is permitted.54 Some say if the goy is getting paid it is permitted.55 However, many say that based on reasons of kabbalah one should not take a haircut from a goy.56

43 Refer to Toras Yekose’al 47:pages 78-79, Birchos Hashem O.C. 131:page 110. 44 Toras Yekose’al 47:pages 78-79. 45 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 62:footnote 68. 46 Refer to Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 573, see Kav Hayosher 72:page 362, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 492:footnote 5 (new). 47 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 63, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 491:footnote 3 (new), Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 7:2, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:page 365:footnote 32. 48 Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:5, Orchos Rabbeinu 1:page 233:39. 49 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 63:footnote 70, Pe’as Harosh page 21. 50 Me’am Lo’ez Kedoshim page 227, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 63:36:footnote 71. 51 Mesechtas Avoda Zara 27a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 156:1. The Shach 1 says this is only if one is using a razor. Refer to Taz 1. The Kaf Ha’chaim O.C. 260:13 says it is “good” that a goy does not cut a yid’s hair. 52 Rashi Mesechtas Avoda Zara ibid “bechol makom,” Shach 1. Refer to Tammei Haminhagim Lekutim 9:page 495 who says it is in order for us to avoid bowing down to a tzelem. 53 Rama ibid. 54 Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 156:1. 55 Shach 2, Bais Lechem Yehuda 1. Some say if the goy is cheaper than the yid one can use the goy as a barber (Sheilas Shalom 94-95). 56 Yufei Leleiv Y.D. 3:156, Yesod V’shoresh Hu’avoda 8:1:page 282, Bnei Yisoschor Shabosos 6:18, Pela Yoetz (Giluach) page 106 (new). In a situation that no yid is available and one uses a goy to cut one’s hair, one should recite the posuk in Bereishis 1:27 (Pela Yoetz Giluach ibid).

5 A child who is getting his first haircut should not take it from a goy.57 The Sdei Chemed says there is no simcha if the child’s hair is cut by a goy.58 This is especially true since a child on the day of his upsherin is not supposed to see a goy (as will be discussed later)..

How to Begin Cutting Before the hair is cut one should gather the peyos to make sure they are not accidentally cut.59 Generally one should use scissors to cut.60 Some people have the custom to start cutting in the place of the tefillin.61

Minhagim after the Haircut After one cuts hair he is obligated to wash his hands,62 this is even if he is cutting someone else’s hair.63 There is a discussion in the poskim if one is required to wash his hands after cutting a child’s hair at an uphserin, since only a little bit of hair is cut before going to a barber to cut the rest of the hair.64 It would seem that the people who only cut a little bit of the hair are not required to wash their hands afterwards.65 The child himself should wash his hands after receiving his upsherin.66

What to do with the Hair Many have the custom to place the cut hair in a bag before throwing it out.67 One should not throw the cut hair on to the floor.68 Some take the hair and see how much it is worth in gold and give that money to tzedaka, and this is a segula that the child will be a talmid chachum.69 Others place the hair in shaimos.70

The Simcha

57 Refer to Gan Hamelech 62, Darchei Teshuva 4, Sdei Chemed Chol Hamoed 5, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 64:footnote 72, Pe’as Harosh page 48:44, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 7:7:footnote 9. 58 Mareches Chol Hamoed 5:page 12. 59 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 5:3, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 64. 60 Ibid. 61 Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 242, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 65. 62 Shulchan Aruch 4:19, Chinuch Yisroel page 514 (new). One may wash his hands in the barer shop, there is no reason to refrain from doing so (Rivevos Ephraim 1:7:3). 63 Yufei Leleiv (Yosher Lelov) O.C. 4:18:page 180. 64 Refer to Kotzosov Taltlaim pages 85-86:footnote 105. 65 Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:5, Shevet Ha’Kehusi 2:5, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 16:footnote 2, Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:pages 364-365:footnote 32, and 84. 66 Just as everyone else is obligated to do so when their hair is cut as expressed in Shulchan Aruch 4:18. 67 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 87:footnote 110. 68 Refer to Rashi in Yecheskel 5:3. One should not burn them (Sefer Matamim (Saros 2) page 173 new). 69 Segulas Yisroel 3:25:page 51 (new), Kotzosov Taltlaim page 89. 70 Yufei Leleiv O.C. 260:6, Da’as Torah 260:page 44.

6 One should make a party (and invite many guests)71 to celebrate his being able to train his child in the mitzvah of peyos by being able to give him a upsherin.72 One should also give shevach to Hashem for giving him this opportunity.73 If possible, the party should be made with music, etc.74 Many have the custom to distribute schnapps and cake on the day one is zocheh to give his child an upsherin.75.76

Wearing a Yarmulka Wearing a yarmulka brings a person to fear Hashem,77 and protects one from sinning.78 The word yarmulka (in Hebrew) stands for “yure malka” fear of the king.79 Some poskim are of the opinion that a young child should wear a yarmulka even before his upsherin.80 However, the custom of most people is for the child to begin wearing a yarmulka on the day he turns three,81 even though the inyun of wearing a yarmulka is not related to the inyun of an uphserin. Therefore, if for some reason one does not cut the child’s hair on the day he turns three, the yarmulke should still be placed on the child.82 One should train his child not to remove his yarmulka throughout the day.83

Tzitzis The custom is that a child does not wear tzitzis until he turns three.84 Although the tzitzis have no connection to the yarmulka or the upsherin, they are still put on for the first time the same day.85 Therefore, one who does not get his hair cut on his third birthday should still begin wearing tzitzis on that day.86

71 Peulas Tzadik 3:248. 72 Refer to Machzor Vitrei 508:page 630, Sharei Teshuva 531:7, Nichpei Yosef 2:18, Peulas Tzadik 3:232, Sdei Chemed Chol Hamoed 5:page 13, Kapos Temarim 14. 73 Kav Hayosher page 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikeiv page 573. 74 Nichpei Yosef and Sdei Chemed ibid. 75 Maharam Brisk 2:98, Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:3, Peulas Tzadik 2:232, Kotzosov Taltlaim page 91. 76 Peulas Tzadik 3:248. 77 Mesechtas Shabbos 156b, Moreh Nevuchim 3:52, Divrei Torah 1:22. 78 Shulchan Hatohar (Roth) 5:page 42. 79 Masef Lechul Hamachanus 2:21. 80 Magen Avraham 2:6, Levush Malchos page 106:3, Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:3. 81 Hilulei D’Rashbi page 98, Devar Moshe 72:1. 82 Levush Malchos page 108, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 239, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 16:5:footnote 11. Refer to Levush Malchos page 108:footnote 13 who brings those who argue and say if the child’s hair is not cut on his third birthday then he should not wear a yarmulka until his hair is cut. 83 Shulchan Hatohar (Roth) 5:page 42. 84 Elya Rabbah 17:3, Aruch Ha’shulchan 5, Shevet Mussar 31:12, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 16:1:footnote 6. Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 494:footnote 7 (new). Refer to Pela Yoetz (Tzitzis) page 48b (old), V’yan Yosef 2:314:page 254, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 16:2:footnote 7. Although based on the Arizal some have the custom to wear tzitzis to sleep, a young child does not have to (Shevet Ha’Levi 8:163:4). 85 Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 493:footnote 7 (new). Some say one should train his child from the beginning to keep the tzitzis out of his pants (Levush Malchos pages 122-126 in depth).

Going to Cheder It is customary that on the day the child’s hair is cut he is taken to cheder where a rebbe performs many different customs.87 Some say if for some reason the child’s hair is not cut on his third birthday he should still be brought to the cheder,88 while others say this should not be done.89

The day the child goes to cheder is like the day the Torah was given to klal yisroel,90 and one should choose a rebbe who is a G-d fearing person.91 Although the child may begin learning with a morah one should still go to a rebbe on the day of the upsherin.92

The day the child goes to cheder his hands should be washed netiylas yudayim.93 The child should be cleaned from any dirt on his body,94 and should be dressed in Shabbos clothes.95 Carrying the Child The custom is for the father to be the one to bring the child to cheder.96 When going with the child to cheder the child should be covered.97 Although the seforim

86 Ibid. 87 Maharam Brisk 2:98, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 19:1. A child should be bentched by the rebbe that he should grow up to be big in Torah (Sefer Matamim (Yoledes V’yuladim) 17:page 76 (new). One should not invite a rebbe to ones house, but one should go to a cheder (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 508 (new). One whose child is three on a day that the hair is not cut should learn with his son the aleph-bais with honey and go to cheder at the first possible time (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 508 (new), see page 519:footnote 36). It is questionable why we do not continue learning with a child the aleph-bais after three but come back to yeshiva at four years-old (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 502:footnote 37 (new). 88 Osios Machkimos pages 156-157:footnote 9, V’yan Yosef 2:314:footnote. 89 Chinuch Yisroel 8. 90 Mahzor Vitrei page 629, Kol Bo 74:page 312, Me’am Lo’ez Eikeiv page 572. 91 Refer to Machzor Vitrei page 629, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 165:10. 92 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 18:13:footnote 17. 93 Refer to Pri Megadim M.Z. 4:7, Shulchan Aruch Harav 4:2, Ben Ish Chai Toldos 1:10, Moreh B’etzbah 2:60, Mishnah Berurah 4:10, Da’as Torah 4:2, Orchos Rabbeinu 1:page 14:15, 3:page 184:2, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 1:1, 2:1, Rivevos Ephraim 4:6, Shraga Hameir 3:24:2, Minchas Gidiyon pages 108-109. Some say a child should wash his hands after awaking in the morning when he starts walking (Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita). Others say when the child can take food by himself (Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 16:footnote 22). Refer to Halichos Shlomo 20:footnote 25, Tzitz Eliezer 7:2-4. The Emes L’Yaakov 4:footnote 10 says the time to wash ones child’s hands is when the child starts saying either Torah Tzivah etc, learn the aleph-bais, or when he starts to answer amen. 93 Kotzosov Taltlaim page 87:footnote 110. 94 Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572. 95 Kol Bo 74:page 213, Me’am Lo’ez page 572. 96 Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez ibid:page 572. Others say a chashuv person should carry him to the cheder (Machzor Vitrei page 208:629, Kol Bo 74).

8 do not quote a custom to wrap a child in a tallis on the day he goes to cheder,98 the minhag is to cover him with a tallis.99 The child is covered to ensure that he does not see any impure things (such as a dog, horse, or goy) on the day of his upsherin 100(if he goes to cheder that same day).101 The child should also be covered after he leaves the cheder.102 Others have the custom only to cover the child when he is going to cheder but not when he leaves.103

Seder of Learning At the cheder the child should be put on the rebbes lap.104 Using a luach with letters of the aleph bais written on it,105 the rebbe should read each letter with the child repeating after him.106 Some read the letters in the reverse order starting with Tuf, Shin, Reish, Kuf.107 A child who does not want to repeat after the rebbe does not have to be forced to do so.108 The rebbe should say Torah Tzivah Luno Moshe,109 and Torah Teheiy Umnuseiy…110 Some also say Hamalach Hagoel,111 the first posuk of Krias Shema,112 and the first posuk of Parshas Vayikra.113

97 Rokeach 296:page 164, Kol Bo 74, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572. This is true even if the father knows for a fact that the child will not see any un-pure things (Osisos Machkimos page 171:footnote 40). 98 Refer to Machzor Vitrei 508:page 629, Kol Bo 74, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez ibid page 572. 99 Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:8, see Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 523 (new), Osisos Machkimos pages 168-169. 100 Refer to Rokeach ibid, Kav Hayosher ibid:page 361, Me’am Lo’ez ibid, Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:8. See Chinuch Yisroel 8:pages 244-245. Some say a lady who is a niddah should not touch the child (Kav Hayosher 72:page 362, Me’am Lo’ez ibid:pages 572-573, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 245) However, the custom seems to be lenient with this (Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:8). Even according to those who are stringent it is only the day when the child is brought to the cheder, but if his hair is cut on a different day then there is no problem (Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:10). The custom is that the child may look at a woman even if she is in her un-pure state. (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 245, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:6). The child should not look at a picture of an impure object either (Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 524 new). 101 Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 490 (new), Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:10, Shevet Ha’Kehusi 4:336. 102 Machzor Vitrei 508:page 629, Kav Hayosher 72:page 362, Me’am Lo’ez ibid:page 572, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 526 (new). 103 Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:8, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:3:footnote 8. 104 Rokeach 296:page 164, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572. 105 Machzor Vitrei 508:page 628, Rokeach 296:page 164, Kol Bo 74:page 312, Kav Hayosher 72, Sefer Matamim (Yoledes V’yuladim) 17, Osios Machkimos page 132. 106 Rokeach ibid, Kav Hayosher ibid, Me’am Lo’ez ibid, Minhag Yisroel Torah 2:page 357. Some teach the child the letters of the aleph bais when they begin to talk (G’ra Y.D. 245:19, Osisos Machkimos page 151, V’yan Yosef 2:314). This seem to be the custom of most people, although the Rama (Y.D. 245:8. and others say that the child should be taught the letters of the aleph bais when he is three years old. Refer to Taz 2, Me’am Loez ibid:page 573. One should teach it with a nigun (Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 21:8. 107 Kav Hayosher page 362. 108 Refer to Osios Machkimos page 174, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 522:footnote 22 (new). A child who does not understand how to say the aleph-bais should be taught slowly if possible (Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 573, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) page 136). 109 Mesechtas Succah 42a, Kav Hayosher 72:page 362. 110 Osios Machkimos page 175.

Even if the child’s hair was not cut on the day of his third birthday, he should still be taught the aforementioned pesukim.114

The rebbe should place honey on the letters and allow the child to lick the honey off of the letters.115 Before licking the honey a shehakol should be recited on the honey.116 The reason for licking the honey is a simon that the Torah should be as sweet as honey to the child.117 Some put the honey only on the letters of aleph, mem and tuf (the letters of emes).118 If one can’t find a luach or siddur with the aleph bais to read from, one may write the letters on a piece of paper or on a blackboard.119

The Piece of Cake One should bring a piece of cake to the child made from honey. This cake is eaten to open his heart to the Torah.120 Some write pesukim on the piece of cake,121 while others say this should not be done because one is erasing Torah.122 Many poskim mention the inyun of eating the cake but do not mention writing pesukim on it.123 It would seem that one should do whichever way he feels, however it seems most people do not have the custom to place pesukim on the cake.124

111 Kav Hayosher in Kav Naki 72:26. 112 Osios Machkimos page 176. 113 Kav Hayosher 72:page 362, Kol Bo 74, Me’am Lo’ez ibid. Refer to Machzor Vitrei page 629, Me’am, Lo’ez Eikev page 73, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 165:10, Chinuch Yisroel page 245, Minhag Yisroel Torah 2:page 357. Some say the reason is because the child is becoming pure so we teach him about pure animals etc. (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch ibid, Sefer Matamim yoledes v’yelodim 19, 21:pages 76-77). 114 Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 244:footnote 9. 115 Machzor Vitrei 508:page 628, Rokeach 296:page 164, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572. 116 Osios Machkimos pages 179-180. Refer to Shulchan Aruch 202:8, Mishnah Berurah 204:50, Igros Moshe O.C. 1:63 regarding the beracha on honey. 117 Machzor Vitrei ibid, Rokeach 296:page 164, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572, Sefer Matamim (Yolodes V’yuladim) 17:page 76 (new). 118 Minhag Yisroel Torah 2:page 257. 119 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 21:16. 120 Machzor Vitrei pages 628-629, Rokeach 296:page 164, Kol Bo 74, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572. Some say if the child does not want to eat the piece of cake he should be forced to eat it (Osios Machkimos page 188). 121 Rokeach ibid. 122 Opinion of Horav Elyashiv Shlita quoted in Giznei Hakodesh 11:19:footnote 30, page 265:62 quoting the opinion of Horav Chaim Kanievesky Shlita, see Bais Yitzchok Y.D. 2:107, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 244:footnote 10 (new).

123 Refer to Kol Bo 74, Kav Hayosher 72, Me’am Lo’ez Eikev ibid, Chavos Yuer 16, Sheilas Yaavetz 2:140, Pri Ha’aretz 2:4, Ginzei Hakodesh 11:19. Refer to Nishmas Shabbos 4:96. 124 Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 22:7:footnote 12.

10 Egg Some mention the custom to give the child a boiled egg to open the child’s heart to the Torah.125

Candies The child should distribute bags of candies to the children in the cheder.126

125 Mordechai Mesechtas Shabbos 7:369, Rokeach 296:page 164, Machzor Vitrei page 629. Refer to Osios Machkimos pages 191-192 if one is allowed to leave this egg uncovered overnight. 126 Me’am Lo’ez Eikev page 572, Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 528 (new), Osios Machkimos page 193:footnote 95. Refer to Kol Bo 74.0