CLAPA:News 9/11/09 13:49 Page 22

22 feature Richard Hawley

I am the product of my background, would have grown up quite emotionally the son and grandson of hard core crippled. I’ve also been really lucky to steel workers who gave me strength. have really great and loyal friends like Forget New or Old Labour, I’m Jurassic Steve Mackay (bass player for Pulp) Labour! when people cared about who I’ve known since I was 4. each other and community. I grew up in a close community but in a rough I’ve never discussed this before so it’s part of Sheffield and that makes you quite difficult but my family was hard. When I went to school I would incredibly supportive, they were keen to get into fights every day. Kids pick on make sure I was as happy as I could anyone that’s different and I had the be. I only thought about it when I was whole package; small, “speccy four confronted with other people’s reaction, eyes” and cleft lip and palate, it was where you were reminded on a fairly written all over my face. constant level that you were different.

Singer/songwriter Richard Hawley Support now is great but there was The main thing I discovered was that talks for the first time about his nothing then, we were on our own. I there were two types of people: those experience of growing up with a cleft coped because I had a family who who looked at me like they wanted to lip and palate and how it has were very strong and gave me positive throw up and those who said “you’re influenced his music. This very reassurance that I have worth. They different and that’s ok”. I’m still aware personal account is taken from a told me that I was as good as if not of people’s reactions now, even conversation with Rosanna Preston better than any other person. Without though my cleft is not particularly a (Chief Executive) the support of my parents I think I bad one.

Music was a great thing for me. I was found I could sing and open up my born into a huge legacy of music: my heart and my mouth and let my grandfather played concert violin and feelings come out. They weren’t musical saw (an instrument featured angry and hateful, they were trying to on my new album) in the music halls, understand how people feel. I had to my father played with great Blues accept myself – all of us have to do performers like Muddy Waters, John that whatever afflictions we have, Lee Hooker and Memphis Slim and inside or out. The hardest, and my uncle with Dave Berry and the easiest, thing is to accept yourself. Cruisers and Little Walter. I was My dad died two years ago, I was writing songs when I was 9 and it was very close to him and I miss him obvious to my father and grandfather dearly - and he was right, I’ve never that I had a gift. looked back.

However it took me a long time to get My experience of growing up with a going as a solo artist. People like my cleft made me very sensitive for dad and Jarvis Cocker were on at me myself and others and it has affected to do an album and I knew I had this my writing, it gave me the empathy to The new album “Truelove’s Gutter” is gift but I kept it quiet. I was in bands see someone’s pain that people about people who’ve had terrible from a very young age but I was very around me didn’t have. It is obvious to experiences: there’s a song about a careful about who I sang in front of – me - like a little bird hovering over their friend who is physically perfect but it terrified me. Then, 10 years ago my head. I never realised that before, until was abused as a child. People have father was diagnosed with cancer. He I started talking about it here. Songs died of drug overdoses and suffered a was always saying “if you don’t do it pop into my head fully formed and I’ve lot of emotional turmoil, all I have is a you will look back and regret it” and always wondered “where the hell does little scar on my face – it’s not the end that’s when I started my solo career. I this come from?” of the world.

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would have been “just like them” and I my journey. Ghandi said “be who you was happy to be me. It reminds me to want to be”, be the person you want be humble and that I’m not perfect. the world to be.

It’s not an issue now because I have a Now, I pity the people who react partner of 20 years and 3 beautiful negatively to me - anyone who carries children – the question is how to get around hate and that lack of to that point without destroying myself understanding. I understand why they with alcohol and drugs and how to behave like that because I am believe in the words of my father and different but I won’t apologise and grandfather that I had worth. It took hide it. You have to be positive about until I was 30 and my dad was who you are – you are different and diagnosed with cancer. the world will be divided into two halves, those who react badly and There is a general thing in society – those who accept you. I went through a horrendous time of forget about hare lip. Society is royally alcoholism and drug dependency f*****d up with celebrity culture. They I worry for children the most, people through the lifestyle of a travelling celebrate perfect bodies but what is can be very cruel and make them feel musician and low self esteem and I crucially missing are the perfect like they have no worth. They feel used to react violently if someone minds, people are as shallow as an that nothing will ever work for them said something. It’s understandable after eight mint wrapper. I have no and they want the same things that but doesn’t achieve anything. It won’t interest in celebrity culture and always everyone else wants, to love and be stop them being cruel or unkind, it will refuse any invitations that take you in loved. It will be alright but there are probably just make them worse. The range of Hello and OK magazine so many issues they have to change came from within, you can’t do culture – I’m a musician, songwriter, overcome. The pain that comes from things to please other people in life. father and husband. how people react to you affects your Now I look in the mirror and I say “I’m feelings of self worth and value. I glad I’m me”. I adore my wife who is incredibly would say to children: “It’s important beautiful, smart, wise and witty. She’s not to want to be something or I’d had around 20 operations from a fantastic person but even she still someone else. You are different from birth and I refused the final, cosmetic worries that “her arse looks big in this everyone else, that’s good, it gives operation at 16 because it would have skirt”. We are all trying to be someone you a perspective they never had. turned me into someone else. I am we are not, to accept yourself is one Encourage the empathy and the sum of my physical and emotional of the hardest but also the most understanding, look in the mirror and experience. If I’d had the operation I beautifully easy things and this was love yourself - you are beautiful”

When we started to think about emotionally but I got encouragement having a family I was incredibly and love from my family and wife and anxious of passing the cleft lip on to the gentle man has learned to rule. I my children. I looked into it but I don’t still have issues but it’s not a problem, I think it is hereditary and all three are have the ability to laugh at myself, not blond, beautiful, healthy and happy take myself too seriously. That’s why and I’m very happy. It fills me with I’ve always loved Sheffield, because it’s such joy to know that they don’t have full of people with a self effacing sense to go through what I went through. of humour – be able to laugh at yourself – it’s not that bad. Weighing it all up I’m glad that it happened because friends are so Now I’m just a man with a hare lip and possible to achieve something positive awesome and beautiful. I’ve been cleft palate who gets up on stage and in your life. To anyone who reads this through a lot of phases, I was very hard sings to 2 – 5,000 people so it is “You are worth it”.

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