From a 'Living Nightmare' to Patient Love
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FROM A 'LIVING NIGHTMARE' TO PATIEN T LOVE: H o w G o d ' s e x a m p l e s a v e d m y p a r e n t s ' m a r r i a g e . w r i t t e n f r o m m y h o p e - f i l l e d h e a r t t o y o u r s . W i t h s i n c e r e g r a t i t u d e t o m y p a t r o n s : A a r o n L e e J a y n e K w o n A d a m C h ' n g K a W o n g A d d i e L ' e s t r e l l e K e i t h W o n g A l a n n a G l o v e r K a t r i n a T s e n g A m y L i a n g L u c y B r y a n t B i l l y L a m M a b e l J o e C i n d y M a k M a r y & S a l l y D i a n a B a c k h o u s e M a t t K a n g E l e a n o r L a i M a t t h e w C h a n E l i a C h e n M e g a n W a l s h G r a c e L a m M e l T r u o n g H a n n a h C h a o M i c h a e l W o n g H a n n a h T s a n g O w e n S e e t o H a y l e y C h e n S a m m i e Y i p H u g h C o o k s o n S e r e n a M a k J a m e s T r u o n g S u s a n Y e e J a n H e n r y o n T e r r e n c e Z h e n g J a n e H o n g W e n d a y C h u © 2 0 2 0 H e i d i T a i A l l r i g h t s r e s e r v e d . 2 BORN AN ACCIDENT As a young girl, I never dreamed of the perfect wedding. Although I grew up watching Disney’s ‘happily ever afters’, the thought of settling down and having children was never on my bucket list. If by divine intervention it would happen one day, I promised myself that I never wanted to end up like my parents. This may sound harsh, but this story does get better, I promise. Growing up, I knew that my immigrant parents were fantastic workers and wise investors, but they were awful lovers and terrible friends. My dad was pushy and proud, while my mum was overly tolerant and compliant. I never witnessed hugs, casual conversation, or laughter. I never heard ‘I love you’, ‘thank you’, or ‘I’m sorry’. Although my parents worked incredibly hard to give my brother and I the ‘Australian dream’, as a kid, I often felt trapped between cold, white walls that were void of life and love. I longed for freedom and in my mind, marriage and children was not the answer. 3 It was 1984 when my dad packed his bags and made the difficult decision to immigrate from Hong Kong to Australia. Far from a ‘Crazy Rich Asian’ with worldwide connections and suitcases filled with cash, my dad landed in Sydney with no friends, no qualifications and seventy precious dollars in his pocket. It wasn’t long before his lonely heart became enthralled with a young woman as lovely as a ‘pineapple bun’. She was quiet and naive, and although she saw red flags throughout their romance, her young heart rushed to marry her handsome and charming boyfriend. Two months into their marriage, my parents discovered that they were pregnant with me, and all hell broke loose. They hadn’t planned for such a liability, and instead of celebrating with baby showers and gender reveal parties, they threatened to sue the doctor who had misdiagnosed my mum as ‘infertile’. To accommodate their ‘accident’, my parents took out a home loan the year that the Australian interest rate hit an all-time high of 17% per annum. Unable to speak English and without any formal qualifications, my dad was forced to shoulder three labour jobs to keep the ‘accident’ alive. My mum continued to work a full-time office job despite her ‘nightmare pregnancy’. She suffered from morning sickness for nine months straight and was rewarded with a gruelling 26-hour labour. Growing up, it was drilled into me that life is hard, work is hard, and pushing out my giant head was very hard. I was constantly burdened with these reminders, as though being born in the year of sky-high interest rates was a choice that I had made vindictively. Last month, my parents celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary and they recalled those ‘hard’ years with disbelief, and tears of joy and laughter. They acknowledged that God’s plans were wildly different to their plans, but life is never an accident. Although their marriage began with deep regret, with God’s help it has become a remarkable story of redemption. As of today, my parents are devoted lovers, best friends and even committed partners in the gospel. I am so grateful to have witnessed such a transformation, and it is my privilege to share their story with you. 4 5 Photo: Henry & Co. Unsplash F I R S T I M P R E S S I O N S It can be easy to forget that my parents were once young strangers who met and fell in love. When describing first impressions, they retold their story with tears of embarrassment and laughter. “My first impression of your dad was that this guy talks too much and that he was very immature,” recalls my mum. “We met at a BBQ, and even though he was already 26 years old, I caught him playing games with a bunch of kids. “He was the oldest guy at the party and I thought to myself - wow he is weird.” Holding my mum’s hand, my Dad laments his initial months in Australia. “I played with children because when I first moved to Australia, I couldn’t speak English and I didn’t know anyone my age. It was very hard to meet people.” My dad remembers my mum to be quiet, gentle and ‘as lovely as a pineapple bun’ - a sweet and delicious delicacy that I enjoyed throughout my childhood. “I prefer women who are quiet and gentle,” explains my dad. “Your mum isn’t the type to go, ‘BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!’ all the time. Photo:Also, Henry her & fCo.ac Unsplashe was perfectly round like a pineapple bun - I love that.” 6 Although my Dad failed to make a good impression, it was a strong physical attraction which prompted a whirlwind romance. My mum recalls that it was my dad who made the first move in bizarre circumstances. “We were at a mahjong party when suddenly all the lights were turned off and we were asked to lie on the floor in the dark,” explains my mum. “It was a very strange game, but your dad laid next to me and suddenly grabbed my hand! “At that moment, I couldn’t resist his advances. I thought he was very good looking,” my mum admitted with tears of laughter. My dad has no recollection of his sneaky advances, but he admits that his age, his memory isn’t the best and that my mum would never lie. 7 T H E B E G I N N I N G O F A N I G H T M A R E To save up for a wedding, my parents dated for three years before officially tying the knot on the 15th January, 1988. Although they thought that marriage would be a love story ‘as sweet as the movies’, their hopes were quickly dashed from an unexpected pregnancy, only two months into the marriage. “Our plan was to wait five years before having children so that we would have enough time to buy a house and pay off our mortgage,” my dad explained with his head buried in his hands. In 1989, the Australian interest rate hit an all-time record high of 17% per annum. To ensure that they earned enough to make repayments, my mum committed to a full-time office job throughout her ‘nightmare pregnancy’, while my dad juggled three labour jobs around the clock. “I felt like a slave,” my dad recalls, “the moment my eyes were open, I would jump straight into work.” 8 “After I finished one shift, I would take a quick nap and head to my next job, and because I worked on weekends, I didn’t even get to spend time with my new wife.