PARENTING TaTHE mi ng TIGER PARENT "Tiger parenting" describes an overly strict parenting philosophy designed to foster an academically competitive spirit. But what does this pressure do to a child’s psyche and wellbeing? Here, Eve Douglas delves into Tanith Carey's book Taming the Tiger Parent.

e’ve all met her. Or him. The Tiger parenting style called "tiger parenting". Tiger parenting from the PlayStation and breaking the neighbours’ window Parent. They accompany their aims to maximise children’s potential of success by with a misaimed ball, it also keeps them away from time 5-year-old to the classroom and ask developing their skills and strong work habits at the cost to be creative, play unstructured and imaginary games, the teacher for extra homework. of having a carefree childhood. and have fun and socialise with their peers. What’s more, They need to know how the reading Both authors are mothers who want only the very having their days heavily scheduled prevents them from Wage of their child measures up against others in the class. best for their children. However, while advocates of tiger learning how to organise their own time, because there After school, they rush to piano lessons, judo, Mandarin, parenting choose to raise their children to be competitive is nothing left for them to organise. and swimming – and that’s just Monday. We’ve all met and successful, Carey argues in favour of putting a child’s Children who are raised by tiger parents sometimes her or him. Sometimes, in our own bathroom mirror. wellbeing and happiness ahead of success at school. believe that they are stupid and not good enough. They But what could possibly be wrong with exposing your In its extreme form, tiger parenting can give children may experience unacceptable amounts of stress due to child to music and foreign languages? Why wouldn’t you the impression that academic accomplishment is everything the expectations placed on them. They may even stop want to encourage your child to do the best they can in and should be achieved at any trying to do well altogether in sports and schoolwork? The answer lies in the old saying cost. It can make them think that case they fail and disappoint their that everything is good in moderation. If we disturb they have to excel in order to earn “The simple truth, parents. Or they may turn into the balance between working hard and having free, their parents’ love. It can lead to perfectionists who live their whole unstructured playtime, the consequences can potentially unhealthy competitiveness and ruin though, is that being lives with the fear that nothing they be disastrous for the child and the whole family. Taming friendships. And while this style achieve will ever be good enough. the Tiger Parent, by Tanith Carey, is a response to the Battle of schooling and parenting does good at everything is So how do competitive parents Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua, a story of a strict seem to produce pupils who do change their parenting style? Carey exceptionally well in exams, Chinese an impossible goal, understands that when we’re in universities are now realising this and there are many the heat of the moment, it’s easy ARE YOU... system produces students who to lose perspective and inflate the are not creative enough, and who different ways in life importance of your child’s school A TIGER PARENT? cannot work well in teams. In New project or their performance in Zealand, we’re fortunately to flourish." a sporting event. It’s also scary to IF YOU ANSWER YES TO ALL THESE sheltered from the let go if you think that other parents QUESTIONS, YOUR PARENTING worst cases of tiger parenting gone out of are pushing their own children and providing them with STYLE MAY BE EXCESSIVELY control, but Carey quotes horrific examples extra opportunities that yours aren’t getting. The simple COMPETITIVE: of cheating, bribery, and even murder that truth, though, is that being good at everything is an > When you see another child happen abroad. impossible goal, and there are many different ways in life excel at something, do you think, But even in its mild form, tiger parenting to flourish. Re-examine the difference between your child’s “Why can’t my child do that?” or can lead to a lifestyle that’s so crammed with achievement and your child’s wellbeing, and if they are not “Mine can do better!”? homework and extramural activities that children aligned, think of ways to restore the balance. > Are you very nervous before your have no free time. They do homework before breakfast, By moving the emphasis from high achievement to child’s exam or sports race? eat dinner on the way from piano lessons to karate, and happiness, you will, Carey assures us, provide your child > Have you ever exaggerated your can’t go to sleepovers because their weekend swimming with a better guarantee of success in life than any number child’s achievements to other parents? starts at six in the morning. While this keeps them away of exam results. > When another parent shares their child’s success story with you, do you feel compelled to offer excuses for your child’s performance, or to trump their HOW TO BECOME LESS COMPETITIVE story with your child’s success story? > Ask yourself what you’re competing over and why. they don’t need to be in the top maths group or bring > Do you turn things into > Accept that another child’s success does not home sports trophies. A balanced, self-accepting child a competition for your children imply your child’s failure. will be happier than a superficially successful one. when they don’t need to be, like Unlike tiger Don’t show off your children by asking them Realise that you are a wonderful parent who wants stripes, you can > > “Whose room will be the neatest change your to sing or play the piano for your friends. the best for your children, and you don’t need any be the end of today?” parenting style. > Get perspective: For a child to flourish, external validations of your worth as a parent.