January 1, 2005 Celebrating Ten Years Vol. 2 No. 1 and realize that they are, the myriad feelings that actually, doorways to inner inevitably arose in zazen freedom, but also to begin to when I ceased "being busy" access their "body knowing" for a few moments; the feel- (as opposed to "head know- ings of being overwhelmed, ing") on an ongoing basis as of frustration, anxiety and a primary source for that failure that invariably arise in "trusting of yourself." Here is this practice. In my Focusing a quote from the back cover times, away from the zazen of Dr. Gendlin’s book mat, these feelings, and many Focusing (Bantam paper- others, unfolded and came to back): "Focusing guides you be seen as "just myself." Still to the deepest level of aware- Relieved of their burden of . ness within your body. It is "stuckness," judgment, and News from Still Mind Zendo on this level, unfamiliar to guilt I could accept them as most people, that unresolved amazing teachers leading me problems actually exist, and to a deeper awareness of my only on this level can they "body knowing," showing me Zen And Focusing change." how to trust this "knowing" at by Janet Jiryu Abels, Sensei Being aware of the felt ever deeper levels and so to sense of an unresolved prob- trust myself. Another word lem and allowing it to change for "body knowing" is, of "Be with just this." questions is very important if is essential, it seems to me, course, "experiential know- How many times have we Zen training is to meet people for the practice of "letting go" ing," which is the "knowing" heard those words in Zen in their stuck and disconnect- that is Zen. As the British of Zen. teaching? But what do we do ed inner places and bring psychologist Prof. David Focusing is not Zen, nor is if the "just this" that we are them to greater wholeness. Fontana writes: "There are it the only mind-body prac- being encouraged to "be The alternative is possibly dangers in moving towards tice that can assist our explo- with" is simply too painful or using the mind-discipline self-transcendence without rations of Zen. But because too overwhelming or too tools of Zen to push down first achieving self-under- it is so close to the process frightening to hold? What unwanted, uncomfortable and standing. One needs a strong we follow in zazen, it is then? unknown feelings to a place self in order to have the exceptionally helpful as a How many times have we where they can be tightly resources to go beyond it." tool to assist us in the ulti- heard the Buddha’s exhorta- controlled – until their next He also writes, "The Buddha mate work of Zen, which is tion to "be a lamp unto your- unexpected and possibly taught that we should look the surrender of self. self"? How many times have explosive appearance. Zen into the self, get to know and I feel deeply grateful for we been encouraged in Zen training encourages us to be understand it fully, recognize having been opened to Dr. to "trust yourself"? with the reality of who we its purpose and its function. Gendlin’s extraordinary But what if the "yourself" are, not the illusion of who Certainly we must not mis- teaching by my teachers in we’re being asked to trust is we ought to be. take it for our ultimate identi- Bio-Spiritual Focusing, Drs. vague ("Who is the ‘myself’ Zen practitioners, as well as ty, but at the same time we Peter Campbell and Edwin I’m supposed to trust?") or those who follow other forms must not misunderstand its McMahon, and for having too lodged in the mind’s of depth meditation, are richness and its complexity, trained and certified as a compulsions or too awful? beginning to discover that and also its essential role in teacher of Focusing. Since What then? there exists a simple, natural, helping us to live in this becoming a Zen teacher I What to do when the same practical, and accessible world and relate to others and have sometimes shared the old feelings method to help us do this dif- to our own deeper nature." process on an individual level of anger, ficult work. It is called Accessing the richness and with some of the students I resentment, Focusing and, I’m very complexity of the relative self see in daisan. Now, in coop- anxiety, envy, happy to announce that we through the doorways of dif- eration with Julia McEvoy, an insecurity, are beginning to offer it at ficult feelings, learning to see SMZ senior student and a failure, Still Mind Zendo as an avail- that they are not what they trained Focusing instructor unworthiness, able tool for any practitioners Sensei Abels seem to be but rather are herself, Still Mind Zendo will and shame who wish to use it in their guides into the truth of our be offering bi-annual keep rising up in zazen and work of awakening. whole self, is the work of Focusing workshops for any our life, no matter how long Focusing was first articulat- Focusing. sangha member who wishes we sit? We know we should ed by the psychologist and I myself came to Zen six to participate. just "be with" them, but what philosopher Dr. Eugene months after I had discovered The Vimalakirti Sutra says: if this seems an impossible Gendlin in the 1960s. It is a the Focusing process. In "Reality is perceived through task? What then? simple method that helps those early years of Zen prac- your own body." Indeed. It seems to me that finding ordinary people not only to tice, Focusing was indispen- a practical answer to these be with their difficult feelings Sensei Abels is the resident sable to me in "being with" teacher at Still Mind Zendo. “Zen practice is not a sprint…” I wouldn’t have come so group of like-minded individu- often. Maybe I’d have even als. Sometimes I think about dropped out. that when I don’t feel like Looking back at some of my coming. What would it be ups and downs in the first two like if nobody showed up years I realize that resistance because they didn’t feel like A Grateful to showing up is more subtle it? Who would be supported and sneaky than we realize. then? So I consider that just Let me just say that it seems as I was inspired to keep com- that resistance is endemic to ing back by others, my regular Zen Tortoise regular Zen practice at every presence may also be impor- level. At first, after our tant to someone else’s prac- romantic fantasy of bieng in tice. love with Zen wears off, some So, in summary, I recom- of us resist coming back to the mend that we all consider that zendo: whatever brought us the zendo schedule and the here in the first place no activities associated with it are longer seems real. And then an authentic vehicle for sup- By Rick Weber later on, some of us resist porting our efforts. Waking doing our home practice or up from our daydreaming and A few years ago, when I I can do it too. Plus they helping out at the zendo or mental chatter is extremely first walked into this sangha were nice to me and fed me taking on service duties.… So, difficult, and maintaining of smiling faces and com- cookies and tea! So I literally if it seems that we’re unable to awareness takes a disciplined pletely ordinary people, the tried to model myself on this follow the zendo schedule it’s mind. The zendo schedule fable of the tortoise and the group by just showing up, probably due to resistance. supports that effort for us, and hare popped into my mind. I being responsible and trying Here's the surprise though: It the effectiveness and longevity felt a little like a hare sur- hard. seems to be part of the tech- of the Zen tradition are proof rounded by tortoises, and it For a hare like me, just nology, this "producing of of that. This practice has struck me that throughout my showing up regularly was a resistance" in us. I think it worked for countless others. life I had always been the huge challenge. My mind may be necessary for whatever We should be confident in just hare. I had been, shall we had other ideas about that. transformation we’re attempt- that, and approach our goals in say, a little bit expedient Why it wasn’t necessary, why ing, and I think that when we a very mundane way. I, for about things. I’d started up I was too tired, why -- since I follow the zendo schedule one, don't need to set a goal of fast and relied on my wits, lived in New Jersey and they with its various levels and figuring it all out or achieving but never really seemed to lived in Manhattan -- it was duties, then at the very least enlightenmnt. I just need to finish. I’d gone into things too much. But since I’d such resistance is inevitable. show up. I just need to say to with a lot of intensity and decided this time to try to In fact I think if we’re not myself, I know how to take a then relaxed or backed off play the game differently, at a experiencing resistance in the subway and walk to the zendo. altogether, or I’d been fickle minimum I convinced myself form of being too busy, or If the others can do it ,so can and gotten bored and looked that all I had to do was just laziness, or resentments, or I. And I always need to around for something better. keep showing up. Then I’d contradictory desires, then remember that my presence is And so I determined that, in see what happened. we’re probably just coasting. as helpful to others as their just this one arena, just this I guess what I’m trying to The schedule of the zendo is presence is to me. one time, finally, I would try say is that for me sitting in imposed as an antidote for our Zen practice is not a sprint something different: I’d try zazen wasn’t hard -- in fact I disorganized desires. It goes but a long-distance run. We to act like a tortoise too, and liked it. And understanding against the grain of what’s have to accept that we can see where it got me. the philosophy wasn’t hard; I easiest for us. never win, never finish, that To me that meant plugging have a reasonably good intel- We need to remember that there are no shortcuts, and that away slowly and regularly, lect, and I already had a grasp part of us wants to change and we will patiently and exhaus- adopting the tortoise-like of basic Zen philosophy to follow this path, but many tively examine the Great mentality. It meant just when I came here. What was other parts of us don’t want to Matter endlessly and for the showing up. And as I looked really hard for me was the at all, and they’ve had their rest of our lives. We don’t around I saw practitioners rather simple act of taking a way for a long time! That’s have to be smart to do that, we who seemed to be at almost subway to the zendo and really what the group support don’t have to be geniuses. A every event. Saturday morn- arriving on time every is about. The method of prac- tortoise isn’t really known for ing, Tuesday night, Thursday Tuesday night. But unbeliev- tice is valid, and practicing the his smarts, but he’s a plugger. night, or on zazenkais, or ably, week after week, I man- method gives results, but it’s He just shows up over and weekend sesshins: they were aged to do it. And looking really hard to keep up the over again. And so I am now always there. And some of back I can see that if it hadn’t required level of intensity all a very grateful Zen tortoise. these people seemed like they been for that core group’s by yourself. And the part of us might have something going regularity I wouldn’t have that thinks this is important and necessary, would get on, so I thought to myself, been able to buy into the Rick Weber is a senior student nowhere without the support well, there’s nothing special necessity of participation in a at Still Mind Zendo. about them; if they can do it, group on a regular basis, and of a place, a schedule, and a Members’ News & Notes Still. News from Still Mind Zendo Vol. 2 No. 1 January, 2005 Stephen Nadler spent the altar to set up in her new Council Change spring traveling through home. We look forward to Editor Cynthia Brown Central Europe, riding on seeing her at sesshin. As Rosemary Shields becomes a long-distance trains and sleeping in youth Design hostels. He visited Vienna, Birthdays member, she gives up her Mark Rubin post as Treasurer of the Frankfurt, Cologne, Berlin, The zendo welcomed two Prague, and Krakow, and SMZ Council. Bill Manty Poetry Editors births during 2004. On May Jean Gallagher explored some of Austria’s takes her place as of 8, Mateo January. Gassho to both Ro Gregory Abels national parklands in pursuit Robert of his hobby, bird-watching. and Bill. Production Greenberg Rick Weber Mijares, a SMZ Cruise Bill Manty married Tracy hearty 8 lbs. Enso (sumi circle) Yuen on August 21 at 8 oz., was Some thirty SMZ members, artwork by Riverside Church. The born to mem- relatives and friends sailed Mayumi Ishiro guests reveled at a Chinese Mateo ber Loretta off Manhattan on October banquet the night before and 16, for the afternoon, in a Mijares and her husband Still Mind Zendo is a non- a reception after, and the cou- Jonathan, and he has since fund-raising event for the ple honeymooned in Costa zendo. The 1929 schooner sectarian Zen community in been a frequent co-sitter with the Soto/Rinzai lineage of the Rica. Bill refers us to Loretta, showing a cheerful Sheerwater, captained by White Plum Asangha. It was www.mantyoja.com for pho- serenity and tolerating well Matt Beck, enjoyed a fresh founded in 1994 by its now tos from the wedding and the many wind and a fast sail, and resident teacher Sensei Janet trip. people who participants declared the Jiryu Abels. Still Mind Zendo like to hold day a great, thrilling suc- is incorporated as a not-for- In December Rosemary him. On cess. profit organization in the State Shields moved to of New York and run by a September Council (the Board of Washington, to become per- 29 arrived Focusing Workshops sonal assistant to William Directors) made up of SMZ Oona Introduction to Focusing: members. Safire in his role as chairman Oona Krauer, even Wednesday February 9, of the Dana Foundation heartier at 8 lbs. 10 oz., 2005 (6 P.M.-9 P.M.) $25. Council (www.dana.org). The foun- whom Michael Krauer and Focusing Weekend: President: Janet Abels dation is interested in science, his wife Ann have called their Saturday/Sunday March 5 Vice President: Gregory Abels health and education, with a "cosmic egg." Both mothers and 6, 2005 (9 A.M.-5 Vice President: Tom Carney focus on brain research. delivered at sensible times of P.M.) $125. Secretary: Julia McEvoy Rosemary has long been a day, though sleep has been The Intro Session is neces- Treasurer: Bill Manty committed SMZ member, and Cynthia Brown hard to get since. sary for participation in Jean Gallagher the sangha presented her with weekend workshop. the elements of a personal Peggy Grote Peter McRobbie Mark Rubin

Submissions for articles One Member’s Right Livelihood and poetry for Still. should be sent to: This past May, Monica Maher received her der violence in Latin America, which she has [email protected] Ph.D. in Christian Ethics from Union been researching since September in Honduras Theological Seminary, and was awarded the and Mexico. The work will also take her to sev- seminary’s fellowship for outstanding doctoral eral South American countries, India, and work in theology. Her dissertation is titled Korea. "Tejidas con Nuestra Propria Piel/Woven with Monica writes to us: "I love my work and feel Our Own Skin: A Catholic Feminist Ethics of it is an extension of my sitting practice, my Sexuality." ‘right livelihood.’ In particular my research and In February, meanwhile, Monica was named a teaching involves the relationship between spiri- Still Mind Zendo Fulbright Scholar, along with thirty other tuality and social agency. In Buddhist terms, 37 W. 17th Street women from around the world who will con- this is the relationship between meditation and New York, N.Y. 10011 tribute research to a project on the global morality, which together with wisdom, consti- Phone 212-414-3128 empowerment of women. Monica’s particular tute interconnected parts of our eight-fold path." [email protected] focus is women’s theological responses to gen- www.stillmindzendo.org Still Mind Zendo Schedule Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Morning Sitting Morning Sitting Morning Sitting Morning Sitting Morning Sitting Morning Sitting Arrive 7:20 A.M. Arrive 7:20 A.M. Arrive 7:20 A.M. Arrive 7:20 A.M. Arrive 7:20 A.M. Arrive 8:45 A.M. Sitting 7:30-8:30 Sitting 7:30-8:30 Sitting 7:30-8:30 Sitting 7:30-8:30 Sitting 7:30-8:30 Sitting 9:00-11:00 Tea (optional) Evening Sitting Intro to Zen* Evening Sitting Arrive 6:40 P.M. 1st and 3rd Wed. Arrive 6:40 P.M. Sitting 7:00-9:00 eve. of each month Sitting 7:00-9:00

For First-Time Visitors About Becoming a Member Special Dates and Events Registration for Week Sesshin to Still Mind Zendo Membership is an option for SMZ members will be mailed Weekend Sesshin: Whether you are new to sitting those who have decided to a registration form for summer February 18 - 20, 2005 or have a long-held practice, make a longer-term commit- sesshin. If you are not a mem- –Garrison, N.Y. please call Still Mind Zendo at ment to their Zen practice with ber you may request one by (212) 414-3128 prior to visit- SMZ. Further information Week Sesshins: contacting SMZ. ing the zendo for the first time. membership can be found on June 12 - 18 & July 17 - 23 Registration for all Events For first-time Zen practition- the Membership Registration – Seven Meadows Farm, N.Y. ers, we recommend that you Form available at the zendo or Please contact the zendo or register for our Introduction to on our website. Zazenkai (all day sitting): visit the web site for event Zen. January 8 information and registration. Becoming a Formal Student February 5 Practitioners interested in Zendo Location & Contact Info *Introduction to Zen March 19 becoming formal students of Still Mind Zendo Twice a month the zendo April- 9* (extended sitting) 37 W. 17th Street, 6th floor Sensei Abels can discuss this offers newcomers an May 7 New York, N.Y. 10011 with her. You must be a cur- Introduction to Zen workshop. June 25 Between 5th & 6th Avenues rent member of SMZ, and Please visit our website for From 9A.M. to 5:30 P.M. Telephone: (212) 414-3128. have practiced regularly with details or call us for a * 8:00 A.M.– 9:00 P.M. [email protected] the sangha for at least a year. brochure. (Please note: This is a revised schedule) www.stillmindzendo.org