January 1, 2005 Celebrating Ten Years Vol. 2 No. 1 and realize that they are, the myriad feelings that actually, doorways to inner inevitably arose in zazen freedom, but also to begin to when I ceased "being busy" access their "body knowing" for a few moments; the feel- (as opposed to "head know- ings of being overwhelmed, ing") on an ongoing basis as of frustration, anxiety and a primary source for that failure that invariably arise in "trusting of yourself." Here is this practice. In my Focusing a quote from the back cover times, away from the zazen of Dr. Gendlin’s book mat, these feelings, and many Focusing (Bantam paper- others, unfolded and came to back): "Focusing guides you be seen as "just myself." Still to the deepest level of aware- Relieved of their burden of . ness within your body. It is "stuckness," judgment, and News from Still Mind Zendo on this level, unfamiliar to guilt I could accept them as most people, that unresolved amazing teachers leading me problems actually exist, and to a deeper awareness of my only on this level can they "body knowing," showing me Zen And Focusing change." how to trust this "knowing" at by Janet Jiryu Abels, Sensei Being aware of the felt ever deeper levels and so to sense of an unresolved prob- trust myself. Another word lem and allowing it to change for "body knowing" is, of "Be with just this." questions is very important if is essential, it seems to me, course, "experiential know- How many times have we Zen training is to meet people for the practice of "letting go" ing," which is the "knowing" heard those words in Zen in their stuck and disconnect- that is Zen. As the British of Zen. teaching? But what do we do ed inner places and bring psychologist Prof. David Focusing is not Zen, nor is if the "just this" that we are them to greater wholeness. Fontana writes: "There are it the only mind-body prac- being encouraged to "be The alternative is possibly dangers in moving towards tice that can assist our explo- with" is simply too painful or using the mind-discipline self-transcendence without rations of Zen. But because too overwhelming or too tools of Zen to push down first achieving self-under- it is so close to the process frightening to hold? What unwanted, uncomfortable and standing. One needs a strong we follow in zazen, it is then? unknown feelings to a place self in order to have the exceptionally helpful as a How many times have we where they can be tightly resources to go beyond it." tool to assist us in the ulti- heard the Buddha’s exhorta- controlled – until their next He also writes, "The Buddha mate work of Zen, which is tion to "be a lamp unto your- unexpected and possibly taught that we should look the surrender of self. self"? How many times have explosive appearance. Zen into the self, get to know and I feel deeply grateful for we been encouraged in Zen training encourages us to be understand it fully, recognize having been opened to Dr. to "trust yourself"? with the reality of who we its purpose and its function. Gendlin’s extraordinary But what if the "yourself" are, not the illusion of who Certainly we must not mis- teaching by my teachers in we’re being asked to trust is we ought to be. take it for our ultimate identi- Bio-Spiritual Focusing, Drs. vague ("Who is the ‘myself’ Zen practitioners, as well as ty, but at the same time we Peter Campbell and Edwin I’m supposed to trust?") or those who follow other forms must not misunderstand its McMahon, and for having too lodged in the mind’s of depth meditation, are richness and its complexity, trained and certified as a compulsions or too awful? beginning to discover that and also its essential role in teacher of Focusing. Since What then? there exists a simple, natural, helping us to live in this becoming a Zen teacher I What to do when the same practical, and accessible world and relate to others and have sometimes shared the old feelings method to help us do this dif- to our own deeper nature." process on an individual level of anger, ficult work. It is called Accessing the richness and with some of the students I resentment, Focusing and, I’m very complexity of the relative self see in daisan. Now, in coop- anxiety, envy, happy to announce that we through the doorways of dif- eration with Julia McEvoy, an insecurity, are beginning to offer it at ficult feelings, learning to see SMZ senior student and a failure, Still Mind Zendo as an avail- that they are not what they trained Focusing instructor unworthiness, able tool for any practitioners Sensei Abels seem to be but rather are herself, Still Mind Zendo will and shame who wish to use it in their guides into the truth of our be offering bi-annual keep rising up in zazen and work of awakening. whole self, is the work of Focusing workshops for any our life, no matter how long Focusing was first articulat- Focusing. sangha member who wishes we sit? We know we should ed by the psychologist and I myself came to Zen six to participate. just "be with" them, but what philosopher Dr. Eugene months after I had discovered The Vimalakirti Sutra says: if this seems an impossible Gendlin in the 1960s. It is a the Focusing process. In "Reality is perceived through task? What then? simple method that helps those early years of Zen prac- your own body." Indeed. It seems to me that finding ordinary people not only to tice, Focusing was indispen- a practical answer to these be with their difficult feelings Sensei Abels is the resident sable to me in "being with" teacher at Still Mind Zendo. “Zen practice is not a sprint…” I wouldn’t have come so group of like-minded individu- often. Maybe I’d have even als. Sometimes I think about dropped out. that when I don’t feel like Looking back at some of my coming. What would it be ups and downs in the first two like if nobody showed up years I realize that resistance because they didn’t feel like A Grateful to showing up is more subtle it? Who would be supported and sneaky than we realize. then? So I consider that just Let me just say that it seems as I was inspired to keep com- that resistance is endemic to ing back by others, my regular Zen Tortoise regular Zen practice at every presence may also be impor- level. At first, after our tant to someone else’s prac- romantic fantasy of bieng in tice. love with Zen wears off, some So, in summary, I recom- of us resist coming back to the mend that we all consider that zendo: whatever brought us the zendo schedule and the here in the first place no activities associated with it are longer seems real. And then an authentic vehicle for sup- By Rick Weber later on, some of us resist porting our efforts. Waking doing our home practice or up from our daydreaming and A few years ago, when I I can do it too. Plus they helping out at the zendo or mental chatter is extremely first walked into this sangha were nice to me and fed me taking on service duties.… So, difficult, and maintaining of smiling faces and com- cookies and tea! So I literally if it seems that we’re unable to awareness takes a disciplined pletely ordinary people, the tried to model myself on this follow the zendo schedule it’s mind. The zendo schedule fable of the tortoise and the group by just showing up, probably due to resistance. supports that effort for us, and hare popped into my mind. I being responsible and trying Here's the surprise though: It the effectiveness and longevity felt a little like a hare sur- hard. seems to be part of the tech- of the Zen tradition are proof rounded by tortoises, and it For a hare like me, just nology, this "producing of of that. This practice has struck me that throughout my showing up regularly was a resistance" in us. I think it worked for countless others. life I had always been the huge challenge. My mind may be necessary for whatever We should be confident in just hare. I had been, shall we had other ideas about that. transformation we’re attempt- that, and approach our goals in say, a little bit expedient Why it wasn’t necessary, why ing, and I think that when we a very mundane way. I, for about things. I’d started up I was too tired, why -- since I follow the zendo schedule one, don't need to set a goal of fast and relied on my wits, lived in New Jersey and they with its various levels and figuring it all out or achieving but never really seemed to lived in Manhattan -- it was duties, then at the very least enlightenmnt. I just need to finish. I’d gone into things too much. But since I’d such resistance is inevitable. show up. I just need to say to with a lot of intensity and decided this time to try to In fact I think if we’re not myself, I know how to take a then relaxed or backed off play the game differently, at a experiencing resistance in the subway and walk to the zendo.