THE UNDERGRADUATE MAGAZINE OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, EST. 1890 THE BLUE AND WHITE

Vol. XIX No. V November 2013

Endangered Speeches Columbia, Cornell, and Yale join forces to offer less commonly taught languages The Student Doth Protest A look at how Student-Worker Solidarity is taking shape

Also Inside: Judging a Book by its Covers THE BLUE AND WHITE

Vol. XIX FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS No. V

Columns Features 4 Bluebook Conor Skelding & 10 at Two Swords’ Length: Are You Crying? CONOR SKELDING, CC ’14, Editor in Chief 6 Blue Notes Mikey Abrams Our monthly prose and cons ANNA BAHR, BC ’14, Managing Editor 8 Campus Characters ndangered peeches WILL HOLT, CC ’15, Senior Editor 12 Verily Veritas Naomi Sharp 14 e S TORSTEN ODLAND, CC ’15, Senior Editor 13 Curio Columbiana Columbia, Cornell, and Yale join forces to offer less commonly SOMER OMAR, CC ’16, Senior Editor 30 measure for Measure taught languages NAOMI SHARP, CC ’15, Senior Editor 40 sketchbook JESSIE CHASAN-TABER, CC ’16, Layout Editor 42 Digitalia Columbiana Luca Marzorati 18 third is the One with the Treasure Chest LEILA MGALOBLISHVILI, CC ’16, Senior Illustrator 43 Campus Gossip Columbia dropout, Jack Hidary, runs for mayor

MATTHEW SEIFE, CC ’16, Publisher Tamsin Pargiter 20 Absolutism Absolute’s hold on the Morningside bagel market Staff Writers NAOMI COHEN, CC ’15 ALEXANDER PINES, CC ’16 Torsten Odland 21 wilson DANIEL STONE, CC ’16 ALEXANDRA SVOKOS, CC ’14 Andrew and Wilson head to Brooklyn

Contributors MIKEY ABRAMS, CC ’16 Channing Prend 24 flagging Enthusiasm MICHELLE CHERIPKA, CC ’16 How General Studies is letting its nontraditional flag fly TYLER DINGMAN, CC ’16 COOPER LYNN, CC ’17 LUCA MARZORATI, CC ’15 Somer Omar 25 the Student Doth Protest ANGELICA MODABBER, BC ’16 TAMSIN PARGITER, BC ’15 A look at how Student-Worker Solidarity is taking shape CHANNING PREND, CC ’17 JENNIFER SLUKA, CC ’17 MATTHEW SEIFE, CC ’16 Anna Bahr 28 i Wonder HALLIE NELL SWANSON, CC ’16 ISAIAH THOMAS, CC ’16 Debora Spar on why the second sex can’t always finish first ETHAN WU, CC ’17

anoply of pec Artists Daniel Stone 29 a P S RACHEL AGINS, CC ’17 Judging a book by its covers ZANE BHANSCLI, CC ’17 BRITT FOSSUM, CC ’16 JULIA JARRETT, CC ’15 Michelle Cheripka 32 measuring Success ANGEL JIANG, CC ’15 KATHARINE LIN, CC ’16 How one computer science student got from Mudd to Momofuku ALEXANDER PINES, CC ’16 ANNE SCOTTI, CC ’16 ALEXANDRA WARRICK, BC ’17 Madeline Pages 34 french Seek Asylum GRAYSON WARRICK, CC ’16 Uncovering the former chambers of La Maison Française

Conor Skelding 35 “Stop Blogging for Free” A conversation with Rick MacArthur

theblueandwhite.org f cover: “October Tribute” by Leila Mgaloblishvili BLUE BOOK BLUE BOOK

Textile Trivia: the material corduroy, whose name is apocryphally derived from the French corde du roi (“cord of the King”), is distinguished by units called wales, which are the individual ridges of the fabric (and coincidentally, an autonomous country that is part of the United Kingdom). Measured in wales per inch, the typical corduroy is 11-wale (and found ruling trousers the world over).

However—though fall approaches and elbow-patched philosopher-kings even now claim campus, we at The Blue and White have found our attention held not by woolen-scarves, but rather by the more mundane school accoutrements carried and worn by Columbia’s Various Cliques. Some are rendered below.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR TRANSACTIONS ARRIVALS Readers, Al Jaffee’s personal work and archives (Mad magazine), for the It’s fall, and we’ve settled in. We have so many weekly RBML CourseWorks posts or problem sets to do. We spend too many of our Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights out (or too few). We get A new senator, for the College worked up about minor campus scandals and Columbia sporting events (if we care about those sorts of things). Administrative dicta regarding Since it is November, we’ve put up new names on our school spirit masthead and taken down the old ones. (Soon I’ll be off it.) But POSTCARD FROM MORNINGSIDE every college group turns over quickly. It is probably pretty trite to DEPARTURES think that as a senior, but it is still a revelation to me. (It hit me when in a recent email a Bwog alum addressed me as “Young Conor,” a Sun tans nickname I haven’t been called since freshman year.) When e-boards and rosters turn over so quickly, groups rise Knowing glances and fall precipitously. The one-time student council representative who pressured administrators to change a college-wide policy is replaced by a résumé-stuffing bootlicker. (One undergraduate administrator confides that she doesn’t take even those serious Revelation of the Month students too seriously, since they’ll soon graduate.) So the “I don’t think global centers geography of campus never settles. The must-read publication is contribute to the undergraduate this or that (or the other). The ’Stend becomes Havana Central at learning process. Students go out the West End. Even the century-old buildings’ names are changed to commercial centers in the rest of when a new donor or poorly-followed donation agreement presents the world, and all they get exposed itself. to is commercialism. They’re not Nevertheless, this magazine believes that an essentially going to learn the culture of those countries—they’ll take what’s im- Columbian spirit survives this turnover. The Blue and White exists to promulgate (and thereby propagate) that. mediately available in the current culture. It’s just academic tourism, and it doesn’t add up to anything.” — Conor Skelding –Wm. Theodore de Bary, in The Eye

4 The Blue and White November 2013 Postcard by Leila Mgaloblishvili 5 BLUE NOTES BLUE NOTES

staff that he had 1700s. The next section whisks me two hundred already paid a large years into the future; it contains a letter from Milton sum of money in Halsey Thomas, the curator of Columbiana (a now exchange for guar- nonexistent collection of various Columbia para- anteed admission. phernalia, formerly housed in Low), to a Mr. Weston After hear- commissioned to design university shields. ing about Pap’s The scene came to me as I sat in the library: case, the admis- Milton Halsey Thomas, fresh from a letter from his sions office started mother extolling his brother’s accomplishments as to suspect that this Dean of Yale College, paces his office, assessing his scam inadequate, dissatisfactory life as it stands. Curator extended beyond one student, so they turned of a museum in a college ranked almost best in the to the federal authorities, notifying the State country, but just almost, he ponders how he might Department of the plot. The Director of Admissions, stop the voices of parents and peers barraging his lanet Kusfez is a pretty nice place. The Taaq With their high-minded acceptance they’ve created Frank H. Bowles, learned from his staff that the psyche. Pwho inhabit it live in peace, and are neither con- a haven, welcome in a school that can sometimes person who requested the application for Pap was not Looking up at the looming portrait of Samuel fined to bodies nor separated into sexes. Its purple feel as alienating as Tralfalmadore. The sign on the Mrs. Lang but a man who’d requested many applica- Johnson, our dear first university president, he oceans are just the right density for floating on library door: “Not too cool for you!” tions to be sent to students across Europe, and likely notices the crest at the upper-right hand corner, your back all day, zonked off the fruit of its Zerguh Still, I approached with caution. A relative had many affiliates like Mrs. Lang abroad. along with with the original iron crown from King’s tree, which returns you to the mental state of a two- noob when it comes to science fiction and fan- Yet the admissions office never found enough College in Chelsea under plate-glass next to his year-old, before language and self-consciousness tasy, I worried: “Will the librarian blast my head information about that man to discover the extent of desk, and an idea formulates in his head. He sits crept in. Too bad it’s out in the boondocks… a good off if I can’t answer The Last Question?” I felt deep the scam, and the case was forgotten. down and drafts a letter to his dear friend Weston, 7.31x1052 light-years away. Luckily, one of its space getting a bit deeper as she gazed into her After the fruitless investigation, the admis- and can’t help but mention the efficacy of Harvard, spores made its way to us. QuantumComp and I fiddled with my GNYSPhone. sions office decided to admit poor Pap anyway, say- Princeton, and Yale’s own coats-of-arms. The library of the Columbia University But then, we started talking. About books, movies, ing that “in the case of Pap, who had an excellent I’m disappointed. When applying to Science Fiction Society landed over 40 years ago. Lumpy Space Princess and how we hope to be the scholastic record, there was no question at all about Columbia, the shield seemed like a vestige of an After a particularly unstuck day mucking about in first eaten when Cthulhu awakens. Our voices rose. admitting him.” That Pap had the financial flexibil- ancient, honorable, and pretentious tradition: a deep space, I journeyed to the Student Government The corners of our mouths drew back, and our eyes ity to pay such an enormous sum for the application mark that the school to which I was applying was the Office to see what I’d find. One look at the Darth got all kind of, you know, squinty with excitement couldn’t have hurt. “real deal.” This now seems an obvious vanity play. Vader piggy-bank-turned-door-stop, and I knew I at having shared something with another human I called the admissions office to ask if disap- My school’s symbol was born out of insecurity. was in the right place. being. pointed Columbia applicants with similarly excel- — Cooper Lynn lent records today could just fork over a few It’s a small room, lined floor to ceiling with — Tyler Dingman alternate realities, from Ursula K. Leguin to PKD. thousand for a quick admit. Their response? Two Darth Maul retractable lightsabers lean against eep in the Columbia University Archives, in “No comment.” a corner. Some toy robots and a set of Star Wars Dan alluringly titled box, “Unusual Cases and — Jennifer Sluka Russian dolls line the shelves. Crack open a book and Scandals, 1930s-1960s,” lies the story of a young the unassuming room transforms into a Hyperbolic Hungarian student by the name of Peter Paul Pap. he grad student working at the Rare Time Chamber, In exchange for a blank application and travel fare TBooks and Manuscripts desk pulls out a which is fortunate, to the United States, Pap payed $5,000 (factoring box the size of an overstuffed briefcase and considering it’s in inflation, that has the buying power today of over hands it to me. The side reads “Box 255: open a mere hour $81,000) to a woman by the name of “Mrs. Lang.” Symbols.” I heft the fifteen-pound block to per week. The purchase included Lang’s promise that she the nearest desk and begin looking through But it’s the would arrange for his enrollment through a confidant magazine articles, old letters (or most often life forms inhab- of hers in the city. their carbon copies), Columbia pamphlets— iting the library When Pap strolled onto the Columbia campus an absurd and unnecessary amount of that make it neat- in the fall of 1939, he assumed that he was already information relating to the Columbia coat- o. CUSFSians, admitted. But he soon discovered that the university of-arms. though they do had no record of him, and that simply completing an The file begins with sketches of have bodies, are application did not constitute admission to the uni- Samuel Johnson’s, the first President of peaceful beings. versity. Pap was indignant, and told the admissions King’s College, own crest dating from the

6 Illustration by Leila Mgaloblishvili The Blue and White November 2013 Illustrations by Rachel Agins and Leila Mgaloblishvili 7 His wife walked in, greeting me warmly and introducing me to one of their cats, a friendly Maine Coon named Groucho. We started talking about Paul’s friends from (round one) of school; he leaned Campus Characters back, softly describing losing two of them to drugs. When I asked if he regretted leaving, he shook his head. “I was lucky. It’s as if I walked between the You might not know the following figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, The Blue & White raindrops.” introduces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things and whose stories When considering his current classmates, he beg to be shared. If you’d like to suggest a Campus Character, send us an email at [email protected]. said that he was impressed by them but also taken aback by their naïveté. “But then again, how differ- ent was I at 19? Hell, I was an insufferable asshole,” Paul Teitelbaum to succeed [academically] in that environment.” he said, laughing. “I thought being a native New After taking part in the strike of 1968 (“I was Yorker—I’m from Queens—made me cool and gritty, hen I asked Paul Teitelbaum why he’d dropped fundamentally apolitical—beyond the core of serious which was the hippie outlaw ideal.” Wout of Columbia in 1969, he grinned and said, activists, everyone else saw it as a big party”), Paul — Alexander Pines “the short story is: sex, drugs, and rock and roll.” dropped out of school and left campus the following We sat in his comfortable Brooklyn Heights year with hopes of playing music professionally. Chad Brauze apartment, surrounded by an immense collection of “There were two kinds of bands back then: Bulle, they practiced what he enthusiastically termed books and musical instruments. (“I have an entire the tight-pants musicians and the baggy-pants musi- had Brauze, GS ’14, doesn’t use measuring cups. “avante garde molecular gastronomy.” Rivera filled in shelf of translations of The Iliad and The Odyssey, cians. We had baggy pants, sorta like bums,” Paul C“You just do, and you taste,” he says. some of the aspects of this job that Chad omitted: he although the Fagles is my favorite.”) said, describing his cover band. Chad made his career as right-hand man of “worked at the best restaurant in the world, training Paul entered Columbia in 1967 and threw After the band failed to hit it big, Paul joined internationally renowned Chef Daniel Boulud at under the best chef in the work.” himself whole-heartedly into hippie culture—at the a political organization. “I got involved in some his Michelin three-star restaurant on the Upper Chad exudes modesty. When a recent New expense of his studies. “It was intoxicating how crazy left politics,” he said, laughing. “It was sort of East Side, DANIEL. When I met him on a breezy Yorker article about Boulud featured Chad, “He exciting it was,” he explained, fondly remembering a cult. But I cleaned up overnight and had a chance Thursday afternoon at Max Caffe on 123rd St., he acted as though it wasn’t a big deal,” said his friend walking into Wallach—then called Livingston—Hall to mature. Plus, that’s where I learned my trade,” he had recently finished a cookbook with Boulud. Matt Powell, CC ’11. Rivera called him “extreme- and being engulfed in a fog of weed. “I had no chance said. He picked up computer programming from a Brauze’s primary job: accomplishing the minor ly humble.” As Peter Awn, Dean of the School of friend in the group. feat of writing and testing recipes for dishes from General Studies, explained, “he’s so good that he Paul used his newfound skills to land a job at a Boulud’s restaurant, putting the “taste, feel, and doesn’t have to go around telling people about it.” software firm that developed technology for advertis- intuition” involved in professional cooking into After Spain, Chad came back to New York, ing groups. “Looking past all of the crazy stuff, the words. and eventually went back to work with Boulud at major work of my life is the system that my company His career in the culinary industry began at DANIEL. At that time, Chad read about Jacques built,” he said. He helped to develop an algorithm the age of 13 when he got his first job as a dishwasher Pépin. Pépin had gone to attend the School of General that tracked television ratings. “I worked as hard as at the Brighton Bar and Grill in Brighton, Michigan. Studies in the middle of a cooking career and Chad I possibly could to learn and write these systems.” He did not originally set out to be a chef. He began was inspired. He saw something of himself in Pépin After reducing his role in the company to at the University of Michigan, studying engineering. and realized that, though unrelated to his career consulting, Paul enrolled in the School of General But an engineer Chad was not; when he first worked designs, he’d always wanted a college education. Studies to study ancient Mediterranean history— an internship, he discovered that he “didn’t like the He wrote a letter to Awn and another to Pépin, who where, over the past four years, he has taken classes office environment.” encouraged him to apply and wrote him a recommen- at the luxurious rate of one per semester. “I needed Two years later, Chad swapped his sliderule for dation. He got in and began in 2009. something important to do—I wanted to find some- a spatula and transferred to the Culinary Institute of At Columbia, he said that he has “studied where to put all of that energy,” he said. “And I didn’t America in Upstate New York. Since graduation, as what interested [him]”: math and computer science. want to play golf.” Paul leaned back, laughing. “I have his friend Jerry Rivera, GS ’14, put it, “he’s been sig- (“Hardly a flat [easy] program,” as Awn put it.) When so much time to devote to my classes, I must really be nificantly lucky.” Chad started working for DANIEL I asked him if he wanted to pursue either area beyond fucking with the curve!” and worked his way up to being a sous chef. There, college he said, “definitely not.” Rivera went so far as He grinned at the thought of Columbia forty he met his future wife Ashley, a pastry chef. “We to say that his academic interests along with cooking years later. “It’s beautiful! Everything is so nice!” complimented each other in the kitchen,” observed make Chad “sort of like a Renaissance man.” He continued. “Everything used to be so much din- Chad. “I was the guy who makes meats and sauces; Chad hopes to eventually open a restaurant gier and seedier—you could smoke in the classrooms, she made the pastries.” with his wife. “Perhaps in in Brooklyn,” he mused, we had the West End Bar, things like that. We really After a few years at DANIEL, Chad made a “it’s much cheaper there.” roamed the city back then.” European sojourn to work for El Bulle in Spain. At El — Daniel Stone

8 The Blue and White November 2013 Illustrations by Julia Jarrett 9 AT TWO SWORDS’ LENGTH AT TWO SWORDS’ LENGTH Are you crying? nother Saturday night in Morningside Heights, night. And you all just wanted to dance! So you went nother Friday night in Morningside Heights, talks to him for me. another Saturday night inside Mel’s Burger Bar. out on a girls night, just to dance! And have fun! So A another Friday night inside Mel’s Burger Bar. But I don’t reveal those details to this sad, And—oh, honey. Yet another girl crying outside Mel’s you had a few before going out. A (Wait, it’s Saturday? Whoops, I totally thought it was sober girl. That would be too much about myself, and Burger Bar. But then you texted him. You were “thnking bt Friday.) that’s not what sisterhood is about. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants mel’s later.” So, Mel’s. Because he’s in your psych sec- Inside there’s a girl checking her phone every So, I start rattling on about how I really like us to be happy,” indeed. But, although clearly full tion, and you played footsie with him under the table ten seconds. She couldn’t look more lonely, even him, and how he’s always making the first move, and of beer, she looks neither last Wednesday. when that hot TA is totally into her. (He’s 40 but… has been super into me all week. loved nor happy. She is So... Mel’s. You’ve I’d be down). What’s she moping about? At least she’s But my new sober friend seems to be looking crying. And—to quote got beer baptisms, the getting some attention. at me as if I’m slurring my words, and to be honest, I Ben Franklin again— American flag, and the She looks up from her phone and sees me. don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore, so I though obviously sin- incongruously European She nods, and I’m like, oh shit, am I supposed to shut up and just show her the texts. And I smile while cere, the “violent natu- bathroom setup. And: you know her? I smile at handing her the ral Inclinations” of the see some lost soul kneel, her and break eye phone, because I’m sweaty gentleman-schol- look up towards heaven contact. She nods at pretty proud of the ar abutting me have failed and fail to see God—when me. Seriously, why work I’ve done here. to arouse the same in me. some second, lost-er soul the fuck is she nod- I’m basically not even So I’ll go outside. dumps a pitcher of beer ding at me? I’m not that excited anymore And I swear I know on the first’s head. Sticky- trying to get all judg- because he’s a little her—not by name, but by icky! mental, but nods are too into me. face. Sophomore year, So, eschewing the for people I know. My new friend we had econ. As far as burger bar’s much-vaunt- Like, relax, at least gives me a little, campus recognition goes, ed beer selection, you got smile, wave, and tell pathetic nod as she we’re at the “Columbia your $15 can of PBR. You me what your name reads the texts, and nod.” (We were waving looked around for him. is before getting I sense some judg- last year, but this year You inquired: “U here?” all personal! See, ment. She points at we shifted back down to No reply. But then you you’re either on my the text conversation the nod.) I’ve had a few, saw him. Anchor Splash team, and I remember now myself, and you know You saw him, swap- or you’re not. And if that the last two texts what—even if we’re back to the ping spit with your best friend, with you’re not, just give me a second to were from me! Shit! Apparently nod tomorrow, I’m in the mood for Affirmative whom you had specifically gone out Negative remember who you are, ok? I texted him at 11 to say “thnking some desperately serious intimacy with just to dance. The rest is histo- By Conor Skelding Finally, she comes outside By Mikey Abrams bt mel’s later.” And then again at through drunken commiseration. ry. You came out here—specifically with a look of concern on her face. 12:30 to say “U heer?” Everything seems so immediate and to cry—and I espied you from not No way, this is not happening to me right now! Ugh, “He’s wasted,” I say quickly, “He always gets serious when you’re the one venting, and so... semi- within. And as a compassionate human being—as one if I talk to her will it count as community service? super fucked up on Saturday night, so I’m not wor- serious when you’re the one being vented to. who sees a spark of the divine in each of us, even those (#Imasister) ried. He’ll get around to–” “Are you crying?” (My therapist has told me who are being baptized in beer—I came out to comfort “Are you crying?” That’s the first thing she Incoming text. It’s from my roommate/sister/ that I should try working on (a) compassion and (b) you. At which point you wanted to talk about it, talk- asks me. bff/we-went-to-ultra-together. “Hey I need the room listening to others.) No reply. Once more, this time ed about it, and started reading me text messages. Honey, you can’t be serious. You’re that bored tonight.” with more compassion: “Sweetie... are you crying?” Wait—not just your best friend? Your room- and uncomfortable at Mel’s that you’re trying to get And when I look up, I can see him with her in You sure? You’re n-not c-c-crying? Is that a mate? me to give you a sob story? the throes of their disgusting, sloppy make-out sesh fact? Well, do you want to talk about it? You read me one last text: “Hey I need the No! Of course I’m not crying! In fact, on the through the window. You want to talk about it. room tonight.”w inside, I’m laughing. I’m only standing out here I’m not fucking crying. It’s the same old story: it was gonna be a girl’s because my roommate told me to while she goes and (#Imasisterbetch)w

10 The Blue and White November 2013 Illustrations by Angel Jiang 11 VERILY VERITAS TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS In which our hero loves from afar

F. had many hairs on her forearm, V. noted glasses of cabernet gave him strength, and he cursed with relief. They were fine, dark hairs, and quite the day for its length. unattractive. Verily Veritas was glad to see them. When class met, his mind would drift—the CURIO COLUMBIANA You see, she was this sort of departments of literature offered only woman: intelligent, grace- so many seminars, after all, n the late 1960s, the Board of Trustees commissioned the architectural firm IM Pei & Partners to conduct ful, and charming. She had and over the years, V.V. had I a study of space in Morningside Heights. The study yielded a report titled “Housing at Columbia,” which noble features: a sym- taken many twice. When his surveyed the opinions of students on the housing situation at Columbia. The report’s authors included metrical face and mind drifted, he would transcripts of interviews with students in its appendices. Selections from these interviews are here reprinted. high cheekbones. compare her to She was from himself. On Carman Hall: “It’s very sterile and everything, concrete block construction…we have the City, and A n d suites: two doubles next to each other with a bathroom and a suite, but it’s not really—yeah, had gone to the he seldom it’s rather bitter….Suppose you come back from a party or concert at four in the morning and right preparatory concluded such you don’t feel like going to sleep and you want to play records or something; well you can’t school. Her voice comparisons without do it because your roommate’s there and obviously, if you make any noise, he’s going to get was dry, nasal, and feeling shabby. Not that out of his bed and kill you.” respectful. he’d been unaware of On dating: “A lot of the students are really getting frustrated, their rooms are small, it’s Since the start his shabbiness before— hard to meet girls, and they take it out on the dormitories; the walls are ripped…Guys above of the term, V. and it was just that he had me were bowling last night and using the walls at the end of their corridor as the pin. So right F. had weekly seen been rather proud of it. now at both ends of the tenth floor you will find demolished walls, crushed concrete. The one another in a He’d felt it was a sort guys gotta do something, so they take a bowling ball and roll it down—nowhere to get rid of literature seminar. of Columbia man’s shab- their steam. Guys throw garbage cans, firecrackers…” Every meeting, she biness. Now, he won- On meeting people: “There’s always Furnald lobby. Thousands of strangers there—it’s had not only been on- dered…He lacked social very strange. There are always people wandering around—people you’ve never seen and are time and prepared— graces. He was clumsy. He never gonna see again. They happen to come here (I don’t know why) and they sit around she had also been noticed that he slouched; the lobby, talk to somebody and get up and leave.” Another student: “One of the problems smartly dressed. From that his breath stank of cof- of that lounge is you have people talking there till five in the morning; you get up in the her side of the seminar fee; that his shirt—less than morning and you always see people talking in there. Of course it’s always the same group of table, she teased and cor- fresh to start—reeked of stale people.” Another student: “Carman is like that too; I think if I had the choice I’d rather come rected the critical-non- tobacco. He felt like a knave. to Furnald. There’s something about the people in Carman—they just seem to be the type of sense prevailing among And that is why he was glad to engineering students and people who are studying at five in the morning, taking their three their classmates, and occa- see the hairs on her arm. F. was human, minute break.” sionally shot playful glances at V. after all. And to be human was to be imper- On the downside of maids: “There was a case where a maid found a considerable quantity of V. adored her. And yet: he found fect (there was the high-church Protestantism). Not grass in someones room—three kilos—and she reported it to the residence hall and they got her undesirable. I.e., he literally found himself unable to say that he had ever really believed otherwise… all the deans together and were about to bust this guy, but fortunately they called the UDC to desire her. To desire her, let alone to act on that only to say that F. had done just a superb job at con- [Undergraduate Dormitory Council] and the UDC convinced them not to do it.” desire, was revolting. It would require a full renun- cealing that fact before she walked out the door. The On drugs: “No one at CU has ever been punished for smoking pot.” ciation of self. (After all, the shameful parts must be hairs on her arm made her dirty, and, to V.’s confu- On the Core: “Well, the courses are a farce. If some guy doesn’t want to take a course, called “pudenda” for a reason, he reasoned. Pudor sion, he found the corruption absolutely thrilling. doesn’t like it, there is no point in making him take it; he just won’t do the work—it’s a waste. was what Dido had, or lacked. And in his entangle- He was himself, he reflected, still rather crum- I take humanities and I just don’t have the time for it—like, you’ve got to read 500-600 pages ment with her, Aeneas had acted less than pius.) my. But he’d been crummy before, and it hadn’t ever a week—like Don Quixote—stuff you want to read, but you want to read it in the summer…” But Verily Veritas was ignorant of the source stopped him. It was only the singularity of this one On Ruggles: “The dorm is irreparable. Plaster is falling down, paint’s peeling, rats run of his paralysis: whether it sprang from Protestant classmate, F., that had slowed him down. And now around periodically and we’ve got the roaches… heat doesn’t work half the time; no hot wa- guilt, simple self-doubt, or some third, unthought-of that he knew that she, too, was marred by Original ter; the lights went out last fall every night for about three weeks straight in this suite here… cause was an inquiry for him to take up some later Sin, he could get down to the business of ordinary there are square sections which if you step on you’ll go down through the floor just about… night, after a drink. The prospect of his three nightly sin. V.V. returned to his flat to abuse himself.w it’s unsafe.”w

12 The Blue and White November 2013 13 THREE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER THAN ONE THREE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER THAN ONE

and Intermediate Romanian, Elementary and “I find this exactly the same as a normal Intermediate Tamil, and Advanced Dutch to stu- classroom,” says Vincent Dinescu, GS ’14, who has Endangered Speeches dents participating through videoconferencing at studied Romanian with Columbia’s Professor Mona Cornell and Yale. Columbia students are taking Momescu since the beginning of the program in Columbia, Cornell, and Yale join forces to offer less commonly taught languages SCI classes offered at Cornell in Elementary and 2012. Tolu Obikunle, CC ’16, agrees. “I was kind of Intermediate Yoruba. Two other SCI languages— sketched out about being videotaped,” admits Tolu, By Naomi Sharp Advanced Indonesian and Advanced Zulu—do not an Elementary Yoruba student. “I didn’t expect it to currently have Columbia participants, and Cornell’s be so similar to a regular class.” here are twelve students in Professor Adeolu Arabic, have a strong following at top-ranked uni- Bengali and Khmer courses include students from Mate Rigo, a fifth year PhD candidate in East- Ademoyo’s Intermediate Yoruba class, but any- versities like Columbia. It is, of course, no coinci- T Yale, but are not yet offered at Columbia. Central European History at Cornell, is taking one who glanced inside the room would only see two. dence that these languages are spoken in countries Only two rooms at Columbia are equipped to Romanian with Professor Momescu after seeing a The other seven—and Professor Ademoyo—are 200 with fast-growing economies that are emerging as host SCI classes. Both are in the Language Resource poster about the class on campus. “I thought there is miles away in Ithaca, New York. world powers. Students tend to study languages they Center, which itself is located in the nightmarish no such course at Cornell, so I was not even looking,” Columbia doesn’t offer Yoruba, a Niger- believe will give them a professional advantage. maze of the International Affairs Building. (When he says. “I would say it’s almost as good as having a Congo language used mainly in West Africa and Low enrollment is the main reason that it’s I scheduled an interview with Bill Koulopoulos, teacher here.” rarely taught in the United States. But Cornell rare to find a university teaching Tamil, Yoruba, or he helpfully sent me Not everything does, and Yoruba is one of the ten languages in the Khmer: a class must have a certain number of stu- a 2-minute YouTube functions smoothly. Shared Course Initiative— a collaboration between dents to be worth the expense of a faculty instructor. video entitled “How In Professor Hackett’s Columbia, Cornell, and Yale to pool their resources “The universities in general don’t support [LCTL] An SCI classroom emulates a to Get to the LRC”.) class, one of the and let students take less commonly taught languag- classes,” says Professor Paul Hackett, who teaches Room 352 has traditional one, so SCI students screens briefly goes es (LCTLs) through videoconferencing. Classical Tibetan at Columbia to an SCI class of both one blue wall and out on the Yale end, About 91% of students in the U.S. who study Columbia and Yale students. “They’re just not finan- can’t take their classes wearing hefty, bright orange and he has to fiddle a language other than English choose French, cially viable. You run them at a loss.” swivel chairs with pajama pants as they eat a with the volume in German, Italian, or Spanish, according to “Unless,” he adds, “you have a very beneficent cup holders. On the order to hear his Yale the National Council of Less Commonly Taught university that likes to indulge money-losing but cul- bowl of cereal in bed. wall at the front of the students more clearly. Languages. The remaining tongues are considered turally valuable things.” room are two large There is also a physi- LCTLs—the languages that most people in the world Unsurprisingly, then, the SCI is not receiving high-resolution screens with a video camera between cal awkwardness to videoconferencing in a classroom speak, and nine percent of Americans studying lan- funding from Columbia. Financial support from the them. The left screen functions like a projector in a that professors can mitigate but not solve; the stu- guages learn. university became even less likely after cuts dur- traditional classroom, displaying PowerPoints and dents in the room are opposite the students onscreen, Some LCTLs, like Chinese, Japanese, and ing fiscal year 2010-11 in Title VI of the Higher other teaching materials. The right screen is split in so a professor can’t look at both of them at once. For Education Act, which helped two: half shows the Columbia students as captured by a first-time observer, it is a little strange to watch a fund LCTL education. Stéphane the camera, and the other half shows their classmates professor lecturing students with his head turned Charitos, the director of at Cornell or Yale. Their classrooms have the same away from them. Columbia’s Language Resource equipment as Columbia’s, though not as nice a color But both students and professors have got- Center, approached Cornell and scheme. ten used to the setup, though some professors were Yale with the idea of the SCI, In Professor Hackett’s 11 a.m. Classical initially apprehensive. Professor de Groot teaches and the program received a five- Tibetan class on Monday morning, the four Yale stu- Advanced Dutch at Columbia with students from year grant from the Andrew W. dents on the screen give a friendly wave to their digi- Cornell. The environment is “much more sterile” Mellon Foundation. Columbia tal classmates. They set their backpacks down and than her small former classroom in Deutsches Haus, “has cautiously agreed to allow pull out notebooks and binders. A member of Yale’s where students sat around a table and she sometimes this initiative to take place,” says language department is there to pass out the weekly served tea. Now, one of her six Advanced Dutch stu- Bill Koulopoulos, the Senior quiz, which Professor Hackett has emailed to her, and dents is at Cornell. Project Manager of distance collect it to scan and email back to him. “If I were in her position, I could understand learning at the LRC. “This is not online language learning,” says if she felt that she’s not completely part of this class- This is year two. The pro- Koulopoulos, referring to another trend in distance room, because the other students are not physically gram began in Fall 2012 after education. An SCI classroom emulates a traditional around her,” says Professor de Groot. However, she a successful pilot that included one, so SCI students can’t take their classes wear- says that she enjoys the challenge of the new pro- three languages. This semester, ing pajama pants as they eat a bowl of cereal in bed. gram, and has seen it succeed in her class. She is also Columbia offers Elementary They’re expected to show up to class and partici- conscious of its demands compared to a traditional Classical Tibetan, Elementary pate—to do everything as normally as possible. classroom: “You have to work harder sometimes as an Ukrainian, Elementary

14 Illustration by Anne Scotti The Blue and White November 2013 15 THREE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER THAN ONE THREE SCHOOLS ARE BETTER THAN ONE instructor to make sure it’s just as good.” Sanneh’s SCI class, based at Yale, has no Columbia taking it out of professional interest, and cultural angle of the camera to get a different perspective of Koulopoulos, who runs trainings for students. legacy students.” Students taking Classical Tibetan, the Cornell classroom. He encourages them to do it. Columbia’s SCI instructors, agreed: “It’s very impor- Until the program gets more publicity at which is used in traditional Buddhist philosophical “The students should own the technology,” he says. tant for instructors to kind of re-conceptualize the Columbia, there’s no way to know to what extent texts, usually fall within the first two categories. “They shouldn’t be alienated from it.” way they teach,” he says. Professor Momescu explains enrollment is low because students just aren’t inter- Anudari Letian, CC ’15, is taking the course “for On the day I talked to Tolu, Professor Ademoyo that when she began teaching the Romanian courses, ested in taking these LCTLs. SCI Professors and fun,” she says, and to better understand Buddhism in was visiting Columbia. The SCI pays the travel “I agreed to practically rewrite my teaching materi- students referred to their languages as “niche” inter- Mongolia, her home country. Learning the language expenses for professors to meet their students at the als” to accommodate the videoconferencing system. ests, which is true—most American students will has limited practicality; in class, Professor Hackett partner schools. That day, Professor Ademoyo taught Despite positive responses from both profes- gravitate toward Romance languages that are pho- uses a PowerPoint slide to show the grammatical both his Elementary and Intermediate Yoruba classes sors and students, very few Columbia students are netically similar to English, their own heritage lan- difference between phrases such as “All phenomena from Columbia while his Cornell students partici- studying in SCI classrooms. Each class is capped at guages, or at least languages of power that they find are impermanent” and “All impermanent things are pated through video-conferencing. He spent the rest 12 students, but the numbers are sometimes much economically and politically relevant. phenomena.” of the day holding office hours in the LRC. lower. Several classes only But Columbia students For heritage speakers of LCTLs, these classes It was the first time he was meeting his have one or two participants pursuing international rela- are more than an academic opportunity. “You’re Columbia students in person. “For the students see- from Columbia. Some class- tions, economics, human learning a history which has been lost to you,” says ing me for the first time, they jumped,” he says, es have none. rights, and global develop- Dayo Osuntokun, CC ’15, smiling. “The hope for the ment, among other fields, do a student in Intermediate This year, he’s teach- SCI is that languages taught have a reason to learn LCTLs. Yoruba. The chance to “If no one wants to take ing both SCI and non-SCI using this methodology can They will likely spend time in reclaim that history doesn’t Yoruba classes. He challeng- be nurtured and incubated places where LCTLs are spo- come along often for people Advanced Zulu, es the assumption that a face- so that local enrollments ken, and while learning the who speak an LCTL. it doesn’t matter that to-face classroom is superior can be grown and stabilized language is not a necessity—as “I tried to learn Yoruba to a videoconferencing one. at levels that would neces- Columbia’s own global centers online and the first website I you offer it.” “I find my hybrid class of a sitate looking for a perma- illustrate, English-speakers came across, it didn’t even higher quality than a tradi- nent instructor to be located still have the reassuring privi- have the right alphabet,” says tional class,” he says—he gets locally,” said Stéphane Charitos, the director of the lege that they will be able to communicate most Tolu. In contrast with its plethora of videos, gram- better questions and deeper engagement from his LRC, through email. “But the road is long towards everywhere they go—it is smart. Learning someone’s mar guides, and student texts for Romance and other videoconferencing course. that goal.” native language, besides being the most accurate way commonly taught languages, the Internet is a limited “It’s my favorite mode of teaching now, over “It all stems from the needs that students to communicate with them, is a sign of respect and of resource for LCTLs. When Tolu learned about the a traditional class,” he continues. “And I find that have,” adds Koulopoulos. “If no one wants to take reciprocation. It is literally cultural literacy. SCI Yoruba class from a friend at Columbia, she because of the responses I get from students, not Advanced Zulu, it doesn’t matter that you offer it.” In most LCTL classes, says Professor Hackett, stopped taking Spanish and enrolled. “To me, this what I want to do.” And it does seem that no one wants to take Advanced “you tend to have three groups of people: people who is the last opportunity to try and learn it,” she says. This year, the SCI will ask the Mellon Zulu—at least not this semester. Professor Sandra are taking it out of personal interest, people who are Dayo sees another, broader reason for heritage Foundation to extend its grant for three more years. If speakers to study LCTLs. “This is really important Mellon approves the grant, the program will expand from a language preservation viewpoint,” she says. to include more languages—Columbia is interested Yoruba is a shrinking language—both in the number in the Khmer and Sinhala programs at Cornell, says of people who speak it, and in the language’s vocabu- Charitos. Koulopoulos adds that Yale has asked lary itself. “If we have a language you can’t even write Columbia to teach Bosnian-Croatian-Serbian. With in Microsoft Word, you have a problem,” says Dayo. an eye toward expanding the program to other “Learning your language, you can argue that it’s an schools, the SCI will also pilot a Modern Greek act of power in the diaspora.” course between Cornell and Brown University. Both Tolu and Dayo take Yoruba with Professor Like Professor Ademoyo, teachers and LRC Ademoyo from Cornell. In Dayo’s Intermediate class, faculty behind the Shared Course Initiative call vid- Professor Ademoyo conducts the lessons entirely in eoconferencing a “hybrid”—part traditional class- Sponsored in part by the Yoruba. A few times, he pushes a button on the vid- room, part online classroom. Many of them say that eoconferencing system to give the Columbia students this hybrid is the future of language learning. Arts Initiative at Columbia University. a view of the whiteboard, and writes down a word or “Probably it’s the only way of distance teach- This funding is made possible through a generous gift from phrase: Itan – short story; Iriri – experience. The stu- ing that does not give up the human presence in real dents can change the camera viewpoint back if they time,” says Professor Momescu. “I would say in fewer The Gatsby Charitable Foundation. want to, he says. They can also zoom in or shift the words that it’s less lonely.”w

16 Illustration by Anne Scotti The Blue and White November 2013 17 TECHNOCRATS TECHNOCRATS

Though he was raised among small business Perhaps the key verb in Hidary’s campaign owners, Hidary obviated this delineation quickly. is “unleash”: small business incubators in outer bor- Third is the One with the Treasure Chest He nearly graduated from Columbia in 1991 with a oughs “unleash” the inner entrepreneur, community double major in philosophy and neuroscience, taking kitchens “unleash” the inner chef, new methods in Columbia droupout, Jack Hidary, runs for mayor classes with Nobel Prize-winning psychiatrist Eric the classroom “unleash” the inner student. This is Kandel and spending much of his last three semesters an optimistic, even evangelistic, view of the relation By Luca Marzorati at the Columbia University Medical Center. Hidary between government and its citizens. Central to this also served as a University Senator and a liaison to the vision is the role of technology as a quickly-imple- ack Hidary—tech entrepreneur, millionaire, and the East Coast’s Elon Musk. Hidary has already had Board of Trustees. He left before graduating when mented fix to intractable problems. Unfortunately for aspiring politician—will not be the next mayor of specific policy successes, drawing on his wealth and J he was accepted to the National Institutes of Health Hidary, basing your campaign on smart, reasonable New York. According to a recent The Wall Street connections to make significant changes in New York (NIH). fixes—like Cash for Clunkers or eco-friendly cabs—is Journal/NBC 4 New York/Marist poll, even if and nationwide. In the last decade, Hidary has spear- Hidary began his first major business ven- far less poetic than proselytizing the need for income Hidary sways every undecided voter, he will still be a headed two major policies that exhibit his pragmatic ture, EarthWeb, in 1994. Originally a web design inequality in front of a closing hospital. whopping 60 points behind front-running Democrat style. One, Cash for Clunkers, was implemented in company, EarthWeb developed into a platform for This brings up the question of why Hidary Bill de Blasio. The only drama left is to see whether the first Obama stimulus package: car buyers who outside companies to design their own web sites wouldn’t want to take part in the political process Hidary will outperform Adolfo Carrion—a career traded in an inefficient vehicle would receive a rebate during the tech boom of the 1990s. In February from the outside. He has considerable resources and Bronx politician—for third-place. on the purchase of a new efficient model. In the fall 1999, EarthWeb acquired dice.com, a jobs-listing access to influencers, and has had success in imple- Nonetheless, Hidary is teeming with optimism of 2008, Hidary wrote a white paper with Center for website for the IT industry. Hidary and his brother, menting small changes with wide-ranging effects. about his grassroots campaign on the self-created American Progress, a liberal thinktank, detailing the Murray, took the company public in 1998 in a $529 “Private citizens can be very effective,” Hidary “Jobs and Education” party line. And, despite the plan; a modified version passed the House with bipar- million IPO in the height of the dot-com boom. said, “but when you look at the range of challenges steep odds against him, Hidary’s far-fetched bid for tisan support before being put into law in June 2009. Originally priced at $14, EarthWeb stock more than we have as a city, becoming mayor would be the most mayor exemplifies the perverse incentives of the NYC Hidary also lobbied the New York City Council quadrupled in value the first four days it was listed on effective way to work with stakeholders to realize this political system: one where making untenable and Taxi & Limousine Commission to implement the NASDAQ. Hidary made almost $5 million from vision.” promises and exuding charisma is more important hybrid and high-MPG models by ending regula- the IPO, and became the president and CEO of the For better or worse, Hidary’s vision won’t than attainable policy changes. tions that required taxi drivers to buy Ford Crown company. be realized. He’ll be relegated to private life after De Blasio, once the white knight of the for- Victorias. In many ways, this is the paradigmatic The primary difference Hidary sees between the November 5 election. However, his run serves gotten boroughs, is already beginning to temper Hidary change: a small restriction lifted that simul- other candidates, such as Lhota or de Blasio, is that as an example of a larger trend in American life. promises made during the grueling race for the taneously promotes the larger social good (through he is a job-creator, rather than a career politician. The wellspring of American entrepreneurial spirit Democratic nomination. Undoubtedly, the legions cleaner emissions) and the small business owner’s However, as a recent article in Crain’s New York is now located in Silicon Valley and its ilk, not in of union workers and Brooklyn progressives will find pocket (through money saved on gas). Business made clear, Hidary’s meaningful job-cre- Washington or the public sector. In a country with a Dante de Blasio’s afro decidedly less charming when Being mayor of any large city, let alone New ation record is somewhat spotty. EarthWeb expand- gridlocked federal government and a declining global his father has to renege on campaign assurances. York, seems an impotent spot for a self-professed ed rapidly after its IPO, yet fell victim to the dot- presence, maybe we could use some new ideas.w On the other side, Joe Lhota, the Republican innovator. Even Bloomberg, who has forgone the com bust and eventually laid off nominee, must have spent so much time in the trench- prospect of running for further office, has been 100 employees. Dice.com, which es of city government that he didn’t realize that forced to compromise, notably over sick-day pay Hidary retained after EarthWeb calling members of the Port Authority Police “mall and the proposed West Side Stadium. Two-thirds of failed, entered bankruptcy in cops” would alienate many of city’s already-scarce New Yorkers say they want the next mayor to move 2002 months after Hidary relin- Republicans. away from Bloomberg’s policies, which toe the line quished his role as chairman (it has Ideologically, Hidary is closest to the cur- between well-intentioned and paternalistic. since rebounded). Vista Research, rent mayor, Michael Bloomberg. Both are pragmatic Jack Hidary never has to work another day in a financial research concern that political newcomers who made fortunes in the private his life, yet is virtually self-financing a quixotic bid Hidary co-founded in 2001, was sector before turning their attention toward govern- for a thankless position. Why the hell would he want sold at its peak to Standard and ing. Like Bloomberg, Hidary is solution-oriented and this job? Poor’s in 2005 before becoming futuristic—more inclined to discuss ShotSpotterFlex, Though de Blasio has been heralded as the worthless within years. A cen- a program that can triangulate gunshot sounds and candidate of the outer boroughs, Hidary emphasizes terpiece of Hidary’s jobs plan is report them to police, than contracts with police the peripheral nature of his Brooklyn roots. Born in bringing tech companies to New unions. In short, Hidary is more concerned with Brownsville before moving to southern Brooklyn, York, but this seems to run in the the policy than the pitch, which significantly hurts Hidary comes out of an ethnic potpourri possible in face of the fact that, despite their his election odds in a city with as many complex and few places besides New York. His mother was raised immense valuation, tech compa- hard-to-relate decisions as New York. in Colombia, and Hidary spoke four languages— nies don’t provide many jobs. This isn’t to say that Hidary is merely wishful— English, Hebrew, Arabic, and Spanish—growing up.

18 The Blue and White November 2013 Illustration by Anne Scotti 19 LOX-SMITHS FICTION Absolutism Wilson

Absolute’s hold on the Morningside bagel market Andrew and Wilson head to Brooklyn By Tamsin Pargiter By Torsten Odland here are certain paradoxical elements to the professional bagel eater, Levine believes that bagels This is the second installment of “Wilson”—a novela attempt. The first chapter was published in our Orientation Tcontinuing success of Absolute Bagels. How should be eaten untoasted, but concedes that if the 2013 issue, and can be accessed at theblueandwhite.org. can they make such delicious bagels and yet serve bagel is over five hours old (which ideally never hap- ever in his life had Andrew been so parsimoni- be naïve; it’s tasteless. You’re a jaded piece of shit like such horribly burnt coffee? How did a group of Thai pens), a toaster may actually be able to save it from an Nous with his time. He was so fully convinced he me, and that’s why I think this could be fun.” bakers end up excelling at a traditionally Jewish otherwise unsavory end. was above average that he signed up for five classes, “I’ll think about it.” trade? How can they have such high rankings from Ranked by Business Insider and Zagat as the resenting his advisor’s warning that “five is more “Don’t think too hard.” food critics and such low rankings by sanitation best bagels in all of NYC, described by bagel blogs work than you think,” and after a month he couldn’t Andrew pushed a grape around on his plate, standards? In short, how can they fall short of most of (they exist) as having “the perfect ratio of crunchi- eat a forty-five minute meal without feeling guilty. So, and decided finally to burry it in some mashed pota- the traditional qualifications for a “good restaurant” ness to soft chewiness”, and deemed by Columbia stu- at lunch on Saturday, when Wilson asked if he was toes by slapping it with the head of his spoon. while succeeding in making us all hopeless Absolute dents “the best bagel in Morningside Heights”, there interested in taking a trip to Williamsburg, he mulled “What’s that even supposed to mean?” addicts? These are the quandaries I struggle with as is no doubt that Absolute Bagels serves scrumptious it over for an awkwardly long time. “It was real advice.” I stand in line, mouth water- bagels. But what about their “I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m profiling you as a Andrew finished his work by five; he had plenty ing, watching trays of steam- rocky history with the NYC young, hip asshole,” Wilson put his hand to his chest. of time. But, of course, now that he’d forced his head ing bagels appear magically Department of Health? Since “I may not have time. How long does it take to above the water and his free time was really free, he from the kitchen. 2010, they’ve earned an ‘A’ get there?” had to guard it vigilantly. Climbing into bed, where If you have had the on only 4 of 12 inspections, “I’m afraid if I tell you you’ll have a stroke.” he did his serious thinking, he asked the question he misfortune of drinking cof- with the past 6 months being “Seriously.” was least comfortable with: what do I want what do I fee at Absolute, then you the longest period of time in “40 minutes maybe? Longer coming back.” want what do I want? probably spent your next which they have been able “I’ll think about it. Why Williamsburg? Won’t He was curious about Williamsburg. People visits determined to find an to sustain an ‘A’ grade. With you feel like a fashion slave?” loved to mock it, Wilson especially—one of his run- alternative beverage, and in reports of live mice, roaches, “Fashion slave” was the term Wilson used to ning jokes was to invite new friends over to a fictitious doing so, probably noticed contaminated food, and bad describe a particular Columbia milieu that took their their Thai iced tea. Besides hand-washing practices, own coolness very seriously. Fashion slavery sepa- the bagels and spreads, the Absolute Bagels has been rated good hipsters from bad hipsters. Thai iced tea is arguably the shut down twice in their 23 “Not if I don’t enjoy myself. And if you come, only worthwhile choice on their menu. When speak- years of existence, most recently this past January. In that’s as good as guaranteed.” ing with employees, I found that almost everyone who a city known for having a viciously competitive res- Andrew had learned that if he wanted a real works there emigrated from Thailand, and that most taurant industry, failing health inspections could be answer he had to wait. He rested his head in his palm of them have been there for at least five years. The reason enough to close many restaurants’ doors for- and stared at Wilson dumbly. owner, Sam Thongkrieng, moved to New York from ever. Absolute Bagels, on the other hand, reopened “Fine: I’m a fashion slave. I’m a hypocrite.” Bangkok in the 80’s and upon tasting his first bagel, their doors to a line down the block. “What would we do there?” knew exactly where his life was headed. After learn- I wonder if, in another city, Absolute would Wilson snorted. ing the art of bagelcraft at Ess-a-Bagel, Thongkrieng have been regarded as the best of the best, or even “You’re unbelievable. I know of a record store opened Absolute in 1990. survived. It’s emblematic of a New York something. I’d like to check out; we could go to a bar; we could When asked what distinguishes their bagels It’s the story of Thongkrieng assimilating and pick up some boutique swag. Anything, I don’t know.” as superior, several employees emphasized that reworking a staple of NYC’s native culture, finding Andrew knew Wilson’s cynicism was real and there are two noteworthy factors. Firstly, they stuck success and thereby enriching the city with another not a stylistic pretense, but it was getting old—par- with New York Jewish tradition, using recipes that unique gem; the fact there are no clean tables to sit ticularly because Andrew usually agreed with him have remained relatively unchanged since the early at, no polite small talk, no added ambiance, and no and felt guilty about it. 1900’s. Secondly, and probably more importantly, sanitation guarantee seems to the play into the no- “Is that worth saying even if it’s true?” their bagels are fresh. According to bagel experts, bullshit, hurried New York ethos. But, truly, it feels “Yes, because if you listen to me, maybe we’ll (namely Ed Levine of seriouseats.com), even the best unfair to intellectualize Absolute. You don’t go for an have an exciting night on the town. Don’t pretend to bagel is hardly worth eating after five hours. As a ethos, you go for a perfect bagel.w

20 Illustration by Alexander Pines The Blue and White November 2013 Illustration by Angel Jiang 21 FICTION FICTION

“loft space”—and the cool aura the neighborhood had know, got B’s, but I was clearly, uh, lazy—they’d hear a protective way, but Andrew was humble enough to Creedence’s Bayou Country, which they don’t have.” was beyond annoying; but it also seemed to be the about it from one of their friends, and that’s what focus on the benefit of the doubt. “That’s sucks,” Andrew shrugged, “you can only place people went when they wanted to explore we would talk about at dinner. But,” he laughed and “I don’t know what kind of concern that is.” probably find it online. For cheap.” the city. rubbed his head, “really it was like they knew every- Wilson stared out the window at the shapes rushing “That’s not the Williamsburg spirit. Do you He squirmed and looked out his window. thing. One time, I went to the bathroom and this past in the dark. want to drink? Come on.” Andrew wasn’t sure if he wanted to hang with Wilson friend offered me a drag of a cigarette. And, I—I don’t “Yes,” he nodded with closure, “Yep. That’s They waved to the guy at the counter, who for four hours straight. The night before they’d gone know, I was tired—I said what the hell. Swear to God, exactly the question.” shrugged. to a party and he spent the whole time frustrating my mom pulled me aside during lunch, two hours They walked from Bedford to Academy They figured they might as well take a walk. Andrew’s attempts to flirt. “Be careful, god damn later, to yell at me. Records—the one destination Wilson knew in all of If Williamsburg was so hip they should be able to it,” he butted into a exchange between Andrew and “They had an intimate knowledge of almost Brooklyn, as it turned out. The cool air and yellow get into a bar, they reasoned. Their reasoning was a girl named Bridget, “Andrew is recovering from all my friends; they knew who the stoners were, the lights filled Andrew with a self-satisfying kind of proven wrong three times. Making their way down masturbation addiction. Don’t enable him. Andrew, sluts,” he started pointing at nothing. “They saw me anticipation. The street was narrow; the buildings Kent, they proposed different theories of “coolness,” whatever you do tonight, don’t whack it. I’ll know.” lose my innocence. When I got drunk the first time, were short, which accentuated all the trees lining the fought over them, and finally agreed that you could He could be a real asshole, but Andrew was my mom had already heard about the party and who sidewalk, orange already; the neighborhood seemed characterize it as a sanctioned measure of individual- too kind to admit it without wincing. He got up was going, and that I’d never gotten drunk before. orderly and cute to him in a European way, though ity within a value-based community. and thumbed his She knew before I did he’d never been to Europe. “So you wanted to participate in the windowsill. I made that I would get wast- There were young people everywhere; maybe Williamsburg value system? Is that why we came here a mistake he crawled ed that night.” the energy he felt was simply the sense of a communal tonight?” hand-over-hand to “She let you hunt for fun. He scanned the sidewalk. They weren’t “My mom gave me the idea to come actually. forgive Wilson my go?” all hipsters, but the groups in the bars, the clusters of She called me today and asked how the nightlife was. only substantial friend “Of course.” women crossing the street all seemed distinctly style She went to NYU in the ’80s and she, I don’t know, the hook sunk in, the “Was she excit- conscious, Andrew noted, as a built black dude with a did stuff for Act Up, saw a lot of art, went to the biggest waste of time ed about it? What did neat beard walked by wearing a cape. right parties—she makes it sound like she was Miss my only substantial she say?” “Do you think Williamsburg is cool because Downtown. But she asked, you know, ‘Isn’t New York friend what the fuck. “ N o t h i n g . they got rid of all the guys wearing sweatpants and exciting I can’t imagine what you’re doing up there.’ He found the right Well, no; the last thing white t-shirts?” And I told her that I’d mostly hung on campus, doing memory and laughed she said as I walked “No comment.” my best to be friendly and establish myself, and she with exhaustion. Last night Wilson single-handedly out the door was, ‘Kegger tonight!’ But before that it “I think I want to be a fashion slave.” laughed at me. ‘That’s important too, but baby, you revived the party by challenging Eric, who was shy in was all—Carson was the name of the guy who threw They stepped through the doors of the don’t even know what’s out there in the world until a giggly, social way, to a rap battle. The highlight line the party; and it seriously was a rager—‘Carson’s a Academy to the tune of some Australian psych song, you see New York for yourself.’ ” was, “I’m a rude boxer…you a poop doctor.” If I go I funny guy isn’t he?’ And ‘Oh, I’ll bet it’s going to be and Wilson greeted the cashier who only tightened Wilson paused, avoiding something, and then should ask him to take me to his loft space. a pretty big thing. Because you guys don’t even hang his face and nodded. The store was expansive and turned to him. e out really, right? Well that will be fun.’ ” bright, and Wilson was positively giddy at the sight of “In my freshman year of high school, I confided They were able to sit down on the L train. “And when I got back, at like 12:30, she was so many glistening, alphabetized LPs. in my mom that I had crush on a girl named Amanda. Andrew scooched across the blue seat into the corner waiting for me in the kitchen. She wasn’t angry or Wilson quickly made his way down the aisle. She was hot and really funny, but also ditzy and a bad and stuck his arm through the bars. Wilson lingered anything, but she insisted that we chat even though Andrew never understood the record fetish thing but student. My mom was her English teacher,” he ran for a second, as if dazed, and then sat. I was obviously drunk. We never mentioned alcohol, had a weak respect for LPs as artifacts, and he walked his tongue over his left canine, and his voice broke as “Have you told me what your parents do?” he and she pretend to be curious, asking me who was over a box labeled David Bowie. He took out a copy of he tried to continue, “My mom didn’t like her, so she squinted. there, if I had fun, ‘What do high school kids do at a Station to Station and stared at Bowie’s cautious face. pulled her aside after class, and told her like, ‘Hey, “I don’t think so. But they’re both lawyers.” party these days?’ But every minute or so, she’d sort Which came first, he wondered, the record stores watch out, my son has a crush on you. He’s nervous, “Figures.” of squint at me and ask, ‘Are you ok?’ ” or the “cool neighborhood” status, it seemed like so be nice to him.’ And after that Amanda avoided “Suck me,” Andrew retorted. “What do your Andrew waited for the rest of the story, but a paradox I suppose it’s all just gentrification but he me because she thought I was a creep. And she told parents do?” when Wilson turned to him and cocked his head, he was more interested in coolness than gentrification, everyone of course.” “They both teach where I went to high school, realized with a shiver that he was expected to com- hands down, and it made him wince. Andrew was shocked, and Wilson’s confession which was kind of weird.” ment. By the time Andrew thought to check on him, how fucking evil drew out in him a warm sense of duty “What was so weird about it?” “Wow,” he had no idea how to say what he Wilson was already walking back to the front, his face cruel and backhanded does he want me to confirm Wilson’s eyes widened and he pulled his whole felt without insulting Wilson’s mother. Strange and colored with disappointment. He put his hand on his that? of pity and power and friendship. mouth to the left. mean thing to do; she sounded spiteful what’s he hips and sighed. “I’m so sorry. That’s an awful thing to do.” “It was a private school, so it wasn’t big. Like, trying to make me say? I didn’t exactly solicit this con- “The selection is impeccable. But because Wilson shrugged, not sure what he’d wanted whenever I fucked up academically—I never, you versation, did he just want to bring her up? Spiteful in I’m broke, I’m only in the market for one record: from Andrew either.w

22 Illustration by Angel Jiang The Blue and White November 2013 23 FALSE FLAG THE NEWEST THREE-LETTER COLUMBIA ORGANIZATION Flagging Enthusiasm The Student Doth Protest How General Studies is letting its nontraditional flag fly A look at how Student-Worker Solidarity is taking shape By Channing Prend By Somer Omar think the real question is: why shouldn’t we?” fully participate in on-campus student organizations. tudent-Worker Solidarity (SWS) is, first and ‘bread and butter’ status of students and professors. “I This was Tom Harford’s, GS Dean of Students’ Despite these, and countless other, efforts Sforemost, a student organization. Two years Their strategy follows a reliable formula: a somewhat trivial response to the question: why should many GS students still feel separated from the rest ago, Jamile Barra, BC ’13, Emilie Segura, BC ’14, grievance is identified and researched, and a petition GS have a flag? Flags for the other three under- of Columbia undergraduates. Matthew Traverse, GS and Evan Burger, CC ’13, learned that workers at is drafted and dropped in the inbox of the appro- graduate schools already fly at Hamilton, Mudd, and ’15, stated, “GS likes to represent itself as a dynamic Barnard had expressed grievances over new contract priate administrator. If they deem that administra- Barnard. part of the community, but I don’t think many stu- negotiations that cut maternity leave and retire- tor’s response to be subpar, SWS flexes its people The School of General Studies, however lacks dents are cognizant of our role here.” It remains to ment benefits, among other conflicts. Those students power. Their current campaign urges administra- one of these generic Pantone 292-colored emblems. be seen how effectively these two communities can formed Students Support Barnard Workers, which tors to install air conditioners for workers in the A fact which Nikki Morgan, GS ’13, sought to change be reconciled. spread across the street to gather more support from John Jay kitchen, which will mediate the swelter- last year. Thanks to her efforts, and a committee of Consider the differences in student bodies. Columbia students. The group subsequently changed ing temperatures that rise during food preparation. student council members and administrators, a flag- Many GSers not only live off campus, but have fami- its name to Student-Worker Solidarity, though the SWS assembled about one thousand signatures on pole is scheduled for construction sometime this fall lies and jobs. As Daniel Adams, a particularly blunt subtle shift in name does not correspond with a a petition articulating their goals, which was sent on the lawn outside Lewisohn Hall. GS student put it, “We’re here to get our shit done. shift in agency. Worker demonstrations and public to Vicki Dunn, Executive Director of Dining. Soon “This initiative rose organically from the moti- You’re not going to be sitting on the quad, holding displays are contractually limited, while student led afterward, members gathered in John Jay during vations of the student body.” Dean Harford told hands, making lots of friends.” (When asked his ones are less so. dinnertime to chant about the predicament in front me. graduation year he responded, “Who even knows.”) SWS consists primarily of Columbia College of students. Asked to comment on the nascent flag, the GS students are different from other undergradu- and Barnard students who advocate on behalf of cam- As of yet, it remains undetermined whether prevailing response among students in the GS lounge ates, and for this very reason they are so valuable pus workers for fair working conditions, with sizeable this traditional brand of student activism is in fact was: “The what?” Elizabeth Sinclaire, GS ’17, stated, to the Columbia community. However, despite the support from graduate students in the history depart- constructive. A Columbia administrator, who spoke “I don’t really care.” Daniel Yang, GS ’16, remarked, administration’s efforts to further integrate GS stu- ment where, Jane Brennan, CC ’14 and a lead SWS on the condition of anonymity, aptly summarized “I’m totally indifferent to this project.” dents with the other schools, to some extent the two organizer, says “there’s a contingent of students… their perspective on different strategies to confront Despite the student body’s disinterest and gen- groups live in different worlds. who are very radical and interested in labor rights.” challenges: “There are people who come to a closed eral lack of knowledge, Morgan maintains the proj- Dean Harford hopes the flag will be planted At a recent SWS meeting, about 20 students door and think they have to knock it down, and there ect’s importance. “When a people establishes itself, outside Lewisohn soon. A design committee recently and a handful of supportive adults gathered in a circle are people who come to a closed door and first try to one of the first things they do is plant a flag.” she said. selected the layout for the flag, which Harford says on the floor in a Hamilton classroom. Attendants turn the knob. Too frequently, people don’t try the This statement, if a bit dramatic, made me wonder: will be “aesthetically attuned to the other under- introduced themselves: name, preferred gender pro- knob.” why is GS, after 66 years, only now establishing itself graduate flags.” (It may or may not involve light blue noun, favorite civic demonstration. The group avoids Jane shared the advice around which she tries this way? and the school seal.) linear hierarchical organization, preferring half a to structure campaigns: the best tactics are most The School of General Studies has evolved What will this flag do for the student body? “I dozen lead organizers to one leader. comfortable for you and least comfortable for your considerably since its founding in 1947. At the time don’t think it will affect me in any way.” Jessi Ericson, SWS gained notoriety during the Faculty opponents. So while administrators may be used to of its inception, the school was wholly removed from GS ’15, said, reflecting the House demonstrations last winter, when it mobilized perhaps drier and more tempered exchanges they are CC in design and study. Efforts to integrate it into view of many fellow hundreds of students, Faculty House employees, and unaccustomed to this large student group that com- the wider undergraduate community began in 1990 classmates. notable faculty members such as Eric Foner to voice municates on a louder, more aggressive and directly with the creation of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, M o r g a n , their disappointment with the contract negotiation confrontational level. a development that effectively unified the faculties however, will process. The issues at hand included whether to clas- Recounting the more extreme moments in of CC, GS, GSAS, the School of the Arts, and the continue to sify Faculty House workers as full-time or part-time, SWS’s history, George Joseph, CC ’16 and a lead School of Continuing Education. Up until that point, advocate for disagreements about tip allocations, and how to make organizer, remembers 2012’s most controversial the schools were independent of one another aca- the project, “I demands for wage increases. moment, when a horde of students, “marched into demically. (Now they are bound in blood.) want to show The group is built on the work of passionate Hartley with 200 people and…the administrators’ Integration initiatives have not been confined GSers that they students dedicated to righting perceived wrongs on door with all the offices was just locked…and so we’re to the academic sphere. Assimilation into student life do have a clear place behalf of one of the Columbia community’s over- banging on the door and chanting Scott Wright’s improved in 2002 when, after years of lobbying, GS on campus and in the looked segments: the workers that make the school name…and then I started giving a speech that was student council secured the right for GS students to Columbia community!”w a well-oiled machine, but aren’t typically given the specifically targeted to him, saying ‘Scott Wright,

24 Illustration by Zane Bhanscli The Blue and White November 2013 25 THE NEWEST THREE-LETTER COLUMBIA ORGANIZATION THE NEWEST THREE-LETTER COLUMBIA ORGANIZATION how do you sleep at night?’” surrounding worker’s rights on this campus.” from the Student Governing Board (SGB) during the Given the chillier view that some SWS mem- The dialogue between SWS members and The core of Lizzy’s empirical proof comes from Faculty House demonstrations, which provided the bers hold of administrative intention, this helpful administrative officials is limited. It often feels like the volume of communicative material that SWS group with $1500, an audio set, access to reserve facilitation seemed slightly out of place. As David the two speak in parallel rather than directly engag- generates. While SWS focuses mostly on labor issues Low Plaza, and extra security—should it be necessary. explained, “It’s not within [the administration’s] ing. The administration assures that it’s working in and demonstrating on behalf of campus workers, Ad hoc recognition is one of SGB’s most powerful interests to interfere with student activist groups good faith, and SWS shouts back that it’s not. It is Columbia staff members are legally represented by tools. The Board was established on the heels of the like this…there are thankfully apparatuses in place unclear whether there are more productive alterna- several different unions; Columbia Dining employ- 1968 campus-wide riots, to ensure that activist stu- to protect student speech and student activism, like tives to this method of communication. ees, for instance, are represented by 1199 SEIU. dent groups were empowered with systematic means SGB.” SWS has thus far led three major campaigns, I spoke to several John Jay dining employees of communicating their ideas. On one hand, being an SGB recognized group which are labeled as “fights” on their website: The who had never heard of SWS, though one employee, This fall, SGB officially recognizes SWS. means that SWS can more easily interface with the Barnard Workers Fight, The Indus Valley Fight, and Steve Tucker, had spoken to George Joseph concern- David Fine, CC ’13, who was SGB president when administration—a crucial element of the group’s The Faculty House Fight. Indus Valley is an Indian ing the uncomfortable temperature of the kitchen SWS applied for ad hoc recognition, recalled that work, given that it cannot claim to advocate for better restaurant on 100th and Broadway; the scuffle was during food preparation. I asked whether he believed “when [SWS] applied for ad hoc recognition, the worker contracts without communicating with the on behalf of former employees who claimed inad- that the administration’s actions could be attributed administration did an amazing job of reacting quickly contract negotiators, all of whom are administrators. equate compensation. About forty SWS members to SWS’s efforts. He paused before conceding that to their request and making sure that SWS mem- On the other hand, SWS members chafe at the ano- formed protest lines in front of Indus Valley, accus- “[SWS] pushed the issue faster.” bers knew all the regulations related to that type of nymity and formality of this institutionalized com- ing the restaurant of mistreating its workers and Explaining that they exhaust all established event. With our help they were able to get the event munication style. Should SWS renege on SGB regu- discouraging diners from entering the establish- routes of communicating with administrators, Jane approved on the fast track…that had no small part to lations and host a demonstration without administra- ment. Speaking to SWS’s high decibel protests, Jane validates the efficacy of SWS’s public demonstra- do with the administration being very helpful.” tive backing, it would detract all legitimacy from their noted that there is often a police presence to ensure tions: “The university responds to pressure. I heard But Jane doubted the benefits of the formal claims of earnestly pursuing fair worker contracts. community safety: “When we do a march outside administrators talking and, whether implicitly or university affiliation. “With university recognition I requested a comment from Scott Wright, the of Columbia, the NYPD will usually come, or we’ll explicitly, state that they’ll respond to student [pres- comes some sort of accountability and recognition Vice President of Student and Administrative ser- call them and give them our route…notifying the sure].” Does SWS’s strength lie in its volume? Jane of university regulations.” She added with a smirk: vices, who is the target of much SWS energy given the NYPD is a courtesy, they come anyway.” affirms: “Yeah, and our persistence.” “That doesn’t mean that we can’t take off our [SWS] purview of his post. Addressing the temperature in But is there any bite to SWS’s bark? The nature of the group’s dealings with the hats and form ad hoc groups.” One of the advantages the John Jay kitchen, Wright has “agreed to attempt Tom Kappner, CC ’66 and participant in administration has been in flux since its inception. If of not being a recognized SGB group, Jane explained, an ongoing dialogue with the group,” and “will keep the 1968 takeover of campus led by Students for this is standard for groups that depend on (sometimes was that Columbia struggled to define SWS, and had SWS informed about the solutions we identify.” Democratic Society (SDS), who described himself adversarial) communication with administrators to no concrete mode of contact with them. She noted, In response to an interview request, admin- not as an active participant in SWS but as “an observ- enact change, SWS is no exception. “I wouldn’t say we have a positive relationship with istrators from Dunn’s office forwarded me an email er who has a rich institutional memory,” Kappner Last year, SWS gained ad hoc recognition administrators, but some are more responsive than that was sent out to SWS by Scott Wright addressing stresses that “SWS is definitely effec- others.” the John Jay air conditioning petition, stating: “We tive though clearly not as much as George fears that SWS’s email exchanges have are currently monitoring air quality and are already SDS which shut down the University been monitored by Columbia, saying that he thinks examining long term solutions for improved ventila- for a year…[it can] improve by inten- that multiple branches of the administration are tion. I am available to meet with interested members sifying what makes them strong: to coordinating to stop SWS. Though SWS has no of the student body to further discuss these issues challenge administration’s policies proof their internal communication is under observa- and ongoing initiatives in John Jay dining hall.” that are harmful to the Columbia tion, the small print on columbia.edu email accounts Columbia is institutionally equipped to community.” legally sanctions surveillance by university adminis- accommodate SWS protests: The demonstrations Lizzy Wolozin, BC ’16 and trators. educate students about civic involvement, adminis- other lead SWS organizer, claimed During SWS’s early days, the administration trative engagement, and the legality of union repre- that “Empirically, SWS has accom- seemed far more supportive of the group’s work. In sentation in a way they won’t experience in class; and plished much…We have waged three order to reserve space on campus for an event, groups SWS is certainly bringing about a cultural change campaigns, all of which I consider must schedule an “event review,” a process that that, as George pointed out, Columbia hasn’t seen for successful…Students reached out to involves Public Safety and other offices relevant to the a while. However, its effectiveness as a student coali- faculty, distributed fliers like it was size and type of your event to ensure it is carried out tion bringing about functional change for the better- nobody’s business, organized cre- as effectively (and safely) as possible. Fine recalls that ment of workers remains in doubt. It is worth keeping ative campaigns such as our Tumblr SGB coordinated an event review with SWS during in mind Kappner’s note that SWS is still a very young photo project that were effective in their Faculty House protests, “but the unusual thing group and, as the group matures, only its future raising awareness about the current with them is, [the administration] fast tracked event strategic decisions and the kinds of cases it seeks to conflict as well as starting a dialogue review to make sure SWS had space on campus.” challenge will determine its substantive clout.w

26 Illustration by Rachel Agins The Blue and White November 2013 27 WOMEN OF SPARTA OLD NEWS I Wonder A Panoply of Spec

Debora Spar on why the second sex can’t always finish first Judging a book by its covers By Anna Bahr By Daniel Stone Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for gerous game; frankly, it’s inspiring. By contrast, Columbia Spectator: 60 Years of Front Pages here is shoddy. The poor quality coated paper used Perfection Sandberg and Slaughter allude to their useless quests Specator Publishing Company, 110 pages for the cover is nearly as flimsy as the newsprint on Sarah Crichton Books, 305 pages for perfection, but address it abstractly and inacces- $15.00 which the rest of the book is printed. Consequently, $27.00 sibly. one cannot easily turn the pages without wrinkling Of course, the limited accessibility of this book he Spectator Publishing Company recently or tearing them. Nor, for the same reason, could ebora Spar’s new book, Wonder Women: Sex, is its greatest flaw. This is not Spar’s fault. In the pro- Treleased a slim book, Columbia Spectator: 60 anyone sensibly leave it on a coffee table or put it DPower, and the Quest for Perfection is exactly logue, she candidly acknowledges the narrowness of Years of Front Pages, as part of its recent fundraising on a shelf. Admittedly, this choice of cheap printing what one expects: powerfully told, funny, empa- her book and her many personal blessings. Spar, as efforts. True to its name, it presents a hundred-odd probably permits the Spectator to sell the books at thetic, and, at this point, a bit stale. A companion to all good writers are taught, writes what she knows. front pages drawn from the sixty years of Spectator’s a reasonable price with a profit margin. Yet, in an the recent rebranding of contemporary feminism by Surely, speaking on behalf of women whose experi- archives that were digitized as of last spring. ironic twist, the preservation effort itself, the book, white, wealthy women, it advises the younger genera- ences she cannot imagine (read: women of color, gay As front-page compilations go, the book suc- will not itself endure. tion of privilege to adopt realistic expectations when women, women who are too busy trying to feed their ceeds. Despite all the laborious demands of creating More inexcusably, little care was given to for- considering their futures. families to give a damn about competetive baking) the book, which involved culling the few represen- matting the book itself. Beyond the cover design, The book repeats the call to would be not only patronizing but tative pages from thousands, the volume’s editors which is functional, the rest of the book’s appearance challenge impossible standards of profoundly arrogant. performed a competent job of curation. leaves much to be desired. The introductory letter’s perfection for overworked, underap- In an interview, Spar told me The obligatory events on the Columbia time- typesetting is grating. preciated women who struggle to be that she does not believe one single line get due recognition: Columbia’s 1954 bicenten- To account for shifts in the paper’s size and for- respected in the office, keep their sex feminism can attack all problems a nial, the 1968 protests, Columbia’s first coed class, mat, front-page images are awkwardly stretched to fit lives sexy, and produce the immacu- women’s movement hopes to solve: and Barack Obama’s reelection. Outside university the same-sized pages. Meanwhile, nothing was done lately frosted cupcake for their child’s ”There need to be a multiplicity of events, such as President Kennedy’s assassination, to color and tone correct the front-pages themselves; birthday. voices.” Of course, representation of also surface. Headlines with the names of university they were simply taken as is from the digitized issues. Barnard College President those perspectives is contingent on notables past, like Dwight Eisenhower and Averell The slightly yellowed pages might look good printed Spar builds on the philosophies of access to time and support. As Spar Harriman, appear intermittently. And so, 60 Years in color on glossy paper, but on the grey newsprint on New America Foundation President herself put it, imagining that “an treats us to a meandering, nostalgia-inducing pro- which they were reprinted, they not only look terri- Anne-Marie Slaughter and Facebook uneducated, single mother of three cession through Columbia history that begins on ble, but also preclude any sense of visual consistency. COO Sheryl Sandberg. She couples could write this book would be unbe- September 16, 1953 and ends on November 30, Compounding this is the repeated decision to the futility of “having it all” and the lievably hard. She’s not going to have 2012. use blurry, improperly scanned pages. This reflects potential power of “leaning in” with a more critical the resources.” The same divisions along class and Still, the book fails on practical, physical poorly on Spectator’s digitization efforts (for which perspective on American feminism: “We took the race and sexual identity that wilted the second wave grounds. The promise of the commemorative booklet Spectator’s editors claim full credit in the preface, struggles and the victories of feminism and inter- feminist movement stand strong today. How far have is that it puts digitized archives to paper. But the work despite the fact that Columbia University Libraries preted them somehow as a pathway to personal per- we come if it is misleading to talk about women as if covered most of the cost). fection.” they are all part of the same group? In the preface, the editors write that, Where her writing departs from that of her As a member of the target audience for this beyond the web archives, the front pages exist peers is in its vulnerability. Spar beautifully and book--an educated white woman of privilege--I “only in the conference room of our Broadway bravely chronicles her personal struggles with appreciated Spar’s honesty and humanity. She is a office and the archival room of Butler Library.” anorexia; with miscarriage; with juggling her chil- woman whom I deeply admire. I am fortunate enough Inexplicably, “the archival room” does not dren, husband, and job; and with her role as the token to be able to take her advice seriously. But as a young exist. The editors were similarly unaware of the representative of her sex at Harvard Business School. feminist, I fear the continued dominance of this Butler Periodicals Room, which for decades has Powerful women must endure a catch-22: they narrow narrative and the floundering sense of unity been the chief point of access to the Spectator’s must simultaneously maintain their femininity while among all women. When the proceeds of this pop- archive. demonstrating the impenetrable, aggressive, and feminist redux genre go toward exposing the chal- In short: Spectator’s foray into fund- unemotional drive traditionally expected of men. lenges of a more typical American woman, perhaps I raising through merchandising has not been Ergo, exposing her weaknesses publicly is a dan- will feel more freely enthusiastic.w executed unintelligently, only stupidly.w

28 Illustration by Katharine Lin The Blue and White November 2013 Illustration by Rachel Agins 29 Measure for Measure Measure for Measure

Harold and Maude Tired

I opened the door and found my son I’m tired… mock-crucified on his bedroom wall. I spoke with the trees. Ezra, the neighbor boy, was holding I suffered through the famine with the sheep. my projector like a mystic flashlight. In the woods I sang with the birds. I loved the farmer’s daughter. Harold’s face stretched and sunk I looked up at the sun. against my son’s ribs, I saw the lake. rising with his breath I toiled with pots. like some entranced balloon. I swallowed the dust kicked up off a country road. I saw the flowers of melancholy in my father’s field. Ezra spun around, I saw death in my friend’s eyes. “We’re not masturbating!” I stuck out my hand to the souls of the drowned. I’m tired… “I know,” I said. “This is a good movie.” — Thomas Bernhard , pointing to my son’s chest. translated from the German by Torsten Odland

He opened his eyes eagerly. “You like it too?”

I smiled, and Maude jumped around on his pecs, singing for me about a million things.

— Torsten Odland

30 The Blue and White November 2013 31 PEOPLE DO DRINK IN WALLACH PEOPLE DO DRINK IN WALLACH

being straight out of Office Space (complete with a prevailed until the turn of the 21st century. His role coworker’s thirtieth anniversary party, during which in the company evolved to that of designer, creating Measuring Success he thought that a lifetime there would undoubt- prototypes and testing products. edly end in suicide). But, equipped with a sizable Hearing him share anecdotes at 1020 and his How one computer science student got from Mudd to Momofuku paycheck earned during a long day, he would dine at favorite rooftops (SIPA and Mudd), it’s easy to forget New York’s best restaurants and—after his breakup— that I’m talking with Don Lee, industry darling By Michelle Cheripka drink in New York’s best bars. turned cocktail guru. But despite his humble nature, A favorite was Pegu Club, where new bartend- his expertise is undeniable and his approach to his ike most breakups, Don Lee’s led to a drink (or Central Market. By bartering leftover cheeses in ers experimented with different cocktails. The bar work unique. An Old Fashioned is like a haiku: its several) in a bar (or two); unlike most breakups, exchange for high-end products from other vendors, L was the birthplace of some of the city’s best known form is simple, and yet the possible combination of his reshaped what would happen to other men and he ate like a king—or at least developed the palate of bartenders, and Lee was their guinea pig. As he spirits, sugars, bitters, and waters are legion. women at other bars just like those in the years to a high-end New York foodie. Lee spent his first pay- tested their new recipes, he gained entry to the cock- His legacy drink? “I think the drink that will come. A self-proclaimed “cocktail sherpa,” Don Lee, check on the most expensive item Murray’s Cheese tail community, learning about the business while follow me to my grave is the Bacon Infused Old CC ’03, founder of Cocktail Kingdom, is now a lead- carried at the time: a balsamic vinaigrette, which he schmoozing with those in the industry. Fashioned,” he answers with a laugh. And that’s ing authority on all things cocktail-related, from the used to top vanilla ice cream in his dorm. Lee started to invite friends to his apartment probably true, but not simply because of the taste. It’s tools used to make the drinks to the people who drink His exposure to New York food culture was every weekend. They would cover the costs of the synonymous with his name and perfectly reflects his them. paired with a second influential environment: supplies and liquor. In exchange, he would experi- ability to incorporate seemingly unrelated experi- The cocktail industry is an intimate and dedi- Columbia during the height of the tech boom. In ment. He started to enter mixing competitions. In ences to create a cohesive whole. Taking the flavor cated community. Today’s cocktail taste-makers addition to working at Murray’s Cheese, he got a job 2007, the speakeasy Please Don’t Tell (PDT) opened palate derived from Momofuku’s Ssäm Bar, which aren’t designing a sweet way to take the edge off: as a lab UI, the equivalent of today’s Tech Assistants on St. Mark’s, and Don Lee became a bartender on brought in Benton’s Bacon for several of their dishes, they want to craft a drink that reminds you of a dish at Butler. Middle school days spent exploring games weekends, as well as PDT’s Beverage Director. and pairing it with techniques inspired by WD50, you once ate that reminded you of Sunday morn- on the Apple IIe and the basic coding he picked up Two years later, the Momofuku Ssäm bar got but borrowed from methods in perfume production, ing breakfasts as a child. The $15 you might pay in high school primed computer science to become an alcohol license, and David Chang, Momofuku’s he created more than another item on a menu. for a single drink at a PDT a centerpiece of Lee’s col- founder, hired Don Lee to manage the bar. Lee quit With drinks like these, Don Lee forms a sen- or Momofuku is worth it, the lege life. The CS skill set his day job at the IT firm and started working with sory experience without overwhelming the drinker’s industry argues, because you remains deeply ingrained cocktails full time. By 2009, dubbed “The Year of memories of familiar drinks. Instead of detailing the actually that drink in him. Lee describes com- experience Don Lee” by cocktail experts and critics, he was a process of fat-washing pork for the Bacon Infused instead of simply it. puter science as the means tasting fixture of innovation in the cocktail scene. It was the Old Fashioned, which involves infusing the alcohol Cocktails need to be innova- by which he organizes his year that he won every competition that he could ever with flavors of melted fat, he offers a simile: it’s like tive in their fusion of textures thoughts: he says that his want or hope to win. accidentally getting syrup on your bacon when you and mathematical in their thoughts are structured Just a year after he started at Momofuku, Lee pour it over your pancakes. This approach is one proportions. Don Lee is the like flow charts whereby left to create Cocktail Kingdom. Originally a book that he now teaches to bartenders in lectures and guy whose creativity and pre- he finds “interdependen- republishing company, CK created photographic workshops across the world, pushing them to look at cision popularized them for cies” between systems. reprints of cocktail recipe books and manuals. Once a customer’s experience instead of a drink. the masses. Cocktails require you to CK began producing tools, Don Lee revolutionized It’s hard not to believe Don Lee as he smiles “My job is to convince think about variables, and the industry standards, updating the measurements and repeats what his mentor had once told him: “We people they like gin when they CS laid the framework for of the tools from the 19th century standard that had serve our guests, not cocktails.”w think that they only like vodka,” he explains. As we sit how to think about them. in Cocktail Kingdom’s conference room, Lee tells me Photography became a second centerpiece; how he has become so adept at convincing people that most importantly, it taught him that “nothing is pre- Interested in writing or illustrating for what they want isn’t what they need, a skill that has cious.” Lee took a photography class with Thomas The Blue and White? changed the face of the cocktail industry. He begins Roma, in which he was required to take a photograph his story in 1999 in a dingy Wallach kitchen, where and then present it objectively. WE WANT YOU! he drew his inspiration for cocktails from food. To “You had to say what the piece objectively avoid John Jay, Lee learned how to cook, turning veg- means, but we’re just college kids—we don’t know etables from dining halls into something more edible what we mean and we don’t know how to say any- Drop by our weekly meeting Tuesdays at 9 p.m. in his own kitchen. He made meals with his friends as thing.” Roma taught him how to say something, he in the basement of St. Paul’s Chapel. a resident, his residents as an RA. says. The quality and variety of food to which he was Graduating with a degree in photography and Or, email [email protected]. exposed grew as he gravitated off-campus, eventu- a concentration in computer science, Lee found work ally landing a job at Murray’s Cheese at the Grand with an IT company—a job he now describes as

32 Illustration by Angel Jiang The Blue and White November 2013 33 CH-CH-CH-CHANGES THE CONVERSATION French Seek Asylum “Stop Blogging for Free” Uncovering the former chambers of La Maison Française A conversation with Rick MacArthur By Madeline Pages By Conor Skelding In 1821, the view from 116th Street included leniency and greed of certain Bloomingdale staff John “Rick” MacArthur, CC ’78, was a history major, though he spent more time in the Spec neither Alma Mater nor Butler Library. Instead, you members, were deemed lunatics and exposed to hor- office than the classroom. He is now president and publisher of Harper’s Magazine. On his way saw the Bloomingdale Lunatic Asylum. The only rific ordeals. Chambers exposed these blatant viola- down from an interview with David Dinkins, current SIPA professor and former Mayor of the remaining shadow of that somewhat morbid history is tions. City of New York, MacArthur met with The Blue and White in the lobby of the IAB. our quaint Buell Hall. With the help of his friends and editor, Built in 1885, and originally named Macy Chambers was moved up the social ladder of the The Blue and White: What I most wanted to talk with Villa, Buell Hall was constructed as a homey haven committed—which was determined by one’s level of you about is the Internet and journalism. JRM: Yeah, as a pioneer. It’s outrageous. It’s a race to for wealthy mental patients. Well over a hundred apparent mental stability—until he was released. His the bottom, like free trade. years later, Buell Hall has been transformed into the experiences came to light in a four-part exposé in the John “Rick” MacArthur: Well, you read my piece. I heard a reporter from the LA Times say today, elegant home of La Maison Française, Columbia’s Tribune. Appalled by what he revealed, the public “I feel like an old-fashioned reporter, because I read th French cultural center, which celebrates its 100 was inspired to support Chambers in his fight for B&W: Lucky to see that in this issue. You talk the entire article”—in Harper’s, the Vollman piece birthday this year. asylum reforms; courts favored victims of cruel treat- about how good reporting is expensive, on reading his FBI file. So reporting is th Bloomingdale made a splash in 19 century ment in lawsuits against Bloomingdale, notably in the as opposed to aggregation, which is reading to the end of an article? Manhattan. Its name graced the pages of the New case of a Mrs. James O. Norton (details of her case are cheap. Do you fear that it’s idealistic York Tribune in 1872, under the headline “A not given). He succeeded not only in bringing atten- to believe that the cream will just B&W: Well, because you can just hit Genuine Investigation of Bloomingdale Asylum.” tion to the atrocities committed by Bloomingdale, but rise to the top, when someone with Ctrl+F and find what you need to That year, in true gonzo fashion, reporter Julius completely rewriting the definition of lunacy for the good taste but bad morals can just blurb it. Chambers had himself committed to the asylum in state of New York to protect individuals from being aggregate that expensive reporting order to conduct an investigation of treatment of unjustly imprisoned in an asylum. Other states’ laws, and sell ads on top of it? JRM: I guess… patients behind closed doors. He played the part of like Massachusetts’, were subsequently scrutinized. the madman for ten days. Twelve patients from Bloomingdale were released, JRM: Well that’s what they’re doing. In B&W: What would you say to the stu- Chambers unearthed savage living conditions, deemed sane, after Chambers published the series. effect, that’s what Google does—aided dent who wants to be a magazine writer? beatings and other abuses by ward attendants, and… Buell Hall still holds a prestigious place on and abetted by the publishers, who give sane people? Yes, hidden among the truly ill were campus today. After formally becoming part of away too much free stuff. But Google JRM: I’d say, stop blogging for many stable individuals who, thanks to the unlawful Columbia in 1892, the building then called Macy does it anyway, with other aggre- free. I gave a Delacorte Villa was used as the headquarters of the gators, making it available lecture at the J-School Columbia crew team, followed by Columbia for free. Every rewrite, last year. You can College itself, as well as housing the offices every summary, every read it online for free, of the Registrar, Dean of Graduate Faculties, lifting of information on the Providence Journal’s Alumni Council, Undergraduate Admissions, from an original source that New England blog. Initially and the Columbia University Press, among turns up on an aggregator goes I wasn’t gonna put it up, but my other occupants. out for free, via Google. And Google says, editor told me not to be a wimp, and he Buell Hall has been revamped since “Oh, we’re not doing anything, you know. We’re not put it up, and all hell broke loose. Fifty-fifty positive 1977 to make room for the Graduate School of violating anyone’s copyright.” But of course they are. and negative—people are fanatics about the Internet. Architecture and its galleries, and La Maison They live parasitically, off of other’s work, and they They really want to believe, badly, that it’s going to Française. La Maison occupies three refur- sell ads adjacent to that work. save journalism, and them personally. And I think bished rooms on the second floor and two gal- Now, the more blatant rip-off artist like that’s sad. leries on the ground floor, where interested Arianna Huffington—I mean, what she’s doing is So there was a violent reaction. And in the parties will find photos and postcards of the just unconscionable, and she’s getting away like a Q-and-A afterward, some of the J-School students Hall from the 1970s, when La Maison moved bandit… asked me, “Well, what should I do?” And I said, try in, as well as numerous documents and photos to charge pennies for your blog. Even a little paywall dating back to its founding in 1913.w B&W: …and being praised as a pioneer. is better than none. You’ll signal to the world what

34 Illustration by Alexander Pines The Blue and White November 2013 Illustration by Zane Bhanscli 35 THE CONVERSATION THE CONVERSATION you’re writing has some value. That writing is work. in the credit card. reports it—but he’s not James Risen. Risen is a better courses I didn’t even take, like Edward Said. He was And they said, “Well, nobody will read me.” Even So being against it is pointless. It’s about using journalist. a huge influence on me, and I got to know him after Andrew Sullivan is putting up a paywall. the Internet properly. And if people want to read school, and went back to audit his class. a magazine on a screen, that’s their business. But B&W: I think Glenn Greenwald is lionized by my What I admired about people like Said and B&W: But he only got to that point because he started they should pay for it, and there should be respect class of college reporters, because that’s our dream: Rothchild, who came from such different ethnic and blogging for free. for writers, from both readers and publishers. This if someone would just email me all the incriminating national backgrounds, was the rigor and the atten- crowdsourcing crap is unbelievable. documents I could just sit at my laptop and get it done tion to the text, and the concentration on under- JRM: Well, he’s one in ten thousand. Who else can My specialty in journalism is busting pro- right here. standing what the writer is trying to say—before you do that? paganda frauds. And that’s still going on in the start shooting your mouth off about it. Having a real conventional way. For instance, look at what’s going JRM: And my kind of reporting—I.F. Stone was insight takes work; it’s hard earned, and it cannot B&W: Right. on in Syria right now: I’m not persuaded that the my hero, you should know be fed. government has the facts to prove that the Syrian everything about him—you JRM: And he already had a platform at The Atlantic, government ordered the chemical weapons attack. If interview alternative sourc- “You don’t take the feed B&W: Lit Hum for me was he was a paid employee there, and eventually he got they had it, they’re present it. es. You don’t take the feed my intellectual awakening. I big enough that he could go out on his own. But most This is not to say that Assad didn’t do it. But from Jay Carney, you talk to from Jay Carney, you wish I could take it again, people cannot do that. And we’ll see how long he can talking to my military sources, there are questions the mid-level bureaucrat that talk to the mid-level or take some extension of sustain it. about the rockets. But it takes work; it’s not some- never gets interviewed to tell it. They’re not texts to be thing you can do just fiddling around on the Internet you the truth about the sanc- bureaucrat that never treated lightly; you shouldn’t B&W: So it seems that you’re either for the Internet, and checking Twitter feeds. tions program against Iran. gets interviewed to tell learn how to read on them or you’re against it. You find the physicist who and then leave them behind. B&W: Do you feel ostracized for speaking out? says that the aluminum tubes you the truth about JRM: Well, I’m not against it—that’s like being “Dead white magazines,” all that all? That n+1 piece? Saddam was supposedly buy- the sanctions program JRM: I had terrific reading against… ing for an atomic bomb were lessons from professors like JRM: My main exchanges have been with The Atlantic actually no good for centri- against Iran.” Jim Shenton. He made me B&W: Well, that’s what I mean, you’re either a tech- blogger who tries to make fun of me. What’s his fuges. read Allan Nevins. I think no-utopian, or, if not, you’re painted as… name? Alex Madrigal? Foner still assigns him— B&W: Well, right, I think the Internet is the Foner is on my board at Harper’s. History written JRM: Well, there are tremendous uses for it. I would B&W: Alexis Madrigal [Ed. note: Madrigal is a senior PR-man’s– well had a huge impact on me, as did novels. like to believe that the Internet makes it harder for editor at The Atlantic]. And the Observer in the latest newspapers to self-censor. For instance, the New issue: it was you, Franzen, and one other codger. JRM: –right, it’s his wet dream. Where are you from? York Times in 2004: James Risen, one of their top investigative reporters, was ready to break the first JRM: Yeah. But now I have Franzen on my side [...] B&W: Let’s talk about Columbia College. Do you B&W: Chicagoland. River Forest. big story about the NSA’s unconstitutional, warrant- And I’ve got Jann Winter, the Rolling Stone guy, think the Core gave you a good bullshit filter? less wiretaps—two months before the election. And he hasn’t fallen for this crap. And I’ve got Rupert JRM: I’m from Winnetka/Wilmette. Chicago is Bush has Sulzberger, publisher and the editor at the Murdoch on my side [breaks into laughter]. He’s JRM: Yes, I’m a Core fanatic. In fact if I were running frankly depressing to me. And so politically narrow. time, I guess Bill Keller, over to the White House, making money on the Wall Street Journal with a seri- the College, or the University, I would make CC and Through my journalism career, I’ve been a and persuades them to sit on it. So they don’t publish ous paywall. And the people at the Financial Times. [now Literature] Humanities two-year courses. The relentless critic of Obama from the left. And Harper’s a piece that might have moved a lot of people to vote But a huge amount of damage has been done, good CC or Humanities professors are critical and has been after him for years. I can’t not see him for Kerry. I don’t know that the Times could get away and your generation has been trained to think that skeptical of the texts, but think that even the not- through the prism of the Chicago machine and the with that today. writing has no monetary value. great ones need to be sifted as part of the Western Daleys. One of the reasons he’s so passive is because The other good thing about the Internet is that The Guardian is doing great journalism and tradition. Joseph Rothchild, he’s dead now, he was he’s still waiting for the call from City Hall. it’s lowering the cost of selling subscriptions. If you losing $50 million per year. Glenn Greenwald is very my CC professor. How did Rahm [Emanuel] go from chief of have a paywall, like I do, all they need to do is punch talented—he takes information and rewrites it and staff for Obama to Mayor of Chicago—grew up in B&W: Did you take colloquium? Wilmette, by the way, did not grow up in Chicago— with no rivals. There were five people who could have JRM: No. I spent too much time on Spectator. If I had beaten him in the primary, and not one ran. Why? I to do it over, I would spend less time at Spectator and just went to Chicago and confirmed what I had sus- more in class. There were certain people who could pected. The Daleys said to them, “It’s Rahm’s turn.” do both easily; it wasn’t so easy for me. But at the time It’s depressing that it’s that congealed. I was surrounded and influenced by people whose

36 The Blue and White November 2013 37 THE CONVERSATION THE CONVERSATION

B&W: Are his kids at the Lab School? I remember upset. And I don’t mean to sound juvenile or to say float your trial balloons privately, and not with us.” B&W: Yes. And that’s a problem with the Core right an interview where a reporter got him pissed off ask- that it’s just fun to blow things up. But when some- And then he swore at us. He cursed us and then said, now—the stock of Columbia College educated profes- ing. He’d been extolling the Chicago public schools. body powerful gets really mad at you, you know you “Let’s move on to the next topic.” sors who care about the Core is dwindling. And I “None of your fucking business,” he said. got the story right. You gotta feel good about yourself doubt that our generation is getting the same good and know that you did the right thing. You’re actually B&W: I think everything is more polite now. experience with the Core. Maybe 30% has a very JRM: I wrote for the Sun-Times. I’ve seen it. serving a purpose within the constitutional system. Everything is layered with more PR. Even our stu- good experience. dent council is one more layer of PR to wade through B&W: They just bought the Reader… I guess that’s B&W: Whenever a fellow student threatens to call his to get to the truth. JRM: Because they’re getting lower level instructors? fine if that’s what it takes for the Reader to continue. dad’s lawyer on me… JRM: Really? B&W: That, or they think it won’t get them a job– JRM: I can’t say how it’s gonna go. Ad revenue is JRM: That’s when you know that you’re doing the down. right thing. Bill McGill was the president of the B&W: Yes. And the one time a year a reporter gets a JRM: –right, “Why am I wasting my time on this?”– university, and he got furious at Spectator when we meeting with Bollinger, it is unfailingly polite. B&W: Well, isn’t Harper’s a non-profit? got something right. Columbia used to buy build- B&W: –or they’re politically against it. And so the ings in the neigh- JRM: Well, McGill to his credit met with us monthly. Core is caught in the crossfire between the pre- JRM: Even that borhood, SROs He felt it was incumbent upon him. professionals and the post-colonialists. can’t lose money and such, using indefinitely. “When somebody powerful gets dummy corpora- B&W: And who was the provost at that time? JRM: The anti-dead-white-man crowd. really mad at you, you know you tions. We exposed B&W: Do you have that. We exposed JRM: It was Theodore de Bary. B&W: Yeah. an endowment? got the story right. You gotta feel a scandal in food good about yourself and know that services, where the B&W: No kidding. JRM: I’m not happy to hear that. JRM: Not now. you did the right thing. You’re woman who ran We’re living month food services was JRM: You know him? B&W: Well, the Core doesn’t fit into the idea of a to month. We’re in actually serving a purpose within getting kickbacks global university: free trade, open markets, all that. better shape than the constitutional system.” from vendors. It B&W: Oh, yes. most, because our would infuriate JRM: Sounds like marketing crap. Once, at the readers pay. Not these guys. JRM: Asian scholar. [Spectator’s annual] Blue Pencil dinner, Jimmy enough, though, and I’m trying to get them to pay Oh! But the thing that made me happiest was Breslin got up and spoke. And he said, “I’m looking more. not investigative, it was more of a crusade. They B&W: And a Core zealot. at your newspaper, and it’s so goddamn boring! If you tried to make Henry Kissinger a professor. So there don’t do something interesting now, when will you? B&W: Let’s talk about Columbia College and the were protests, and we covered the protests to a JRM: Yes. I liked him. And a College graduate? Think the people you’ll work for later will let you?”w Spectator. great degree, and we editorialized, and McGill finally This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity. backed off. JRM: Well, Vietnam radicalized us. And Watergate He was such a politician, that you understood showed us that journalism could have a political he floated it as a trial balloon to see what would impact—not something to do for the hell of it, or for happen. Well, we helped puncture it, and I was very fun, though I think it should be fun. proud of it. In those days it was a very important state- So I went to the Spectator organizing meeting, ment to make. at that time characteristically late. Everyone had left. That was with Dan Janison—that’s our Dave Smith, now the managing editor of the Herald Spectator mafia, we just interviewed [SIPA professor Tribune in Paris, gave me this fantastic pep talk about David] Dinkins together [about Lhota and the may- the possibilities of journalism. I got so excited, I oral race]. Let’s see if he remembers... [produces flip could barely speak. So I threw myself into it. It was a phone, dials Dan Janison] latent virus that exploded in me, I wanted so badly to [To Dan Janison] Hey, very quickly, Conor be a journalist, thanks to Dave and Spectator. wants to know about the best fun we had at Spec. Were you there when McGill said to us, “I don’t give B&W: What was the most fun you ever had on Spec? a shit about…”? It was Kissinger, right? McGill said, “I was just floating a trial bal- JRM: The most fun was getting powerful people loon.” And I said back, rather nastily, “Why don’t you

38 The Blue and White November 2013 Cartoon by Alexandra and Grayson Warrick 39 SKETCHBOOK PAYING THE BILLS

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Corrections: In the Orientation issue, contributor Michelle Cheripka’s name was misspelled. It is here correct. The Blue and White has a more embarrassing retraction to make: The translation of Rilke’s “First Elegy” printed in our Orientation 2013 issue was translated by Stephen Mitchell, not Torsten Odland, due to an administrative error. We apologize, and to especially Stephen Mitchell, whose superb translation, Duino Elegies and the Son- nets to Orpheus, is published by Vintage.

40 Cartoon by Julia Jarrett The Blue and White November 2013 41 DIGITALIA COLUMBIANA CAMPUS GOSSIP These excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encour- CLEANING UP SHOP Our own football team, though it has not been mak- age our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via email, at [email protected]. Tony Lee, CC ’15, is the new president of the ing a name for itself on the field, has been making its Activities Board at Columbia (ABC), as well as an way around the city. In well-tweeted events, the team Classroom participation by students is much to be Hola, me llamo Elijah. Estoy veintiuno años. Soy account-holder on WikiCU. His first action was to was chaperoned on two trips: one to the Today Show, encouraged, but not overparticipation. How can you un estudiante y un luchador de la Universidad de polish his own vanity page. His second was to delete and the other to some NYC tech companies, includ- tell the difference? There are two tests: Columbia. Puesto que soy un luchador, estoy en the “Campus Perception” section from the ABC’s. ing Bitly, Peek Analytics, and ZogSports. The football Is your question or comment of GENERAL interest? buena forma física. Lee deleted the reference to V113, Insufficient account included the hashtag, #GeekingOut. The If you think other students will not be interested, e Funds, in which the ABC “was portrayed as a mania- editors would like to append another: #BANGBANG. then save it for after class, email, or office hours. You John Jay is a freshman dormitory that consists of sin- cally greedy, evil organization,” on account of “the e don’t want the other students to roll their eyes every gle rooms. It sits at the lowest point on the Columbia shortchanging many student groups feel at the hands This magazine has received reports that a Brown a time you raise your hand. campus when compared to the rest of the buildings, of Columbia’s administrative and student bureau- capella group is planning an ambush of a Columbia Learn to multiply! If your question or comment sunken and hidden behind a courtyard of trees. If one cracy, of which ABC is an integral part.” a capella group. takes up three minutes of classtime or so, how many were to drop a large ball in the middle of the campus, e e such will take up the entire time? Thus, if you’ve it would undoubtedly roll directly toward John Jay. BROTHERLY LOVE DIRTY DANCING already asked one or two questions, that’s it for today. The building houses only first year students, who are Every Wednesday night, students dance on the grave In the course of dancing at Mel’s Burger Bar, one Remember Kant’s categorical imperative: What if new to college life and must learn the ropes before of a graver, past Columbia at Senior Night, fittingly girl’s zipper was somehow hooked onto a guy’s cara- everybody did it? they can advance on. John Jay’s position at the lowest enough at Havana Central at the West End. At a biner, which he for some reason wore with his keys on e portion of campus is a metaphor for the new students, recent one, a brother of Pi Kappa Alpha—recent his belt loop. The girl was still dancing and trying to As Mayo told the story, he raced over to Athens in his who are considered on the lowest rung of the schol- recipient of the award for “Greek Man of the Year”— laugh it off; the guy, reportedly, “wasn’t having any of old jalopy on a rainy Friday afternoon. En route,he arly ladder.... espied the Bwog editor, whom he knew from NSOP. it.” It took four minutes and two friends to extricate had to stop only twice to repair flats on the worn-out In reality, John Jay’s role on campus is to pro- He proceeded to repeatedly shout at her, “Fuck the revelers. wartime tires, and arrived, alas, too late for visiting tect its occupants by keeping a low profile while also Bwog! Fuck Bwog! Fuck Bwog!” e hours at his daughter’s dormitory. Dormitory rules blocking out the outside world e #GEEKINGOUT were very strict in those days, forbidding even a dot- John Jay is not directly accessible from the In unrelated news, fraternities have reported an From Spec Opinion: “Athletes often refer to the ing father from seeing his own daughter. But being street that it sits on, 114th. In order to reach the unprecedented number of rushes. AEPi in particular section of Dodge Fitness Center reserved for non- an ingenious and enterprising fellow, he drove up entrance, one must first walk through the gates on had five times more than usual. athletes as ‘the Muggle gym.’” and parked under an upper window of the dorm and 114th, make their way up a narrow flight of stairs e e honked his horn - the horn still worked. Out came and continue on down another flight of stairs. This is PARTY CRASHING PRIVILEGE the previous envelope, dropped from his daughter’s due to the fact that the University does not want just Five seniors departed Lerner Pub, having arrived Shamus Khan, silver nugget of the Sociology depart- window into his waiting hands. According to Frank, anyone walking into the dormitories.... after the beer ran out. As they disappointedly climbed ment, gave a book talk at St.A’s. The subject of the it sailed gently to the ground: “I opened it in front of e out of the party space, five fresh-faced high school lecture and title of the book were both Privilege. the headlights and read what she had copied. It was Why don’t people on campus who talk about sex as students asked them eagerly, “Is that some awe- Khan’s major point revolved around how the elite German, but I could read it. I saw dichlorodiphenyl- not being classy or make judgments on someone’s some college party!?” Replying in the affirmative, sees itself less as a fortunate class and more as a trichloroethane. That was it. That was DDT.” value based on what they wear drop their books and the seniors handed over their wristbands, which the deserving, talented class. Audience members were e their work for at least one night and actually think high school students ingeniously contrived to tape tepidly interested. I want to look at the due process clause, the drone about the ideas and thoughts they have and challenge onto their own wrists, and they headed down into e war in the United States. And if that is not enough to them? This is what this university is about, challeng- the party. The seniors reported having felt better and Freedom… it’s slavery!w cover thirty five pages, I will expand my focus. ing things.w heading to 1020.

42 The Blue and White November 2013 43 EATIN’ GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

44 The Blue and White