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Razorcake Issue #25 As A

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Razorcake Issue #25 As A ot too long ago, I went to visit some relatives back in Radon, the Bassholes, or Teengenerate, during every spare moment of Alabama. At first, everybody just asked me how I was my time, even at 3 A.M., was often the only thing that made me feel N doing, how I liked it out in California, why I’m not mar- like I could make something positive out of my life and not just spend N it mopping floors. ried yet, that sort of thing. You know, just the usual small talk ques- tions that people feel compelled to ask, not because they’re really For a long time, records, particularly punk rock records, were my interested but because they’ll feel rude if they don’t. Later on in the only tether to any semblance of hope. Growing up, I was always out of day, my aunt started talking to me about Razorcake, and at one point place even among people who were sort of into the same things as me. she asked me if I got benefits. It’s probably a pretty lame thing to say, but sitting in my room listen- I figured that it was pretty safe to assume that she didn’t mean free ing to Dillinger Four or Panthro UK United 13 was probably the only records and the occasional pizza. “You mean like health insurance?” time that I ever felt like I wasn’t alone. “Yeah,” she said. “Paid vacation, sick days, all that stuff. But listening to music is kind of an abstract. It makes you feel Benefits.” good but there’s not really any tangible reward that you get from it. I shook my head. “I actually don’t get paid for the stuff that I do,” The first time I ever hung out with Todd and Sean and Megan and the I said. rest of the Razorcake folks was the first time that I ever felt relaxed Her jaw practically hit the floor. It was as if she had never even around other people, like I wasn’t some gringo wasting everybody’s imagined that people would ever do any work unless they were getting time. And from the moment when Todd picked me up from that paid for it. “Then why do you do it?” Greyhound station to right now, life hasn’t been such a disappoint- At the time, I probably did what I usually do when somebody asks ment, like I’m accomplishing something instead of treading water in me a tough question: I shrugged and gave some vague non-answer my hometown. And to me, that’s worth a lot more than a paycheck at like, “I dunno, I guess I just like it.” But it got me thinking. Thinking the end of every week. about washing dishes and cooking chicken wings, and about how at But I still wonder about my aunt and how I could explain that to the end of those fifty- and sixty-hour weeks, yeah, I got paid, but what her in a way that she could understand. Can you say, “I feel like cer- the hell difference did that make? A paycheck’s just money. What tain musicians plug their instruments directly into the happy part of good does that do? my brain” to a woman who, in all likelihood, has not bought a piece of I thought about how the only thing that could take my mind off recorded music since Jimmy Carter was in office or ever even thought work, the only thing that I had to look forward to, was listening to of music as something other than background noise, and have her records that most people saw as just trinkets from some disposable understand what the hell you’re talking about? If it’s something that culture, some fad that I would hopefully grow out of before I settled you really love, do you even need to rationalize it for other people? into that Certified Public Accountant job that everybody expected of me. I thought about how listening to those records, whether it was –Josh AD DEADLINE AD SIZES • We don’t reserve ad space. FOR ISSUE #26 • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. • If we need to invoice you, we April 1st, 2005 • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. won’t run your ad until we (no joke) • Quarter page, 3.75” have the cash on hand, so make ISSUE #27 wide, 5” tall. those arrangements before the June 1st, 2005 • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. ad deadline. • Please make all checks out to • “Few things are harder to put Razorcake. up with than the annoyance of Email • We only accept electronic ads. [email protected] a good example.” –Mark Twain • All ads are black and white. for rates and full details. Cover photograph by Dan Monick (www.dmonick.com) Cover design by John Miner ([email protected]) Contact Razorcake: Sean <[email protected] or Todd <[email protected]> Norb, officiating his first ever wedding ceremony. Thank you list: Rubylith, X-acto p atience, and a steady hand thanks to John The brunt of his sermon was Miner for the cover and Dude, my neighbor s lawn is awesome... sorry Im late, thanks to Dan Monick for the picture on the cover and the Hot Snakes “MORE TWINKIES, LESS MEATLOAF” pictures in the interview; Monkeys, yay! Robot s, boo! thanks to Chris Larsen for the new section headers; Telephone chords that look like umbilical chords thanks to Terry Rentzepis for his illustration in Liz s col - umn; Pack of smokes and drawing peoples skeletons on their skin thanks to Keith Rosson for his illustrations in Jimmy s column; If Canada only had a climate more like Florida, we might defect thanks to Randy Iwat a for the Nardwuar assist ance; Look really hard and youll see a vagina thanks to Rob Ruelas for his illustration in Nardwuar s column; Thanks to Lincoln Clarkes for the T imothy Leary one- step-to-the-grave shot; Microphone-chipped teeth thanks to Janelle Jones for her North Lincoln interview; It s a fact: photos look better with a can of Pabst in the foreground thanks to Brooke Lackey for her North Lincoln photos; Southern gentleman, war eagle thanks to B D W illiams for the Federation-X interview; Tangerine fist s of fury thanks to Funzilla for her photos; Fat wrestlers with high thresholds of pain - perfect for a band name thanks Julia Smut for laying out the Giant Hayst acks interview; Whats a little beer spit in your face when the fire of rocknroll is burning thanks to Brian Mosher for his Boston (not the band, not LA) article; I do believe there s a filled cavity , all the way back in Michelle Dent s mouth thanks to E.Law for the photos; Y ou probably wont even get a nickel for recycling it thanks to our record reviewers Mr. Z, Kat Jet son, Lord Kveldfur, Sean Koepenick, Buttertooth, Toby, Donof thedickies, Cuss Baxter, and Heela; Books, they got words... and stuf f... thanks to Karla and Heela for their reviews; Zines, too inky for toiletp aper, thanks to Brian Howe, Rob Ruelas, Amy Adoyzie, Greg Barbera, and Lord Kveldfur; Drum solo overdose and specific times not to eat lasagna thanks to Mr. Z, Lord Kveldfur, and Aphid Peewit for their DVD reviews. Issue #25 April / May 2005 PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 44 www.razorcake.com “A weed is a plant out place.” Jim Thompson The Killer Inside Me COLUMNS 4 Designated Dale I’m Against It 7 Art Fuentes Shizzville 8 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 10 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 40 12 Ayn Imperato 90803 14 Jimmy Alvarado I’m a Little Airplane 18 Gary Hornberger Squeeze My Horn 50 56 20 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 24 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 26 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb 32 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 36 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 39 Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page INTERVIEWSANDFEATURES 40 North Lincoln by Janelle Jones 44 Federation-X by BD Williams 50 Hot Snakes by Josh 68 56 Vinyl Audities by Todd Taylor 72 68 Giant Haystacks by Josh 72 Boston DIY by Brian Mosher 79 Dan Monick’s Photo Page REVIEWS 80 Record It's a formula - like fat guys walking into sliding glass doors - that never gets old. 102 Zines The cover is a picture of a gal sprawled out next to a toilet. 108 Videos Can't stand on drum solos alone.. 112 Book But the baby won't grow if you don't feed her meat... Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky, Inc. Razorcake is distributed by Big Top Newstand Services, 2729 Mission St., Ste.201, SF, CA 94110, [email protected] Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III Razorcake and www.razorcake.com are put together by Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, Josh Lane, Megan Pants, Skinny Dan, Julia Smut, and Jennifer Moncayo. Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the US. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price.
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