Final Mile Plagued on the Seven Summits

THE HORSE FLY SHUFFLE ON MOUNT KOSCIUSZKO

BY DAMIAN ANTONIO

➺After a four-year layoff from bicycle gale-force winds that can blow you off air at higher altitudes — my logic being touring, I decided to revive my passion the side of a mountain, but they are that since they obviously spawned in by doing something extraordinary. challenges nonetheless. (Actually, most the fires of hell, they wouldn’t like the Something epic. I decided to cycle to of the challenges were the direct result cold. At the campground that evening, one of the Seven Summits. That is, the of planning, packing, and departing for however, a hiker seemed to take highest summit on each of the seven the trip on January 1, after an all-night pleasure in assuring me they would continents. The only question was New Years Eve party on Bondi Beach.) only get worse, “Up there, they’re big which one. I arrived late in the day in Jindabyne enough to pick you up and carry you They were all so tempting. Obviously — the launch pad for the Snowy away,” he said. Everest was not an option because I Mountains. I looked in the boot of The following morning, the climb didn’t have room in my panniers for my car at the mish-mash of camping to the highest point in Australia began the required oxygen tanks. Aconcagua equipment, cycling gear, and food that in earnest. With one hand steering in the Andes and Denali in Alaska have had been haphazardly stacked around and the other swatting, 8 kph was both recorded summer temperatures and on top of my bicycle in a sleep- just slow enough for the flies to keep of -30°C (-23°F), which is far too cold deprived stupor earlier that day. pace — taunting and tormenting me, for this summer-loving Australian. As Following some rearranging and putting me on the fast track to the a sufferer of ifestiophobia (the fear culling, I set off at 5:00 pm with the sun loony bin. Exhausted, I yearned for a of volcanoes), Kilimanjaro was not still high in the sky and oppressively break, but my “rest stops” were spent an option. Mount Elbrus is in Russia, hot. Flat to begin with, the road practicing the Horse Fly Shuffle — an and I can never go back there due became progressively steeper and the ungraceful and tiring combination of to an unfortunate misunderstanding surrounding bush thicker. I briefly wriggles, swats, and kicks. involving a Ukranian mail-order bride, wondered about the wisdom of cycling Not for the first time in my bicycle- the Russian mafia, and an incorrect into dense bushland during a very dry touring career, I envied the Lycra-clad translation of “How much is the train summer, with forecast temperatures of racers who were taking advantage of to St Petersburg?” And I didn’t have a mid-30s (about 95°F), at the height of the smooth roads, long climbs, and spare $50,000 to mount an Antarctic bushfire season. sparse traffic. They effortlessly glided expedition to Mount Vinson. Far more immediately concerning past me on their un-laden, seven- So that left Mount Kosciuszko than being burned alive, though, was kilogram speed machines, seemingly in Australia. I guess it was just good the fear of having every last drop of oblivious to the plight of the slow. fortune that at 2,228 meters above sea blood sucked from my body by the Even if the horse flies didn’t, the level, Kosciuszko is less than half the local horse flies. Using the hypodermic dense bushland gradually thinned out height of the second smallest mountain needles attached to their faces, their and was replaced with a lush carpet of on the list, and is a mere six-hour drive Bruce-Lee–like nimbleness, and their green grass, woody low-lying shrubs, from my home in Sydney. Wolverine invincibility, they turned and the pale-gray, tangled snow Regardless of its modest stature, what was supposed to be a relaxing gums that are unique to this part of cycling to the roof of Australia in the mountain ride into a never-ending the world. Long, snaking rivers and middle of summer comes with its own mobile acupuncture session. streams flowed from the tops of the challenges. They may not involve I took comfort in the thought that surrounding mountains, their banks altitude sickness, hypothermia, or these critters might abate in the cooler lined with ashen granite boulders.

42 ADVENTURE CYCLIST f ebrua ry 2016 Kosciuszko summiteers is somewhere between 30 and 40. Although in this case, it’s not so much because it requires a young, fit body with an experienced mind, but rather because there are as many children as septuagenarians, skipping and hobbling to the top. It was only the magnificent views that distinguished the summit from a typical family picnic in the park. In the foreground were green mountains (read: hills) displaying a patchwork of various shades of green and dotted with pockets of untouched snow. Looking farther, the mountains continued to the horizon, though with the distinctive Australian blue haze that is a result of the eucalyptus oil that hangs in the air. That night after setting up camp, 30 very fast and very fun kilometers below Kosciuszko, I plunged into the crystal clear Snowy River to wash the sweat from my body. Immersed in the icy cold waters, this was exactly what I had visualized when setting out on this adventure: bathing in the Snowy River, satisfyingly exhausted, alone in the SOPHIE KITTREDGE wilderness. It was a perfect moment. Then I broke the surface and was attacked by a thousand horse flies.

With such spectacular backdrops to are required to walk or cycle the Damian Antonio is an ex-engineer who threw in the spur me on, patiently and persistently remaining eight kilometers along a nine-to-five life to become a freelance adventure- I reached the end of the road at meandering dirt track. travel writer. He spent two years cycling from Malaysia to Turkey and continues to cycle, kayak, Charlotte’s Pass (1,900 meters/6,234 As with most of the Seven trek, and camp throughout his home in Australia. feet). From this point, summiteers Summits, the average age of

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