Graduate Journal of Social GJSS Science Establishing Asexual Identity: The Essential, the Imaginary, and the Collective

Agata Pacho

Sexuality is seen as a crucial aspect of one’s identification and sexual desire is perceived as the core of one’s identity. Therefore, the emergence of an asexual identity constitutes a radical disruption of approaches to identity and epistemology in social science. This study explores a virtual community of asexual individuals who engage in discussions about contradictory processes of identification, the instability of sexual identities, gender relations and possi- ble representations of asexuality. This work locates the process of sustaining an asexual identity and its representation within a broader critique of essen- tialist positions. Furthermore, it investigates the distinctive features of on-line communities and the implications of the Internet in their establishment. These findings may lead to a better understanding of asexuality as well as an en- hanced insight into the social and cultural negotiations over the sexual.

Keywords: Asexuality, lack of desire, sexual identities, identity representation, virtual community

Introduction still usually seen as a ‘natural’ phys- Asexuality stands for the lack iological need. Assumptions about of sexual desire. Even though it innate sexual desires and impulses belongs to the broad spectrum of of human beings are deeply rooted sexual identities, asexuality is un- in shared cultural and religious be- derestimated by scholars, and re- liefs, and so are the sciences of ceives little media attention. Still, sexology and psychology (Seidman it poses significant challenges to 2003, XI). Western discourses on sexuality. This article is concerned with the The temporality and unreliability of phenomenon of asexuality, which the popular understanding of sexual fundamentally disrupts and ques- desires and practices have been tions the notion of a universal innate emphasized since Michel Foucault sexual drive. Here, I will explore the introduced the idea of the sexual construction of an asexual identity, as a social and cultural construct situating it within a broader critique (Foucault 1990). Yet, sex drive is of essentialist standpoints. Graduate Journal of Social Science February 2013, Vol. 10, Issue 1 © 2013 by Graduate Journal of Social Science. All Rights Reserved. ISSN: 1572-3763 14 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1

It is argued that rethinking for- within the larger discourses of three mations of gender and sexuality main concepts: identity, representa- through a central focus on asexual- tion and community, which will be ity can provide a better insight into used to critically examine essential- the social and cultural negotiations ist standpoints. over the sexual (Scherrer 2008). After locating the project in rela- This research analyses how the tion to relevant academic scholar- emergence of the asexual identity ship, the second part will give a de- suggests the need for revising ex- tailed account of how the research isting perceptions of sexual orienta- for this study was carried out, with tions, gender relations and family particular attention to the analysis formation. of qualitative data. The empirical Furthermore, I will discuss the research was based on the Asexual complex issues of representation Visibility and Education Network and propose reasons for the lack of (AVEN), the largest association of visibility and awareness of asexual- asexual people in the world.1 Due ity. Finally, this study will consider to the virtual resources used in the role of the Internet in the crea- this work, the unique character of tion of asexual communities. Internet research must also be tak- The first part of this study pro- en into account. Finally, questions vides a theoretical background for related to methodology will be used the research. There have been only to explore the ethical dimensions of a few published studies on the top- the research. ic of asexuality. Research rooted The third part will present the in psychology sought to determine data analysis. It will attempt to in- demographical and health-related vestigate the findings of the study variables predictive of being asex- using the theoretical frameworks ual (see Bogaert 2004) and gener- and concepts discussed in the first ate measures of sexual arousability part. in order to support the idea that low sexual desire is the primary fea- Part I: Exploring Theories of ture predicting asexual identity (see Identity Prause and Graham 2007). This re- The aim of the research is to search shares a number of similari- identify and examine how asexual- ties with studies of Lori A. Brotto et ity constitutes a radical disruption al (2010) and Kristine S. Scherrer of the approaches of social sci- (2008), which endeavor to theo- ence to identity and epistemology. rize the identities and experiences In what follows, the discussion will of asexual people. In addition, this focus on the postmodern critique of work engages with queer and gen- identity, the theory of sexual identi- der studies. The analysis is situated ties and desire and the process of Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 15 identification. The latter relates to Kinsey also dismissed another the establishment of representation, phenomenon that challenged the which makes an identity visible and notion of an active sexual drive, politically valid. Finally, the last sec- sexual frigidity. Kinsey argued that tion will investigate the significance the failure of a female to be aroused of establishing a sexual community or to reach orgasm during sex re- and the implication of the Internet sulted not from a lack of capacity to for that process. function sexually, but from a limited As an introduction to asexuality, it understanding of the nature of wom- is useful to explore its possible defi- en’s sensuality (Kinsey 1953, 373). nitions as well as the ways in which Within the tradition of sexology, a asexuality is considered by scien- lack of sexual drive is necessarily tific discourses. read as a medical or psychological problem. Quite the opposite, I will Asexuality in Context argue through the further analysis AVEN’s homepage states that of data that asexuality may be seen asexuality is a sexual orientation, in in its own right as a part of a com- which there is no sexual attraction. plex field of sexualities rather than a Asexual people distinguish them- pathologised condition. selves from celibates who choose not to have sex, and, therefore, must Identity and the Critique of control their sexual drive. They also Essentialism emphasize their ability to form inti- Before moving on to look in more mate relationships, as their orienta- depth at the construction of the tion does not affect their emotional asexual identity, it is necessary to needs. discuss the theorization of identities However, asexual identity is not in more detail. a new phenomenon; A. C. Kinsey’s Stuart Hall (1996) gives an ac- studies are helpful in tracking the count of the postmodern critique of scientific interest in the absence an ‘integral, originary and unified of sexual drive. Kinsey, a leading identity’ (Hall 1996, 6). He encour- sexologist, assumed that an aver- ages understanding of identification age human male is able to reach as a process that is never fully com- orgasm as often as every day. Less pleted, but is always ‘in progress’ frequent intercourse may be due (1996, 6). The concept of identity to absence of a partner or a work used by Hall is one that is increas- routine (Kinsey 1948, 205). Kinsey ingly fragmented, fractured and of- pathologised low sexual outlet, and ten constructed across intersecting attributed it to poor health or hormo- or antagonistic practices and cultur- nal problems requiring medical at- al discourses (1996, 1–3). Similarly, tention (1948, 209). Scherrer’s exploration of asexual 16 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 identities suggests the need for a desire follows rather than precedes larger project of re-writing simpli- behaviour. Whenever individuals fied narratives of sex, sexuality and fake their sexual responses or in- physical intimacy (Scherrer 2008, voke authentic sexual excitement, 629). they draw upon acts that mirror cul- Despite the strength of such nar- tural expectations (1996, 46–47).2 ratives, a unitary identity is still pre- Within the constructionist discourse, sent in social theory due to the lack the absence of sexual desire could of a possibility of replacing it with be seen as a form of resistance to another, entirely different concept social and cultural expectations. (Hall 1996). An analysis of the asex- ual identity may bring a better un- Sustaining Identity derstanding of the contradictory and While identity is dynamic, it also dynamic character of the process assumes some degree of coher- of identification. It will be pointed ence and continuity. As such, it gives out later that AVEN proposes sev- a sense of personal unity and social eral categories of asexuality, some location (Weeks, 1987, 31). One of acknowledging sexual behaviours the aims of AVEN’s enterprise is to allowing members to move freely support the process of identification between them. AVEN’s principles of asexual people. resemble the process of forming According to Hall, identity is con- an identity which Hall describes as structed through the recognition of fragmented and involving antago- shared origins or characteristics with nistic elements. Sexuality also, fol- another person or group. Moreover, lowing Foucault’s argument, may formations of discourses and social be considered a ‘practice of being’ practices give ideological meaning within certain historical and cultural to the constitution of subjects (Hall contexts rather than a fixed or static 1996). Consistency of identity is concept (Fraser 1999, 21–25). also assured through the stabilizing While sexuality is seen as a cru- concepts of sex, gender and sexu- cial aspect of one’s identity, sexual ality, and through the conflation of desire is perceived as its core, and the experience of gender with sex it needs to be subjected to further and desire. Yet, Judith Butler (2004) analysis. Theorists such as William suggests that gender is necessar- Simon (1996) propose that contem- ily performative. Butler argues that porary discourses provide us with a gender is produced through fantasy specification of an appropriate de- but also practice (e.g. iteration), and sire as well as places, times, ges- its false stabilization ensures the in- tures and utterances to articulate terest of the heterosexual regulation that desire. Our longings are de- of sexuality within the reproductive pendent on cultural scenarios, thus domain (2004, 172). Moreover, re- Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 17 gardless of this fact, it will be per- often dominating men (Gherardi, ceived to be necessary and natural 1995, 71–73). Based on the above, (2004, 178). Most significantly, for the archetypical understanding of Butler, performativity is never sim- the connections between sexuality ply the reproduction of certain ide- and gender may enforce the repre- as of gender and the sexual. The sentation of asexual women as less practice of performance gives them dependent on their partners. new meanings and puts them into What is more, identity always ex- new contexts, which always carry ists in relation to the other, and it the possibility of subversion (2004, marks difference as well as rejec- 218). tion and abjection. That is, exclu- In turn, the common assumption sion has a political meaning, as it is of the normativity of heterosexual located within hierarchy-producing identity and relationships depend- objects and marginalized subjects ing on an erotic longing between a (Hall 1996, 4–5), and while there man and a woman enforces gender are boundaries between the self and difference and inequality (Hollway the other, these boundaries are not 1996). The emergence of asexual fixed, nor clear. Hence, heterosexu- attraction sheds new light on the ality cannot ignore the proximity of formation of intimate relationships, homosexual desire, and homosexu- and thus may enable a new way of ality cannot escape the social pres- gender enactment as well as new sures of heteronormativity (Butler possibilities of gender relations. 1999, 31). Although asexuality is Traditionally, a lack of erotic defined as the opposite of orienta- bonds is thought to allow wom- tions that imply sexual attraction, it en more independence. Gherardi also challenges the basis on which (1995) argues that the common un- distinctions between different sexu- derstanding of femaleness is deeply alities are made. For instance, an rooted in our history and culture, and asexual homosexual disrupts the that we use archetypes to interpret fundamental assumptions of a ho- our social worlds. Gherardi gives mosexual relationship, to which ac- two examples for models of female- tive sexuality is ascribed. ness which operate within our cul- ture. The first archetype, the ‘virgin Representation of Identity goddess’ represents a woman who For Hall, identities are construct- does not engage in sexual relation- ed within representation, which is ships and stays independent from as much imaginary and invented as men’s judgments. The second mod- based on the resources of history, el, the ‘vulnerable goddess’ repre- language and culture. Emerging sents a woman who seeks her iden- identities use cultural resources in tity and well-being in relation with the process of becoming by asking 18 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 the questions of what they might gested that asexual people relate become, how they have been rep- to the politics of other marginalized resented and how these facts affect sexual identities. In accordance with their own representation of them- this observation, I will suggest that selves (Hall 1996, 4). It has been a comparison between the former already mentioned that within the group and the gay pride movement discourse of sexology, a lack of may offer a better understanding of sexual drive is read as a medical or the possibilities and difficulties relat- psychological problem. Despite this, ed to the representation of asexual- asexuality is often ascribed to par- ity. ticular social groups. For instance, disabled people are believed to be The Essentialist Politics of unable to engage in sexual activi- Identity ties. Such discourses institutional- In spite of the general interest of ized in mass culture use the concept social scientists in the deconstruc- of asexuality to normalize hetero- tion of identity categories previously sexuality and to marginalize other taken for granted, essentialism per- sexualities as abnormal or danger- sists. The notion of identity as fixed ous (Shildrick, 2004, 135). Many and immutable actually enables the disability scholars complain that articulation of minority politics. For even though physical and mental instance, biological essentialism impairments alter functioning, they can be used to challenge homo- do not eliminate the desire for love, phobia, which treats homosexual- affection, and intimacy. However, ity as a matter of (wrong) choice people with disabilities may find it rather than of biology (Fraser 1999, difficult to avoid internalising social 5–6). Similarly, asexuality can also values and attitudes denying their mobilize essentialist themes. Even sexual nature and, therefore, adapt though it challenges the naturalness a nonsexual lifestyle (Milligan and of sexuality, asexuality can embrace Neufeldt 2001). The phenomenon the essentialness of the lack of sex- of asexuality becomes increasingly ual desire (Scherrer 2008, 636). complex as the lack of sexual de- Furthermore, establishing a sex- sire is accepted or even imposed on ual identity prevents the denial of certain social groups while healthy the phenomenon by defining it. For adults are required to engage in example, homosexuality became sexual behaviours. AVEN’s endeav- acknowledged within society after ours to establish asexuality as a sexology had introduced a scientific sexual minority have the potential terminology for it (Foucault 1990; for challenging both assumptions. Weeks 1995). In a similar manner, As representation is based on Scherrer argues that essentialist cultural discourses, it may be sug- notions of asexuality enable the rec- Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 19 ognition of this new sexual identity necessarily draws attention to the (Scherrer 2008, 629). role of community in the process of At the same time, the notion of sustaining that identity. identity needs to be distinguished from biological sexual orientation. Community Formation and While the latter results from a ‘natu- Internet Technologies ral’ desire, and does not carry any According to Weeks, every com- political meaning, sexual identity munity is based on shared traditions stands for an active sexuality, and and fundamental agreements. As relates to certain values and life- such, it offers a sense of solidarity style. What is more, identification and a common understanding of the as a choice implies that freedom is social, as well as a basis for political a condition of all actions, and thus activity. At the same time, communi- it is charged with responsibility and ty is never fixed, but it changes over inscribed with ethical values (Fraser time (Weeks 1995, 79). Establishing 1999, 129). According to Weeks, sexual communities is possible only identity is politically significant, es- when there are sufficient numbers pecially when personal desires are of individuals sharing similar expe- in contradiction to social norms, riences. It also requires identifiable and when the process of identifica- targets of opposition and specific tion entails the rejection of dominant goals. Even though new sexual values (Weeks 1995, 63). The de- minorities challenge conventional velopment of selfhood and one’s moralities, there is always a certain identity cannot be separated from agreement with the mainstream. the development of citizenship (Bell While Weeks also suggests that and Binnie 2000, 8). The private geographical concentration of the spheres of citizen’s lives are not members of a community is essen- only open for political interrogation tial (Weeks, 2003, 81), virtual com- and intervention, but the emergence munities enable social connections of new ways of living together indi- irrespective of the actual locations of cates the democratization of rela- the individuals involved. Moreover, tionships (2000, 27–31). This pro- theorists such as Massey separate ject attempts to rethink the potential social interconnectedness from the of asexual identity for challenging local, and argue that multiple con- social conventions and redefining nections across space are just as the role of the family, for instance, important and authentic as face-to- by decoupling marriage and sex face relations (Massey 2005, 185). and strengthening the argument Even so, relationships in virtual for legitimising single-parenting in communities are different from so- adoption policies. Noteworthy, the cial interactions in geographically emergence of a new sexual identity based associations. The former en- 20 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 hance the development of the latter networking is a response to the loss (Harrison and Stephen, 1999, 221). of communities in real contexts. It Irrespective of their origins, they are is also a location of solidarity and attributed with a democratic charac- resistance for traditionally margin- ter and a great potential to provide alized groups (Benwelll and Stokoe access to information for many, as 2006, 249). well as a new kind of public space The spatiality of identities has making a genuine dialogue possi- been a significant theme in the ble between community members studies of other sexual minorities. (1999, 226). It also has an ability In her analysis of bisexuality, Clare to develop trust, social connected- Hemmings (2002) stresses the lack ness and bind a community togeth- of social space for experiencing er (1999, 229). Online communities sexual attraction to people of both can be argued to have positive at- genders. Bisexual social existence tributes and promote a whole new is always partial, and it is located community that prior to the Internet in a hetero- or homosexual sphere was not available. On the other (2002, 38). This problem is observ- hand, they can lead to numerous able in the absence of concrete bi- problems. For instance, Clay Shirk sexual spaces (2002, 46), while, (2003) argues that the possibility of as Hemmings argues, the Internet creating multiple virtual personae functions as an imaginary home for may cause confusion and ambiva- bisexuals (2002, 175). lence about one’s identity. Also, as In an attempt to gain a broader online self-presentation is often re- perspective on the emergence of stricted to a few sentences, percep- sexual identities with the aid of the tions of such identity can be entirely Internet, this study draws upon data misguided and incorrect. Above all, collected from the AVEN forum. The Shirky (2003) records that the most research possesses a number of common problem with online com- possibilities as well as difficulties re- munities tend to be online harass- garding methodology. ment, understood as threatening or offensive content aimed at known Part II: Methods friends or strangers through ways of The research is based on the anal- online technology. ysis of data collected from the forum The community of AVEN is based of AVEN, which hosts the world’s on computer-mediated communica- largest online asexual community. tion, and, therefore, it is necessary The decision to base the research to push the investigation towards on online data was influenced by exploring the significance of online the various debates on the relation- communities for asexual people. ships between the Internet and new Some authors believe that Internet possibilities of identity politics and Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 21 representation (e.g., McKema and ciocultural structures created by Bargh 1998). Internet communities people representing different val- are a distinctive phenomenon of the ues, beliefs and material culture last two decades, and as such, they (1999, 42). In addition, it has been seem to be pertinent to analyzing argued that interactions occurring the emergence of sexual minorities in cyberspace cannot be separated in postmodern times. from the social and political con- Data have been gathered from texts within which participants live the homepage of AVEN and forum their daily lives (Kendell 1999, 60). debates with a focus on the first Indeed, an everyday experience of three years of the existence of the social prejudice induces asexual network. It may be argued that at the people to join AVEN. Likewise, on- beginning, the process of establish- line relationships are often estab- ing an identity and community was lished on the basis of real-life inter- the most intense. However, there actions, and are modelled on off-line is an exception: that of using posts resources and experiences (Mann dated from 2007, which concern is- and Stewart, 2000, 204). sues of gender, as these appear in Kendell (1999) also rejects the discussions after the initial period. notion of a multiple and fluid vir- tual identity that is separate from Online Communities bodily experience. In fact, he uses Interactive communication brings Goffman’s theory to argue that off- a new form of interaction and struc- line environments also offer op- ture. Yet, the relationship between portunities to perform multiple the Internet communities and aca- identities, while members of online demic life is parallel. Both flour- communities still perceive their iden- ish with diversity of opinion and tities as integral and continuous. maintain stability at the same time Discussions on the AVEN forum in- (Costigan 1999, xi). dicate that participants are occupied Analysis of online interactions with embodied experience; not only draws attention to the specific meth- sexuality, but the issues of age and odological characteristics of Internet gender are also often discussed. research, its advantages as well as the difficulties it poses. Theorists Approaches to Data Analysis share the view that investigating The unique character of online virtual communities raises the is- communities allows insight into the sues of the interplay of technology relations between individuals and and society (Sudweeks and Simoff social structures as well as into the 1999, 29). They recognise a world- regularities of an external reality wide society created by the Internet (Sudweeks and Simoff 1999, 32). as consisting of heterogeneous so- Although the Internet has given birth 22 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 to new research fields, there are nu- Ethics of Internet Research merous attempts to apply traditional It is also crucial to consider the methodologies to these emerging ethical implications of online re- environments. This research was search. Sharf (1999) points to the conducted using Qualitative Data ambiguity of the electronic medium Analysis (QDA), which aims at de- with regard to issues of anonym- riving a theory on the observed ity and confidentiality. Researchers phenomena from data collection need to be aware that they have and examination (1999, 35). As access to ‘sensitive’ information such, it seems to be a desirable al- shared by people who, encouraged ternative when there is a significant by the possibility of staying anony- shortage of relevant literature. mous, may exchange verbal intima- Simultaneously, a prior theory cies normally withheld in other inter- of identity, community, and repre- active contexts (Sharf 1999, 246). sentation was used to order and Here, the use of AVEN’s members’ give pattern to the data. According nicknames secures their anonym- to some theorists, naming or typify- ity while allowing tracing sources of ing objects incorporates them into conclusions. the sphere of relevance, which can Furthermore, Sharf is also con- reduce the complexity of the re- cerned about researchers interpret- searched realm (Layder 1998, 67). ing the words of others and quoting It is also the case that exploration of them out of context (1999, 254). the data may challenge or complete Hence, it is desirable for analysts to emerging knowledge (Layder 1998, retain the entire content of the dis- 55). Therefore, I strove to remain cussion. open to reject or modify the ana- The founders of AVEN declare lytical concepts I used if they were their willingness to provide infor- not confirmed by the analysis of the mation for academic researchers data. (AVEN). The main reason for en- Through the analysis of online couraging studies based on their data, it was possible to get ac- resources is to make asexuality a quainted with the most popular nar- legitimate and better-understood ratives shared by AVEN members, phenomenon. These purposes are and identify the pertinence of the also underlining this research. main themes, i.e. those of identity or community. It was possible to derive Part III: Researching AVEN a theory about the establishment of I will present the analysis of data a distinctive asexual identity from gathered from the AVEN forums. In the detailed examination of the frag- each of the thematic sections, I will ments of discussion on the forum. consider sequentially the ways of establishing an asexual identity, its Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 23 relation to sexual populations as well sexual arousal is a fairly regular as its potential for deconstructing occurrence, though it is not associ- gender stereotypes. Furthermore, ated with a desire to find a sexual I will discuss the representation of partner or partners.’ Asexual people asexuality and the online commu- may also feel the need to mastur- nity of AVEN. bate or be stimulated by a fetish. They may occasionally engage in Establishing the Asexual Identity sex with their partners. Yet, what is – The Question of Sexual Desire said to distinguish them from a more One of the central objectives of sexualized part of population is the this research is to gain a picture of lack of sex drive towards others. If how asexual identity is sustained by sex occurs, it is an expression of ro- members of the community and how mantic or emotional attraction and it is determined by their sexuality. not of sexual desire (AVEN March As it has been already argued, sex- 24 2009). ual desire lies at the heart of one’s On the other hand, many sexual identity, which is dynamic, yet as- people may be involved in sexual sumes some degree of consistence practices in spite of the lack of de- and continuity (Hall 1996). AVEN sire. Moreover, as it was argued attempts to provide a sense of co- before, desire follows rather than herent identity by defining the lack precedes behaviour, which, conse- of sexual desire as common among quently, mirrors cultural expecta- asexual people, and by distinguish- tions (Simon 1996; Laan and Both ing between sexual and asexual 2008). Sexual acts that are not re- attraction. Scherrer (2008) pays lated to sexual desire still respond particular attention to ways of estab- to the mainstream sexual narratives, lishing this division through revis- and thus compromise with the latter. ing some of the assumptions about The ambiguous nature of sexual physical intimacy. She remarks that desire is the source of many uncer- sexual implications are often attrib- tainties among the readers of the fo- uted to acts of masturbation, cud- rum. Many of its members describe dling or kissing, but these are seen their feelings, share their doubts and differently by the asexual communi- ask for help in defining their identity. ty (Scherrer 2008, 629). The AVEN One is of particular interest here: homepage as well as data collect- ed from the forums also reveal the I see my friends checking people complexity of the meanings of these out, but I just don’t get it. I mean, practices. Furthermore, despite the I think some people are beautiful denial of sexual attraction, AVEN in an artistic way, but I don’t ‘want’ states that asexual people may ex- them. perience sexual arousal: ‘For some And I’m so in love with my girl- 24 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1

friend, it’s hard to describe how asexual identity (I’m supposed to my love for her is deeper than hate sex, right…’) while others dis- friendship when I don’t want to miss them as unrelated to actual have sex with her… (true, Octo- desire. ber 10 2003) Negotiating Definition Asexual people’s focus on ro- Considering the diversity of ques- mantic attraction and commitment tions and doubts, AVEN attempts to corresponds to the definition of organize the wide range of different asexuality. forms of asexuality into four catego- Other posts challenge the defini- ries, accordingly to various levels tion of asexuality, which appear to of engagement in sporadic sexual be imprecise. For instance, some practices and ultimately describing participants ask what behaviours any occurring attraction as purely are regarded as explicitly sexual. emotional (AVENguy, November One of the members inquires: 25 2003). The process reveals how providing understandable defini- Does oral sex count as having tions of each category reduces con- sex? Does anal sex count as hav- fusion and enhances accessibility to ing sex? Does intimate touching the community. What is more, it may count as having sex? Does cyber be argued that despite problems sex count as having sex? Does with providing a coherent definition phone sex count as having sex? of asexuality, this new emergent Does masturbation count as hav- identity has a potential of challeng- ing sex? (guardianoftheblind, Oc- ing one of the basic cultural as- tober 14 2003) sumptions about human nature, the possession of sexual desire. AVEN As the discussion becomes exists not only in contradiction to the more complex, another member re- dominant heterosexual discourse, sponds: ‘The more you try to draw but also questions the politics of sex- a clear line the hazier it gets...’ ual minorities that have proliferated (AVENguy, October 15 2003). since the rise of the gay and lesbi- This may indicate awareness an movement a few decades ago. that sexuality is never fixed or static. Asexual people who experience at- However, forum debates indicate traction may identify as lesbian, gay, the necessity of demarcation of bi or straight. Nonetheless, it has sexual and asexual practices for the been mentioned on the forum that process of identification. Confusion existing sexual orientations do not may also result from having dreams reflect the broad spectrum of diverse of a sexual nature. For some mem- attitudes towards sexuality as words bers they are contradictory to an such as homosexual or heterosex- Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 25 ual imply the involvement of sexual Is there a way one can truly find attraction (Jayann, December 24 out medically? Should I see a 2003). This issue evokes Scherrer’s psychiatrist or maybe some other analysis, which traces the lack of kind of doctor? (Legolas, Decem- appropriate language to engage ber 3 2002) with asexuality (Scherrer 2008, 630). Forum debates also consider Even though previous discussion this problem. Members argue that indicated the conviction that sexual- gaps in language indicate a com- ity is a social construction, medicine mon lack of understanding for and of is still believed to provide definitive asexuality. As language mirrors so- answers to questions about the sex- cial contexts, linguistic insufficiency ual. Some of the expressions are ex- suggests that asexual relationships plicitly essentialist: ‘Asexuality, (pre- are outside common cultural expe- sumably) is not a choice, it’s a state rience. However, there is a belief of being’, ‘asexuality is completely expressed that the community of independant [sic] from personality’, AVEN is capable of introducing new ‘The asexuality is biological’ (Drum, expressions into mainstream use December 19 2003). (Marr, October 29 2002). It may be suggested that asexu- The awareness of the prob- al people who frequently deny that lem of communication in the pro- sexual desire is a ‘natural’ part of cess of sustaining asexual identity every individual’s life also present a reflects a theoretical preoccupation lack of sexual drive as an essential with the instability of sexual identi- component of their identity. ties. The following sections will con- Furthermore, AVEN members sider further difficulties AVEN mem- also separate asexual orientation bers face during discussions. and antisexuality, where the latter is one’s attitude towards sex and What is Natural? a personal choice: ‘Anti-sexuality The members of AVEN engage in is more up front, more something a debate on the distinction between you think, as opposed to feel,’ ‘I see ‘natural’ and contrived aspects of asexuality as something that IS, I asexual identity. It has already been see anti-sexuality as something that indicated that essentialism persists is MADE’ (Naeblis, December 19 within debates regarding sexuality, 2003). and identifying the latter as natural These arguments evoke Fraser’s enables the articulation of politics stance, which differentiates ‘natu- (Fraser 1999). Furthermore, forum ral’ sexuality from actively chosen readers who are unsure about their values and lifestyles (Fraser 1999). sexual preferences seek guidelines While asexuality stands for the lack in biology and medicine: of sexual desire, antisexuality im- 26 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 plies the disapproval of sexual prac- have mainstream sexual motiva- tices. tions, it seemed less repulsive, or more ‘normal’ (R. M. Hester, Au- Sexual Populations – The gust 11 2002). Constitutive Other As theories of identities locate Identification as asexual gives a identity in opposition to the other sense of social location and a feel- (Hall 1996), the process of estab- ing of acceptance. lishing an asexual identity is preoc- Simultaneously, there is an ex- cupied with its relation to the sexual plicit tendency among the mem- populations. AVEN members fre- bers to dismiss sexual people as quently criticize the proliferation of dependent on a constant need to sexual contents in contemporary satisfy their sexual desire. Lack of culture that assumes that everyone temptation is perceived as an ad- is sexual: vantage that gives more freedom to the asexual individual: […] every newsagent has shelves stacked with magazines filled with If you are a person who is that de- articles on how to improve your pendent on sex, doesn’t it seem sex life/have more orgasms/turn likely that those who are NOT de- your partner on etc. There are pendent on sex for a happy life similar things on TV and in books would seem to possess a free- (Artemis, November 30 2002). dom from being controlled by their bodies and urges? Perhaps, I cant [sic] find a place for myself on a conscious or subliminal lev- or see a place for myself in this el, they wish, too, that they could OVERLY SEXUAL society. It’s so be ‘free’ from the strong urges of disconcerting (VivreEstEsperer, their bodies (Luisa, October 24 March 18 2003). 2002).

Asexual people often describe Furthermore, an AVEN member feeling uncomfortable and unac- who identifies himself as sexual cepted when confronted by this shares a similar view wishing his amount of content related to sex. mind was not controlled by ‘animal By contrast, AVEN provides a safe reactions installed by evolution’ space to discuss these experienc- (Marr, August 15 2002). es, and encourages a sense of so- The superiority of the mind is cial location. One of the members juxtaposed to the purely instinctive admits: body. Sexual drive is seen as natu- ral yet oppressive at the same time. But now that I realize that I don’t It can be seen that while asexuality Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 27 emerges in the postmodern realm, tween self and the other are never rationalistic or dualistic positions fixed or clear. Further analysis of the are still present in its discourse. relations between sexual identity Expressions such as ‘overly sexu- and one’s recognition as a gendered ally active kens & barbies’ indicate subject will support the argument of the use of stereotypes in defining the complexity of maintaining a co- the other (aury, January 12 2003). herent self. Despite these constructions of the sexual population, the asexual Intersecting Identities community is also aware of the di- Sexual identity does not emerge versity of sexual people and the in- in isolation, but is linked to a per- stability of identities: son’s identification with a certain class, ethnicity or gender. Various My hypothesis is that ‘sexual iden- socially and culturally constructed tity’ is not a very tangible item, and categories interact on multiple lev- that it may even change several els and never act independently of times over the course of a lifetime. one another. Gender has an espe- I don’t think that it can be used as cially significant relation to the dis- gospel, but rather, a guideline, or cussion on sexuality and selfhood. perhaps a measuring instrument Furthermore, issues of gender dif- for how an individual feels about ferences and stereotypes are con- this (Luisa, October 27 2002). sistently present in the debates on the AVEN forums. Whenever AVEN What is proposed here is the members admit feeling like a ‘real’ need for recognising the fluid nature man or woman or, on the contrary, of the sexual. being confused about their gender, Whilst AVEN establishes a di- they use their actions and appear- chotomy between sexual and ance as the main indicators of mas- non-sexual attraction, its overview culinity or femininity: stresses the affinity of asexual re- lationships to those of sexual peo- Im [sic] the worlds [sic] biggest ple. Both are based on the same girly girl myself. I love make up principles, such as communication […], I figure skate, I like dresses between and closeness of the part- better than pants, Im [sic] a so- ners. Moreover, sexual and asexual prano […], I love pink and light people share similar problems of blue, I love my puppies and kitties finding the right person and staying (skatepixie, September 23 2003). intimate and monogamous in a re- lationship (AVEN, March 25 2009). I don’t identify with many mas- These resemblances echo Butler’s culine personality traits. I’m ex- claim (1999) that the boundaries be- tremely sensitive and emotional, 28 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1

I’m not competitive, I don’t care admit to being perverts, and are about being physically or emo- damn proud of it! Women, howev- tionally tough […] (guardianofthe- er, are supposed to be nice. They blind, September 24 2003). want a man around for sex, how- ever, so pretend (to themselves Forum readers recognize that and others) that they are helpless intelligible genders are maintained and needy (thylacine, December through coherent and continuous 31 2007). relations among sex differences, preferences of certain activities and While other members suggest the level of sensitivity. At the same that independence of women is not time, they often express criticism of determined by their sexual orienta- stereotypical gender roles. One of tion, asexual women emphasize the posts states: ‘After all, boys will their self-sufficiency. According to be boys, if you make them’ (Moose- what one can read on the forums, Alini, September 24 2003). This par- a lack of sexual desire gives an op- ticular remark evokes a construc- portunity to challenge conventional tionist view of gender. relationships between men and Even though many asexual peo- women. This argument is paral- ple prefer not to identify themselves lel to the feminist critique of erotic with any gender, they still attach intimate relationships as ones that meaning to the commonsense un- enforce gender differences and in- derstanding of femininity and mas- equalities (Hollway 1996). It also culinity. It may result from the fact evokes an archetypical understand- that people follow gender roles, or ing of connections between sexu- perform them to secure their sexu- ality and gender as proposed by ality and social location (see Butler Gherardi (1995). 2004). Defining oneself as a man or a woman imposes order upon an Asexuality and Parenthood ambiguous social reality. It may also be argued that the While for Butler, performativity emergence of asexual identity also is never simply the reproduction of influences social interactions, es- certain ideas of gender and the sex- pecially by redefining the role of the ual, it may be argued that asexuality family. Asexual people often declare enables enacting gender differently. their willingness to engage in a com- For some female members, being mitted relationship or to get married. asexual means more independence Regardless of whether they iden- from men. One of them states: tify themselves as gay or straight, they discuss the possibility of rais- Being asexual, I truly don’t need ing children. Yet, marriage for them a man […] In other words, men does not necessary lead to the for- Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 29 mation of a traditional family bearing Representing Asexuality – children. Moreover, asexual people Against Biological Essentialism rarely express a readiness to con- Challenging social norms re- ceive children. We read: quires establishing a represen- tation of asexual identity and an I like children. I don’t want to have agreement to certain politics to in- sex just to have them. Sometimes crease its visibility and acceptance. I think I want children on my own, Discussions relating to the repre- sometimes I think I’d be just as sentation of asexuality often refer happy adopting them I don’t really to the gay pride movement. AVEN want to give birth either (nemesis, members propose the incorporation September 4 2002). of the same slogans, such as being ‘out and proud.’ On the other hand, Adoption is the main solution for they point to the significant differ- non-sexual couples, but the idea ences between the social locations of artificial insemination is also an of homosexuality and asexuality. alternative. At the same time, peo- Firstly, these minorities encoun- ple fear negative attitudes towards ter discrimination in different ways. single parenting and same-sex While homosexual people may ex- marriages, and raising the issue of perience being called shameful, asexual orientation within the family. asexuality is seen as a state of be- One of the members expresses her ing incomplete or underdeveloped. concern in the following way: Ignorance is often experienced by asexual people who decide to I’d imagine most adoption agen- come out. According to one AVEN cies are unwilling to consider […] member, admitting being asexual adopting a child into a single-par- is more difficult than coming out as ent home. […] And then there’s homosexual. It is because asexual- the whole two-parent thing. A ity requires explanation as the most number of people in my family common reaction to this term is have expressed displeasure at disbelief. The need to clarify what the fact that I am disinterested in asexuality is causes discomfort and marriage, but wish to raise a fam- annoyance. Some of the seemingly ily (fillerbunny41702, November 8 warm responses can also be read 2004). as patronizing:

This post expresses awareness I’ve also gotten the annoying and of social conventions and traditional condescending ‘Oh, you’ll experi- beliefs that support heterosexual ence attraction someday’ line — normativity. which of course has the unspoken addition of, ‘You silly little ignorant 30 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1

and late blooming child’ (Eta Cari- ences. The lack of willingness to nae, June 17 2002). declare being asexual is explained as a result of the nature of asexu- Asexual people recognize that ality. Asexual people are not con- asexuality is often dismissed as fronted with the need to seek ac- medical or psychological under- ceptance for their sexual practices development. As they are made to (ApolloSeek, June 3 2003). The feel uncomfortable and repressed act of coming out is only motivated but not ashamed, they believe they by the desire to reduce the stigma need to demonstrate being com- which asexual people experience fortable with asexuality rather than as a minority. Nonetheless, asexu- proud of it (AVENguy, January 11 al people also understand that the 2003). As members of the commu- act of revelation has consequences nity attempt to form their manifesto, of admitting being not ‘normal,’ but proposed narratives of asexual- the other to the established cultural ity appeal for acceptance and chal- narratives (Cerberus, November lenge the common understanding of 6 2008). This awareness mirrors the lack of sexual desire as requir- a theoretical critique of represen- ing medical attention: tation, which, even if associates new identities with affirmative val- Please do not send me or tell ues, also creates exclusion (Fraser me that I should go to a doctor, 1999, 143). psychologist, social worker, coun- On the other hand, the process sellor, priest, imam, pastor, guru of identification helps AVEN mem- or any other helper […] There is bers to accept themselves. Some of nothing wrong with being asex- them admit: ‘(…) when I discovered ual… (ApolloSeek, January 16 asexuality, I didn’t feel abnormal 2003). anymore.’ The sense of belonging to a com- munity also encourages accept- (In)visibility of Asexuality ance of their sexual orientation: ‘but Yet, raising awareness of asex- it’s easier to accept when you know uality appears to pose significant there are other people who are challenges. While homosexuality is asexual’ (Artemis, March 19 2003). believed to be more noticeable as The process of identification as society is directly confronted with asexual builds the self-confidence of homosexual behaviour, the lack of individuals. Yet, it may be achieved sexual practices makes asexual- only within the community. The dis- ity invisible. People decide to come tinctive character of the asexual out as asexual when they are asked community will be explored in the directly about their sexual prefer- following section. Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 31

Online Sanctuary Online communication also al- AVEN is designed to allow peo- lows anonymity, and, therefore, en- ple to share their experiences with courages honest discussion about each other. Through these interac- sexuality. At the same time, AVEN tions, the members can explore the members realize the need to in- diversity as well as the similarities crease the visibility of asexuality. within the group, and learn how to They are also aware that such rec- be more comfortable with their ori- ognition may also entail losing this entation. AVEN, called a ‘sanctuary’ privacy. We may read: by its members, gives an opportu- nity to express asexual identity. The more that I do asexual visibil- As asexuality is not recognized as ity type stuff, the more that I worry a sexual orientation, there is a sig- about losing my privacy in this nificant lack of exclusively asexual community. […] Now that people spaces. The members of AVEN of- in my ‘real’ life are possibly find- ten express their need to escape ‘the ing the site… I’m afraid of losing constant, implied or obvious, pres- my sanctuary (VivreEstEsperer, ence of sexuality’ (VivreEstEsperer, November 1 2003). June 8 2003). It was the Internet that started AVEN members appreciate the to function as a space for asexual advantages of a virtual community, people, just as it became an imagi- of which anonymity appears to be nary home for bisexuals according the most important. Yet, they are to Hemmings (2002). Furthermore, also aware of the necessity of be- computer-mediated communication coming visible within their local com- enables one to overcome geograph- munities in order to educate people ical distance, which is especially sig- about asexuality. nificant in the case of new and small communities. Even though asexual Conclusion people emphasize the importance Throughout this research I ar- of their network, they still willingly gued that asexuality fundamentally arrange local meetings. disrupts and questions the notion of Negotiating possible definitions a universal innate sexual drive, and, of asexuality and formulating a therefore, it can provide a better in- common aim for community politics sight into formations of sexuality. point to the involvement of individu- The theoretical study as well as als in the creation of the community. data analysis focused on the pro- This phenomenon suggests demo- cess of establishing asexual iden- cratic relations attributed to online tity in times when notions of iden- communication in general (Harrison tity and sexuality are believed to be and Stephen 1999). increasingly fragmented and often 32 GJSS Vol 10, Issue 1 constructed across intersecting or discussions. Furthermore, asexual- antagonistic practices and cultural ity has a potential to question social discourses. One of the central ob- conventions of marriage and par- jectives of the research was to gain enthood. a picture of how a sense of coher- While asexuality challenges es- ent identity is provided by identify- sentialist understandings of sexu- ing the lack of sexual desire towards ality as fixed and innate, sexual others, a characteristic shared by essentialism persists in its aim to asexual people. Yet, determining a identify the lack of sexual drive definition involved negotiations over as natural, which would assure a intimate behaviours and practices sense of coherent identity. It also al- and problematizing the dichotomy lows establishing a representation of the sexual and non-sexual. that challenges the common notion The diversity among the asexual of asexuality derived from the dis- minority suggests the fluidity of sex- course of sexology. Yet, gaining rec- uality and the ambiguity of sexual ognition for asexuality is complex desire. At the same time, linguistic due to the lack of sexual practices, insufficiency to articulate this multi- which makes asexuality invisible. plicity indicates that existing sexual Furthermore, there is an observ- orientations do not reflect the broad able lack of willingness to come out spectrum of diverse attitudes to- as asexual, which may result from wards sexuality. the fact that asexual people are not While AVEN members point out confronted with the need to seek ac- the instability of the sexual, they are ceptance for their sexual practices. also aware of the affinity of asexual Ultimately, AVEN, called a ‘sanc- relationships to those of sexual peo- tuary’ by its members, gives an op- ple. Still, they situate themselves in portunity to express asexual identity opposition to sexual populations, and learn how to be more comfort- and making that distinction, asexual able with it. Online communication people use rationalistic mind/body is especially significant due to a lack dichotomy. of exclusively asexual spaces. The Rethinking formations of gen- members of AVEN appreciate the der via a central focus on asexual- advantages of this virtual commu- ity suggests possibilities of differ- nity, of which anonymity is stressed ent enactments of gender roles, the most often. especially for women who often This analysis is far from exhaus- admit feeling more independent tive, but it highlights the contribution in asexual relationships with men. of asexual identity to a broader un- Nevertheless, a commonsense un- derstanding of the construction of derstanding of femininity and mas- sexuality. As it is a relatively unex- culinity is still explicit in the forum plored field, several suggestions for Pacho: Establishing Asexual Identity 33 future research may be proposed. Endnotes This research points to affinities and 1 Launched in 2001, AVEN hosts an ar- differences between the asexual mi- chive of educational resources on the phenomena of asexuality that is available nority and other marginalized groups for academic researchers and the press. based on sexual orientation. Future AVEN’s enterprise may be defined as an efforts should investigate if asexual effort intended to serve as a catalyst for culture, similarly to homosexual life- widening the definition and discussion style, may be incorporated into the about sexuality. AVEN’s members are ac- tively engaged in distributing pamphlets, mainstream. leading workshops and organizing meet- Furthermore, sexual identity is ings. linked to a person’s identification with other social identities. Future 2 A similar view is shared by Laan and Both research should explore intersec- (2008) who analyse the relation between women’s sexual arousal and desire. With tions between asexuality with class reference to their research, sexual arous- background and age. The latter may al is generated by stimulating information be especially significant as they and desire succeeds that state (Laan and are believed to affect access to the Both 2008, 510). Internet, and therefore, of the virtual community of AVEN as well as simi- Bibliography lar online communities. AVEN. 2008. Available at http://www. asexuality.org/home/ [Accessed Acknowledgments October 2008 – April 2009). Bell, D. and J. Binnie. 2000. The Sexu- I would like to thank Dr Yasmin al Citizen. Queer Politics and Be- Gunaratnam who, at Goldsmiths yond. Cambridge: Polity University of London, supervised Press. the dissertation on which this article Benwell, B. and E. Stokoe. 2006. Dis- is based. Her thoughtful comments course and Identity. Edinburgh: and enthusiastic encouragement Edinburgh University Press. have challenged me and moved my Bogaert, A. F. 2004. 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