TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 / VOLUME 147, ISSUE 2 Campus Times SERVING THE UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER COMMUNITY SINCE 1873 / campustimes.org Tenure Divides UR Faculty By AN NGUYEN biology could work in could stop my contract,” that there won’t be back- But even the possibility PUBLISHER business, in a biotech a non-tenured professor lash from administra- of security is not open to company for example, from the social sciences tion, departments, and all faculty. While many students rather than here. And told the Campus Times. colleagues. At UR, faculty can be view UR as an academ- you would make more That social sciences According to the social divided into two tracks: ic pressure-cooker, the money working in the professor and other non- sciences professor, the one for professors who pressure extends to fac- private sector. But the tenured faculty will be repercussions “can be as do research and teach, ulty as well. and one for professors But when students look who focus on teaching. to grad school admis- Only the researchers can sions, many professors get tenure. have their eyes on ten- The social sciences pro- ure: the ultimate promise fessor, who is on the non- of security and prestige tenured instructional that is a make-or-break track, views their job as moment for their careers. taking care of students in Tenure guarantees a a “holistic” way — know- faculty member perma- ing, helping, and caring nent UR employment about them. to pursue their scholar- The wall next to their ship, which can mean desk is covered with let- research, publications, ters and thank-you cards or artwork. It’s also an from students. “You official recognition of a changed my life, you faculty member’s value saved me, you helped me to the University. […] that kind of thing,” According to Elaine they said, describing the Sia, a tenured professor notes, adding, “This is and the biology depart- what matters to me.” ment chair, the standard So, to that professor, rationale for tenure is not having any tenure po- that faculty “have the HENRY LITSKY/PHOTO EDITOR sitions for teaching facul- freedom to say whatever Tenure ofers prestige and job security, but not to those who only teach. ty suggests that the Uni- you think” without en- versity doesn’t recognize dangering their jobs. useful exchange is more kept anonymous and subtle as not having my that teaching matters. Another purpose is to job security,” Sia said. non-gendered in this ar- contract renewed, where “I always feel like being make academia a more Professors without ten- ticle for the same reason [administration] would teaching faculty is like be- competitive career op- ure find their jobs are that tenure is so impor- be like, ‘You know, we’ve ing a mistress,” they said. tion. “Typically, some- more precarious. “Any tant: Without tenure, just decided to go in a “[They’re saying,] ‘We’re body who is trained in day they wanted they there is no guarantee different direction.’” gonna get you your own SEE TENURE PAGE 4 SA Pushes for All-Gender Restrooms By MICHAEL VILAKAZI CONTRIBUTING WRITER Committee. express concerns with the bathroom. also met with 5 difer- In putting together a existing all-gender re- “Even today, because ent deans who expressed While UR’s all-gender report that will be pre- strooms,” said junior [...] we don’t necessar- overwhelming support restrooms have been a sented at Monday’s SA and committee chair, ily have ample access to and gave constructive major step forward for Senate meeting, Schil- Alexander Pavlicin. places like all-gender re- feedback, saying that inclusion in recent years, dkraut (a senior staf Single-stall all-gender strooms, things like this many faculty and staf some transgender and writer for the Campus restrooms, like those can still happen,” Schild- would feel more com- non-binary students still Times) and the com- outside Starbucks and kraut said. fortable using all-gender face a dilemma. mittee aim to ultimately in the Susan B. Anthony The committee’s re- restrooms and have been Senior Lumi Schild- ensure that no person is Halls are often occupied, port outlines a compre- pushing for their imple- kraut told of a trans- ever more than one foor and therefore not always hensive plan for new mentation. gender student who had away from an all-gender available for students multi-stall all-gender Pavlicin said he hopes numerous classes in the restroom. that need them. restrooms for all campus this project will improve Hajim quad and would The report evaluates When transgender and buildings. The report the campus for every- walk from there to Todd the state, convenience, nonbinary students use has been informed by one, which is one reason Union to use its all-gen- and accessibility of the gendered restrooms, feedback from key stake- that the report ensures der restroom. all-gender restrooms they may be subject to holders like students, that those who prefer “That’s not creating an currently on campus, microaggressions. This administration, residen- gendered restrooms still equitable environment,” and makes a series of academic year, Schild- tial life staf, and mem- have access to them. said Schildkraut, who recommendations to kraut said, a transgen- bers of the LGBTQ+ Pavlicin added that ac- is Legislative Advisor to achieve the committee’s der student had Public community. cessibility “has been a SA’s Campus Services aim. Safety called on them According to Schild- controversial and highly “We’ve had students while they were using kraut, the committee has salient issue on cam- SEE AGR PAGE 3 INSIDE GLUTEN-FREE WEIRD ART NOT VANILLA ROCHESTER PASTA AMERICANS THIS CT PAGE 6 COMMUNITY PAGE 8 OPINIONS PAGE 9 CULTURE PAGE 12 SPORTS PAGE 2 / campustimes.org CAMPUS / TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 Vaping: Uncertainty, Misconceptions

By DALER BEISENBAYEV licited THC cartridges were CONTRIBUTING EDITOR the culprit of the epidemic rather than nicotine vapes. Later in the talk, Men- “There’s a lot more that doza emphasized that a we don’t know than we do public health approach know,” Monroe County to the problem of youth Commissioner of Public vaping was necessary. Health Michael Mendoza This would entail defning said during his talk on the problem, identifying vaping. risks, developing and test- During his Friday, Feb. ing preventive strategies, 21 talk in the SON Audi- and ultimately ensuring torium of the School of widespread adoption by Nursing, Mendoza high- promoting programs and lighted medical findings policies in schools that that link vaping to irrevers- would encourage the youth ible diseases like cancer and to abstain from vaping in bronchiolitis obliterans the frst place. (also called popcorn lung), Mendoza cited the prohi- but acknowledged that the bition and criminalization research is still in its early of cannabis as a historic stages. He added that the example of why banning common perception of e-cigarettes is not a perma- e-cigarettes as safer than nent solution. He under- traditional cigarettes has lined the importance and no supporting data. efectiveness of “protective What is known, he said, is factors” which would sup- that nicotine — a drug com- port children in school and monly found in e-cigarettes make them feel valued in — activates dopamine in the their communities. This brain and increases the risk would potentially alleviate of addiction. Individuals the problem of drug abuse who have chronic exposure among children, he said, by to dopamine early in their targeting and eliminating life become “less resilient to the root cause — neglect addiction down the road,” from authority fgures. Mendoza said, putting As a fnal piece of ad- younger consumers of vap- vice, Mendoza warned the ing products at higher risk. audience that research Mendoza also talked THIS WEEK ON CAMPUS surrounding e-cigarettes about the recent outbreak is largely uncertain and in of severe vaping-associated no way confrms that vap- TUESDAY | FEB. 25 THURSDAY | FEB. 27 lung illnesses. At the UR ing is a safer alternative to Medical Center, he said, cigarettes or a valid way to SOCIAL GOOD CAREER EXPO 2020 UR SUPPORTED: HELP, I’M OVERWHELMED! there were three cases of quit smoking. FREDERICK DOUGLASS COMMONS 2:00 - 4:00 P.M. young, healthy patients FREDERICK DOUGLASS COMMONS, 407, 3 :00- 4:00 P.M. “There are a whole host of with shortness of breath evidence-based approach- Explore job and internship opportunities with If you’re struggling with feeling stressed out, over- and a history of vaping, es to quit smoking,” said organization from the nonproft. government, whelmed, or having difculty balancing itall, we’re mirroring the sometimes Mendoza, adding that “we and social enterprise secotrs. Employers are here to lend an ear. The UR supported sessions lethal cases reported in would much rather have interested in recruiting both undergraduate and are led by staf, faculty, and students and will several other states. graduate students. provide you with useful stragies to help you cope. people utilize those evi- Overall, Mendoza said, dence-based approaches “82% of these patients than something else.” reported using a THC- Beisenbayev is a mem- MEDIEVAL MOVIE NIGHT: THE JUNIPER HUMANITIES CENTER PUBLIC LECTURE: containing e-cigarette,” ber of the Class of 2022. TREE VALERIA LUISELLI suggesting that illegally-so- RUSH RHEES LIBRARY, ROBBINS LIBRARY INTERFAITH CHAPEL, 5:00 - 6:00 P.M. 5:00. - 7:30 P.M. Luiselli will lecture on Migration Stories in the Watch “The Jupiter Tree” a 1990 Icelandic flm American Border Crisis. She is an award-winning of love, hate, resurrection, and (somewhere in GOT A SCOOP? author, and he work has been translated into there) a juniper tree! Björk’s flm debut, this is more than twenty languages. sure to be an adventure!

WEDNESDAY | FEB. 26 FRIDAY | FEB. 28

INTERN GROUP INFORMATION SESSION MEDALLION PROGRAM: CONFLICTS 101 DEWEY HALL. GREENE CENTER CONFERENCE ROOM FREDERICK DOUGLASS COMMONS, 3:00 - 4:00 P.M. 4-200, 1:30 - 2:30 P.M. DROP US In this session you will explore how trust and The center for Education Abroad invites you creativity relate to confict. Through discussion A LINE to learn more about internship opportunities techniques will be practiced for managing confict abroad. Students will learn aboutt he diferent with self and others. You’ll leave the session resources that can be used to fnd opportuni- with a framework for analyzing and working ties.. career copmetencies gained, and more. with confict.

EASTMAN PERFORMING ARTS MEDICINE: EGG DROP COMPETITION RONALD RETTNER HALL, 5:00 - 6:00 P.M. WILMOT CANCER CENTER, LOBBY, 1 :00- 2:00 P.M.

Eastman Performing Arts Medicine is a collabo- Enjoy the winter splendor that Rochester has to at the ration between the Eastman School and URMC ofer by roasting marshmallows or watching the to explore the intersection of arts in healthcare. live ice-carving demonstration and student group Tihs performance will take place in a public lobby performances. These events are guaranteed to Campus Times space and aims to enhance the environment for drive away the winter blahs. staf, patients, and caregivers who are in the area.

If you are sponsoring an event that you wish to submit for the calendar, please email [email protected] by Monday evening with a brief summary, including the date, time, location, sponsor, and cost of admission. EMAIL [email protected]

Join TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 /CAMPUS campustimes.org / PAGE 3 Senate Summary Feb. 17 2020: Elections Process, All-Gender Restrooms By DALER BEISENBAYEV CONTRIBUTING EDITOR SAD Lamps, All-Gender Restrooms By EFUA AGARYE-KUMI recommended a strong the new Seasonal Afective AGR FROM PAGE 1 der restrooms, receiv- MANAGING EDITOR publicity efort to help peo- Disorder lamps and inform ing widespread student ple better understand how students on how they can -pus.” Due to this, the body support. In 2015, The SA meeting for Feb. 17 approval voting works, as get one at no cost. Fresh Greenberg said some people Check Day, an interactive report recommends that SA passed legislation for included a discussion of po- the creation of all-gen- tential changes to the pro- had mistakenly thought that expo event focused on men- new constructions of cess of electing the SA pres- voting for more than one tal health promotion and all-gender restrooms or der restrooms on cam- ident, an announcement of presidential candidate split suicide prevention, will be renovations of existing pus. their vote in half. held from 3:30 - 5:30 p.m. a booth at Fresh Check Day restrooms should strive The current report to promote SAD lamps, and SA President and senior on Monday. Jamal Holtz said he saw “a for compatibility with builds upon the 2015 further discussion of the legislation and also ex- all-gender restroom proj- lot of complications with All-Gender Restrooms accessibility standards. COURTESY OF PIXABAY this system,” and cautioned Pavlicin said the Campus amines possible long- A traditional representation of a New Year’s resolution list. ect headed by the Campus Sahin praised efforts Services Committee. against overhauling the cur- Services Committee had re- like the Residential Life term projects. For in- rent system based mostly cently presented a draft of Office’s construction of stance, the committee Elections Process on “anecdotal evidence.” He their report on all-gender added that he thought this restrooms to several deans. a single-stall all-gender has talked with the Go- Senate speaker and junior ergen Athletic Center Micah Greenberg kicked of change would need input The report makes recom- restroom in Sue B. as a the meeting with a presen- from the student body be- mendations to ensure that step in the right direc- about implementing pri- tation from the Commission fore it could be passed. students are never more tion. However, Sahin vate locker rooms that Other noteworthy recom- than one foor away from to Review the Students said, they do not seem to are all-gendered and Association, which he chairs mendations from the com- an all-gender restroom. mission included: Pavlicin said the deans meet student needs. disability-friendly. alongside Dean of Students After this week’s pre- Matthew Burns. Distinguishing between had expressed support, “[The Residential Life The commission, which campaign planning and but preferred a more fexi- Office is] listening, but sentation and discus- examines diferent SA pro- campaigning more gener- ble timeline than the draft they are not necessar- sion of the report and ally. Campaign planning presented. cesses and suggests ways to ily implementing what accompanying resolu- improve them, has recently would be allowed all year- round rather than during Other Announcements we would best like,” he tion in the Senate, the focused on faws in the elec- resolution should face a tion process. the campaign period. Holtz introduced Unsung said. RAs and residents The most contentious Campaigning has also been Heroes, a media initiative in Sue B. told the Com- vote in coming weeks. proposal was one to change split into public and private that could amplify SA’s mittee that the restroom “[I’m] feeling good campaigning. Public cam- Stars and Service program how students vote for SA fails to adequately serve about this report,” President. paigning refers to activities which recognizes University like chalking or Facebook staf. the needs of trans and Schildkraut said. Said The recommendation Pavlicin, “Implement- called for a switch from ap- posts meant to target a mul- SA is now accepting appli- nonbinary students or proval voting — where stu- titude of students, whereas cations for its new sub-com- students with disabili- ing these recommenda- dents can vote for as many private campaigning re- mittee to discuss ways for- ties due to its single user tions will put UR ahead fers to direct interactions, ward regarding the Hirst presidential candidates as nature. of most of our peer in- they want — to instant run- in-person or online, meant Lounge fag display. As an- to persuade students. nounced in the Feb. 17 SA Advocacy for all-gen- stitutions. We will be a of voting. The new system leader and pioneer for would require students to Introducing a rules quiz summary, this sub-com- der restrooms is nothing rank (rather than select) that candidates must pass mittee will advise the new to UR. The move- inclusivity.” presidential candidates ac- before they can begin cam- University-wide committee ment began in 2014 Vilakazi is a member of cording to their frst, sec- paigning. Currently, candi- that is deciding what to do the Class of 2021. dates attend a mandatory with the fags. when students in SA be- ond, and third choice, and gan requesting all-gen- so on. meeting and can refer to Agarye-Kumi is a mem- Following this, all the the rules online. Greenberg ber of the Class of 2021. frst-choice votes would be said this could more efec- counted, and the candidate tively limit confusion and with the least votes would prevent candidates from be eliminated. Then, all the committing election viola- students who had listed tions. Candidates would be the eliminated candidate allowed to take the test as as their frst choice would many times as needed to have their vote transferred pass. to their second-choice can- Requiring student organi- didate. This system would zation e-boards to approve only apply if there were decisions to endorse can- more than two candidates didates or booking rooms in a race. for candidates. This would Greenberg — who is a help prevent e-board mem- member of the Campus bers who were running for Times’ senior staf — said election from abusing their the new process would allow power. students to vote according To pass, these recommen- to their actual preferenc- dations will have to be ap- es instead of being forced proved by the Senate in a to vote for a candidate they vote happening on Monday, thought had a better chance Feb.24. of winning. He added that the system would not be im- SAD Lamps Debut plemented this semester, as Student government will it was not technologically have a booth at the Feb. 24 feasible for UR. Fresh Check Day event in Until then, the commission Hirst Lounge to promote WRITE FOR THE CT. PAGE 4 / campustimes.org TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 Tenure Presents Problems for Teaching-Only Professors TENURE FROM PAGE 1 have lecturers here. All ulty that are pre-tenure” voices because they might tant.’” classes are taught by pro- on the tenure track. “I not be exactly the ones we The social sciences pro- apartment, and you’re fessors’.” think if they’re doing their want to hear,” she said. fessor recognizes that really important, you do When asked whether job well, and people are The track divide goes cutting-edge research is important stuff, but we they would have liked to pleased with them, and deeper than title and secu- crucial to a Research One won’t acknowledge you have the same job security the need for those courses rity — it fractures the fac- University. But, they said, publicly in a meaningful as their tenured colleges, [...] exists, then the job “I can’t agree that my stu- way.’” the humanities profes- security is pretty strong,” ‘Even more than dents, and their lives, and Gloria Culver, the Dean sor said, “Probably. But she said. just a lack of recog- their dreams, and their of the School of Arts and I think my department’s Biology department nition and job secu- happiness, and their abil- Sciences, cited recent been really fair and equi- chair Elaine Sia said that rity, not having ten- ity to be successful is any changes as a testament to table to me. So, I don’t feel “in practice, [being teach- less important than re- the University’s commit- that kind of pressure, that ing faculty] is a very stable ure also impacts a search grants and glory for ment to teaching faculty. I could be the next one and secure position.” In professor’s ability to the University.” The School of Arts, Sci- out.” the biology department, teach, said the social Culver doubts there is an ences, and Engineering As long as they are do- instructional-track faculty sciences professor.’ alternative to the current created the official track ing everything expected members have remained system. for teaching faculty two of them, then they are re- employed at UR for over “I don’t think we can be years ago. hired, the humanities pro- 20 years, she said. ulty as well. a Research One University “The fact that we put fessor said. “So, I don’t “We don’t view those According to the social and have two tenure-track kinds of instructors as ex- sciences professor, a fac- lines that make sense,” she pendable either here at the ulty member who does said. Culver added that college or in our depart- not do research is looked tenure’s purpose is to pro- ment, certainly,” she said, down upon. “In my de- tect freedom in research. but also noted that “it is partment, everyone’s like, “People were afraid that a concern that we think ‘It’s so cute that you’re the types of research they about.” teaching, and that you do were doing would lead Even more than just a things with students;’ it’s them to be discriminated lack of recognition and job very condescending,” they against,” she said. “I don’t security, not having tenure said. think that the instruction- also impacts a professor’s Another faculty member al-track faculty have many ability to teach, said the in the humanities, an ad- of those same concerns.” social sciences professor. junct instructor, agreed. The humanities profes- “When I think about “You are looked at, I think, sor thinks that different topics that are important, in a different way,” they universities have different

JANE PRITCHARD/ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR they’re not always the said. roles within academia, and The wall next to their desk is covered with letters from students. comfortable ones,” they But the humanities pro- perhaps the current two said. “Any time you’re fessor has a different ex- the instructional track in have the kind of job secu- talking about something perience in their depart- But the humani- place sends a signal of how rity, necessarily, as a ten- that is controversial, you ment. “I’ve never been ties professor has a important we think teach- ure track,” they said. “But run the risk of offending treated less than in those different experience ing is,” she said. on the other hand, I also the students.” And student situations,” they said, add- Before, these faculty don’t have that sort of tra- complaints hit non-ten- ing that they thought “this in their department. were called Lecturers or ditional publish or perish ured faculty much harder. is a pretty unique depart- “I’ve never been Senior Lecturers. Now, stress.” Not having tenure also ment in that sense.” treated less than in their titles parallel those The humanities profes- limits a professor’s abili- Culver also thinks that those situations,” in the tenure track: from sor also “knew what the ties to be an ally to their the division between the they said, adding that Assistant, to Associate, to game was” when they took students.They can’t as tracks is “very depart- Full Professors. the job. openly participate in pro- mental specific” and that they thought “this Culver also said that “There were just fewer tests, said the social sci- in some departments it is is a pretty unique teaching faculty now had and fewer tenure-track ences professor. “I sign pe- a “work in progress.” She department in that clearer guidelines for pro- jobs around. And this was titions, but I have to sign cited a number of changes motion, multi-year con- sense.” tracts, and permission to serve on committees like track system makes sense Faculty Council, giving for a research university them a voice in the broader like UR. They also recog- functioning of the school. nize that “we’re living in “I think in some ways a world where tenure is this gave a nod to teach- more and more tenuous ing as a real part of what [...] and universities are the University does,” a hu- trying to cut them as much as possible because they ‘“So, I don’t have are expensive.” the kind of job secu- “Not that I’m not wor- rity, necessarily, as ried that we could see a day when everyone is adjunct, a tenure track,” they and teaching is paid by said. “But on the oth- JANE PRITCHARD/ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR Some professors describe a divisive culture around tenure. the course, and we’re told er hand, I also don’t what to do. And if we don’t have that sort of tra- have a hundred students ditional publish or an opportunity to do what them ‘anonymous faculty that have been made, such in the classroom, then our perish stress.”’ I had studied, and so I took member Arts and Science,’ as including instructional- classes are canceled,” the it,” they said. “I didn’t feel which sort of defeats the track faculty in the new humanities professor said. like I was somehow lack- point of signing a petition. faculty orientation. But “Certainly, that [day] manities professor on the ing or missing something But I have to do that in or- the implications of the could come. But at the instructional track said. by not being on the tenure der to protect myself.” two-track system extend same time, we sort of have The social sciences pro- track.” Culver, who’s been Dean further than faculty, ac- to do what we can. For me, fessor was more skeptical: Culver said teaching fac- since 2015, hopes faculty cording to the social sci- it’s to teach.” “One of my faculty friends ulty might not have the don’t feel this way. ences professor. “When Nguyen is a member of very cynically said to me, same security as tenured “I don’t think it would be I hear, ‘Well, you’re just the Class of 2021. ‘Well, it’s so that they can faculty, but “it’s not any in our best interest to har- teaching,’ it’s also like ‘the tell parents that we don’t different than those fac- ness, muzzle, or silence undergrads are not impor- TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 campustimes.org / PAGE 5 CT CROSSWORD By LUMI SCHILDKRAUT SENIOR STAFF

7 6 5 4 4 3 1 3 2 1 2 1 1 ACROSS 52. ___ Anything (Reddit 25. It’s displayed on a GPS 11 feature) 26. Slangy “very” 1. “Scram!” 1 56. Company beneft 27. ___-ski 10 2 4. Aid for 24-ACROSS0 61. Sea ducl 28. “Bye Bye Bye” artist 9 9. Warren2 Buffet’s home 65. Deals 30. Japanese volcano 9 8 1 14. Genetics letters 66. Chicago airport letters 31. 31. Deadly 18 15. “Beloved,” in Italy 67. It can 33. Words of surrender 16.”___ with you” (a 8 68. Japanese beer brand 34. It destroys bacteria 17 2 goodbye)7 69. Trouble 35. Type of tie 16 16. A 24-ACROSS2 may be 70. Stationed 36. Copy 6 15 2 one 71. Masada palace 41. Wide shoe size 25 18. Gym wt. constructor 44. Old English letter 19. Shaving tool 72. + 45. furious 24 20. One may enter the 47. Number 1 23 Mariana Trench DOWN 49. Newfoundland time 2 23. What a parent may be zone, abbr. 2 13. Flyer 1. Handle 50. Part of 34 29. Chronic speeder’s time 2. Bring upon oneself 53. Plains tribe sinks 3. Cardio regimen 54. Idiot 34. Clip 4. Like “Parasite” 55. What this clue list did 37. Industrial waste 5. USA word, abbr. after 64-DOWN 38. One of eight kings of 6. Like Marino & Aykroyd 57. Colorful fsh England 7. Choir voices 58. Detective’s job 39. F.D.F. successor 8. Eddard’s oldest 59. Chrysler offering in the 4-. Navel type 9. Beast-like ‘80s 42. Bear’s home 10. Extinct emu relative 60. Galba successor 43. Land area units 11. Woodworker’s tool 61. What the tide does 46. Number 1 choice 12. “Euphoria” airer 62. It can help prepare for 47. Pear type 13. ___ Lingus retirement 48. Jason’s fnd 21. Remote button 63. Courtroom fgs. 51. Inscribes 22. Fond du __, WI. 64. Just make it

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[email protected] PAGE 6 / campustimes.org TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 COMMUNITY CT EATS CT COOKS Gluten-Free Pasta Party Banana Nut Butter Smoothie Bowl Total time: 10 minutes Active time: 7 minutes

Equipment: - Blender By OLIVIA BANC - Cutting board COLUMNIST - Knife By ADINA GOLDSTEIN It’s my party, I can cry if COLUMNIST Ingredients: I want to. And when I cry, - 2 frozen bananas I crave exorbitant amounts - 3/4 cup almond milk of carbs. Sadly, carbs can be When I get hangry, the des- - 2 tbsp unsalted almond tough to find for us gluten- peration for a snack can or peanut butter free friends. So this week, sometimes mean gorging on - 1 pinch of salt for your convenience, I chips or an ungodly amount Recommended toppings: took on the task of testing OLIVIA BANC / COLUMNIST of cheese. But this smoothie - Berries out different Rochester A delicious gluten-free pasta option in Rochester. is a total game-changer. It is - Unsweetened coconut restaurants where gluten- with mac ‘n’ cheese. The matic with tons of herbs, fast, flling, and satisfying. fakes free people can join the flavor balance with this bold flavor, and an acidity Ok, now hear me out on the - Cacao nibs party. from the white wine that salt situation. A pinch of salt - Granola To start out, I returned ‘In comparison complimented the seafood will not make the smoothie - Chia seeds to a local favorite of mine to how much I love spectacularly. salty. It just balances out the right over in College Town: Speaking of which, all of sweetness of the bananas. Instructions: Grappa. this dish overall, the seafood was prepared This is perfect for break- 1. Break bananas into Grappa offers a classy this is a minor set- very well — the scallops, fast and great on the go. small chunks atmosphere for honoring back but, it factors shrimp, and mussels, were With this, I know I am eat- 2. Put all ingredients in the blessing that is good all tender and delectable ing something that is both blender and blend pasta. Plus, they have into my fnal pasta and served in generous healthy and flling. until smooth gluten-free bread in stock party rankings.’ portions. Goldstein is a member of 3. Apply with desired top for when they bring out The texture of the glu- the Class of 2021 -pings the bread baskets, which I dish was wonderful, and ten-free pasta was also appreciate — it’s not nearly the vegan cashew-cheddar wonderful and not mushy as common as it should be. cheese combo could pass or grainy, as gluten-free At Grappa, all but one for real cheese, as well. I pastas can be. To top it all of the pasta options can always find their brown off, literally, the abundant be prepared gluten-free, rice pasta to have a great julienned herbs garnish- which makes for a pretty texture because of its struc- ing this dish added the nice selection. I decided on tural integrity across many freshness, elevating this what our waitress said was dishes. meal that much more. The their most popular pasta: I will say that I wish overall balance of flavors in the cheese sauce were a this dish is stunning. ‘I decided on what little looser. While it’s Though all of these dishes our waitress said very creamy, the sauce is may have been gluten-free so thick that it dries a bit, impastas, they are the real was their most turning the dish into a deal. The only complaint popular pasta’ clump. In comparison to that I had about any of how much I love this dish these was that I wished the orecchiette bolognese overall, this is a minor set- The Red Fern’s cheese prepared dairy-free be- back but, it factors into my sauce was looser and more cause I am a mess. The final pasta party rankings. moist. Sadly, this puts that ADINA GOLDSTEIN/ COLUMNIST texture of the pasta was For my third and final baked mac ‘n’ cheese in A beautiful, healthy example of a Banana Nut Butter Smoothie Bowl. perfect. It was nicely al third place in the rankings dente and I couldn’t tell ‘I visited Be- of this pasta party, which that it was gluten-free. nucci’s, a classy says a lot because I’d order The bolognese was sensa- it yet again in a heartbeat. tional. The meat was tender and comfortable and moist, and the sauce modern Italian ‘Though all of was richly seasoned and joint where every- these dishes may had a bright freshness. It was creamy and I loved the thing’s made to have been gluten- generous sauce-to-pasta order. This means free impastas, they ratio. you can request are the real deal.’ Although I left Grappa with high hopes for Roch- things,’ And by the tiniest hair, ester’s future gluten-free I have to follow my heart pasta options, I was doubt- gluten-free pasta dish, I and my happy gluten-free ful that Grappa’s orec- visited Benucci’s, a classy gut and say that Grappa’s chiette bolognese could and comfortable modern orecchiette bolognese ever be beat. Italian joint where every- so slightly surpasses Ben- Next up was a dish that thing’s made to order. This nucci’s pesce diavolo, put- I had ordered before and means you can request ting it in first place for this could not wait to dig into things to be prepared first ever CT Eats gluten- once more: The Red Fern’s gluten-free, dairy-free, etc. free pasta party! baked mac ‘n’ cheese. on the spot. As much as I adored the Much like everything I ordered the pesce dia- pesce diavolo, I had a near- else at The Red Fern, this volo, which did not disap- spiritual experience eating dish is entirely vegan. The point in the slightest. Grappa’s bolognese and cashew cheese and “ched- The white wine tomato nothing afterwards could dar” sauce was really deli- sauce was not like you’d quell the flames of this cious. It was marvelously expect from a diavolo, but burning passion. seasoned — which can it was so delicious that Banc is a member of sometimes be overlooked I didn’t care. It was aro- the class of 2021. TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 campustimes.org / PAGE 7 OPINIONS EDITORIAL BOARD The Problem With Effective Student Government is a Two-Way Street

deally, student govern- endeavors (and mishaps) they try other avenues, like Political Consistency ment gives us a voice, of student government. For emailing the student body By LIAM BETHLENDY below 10 percent, and rou- representation, and a quicker catchup, you can — as they’ve done with other STAFF WRITER I tinely hovers around 20. power. But there’s a massive read our weekly recaps to important announcements? The other candidates’ faw in the current system: a stay informed. Additionally, only some s the Democratic pri- states ofer a stark compar- lack of accountability. Right Engage with their initia- senators seem committed mary commences, ison. Indiana, Buttigeg’s now, our senators don’t ac- tives: Last semester, soph- to connecting with constit- Avoters are starting to state, has varied dramat- tually have to represent us. omore senator Lea Thome uents. Only three senators scrutinize the candidates’ vot- ically in the last 20 years, We, their constituents, introduced an opportunity came to the frst ofce hours, ing records and positions on in both voting margins and have the power to vote sen- for accountability by intro- and fewer communicated previous issues. This is perhaps party allegiance. Since Biden ators in or out, but while ducing senator ofce hours that they had conficts. We the most crucial phase for these assumed ofce in the Senate, they’re in ofce, few of from 3 to 5 p.m. on Fridays. recognize that our student candidates: squaring their past Pennsylvanian voters have us have any idea how, or The problem was, according government has tried to with their vision of the future. favored Nixon, Reagan, whether, they’re address- to Thome, no students ever reach its public, but staying We see Pete Buttigieg H.W. Bush, Gore, Clinton, ing our needs. That’s a se- showed up. Now, the ofce attentive to its constituents struggling with a lack of expe- Obama, and Trump. Had rious problem, but the ball hours are no more. is a necessity that must have rience and his alleged issues they not changed and adapt- is in both courts — it’s on So why don’t we do these lasting dedication behind it. with the black community in ed to refect their constit- the student government to things? On some level, it Make student outreach a South Bend, Joe Biden re- uents, Buttigieg and Biden represent us properly, but seems that most students core part of SA’s overarching covering from a four decade would have been voted out it’s also on us to tell them struggle to see the activities strategy: An organization career in the U.S. govern- of ofce or vilifed as repre- what we want and need. of student government as with representative powers ment, and Elizabeth Warren sentative failures. Here are some measures we connected to their own lives and responsibilities is noth- experiencing backlash from My point is that unless think the governing and the and afairs. But in reality, ing if it doesn’t know how her self-proclaimed Native a candidate’s voter base is governed can take to fx this whether we like it or not, SA to connect with those it is American heritage. static, they cannot be laud- dissonance. is our best shot at improving supposed to represent. And And then there is Bernie ed as “consistent” in the faulty systems at this school. yet SA seems to press ahead Sanders. A man heralded Sanders fashion. What Students Can Do with weak communication for his consistent political Yes, these candidates have Reach out to our repre- What Student Government attempts which indicate that beliefs going back decades. to be accountable for the con- sentatives: Senators are not Can Do reaching us is not a high Like a bottle of wine aging sequences of their votes and that difcult to reach. If all Communicate about initia- priority. in the cellar, Sanders’ politi- speeches. But demanding else fails, we have an open tives: As much as we have to cal beliefs have been waiting strict ideological constancy forum to meet with them do our part, this is a two-way It’s time for SA to have a for the right moment to be can mean ignoring constit- every Monday at 8 p.m. street. Members of student reckoning with their isola- opened. uents’ wishes. We, as voters (Senate meetings) — and yet government worked hard tion from constituents. If a However, in a representa- and constituents, need to the Gowen Room chairs re- to get into ofce. Yet for all desire to serve is what put tive democracy, consisten- remember that candidates main stubbornly empty. The of their eforts, our student them in ofce, this must be- cy is not necessarily a good are, at their best, refections few sessions where students government’s communica- come obvious through their thing. Representation means of their districts. If they pre- food the hall — during the tion is inadequate, rendering actions. A standing goal of that elected ofcials are ac- viously took controversial China-Tibet controversy, for its work often invisible, and connecting with the student countable for, and in tune actions by 2020’s standards, example — are always the its members inaccessible. body should be established, with, the views of their con- the public played some role most exciting and valuable. Ofce hours, for instance, along with appropriate ef- stituents. Over the course of in shaping those actions. Stay updated: SA provides would only work if students forts towards realizing it. 40 years, an elected ofcial I want candidates to be livestreams on Facebook of knew they existed. That begs Ways to connect with the should not hold one single, accountable. But those with all their Senate meetings. the question: How did SA at- student body need to be re- consistent stance on an is- prior political experience, Plus, at the risk of sound- tempt to publicize this new vamped, re-invigorated, and sue. Instead, their stance who openly admit their mis- ing masturbatory, the initiative? When it appeared institutionalized so that they should evolve. A representa- takes and are taking concrete Campus Times makes a that the social media posts are consistent and preemp- tive should take the side that actions to remedy those valiant attempt to cover the were not efective, why didn’t tive, not reactive. best helps their constituents mistakes, should not be dis- and refect their constitu- counted. Not everyone can This editorial is published with the consent of a majority of the Editorial Board: Wil Aiken (Editor-in-Chief), An ents’ values and opinions. come from a liberal bastion Nguyen (Publisher), Hailie Higgins (Opinions Editor), Abhishek Makhun (Features Editor), and Efua Agyare- American voters, especial- with practically no minority Kumi (Managing Editor). The Editor-in-Chief and the Editorial Board make themselves available to the UR ly Democrats in this elec- opinion voters. community’s ideas and concerns. Email [email protected]. tion cycle, need to be more I will applaud any candi- aware of this fact. Asserting date who efectively repre- politicians should be more sented the interests of their representative while in ofce entire constituency. If that Campus Times but complaining they are in- constituency evolves, any SERVING THE UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER COMMUNITY SINCE 1873 consistent snakes come elec- representative — whether tion time is logically incon- running for higher ofce or WILSON COMMONS 103A UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER, ROCHESTER, NY 14627 sistent. You cannot be both not — should change to re- OFFICE: (585) 275-5942 / FAX: (585) 273-5303 representative of an evolving fect those new preferences. CAMPUSTIMES.ORG / [email protected] constituency and entirely The president does not only consistent over a political represent their party, despite EDITOR-IN-CHIEF WIL AIKEN career. however much we may wish MANAGING EDITOR EFUA AGYARE-KUMI In this primary cycle, that to be true. The same can NEWS EDITORS JAMES GUNN PRESENTATION EDITORD Sanders is the candidate be said for every candidate JAMES GUNN COREY MILLER-WILLIAMS with a consistent constituen- who has ever held an elected ETHAN BUSCH SING CHAN ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR cy. His home state, Vermont, position currently running JANE PRITCHARD FEATURES EDITORS EVELYN PINEDA PHOTO EDITORS has also been one of the most in this primary. DANIEL CAJE ABHISHEK MAKHUN consistently liberal constitu- Holding dogmatic and HENRY LITSKY OPINIONS EDITOR HAILIE HIGGINS COPY CHIEF encies in the United States. doctrinal beliefs is not con- CAROLYN RICHTER CULTURE EDITORS WILL LEVE SOCIAL MEDIA EDITORS This has allowed him to be a ducive to efective repre- MELANIE EARLE OLIVIA ALGER pillar of liberalism since he sentation or future legisla- MATTIE MARTIN-OLENSKI HUMOR EDITOR JOHN PINTO WEBMASTER became mayor of Burlington tion; we should not expect RICHARD AKOMEA SPORTS EDITOR ETHAN BUSCH ENGAGEMENT CHIEF in 1981. candidates to devoutly ad- GRACE DI LEO That was also the frst year here to one ideology. If they PUBLISHER AN NGUYEN Democrats had been com- did, they would make poor BUSINESS MANAGER CEZ GARCIA petitive in Vermont in over presidents. Taking hardline Full responsibility for material appearing in this publication rests with the Editor-in-Chief. Opinions expressed in columns, letters, op-eds, or comics are not four election cycles. Since he moral and political stances necessarily the views of the editors or the University of Rochester. Campus Times is printed monthly throughout the academic year, except around and ran for his frst national of- makes for beloved martyrs, during University holidays. All issues are free. Campus Times is published online at www.campustimes.org, and is updated Monday each week. Campus fce in 1988, the presidential but poor politicians. Times is SA funded. All materials herein are copyright © 2019 by Campus Times. vote margin in favor of the Bethlendy is a member of It is our policy to correct all erroneous information as quickly as possible. If you believe you have a correction, please Democrats has never fallen the Class of 2021. email [email protected]. PAGE 8 / campustimes.org OPINIONS / TUESDAY, FEBRURY 25, 2020 EDITORIAL OBSERVER Stop Settling For ‘Relatability’ in Art and Seek Out The Weird traction again. Duster is art that was saved it seems that all we want is on any of Spotify’s chill There’s plenty of specula- from obscurity by people on more of the same. We will playlists. tion as to why Duster came the internet. happily forgo the grander So is this it for us? Is it back, why support for an They are defantly and artistic horizons available chill-out playlists assem- obscure indie rock band defnitely weird. And, in the to us for the sake of conve- bled by algorithms forever? with no records in print world that is “art I found nience. We want “relatabili- Leaving the internet behind blossomed in the late 2010s because of the internet,” ty.” We want to feel “it me.” and going over to “the real By JOHN PINTO and led to a reformation, this is what makes them the Some caveats: Relatability world,” will it be all movie HUMOR EDITOR vinyl reissues, and even a exception to the depressing is not bad. You are not a bad franchises where the thrill new record. The general rule. person for enjoying art you is not in the craftsman- here is a band from consensus holds that the in- Think about the last band can see yourself refected ship or the unique vision San Jose called ternet made Duster spread or movie or TV show you in. Art depends on relat- expressed but in how what TDuster. At the tail- memetically. found because of the in- ability going hand-in-hand ‘so why are you end of the ‘90s they were YouTube’s algorithms ternet. Why’d you take a with weirdness to create one of several groups push- certainly helped. I dis- chance on it? You only have that buzzy feeling deep only consuming art ing a new kind of slow, tinctly remember that for so much free time each day. in the gut. Marginalized which presents to downcast indie rock for- years, Duster’s frst al- Did you seek them out? Or groups who rarely get to ward. Critics heard these bum, “Stratosphere,” was did you take a chance on see themselves represent- you the ideas and barely-pawed guitars and a suggested video on near- it because it was recom- ed complexly should not feelings you are al- downtempo, ride-heavy ly every indie rock song on mended to you? Was it on be criticized for expressing ready familiar with? drum beats, and called the the site. It was always just your Spotify Weekly? Was their love for art they fnd sitting there, a thing that relatable. you see relates back to what ‘To say that this YouTube (by extension, ‘Hell, how did you Going even further, my you saw last time? was some kind of Google) assured you was get to the frst thing specifc example — the rise Igniting the dim ficker of “movement” feels related to your interests. It of Duster — depends on recognition is not all art is was “recommended.” you were at anyway relatability (people listen- ft for. Art is meant to ex- offensive to the con- Duster is a curio of ‘90s — the thing that ing to “Stratosphere” on press and explore ideas and cept of velocity.’ indie, a feel-good story of caused you to get YouTube because it sounds feelings too big for rational success coming when least like other things they al- discussion — so why are you music “slowcore.” To say expected, and I love every recommended the ready know they like). only consuming art which that this was some kind of song they have ever put new thing?’ It also depends on this presents to you the ideas “movement” feels ofensive out. If you are overly fa- cultural moment we’re and feelings you are already to the concept of velocity. miliar with the history of it “Because You Watched” stuck in, where everyone is familiar with? Music that sounds like artsy rock music made by something else? Did some- fxated on chilling out and I know you are tired. The it’s barely being played isn’t white men, their sound is one you admire share it and slowing down. Bedroom festival-core music you’ve appealing for very long. both expected (only a mat- tweet “it me?” Hell, how did pop, that most insular of decided to listen to is Tame Most of the original slow- ter of time before someone you get to the frst thing you genres, is a thing now, as Impala. But please, just try core bands didn’t make it mashed together the pret- were at anyway — the thing is the ever-memed, algo- to use this unprecedented past 2000. Duster fzzled ty slowness of The Velvet that caused you to get rec- rithm-supported “Lo-Fi moment, where we can fnd out after two albums, an Underground’s third LP ommended the new thing? Beats To Relax/Study To.” new and unusual art like EP, and a few singles. Then, with the chill and sonic ex- We have the ability to ex- And it would be perfectly never before, to try some- when all of Duster’s former perimentation of Berlin-era perience any art we want. valid to critique Duster’s thing unthinkable before members were comfortably Bowie) and a miracle (how Never before has it been music as boring and un- trying something relatable. into middle age, the band did human beings dial up a easier to seek out the truly eventful, the kind of thing Pinto is a member of suddenly began gaining guitar tone so beautiful?). weird or revolutionary. Yet you now expect to hear the Class of 2020. EDITORIAL OBSERVER TikTok is More Than Just White Girls Dancing to ‘Cannibal’

sexually active couples can Since many of us 20-some- comment ugly things about the short attention span of minimize their risk. I was things struggle with deci- others, or misinform. kids these days, a way peo- astounded to see this video sion-making, I was happy But most of the content ple create dance crazes, or had gotten nearly 100,000 to be given this free advice. on TikTok is positive (or at ruining the music indus- likes, because it was about As I see it, TikTok is least neutral). TikTok, and try, it is also an efective something I thought peo- changing the game. It is a the algorithm behind it’s way to share knowledge. ple would usually ignore. democratic platform where “For You” page — which TLDR, as the kids say: I By MATTIE MARTIN-OLENSKI As I kept scrolling, I en- anyone can participate suggests content related to think TikTok is cool. It’s SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR countered a woman sharing in a conversation about your interests from any- yet another channel mak- advice about how to im- anything. With apps like one on the app, no matter ing information more ac- prove your college applica- Twitter or Instagram, the how many followers they cessible. Plus, if you’re couple of weeks tions. She spoke about her most popular infuencers have — allow for anyone to making fun of people for ago, I decided to qualifcations as a college and accounts in your areas access all kinds of knowl- dancing, you should just download TikTok. A admissions advisor, and of interest will be promot- edge, which can help fa- fnd something more pro- I had been told by my gave the audience tips on ed on your explore pages. cilitate communication. ductive to do with your life. friends that the app was re- things to include in a per- However on TikTok, content While some say that TikTok Martin-Olenski is a mem- ally entertaining, and it of- sonal statement. A lot of from any creator, no matter is just a representation of ber of the Class of 2022. fered a lot in the form of cho- people have paid for this in- how popular he or she is, has reographed dances, funny formation in the form of col- the potential to be promoted skits, mini vlogs, and beauti- lege admissions counselors, to you through TikTok’s ex- ful art. So, with expectations but on TikTok here was the plore page, the For You page. high, I started scrolling. same knowledge for free. TikTokers have har- I immediately found the One of the best things I’ve nessed this power to reach choreographed dances and seen so far was a video de- more diverse populations the mini vlogs, but I was scribing how to make deci- with a new, unique for- surprised to also fnd work- sions. A man explained that mat. All of the things I’ve ing professionals present- you write down all of your described are instances in ing helpful information. options, and below each which people can access in- The frst kind of profes- option they list all of the formation and advice with- sional content I saw came reasons in favor. Then, he out having to pay or spend from doctors dancing — like explained, rank all of those much time seeking it out. other people on the app reasons based of of their I admit TikTok has some — but, on the screen they importance, and last evalu- problems. People will al- fashed up facts and fgures ate how honest you were be- ways be able to take advan- about common ways peo- ing with yourself about the tage of opportunities like ple get STDs, as well as how MOLLY KILIAN / CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATOR importance of each reason. this to post negative content, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 campustimes.org / PAGE 9 CULTURE King Krule’s ‘Man Alive!’ is a paranoid, genre-bending opus

BY WILL LEVE Chugging bass notes kick but don’t drag down the lis- “Underclass” is a simi- entertaining and bold release CULTURE EDITOR of the track while cascading tener due to their undeniable lar track, where Marshall’s from Marshall. Hearing an electronic tones zip around charm. On “Stoned Again,” drugged out synths, vocals, album so successful in its cre- His signature blend of punk, the mix, as if Marshall is Marshall growls rhymes with and guitar are joined by a ativity this early in the decade jazz and electronic sounds tuning the television in your a hip-hop cadence over buzz- smooth and optimistic bas- makes me very excited for the put him in a lane of his own, mind to his particular style. saw guitar rifs. On “Alone, soon solo, ftting perfectly. future of Marshall and the and his newest album “Man Soon his voice becomes Omen 3,” he sings with swag- While it doesn’t take new style of jazz-punk he’s Alive!” is yet another remind- monotone, but the song is ger, dancing over the rhythm as many stylistic risks as his spearheading. er of this fact. held up by his energetic de- of a smooth cymbal ride and 2017 release “The Ooz,” “Man Leve is a member of English musician Archy a depressive chord progres- Alive!” is another consistently the Class of 2022. Marshall, a.k.a King Krule, ‘As Archy’s guitar sion. These tracks make it ob- has been releasing music work creeps in and vious that Marshall’s ability since his debut EP in 2011, to express anguish while still and has since been lauded cushions his frus- being cool has only improved. as one of the most original trated voice with Even on the album’s members of the modern indie melancholy, the subtler moments, Marshall’s rock scene. songwriting is still more ver- His signature blend of punk, track culminates into satile than it’s ever been. jazz and electronic sounds an intense expres- The track “Airport Antenatal put him in a lane of his own, sion of regret and Airplane” in particular com- and his newest album “Man bines multiple tones into a Alive!” is yet another remind- loss.’ cohesive whole. It begins with er of this fact. livery and surreal lyrics: a soulful, pitch-shifted vocal Marshall’s bassy voice and “There’s a French girl on my sample, which is then joined cockney accent in combina- television. She’s crying in the by Marshall’s voice and gui- tion with melancholy jazz palm of my hand.” As Archy’s tar, setting a melancholy guitar make up his signature guitar work creeps in and mood. But not a minute into sound, and on “Man Alive!” cushions his frustrated voice the track, Marshall works in he gets more mileage out of with melancholy, the track the sound of a spritely drum this combination through culminates into an intense machine. This shifts the song improvements to his song- expression of regret and loss. in just enough of a bright di- writing. The badass opener Tracks “Stoned Again” and rection that it moves from “Cellular” signals these im- “Alone, Omen 3” are similar totally melancholic to a bit provements immediately. in their emotional baggage nostalgic and sentimental.

NOT VANILLA The Quaint Lesson of ‘Stardew Valley’

relationship grows strong to see the villagers grow and enough, interaction options change through my contribu- like marriage are possible. tions to them. There are also many difer- Finally, my need to have ent locations to explore, like a positive impact on my the spooky mines, a serene community was met in the beach, and the town’s dilapi- game. A major task in the dated Community Center. game is repairing the town’s I’ve gathered, from my own Community Center. The experience and others’, that player can accomplish this people fnd “Stardew Valley” by refurbishing each room BY VENNELA PANDARABOYINA to be a peaceful escape. It’s of the Community Center, CULTURE EDITOR a place where the complica- and donating various items tions of life are absent, where they obtain throughout the This summer, I had to take you can quietly and produc- game. The items range from the dreaded Medical School tively live the life of a (fction- farming products, to gems Entrance Exam, known as al) farmer. and ore from the mine and the MCAT. Naturally, I was When I frst entered the many others. With the re- a bit stressed, as the MCAT world of “Stardew Valley,” it furbishment of each room was a test I’d been anticipat- took me a while to get used HENRY LITSKY / PHOTO EDITOR comes benefts for the town. ing my entire life. I looked to the controls. I didn’t know were computer-programmed achieved by my farm. Every These benefts range from into various ways to reduce how to properly use farming non-playable characters time I successfully aged the town’s minecarts being my stress, and stumbled tools, and sacrifced more (NPCs), I was still enter- wine made from a fruit I had put back in service, to open- upon this quaint indie game than one parsnip seed before tained by unlocking more of grown, or made cloth out of ing new areas of the game. and farming simulator called I got the hang of growing their personalities by grow- sheep’s wool, I felt a small Overall, this past summer “Stardew Valley.” plants. ing my friendships with sense of accomplishment. It has informed me that you “Stardew Valley” is a role But soon I fgured out the them. sounds a bit absurd — none never know what media will playing game inspired by the mechanics, and became en- In the run up to the MCAT, of these achievements are teach you about yourself ‘90s game “Harvest Moon,”, ‘I didn’t know I played “Stardew Valley” ev- real — but they felt real to — or even about the world. created single-handedly ery night for an hour before I me. That’s why all types of media, by Eric “ConcernedApe”’ how to properly went to bed. It was the only My need to have meaning- whether it be oil paintings or Barone. The game’s story use farming tools, thing that could calm me ful human connections was an eight-part TV miniseries, starts with the player char- and sacrifced down from a stressful day of met through the friendships deserves to be made and con- acter opening a letter from studying. For a long time I I made with the townsfolk. sumed. My experience with their deceased grandfather, more than one couldn’t fgure out why it had I gabbed about fshing with “Stardew Valley” was per- informing them he’s left parsnip seed,’ such a calming efect on me. Willy the fsherman, and dis- sonal and unexpected. I’m them his small farm. But by the end of the summer cussed fashion with the local lucky that we are in an age The farm is located in the tranced. I loved building my I knew. The game had boiled fashionista Haley. Another where so many kinds of me- tiny Pelican Town, which re- farm, frst through grow- down all my essential needs way to grow relationships dia are created and celebrat- sides in the titular Stardew ing crops and later bring- into an approachable video with NPCs is to give them ed, so that each we can have Valley. The player is encour- ing animals into the mix. I game. gifts, which helps in discov- those surprisingly heartfelt aged to interact and develop also loved interacting with My need to be a produc- ering each villager’s favorite experiences. relationships with the inhabi- the townsfolk. Even though tive person was met through things. Because of this fea- Pandaraboyina is a member tants of Pelican Town. If their I was fully aware that they the growth and productivity ture, I had the opportunity of the Class of 2020. PAGE 10 / campustimes.org TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 HUMOR Eastman statue cries tears of blood, How to show up late to screams ‘Retribution will come when lecture in a way that dis- least expected’ rupts everything By NEIL YEUNG open the door. By JOHN PINTO Instagram and abstractedly to be able to recall further HUMOR STAFF HUMOR EDITOR Next, trawl the classroom thinking about vore porn, details. for an empty seat. Be picky the usual. Suddenly I hear “Man oh man!” Loomis Whether you’re a mas- about your seat selection. Multiple witnesses report- this voice — three voices said. “I remember what ochist who enjoys the Try various seating posi- ed that the George Eastman at once, really, one nor- happened perfectly. I was feeling of a professor and tions like you’re buying a statue between Morey mal-pitched, one high like running because I’d stayed 100 other students disap- home. Think of yourself as and Lattimore once again the Chipmunks, and one in Lattimore for two hours provingly staring at you, the Goldilocks of seat se- cried tears of blood last comically low — and the after my anthro class, just or you’re someone who lection. If your class is in a Wednesday, the third time voice says, ‘Retribution will blasting my professor with thinks you might as well large lecture hall like Hoyt, such a phenomenon has come when least expected!’” questions. I just love the make sure to walk up and been observed in the past When asked what hap- faculty here at UR. Did Next, open the down the stairway a mini- two weeks. pened next, Portis told the you know we are current- door to your class mum of three times. After In a recent development, ly ranked the 29th best re- Campus Times that she had as slow as possible. you have done so, take witnesses now report that “a major realization about search university in the a seat right in the front, the statue has begun to what will be the next big U.S.? And that some experts Picture yourself as directly in front of your scream with what sounds thing in sexual swallowing have referred to Rochester a charming breeze professor. like three voices at once. as a ‘New Ivy?’ What are you media” and could not re- slowly blowing the After being seated, let out One passing student report- member the statue making saying? ‘Get to the point?’ a huge sigh. Let your pro- ed that they heard the stat- any further declarations. Ha ha, my anthro professor door open. fessor know the difficulty ue cry out, “Retribution will First-year student Vishal says that all the time!” of your journey to their lec- come when least expected!” Loomis, who spoke to CT Loomis then began to ex- go out in a blaze of glory ture today. Then, proceed “I was just walking to my while wearing his ID, keys, hibit stigmata on both of since you’re ridiculously to either nap—snoring in- math lecture in Lattimore, and a scrap of paper labelled his hands. He also started late anyways, this guide humanly loudly—or shop y’know, 25 minutes late as “Social Security Number: to cry tears of blood identi- will help you show up late online for corduroy over- always,” said junior Hannah 555-69-3825” on a lanyard cal to those seen on George to lecture in a way that dis- alls on your phone with si- Portis. “I’m scrolling through around his neck, claimed Eastman’s statue, and even rupts everything. lent mode disabled so ev- started speaking (about First, arrive to class five Mets free agency rumors minutes before it ends. Be picky about and how they relate to the People around you will your seat selection. writings of Proust and an in- wonder, “Why did they ternship Loomis had worked even bother coming?” Try various seating the previous summer) in Next, open the door to positions like you’re the same three-voiced tone your class as slow as pos- buying a home. Portis initially reported. sible. Picture yourself as Loomis was taken to UHS. a charming breeze slowly University administrators blowing the door open. If eryone can hear the sound have yet to issue any state- the door is ungreased and of your keystrokes. ment on the Eastman statue. old, you’ve accomplished Congratulations! You’ve When approached by CT for your goal: An awful high- disrupted class. If you fol- comment on any supernat- pitched squeaking noise low this guide, you’re sure ural threat the statue might will emanate from the to be the disruptive inno- pose to students, Public door. If the door is not old, vator that you know you Safety replied, “If you think provide your own sound ef- can be. we give a shit, you’re high.” fects. Bring an inflated bal- Yeung is a member of Pinto is a member of loon and slowly release the the Class of 2023. the Class of 2020. helium from it as you push JANE PRITCHARD / ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR I look like Lenny from ‘Shark Tale,’ and that’s okay By ETHAN BUSCH SPORTS EDITOR about shark gangsters. Will necessarily a good thing anthropomorphic shark, after those fateful base- Smith voices Oscar, a fish to look like a shark. I ha- and continue going about ment fumblings, I have who gains fame by claim- ven’t had many jobs, but I your daily life as normal. begun to accept that I look Imagine you’re a first- ing credit for the acciden- My therapist tells me like Lenny from “Shark year in high school. You’ve tal death of a much-feared I haven’t had many that the only way to happi- Tale.” just started your first seri- shark. The film features fun jobs, but I really do ness is to accept myself as I hope you can accept me, ous relationship, and the things like sexist portrayals hope that my inter- I am. They might have sto- too. two of you are hanging out of women, fish with boobs, len that from the Buddha, Busch is a member of in your basement watching and a smattering of vaguely viewers don’t think but whatever. Five years the Class of 2023. movies. It’s a good time, prejudiced jokes. Oscar be- of me as Sharkboy. full of fumbling anatomi- comes friends with Lenny, cal explorations. Then she a bumbling but kind shark really do hope that my in- turns to you and says, “You who is also a vegetarian (a terviewers don’t think of know, you kind of remind trait that angers his father me as Sharkboy. Though me of Lenny from ‘Shark quite a bit). they would probably just Tale.’” To be honest, there are think of me as a shark, There goes your ego worse cartoon characters because Sharkboy is a dif- (though, troublingly, your to look like. Lenny is a gen- ferent character from the boner stays). uinely good person (shark). 2005 live-action film “The He’s also voiced by Jack Adventures of Sharkboy Then she turns to Black, which is awesome. and Lavagirl in 3-D.” Either you and says, “You And in the movie’s heart- way, I experience the same warming conclusion (luke- fear of being judged on my know, you kind of warm is still warm) every- appearance as many other remind me of Lenny body accepts him for who young people. from ‘Shark Tale.’” he is, so that’s nice, too. It has been a great strug- On the other hand, most gle in my heart as of late. For those who are unfa- people think I look like a It’s hard to internalize miliar with “Shark Tale,” shark. the fact that your physi- it is a 2004 animated film I don’t know that it’s cal features look like an JANE PRITCHARD / ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 / HUMOR campustimes.org / PAGE 11 A Brief Log of President Mangelsdorf’s President’s Day Activities BY LUMI SCHILDKRAUT by all nine vice presidents. Her body, like all bodies, a commotion outside. kind of demonstration that SENIOR STAFF Smiling, Mangelsdorf put would decay and die. But Looking out from her ofce, was okay! The only kind on the party hat. She could her building would survive. she saw dozens of University of demonstration that was UR president Sarah As Mangelsdorf left her of Wisconsin students, hold- okay! She made a phone call Mangelsdorf brushed the ‘Smiling, meeting with Crawford, ec- ing banners and signs say- to Director of Public Safety snow of her Kia Sorento, Mangelsdorf put static, she realized that the ing “We love you Sarah” and Mark Fischer and issued the humming “Hail to the on the party hat. next item on her calendar “We miss you, President frst presidential pardons of Chief.” It was her day. It was was a meeting with the man Mangelsdorf.” With a be- her tenure at UR. Presidents’ Day. She could kill any with the supermarkets. nevolent wave, like a Roman While she normally went She sang along to Billie one of the VPs with Walking in, Mangelsdorf emperor sparing a gladiator, home at the end of the Eilish and Lizzo as she her bare hands. was greeted by Wegman’s she bid them goodbye. day, Mangelsdorf fgured drove to campus, her car Chairman Danny Wegman. But then, as Public Safety she’d stick around. It was sliding around on the poor- She had the And there they were, the ofcers started dragging the the one day of the year that ly-plowed Rochester roads. strength.’ usual Wegmans’ premade students away, Mangelsdorf the Carillon was played in sandwiches. But there was became angry. How dare honor of the UR President. ‘She sang along kill any one of the VPs with one sandwich Mangelsdorf ‘How dare In honor of her, Sarah C. to Billie Eilish her bare hands. She had the didn’t recognize. Mangelsdorf. It was her anyone arrest and Lizzo as she strength. And she could get “Sarah, I would like to concert, and she wasn’t away with it, too. She was present to you our new- those students missing it for the world. As drove to campus, president. est sandwich: the Sarah C. when they were “Hedwig’s Theme” drifted her car sliding After a 9 a.m. meeting Mangelsdorf,” Wegman down from the top of Rush demonstrating in around on the with several members of said. “It is turkey, ham, pro- Rhees for the ffth time in the Board of Trustees, it volone, lettuce, and tomato support of her! This three days, she smiled. She poorly-plowed was on to a meeting with on a ciabatta roll with Mel was exactly felt like Dumbledore. Rochester Senior Vice President Sauce. I heard it was your The evening was som- the kind of demon- roads.’ for Administration and favorite.” ber for Mangelsdorf. Her Finance Holly Crawford. Mangelsdorf’s eyes lit up. stration that was day was coming to an end. Upon arriving at her ofce Mangelsdorf expected a bor- Millions of people would be okay! The only kind But as she lay in bed, a tear in Wallis Hall, Manglesdorf ing meeting, but was shocked able to eat her sandwich. rolling down her cheek, she discovered that her chief of when plans for the current- They would feel her feelings of demonstration had a thought. Looking at staf, Anthony Green, had ly unannounced Sarah C. and know her truth. that was okay!’ her calendar on the wall, left a branded UR party hat Mangelsdorf Hall were writ- The afternoon was rel- with Feb. 15, 2021 circled, on her desk. ten into the University bud- atively uneventful and anyone arrest those stu- Mangelsdorf smiled. “Happy Mangelsdorf get. It was at that moment flled with conference calls. dents when they were Only 364 days to go. Day!” read the accompany- that Mangelsdorf knew. She That is, until 3:30 p.m., demonstrating in support Schildkraut is a member of ing card, which was signed had achieved immortality. when Mangelsdorf heard of her! This was exactly the the Class of 2023.

CT CROSSWORD Finish it in less than a minute or you’re a dunce

BY SKYE WAIPA NEWS STAFF Put the right words in the little boxes quickly and correctly or we will print out a glossy jpeg of your face and write “total fool” on your forehead. Waipa is a memeber of the Class of 2020.

CLUES

Across

3: _____ bubble tea

6: WebMD is better

7: The river or what the upperclassmen actually needed

8: Our leading lady

9: “No, not there -- I go to the U of R”

Down

1: Student has a lot of

2: Overpriced and mediocre

4: Overused meme at expense of animal

5: Claim made by 90% of incoming frst years

9: Your GPA or school mascot

9: RIT 9: 9: ROCKY 9:

8: MANGELSDORF 8: 5: PREMED 5:

7: GENESEE 7: 4: QUADFOX 4:

6: UHS 6: 2: PITSUSHI 2:

3: TAICHI 3: 1: DEBT 1:

Across Down ANSWERS PAGE 12 / campustimes.org TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2020 SPORTS A Night at the Amerks, with Chili

By JAMES GUNN immediately recognisa- arena. Chili. Chili. Chili. NEWS EDITOR ble to most fans, but they It seemed, by the great have a number of future benefaction of Wendy’s The UR crowd didn’t and former NHL players. in Rochester, that by the quite fill the stands, but Buffalo Sabres prospect end of the second period, plenty of Amerks sup- Casey Middelstadt joined fans had won the greatest porters turned out to the Amerks mid-Decem- prize of all. Free chili. Blue Cross Arena for the ber after a weak perfor- Despite the initial slow game against the Lehigh mance in 2019 with the performance, the Phan- Valley Phantoms. The top-tier club. Goalten- toms got even with the students that did show der Andrew “The Ham- Amerks early in the third, up for UR night com- burglar” Hammond once and the game approached pensated for their peers’ led the NHL’s Ottawa its final minute tied at 1. low-attendance with en- Senators in a Cinderella In a flurry of end-to-end thusiasm. The $2 beers run culminating in one of skating, both teams post- certainly helped, even if the highest single-season ed a second goal to bring Genny Light was the pri- save percentages of all the game to extra time. mary offering. time. Jumping off the faceoff, With only one goal in JANE PRITCHARD/ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR The Phantoms were not Despite this, there were olence in the past decade, the Amerks stormed the the first two periods, without higher-end tal- few shots, fewer goals, fighting is still the main Phantom’s defensive it wasn’t the high-pace ent themselves. Former and hardly any action. draw for many who’ve not zone. Moments later, game that the scores of rookie-of-the-year can- The fight that so many watched hockey before. crashing down on the first-time hockey fans didate from the Phila- new fans came to see Maybe Rocky could’ve crease, the Amerks beat had expected for UR delphia Flyers, Shayne failed to appear. No tilly, taken the ice to square off the goalie off a rebound night. Ghostisbehere, was play- nor kerfuffle, nor donny- with Moose, the Amerks and won it 3–2. The play- The lineups, howev- ing down in the minors brook graced the ice. aptly-named mascot, or ers left celebrating their er, were promising. The while recovering from an Minor hockey leagues, MeLVin of the Phantoms. victory, and the fans left Amerks, second in their injury. Prospects Morgan and hockey in general, If fans were disappoint- celebrating their free division, have been true Frost and Mikhail Vo- are infamous for their ed by the lack of action chili and a $2 well-spent. contenders for only a few robyev are having a solid fights. Though the sport on the ice, it was not for Gunn is a member of years. Their steadily im- year on a team struggling has moved firmly away long. The steady rumble the Class of 2020. proving roster won’t be to stay afloat. from more gratuitous vi- of chanting filled the Do You Believe in Miracles?

By ETHAN BUSCH the third period down SPORTS EDITOR 3–2. A power-play (man up) goal tied the game, On Feb. 22, 1980 the and Mike Eruzione U.S. men’s national ice scored to give the Ameri- hockey team played cans their first lead of the an Olympic semifinal game. The Soviets pan- game against the Soviet icked, taking wild shots Union’s team in Lake on Craig, who finished Placid, NY. the game with a 92% The Soviet Team had save percentage. With Join won the last four gold five seconds left in the medals, and defeated period the home crowd the numerous NHL teams in was counting down. Mi- Campus Times recent years. They were chaels shouted “Do you heavy favorites to win JANE PRITCHARD/ILLUSTRATIONS EDITOR believe in miracles? chaels began what would shootout. The U.S. tied not just this game but the YES!” and the American become not just a legend- the game at two points gold medal as well. team stormed the ice in ary game, but a legendary apiece with one second The U.S. team was celebration as the buzzer broadcast, by setting the left on the clock. The made up of mostly col- sounded. background. With Cold goal came off of the re- lege players from the The game is considered War tensions at a peak bound of a distance shot, University of Minne- one of the greatest hockey following the Soviet inva- which was misplayed by games of all time, and one sion of Afghanistan, the Soviet goalie Vladislav ‘The game is con- of the greatest upsets in Olympics were laden with Tretiak and put in by sidered one of the all of sports history. But geopolitical symbolism. Mark Johnson. When the miracle on ice is also greatest hockey Soviet dominance on the the Soviet team took the remembered as a histori- games of all time, ice was understood as a ice for the second period, cal event. For Americans and one of the reflection of Soviet power their coach shocked both C it was an uplifting victory globally. When Michaels’ teams by replacing Tre- greatest upsets in in the midst of a conflict fellow commentator Ken tiak (who was widely re- all of sports history’ that overshadowed half a Dryden said that the So- garded as the best goalie century. It was a miracle viet team was better than in the world at the time) that united the country the Americans’, he re- with their backup. De- sota and Boston Univer- during dark days. And flected in some part the spite this, the Soviets sity. None of them had it’s worth remembering, fears of the American dominated the second yet played professional even 40 years later, be- public. The future of the period, but only scored hockey. They had been cause we might not ever Cold War was uncertain, one goal thanks to fan- crushed 10–3 by the So- see another game like it. and by extension so was tastic play by the Ameri- viet team two weeks ear- Busch is a member of America’s. can goalie Jim Craig. lier. the Class of 2023. Commentator Al Mi- The first period was a The Americans began