In Someone Else’s Underwear my trip to the 2006 World Cup

Stories and ramblings, bier reviews, football chants, drag queens, and a Football Beauty Pageant In someone else’s underwear My trip Here We Go Here we Go Here We Go to the 2006 World Cup. Is copywrite 11.06.06 Setting Off. PDX airport. 2006 by Abram Goldman-Armstrong. It Living in the afterglow of the success was hastily put together, so please of the North American Organic excuse typos. Brewers Festival which I’d co- organized, I watched the Mexico vs. you may contact him at Iran match in the Widmer pub in the [email protected] airport, drinking a pint of Hefeweizen. I am thrilled with the fact I won’t have It’s all here, the good, the bad, the to watch another match with American ugly. The drunkest of drunken commentators. moments, the beauty, the , the and the hopes. There’s football Day 1- Duesseldorf chants, journal entries and ramblings, First in : Schumacher and nominations for the ugliest man in Alt- malty and solid with big modern football. Hopefully some of bitterness, and barley sugar sweetness. you will find at least some of it Welcome to ; even the entertaining. I took tasting notes on potatoes have roast pork on them as a 91 throughout my month garnish, proof that the Germans can’t abroad, the most notable are listed eat a meal without pork in it. The here. We’ll start at the beginning and city’s awash with fans of many work up to how I watched the final at nationalities, Japanese, Swedish, the Berlin Fan Mile in someone else’s English, and Czechs especially. Every underwear. shop, from the bakery to the bank has I’d like to dedicate this zine to Matt something football related in the Redhead, with whom I was watching window. World Cup fever is the US-Germany match in the 2002 everywhere. World Cup when I made the decision Train to Gelsenkirchen for USA- to go to the next one, and to the fans of Sankt Pauli, especially Imme, Mitje Rolling through the ugly Marshall Plan and Tonja, who made me feel so at outskirts of Ddorf on a trainful of home in Hamburg town. Thanks to English and Americans- it’s odd to everyone who hosted me or bought think that 60 years ago these would me beer, especially Tyke, Matze, and have been soldiers responsible for the Amy and Nick, and all the brewers devastation of the city. who took time to share their breweries Gelsenkirchen Bahnhof with me on short or no notice. I wander into town, and no sooner do I arrive, but I spot Dave Buhler from I really don’t have many complaints Elysian in Seattle, it’s a small beer about my trip. The blatant world. I stroll through the streets commercialism of the whole thing is where Czech and American fans rather disgusting though. Fuck Coke, mingle with Germans, Scots, Irish, and Anheuser Busch, and all the other people from just about every country corporations who have turned the in the tournament. I buy a pickle from World Cup into a marketing event. a vendor, and cans of beer. Americans know any songs, which comes as no surprise, though a few “stand up for the boys in blue” are managed. The American team, ranked fifth in the world plays like crap. They waste a player on every corner kick, pulling out two players to the corner, and winning none of their own corners. The Czechs play well, they have a unique two-heeled method slide tackling, which scoops the ball away nicely. The second Czech goal is world class, slamming into the net from 30 meters out. Getting a beer is hell, you’d think in a country known Dave Buhler for efficiency and beer, they’d have it have taken over a town square, sorted out, but such is not the case. singing a few songs and waving Lendog (Timbers Army living in scarves, the Czechs trade chants. Kuwait) and I spend a large part of the Everywhere knots of them are second half waiting for Bitburgers. bevvying up. Dying Robin and Ty at Hiberbnia Brewhouse for a piss, I wander into the Hibernia Brauhaus, though what makes it Irish I’m still not sure. Emerging from the jax, Ty and Robin from the Timbers army are propping up the bar. (When in doubt you’ll meet in an Irish pub). The barman exemplifies German metrosexual style. Well muscled in a tight We’re lucky enough to get them, as sleeveless top, with gelled up bleach- the Anheuser-Busch stalls outnumber blond faux-hawk, and striking blue the Bitburger ones 6-1. eyes, he pours me a half-liter mug of “The bottle deposit is the capital of tasty Hibernia dunkles, with a sweet the little guy” (from a free card in almost liquorice chocolate malt aroma, Berlin) and toasty flavor. After the match I collect the stadium The Match- cups, on which there is a Pfand or I’m in the rafters of the stadium, well deposit. An Indiana woman in the line not quite, but they do look fun to gets tired of waiting and gives me her climb on. The Americans don’t really cups. I walk away with €19, paid for famous, it’s got a perfect balances and my beer at the match. I love the stands up to the fatty, spicy blood deposits. I swap a Timbers Army scarf sausage. Hellers- (Organic brewpub) for a Minnesota Volunteers scarf. Kölsch- herbal hop aromas, with malt In Duesseldorf the next few days I backbone and some fruitiness, hop watch Brasil-Croatia on the MS flavour balances the malt which is Allegra, a restaurant ship anchored in almost toasty, a fullish mouthfeel. The the Rhein, with a pint of the Wiess (not to be confused with chocolate-brown bread malt flavor Bavarian Weisse) is a fresh unfiltered dominated Shluessel alt, and my version of the Kölsch with a zesty fill of alt bier from different breweries. yeast aroma almost like a Belgian wit, Schumacher and Fucschen, with it’s malty and hazy it is a testament to why big herabl/grassy hop flavor are my beer should not be filtered. favorites. I also have my first Astra, and fall in love with the short bottle (like Chimay, but cuter) and anchor and heart logo. 14.06.06 1.03 AM Sitting in the Laurelhurst Park of Europe (Hofgarten), just watched a couple swans run off a weasel-like animal by the pond.

Köln/ The whole city is one big jobsite, lucky thing I’m wearing steel-capped boots. Kölshes tasted: Gaffel- fluffy white head, pale golden color, malty and sulphury yeast aroma, rising bread aroma, and gentle biscuity malt flavor, with big round noble hops in the finish. Sion-skunky noble hops. Light bodied, almost -like cleanness in flavor. The menu says Alt niemals, basically “never ever.” Pfaffen- rocky tight white head, full golden color, 15.06.06 The Hops of St. Pauli (Hamburg) perfumey yeast aroma with ripe De Welt to Gast bi Frünn apples, European pale malt and a hint (Plattdeutsch version of WM motto) of strawberries, soft malty flavor, with “The jukebox played the Dubliners, medium almost full mouthfeel, great and the crowd all sang along, malt flavour, almost one-dimensionally Each boy and girl in that Hamburg malty, the hops don’t really come to bar knew the words to every song, the front. Kölscher Kaviar is a tasty, They most graciously invited me to spicy blood sausage. Pfaffen Kölsch is join their company. fucking amazing, I can see why it is so So I spent that night and the next helped many of the locals survive the three years with the fans of St. Pauli.” war. It was converted into suites for By the time the night was over, the media and politicans, as it was arrangements were complete, I’d a virtually impossible to demolish. squat and friends, a darlin’ girl, and a For the next match we went to the brand new football team,” Casa St. Pauli, a beer garden set up ---The Pilgrims. “Fans of St. Pauli” behind the St. Pauli clubhouse. The songs and stories of St. Pauli and the Hops grow like a weed in Germany, generosity of its fans are all true. We and I picked some off the St. Pauli ground, just outside the Hamburg Fanfest. Hamburg‘s Fanfest was the best in the country, with each of the

32 nations serving up their native Imme showing off showing Imme autograph Sancho cuisines. From Portuguese grilled sardines, to Argentine beef, Costa Rican empanadas, to chocolate and coffee from the Ivory Coast, and salt fish from Trinidad and Tobago it was a mouthwatering smorgasbord. We watched the England-Trinidad and Tobago game with a few Trinidadians and a load of Scots, who joined me in the “TNT, dynamite” chant. Some of the Tartan Army lads said Sancho had

met Imme, who used to be the fan organizer, because Katie wanted to know what kind of hairdye she used. Imme was wearing a Trindad and Tobago top signed by Sancho after an exhibition match played in St. Pauli before the WM. Imme is a social played for their local side (Dundee worker with St. Pauli, and had to take United) as well. Needless to say, the a blind fan home after the match, and press of English and German-English when she got back to the bar, Sancho fans outnumbered us greatly. (funny was the last player there. that the Germans so readily support We were introduced to many people the English, who bombed the hell out and, were soon trading rounds of of them in the war. Towering over the Astra, joints and stories. I met Tonja, fanfest however was the bunker which who had seen the Timbers play in The Ugliest Man in Modern Football: This year saw many contenders, here are SOEUW’s Top 3

Philipp Lahm (Deutschland) Frank Ribery (France) A Though the petit German natural nomination, with the has a fit little body, his face nasty looking face and is painful to look at. The lumpy limbs, Ribery is quite napoleon dynamite of the simply a troll. WM And the Winner is: Big and Red, his feet hang out the bed Peter Crouch Presented By

Goleo Worse than the MonkeyTM Smell my fingers Where’s the prune juice England international Peter Crouch even ranks on the uglyfootballers.com site, besides he looks like he’s about to have an asthma attack at any minute. In addition to be gangly, he’s a lousy cheat and a nancy boy, pulling Brent Sancho’s hair when climbing over him in the England-Trinidad and Tobago match. We apolozie to subjecting you to his likeness here. FRINGS UND CRESPO: Wohnen zusammen in eine Volkswagen Van

Much has been said about Frings’ suspension after the Argentina match, but few know the real rea- son. He was looking for the STASH MAAAN. Dur- ing the match, I’d been chanting “Frings und Crespo wohnen zusammen in eine Volkswagen,” (“Frings and Crespo living together in a Volkswagen van”), cos they’re both hippies, maan. Overheard: “Don’t forget to take lots of pictures of fit Brasilian women,” a spotty 12 year old Englsih boy to his friend who was going to the Ghana-Brasil match.

Best chant of the WM, learnt on a Berlin street at 2am: Oh Posh Spice is a slapper, She wears a fucking jewel, When she’s fucking Beckham, she thinks of Harry Kewell. Haarrry Kewelllll, Haarrry Kewelllll Seattle in 2004 (she was in our from Greenland, Tibet, Zanzibar, section, not with the Poddites). “Did Gibraltar, Turkish Cypress, and the someone get arrested?” I asked. “Was Republic of St. Pauli. It was the first he wearing a kilt? That was me.” She international fixture the Tibet team remembered the whole thing (probably had played since 2001, and Chinese better than I do). It turns out that she officials even came to Hamburg to try has relatives in Portland, so came here to keep them from playing. The event often as a kid. Imme her husband drew a sellout crowd of 19,400 Mitje offered Katie and I a place to people. stay, we set off to their place. We toasted the dawn with one last A great night was had by all, we bottle of Rothaus Tannen Zäpfel a watched videos of Celtic supporters dry hoppy pils, which is Mitje’s house bands playing at the St. Pauli-Celtic beer, (he works at a beer distributor, party held every February in Hamburg, which carries the Rothaus beers, as singing along and pissing off Imme well as some interesting beers, and Mitja’s English neighbors with including Pinkus). Katie and I were rebel songs like the “Broad Black off to points south, but I would soon Brimmer.” They told us about the FIFI be back in St. Pauli. Wild Cup, held in May, with teams

St. Pauli currently plays in the German Regionalliga Nord (3rd division), Its punk-rock, anti-fascist fans are well know world-wide for their passion and organization. The skull and crossbones has been adopted by the club as an official logo. The ground is old, and mostly terraces, which are packed with banner waving fans. When new stadium plans are announced (almost yearly) the fans protest, and have managed to keep the traditional terraces. Tshirts bearing the slogan “Retter” or rescuer are sold, as season ticket and merchandise sales raise just enough money to keep the team in the league each year. In 2002, while playing in the Bundesliga, St. Pauli beat Bayern Muenchen 2-1, gaining St. Pauli the nickname “Weltpokalsiegerbesieger” or “world champion defeater”. The fans have been organized for nearly 20 years. The independent supporters organization started in 1985, and in 1990 opened the Fanladen, (fan shop). Much more than just selling fanartikel (club merchandise), the Fanladen serves as the supporters think tank, coordinating bus and train trips, and interceding with police on behalf of fans. Beer and coffee are available and a computer for internet is available. For the last three years the Fanladen has organized an anti-racist football tournament, drawing teams from all over Europe, and even Israel. The group Ultra St. Pauli was formed in 2002, and coordinates politically active fans. Banners at St. Pauli matches decry issues from racism to gentrification, and the group brings refugees to matches. St. Pauli has established a bond with Glasgow Celtic, and Celtic supporters from Scotland and Ireland come over every winter for a big party. They also have a longstanding friendship with the Herri Norte fans in Bilbao, Basque Country. 19.06.06 München In after a trip to the disgustingly packed fanfest in Hannover for the Mexico match, and to the even more disgustingly packed town of Kaiserslautern The Merry-go-beer in Muenchen where we watched the US-Italy match in an Italian restaurant. What a crap highly alcoholic elixir, will certainly do ref, three red cards in one match? the trick. The bierschnapps from the After the Australia-Brasil match the Aventinus makes a good digestif, and spontaneous samba-parties I had even has some of the banana spice dreamed of were a reality. Football character from the weissbier yeast in fans packed the Marienplatz, drinking it. beer as fast as the merchants could The Fanfest is beautiful, with bring it. With Glockenspiel towering a big screen in front a terraced grass above into the lightly misting night, amphitheatre, a pond behind the big fans caroused and carried on below. screen, and on hillside behind it, The Hofbräuhaus kicked the drunks despite the steep slope and bushes out into the road, so they spilled into someone has lined out a life size other establishments. The classy beer football pitch, complete with goals. bars around the Tal were unprepared There is also a carousel bar, built in for the herds of drunk foreigners, and the 1890’s it rotates slowly, instead of getting a beer was nearly impossible. horses, benches line the outside with a Recovering the next morning was bar in the center. Lovely girls in made easy with the Bavarian breakfast leather lederhosen skirts serve Weiss of champions (I guess that’s Bayerisch bier, as the carousel gently turns. Frühstuck Weltmeisters) Weisswurst During the match it has to stop, as so and Weissbier, especially good at the the punters can see the match on the Schneider Weisses Brauhaus in the big screen below. Tal. If you really need the cure, I escaped to the idyllic village of Aying Aventinus wheat-dopplepock, or even for a day, visiting the brewery, where I the Aventinus Eis- (frozen to got to try Zwickelbier right off the remove water, making for a rich, tank. (A zwickel is a small tap on the cyclists in jerseys and cleats took shade under the massive chestnut trees. It was recycling day, and all manner of trash and treasure was stacked along the road as I walked back to the train station, including an alarming number of Jagermeister bottles. That night Germany wins, the streets are packed with revelers. I ask a cop where to find this Irish pub in hopes of catching the Trinidad and Tobago match, he’s busy arresting someone, so I ask some other cops, they point me over the road. I descend into a press of people through which it’s nigh impossible to move, I belly up to the bar which has old ceramic bottles of Armstrong‘s Dublin Invalid Stout Our server on the beery-go-round on display. I get a cider for D4.60 (I side of a fermentation or aging vessel, might’s well be in Seattle), and strike and the term Zwickelbier refers to up a conversation with some unfiltered beer, as if it was pulled Trinidadian guys. The overwhelmingly directly from the tank, as I did. The English crowd means there is no style seems to be very popular as a chance of getting the TnT match on, summer seasonal.) The tour guide said and I leave with one of the that recent years have seen an increase Trinidadians and we wander the street in demand for unfiltered beer. (There’s only to find every screen showing hope for these Germans yet). They England-Sweden. We go to another have great open fermentors for their Irish pub, but the story’s the same, Weissbier at the brewery, and the most though the cider is cheaper. During ingenious hop pellet machine. Before the match a German special forces the brew the brewer weighs out the contractor starts talking to me. He is various hop additions and puts them telling me about the atrocities he’s into chambers in a machine below the seen committed by and to the brew kettle. During the boil, he Americans and Brits he served with in punches a computer button, and wort Iraq and Afghanistan. He struggled shoots into the chamber partially with it, having seen soldiers (US, Brits dissolving the pellets into the wort and and Germans (who are not technically carrying them back into the kettle. No even there, just as EU troops)) killed dumping 5 gallon buckets of hops in and also commit horrible war crimes. the kettle for these guys! Took lunch One story he told me was of the SAS at the beautiful Ayinger Bräustüberl training Turkish soldiers for two bier garden, where volkswalkers and weeks, then flying them into the Kurdish sector in US Chinook helicopters to “neutralize threats” the the deli of the on site organic shop and Turks essentially opened fire on get a bottle of , and a selection civilians as they couldn´t find any of house meats and cheese and eat targets. The three SAS officers on the them on the patio in front of the choppers started to shoot the Turkish farm’s central Maypole. They have soldiers they had trained, horrified at what looks like an Ogham stone at their slaughter of the civilians. The one side of the yard, and a little house American chopper pilots tried to lift with a greenroof, which is shared by off and the SAS officers held guns to the goats and chickens raised by the their heads and ordered them to fly to on-site kindergarten class. The dunkel Italy rather than back to Turkey, as is full and malty with milk chocolate they were afraid of being killed if and toasty grain in the mid-palate. anyone found out about the massacre. Later I meet the brewer, and he gives The officers shot 26 Turkish soldiers me a glass of his stout, which is in all. War is hell, and once in a while gorgeous. It has a roasty aroma with we need a reminder of what that chocolate notes, a big cappucino-like means. Though his stories were tan head, and a full round roasty horrific, it was good to hear them, to chocolate flavour. make me even more committed to stopping the war. 21.06.06 Ivory Coast-Serbia and After listening to his stories for an Montenegro, Muenchen hour I have to escape for some fresh By evening it’s misting heavily and the air. In the street, I meet Nadine and sky cracks with lightning as I head to her boyfriend, and after a few beers the glowing bubble that is the Allianz (you can drink anywhere in Germany) Stadium. (Due to a conflict with we head to the Englischer Garten to insurance sponsor Hamburger- sit by the river and smoke a joint. Mannheim (send in the gnomes) the Nadine says “Lets go skinny dipping” Allianz has been removed from the so into the Isar we go, the water is name by FIFA, like at the last cool enough to be refreshing, but Women’s World Cup in Portland, comfortably warm. when they draped over the GI Joes and PGE permanent advertising in 21.06.06 Hermannsdorfer PGE Park). The new stadium is a long Schweinsbräu, Glonn ways from town, which makes for a Again I head south of the city to the packed train ride to and from. The green fields and forests of an area stadium is big, but my tickets are in which looks much like Western the second row. A guy from Oregon. I wander out to the Minneapolis sits next to me. Both Hermmannsdorfer Landwerk, an teams are already out of the running, organic farm which is home to the so the air is not as charged with Schweinsbräu brewery. The farm, anticipation as at the earlier matches. founded by a former butcher, fed up The Serbian banners outnumber the with industrial agriculture, raises pigs Cote d’Ivoire’s 30 to 1. There are a from which it makes a wide range of number of Cote d’Ivoire fans, but sausages, produce, and cheese. I visit most seem to be mostly German. A knot of Basque supporters in Hamburg, the Berlin Fanmile has rows traditional costume stand behind the and rows of beer stalls, interspersed goal. Despite the ban on racist/fascist with wurst, noodle, and donar carts. propaganda in the stadium, one The center boasts a Bavarian theme Serbian banner displays the fascist bar, which having been in Barvaria in cross (looks like crosshairs), a Serbian the morning, I find rather entertaining, fan takes it down before kickoff just as is America it’s like “look at though. Two Mexican fans in how silly the hicks are, what funny sombreros are standing seemingly houses they have.“ A beach has been oblivious behind it. After reading How installed near the giant Ferris wheel, Soccer Explains the World about how complete with a sand sculpture of “the some of the most vicious Serbian war hand of God.” Across from the beach criminals were drawn from hooligans, a stripper, her torso painted in the 32 I’m not surprised. The rest of the nations flags shakes pom poms and night find myself giving Serbs in her breasts to a cheesy soundtrack. I military caps the evil eye, and a wide start talking to Alexander, from berth. Mexico, who has been living in Berlin The match starts with a brilliant play for several months. I pull up a beach by the giant Nikola Zigic of Serbia, chair and we take in the buena vista. running up and around the Elephant’s Along with a couple lads he knows keeper in the tenth minute. The game we shout out to supporters of various is excellent, though a bit subdued nations. “Ghana!” (who’ve just beaten towards the end. Ivory Coast comes USA, in a match I watched in the back to win it 3-2. The Ivory Coast sweltering Oscar Wilde pub, a players perform an interesting circle minority in my Ghanaian 2000 Africa dance at the corner flag after every Cup campaign top. “You must have goal. This is the African football of enjoyed that,” two Irish lads at the bar witch doctors and magic. Drogba was say as I am trying to avoid the ire of on the bench, but the other players Americans). “Chi-chi-chi-le-le-le, played with flair, it piqued my interest Chiiiiile!” Alexander shouts to some in the African teams for 2010 in South Chileans. A bespectacled German boy Africa. The Serbs played a wanders by and I strike up “There’s determined, controlled game, only one Harry Potter, only one Harry including the same two-footed tackle- Potter.” pass employed by the Czechs. The That night I see the UK Subs in a nice Cote d’Ivoire fans were all friendly, squat bar, with a giant iron dragon though my lack of French made it hard which periodically shoots out a tongue to communicate. of fire. After the show I run into Beano who I know from Dublin, and 22.06.06 talk to Charlie Harper. The bar turns “Berlin, Berlin, wir fahren nach Berlin” into a punk-new wave dance club, and (we’re going to Berlin, meaning the final) I go mad to “Ca Plan Por Moi” by The Fanmile set up at Brandenburger Plastic Bertrand, and try to swap Gate was designed to hold a million scarves for an Aussie Green and Gold people. Unlike the food options in Army one, but they need it for next No Pity for Goleo, Tyke and I, Berlin round. The cutest Aussie grrl there in molesting the sad sack of a lion, turns out to be German. The crowd who makes the Monkey look like a goes wild to “California Uber Alles” badass. A girl attempts to swap me a by the Dead Kennedys, enjoying the silly Dutch hat for a Timbers scarf, and irony no doubt. we wander along together. As we part 24.06.06 “C’mon Timbers C’mon” ways a group of trash collectors in Met up with RoseCityBoy and their orange jumpsuits with the logo company at the Fanmile and tore up “12th Mann” on the back walk up. I the town singing Timbers songs. I can’t help but thinking how much the talked to some TA (Tartan Army) Dutch look like garbage men. guys, including one in an Armstrong kilt, celebrating his 40th birthday. He and his friends were in France 1998 supporting Scotland and made a pact to come to the 2006 World Cup regardless of Scotland qualifying, and where they were at. The 12th Man and the Dutch After the Dutch match I find an inflatable Goleo and pose for a No Pity photo op. Some orange-clad Dutch fans come along and assist me 27.06.06 “It’s just like watching Brasil” Some Brasilian fans have Carnaval outfits on, including a group of ladies with feathered headdresses and bikinis. Everyone is surrounding them trying to get photos. I’m enthralled not by the girls themselves, but by the punky Swedish girl camcording them. My seat is in the second to last row in the shed, which is literally a shed, as the roof slopes down so you can’t see the fans behind the other goal above the 12th row. There are some Ghanaian supporters, but it’s mostly Brasilians, and some Germans, and others, who obviously like me got tickets before the teams playing were decided. Ghana played well, with Brasil scoring one on a breakaway play. Ronaldhino After a visit to the Pinkus Mueller wasn’t on his game, sending several brewery in Muenster, I’m off to passes into the 25th row of fans. One for the Ghana-Brasil match. thing that disturbed me was the empty At the train station I spot a guy seats, not in my section, but in the wearing a Ghana Africa Cup 200 lower, more expensive sections. You campaign top like mine, but for a don’t just not go to see a match like different player #4, I’ve got Akunnor this do you? “oh honey, it’s only Brasil #11. The Brasilian fans, many of them playing Ghana, let’s got to dinner actually Germans jumping on the instead” To quote Napolean Dynamite (samba)bandwagon, have the “Idiots!” numbers. In line to get rid of bags I Needless to say the refereeing is crap, meet two guys from BC, one of whom perhaps the linesman had a gimpy arm actually goes to Whitecaps matches. and that’s why he never raise the The city of Dortmund literally rolled offside flag against the Brasilieros. out the red carpet for the fans, all the way from the train station to the stadium. Across from the station you walk through an installation with a massive picture of the BVB supporters at a match, and flashbulbs burst from the middle of the canvas, as a loop tape plays the roar of the stadium. The whole way to the stadium is lined with people. I first get a on draught for €5 including the pfand for the cup. Then find a store with bottles for €1. After the third goal, a Brasilian half a arrested section over starts taunting me about the 3-0. By this point I’ve given up any punks. pretense of sitting down between He said plays when everyone stands. I retort that the with “There’s no need to, there’s no nazis all need to, there’s no Need to be a Dick” live in a repeated a number of times, which predominantly shuts him up just like the Pod. They’re Turkish, already Weltmeister, it seemed a bit and unsporting to mock a team ranked immigrant 50th, which came out of the group of neighborhood hell. A German soccer-mom tells me, and are “it’s OK, we’ll beat them in the final.” constantly “We’ll see,” sez I. causing After the match the fans spill out onto trouble the town, wandering back down the there. red carpet. I stop at the spot where Hard to I’m to meet my host for the night, imagine in the peaceful scene of Matze, a St. Pauli fan, and good friend tonight, with punks and the odd goth of Mitje’s. There I drink a Hovel’s smoking and chatting over their beers. Bitterbier, which is a roundish, toffee- Matze tells me he is subject to a like amber beer, similar to an Irish nationwide stadium ban, which Red, or Alsakan Amber with less hops. includes the WM Fanfest areas, for the It has an apple-like aroma, with a big duration of the tournament, as a result whack of diacetyl. of a scrap with police after a Borussia The samba party in the street lures me Dortmund match. To crown a glorious in, as the Brasileros shake it. Middle night he swaps me a Celtic-St. Pauli aged Brasilians thump out a rump- scarf for a Timbers Army one which he shaking rhythm as the Germans look promptly hangs in the window on in disbelief. A cute teenage German overlooking the red-carpeted fan road. girl stares opened mouth at the I’m as the English would say rhythmic abilities of a 35-year old “chuffed.” Brasilian woman, even the gray 28.06.06 Steins in Franken () goateed drag-queen has impeccable I’m hungover, badly for the first time rhythm, his green sequins shimmering on the trip and wander to the BVB in the evening light. fanprojeckt internet café, then amble Matze and I hit the town, visiting an down to the train station to visit awesome punk bar, which plays a Lendog in Würzburg in Franken, great mix of old school ska. I feel very which looks like Yamhill county with at home until Matze tells me it was better and older architecture. Fir attacked by neo-Nazis a few months forests, wheat fields, and wine grapes back. They surrounded the place and on the hillsides. We stop in a weinbar beat up the punks, then set fire to it, for a jar, then wander along, spotting left and when the cops came they an unassuming sign that says “Bierkeller” and figure why not. We wind down through weathered timbers and sit at the small bar, next to a guy in a kilt, who turns out to be the cook. The salvaged timber bar sports a virtual forest of taps. Thirteen, increasing to eighteen in the fall, which is unheard of in Germany. We’ve stumbled upon Till Johannes pours a bier Eulenspiegel. Owner Johannes Schwab says in fall he will carry beers traditional mold of drinking only beer from each of Germany’s 16 states, as from their own town. This old well as the impressive selection of provincial attitude is best displayed in Bavarian and Franconian beers already a joke Matze told me. on hand, and will conduct blind “A guy from Dortmund, a guy from tastings. We’re soon trying samples of Duesseldorf , and a guy from Köln go many things on tap, and showing him into a bar. The Dueseldorfer orders an Oregon brewery websites, and he’s alt, the guy from Cologne orders a taking us into the walk-in. Lammsbräu Koelsch, and the guy from Dortmund organic dunkel on tap is fantastic, with orders a coke. When asked why he a creamy body and hazelnut flavor didn’t order a beer, he replies “Neither notes. One of the most interesting did you.”” beers Johannes pours for us is a Weissbier-Pils from Loscher, with Hamburg Town- complex banana aroma notes, as hazy A big shipping port, located upriver full golden color, with clove like from the ocean, known for its sex- flavors up front and dry hoppy finish shops, punk rockers, and crazy like a pils, making it more refreshing football fans (sound familiar?). I felt than a typical Weissbier. It is very much at home in Hamburg, fermented from a blend of pils and thanks in part to the hero’s welcome wheat wort with both lager and extended me by the fans of St. Pauli, weissbier yeasts. With interesting but also due to its similarities to beers like this, it’s easy to see how Portland. I had a brilliant time there, Johannes has doubled beer sales in the spending nights at the Jolly Roger, St. year since he took over the bar in the Pauli’s supporters pub, which now basement of the family hotel. He is boasts its own Timbers Army scarf, creating his own beer appreciation and exploring the city with Imme and culture among his clients. Great to see Mitje, or enjoying their Edenic people breaking the German balcony. The city bus system runs ferries in the river Elbe, and chugged past a giant container ship flying a Maltese flag, when were on it. Germany-Argentina, watching the match in the Strandgut restaurant, with my people, the anti- patriots. Not waving Imme and Mitje on the seabus flags or chanting “Deutschland, Deutschland, Schland,” warm, in a shockingly cold at first, but but still wishing the team well. I’m easy to get used to way, the waves are singing the Wolfe Tones’ “Las Islas small, but it’s still beautiful, we eat at Malvinas,” about the Irish sea captain a restaurant which smokes its own who helped free Argentina from Spain fish., then walk up Timmerdorfer under my breath after the Argentinians Strand, a lovely nature park along the score. When Germany scores though cliffs. The ferries bound for the crowd celebrates, the girl next to Scandinavia trail their wakes likes the me plants a kiss on my cheek, and trains of formal gowns, passing like everybody takes to their feet. After the portly courtiers off to the powder room. On the walk back we collect beach stones, including a few “Huher Gottes,” (chicken gods), pieces of the local flint with holes through them, said to bring good luck to a house. The Germans have a saying “Fussball Gotts Gibt” (the football gods deliver, in this case so did the Huhner Gottes.

04.07.06 Hup Holland After being in “by the book” Germany, it’s always nice to visit the more relaxed Benelux countries. Even punk match we wander out to the rock Hamburg didn’t have the relaxed Reeperbahn to watch the yahoos air I met with in Groningen. I stayed celebrating. The street is packed with with family friends I last visited in flag waving crowds, and knots of riot Belgium during the 1998 World Cup. cops. (Hamburg has a huge police They live by a canal which was presence, beefed up for the WM. originally the city moat, next to a The next day, surreal with its lack of lovely Italian restaurant, where we football, Imme, Mitje and I take a trip dine. Then I’m off to watch the match, to the Ostsee. The water is relatively drinking Belgian Trappist and Abbaye beers. After so many , I’m almost overwhelmed by the rich plummy fruity flavors of Grimbergen, Maredsous, and Geradus Wittems Kloosterbier. The Azzuri put in two brilliant goals in the last minutes of extra time to put the Germans out, and there is a celebratory mood in the pub, though very sparsely populated, as the Dutch have already gone home. Ambros and his brew system The next day at the Pinntelier, Belgian in my family,” laughs Ambros, the beer bar, I have a glass of “Bier de brewer over a glass of the lovely Cyclists” apparently a low alcohol (for quenching hoppy , “my ancestor Belgian cyclists) triple, clocking in at a had a distillery here.” He learned mere 6.1%. Also visited an amazing as they were building the cheese shop, and a great beer store, brewery in 2004. None of the beers De Keyzer. are filtered, and are very tasty. Ambros also treated me to a shot of a 06.07.06 bierschapps made from the house I can’t say enough about the beauty of dopplebock. It was toasty and Bamberg town, with its ancient warming with big apple notes in the architecture, unmolested by Allied aroma. bombing during WWII. Home to The next day I visit Lammsbräu in Rauchbier (made with smoked malt), Neumarkt, the world’s largest organic and lots of small breweries. It’s brewery, and join a brewery tour of paradise, stay in the Bamberger Weiss Hungarian high-school students on an Bier Haus, owned by the Maisel exchange program in Germany. With brewery, which produces a lusciously the tour in German and Hungarian, malty, toasty . I’m sure I’ll I’m impressed with my ability to write about it for some beer magazine understand the German, and learn or other, so I’ll just point out the Hungarian for cheers, “Egeszsegedre,” highlights. from a stunning young Hungarian There’s a new brewery in town. Next teacher. She likes my McGuillicuddy’s door to the famous Schlenkerla pub, shirt, and used to do Irish step dancing which brews a beer so smoky it tastes in Hungary. like drinking bacon, is the Ambrausraum. Started by Ambros, whose family has owned the building for 200 years. “There’s a bit of an alcoholic tradition 09.07.06 FINALE in Berlin the world are streaming into the park.

I hop the ICE to Berlin, through the Through listening to bad advice we old East, and do a phone interview for think that kickoff is an hour later, and the Wall Street Journal while enroute with the roar of the second goal, from Leipzig to Berlin. The next day I we’re still in the trees, and start head to the palace at Postdam with legging it through thr forest to reach Tyke and his parents who are visiting. the street. Once there it’s like shooting After a tour of Postdam, and the caulk into a crack to get into the building where the Allied divided up crowd. We end up crushed between a the country, we head back to town grumpy dumpy English lady and a with Mische a mate of my host Tyke. collapsible table. For the second half He invites us into the neighbor’s we move back. A tall Italian in a green inflatable pool, as gypsy-techno blasts white and red Afro wig keeps blocking from a small stereo. The water is our view. I ask him to stop moving rather chilly and after a beer, I’m back and forth. He says “where are ready to head to the final. Our hosts you from? I am from Italia, I have to offer me a towel, and as I dry off and see the match.” I retort with, “Yeah go to put on my shorts over my wet but your hair doesn’t” to the great boxers, Mische offers me a pair of dry amusement of the young English fans knickers. Not being one to refuse nearby. hospitality, I am given a pair of briefs Post match I sticker the Mastercard belonging to the owner of the pool, and Hyundai ads with Kommerz whom I have just met. What the hell, I macht Sport kaput” stickers think, I’m in Europe. (commerce breaks sport), and laugh at So, wearing someone else’s underwear people busting out the jams to terrible I hop on a bus with Tyke, and go to musical travesties such as the techno the Fanmile. Scrambling through the remix of “Country Roads Take Me crowd and over barricades to get to Home.” We leave the Fanmile and I security for frisking the scene is sticker a Coca-Cola truck. overwhelming, people from all over I try to scale the giant football cleat sculpture by the train station, but Though the World Cup was amazing, keep slipping off . I help some wee I’m really looking forward to a Timbers kids up though. Then we go to the match, where I know all the songs, and bridge by the station, where people can stand up. “We are mental, we are are jumping into the water of the barmy…” Spree 20 feet below, including flag draped Australians. It looks fun, but not knowing how clean the water is I think twice, then realize I’m wearing briefs that aren’t even mine. Eventually the riot cops push onto the bridge and hold everyone off the railing. What a month!