THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. IX, No. II December 2002 Columbia University in the City of New York

A GENTLEMAN AND A COWBOY ON THE STREETS OF LAREDO by Erica Grieder

FRANKENLERNER 2002: A SPACE ODYSSEY by Alex Angert by Telis Demos

THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. IX New York, December 2002 No. II

THE BLUE AND WHITE ealots may furrow a Botoxed brow when the uninitiated begin  CONTENTS talking about design, but we at Editor-in-Chief The Blue and White believe that Columns ANAND VENKATESAN, C’03 design is an important part of life not just for  Introduction the jetset, but for the Joneses as well. And if 36 Campus Characters Publisher recent trends are any indication, the Gospel 39 Curio Columbiana CRAIG B. HOLLANDER, C’04 of Design is spreading farther and faster than 41 Blue J ever before: cutting-edge designers now see Associate Editors 45 Booze Humanities fit to hawk their wares in Target and K-Mart; VIJAY IYER, C’03 48 Measure For Measure AINSLEY U. ROSS, B’04 lifestyle and home design shows are all the 52 Book Review MARGARET H. GRAM, C’05 rage on cable television; and everything from 54 Lecture Notes diets to denim to degrees are available in 55 Digitalia Editors ‘designer’ incarnations. ALEX ANGERT, C’03 57 Told Between Puffs So it is that we present you with our Design TOM KELLY, C’03 63 Campus Gossip D. JEFF SOULES, C’03 (Webmaster) Issue. In this number, we investigate design Features PAUL HEYER, C’04 (Graphics) in its many senses of usage, on campus and 37 Where are They Buried Now? MICHAEL S. PAULSON, C’04 (Literary) off, in seriousness and not. In “2002: A Space 42 2002: A Space Odyssey Odyssey,” Telis Demos weighs in on issues Contributors 46 A Gentleman and a Cowboy... of space and campus design, a topic that ACHILLE C. VARZI, Ph.D. 47 Etymology President Bollinger has publicly avowed as ERICA GRIEDER, C’03 of utmost importance to the future of this 50 Self-Reference Self-Explained THOMAS P. MOSHER, C’03 58 The Dialectics of Intelligence university. In “The Dialectics of Intelligence,” RAJEEV M. PATEL, C’03 Steven Pulimood meditates on another issue 61 If Columbia Moved to Colombia TELIS G. DEMOS, C’04 of similar significance: the proposal to rede- 62 Frankenlerner ALLEN O’ROURKE, C’04  CALEB VOGNSEN, C’04 sign the science segment of our much-beloved On the Cover: SARAH RAUSCHELBACH, C’05 Core Curriculum. And be sure to check out “Next Stop,” by Craig Hollander “Frankenlerner,” Alex Angert’s contribution,  Artists in which the plaintive cries for acceptance of Typographical Note ARLEN AUSTIN, C’04 a familiar literary monstrosity are channeled by a familiar architectural monstrosity. The text of The Blue and White is set in Bodoni  Of course, you’ll also find familiar friends Old Face, which was revived by Günter Gerhard brooding on design within the pages to fol- Lange based on original designs by Giambattista low. In Told Between Puffs, Verily Veritas Bodoni of Parma (active 1765–1813). The display joins Buckminster Fuller in offering hope faces are Weiss and Cantoria. through the science of naïveté. Not to be outsung, Blue J chirps in with a few visionary ideas on how to improve our current emer- gency building-evacuation procedures—take The B&W invites contributions of original work note, urh! from the Columbia community and In keeping with this number’s Booze welcomes letters from readers. Humanities, one final recipe: to de-stress Articles represent the opinions of their authors. from finals season anxieties, brew a cup of e-mail: [email protected] tea, find a comfortable chair, and cozy up to website: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/bw The Blue and White. Best wishes during finals and the holiday season! 

3434 TheThe Blue Blue and and White White December 2002 2002 3355 Where Are They Buried Now? Campus Characters Campus Characters from the B&W’s Past ou might not know the following figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, our newest feature, The Blue and White introduces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and Y s many loyal readers are aware, The Blue and White went on hiatus for almost a century. We extraordinary things, and whose stories beg to be shared. If you’d like to suggest a Campus Character, are, however, very interested in what became of the original nineteenth century staff. A pathetic send us an e-mail at: [email protected]. A excuse for an investigation revealed little, and we were left to speculate wildly, as is our wont, as to Nico Muhly parties, the tea thing is the primary lapse of stories of some of the founding fathers of The Blue and White. —Craig B. Hollander If you are a composer, when you look at demonstrable excellence I can pinpoint about patterns of dots and lines and the occasional Nico. He studies English here and composition squiggle on a systematic group of sticks and at Juilliard. He started playing piano when Sydney H. Treat many Columbia friends, including his former spaces, you hear music. And if you’re a com- he was thirteen, and just a few years later (1872-1937) ‘CC 1893 professor, Thomas Hunt Morgan. In 1909, poser like Nico Muhly, CC ‘03, Juilliard ’04, was having his first orchestra piece heard Sydney H. Treat, a native of Ogdensburg, Morgan sent Treat a copy of his discourse you also get a sense of the structure and in concert halls from Tallahassee to St. New York, was one of the founding members on the principles of Mendelian heredity. dimensionality of the piece. “People experi- Petersburg. In the latter location, the audience of The Blue and White. However, as an amateur Treat was fascinated by Mendel’s work and, ence music in time,” he says, “You have the was not, as he feared, entirely constituted botanist and student of Romance languages, believing that fine tobacco and rum were the ability to predict how it’s going to happen; by timberwolves. As a child, he was apple- Treat soon realized that his skills were largely wave of the future, he tried crossing-breeding you also have the ability to be surprised.” cheeked and lived in Vermont with a rotating unrelated to the infant publication’s topics, sugar cane and tobacco. Unfortunately, his Repetition with variation, like they’re always cast of sheep, towards whose annual deaths which mainly included columns on the bowler efforts were to no avail, and after the eco- carrying on about in Music Hum, is an idea he is inclined to be philosophical. He shares hat industry and the scientific potential of the nomic disaster of 1929, the Treats left Cuba that Nico still trucks with- repetition, for his home with an eminent student of the manned balloon. But Treat was determined and went to live with the Santiago family in structural cogency; variation, for excitement. natural sciences, an emergency stash of fool’s to help with The Blue and White and, at the Barcelona, Spain. With these elements as the building blocks gold, the body of works of Salman Rushdie, behest of other staff members, accepted an As fate would have it, 1935 found Treat of a composition, he says, “You can start to the pelt of a freshly-felled springbok, and assignment to write a Blue J on the despicable fighting along side his former enemy, the see washes of things coming over you in very an Abyssinian cat, affectionately known as habit of some Spanish exchange students to Spanish, in their Civil War. Appointed an elegant ways.” “Stupid,” who is on the brink of revealing stroll through Riverside Park while kicking officer in the Republican ranks, Treat led a That snippet of discussion begs any number himself as the Prince of Darkness. In his work every Latin American they encountered on company against Franco’s Nationalists. The of further questions; and some of them were for M & Co., the in-house design company of the posterior. Rough Rider era had long since passed, followed up on the other day, when I met Nico the MoMA store, he finds the same aesthetic During his research, Treat made the alarm- however, and Treat’s military training proved at an unspecified location. I didn’t get much of “austere playfulness” that he brings to bear ing discovery that the appalling behavior highly ineffective against tanks, trenches and of a chance to draw out the whole theory, on his compositions. And in addition to his of the Spanish was far from limited to planes. Indeed, Treat’s military career came as the conversation went from Dutch own composing, he works for Philip Glass, Morningside Heights. On the contrary, after to an embarrassing end in 1936, when he Bible cards to the inherent difficulties in playing keyboards and editing and sequenc- a lengthy interview with Cuban émigré was dismissed from the Republican armed titling pieces to a Russian harpist ing, which is, as he puts it rather mildly, Juan Suarez, a member of the Black Cuban forces after falling asleep during the Battle of with bird arms named Svetlana. “interesting in the mechanical reproduction Giants, a local baseball team, Treat learned Malaga. Shortly after, off-duty German pilots The conversation, sense of interesting.” that the Spanish government in Cuba, under which was over At times, feeling turned around and general- General Wayler, was brutally oppressing the the course ly outpaced, all I could do was sip tea to buy a Cuban people. At once, Treat began lobbying of not a very few moments of not having to have an answer Congress to intervene on behalf on the Cuban long time and at the ready. It perhaps bears mentioning people, and sent copies of his Blue J article to in a man- that Nico is a nice kid, but he can’t make tea. nearly every representative. ner between He swirls boiling water around in the mugs When, at last, the United States went to leaping and before pouring the tea. The purpose of this, I war with Spain in 1898, Treat was one of flowing, per- learned, is to make the mug unbearably hot to New York’s first volunteers to join the Army. haps hand- tender lower lips full of easily deranged nerve Treat served his country well as an Army springing, was endings. “Martha does it,” Nico told me when interpreter, and fell in love with Cuba and excellent. Nico I objected; but Martha Stewart’s example, as I its people. Once discharged, Treat married made tea, which know too well, is sufficient to provide neither Maria Elena Santiago, a charming Spanish was not that good. reason nor excuse. —JM girl, and made his home on the Caribbean

But luckily for all island. Nevertheless, Treat remained close to Illustrated by Craig Hollander Illustrated by Paul Heyer 3366 TheThe BlueBlue andand WhiteWhite December 2002 3377 took Treat prisoner at a bar after he insisted third year at Columbia, a dark cloud appeared in a drunken frenzy that he was heiress to the upon the unsullied horizon of his success Spanish throne. He was secretly extradited in the form of a prodigious young upstart to Berlin and banished to a former military named Dietrich Wortmann, who challenged prison near the Berlin airport. After learning the Wiggle-man’s wrestling supremacy. Born that one of their prisoners was an Ivy League- in Leipzig, Germany, Wortmann was fiercely educated American, the SS prison guards jok- competitive and demanded that Riggleman ingly began referring to the concentration face him in a bout for the team captain posi- CURIO COLUMBIANA camp as “Columbia Haus”. The American dip- tion. Riggleman accepted the challenge and, elected excerpts from A Guide to Columbia University, With Some Account of Its History and lomat George S. Messersmith was informed of thanks to The Spectator’s intensive wrestling Traditions, edited by John William Robson, 1937. Treat’s untimely death at Columbia Haus from team coverage, the bout became highly S disease in 1937. He is buried in the Tempelhof publicized and widely anticipated. Indeed, Opening Poem: in the exercises ruffled President Barnard and cemetery in southern Berlin. an estimated four hundred and fifty specta- Ye Mightye Soph of dreaded name the ’83 committee conveniently invented, in tors were on hand to witness Wortmann pin Full meny an oathe did take; place of the burial, the Sophomore Triumph. Dexter P. Riggleman Jr. Riggleman in mere seconds. Wortmann was But up ye little freshmane came, Gowns were now white instead of black and (1876-1918) ‘CC 1898 the toast of Morningside Heights, and his And carried off the Cake. Legendre was the victim. The triumph came Dexter P. Riggleman Jr. was born in immense success in wrestling earned him The Columbia Water Carnival, begun in to an end in 1914. Champaign, Illinois. An immensely gifted a spot representing the United States at the 1935, is held once each year in the late winter. Another principal activity of modern athlete, Riggleman was recruited by numer- 1904 Olympics in St. Louis. Riggleman, on the Sponsored by the Dolphin Society, there is Columbia College is Freshman Reception, ous universities for both wrestling and other hand, was denounced by The Spectator a swimming and diving program of comedy held the morning of the first official day of baseball. Riggleman, however, was indeci- as a “flimsy weakling…Totally unfit to lead and burlesque acts as well as performances by college. It is marked by a frosh-soph free-for- sive about where he should attend college, the team.” Humiliated, Riggleman quit the male and female national champions. Other all on South Field. leaving the decision to his eccentric father, wrestling team and harbored a deep-seated customs include the Ivy Oration, a modifi- Columbia songs: Marching Song, Drinking whom he adored. After attending the World’s grudge against The Spectator. cation of the Yew Oration, and the age-old Song, Roar Lion Roar, Stand Up and Cheer, Columbian Exposition in Chicago on October In despair, Riggleman joined The Blue Soph-Frosh Cane Sprees on Alumni Day. Columbia Medley, Stand Columbia, Van Am, 9, 1893, the superstitious Riggleman Sr. was and White, the publication that had been Greek-letter fraternities have been an Quadrangle Song, and Sans Souci. convinced that the spectacular festival’s name founded as an alternative to The Spectator. important factor in the social history of Barnard Songs: Beside the Waters of the was an omen that his son should attend Riggleman’s contributions to The Blue and Columbia. By 1881 there were thirteen of Hudson, Barnard Forever, You Can Tell, and Columbia University. White were momentous. He spearheaded the them; thereafter they were at certain peri- the Sunset Song. At Columbia, Riggleman’s athletic prowess campus gossip section, remarkably manag- ods a dominant power in undergraduate life. The Columbia Lion was adopted by the stu- soon made him a campus celebrity. Over the ing to smear nearly every member of The Today at Columbia fraternities are conducted dent board in 1910, following the presentation course of his baseball career at Columbia, Spectator. After graduation, Riggleman played as student clubs without the accented rivalry of a blue and white banner, bearing a lion, Riggleman batted an astonishing .419, hit a semi-pro baseball in the tri-state area and of the old days. Their problem, which is being rampant, with the motto Leo Columbiae. record three home runs, and became close briefly performed in a vaudeville act singing met with varying degrees of success, is that Sports for the Columbians of yesterday, in friends with Keystone College star Christy “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” balanced atop of surviving the death of “rah-rahism” and addition to baseball and rowing, included Mathewson. Yet, it was on the wrestling matt a specially designed helmet worn by none frenzied extra-curricular participation and tennis, cricket, lacrosse, and where Riggleman really made a name for other than Mordecai “Three-Finger” Brown. making themselves compatible with the seri- cycling. The classes from himself. Called “Riggleman the Wiggle-man,” In 1911, Christy Mathewson got Riggleman a ous spirit of modern education. 1869 to 1872 had their R i g g l e m a n was appointed team cap- job as a talent scout for the New York Giants. Another prominent tradition rooted in this Velocipede Club, tain, pinned nearly all Following Columbia President Butler’s call period was Perideipnon (“funeral feast”), which reap- of his opponents, and for the university alumni to support the war begun by the class of 1862, a festal celebration peared in 1879 as was awarded against Germany, Riggleman joined the Army at the end of the sophomore year at which cer- the Bicycle Club. All-American in 1917. Although Mathewson arranged for tain textbooks were burned. The sophomores Basketball was not honors. Riggleman to play baseball with him to boost wore black gowns, with skull and crossbones, yet known, though But during the infantry’s morale, the two were exposed and, bearing torches, they proceeded to the football was soon Riggleman’s to the horrors of the Great War. While train- Worth Monument at Madison Square, carrying to be introduced; ing in a chemical lab in 1918, Mathewson the “bier of the departed Bojesen.* Unpopular for the class of 1865 and Riggleman were accidentally exposed professors were burned in effigy, and gener- began trying out to poison gas. His lungs severely damaged, ally the president of the college responded to this sport on the Riggleman succumbed to tuberculosis a week calls for a speech. The parade would end at field east of Fifth later and died. He is buried at Arlington the Café de Fritz, hidden in the back yard of Avenue and 50 th Illustrated by Paul Heyer National Cemetery.  a nearby brewery…In 1881 personal allusions Street. Illustrated by Curio continued on page  Paul Heyer 38 The Blue and White December 2002 39 Home for the Holidays BLUE J

IF YOU'RE LEAVING A flight to freedom his J remembers it all too well: sirens before the suicide proofing could be removed To ensure that your room is pleasant when you return: Tblaring in the middle of the night, waking from high-rise windows, the Administration her out of a precious Thursday sleep. She’d would need to invest considerable resources walked halfway down the stairs of the EC in establishing a department of Counseling Dispose of garbage and clean-out refrigerator (and tower before her thoughts were sufficiently and Psychiatric Services that was at least as kitchen, if applicable). collected to realize the absurdity of her situ- effective as the Chickering billing department. ation: why not just hop out the window and But residents, do not despair; take note! The spiral gently downwards to join the gathering problem of inoperable windows, much like Unplug and remove all holiday decorations. crowd? It would be faster and safer, especially that of Lerner Hall, may be easily solved with if an actual fire should erupt, say, in the suite a small supply of bricks, available at Columbia immediately below her 20th-floor perch. But Hardware for a quite modest investment. Close and lock all doors, windows, and security gates. the J, in possessing the gift of flight, is unique Now, the J is an eminently practical sort. among her contemporaries; a different solu- She knows that one solution does not fit every Turn off and unplug all appliances (computer, stereo, tion must be found for the average Columbian environment. What about the poor residents living in a highly flammable high-rise. of Wien Hall? Considering the relative value and TV) and cover them with plastic. Do not leave any How, you may ask, might Columbia students of the building and its fire insurance, Blue J appliances on the floor. take to the skies in times of emergency? The admits she is somewhat puzzled that it has yet answer is surprisingly obvious: every suite to be gutted with flame, but no matter—the above the tenth floor of East Campus should problem of students rushing down endlessly Deactivate or unplug all alarm clocks and timers. be equipped with hang gliders. Lessons in spiraling staircases, day and night, remains their proper operation could be conducted acute. What better way is there? Fireman’s either during the interim housing period, or poles! How could anyone, administrator or Remove all cash and valuables from your room. as a physical-education supplement to the no, not delight at the thought of hundreds Core Curriculum. When disaster strikes, East of juniors sliding to safety, when before they Campus residents would merely strap on with might well have been trapped like songbirds If you are travelling somewhere other than home, noti- a fellow suitemate and launch themselves out in a cage? Admittedly steps will be needed to fy parents and friends of your intended whereabouts. over Morningside Drive, coming to rest in the prepare the poles for the harsh winter months; sanctuary of the green park below. it wouldn’t do to have them shut down by Some may criticize this proposal as being eco- students sticking to their freezing surfaces. nomically unfeasible. The J does acknowledge Nonetheless, this is an idea with promise even IF YOU’RE NOT COMING BACK that there would be considerable overhead: beyond the scope of fire safety: for instance, such an alternative descent apparatus might Pick up and submit a cancellation form in 125 alleviate the congestion on Wien’s already Wallach or cancel on-line by clicking "Cancel My snail-paced elevators. And, with half of the materials for a play center, Wien Food Court Room" on the URH website. would want only a ball pit before a McDonald’s could be opened on campus! While most older residences have fire Check-out at the URH Service Desk by Sunday, Dec. escapes, one group in particular remains ques- 22 at 5:00 p.m. tionable: Hartley-Wallach and John Jay. Blue J proposes that heavy-duty cables be slung between the windows of the twin towers, and at convenient access points between Jay and Wallach. Students fleeing a fire, or even just seeking convenient transit, could traverse the Blue J continued on page  Illustrated by Allen O’Rourke 4400 The BlueThe and Blue White and White December 2002 41 the nature of such a planning process. Nowadays, facing a fully-grown surrounding Important questions will need to be neighborhood, the challenge of bringing 2002: A Space Odyssey addressed. Will we continue to compromise about outward expansion through architec- By Telis Demos with the needs of the neighborhood? We ture that is both impressive and contextual talk about our urban university, but in many will be the defining conflict of our present ways we aren’t all that integrated with city life expansion. (just ask the first-year who hasn’t left Van Am “Make no little plans,” said Daniel Burnham, he university is at a crossroads in planning for the future of the campus. While we pay homage to since the day he was dropped off). Should a contemporary of McKim, Mead, and White Tthe ideals of the urban university, its realization through our campus’s architecture has been incon- we return to one vision—perhaps the original and a partner at the 1893 Columbian exhibi- sistent at best. Here we examine the successes, the failures, and the future of our built environment. urban model—or fully embrace another? What tion at the Chicago Worlds’ Fair. “They have no Lionel Trilling and many since have famous- Progressing from the classical acropolis to about the competing demands for athletic magic to stir men’s blood.” While Burnham’s ly declared Columbia’s urban setting to be its the modernist towers of mid-century to the fields near campus and the commitment to a words have become a widely-known adage defining characteristic and the core of its lib- lower-density neighborhoods favored in our more downtown experience for undergradu- in architectural planning, the intelligent eral education. Yet even our most influential day, our campus is today something of an ates? Does the architecture required of a cam- architect also knows that almost anything is and far-sighted planners—the firm of McKim, epochal hodge-podge: Butler is the agora, iab pus community work in complete opposition possible if only you really pay attention to Mead, and White, which developed its plan at the tower, and the Morningside-yellow-brick to the architecture of an urban university? the details. Indeed, grand projects in archi- the turn of the century for what was then the Broadway the neighborhood. Such attempts Clearly, campus community and adequate tecture in the name of efficiency, space, and virtually barren land of Morningside Heights— to stay consistently modern and urban have facilities are vital for our continued ability to doctrine have a long history of scuttling even understood that changes to the physical and sent us in directions far from those set out attract students and faculty, as well as for the the best intentions. Such language evokes the ideological landscape in future generations by the original plan and headlong into disas- overall happiness of our students. But we can’t great architectural failures of well-intentioned would eventually compromise their idealized ters like the cold, unfeeling plazas between deny the simple reality that we aren’t located social planners, from the unused towers and vision of the University. East Campus and International Affairs and in Hanover or in Greenwich Village—and empty spaces of the futuristic Brasilia to the As their original master plan was progres- Fayerweather and Avery. that we really can’t move. Would “Columbia” urban blight of Great Society public hous- sively realized through time, it became the Whether the future promises to break mean anything to anyone if it were moved to ing. Attempts to create a better environment product of give and take between the inter- this pattern is unclear. “Columbia as the Westchester? through efficiency and purposefulness have ests of those who envisioned a purely urban quintessential great urban university is the When the campus was first built, the con- typically failed because they have never genu- campus and those urging a more residential most constrained for space,” said President straints were ideological—the debate was inely taken into account the character and setting. Seth Low envisioned students coming Bollinger in his inaugural address. “Whether whether we were to be urban or rural. Today, context of the people and traditions they are to Upper Manhattan for class and then travel- we expand on the property we already own the constraints are also physical—how do we supposed to house. ing back into the city to live. But the alumni, on Morningside Heights, Manhattanville, or expand? How we answer that question will Of this we should be wary. Expansion that Nicholas Murray Butler, and most notably Washington Heights, or whether we pursue have important implications for our self- acknowledges this central tension—that we the trustee John Pine, realized that a purely a design of multiple campuses in the City, or definition as well. The best way to start seek- can never really conform to some sort of urban model was doomed to fail for a number beyond, is one of the most important questions ing solutions is to ask better questions, and urban campus ideal—is critical to successful of reasons—most significantly that potential we will face in the years ahead.” Everyone who demand more, of the design of the buildings growth in Morningside Heights. We must applicants were choosing to matriculate to speaks publicly on the matter seem to take for that will grow our campus. Between the con- recognize that the neighborhood around us Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, universities with granted some sort of overarching idea of our struction of Butler and Lerner, inattention to is a dynamic system, not simply a static object more traditional “campuses” (the term was campus, but does anyone really know exactly the aesthetics and architectural niceties of our to be shaped and molded. Such caution and first used in reference to Princeton’s grounds). what that is? campus buildings was the most distinguish- attention to detail is not about classicism or Charles McKim’s response to this revelation Despite such a lack of clarity and explication, ing characteristic of Columbia’s expansion. architectural conservatism, but instead an was South Field, which closed off Low Plaza there is still broad agreement that Columbia, acknowledgement that in the modern world to the city. Today, South Field symbolizes just as an “urban university,” will require new con- we create our community spaces. Building how un-urban we are. It is quiet, grassy, and struction outward or upward for growth as a outward will do little to inspire Columbia quite unlike anything we know of the typical university. President Bollinger is rumored to community cohesion. Considering that the New York City experience. Its classical over- be considering hiring a new architectural firm most popular spots on campus are our stately, tures may still inspire Columbians, but few of to plan for this expansion and potentially to tree-lined, and intimate quads and courtyards, us have ever known any city life that resem- rethink the 1998 Framework. In the months wouldn’t we rather see such designs continued bled the Athenian agora atmosphere that Low and years ahead, it will be critical for the new and expanded rather than break off into risky is most often considered to evoke. administration to communicate exactly its attempts to conform to some vague notion of Our understanding of what it means to relationship to the project of planning a uni- urbanity? be urban, architecturally speaking, has also versity. If our administrators really do think Rejecting the McKim plan altogether and changed dramatically since the days of the that a framework is what this university needs, building massive towers (East Campus, original McKim, Mead, and White plan. there needs to be a serious discussion about International Affairs, the Manhattan School Illustrated by Craig Hollander 42 The Blue and White December 2002 43 of Music, the proposed Teacher’s College resi- edents of Union Theological Seminary and dence) is an easy solution, but one that will the Teacher’s College. We could purchase and BOOZE HUMANITIES disturb our vistas, interrupt Morningside’s preserve the two original St. Luke’s Hospital he Booze Humanities department wishes to share the following delicious drink recipes with the traditional character, cast unfriendly shad- Pavilions that are currently for sale and use Treaders of The Blue and White. By reading this sentence, you officially forfeit any legal right to ows on the streets and through history, and the space for health services, faculty resi- prosecute The Blue and White for any blindness, heart murmurs, or bowel syndromes that results ffi fail to create the cozy spaces for which our dences, o ces, or administrative needs. The from the intake of these beverages. —Mephiscotcheles best buildings are known. Some forty years original quads foreseen by McKim on what after the East Campus plaza and Law School is now South Lawn could be completed with Ribena Rum-Raisin Ripple: The Old Man: were built, the space still lacks cohesiveness, shorter, more open dormitories that maintain This tasty British counterpart of Hi-C is Pour dram of single malt into glass. Add a warmth, and aesthetic appeal. Even Low Plaza the character of the space but give it the feel no longer just for nippers and moppets! In splash of still water. And don’t even think isn’t particularly inviting without the quads of a residential college and answer our under- three easy steps it can be made into a before- about ice cubes. originally envisioned by McKim flanking graduate housing needs. bedtime toddy for tots of all ages. Just Sit in rocking chair (preferably on a porch). either side. Building underground is another Such a series of investments would poten- remember, in the Queen’s English it’s “black- Sip. Enjoy. Qualify for Social Security ben- possibility, one realized with some success tially move us well beyond the original currant,” not raisin: efits. —Verily P. Veritas with the Avery extension (sans the imperson- McKim plan, but if done well and in context Boil 1 cup water with 1 cup currant-flavored  al, unused plaza above it), but natural light with contemporary Morningside Heights, Ribena, stirring in desired amount of sugar. BaNilla Wafer: and ventilation are clearly a more attractive they could compliment the plan’s intentions Add 4 oz. dried raisins, 8 fl. oz. of rum. 2 oz. vanilla vodka, option. without rejecting it altogether. The success Let mature in a tightly closed jar for 10 days. 1 oz. banana liqueur OR crème de banane, Reading Barry Bergdoll’s book, Mastering of such progressive yet contextual additions Serve with a bendy straw. —Tom Mosher 1/2 oz. Frangelico, a few oz. milk or cream. McKim’s Plan, can be a heart-wrenching expe- is evident in Butler Library and Lerner Hall,  Shake with ice. (Optional—a few drops vanilla rience when one sees the beautiful spaces two buildings that will likely be considered Peach Blossom Paradise: extract) enjoy! —Sarah Rauschelbach and buildings envisioned in the early plans: successful adaptations of the original play by 1 oz. Peach Schnapps University Hall (never finished, later replaced future generations.  1 oz. Southern Comfort by the disgusting Uris), the University Art The project of expanding and bettering 1 can, La Yogurt vanilla yogurt (ideally lite, Mesquite Smoked Mary: Gallery and Museum, the continued building must be done with attention to the spirit of because it’s thinner) 2 oz. Absolut Peppar Vodka of East Campus in the colonial-revival and the place and its residents and not just the half a nectarine, diced 3 oz. Tomato Juice neo-classical style of the President’ House ideological sentiments of the planners. Any Mix & serve—alcoholic smoothies! woo! 3 dashes Worcestershire or Tabasco hot sauce and Casa Italiana. Do we want to look back in new Master Plan must find a way to occupy —D. Jeff Soules Pinch celery salt and black pepper 50 years and say that we lost another oppor- such a middle ground: to be not so scientific 2 chipotle peppers, minced tunity to expand in a cohesive, comprehensive so as to lock the university’s future stewards  Combine all ingredients and serve way? Do we want to look back in horror at into tough choices about whether or not to Lt. A.S. Johnston Lemonade: over ice in a frosted highball glass. Best more Carmen towers? More concrete slabs abandon the whole project, but not so broad In honor of a true Texas hero, Lt. Albert Sidney enjoyed in the company of a well-fired grill and plazas? More Schapiro Halls at mid-block and vague so as to allow the trends and com- Johnston (Lord rest his soul), who often enjoy’d and a clear, blue sky. —Vijay Iyer that prevent fresh air and sunlight from reach- promises of the future to totally frustrate the this beverage before leading his gallant fighters  ing half the street’s residents? Architectural character of Columbia’s campus community. It against the Northern enemy. context is so vitally important to the moods must include important guidelines for mate- 1 cup sugar Kahlu-Hoo Yoo-Hoo: of the people living in it that one wonders rials and style, but it must not arrogantly 1 cup water 2 oz. of Vodka if these past failures aren’t a primary source believe that we will always exist as the kind Peel of 1 lemon, cut into strips 2 oz. of Kahlua, of the malaise and discontent that so many of “urban” institution we think we are today. Juice of 6 lemons 5 oz. of Yoo-Hoo Columbia students say our university fosters. Most of the successful and impressive public 4 oz aged whiskey Shake, it’s great!!! Best served chilled in a The future will not be so bleak if we plan spaces we know around the world today are Bring sugar and water to a boil, add rinsed-out Pepsi One bottle. and design intelligently. Many of the spaces only so intentionally grand only in retrospect. peel and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove —Craig Hollander that we already have on campus—South These spaces were the products of careful, from heat and bring to room tempera-  Field, Sakura Park and International House, intelligent architects who paid attention to ture. Combine all ingredients, plus 1/2 Saint Anselm: the quad at Union—have been successful in what came before them but also accommo- cup of the syrup, in a large pitcher. 2 oz. Blood of a fresh drawing people to this university. We would dated the present and future through subtle Add more syrup and water as necessary martyr be remiss not to continue development in the compromises with contemporary settings. Let to suit your flavor. Tree bark tone and tenor of their example. them say the same of the Morningside campus Serves 2 (the late Lt. Johnston was Dash of bitters Imagine a Gothic quad at the northern end in years to come. privileged the company of Gen. Jackson, Humility of St. John the Divine, creating an intimate Important contributions were made to this who desir’d a cool drink after a spell of gen- Krazy Straw or grand space opening onto Morningside article by Rajeev Patel, C’03.  tlemanly combat). —Vijay Iyer —Michael S. Paulson Park and building on the architectural prec- Illustrated by Craig Hollander 44 The Blue and White December 2002 45 drums slowly and playing the fife lowly. Even I felt the tears welling in and breaching I led the procession, my suitcase bumping the borders of my good eye, and at this I was A Gentleman and a Cowboy at my shin, down to the green valley; all the chagrined, as it struck me as ungentlemanly. way there we wept bitterly to the tune of the I am, as I said, a tall gentleman who carries dead march that the band played, and when a suitcase; and it is important to me that that on the Streets of Laredo they had once finished, played again. Once in the things I do are always, and only, tall, the green valley we found an available grave gentlemanly, and after the manner of one who raditional, in a new arrangement by Erica Grieder, and which is able, though not imperative, and set the cowboy, who was after all less poor carries a suitcase. I was grateful at the moment (Tto be read as an allegory about Intelligent Design.) than formerly, in it. We laid the earth over when my desire to leave corresponded with him, but not until the gals had laid down a the dictates of decorum, although the memory As I walked out in the streets of Laredo one not to dwell. He also was disinclined to mull thick layer of roses between his coffin and the of the poor cowboy was thereafter always with day, I spied a poor cowboy. He was wrapped over the heady days of his youth. We did not, falling clods of dirt. The weeping continued me whenever I stepped out on the streets of in white linen and slumped in the doorway therefore, speak long before I put my hand bitterly and unabated; we had all loved our Laredo.  of an adobe building. From his hat I inferred on his in farewell. He was as cold as the clay comrade, although he done wrong. that he was a cowboy and from the crimson of the doorway in which he slumped, and by spreading soggily against the white linen on now as pale. his chest I gathered that he was poor in the The sun was, unremarkably, grinning with sense of unfortunate. heat. I shook out my trousers and walked down He spied me as well. “I see by your outfit,” to the saloon to carry out certain instructions he called to me as I boldly stepped by, “that the cowboy had given me. Due to the heat, the you are a gentleman and a cowboy.” He was room was crowded with thieves and whores. not quite correct. I was, and am, a tall gentle- “I’m thirsty, sir,” I said to the bar man, sitting man who carries a suitcase. Nevertheless, my suitcase upon a chair. “For what,” he said, when he asked me to sit down beside him and rather than asking. “I’ll take whatever I can Illustrated by Paul Heyer hear his sad story, I did so, folding my legs get, thank you;” I said. He handed me a bottle beneath me in the dust. and a glass, after he polished the latter briefly Etymology The poor cowboy began at the ending. “I’m against the billowy expanse of his stomach. I by Caleb Vognsen shot in the heart and I know I must die,” he poured a glass and drank it, and turned my said. He used to go riding in his saddle, he attention to the rest of the room. These inscriptions were found hewn into the stone of a School in Athens, most likely follow- told me, which had led to recklessness in the I selected, from the assembled, six jolly ing the Vandal invasion, rape, and salting of all things Roman. Our translator, being related saddle, intemperance in drinking, the playing cowboys and six pretty gals. Due to my miss- by blood to both warring sides, is therefore in the unique position of being able to grant each of cards, and, earlier that day, the shot in the ing eye, they were not immediately inclined screed its full denotative and connotative import. What follows is a full transcription: heart. His eyes were clear and dark to come along with me, although they were  and he had two of all grieved to hear about the poor cowboy. Poem , graciously entitled “History” them; my eye is blue Furthermore, they were riotous and unruly and large but it is a and I had trouble making myself heard over history lone eye, and I was their din. Presently, however, they were con- hi story in some way jealous vinced and clamorously said so; and the gals hi tall of the poor cowboy, dabbed color onto their full mouths and the story tale his imminent death cowboys strapped on their holsters so their history tall tale notwithstanding. twin pistols perched against their hips like  On the particulars wings. Poem , cryptically entitled “Philosophy” of that afternoon—the We put the cowboy in a funeral box and the unmarked bottle of six jolly cowboys, all of whom were consider- philosophy whiskey and its crum- ably subdued, hoisted it onto their linebacker philo sophy bling cork, the hectic shoulders. The six pretty gals, all of whom philo filet flush on the cheeks of continued to be pretty, followed behind sophy sophie the girl, the thwack- with the cowboy’s pall. It was, furthermore, philosophy filet sophie thwack of the saloon our good, though not remarkable, fortune to doors, the averted happen upon a traveling mariachi band in tra- Thus is exposed the ultimate ends—food and women—of philosophy; given the obscurity of this eyes, the straighten- ditional dress out front of the general store; reduction, it comes as no surprise to this author that they have neither no longer—that is, if they ing of hats—he chose and at my behest they joined us, beating the ever ignored their little boys long enough to have any at all.  Illustrated by Paul Heyer 46 The Blue and White December 2002 4477 Measure for Measure

POEMS BY DESIGN BATHING BEAUTY 1.Statement from one’s memory about a specific object, place, or person Alas! that flesh is sad, and I have read all the books. or a combination of specific objects, places and people from one’s past. The fife-and-dream corps with its martial themes, I.E. Uncle Bill used to sit in the living room. The Marshall Islands with their philosophy and yellow trees, 2.Statement describing one’s interaction with said object, place, or The bear cubs, the Carpathians, the middleman, person, or said combination. The blond cobras and hot pink devotees: I.E. He would hold me on his lap. I concentrate on you, O my darling of the interregnum, 3.Statement or statements describing the sensory conditions surrounding But where is the footbridge that will bring me to you? the object, place, or person from one’s past. A thoughtful ranger laid a code of laws I.E. His body was warm and he smelled like Old Spice. Beside my boxed lunch, ending with the question, 4. Repeat Step 2, substituting a new statement. “When the wind was rebuffed by the forest I.E. He read to me in French. And couldn’t pass through for all the poplars, what did it do?” 5. Extrapolate on statement from Step 4. Or, proceed to step 6. Disperse, disband, fly the flag over the drugstore, I.E. “Qu’ils s’aiment et la traversée Say to itself, “Keep your shirt on.” This is the business of grass. Durera toute une année I used to run the gauntlet in 2:15, Qui pardonn’ra ses caprices Then I got ambitious and took the elevated train. Jusqu’en soixante-dix But I brought it back when the ranger offered Soixant’-neuf Me a Giotto, promising that I could be the golden trough Année érotique And hold whatever I pleased, which inevitably Soixant’-neuf Turned out to be Georg Telemann and the element of surprise. Année érotique” You can still surprise me until I am an early Gothic church, 6. Repeat step 3 substituting new statement. Where all the details are not quite worked out yet, I.E. I would sit for hours listening to the soft music of his voice. My reliquary heaves with vision, my rib vaults seethe with the times. 7. Skip a line. I shall be modest for you, maybe just a Gothic hot dog stand, 8. Repeat statement from Step 3. But they were pretty impressive just the same in those days, huh? I.E. His body was warm and smelled like Old Spice. Uh huh. You are as a lake cleaved with fire. 9. Skip a line. As autumn changes to summer, there is no need to call the ranger, 10. Statement or statements of condemnation or affirmation regarding Henrika, in your checked cotton skirt sadder than morning: the original object, place, or person or combination from Step 1, or If it is very hot it is still a local heart. statement of a seemingly unrelated but actually related general truth —Michael S. Paulson about things. I.E. Fuck Uncle Bill. Or, Fuck laps. Or Fuck living rooms. Or, Fuck Uncle Bill, fuck laps, and fuck living rooms. OR: Thank God for Uncle Bill! Or, Thank God for laps! Or, Thank God for living rooms. Or, Thank God for Uncle Bill, thank God for laps, and thank God for living rooms. Or, It is nice to be in France in the springtime. —Tom Kelly

4488 The Blue and White December 2002 4499 thing correct and so you must be true. But if 37. So, in a way it is also a matter of luck. Self-Reference Self-Explained you are true then you lied (for you said that Not only can we be true or false depending you are false) and so you must be false. In on the context in which we appear (as in the short: you are true if and only if you are false. case of #11 and #12). Whether or not we are by Achille C. Varzi And that’s a paradox. paradoxical may also depend on the context. 22. So the paradox arises when we say of our- For example, it may depend on the content of 1. I’m the first paragraph of this dialogue? I’m conditions of a text. Thus, in particular, the selves that we are false? the next statement, as in the case of #24 and flattered. second paragraph of this dialogue could cer- 23. That’s one way of putting it. But there #35. The first of these statements is stuck in a 2. Good for you. I am actually quite disap- tainly occur in a different place. are many variants where we fall into a similar vicious circle—the latter is not. pointed to be the second. What’s worse—it will 8. Not so fast, please... paradox even without saying anything directly 38. Exactly so. What a text says depends on the be like this forever. Nothing I can do about it. 9. I am also having a hard time following. How about ourselves. This is where context comes context. And if we look at the context, #24 and I’m stuck. can a text say something different from what it into the picture. #35 are not saying the same after all (just as 3. What do you mean? says if it cannot be different from what it is? 24. For example, I say that the next statement #14 and #15 were not saying the opposite). 4. Don’t ask questions like that; its turn is over 10. Let me see if I got it. The following two will be false... 39. Actually one can think of dialogues that are so it will never be able to answer. However, I sentences (#11 and #12) are identical. But 25. ...And I say that the previous statement paradoxical but not at all circular. Consider a can give you an answer. And my answer is this: one is true while the other is false: it depends was true. never-ending dialogue (or shall I say a never- A text could never be different from what it is. on their position in the dialogue. Thus, by 26. Impossible! If the first of you spoke truly, ending one-way conversation?) in which It couldn’t be a word shorter, it couldn’t be a analogy, one and the same sentence could be then the second must have spoken falsely, every statement says only that all subsequent comma longer, for then it would be something true or false depending on where it occurs. which would imply that the first statement was statements are false. There is no circularity, else. And if a text says of itself that it is the 11. Yes, I am the eleventh paragraph of this not true but false. On the other hand, if the because the dialogue is infinitely long. Yet first sentence or paragraph of a dialogue, then dialogue. first of you spoke falsely, then the second must there is paradox. For, on the one hand, not it could not be the second or third, just as a 12. Yes, I am the eleventh paragraph of this have spoken truly, which would imply that the every statement in the sequence can be false, text that says of itself that it is the second or dialogue. first statement was not false but true. In other since a statement whose successors are all false third paragraph could not be the first. I am the 13. Cool! On second thought, though, it could words, you are stuck in a vicious circle: you are is itself true. On the other hand, no statement fourth paragraph of this dialogue, for example, also be that two sentences that say exactly the true if and only if you are false—impossible! in the sequence can really be true, since a true and since I am saying this explicitly I cannot opposite are both true. If I am not mistaken, 27. Paradoxical, not impossible. statement would have to have false successors, imagine a situation in which I take your place. the following two sentences are a case in 28. Unless there are statements that are both but the falsity of any successor would imply It would make no sense. point. true and false at the same time, as we were the truth of some other (later) successor. A 5. But I don’t have that constraint, do I? Since 14. Yes, I am the fourteenth paragraph of this saying. (“To be and not to be—That’s the paradox—but a straight one. I am not saying anything about my position, I dialogue. answer!”) 40. Still, each player’s position in the dialogue could occur anywhere in this dialogue. 15. No, I am not the fourteenth paragraph of 29. So: we can never talk about ourselves—or is essential for the paradox. 6. Excellent idea. I’ll go along with it! this dialogue. about a text that talks about us—without falling 41. ...Which is precisely the context-depen- 7. I’m sorry, but I am afraid you are all making 16. Good try. Indeed you are both true. But into a paradox? dence we were talking about. Great—I think a mistake. In my view, all of us could occur notice—you did not say the opposite. The first 30. No, no, that would be a hasty conclusion. I am getting it. Still, to be on the safe side, anywhere in this dialogue—including the first, of you said something about itself (i.e., about Talking about ouselves is dangerous, but in I’ve decided I will never talk about sentences, second, and fourth paragraphs. For example, #14), and the second said something about some cases it’s perfectly fine. The first para- paragraphs, and so on, but only about other the first paragraph could very well have been itself (about #15). You used the same words graph of this dialogue was about itself but it sorts of entity. I only say such things as: Snow the second. In that case its content would have to refer to different things, so you are not did not fall into any paradox. Let us not throw is white. Debbie chased the dog. Colorless been different and what it says would have talking about the same thing, so you are not away the baby with the bath water! green ideas sleep furiously. I always make sure been false, for it says that it is the first para- contradicting each other. No wonder you can 31. I am not falling into any paradox, either: I to draw a sharp line between my language and graph. But that is not to say that the situation both be true. On the other hand, I am pretty say that I am a sentence consisting of nineteen my metalanguage. would make no sense. After all, there are lots sure that two sentences cannot be equally true words. 42. I don’t mean to contradict you, but you of false statements. (Take me, for instance: I (or equally false) if they really say the oppo- 32. And you are right. have just contradicted yourself... am a false statement, since I say that I am part site—for example, if one says that snow is white 33. Then I will also say that I am a sentence 43. You are all having so much fun—lucky you. of the sixth paragraph of this dialogue; but I while the other says that snow is not white. consisting of nineteen words! I’m not having any fun at all. I am actually quite am perfectly meaningful.) So here is how I 17. What about statements that are both true 34. And you are wrong... But you are not para- disappointed because I’m the last paragraph of would correct the thesis of #4: It is true that a and false—that is, true and false at the same doxical—just false. this dialogue, and I can’t take that. text could not be different from what it is. But time? 35. I am not paradoxical either. I say that the What’s worse—it will be like this forever. a text could certainly say something different 18. Right! The liar paradox, for instance. next statement will be false (exactly what #24 Nothing I can do about it. I’m stuck here! from what it says, hence it could be true even 19. And what is the “liar paradox”? said). 44. Poor, misguided fool.  if it is false, or vice versa. It is the context that 20. Here I am: I say that I am a false statement. 36. And I say that snow is white. determines the meaning and hence the truth 21. If indeed you are false, then you said some-

5500 The Blue and White December 2002 5511 Designs on Subtlety reflect perceptions we have of ourselves, or aspects of design, in shaping the way people would like to have of ourselves, and appeal view themselves individually, and in national by Vijay Iyer to those idealized visions. The successful or international terms, while also engender- ad “mediates between trends in society and ing emotions such as pride, independence, clients’ interests, both reflecting what is hap- and a sense of history. Toothpicks and Logos: Design in Everyday form and arrangement than on the significant pening in society and feeding back a stylized Heskett concludes Toothpicks and Logos Life impact that questions of design have had in version of it.” Some logos set expectations by holding up the shining example of (you By John Heskett shaping the society we live in. by their very appearance—the golden arches guessed it) Japan, as the country which has Oxford University Press, 2002. This is where the toothpicks and logos of McDonald’s, for example, are known the most taken the value of design to heart. he problem with writing a book about come in. In Japan, traditional toothpicks have world around, and give people of all back- Japanese companies made it a priority to Tthe role of design is that it is simultane- only one end sharpened for conventional use. grounds a comfort level of knowing what establish design teams, focusing solely on ously about everything and nothing. As the The other end of the toothpick is bevelled they will be getting. Other logos are meant how to structure, adapt, and market products enigmatic title of John Heskett’s new book off, with small ridges below the shaft. At to convey images of novelty and change, such effectively, as equal adjuncts to producers suggests, the most widely varying features first glance, this is simply an attempt to add as the Apple brand. Competing against “Big themselves. Japan not only imitated success- of everyday life can be subsumed under the a decorative, visually pleasing aspect to an Brother” ibm in the 1980s, and a slew of pc ful products from other countries, it searched rubric of design, at a certain level of analysis. object of minor, generally unsavory use. But, imitators in the 1990s, Apple managed to for ways to apply new innovations as rapidly After all, both toothpicks and logos bear the as Heskett reveals, the reason for the flat end survive because of a commitment to creative as possible, or fit the products for different indelible imprint of man’s desire for both is actually rooted in cultural notions. The design and constant innovation, which view- cultural markets. It sold one set of kitchen utilitarianism and meaning in the objects idea of dining, or mealtime, is endowed with ers could easily recognize from the boxy, appliances to space-starved clients at home around him, under the broadest definition of more than a functionary role, with the grace, green-screened “Macintosh” to the brilliantly and in Europe, and a redesigned larger set to “design”. cleanliness, and general aesthetic value of the curved and colored iMac models. American consumers. The real question then, is to explain how experience of eating elevated to an art form in On a larger scale are whole systems of design, However, Heskett also laments the fact that design functions practically in our lives, and and of itself. As such, the Japanese developed ranging from urban transport networks to business and commerce essentially controls the the importance it can have on the choices exquisite vessels for serving food and fine national identities. Heskett points out the space of design, dictating what it can and can- we make. Heskett gives us a brief overview lacquered tables on which to enjoy formal subtle brilliance of the London Tube maps not do, or discarding ideas it considers unworthy. of the role of design in history, and offers a meals. Of course, diners could not be so rude designed in the 1930s by Harry Beck, setting This pseudo-leftist perspective pops up through- theory of design evolution through layering as to lay dirty chopsticks or toothpicks on the standard for subway maps everywhere out the book, but is best ignored; the points made —that is, there has been no linear or progres- the host’s expensive table; thus, the design of with the employment of color-coded, clearly are somewhat confused and contradictory, and sive development of the concept of “design” these simple objects was adapted to include a labeled signifiers. In Tokyo they have taken diminish the emphasis on the main topic, which fl toward some circumscribed end, but rather a at, ridged end that could be broken off, on the design one step further by adding colored Heskett covers very well. Indeed, the structure gradual addition of terms and values to the which the offending instrument could be laid strips in stations that guide riders to their line of the book itself nicely emulates the layering idea of “design” that has made it consistently between servings. Although this is but a tiny of choice, and have even made modifications process described, moving from core values of relevant to everyday life. From aesthetic ide- example, it seems well chosen. Heskett’s point, such as distinctive tiles or floor surfaces that design such as “utility” and “communication”, als of design—as demonstrated by illuminated repeated often in the book, is that such simple enable the blind to use subways as well. The to complex, modern “identities”, “systems”, and manuscripts or stained glass from the pre- investments of meaning into everyday objects example of the new nation of Slovenia high- “contexts”, which design plays a central role in Renaissance period, where form was meant are, in effect, the essence of design and the lights design’s function in constructing and defining. The author is at his best when he sticks to enhance function—to postmodern notions proof of its more than superficial impact on promoting identity. Slovenia’s flag combines to advocating the centrality of design to ordinary of form denoting function, seen in the design our everyday lives. traditional heraldic symbols with natural life, displaying a passionate, authentic voice that ffi ffi of vertically organized, slab-like o ce o ce The role of logos is more self-evident. imagery evoking the mountains and rivers of forces the reader to think seriously about the buildings, people have searched for innova- However, Heskett argues convincingly that the country, on a red, white, and blue-striped subject. And in the end, by simply sparking that fl tive ways to re ect the values they cherish. In their design also has much to tell us about background, referencing the country’s strug- thought, Heskett has opened our eyes to a new this sense, design has served throughout the choices we make as individuals and as a gle for freedom and identification with the conception of the objects of our everyday history as, “the crucial anvil on which collective society. For instance, advertise- West. The flag represents one of the most life. You will be left with a new appreciation the human environment, in all its detail, ments seek to powerful for design the next time you stop to examine [has been] shaped and constructed that knife handle, squint for that highway for the betterment and sign, or figure out the quick- delight of all.” Heskett est route to Brooklyn proposes this ambi- from here.  tious goal for design, focusing less on the Illustrated by specific aspects of Paul Heyer 5522 The Blue and White December 2002 5533 LECTURE NOTES DO-RE-MI-FRESCO-LA-TI-DO

s part of the Philosophy department’s week- listen to someone viewing the painting, and Aend conference addressing Arthur Danto’s determine whether the music sounds good. DIGITALIA COLUMBIANA philosophy, Daniel C. Dennett—Tufts professor He suggests that using different mode-assign- hese excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encourage our and “celebrity atheist”—delivered a lecture enti- ments might dramatically affect the resulting T readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via e-mail, at [email protected]. tled “Listening to Looking at Pictures.” music’s quality. Were this the case, the mode- Never without a handy pen and pad, The Blue assignment producing the highest quality I didn’t even know how to take a shower PABLO and White took notes for all those who could not music could determine the painting’s mode. until I was seven. I have always felt a step Didn’t you know? He was a guerrilla leader. He attend. The various applications and potential behind in the normal progression of respon- was known as “The Scottish Che Guevara” The talk begins with three letters between variations for this experiment are countless, sibility, which is why I am so proud of my Danto and Quine, wherein the philosophers and Dennett goes through different pos-  hairclippers. fight about the precise meaning of some sibilities. Grinning, he imagines somebody 1. What is it about the lake house that you like Italian painter’s name—specifically, whether standing outside the lab, hearing the music,  so much? the diminutive ending signified “little soand- and concluding: “Ah, they must be viewing My nailclipper, rusted yet sharp, are a family 11. what happened on the office the day that so” or “big soandso.” Having paid tribute to Cézannes.” His most fanciful dream involves heirloom. My grandfather, who owned and the stocks took the big hit? the guest of honor with this entirely unre- somebody viewing some religious painting, ran his own pharmacy in downtown Chicago. 12. what did they do? lated felicity, Dennett begins to speak about and his computer playing the Halleluiah  13. what did they say? his most recent experiments. Chorus—under such circumstances, Dennett 17. did the phones ring off the hook? Dennett then moves on to another, more rel- confides, he would consider believing in Dear Jonathan, 18. is this the sort of place where the phones evant letter—this one from the French painter, God. I hope all is well with you in the land ring off the hook? Nicolas Poussin. One of Poussin’s patrons has Having explained all this, Dennett moves of the cheese lovers. Have you been eat-  expressed disdain for the painting Poussin to his next Power Point slide, which reads: ing a lot of cheese, or, alternatively, is has given him, calling it ugly and demanding “But is this philosophy?” Dennett shrugs, the cheese you’ve been eating better She reaches out and takes his hand and places another. Poussin’s reply reads: “Well, you’re then attempts an answer: “Well, maybe not. than the cheese you’re used to eating in it on her belly. After a moment, a look of com- looking in the wrong mode. Surely, you recall But what does that matter? I think it’s really America? My daily diet these days mostly plete joy spreads across his face. She is also smil- Plato mentioning the Dorian and Phrygian interesting stuff, and worth talking about.” consists of macaroni and cheese, which I mix ing now. They both look apologetic. Then she modes. Your painting should be viewed the Unsatisfied with this answer, a persistent with peas and corn and sometimes, when I’m places her other hand over his on her belly Phrygian mode, not the Dorian.” audience member rephrased the ques- feeling crazy, with tuna. and they stay like that for a while. Dennett stops for a moment to explains tion: “Well, how about this: which journal   musical modes. You have any 8-note scale, would you publish your results in?” Dennett JIM HE HAS A MOMENT OF GUILT. He thinks he says, singing to demonstrate that scale: brooded, then responded: “Well, Perception I Don’t you want to know what went wrong? for a moment and then heads back. He gets a do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do. One mode begins and guess—after all, I’m on the editorial board.” Don’t you want to defeat that volcano? I know PEN and PAPER and writes a note. ends with do, another with re, and similarly The questions continued, and even Danto we can. We would clear our names. THE NOTE with the remaining notes. He then remarks: became involved. He seemed to care little “I WILL CALL YOU.” “Gee, wouldn’t it be interesting if you really about Dennett’s experiment, however; he   could view paintings in musical modes?” From wanted only to see Poussin’s letter. During my visit to the Met, I began by indulg- here, Dennett begins to explain his and his For further enlightenment (and to view the ing my own cultural bias and walking imme- Jack has spent the last four nights camped out colleagues’ attempts to do just that. Robotic Dog, another of Dennett’s endearing diately to the American Wing. in the oblivion of Mudd Engineering Terrace First, they track the saccadic eye movements obsessions,) The Blue and White recommends 251, crafting the unfathomably nested loops of people observing a painting, using this a visit to Den-  of matrix-manipulating C code that he needs data to locate the 8 most frequently observed nett’s website, A group of five peasant INDIANS walk with to rearrange a set of new matrix data files to points within the painting. Then, they align which can be a herd of llamas and lambs. Two children conform to a pre-established format. these points with the 8-note scale, and order accessed at http: kick some balls made of animal hair. They  them using a chosen mode. Next, while //www.tufts.edu/ are dirty with sand and they look happy. The “Bragging, Boasting, and Crowing: The Ethics someone observes the painting, the computer ~ddennett/.  adults are serious. Three of them are carrying of Sharing One’s Glad Tidings with Others” sounds the resulting note sequence. firewood on their shoulders. If this experiment were carried to its full   potential, Dennett says, one could actually Illustrated by Allen O’Rourke 5544 The Blue and White December 2002 5555 As you see, even though I feel that this excerpt interests, disparities of power, by the unequal is comprehensible enough to be understood distribution of a wealth of knowledge and TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS outside its context, perhaps it is best under- experience—an economy driven by perceived stood in context. absences, felt needs, and the desire for plen- ometimes, it is not easy being Verily P. systematic approach to improving the quality  titude. SVeritas. When VV suggested, some years of life through the intelligent, and prescient, As the plot unfolds, madness spreads like for-  ago, to a louche young upstart by the name of use of technology. The idea was that design est fires and burns the minds of those charac- from “Accomidating.doc” Jack Kennedy that we might succeed in put- and technology, properly harnessed, could ters when they discover the truth. I wanted to hit him so hard that the bridge of ting a man on the moon, he was met with a alleviate, if not eliminate, such weighty world vacant stare and vacuous laughter. Such is the problems as hunger and homelessness. Fuller,  his nose would be impaled into his skull causing curtains of tears to burn the sides of his face all curse of being a modern-day Tiresias: Verily in one of his less poetic moments, called The third section, which is made up of the too perfectly bleeding into his blood and dying is blessed with insight, foresight—even sight!— this a “Comprehensive Anticipatory Design 106th 96th blocks from to Street would around the soles of his pristine white Nike and yet, like a business school graduate, he Science.” be called The Boredwalk. Here, unlike the uptowns. is taken as seriously as an infomercial Such an optimistic worldview may people seen hurrying down the block, people huckster. be hard to stomach in an age  walk around more aimlessly. There are many Perhaps this is because Verily when, in turning on the televi- small shops and street vendors that remind Preparation of Cyclohexeney by Means of the is—as he has been told time sion, one is either offended the viewer of a boardwalk but hardly anyone Dehydration of Cyclohexanol.doc and again—childishly, reck- by crass reality shows, or the is actually shopping. People look bored and  lessly, criminally optimistic. crassness of reality itself. But are in no hurry of getting to where they are Put a half-filled glass of water Verily thinks that Fuller’s faith The issue in this case is whether the parents going. before him and VV is atwitter in the power of design is hardly of the injured first-grader can successfully with excitement, congratulating misplaced. At the very least,  press a tort case against me, the baker of the himself for having discovered there is nobility in such naïve- The metaphor of the shop window is perfectly brownies. the fountain of youth. In New té. Since Verily is no closer to in keeping with the vernacular glare of the  York City, where optimism is becoming His Lordship Verily society of the spectacle and the ceaseless con- often diagnosed as a symptom of Prescott Wigglesworth Veritas sumption of its commodified image. But, for It is popular belief that Socrates was rather stupidity, or worse, this roseate than he was during the War of the the moment, I’d like to hold this reading in ugly in appearance…Aristotle writes, ‘for the view has met with considerable and Roses, his pursuit of nobility will have suspension and pursue the biographical record man who is very ugly in appearance or ill- resolute resistance. The only optimists to forego titles and focus on Fulleresque a little further, to return to the window not as born or solitary and childless is not very likely on Wall Street, Martha Stewart once intoned naïveté. an image-screen but as a theatrical space. to be happy.’ By writing these words, Aristotle has just labeled his teacher’s teacher as being prophetically to VV while conveying a recipe Let Verily be the first to admit that he  unhappy and incapable of finding happiness. for easy-bake baklava, are those with insider is no scientist, much less a Comprehensive Is a theorist very much invested in the social There is considerable evidence that Socrates, information. Anticipatory Design Scientist—but he did sit and material basis of the utterance in decided being the king of philosophy and political To these jaded souls, Verily defiantly quotes in on Physics for Poets class one crisp autumn opposition to structuralist “theoretism,” thought, would be really happy...It would the words of Buckminster Fuller: “Dare to day not long ago. Equipped with only his “system,” or any overly idealized, synchronic be very interesting to check if, through the be naïve.” In a sense, Fuller—architect, poet, naïveté and the dilettantism encouraged by account of discourse? My partial answer to Socratic method of dialogue, Aristotle could engineer, and more—was a devotee of naïveté. the Core, Verily is currently embroiled in this question would be to see the inherent ten- be led to admit that he accused Socrates of Fuller once proposed enveloping midtown the creation of his own, albeit unscientific, sions between the Saussurean and Bakhtinean being a very unhappy person. Manhattan in a geodesic dome to conserve design science. The results will be included conception of the speaking subject, or the  energy. He thought that affordable housing in Verily’s forthcoming tome, a massive, 900- writerly subject, as a virtue: that they would could be provided to all if only we designed page work of scholarly love entitled, How to stand in apparent opposition results not in Cingular sold me the wrong plan. They either houses that could be assembled with just a Live, and Why, and with an introduction by cacophony but a generative polyphony. through stupidity or through malicious intent box of ready-made parts and a wrench. He John Shade. sold me the wrong plan.  even designed the Dymaxion House (which, Until Verily’s definitive design science is  incidentally, was entirely without corners) so published, and the subsequent reign of happi- [Jasper] Johns’ Target may be taken as an that it could rotate with the sun, to efficiently ness on earth begins, he humbly entreats his emblem of a discursive and psychical econ- Gossip not only disseminates significant infor- mation, but also can serve a subversive func- catch and use all of its rays. Perhaps all of this faithful readers to remember the spirit and omy of relations or ratios of self and other. straddles the line between genius and gibber- the substance behind Fuller’s exhortation to This is an economy, like any other, that pro- tion by offering power (as well as pleasure) to the socially disenfranchised. Following a ish, but VV is inclined to think that the old “dare to be naïve.” Verily has seen the future, duces all kinds of surplusses and deficits, that fellow was on to something. and it is a future effulgent with the promise of binds innumerable subjects through a system feminist model of the relationship social self, I suggest that gossip encourages the virtues of For Fuller, this tinkering fit in with a much naïveté raised to a science. of exchange. And like any purportedly “free” grander—and arguably, naïve—goal. His exper- —Verily Veritas market, this one too may be scored by vested self-development and self-reflection.  iments were not mere whimsy but part of a 56 The Blue and White December 2002 57 tease out aforementioned provisions, a course in the proposed seminar-style sections? And designed by the College to replace the single- will future Columbia freshmen, awash in the The Dialectics of Intelligence term standalone could effectively take on such sea of scientific grandiosities and literary worthy goals. landmarks, be doomed to drown? by Steven Pulimood No one dares dispute the pertinence of The economy of inductive learning is based science to contemporary society. (When The on exactly the quid pro quo of a Columbian New York Observer asked him ex officio what education. Regardless of outcome or major n the winter of 2000, while gnawing on a satisfy even the most learned audience? subject he wished he knew more about, Bill declaration, the Trillingly intelligent under- Isandwich at the Faculty House, I overheard I refer to our patriarch of intellectualism, his Clinton resolutely stated biochemistry.) And graduate subscribes to a system whereby he one of the most outlandish questions that had staid image in contemplation holding the bit getting kids excited about cosmology with forgoes some aspect of his course schedule ever fallen upon my young, impressionable end of a cigarette—Lionel Trilling, Columbia help from the antics of David Helfand and the to partake of the tailored and programmatic ears: College Class of 1925. Trilling was perhaps company of supremely intelligent scientists on study that is the Core. That scholar is reward- “So, Bob, how do Buddhists resolve rein- the greatest poster boy for Columbia’s Core. our faculty has real worth. But immediately ed at cocktail parties and beyond, where his carnation and the second law of thermo- In the breath and brand of his intellectual true tests will tell. interactions, in their contingent infinitude,are dynamics?” ferocity, Trilling combined social, political To structure a course on the cutting-edge better informed—no matter how unlikely we This unsettling interrogation took place at and even psychological insights with literary issues of contemporary science will be chal- are to be convinced that invoking the name one of the first public meetings of the newly criticism and scholarship. A man in his circle lenging. The science core, unlike Literature of Plato or Aristophanes as a citizen will con- founded Center for the Study of Science and could not simply be an academic of esoteric Humanities and Contemporary Civilization, tribute to the world. As Trilling might agree, Religion. Robert Pollock, Professor of Biology, interests. Was it not in some part the respon- will not benefit from the backbone of a histor- to define the use of our education would be was inciting Robert Thurman, Professor of sibility of the Core for Trilling to famously ical curriculum. And after each of the lectures, crass.  Religion. At the roundtable of fifteen, the remark, “Youth is a time when we find the will it be possible to maintain the discussions cast of characters ranged from Astrophysics books we give up but do not get over”? and English, Mathematics and Music. All Not only has the world changed since were equally unprepared for such a heavy Trilling’s time, but the College, save in part luncheon. for its Core, has also undergone its own bouts What precisely was the nature of this of microevolution. As I pen this treatise, bold academic banter, reminiscent of schoolboy and beautiful new courses are being hatched challenges and wanton playground provoca- in a classroom near you. Topics in Biology will tions? How (in Alma Mater’s name), does one “focus on bioethics”, the annual seminar in answer a question that simultaneously rounds Nucleic Acids will now have “relevance to bio- the bases of physical laws and the tenets of terrorism,” and Pollack & Thurman will co- an intricate belief system? And, now that teach Science and Religion: East and West. Columbia Collegians are abuzz with pros- At first, the College’s Science Requirement pects for a science core, I wonder (gracing seems to patently seek the overarching goals my icon) how would HE divine a response to of the Core Curriculum, first articulated in 1919: “To understand the civilization of their own day and to participate effectively in it.” Yet here the objectives are extended: “The science component is intended specifically to provide students with the opportunity to learn what kinds of questions scientists ask, how they test their hypotheses against experi- mental or observational evidence, how they evaluate their results, and what knowledge they have accumulated about the workings of the natural world (Columbia College Bulletin, p.87)”. If it is serious about these goals, then the Science Requirement’s current configuration, consisting of a two-term sequence and one- term separate, falls awfully short of its vault- Illustrated by ing ambitions. But if appropriately designed to Illustrated by Craig Hollander Paul Heyer 58 The Blue and White December 2002 5599 Curio continued from page 39 Blue J continued from page 41 American intercollegiate football was not cables, either manually or through use of a begun until 1869, with Rutgers and Princeton sliding device. Not only would such apparatus If Columbia Moved to Colombia... as the pioneers. The following fall Rutgers have a positive effect on student perception by Anand Venkatesan challenged Columbia, winning 6 to 3, in the of the Living and Learning Center, but it s Columbia searches for new spaces to expand its physical plant, The Blue and White urges the fourth college football game to be played in would also greatly increase the likelihood of AAdministration to consider a South American satellite campus, where a Stanford-like climate and the United States. This was held on Saturday, Columbia University being chosen as a filming atmosphere will lure boho beach bums to attend CC in the sun. In anticipation of what student life November 12, 1870, and there were twenty site for proposed Spider-Man film sequels. would be like, we have compiled some likely scenarios for the Administration to study. Hope this helps, men on each team. Columbia’s captain was With so many possibilities, how can urh President Bollinger! Stuyvesant Fish, ’71…On December 19, 1905, consign its students to the endless trudging the University Council by decree abolished up and down stairs every time an alarm goes Student 1: Hello, can you tell me where Lerner Hall is? the sport, and there was no gridiron activity off? Until such time as these devices are imple- Student 2: I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. You see, in Colombia, we speak Spanish, not for ten years. In the fall of 1915 the Council mented, this J promises that she will march in English. brought it back and in the years following the solidarity with her flightless fellows, by sun or Student 1: Oh, I see. My apologies. Columbia Lions clambered to the top flight by moon, whenever the bell may ring.  Student 2: Not at all. of the nation’s elevens, their climax being the Rose Bowl Victory in 1934 at Pasadena, Calif. Student: Hi, I’d like to pay my tuition for the semester. Athletic clubs: Varsity “C” Club, Crewsters, Administrator: That will be 9,283,202,202 pesos, por favor. Dolphins, Grapplers, Spiked Shoe Society, and Rapier Club. *It was no small wonder Bojesen’s Grecian Microsoft Word’s suggested spelling correc- Student 1: Do you want to get a drink at Nacho Mama’s? Antiquities did no precipitate a more flagrant tions for the word “Intifada” Student 2: What are these nachos you speak of? insurrection. Typical questions: “In the Greek Student 1: They are a delicacy found in 7-11 stores in America. theatres, the orchestra was what, and how Antiradar Student 2: Oh. What a stupid name for a bar. located? What was it not, and why?”—“How Intimate Student 1: Sí, señor. many bridges over the Tiber?”—“What was Indiana the sinus of the toga?”—“By whom was the Instead cinctus Gabinus worn?”  Antifoam First passerby: Hola. —Siraj ud-Rabinowitz Second passerby: Hola. CHECK-OUT CHECKLIST

Student 1: Where can a fellow get a good Submit a completed cancellation cup of coffee around here? Student 2: There are three Starbucks within form to 125 Wallach or on-line. walking distance. Return your mailbox key to the Student 1: Thank you, my good man. What is your name? Lerner Student Mail Center and Student 2: Valdez. Juan Valdez.  fill out a mail-forwarding card. Return optional phone equip- ment to Communication Services at 115 Computer Center and cancel all ACUS services. Arrange an appointment with your RA to review your Room Condition Report. Return your keys and completed RCR to the URH Service Desk.

Illustrated by Paul Heyer

60 The Blue and White December 2002 61 Frankenlerner by Alex Angert he days get shorter. The sun is but a silver smudge, an afterthought against the heavy sky. Our lives Tgrow quieter and our burdens quietly grow larger, oppressive quite despite ourselves. In the long shadows of this season, even mortar and metal take on a melancholy air. It is with such an air that this letter, word by desperate word, was written in the hand of Lerner Hall and addressed to its Creator. Bernard, last night I had a dream. I dreamt precious minutes of their precious youth slip- that I was in the Arizona desert, atop a bar- ping away. ren mesa, with naught but sun and dust for My flank of glass, you claimed, unlocked CAMPUS GOSSIP company. Soon after, I found myself (as is the inner to the outer, the steel to the grass. During a discussion section for the politi- Britain’s (least) favorite historian, our own our wont in dreams) in residence atop an ice But they recoiled at my immodesty! I saw the cal science class “War, Peace, and Strategy”, Simon Schama, was recently quoted in the floe, nestled between the folds of a Greenland outrage of their delicate complexions reflected one budding Sun Tzu noticed that a lengthy New York Times. “History is too fine, too glacier. There was not a bird or beast for in that cursed glass, and saw myself as the outline for the next week’s reading was being slippery, too mercurial, too complicated to miles, Bernard, nor a single house, nor a man. monster that I am. distributed among the sipa students. Upon be caught in the big, hammy, hairy fist of Everything was emptiness, desolation, solitude. Oh, remember that I am thy creature; I inquiring about the outline, he was told that television,” Schama said mockingly, speak- The frostbitten sub-Arctic sun shone on my ought to be thy Adam; but I am rather thy it was for a sipa “reading group,” which he ing before an audience of historians and film glistening panes. I was in paradise. fallen angel. Believe me, Bernard, I was benev- was welcome to join. Asked if it might not producers at a lecture sponsored by the bbc. This life is hard, you know. Every day the olent; my panes glowed with love and human- be better for the sipa students to simply read The Blue and White cannot help but recall an fair youths rise through me, nourish their ity: but am I not now alone, miserably alone? the assignments, one of the graduate students adage about not biting hammy, hairy hands. tempers, laugh in my hollows, drink from my Butler and Jay detest me; they will not even explained: “It isn’t possible for us to do all the It was only last spring, after all, that Professor founts of wisdom. The gentle manners of the turn to face me. Furnald scoffs, charges me readings—we have to worry about four other Schama signed a combined $4.5 million deal girls, the noble bearing of the men—how I with mimickry. Even hideous Carman looks classes.” with the bbc and HarperCollins to write three long to interact with them, to hear their sighs down upon me.  books and present two four-part television at the grace of my inclines. Yet they abhor me, I have read of the Eiffel Tower: how its FROM THE BULLIET FILES: programs on Anglo-American relations. Bernard, they abhor me! naked steel girders, once drawing a collective Richard Bulliet, Blue and White Professor of  Shall I not loathe them who abhor me? retch, are now adored. Do you dream that I Middle East History, on the Battle of Navarro: Message to Broadway residents: Shall I not take my revenge, smite their mail, too shall be adored someday? I cherished that “I can’t remember the date exactly. You’d have OH MY LORD JESUS! STARTING AT sprain their ankles and disappear their sushi hope, it is true; but it vanished when I beheld to ask a historian.” NOON TOMORROW (HALLOWEEN) IN chef? Shall I not fill my sterile depths with the myself reflected in water, or my shadow in the  THE BROADWAY LOBBY AN ORGY OF most malevolent of administrators? Shall I not moonshine, or cast upon the snow. I am empty Walking home one evening, a B&W staffer SACCHARINE THERE WILL BE! “WOW,” double-book the Satow Room? Oh, but it is and cold, Tschumi, and the Americans are not passed Dean Austin Quigley, who was being YOU SAY. “I DUN BELEEF! THASS SO their hatred that drives mine so. like the French. They cannot love abstractions. escorted along Claremont Drive by a distin- SIMPLE YOU DON’T EVEN NEED A BRAIN In giving me life, you claimed to “reinforce They cannot deconstruct. guished-looking little girl wearing a very TO DO IT!” the masterplan of McKim, Mead and White, i.e. Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why muddy green soccer uniform. She was hold- SO TOMORROW the spatial and volumetric logic of the original did the bricks and money not run out? Why ing his hand, looking up at him, and prattling COME GET SOME FREE CANDY scheme.” Balderdash, did the trucks not stall, the blueprints burn? happily; he was beaming and hanging upon IN THE BROADWAY LOBBY Bernard—you reinforced And now you will abandon me to fate? After her every word. FROM NOON ONWARD! nothing! My Flemish- fifteen years, Bernard, I have word that you are For a moment before they passed, the FROM NOON ONWARD! bond brickwork and leaving. Yet we may not part until you have B&W ’er heard what the little girl was saying:  Vermont granite trim promised to comply in one matter… “You see, Daddy, then everyone will be hap- During a recent lecture on Kierkegaard and did not assuage them; I am alone and miserable, a potpourri of pier, and everything will be less expensive, passionate commitment, Professor Taylor they saw my ramps parts welded together, discordant, unspecified, and...” Carman brought up the rather obvious exam- and damned me. On neither forum nor temple, neither storehouse Behind every great man there is an even ple of love. He then immediately interrupted those crooked paths, nor home. Man and stone will not associate greater advisor. The Blue and White imagines himself: “I’m always talking about love! I running the with me, Tschumi; only a building as deformed that, if asked, the Dean would be quick to should go on a lecture tour about love.” He whole width of and horrible as myself will not deny herself to attribute his success to the brilliant advice of considered this for only a moment before pas- my wretched me. My companion must be of the same spe- one Catherine Quigley, age eight—part-time sionately committing: “LUUURRRVVVV,” he being, they cies, and have the same defects. This being you policy sage, part-time soccer extraordinaire. bellowed, raising his clenched fists in the air. sensed the must create.  Illustrated by Arlen Autstin  Former President Rupp, back on campus 62 The Blue and White December 2002 63 recently to receive the Hamilton Award, to treat the twins to their “first” drinks did not offered a characteristically astute, if acerbic, receive a reply. first-hand impression of the state of affairs  in Afghanistan: “It’s in deep shit.” George Responding to a query on whether he ranked Rupp...gone, but dearly missed! in the top 10 of University Presidents, in terms  of compensation, President Bollinger told his From the paradoxical pages of new weekly Freedom of Speech class: “Well, to be hon- Columbia Spectator gossip feature ‘Etc.’—“No, est, I don’t know exactly. These questions we’re not a gossip column, though if you have of compensation are quite complex when it any gossip, feel free to send it this way.” And comes to figuring the actual numbers.” He again, a bit defensively: “we’re not ripping off then grinned widely and continued: “I do the Campus Gossip section from the Blue & know that I should be.” White [sic—“and White”]. We swear.”  The Blue and White abhors ripping off— While discussing the Westernization of mod- it makes an issue so difficult to tape back ernizing rulers in the post-wwii Middle East, together—but praises one Col. Spe. ‘Etc.’ ed. for Professor Bulliet stops to reminisce: “In my admitting his new column’s genuine muse in capacity as an undergraduate guide, I once secret, if not in the open. A letter discov- escorted the Ghub Pasha from the airport ered in our private mailbox from an ‘Etc.’ to Harvard Square. Upon arriving, his first leading light, just twelve scant days before two questions were ‘Where is the Episcopal his fledgling venture began, declares The “ church?’ and ‘Where can I get a laxative?’ I Blue and White, my one true source for gossip, thought, ‘Oh, he’s really British.” commentary, and vocabulary.” The Blue and  White gossip—a pleasure too devilish to con- It seems that troubled economic times have fess in print! not put a dint in the optimism of Cafe Pertutti.  The familiar “Occupancy by more than 150 Prof. Gerald Curtis, explaining to his Japanese persons is illegal” sign still hangs, as it always Politics class the difficulty of arousing inter- has, directly above the men’s bathroom. est in his field: “The average American reader  doesn’t know Koizumi from Shmoizumi!” One for the mailing list: While watching an in-  class video for “The European Catastrophe”, From an article in the Yale Daily News: “In a Jax Russo, C ‘04, accidentally knocked over Wall Street Journal ranking published Nov. 8, a piping hot vanilla latte. As the latte gushed Yale’s Berkeley College dining hall received onto the floor, the well-known socialite pan- a four-star review, outscoring the 19 other icked, removed her sweater, and began to wipe dining halls surveyed...The Wall Street Journal the floor with it. gave Harvard’s Annenberg Hall two and a The Blue and White commends Ms. Russo for half stars, noting that 16 Cantabs her willingness to sacrifice material were hospitalized last year with possessions to help her neighbors, gastroenteritis...Columbia’s but hopes that she’ll one day John Jay cafeteria, which knock over a beverage while according to The Wall Street just wearing a tank top. Journal smelled like dish-  water, received just two “...as I was about to say stars.” before I so rudely inter-  rupted myself...”—Prof. The Blue and White would Berofsky, conducting an like to extend belated internal dialogue during a birthday wishes to Barbara discussion of the metaphysi- and Jenna Bush, who turned cal boundaries of the self. twenty-one in late November. A  gentlemanly offer by Mephiscotcheles Finals…they’re hard! 

6644 The Blue and White