toad_february_film.qxd 1/23/20084:39PMPage2 Film categories the Academy have ignored, including ones to shame cinematic wrongdoers? After all, they have an award forbest Afterall,theyhaveanaward includingonestoshamecinematicwrongdoers? categories theAcademyhaveignored, Butwhataboutthe filmsgettingawards. At theendofthismonthOscarswilltakeplaceinLosAngeles,withworthy Alternative Oscars 64 TimeOutAbu Dhabi Bruce Willisin Killing Someone Award ForBestLineAfter The ArnoldSchwarzenegger it allthemoreendearingandworthy. Evan Goldberg),whichjustmakes old boys(ayoungSethRogenand that itwaswrittenbyapairof14-year- message. Thismaybedowntothefact and didn’thavealamepatronising anything else,butitwasalsowarm,true Superbad knows whatthey’rereallythinking? award, whichwasveryfunny,sowho then theydidgaveMarisaTomeian category, whichisahugeoversight.But Superbad Funniest FilmOfTheYear should writemorefilms. Superbad –proofthat14-year-olds make-up. in 2007. horror up nearlyevery seemed tomake violence that and themindless rise oftortureporn Saw III Award In TheThreequel Bourne Ultimatum Built UpByThe Quashing AnyFaith And ADeadArmFor for 95percentofthetime. but itwassolid,believableaction the endingwasabitofcopout, this thatdidn’treallysuck?Yes, when wasthelastthreequelbefore The BourneUltimatum The Threequel Re-establishing FaithIn The AwardFor Oh, you’restilltheman. replies, ‘Iwasoutofbullets.’ kid, andadeadpanWillis helicopter withacar!’saysthe them. ‘Youjustkilleda guys thatwashoveringabove out thehelicopterfullofbad go upaverticalrampandtake last secondallowingthecarto speed, thenjumpedoutatthe just drivenacarathigh Bruce (akaJohnMcClane)has Edited by Film . Epitomisedthe . TheOscarsdon’thavethis made uslaughmorethan Time Out Time Matt Pomroy Matt Pomroy Die Hard4 . Seriously, . rights that wrong. Words rights thatwrong. 0 . February 2008 [email protected] the worstfilmsoflastdecade.For hours ofpoo,bumandfartgagsinone complete his‘anushorribilis’withtwo crime thatwas having beenanaccomplicetothefilm home onhismantelpiece,butafter an Oscarforbestsupportingactorback Gooding Jrin appalling award withhisappearanceinthe Jon himselfmadeagoodrunforthis Of AOnce-PromisingCareer The JonVoightAwardForWorstUse Director SamRaimi,hangyourhead. Spidey, thisscenecameveryclose. Venom, Hobgoblinetalcouldn’tkill rarely beensohigh,andwhileSandman, at awedding.Thecringefactorhas women, anddancelikeadrunkenuncle haircut, givesuggestivelooksto Man 3 Peter Parker‘turningbad’in During 2007 Perhaps Ever,ButCertainly Worst SequenceInAnyFilm, shame… Hisrehabilitationstartedlater in theyearwith should haveaScottishaccent. 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Best FilmMadeFor Daddy DayCamp . MichaelMoore American , hewentonto . Themost Spider- . He’sgot The Sun . were walkingoutof cinemasinDubai b-movie andweevenheardthatpeople didn’t gettheideaofafakegrindhouse experience. Andthenmostpeoplejust separate films,killingmuchofthe long, whichmeantitwassplitintotwo trailers werebrilliantfun,butitwastoo Grindhouse Best IdeaThatJustDidn’tWork script beforeyousignonnexttime. eventually forgivehim,butNic,readthe Given howpoorthescriptwaswe’ll reading outtheterroristsdemands. camera withallthepoiseofahostage as itwentonlinesweredeliveredto looked thepartanditstartedalright,but Nicolas Cagein Worst DialogueInAFilm. I Hadn’tNoticed’AwardForThe The AndieMacDowell‘IsItRaining, things tocome. 2008, butthiswasaworryingportentof placement isgoingtobeevenbiggerin became robotsjustsealedit.Product And thepartwhereanXboxandiPod so intheformofahorribleHummerH2? entire galaxy,areyoureallygoingtodo in searchofthepowersourcefor a gangofrobotstravellingthoughspace General Motorsvehicles.Really,ifyou’re All theAutobotsin Product Placement Most ContrivedAndOverdone nonsense sofar. who’d satthrough90minutesof like amiddlefingertotheaudience three were–andthe‘twist’wasmore we dreadtothinkhowbadtherejected Stranger Halle BerryandBruceWillisin Most ContrivedPlotDevice truly shocking. when hestucktothebasicfactsitwas in Cubawasalittlecontrived,but Sure, thegrandstandingatGitmoand insurance andpharmaceuticalindustry. system, focusingonitsfor-profithealth investigates theAmericanhealthcare He ranoutofbullets–DieHard4.0 . Fourendingswerefilmed– . Greatideaandthefake Ghost Rider Transformers . Yes,he Perfect being room ontheirmantelpiece. the Coenbrotherswillhavetomakesome place onFeb24,andifthere’sanyjustice The officialAcademyAwardstakes Caribbean: DeadMan’sChest the equallydreadful made moremoney,andoneofthosewas Only fourfilmsinthehistoryofcinema end, butitrakedinoverUS$958million. made youwishtheworldreallywould End. Pirates OfTheCaribbean:AtWorld’s All About… Awards CeremoniesAreReally Money BecauseThat’sWhat The FilmThatMadeMost And finally… minutes outofyourworkingday. End Pirates oftheCaribbean:AtWorld’s brilliant invectiveagainsttheappalling BBC filmcriticMarkKermode’s Thinking. Many ARight-ThinkingPersonWas Film AndPuttingIntoWordsWhat For RantingAgainstATrulyDreadful The SpecialAchievementAward missing fromthefilm.Duh... film stockwastoopoorandareel thought the(intentionallyweathered) and complainingtostaffbecausethey Heaven knowshe’smiserablenow . It’sonYouTubeandisworth10 Boring, witless,utterdrossthat Pirates ofthe .