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Razorcake Issue PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 #16 www.razorcake.com got up around 10am, after four hours of sleep. Someone falling After some Mexican food, and beer with fruit in it, Replay down the stairs woke me up. I skirted bodies littered in the front Dave, the really bendable bassist for Grabass Charlestons – who room and went for a glass of water. There was a small beer lake nights before, had landed into “a bed of the meanest cacti West II Texas has ever sprouted” then was arrested – chatted with me while on the kitchen floor. I grabbed the belt loops of the passed-out guy on the floor and scooched him out of the puddle. Wouldn't want I made some coffee. him to die in a quarter inch of beer. It was unfathomable that people “You forgot to ask some questions last night that were on your were still awake. I'd lasted until 6am. Some of the guys in the bands list,” he told me. The beer had gotten the better of my interviewing were shirtless, in the parking lot, and waving to the kids going to acumen. “Yeah, what'd I forget?” I asked. school. The bands I dig most tend to see touring as a vacation. “I never lived under an underpass. I lived under stairs until I I'll admit. I was a bit worried, until the sixth or seventh beer, got out of debt.” I'd found out that Dave, in a financial bind, that inviting thirteen plus people – Tiltwheel, The Tim Version, buckled down. He stopped as much spending as he could. Reduced Billy Reese Peters, the Grabass Charlestons, their pals, and two his life possessions to what most people have in a broom closet, and dogs – into my two bedroom apartment was a bad idea. The saved his money until not only was he free and clear, but had a little downstairs neighbors want my head already and have complained saved. After I learned that, I admired Dave even more. I like stealth that we “walk too heavily.” That's what I was thinking – I'm fucked responsible people. – as I was swept up the broken beer bottles, the cigartette butts, the That night, when the bands were charging like super troopers mistakenly discarded customized beer cozies. I am fucked, but in a through the fog of deep hangovers and the choppy seas of nausea, good way. playing with tons of heart, it hit me pretty hard. If steam can't be blown, what's the point of it all? I didn't check This is why we do Razorcake. Bands like these. This is why bank statements at the door, but I have a feeling that everyone that we hang on by our fingernails, save all our dimes, and scream along night was dirt poor, but, man, were they happy, hootin' and in print. There are folks out there who aren't just amazing musicians hollerin'. and great people, but friends in waiting and good times to be had. After I dropped the Tim Version off at the airport for their It'd be a crying shame if we just puttered along like a golf cart on a flight to Japan, after the aforementioned guy who could have groomed, pre-planned course of life instead of lighting the fuse of a drowned in the kitchen leapt up, put on my rubber kitchen gloves, new firecracker and holding it as long as possible to keep the explosion close. then proceeded to stick them deep down the back of the pants of PJ, –Todd who didn't move when rubber was inserted and playful fingers dug deep. AD DEADLINE FOR ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS ISSUE #17 • All ads are black and white. October 1st, 2003 • Make ads the right size and orientation. AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #18 • We don’t reserve ad space. December 1st, 2003 • Send good laser prints for the ads. Use solely black ink on all art. Do not output your ad on a EMAIL OR MAIL US bubble jet printer even if it looks black and FOR THE RATES AND DETAILS white. • All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI AD SIZES (85 line screen). • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. • If we need to invoice you, we won’t run your • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. ad until we have the cash on hand, so make • Quarter page, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. those arrangements before the ad deadline. • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. • So on, so forth. Yep. • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. Sean <[email protected]> Razorcake and razorcake.com are given Todd <[email protected]> feathers in their caps, not black eyes, by: Rich Mackin <[email protected]> Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, Nardwuar <[email protected]> Designated Dale <[email protected]> Megan Pants, Felizon Vidad, Rhythm Chicken <[email protected]> Skinny Dan and ktspin Razorcake is distributed by Big Top Newstand Services, 2729 Mission St., Ste.201, SF, CA 94110, [email protected] This issue is dedicated to the memory of Todd Agajanian, Matt, Jeremy, and Adam of The Exploding Hearts, Wesley Willis, and Derek and Fred of the Zero Tolerance Mr. Aaron Lay of Billy Reese Peters. Task Force. May they all rest in peace. (Pushing fluids after a 20-hour bender.) Thank you list: High-flying digitizing action thanks to Julia Smut for her cover help and her Tim Kerr interview. Gigantic ear thanks to Tim’s wife Beth for snapping some shots. Tear-filled thanks to Petite Paquet for the Exploding Hearts memorial and Chrystaei Branchaw for her pictures. Don’t even think of fucking with the kids thanks to Trey Bundy for his Protect PAC piece. Demons in a halo thanks to Rob Ruelas for the Rich Mackin column illustration. Useless and Modern thanks to Lisa Connolly for her FM Knives pictures. “Someone kick and find out if she's dead” thanks to Rick Bain for his Smogtown shots. Symmetrical chest hair thanks to Randy Iwata for wrangling Nardwuar’s interview. My legs don’t work, so I must keep drinking thanks to the 10AM Too Drunk to Stop Party Crew. Cop Boat. It’s all invisible to me thanks to Glenn Byron for constant vigilance with the website. We’ve stopped pretending it’s fun thanks to Yesenia, Dale, Stacy, Ayn, Kat, and Donut Head for helping us stuff the inserts. High-ho, it’s naked people thanks to Jason Willis for his video review. It’s one of them things with words in it thanks to Greg Barbera for his zine reviews. Hot wings thanks to Not Josh for his zine and record reviews. Bring on the hate mail thanks to Cuss, Eric Rife, Wanda Spragg, Mike Beer, Puckett, and Sarah Stierch for their record reviews. www.razorcake.com *• PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 Table of Contents Issue #16, October/November 2003 “I was thinking of the words to say. Words that are gonna make you stay. Words I never said to you. Everyone knows that I still love you. Somehow it shows. I can’t get over you.” –From an unreleased Exploding Hearts demo The Rhythm Chicken .................. The Dinghole Reports ....................... pg. 4 Art ........................................................... Shizzville!! ............................. pg. 7 Designated Dale .................................. I’m Against It ........................pg. 8 Ayn Imperato.................................. 90803 ....................................................pg. 10 Felizon Vidad ......................................... Shark Bait ............................. pg. 12 Rich Mackin .................................. The Twisted Balloon .................. pg. 16 Sean Carswell ......................... A Monkey to Ride the Dog .................... pg. 18 Gary Hornberger .......................... Squeeze My Horn .......................... pg. 24 Nardwuar The Human Serviette ..... Who Are You? .................... pg. 26 Maddy .............................................. Shiftless When Idle. ..................... pg. 30 Rev. Nørb ............................................... Love, Nørb .................................. pg. 32 Money .................................................... Lazy Mick ......................................... pg. 38 Seth Swaaley..................... Swinging Door Conversations ...................pg. 42 The Exploding Hearts...................***** Memorial by Petite Paquet .................. pg. 46 The TimVersion ..................... Interview by Sean Carswell .................... pg. 48 The Soviettes ........ Interview by Todd Taylor ................................................. pg. 54 Protect PAC .......................... Article by Trey Bundy .................. pg. 60 Tim Kerr ................................. Interview by Julia Smut ................. pg. 64 FM Knives .......................................... Interview by Rev Nørb .......... pg. 70 Boyskout ...................................... Interview by Kat Jetson ................ pg. 76 Dan Monick Photo Page ........ Lawnchairs and Abandoned Pools ........... pg. 79 ***** Record Reviews ................. Your Gramma in an "Assmaster" video ................... pg. 80 Zine Reviews ... Recommended, Especially If You Suck at Laser Tag ..... pg. 106 Book Reviews ................. The Loneliness of Noam Chomsky .................... pg. 110 Video Review................. I Hear Casey from D.I. Gets a Blowjob .................... pg. 111 Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the US. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Left Bank Books, 92 Pike St., Seattle, WA 98101, who have a book-for-prisoners program. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues. You have to prepay. For $7.50, you’ll receive five copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email <[email protected]> for all the details. "They are lost in the canyons and the caverns of Frohburg. We are the CIA of drunk people!” The Dinghole Reports beer, and being men! Of course, we honored. It was yet another mile- needed quick Germanizing to accli- By the Rhythm Chicken had to ask about if there’s a stone in this rooster’s life, playing mate to Frohburg’s thick German (Commentary by Francis Funyuns) “Women’s Day.” The Chancellor before the happy drunken men of beauty.
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