Green Mountain Sharings the Bi-$QQXDO1HZVOHWWHURI9HUPRQW¶V$O -Anon Family Groups

Green Mountain Sharings The Bi-$QQXDO1HZVOHWWHURI9HUPRQW¶V$O -Anon Family Groups

9HUPRQW¶V$O-Anon/Alateen Information Center

Spring 2013 Issue

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Courage is Fear that has said its budget. I am working with the Answering Prayers Service Coordinator for the State and she's ³&RXUDJHLVIHDUWKDWKDVVDLGLWVSUD\HUV´, been very supportive. love that quote from the ODAT. It has helped me through many dark moments. The It's a lot more complicated than I had first time in my life that I lived alone, I was imagined, but so far it seems that we can easily save nearly $800 with Fairpoint, the so afraid to be alone that I ran into the arms company we use for our toll-free number in of my qualifier. There I learned other fears. this state with absolutely no changes in our And I found Al-Anon. phone service. We were able to make this When I found an apartment of my own, after savings because in the nine years since we 6 months in Al-Anon, I knew I would be started our service with them, new/cheaper afraid to be alone, so I put post-its up all plans have evolved. The Supervisor at RYHUP\DSDUWPHQWWKDWVDLG³&RXUDJHLVIHDU Fairpoint was helpful in finding these ways to WKDWKDGVDLGLWVSUD\HUV´7KH\UHPLQGHGPH save money. that help was just a prayer away; that helped me feel safe. In doing this work I stumbled into wondering Yet, how do I pray? I find the prayers th how do people find out about Al-Anon? I described in the 11 Step and the Serenity know I was referred many years ago by my 3UD\HUWREHDPRVWILWWLQJSUD\HU,¶P therapist. If I'm traveling, I use the web to asking only that I be given what I need to do locate meetings where I happen to be. What *RG¶VZLOO$VLQWKH6HUHQLW\3UD\HU,DP does a person in crisis do? What if they don't asking for serenity, wisdom and courage. even know Al-Anon exists? Do they go to Today I need this little quote just as much as the phone book if they know it does? Do back in my early days, to help me remember they use the internet? I am aware that many that I am O K when I am tempted to escape people can't access Al-Anon that way for my life through any compulsion. I know my various reasons. higher power put the idea in my head to write about this little quote so I could I would love your feedback on two issues: stumble on its truth again. Thank you, God. 1) Have you had any experience with the Dianne from Montpelier Vermont Answering Service and if so, how'd it go? Improving our Phone System 2) How did you find Al-Anon? Hello fellow Vermonters, Any thoughts on how to be available to being Recently I self-imposed an Al-Anon project "found" by folks in need would be welcome. on myself: namely that of seeing if there is a We are anonymous, but you shouldn't need less expensive way of running our the FBI to find us! answering/phone service. This service was costing over 30% of our entire state yearly Yours in Program, Honey L., Putney, VT 05346 802/387-5673

GMS Editor: Jo S

Tri-State Roundup other than Bud S., our Area 56 Delegate. He Wow, that was amazing!!! 9 AM to 3:30-ish PM had us clapping & feeling what he felt before on June 8th, 2013 at The United Church of coming into Al-Anon & he shared many of his Winchester. doubts & challenges in his early days of recovery & how working his program has I think we had 90 to 100 participants. enhanced his life & that of his qualifier. We The Al-Anon & Alateen workshops were great. thank you, Bud. AA participation was light but enriching. NH put out the breakfast buffet & it was truly At 2:30 another meeting for Al-Anon, Alateen & wonderful. Filling, more than enough for AA separately ʹ fabulous. In Al-Anon we shared everyone of bagels, yogurts, muffins, egg on the topic of change. Change from when the casseroles, water on ice by the cooler-full, world was all about me to it becoming all about Tables with tablecloths, festive all around. WE. Some shared of their epiphanies ʹ some Coffees, teas, & juices, cut up oranges & fruit shared of the gradual change in the worlds salads! getting larger, more enriching and life worth living. Sweet, with tears in my eyes, and truth 10 AM & 11 AM were meetings ʹ the sharing ƉŽƵƌŝŶŐĨƌŽŵĞǀĞƌǇŽŶĞ͛ƐŵŽƵƚŚƐ͕ƚŚŝƐǁĂƐĂŶ speakers each were amazing & I felt event which I will not forget ʹ ever. Actually, strengthened in my recovery. These meetings something happened to me. More blinders also included & encouraged everyone who have fallen away & my sense of belonging wanted to share from their seats. increased exponentially. I always tolerated some & loved few, but that day ʹ June 8th, 2013 Then Lunch: A joint effort from VT & MA for ʹ I think I felt real powerful LOVE for every the lunch buffet, featured a roasted sliced person in the room. turkey, hams, rolls, spinach salad w/ cranberries & blue cheese, green salad w/broccoli & With gratitude, from an anonymous Al-Anon cauliflower, cottage cheese salad, an army sized member mac & cheese, small cold cut platter, mustards The Serenity Prayer

& mayos & pickles ʹ and brownies, carrot cake God, grant me the serenity w/cream cheese frosting, yellow cake To accept the things I cannot change,

ǁͬĐŚŽĐŽůĂƚĞĨƌŽƐƚŝŶŐΘĚĞǀŝů͛ƐĨŽŽĚĐĂŬĞ Courage to change the things I can, w/chocolate frosting, cookies galore & more And the wisdom to know the difference. muffins! & a Key Note speakers meeting followed lunch, New Beginnings IURPDQ³2OG- with an AA speaker Ed H. from VT who shared 7LPHU´ his challenges & defeats before coming to AA When I came to the rooms of Al-Anon I along with his trials & triumphs once immersed came looking for peace, for relief from the in 12 steps. He was adept at passing on a hurts of living/listening to family members message of hope, love & beauty involved in his who drank heavily. I was so mad at them! program & life ʹ all from his personal experience of 22 years of sobriety. The Al-Anon 2QHQLJKW,KHDUG³VHSDUDWHWKHSHUVRQIURP Key Note speaker followed. This was none WKHERWWOH´:KDWDUHYHODWLRQ,ZLOOORYH

GMS Editor: Jo S. the persons I love and not love (even like) their time & their talents. One of the most the words/the behavior. This inspiration amazing things in our program is that when we changed my life ± DQG,¶PVRJUDWHIXOIRU give without conditions, we feel exceptionally this found peace and relief. valuable in and of ourselves. We need no outside stimulation to prompt the warm glow ³I want to recognize and appreciate the we receive from ͞ĚŽŝŶŐƚŚĞŶĞǆƚƌŝŐŚƚƚŚŝŶŐ͘͟ good and lovable qualities of the alcoholic, Here I was, at an AWSC for Al-Anon Family and not hate him, but the sickness from Groups in the beautifully serene state of whicKKHVXIIHUV´One Day at a Time, Vermont when I was blindsided by the fist of pg.113. Alcohol induced Fear. Joan R. Al-Anon JoFamily Groups, a sixty + year old program of people in recovery, has successfully The Serenity Prayer utilized the Twelve Steps of AA to transport many millions of individuals from their shaking I have known the Serenity Prayer for many unmanageable lives into successful loving \HDUV,KDGQ·WWKRXJKWPXFKDERXWZKDWLW human beings who THINK (thoughtful, honest, really says until I kept saying it at Al-Anon intelligent, necessary, kind) before action or meetings. Now, when I day the Serenity word. We treat and accept all individuals with Prayer as part of my daily devotions, I add to respectful anonymity and equanimity. That is all it. individuals, but for the alcoholic in recovery. At first, I said the first line as follows: God Sounds outrageous, sounds prejudicial, sounds grant me the serenity to accept the things I Neanderthal- like ʹ yes it does. Yes, it is! I am FDQQRWFKDQJHVXFKDVP\KXVEDQG·V floored. I feel like I was hit by the fist of FEAR. SUHIHUHQFHIRUZHDULQJZRPHQ·VFORWKLQJ A young woman in Al-Anon for many years had Even after more than forty years of marriage, found & shared with us at our Fall Area I was struggling to accept this part of him. Assembly that being an Alateen Sponsor had After a few weeks of saying the first line this been one of the most significant forms of way, my attitude changed. service in her personal recovery. She shared For the second line, I say: God grant me the that she had grown to love herself, others, the courage to change the things I can such as service & program. She offered to volunteer for how much and what I eat. A few months ago the open position of Alateen Coordinator for I was diagnosed with diabetes so my eating the State of VT. I know that the only way to KDELWVPXVWFKDQJH,·PVWLOOVDying this keep it is to give it away. I know that service is a addition. huge devotion of my time & efforts for desired I changed the third line to say: God grant me results. Service is my way of sharing our the wisdom to really know what I can and program of recovery with others. Attraction is cannot change. the only acceptable way to grow our meetings & assist this tough world into being a kinder Laura S. more loving planet. I had felt gratified, progressive, and safe when the VT Assembly The Effects of Alcoholism (consisting of the GRs from throughout the state) voted 2/3rds affirmatively ʹ in fact Alcohol, a voracious predator, strikes again in 15/16ths affirmatively to love, in return, the the most unsuspecting location. Sitting around recovering human being standing before us. She a table filled with Al-Anon recovery, I was at openly had shared that she was an alcoholic in home as I always am. I was feeling good inside recovery in AA for years & had realized that my skin. I was part of a group of individuals who although afflicted she was also affected greatly were providing service ʹ giving of themselves, by alcohol & had come into the rooms of Al-

GMS Editor: Jo S

Anon FG. She belongs here & receives much. person has spent her last 12 yrs in Al-Anon, She volunteers to serve and gives what sense is this? unconditionally. She feels safe and confident All in this room were given two minutes to wanting to share more of herself & of that stand and share their thoughts. No one with which she has learned about living life. I felt time to prepare, no discussion as is our Al-Anon amazing just being in a room with my peers. way. Just BAM. Two minutes with our outgoing Our guidelines on the subject of service were Delegate as timer. And so we did. Traditions read from our manual. Discussion ensued & the were brought to light, personal shares, our vote, 15 for, 1 against, 0 abstained, was taken & feelings were expressed, most of them in favor passed. of allowing the individual to serve; were in our However, a month later, one older gentleman two minutes. Then, the garrote, the vote. Not brought his fears to the AWSC meeting. He only was it not determined by two thirds quoted the same lines from our guidelines that majority, but not all the officers + officers elect had been read at the assembly of GRs. He was were able to vote. Please allow me to clarify. strong & unwavering in his motion to usurp that The outgoing service members ʹ not the woman from her elected position. He & the one incoming to serve members ʹ can vote. How woman who had voted against her initially ƐŝŵƉůǇŽƵƚΨйΎŝŶ͛ƌĂŐĞŽƵƐ͊dŚĞŝŶĚŝǀŝĚƵĂůƐ brought tension, confusion, convulsion (I know ǁŚŽ͛ůůƐĞƌǀĞďĞƐŝĚĞŚĞƌĚŽŶŽƚĞǀĞŶŐĞƚĂǀŽƚĞ͊ of a person who was so sick they wanted to vomit), The outcome was torn. Fear was prevalent. The fear, and old resentments, past hurts to the room was mixed, uncertain & confused. The forefront of the room. He demanded that the outcome vote was 6 for usurpment, 2 against & AWSC, a committee of volunteers who serves 2 abstained. The outgoing service members the state of VT, make a determination to decided to call & kindly let her know that the change the decision previously honored by all home, the help, the world that she had found our GRs. He suggested that we disguisedly which helped build her self-esteem & sense of ͞dŚĂŶŬŚĞƌĨŽƌǁĂŶƚŝŶŐƚŽƐĞƌǀĞďƵƚƚĞůůŚĞƌƚŚĂƚ accomplishment, that Al-Anon Family Groups of ƐŚĞŝƐŶŽƚǁĞůĐŽŵĞƚŽƐĞƌǀĞ͘͟ VT, (this progressive state), did not welcome BAM. Here I sat, clocked, dizzy ʹ not believing her to ͞ŐŝǀĞďĂĐŬ͟. Really? Kindly let her know that this spiritual program of recovery ʹ ƚŚĂƚǁĞƚŚĂŶŬŚĞƌďƵƚǁĞ͛ĚƌĂƚŚĞƌƌŝƐŬŶŽƚ anonymity being the spiritual foundation of our having an Alateen Coordinator for our state program ʹ would allow this to happen. than have an alcoholic, in recovery, provide her time & efforts for us. I am appalled, hurt, & Tell me, if a person was drinking and not in really sad that alcohol & fear has once again recovery, would that person would be able to entered my world & kept me or us (AFG) small. serve? Tell me that a person who has much For every drunk out there, there must be 4 or different political beliefs than I do, would that five potential Al-Anon members or people who person be able to serve? Tell me would a could definitely be attracted to our amazing minister, therapist, nurse, a person who has a program for living a whole, healthy, fearless & gambling problem not in recovery, narcotics thorough, turning our wills & our lives to Care problem not in recovery, gambling or narcotics ŽĨŽƵƌ,W͕ƐƚƌŽŶŐ͕ƐŽůŝĚ͕ůŝĨĞ͘tŚǇŝƐŶ͛ƚů-Anon problem in recovery, a Chinese, an Italian, a FG, 4x or 5x the size of AA? Do we continue to Swedish or American, a person of any race, let the effects of alcohol get the best of us? creed or particular thought of mind or body, How is it that 6 outgoing members of a would that person be able to serve Al-Anon volunteer group may overturn a decision made Family Groups? If so, why then, I ask why would by our GRs from all our groups? How can we a person in recovery, from the program to proclaim love & equanimity among members which we all owe our good fortune, why would but make this one hurtful exception? Does it that person be ousted? Especially since that not keep us small & limited in this vastly

GMS Editor: Jo S. affected world? How can we turn our heads & Topics which have always been thoughts from this topic? Why not address it uncomfortable remain so, but the knowledge fully? Why not have this living breathing that at the end of our conversation that we program progress, grow & change as we do in will still love each other and often try to put our personal recovery? WKHRWKHU¶VKDSSLQHVVILUVWUHSDLUVWKHULIWV Anonymous Al-Anon member/author, District 1, we have suffered to trust. Area 56 VT Intimacy has been of paramount importance We have had a number of heartfelt and informative to us and I find our connection has deepened discussion meetings since this occurrence. Many members are looking & reading our service manual, now that we both have the Al-Anon Family our CAL books ʹ looking for answers. So far, I find a Groups in our lives to offer experience, select few, not the majority, holding on to old ideas. strength and hope when we become Many members have voiced the opinion of being in confused. Al-Anon for years makes us Al-Anon members & we all ought to be able to serve; leaving all outside He has his home group and I have mine. affiliations ʹ out of our doors. Someday we will attend together, as we did when I took h9im to his first meeting. Based on our Al-Anon recovery ± our Al-Anon Neither one of us as ever looked back. It is message prevails. all about a new freedom from self and a new

peace. A New F reedom, a New Peace Anonymous I came to Al-Anon because my partner was fearful to walk into a room with strangers. Stories I Tell 2XUFRXSOH¶VFRXQVHORUKDd VDLG³*HWWKHHWR Lately, I have been paying attention to the DPHHWLQJ´ stories I tell myself. These stories have no basis in reality, although I treat them as the absolute Because I was a member of AA, I was glad truth. WRJREXWDOLWWOHFRQFHUQHGWKDW,ZRXOGQ¶W be welcome. After the meeting my heart Some stories are about the past. I think I know was light and I knew my ACOA partner ƚŚĞŵŽƚŝǀĂƚŝŽŶďĞŚŝŶĚƐŽŵĞŽŶĞĞůƐĞ͛ƐĂĐƚŝŽŶƐ would be right at home. We talked about and believe I know about events that happen fear, self esteem and our inordinate shyness outside of my sight. often. Strangely, we both were gregarious Other stories are about the present ʹbut they once we were among others like ourselves. are old stories. These stories tell me I am not

͞ŐŽŽĚĞŶŽƵŐŚ͘͟dŚĞǇĂƌĞǀĞƌǇŽůĚƚĂƉĞƐƚŚĂƚ That night I called and woke my partner and used to shout at me but now are more apt to told him that the meeting was like coming whisper in the background. KRPHDQGWKDWKHZRXOG³NQRZIUHHGRPDQG ILQGSHDFH´LQWKH$O-Anon rooms. The last kind of stories I tell myself are about the future. I think about what other people will He has. We both read the CAL literature do, what I will say in response, or the outcome daily and find our communications much of a situation. improved and more honest. Feelings like ³2KWKLV,FDQ QHYHUVKDUH´KDYHVOLSSHG The common thread in all these stories is that away. they are based on false information. I cannot

GMS Editor: Jo S read minds any better than I can predict the Rebuilding Intimacy with my Son future. My relationship with my so was seriously strained after I detached. I remember telling Becoming aware of these stories has helped me the counselor that I was concHUQHG,KDGQ·W to question my thinking and beliefs and become heard from him in so long and that I wanted more accepting of myself and others. him to know that I loved and missed him.

What stories do you tell yourself? What worked well was to practice the slogan Lucy D. ´/HW*RDQG/HW*RGµ%\WXUQLQJRYHUWKH relationship to my higher power, I was able to Mirror mirror RQWKHZDOOLW¶V regain my lost confidence and faith that things about me after all would get better. I learned that I can face any ,KDGDQ³DKD´PRPHQWRQHGD\ZKHQ,ZDV problem because I am not along. I have my looking in the mirror preparing for work. sponsor and my Al-Anon family. Years living with active alcoholism had not been easy and certainly did not bring out the My son is much more appreciative now. He best in me. knows there is a difference between what is mine and what is his. He expresses and What I saw was frightening. My constant interest in AA and has mentioned going to a anxiety kept me from peaceful rest and the meeting. I have los6t much of the fear and bags under my eyes were growing larger and despair I once had. My spirituality is much darker by the day. My skin was pale and my stronger as I ask for help and do readings and hair was lifeless. Frown lines deep and wide try to listen for answers. When I speak I try were a tremendous reflection of what was to speak from the heart and not out of fear. going on inside. What I saw was shocking!! Ginny C.

,WRRNDJRRGKDUGORRNDQGUHDOL]HG,GLGQ¶W Newsletter Information look or feel any different than my loved one I am honored and nervous to take on the role who was actively drinking. as newsletter editor, and I hope this newsletter is a useful tool for everyone who reads it. I resolved that morning to call my sponsor and share my discovery ± and to take a hard The newsletter is your voice. The more you look at what I needed to learn about self- contribute, the richer the newsletter can care in the midst of this. I would choose life become. no matter whether my partner continued to drink or not. Our next newsletter will come out in October, 2013. The topic with be: SPONSORSHIP. Here

are some ideas that might get your creative Things really turned around for me that day. juices flowing: I kept my focus on me and felt happier each Why I became a sponsor. What sponsorship new day. I am never going back!! Real joy does for me (either as a sponsor or sponsee) in applying the program to all aspects of my Choosing the right sponsor. Things my sponsor life, put a smile back on my face. Not a lot has helped me with. changed in my home for quite some time but feeling that serenity was like a sunrise in my Please send articles to the Vermont Al-Anon soul!! It keeps getting better. website ʹ newsletter. D.J.

GMS Editor: Jo S.