The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

Fall 11-4-2005

Volume 41 - Issue 09 - Friday, November 4, 2005

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 41 - Issue 09 - Friday, November 4, 2005" (2005). The Rose Thorn Archive. 219. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/219

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ROSE-HULMAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY T ERRE HAUTE, INDIANA Friday, November 4, 2005 Volume 41, Issue 9 Hacker strikes through student’s router

Alex Clerc as was Gustafson. mously.” News Editor In an interview, Yip made it “I also fi nd [Tor] interesting clear that he read the policy for from a research standpoint. It’s Information about Tor Earlier this week, a hacker infi l- responsible use of Rose-Hulman a neat research project,” Yip add- Tor is comprised of about there are approximately trated the website of a company computing facilities and took ed. 250 computers worldwide 100 — where it is delivered in France, defacing the site and the “due diligence” it demands Tor was originally developed called ‘nodes.’ Tor accepts to the intended recipient. using it to send vulgar emails. for students setting up networks. by the U.S. Naval Research Labo- an Internet communica- This hides the original The hacker was not a Rose-Hul- As a precaution against people ratory and has been facilitated by tion and relays it from node source of the message from man student. But through a rout- using his machine for malicious the Electronic Frontier Founda- er maintained by a Rose-Hulman activity, Yip disabled the ability tion (EFF) for the last year and to node in a random order. the fi nal recipient. student, the hacker was able to to send mail, use peer-to-peer a half. According to Fred von After about three nodes, For more information on do this anonymously. programs, and use internet relay Lohmann, a staff attorney at the the communication is sent how Tor works, go to Tor’s The student, senior computer chat (IRC). He also limited the EFF, Yip’s case is the fi rst case ever to an exit node — of which website at tor.eff.org. science major David Yip, was transfer quota to 800 megabytes involving potential disciplinary maintaining a router on his com- per day. action for the use of Tor. “If this puter called a Tor onion router. “The services I left open are is something that was done by a ethical questions that are yet to rooms for victims of rape, abuse, What Tor basically does is enable generally considered to be be- third party, the student shouldn’t be settled. By allowing anony- or illnesses) and journalistic anonymous communications nign,” he be held re- mous communications to any- communications with whistle- over the internet. Yip download- said. Yip sponsible,” one, it offers equal protection to blowers and dissidents. Law ed and installed Tor on his com- stated that he said. both good and bad users. enforcement groups can use Tor puter about two months ago. His he saw Assistant Van Lohmann said, “Before for data sting operations and the machine became a Tor exit node nothing Professor of we start questioning the right to U.S. Navy uses it for open source on September 4, 2005. specifically Computer anonymous speech, we need to intelligence gathering. Early Thursday morning, the banning Tor Science Lar- ask if the [French] website’s secu- Merkle warned, “The [EFF] French company traced the nodes in the ry Merkle rity had a fl aw.” makes a good case for the rea- hacker back to Yip’s computer Rose-Hul- disagreed: Professor of Computer Sci- sons to use it, but completely ig- and contacted IAIT. IAIT took ac- man inter- “I can defi - ence David Mutchler added, “I nores the reasons why providing tion by freezing Yip’s Kerberos ac- net policy. nitely see think anonymous communica- it might be bad for society.” count; he is unable to access the Yip does there be- tion over the Internet is critical. Situations involving improper Internet, email, Angel, or Banner. not know ing a case There are many places in the Internet use are usually fi rst de- His case will be considered by the who has been using his Tor node against [Yip] because he used world where free speech is not tected by IAIT and then passed to Computer Use Committee and a or what it has been used for. bandwidth for non-academic protected. Anonymous commu- Student Affairs. If an expert opin- recommendation will be made “That’s the point,” he said. “Be- purposes.” Merkle added, “… nication allows that free speech ion is needed, the case is present- to Pete Gustafson, the Dean of ing able to communicate anony- but I know [Yip] fairly well and I to exist.” ed to the Computer Use Commit- Students if disciplinary action is mously is very important. I feel don’t think he had any malicious On its website, the EFF lists tee. Pete Gustafson makes the deemed appropriate. Staff mem- there are certain ideas in certain intentions.” many benefi cial applications of fi nal decision. bers at IAIT were unwilling to contexts that cannot be expressed What Tor enables – anonymous Tor, including socially sensitive comment on the circumstances, unless they are expressed anony- online communications – raises communications (such as chat Continued on Page 3... News Briefs Gorbachev stresses Rose-Hulman News teamwork among nations in talk New observatory in David Chen ing water in many parts of the Staff Writer world. Some of these statistics Australia illustrated world poverty, and A $141,634 grant from the Oakley Fred Webber seemed intended to shock an Foundation of Terre Haute will allow Staff Writer American audience. For ex- Rose-Hulman students to utilize the ample, the United States con- Internet to operate a telescope based Mikhail Gorbachev, former sumes 25% of the world’s oil at a new observatory in Australia, leader of the Soviet Union, supply even though it only has keeping the college at the forefront spoke at DePauw University 4.5% of the world’s popula- of astronomical technology and on October 27 to an audience tion; nearly 3.8 billion people discovery. that fi lled the 3000-seat Lilly on Earth live on less than two Physical Education and Rec- dollars a day (per capita). Rose-Hulman plans to build, reation Center gym, with 1000 Many of Gorbachev’s statis- equip and operate by late 2006 an more listeners fi lling the near- tics also illustrated the rapid observatory located in the Blue by Kresge Hall. Gorbachev, the depletion of the environment. Mountains region near New South recipient of the 1990 Nobel Gorbachev pointed out that in Wales, Australia. The Oakley Southern Peace Prize, gave his speech the year 2020, the United Na- Sky Observatory will have a 20-inch on “Security and Environ- tions (UN) predicted that there aperture telescope equipped with a ment: The Challenges of the will 1/3 less water per capita in CCD camera for recording images. 21st Century.” Gorbachev’s the world and that the United These images will be downloaded for talk was part of DePauw’s Ub- Kingdom Petroleum Industry ben Lectures, an annual series http://www.collegenews.org/x4797.xml Association estimated there Mikhail Gorbachev is often credited as helping study on campus. of free lectures whose speakers are only about 40 years’ worth have included seven former end the Cold War. He was named “Man of the De- of oil left for usage on Earth. Friday cade” by Time Magazine in 1990 and one of the Partly cloudy 71 Hi / 56 Lo heads of state. This environmental depletion Gorbachev opened with: 100 most signifi cant people of the 20th Century is expected to develop into Saturday “We are facing the challenges by the same publication. a critical issue, according to Scattered T-storms 66 Hi / 51 Lo of the future. The challenges environment.” Throughout size the importance of global Gorbachev. boil down to three priorities: Provided by www.weather.com much of his talk, Gorbachev environmental obstacles such poverty, violence, and the relied on statistics to empha- as a lack of food, oil, and drink- Continued on Page 3... News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

Gorbachev, Tor onion Who’s lonely? I’m lonely. Let Wal-Mart own you. A short one. Was I born here? routers.

Page 3 Pages 4 & 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 2 CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Classiﬁ eds Crossword Puzzle Jim Sedoff Staff Writer Research Opportunities If you’re looking for world-class engineering research opportunities and a Ph.D. program with depth, breadth, and agility, start your search by exploring the Vanderbilt School of Engineering. www.engineering.vanderbilt.edu

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Check out our new webpage after Thanksgiving!

Ryan Schultz / Thorn Staff http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn/ White Chapel on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff Editor-in-Chief Lissa Avery Writers Bridget Mayer News Editor Alex Clerc CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Benjamin Mann Assistant News Editor Angela Smiley Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Jon Ogilvie Opinions Editor Aaron Meles Phone:(812)877-8255 Philip Becker Entertainment Editor Mike Jones Fax: (812)877-8166 Alvin Anassi Sports Editor Mike Ferguson E-mail: [email protected] Patrick Barrett Humor Editor Gregory Weir http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Ryan Schultz Layout Manager Andrea Brown Jessica Rogers Fred Webber Copy Editor Bill Waite “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Photo Editor Ken Meyer Jim Sedoff by providing an accurate and Administrative Staff dependable source for news and information.” Cartoonist Erin Hudson

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The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, November 4, 2005 NEWS 3 ABET: First time for some Angela Smiley In some cases, this may take “When I joined,” Dee ex- fulfi ll [by graduation],” explained acteristics which students should Assistant News Editor the form of preparation for the plained, “the plan was already to Dee. She believes this breadth is demonstrate at the end of their visit that ABET program evalua- pursue this [accreditation].” vital: the accreditation effort in- Rose-Hulman education; objec- The renewal of Rose’s Accredi- tors will make to each program in These faculty have steered the volves “basically all of us, and I tives characterize the profes- tation Board for Engineering and the fall of next year. program towards improved eval- think that’s how it ought to be.” sional status Rose-Hulman seeks Technology certifi cation in the “We [...] had a mock accredita- uation practices; Dee, who is a Other programs have also to achieve for its graduates three 2006-2007 school year requires tion visit for software engineer- member of the BE working group placed a heavy emphasis on their to fi ve years after they enter the intensive preparations from all ing, on October 9 and 10, and we formed to handle accreditation, evaluation procedures, since workforce. departments which have an en- had some results from that,” said stated that the ABET’s offi cial The techniques the Physics gineering program or support the Donald Bagert, Professor of Com- BE faculty seeks criteria stress and Optical Engineering depart- engineering curricula — in short, puter Science and Software Engi- to improve by We do the best in the importance ment has devised to measure the essentially all fi elds at Rose-Hul- neering and a former program soliciting and teaching, so all we of “an assess- fulfi llment of these goals include man. evaluator. The visit, performed responding to ment process, numerical dashboard indicators However, four by a member of student feed- need to do is with document- on students’ success — for in- undergradu- the program’s back, particu- ed results, that stance, how many students pass ate degree pro- All faculty advisory board, larly in the form show that we are demonstrates the Fundamentals of Engineer- grams are not members collect was shortened of course evalu- accountable to that that [...] pro- ing exam generally taken during seeking renewal but helpful: ations. In addi- gram outcomes the senior year — and concept but are actually samples of student “Those results tion, the gradu- teaching. are being mea- inventories administered to stu- applying to be are helping us ation of the fi rst sured and indi- dents before and after comple- accredited for work and feedback. prepare for the class of BE ma- cates the degree tion of core courses. the fi rst time: real visit next jors last spring — Charles Joenathan to which the Despite these apparent dif- the Institute’s fall.” has allowed the outcomes are ferences in assessment style, undergraduate degree programs In other cases, resources within program to be- achieved.” It Charles Joenathan, head of the in Biomedical Engineering, Opti- the department itself are utilized. gin obtaining information from also states that the fi ndings must PHOE department, suggests that cal Engineering, Software Engi- The biomedical engineering pro- alumni and employers about how be demonstrably “applied to the the accreditation processes for neering and Computer Science gram’s efforts are being bolstered well-prepared Rose graduates are further development of the pro- Rose-Hulman’s different pro- are each currently assembling by the previous experience of its for the workplaces they enter. gram.” grams are fundamentally relat- an application. While the appli- faculty: according to Kay C Dee, All faculty members collect The Optical Engineering pro- ed. cation requirements are largely Associate Professor of Applied Bi- samples of student work and gram has been working to de- “We do the best in teaching, the same, these programs face an ology and Biomedical Engineer- feedback, and most are also velop quantitative as well as so all we need to do is show that additional challenge: they do not ing, many faculty members have involved in drafting the goals qualitative measurements of stu- we are accountable to that teach- have direct experience with the participated in an accreditation that the program will strive to dent achievement since it began ing,” he remarked in reference to process, and so must make extra at their previous schools, and achieve. drafting its formal outcomes and PHOE specifi cally. “I’m not sure efforts to ensure that they are ad- three new BE professors hired “We wrote a set of rubrics and objectives in 2001. Outcomes, all departments do things the dressing those requirements ac- last fall were recently involved in performance criteria that we according to ABET’s standard same way, but we all have the cordingly. fi rst-time accreditations. hope all students will be able to terminology, are abilities or char- same goal.” Gorbachev, from Page 1 Chinese Hacker, media UN Secretary General Kofi these nations should welcome Annan stated that “in the fu- China into an alliance of na- from Page 1 ture, wars will be about water.” tions and work to solve prob- expanding The last incident in which the that the student be suspended; Gorbachev said that this en- lems together. That answer Computer Use Committee was Pete Gustafson followed through vironmental depletion is the may sound naïve, but Gor- fast consulted was a case in the ’03- on this recommendation. main reason he founded Green bachev does not always take a Jooyeon Kim ’04 school year. The case involved “The single best thing that Cross International and is the pacifi st stance. He mentioned Daily Pennsylvanian (U. Penn) a student hacking in to the com- can come of this,” concluded president of the Gorbachev the Iraq war during his lecture, puter of an employee of the ad- Mutchler, “would be if students Foundation. His chief goal is and stated that for the world’s Even though China’s media are missions offi ce. The student then read the policy at www.rose-hul- to improve the wellness of the sake, the U.S. must not be de- controlled by the government, at attempted to send an all campus man.edu/TSC/policies/comput- world’s environment through feated. least two experts believe they are email claiming that one of the er_use and discuss with faculty alliances amongst nations. Another student asked why close to being as successful and Olsen twins decided to attend and administration any parts of That is the reason for his sec- Gorbachev once stated that competent as American media. Rose-Hulman. The Computer the policy that they think are not ond visit to the U.S. to talk with the end of Cold War would not All media outlets in China are gov- Use Committee recommended right.” current and former U.S. offi - have been possible without ernment-affi liated. cials such as Bill Clinton, Mad- Pope John Paul II. Gorbachev Zhengrong Hu, professor at the eleine Albright, replied that Communication University of Learning Center Review Sessions and Colin Pow- The U.S., Russia, he talked fre- China said that the Chinese gov- Wednesday Nov 9th Thursday May 19th ell. and other major quently with ernment is slowly loosening its 6-8 pm 6-8 pm Gorbachev the pope dur- grip. As a result, the Chinese me- PH111 O169/267/269 MA111 O267/269 stated that ing his presi- nations... should dia are changing in three major 7-9 pm ES203 O169 world leaders dency and the ways: use of advertisements, con- MA112 O257 should sup- welcome China pope’s belief glomeration and international MA113 O159 7-9 pm port the UN into an alliance of that the world foreign direct investment. ES201 O257/259 CHEM251 O259 and work to needed to be Hu said that currently, China 8-10 pm CHEM201 O167 reform it into nations and work “more stable, has 1,913 television stations, and 8-10 pm an effective al- to solve problems more just, and the industry’s annual revenue is CHE201 O169 MA221 O267/269 liance-building more humane” $10 billion. AB110 O267 MA222 O169 group, rather together. prompted Gor- Current policies and political than simply — Gorbachev bachev to seek parties in China are still hinder- criticizing its better relations ing broadcasting-media develop- ineffectiveness. with President ment. Because of various rules Gorbachev Reagan and the and regulations, it is diffi cult also said that national inter- U.S. to produce programming. The ests depend on world interests; One man didn’t have a ques- shortage of content is becoming therefore, decisions based on tion, but argued that poor a bottleneck for broadcasters; sta- national interests should con- countries’ problems are caused tions are able to produce less than sider the world as a whole. He by “Socialist Pigs” such as Gor- 70 percent of the programming closed the lecture with a quote bachev. needed. from John F. Kennedy, which Gorbachev was elected Guoming Yu, professor at the aptly described Gorbachev’s General Secretary of the Com- Renmin University of China, sees own views of the world com- munist Party March 11, 1985. Chinese print media as an indus- munity: “A society which can- In February 1986, Gorbachev try in decline due to fast-changing not take protect the poorer launched three reform pro- technology. majority of its citizens cannot grams: glasnost (“openness”), He said that “although there are care for its wealthy.” perestroika (“restructuring”), 1,926 newspapers and 300 million Rose-Hulman Special After the speech, Gorbachev and uskorenie (“acceleration” readers,” newspapers generate answered a variety of ques- of economic development). only $6 billion in revenue, a pal- Large One Topping tions from the audience, both Gorbachev’s reforms led to the try sum in comparison to China’s personal and political. democratization, and eventu- population of about 1.3 billion. $7.99 + Tax One student asked how the ally dissolution, of the Soviet “Due to online media and U.S., Russia, and other major Union. Recent polls taken in younger generations’ rejection nations should respond to the Russia indicate that Russians toward [newspapers and maga- Sunday Only Special rise of China as a superpower, are pleased with the results of zines], print media revenue has and Gorbachev replied that Gorbachev’s reforms. decreased by 19 percent for the $6.99 + Tax past decade,” he said. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn Out In Theatres

Chicken Little Featuring the voice of The Weather Man is lonely Zach Braff Directed by Mark Dindal As was I when I saw it by myself Rated G Patrick Barrett takes it out on him, I believe by Jarhead Staff Writer attempting to get him to eat un- Starring Jake Gyllenhaal healthy food. Directed by Sam Mendes You might have been reminded His other problems stem from Rated R of Anchorman or perhaps some his inability to work hard at main- Jim Carrey movie if you saw the taining a family. His wife has left The Dying Gaul trailer, but you would in fact be him, presumably for being un- Starring Patricia Clarkson mistaken. The Weather Man is faithful and insensitive to her. Directed by Craig Lucas actually another black comedy His twelve-year-old overweight Rated R starring Nicholas Cage. I was daughter has picked up smoking weary to at- and his petty at- Out on DVD tend, having tempts to con- disliked Lord of [Cage] takes the nect with her Offi ce Space - Special Edition War, but there through archery was no way I heat when he’s do not sway her. Millions was seeing Saw He has previ- II, for personal wrong and ously neglected Star Wars: Edisode III - reasons. I don’t Chicago takes his son, who Revenge of the Sith usually like had turned to black comedy. it out on him, I drugs and is “Sex and the City” - Complete M*A*S*H is in a program. Series great, but this believe by trying Instead of his movie isn’t like to get him to eat father, or even “Enterprise” - 4th season it. It’s more like his mom’s new About Schmidt, unhealthy food. boyfriend, he which was hangs out with http://www.moviesonline.ca/movie-gallery/albums/userpics Box Offi ce Tops pretty good. his pedophilic Fake snow had to be used while fi lming in Chicago, where it usually But The Weather Man does it bet- counselor. snows in February. So the weather was predicted wrong while fi lm- 1. Saw II ter and is much funnier. The movie follows Spritz as ing a movie about a weather man. Weird. The Weather Man is sort of an he lives this critical crisis point 2. The Legend of Zorro art fi lm, slice of life really. Nicho- of his life. He tries to get the really a downer, so if you’re in the plot it does have some things that las Cage plays David Spritz, the promotion to New York as he mood for one of those it’s great. are much better - uncommon ob- 3. Prime weatherman for Chicago who’s tries to put his marriage back If you’re not, it is still worth a servations and touching insight. trying to hit it big in New York. He together by not trying and curs- look-see, as it is also very funny These things really up the movie 4. Dreamer works two hours a day, which is ing at his wife, which is, as his throughout. In such a small the- past many others I have seen, easy money as he isn’t even a me- disappointed father thinks, not atre I’m sure I bothered a few and therefore give it the rating of 5. Wallace & Gromit in the teorologist. He takes for granted the best way of going about that people with my laughter. 3.5 / 5. Curse of the Were-Rabbit that the weather just comes off of sort of thing. The movie feels like an indie, Have a nice break, and hope the prompter, and takes the heat Other than that there really only with Gore Verbinski at the the weather is as nice as The when he’s wrong and Chicago isn’t much plot to this movie. It’s helm. Although there isn’t much Weather Man. Indiana Theater is Zorro excites with truly “majestic” stunts, story lags David Chen Staff Writer By Jenny Lor only to fi nd Elena around the Daily Titan (Cal State-Fullerton) arms of her former schoolmate, Are you tired of watching mov- the wealthy French aristocrat, ies in boring Walmart-style build- (U-WIRE) FULLERTON, Ca- Armand (Rufus Sewell from A ings they call a movie theater or lif. - The masked caper returns Knights Tale). jumboplex? Are you sick of pay- again in this so-so movie, The Armand is part of the Knights ing outrageously high prices at Legend of Zorro, to win justice of Aragon, a secret fraternity de- the concession stand for measly in fi ghting evil and saving the termined to destroy America. portions of food? Does it seem citizens of California. Reuniting with director Mar- like 1984 every time you go to the The year is 1850 and Califor- tin Campbell who directed The movies? If the answer is yes, then nia is striving to become part Mask of Zorro, The Legend of you just might need the Indiana of the Union as Americans. Set Zorro is a lengthy two hours Theater located in downtown in the city of San Mateo, the and 10 minutes. Terre Haute at 7th and Ohio. movie begins with Californians Although the fi ght scenes Just recently, I attended this gathered together in the main are fun to watch, the rest of the one-of-a-kind theater — the kind square voting to become a free movie is not so amusing. built during times when going to state. The plot was so slow that I the movies was an experience, As the votes are sealed, caught myself yawning twice with the admissions being a locked and sent to the gover- during it, which is never a good quarter or something, the movies http://www.indianatheatre.com nor for count, a corrupt robber sign. better than today’s, and the prices The Indiana theatre usually shows 2 or 3 second-run movies each baron named McGivens (Nick Throughout the entire fi lm, at the concession stand low. Ask week. Chinlund from The Chronicles Zeta-Jones casts these fake, your grandparents and they’ll tell of Riddick) gets in the way of longing gazes, which I found you what it was like back then to to experience what I mean. has those box-like seats that only making a smooth transaction. annoying. Although she is go to the moving pictures. The main reason that this place big opera and concert halls have In comes Zorro to save the day. breathtakingly beautiful, one I already went to the Meadows is worth catching the next movie as balcony seats. I was so thrilled The face behind Zorro is none can’t get past the big jewelry Theater several times, where the at is that the admission is only $3 to sit in one of them, which has other than Don Alejandro de la she wears that seem to over- matinee on second-run but good in spite of its second-run mov- a private and classy feel to it, to Vega (Antonio Banderas). Now take her face. movies is only $1. One dollar! I ies. Plus, concession stand items watch The Constant Gardener. married to Elena (Catherine A character to watch out for didn’t bother going to the ones such as popcorn and drinks cost The lobby is itself a work of Zeta-Jones); the two have a 10- is Alonso, the little boy who over at Honeycreek Mall yet, but from $1.50 to $3 with free refi lls. I art. Not only is it fl oored in origi- year-old son, Joaquin (Adrian plays Joaquin. His fi rst major I already knew the Indiana The- repeat “FREE REFILLS”. It doesn’t nal Terrazo tiles, but its ceiling Alonso), who has no idea that motion picture in America, ater would be my favorite in Terre get better than this, but it does. is adorned with 38 hand-carved his father is his hero. this 10-year-old never spoke Haute after being there only once. The highlight of the theater is sculptures. There was also a life- Joaquin does not know his English until he was cast in The This theater was designed and its auditorium, which could seat size statue of a gargoyle to top it father because he is never Legend of Zorro. built in 1922 by John Eberson, a nearly 1,600 people. It is huge, off since the whole theater was home. When Elena forces Ale- With a spunky attitude and renowned cinema architect in the like the size of Montana huge. decorated in a Halloween theme. jandro to choose between his a knack for crowd-pleasing early 20th century. It was styled Words cannot describe the mo- So on any weekend night you family and being Zorro, a cri- stunts and tricks, Alonso made in a Spanish Baroque motif and it ment I walked in, for there was feel like doing something worthy sis makes Alejandro turn to his the role of Joaquin alive with showed the second I stepped into nothing but a sea of seats as far of your time, but don’t feel like true calling once again as the character and charisma. its entrance. I knew I was in for a as one can see. Not only is this putting down $20-30 on a movie cape crusader. Elena promptly The movie is good for Zorro treat. The entrance area is actu- place big, the high ceiling is fi lled for you and one other person kicks him out of the house and afi cionados but I wouldn’t rec- ally a high-ceiling rotunda, pro- with intricate hand-carvings and plus food, give Indiana Theater a divorces Alejandro. ommend it as a regular movie jecting an aura of old theaters in the walls are decorated with clas- try. Perhaps you’ll be astounded Three months later, Alejan- to watch on a Friday night - its glory days. One must be here sical window stonework. Plus, it like me. dro attends a vineyard party pick another. Friday, November 4, 2005 ENTERTAINMENT 5 It Feels a little weird Mike Jones this album? Well, not exactly. strongest section of Feels. “The Enitertainment Editor Opener “Did You See the Purple Bottle” uses the tempo Words?” is relatively benign for and rhythm of “Leaf House” to Real life Brooklyn weirdoes the band. Laughing children can its advantage. Massive Beach Animal Collective have returned be heard in the background as the Boys infl uence can be heard in to follow up 2004’s hipster-ac- songs builds. Repeated chords, a the lead and backing vocals. Avey claimed Sung Tongs. This year’s specialty of Animal Collective, are Tare sings “Sometimes I’m naked, Feels isn’t a complete departure layered over by piano and drum and thank god sometimes you’re from the childish, campfi re at- clicks. The vocals aren’t annoying naked” during the refrain, which mosphere of in the least bit, showcases the band’s humor. Sung Tongs, but and are actu- They also use that humor to their Animal Col- ally very pleas- benefi t in “Bees”. What sounds lective have Artist: Animal ant as they like a harpsichord provides the proven to be a Collective gain momen- leisurely melody, while various diffi cult band to tum toward instruments and vocals arise only categorize for the close of the to disappear in the background. most of their ca- Album: Feels song. “Grass” Tare’s deep growls near the end of http://www.ohmyrockness.com/images/bands reer, and they’re is a different the track are ridiculous to be sure, Animal Collective have seen a lot of critical praise in recent years. not stopping thing altogeth- but are also pretty funny as well. now. Feels isn’t er though. The Easily the best song is “Ban- strangeness. It fades out, fi ttingly, is very woodsy like Sung Tongs. nearly as folk, Rating: 6.5/10 verses are tame, shee Boat”. Using the aforemen- just like it begins. The bottom line on Animal and doesn’t feel much like the tioned repeating guitar chords Unfortunately the last three Collective is that their childish nearly as un- opening track, for over almost 3 minutes, Ani- tracks basically go nowhere. It’s songs are a large part of their tamed. but the whole mal Collective create the perfect actually really disappointing con- charm, but they’re simply bet- To tell the truth, I personally band explodes during the chorus mode for a rewarding crescendo. sidering that the fi rst half of Feels ter songwriters when it’s toned think most of Sung Tongs is quite with gang screaming. So much The 8-minute track delivers on is quite good. “Daffy Duck” fol- down. Like most bands, Animal annoying. A couple of songs real- for the controlled sound. “Grass” its early promise, providing strik- lows the same pattern as “Flesh Collective is at their best when ly hit the mark, particularly “Leaf is about as controlled as Danny ing guitar lines and pace. Avey’s Canoe”, but is an even more they’re contained, and when House” and “Winters Love”, but Bonaduce. Even so, it somehow vocals erupt similar to the close inane 7 minutes. “Loch Raven” there’s actually a melody to fol- the rest just seems like nonsense remains enjoyable in short dos- of “Did You See the Words?”, but uses the lullaby sounds of Sigur low. When there isn’t, they are a to me. But wait - most of the es. with even more power this time Ros, but doesn’t take off without very tedious group to listen to. tracks on Feels actually do have a Animal Collective even man- around. “Banshee Boat” shows Sigur Ros’ vocal style. The last Feels is only recommended for dominating melody. Did Animal ages to keep it together for the that Tare is actually a very ca- impression on Feels is “Turn Into those with an adventurous taste Collective hit the mark for me on three middle tracks, whish is the pable singer underneath the Something”, which unfortunately in music. Second Life is an MMO...something

Phillip Meiser time than money will put their Staff Writer own personal creations up for sale, so that they can then go and So far in my series on budget buy nifty toys from someone else. gaming, I have focused exclusive- Players with a premium account ly on console games. I thought can also use money to buy land this week I would switch things where they can build permanent up a little and tell you about structures ranging from private something called Second Life, homes to skate parks. There is run by a company called Linden even a bank, player owned of Labs. It’s an M-M-O… something course, which gives out loans for or another. It’s massively multi- large projects and pays it’s cus- player, and it’s defi nitely online, tomers interest. but it’s not really role-playing, If you can’t get enough money It’s the last issue of the and I’m not even sure it’s a game that way, the Lindens have em- in the strictest sense of the word. braced a presence by the folks at Second Life is more of a sandbox Open Gaming Market, allowing and chat server. Those of you fa- players to trade $ for L$ and back miliar with MUCKs (text-based, at designated kiosks. Some folks multiple user environments), even turn a profi t from playing. quarter, but not your last imagine what would happen if It’s not even all that hard. The ba- someone made a good graphi- sic account is absolutely free, and cal interface and made the world a premium account is only about huge. ten bucks a month. (Be advised, The most interesting thing even though it is free, to sign up chance to eat a about Second life is that the world for the basic account you have is entirely user created; the folks to prove you have either a credit at Linden Labs give players a card or a Paypal account, just for modeling program and a script- age verifi cation) ing language, then let them go to Now, the Interweb being what Papa John’s pizza. town. Players have constructed it is, the biggest downside to everything from working chess playing Second Life is the inevi- and Othello boards to party table contact with n00bs and the cruise liners and amusement net’s other undesirable charac- park rides. Some ambitious code ters. One of the biggest annoy- jockeys have even implemented ances is people who spam vari- fi rst person shooters and sev- ous sound clips. If I ever fi nd the eral sports games. Now, as with guy who put together that giant all things created by the general banana phone, I swear to you public, some of it is really ter- all that one of us will not sur- Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large rible, but then some of it is quite vive the encounter. Still, if you impressive. A player with enough don’t mind turning your sound One-Topping One-Topping time or money can take the basic off, you can ignore them easily starting avatar and turn it into a enough. Store Hours... better looking basic avatar, a one I highly recommend Second Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am foot tall bunny rabbit, or a forty Life, just make sure you have Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am 99 foot tall battle-mech, complete some spare time. The game tends Campus Only Campus Only with rocket launchers and peon to eat up evenings. Oh, and tell 9 ONLY 7 squishing sound effects. them [email protected] Second Life also has a surpris- sent you. I could use the referral Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required ingly thriving economy. All play- L$ for that Optimus Prime avatar ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST ONLY ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST ONLY ers get a weekly stipend of Linden I’ve been eying. It freaking trans- WHERE AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/06. WHERE AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/06. Not valid with any other offer. Valid only at 232-PAPA Not valid with any other offer. Valid only at Dollars (L$) they can use to buy forms. participating locations. Customer pays all participating locations. Customer pays all applicable sales tax. Additional toppings applicable sales tax. Additional toppings things. Other players with more Price: $0/month extra. extra. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Always unethical. Always Wal-Mart.

Up Wal-Mart. The goal of these increasing stock price. This must Here’s groups is to publicize informa- be attacked at the local level. It tion on the poor business prac- is possible for communities to your new tices of the multi-billion-dollar block the building of new Wal- corporation. Most recently, they Marts: possible building sites can opinion discovered an internal memo be rezoned, building permits can that recommended that Wal- be denied, and ordinances can be Mart personnel consider changes passed, as in the case of the city that would “dissuade unhealthy of Inglewood, California, who Aaron Meles people from coming to work at passed a referendum to prevent Opinions Editor Wal-Mart,” a policy that would Wal-Mart from moving in. help trim the company’s health But halting its growth will only Recently, producer Robert Gre- benefi t costs. slow the beast down, and the lev- enwald began showing of his new The efforts of special interest eling blow will be the most diffi - documentary, Wal-Mart: The groups such as Wake Up Wal- cult. In the end, people will have High Cost of Low Price to small Mart and fi lmmakers like Gre- to stop shopping at Wal-Mart in private audiences across the na- enwald are valiant, but will not order to destroy it. No amount tion, fueling a fi re that has begun cause the downfall of such a mas- of propaganda or legal issues to rage through- sively success- will be enough to gather enough out the country Wal-Mart capi- ful organization. shoppers to suffi ciently boycott in the hearts of First of all, Wal- lawprofessors.typepad.com/laborprof_blog/news the chain. At some point, people laborers and busi- talizes on the Mart’s customer The only way to take down Wal-Mart is to destroy its heart. must just decide that Wal-Mart ness owners alike. base is huge. No is detrimental to the economic The documentary fact that many amount of rating tentacles. Making $285 billion change, which have worked so health of the country, and will exposes a vari- tling the cage dollars this year alone, Wal-Mart well for us over the past century, have to give in to the fact that ety of despicable people’s check- about scumbag simply has too much money at have failed to provide us with a they will be forced to pay a little business practices book balance is management will its disposal to be able to circum- positive change in the Wal-Mart bit more elsewhere to get what committed by the be enough to sig- vent in the legislative arena. The dilemma. Economics is the new they want. superstore chain, more important nifi cantly reduce necessary amount of politicians force that will be up to the chal- Economics is the only way to ranging from il- the masses of can always be bribed to love Wal- lenge of taking on this corporate scour America of the Wal-Mart legally hiring to them than the Wal-Mart shop- Mart; according to USA Today, behemoth. A business exists sole- affl iction. No amount of angry undocumented plight of un- pers. In many even those as high up as Cali- ly to make money, and if you can workers or documentaries will immigrants to people’s eyes, fornia Governor Arnold Schwar- stunt its fi scal base, the company make the impact necessary to locking third shift skilled labor. their checkbook zenegger have agreements with will similarly suffer. properly starve Wal-Mart of their workers in the balance matters the company to block legislation One way to hurt Wal-Mart is customer base. New laws and store to cut down on supervisor far more than the plight of un- that could hold Wal-Mart ac- to destroy their capability for prosecution will also prove inef- costs. skilled laborers, and Wal-Mart countable for its practices. growth. Their success depends fective against a corporation with The fi lm has served as a uni- capitalizes on this very fact. Wal-Mart has successfully on expansion: the continuous so many resources at its disposal. fying banner for several anti- Politically, it is also impossible dodged the interventions of labor founding of new stores is a key This superstore giant was built Wal-Mart interest groups such to force change on a corporation unions, interest groups, and the element in their economic devel- on the bottom line, and it can as Wal-Mart Watch and Wake with such powerful and far-reach- government itself. These tools of opment as well as their steadily only die by the bottom line. Chalk graffi ti 1000 Words by Erin Hudson Ryan Schultz would be allowed to draw on Staff Writer the buildings or the walls sur- rounding Root Quad. Of course, I love the academic campus. drawing there does no damage It’s my favorite place to be in to the buildings, but those par- all of Rose-Hulman because it’s ticular masterpieces refused quiet, focused, and dedicated to to die, even after a half-dozen a single purpose – learning. The good rains. buildings are purposefully de- And that was a big problem. signed to fulfill the needs of the I wouldn’t have had a problem students and the needs of the if the walls were covered with professors who teach there. artwork; I had a problem that So, it seems contradictory to they were covered with graffiti. me that these buildings, which The purpose of this event was to house the work of the collec- create art. Not to profess your tive intelligence of Rose-Hul- love for your other half or to tell man, would be covered in chalk the world anonymously that graffiti. For those of you who you don’t care for our current missed the memo, a couple of president. That’s not art…that’s weeks ago an email was sent to the kind of garbage you find on all campus that a freeway over- sidewalk chalk pass. would be made What if the only I mean, think available for thing that a pro- back to your first the purpose of visit to Rose-Hul- art. I personally spective student man. I’m sure thought it was a remembered about that you can re- very clever way Rose were the de- member at least to give people one specific dean artistic out- rogatory comments tail of that visit, draw on Moench Hall? brightened up campus for the clean up after himself, so why let. After all, af- someone decided something that And so, as we got closer and few days that those works ex- would one of us? ter the first rain, made you decide closer and closer to Dad’s Day, isted. Maintenance? I guess it Fortunately though, they’re the masterpieces to draw on Moench to attend this I was getting a little concerned would eventually fall to them... gone. Thank you, whoever you that we drew on Hall? marvelous in- with how long this stuff was but what a shame. I personally were. That was a smart move. the ground would stitution. Now, going to stay chalked all over hoped that the students that Too bad it had to take so long. be gone and Root what if the only Moench’s walls. I mean, whose wrote those messages would see And to whoever decided to Quad would be returned to nor- thing that a prospective stu- responsibility was it to take this that their particular bit of wis- write something about the In- mal. dent remembered about Rose stuff down? The organizer(s)? dom hadn’t washed away and stitute’s previous president, get Now, I did not attend the were the derogatory (or in some Certainly not. The sidewalk- they would help it along. It ap- over it. He’s gone; Rose-Hul- event, but no indication was cases borderline inappropriate) chalk-art-in-an-instant idea pears I was wrong. After all, the man has moved on, it’s time you made in the email that we comments someone decided to was a great one and really inner-city graffiti artist doesn’t did too.

I’m counting on you NOT writing to: [email protected] Friday, November 4, 2005 SPORTS 7 Hungry for victory Engineers earn seven top-two

Tiger fans at the game. I’m writ- From ing of the team and school spirit fi nishes at Monmouth that it will take to beat Depauw. the Against the Oberlin Yeomen, sidelines the stands were packed. Victory ed a third in the 200-individual came easily and it was served Rose Hulman News medley in a time of 2:30.43. up quite nicely. Against Mount On the men’s side, sopho- Alvin Anassi St. Joe, numbers were down, but The Rose-Hulman Institute more Adam Effinger (Plainfield) Staff Writer we had only just begun to get of Technology swimming and led the Engineers with a sec- After a great bye week of prac- on the right path. Homecom- diving teams recorded three ond place in the 200-individual tice, our main objective is – as ing was a great crowd, and it first-place and four second- medley in a time of 2:04.01. it has always been – to beat De- showed in our play as we came place finishes at the competi- The 400-freestyle relay team pauw. The Tigers are a moun- the closest to beating Trinity in tive Monmouth Invitational on of senior Aaron Knox (Lawton, tain to get over, but have yet our eight-year fi ght. It should Saturday. Mich.), sophomore Jacob So- to prove that they are a jugger- be understood that football is The invitational included na- rensen (Enterprise, Ala.), fresh- naut in the Division III football a game of emotion and should tional swimming power Chicago man Nicholas Lee (Bryan, Texas) world, as most of their key wins be played to the fullest in every and Division I Western Illinois and Effinger added a third place have come with a small margin aspect of the game. The truth is among thea six-team field. in a time of 3:23.10. of victory. They have the best that when a crowd is behind you Junior Erin O’Connor (Lou- Other significant men’s con- defense in the conference and and you can feel that they are isville, Ky.) led the team effort Rose Hulman News tributors included Lee with a our offense looks to prove that in the game, you look past the with two first-place finishes and Erin O’Connor earned two fourth-place in the 100-butter- they are overrated. Defensively, small things that get in the way part of a relay victory. O’Connor fi rst-place fi nishes and helped fly (56.48); Knox with a fourth we’ll look to ensure that they of victory. You become charged won the 100-butterfly in a time a relay team earn a third event in the 100-freestyle (50.75); and stay a one-dimensional team and play as though you’re invin- of 1:04.71 and the 100-breast- victory. freshman Steven Vande Lune (only passing), as they set a re- cible. stroke in 1:11.82. (Kokomo) with a fourth in the cord against us on the ground I’m keeping it short this week The 400-medley relay team of ed second-place finishes in the 1,000-freestyle (11:08) and a last year. It should be noted that for a reason. You can bet that senior Chrissy Guidi (Crestview 100-freestyle (58.13) and 200- sixth in the 500-freestyle (5:10). they dodged Trinity due to Hur- your Fightin’ Engineers know Hills, Ky.), O’Connor, junior freestyle (2:06.08), while Guidi Rose-Hulman returns to ac- ricane Rita, so they haven’t been what it’s gonna take to get the Elaine Kratz (Telford, Pa.) and placed second in the 100-back- tion at the Wabash College Tri- tested in every facet of the game job done on Saturday and noth- sophomore Anita Isch (Buffalo, stroke with a time of 1:07.06. Meet on Saturday afternoon in yet. We’ve always been after the ing would please us more than Minn.) captured top honors Kratz finished third in the 50- Crawfordsville. throats of this team as the ri- victory over Depauw. All I ask with a time of 4:24.46. Isch add- freestyle (27.05) and Guidi add- valry started only a few decades of you is that you show up in after Rose was founded. Frankly, your Rose Red shirts with either there’s no need to add fuel to of the two mottos printed on Williams and Repking run record times this fi re. them and come hungry. If you Futhermore, it would be a don’t have one, wear red; it will great advantage to show strength be intimidating and unnerving as Rose-Hulman fi nishes 7th of 10 in numbers. Due to the proxim- to play against. If you come out, ity of our schools, you can bet you will witness something truly teams in the SCAC Championships that there will be a great many amazing. 27:02. Rose Hulman News “When you take a team to the Women’s soccer secures fourth Conference championships, all The Rose-Hulman Institute of you can do is ask them to run consecutive winning season Technology men’s cross coun- their best, and that’s what these try team fi nished seventh of 10 men did. They all ran season best Rose Hulman News teams, only six points from a times, many of them running ca- fi fth place fi nish, at the Southern reer best times. [Matt] Repking Rose-Hulman Institute of Tech- Collegiate Athletic Conference and [Charles] Williams ran very nology secured their fourth con- championships on Saturday. well, moving them into the top secutive winning season under Junior Charles Williams 20 all-time times [for all courses]. coach Brad Hauter with a 2-1 (Bloomington/North) fi nished This is really quite an accomplish- win over Centre College tonight 23rd overall in a time of 26:10 to ment. Colin Overstreet, a four at the Rose-Hulman Intramural lead the Engineers. This time year senior, improved his time fi elds. moves him to twelfth in the Rose- by a whole minute. He has really Sophomore Sarah Graber (Cy- Hulman records of top times for run hard and given everything press, Texas/Cy-Fair) struck fi rst all courses. he has for this team. The condi- on a pass from sophomore Julie Sophomore Matt Repking (Ef- tions were great and we ran well, Roebel (Cincinnati, Ohio/Seton fi ngham, Ill./Teutopolis) placed unfortunately so did other teams Academy) giving the Engineers second among Engineers and in the conference. We run in one a 1-0 lead, and they would never 31st overall with a time of 26:25. of the toughest conferences in all Rose Hulman News lose the lead. This moves him into the top 20 of Division III. I am very proud Charles Williams placed 23rd Twenty-fi ve minutes into the all-time best times for Rose-Hul- of their accomplishments today,” overall with a time of 26:10 to game, the Engineers struck man. said head coach Larry Cole. Rose Hulman News move him to 12th in the Rose again. Roebel scored her twelfth Julie Roebel led the Engineer Freshman John Sullivan (Falls Rose-Hulman returns to action record book in top times for all goal of the season on a pass from offense with a goal and an as- Church, Va./George Mason) add- on Nov. 12th at the NCAA Region- courses. sophomore Jennifer Gordon (Zi- sist. ed a 40th place fi nish in a time of als in Cincinnati, Ohio. onsville), giving Gordon sole possession of the single-season Roebel and Graber each scoring TEAM RESULTS: 1) DePauw 15; 2) Centre 54; 3) Rhodes 99; 4) Sewanee 103; 5) Southwestern 159; 6) Trin- school record for assists, bring- a goal, this game brings their ity 159; 7) Rose-Hulman 165; 8) Hendrix 262; 9) Millsaps 287; 10) Oglethorpe 291 ing her to 12 on the year. With season totals up to twelve goals apiece on the year, leading the INDIVIDUAL RESULTS: 23) Charles Williams 26:10.61; 31) Matt Repking 26:25.78; 40) John Sullivan team in goals. 27:02.87; 45) Michael Brandell 27:16.79; Harry Henman 27:37.22; 55) Stephen Boedicker 28:01.01; 59) On the defensive side, junior Garrett Page 28:17.31; 63) Andrew Wolsiefer 28:31.59; 64) Nicholas Corkill 28:49.58; 65) Colin Overstreet Kate Currie (Knoxville, Tenn./ 28: 50.35; 66) Sean Jessup 29:05.72; 72) Michael Viebrock 29:51.61 Webb School) had 10 saves in the goal, only giving up a goal on a penalty kick by Clay McMol- Men’s soccer claims victory over lum of Centre. Rose-Hulman improved to 9- Sewanee on Senior Day 4-2 overall (3-2-1 SCAC), while Centre dropped to 10-5 on the sive side, sophomore Trey Buck member of the Rose-Hulman season (3-3 SCAC). The Engi- Rose Hulman News (Austin, Tex./Ohio State Univ.) soccer team. Lovell has ap- Rose Hulman News neers host Sewanee on Sunday had four saves, recording his peared in 57 career games with Kate Currie had ten saves on October 30th at noon at Jim Ren- Rose-Hulman Institute of third shutout of the year. 54 starts as a defender and has the night to lead the Engineers del fi eld. Technology improved to a re- This game was Senior Day started the last 33 matches for to victory. cord 11 wins with a 1-0 victory for one member of the Rose- the Engineers. Lovell has scored over Sewanee on Sunday at Jim Hulman men’s soccer program. three goals and provided two Rendel Field. His efforts have helped Rose- assists, while helping hold op- Like sports? Like to write? The Engineers scored the only Hulman win 33 matches over ponents in check. goal of the game at 59:26 into the past four years for the best Rose-Hulman improved to Write for Thorn sports! the game. stretch of soccer in school his- 11-5-1 (3-4 SCAC) on the sea- Junior David McIlwaine (In- tory. son, while Sewanee dropped to e-mail us at dianapolis, Ind./Pike) scored Senior Matt Lovell (Browns- 9-7 (3-4 SCAC). The Engineers his eighth goal of the year on an burg, Ind./Borwnsburg) is a return to action at Rhodes Col- [email protected] unassisted shot. On the defen- three-year starter and four-year lege on Friday at noon. Volume 41, Issue 9 Stop the presses! Friday, November 4, 2005

This Day in History In 1922, the entrance to King Tutankhamen’s tomb is discovered in the Egyptian Valley of the Kings. Archaeolo- gist Howard Carter enters the tomb 22 days later, releasing a horrible curse upon the Earth such as Man has never seen. In Addition You know what’s funny? Air- plane food. And how people of different ethnicities act dif- ferently. Mothers, too. Parents in general, really. Additionally, how politicians say dumb things. And how all comedi- ans make the same jokes. The useful advice of John Dullard Final Kombat Descent of a nerd Philip Becker Recalling a trick I had picked Aaron Meles During one particularly intense Alex Clerc Staff Writer up during my tour of duty as a Opinions Editor assault, I foolishly slipped on a News Editor (writing as) No Limit Soldier, I hopped up on bald guy’s head and succumbed John Dullard my table. I yelled, “Make ‘em say The last test of the quarter was to a vicious punching combo and What the hell? Why am I here? Advice Columnist ‘Uhhhhhhh!’” A lone voice in the the most comprehensive and dif- a special from my professor. I was I’ve had more tests this week than back of the lunchroom said, “Uh- fi cult of my life. I completed the beaten. I got to my feet, but all I I’ve had hours of sleep. I feel my- My advice box is no longer hhhhh!” I replied, “Na Na, Na Na” written portion in about a half could do was stand with my head self getting nerdier by the second. empty! Ben Fritz sent me some and they responded, “Na Na, Na hour, marched proudly up to limp and rolling around. “Finish I used to be a cool person in awesome advice again. He’s “The Na.” I repeated myself and more my professor and him!” cried a myste- high school. I had things to say Man.” Not the bad kind of “The voices joined in. Soon I had the handed in my test. The bell tower rious disembodied that were so cool that everyone Man,” but the good kind. And you whole cafeteria joining me in my “There’s a perfect voice. As my assail- wanted to hear them. Now, when can stop being the bad kind and rousing chorus of the Master P test for you to grade,” outside started ant wound up for a I open my mouth, things come become the good kind if you send classic. As arms swayed in the I announced. playing pump- blow that would be out that nobody wants to hear but advice too, like Kristan here. air, my roommate was quietly The professor both stylish and dev- me and some nerds. As we all know, last week I was removed. fl ipped through the up music... astating, I heard a So why go through hell to force disturbed by a roommate who When I tried to ship my room- pages of the exam, word that made my myself to be a nerd? ate chips loudly. mate to Anchorage, the guy who the arch of his right eyebrow grow- heart soar with hope: “Sub-zero!” Because I have a dream. A nerdy worked in the post offi ce said I ing with each passing page. One of my friends had also fi n- dream, but a dream nonetheless. You can pack your roommate had to have a permit or some- “Very good,” he calmly replied. ished his test and ran to my aid! My dream is to have a job. A job in into a box and send him to An- thing to ship body parts. As I tried “But now, you must fi ght me.” His icy blast shot across the room which I will get paid to do nerdy chorage (that’s in Alaska) where to explain it was a person, not Before I could react, he and knocked my professor to the things from eight to fi ve, and then he will undoubtedly get drunk at just body parts, he began to look screamed “Mortal Kombat!!!” and ground. As I stood over his bat- sit on my arse at home the rest of Steve’s Sports Bar then travel over panicked, so I took my leave. knocked me to the ground with a tered body, only one word sprang the day. 9th week be damned… I to Chilkoot Charlie’s where he will So I released my roommate and fl ying kick to the chest. The bell from my lips: “Fatality.” will one day realize my dream. get laid by some fat chick… there- said to him, “Good thing I found tower outside started playing fore, he won’t munch on this chips you! I won a pair of cars in Alaska pump-up music, which allowed Still looking for the crossword puzzle? really loudly around you. on eBay and I need you to join me to fi nd my center and counter ! Last warning! It’s been moved to Page 2! ! -Kristan Meyers me to pick them up!” After offer- his next punching combo. ing to pay him a lot of money he Flicking out his telescoping Wacky Prof Quotes Wow. The latter half of the let- agreed to fl y up there with me. I pointer with a fl ourish, he at- ter is pretty scandalous. But the lost him during the transfer in Se- tacked with a mad series of slash- “Hey, we’re all gonna die!” “Between my wife and me, only fi rst half sounded like it would attle. I suspect it was somewhere es and jabs. Blocking and back- -- Prof. Casey, downplaying one of us can use the shower make a good plan. I knew getting between him noticing I had a jumping, I managed to leap back concerns about the bird fl u at a time - well, that’s not my roommate in the box would two-way ticket and realizing that far enough that his thrust ended true...” be the tricky part, so I hired an I didn’t have a good response mere centimeters from my jugu- “God, you guys are geeks.” -- Prof. Ardis, who may not Italian friend of mine to help me when he asked me how I knew to lar vein. Knowing that I had to get -- Prof. Rader, on philistine out for a small sum of money open the specifi c box he was in. this dangerous weapon out of this engineers “There’s no ‘BJ’s, guys.” (apparently there’s a discount for Anyway, the authorities were man’s hands, I quickly ran up the -- Prof. Ditteon, describing opting to have the knees unbro- waiting for me when I arrived in nearest wall and used the “wax “Literacy is bad.” the rules of astronomy ken). All I had to do was make a Alaska. So I’ve decided to use on” move from The Karate Kid to -- Prof. Zoeteway, on the distraction and my friend would my one phone call to dictate my knock the pointer from his grasp. Purdue English department “Who feels good in here? nab my roommate during lunch. column to my editor and ask you “Get over here!” he screamed, Anyone? I hate you.” Well, I was really busy since we guys to send me some advice on and we took off across the class- “What is the difference -- Prof. McMurdy, who were nearing the end of the quar- how to — Please insert $5.76 to room exchanging kicks and blows, between erotic and kinky? doesn’t like to suffer alone ter and life is hard for a humani- continue this long distance call. lightly running on the heads of my Erotic is with just a feather, ties major. So the big day came [Ed. note: Send your advice to classmates, all too intent on their kinky is with the whole “Well, you’ll probably fail and I had forgotten to plan a dis- fl [email protected], sub- tests to realize the epic battle that chicken.” anyway.” traction. I had to act fast. ject: “Help for John!”] was taking place above them. -- Prof. Stienstra, who knows -- Prof. McMurdy, lending a Top ten ways to know Rose has broken your roommate his stuff word of encouragement Aaron Meles “We’ve established that “I believe there are some more Opinions Editor 5. She has forgotten the taste of bread and her own keeping dead people in errors in here. Excellent.” name and keeps trying to take the Precious glass cases is creepy.” -- Prof. Wollowski, who likes 10. You frequently walk into the room to fi nd them from you. -- Prof. Casey, on esoteric errors whimpering in the fetal position in the back 4. He can’t stop telling you about how exciting and collections corner. rewarding a job at McDonald’s would be. “...you’re going to say Xilinx is 9. She says farcically optimistic things like “I just 3. Her frustration and fury drives her to burn “The fi rst one is quite cute. It’s the spawn of the Devil.” have to get a 957% on the fi nal to get an A in anything that is represented on paper, a chipmunk problem.” -- Prof. Merkle, saying what’s the class!” unfortunately forcing you to pay for -- Prof. Lui, focusing on real- on everyone’s minds 8. He begins to eerily remind you of Hertz. everything in quarters. world problems 7. The stuffed animals she used to love so much 2. She is now frantically trying to fi nish the time “Proof by insult.” now have names of classes pinned to them machine she started at the beginning of the “You have to eat all of this. -- Prof. Rickert, proving and are posed in ornately carved miniature year so she can go back to the beginning of Otherwise, I have to take things by insulting people gallows, iron maidens, and guillotines. the year and stop herself from wasting all that them home, and my wife 6. Late at night, you are awakened by a sleepy, time trying to make a time machine. and I will eat them, and she Send your prof quotes childlike voice coming from him saying, “Silly 1. After three weeks of putting off asking, you fi nally will get fat and I won’t.” or other humor material integral sign, why are there two of you in fi nd out that the reason he isn’t going to class -- Prof. Throne, who may to fl [email protected] front of that integrand?” followed by intense is because he strategically dropped every one end up in the doghouse screams of pain. that he was taking.

The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of the Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn or Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions. Deﬁ nitely too much excitement in one week for me. Facts in “This Day in History” courtesy historychannel.com. All material is copyright of its owner. Any unattributed material was created by Gregory Weir.