OLEN ThePower & VI CE AL S C Using EX I Using U YS Coercion A H Intimidation L and Threats Making her afraid P Making and/or carrying out Control by using looks, actions, threats to do something to gestures • Smashing things hurt her • Threatening to • Destroying her property Wheel leave her, to commit • Abusing pets • Displaying Using suicide, to report her weapons Economic to welfare • Making her drop charges Abuse • Making her do Using Preventing her from illegal things Emotional Abuse getting or keeping a job • Putting her down • Making Making her ask for money • her feel bad about herself • Giving her an allowance • Taking Calling her names • Making her her money • Not letting her know think she’s crazy • Playing mind about or have access to POWER games • Humiliating her • Making family income her feel guilty & Using Male Privilege Using Isolation Threatening her like a servant CONTROL Controlling what she does, who • Making all the big decisions • she sees and talks to, what she Acting like the “master of the reads, where she goes • Limiting castle” • Being the one to define her outside involvement • men’s and women’s roles Using Using jealousy to justify Children Minimizing, actions Making her feel guilty about the Denying and children • Using the Blaming children to relay messages Making light of the • Using visitation to harass abuse and not taking her her • Threatening to take the concerns about it seriously children away • Saying the abuse didn’t happen • Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior PH • Saying she caused it L • Physical abuse never takes place in isolation Y UA SIC EX • Abusive behaviors can be constructed into AL S a wheel VIOLENCE • Physical violence is part of a system of abusive Cause and Effects of behaviors, the purpose of which is to maintain • The wheel contains a variety of behaviors or tactics, power and control over the partner in the which the abuser uses to gain control relationship • Not all forms of abuse are used in every Domestic Violence • At the heart of the wheel is power and control. This relationship. The abuser may switch tactics often to is the motivation behind the abuse to ensure that keep the victim on the defensive Recognizing what the survivor you will be helping has experienced. the batterer remains in control of how the partner • When the victim learns to respond to one type of thinks, feels and behaves attack, the batterer may change strategies • Physical abuse is the behavior that most people see • Eventually the struggle may become so exhausting as “the problem.” It is the element of abuse that is that the victim begins to modify his or her behavior, most easily identified and is often the only form of giving up control, in order to avoid further abuse abuse that is illegal

All text taken from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Services Volunteer Training Manual, July 1999 Credit: DOMESTIC ABUSE INTERVENTION PROJECT: 202 E. Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802, 218-722-2781 www.theduluthmodel.org

For more information call 800.543.9220 or visit www.givebackasmile.com. Cause and Effects of Cycle of Violence Remember: Domestic Violence • Abuse is not random, it occurs within a system of behaviors The following information will help you to recognize what the has experienced. Violence Occurs Honeymoon Phase survivor you will be helping Hitting, damaging property, Often marked by apologies, excuses, designed to exert control It may provide insight to his or her world, shedding light on behaviors, past and present. Please review carefully. yelling, making threats, remorse, doing things to try and “make pushing, punching, etc. up” for one’s actions, saying “it won’t • Violence is not constant; there are

happen again,” buying presents, etc. three distinct phases in the cycle • The three phases vary in time and frequency • Violence increases in severity and Potential Long-Term Emotional and Behavioral Effects of Domestic Violence Rising Tension frequency, if the cycle is not broken Old feelings and • Flashbacks and nightmares may occur long after the abuse has ended thoughts return, fighting increases, being critical or • Depression and suicidal tendencies disrespectful towards one’s partner, being judgmental, • Loss of hope for the future personal anger increases.

• Low self-esteem Image copied from: http://www.saskatoonhealthregion.ca/your_health/images/cycle_of_violence.jpg • Inability to trust others • Anxiety • Inability to concentrate Source: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/p/effects_abuse.htm Abuser Victim Tension Building Tension Building Victims Stay Because… • Minor battering incidents occur including • Becomes nurturing, compliant, will stay out of the • They still harbor some hope and/or do not know what verbal and psychological abuse abuser’s way else to do • Abuser may be aware of own inappropriate behavior, • Denies escalation of abuse and inevitability of • The abuser has promised to change but doesn’t take responsibility serious incident • The abuser feels hurt and makes the victim feel guilty for • Afraid that their partner will leave, jealousy and • Accepts the abuse. Believes that what they do can leaving. They are supposed to stand behind their partner possessiveness increases with the hope that brutality prevent the abuser’s anger from escalating. They will keep victim captive attempt to alter behavior as a way of providing safety • They have no money, no one to help them, no way to earn a living, and no place to go • Frantic, more control. Abuser misinterprets partner’s • Rationalizes abuse (everybody has marriage behavior, takes withdrawal as rejection problems, etc.) • The abuser has threatened to kill them if they leave, and they have every reason to believe the abuser will carry • Outside events can affect this stage • Blames external factors, such as stress or alcohol out this threat • Abuser feels uncontrollable • Tension becomes unbearable. Stress-related illness • In the past, attempts to leave the relationship have is common. Victim may feel anxious, depressed, resulted in more severe violence sleepless, fatigued, may over/under eat, or experience tension headaches • The alternative may be loneliness and poverty

• Their strong religious beliefs may cause them to feel guilty to leave the marriage, or break up the family • Of the children All text taken from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Services Volunteer Training Manual, July 1999