sign in sign up
<<
Home , Christmas ham

1 in the Brooke

Set-Up

5:00 Call 5:30 Centering in Green Room 5:45: Maitre d’ announces that bar will close at 6:00 and reopen at 6:15 5:50: Show band begins music

2 6:00 p.m. ACT ONE:

Maitre d’: Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames e Monsiers, Señores y Señoras, and, most importantly, Lords and Ladies: WELCOME TO CHRISTMAS IN THE BROOKE! AND NOW, TO OPEN OUR DINNER-SHOW, THE FAMOUS SADDLEBROOKE PERFORMING ARTS GROUP SINGERS AND DANCERS WITH THEIR OPENING NUMBER: “IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!”

Show band plays introduction as Chorus enters from four corners of ballroom

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas Ev’ry where we go, There’s a tree in the clubhouse now, One in our home as well The plastic kind that never will see snow. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, Candlelight and song, But, the thing that will make it right For our music on this night If you sing a-long.

Bridge of 24 bars: Chorus goes to assigned tables to QUICKLY meet and greet guests then moves to single line across front of stage on North side of ballroom by end of the 24 bar bridge. Chorus sings second verse:

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas All across the Brooke, See the lobby is all-aglow With ornaments and with bow Chef Robert sings a carol as he cooks It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas Ev’rywhere we go But, our celebratory fun Has now only just begun, Let’s begin the show,

Interlude - (24 bars choreography done as a line dance across front of stage. Groups line-up from West to East: Group C, B, A, D.

Repeat second verse with big finish! (“Let’s begin the show” in 1/2 time. “Let’s Go!” spoken at end) Show Band continues as chorus splits in middle and Groups C, B, A, D, go back to “home” corner.

3 4 Speakers #1, #2, #3 move to microphone 1, 2, 3.

Speaker 1: Christmas comes but once a year, 'tis fit that we should feast and cheer! Keep open house, let music play. A fig for cold, sing care away.

Speaker 2: Wouldn't life be worth the living Wouldn't dreams come true If we kept the Christmas spirit All the whole year through?

Speaker 3: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Christmas came in jars? We’d open one each month And light up Christmas Stars!

Show Band plays song once as Chorus enters from four corners (Two sets of beggars arrive collecting coins) (Each verse is raised 1/2 step and chorus “turn-jumps” 180 degrees between verses)

Christmas is coming; the geese are getting fat, Won’t you please to put a penny in an old man's hat? (rest) If you haven't got a penny a ha'penny will do, If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you.

(4 times, 3rd time with kazoos)

5 6 Speaker 4: In Medieval times, what you ate for depended on whether you were a peasant or nobility. Peasants ate simple foods unadorned with sauces or spices. Lords and Ladies feasted on food with many flavors. (Much like our guests here tonight!)

Speaker 5: In Medieval times, the Lord was expected to give his tenants a meal: bread, cheese and two dishes of meat which was usually goose and venison. The tenant had to bring his own plate, mug, tablecloth, napkin and even brushwood to cook his food. (Much unlike our guests here tonight!)

Maitre d’: YES! The goose is getting fat but so is Santa. Did you know that Santa represents the four stages of life?

1. First you believe in . 2. Then, you don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3. Then, you are Santa Claus. 4. Finally, you look like Santa Claus.

Speaker 6: When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

SpeakerSinger 7: Knock Knock Who's there? (Chorus and Audience) Olive Olive who? (“ “) (Sung) Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Speaker/Singer 8: Knock. Knock. Who's there? (Chorus and Audience) Hanna. Hanna who? (“ “) (Sung) Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

Maitre d’: Christmas in Killarney is a popular Irish Christmas song. It was performed by many artists but became most famous by Bing Crosby on his White Christmas album in 1945. This song was a favorite of the troops during World War II.

7 Song: Christmas In Kilarney

Speaker 9: Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.

Speaker 10: Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.

8 Speaker 11: What I don’t like about the office Christmas party Is looking for a job the next day.

Speaker 12: What kind of comes from Hawaii? Singer 13: (Sung)) "O Tanning Palms"! (repeat)

Speaker 14: What's the favorite of new parents? Singer 15: (Sung) Silent Night! (repeat)

Speaker 16: How do sheep say Merry ? Singer 17: (Sung) Fleece Navidad! (repeat)

Speaker 18: Next to a circus there is nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Speaker 19: Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.

Speaker 20: The more miles away from home at Christmas, the more dreams of Christmas past.

9 Speaker 21: In the 13th century, a Bishop held a Christmas feast at his Manor. His guests ate 1 boar, 2 carcasses of beef, 2 calves, 4 does, 4 pigs, 60 fowls, 2 geese, 40 gallons of red wine and one gallon of white (amounts similar to our guests this evening!)

Maitre d’: So, here we are 700 years later at Manor Mountain View. AND, It is time to serve “Food, Glorious Food”!

Salad course is paraded. Chorus leads two lines into the ballroom from Corners A and B on kitchen side of ballroom. Each chorus member has a china plate. Mountain View Wait Staff follow chorus with silver trays carrying them over their heads with salad objects (fruits and vegetables glued to the tray) On second pass, they place trays on the buffet table.

Food, Glorious Food” Our Christmas tradition, Food, Glorious Food” From SaddleBrooke Kitchen, This holiday food we bring, Your palate will savor, Side dishes and vegetables, Full of flavor. Food, Glorious food. You’re anxious to try it. Three courses are good, To ruin your diet. Chef Robert has done his best, His SaddleBrooke gift, Oh! Food, wonderful food, Marvelous food, Glorious food. (repeat)

Maitre d’: Lords and Ladies: Please enjoy Manor Mountain View’s vegetables from the Manor’s cellar, breads from the Manor’s bakery and wine from the Manor’s vineyards.

10 15-minute intermission while Lords and Ladies consume salads that are already on the table.

11 ACT TWO:

Maitre d’: Lords and Ladies!

Maitre d’: It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood: “Prisoner: What are you charged with?”

Maitre d’ Assistant: “Doing my Christmas shopping early.

Maitre d’: "That's no offense, how early were you doing this shopping?"

Maitre d’ Assistant: "Before the store opened."

Maitre d’: “You are pardoned! Because, YOU need a !”

12 13 14 Speaker 22: There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."

Speaker 23: The best thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm. We all go through it together.

Speaker 24: The worst thing about Christmas is the gift of a . There is only one fruitcake in the entire world and people just keep sending it to each other.

Maitre d’: There once was a Russian Tsar, whose name was Rudolph the Great who said to his spouse:

"Look honey. It's raining."

Maitre d’ Assistant: "No, Rudolph! Anyone can see it is snowing."

Maitre d’: “Let's step outside dear and see. Look, yes, I knew it! It is raining indeed. You see, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Well, I guess that calls for a Russian dance. How about a polka?

15 SPAG Dancers “Jingle Bell Polka”

16 Maitre d’: In this world of bailouts, runs on banks and downsizing, here is a office memo sent to personnel at the North Pole dated: December 16 (17), 2008.

Speakers 25 a through 25 s (three speakers and chorus)

25 a. Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package. This has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about restructuring at the North Pole.

25 b. The North Pole has lost dominance in the season’s gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa’s market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

25 c. The reindeer downsizing was made possible by improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School.

25 d. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste) as well as contributions to global warming.

25 e. However, we are pleased to inform you that Rudolph’s role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole!

25 f. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph’s nose got red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph “a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa’s helpers and taken totally out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under “executive stress”.

25 g. As for further restructuring, effective immediately, the following economy measures will take place in the “” music subsidiary:

17 CHORUS: On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree:

25 h. The partridge will be retained, the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant.

CHORUS: On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, two turtle doves:

25 i. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.

CHORUS: On the third days of Christmas my true love sent to me, three French hens:

25 j. Three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

18 CHORUS: On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, four calling birds:

25 k. Four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine whom the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

CHORUS: On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, five golden rings:

25 l. The Board of Directors has put five golden rings on hold. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

CHORUS: On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me, six geese-a- laying:

25 m. Six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury, which no longer can be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of a general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go.

CHORUS: On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me seven swans-a-swimming:

25 n. Seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;

CHORUS: On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me eight maids- a-milking;

25 o. The eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the Equal Employment Opportunity Committee. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

CHORUS: On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me nine ladies dancing:

25 p. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow old and can no longer do the steps;

19 CHORUS: On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me ten Lords-a- leaping

25 q. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work politicians. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed politicians this year:

CHORUS: On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me eleven pipers piping, twelve drummers drumming

25 r. Eleven pipers piping AND twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. Effective immediately, there will be no new music, no new uniforms and the band will be replaced with a string quartet. (Show band plays brief classical piece)

25 s. Overall, we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses that will produce savings, which will drop right to the bottom line!

CHORUS: “There’s no partridge in a pear tree”!

Maitre d’: Even with corporate cuts, we will always have ourselves a merry little Christmas”.

20 Speaker/Singer 26: Knock Knock Who's there? (Chorus and audience) Oakham Oakham who? (“ “) (Sung) Oakham all ye faithful... !

21 Speaker/Singer 27: Knock Knock Who's there? (Chorus and audience) Wayne Wayne who? (“ “) (Sung) Wayne in a manger... !

Speaker 28: I’ve been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. (pause) Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family...

Speaker 29: A precocious three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: ‘I don't like the turkey, but I sure like the bread he ate.

Maitre d’: The Christmas originated from the tradition of eating at midwinter feasts. The oldest printed Christmas carol is “The Boar’s Head Carol, printed in 1521. This carol was sung while the boar’s head was carried into the feast on a platter. Tonight, Chef Robert presents Manor MoutainView Boar’s head!

22 Main course is paraded. Chorus enters from two lines into the ballroom from Door “A” and “B” on kitchen side. Mountain View Back Kitchen Staff follows the chorus. Chef Roberts and staff have boar’s head on serving cradle (or silver trays) carrying it high. The course is paraded as song is presented.

23 15-minute intermission while Lords and Ladies are escorted by table to buffet to get entrée and side dishes.

ACT Three:

Maitre d’: (Ad lib transition)

Speaker 30: What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party? Singer 31: Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Speaker 32: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Singer 33: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Speaker/Singer 34: Knock Knock Who's there? (Chorus and Audience) Alvin! Alvin who? (“ “) Alvin home for Christmas!

24 25 Maitre d’: Some popular Christmas songs have a long shelf life. Songs like Rudolf, Winter Wonderland and Silver Bells reappear year after year. It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year falls into that same category. It was composed over 60 years ago by Eddie Pola and George Wyle. Each of them lived to the age of 88 and must have thoroughly enjoyed hearing Andy Williams make their song even more famous. If they were still alive they would be thrilled to hear our next group presenting the song this evening.

26 27 Speaker 35: wrote Twas the night before Christmas " in 1822. Mr. Moore was a quiet, shy man and it is believed that a family friend sent the poem to a New York newspaper. The condition of publication was that the author remain anonymous.

Speaker 36: The first publication date for the poem was December 23, 1823. It was an immediate success. Reading Twas the night before Christmas on is now a worldwide tradition. Tonight, we offer “The Night Before Christmas, SaddleBrooke-style”:

Speakers 37: A: ‘Twas the night before Christmas in SaddleBrooke fair, Not a creature was stirring, like ev’ry night there. The golfers had gone, the fairways were bare In hopes all the divets would get some repair.

B: The tennis courts empty, the craft room abandoned The programs on TV appeared to be random. And I in my bathrobe and Ma in her turban Were sipping our eggnogs spiked freely with bourbon.

C: When out on the gravel there arose such a noise I sprang from the sofa without any poise. Away to the window I flew like a missile Tore open the shutters and gave a loud whistle.

D: The moon on the crest of the newly mowed green Showed a vision from my backyard that seemed like a dream. When what to my wondering eyes could be seen? But a hopped-up old cart golf completely in green.

E: With a little old driver decked out in bright red, He should have been home tucked tight in his bed. More rapid than Harleys, his golf cart it flew, While he coughed and he wheezed and expelled an “a choo”.

F: As mesquite growth before the monsoon blows round, As it spins and careens and then falls to the ground, So up to the fourth green the golf cart did go, With the geezer maneuvering it both to and fro.

28 G: And then, in a twinkling, I saw on the course, He was driving a golf ball with no great remorse. As I drew in my head and was ready to scream, He slammed the ball hard and it plopped on the green.

H: He was dressed in Bermudas with a jaunty red cap And a red polo shirt that he’d bought at The Gap. A bundle of clubs he had thrown in his cart. The beer he had probably bought at the Mart.

I: His gait was unsteady since he suffered no thirst The brew he was chugging was more than his first. He moved on the green as performing a dance. While the belt that he wore stretched tight round his pants.

J: The stump of a stogie he clamped in his teeth As the smell of it drifted or’e us without relief. He had a round belly and round ruddy face One you’d expect from a SaddleBrooke ace.

K: His drive was appalling, his putting far worse He exceeded par with an audible curse. As he finished 10 strokes, he left in disgust Walking back to his cart, he uttered a cuss.

L: Then, he sprang to his cart, racing to the next tee He played after dark to escape the green fee. But I heard him exclaim as he vanished from sight, “You can save lots of dough if you just golf at night.”

Maitre d’: W. C. Fields once said: “Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven”.

Speaker 38: The renowned philosopher, Jay Leno, reported: “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a in Washington, D.C. However, this wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin”.

29 Speaker 39: Child star, Shirley Temple once said: “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph”.

Speaker 40: In many countries, Christmas is celebrated with spirited singing and dancing with little emphasis on presents.

Speaker 41: Gift giving at Christmas was rare in America prior to the 19th century. The first gifts were practical, items such as mittens, coats, hats or food. Now our gifts are more frivolous and fun. In fact, half of the year's sale of diamonds and luxury watches happen in December.

30 Speaker 42: Folks are doing their Christmas shopping later and later every year. Since 1990 the busiest shopping day of the year has shifted from the day after Thanksgiving to the Saturday before Christmas. This year, the busiest shopping day will be December 20th.

31 Speaker 43: Dave Barry, that pernicious pundit said: Once again it is that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old tradition such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We do this by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge, then we follow, much in the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star until it led them to a parking place.

Speaker 44: Nothing's meaner than giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Speaker 45: Gallup polls report that over 90% of folks say that Christmas is their favorite holiday. It’s become a celebration of family with food, music and love around an open fire (or, in SaddleBrooke, a gas log!)

32 33 Speaker 46: Plum pudding was originally a soup made by boiling beef and mutton with dried prunes, wine and spices. Then they removed the prunes and meats and added raisins. It was thickened with eggs and breadcrumbs to become a steamed cake. So "plum pudding" is not a pudding and it doesn’t contains plums.

Maitre d’: And now, we command the MountainView Manor Food and Beverage Lord Mike Taylor tol present the SaddleBrooke version of flaming Plum Pudding!

34 35 Singers parade the dessert with wait staff and Food and Beverage Mike Taylor following the line with a flaming dessert. A 15-minute intermission while Lords and Ladies are escorted by table to the buffet for dessert.

Maitre d’: Now, as we wind down the evening, here are our closing Christmas thoughts:

Speaker 47: Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

Speaker 48: There have been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

Speaker 49: Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."

Solo and Chorus: White Christmas

36 37 Speaker 50: The magi, as you know, were wise men - wonderfully wise men that brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.

Speaker 51: So, now is the time in SaddleBrooke fair, To light your own candle and say a prayer For peace and goodwill to all here and there,

Maitre d’: Goodnight and God Bless this time that we shared.

Chorus stays in place from singing White Christmas (having picked up candles in the four corners prior to White Christmas)

Chorus and audience sing: Silent Night, Holy Night On second time through first verse, chorus leads everyone in two lines out to lobby and forms two lines for audience to move though as they depart.

38