THE MANAGER AND HIS BETTER performance was almost flawless. His HALF firm’s sales and profits improved. He worked long hours and was never satisfied The Setting with a project until every last detail was taken care of. Finally the offer came for Mr. The situation was one not very atypical of Albert to accept this new position and he the agribusiness industry. The location was was now officially accepting the best wishes a “private lounge” of a new motel near a of his West Coast colleagues and business major West Coast metropolitan area. The acquaintances. occasion was a private “going-away” party presented in honor of Mr. B. J. Albert (not The Tragedy his real name), General Manager of a relatively large agribusiness corporation The going-away party noted above was a with its regional headquarters in the nearby truly gala affair. The before-dinner city. cocktails were flowing as freely as was the friendly conversation. It was well known I had known Mr. Albert for about three that Mrs. Albert always chose to remain years. In 1968 I had worked with Mr. quietly in the background of her husband’s Albert’s firm in an attempt to facilitate a professional career. Yet on this particular merger. While the merger attempt failed to evening, Mrs. Albert was in attendance, and materialize, I had maintained some I had the opportunity to meet her for the professional contact with Mr. Albert from very first time. Her forced smile made it that time on. In the industry, Mr. Albert’s obvious to all that she was feeling most name was well known and his professional uncomfortable in this particular and most background was near legend. He returned to unfamiliar setting. Perhaps it was her college after serving in World War II. uneasiness that encouraged her to make a However, marriage and a child gave Mr. series of rapid advances on the cocktail bar. Albert a new set of responsibilities, and he The results were both predictable and did not finish an engineering degree. devastating. Dinner was still almost an hour Instead, he moved to the coast with his away when Mrs. Albert began to lose her young family and took a job driving a feed reserve. For the next thirty minutes, Mrs. delivery truck. He was ambitious and he Albert staggered from one corner of the possessed a delightful personality. These room to another blurting out, in a loud tone two characteristics soon assured Mr. Albert of voice, a long series of serious domestic of a new job selling farm machinery. Over problems which had plagued her marriage the following years, a series of related jobs, and her family in recent years. Mrs. Albert and after a rather rapid sequence of was not present for dinner that evening. She promotions, Mr. Albert found himself in the retired to her motel room as her husband General Manager’s position. His managerial occupied the honored chair at the head table;

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WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY & U.S. DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE COOPERATING his image was shattered, his confidences avoided. While the bulk of this discussion violated, his indiscretions publicly disclosed, relates to a manager’s domestic stresses, it and his deficiencies as a husband and father should not be forgotten that a major end now fully known by all those in attendance. product of an improved family life is improved managerial proficiency. Mr. Albert has now moved to the Midwest. Yet his old business colleagues will never Note: I am not a sociologist or a psychiatrist. forget the going-away party. It was actually Nor am I proposing to become a a blessing that Mr. Albert moved to a new professional marriage counselor. In fact, I position because he could never regain would admit to very nominal qualifications control of his old firm. Employee respect in this area: e.g., I can only point to 9 years was diminished, customer loyalties were of my own happy marriage, 5 years of shattered, and general industry gossip would observation of managers, and a little outside forever haunt his career. reading on my own. Yet, I believe the subject to be important enough to warrant A Broader Perspective some comment, even if it is from the mind The incident described above was true. It of a novice. relates to a personal tragedy that is no more common to the business world than it is to A Prisoner of Your Position American society, as a whole. Yet, Most managers, I am sure, never consider somehow, the impact of a domestic squabble the imposition their professional position between a business manager and his wife is might have on their wives. Yet in many more traumatic, longer lasting, and more ways, your wife is being asked to carry pervasive as it affects not only the parties some of the burdens of your job. Sound directly concerned, but also the firm’s absurd? Not really. For example, consider operations and the livelihood of its the well-known imposition that occurs when employees. The natural question is, “How you telephone your wife at 4:30 p.m. to could Mr. Albert do such a magnificent job inform her that you will be bringing a managing his firm, while allowing his customer home for dinner that evening. Or, domestic affairs to become so anarchistic?” because of her fear of handicapping her One may argue that a separation of a husband’s advancement, the wife conditions manager’s personal and professional life herself to conceal her complaints. In some must be maintained. Such an argument is cases this may be common courtesy, but in based on the falsehood that the two are other situations, this represents another emotionally separable and functionally imposition. These and other impositions independent. When a broader perspective of contribute to the domestic stress that exists the situation is taken, one begins to surmise in all families. It is when this level of stress that a manager’s two lives are emotionally reaches unmanageable proportions that inseparable in all but the rarest cases, and trouble begins. As a group, executive wives that each is functionally complementary to are unique in that two types of domestic the other. The objective of this paper is to stress are particularly prevalent in their day- develop more fully this theme of to-day lives. First is the stress associated interdependence. In particular, I will dwell with the husband’s susceptibility to a job on the two most common areas of manager- transfer. The average woman does not react wife conflicts and offer some thoughts as to favorably to a situation which places her and ways such conflicts can be minimized or her family on notice of immediate transfer.

2 The second stress is that associated with worrying about whether her furniture will being married to a man whose professional arrive on time and undamaged. It’s exactly demands set him apart from the average 8- at this time that you should make the to-5 wage earner. Each shall now be decision to spend an extra hour or two at discussed in more detail. home every day helping your wife and family get settled. A quick weekend The Nesting Instinct vacation, an afternoon’s drive in the country, Sources of domestic stress imposed by a or even a special night out on the town potential job transfer lie deep within the might help break the tension which psychological differences between men and inevitably builds up over the relocation women in our society. Most women process. liberationists would disagree, of course, but in my judgment, most women have a Balancing Your Needs “nesting instinct” which motivates them to The ultimate solution, of course, is to create a warm and comfortable home for discuss the relocation difficulties prior to the their family. Whether this “instinct” is a decision to accept the transfer. The family, natural born trait of all women, or whether as a whole, must attempt to balance the this pattern of conduct is the result of benefits of the new occupational opportunity societal pressures is an argument I have little against the negative impact the move will desire to pursue. I maintain only that the have on each member of the family. Your pattern does exist. Not only does the son may have gained status and respect in a woman seek some degree of permanency in local sports program. Your wife may be her home, she devotes a great deal of time deeply involved in a community project. and energy to the home’s decor so that it These and many other considerations must becomes an expression of her own be balanced against the husband’s personal personality. Moving to a new location, need to pursue a promising managerial therefore, becomes a traumatic event. The career. The husband’s lifelong professional husband-manager forgets that his goals may be fully satisfied with his present professional prestige automatically job. Or, his own goals in the corporate accompanies him to his new location, while hierarchy may be only partially fulfilled, and his wife must start again from scratch in the fact that his family appears to be holding establishing her identity in the new him back may foster an ugly resentment that community. becomes most difficult to dissolve.

Just recognizing that this problem exists and At such times, emphasis should be given to discussing it with your wife will likely help full family involvement in the planning to dissipate the fears associated with an process, individual life goals, and desired anticipated move. Once the move occurs, a life styles. Unfortunate incidents, like that slightly different policy would seem described in the introduction, tend to occur warranted. The demands of your new job when the wife and family just drift, will be great and you will be tempted to automatically following some programmed spend some extra long hours at the office. sequence of advancement by the husband- Unfortunately, your wife is also struggling manager who maintains the position that with the change, e.g., getting the kids “only I” count. enrolled in school, seeing that a telephone is installed, the garbage is collected, and

3 Do You Take Your Job Home with You? delegated to the wife. She handles the A long-standing debate revolves around records, pays the bills, maintains the house, whether or not the husband-manager should and buys all the provisions. In brief, she discuss his business activities with his wife may be as much of a business manager as and family. Good reasons and sound her husband. A few well-placed judgment support both sides of the debate. compliments will restore her self-respect. Take note of the fact that her approach to In my opinion, wives have little desire to managing the household is not so dissimilar share company secrets. Yet a modest to your approach to managing a business. knowledge of their husband’s occupational pursuits is necessary. Typical is the What Is Your MMI (Manager’s Marriage misunderstanding many wives have Index)? regarding their husbands’ business trips; Many truly successful managers look upon e.g., while hubby is away dining in the best their careers as an enjoyable and challenging restaurants of San Francisco and Denver, the means to an end -- with that end being a wife is stuck at home minding the kids and more comfortable family life. With this tending to her many assorted domestic attitude, the manager will likely find that in chores. The wife is convinced that a the long run, his on-the-job performance business trip is just a legitimate way for her will increase. A good family relationship is husband to take a vacation. Yet I find very well worth the effort because the major few professional men who truly look byproduct of domestic happiness is forward to an extensive business trip. Why enhanced management productivity. do these divergent views exist? The answer to this relates directly to the second major How do you stand? Answer “yes” or “no” factor contributing to unhappiness between a to the following questions and then check manager and his better half, i.e., a sense of your own MMI. professional jealousy between marital partners. The wife is envious of her At the end of a working day, do you husband’s mobility, his jet set travel and look forward to the dinner meal accommodations, and his apparent burden- with your family? free life style. In turn, the husband-manager is envious of his wife’s stability, her access Yesterday did you make a point of to a more placid and serene life, and her spending a few minutes alone with ulcer-free domestic accomplishments. One your wife, sharing your thoughts way to reverse this selfishness is to begin to and feelings? recognize each person’s individual interests and accomplishments. Many wives develop Do you recall what grades your interesting projects in their homes or children received last semester in communities. That such projects do not school? produce a paycheck should not mean that the husband’s work is important and his Do you know your family’s weekly wife’s frivolous. food budget?

Our cultural heritage says that the man is the Does your -wife know your total “head of the house.” In many professional annual income? families, however, that authority is

4 Is your wife familiar with what you Have you discussed your actually do at work? professional goals with your wife

Does your wife know your business friends and associates? Did you accompany your wife to the last meeting with your children’s Have you ever cancelled a business teachers? appointment to participate in your wife’s favorite civic activity? Your MMI Rating: Do you know the title of the book 11-15 Yes answers -- you and your wife are your wife last read? probably coping well with the stresses imposed by your career. Do you know the names of your children’ playmates? 6-10 Yes answers -- your job may be taking too much of your time. More attention to Did you and your family mutually your family’s activities is in order. agree on the plans for your last vacation trip? 1-5 Yes answers -- take a serious look at your family life. Change your work pattern, Can you name three of your wife’s and save more of your time and energy for most favorite restaurants? your wife and family.

Can you list your children’s favorite television shows? Ken D. Duft Extension Marketing Economist

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