THE UNDERGRADUATE MAGAZINE OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, EST. 1890 THE BLUE AND WHITE

Vol. XIX No. VI December 2013

The Perfect Season Why football fumbles (and who cares) They're Watching (Out for You) Increasing security and surveillance at Columbia

Also Insi eps de: Justice in the City That Never Sle THE BLUE AND WHITE

Vol. XIX FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS No. VI

Columns Features 4 Bluebook Conor Skelding & 10 at Two Swords’ Length: Do You Know What You’re CONOR SKELDING, CC ’14, Editor in Chief 6 Blue Notes Anna Bahr talking About? ANNA BAHR, BC ’14, Managing Editor 8 Campus Characters Our monthly prose and cons 12 Verily Veritas WILL HOLT, CC ’15, Senior Editor TORSTEN ODLAND, CC ’15, Senior Editor 13 Curio Columbiana Naomi Cohen 14 they’re Watching (Out for You) SOMER OMAR, CC ’16, Senior Editor 36 measure for Measure Increasing security and surveillance at Columbia NAOMI SHARP, CC ’15, Senior Editor 42 Digitalia Columbiana JESSIE CHASAN-TABER, CC ’16, Layout Editor 43 Campus Gossip Channing Prend 18 Postbac to the Future

LEILA MGALOBLISHVILI, CC ’16, Senior Illustrator The students who are changing the chemistry in pre-med classes MATTHEW SEIFE, CC ’16, Publisher Staff Writers NAOMI COHEN, CC ’15 Naomi Sharp 20 Speaker Series ALEXANDER PINES, CC ’16 DANIEL STONE, CC ’16 Coming undone at the Cloisters ALEXANDRA SVOKOS, CC ’14

Contributors Daniel Stone & 21 architectural Indigestion MIKEY ABRAMS, CC ’16 Sean Augustine-Obi SEAN AUGUSTINE-OBI, CC ’16 Students stop expecting space in their student center JULI BRANDANO, BC ’16 MICHELLE CHERIPKA, CC ’16 he ig ouse to the ig pple TYLER DINGMAN, CC ’16 Tamsin Pargiter & 24 t B H B A VIRGINIA FU, CC ’17 Katharine Lin The administration Bollinger couldn’t do without COOPER LYNN, CC ’17 LUCA MARZORATI, CC ’15 ANGELICA MODABBER, BC ’16 Luca Marzorati 26 Night Court KATHERINE NEVITT, CC ’16 TAMSIN PARGITER, BC ’16 Justice in the city that never sleeps CHANNING PREND, CC ’17 JENNIFER SLUKA, CC ’17 MATTHEW SEIFE, CC ’16 Torsten Odland 29 wilson HALLIE NELL SWANSON, CC ’16 ETHAN WU, CC ’17 In which Andrew and Wilson settle in

Artists he erfect eason RACHEL AGINS, BC ’17 Hallie Nell Swanson 32 t P S ZANE BHANSALI, CC ’17 Why football fumbles (and who cares) ANGEL JIANG, CC ’15 KATHARINE LIN, CC ’16 PAULINA MANGUBAT, BC ’17 Juli Brandano 38 in Studio ALEXANDER PINES, CC ’16 ANNE SCOTTI, CC ’16 How architecture students find solidarity in suffering ALEXANDRA WARRICK, BC ’17 GRAYSON WARRICK, CC ’16 Anna Bahr 40 worth Belaboring A conversation with Ross Perlin

theblueandwhite.org f cover: “Day and Night in Butler” by Alexandra and Grayson Warrick BLUE BOOK BLUE BOOK

Across 3. At CU we’re tweakin’ on ______. 5. Philanthropic Community Leaders 7. Why would I go to a party in the __ __ _? 9. The bald head of the CU campus. 10. Literary “Society” 11. They lose 13. Our favorite PoMo structure. 14. Don’t you care about pediatric AIDS? 15. The Man Who Knew Too Much (eventually) 18. They allocate a mean budget. 20. I hope it doesn’t rain on my ___ boots. 22. This john jay roll tastes like ____. Down LETTER FROM THE EDITOR TRANSACTIONS 1. That marching band poster was so _____. ARRIVALS 2. Formerly sold at Crack Del At Columbia, it’s easy to tell who we want to be. 4. Literary society See: the tweedy academics-in-training, groutfitted athletes, 6. Credible News Source Bollinger in Spec chain smoking internationals, boat-shoed fraternity brothers, outré 8. I go for the culture, and the baklava. hipsters, Barbour-wearing preps, etc. Mozzarella sticks in JJs 12. I love that jacket. ____? I ran into an acquaintance from freshman year the other day. 16. I think it rhymes with pukin’. We hadn’t spoken since 2010. “What are you studying?” I asked, by Barnard signage 17. Urban beach way of small-talk (figuring by strong chin that he studied economics). 19. Do any of you guys believe in ___? “Econ,” he said. He’s got an offer from a bank. “You?” 21. Eat where you read, talk while you eat. “English,” I replied, before we both paused: “Oh, cool, yeah.” Doughnut Plant at Joe’s Solutions are on page 44. We live in our in-groups. We share a suite, or a fraternity DEPARTURES house, or a Spec office, where we can let ignore whatever group POSTCARD FROM MORNINGSIDE stands against ours. We run around in circles, and those circles rub elbows at 1020 or Beta or Mel’s. Pizza at John Jay (That’s one very different thing about first semester. We haven’t yet fully created our college selves, and so we aren’t Leaves and grass automatically prejudiced against others. I enjoy spending time with my freshman year friends—and if I met them today, we probably Heating (in dorms) wouldn’t be friends.) But that’s not what I care about now. Of course we dress Another crop of student leaders and think like our friends, and gather in the same places. What I’m concerned about is after graduation. Because now, when I come upon the pre-professional whose Come Again!? contract is already signed, sealed, and delivered at JP Morgan—and “If you would never judge that some- he comes across me, thinking I don’t know what—we do hate one one was admitted to Columbia on another a little bit. the basis of their skin color or ethnic But we have to be civil: we’re both students here. We were background, how can you judge both in Butler last night—we have some stuff in common, even if that someone else was admitted to ideologically we’re anathemic. Even if we talk shit about one another Columbia on the basis of their bat- in our groups, we still are part of a community here. So we nod, “Oh, ting average instead of their term as cool, yeah.” Here, the econ major and the gender studies major president of their student council?” usually have the decency to appear to take one another seriously. – Daniela Quintanilla, After graduation, once we’ve really self-sorted, this won’t be so. CC ’14, — Conor Skelding in Spectrum

4 The Blue and White December 2013 Postcard by Leila Mgaloblishvili 5 BLUE NOTES BLUE NOTES

Who says Columbia security is stiff and unfriendly? Far from lecturing me on the merits of nap etiquette, Larry rolled a chair over and listened to me play through a Bach prelude. He then introduced himself (“Larry Humphries, at your service”) and offered to show me “some pieces I wrote myself.” Not unwillingly, I switched seats. Larry doesn’t play jazz. He doesn’t play blues either. In fact, it’s pretty hard to nail down exactly what he does; it’s sort of a Thelonious-esque rumina- tion with startling chord changes, atonal bass lines, and a melody he says he “wrote down at home but I’ll just sing it for now.” That evening he ran through one, two–and abruptly stopped in the middle of the ou may have had the fortune of encountering, you may not really understand why you ended up third piece to turn around and ask me what I thought. Yon your daytime Broadway sojourns, the com- grocery shopping with itinerant bookseller Larry When I gave my wholehearted approval, Larry munity of itinerant booksellers who sell their stuff at Westside Market, after he kindly took the time to returned to the keys and finished the piece, then grabbed his jacket and went for the door, explaining in Columbia’s shadow. Among them is Larry, who introduce you to a few other booksellers. (“This is like he’ll try to talk you out of it. When you purchase boasts of having sold his wares (via Amazon) to Virginia,” Larry explained to Steve and Dan, “She’s that he had to “go relieve Mr. Cole at the desk before a copy of Sylvia Plath’s Ariel, he’ll deliver his opin- I miss my shift.” places as diverse and book-loving as Sarah Palin’s writing an article for The Blue and White magazine ion on the quality of her poems versus her novel. He — Ethan Wu hometown and the Singaporean zoo, and who bears on the itinerant booksellers of the neighborhood.”) recalls how a Columbia student, absorbed by her a vague resemblance to a beret-wearing Godfather; In the fluorescent aisles he tries to help you brain- device, once walked into his table. He believes that lood? Fire? Civil Discontent? Call 212-854- who, when asked for his name instead spelled storm what you might write 350 words about. There a great writer must be simultaneously a great intro- out his Gmail and responded to subsequent queries was an article about the Morningside Heights book- “F5555,” read the four-by-four purple and vert and a great extrovert. He has a book of poetry white signs that adorn classrooms across campus. with exuberant proclamations of “I give up!”; and sellers a few years ago, he says, in The Onion. out from Fractious Press entitled Blond, Blue-eyed Are these signs trying to be funny? Can I call Steve, a former musician and magazine writer who “The Onion?” and Handsome. When he found his old magazine in the name of “civil discontent” when I want that in acquiescence to your request that he share some He points towards the Spectator offices across articles illicitly posted online he had his friends at of his writing sent a wry and rambling 3500-word Broadway. other student won’t stop using the word “agency?” NASA take it down. He pens articles for the Sydney Just what does “civil discontent” entail? piece (“BOOKSELLER BLUES,”) containing, “The Eye?” Times under a pseudonym. He laments the demise Apparently, nobody knows. The telephone among other anecdotes, an account of his chance “The Eye,” Larry confirms. of the sanctity of the writer, pride in publishing, a number on the plaque turned out to be for CU-EMS, meeting with Lawrence Ferlinghetti and send ups Larry’s favorite salad dressing flavor, if you’re society that he believes is becoming “functionally of the apparently uniformly dim “Columbia girlies” wondering, is Parmesan and Roasted Garlic. (You’re formerly (but actually, thankfully, still) known as illiterate.” He believes that the Internet is ruining CAVA. They didn’t know. Neither did Public Safety. he encounters. (Well played, I guess.) welcome.) everything. “It’s the downfall of America,” Dan Perhaps, the next day you’ll meet Larry heav- If you, unlike me, happen to be an American visiting from his stall, chimes in. “It’s the downfall — Katherine Nevitt ing his banana boxes of books and broken down comedic actor and rapper and former star of the of everybody,” Steve amends. tables tetris-like into his truck. If you’re like me, television series , you The Fresh Prince of Bel Air — Virginia Fu may want to rethink your role in certain adaptations of cult science fiction novels, in particular the 2010 he John Jay lounge is a high-ceilinged, wood- adaptation of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend. Tpaneled hall with couches on wheels and a grand “I wrote him [Will Smith] a letter,” Steve says, piano. An imposing, unused fireplace looms over the “I asked, ‘How dare you fuck up one of the greatest stained carpet, reminding the years to come that they science fiction books of all time?” can go screw themselves or something like that. Highly opinionated and with a self-described It was a blustery November evening, and, com- expertise in “manners, music, literature and other ing back from Music Hum, I thought it would be a trappings of the cultural elite,” Steve exudes the good idea to practice a little piano. I walked into the characteristic self-possessed quirkiness and bohe- lounge, where I joined a few students working and a mian appeal that has inspired many an award-win- guard slouched in the corner with a hat over his eyes. ning bookseller documentary, short film, and book- I started to play some Bach. No sooner did I touch the seller NYT human interest story. Sources report keys than did the guard come to life. that if you pick out a book he doesn’t think you’ll

6 Illustration by Zane Bhansali The Blue and White December 2013 Illustrations by Rachel Agins and Leila Mgaloblishvili 7 And find it she did. But it doesn’t satisfy Briana merely to get what she wants, and that seems to be the common thread running through her work with GHAP, NSOP, and CCSC. Though she’s not certain Campus Characters of what she’d like to do long-term after graduation, she has found herself wondering, how “am I going to give back to Mississippi?” You might not know the following figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, The Blue & White “In many ways I was very privileged to grow introduces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things and whose stories up…with a family that was able to send me here and to beg to be shared. If you’d like to suggest a Campus Character, send us an email at [email protected]. give me these new forms of knowledge […] But I think it doesn’t really mean anything unless I’m able to give that back, in some way, to the place that I came from.” Briana Saddler herself. — Torsten Odland “In terms of sexuality or sexual health—that ’m always open to entertaining different ideas, was kind of taboo in the culture and the family I Roko Rumora Croats of 2008 and Top 40 Most Successful Croats “Iand looking into other organizations that I can grew up in,” Briana explains, “So when I came to Under 40 by two different Croatian newspapers.” get involved in and contribute to.” Columbia […] really being able to have an intelligent, olumbia’s own Dubrovnik-born mad hatter Eric Schwartz, SEAS ’14, insists that “Roko is one of Coming from anyone else, this earnestness mature […] and open conversation about [sex] was a Cinsists that Croatia left an indelible mark on the most Googleable people at Columbia.” I Google reads like a general platitude from a PR-happy very liberating thing.” (She used the word “liberat- him: “Culturally, I often appear in the U.S. kind of “Roko Rumora” and find photos of a slightly lankier Columbia admissions brochure. But from Briana ing” to describe Columbia, without irony, several brusque, blunt, which is something Americans don’t high school Roko in a grey hoodie and loose t-shirt Saddler, CC ’14, it has a truthful ring. times during our interview.) do, there’s a lot of going around things […] [like small speaking into microphones at a Croatian press con- Her résumé is chock full of student groups Since her freshman year, Briana has worked talk] which I learned to love.” Though gregarious and ference. and extracurricular commitments (read: Orisha Pan as one of GHAP’s peer advocates. GHAP operates sociable, Roko Rumora, CC’14, holds fast to some Roko tells me that he is now known for his African Dance, NSOP, the Gay Health Advocacy within Columbia Health Services, and though ini- measure of his Croatian bluntness. online social presence, where he displays his “knack Project (GHAP), and, most recently, Columbia tially founded in response to the AIDS epidemic in “I don’t fuck around […] about my opinions for presenting things in this kind of faux cynical College Student Council as VP of Campus Life ’13- the gay community, it caters to students regardless of on Columbia culture,” particularly, he notes, the way that people seem to really enjoy.” One of his ’14, but she says she isn’t involved to win over future sexual orientation. tendency toward masochistic self-congratulations: more popular Facebook posts reads: “I just stole employers. Briana has discovered El Dorado, the The core of the organization is the peer advo- people one-uping each other, comparing their gruel- thirty helium balloons from College Walk on my way ever-elusive “Columbia community,” and she wants cates, who conduct one-on-one counseling sessions ing schedules or how little sleep they need to survive. back from the gym. I did it just to feel alive.” A lot of to help others find it, too. with students–whether they’re getting an HIV test Those anxieties he says, bear minimally on reality.” the things he does are “attention-seeking precisely Like the rest of us, Briana came to school or they simply have a question about sexual health. No where else is [that] as true as within the field of because [they’re] somewhere on the scale between uncertain of her social niche. Her involvement with “We’re very sex positive, and want people to have Art History,” insists the Art History major. This toxic extroverted and narcissistic, and that’s fine.” the rugby team and Orisha was basically an exper- great sexual experiences and be able to talk about competition, Roko explains, makes him feel guilty for He spoke that forthrightly throughout our iment, confined to her freshman and sophomore it, and know what their options are when it comes to feeling good—and Columbia’s academic rigor pales conversation, demonstrating his aversion to vagaries years. It was really in her work with GHAP—the birth control and protection…or vaccinations.” compared to Croatia’s entirely meritocratic grading and chit-chat; mindless talk contributed to his deci- student group with which she’s had her longest com- This openness towards the personal, some- system where “curving and allotting As to 30 percent sion to leave Columbia as an Oxbridge Scholar. Roko mitment—that she felt most engaged and most like times embarrassing details of sexuality was encour- of a class” is unheard of. found that Oxford was the “mental equivalent of the aging. “I’m originally from Mississippi and I never Recalling what he was like as a freshman, Roko P90x workout.” felt like I belonged,” Briana confesses, “I had an dismissively admits “I was overly ambitious in all the After returning to Columbia, he steered incredible high school experience and all that sort of wrong ways.” During his first two years at Columbia, clear of CCSC and on-campus activities. Instead, stuff. But as a queer black woman growing up in the Roko served as a CCSC representative. There he he interns at Christie’s, the prestigious art auction South, it’s not the most hospitable place.” felt “disillusioned […] we talked about problems house, which provides “a whole host of events and Though she doesn’t “like to stereotype that aren’t real.” He became frustrated by members’ responsibilities.” He makes time to leave campus Mississippi,” Briana was frank about the “funda- persistent sense of entitlement, when “half the [class] every week. For international students, “your time mental discomfort” she felt as an adolescent. Even didn’t know who they were.” is limited.” at home: “My family and I […] have very differing He cautions, “There’s a big difference between I ask whether he is ready to graduate, and Roko opinions. And that’s sometimes a very uncomfort- making a difference and having a presence [on cam- unflinchingly replies that he’s ready to work. And able place to exist in, when you feel fundamentally pus].” Roko believes he will graduate knowing that he unless he finds a job, he will have to apply for a visa to uncomfortable conversing with or discussing aspects had a presence here, but reserves his difference-mak- return to New York. He notes, somewhat dejectedly, of yourself with the people […] who should care about ing energies for Croatia. For his work in organizing “I’m going to leave and it’s all going to be across the you the most […] I felt like I needed to separate myself against education inequality, Jared Odessky, CC ’15, ocean.” and find a new community.” says “[Roko] was named one of the Top 10 Influential — Somer Omar

8 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustrations by Paulina Mangubat 9 AT TWO SWORDS’ LENGTH AT TWO SWORDS’ LENGTH Do you know what you're talking about ?

Anna will argue that I don’t know what I’m ing obelisks.) or someone who believes “words mean some- for such perennial insights to endure, their magic talking about. Well, fine. Neither does she. So we underwent 1999/2000. Y2K. I was Fthing,” Conor should think more carefully about might be best preserved through a new medium. I know that you can’t be alone, and you can’t be eight years old then. That was pre-9/11. That was his own. Frankly, I find your chaotic argument to be Of course, the Kindle might boast some sub- together. You stay home, and there’s Facebook—there back when the phrase “checking my email” had dis- as offensive as you find the thoughtless framing of jective superiority over the iPhone. Maybe reading are the 44 likes on your rival’s status, some of them crete meaning. Now, we read incoming emails within shared Facebook articles (“Important” and “Brave”). online is OK but texting crosses a line? I can’t keep from your mutual friends. Your rival posted an article 30 sordid seconds of their arrival. I’m really not sure you know what you’re talking up with your scathing scoring system. somebody else wrote, plus one “sentence” of “analy- I remember, in 2005, it wasn’t yet acceptable about–it’s hard to, when you don’t take time to see At least the illustrious webpages of the New sis” (e.g., “such an important and brave piece”). You to spend all one’s time in front of a computer. The between extremes. York Times style section agree you know what’s up: go out, and there’s your goddamn friend, tapping Internet was still for losers. Now we’re all hunched You’re trying to care for the human soul and (“Online, RU Really Reading?”; “Generation Text, away with their thumbs, liking that over our computers. Yesterday I come off as condescending. That derisive brand of Living on a Screen”). Tell me you haven’t rolled your post, or sending missives to someone was walking down 39th Street, dogmatism—the easy dichotomy of hero and villain, eyes every time the paper rolls out its new take on who, while they’re not present, is evi- engrossed by some bullshit email. of the dumb people who post vacantly on Facebook narcissistic millennial life. dently more immediate. Then there Somebody yelled at me, “Pay atten- and the smart people who live in the Real World— And yet, here you are, frantic that kids can’t are the miserable people whose entire tion!” makes meaningful connection practically impossible. unplug, instead of wondering why they’re stuck to earthly lives are only a break from Then there are the people who I don’t have the data to disagree. Sure, the screens. I’m concerned you don’t recognize that the Temple Run. say, “But with Google Books, we can Internet might be destroying my ability to focus. time you spend ranting about cellphone addictions Now I’m drinking with friends. read any public domain book ever It’s totally possible that I’m less might be better used considering And one of those friends is a self- written!” To that I say these two inclined to read the classics when why that dependency is attractive. styled photographer (this means that things: there’s so much goddamn inter- It’s not being plugged in they own something called a DSLR, (1) When Herodotus’s esting “critical theory” about that distracts us from present- which is a camera that costs more Histories faces off against every Yeezus. That is bad. But it’s worse mindedness, it’s fear of judgment. than $1,000). And since they are depravity imaginable, guess which to continue the tradition of intel- When I’m alone in public, my a photographer, they must docu- wins? What did that widely acclaimed lectual arrogance that tells us immediate instinct is to pull out ment their lives (that is called being puppet-play say? the Western canon is Good and my phone and mindlessly scroll authentic). (2) That depends on how we everything else is Less Good. through email. Not because I’m And since they must docu- define the terms “read” and “book.” In fact, it seems to me braindead, but because I suffer ment their lives with their DSLR, Lee C. Bollinger and the that you’re guilty of the facile from an irrepressible anxiety of they have assumed the superhuman Undergraduate Committee on Facebook arguments you revile: being purposeless. Maybe, more power of capturing one moment, Affirmative Global Thought’s committee on instead of name dropping Histories Negative honestly, it’s an anxiety about the one perspective, and immortaliz- online education, will hypocriti- (we get it! you took Lit Hum!) and unsolicited pity of passersby: “Why ing it. (“Immortalizing it” might By Conor Skelding cally say that MOOCs mean democ- vague references to 2001 (we get it! By Anna Bahr doesn’t she have anyone to be with?” be overstating it. But it is safe to ratization of education. Tell that to Kubrick! Computers will rule!), try Yeah, it’s silly to quantify say that whatever image they “cre- the English adjunct at Big State U applying Herodotus’ work to your rationale. As far as your likeability by racking up comments on your ate” will last until the end of human civilization. who’s lost his job because the Senior Associate Dean I can tell, you’ve swallowed names without digesting compulsive photo-uploads. But it is sickeningly self- Depending whom you ask, this means between sev- of Quality Control decided it’d be more cost-effec- thoughts. Engage with the texts, don’t score smart righteous to accuse me of conceit or superficiality eral months and several billion years.) tive and brand-strengthening to license a “Harvard- points with vague references. because I haven’t yet learned to be comfortable alone As I understand it millennialism, it is the idea quality” Shakespeare lecture than pay him $6,000 I, too, worry that the “online classroom” elimi- with my thoughts. And if I get a little joy from a that some cosmically heavy shit goes down whenever per semester. And then tell that to the poor sons nates those special academic exchanges when you retweet, I’ll take it where I get it. human civilization undergoes the turn from anno of bitches around the globe coughing up for that really learn–conversations with professors over cof- When New York City installs padding on all domini 999 to 1000, or 1999 to 2000. MOOC who, unlike students at a particular school fee or after class, not with a spotty Skype connection. of its telephone poles to protect texting-and-walking (Imagine the turn from A.D. 2999 to 3000. in Boston, can’t actually talk with this renowned I agree that it’s legitimate to protect the interests folk from cracking their skulls open, I’ll mourn with We will be computers by then. The singularity will Harvard Shakespearean. of the intellectual elite: the words of Aristotle and you. have arrived. We will be ships, on our way to becom- Food and sex. That’s all we’ve got left.w Woolf and Baldwin can’t be lost to Temple Run. But But food and sex is all we’ve got? Spare me.w

10 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustrations by Angel Jiang 11 VERILY VERITAS TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS In which our hero gives in

eaded east on College Walk from 116th Street, the Reference Room for hours, and loved to talk about HVerily Veritas passed the usual dozens of bul- it. But they ignored the reference books. How many CURIO COLUMBIANA letin boards, every one papered with posters knew of, let alone perused, the Cambridge Classical from several departments, institutes, cen- Dictionary? It was theirs to open. ohn Erskine, CC 1900, is best known as the founder of General Honors, the course that went on to ters, etc., every one advertising vari- How many fathomed the hours J become Literature Humanities. Erskine innovatively argued that classic texts could be read in transla- ous lectures, talks, panels, poured into that masterwork? tion and discussed by undergraduates. Less known is his 1934 novel Bachelor of Arts—the story of Alec etc. on global issues across How many imagined that Hamilton, who arrives at Columbia College immature and arrogant and leaves, four years later, a man. the globe. degree of devo- As a freshman, Hamilton is frustrated with college and takes his concerns to the respected Professor Pander away, V.V. tion? No—dilet- Woolsey, prompting the following exchange: muttered; he’d attend tantes, every- “What courses are you taking?” not one of those talks. He one, and not of “English and math.” wanted some goddamned the right sort. “Let’s stop there. What’s the matter with them?” rigor—too much to ask, “You deserve “They don’t get anywhere, sir. I’ve had a lot of English. But that’s all right—I’m used to it. I can perhaps, in 2013, in the it!” That’s what they—his write five hundred words an hour—that comes to only eight and a third words a minute. That ought to age of Twitter, in the age of peers—told one another, satisfy the Department, if you can believe what they say in the catalog. The math’s hard, but that’s all screens. But he wanted it. constantly. That’s what his right, too. I’ve always flunked math. I’m taking a lot of history—American.” (Screens! Big peers told one another, on “Not in freshman year,” contradicted Woolsey. “There’s a prerequisite for American History.” screens! Hand-held special occasions, e.g., on “I know, sir—I should have Contemporary Civilization first, but I wanted American History, screens! Screens through the fifth straight Thursday and nobody noticed the mistake till the Dean sent for me, and then it was the only course I was pass- which one sees the world, night they drank away ing, so he let me stay. I wish I had more of it, instead of this stuff in Contemporary Civilization.” and which got between one with jello shots. That’s what “Stuff, eh?” and the world in the process! they told one another when “Beg pardon. I suppose it’s all right, but I thought from the name it would be contemporary, Tahrir Square! #OWS!) they absconded to France for and now they say we can’t appreciate the present unless we take a glimpse at the past. This week we’re Spare him, reader. Spare a year to “figure things out.” just leaving ancient Egypt, on the way up to Greece.” him. For Christ’s sake, spare Instead, his fellows tweeted him. V.V. won’t be live-tweeting and re-tweeted. They liked this, that, In one of the final scenes in the novel, Alec, now a senior, watches his friend Tom raise serious business at a meet- your talk, thank you, kindly. and the other on Facebook: “Thirteen ing of their fraternity, Phi Phi Phi. Everyone is interdisciplinary, no one Reasons You Should Get Out of the Tom struggled on. “One last thing I want to speak of. Another danger to our reputation. I’ve is disciplined, your hero thought. There it was. God Library and Go Out”; “Nine Ways Life After College noticed a lot of you fellows say ‘frat’ instead of fraternity. The custom is spreading over the campus. help him. Were it only otherwise! But there was noth- Is Not Like College”; “Ten Simple Strategies For It began, I believe, among our enemies, the non-fraternity men. They wish to make us ridiculous. ing for it. a More Happy, Healthy, Productive, Meaningful, We shouldn’t give them comfort and aid.” Rigor. Decry it as deviant—Verily wanted, and Spiritual Life.” They checked into Butler Library on Now he had the crowd. There were murmurs of sympathy. deserved, an academic slap across the face—or some- FourSquare, but checked nothing out. “It makes me grit my teeth,” said Mitchell. “We’re frat men. We’re going around to the frat. thing along those lines. (One cheek, then the other.) Colloquium. Loquor—“I speak.” In an age of We join frats. It sounds midway between a rodent and a fish! Some of the profs speak of us as frats.” Some sort of scholastic cilice. Something other than digital dialogue, your anti-hero talked with everyone Alec made his one contribution of the evening. the rotten, self-esteemed self-indulgence he saw so and no one. “You refer to the professors?” many of his peers self-gratifying over. Booting up his MacBook Air, Verily Veritas But the question was not popular. This was serious business. (In an age when everyone flaunted unearned groaned. Christ, if his personal computer wasn’t “I move you,” said Tom, “that we pass a by law or something, making it a misdemeanor to A’s, your chevalier desired nothing other than a scar- the sexiest thing in his life. (And how fucking sad name ourselves by this disgraceful sound.” let C. Ah! But, try as he might, the absolute worst he was that, as impersonal as it was—as identical was it “Wouldn’t it be more effective,” asked Mitchell, “if we just made it the sense of the meeting? A could manage was the gentleman’s B+. His attempts was to the other seven MacBooks at his table in the conviction like this about something which is so intimate, and really affects our character, shouldn’t to dispute the farcical laxity of these marks to his pro- Reference Room.) be confined to a rule or regulation. I move that we just swear as brothers to break off this bad habit.” fessor were forever unanswered and misunderstood.) The tempora, the mores… There was nothing In the important thing, therefore, Tom had his way, and went back to the dormitories trium- He was a student. Student. Studior—“I am for it.w phant. Alec walked by his side, thoughtful.w devoted.” But who was devoted? Surely, they sat in

12 The Blue and White December 2013 13 CCTV CCTV

said that Public Safety is increasing its preventative not regularly or generally read emails. The Email measures to avoid active intrusion. "Our role is to Usage Policy, updated November 1, places authority They’re Watching (Out for You) protect, observe, and report." for direct surveillance in the OGC, which handles Where video surveillance is inadequate, Public legal matters: “For reasons relating to compliance, Increasing security and surveillance at Columbia Safety deploys plainclothes sergeants. These ser- security or legal proceedings (e.g., subpoenas) or geants stand in areas most targeted for theft or, in an emergency or in exceptional circumstances, By Naomi Cohen according to the Public Safety officer, record their the Office of the General Counsel may authorize the own videos at student rallies. reading, blocking or deletion of Data.” Data includes hree years ago, in the years before public scrutiny College Walk in 2003 and after 2006 when student One such sergeant, Branko Yurisak, has a personal records and emails and may eventually be of Facebook’s privacy policy and majority opin- and non-student protesters stormed the stage during T reputation for recording videos of Public Safety offi- transferred to Public Safety, Student Affairs, Human ion about the National Security Association soured, a a talk by Jim Gilchrist, the head of the Minutemen cers shirking duties while on the job. The Director Resources—or outside agencies. Columbia student posted a comment on his Facebook border vigilante group. of Morningside Operations used this footage to fire In the “exceptional or emergency circum- wall about Julian Assange. The comment was a joke Vice President of the Department of Public Public Safety officers who were supposedly under- stance” in which the OGC authorizes an intercep- about Gossip Girl. Non-political. Safety Jim McShane was hired months after the performing, according to several officers. Yurisak, tion, Flemming said that the Information Security In a matter of hours, the student received first protest and promoted months after the second; who declined requests for an interview, described his Office (ISO) is aware and involved in executing the a message from Columbia University Information throughout his tenure, he has increased the volume of job as "quality and integrity control"—a general func- action but has no exposure to content Technology (CUIT) in his Cubmail inbox. The mes- security cameras on campus by 50 percent. tion of all Public Safety supervisors. Neither CUIT nor Associate Vice President for sage strongly suggested that he take down the post. “I think it’s a wonderful device,” said McShane. e Media Relations Robert Hornsby, who represents the Words like “Julian Assange” attract unwanted atten- “I’ve worked very hard to increase [the number of Public Safety surveillance affects anyone on OGC, would comment on the frequency or content of tion. Heeding CUIT’s words of caution and took the cameras].” There are now almost 3,000 cameras Columbia property; Internet and data surveillance such authorizations. post down The student asked to remain anonymous. on Columbia property—rumored to be the highest affects anyone with a Columbia UNI or who uses the e As headlines shift students’ attention to federal concentration of security cameras in Manhattan. university network: that includes Wi-Fi and infor- Last year, when the Associated Press reported and transnational surveillance, it becomes easy to McShane declined to comment on the strategic place- mation resources such as university computers and that the NYPD spied on Columbia Muslim students, forget the potential for data mining and monitor- ment of cameras, but said that updated technologies servers. University President Lee Bollinger denied that the ing on Columbia’s own campus network. Columbia- now allow cameras to zoom in on high-resolution CUIT manages all routers, switches, and school knew or participated in the NYPD operations. provided Internet, email services, and physical secu- images that automatically show up on the central cabling for computers, TVs, and cell phones on cam- “We weren’t explicitly aware of it [the surveil- rity are set up to protect students outside threats. The office monitor when an associated building alarm pus, so it is privy to all information passing between lance],” said then-Muslim Students Association pres- university does this job well: according to the first goes off. these devices. Live information, including Internet ident Abdul Hanif, “but we were not surprised at the university-wide Quality of Life survey, students are According to a Public Safety officer, who asked browsing, connections between computers, and ille- same time.” After meeting with McShane and other more satisfied with safety than any other university to remain anonymous because of privacy stipulations gal downloading, can potentially be catalogued in top administrators to demand an explanation from service. in his contract, buildings under construction have the system, which also stores logs of ID swipes into administrators, Hanif said that the neutral response But the more security Columbia provides, the significantly more cameras than older ones. Another buildings, Social Security Numbers, and financial from McShane and superficial treatment of the issue more information it can access and use. As university member of Public Safety, who asked to remain anony- data. CUIT technologically capable to locate stu- led him to suspect that Public Safety was involved and policy amplifies monitoring, it also funnels access mous for job security, said that many have audio capa- dents through their phones’ Wi-Fi connection. may still be involved in surveillance. privileges to two of the most impenetrable organs bilities, adding that all campus phones are tapped. Because a student wouldn’t know if his or her According to McShane, the department is in on campus: the Office of the General Counsel and One skilled member of the tech crew that installed information was intercepted, examples of the Office contact with the 26th precinct—and Student Affairs— the senior management of the Department of Public the cameras now works for the State Department. of the General Counsel (OGC) or Public Safety exer- every day, conducts joint investigations, and holds “a Safety. After a protest-turned-scuffle two years ago, cising its privileges beyond catching theft and illegal very positive collaboration.” Almost all of the senior e Public Safety was told to alter its strategies. "The downloading are usually speculative. Several student management investigators in Public Safety are former The most effective determinants of security University wants Public Safety to move away from groups that organize to provoke the administration, NYPD investigators. McShane declined to comment policy are public scandals. Public Safety surveillance confrontational situations," said the Public Safety such as Occupy Columbia and activists organiz- on what situations merit Public Safety investiga- escalated after PETA protested animal testing on officer. In response to these demands, the officer ing against the Manhattanville expansion, said that tion or compliance. The NYPD is still processing a Public Safety in several cases appeared at protests Freedom of Information Law request regarding col- that weren’t advertised publicly but were only circu- laboration on surveillance of the Muslim community. lated through email. Some of the activists meet away The Department of Homeland Security is one from video cameras when sharing important informa- of the biggest sponsors of Public Safety projects, tion. As a rule, Students for Justice in Palestine does according to a Public Safety officer, such as the out- not use Lionmail for club correspondence. post on 119th and Amsterdam that guards traffic on According to Vice President and Chief Columbia’s street level. Immigration and Customs Information Officer Candace Flemming, CUIT does Enforcement also monitors Columbia international

14 Illustration by Leila Mgaloblishvili The Blue and White December 2013 15 CCTV CCTV students through the Student and Exchange Visitor and security researcher. As in any large IT infra- sentatives from all departments and schools, includ- Program (SEVIS) as a condition for the university structure—especially one with such diverse needs as ing Bhalodkar, and are soon after published online. hosting students from abroad. Columbia, as a certi- Columbia—bugs are inevitable. CUIT is not obligated to notify the school of any fied school, is obligated to report changes in student Leakage happens. In both 2007 and 2010, changes. information and events that could jeopardize stu- thousands of Columbia-affiliated Social Security No University policy represents a contract, dents’ visa status. As a high-profile, globally-focused, Numbers were leaked. At the Chaos Communication according to the Essential Policies website. “What elite university, Columbia attracts non-OGC intel- Conference in 2010, German hackers presented how the University is saying is, ‘Trust us,’ and the reader ligence gatherers that hold enough authority to to reprogram and extract data from the same type of gets to pick,” said Columbia law professor Eben demand the information directly. smart card as the Columbia ID. Moglen, who is on leave to lead a lecture series enti- CUIT’s occasional use of cloud services raises The CNet kiosk computers installed around tled Snowden and the Future. Because Columbia is a additional privacy concerns. At the end of 2012, campus are also infrequently updated with security non-profit, it “basically sustains no regulation of any Lionmail moved onto Google's GMail infrastructure, patches, which means any bugs CUIT doesn’t rec- kind” except for peremptory control in the New York which means disclosure of information to US courts ognize could give hackers administrative access. State courts, which is rare. CUIT follows the OGC’s or other forms of government requests and surveil- The kiosks use sizeable pieces of software like command, which largely responds to the university lance depends on the discretion and security model LibreOffice, Firefox, and XFCE which provide a president and the Trustees: “their opinion is, for most of Google, not only those of Columbia. large vulnerable target that security specialists and purposes, final,” said Moglen. versity use of data can still opt to protect their infor- The Federal Bureau of Investigations only has hackers can potentially exploit. e mation from third parties. The Family Educational to file with a judge for a search warrant, which Bellovin said that, while CUIT works to stay Students have so many points of contact with Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) protects education- requires more specifics; request metadata, which ahead of hackers with amateur-to-moderate skill the University, be they on or off Columbia property, al, personally identifiable, and directory information; is tougher to decline legally; or use CIPAV, a spy- level—he listed teens, virus writers, and disgruntled that they cannot avoid all video surveillance or poten- the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability ware tool that is authorized with the approval of the employees—they likely do not have the capability to tial interception of data. Even if Students for Justice Act of 1996 (HIPAA) protects medical information; Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court. The OGC catch “advanced persistent threats” (APTs). The term for Palestine avoid Lionmail, their rallies still require and the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act (GLBA) protects can only decline requests for information from any commonly refers to government espionage agencies event reviews that mandate Public Safety presence. financial information. Once a student requests these agency on legal terms. that employ skilled hackers who can avoid almost all CUIT does offer a few services that can be protections, CUIT cannot disclose the relevant infor- e detection. used “not as sore point, but as a shield,” according mation to a third party without prior permission from While politically-oriented groups may be sus- “It is certainly possible that foreign govern- to Moglen. An easy tool: kiosk computers, which are the student. picious of attentive eyes, Public Safety views itself as ments are trying to hack into Columbia University, used by multiple people without requiring log-ins, e a watchful parent. Another Public Safety officer, who either because they want [...] some technical informa- make it difficult for CUIT to locate individual student “One of the things that is true in living in a also asked to remain anonymous for job security, tion, or because they want to keep tab on their nation- activity. To remain incognito, the kiosk user must not surveillance society is there is no department of sur- reported that, since the Minutemen protests, “any als,” said Bellovin. “I haven’t heard of such things, log into any university accounts and should choose a veillance,” Moglen said. “Surveillance becomes a way protest or rallies has plainclothes officers to keep but the repeated suggestion is that certain govern- kiosk out of sight of cameras and with physical access that everything works, and because everything works outsiders who may come inside and try to interrupt ments are doing this thing for economic espionage.” not impaired by an ID card swipe. a little differently, it works differently everywhere what is going on.” The bigger and more controversial e For the more advanced: CUIT supplies “shell those things are.” the event, the more officers are present. Requests for Much like a spike in thefts that prompted Public access” to a Unix system it operates called CUNIX When presented with the choice between secu- student privacy in spaces like dorms and libraries Safety to email Columbia with safety protocols last via the heavily encrypted and secure SSH protocol. rity and privacy, CUIT listens to the lawyers of the tend to be respected: video cameras are only installed month, growing concerns over data security prompt- Such access allows users to securely tunnel Internet OGC; Public Safety follows the command of NYPD at the entrances, though Resident Advisors and secu- ed CUIT to advertise safety protocols all semes- traffic through Columbia's network. For example, a veterans. Neither is infallible: CUIT is constantly rity guards are expected to report certain sightings ter. In October and November, CUIT updated its student studying abroad in a country with Internet catching up with its own system, and Public Safety and activities. entire policy library, which now “formalizes the risk censorship could connect to the Internet securely is constantly testing and purging its own staff. Both CUIT is much the same. “They don’t re-gar- management program which we have launched, and through CUNIX. also rely on a strong relationship of trust with the nish their mission to protect individual students’ defines the controls required to mitigate [data inse- To anonymize all Internet traffic, students student body. privacy on their own computers,” said Internet secu- curity]," said Medha Bhalodkar, Chief Information may use Tor, a system originally developed by the The more places these departments can access, rity specialist and computer science professor Steven Security Officer. US Naval Research Laboratory that hides users' IP the greater their monopoly of student data, and Bellovin. CUIT’s job is to make the the university’s The new policies clarify terms, consolidate addresses. To encrypt emails and attachments, stu- the more effectively they can do their jobs—and the computers and networks secure. guidelines from previous policies and from the medi- dents can use Pretty Good Privacy (PGP) via the free jobs of others. Unless students learn encryption Despite adaptive policies and routine monitor- cal campus, and, based off of research and discus- open source GNU Privacy Guard (GPG). Encryption and dodge university services whenever they can, ing for compromised data and unauthorized access, sions this summer, establish rules that facilitate even services tend to demand a certain level of proficiency, all they can do is evaluate. The student whose casu- the Information Security Office will never be able more consistent and effective monitoring. All policy but they currently offer the best way to keep personal al reference to Julian Assange on Facebook may to secure the system entirely. “Everything is bro- changes must be approved by the Administrative information private. accept Columbia’s watchful intervention as friendly. ken and old and crusty,” said a Columbia alumnus Policy Advisory Council, which consists of repre- Students less concerned about hackers and uni- Assange might not.w

16 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustration by Leila Mgaloblishvili 17 DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK

resources to help students through this ruthless “Where did you go for undergrad?” Professor application process. “We have a staff of full time advi- Reichman asked me as we chatted, pre-interview. Postbac to the Future sors, study groups, academic tutors, MCAT prep, and “I’m eighteen,” I replied. even some linkage programs that allow students early According to Dean Rosner, in a typical Gen The students who are changing the chemistry in pre-med classes placement into selected medical schools,” Rosner Chem class about 25 percent of students are post- listed. These opportunities result in nearly 90 per- bacs. “I would think that young undergraduates By Channing Prend cent of Columbia postbacs being accepted into medi- perceive them as role models,” Rosner said. (Asked cal school upon first application. to comment on the postbacs however, the prevailing uck no. I would probably be failing all my General Studies’ Postbaccalaureate Premedical This statistic, however, doesn’t always com- response among freshmen in my class was: “The classes if I acted like I did as an undergrad!” Program. “F fort. “I’m trying not to think that far ahead,” Karron what?”) Sarah Karron, GS ’15, exclaimed. “When I was in The program was founded in 1955 and cur- stated. “Right now I just need to make sure I don’t fail Most postbac students are similarly uninter- college, I went out at least four nights a week.” rently enrolls more than 350 students. Eligible all my classes.” ested in their younger classmates. “I didn’t come here I first met Karron at Professor David Reichman’s applicants, according to the program’s website, are Postbacs share many of the same goals and to make friends with a bunch of immature freshmen,” Gen Chem office hours. She seemed aggressive, and I “college graduates who have taken few or none of values. “Students in the program feel an immense Hart told me. avoided making eye contact with her at all costs. the basic science requirements needed to apply to amount of camaraderie,” Rosner declared. “I don’t give a fuck what they think of me,” “Will we be expected to know this for the mid- medical school.” Postbac students come from a wide For many, these relationships are confined to Karron professed. “They’re all a bunch of little shits.” term?” “Does this principle extend to polar covalent range of academic backgrounds, including English, the classroom though. “We see each other in office (When I informed her that I am a freshman, she held bonds?” “Do we need to be comfortable applying this psychology, law, political science, and finance. For hours and at study groups,” Hart stated. “But the fast: “I stand by my comment.”) model to heteronuclear diatomic molecules?” most, coming to Columbia marks a change in profes- foundation of these friendships is essentially doing For the few underclassmen that were aware of She, and the other students in the room, inter- sional identity. work… and bitching about classes.” the program’s existence, their view was hardly one rogated Professor Reichman. I recognized them as “I originally wanted to become an attorney.” “I think there was some sort of postbac of admiration. “It’s not really that fair. They’re only the overachievers who frequent the front row of lec- Sinclaire explained. “Let’s just say that after a few Halloween party recently,” Andrew Proto, GS ’15, taking two classes, so they have more time to devote ture and stay after class every day to ask questions. years working in a public defender’s office, I real- noted. However, no one that I spoke with actually to Chem,” stated Tatini Mal-Sarkar, CC ’17. “I don’t Furthermore, they all appeared to be upperclassmen. ized that the lawyer-client relationship isn’t the most went. (“I don’t have time for that,” Proto said) really care except that they screw up the curve.” I was wholly aware of my inferiority. direct way to help people.” However, there does seem to be a common These two groups, though they share About a month into the semester, Karron and Since postbacs previously attended a four-year culture that surrounds studying and overachieving. Havemeyer 309, are inherently different. “The post- her cohort accepted me as a constant fixture in office undergraduate institution, they have no illusions This characteristic attitude often makes it easy to bacs really capitalize on the resources available to hours. One day, I was deemed worthy enough to war- about this being an exhaustive college experience. determine which students are in the program. them,” Professor Reichman said. “But many of them rant pre-class small talk. “We’re not here to have fun.” Steph Hart, GS ’15, “Basically, if you come to office hours, I assume have been out of school for years. They don’t have an “Are you a freshman?” Elizabeth Sinclaire, GS remarked. “I think most of us treat this as a job.” you’re a postbac,” Matt Mayers, my Chemistry TA, immediate grasp of the material, like a freshman who ’15, asked. The postbacs are motivated by a very specific told me. “Unless you look blatantly prepubescent.” took AP Chem last year.” “Yeah … what about you?” I stammered. goal: medical school. For this reason, very many take (He said this while staring right at me.) To make up for this discrepancy, postbacs “I’m a postbac,” she replied. I nodded, not advantage of resources like office hours. “I gave up Classification is not always so simple, though. will continue to overachieve in Gen Chem classes wanting to reveal my ignorance. Through a sub- my entire career to be here.” Clara Choi, GS ’15, The average age of a student in the program is throughout Columbia. “It’s never too late to pur- sequent Google search, I learned of the School of stated. “So obviously I’m taking my academics more twenty-seven, so many of the younger postbacs are sue something you’re passionate about,” Proto seriously than I did as an undergrad.” not visibly distinguishable from the rest of the under- exclaimed. “Oh God, that sounded so cliché. But it’s “Members of the postbac community graduate population. actually true!”w are bound by a shared and deep commit- ment to academic excellence,” said Victoria Rosner, Associate Dean of the Postbac Interested in writing or illustrating for Program. The Blue and White? Choi put it more bluntly, “We’re all trying to get good grades.” WE WANT YOU! With acceptance rates as low as 2.1 percent for the top medical schools, its not surprising that postbacs are so concerned Drop by our weekly meeting Tuesdays at 9 p.m. with their academics. “Med school admis- in the basement of St. Paul’s Chapel. sions is less holistic than undergrad,” Hart commented. “GPA and MCAT scores are Or, email [email protected]. some of the most important factors.” The postbac program has many

18 Illustration by Anne Scotti The Blue and White December 2013 19 SINGING PRAISE LERNER BETTER Speaker Series Architectural Indigestion Coming undone at the Cloisters Students stop expecting space in their student center By Naomi Sharp By Daniel Stone and Sean Augustine-Obi whether you move, the piece sounds dif- o one really likes Lerner Hall; the building’s far,” said Daphne Chen, CC ’14 and president of ferently each time you hear it. Cardiff Ncold plexiglass facade doesn’t inspire fondness. CCSC. took a piece that has echoed off the walls Unfortunately, Lerner is the only building on campus A later editorial suggested that students form of chapels for centuries, and made it new. that every student must enter with some regularity. an undergraduate committee to more clearly define Each singer was individually mic’d It contains the sustenance of student life: mail and community and discuss the misallocation of space. during the recording session. The forty package pickup, event space, student services, and In an interview, Scott Wright, Vice President speakers in the exhibit correspond to a dining hall ensures a steady stream of students in of Student Services, advocated an increase in “open the forty individual singers in the choir. and out of the building. (Admissions materials give space”—space that is not reservable for events and Standing next to one speaker, you hear the building the hard sell.) But students’ regular has no glass partition separating it from the rest of an isolated voice. Step to the speaker next awkward encounters with the space have engendered the building. Wright found that in order to implement to it and you hear another. Move toward a collective rejection of the building, and the sense these sweeping changes, multiple spaces including ranscendent” was how one visitor to the the center of the oval of speakers, and you that the building is an obstacle to be worked around. the package center would need to be vacated, which “TCloisters, quoted in the New York Times, hear the entire choir singing. Recently, much has been written about would inconvenience most if not all undergraduates described “The Forty Part Motet.” Other publica- “The Forty Part Motet” is the first work of space-related issues at Columbia. In November, the who receive mail during the school year. As a result, tions were similarly affected, characterizing the contemporary art ever exhibited at the Cloisters. The Spectator published a two-part article in which they the changes would have to be completed during the sound piece as “haunting” and “achingly beauti- sound installation, created by Canadian artist Janet interviewed deans, members of the student councils, summer. Without a detailed proposal, however, it is ful.” Cardiff, found a temporary home in the Fuentidueña and the president of the Student Wellness Project. difficult to estimate the costs of the aforementioned The recording starts with muffled voices. Then Chapel, to commemorate the Cloisters’ 75th anni- It searched for sources of disillusionment about the renovations. Nevertheless, Wright hopes to make a breath, a cough, a rustle, a quiet laugh. It seems versary. perceived lack of community space on campus. his ideal into a reality over the summers of 2014 and at first like the sounds are coming from the people Cardiff chose a 16th century a cappella choral The student council presidents there shared 2015. circling the oval of speakers, but the muted chatter piece, Spem in alium numquam habui (“In No Other their views on the space problem. “If we cannot The discussion about problems of space on comes from the speakers themselves. After a few Is My Hope”), by Thomas Tallis, a Tudor composer. increase the space we have, maybe using the space campus has been characterized as being more of an minutes, a voice in the background says, “We’ll go Tallis wrote the piece for forty singers, giving each of better,” is the best alternative, said Siddhant Bhatt, issue of perception than actual substance. However, through it one more time, really go for it, and then them a slightly different part. In the exhibit, a record- SEAS ’14 and president of ESC. “It’s so hard to have a pattern has emerged whereby formerly student-run we’ll take a little breather.” Then silence, before one ing of the eleven-minute piece plays straight through. one place to be students together. A lot of community spaces have been repurposed for administrative func- person begins to sing. Nothing altered, no special effects, no accompa- can be found just by creating spaces to mingle. We tions. For example, on Lerner’s 5th floor, now home Heads swivel towards the sound. Or some do— niment—just bass baritone, tenor, alto, and child see Lerner as a place that hasn’t been doing that so of the Offices of Student Development, Residential other listeners stand still, eyes closed, through the soprano. The piece sounds pretty much the same as it Programs, and Multicultural Affairs, eleven-minute piece. A few people lie down under the might have 500 years ago. only a few rooms can be regularly crucifix hanging from the ceiling, as though stargaz- Technology doesn’t replicate the energy of reserved by students on Lerner’s ing. Couples gravitate towards each other, holding a live, human performance. But a live performance website. On the website, rooms 568, hands, and parents scoop up their toddlers. A couple has limitations too. Some things are socially unac- 569, 570, 572, 573, in addition of older women wipe tears from their eyes. Some ceptable: you wouldn’t jump onstage to feel the to the Satow Room and Black Box people stay rooted in place; others drift from speaker hum of an amp with your fingers or hover over some Theatre, are designated as reserv- to speaker. It’s a little like watching a familiar scene unlucky singer. By replacing the people with speak- able space through University Events from underwater. Everything moves slowly. ers, which are even about the height of an average Management for student group meet- More voices pick up and harmonize, weaving in person, Cardiff offered listeners the chance to hear ings and performances. and out of the piece. It’s beautiful music. Hearing the the piece from over a singer’s shoulder. To listen Yet the floor plan shows only sound swell to fill the small chapel would be moving from the place a chorister would, or as a conductor. rooms 505 (the Student Government on its own. But hearing a single voice pierce through That was the heart of the exhibit for me, why it was so Office) and 510 as a “Student Group the chorus, as if singing into your ear, is deeply pow- good. Technology didn’t erase the human element; it Resource Area.” For groups that reg- erful. reminded everyone of it.w ularly used this space, such as Jester, Depending on where and how you stand, on The Federalist, and The Columbian,

20 Illustration by Angel Jiang The Blue and White December 2013 Illustration by Alexander Pines 21 LERNER BETTER LERNER BETTER a recent move to renovate the SGO into more admin- must be undertaken. outsiders as actual students. Although a portion of istrative office space has displaced them, forcing the Student Life Fee—$62 per student—goes toward these clubs’ presidents to clean out their archives A brief history of student centers at Columbia the building’s upkeep and debt service—it still needs from what was seen as a permanent storage space to maintain itself financially by renting out space to to personal locations. In a building which once had Before Lerner, Ferris Booth Hall was third parties during business hours. Harrison sees several rooms dedicated to specific student groups, Columbia’s student center. From 1927 until the an upside to this. For one thing, it breaks the illusion the SGO was the last staple of continuity that per- building’s completion in 1960, student groups pri- that Columbia exists within a bubble. More practi- sisted regardless of leadership changes or reservation marily occupied the cramped fourth floor of John Jay cally, “the fact that Lerner is a conference center issues with UEM. Hall. FBH’s opening was greeted with hope. “For the lets Student Services work directly to the benefit of The alleged war over space has led some to first time,” the Spectator announced, “activities are students.” declare that after the Business School eventually not merely tenants in a University structure designed moves to its new Manhattanville location, Uris Hall for another purpose. They are located in a building Students attempted in vain to carve out space in will be the next battleground for claims to space at designed especially for them.” Lerner Morningside. In an interview, University Senators The editorial board went so far as to announce Matthew Chou and Akshay Shah downplayed the that the new building signified “a new era in Students have tried to influence the operation level of discussion about Uris. An annual report Columbia history.” But three decades later, senti- of their allocated space through student government issued by the Campus Planning and Preservation ment about FBH sobered. Roger Lehecka, CC ’67, since the closure of Ferris Booth Hall in 1995. Committee implies that administrators would real- and Dean of Students at the time of Lerner’s concep- As soon as student groups relocated from locate vacated Uris space based on the ad hoc needs tion, explained to the Spectator, “[t]he expansion of Ferris to the Lion’s Court, a temporary tin shed on of students, rather than the undergraduate student the Van Am quad, discussion about the impact of the servicing long term claims. body and the popularity of new building on student life began. In the spring of Given that the B-school’s The student center often on-campus residence ha[d] The ramps were, surprisingly, meant to provide space 1999, the semester preceding Lerner’s opening, the building at Manhattanville rendered [FBH] inade- for organic interaction—to simulate the effect of Activities Board of Columbia (ABC) was responsible has yet to be funded, the contains as many outsiders quate for students’ needs.” the Low steps. The mailboxes that line the ramps, for allocating space to student groups on the fourth senators believed that the as actual students. Lerner’s construc- moved there from dormitories, were meant to attract and fifth floors of Lerner Hall. “conversations would only tion accompanied a shift in all students to a single place. The final major battleground in Lerner Hall Yet, as Daniel Immerwahr, CC ’02, noted in begin when construction the university’s ideology in was the sixth floor. In September 2002, theSpectator does.” the nineties, marked by the tenure of then-University the pages of this magazine during the early years of described the floor as “empty—sparing boxes piled on Focusing instead on campus discourse about President George Rupp. Lehecka says that through Lerner ("Understanding Lerner Hall," May 2001), the concrete floor and light bulbs casually tossed over currently available space, Chou and Shah praised the 20th century, institutional emphasis shifted from “we must remember that Tschumi was contracted piping—since the building’s opening in fall 2000.” the efforts of the Student Space Initiative, a project the college to the university. to building a student center, not a vanity project.” That spring, CCSC passed an ambitious proposal for begun in 2011 that qualitatively surveyed students “Rupp was the first president in the 20th centu- His theoretical plans largely fell flat. Most notably, the sixth floor of Lerner, requesting that the space be from five schools about their opinions on the avail- ry to say that it was a mistake not to have the college at the shift from post to email seriously undermined opened to student use. ability and quality of space. By incorporating their the center of things,” and “what became Lerner Hall Tschumi’s scheme for the building. In the opinion of Matthew Harrison, CC ’05, findings with those of the recently conducted Quality came from the conviction on his part that the whole Lerner aspires to be Columbia’s student cen- who wrote his senior thesis on the building and of Life survey, the two senators hope to create a more ship had to be turned,” said Lehecka. With Alfred ter, but who would consider it purely such? Students worked in Student Services for a number of years detailed picture of the space situation on campus. Lerner’s donation of $25 million secured in 1995, have little business with the administrative offices after graduation, “it was a proposal that is written What’s next for space at Columbia? Will new construction finally began on the new student center. that occupy much of the building. Today, less than in terms of indignation and need with no sense of administrators and offices keep pushing students half of the original student group space, largely the broader politics behind space.” Harrison was relegated to the SGO on the fifth floor of Lerner, out of Lerner? Or will renovations that incorporate The disconnect between Lerner’s intentions and its unsurprised when the proposal, which received wide remains open to students. student input manage to create a reasonably pleas- structural reality support from students, fell on deaf ears. Three years ant space for students to gather, as Scott Wright Because rooms in Lerner can be rented by the later, the sixth floor was renovated for the office of the insists? Perhaps the most idealistic conception of Bernard Tschumi, dean of Columbia’s School public, the student center often contains as many Dean of Student Affairs.w space is the University Forum on the Manhattanville of Architecture, was selected as the new building’s campus, where undergrads and graduate students of architect in 1994. He is responsible for Lerner’s ulti- all schools would interact, rather than compete over mate physical scheme. space, as in the Watson Library. While the direction In the book Glass Ramps/Glass Wall, Tschumi of the space discussion remains unclear, administra- wrote that “the needs and dynamics of student life tors seem to be aware that there is in fact a problem— had far outpaced [FBH’s] spaces and conceptual now the onus is on students to delineate what changes design”; the new design was intended to correct this.

22 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustration by Alexander Pines 23 POACHING WOLVERINES POACHING WOLVERINES

President Bollinger arrived at Columbia in 2002 and brought a team of administrators with him from the University of Michigan. One of them, Robert Kasdin, is PrezBo’s right hand man, Senior Executive Vice President. Under Kasdin, several other execu- tive vice presidents and central administrators toil, who Bollinger recruited while at Michigan.

The timelines illustrate “Bollinger’s people”: above each’s timeline is their position at UMich. Below it is their job here.

Centerfold by Katharine Lin and Tamsin Partiger

24 The Blue and White December 2013 25 ARRAIGNED ARRAIGNED

down to mandatory treatment and probation. The with forceful touch- judge went through the formalities—she was required ing and statutory Night Court by law to make sure he knew what he was doing. First rape. charge: trespassing. He hesitated, but admitted, yes, It looked like Justice in the city that never sleeps he had been trespassing. And, yes, on those few occa- a simple case. The sions, he had some heroin on him. But, on the final state said he had By Luca Marzorati charge, for drug possession, he balked—there were slapped her twice. needles in his bag—it was only residue, it wasn’t his. She was a fam- Because defendants can be arraigned at any point 22 year-old Hispanic male, charged with attempted The judge didn’t have time for nuance. Residue is ily friend, much within 48 hours of their arrest, the court is open robbery and assault in the third degree. enough for a guilty verdict. “You either had heroin, or younger than he He’d had a long day. Fifteen hours ago, he’d every day of the year, with up to 17 hours of arraign- you didn’t,” she said. He wouldn’t confess. The judge was. The defense swung by a friend’s house to pick up a DVD. He ments punctuated only by the judge’s dinner break. barked out a trial date. The bailiffs led him back to said it was more stopped in a bodega to get a bag of cigarette tobacco. Arraignments are over in a flash, ending with a jail, shaking his head. complicated. She The cashier told him that the store didn’t have loose (usually) court-appointed defense lawyer exchanging Despite the nonchalance of the court employ- had stolen mul- tobacco. The man became angry, reached behind paperwork with a rookie prosecutor. ees, defendants take advantage of their day in tiple items from his the counter, and grabbed at the register. The cashier The two dozen professionals working here the spotlight. A hospitalized man in a wheelchair house. He went to pulled out a hammer and struck him in the head—his have seen it all. Nothing fazes them. A clerk pulled me (accused of slicing a fellow patient in the face with the cops, they used his Find My iPhone and showed face is now caked with dried blood. This morning, aside one night, and told me as much: there had been scissors) seemed to sleep through his arraignment. up at her door. It looked resolved. Only then, the he sat for an hour in the first row of the courthouse suicides, babies born behind bars, defendants trying That is, until the judge set bail at $5,000, at which defense says, did she file the charges, telling the cops gallery of 100 Centre Street, to flee. He gets the autographs of point he cursed her out until he was wheeled away. that he slapped her. The state didn’t seem to know hands cuffed tight, head down. the celebrities who pass through: An older man listened nonchalantly to an inter- any of this. The judge asked them for a reply—they This was his second trip down- Dominique Strauss-Khan, 50 Cent. preter tell him that he’d been charged with unlaw- shuffled some documents, came back with nothing. town in two weeks. Ten days A lawyer for the city skims TIME ful possession of ammunition while spending time The judge was going on his word against hers—the ago, he caught a petty larceny, in between appearances; Magazine in New York. He grinned and bounded out of the elusive judgment call. She hedged her bets: set a his first offense, a light punish- public defense lawyers, their sala- courtroom after being released without bail—it was restraining order against him, but he was released ment. Now, he was looking at a ries a fraction of their private sector unlikely he’d be back. on his own recognizance. After waiting in custody all felony. The fight was on video. counterparts, grow out their beards A man with four domestic violence-related con- day, missing work, he’d have to come back for trial. He didn’t even bother running in defiance. Everything in this room victions didn’t go down so easily. Accused of pushing Judges play a crucial role at night court. from the bodega. He thought feels performative. The lawyers hud- a 5 year-old and taking a video game the child was Because the state only has a brief description of the cops would arrest the dle around a few desks on either side holding, he repeatedly screamed, “I just wanted my the facts of the case—the location of the crime, the cashier. Indictment and convic- of the room between cases—defense property! Please! Your Honor!” charges, the arresting officer—it becomes the judge’s tion means up to four years in on the left, prosecutors on the right— A defendant accused of harassing his mother responsibility to imagine the narrative. The cops and prison. It had been a rough ten looking over documents and banter- by slipping a photograph of a dead bird under her defense attorneys openly acknowledge the strengths days. ing. Only when the bailiff calls a case door began raising his hand after he was told not to and weaknesses of different adjudicators (New York e do they play the lawyer, deadening blurt out. Criminal Court judges rotate on the night shift). Due You notice the coats first. their visage and donning a jacket. At A heavyset man who pled guilty to putting to the bureaucratic nature of arraignments, judges The steady parade of defen- any time, half the people in the room his foot up on a rarely have to make true legal decisions: a defense dants marched into New York are police: NYPD, New York Courts, bus seat stuck lawyer requesting a ruling (meaning Criminal Court dressed in Department of Homeless Services. nunc pro tunc around to watch, the defendant’s day spent in custody would count faded, puffy coats, too heavy for the early fall. Many Everyone is packing heat. Some of the defendants seemingly having for her day-long sentence) went as far to question of them were picked up in the early hours of the morn- plead guilty. Many are “ROR’d”—released on their nothing better to the judge’s understanding of the legal loophole. The ing, in subways, buses, or off the street. They bear own recognizance. do with his time request was denied. At 1 a.m., order trumps law. the marks of urban poverty: few family or community e than watch peo- e ties, no money or home address, and rap sheets rife Middle-aged Hispanic male, charged with multiple ple whose fates with petty crimes—trespassing, shoplifting, unlawful Hispanic man, 35 years old, charged with attempted counts of possession of a controlled substance and one were worse than solicitation. rape of a woman running with her baby in a stroller count of trespassing. his. This is night court. A few courtrooms at He was about to walk out a free man. He’d in Fort Tryon Park. e He wore an orange hoodie, and looked like 100 Centre Street, the hub of criminal-justice in missed a few court dates—he was sick; he had memory Black man, mid- he’d already been convicted. He’d just arrived in Manhattan, stay open late. Night court is not for loss; his grandfather died; he had to go to Puerto Rico 40s, no criminal New York. After the NYPD released his name and trials, but arraignments—the formal proceeding at to arrange the funeral. But now, he was going to set- record, charged a photograph, he was picked up at a mall in Bergen which the defendant is informed of his charges. tle it all with a few guilty pleas—maybe get it knocked

26 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustrations by Zane Bhansali 27 ARRAIGNED FICTION

County—New Jersey—in early October. Now, he kept pride in moving through many cases rapidly—by my his face down. The question was, why had it taken him count, one magistrate racked three convictions in a month to be arraigned? The defense argued that he less than a minute. It was impossible to predict what Wilson was held in custody for an unnecessarily long time, the defendants, assembled in the bullpen theatre, had exempting him from bail. The judge flipped through allegedly done. In which Andrew and Wilson settle in her case documents. The prosecutors flipped furi- Late one night, I noticed a man with a fair com- ously through theirs—they couldn’t come up with an plexion, seemingly waiting. It was only when he heard By Torsten Odland answer. The judge suggested that the prosecutors get a specific name and docket number that he rose to This is the third installment of “Wilson”—a novella attempt. The first two chapters can be accessed at the Bergen County cops involved on the phone; she his feet, revealing a camera and a microphone. At the theblueandwhite.org in the Orientation and November 2013 issues. thought they might know what was going on. It was same time, a well-dressed Asian man took the stand ndrew couldn’t imagine why Wilson would want They smoked, played 2K Basketball, went out 1 a.m. No one was picking up the phone. The judge for the people, replacing a string of young prosecu- Ato have a girlfriend. He was intolerant of the idea, to buy forties, and returned to their seats in front went with her gut. The state had a strong case. He’d tors. This was different. and found Wilson’s romantic schemes increasingly of the Xbox, sipping luxuriously on their malt. Joe have to wait until morning. e frustrating. What could he think he was missing? As was a genuine gamer and swept Andrew and Wilson e 16 year-old black teenager, much as Andrew belabored the point, Wilson seemed in every round. Though he colored it with an ironic After a while, I became charged with two counts of unable to perceive the inherent incompatibility of his tone, he was an irrepressible pedant and liked to attuned to the composition of attempted murder, assault, stated goals: “You tell me every three days that you lecture the two of them after each game: “I want you the crowd. Women—mothers, reckless endangerment and have no time, you don’t want to get B’s, you want to to understand why I won”; “Don’t take the three sisters, wives, girlfriends— criminal possession of a weap- chill with the Chill Team. How are you going to fit a unless you know it’s for real”; “You get so worked up, waited for hours for their on. girlfriend into that?” Andrew—your dudes are flailing. Relax. The joystick loved ones’ case to be called. The cops got him this “I think I just need to break up with you.” is like a clitoris; you need a gentle touch.” Eventually Because communication morning. The state accused “Either the relationship will suck and it won’t Greg, wearing his perpetually backwards hat (a between defendants and spec- him of shooting a .22 caliber be worth it, or—and I think this is more salient—you bizarre combination with his aristocratic cheeks), tators is not allowed, women handgun into a crowd of ice will drive yourself crazy trying to hold everything returned with Shelly and a bottle of wine, which occa- slipped notes to the defense skaters at Bryant Park. He together. Unsustainable.” sioned another bowl. attorneys, or mimed an eat- wanted to steal a 20 year-old’s Sometimes Andrew wondered if he was sup- Wilson fiddled with the music cue, converting ing motion to their down- coat. He was rebuffed, came posed to want a girlfriend too, but he shook off the it to Rick Ross, while the other four sat across from trodden devotees. Children back, and shot eight times. A feeling, as he did the other speculative worries—wor- each other on high-lofted twin beds. Andrew was looked tired. Having family in few bullets hit their target. ries about worries—he was full of. filled with some lighter-than-air gas, drifting from the crowd helps the defense A few missed. A 14 year-old Every now and then, usually while fried, the shivering, purple AnCo poster to the laughing attorney stress “family ties”: bystander was hit in the back. Andrew would re-deduce the proof, toy with it while faces across the room, sweet and slothy, there’s no I in visible support bodes well for He chronicled his high-profile he lay in bed, and again it would emerge sound and Chill Teeeam, he thought, oh my god. the defendant. A string of indi- criminal debut on Facebook, clear: he was happy. There was enough evidence, Shelly, whose ponytail bounced whenever she gent men, convicted of unlaw- said he was bringing an “amp” anyway, that he was satisfied, especially since they’d opened her mouth, extended everyone an invitation ful solicitation on the subway, (gun) to the park. The cops begun hanging with Greg, Anna, Joe, and Shelly, who to a frat party she’d heard about. “Absolutely not,” crammed in the back row and showed up at his apartment in Wilson referred to affectionately as “the Chill Team,” Wilson interrupted from Joe’s desk. They went over chatted loudly until they were the Bronx. Holed up inside, he in reference to all the weed they smoked. What else the (imagined) guest list, the pros and cons—“No”— kicked out. continued to post: “FEDS AT MY DOOR IM GOIN was there to say? the consensus was slowly turning into a “What the Sometimes, bit players in the legal dramas OUT WITH A BANG!!!!!!! TAKE MY SOUL.” A Thursday night was typical. Wilson invaded hell?” shrug, especially once Joe (who had been dying show up. A young woman changed her mind hours witness identified him. He had a criminal record. Andrew’s room around seven, obsessively intent on for just this opportunity) sweetened the deal by offer- after filing a domestic violence report against her The defense attorney’s only argument against a high showing him the “most important” Rick Ross songs— ing to roll a blunt—“Absolutely not. We’re not that boyfriend. She came into court, only to be told by the bail was that he had yet to miss a court date. He was part of Andrew’s ongoing, hermeneutic, involuntary kind of people.” judge that she could not so quickly recant. The judge remanded without bail. “Rap Education.” He might have continued for an “Not what kind of people? It’s the Asian frat, adopted the tone of a frustrated parent: “We can’t I wondered whether Dunton noticed the coats hour, had Andrew not reminded him that they’d been bro. That’s fucked up.” decide this right here with everyone. Not at 11:15 of the defendants around him. Perhaps their crimes invited to a “VIP smoke-out” in Joe’s room. Wilson balled his fist. p.m. in a courtroom.” She went through with the were once motivated by foolish teenage pride. But They walked through cold, moonlight cam- Once they met Anna, got to the brownstone, order of protection, telling the complainant to leave today, their coats were falling apart—the leaves were pus to Carman and bounded up the stairs, while wove their way through the smokers on the stoop, the courtroom immediately. changing, and at least arrest got them out of the cold. Andrew mulled cheerfully over the fact that Joe never and pled their case to the large-fisted bouncer with e According to police, the coat that Dunton wanted demanded reimbursement—he could simply afford to no personality, there was nowhere left to go. Every I began to notice subtle, nightly changes in was $680, yellow-and-green. How long until it would be generous. Opening his door with a grin, Joe nod- orange hallway and room open to the public was the courtroom dynamic. Some judges took great have faded?w ded to them—“Gentlemen.” crammed with men and women using all the available

28 Illustration by Zane Bhansali The Blue and White December 2013 29 FICTION FICTION oxygen. Wilson had only come to prove that the whole “And they were like flies?” account.” “She sounds like she needs help. I’m sorry.” thing was a bad idea. “You’re not engaging with me in a serious He shrugged sheepishly. “No judgment. One “She–I mean, there was nothing like this on “These boys aren’t even going to bat an eye at way,” Wilson prodded his temple with his fingertips. love.” Thursday?” Andrew cocked his head. us. We forgot to put on our low-cut black dresses,” he “All these women fell in love with my energy.” Wilson had to go, so Andrew finished his cof- “And then,” Wilson nodded, “The people whined. He gestured to a girl two inches away. “Look After making out in the hallway, Rebecca fee alone, taking a wandering look at the wooden around us at the other tables started laughing at me, at this shit!” divulged that she was happy Wilson had texted her, tresses in the dining hall’s vaulted ceiling. It was a pointing me out to the rest of the restaurant.” Joe asked around about “the beer,” and they and Wilson, with grace and inscrutability, nod- good question, he had to admit–though he balked at This took Andrew aback. It seemed strange began to force their way upstairs, where it was a ded: “We should do something sometime.” They’d answering it. enough to be prima facie false, and he would have swampy 110 degrees. Wilson took a look at the dance arranged to go to a Greek restaurant tonight. e thought Wilson was kidding, were it not for his floor—the green lights illuminating only flashes of “That’s fantastic. So what’s she like? What’s When Andrew received Wilson’s text, he was pained and gray face. skin, the unending pumping of thick fists, the pre- her deal?” playing guitar and drinking gin with Anna. Wilson’s “How do you know they were laughing at you?” dictable thunder of the house beat, the synth repeat- “She has big, blue eyes. They’re kind and ador- questions humbled him. There were a lot of subjects “I know.” ing four obvious bars, the stupid grinning idiot DJ, able. She’s got a fine nose. A big ass—” to which “why?” only seemed to give stupid answers. “But why would they be? It’s not like what she bouncing blonde hair, sunglasses! He leaned against “That’s what she looks like.” Why did he enjoy playing music? Why did he want was saying was funny at all.” the nearest wall to give physical expression to his Wilson resented the insinuation. to spend time with other people? He’d brought the “I don’t fucking know!” Wilson pulled at the groan, only to find it soaking wet. “Well I don’t know her very well. From a dis- conversation up with Anna but all she had to say was, hair on the side of his head, “I didn’t come here to be His face paled as he traced out the disgusting tance the strongest impression that you get is that “No, love is not a formal-rational principle!” interrogated. I have no idea what happened!” process at work here: when sweat rose in a cloud from she’s hot.” He shook his head to get closer to what The text came at 8:20: “Date is over. I gotta He groaned over their protests and left the the army of dancers, it drifted to the room’s periphery was annoying him, “I’m taking her on a date aren’t I? talk to you.” room with a slam of the door. and condensed on the walls. “Loosen up,” he heard I want to get to know her.” Andrew explained where he was, and within e someone reminding in a pinched voice. He grabbed “You’re right, you’re right,” Andrew felt he five minutes Wilson was rapping on the door. He Before going to bed, Andrew stopped by Andrew’s shoulder. was on the scent of some hypocritical idea, “You’re never stopped moving once he got inside, his long Wilson’s room and knocked. Something had to be “What did you say?” not being exploitive, but—I don’t know, we talked hair never stopped whipping around. At first Anna put back to normal. He waited, trying to pick out the “I didn’t say anything.” about this before. Why are you sure you want to be in and Andrew tried to approach him with the spirit of right question it has to be an interrogation when I “We need to get out of here.” a committed, ‘contractual’ relationship? You haven’t gossip (“details!”), but it didn’t take long to realize can’t understand what he’s saying—like a priest advis- “Oh, come on. You’re such an elitist.” spent much time in the hook-up zone at college. And that the date was a total failure. ing a confessor who painfully confuses him. Wilson “Elitist?” he shrieked, “The walls are sweat- you might find that that’s a less demanding, freer way “Rebecca was being weird to me,” he kept opened the door, his phone to his chest; his eyes were ing. This is literally the picture I have of hell.” to get what you want.” saying. It had started wonderfully—with smiles and red and exhausted. “Let’s explore. I’m curious.” “What I want,” Wilson rolled his eyes. jibes and the grazing of feet under the table—but as “What?” “I’m out. It’s not worth it,” Wilson shook his “I don’t just mean sex.” soon as they started talking about class, about Byron, “I want to hear what happened. Do you want head, “I hope this night doesn’t horrifically change “You do. Or you don’t know what you mean,” it was like she became bipolar. In the middle of his to talk?” your life.” Wilson responded coolly. sentences he’d hear, “You‘re a spoiled bitch, and you “I’m talking to my mom.” e “What do you want?” don’t know anything.” Wilson shut the door and Andrew he’s crying At lunch on Saturday Wilson told Andrew “I want to be in love with something.” “She said that to your face?” Andrew asked, stood there, useless.w about his breakthrough. After he’d left the frat (“and “Oh, but that’s so cheap! Love can’t just be an dumbstruck. taken a fucking Turkish bath”), he wandered alone on abstraction—you have to love ‘x,’ Rebecca, whatever. “No! It was barely perceptible; she Riverside until he received a text from one Rebecca, It has to be real thing, not a goal.” whispered it.” a critical mind in his British Romantic Poetry class “Cheap? I don’t follow you. I never said I loved “Barely perceptible? But you saw her with long, curly, brown hair. He found another party, ‘x.’ What the fuck is that? Love is something everyone say it.” how about that? should want.” “Yes. It was her voice. She said, “How about that?” he repeated, as if he were “Why? Why do you want it?” ‘What kind of people raised such a piece approaching the inexplicable. Wilson moved his green plate to the corner, of shit?’ ‘You’re a disgrace. If they’re not “Tell me everything.” and rested his head on the table in patient frustration. disgraced they’re—they’re stupid.’” “Everything?” Wilson was thrilled to be the “I have no idea,” he spoke like each word was “Are you serious? What did you center of their attention. “I’ll have to say it in verse. potentially a question. “But I wonder what reason I say?” She was hanging with a few friends in this girl’s room, could give that would be transcendent enough for “You know, just ‘What do you mean sipping on some white. I introduced myself, you you. My personal happiness? Well then wouldn’t I by that?’ ‘What the fuck?’ And then she know, we watched a few R. Kelly videos, talked about be a deluded, egoistic ass. You’re the one making it freaked out: ‘What are you talking about?’ the Core, actually, and I charmed the shit out of them. cheap. Why do you want to get drunk every time you ‘You’re scaring me.’” I was like a light bulb in the middle of the room.” get the chance? Maybe that deserves a reasonable “Oh my god, man,” Anna sighed,

30 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustration by Angel Jiang 31 BLUE BALLS BLUE BALLS

ment in the team: “The signatories below include against Brown with a 0-9 record, the administration three Columbia Athletics Hall of Fame members and went on the defensive and CUMB was banned from The Perfect Season several substantial donors to the University,” they the final game after singing “we always lose, lose, wrote). They added: “We are ready and willing to do lose” to the tune of “Roar, Lion, Roar”. Why football fumbles (and who cares) whatever we can” to get Columbia a win and assuage After an overwhelming student response in this “public embarrassment.” favor of CUMB, the decision was overturned. The By Hallie Nell Swanson If the alumnae prioritized prestige and money, band played; Columbia won the game. Why did stu- Bollinger’s letter emphasized community, noting that dents rally around CUMB and not the football team? t’s the last game of Columbia’s football season at WKCR, he published many Columbia football play- interest in Columbia athletics and a desire to see us The band might be assholes, but they’re assholes. freezing cold Baker Field. There’s not much going ers’ racist and homophobic tweets. (A refresher: our I win “has not always been the case, and we are still Apparently, the guys on the field aren’t. on except the 9th birthday party for a kid named TJ. “Asian is such a fucked up language #BANGBANG”, overcoming decades characterized by a different set Reacting against student apathy or antipa- Not much of a crowd here (Brown’s may even be tweeted Thomas Callahan, offensive lineman and the of expectations,” a mentality that Novak—who said thy, “There’s definitely been a conscious effort on larger), and most of the Columbia supporters present team’s current representative on the Student-Athlete the letter was “undoubtedly written for [Bollinger] Athletics’ side to rebrand the way they’ve been per- are more focused on the future of Columbia football Advisory Committee.) “The only time people go to by the Athletic department”—called “patronizing.” ceived since May,” says Sam. “The way that things than the match at hand. the games is when you get 4 free beers before you “They consider the athletes, students and left off last year, at graduation, football was a mess.” A plane, presumably hired out by an alumnus walk in,” he says. alumni who want to win to be an oddity and a joke,” In this day and age, that means a full-blown particularly desperate for victory, circles overhead Sam calls the student body’s relationship to Novak said. “Take your meds, Lee, then lock yourself social media blitz. A campaign to get Columbia carrying the message “THX SENIORS GO LIONS football “a unity of apathy, in that everyone’s united up in your styrofoam tower,” went one comment to an Athletics the most Facebook likes in the Ivy LUV U!! MANG & MURPHY...JUST GO!” by the fact that they don’t really care about the op-ed he wrote for . League (‘10K by opening day’) was achieved in Columbia will lose the game 48-7, rounding football team.” But Sam cares; he can rattle off past Spec Why do we care so much? Partly because of early September (“WE DID IT!” exclaimed the text off what student blog the Lion has called the “perfect scores and events in the team’s history. Columbia is money; partly because the football team supposedly accompanying a special graphic on gocolumbialions. season,” the first winless season since 1987. by no means universally apathetic about our football represents Columbia culture. com). Lions posters and event cards come embla- Athletics inhabits a strange place in life at team. If we weren’t interested, no one would debate zoned with the hashtag #TURNITBLUE, which I Columbia—simultaneously segregated from the stu- about why football is here and how it will continue. Culture have yet to see used non-ironically by any non-official dent body at large, while ostensibly representing This conversation came to a head on November Columbia source. it. The football field is a hundred blocks north of 20, when Spec ran two letters to the editor against Plenty of students see the perfect season as a Perhaps the rebrand is meant to remedy last campus, a division that feels wider still when the one another: the first, a letter from a collection of source of ironic pride. “Columbia’s come tantaliz- year’s scandal over football players’ uses of social values of the team appear incongruous with those militant alumni led by Jake Novak, CC ’92, call- ingly close to perfection almost every year, but today media. CU Football’s last memorable hashtag debut of the community. During NSOP this year, Bwog ing for Athletic Director M. Dianne Murphy and their dream was realized,” one posted on Facebook, was introducing Chad Washington as the team’s reported that at Orientation Leader training, “a guy Mangurian to be fired; the second, a letter from tagging it “feeling accomplished.” guest tweeter on #WingmanWednesday. from Athletics came and told leaders to take sports President Bollinger, responding to a previous Spec The massively positive comment response to an When I ask Darlene Camacho, Associate seriously and not make jokes about our Athletics editorial demanding the same dismissals, in which he article by Alexandra Svokos, Editor in Chief of Bwog, Athletics Director for sports information/media rela- teams.” Daniel Spiegel, Assistant Athletics Director reasserted his support for the athletics administra- which announced the end of Bwog’s football cover- tions, if the this is the case, she says their number for Sports Marketing, disavowed knowledge of this, tion. age, revealed that many students would be happy to one goal on social media is “best practices,” but adds but it’s the sort of anecdote that lays bare a cultural The alumni openly stated their financial invest- eradicate the team altogether. that different institutions have different standards. disjunction between students This hostile climate can be partially explained At Harvard, she says, the official football Twitter will and student-athletes. by the publication of last year’s tweets and the arrest link to players’ personal accounts, but “here, that’s After the game, head of Chad Washington for an alleged hate crime against considered unprofessional.” coach Pete Mangurian told the an Asian-American student, events which make the According to Sam, Camacho followed many of Columbia Spectator, “I’d be less football team look like a bunch of horrible racists. the players involved in “Tweetgate” on her personal than honest if I said it isn’t more But students have been anti-football for a long account, which was promptly made private as the difficult than I thought it would time, and having a team that is objectively horrible fits tweets were being published. be, and it’s because of all the well with Columbian cool-cucumber syndrome. At the Brown game, the screen helpfully people out there that want to tear Peter Andrews, head of CUMB (the Columbia reminded us to hashtag away. As it happened, the the program down for whatever University Marching Band) disagrees. The marching most Twitter buzz the team got was after that last loss, reason. Unfortunately some of band is notorious for belittling the team, but Peter from sarcastic students. them are our own. And that is says it’s a misperception that CUMB hates football. The athletic department had four months to be really disappointing.” The relationship between the two is “tricky” but the like, how are we going to respond to this, and I guess Sam Tydings, CC ’13, is band “is not rooting against them.” that’s what they chose,” says Sam of the campaign. “I a Columbia football fan. Last In 2011, before entering another final game get it, but at the same time I think it’s corny [...] it’s year, as Sports Director for

32 Illustration by Rachel Agins The Blue and White December 2013 33 BLUE BALLS BLUE BALLS not really doing anything for their brand.” valued at $50 million. (For $5 million, you can have and purported apathy, game attendance is actu- Neuberger suggests that games help us “share On the @ColumbiaLionsFB twitter, mean- a weight room named for you.) Novak and co. think ally increasing. Barry Neuberger, Associate Athletics and enjoy common experiences with people you while, Camacho liveblogged each game from the football is run by Campbell, to whom they address Director, has been with Columbia for nine years and might otherwise just see in the hallway.” His idea of pressbox (“#longestfinalminuteever”). their letter published in Spec. noticed the change. There were 2,000 students at using football games to “start a friendship group” is The account also posted a photos of Roar-ee and According to some, if we continue to lose, Homecoming this year, a level of attendance topped wildly optimistic, even absurd, but there was a cer- Mangurian serving dessert at Ferris Booth Commons things actually carry on just fine. In a front-page only by Commencement. Who exactly attends these tain solidarity as I froze at Baker Field, watching the (“#turnitblue”), photos of the cheerleaders and play- article printed the day of the Lions’ loss to Brown, games is a bit of a mystery—Peter goes to them all, and Lions lose the last game of the season. The sense of ers go on the Today Show (“#WhatDidTheFoxSay”, The New York Times admired the program’s “dogged says he can’t spot consistent trends. community emerged from irony, awkwardness, and “#TURNITBLUE of course”), and photos of the team futility” because, “as long as athletes get jobs, does it Spiegel says he’s there for Columbia football amusement. What could be more quintessentially visiting the tech startup bit.ly (“#GeekingOut”). really matter?” fans “whether they’re 5 or 50.” It turns out we do Columbian? (Noteworthily, neither Washington, nor Callahan, Nick Melka, CC ’14 and defensive lineman, have 5- and 50-year-old fans. We’re missing the Until Athletics understands or chooses who it nor any other tweeters were included in these field told the paper: “I wouldn’t quit on any of my team- 20-year-olds. represents (students or athletic alumni), no amount trips.) mates because we’re all struggling together; none of Neuberger is also responsible for the Student of tote bags, hashtags, dedicated weight rooms or This year also introduced video advertising, us are quitters [...] If we give our word to a company Rewards Program, the prizes you can get for attend- Facebook “likes” will bridge the gap between foot- notably a one-minute promotional spot called ‘A or a job, we’re going to follow through.” ing a certain number of games, which he likens to a ball and the non-athletic community. Doubled Magic.’ In addition to presumably using If you presume the purpose of the athletic “frequent flyer program.” (Top prizes: Dell laptop Angry alums, influential donors, The New money that came from our student life fee (Athletics department is exclusively to serve the student-ath- and Delta Shuttle tickets.) Nobody seems ever to have York Times, and the athletic department itself have accounts for the largest portion of the fee: $390 of letes under its wing, this makes perfect sense. In completed it, so it’s not a likely factor in increased drastically different visions of the purpose of football. the $1,396 total, according to Spec), these materials September 2012 CCE held a “Career Fair 101” spe- attendance—but even if it is, these incentives dem- The team should be about something bigger than promote a certain image of Columbia that feels out of cifically for the team. It’s no secret that Lions, upon onstrate the assumption of Athletics that an organic itself —the team should be for us. Right now, no cul- step with how students see themselves. graduating, enter a “network of former players," Columbian fanbase will never develop. tural change will follow a change on the scoreboard. When I ask Camacho and Spiegel what reported the Times, a network which "gives students It is unfortunate that the Athletics department Football could be an unlikely, doggedly futile makes Columbia football different or special, the personal access to chief executives, lawyers, doctors, has difficulty engaging with its student body, and rallying point for Columbia. If it is to be one, we need two exchange a glance and seem uncomfortable, Wall Street traders.” Years after graduation, former vice versa, because they’re right about one thing: a different point of entry—we’ll come and cheer, but like I’ve asked something extremely controversial. players go on to donate to Athletics. football can bring people together. only on our terms.w Almost guiltily, Camacho’s first instinct is to com- On Columbia’s second annual Giving Day pare it to Alabama: it’s harder to get people to games (October 23rd, for no particular reason), the COLUMBIA FOOTBALL COACHING RECORDS here, whereas “there’s nothing else going on in Columbia Alumni Association encouraged alumni to Tuscaloosa,” she says, adding she wishes more that donate through a table showing which departments YEARS NAME # YEARS WON LOST TIED PCT. Athletics and the student body would “marry” a bit are ‘winning’ (athletes competed on Facebook). more. Football gathered $211,973—3 percent of the total 1889-1901 George F. Sanford 3 23 11 1 .676 Banning the band in 2011 and responding donations. They did similarly well at the first Giving 1902-1905 William F. Morley 4 26 11 3 .688 defensively to student media doesn’t do much to help Day. 1915-1917 T. Nelson Metcalf 3 8 9 2 .474 an already rocky relationship. It’s a frustrating posi- Giving Day allows donors to contribute to a 1918-1919 Fred Dawson 2 7 5 3 .567 tion, but why the instinct to compare Columbia to departments within a specific school—one of which 1920-1922 Frank O’Neill 3 11 14 0 .440 Alabama? Should defining the spirit of the university was named “Athletics.” Without the option to donate 1923-1924 Percy D. Haughton 2 8 5 1 .615 be this difficult? to the athletic department, this money might well 1924 Paul Withington 1 1 2 1 .333 go to the College instead. Although enthusiastic 1925-29 Charles Crowley 5 26 16 4 .619 Cash Columbia boosters like Jimmy Sherwin donate to 1930-1956 Lou Little 27 110 116 10 .488 both, there’s no indication that everyone does. This 1957-1967 Aldo Donelli 11 30 67 2 .309 Reconciling football and the student body may could be ensured if donations were automatically 1968-1973 Frank Navarro 6 16 36 2 .315 be one part of the Athletics Department’s agenda, spread out across different schools. Instead, the 1974-1979 Bill Campbell 6 12 41 1 .231 but, as Sam puts it, “The people who are giving status quo allows for football to act as a self-perpet- 1980-1984 Bob Naso 5 4 43 2 .102 the big money aren’t the people hitting refresh on uating program, where football players donate to 1985 James Garrett 1 0 10 0 .000 Facebook.” Athletics is largely motivated, even con- football to produce players who donate to football, 1986-1988 Larry McElreavy 3 2 29 0 .067 trolled, by donors—and they are demanding victory, with no wider community outside the equation. 1989-2002 Ray Tellier 14 42 96 2 .307 not tweets. 2003-2005 Bob Shoop 3 7 23 0 .250 Case in point: Bill Campbell—former Lion, Games 2006-2011 Norries Wilson 6 17 43 0 .283 former coach, current trustee and named donor of 2012- Pete Mangurian 2 3 17 0 .150 the new Campbell Sports Center up by Baker Field, Surprisingly, despite consistent losses

34 The Blue and White December 2013 35 Measure for Measure Measure for Measure

The Transitive Property

I.

I always knew Matt was watching porn when he didn’t answer my texts. Every door that closes behind you imparts judgment

He used to tell me about what kinds he liked – and leaves us in a state of stagnation and ambiguity.

even tried to show me a few favorites, I like binaries.

but I was only fourteen Modus ponens—I like the Internet

and there were too many limbs The perpetual state of more that gives an adrenaline rush

and I didn’t understand how that girl could possibly be comfortable. of clarity that doesn’t force me question what everything means

He laughed at my immaturity, (No, seriously—did you like the birthday gift I gave you?)

but his face still turned a bright red before he slammed his locker and I can like something or scroll past it; stormed away when I pointed out that he couldn’t get Sophia to talk to him in real life. watch the next episode of Twin Peaks

The Internet grasped what I could not and lent him a hand and the one after and the one after and the one after;

which satisfied him until he found out that Ashley would give him blow start at the Wikipedia page for spoonerism and end up on the one for jobs under the stairs if he told her that they’d be together forever, Otto von Bismarck.

and the Internet remained faithful, coming back again when Ashley No pauses! decided that fucking John in the Chipotle bathroom during lunch would be classier (because his forever was longer). (Unlike the ones that come at the end of your sentences

II. right before you say something we both regret.)

“It’s really fine.” III.

(But your lip is pulled tight into a thin white line and you’re tapping So if best friends are forever your foot again) and the Internet is forever “It doesn’t matter.” is the Internet your new best friend? (But I can see your eyes tracing the creases in the shirt that I borrowed — Michelle Cheripka last night)

36 The Blue and White December 2013 37 NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT

discarded gum on the ground. Rather than providing e helpful directions, these maps work to communicate Tonight it’s quiet—at least compared to last In Studio the visceral feeling of space and emphasize details week’s midterm rush. Then, students stayed in the city-dwellers lose to the background. studio from dusk until the next late morning, tweak- How architecture students find solidarity in suffering Schneid hoped students would learn to “con- ing and adjusting projects until the last minutes struct relationships (not visible in conventional maps) before “pin-up” where they present maps and models By Juli Brandano that speak to the interconnected and shifting nature in a final critique. of the contemporary city.” The instructions may The architecture department is well-known for his is her fourth consecutive hour in the archi- schoolyard across town. be abstract, but the expectation is concrete. Each depriving its majors of sleep. A year and a half ago a tecture design lab. Fatema Maswood, BC ’15, If you’ve ever talked to an architecture student, T individual tells a different story about the same four- blog, “B+C archsleep,” captured shots of architec- is exhausted. Her vision becomes blurrier with each it is obvious that work does not stop when the project block area. Reina Imagawa, CC ’15, asked a friend to ture students who had fallen asleep in class, on stairs, click through images of urban farms, and her caf- ends or an assignment is turned in. The conceptual blindfold her and lead her and in corners of the feine high is beginning to wear off. She sits in front work from class translates into everyday experience; around Lincoln Center, Diana. Fatema remem- of a giant Mac monitor. Except for the hum of the ordinary fixtures like a window or a lunch box sud- where she documented bered a myth about a printers and the occasional manic, late-night laugh, denly have clear design intentions behind them. Rather than beginning a the intensity of smells group of 1970s GSAPP all is quiet. She’s researching an “edible schoolyard,” For Dylan Kario, CC ’15, the environment around her, coming from critique with “This part (The Graduate School of an organic garden that provides food and hands-on became more than the sum of its individual parts. halal carts, cigarette Architecture, Planning, farming opportunities for kids. She has spent weeks “Before, when I’d look at a tree, I would only focus on worked quite nicely, but...” an smoke, and the perfumes and Preservation) stu- visiting meat markets in preparation for a final proj- the individual leaves.” But after a week of his abstract of passersby. She chroni- architecture professor might dents who removed ceil- ect about food systems. (She finds more inspiration architecture course, he said, “I naturally started cled her experience with ing tiles in a studio to in a hanging cow carcass than the average passerby.) looking at trees as whole beings. I’d notice how sets simply begin by looking at a color-coded map, using set up beds in the space She’s been doing these late nights on the fourth of branches spread in three dimensions and relate to spraypaint-like mark- a project and asking aloud: above. floor of the Diana for a year and a half, either in this the space around them.” Just being outdoors became ings that become more But there’s soli- room or the architecture studio down the hall. And an experience where he started seeing in layers “Really?” opaque according to the darity in suffering. The as painful as it often is, she loves it. As Fatema puts abstraction. He says, “I’m grateful that it taught me intensity of the smell. creation of a tight-knit it, “It’s the best thing, but it’s a torment. It follows the importance of fluidly changing my perspective.” The conceptual nature of this unusual coursework community feels inevitable when you’re spending you everywhere.” Sometimes, late into the evening The studio is a second home to this group of does not translate to an easy A. upwards of fifteen hours a week together in studio. with her own work, Fatema tries to remind herself, tunnel-visioned, headphoned students, who trans- The Ivy League is notorious for its grade and There’s no choice but to rely on peers for feedback “It’s just a school project.” But it seems so much more form the space to suit their needs. They share take- ego inflation. Students whine when they receive an A and advice when navigating complex computer pro- than that; her current assignment is based on a real out, accumulate piles of coffee cups, control the minus and expect their professors to sympathize. The grams. temperature with personal fans, adopt Architecture department is the exception to this rule. Cara Roberts, CC ’14, affirms that the group “pets” to keep them company (recent addi- Rather than beginning a critique with “This part becomes fast friends. Unlike the typical Columbia tions include a cactus and a wigged pump- worked quite nicely, ...” an architecture professor class, working in the same space means engag- kin), and leave their neighbors post-its of but might simply begin by looking at a project and asking ing each other’s cerebral processes. “You’re held encouragement. aloud: “Really?” accountable by the group. You can’t just be in your The Barnard-Columbia “I just get shit on,” says Dylan. But professors head,” Cara says. If you have been looking down for Architecture program is design-oriented are not concerned with congratulating hard work. three or four hours at the same idea, the next move is and cultivates skills that can be used across During final critiques of projects, students defend always to tap your neighbor and ask what they think. the liberal arts, in contrast to special- their work to the professor and a guest critic who And they always seem willing to take a look and give ized master’s programs that emphasize knows nothing about the student’s process. In this advice. the calculus, physics, and logistics of the professional space, the student cannot rely on the Every night at around 2 a.m., the lights in discipline. Still, their work is grounded in teacher’s familiarity with the countless outlines and the studio automatically click to black. Most nights, reality: geographic sites govern the cre- sketches that informed the piece’s structure. It’s there are still plenty of students, hunched-over, dili- ative process. terrifying, and often discouraging, but this is one of gently cutting plastic and glass and tulle. As they In one course, Abstraction, the only academic spaces on campus where students feverishly affix new blades to their X-Acto knives, Professor Irina Schneid instructed stu- receive a full ten minutes of face-to-face feedback. they might forget how long the lights were off. If dents to select a small area of the city, This kind of individual attention indicates a rare and Fatema leaves before the shut-off, she says she has and map it according to an unusual or regular mutual respect between student and profes- “beat the Diana.” If she cannot remember when the subjective quality in the space. Students sor. When they rip a piece to shreds, professors treat lights shut off? Well, then it’s an average night as a mapped the density of smells, the feelings the student as someone worth taking seriously. Barnard+Columbia architecture major.w of anxiety and security, and the amount of

38 Illustration by Angel Jiang The Blue and White December 2013 39 THE CONVERSATION THE CONVERSATION

still fleshing itself out. It’s not easy to make a living audience, you’re creating it for yourself. there. But there’s a need for people to comment on Worth Belaboring and research and bring out these issues from a more B&W: So, contemporary Internet journalists are independent place. I feel in my writing that I’m not responsible for cultivating and curating an online A conversation with Ross Perlin beholden to any interest group. I’m beholden to my persona through which they sell their own writing. readers and to all thinking people and to the people And it’s a line that really blurs recreation and work. By Anna Bahr I interview. Especially when you’re someone who is not indepen- dent, but works for a media institution or outlet, at Ross Perlin is an independent writer and linguist stuck in the ever-expanding no man’s land between : Obviously one of the great things about the what point do your personal tweets stop being work academia, critical theory, and journalism. His first book, Intern Nation: How to Earn Nothing and Learn B&W fluidity of the Internet is that you don’t have to be and start being a leisure activity? Little in the Brave New Economy, explored the unpaid labor market as a “curious blend of privilege and pegged as an expert in any one thing. Are you at all exploitation.” Perlin took the time to sit down with Managing Editor Anna Bahr, BC ’14, in a Harlem coffee afraid of becoming the Intern Guy more than a jour- RP: It’s a huge question. What are the boundaries of shop (where the owner emphatically refused Anna access to her laptop) to discuss labor, leisure, and the nalist or a thinker? work? Can leisure survive? Leisure was arguably a problem of becoming an “expert.” special product that flourished in the 20th century, The Blue and White: In looking through your body their place, but I think that there are fields of inquiry RP: You want to stay in the conversation you’ve and it’s not clear what form it’s going to take in the of work, your interests are ridiculously varied. You that are not covered by the long term theoretical per- started. But there’s nothing I want to see less of future. I love that sticker that you see around: “The cover everything from endangered languages to the spective of the academy and are not covered by the than more rehashing. As Labor Movement—from environmental impact of China’s megacities to gue- short-term day-to-day, minute-to-minute grind of soon as you’re pegged as the people who brought rilla art. What’s the common thread? the media beast. Maybe they’re medium-term issues. an expert voice, you can “But people have to you the weekend.” With Cultural criticism. It’s a place for people who have spend all of your time the decline of labor, you RP: There’s no justification for it. I’m the common one foot in the academy and one foot in journalism, responding to media confront the impact of also see the decline of thread, for sure. It’s very eclectic. It’s very which I’ve tried to do. But that’s also hav- requests and repeating unpaid labor. The job you’re organized leisure time. much based on following my nose. ing a foot in two endangered worlds. the same message and And a concerted effort to My total interest in things I come I think that’s another reason why trying to make it fresh, taking on is illegal. make work disappear, or across. I’m always looking for people are trying to find that but it ends up that 99 You’re working as a scab.” seem to disappear. Part stories that haven’t been told. middle space. The academy is percent of the work thats of it is work’s new imma- I try and investigate things troubled waters. Tenure track published on the topic is teriality. Everything is that are hiding in plain sight. jobs in the humanities are recycled material. The goal I have is to start conversa- happening on a screen in front of you. You have to be Internships and endangered rare, the media universe has tions and put them on solid footing—bring together judging what is a billable hour and if you have anyone languages are both examples been turned upside down in people and material and bring lots of voices into the to bill it to. People are now in the position to figure of that. These are what I see the last fifteen years. I think conversation. I don’t want to be a talking head. But out how to draw the line themselves. If you’re working as massive phenomena that if you have people emerging into there’s also a personal motivation. I wanted to get for an employer, there should be a certain amount of you point them out to people, this middle space between the involved in other, crucial causes. If you take my writ- pressure on that employer to establish those bound- they aren’t necessarily arcane two, which sometimes could be ing on intern labor, it’s a product the US is exporting aries. It’s probably harder if you’re on your own. If subjects, but they need someone called Brooklyn, sometimes could willingly to the rest of the world. It’s a far leap from you’re a small business-owner or an independent to map them out, to flesh out the be called Berlin (laughs), but people labor in China where people really care about the contractor, all space and time can be filled with work territory, and then other people can are trying to combine academic rigor nature of labor and the future of work. I feel a respon- and tasks. There are different solutions. Commercial go in and do more detailed studies. with journalistic savvy… sibility to keep on what’s going on there because the fishermen or goldminers who work incredibly hard A lot of people say that journalism in hub of the working class of the world is located in without taking a day off for months and then you’re the digital age should be about start- B&W: The new-age pragmatist. China. It’s such an important connection. back in port and take a couple of weeks off from ing a conversation. thinking about work. But it’s increasingly hard to RP: Absolutely. There’s a pragmatic B&W: Have you found that not being tied to a formal take a break from the grind. B&W: But you also see yourself as a human- view there. You aren’t airily talk- media outlet has made it harder to market and sell ist—which is definitely an identity that is making a ing about abstract ideas. You immediately buy a your work? B&W: Did you read 24/7? I just read the review and comeback as the analogue has its glamour moment. domain name. There’s a telescoping between thought was really struck by the idea of sleep being the final How do you reconcile being a humanist-journalist and action. You can immediately organize, immedi- RP: It does put pressure on people to build their frontier on which the free market is encroaching to with working in this technocratic age? ately make something practical of an idea. The world own brands and amass Twitter followers and have a capitalize on every ounce of utility from the worker. of the so-called “little magazines” also reflects this. listserv at their disposal. And I am very dependent on RP: I mean, I’m not a humanist in the sense that I Think, The New Inquiry, n+1, Jacobin, Dissent... my network of sources and friends and experts that RP: Yes! But of course there are also so many prod- write human-interest stories—which of course have So, this middle-distance space I’m talking about is I know and fellow writers. But in terms of having an ucts being sold right now around sleep. How do

40 Illustration by Leila Mgaloblishvili The Blue and White December 2013 41 THE CONVERSATION THE CONVERSATION you sleep better, sleep therapy, sleep disorders, the any given person, if you have the means, an intern- of interns yourself and moving in your career. It’s not wasn’t protected by law because she wasn’t techni- pathologizing of sleep… ship can be a lesson, and maybe it’ll lead you to that a lifelong battle like, say, the feminist or Civil Rights cally an employee. And now the NY state legislature great gig or full time job. That has to be recognized. movements. With that stuff you can say, “I’m always is proposing some elaborate additional loophole law B&W: Right, but it’s not like that proves an interest But people have to confront the impact of unpaid going to be a woman,” or “I’m always going to be to protect interns from discrimination and harass- in promoting good health. Selling a healthy life- labor. The job you’re taking on is illegal. You’re work- black,” so investing time in this kind of work makes ment. Wouldn’t it be easier just to pay them? style book is as entrepreneurial as selling Starbucks. ing as a scab–that’s not a word people think about in long-term sense. I do think there’s a dawning recog- There are always those industrious people who take our generation. But you’re walking into an office and nition that the precariousness of the workplace might RP: It’s very shocking to people to hear that unpaid advantage of the niche market of the moment. taking what was once paid work. For people who have last a lifetime. interns are not protected in the way that workers are. the means to do it, it’s hard to resist, but there has People understand that unpaid interns are working RP: The question is whether those countervailing to be a certain consciousness about what that choice B&W: Do you think it’s even possible for students in offices as much as workers are. When I started tell- forces, those antitheses, can stand up against the means. That will at least take some of the enthusiasm to organize around a union structure? Or has that ing people about interns suing their employers over forces they’re trying to counteract. out. system lost too much power? sexual harassment—also for discrimination against age and race—they were outraged. People immedi- B&W: You say you see it as the employer’s respon- B&W: To what degree is it the responsibility of stu- RP: I don’t think we’re going to see an intern union ately feel there’s something wrong with the fact that sibility to act as one of dents to organize around anytime soon. But young people can learn a lot from interns are not considered employees under the law. those forces, to enforce unpaid labor? Even if the the history of labor unions—this whole civilization of Of course you want people to be protected against some kind of bound- Internet is on their side labor that flourished so much in the 19th and 20th harassment. But the nature of the powerlessness ary—which is obviously “Imagine if all the DC as an organizing tool, centuries. Obviously we’ve seen very little strong stems from the fact that they aren’t getting paid. The not in their best interest interns walked out. It would why might it be more dif- labor legislation in recent years. We’ve seen the real issue is the constant violation of the Fair Labor in a strictly free-market ficult to mobilize around department of labor at the federal level being eroded Standards Act. Thousands upon thousand of interns sense. bring the government to a unpaid labor than, say, a and having fewer enforcers or the same number of are hired illegally and in a legal limbo. halt. Now that’s a shutdown more formal labor indus- workers for exploding labor market and new forms of There’s a clear power dynamic. It’s mostly RP: I think if you did a try? labor like internships. It’s impossible to keep up with young women working for older male bosses. The Google engram of “qual- I’d like to see. ” capital and the changes in the market for employers to only trustworthy study on this approximates that ity of life” you wouldn’t RP: I think internships, get cheaper labor. three quarters of unpaid interns are young women. see a lot of searches back unpaid labor, the conse- Interns have contributed hugely to the world It’s good to see politicians acting on issues of intern- in the 19th century. It’s a recent term. The interest quences of the new economy, these things are hit- of “alt labor.” Their organizing is flexible and impro- ships in any way, but usually, if you sue, the intern is in work-life balance is coming up in a time when we ting young people like they’re hitting no one else. vised and mobile. It’s exciting for people who care literally thrown out of court. It doesnt matter if you don’t have those things. The fact that we have terms It’s tough because students don’t see these wages as about inequality. But classical unionization is also were sitting at your desk for 60 hours doing the same from them is an indication that we’re doing poorly at being owed to them. They see themselves as students difficult because of logistical practicalities of intern- work as anyone else.w them. But these aren’t radical issues furthered just first and foremost, not workers—even though the vast ships. The length of time it takes to certify a union This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity. by people who are skeptical of capitalism. Capitalism majority of them are working jobs that were once paid and get around the roadblocks itself, as a reform within the system, will have to positions. It’s wage theft. put up by politicians and employ- address the basic health and safety of its workers. People don’t realize that intergenerational ers is the length of an internship There is a larger rebalancing going on—trying to inequality is happening today. There are retired at least. Even if you started [orga- figure out that balance. I think it should be addressed people who are struggling, but they are also taken nizing] on day one, it would take in a political framework, because it’s a labor issue. care of by a substantial safety network was built in well beyond the summer to pull But people are also trying to address it just by hav- the 1930s and then 1960s with Social Security and everything together. So you need ing more psychologists available in the workplace, or Medicare. There are no protections or policies like more flexible strategies to deal through yoga, or whatever. that for young people. Politicians spend a lot more with that. It could be through time in assisted living facilities than on college cam- advocacy groups or flash mob- B&W: What about the kids for whom unpaid intern- puses. And that goes way beyond who’s going to hit style organization. Imagine if all ships really will put their résumés at the top of the the voting booths. It speaks to where the arc of young the DC interns walked out. It pile? Like, on an individual level, if a student has the people is. There are many different groups that can would bring the government to financial means to take an unpaid position, does it play a role in fixing the internship economy and roll- a halt. Now that’s a shutdown I’d make much of a difference for them to abstain from ing back the economy of unpaid work. Young people like to see. it on principle? have to be willing to stick their necks out. There’s a collective action problem. We’re only going to be B&W: Meanwhile, you have the RP: Most people are still going to act in their own interns for a few months or years, there’s a hope that young female intern who sued immediate interests and that’s understandable. For this will go away quickly and soon you’ll be in charge her employer for harassment but

42 The Blue and White December 2013 Illustration by Leila Mgaloblishvili 43 PAYING THE BILLS PAYING THE BILLS

Eden Salon and Spa • Hair services = 20% off • Facial = $90 (Christine Valmy product) • Keratine Treatment = $250 • Pedicure + Manicure = $28 • Threading = $8 • Wax = 20% off • Japanese Straightener = $200

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bookculture.com The answers to the Blue Book crossword are as follows: Across: 3. Blue Java 5. Frats 7. Lerner Party Space 9. Low Library 10. St. A’s 11. Football 13. NoCo 14. Dance Marathon 15. Oedipus 18. ABC 20. Suede 22. Ass Down: 1. Heteronormative 2. Dada 4. ADP 6. Spectator 8. Hungarian 12. Barbour 16. Pupin 17. Steps 19. God 21. Uris

44 The Blue and White December 2013 45 DIGITALIA COLUMBIANA CAMPUS GOSSIP These excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encour- COOL BOSSES SCHOOL SPIRIT age our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via email, at [email protected]. At a management consulting interview, one Columbia During half-time at the football game at Cornell, the College alumna interviewed a Columbia College Columbia University Marching Band played John senior. By way of establishing “fit,” the former asked Cage’s “4:33.” During their performance Cornell Low Memorial Library is the center of Columbia There are many differences that exist among the latter what her favorite Morningside bar was. The fans booed, and after the game a drunk Columbia University. Visible from almost any point on Columbia American women. Of course, factors including race, latter said 1020. The former was impressed. alumnus told the band that they were “undisciplined” grounds, Low Memorial Library is literally the focal sexuality, age and social status separate one person e and had “disgraced” their Alma Mater. point of the main campus. Aside from its location, from another and these make it difficult for women St. A’s hires former NYPD officers to man the doors e what draws visitors almost immediately to Low upon to consolidate. at its parties. As one of the few non-Columbia-owned Employees at both Oren’s and the Dodge Fitness entering the main campus is its regal, divine pres- e buildings in Morningside Heights, noise complaints Center clock in by means of a fingerprint reader. ence. As time passes, it seems that the acceptable amount called into 434 Riverside Drive are referred to the e e of hair on a girl’s body seems to shrink ever further. police department, not Columbia Public Safety. WHAT’S IN A NAME? Ethics in Engineering. Contrary to what most media We shave our legs (lower and upper halves), armpits, Perhaps they have found that blue bloods can’t talk A number of faculty call the Spec the “Speculator,” for depicts we do not live in a world of only good and evil; and even sometimes pubes, arms, and unibrows. with the NYPD quite like former boys in blue. its creative and consistent misquotes. instead it is composed of many different ideals each Apparently, it’s sexy to be completely hairless except e e weighing against one another. At times when there is for the hair on your head and your eyebrows. In other One man punched another in the lobby of a building THE WRATH OF KHAN no clear correct choice it is very important to careful- words, it’s sexy to look like a pre-pubescent twelve- on W. 107th Street. He was knocked cleanly through During a recent lecture for his large introductory ly consider the good and bad aspects of each choice. year-old, but preferably with large breasts. Why is the two doors, down the steps, and onto the pave- sociology class, Professor Shamus Khan attempted e that? Are all men just perverts? ment, only to see the door close behind him. to invoke audience participation by asking students Hugeness and softness. This Giant, this thing. Our Let’s break this down: shaving correlates e if they could name the nearest bodega. One student thing, whole and together that we climb and we tell with looking more juvenile. One process that involves The Spectrum editor, at an Eye production night: was particularly eager to answer. “Crackdel!” she each other that we can keep the shells making their the evolution of a species to look like a juvenile ver- “I don’t read Bwog; I just read the headlines to see shouted. When Khan asked why it was called that, way into the weave of his clothing but we will never sion of themselves is domestication. This is analo- if they’re covering things that I’m about to publish.” the audience sat in silence for four seconds. Then, pick him apart. There will be no thinning out here of gous to shaving – it creates an image of domesticity e another student yelled, “Because they deliver beer!” this body of this Giant on this familiar shore because and “girliness.” It essentially creates the image that OPINION EDITORS—EVERYONE’S GOT ONE (Well, they used to, anyway.) he belongs to us now. women are younger, less experienced, and more When a recent post on the Columbia Lion criticized Khan could only shake his head and reply: e impressionable than they actually are. This is 2013 – the Spec for running repetitive pieces on the Israeli- “Crack is not beer…” Next semester he will be teach- Although I am only a freshman and do not have any that should not be necessary today. Palestinian conflict and called for a stop to the repeti- ing a course titled, “Elites in America.” formal experience, I am aware that I have a passion for Proponents of shaving have two main argu- tion, a Spec deputy opinion editor quickly fired back e learning about behavioral neuroscience. I would like ments: they say that it is a trapping of civilization on Facebook. He wrote: “Really? Is the Lion really A student, bordering on blackout during a particu- to inform the general public of new information and and that the smoothness of the skin that follows is making demands of Spec? Really now?...Stephen larly revelrous night at at Morningside bar, started research regarding treatments, new discoveries, and more than worth the effort of shaving. To address [Snowder, Lion EIC] doesn’t seem to believe that—or chatting up a stranger, who generously offered to the future implications of drug abuse. I hope to one the first issue, many European women don’t shave even that there’s any point in writing opinion pieces, sell him some freshly cut molly. The student, having day become a Behavioral Neuroscientist that studies their armpits. But do we say that we’re more cultured because they do nothing. But that’s all right–there’s no cash, promised to stop at an ATM. He forgot. His the effects of psychoactive drugs on the human brain. and civilized than the Europeans because we shave? definitely value in using your publication’s raging memory abruptly returned the next morning, when e No, actually, we usually think that it’s the other way inferiority boner as the inspiration for an opinion this new acquaintance tracked him down, held him Psy sheds light on an interesting question that rises around. And, in what way does being hairless corre- piece.” The post was soon deleted. at gunpoint, and demanded his wallet and cellphone. from a specific aspect of cultural and geographical late with degrees of civilization?w The next morning, the Lion scooped Spec on e gentrification: who belongs in a city? its lead story about ZBT’s suspension. Community… we’re building it!w

46 The Blue and White December 2013 47 EATIN’ GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

48 The Blue and White