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THE UNDERGRADUATE MAGAZINE OF , EST. 1890 THE BLUE & WHITE Vol. XVIII No. IV September 2012

PARADISE LOST How Will Columbia Finance its Commitment to Secondary Education? DISPATCHES FROM THE REAL WORLD Our Culture Editor Attends an n+1 Issue Launch Party

Al so Inside: How to Get Good Grades brian wagner, SEAS ’13, Editor-in-Chief

SYLVIE KREKOW, BC ’13, Managing Editor

Conor Skelding, CC ’14, Culture Editor

Rega Jha, CC ’13, Literary Editor

Louise McCune, CC ’13, Senior Illustrator

ANNA BAHR, BC ’14, Senior Editor ALLIE CURRY, CC ’13, Senior Editor Claire sabel, CC ’13, Senior Editor

ZUZANA GIERTLOVA, BC ’14, Publisher

Contributors DIANA CLARKE, CC ’13 KATE GAMBLE, CC ’12 Artists ALEX JONES, CC ’13 CELIA COOPER, CC ’15 BRIANA LAST, CC ’14 MANUEL CORDERO, CC ’14 BIJAN SAMAREH, CC ’15 Lily Keane, bc ’13 PETER STERNE, CC ’14 EMILY LAZERWITZ, CC ’14 VICTORIA WILLS, CC ’14 Liz lee, CC ’12

Copy Editor Hannah Ford, CC ’13 THE BLUE & WHITE

Vol. XVIii FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS No. IV

Columns 4 Bluebook 6 Blue Notes 8 Campus Characters 12 Verily Veritas 24 measure for Measure 34 Digitalia Columbiana 35 Campus Gossip

Features Allie Curry & Matthew Schantz 10 at Two Swords’ Length: Should You Instagram? Our Monthly Prose and Cons.

Anna Bahr 13 Saturday Night Fever Columbia's Other Radical Tradition: Health Care Reform In the 1980’s

Briana Last 17 National Insecurity Ian Bremmer Imagines America’s Fall from Grace

Sylvie Krekow & Louise McCune 18 raising the Bar How to Get Good Grades

Conor Skelding 20 Dispatches from the Real World Our Culture Editor Attends an n+1 Issue Launch Party

Bijan Samareh 22 kickstarter: NoCo Would a Building by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet?

Diana Clarke 27 arrested Development An SoA Grad Gets Clean and Grows up

Anna Bahr & Claire Sabel 29 paradise Lost How Will Columbia Finance Its Commitment to Secondary Education?

theblueandwhite.org f cover: “Back to School” by Louise McCune Every May I make a list of summer goals. It’s a long, somewhat scattered checklist of accomplishments that range from eating healthier to starting a blog. I give myself roughly 100 days to complete as many items as I can, and summer after summer, I’m lucky if I accomplish a quarter of them. (The aforementioned pair lie within that minority.) Yet I hardly find this depressing. It doesn’t even deter me from making the next year’s list equally unre- alistic. Because, for me, the purpose of the list isn’t to have every goal marked off come September. Was I really going to write a short story? Maybe. Was I going to learn French? Maybe. Was I going to do both while also learning an obscure programming language? Of course not. But still, I make the list. And it is just as absurdly diverse each year. Because somehow it wouldn’t make sense to me to spend time coding an iPhone app if I couldn’t take a break to write poetry at some point. The beauty of the list isn’t just that most of the items (if completed) would look great on a resume (though they would), or that it would net me a large amount of Twitter followers (“#12. Be better at Twitter”). The list is about figuring out what I don’t want to do. It’s more important to me that when I returned from my internship at night, I chose not to spend time writing a screenplay. A senior I may be, but that doesn’t mean I have my life figured out. The list is just my way of trying, at least for a few sweat-filled months when I’m free from school- work, to determine where my passions lie. Apparently French just isn’t one of them. But now I know. And that, if anything, is what our four years here are for. Oh, and get a Twitter. Apparently those are a thing now.

Brian Wagner Editor-in-Chief

Selected tweets at in the past two weeks, in chronological order (for more background, turn to page 6): w @bwog whoaa!! That’ll be great!! I’m gonna check @bwog everyday (^-^) please update a lot of @ JaeseopKim91AJ thanks!! w @bwog hey,why some of the reader of Aj’s article misunderstood ur article? why they comment as if it’s all set by you to lift AJ to ur blog? w Can @bwog leave Jaeseop/AJ alone. Don’t feed into obsessed fan’s requests and let him leave a normal college student life. w @bwog wow that’s great my question that I want to ask “what is your inspiration that you having a new haircut” 4 The Blue & White 4 The Blue & White blue book w @bwog can u posting more info on ur blog about columbia?a scholarship maybe? I look for GSAPP w @bwog @JaeseopKim91AJ If other UKiss Members were Girls, Who would you married and Who is the sexiest Member? w @bwog @JaeseopKim91AJ what’s stands for bwog ? w @bwog I’m glad we gave up on blogging about columbia and decided to blog about k pop instead. Way more lucrative. w it’s like @bwog is becoming a kissme LOL awesome. w so much..?!! AJ’s so handsome there..?! ---> @bwogcolumbia unv. blog . this account help us KISSme(s) to know Aj’s activity.. w @bwog please ask AJ what majors he is doing :) and WHY HE IS SO SMART? THANKS~~ w @bwog Please be cautious with the Jaeseop thing Respect his privacy & wish to be a regular Columbia student. I worry about possible stalking w When @Bwog commenters sympathize with Barnard students, you KNOW something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.#dormpocalypse #mlibc w who is @bwog?? I’ll follow for get the news.... Postcard from Morningside

September 2012 5 September 2012 Postcard by Louise McCune 5 blue NOTES

esidents of Morningside Heights did not take selection is limited. Instead the café serves sandwiches Rkindly to the sudden demise of P&W Sandwich that require less meticulous preparation, “something Shop last December. Beloved by its patrons for its simple, mainly baguettes and cheese.” whimsically named, mouth-watering sandwiches and Though customers can expect the same fresh comfortable neighborhood vibe, P&W was a New ingredients, the variety and convenience of P&W will, York deli with a personality. Every lunch hour, owner for the time being, live on only in Morningside’s collec- Wendy Binioris (the “W” in “P&W”) acted as an tive memory; the ghosts of P&W’s signature coleslaw endearing mother to her customers. and pickles haunt today’s unaccompanied sandwiches. For many, the thought of strolling down Some might argue that P&W lost its panache years Amsterdam without the opportunity to pick up an before its lease ended—niche Italian sodas and clarinet afternoon “Sasqwich” loaded with roasted turkey and reeds disappearing from the shelves in exchange for salami was untenable. But all is not lost: individual, soaring rent—but the unbelievers would be wrong. shrink-wrapped P&W sandwiches are now being sold Those were sweet afternoons spent on the steps of next door at the Hungarian Pastry Shop, also owned by St. John the Divine, pickle juice drooling down chins Wendy and her husband Peter (the “P”). towards waiting napkins; and even in the last days, you Shelves of flaky baklava, their popular pumpkin could crane your neck to spot a box of reeds, slowly pie, and strudel priced by the pound pimp out the dis- gathering dust. play cases at Hungarian. For more savory satisfaction, — Briana Last peek into the corner and note a new addition to their standard sweets: a sandwich bearing roasted turkey, n August 14th, Bwog published an ostensi- cranberry sauce, alpine lace, and alfalfa sprouts, on Obly unprovocative post divulging that Jaeseop toasted olive bread—it’s a tantalizing reminder of “AJ” Kim, 21, member of the South Korean boy P&W’s “Bethy-Poo.” Could it be the sandwich, resur- band U-KISS, and K-pop idol, will spend this fall at rected? Columbia’s School of General Studies (which is known Peter warns, “We’re just not equipped to be for annually attracting a handful of minor royalty and making the same sandwiches that we did next door.” supermodels). But this somewhat routine manoeuvre Although some standbys remain on the shelves of soon spiralled into an unexpected episode of oppor- the Pastry Shop (such as “The Diana’s Delight”), the tunism, and heartbreak. Although K-pop acts are not unlike the N’Sync and Spice Girls of our own bygone tween dreams, fans of the genre are characterized by an entirely foreign ferocity. So our blogging brethren discovered. “@bwog will you please keep update about AJ @ Columbia? we’ll be so much thanksfull with that.. :) and please take care of him,” requested @vina91KISSme the following day. The Blue & White’s Culture Editor, ever the keen observer of aesthetic trends, saw an

6 Illustration by Louise McCune The Blue & White blue NOTES

opportunity for cul- in the culture war. Simple enough. tural immersion, and But as I sat in a high-backed chair, eating fried a chance at an inter- clams and wondering if anyone there played golf with national following. He Jamie Dimon, I decided that I might have enjoyed the rolled up his sleeves and gilded age—that I liked counting stuffed baboons and addressed the KISSmes, elephant heads among our posh company—even as I as the band’s followers felt I shouldn’t. Such extravagance seemed to me not are known. the Columbian mode of interaction with wealth. “Good afternoon The average student spends too much time laz- @ukisskorea fans ing in the cocoon of conventional liberal wisdom to tweeting at us from be admittedly satisfied in that setting, even if he were Asia! We will keep you raised in it. Certainly, we have our cadre of “sellout” updated on finance types, but how many would feel comfortable @JaeseopKim91AJ’s admitting their aspirations to wealth in CC? time here at Columbia,” he wrote, reflecting upon what Perhaps I draw too-hard lines for the sake of might be an iron law of Twitter: as followers accrue, so sport (forgive me—I’m an undergrad one year more increases the pandering. The tween Twittersphere of yet). Still, Columbians are coy about their aspirations Southeast Asian jumped aboard. to money. They aren’t after lobster mac and big game “KISSme(s): we contacted @JaeseopKim91AJ on the walls, and those that are are compelled to con- for an interview yesterday. We hope he’ll agree! In duct themselves with a falsely charitable sprezzatura. meantime, what questions should we ask?” The tweets Instead, Columbians earn endless degrees in search streamed in hot and heavy: Does he miss his fellow of an examined life. Such pursuit is lauded. And the performers? If his boy band were all girls, who would “life well-considered” should find an audience at the he marry, and why? This was Bwog’s bestseller since university, but I can’t help but find that too-abstract Operation Ivy League! path an inferior means, to the common end: some Between August 15th and 17th, Bwog received Aristotelian “good life.” 210 mentions on Twitter from U-KISS fans, and I asked the straw man helping me with this gained more than 300 followers (for more KISSme piece, “What is wrong with trying to make a little tweets, turn to this issue’s Bluebook on page 4). At money, to live nicely, to pay off debt, to save for a fam- one point 20 per cent of Bwog’s real-time readers were ily?” “Nothing,” he replied. “But shut up about it. from Southeast Asia—usually, that demographic is less Discussing money is rude, and the Core unites us all.” than one quarter of a per cent. That might be the simple answer: that most After AJ’s managers at NH Media forbade him everybody aspires to wealth, only with varying degrees an interview, the editor felt sharp guilt for raising the of subtlety and decency. It wouldn’t be the first time I earnest hopes of hundreds of KISSmes. So he hasn’t didn’t know which fork to use first. tweeted anything more at all about it, despite —Alex Jones @Valencia0409 plaintively crying, “where is AJ news?? ;A; @bwog.” He doesn’t want to lose the followers — Conor Skelding

he Blue & White dispatched me to the Columbia Alumni Association’s “Annual Inter-Club Beer TTasting - Saison Global Language Exchange” event at the Harvard Club of . As the magazine’s sole contributor with a membership at the Columbia Club, the assignment was inevitable. The editors were looking for a brief note on the event including some jabs aimed at the attendees without real engagement

September 2012 7 Illustrations by Lily Keane & Manuel Cordero Campus Characters

You might not know the following figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, The Blue & White intro- duces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things and whose stories beg to be shared. If you’d like to suggest a Campus Character, send us an email at [email protected].

Deaton Jones ed quickly, his roots emerge in displays of southern gentility. retty much everyone knows Deaton Jones, CC Compared to “the normal Columbia student”, P’13. His voice is recognizable, his anecdotes Deaton feels he spends significantly more time away notorious, his energy irresistible. But even his clos- from the fold, both at work and at play. He sees his est friends have trouble pinning him down. “Deaton numerous internships in fashion more as “real-world does so many things at once,” marvels suitemate experience” than an entry into the rarefied world Matt Grumbach, CC ’13. He seems to be everywhere of haute couture, however. “I like fashion, but I’m simultaneously, and yet deeply immersed in the task not set on it as a career path,” he says. He applies at hand. He has an infectious vivacity and an appetite the same laid-back sentiment to going out; he’s just for new challenges, and is perpetually pursuing an having fun, he insists, not trying to hobnob with exhaustive schedule. He can barely keep up with celebrities—although the Black Eyed Peas’ manager himself; at one point during our conversation, as did once invite him to share a drink with the group at Deaton explained his preference for stylish garb over a club. sweatpants, he interrupted himself to apologize for Deaton has an eccentric silliness and he enjoys having shown up in the offending garment. He ordi- dancing while nobody—or everybody—is watching. narily wouldn’t, he explained, it was just that he had He has been known to dance so hard he splits rugby practice in an hour. his pants—which has happened on five separate This is merely the latest in a long line of sport- occasions. Louise McCune, CC ’13, recalls one ing endeavors. Despite eschewing the label of "ath- time freshmen year when Deaton told her to wear lete", he likely could have been a member of more a costume to an otherwise ordinary lunch date in than one varsity team. He remarks that although he is “quite flamboyant,” one of the things he prides himself on is “that I can do the masculine things.” He continues, “It bothers me when people think that gay people are sissies." Hence the rugby. While at col- lege, Deaton has run in numerous races and triath- lons, most recently completing the Paris marathon in less than three hours while studying at . Deaton hails from Raleigh, North Carolina, a relatively conservative pocket of the country where he often felt out-of-place. “I don’t particularly like the South,” he admits. He found Raleigh’s homoge- neity oppressive, particularly because of its pervasive homophobia. He was drawn to New York City, where one of his aunts, whom he describes as “the black sheep of the family” for her liberal and cosmopolitan sensibilities, had moved. And although he assimilat-

8 The Blue & White John Jay. She assumed he was kidding, but he showed up dressed in his aunt’s old fur coat with a strange belt—in short, a costume. “He’s incredibly adapt- able,” says another suitemate. “[He’s] one of those people who you can never predict what he’ll do next, but you know he’ll excel at it.” McCune agrees; whatever he ends up doing, she says, “he’s always Deaton—consistently extraordinary.” —Peter Sterne Gavin McGown

avin McGown, CC ’13, is not one, but a whole Gcast of campus characters. “That’s me in a nut- shell, or in five nutshells!” they cheerfully concluded our interview. McGown, who identifies as gender- queer, prefers non-binary pronouns. References to “they,” “them,” “theirs,” and “themself,” reflect McGown’s refusal to adhere to a restrictive definition of gender. To Gavin, queerness is a process of “ques- And while prominently political, McGown has also tioning, transgressing, and breaking apart” not only turned their voice to other forms of public speak- gender identities, but also restrictive political and ing. The Classics-Philosophy double major won a sexual norms. prestigious city-wide Greek recitation competition Many who don’t know Gavin personally are last year, for a presentation of Clytemnestra’s “blood likely to recognize them thanks to their distinct orgasm” in Euripedes’s Agamemnon. (Should you sense of style—ascots one day, heels the next— have the opportunity to ask them to knock off a few and fearlessness of speaking out. Last semester, lines, I urge you to take it.) GendeRevolution, the trans rights group of which McGown dreams of becoming a professional Gavin is president, prominently posted large color classicist. As in all their pursuits, they are unabash- posters of McGown, and several other members, edly unapologetic. “I have a hard-on for Plato; don’t across campus. “It wasn’t about turning ourselves ask why,” they giggled. So I asked, and Gavin grace- into icons,” they explained, “it was about starting a fully clarified: “it gave me access to a canon that is serious conversation about the expected modes of entirely fascinating, and admits so many different gender presentation.” interpretations.” Conversation with Gavin, both serious and Heterogeneity is something Gavin consciously playful, flows easily. One is immediately struck by embraces, explaining of their academic and activist their pristine elocution, put to good use through a endeavors, “they’re not in conflict, but they’re also long-term affiliation with the . not necessary in conversation … [They] inform each In eleventh grade, fed up with being misheard, other in some ways but they’re different spheres in my Gavin, then a fast-talking mumbler, “sort of Henry- life. And that’s just how I do things.” McGown’s per- Higginsed myself into a very precise way of speak- formance as the leading female role in Alcestis, last ing.” Being heard has played as important a role in year’s dramatic production by the Classics depart- McGown’s life at Columbia as being seen: “People ment, however, suggests that there might well be pay a lot of attention to me because of the way that I opportunities for overlap. Chris Travis, CC ’11, speak. My intention is not to get people to pay atten- a friend and former Philo moderator, puts it well: tion to me, but my intention is, that when people do “Gavin is a great example of intersectionality.” pay attention to me, they hear me loud and clear.” In spite of the breadth and depth of their com- Gavin arrived on campus knowing that they mitments, Gavin remains nonchalant. “I don’t really wanted to speak out. Around the same time as they worry about anything, to be honest,” they tell me, and were revamping their dentals and plosives, a docu- I believe them. mentary about the 1968 student sit-ins convinced —Claire Sabel them that Columbia was the place they wanted to be.

September 2012 Illustrations by Claire Sabel 9 At Two Swords’ Length Should You ext time you Instagram a pic of those mouthwa- than our grandparents’ Polaroids—which, matter-of- Ntering fish tacos with the subtly precious gar- fact—produced photographs of rather shitty quality nish on Mercer, imagine your photograph as a little authentically? Of course it’s not. whisper in the ear of every one of your followers (who Matt proposes that we turn to netart. That we vary wildly in terms of their real-world emotional ironize and reclaim the .gif in all its original, late proximity to you). ’90s, candle-flickering glory. That we endure ten- “Not you too!” you gush. But really you’re minute videos of people who remind us of our angry, saying, “I knew you’d be here because your stubble facially pierced peers who attend Sarah Lawrence and studded Docs look too good through that sepia and Brown. Because this is somehow more enlight- lens and no, you should never apologize for A.P.C.” ened, more obscure. Next time you reblog a neon Yeah, it’s just the two of you and over 50 million Lisa Frank dolphin leaping in cyclical arcs to your other people—hold it, five million epilepsy-inducing Tumblr, imag- more just joined the ranks—at the ine sharing with your two follow- dankest international party in ers a little clove cigarette wheeze town, thrown by 2011’s best-look- that says, “Look at me. Using ing 20-whatevers every week. technology ten years old when Guilty as charged, I suppose. But I could be using my iPhone. All frankly, my dear, should we give in the name of an ‘art’ ‘move- a damn? ment’-cum-lazy-search-term co- Sure, on its surface a social opted not least”—you cough—“by networking application that dis- M.I.A. and the extremely non- torts and discolors photos may independent record companies not be a medium for breathtaking backing her.” But meta-com- creativity. But does it merit such mentary on Slime Time Live and sharp critique? Instagram cloaks O.J. Simpson memes does not you in false creativity and bou- a thoughtful critic make. Since gie pretension the way certain when is deliberate stupidity valid “recessionistas” cloaked them- dissent? selves in “Missoni for Target” in But I digress. Call it what the heady days of 2011, and did you want; if you apply enough anyone bemoan them for their high- Affirmative critical self-awareness to anything low fashion appropriation? I mean, By Allie Curry these days, it’s art. Alternatively, this is a recession. Is it even P.C. consciously not applying sufficient to criticize someone for rolling low- critical self-awareness seems to pro- budget these days? duce art too. In any case, it’s art. Instagram emulates real chemical processes Get over yourself. Remember that you, too, and it does so in a few seconds when so-called real, unironcally once had a Myspace. You probably still— reverse commodities fetishisizing—actually nostal- albeit, involuntarily—do have that Myspace. Now you gic, I’ll add—“artists” used to take hours. Is it really have an Instagram profile. Should you Instagram? that much worse to carefully select a “Valencia” Maybe not. But Should You Allow the Creativity filter to highlight the delightful sunset or protrusive Police to Dictate Just Exactly What You Should Do cheekbones you just captured than it is to pur- and Share With Technology? Absolutely not. And, chase one of those knock-off Polaroids from Urban come on. Robert Frost probably would have seen the Outfitters? Is it even that much more despicable proverbial pixelated woods here for the trees.w

10 The Blue & White At Two Swords’ Length Instagram?

ext time you snap a shot with Instagram, imag- shards of your former world view are gonna hurt to Nine your photograph as a little whisper in the ear walk on. Internet art is art that utilizes the Internet of every one of your followers. as a medium, often to comment on our digitalized “Psst—look at these fish tacos I’m eating in lives. Internet art is the geocities-era .gif embodi- SoHo,” you say into the ear of your fourth closest ment of every big word you never understood and friend, your ex, several half-acquaintances, and a the most transgressive Mean Girls meme you’ve stranger. ever read. It’s a ten-minute video of a 26-year-old Now imagine the filters as pretentious ways of liberal arts graduate with a nose ring filming herself masquerading as creative. Your staring at the built-in cam of her picture, edges toasted with the MacBook while scrolling through Earlybird filter, thus translates: custom Photobooth filters, forc- “Madame, would you care to ing you to think—really, critically gander at a picture of the tacos think—about what it means to be a for which my boisterous buddies 26-year-old liberal arts graduate and I paid too much for yonder with a nose ring who stares at your evening?” spoken in a velvety MacBook while scrolling through faux Castilian lisp, the smell custom Photobooth filters for ten- of rosewater and lime heavy minutes. on your breath. Nobody would Most importantly, netart “like” that in real life. doesn’t shy away from the ques- The filters available in tions Instagram is too afraid to Instagram emulate real chemical ask. To return to my previous processes, the results of a hun- example, while Instagram asks dred year’s worth of tinkering in “would these shrimp tacos look darkrooms with chemicals, cam- cooler in sepiatone?” Internet art, eras, and film. Each developed presenting a picture of shrimp photograph was an irreversible tacos stolen from a stock photog- labor of love. I’m not saying you raphy website with the watermark have to ditch the smartphone for still showing framed by two gifs a real camera (although the eco- Negative of flickering candles stolen from a nomic restraints of real film and Super Nintendo game, asks, “What darkroom time might make you By Matt Schantz does it mean to look at pictures think twice before taking a picture of shrimp on the Internet?” And of a decaying building or bougie those are the questions we should cupcakes or whatever you feel like “capturing” with be whispering in strangers’ ears. your “artist’s eye”), I’m saying you should get more When it comes down to it, Instagram is a creative with the technology your epoch handed you. lame use of technology that everybody knows about, And you should do that by becoming an Internet while netart is a deliberately lame use of technol- artist. ogy that nobody knows about. And, as Robert Frost For those who aren’t initiated, search #netart would have said in 3-D text on a screencapture of a on Tumblr. Before you hit search, make sure you’re Microsoft word document if he were a netartist, “& wearing close-toed shoes, because you’re about tht makes all the diff.”w to have your assumptions shattered, and the little

September 2012 Illustrations by Louise McCune 11 verily veritas Told between puffs

In Which Our Hero's Sister Considers Sisterhood

h, Deluxe—what other diner? in her girlhood, she swears to be “totally considering A What other diner is anything but? What other rushing.” It is due to this wounded heart that V. was, diner has fare so mediocre and so overpriced (not that perhaps, less than delicate in voicing his concern. V. would discuss financial matters over dinner)? At what “The whole affair smacks of bolshevism!” he other diner do such numbers of first-years find themselves scoffed. V. thundered on: “I’ve seen them! Those hulking dismally dining with their parents, trapped like fraternity brothers, heads in Alma’s lap, making hand- insects under the looking glass, peering up signs at a camera! Father didn’t go Over at imperious peers who pass by free of There so that Americans could supervision? yell slogans and make hand- There it is—V.’s very signs Over Here! A veritable first and most succinct pageant of paganism piece of advice for his and groupthink.” gentle sister. May she never eat at Deluxe, bar- Blinking slowly, barous place that it is. his dearest ingenue Understand, dear replies, “I don’t like what reader, that this is the year you like. It’s NBD, we’re our wonderful Constance just different. I still love you. matriculates at Columbia I just find other things more College in the City of New interesting than the latest York. And so has Verily Penguin Classics catalog.” Veritas undertaken to Penguin Classics! consider and condense his Father forgive her. most vintage wisdom about The damndest thing this fair University. is, Father does forgive her for Give old V. enough her sympathy for the common respect, reader, to credit him woman and her aspirations to with some awareness of his vari- “the sisterhood.” If only Greek ous black eyes and feathers in his organizations were named for mod- cap. To his credit and shame, he ern, rather than ancient Greeks, V. might is an idler, a ponderer, and a sit- verily award them points for consistency. ter. Often, he has thought, one is one’s own (He finds her “progressivism” charming.) If best company, and accordingly many of our hero’s only she understood the true virtues of the classics, of evenings consist wholly of a comfortable seat, a brandy, tradition. She would honor the Veritas line, which has and Brandenburg. always stood alone. But forgive your muddling V.; here is the heart Ah, but it is all too much. Your old V.V. will sit of the matter: his sister is quite uncivilized and much here, solemn and solitary, boxing up his books for the unlike himself. How sharp the pain in remembering little porter to bear to C.V.’s dormitory. In each book, six- Constance in the sitting room, practicing her etudes at sevenths of the way in, crafty old V. has placed a gift cer- five. How delightfully precocious she was, her blue eyes, tificate to The Heights. The trial is twofold. Pray for her, framed by bouncing blonde curls, so circumspectly judg- that her sororal duties do not detract from her obligation ing those around her. O! to the texts, and that having imbibed the Greek letters, It is with this heart full of love that V. Veritas casts she realize the true meaning of loyalty, honor, and sacri- a baleful eye on his beloved kin, his C. Veritas. Still only fice for one’s family.w 12 The Blue & White Go ask alice's mom Saturday Night Fever Columbia's Other Radical Tradition: Health Care Reform in the 1980s By Anna Bahr n the fall of 1983, women graced Columbia’s sexual harassment before the term had a functional Iundergraduate class for the first time. The same meaning; Columbia’s care providers professional- year, the HIV/AIDS crisis rose to global promi- ized emotional as well as physical support. nence. It marked a remarkable confluence of both Almost contemporaneously, another remark- triumph and tragedy, each of which was navigated able development took place within the campus by groups of ambitious individuals whose activism medical establishment. In 1985, the university determined the future attitudes of the University became the first academic institution in the coun- toward marginalized groups. They endowed an try to offer free HIV testing to its queer student institution with empathy. and faculty community through the Gay Health Health care, as evidenced by every stump Advocacy Project (GHAP)—much to the chagrin speech of this summer’s presidential campaigns, of its notoriously image-conscious administration. is a specifically political issue. Who gets sick and Racing ahead of nationwide recognition of the how quickly they are treated reveals their socioeco- disease, GHAP reached out to researchers at St. nomic status, sex, and sexuality. Being the disad- Luke’s for trials with HIV-positive students and vantaged party in any of those categories can mean encouraged testing at Columbia before AZT (an the difference between life and death. However, in antiretroviral used to treat the virus) had been contrast to the current vitriolic climate, Columbia’s officially approved by the FDA. Still, Columbia’s historic health care reforms eluded overt contro- administrative leadership was concerned with the versy. Likewise, they lacked the antagonistic explo- liabilities of the virus, going so far as to form siveness of the hallowed ‘68 protests, so often held an HIV Advisory Committee that sought to dis- up as the standard of Columbia counterculture. tance the University’s image from associations with Despite Medical care that addressed the needs of the disease scourging New York. The committee women and queer men was espoused as an obvi- discussed the realities of HIV as a handicap in ous course of action. Advocates shaped policy not admission to law and medical schools based on because they were violently critical of existing applicants’ HIV status: Will they live long enough structures, but because they were explicitly self- to survive graduate school? righteous and stood up for their beliefs without interrupting the overall pace of life. e After lagging behind peer institutions, The Women’s Health Center once Columbia integrated undergraduate women into its student body, it did so unequivocally. The R obert Pollack, then the Dean of Columbia University threw generous support behind building College, described the faculty vote to admit women a Women’s Health Center at a time when explicit as the obvious step forward: “Opening the College discussion of reproductive health was “marginal- to women was by any measure fair, generous, cre- ized and not acceptable at most university set- ative, democratic and open-minded.” Yet the deci- tings,” says Dr. Martha Katz, the Center’s first sion was infamously delayed. Though the University director. Open for its first full year in 1984, the saved face through its relationship with next-door clinic introduced a new model of care that not only Barnard and ever-present female graduate stu- offered superior sexual health services—an unprec- dents, Columbia’s academic rivals were reaping the edented investment in women’s well-being—but benefits of coeducation long before Columbia, and also worked with Columbia security to manage the University needed more than speeches to catch cases of rape. Counselors would accompany victims up. John Jay lacked bathroom facilities with the to the hospital, and advise women dealing with requisite “Women” sign on the door. Panty raids at

September 2012 13 Go ask alice's mom

B arnard were Friday fraternity fun. Medical care To reassure the administration that its goals did not include gynecological services. were focused on public health, not public policy, But Columbia readied itself for the inclusion the clinic’s visionaries had to temper the program’s of the fairer sex with enthusiasm, recognizing that, radical connotations by clearly delineating between “if the University wanted to serve its women stu- women’s care and women’s liberation. “The people dents, it needed to meet their needs,” says Rebecca who developed Our Bodies, Ourselves [an early Weiker, CC ’88, one of the first women admitted iteration of women’s health advocacy publications, as an undergraduate. “Not just as an afterthought, radical for its frank discussions of abortion and but as a priority.If Columbia was really going pregnancy] were alienated. They didn’t fit into the to be coed, it had to treat women well.” With academic setting. Columbia trusted us because the support of both Richard Carlson, the director we mainstreamed the image of women’s health. It of Health Services, and the Dean, the Women’s wasn’t fringe anymore,” says Dr. Katz. Health Center did just that. Thanks to a $300,000 grant from the New This was ten years after Roe v. Wade, when York State Dormitory Authority (the project was stories of back alley abortions and plane flights for funded independently of University investment) to overnight procedures in willing clinics were still build and buy equipment, a bright, modern space fresh in the minds of American women. To organize was renovated, complete with three examining health care around the unique demands of women rooms and a counseling room. The clinic aban- was a phenomenon born of the pro-choice move- doned the expensive care of specialists and primary ment—an ambitious tenet of the feminist agenda. physicians, instead using nurse practitioners who But the University, though progressive, proceeded could spend more time with young women, help- cautiously. Still recovering from its 1960s adven- ing them to assess potential risks to their health. tures in controversial politics, throwing immediate While the renovation was aided by state funding, weight behind a mission statement with a resound- the clinic operated under the budgetary oversight ing feminist ring was unlikely. Candid conversation of Columbia Health Services. This arrangement about birth control, STIs and eating disorders was gave the University administration some distance still rare between mother and daughter, let alone in from the program while sanctioning it. school-sanctioned forums. For the American pub- Care surpassed the basic annual in- lic, such forthright dialogues were freely associated and-out physical. It was a safe space. Even fac- with bra-burning and Gloria Steinem’s rhetoric. ulty experiencing sexual harassment sought

14 Illustration by Lily Keane The Blue & White Go ask alice's mom

counseling at the clinic. In an era when date would sometimes use pseudonyms when they went rape and sexual coercion were absent from collo- to our conferences,” says Dr. Laura Pinsky, who quial vocabulary and rarely publicly acknowledged, began working with Columbia Health in 1985 and the clinic prioritized assault issues and took initia- co-founded GHAP. By the end of 1983, half of the tive in cases of student rape. The clinic even devel- nearly 1,400 people infected had died. Centers oped some of the first crude rape kits, sterilized for Disease Control (CDC) estimates at the time, and pre-packaged versions of which later became men who had sex with men comprised 71 percent standard hospital gear. Dr. Katz went as far as to of diagnoses. Dr. Pinsky remembered that figure perform a vaginal smear for a violently assaulted being closer to 100 percent at Columbia. For a undergraduate student at St. Luke’s—a hospital at time, Pinsky kept a running list of the Columbia which she was not formally employed. “The spirit students and faculty killed by the disease--nearly of the women who worked at the clinic was amazing. all of those were gay men. After hitting 127, she I haven’t seen anything like stopped updating it. The city it since. It was more a move- was recognized as the epicen- ment than a clinic. The level “ If the University ter of the disease, a reputation of commitment transmitted to administrators were all too the nature of the care,” she wanted to serve its conscious of. remembers. But New York also The example of personal women students, it has a distinguished history investment in the program set needed to meet their of LGBTQ activism. It was by its leaders was emulated by the site of the first openly- dedicated undergraduate stu- needs ... If Columbia LGBTQ weekly newspaper dents. A peer counseling pro- in America, Gaysweek; it gram trained students to help was really going to be made legal history as the first their classmates understand coed, it had to treat state to reduce sodomy to a their health care choices. misdemeanor. The increas- After undergoing extensive women well.” ingly visible gay social scene training, student facilitators and acceptability of openly would roam through dorm halls singing “sex raps” identifying as homosexual took root on campus. that explained basic principles of safe sex and STI Columbia boasted one of the most vocal queer transmission, answered classmates’ questions and communities in the country; as early as 1967, practiced basic pregnancy counseling. Shockingly Columbia had became home to the first LGBTQ recent, even in the 80s, “[young women] had really student organization in the world—the Student little knowledge about their bodies or their choic- Homophile League. Its presence on campus was es,” says Weiker, who went on to work for the clinic well-organized and passionate. after graduation. “Having that kind of control over Still, discrimination at Columbia and in the your sexuality and your reproduction meant basic city ran rampant. Dr. Katz described attitudes empowerment.” toward the unrelenting HIV virus as nothing short e of hysterical. “There was a frenzy on campus,” she says. “The administration didn’t want a gay man [who worked at the University] as a receptionist The Gay Health Advocacy Project because they were afraid he would get a paper cut and bleed on the phone… We simply didn’t under- A similar combination of stigma and silence stand the disease.” This was the standard fare for surrounded health care for gay men. “Two things the day. Hospital employees making their rounds at were important when we talked about AIDS in the St. Luke’s served infected patients by leaving dinner ’80s: One, a diagnosis was recognized as a death trays outside hospital doors for fear of contraction sentence; without treatment you had, max, 10 years on contact. This substantial stigma was pervasive, before you died. Two, anonymity. There was a lot the fear, contagious, and, to a degree, justifiable. of discrimination against those with HIV. People To navigate the potential legal hazards of

September 2012 15 Go ask alice's mom an at-risk student population, the University cre- ing health for everyone. That was was in the interest ated an HIV Advisory Committee composed of of the University. And yet, such foresight, nearly 30 the senior vice president for planning and bud- years ago, has yet to extend to a national audience. get activities, Joseph Mullinix; representatives of There has been some progress. This summer, Health Services, Dr. Laura Pinsky and Dr. Richard the legitimacy of the Affordable Care Act, both Carlson; Kendall Thomas, a professor specializ- affectionately and disparagingly—depending on ing in law and sexuality; legal counsel for the your loyalties—dubbed “Obamacare,” and fought University, and a handful of human resources affili- tooth and nail by its more virulent opponents, was ates. Though Health Services was “always support- upheld in the Supreme Court. It requires all insur- ive of GHAP,” says Dr. Pinsky, the administration ance providers to offer women access to free birth was less concerned with public health than avoid- control and abortion services. And yet, this month, ing potential legal complications. The committee the GOP announced its revised platform, which now (described as “egregiously unaware” and “looking enshrines official support for “a human life amend- to cover its legal ass” by a ment to the Constitution that source close to the situation) would make abortion illegal sought to chisel out a uni- Health advocacy at Co- without specific exemptions form policy on such issues lumbia proved that po- for cases of rape or incest.” as allowing students with Earlier this year, an HIV-positive diagnoses litical gestures can dis- President Barack Obama to live with their uninfected sociate from rhetorical announced explicit sup- classmates and how infect- port for same-sex marriage. ed staff could be medically causes and abstain from While his statement was for treated. strict variations on mo- many both revolutionary and With Dr. Pinsky and radical, it had little impact on co-founder Paul Harding rality. the Defense of Marriage Act, Douglas, an AIDS research- under which married gay er who died of AIDS-related complications in couples are not granted equal health care rights to 1995, GHAP became a model for testing programs those of their heterosexual friends. across the country. Though initially much more Here we are at a historical moment dur- poorly funded than the Women’s Health Center, ing which dialogue surrounding the rights of and without a publicity apparatus (the program women, gays, lesbians, transexuals, and people couldn’t afford to take out ads in the Spectator), of every color is constant, ubiquitous and persis- it remains one of the most respected groups at tent. The Internet feeds us with a steady influx of Columbia, offering better care and support than outrage at the smallest injustices. High-profile any comparably city-sponsored program. Over 250 gestures toward change seem at once reactionary student advocates have devoted countless hours as and reductive. Where Occupations and marches peer counsellors through its 27-year history. certainly draw much-needed attention to national e issues, their overall impact is difficult to measure. Important, yes, but decidedly distant from concrete Movements advocating equal and specialized change. Perhaps the lesson here is to narrow our health for all represent a quieter political revolu- focus. National reform is necessary. But GHAP, a tion. Health advocacy at Columbia proved that project started by two concerned Columbia affili- political gestures can dissociate from rhetorical ates, still offers some of the best care for those causes and abstain from strict variations on moral- infected with HIV in the country. The Women’s ity. Despite day-to-day discriminations and sys- Health Clinic proved so successful that it was even- temic social inequality, these movements were most tually absorbed by Health Services and in so hap- revolutionary for their inclusion, rather than their pening, was recognized of its work as a key player specificity. Feminist health care? Advocacy for in making Columbia a more welcoming social envi- LGBTQ patients? Sure. But the qualifiers matter ronment for women. Maybe we should go back and less than the fundamental obviousness of promot- start building small.w

16 The Blue & White red, white, and screwed National Insecurity Ian Bremmer Imagines America’s Fall From Grace By Briana Last

Every Nation for Itself: Winners and Losers in a for itself. This new world order does not, accord- G-Zero World ing to Bremmer, mark a decline of the US as a By Ian Bremmer superpower per se, but does necessitate a decline Portfolio in American exceptionalism in international poli- 240 pp. tics as developing nations begin to throw their newfound weight around. Bremmer’s distinction s a civil war unfolds in Syria, America’s ineffec- between diminishing leadership and decline might Atual attempts to resolve the conflict have been be original, but it breaks down as his G-Zero sce- noted; the U.S. has proven incapable of prevent- nario unfolds. ing Russia and China from providing weapons to The world of G-Zero is a world “in tumultu- the Assad regime. The U.N., too, is powerless, as ous transition, one that is especially vulnerable to evidenced by Kofi Annan’s resignation in August. crises that appear suddenly and from unexpected Europe finds itself embroiled in its own debt crisis directions.” Complex issues such as climate change and military intervention in Syria runs the risk and the control of cyberspace cannot be resolved of being too costly for America alone as it slowly without overwhelming consensus by all nations— recovers from a recession. For Ian Bremmer, a consensus that is nearly impossible to reach. superstar professor in Columbia’s political science Where Bremmer’s analysis feels particularly department, this is just one of many cases sug- cogent is his vision for the future of the African gesting that the U.S. is waning in its status as sole continent, or in his words, its potential as a “pivot superpower. state.” The political scientist’s expansive knowl- But bemoaning the decline of the United edge as an expert in emerging markets is show- States as a diplomatic and economic force is noth- cased as he plays witness to promising economic ing new, and in his latest book, Bremmer does growth. According to Bremmer, given urbanization little more than elucidate on the stock wisdom of and increasing willingness to spend on goods and American decline. He adds to the ever-increasing services across Africa, the continent will be quite stockpile of doomsayer headlines, without distin- fit to adapt to some future world order. guishing his book from its alarmist shelfmates. Yet, Bremmer’s G-Zero world order is ulti- Professor Bremmer is also president and a mately an unconvincing depiction of the current founder of the Eurasia Group, a political risk con- state of geopolitics and of the future to come. As sulting firm (which assists companies, NGOs, and the author reminds his reader, the U.S. remains the governments in making safe investments in emerg- largest economy in the world—highest in nominal ing economies). Bremmer’s career at Eurasia fur- GDP—and China’s prosperity is inextricably tied nished his expertise in assessing the political sta- to American economic ascendancy. Though Syria bility of emerging nations, and subsequently led to remains a threat to global security, last year’s multi- international intellectual stardom. Every Nation’s state coalition against Libya means that the U.S. is accessibility contrasts with the specialized work still able to intervene when willing. Bremmer is that Bremmer normally does. While Bremmer’s right that climate change and cyberspace appear brilliance is easily found within detailed historical to be sticking points, but (recalling the Iranian accounts, the book’s thesis does not hold up. hostage crisis, for instance) the U.S.’s failure to Bremmer argues that a new geopolitical land- pressure developing nations to abide by its rules is scape has developed—one he calls the “G-Zero” to me more symptomatic of the complexity of these world—in which no individual nations take the lead problems than the waning of a superpower.w on crucial political problems and each state fends

September 2012 17 welcome to the neighborhood

18 Centerfold by Louise McCune The Blue & White Welcome to the neighborhood

September 2012 Centerfold by Louise McCune 19 @bwinterns Dispatches from the Real World Our Culture Editor Attends an n+1 Issue Launch Party By Conor Skelding

ditors of n+1 have boldly described their magazine, dressed to party, showing off their long legs. The boys E“like Partisan Review, except not dead.” They’ve wore button down shirts that covered their shrimpy favorably compared their publication to Lingua Franca, arms. another late, great magazine (which managed to be both Andy and Kathy were to meet me there, but smarter and less self-righteous than n+1). The editors, they had been in a park, drinking whiskey concealed among other people, think it, and they, are very cool. in a plastic bag, so they were late. Observing the noisy I’d been a subscriber for a few issues—and was between scene alone, I felt pretty angry and crazed at the inan- thinking they were very cool and very insufferable—and ity, so I walked on down the block and up an avenue, so when a friend texted me that I should come to n+1’s looking for a deli. In Harlem I’d gotten used to greasy Issue 14 launch party that night in SoHo, I went. heroes and V8 juice and for the summer had given up The party started at 8:00, and I got on the down- my habitual visits to the farmer’s market; now that I was town 2 around 10:30. My friend Mark said that he was downtown in Bougeville, there were only vegetables, tending bar from 12 to 2 am, so I figured I could at and all I wanted were eggs and bacon on a roll. I saw too least get free drinks. I didn’t know exactly where the many wood-paneled bars, yoga studios, art galleries, address was, being wholly unfamiliar with that part of and fancy restaurants, and so I felt crazed again. On one town, but I headed east from the Canal Street 1 corner there were some more drunk twenty-blank-year- stop. After a few blocks, I knew I was there. There olds—older than the people at the n+1 party, but still not were one-hundred-and-fifty raucous, animated, smok- that old—loudly stumbling towards me. I did not get out ing, twenty-blank-year-olds shuffling around outside a of their way. I turned around, and decided to eat later. packed, four hundred square foot gallery space which Andy texted me that he was sorry—they would be vomited forth vapid people and insipid dance beats. there in five minutes. This was unsurprising; at home I’d Three cabs were offloading and picking up what I took checked Google Maps, and wherever they were was only to be destitute, parentally-funded writers. There would a five minute cab ride away. I stood outside the party and continue to be a lot of cab traffic. People wore n+1 tote scowled at people. bags, backless dresses, short shorts. The women were

20 Illustration by Lily Keane The Blue & White @bwinterns

Sooner than I expected, he and Kathy tum- your Brooklyn apartment and your amusements. bled out of a cab. I was happy to see them. Kathy She tells us that she went to prep school in North pulled me aside and said that Andy was drunk, and Carolina. She hates North Carolina. that she didn’t know how she would deal with these I asked her what n+1 interns do. She said people, except by faking interest. nothing really, but they get fucked up. Andy said, Kathy gave me a cigarette, and we three stood well, you guys tweet. She said yes. Andy said, across the street from the party. On our side, there Conor was excited whenever you retweeted him. were about ten people. On the other side, there were I was embarrassed. Celia said that the latest issue 100 outside, had a piece about Twitter. I said I know. and however Celia is an English major, and so am I, so many inside. we talked about English professors. I have to take Selected tweets from Suddenly, something with Molly Murray. Celia said that she @nplusintern: there were would rather be at a cozy, wood-paneled bar. I said, more people there are some right around the corner. sI suppose you think I'm standing in Celia offered to get us beers, because she was going insane just to be our circle: an intern, and could us get free beers. Two min- Celia, an n+1 utes later, she returned with five warm bottles of fashionable. intern, plus Brooklyn Pilsner. Kathy gave me another cigarette. a tall girl, a I mentioned that there were a lot of young people spurchase social capi- skinny guy, here, though the editors are in their forties. Celia tal today http://goo.gl/ and a meatier said that they like to fuck younger people. I won- Os7tW guy. All of dered if that is what I would do if I were forty and us went to divorced and had the option. C o l u m b i a . We mentioned that we know Mark, and Andy sIf this [unpaid] intern- Celia shook asked how he got to bartend. We figured he could ship doesn't work out, I my hand in get us free drinks. Celia explained that an n+1 say we pool our assets, the V-shaped staffer knew him from Twitter, and needed to ask buy a submarine, and way some somebody she knew would say yes. girls like, Mark texted me to ask where I am, and I told live under Walden Pond. the skinny him. He crossed the street. I asked him how much guy gave me beers are. Two dollars each. I would not be getting sLook, I don't know a limp hand- free drinks. Mark asked me why I haven’t gone what America's all shake (which inside. Celia said because it was just an unadorned, about. maybe was hot gallery full of shuffling people. I said I wanted ironic; I got to see what was going on. He said it was ten dollars, the feeling he even for subscribers. I decided not to go inside. I would rather looked down, and the issue on the sidewalk was have consum- gone. mated that detestable clasp-hands-and-thump), and Celia had to go, and Mark had disappeared. the meatier guy gave me a meatier handshake. We Kathy, Andy, and I decided to go to 1020. I said, talked about some stuff which I now forget, but let’s take the subway. Andy said he’d pay for a cab. which seemed very immediate at the time. Kathy We took a cab, and Andy paid. I bought us car pulled me aside and said that she was having trouble bombs at the bar. Earlier I’d done a few hours of faking interest. There was an issue of n+1 lying on data entry for a SIPA Ph.D. candidate, and we drank the sidewalk. them up. We walked back to Harlem. Celia is taking this year off to write some I woke up with a headache.s things for n+1. Andy told her to write for Bwog in her spare time. She said she could be our “cor- Names have been changed as a courtesy. respondent from the real world.” I did not ask her if the “real world” was where your parents pay for

September 2012 21 But actually Kickstarter: By Bijan Samareh

Home Updates Backers 2 Comments 4

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s like a free compliment and you don’t even gotta be smart to notice it. —Mitch Hedberg

olumbia needs great science. Great science needs a home with a better name than Mudd or Pupin—one that Cis not susceptible to toilet humor—or, at the very least, a pronounceable acronym. And everybody needs single-origin coffee. To meet these needs of the 21st century, the University is proud to announce the construc- tion of state-of-the-art scientific research facilities. Located on the corner of 120th Street and Broadway, the structure will revitalize the blighted north-west region of campus, displacing naught but a pigeon.

It’s time to usher in a new era. One that respects the glory of the past while looking towards the future. Construc- tion is already underway for the 14-story, 180,000 square foot laboratory and adventure playground, which will stand over the Levien Gym, finally putting the unprofitable Athletics Department in its rightful place. Connected to Pupin and Chandler via pedestrian bridges, true scientists can feel intimately connected to campus life, while being completely cloistered from it: What’s that you’re reading on the lawn down there, Lacan? “I’M CURING CANCER UNDER A FUME HOOD, BITCH,” a researcher might sputter, without damaging the fragile phi- losopher’s psyche. The glass façade symbolizes transparency, that virtue that Columbia has always considered its guiding principle.

Progress has been as swift as it has been shiny. In fact, in our building is nearly complete, despite the fact that no one has offered to fund it. Behold the wonders of modern financial engineering! In order to make this as inclusive a process as possible, you don’t even have to know anything about science to be a part of our historic undertak- ing. All it takes is basic numeracy, also known as your credit card information.

22 The Blue & White but actually NoCo

2 Backers Back This Project $27 $1 minimum pledge pledged of $100,000,000 goal 19 days to go

Pledge $10 or more Pledge $5,000 or more Thanks, but no thanks. Dinner’s on Columbia...with PrezBo! You will be cor- dially invited to Low Library’s Rotunda for dinner and Pledge $20 or more drinks with the man himself, all provided by Columbia Warmer. catering. That’s right; you’ll get an uninhibited 30 sec- onds next to the man himself. Pledge $50 or more You get a free cup of coffee at Joe, The Art of Coffee. Pledge $10,000 or more Told you you were getting warmer! We’ll name a chair in the brand new 164-seat lecture hall after you. Pledge $100 or more You get a limited edition air conditioner, modeled on Pledge $100,000 or more the one that originally inspired the architect’s vision. One of the new labs will be named after you. Could it be the one where they discover the fifth dimension? Pledge $250 or more Could it be the one where they code the next big so- You can carry drinks into the library without getting cial network? Probably! Unless you get the one by the stopped! Just show them the card we provide you with, southeast window. Apparently that’s a good smoke and sip away. spot.

Pledge $500 or more Pledge $1,000,000 or more A limited edition Joe chair! Who said you can’t take You will get exclusive access to the 14th floor sky café culture home with you? lounge, including the liquid nitrogen tank that is cur- rently there. Pledge $1,000 or more Dibs on any library computer with a big screen. Any- Pledge $10,000,000 or more time. Ever. Even if some douchey grad student is tak- We’ll name the building after you!!! ing a seat; especially if that grad student is in the hu- manities.

September 2012 23 Measure for Measure

A Text Message I Sent Myself Last Night

It is four in the morning again and I feel like I am walking a plank above an endless sea of lunatics and businessmen and “enthusiasts” and cartoon superheroes, and each step I take I feel like I will plummet but a stretch of wood appears at the last minute like a tetris cube and I am not sure whether or not I am relieved or annoyed each time this happens so I take a breath and exhale steam that poisons the sea of lunatics and they wilt like warm plant stems and turn into deep damp dark soil.

—Kate Gamble

24 The Blue & White Measure for Measure

Jailbirds

If I could, I would stuff you in this knapsack along with the twigs and bones that I collected this morning, in the warm wet woods with the warm green light. I would know that you were in there by the warmth on my back and the weight of the straps on my shoulders.

If I could, I would tie our wrists together with my dad’s fishing line, and draw a map on your back with mud, tracing the route from Texas to the Bermuda Triangle. Like spiders, we would follow the invisible thread as if we knew how to navigate the North Atlantic.

I am carving “no trespassing” on the bark of this tree so that I can break my own rule, and decide if I want to let you break it with me, and so that the birds who fly by it and the ants who crawl over it can break it too.

—Kate Gamble

September 2012 25 Measure for Measure

October

In the forest of question marks you were no bigger than an asterisk.

This is the opening of a poem I wish I’d written to insult you.

But Simic left the forest, and I remained tracing the veins of your leaves. I was reenacting history. Like how at the bar last night, you deigned to kissed me on the cheek—which if Americans only do out of love or pretension, meant that I would have to punch you.

Instead, I flicked white balls at flimsy cups and raised both fists at you in misplaced triumph. Outside, the trees were changing themselves so quietly, I worried their yellowness would elude me. Up the street, my cinderblock walls had cooled. The tack beneath posters curling in on itself.

I stumbled home and thought I could hear them fluttering. Or perhaps it was the asterisks, browned and shifting beneath my feet.

—Victoria Wills

26 The Blue & White This is your brain on drugs Arrested Development

An SoA Grad Gets Clean and Grows up By Diana Clarke

Larceny in My Blood: A Memoir of Heroin, est of highs. This exaltation of art—almost as a Handcuffs, and Higher Education mechanism of salvation—seems to legitimize the by Matthew Parker book itself, while elevating artists to the status Penguin Group of saviors. 288 pp. Of course, there’s a long history linking addiction and art. Parker explains this by calling atthew Parker, SoA ’12, is neither a poet, attention to the Kantian thought process inher- Man artist, or a philosopher and yet has ent to heroin addicts; wonderfully, he calls Kurt composed and drawn a graphic novel laced with Vonnegut Jr.’s writing, “a shot of nihilism to go interrogations of German idealist philosophy along with the senseless absurdity of living in a and postmodernism. Parker’s debut book, the postmodern world.” Sometimes Parker takes that graphic memoir Larceny in My Blood: A Memoir postmodernist riff too far, as when he alternates of Heroin, Handcuffs, and Higher Education, between scenes in the various prisons where tells the story of the more than two decades he spent 11 years of his life, and the Columbia Parker spent in and out of prison and on and off nonfiction MFA program. While he draws some of heroin, and the story of how he got out. Yes, very convincing (and highly satisfying) parallels it’s another addiction memoir. Yes, you should between the American prison system and the read it anyway. Columbia University bureaucracy, the transi- First and foremost, Parker is a writer. For tions are too abrupt: the turn of a page is all the all its visuals, this book demands to be read. preparation the reader is given. Trusting the Its illustrations, and the handwriting accom- reader too much is a classic first-book mistake, panying them, are crude, even childish. The and can perhaps be forgiven, especially when the self-consciously simple and unreflective style jolting transitions are read as a recreation of the is refreshing, with strong declarative sentences disjointed effect that drugs have on a life—mak- that allow the reader to tease out connections ing the narrator unreliable not only in his tell- without too much prompting. Tales of addiction ing, but in his character. are generally ones of both redemption and matu- Or maybe, in classic Columbia student rity, and capture the writer as he sees himself fashion, I’m overreading, thinking the signifier in the throes of addiction, but the fact is that is the signified anywhere outside the classroom. they’re not much to look at. Neither is an addict’s Maybe Matthew Parker should have helped his life, and Parker knows this. While drugs and the reader a little more. At least he hates 1020 as illicit thrills of dealing, sex, etc. that accompany much as I do. them may seem glamorous, the story rarely ends In any case, in an environment as politi- anywhere but prison, and Parker’s drawings cally correct as Columbia, it’s hugely refreshing of that life are often clunky, cartoonish, and to find someone willing to say what he sees. spare. By contrast, the loveliest illustrations Matthew Parker may not be culturally sensitive are sketches without a hint of cartoon to them, in most environments, but he doesn’t pretend depicting natural scenery, and especially musi- to be. He’s keenly aware of the perverse racial cians. Parker conveys how important art was dynamics in prison—of the necessity of unques- to him in prison, and how important it is now. tioning alliance to a particular racial or ethnic The musical performances he saw are recorded group for protection, and of the swastikas tat- with more tenderness and wonder than the high- tooed on all the other white dudes, and how he

September 2012 27 this is your brain on drugs didn’t want to be part of it—but he’s surprisingly when he decided to get clean at the age of 40, he uncritical of his personal impulses, often rely- was trapped in his brain’s adolescent mindset. ing on stereotypes to depict bikers and hippies, In fighting his way out of a stunted brain, Parker and reducing women to tits, tits, tits. But when commits the teenager’s sin. He’s so desperate he shows himself just after being released from for a subversion of authority that he refuses to prison, spending his newly free nights in New succeed. Parker perfectly relates this tension, York jacking off in his room, it’s clear that his this intergenerational misunderstanding, in a callousness is not cool; it sucks, and that honesty conversation with his mother: about a junkie’s life, that deglamorization, is really a relief. Parker is frank about the inacces- Mom: Can’t you get laid in Brooklyn? sibility of the intimacy he craves far more than Matthew: Fuck a hipster? I’d rather not. sex, and is willing to give his reader a veneer- Mom: What’s a hipster? free look at what a drug habit means, from the Matthew: It’s a...never mind. poor social skills to the shameful involuntary ejaculation that results from detox. What adult man talks about sex with his I had a difficult time reading the part mom? What mother wants to discuss sex with where Parker describes his poor flirtation skills her son? We know at least one aspect of this (understandably relationship could stunted by long use alteration. periods of time Eventually Parker in prison and on does move beyond drugs), admitting the adolescent and that he’s terrible at learns to accept picking up women, authority in the rig- and when he does orously anti-post- (did) it’s only for modern prison sys- sex, even as he tem, where social complains that hierarchies and (for women judge him him) dependence too harshly for his on heroin are the criminal past. guiding order of I don’t think I judged him; I think Parker things. It makes the reader understand that fol- puts up too strong a front. He articulates clearly lowing the rules is sometimes necessary in order and with empathy the hardships and prejudice to achieve a larger kind of freedom, one that lets (ex-)junkies face when reintegrating into soci- you spend your day outside a prison yard. ety, and the unfair judgements based on educa- But what’s particularly interesting is that, tion, background, and economics of which we all just as much as Parker needed heroin, he is are guilty. (Why should the reader not judge him addicted to intimacy—and in fact he calls him- in return? Aren’t the superficialities he articu- self an “intimacy junkie.” Everyone wants to lates just one step up from wanting tits that fit be wanted. There are a million different ways in a martini glass—something else he desires?) to mitigate loneliness. By exploring the inter- That attitude is deeply connected to Parker’s connection of self-destructive impulses, from nihilistic, ironic bent. Considering that his book overspending to eating disorders to more ordi- dwells on the humanity of addicts, I should cease nary crime to sex and love, Parker implicates the blaming him for wanting what he did—but can reader in his story—and allows the story itself to I blame the many women featured in Parker’s be not only deeply redemptive but also flawed memoir for not wanting him? and human. I may not shoot up, and I’ve never The answer seems to be no. Towards the been to prison, but I do have to have feelings, end of the book (page 215, to be exact) Parker and just that can be goddamn hard.w allows the profundity of his failings to surface:

28 Illustration by Celia Cooper The Blue & White me and julio down by the schoolyard Paradise Lost How Will Columbia Finance Its Committment to Secondary Education? By Anna Bahr and Claire Sabel

Below is the conclusion of our story on The Columbia After conversing with the three provosts who School. In the February issue of The Blue & White, have held the office from the school’s origin through we looked at The School’s remarkable educational the present day, it is apparent that there are no easy philosophy, and explored the history of its connec- answers. Though the current administration recog- tion with the University. In this second installment, nizes the necessity of a new approach, competing we discuss the implications of Columbia’s financial visions for a new plan render The School’s future and political investment in The School’s future. uncertain. Communication, necessary among key administrators to resolve such uncertainties, is W e’re still at the point of collecting infor- conspicuously lacking. “mation about how giant a problem we have,” says University Provost John Coatsworth. This Supply and Demand “problem” concerns both the Provost’s office and the Columbia’s faculty, but has little to do with R ather than subjecting University employees Columbia employees or students. The giant prob- to the fearsome world of New York private school lem that Coatsworth confronts is the cost of educat- admissions or the uncertainties of the public school ing five-year-olds. system, The School at Columbia University (TSC) The K-8 Columbia School launched in 2003 was conceived in the late ’90s as a means of attract- as a state-of-the-art private school six blocks south ing young professors with families who might oth- of Columbia’s Morningside campus, outfitted with erwise be deterred by the tribulations of navigating superior resources that stand out from Morningside New York City schools. Although TSC itself has, by Heights’ lackluster public schools. Modeled after all accounts, been remarkably successful in provid- the Chicago Lab Schools, the ambitious, Deweyan ing progressive secondary education in outstand- pedagogy of the small satellite campus emphasizes ing facilities, it benefits a much smaller population independent thought and the integration of tech- of Columbia employees than planned—and at a far nology into basic classroom activity. higher cost than anticipated. In the first half of this story, The Blue & The critical issue plaguing The School is one White examined how the remarkable success of of supply and demand. Columbia grossly overes- TSC’s educational mission dovetails with the sen- timated the availability of both physical space and sitive issue of faculty benefits, illuminating The student slots open to faculty children. While it School’s questionable utility to the University. As was initially assumed that the school could accom- Columbia’s budget faces continued strain from the modate all interested faculty, University Provost economic crisis, the faculty fringe benefit pool—a Jonathan Coatsworth estimated that “at its pres- fund that earmarks a percentage of faculty salaries ent size, less than half the faculty that would like for the costs of healthcare and tuition for faculty to get their children in the school actually do.” and their families—has suffered substantial losses, (Coatsworth assumed office in February, having its funds depleted by $25-35 million. All the while, been named interim provost in July 2011 after the the university continues to outsource an estimated unexpected departure of Claude Steele.) $12-14 million every year to sustain its elementary The School was originally proposed by satellite. John Mitchell Mason Professor of the University Jonathan Cole, whose fourteen year tenure term

September 2012 29 me and julio down by the schoolyard was the second longest in the University’s his- American History, Alan Brinkley, who served as tory. Cole specializes in the sociology of scientific Provost during TSC’s first years, says, “Columbia education, and developed a carefully delineated had to agree to allow to give half of the avail- vision for TSC that “was never put into place as it able student admission slots to the community”—a was planned.” He believes TSC’s current financial concession that, while politically advantageous, strain on the University budget to be unsustainable, sabotaged an investment plan that supported the and that its role as a competitive faculty recruitment superior facilities, services, and teaching of a high- tool was severely compromised by concessions made end private school. As a result, far fewer families to Manhattanville community advocates: admission than the anticipated 40 percent contribute to the is no longer a guarantee for faculty. At present, 50 pricey $33,000 annual tuition. percent of student spots are allocated, through a lottery, to children unaffiliated with Columbia Crossed Wires living in neighborhoods spanning from Columbus Circle to southern Washington Heights. The School provides over $4.5 million in As a worst-case scenario, Cole reluctantly financial assistance every year. Columbia compen- imagines the school’s closure, sates for this disparity between meaning the loss of hundreds income and spending at a cost of of millions of dollars that might $12-14 million every year, esti- have funded more comprehensive mates Professor Christia Mercer, faculty health care or housing. the former chair of Literature Otherwise, the Columbia admin- Humanities—now on leave— istration must adapt and “go to who chaired Provost Brinkley’s the second phase that we had Faculty Task Force on The School talked about earlier on, which in 2005. This considerable annu- was to give money to the local al expenditure is siphoned off public schools. But in return we from the fringe benefit pool with- are going to need to buy back the out delivering guaranteed place- slots.” ment for faculty children. Cole references the cur- Provost Coatsworth and rent proportion of placements for Vice-Provost Roxy Smith, who faculty children to (mostly sub- also staffed the 2005 Task Force sidized) community spots, which on The Columbia School, cate- differs significantly from the gorically dismissed the possibil- original model for TSC’s financ- ity of either TSC’s closure or a es. To “buy” these spaces would reduction of its community place- require doling out hefty dona- ments. Smith seemed surprised tions to existing public schools, that reducing community spots in exchange for the restoration was even a consideration, stating, of TSC to its originally intended “I don’t think that’s a conversa- distributions: “50 percent faculty tion that either the institution [paying half-tuition], 20 percent people from the would have any interest in or the community would broader neighborhood who could afford tuition, 20 have any interest in.” The Provost was similarly res- percent would be allocated to non-profit organiza- olute. While Brinkley echoed this sentiment, add- tions in the city like museums and others [paying ing that he didn’t think anyone at Columbia would full tuition]...and 10 percent of the student body dare to ask, Cole believed that, despite ugly nego- would be selected at random from the community, tiations and a bout of bad press for Columbia, the and they would be, probably, fully funded.” payoff in faculty enrichment could be worth it. He In its initial “battle” to secure approv- further noted that the administration should never al to build The School from the Manhattanville have cowed to community pressure for increased Community Board, Allan Nevins Professor of representation at TSC in the first place.

30 Illustration by Liz Lee The Blue & White me and julio down by the schoolyard

Columbia has justified funnelling money to fund The Competition TSC from the fringe benefit pool with the under- standing that it would benefit current professors’ Though TSC’s commitment to socioeconom- families, and as a recruitment tool would help ic diversity makes it competitive with other elite departments attract the brightest in their fields. New York private schools, these comparable insti- When The School first opened its doors, the fringe tutions rest on substantial endowments that boast pool boasted a healthy surplus and seemed a natu- notoriously generous patrons. This is presumably ral source of funding. “It turned out that [The not the case at The School. (Smith did not return a School] was very expensive, and, after a few years, follow-up email requesting information about the the fringe pool wasn’t so healthy anymore. It was a exact size, restriction, and health of TSC’s endow- big hit to the fringe pool, and we had a big deficit as ment.) The Spence School’s $85 million endow- a result,” recalls Brinkley. ment plus its $36,200 annual tuition fee rivals By the spring of 2011, the fringe pool was los- the financial capacity of a small college, though ing $25-$35 million annually, “partially because of it serves only a fraction of TSC’s enrollment size The School and partially because of rising health- and grants a mere 19 percent of the student body care costs,” explains Brinkley. financial aid. The faculty task force assem- A closer approximation to bled last year to assess the state The School at Columbia are the of fringe benefits suggested century-old Chicago Laboratory cutting faculty health insur- Schools linked closely to the ance plans and coverage of col- University of Chicago. The Lab lege tuition for faculty children Schools maintain a growing to reduce the loss, though many endowment of $6,838,633, despite questioned a lack of scrutiny the fact that total high school pointed at The School’s fund- tuition costs at least $5,000 less ing. than annual tuition at The School. Coatsworth and Smith But the Lab Schools restrain their suggest that funding for The resources and do not guarantee School could be wrested from financial aid, requiring that needy other areas of the University families re-apply for subsidized budget, but insist that poten- tuition every year—a policy imply- tial financial redistribution on ing that limited funds allocated the University’s end will not to “deserving students” do not affect TSC. “The commitment meet the needs of every under- that’s in place right now for the privileged student. school is still in place and will While Columbia’s com- stay in place, and that’s a signed mitment to K-8 education in agreement with the communi- Morningside is a more compre- ty. So what John [Coatsworth] hensive, and more expensive, is talking about is how we look at the larger ques- project than simply revamping TSC’s admissions tions,” Smith said. policy, it may also prove more sustainable in the Vice-Provost Smith described the long term. Smith emphasized that the recommenda- University’s commitment to fund TSC as “the tions of the 2005 task force on TSC centered on a equivalent of the financial aid for the community,” five-year plan addressing specific concerns. Now, an essential component of Columbia’s finely bal- she says, they want to look at “the broader educa- anced relationship with the larger Manhattanville tional environment” from 102nd to 137th streets. neighborhood, especially during its expansion Cole explained that subsidizing public schools phase. is a significantly less costly means of promot- ing K-8 education in the larger neighborhood—if Columbia abandons the current funding structure of

September 2012 Illustration by Liz Lee 31 me and julio down by the schoolyard

TSC. Although the Provost’s office remains firm phies. CSS allows upperclassmen to take advantage in its assurance that TSC will not go public any of existing facilities by admitting them to classes on time soon, Coatsworth confirmed that it was at the Columbia campus, whereas TSC has been fur- least a possibility, even if a long-term one. Both nished with extravagant and autonomous accom- he and Smith repeatedly drew attention to the modations. success of an alternative model for Columbia- funded secondary education, the recently-opened Back to the Drawing Board Columbia Secondary School for Math, Science, & Engineering (CSS). The problem with a theoretical integration A few years younger than TSC, CSS has of TSC into the public system is that many profes- yet to graduate a class, which partly explains why sors do not consider public schools viable options it has dodged the public radar. Its undoubtedly for their children. Coatsworth pointed out that a more economical scheme dodges the fundamental few Columbia-affiliated kids were “pioneers” in financial flaws which TSC endures, and could the first classes at CSS, and believes that, through alleviate TSC’s burden on the fringe benefits pool. Columbia’s support, CSS “could be seen as a public Columbia commits about $100,000 annually to school that’s actually good enough so that Columbia CSS, whose annual budget is approximately $2.4 faculty have incentive to send their kids there.” million. This is equivalent to three fully subsidized However, Coatsworth would not elaborate on places at The School, or 2.5 percent of The School’s the feasibility of this change, or how soon such a expenditure on financial aid alone. change could be made. “We just haven’t gotten to Columbia entertained the prospect of a the point where we can make a plan that involves University-supported public school while in the The Columbia School, the public schools, and the planning stages of TSC, but eventually rejected University’s needs, and that’s what we would want the idea, as Columbia would inevitably lose control to take a look at [in AY 2012-2013].” While this over its direct operations to the NYC Department sounds like a successful compromise, the success of Education, Cole explained. Yet CSS has achieved of such transition relies on transparency and active much of TSC’s mission—and on a limited budget. efforts at communication between the forthcoming When the time comes to reconsider Columbia’s fis- Task Force, Provost’s office, community represen- cal relationship to The School, CSS could provide a tatives, and TSC administration. In striking con- persuasive blueprint. trast to Coatsworth’s tentativeness, The School’s With competitive admission, a diverse stu- founder, Cole, declared he could put TSC back dent body, and a rigorous curriculum, CSS empha- on track in two months. To avoid the structural sizes the collaborative learning that defines TSC’s problems that beset The School from its very begin- agenda, with a bonus focus in science and research. nings, all relevant parties must be represented to Beyond the obvious difference in grade ranges ensure justly that the needs of the neighborhood between the two establishments, the schools main- schools, faculty families, and the University’s bud- tain drastically different infrastructural relation- get are prioritized over politics—both internal and ships with the University and pedagogical philoso- external.w

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More learning time in Kindergarten should be devoted o Act II, Scene 2, pg. 173 to number than to other topics. § Sex is prevalent everywhere e § The Core is also everywhere! As per your request, here are some pictures of the e organic farm I worked on. The farm actually has a facebook page if you are interested in perusing it; it For a person so committed to an artificial persona, is under the name Heritage Produce at Shelton Herb particularly one as banal and dry as Andy Warhol’s, Farm. I have some other photos of the hoop house it is interesting that the artist has posthumously com- construction on my personal computer if you are manded the discourse that surrounds his work in what interested. may be considered a tactic of reverse-psychology. e It’s as though the monotone, nasally voice of Warhol speaks to his writers and critics from beyond the grave. Imagine a classroom where students are greeted every Often this is via his heavily cited literary work, The day by their teacher and classmates, where there is a Philosophy of Andy Warhol, the subtext of his influ- corner called the “Turtle Zone” for children to go to ence being, “I don’t care what you have to say about me, when they feel they need time to get their emotions but here are my thoughts on the subject. Write what- back under control before they do something that will ever.” And in this impassivity and detachment there is get them into trouble. Envision a school secretary the subtle force of personality that comes through and handing two students a “problem solving diary” to makes one want to understand him. Is there something complete after being sent to the office for fighting dur- to his words, vacillating between banal and observant, ing recess. which melds into a particular form of cryptography? Is e there anythingthere in Andy Warhol? From a Barnard NSOP leader guide: “Remember not to give any parents a schedule book!” “All OLs should socialize with new students, be friend- ly, and enjoy the ice cream!” “Go over the schedule book with the new students, but also talk to them about any Columbia life stuff that you want to share. Please use careful discre- tion in deciding what is appropriate and what is not. *YOUR MEETING MUST LAST FOR AT LEAST 45 MINUTES. DO NOT RELEASE YOUR STUDENTS EARLY.”

34 The Blue & White Campus Gossip

HEF LP UL BRO IS HELPFUL ST. A’S IS JEALOUS A Tuck-it-Away storage truck was turning left from The sisters of Sigma Delta Tau have had an elevator Broadway onto 114th, and got stuck in the intersec- installed in their brownstone. Passersby report “hella tion as the light changed. Two bros wearing tanks construction,” and general hearsay holding that an pushing a blue bin addressed the truck, helpfully yell- elevator of this type “would cost, like, $500,000,” ing, “You’re in the way! Get the fuck out!” substantiates this ADA-compliant rumor. The ques- e tion is: will this lift, like its EC brethren, swiftly carry loads of boisterous undergrads to their bedchambers? SEMIEROTICS Or is it doomed to Hamiltonian infamy, slowly and An editor was welcomed home early one summer odorously raising passengers from floor to floor? Saturday by her roommate, a waitress at the bar of e a fashionable downtown hotel, with an eager ques- tion: did she know the guy who wrote Middlesex? LAMB OVER FUCK YOU “You mean Jeffrey Eugenides?” the editor replied. A tired young student, in need of sustenance, turned Apparently, the roommate and several of her friends (as many do) to Halal. Feeling adventurous, he asked had been invited up to Mr. Eugenides’s room the previ- the vendor at 116th St. by College Walk to make him ous evening. The roommate maintained this encoun- a falafel. After taking “like 10 minutes,” our gossip ter was platonic, even though said the author told her was finally handed a sandwich, and gave the vendor a at one point she would play a good Madeleine in the $10 bill. She replied “I don’t have change,” and took forthcoming movie adaptation of The Marriage Plot, the money. Skeptical, the student asked her to hold on and eyewitnesses confirm the roommate is “pretty to the sandwich while he ran for change. Suddenly, the hot.” Eugenides later texted the roommate to see if she vendor realized she did have change for a 10! O holy was free to hang out the next time he was in New York. miracle. First-years, be warned: the 116th Halal cart is e looking out for neither your wallet nor your waistline. CHINESE DEMOCRACY e Having completed work as a “peer mentor” for a private COLUMBIA’S MISS MANNERS organization that hosts college admissions workshops As an editor was climbing down from the roof of a for Chinese high school students at Columbia, one edi- brownstone one eve, she spotted (or heard, rather) tor took an offer from the president of the organization a drunken partygoer urinating off of the roof of the to do her a “personal favor” and lead an unofficial tour Sigma Chi house. The editor’s companion yelled, “You of the Columbia campus. That day, the guide narrowly have the smallest dick on campus!” despite not being avoided collision with an officially sanctioned URC able to actually see said penis. The public pee-er was tour group. After sending the group on its way, and quickly shamed, and so zipped up prematurely and safe in the knowledge that she’d made $50 cash, she’s hustled back inside. holding out for future offers. e Spud Muffin...He’s a horse! w September 2012 35 Eatin’ Good In the Neighborhood

36 The Blue & White 36 The Blue & White