Geelong Advertiser, Geelong VIC 25 Mar 2017, by Darryn Lyons

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04 SATURDAY DARRYN LYONS GEELONG’S MOST PROVOCATIVE COLUMNIST A true conspiracy, right in our midst I LOVE a good conspiracy theory. the grand evil plan, the great sec- JonBenet Ramsay, Megan Fox is a Doesn’t everyone? ret game for global domination. crazy montage of 23 people, Miley How easy is it to think the It’s all like James Bond, Austin Cyrus died and was replaced. world’s run by a secret cabal oper- Powers, Maxwell Smart and My favourite? The claim that ating from some luxury hideaway Agent 99. on Lake Como? Or the world’s Funny thing is, despite all the Stevie Wonder’s not really blind! population is about to be culled by technology, communication, edu- Even madder are the new con- some mad environmentalists try- cation and science around us, spiracies coming out of America. ing to save the planet? Or threats people are more suspicious and CIA email hacks, wire-taps, Swed- from outer space, world domina- superstitious than ever. And ish terror attacks, voter fraud, fake tion agendas ... they’re wild but I thanks to internet trolls every- news ... and that’s from the presi- love them. where, they’re just getting worse. dent, and without a shred of evi- I love how they’re all so sinis- Scientology is the same sort of dence! ter. You must know of the 13 uber- stuff. Look at some of the celebs If you want a real conspiracy, wealthy families behind a world who’ve fallen for that: Tom though — forget any notion it’s government plan — Astors, Bun- Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie just a theory — you can’t go past dys, DuPonts, Kennedys, Rocke- Alley, Kate Ceberano and Beck, Daniel Andrews and Geelong fellers, Rothschilds and the likes. just to name a few. City Hall. The new council/may- There’s a black pope with a Conspiracy theories love a lie. oral model his mob unveiled this new world order agenda; he’s run- It’s a powerful recruiting trick. week — with fewer councillors ning the globe’s shipping and sec- Chemtrails, UFOs, aliens, fake but more in the Labor stronghold ret services. There’s the Illuminati moon landings, secret 9/11 plots, northern suburbs — is more see- and its assassination lists: Marilyn GM crop plots, Holocaust deniers, through than a wet T-shirt con- Monroe, Michael Jackson, John the JFK assassination, the Utah test. Lennon, Brian Jones, Hendrix ... data centre, Planet X and the hid- killing off our stars. Monsters! den sun — there’s no end to the It’s all supposedly about Labor The list just goes on and on. monumental bull people will restoring proper democracy to Iran, Afghanistan, aeroplane hi- dream up and claim is true. Geelong. After they stole it. But jackings, insider trading, the ever- I love all the celebrity conspira- blind Freddie and his dog can see present Mano Cornuto goat’s cies. They’re sensational. Elvis is it’s a blatantly obvious gerryman- head, terror, genocide, diversity, der to suit Labor. climate, disease. alive, Beatle Paul is dead, Avril Does anyone else think it’s odd A good conspiracy knows no Lavigne’s been replaced, Taylor that Labor would be so keen to boundaries. Everything’s part of Swift’s a Satanist, Katy Perry is pinch a gerrymander idea that Geelong Advertiser, Geelong VIC 25 Mar 2017, by Darryn Lyons

National Party heroes like Joh Bjelke-Petersen loved? What the new City Hall plans mean is that it’s easier to have City Hall fall in behind Labor plans at state and national levels. It’s also easier to have the councillors vote in a Labor mate as mayor. And that’s why I won’t be running in this yet another State Government-bungled model of stolen democracy. Bring on the Melbourne model and Geelong, my friends, will fly. But mainly the whole deal, the council sackings and the new sys- tem, has been aimed at putting this little black duck out of circulation at any state or federal elec- tion. They were terrified of me running long before I ever even thought about it. Talk about paranoid. If only they knew it was only their own bizarre anxiety that ever got me thinking along those lines. Ha! Can someone please get them a tinfoil hat? And that’s why I won’t be running in this yet another State Government-bungled model of stolen democracy. Bring on the Melbourne model and Geelong, my friends, will fly.