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Home , Jealousy, Love, Pathological jealousy

04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 137

ACTA BIOMED 2006; 77: 137-146 © Mattioli 1885

R EVIEW

Jealous and morbid Carlo Maggini1, Eva Lundgren2, Emanuela Leuci3 1 Department, Section of psychiatry, university of Parma; 2 Post graduate school of psychiatry, University of Par- ma; 3 AUSL Parma, Distretto di Fidenza, Parma, Italy

Abstract. Jealous love and morbid jealousy, although inextricably linked, cannot be considered the same: jeal- ous love (trait jealousy) is the behavioral and cognitive-affective precondition of morbid jealousy (state jeal- ousy). Love is jealous when it is devoured by the for the exclusive and total possession of the partner, whose unconditional and continued presence is avidly requested. This type of love, in addition, is permeat- ed by the need to know what the other is thinking, in order to scrutinize every minimal flaw in the faithful- ness of the partner even in his or her innermost thoughts and fantasies; in it, jealousy is virtually always pre- sent, even in the absence of a triggering event, because captative love, by its very nature, includes the expec- tation of a conflict which inevitably actually takes place in . Finally, jealousy emerges as an emotional event (jealous flash) in response to a more or less significant change in the behavior of the partner, and re- veals to the jealous individual a dimension which was previously latent or inexistent. This intense and brief experience, leaves a more or less blurred memory behind, and tends to progressively repeat itself and take root as a . (www.actabiomedica.it)

Key words: Jealous love, morbid jealousy, jealous flash, abnormal personality, psychiatric disorders

The most suggestive and pregnant images of Jealousy is a desire to keep, and not to lose, and is amorous jealousy are those of the great explorers of the inextricably linked to the threatening possibility that (moralists, , poets and narra- all that belongs to me, that I claim to be mine, and tors) who have described, more effectively and deeply that I cannot be deprived of without being significan- than clinicians, the torments of this consuming fire, of tly impoverished, moves away from me and towards this eternal, and at the same time banal, topic. another. In fact, amorous jealousy is not only a psychiatric When this movement, which is at the core of the symptom, but a universal experience and, to quote La- torment, , and fervor of the jealous individual, gache (1), “is not only a way of experiencing love, but al- ceases to exist, his or her preoccupation is no more and so a way of existing.” the certainty of definitive loss or of a new possession bring an end to the jealousy itself. Therefore,one is jealous of that which one posses- The Torment of Jealousy ses, but the possession does not satisfy completely if it is not nourished by the dynamism of desire. That is to In the words of Henri Ey (2), amorous jealousy is say, if one does not desire what one has, one does not “the feeling of being deprived of in our possession in possess it completely. It is from this avid desire to have order for them to be given to others, or rather, of goods that the threat of deprivation emerges, whether it is due being moved away from us only to be moved towards to the impossibility of its realization, or to the mon- others.” strous intensity of its avidity, which cannot be satisfied. 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 138

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Over the years the meaning of the term jealousy ve, the disconcerting reflections in mirrors and the has become degraded compared to the original one. It continous variations in refraction. no longer means zeal (or ardor) for the object of love In the final scene the light fades and with the (dedication, devotion, fervor), but rather, possession, darkness falling on the hill the outline of the banana of loss and the of a rival. The hand of plants becomes blurred. the watch of jealousy, instead of pointing to zealou- The jealous are lecteurs de signes , or rather mau- sness, now points to possessiveness and rivalry. vais lecteurs, because they transfigure them through a In additon to these negative connotations, others literary recreation of reality (5): a sort of prism tran- should be added, as evidenced by terms used in various sforms a banal reality into a universe of fecund signs. other languages (3). The metaphors of literature keenly describe the The German word “Eifersucht” derives from glance of the jealous. To read means to elaborate a “Eifer” (zeal) and from the suffix “-sucht”, related to gathering of mute signs which then become psycho- “siech”, which means “unhealthy”: jealousy is thus an linguistic signs of , of lies, of hypocrisy, of the unhealthy, sick and gloomy zeal. seductiveness of the rival, and of ones own disfavor in The French term “jalousie”, “blind”, “obscured” is the eyes of the beloved, in a sort of discourse one mur- used as a substantive to indicate blinds for windows murs to oneself. with horizontal bars, and has been adopted as such in The jealous actually decipher the signs that they the . The angle of the bars allows for have inscribed on reality and are thus readers of their seeing without being seen, or rather, for leering and own signs and not of the reality that surrounds them. glimpsing. The term, therefore, has a stealthy and hid- As Pozdnichev states in Tolstoj’s La Sonata a Kreut- den meaning, as well as an unclear and undefined one. zer (6): “jealousy, helped by imagination, knows very The English word “jealous” has an analogous well how to construct the proof that it claims to have”, meaning. Jealous glass is an opaque, translucent, and and this proof is a continous source of new reasons to non- transparent glass which allows one to glimpse, to suffer. intuit, to imagine, to conjecture, and at the same time to be unsure of that which one sees. The eye of the jealous tortures itself with the fear The birth of jealousy of being expropriated and, furtive and unseen, it scru- tinizes, searches, analyzes, sees innumerable facts, yet The onset of jealousy is characterized by the so- only gathers details that are inconsistent and insuffi- called jealous flash (7) or choc émotive (8): a sudden, in- cient enough to wreathe a story without resorting to tense autonomic which is a worrisome foresha- conjecture, and imagination. dowing of infidelity and abandon (9). This is described in a masterly fashion in the no- A real or imaginary change in the behavior of the vel Jealousy by Robbe-Grillet (4), where the eye of the partner (a hypothesis, a suspicion, an interpretation) narrator looks between the bars of the blinds, but the causes the onset. Like the , the jealous use focus is altered by the of light and shadow. The the arsenal of interpretations that constitute the pawns eye of the narrator perceives facts and observes the wi- of the lovers’ game (8): a lasting glance is a sign of de- fe of A and Frank, who may be a lover, but we are una- sire; the subtle nuances of a facial expression are proof ble to discover what is really happening since the bars of unconfessable ; a lingering, brief hand- are at the wrong angle; only a sliver of light passes th- shake becomes a clear sign of complicity. Only a few rough them and the eye is unable to see. The narrator’s examples are needed to evoke the scene of jealousy. vision is also impaired by the imperfections in the Although they move in a context illuminated by glass, although it is clean and transparent, and by the the conscious mind and do not leave a trace, it is in fact that the windows face north and do not receive this way that “dead thoughts,” quoting Musil (10), co- direct sunlight. There are other impediments to his vi- me alive. They come alive because “something that is no sion as well: the light that shifts, the shadows that mo- longer a thought... combines with them so that we find 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 139

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them to be true, like an anchor that burns the warm and this type of disorder) and peculiarities of the un- living flesh.” Thus, the discovery of infidelity becomes derlying personality. The hyper- imposes concrete and possible or certain, and only half of this the idea of infidelity, forces it upon the , discovery takes place in the circle illuminated by the and creates the event which is none other than the di- conscious mind, while the other half unfolds in the sturbing and deformed shadow of morbid subjectivity dark recess of our most intimate being. projected on the external reality. Thus, the feeling of The jealous flash comes out of the blue, often in jealousy takes shape, and is the cause of emotional hy- the context of an extended period of affective disen- per-reactivity to the environment and of a continuous chantment, of , of indifference, and of estran- production of jealous flashes or emotional shocks that gement from the partner, experienced as being eroti- feed interpretations and activate behavioral alterations. cally and emotionally insignificant, and is a manifesta- The fate of this sentiment is closely related to the af- tion of an oxymoronic and idiosynchratic disparity fective state; it grows and abates with it, follows its ups between la nullité de la personne aimée et l’immensité du and downs, as well as its pauses and paroxysms. drame which it causes (11). Jealousy which manifests itself in the context of The jealous flash sets in motion a synchronic and chronic psychoses, such as and demen- diachronic multitude of contradictory and mutable tia for example, defined by Borel as representative or emotional experiences. Jealousy is, in fact, a complex imagined, involves the immediate use of the idea of emotional state; an aggregation of various infidelity and its transformation into a delirious idea emotions(émotion complexe (12); blended ,a by the morbose process, without affective arousal co- compound of basic level emotions (13, 14)) which in- ming into play. cludes, to a varying degree, fear, worry, , , With jealousy, an existence tormented by , hate, but also , bitterness, , and . An suspicion, , anger, , , hate and underlying ètat mixte excito-depressive(8) accompanied desire begins. In this inextricable emotional and spiri- by brutal, anguishing and painful emotional paroxy- tual accumulation, the existential disposition vacillates sms and lacerating somatic symptoms. and the vision of the world mutates radically. Conso- The experience of a multitude of contradictory lidated values become meaningless, and of emotions becomes magnified, and one experience fol- modesty, honor, faithfulness and honesty dissolve. lows another in a dizzying way, provoking a profound This is a transformation of meaning that involves emotional and affective disorganization, as well as an the partner as well, who appears enigmatic, cruel, interior disintegration. unworthy, and immoral, yet at the same time charged In order for jealousy to materialize and crystalli- with unusual erotic valence. The fear of loss causes a ze, however, the jealous flash, activated by the event hypertrophy of desire which solicits the repeated and (real or imaginary) must be linked to two other fac- compulsive possession of his or her body, as if such tors: the idea of infidelity (innescated by the behavior possession of the body could permit the possession of of the partner) and an individual emotional predispo- the soul as well. sition linked to particular personality traits (paranoid The consciousness is dominated by the pain of traits), or to a concomitant psychiatric disorder. the possibility of loss, and by resentment for the loss The triple alliance of the event, idea of infidelity, of self-esteem caused by alternating certainties fol- and hyper-emotionality come into play both in normal lowed by . A sort of feverish worry, consuming jealousy and in the pathological (passionate) kind, whi- , and almost physical pain indicate how deeply ch is typical of mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and jealousy penetrates in the sphere of vitality, where it personality disorders, where it can take on obvious or moves in the dephths and feeds on an atmosphere of submerged aspects; essential or accessory ones, as well suspicions, certainties, interpretations, the searching as lasting or temporary ones. In passionate jealousy, the for proof, blame, threats and aggression. triple alliance is related to the mariage dystrophique, in- Like in a kind of bulimia, the jealous obsessively volving an alteration of mood (which is a constant in exasperate the they would like to have hea- 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 140

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led: they gather all the elements necessary to feed their obtain what the other can give, to have that which the jealousy and do anything to get them, fortifying them- other has, and it is in this fertile ground that jealousy selves by assimilating them. From now on will be grows. D-love, in fact, facilitates jealousy while B-love “poisoned” by this avid and incessant search for new impedes it: once the jealous flash is experienced (and wounds, and nothing can stop the work of the imagi- anyone can experience it), B-love opposes the emotio- nation which creates the dizzying indetermination of nal-affective movement of pain, anger and that the possible. it triggers, while D-love activates and intensifies it. The jealous, due to a kind of painful (an A third kind of love relationship, called amour- expression borrowed by Proust from L’Education Sen- communion by Lagache (1), is one in which the coexi- timentale by Flaubert (15)), want to know the truth stence transcends unilateral possession and absorp- and their for truth is endless. Neither Podzny- tion. It is in this type of relationship that the schele- chev, in the Sonata a Kreutzer(6), nor Brentani in Se- rian intention is actualized par excellence of love that nilità (16), nor Swann in La Recherche (17), ever come presupposes the of the subject and the to know the truth about the unfaithful woman, or the object, leaving no room for reciprocal possession or fu- woman believed to be such. sion. In this kind of love the possibility of “”, in the words of Galimberti (21), pertains to love the way Jealous Love day pertains to night. It is a love that demands a re- nunciation of the “paranoid choice” of exorcising litur- Jealous love and morbid jealousy, although inex- gies (declarations of eternal faithfulness, proof of de- tricably linked, cannot be considered the same: jealous votion, promises etc.) and of the blessed innocence of love is the precondition; the cognitive-affective and the original . In this kind of love the aware- behavioral antecedent of abnormal jealousy (state jea- ness of mutual recognition exists, as well as the know- lousy). ledge that in every love relationship there is a desire In a love relationship, Lagache (1) identifies two not to be annulled by the other, because love is a rela- fundamental dimensions: one implies the desire to ha- tionship and not a fusion. Thus, in the relationship ve and possess the object, to assimilate it and identify it there is presence or absence, there is faithfulness or with oneself; the other dimension implies the desire to unfaithfulness (even if only in ones mind) to escape give oneself and lose oneself in the love object, to iden- the mortal embrace of “we”, maintaining the ability to tify with it. These dimensions, respectively called amour leave safe shores, to go at ones own risk toward the captatif and amour oblatif , describe two types of unknown regions of life, to know oneself and discover love relationships with which the real types can be who one really is. compared to a greater or lesser degree. In reality, in the In real love relationships, moments of comunion, love relationship captation and annihilation coexist of captivation-annihilation, and of B-love and D-love synchronously and diachronously to a varying degree: a coesist to different degrees. If amour-oblatif is preva- certain annihilation is immanent in captative love and lent in the relationship, that is, if one in an al- versa. Thus, in love relationships, there is a balan- most disinterested way and is satisfied by the feeling ce between self-assertion and self-surrender (18). of belonging to the other there is no jealousy (1, 2); A similar concept is that of Maslow (19) who , re- the same is true where amour-communion is prevalent ferring to Fenichel (20), identifies two faces of love: (1). Love causes jealousy when it is captatif , when it is Deficiency-love or D-love, based on needs of depen- devoured by the desire to have, by and by dency, a need for security and belonging, and Being-lo- greediness. The to be loved, to possess, and to ve or B-love, based on a love of the other simply be- keep, create a need for the total and continuous dedi- cause he or she exists rather than because of the sati- cation of the partner. sfactions he or she provides. The kind of love that mo- Inherent in amour captatif (and in D-love ) is jea- st people experience is D-love, based on the desire to lousy, where it is virtually always present even in the 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 141

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absence of a situation of rivalry, because it encompas- The jealous and the not jealous ses the expectation of a possible and be- cause of its being, inevitably, in conflict with reality. The jealous are stigmatized because of their pre- The needs of a jealous love can in fact only be satisfied carious personality and because of their inability to lo- by an imaginary or ideal partner. This idiosynchratic ve, dominated as they are by oral and cannibalistic im- idealization cannot, however, survive the proof of rea- pulses, by the desire to devour and annihilate their lity, and is destined to cause disenchantment and fru- partner without respecting his or her otherness, needs stration. The painful awareness and and values. arising from the otherness of the partner creates a To a minor degree, the jealous are considered im- deep wound, a hole in the love through which the ha- mature, dependent, unassertive and inadequate. In teful image of the rival seeps (2). reality, there are many jealous individuals with abnor- In addition, this kind of love is permeated by the mal personality traits caused by affective deprivations need to verify what is in the mind of the other, to and childhood and many with a mental patho- know if that which appears to be love really is love, or logy that subverts emotions, compromises insight, in- just a simulation, the substance or the shadow. In this terferes with reality testing, revealing a perverse inner case an apparent behavior is not sufficient. The inner world and a latent , and bringing about thoughts and fantasies must also be faithful: these are aggressive and destructive drives. the demands of the jealous lover. “To know, to know be- It is not uncommon, however, to find jealous in- cause love is knowledge, because love is sustained by truth, dividuals who do not exhibit a distorted modus aman- by the things that are said and confessed and not by the di and the pecularites of personality described in lite- things that are hidden in being left unsaid” (22). Once rature. Even individuals who are harmonious and at the process of self-questioning and doubt begins, jea- peace with their drives and needs can find themselves lousy has taken shape. overtaken by feelings of jealousy that emerge from the Desdemona is a faithful and Othello is a hu- secret depths of their following the tortuous sband in love. Nevertheless, a mere trifle is sufficient pathways of pain, of disease, or simply resulting from to transform their love into tragedy. Just a few words the passing of time where the partner becomes the la- uttered by Iago are enough to convince Othello. The st berth of their history, their identity and their de- passage from to a devastating jea- stiny. lousy is sudden. According to Stanley Cavel (23), It is only an approach free of bias and diagnosti- Othello trusts such slender proof as that of the cal automatisms that permits the identification, in the handkerchief, easily Iago, disregards the sin- lacerating suffering of these individuals, of the despe- cerity of Desdemona’s love and the of Caio, rate cry of pain from the loss of a person who bolsters all because of a sort of cognitive skepticism regarding the identity and the anchoring to reality and of the the existence and humanity of others. This kind of ”protest against the dissolution of an ideal of commitment skepticism is in and of itself pathological, in that it and faithfulness.” (24). does not allow for trust nor does it need the kinds of In response to the question of whether anyone is guarantees offered by solid criteria or fundamental de- immune to jealousy, Kierkegaard (25), according to monstrations. As per Cavel, Othello suffers from this Tellenbach (26), would have answered in the afferma- kind of disease, and his jealousy prevents him from re- tive, making reference to Don Juan, because this ge- cognizing Desdemona as a being different from him- nius of the immediately erotic is the antithesis of jea- self, with an existence independent of his own. Othel- lousy. Don Juan is incapable of being jealous because lo, being an invincible warrior and as such inclined to he is incapable of loving; he wants to conquer, to pos- be controlling and possessive, views Desdemona’s sess, but does not want to keep what he has obtained being different from him and outside of his command so easily and nothing is more alien to him than the as a threat. Before Iago even speaks, Othello is already thought of a rival (an inescapable presence in the sce- convinced who is belivable and who is not. ne of jealousy). He is always victorious with any rival, 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 142

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even with , to whom Elvira was betrothed and This may be the case with Flaubert, who affirmed: then forsakes because of him. “I admit that I have never in my life been jealous.” Even Charles Bovary (27), who did not lack Tolstoj (6), however, was not unfamiliar with fee- proof of the betrayal of Emma, nor of the identity of lings of jealousy, which he had described in Pozdnysev his rivals, does not seem to have been devoured by jea- in La Sonata a Kreutzer. A few years later, he found lousy. In the impossible conversation imagined by Ce- himself in the same situation when the musician Ta- sare Segre (28) between Charles Bovary and Flaubert, neev became a frequent guest in his home. Sonja, his Charles wants to be “remembered as an example of total, wife, did not attempt to hide from her the in- flawless and heroic love” and not, as Flaubert liked to terest and she felt for the musician. Tolstoy, portray him, “as a champion of banality, and even...a in his diaries, speaks of the extreme suffering that his poor idiot.” Charles says: “But I was neither banal nor an wife’s feelings for the musician causes him, and blames idiot. Do you think I didn’t realize that Emma betrayed the nature of his wife, and her “inability, as a woman, me with Leon, with Rodolphe, and then again with to subjugate feelings and instinct to reason.” Leon? Well then, one would have to be blind, not foolish, Tolstoj, as Gorkij, quoted by Pacini (31) wrote, at not to realize it...I noticed everything, and tortured myself the time he wrote La Sonata a Kreuzer, was no longer in silence. Why didn’t I react? Because of love, above all. I the Tolstoj, cantor of life in its cruel yet attractive im- had understood that I was too inferior compared to the mediateness. He was no longer the Tolstoj who spoke male image that Emma desired; too noble and refined, or of his extatic with his young wife Sonja. more educated and sensitive than myself...But the major Rather, he was the brooding and devastated Tolstoj reason for my resignation was her nervous crises...they who, after his existential crisis and religious conver- constituted a preoccupying clinical case...And I realized sion in 1878, denied the existence of passion and fee- that she had a problem that our scientific knowledge could lings. In addition, he became the Tolstoj of absolute not resolve...Faced with such a case, it would have been reason, no longer able to love, but only to preach an egotistical to worry about my name and the reputa- abstract love for all of humanity, and also the Tolstoj tion of my wife...The only possibility was to have ; of the Tragedy of the Alcove, one of the most painful and I was overflowing with pity.” tragedies regarding the life of mankind. Tellenbach (26) would have claimed that the jea- This was the Tolstoj who considered unfaithful- lousy in Charles Bovary had been tempered, bridled, ness as an intrinsic part of the nature of conjugal rela- and dissolved by the ethical appeal of pity. Lagache (1) tionships and jealousy as an expression of the would have claimed that amour oblatif, or Being Love profound ambiguity of carnal love, where hate and de- according to Maslow (19), was his prevailing emotion. sire are intertwined due to the need for absolute and Cloninger (29) would have pointed to the existence of exclusive possession of the other. temperamental traits in him, such as high Harm Avoi- dance, high Reward Dependence, and low Sensation Seeking. Finally, DSM-IV (30), would authorize us to Love and jealousy identify a peculiar constellation of avoidant, depen- dent, and depressive personality traits. The Recherche by Proust (17) is considered a no- Don Juan and Charles Bovary, however, are not vel about love, yet the only love relationships depicted the only ones who do not experience feelings of jea- where there is no and jealousy are those of lousy. There are yet others who, because of peculiari- the grandmother for her grandchildren and of the ties of personality or psychological aspects, manage to for the writer. All of the other characters are bridle jealousy within the complicated plot of their permeated by dissimulation, lies, suspicion, lacerating destiny and completely elaborate and overcome it. In contradiction and atrocious pain. In the Proustian others, because of a sort of anaesthesia and emotional universe there is no happy love. This is a “psychological and affective indifference, feelings of jealousy never rule which is as difficult to break as the physical laws of surface. gravity and death.” 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 143

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According to Proust, love exists only in the sort of Our amorous imagination made us dream, as if agony that is jealousy. Love seems to be a curse, a sor- invited on a voyage, of the possibility to enter, know, cery like in a fairy tale, that cannot be overcome until and become actors in the world of the other. The ima- the spell is broken. Either we are jealous, suffer, and gination of the jealous, however, knows how to hunt are unhappy, or we believe that we love, aren’t jealous out, in the depths of hell, the world hidden there, in- and don’t suffer. Happy love, however, is none other to which it to enter if only as a pathetic and than an unavoidable boredom: this is the curse of lo- complaining voyeur. ve. The suffering of the jealous only ends when love In keeping with Proust, one loves and that has become a faded and non-sensical memory; this is which a woman promises: another world, another inte- when they realize that they have healed because they rior reality in which one wishes to partake. As in the pa- have stopped loving. radoxical love of the (28), the anxiety cau- sed by the absence is the etiology and the totality of love, and that is why there can be no happy love. “One Eulogy to jealousy only loves that which one does not possess”, and once one possesses the love object, one feels dispossessed of Jealousy cannot only be considered a problem the illusion of the world once discovered through her, that needs to be suppressed and treated, but rather, a and that made one love her. problem that needs to be deciphered in its complex It is unattainable nature of that unknown and combination of personal and social meanings. These imagined the world that gives rise to love; the posses- are hermeneutics which presuppose the renunciation sion does away with the distance as well as the love. of clinical dogmatic and of the unconscious The passage from absence to presence is, according to “bifocal vision” that induces one to consider the jea- Proust, the passage from desire to delusion, and with lousy of others as something inferior, abnormal, delusion love ceases to be happy. pathological, to reject, to correct, or to treat, and our In conformity with Proust, thus, love only exists own as a powerful expression of our deep faithfulness in order to possess a person; to come to know their in- towards our partner (21). terior existence and to take part in their world. Jealou- Moreover, trait or dispositional jealousy (jealous sy only arises from whatever impedes this process, and love) and non-pathological state jealousy, do not renders inaccessible this inner existence, because of its always have negative effects on the couple relation- irreducible opacity, its ubiquitousness, the freedom of ship, and are not always dangerous and destructive. everyones consciousness (the mind can always be el- On the contrary, at times they can have useful and sewhere and it is useless to possess a body if one does constructive effects, in that they may reveal new and not possess that which it hides) and because of efforts unexpected existential possibilities. In the place of tor- made by the other to hide their being, because no one menting and acute suffering, and its unseemly drama- wishes to give to the other their own soul. Paradoxi- tizations, a more realistic understanding of oneself and cally, it is enough to feel loved in order to retreat and ones partner might follow, with a remodeling of the lie. relationship in a more solid way or a growing realiza- In a perverse circle, then, the unknown, gives rise tion of the insignificance of the relationship, and the to love but also to jealousy; as a consequence of jea- unveiling, in a rarified emotional atmosphere of indif- lousy there are also lies, and the lies activate a surplus ference and detachment, of an unexpected truth: the of love and jealousy, and because of a sort of vertigi- end of love. craze for the possible there is nothing that can- In addition, jealousy can be an advantage for the not be suspected of the beloved (11). All the same, it person who suffers from it. The excitement derived is that which we suspect of the beloved that is but a from the intrigue, and the atmosphere of shadows, projection of what we know of ourselves; it is because mysteries, plots and machinations permeate the cou- we are diabolic that others are sinners. ple relationship and prevent boredom. It is a painful 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 144

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yet also stimulating atmosphere: the partner dedicates In keeping with the aforementioned, Ey (2) con- much time trying to console the jealous partner, he or siders normal jealousy to be a comprehensible and she is more available, and does everything possible to proportionate reaction to a situation of certain or make the other feel less taken for granted and to im- plausible unfaithfulness, and does not draw upon the prove the relationship. affective and imaginative structure of the individual Another advantage is represented by an increased who maintains the ability to dominate a catastrophic libido. The jealous are in a continuous state of sexual situation without being overcome by it. hyperarousal, which is the pleasant, and at the same ti- As Tellenbach (26) states (along with Stanley Ca- me, anguishing cause for erotic and masturbatory fan- vel when he speaks of cognitive skepticism (23)), jea- tasies, and the constant demand for sexual relations lousy becomes abnormal when its relationship with with the partner. trust moves in a unilateral direction. Following the arguments and made during According to Tellenbach (26), the emergence of the day, the jealous seek, at night, a sexual fusion. They jealousy in the primordial man, gives rise to an ethical compulsively seek the body of the other and have a de- reaction in the moral man, who is allowed the freedom vouring desire for that body, albeit with the feeling of of choosing to penetrate the honesty of his passion. not being able to possess it even while clutching it. Trust in the partner may permit him to interrupt this The partner can, as well, derive benefits from a si- natural of strong emotion and to reconsider its tuation of jealousy: the of the jealous partner diffident apprehension. If his suspicions are proven by towards the other is greater, and the relationships at- facts, jealousy has a reason for existing and, as stated tributed to him or her contribute to his or her narcis- by Kierkegaard (25), so does the rightful indignation sism. The sexual relations improve and he or she feels of a noble love where pain and resentment coexist. If like a winner in the subtle fraternal with the object of love is definitely lost, jealousy ceases to the partner. exist and the mourning for the death of love takes its place. On the other hand, even if the suspicions are Conclusions unfounded the individual gives in to his diffidence, and if the ethical appeal of trust no longer succeeds in Being healthy, according to Lagache (1), does not dissipating the perceived threat, his natural feeling of mean being immune to jealousy, but rather means jealousy becomes pathological. being willing to take a risk and sometimes to expe- Morbid jealousy, according to Henri Ey (2), is rience it, while at the same time being able to overco- always delusional even when the delusion is not pre- me it. “Normal” jealousy does not involve a distortion sent: the delusion is latent and “projects” imaginary of all values and rules, but rather, remains within the and subconscious ghosts onto reality after the falsely boundaries of conventions and explicit or implicit de- perceived event of the intrusion of the rival who is to- mands within the couple, and can be normative in the tally or partially fictitious, and who embodies the ag- sense that it may give rise to new rules and a new equi- gression and perversions of the jealous individual. librium. , on the contrary, beco- Jealousy is a universal experience and in most ca- mes the norm in the sense of a stable and constant way ses is not pathological. It is important to use caution of experiencing the sexual and love relationship in spi- and careful psychopathological analysis before one can te of its vicissitudes. consider pathological the feeling of jealous torment. It In normal jealousy, although triggered by a con- is not uncommon to find normal individuals who, flict with reality which is nurtured by feelings of fru- when overcome by jealousy, manifest changes in their stration and , the desire for revenge is bridled mental state and behavior which would lead one to and elaborated by a personal evolution in which the have doubts regarding their mental health. Aside from jealous may come close to a psychopathological state, the delusional form and those caused by an underlying but do not lose their relationship with reality. defined psychopathology, jealousy can have similar 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 145

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manifestations both in normal reactions and in many 3. Maggini C. Malinconia d’amore. Frammenti di una psico- pathological ones. patologia della vita amorosa. ETS, Pisa,2001. 4. Robbe-Grillet A. Gelosia. Einaudi, Torino,1958. A delusional person, a person with an antisocial 5. Levy-Bertherat D, Ponnau G. Introduction. In: Didier B, personality, and a normal person can all infer the po- Levy-Bertherat D, Ponnau G (eds): Le jaloux: lecteur de si- tential existence of a relationship between the partner gnes. Proust, Svevo, Tolstoj. Sedes, France, 1996. and a rival and share certain behavioral and affective 6. Tolstoj L. Krejcecova Sonata. La Librerie Elpidine, Gene- ve. Sonata a Kreutzer, (1992). Feltrinelli, Milano, 1891. reactions. The inference is caused by a delusional sy- 7. Clanton G, Smith LG. Jealousy. Prentice-Hall. Englewood stem in the paranoid, can be the expression of an early Cliffs, NJ, 1977. parental rejection in the antisocial, and may be due to 8. Borel J. Les Psychoses Passionelles. L’Expansion Scientifi- some behavioral ambiguity of the partner in the nor- que Francaise Editeur, Paris, 1952. mal individual. In all three cases, the emotional char- 9. Chardin P. La jalousie ou la fureur de lire. In: Didier B, Levy-Bertherat D, Ponnau G (eds): Le jaloux: lecteur de si- ge of jealousy and the behavior that follows may be gnes. Proust, Svevo, Tolstoj. Sedes, France, 1996. overlapping 10. Musil R. Die verwirrungen des zoglings Torless. Wien. I The distinction between normal and pathological turbamenti del giovane Toerless. Einaudi,1990. Torino, jealousy may be more difficult in borderline cases, 1906. 11. Grimaldi N. La jalousie. Etudes sur l’immaginaire Prou- where the evaluation may be greatly influenced by the stien. Le Génie du Philosophe. Actes Sud. Hubert Nyssen values and the world view of the clinician. This di- Editeur, Arles, 1993. stinction, however, should be made keeping in mind 12. Ribot T. Essai sur les Passions. Alcan, Paris, 1910. the relevant implications that it has for the manage- 13. Hupka RB. Jealousy: Compound emotion or label for a particular situation? and Emotion 1984; 8: 141- ment and treatment which in symptomatic jealousy 55. should primarily be aimed at the it is 14. Sharpsteen DJ. The organization of jealousy knowledge: part of; in reactive jealousy at the personality disorder Romantic jealousy as a blended emotion. In: Solovey P and at the particular sensitivity to abandonment with (ed.): The psychology of jealousy and envy. Guilford Press, New York, 1991. a secondary focus on couple relationship, and in nor- 15. Flaubert G. L’Education Sentimentale. Levy, Paris. L’Ecu- mal jealousy at the couple relationship with a secon- cazione Sentimentale. Mondadori, 1993. Milano, 1869. dary emphasis on the partners. 16. Svevo I. Senilità. Mondadori, Milano, 1985. We cannot discuss the treatment of the many ty- 17. Proust M. A la recherché d’un temps perdu. Grasset, Paris. Alla ricerca del tempo perduto. Einaudi, 1984, Torino, pes of jealousy in this paper. There are, today, nume- 1913-1917. rous psychotherapeutic couple therapies available, as 18. Enoch D. Delusional Jealousy And Awareness of Reality. well as combined psychological and pharmacological British Journal of Psychiatry 1991; 159: 52-6. therapies. 19. Maslow AH.Toward a psychology of Being. 2nd ed.Van No- strand Reinhold, New York, 1968. At present, there are certainly more possibilities 20. Fenichel O. A contribution to the psychology of jealousy. of intervention than those available in the time of Ro- Imago 1935; 21: 143-57. bert Burton (32) who ironically ends his chapter on 21. Galimberti U. Parole nomadi. Gelosia. Feltrinelli, Milano, jealousy claiming to have an infallible cure, a formida- 1994. 22. Macchia G.L’angelo della notte. BUR, Rizzoli, Milano, ble antidote, a refined treatment, which he cannot re- 1990. veal. At the time all he could do was to quote the 23. Cavel S. La riscoperta dell’ordinario, Carocci, 2001. saying: “Good Lord liberate us from heresy, jealousy, 24. Mullen PE. Jealousy:The Pathology of Passion. British and .” Journal of Psychiatry 1991; 158: 593-601. 25. Kierkegaard S. Stadien auf dem Lebensweg. E. Diederichs, Jena, 1922. References 26. Tellenbach, H. Zur Phanomenologie del Eifersucht. Der Nervenarzt 1967; 38: 333-6. 27. Flaubert G. Madame Bovary. Revue de Paris, Paris. Mada- 1. Lagache D. La jalousie amoureuse. Presses Universitaires de me Bovary. BUR-Rizzoli, Milano, 1992. France, Paris, 1947. 28. Segre C. Charles Bovary: ”No, caro Flaubert io adoravo mia 2. Ey H. La jalousie morbide. Etudes Psychiatriques, Tome II. moglie Emma”. Corriere della Sera, 6 agosto 2000. Désclées de Brouwer, Bruxelles,1950. 29. Cloninger CR. A systemic method for the clinical descrip- 04-maggini 3-01-2007 16:05 Pagina 146

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tion of personality variants: a proposal. Arch of Gen Psychia- Accepted: August 2006 try 1987; 44: 167-226. Correspondence: Prof. Carlo Maggini 30. American Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and statistical Neuroscience Department, manual of mental disorders. 4th Ed (DSM-IV), APA, Wa- Section of Psychiatry, shington, DC, 1994. University of Parma 31. Pacini G. Nel centenario della pubblicazione della Sonata a P.le Matteotti Kreutzer di Lev Tolstoj. In: Lev Tolstoj. Sonata a Kreutzer. 43100 Parma, Italy Feltrinelli, Milano, 1992. Tel: +39 0521 206561 32. Burton R. The Anatomy of melancholy. Vol. III. Burton R. Fax +39 0521 230611 Malinconia d’Amore. Rizzoli, 1981, Milano,1621. E-mail: [email protected], www.actabiomedica.it