Supporting Stepfamilies Workbook
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Tvqqpsujoh! Tufqgbnjmjft Xpslcppl!xjui!Mfttpot!boe Bdujwjujft!gps!Qbsfout!boe!Dijmesfo Lbuiz!S/!Cptdi-!Fyufotjpo!Gbnjmz!Mjgf!Fevdbujpo!Tqfdjbmjtu Dzouijb!S/!Tusbtifjn-!Fyufotjpo!Fevdbups UQBKPFLKFP>FSFPFLKLCQEB KPQFQRQBLCDOF@RIQROB>KA>QRO>IBPLRO@BP>QQEBKFSBOPFQVLC B?O>PH>¨ FK@LIK@LLMBO>QFKDTFQEQEBLRKQFBP>KAQEBKFQBAQ>QBPBM>OQJBKQLCDOF@RIQROB KFSBOPFQVLCB?O>PH>¨ FK@LIKUQBKPFLKBAR@>QFLK>IMOLDO>JP>?FABTFQEQEBKLKAFP@OFJFK>QFLK MLIF@FBPLCQEBKFSBOPFQVLCB?O>PH>¨ FK@LIK>KAQEBKFQBAQ>QBPBM>OQJBKQLCDOF@RIQROB Supporting Stepfamilies Table of Contents Supporting Stepfamilies Workbook. 1 What is a Stepfamily?. 3 Supporting Stepfamilies: What Do the Children Feel?. 26 Activity Sheets. 31 Five Stages of the Grief Cycle . .60 Evaluation Sheet © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 60 Supporting Stepfamilies Workbook Do any of these questions sound familiar? Money, housework, and sex are often the Do you ask some of these questions? three major topics couples fight about. Other major conflict areas are time spent • How should we handle discipline? together and issues regarding children. These challenges are often more pronounced • How do I set clear boundaries? when children from previous relationships are brought into a new partnership. These • Can I be friends with my stepchildren? potential challenges, as well as the many benefits of living in a stepfamily, will be • What should I do when my stepchild does discussed in this course. not talk to me? Supporting Stepfamilies may be used as a • How do I interact with my stepchildren’s learn-at-home course for self-study or may other parent? be taught in small groups with a facilitator or teacher. • What can I do if I feel my partner is favoring my stepchildren over my children? This material provides information to stimulate your thought processes and help • What can I do if I feel my children are you recognize challenges you may face in more loyal to (or seem to favor) their other your newly formed family. You will be parent? given discussion questions and activities to practice with your partner and children to • If I try hard enough, will my new strengthen your stepfamily relationships. stepfamily be like my original family? You may want to share this information with • How will I learn to accept the strengths and others who have been through a divorce and weaknesses of other family members? are contemplating remarriage and merging two families into one stepfamily. • How long will it take for us to love each other in my new stepfamily? Who Will This Course Benefit? • What can I do when things are not going as Couples considering marriage who have well as I had hoped for? children from previous relationships will benefit the most from taking this course. • What can I do when I feel downhearted It will help them discuss major issues and and blue? make plans for their future family. In addition, stepparents, biological parents, How to Use This Curriculum grandparents, child-care providers, and anyone interested in learning more about Stepfamilies face many of the same helping stepfamilies be successful will challenges as two-parent biological benefit. families: discipline, financial management, communication, and time management. © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 1 Supporting Stepfamilies Workbook Goal Statement for Course Participants: Individuals and families who are successful in marriage relationships and are financially stable will provide a safe and secure future for children and strengthen community viability. © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 2 © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 3 What is a Stepfamily? There are many types of stepfamilies. For While making the initial decision to enter instance, some are legally joined and others a relationship and working to nurture are cohabiting; some include minor children, it, both people must accept their own others have grown children; sometimes one fears and those of their new partner partner has children, and sometimes both and children. As relationships become partners have children. “Blended families” significant, serious consideration must is another term often used for stepfamilies. be given to the children who are being “Reconstituted families” was a term used in brought into the relationship; however, the more recent past. You are a stepfamily decisions about whether to form a family if you or your partner has children from a are made by the partners alone. previous relationship. 2. Thinking about and planning for the The process of forming a new family new marriage and family. In this phase, through remarriage has three phases: new couples work together to learn more about stepfamilies and how to make them 1. Entering a new relationship. Before successful. It can be exciting to learn new forming a new successful relationship, things and make plans for the future, and each individual must be divorced this time together will usually strengthen emotionally as well as legally from the love relationship that has developed. their first partner. Partners must be ready to deal with the complexity and It also may be the stage when couples amount of effort required to make (usually one of the partners) realize they the new relationship successful. They are not meant to be together because need to work on being open about they do not have the mutual love, trust, communication to avoid making an and respect, or a feeling of excited hope assumption that close communication is for the future that is necessary for a taking place when it may be struggling or relationship to be successful. distant. Some individuals will be entering the relationship as singles who have There must be a strong base or cohabitated. foundation on which to build their family if they are to be prepared to meet the An important reminder to those forming challenges they may face over the years. new relationships and marriages: Try not Facing a new relationship with eagerness to compare the new partner to the former and a plan on how to face responsibilities partner or expect that the new partner and challenges that may occur in a will behave as the former partner did. It stepfamily will help the stepfamily be is especially unfair to impose negative successful. thoughts or behaviors onto a new partner. If this occurs often, the person 3. Remarrying and reconstituting the is not emotionally detached from their family. The stepparent is not so much a former partner. new parent in the family as a new adult in the family. Time and patience are needed to help make this new role and © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 2 © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 3 What is a Stepfamily? What is a Stepfamily? the realigning relationships that develop change in housing, schools, church, or even work effectively. Parents also will need community. a lot of energy and a sense of humor. Setting priorities will be an essential Discussion Questions: part of this phase so parents can devote time to their partner and children while • What are some of the losses and changes maintaining the time necessary for their you have experienced? jobs and other interests. • How does your partner feel about the losses and changes being experienced? Benefits of Counseling • How have you dealt with your feelings? • How are your children and stepchildren Before forming new relationships, some adapting to the changes? people might benefit from professional • In what ways are your children expressing counseling to help them deal with and their feelings? overcome problems that existed in a former marriage or partnership. Counseling can Activity 1a: also help them cope with their feelings Feeling Words and examine their expectations for a new relationship. To help you identify your feelings about your stepfamily, use the words on the activity Parents must consider their children’s sheet and select a few that describe the well-being, and together with teachers, pleasant and unpleasant feelings you have counselors, and family physicians, determine about your situation. if counseling might help them. Counselors can be trusted advocates who will listen to Activity 1b: personal feelings, concerns, and fears and, Feelings through professional advice, will gently guide people and teach them coping skills. Children also need to understand their Trusted friends and close family are often feelings about their family. It is easier called upon during difficult times, and may for them to use pictures to identify how also offer support and assistance. they feel. Use this activity at home with your children to help them express and Dealing With Feelings of understand their feelings about living in a Loss and Change stepfamily. When parents divorce or remarry, the Remember, in this activity your most adults and children within the family may important skill as a parent is to encourage experience feelings of insecurity, sadness them to share their feelings and to listen with or anger resulting from the loss of the your heart and your ears. If you invite them biological family living together. Both may to share their feelings and then discount feel the loss of future plans, reduced income, them or scold them for what they say, they or loss of familiarity if there has been a may not talk with you again. © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 4 © The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska. All rights reserved. w Supporting Stepfamilies 5 What is a Stepfamily? What is a Stepfamily? Activity 1c: family. Underlying resentment and jealousy How Do I Feel? may occur if individuals are not open to an exchange of dialogue.