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2-23-2007 The ainS t of Worcester: Why Pilgrims Visit Audrey Santo Mathew N. Schmalz College of the Holy Cross, [email protected]

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I presence. bloodstained afterbeingconsecratedinher and severaleucharistichostshavebeenfound been reportedtoweeptearsofbloodandoil, to herintercession.Statuesinhomehave of Audrey’s stigmataandhealingsattributed often crowdedwithvisitorsdrawnbystories year-old womanhasbeenapilgrimagesite, over adecade,thehomeofthistwenty-two- drey SantoinWorcester, Massachusetts.For had comeindependentlytothehomeofA ilar pilgrimagesovertheyears, Audreyisa“victimsoul”who him toherW plains it,Audreypossessesa sacramentalpowerthatdrew make thepilgrimagefromhis homenearBoston.Asheex- to, Audrey stopped tenyearsago. tured bythevoicesinhisheadforoveradecadeuntilthey mind. Diagnosedasaparanoidschizophrenic,Johnwastor- family’s support,forbringingarestfulsilencetohistroubled silence, alongwithappropriatemedicalattentionand his relief fromtheirafflictions.JohncreditsAudrey’s prayerful that sheisfullyconsciousandabletoprayforthosewhoseek scribe thisconditionas“akineticmutism.”Pilgrimsbelieve she neverregainedtheabilitytomoveorspeak.Doctors de- into herfamily’s backyardpool.Paramedicsrevivedher, but Mathew N.Schmalz SOUL neck: My eyesweredrawntothetattoosonJohn’s the Collegeof HolyCrossinWorcester,Massachusetts. Around thattime,Johnlearnedabout,andbeganpraying When Audreywasthreeyearsold,sheaccidentallyfell thirty talking abouthisrobotcollection.Hehad first noticedJohnwhenIoverheardhim The SaintofWorcester in red,and CHRIST . But itwasn’t untilayearagothathewasableto -one ofthem,allblessedbyapriest. -one orcester home.Forotherswho havemadesim- inscribed inblack, Why PilgrimsVisit AudreySanto is associateprofessor ofreligiousstudiesat HOLY in yellow. JohnandI BIBLE Mathew N. Schmalz in blue, u - posite herbedwasatabernacle.Johnapproachedtheclear On onesideofthebedwererelicsseveralsaints,and op- were arrangedinasemicircularpatternresemblinghalo. at herside.Thereligiousimagesonthewallbehindbed room, attachedtoarespiratorandfeedingtube,withnurse other pilgrimstoseeAudrey. Asalways,shelayinherbed- wounds ofChrist. believe thesetiscomplete:fivehostsrepresenting other bloo stained afterbeingconsecratednearAudrey there isalargephotographoffourhoststhatwerefoundbloo by bloo beads, atissuetouchedbyhertears,andhandkerchiefstained other displayonthewallthatcontainsAudrey’ drey withpriestswhohavevisited.Butmostarrestingisan- presence isallaround.ThewallsalsodisplaypicturesofAu- chapel isatasteof“theblissheaven,”forevidenceGo their personalritualsofanointingandhealing.Johnsaysthe cotton balls,andsenttopeoplelikeJohnwhorequestitfor leaking fromnumerousotherstatues,iscollected,infusedinto ues ofJesusandtheVirgin Mary. Thisoil,alongwiththat chapel wallsarestreakedwithoilstains,asthemanystat- the Santohomeandstoppedinfamily’s smallchapel.The help theSantofamily. been drawntoAudrey’s hometoprayforherhealingand reports ofbleedinghostsandweepingstatues,peoplehad up herownsufferingsinrestitutionforsin.Evenbeforethe not onlypraysandintercedesfortheafflicted,butalsooffers blurb After ahalf-hourinthechapel,JohnandIjoinedseveral After John’s overnightbusridetoWorcester, hearrivedat d from herstigmaticwounds.Behindthechapel’s altar, dstained hosthasbeendiscovered,manypilgrims Spirituality Issue PHOTO COURTESY . Now s JOHN pink rosary that an BUCKINGHAM d’s d - - 11 Commonweal . February 23, 2007 12 Commonweal . February 23, 2007 I lentlessly grip. Intheacademicworld,abilitytofollowanideare- the obsessionsandassociateddepressionbegantorelaxtheir I often irresistiblepower. Butasdisablingmydisorderwas, akin tohearingvoicesbecausetheyhadanindependentand es, mystrongcompulsionsandobsessiveruminationswere with obsessivecompulsivedisorder. WhileIneverheardvoic- this way?” mademe himself themostobviousquestion:“WhyhasGod flecting onhisordeals,Johnreportedthatheneverasked seemingly endlessseriesofhospitalconfinements.Butinre- to setfirehisparents’apartment;afterthat,lifebecamea under carsandinabandonedbuildings.Thevoicesledhim hitchhiking, toescapethevoices,spendingnightssleeping came screams.Hewanderedacrosscountry, takingbusesor how thevoicesinhisheadbeganaswhispersandlaterbe- ily, andhisyearsasagunner’s mateintheNavy. Hetoldme John discussedhisupbringinginatraditionalCatholicfam- ent fromthetraditionalpairingofobserverandinformant. room andbowedhishead,asdidtheotherpilgrims. p bring ameasureofunconventionalinsightandabilities. things: alongwithstrongboutsofsuffering,theymayalso many studentsstrugglewith.Mentalafflictionsarestrange sions, Ibecamemoreattunedtothefearandmentalchaos room, asIcametounderstandmyownanxiety-fueledobses fashion, isasignofprofessionalcommitment.Intheclass self. tegrate thesecharacteristics intoamorecoherentsenseof identity tomembersofGod’s Teams, which allowshimtoin- calm inhismindandheart. Helinksvariousaspectsofhis John explains,areresponsible formaintainingthesilenceand of course,“Saint”AudreySanto. Theseintercessoryfigures, the namesofGo divinely balancedunion-in-diversity. John’s tattoos display the Father, Son,andHolySpiritseektobringallwithin their “God’s Teams”—an ever-expanding relationshipinwhich other offifteen.John’s namefortheTrinity andthesaintsis finement ofninemonths,followedbyonetwelve,and an- in thehospital,hepresentsthemmultiplesofthree:acon- spent are underlinedthreetimes;whenhedescribesperiods during, andoneafter;inhisletterstome,significantwords discourse: ateverymealhesaysthreeprayers,onebefore, The as 3+1or=1,indicating“threepersonsandoneLord.” a thirty-one thatcoverhisbody. Forhim,thirty-oneisnotjust lastic curtainthatscreenedofftheentrancetoAudrey’s came torealizethatitcouldbeempowering,atleastwhen number, butasymbolofcompletenessthatshouldberead This waswhatIaskedimmediatelyafterbeingdiagnosed John’s robot collectionfunctionssimilarly. Sincethemain The tattoosonJohn’ with me,ourrelationshipchangedintosomethingdiffer- emic research.ButasJohnbegantosharehislifestory visited Audrey’s homeandmetJohnaspartofmyacad- number 3isthestructuringelementinmuchofJohn’s , to checkandrecheckscholarlyworkinritualistic d’s Teams’ members:Jesus,Mary, Moses,and, s neck areonlyahintoftheseries - - blurb In that wrylydepictedbytheavant-gardewriterJ.G.Ballard. ful, itistemptingtocultivateadetachedfascination,such as perience, butalsothediversevoicesofrestlessmind. nect, andsanctifynotonlythediverseaspectsofhuman ex- tattoos haveanalmostsacramentalpower. Theyexpress, con- ForJohn,robotsand through lifetowardunionwithGod. ward agreaterencompassingunion—themotionofpeople about motion:themotionofTrinity and God’s Teams to- on doctrinalconformity. ButinJohn’s vision,Catholicismis as staticinbothitsinstitutionalstructureandemphasis ligiously meaningfulwhole.Catholicismisoftenthoughtof reintegrate aspectsofhisschizophrenicexperienceintoare tion ofthirty-onerobotsblessedbyapriesthelpedJohnto schizophrenic voiceheheardwasrobotic,havinghiscollec toms. Itwasn’t untilthevoicesstoppedthat hefinallygrasped John feltthat only hewasreal,whileallothers werephan sound andfear. Duringthe mostseverephaseofhisillness, own isolationasa“purgatory” ofinternalchaosfilledwith ply andpainfully human curios,asclinicalexemplars ofillness,or, mostsim- schizophrenics experiencesocial exclusionandisolation:as attend thedisplay ings byschizophrenicswhothemselveswerenotallowed to In thinkingofrobotsandtattoosasreligiouslymeaning- The AtrocityExhibition , as objectsoffearorpity. Johndescribeshis . In additiontosufferingtheillnessitself, , Ballard describesashowingofpaint- HT OREYJH BUCKINGHAM JOHN COURTESY PHOTO - - - e l g n i n r a u m m o c t i n contribute to—makereal—thehealingprocessitself. not onlysymbolizethehealingofhisfragmentedself,butalso “make real”whattheysymbolize.John’ Catholic understandingofsacramentalityisthatsymbols texts inwhichit’s made.Butafundamentalaspectofthe come analmostemptyslogan,giventhewidevarietyofcon giving witnesstothemanywaysdivinetoucheshuman. sense ofrepresentingChrist’s body, hedoesunderstanditas assacramentalinthe certainly doesnotunderstandhisbody cation ofanarticleabouthima“confirmation.”WhileJohn his devotiontoGod’s Teams a“matrimony,” andthepubli- “confession,” talkingabouthisillnessamissionor“holyorder,” comes botha“baptism”andan“anointing,”thetattoos life toindividualsacraments:thesilencingofvoicesbe- them. Indeed,Johnoftenlinkssignificantmomentsinhis a ber ofthesacraments.Johnunderstandshisfleshnotonlyas to me,thirty-fourmeans3+4,whichequalsseven,thenum- toos, bringingthetotaltothirty-four. AsJohnexplainedit and invitingconversationaboutGod’s healingpower. ing outtoothersbygivingvisualtestimonyhisidentity only friends.Sohiscolorfultattoosbecamewayofreach- sense ofisolationremainedbecausethevoiceshadbeenhis t hat theworldaroundhimhadarealityofitsown.Still,his witness to the sacraments, but also as an embodiment of witness tothesacraments,butalsoasanembodiment The observationthatCatholicismis“sacramental”hasbe- Over thepastfewmonths,Johnhasaddedthreemoretat- y G p x e R U D A 3 1 A . 0 ET 3 3 r o l T 7 . 8 H E A C I G O L O 6 0 7 e h w L a 1 S U T M L r e t s a m I D U SE e D E V I R f O Y O L i a , O L s L h t A Vib R G c robots andtattoos r e S t n o M A A U O M Y R A E G N r A U D …s i c a ant t f o E L E T ly f n i S N T , E :o T E H C xpr A U s t r a G O L O I N 9 e 4 0 0 E V se R - A C I 5 I S d YT L I ple inafootballstadium.ForJohn,Audreyandthedevotion which Audreypresentedhimtothousandsofcheeringpeo- journey toW powerful effectAudreyhashadonthosewhohavemadethe religious andethicalquestions,butthereisnodenyingthe members andmedicalprofessionalsareallowedtoseeher. medical conditionhasrecentlyworsened,andonlyfamily has notmadeanyfurthercommentsabouthercase.Audrey’s stains andthestateofAudrey’s consciousness.Thediocese tion wasneeded,especiallyconcerningthenatureofoil that, whiletherewasnoevidenceoffraud,moreinvestiga- Santo familyhasshowntoAudrey’s care.Thereportheld which statedthattherealmiraclewasdedication cese ofWorcester publishedaninitialreportonthecase, ena andhealingsassociatedwithAudrey. In2000,theDio- have raisedquestionsaboutclaimsofsupernaturalphenom- tious formofCatholicsupernaturalism.Somecommentators Cross wouldbecomeassociatedwithaparticularlyostenta- of adisabledwoman,andmanyvoicedconcernsthatHoly the Popemobile.)Somefacultyobjectedtopublicdisplay to theservice.(Itwasbuiltbyarelativeofmanwhomade designed roomresemblingasmallhousethathadbeentowed S I D U T PT T H d The AudreySantophenomenonraisesaseriesofcomplex Cri could viewAudreythoughalargewindowinspecially the CollegeofHolyCrossfootballstadium.Pilgrims n r g e SE 1998, thousandsattendedaMassinAudrey’s honorat : ti / / ci B L L E al l y A e e M R orcester. Johntoldmeaboutadreamhehadin Exa I N E mi . UM L n i ne . d UD E a / T Ul H O E d ti L m O ci m a n y YG ate / R G l y A D T U r A a T nsf E / or me d 13 Commonweal . February 23, 2007 14 Commonweal . February 23, 2007 bring joy.Pilgrim,youknow such nightwilllift. For you,thereachinglimbs, risingdark, are summerskinnedofbeauty, goadstogrief. The yellow-litteredroadsatsummer’s end It’s NottheSameforMe into darkness. under thehydrangea putting eventheshadow laid down, except howstillyoubecame I And allwasalmostwell and eatatinymeal. so theycanbuildalittlehouse in ashadyplace Baby, andputthem Softly. Softly,dogosoftly, on one ineachhand to carryyou made uphismind once thebaby Or wasittoolate Didn’t Ifindyouintime? taking thecupofmyhandslikeahurdle. elegant asspats, legs stippledgreenandtan, narrow waisted, and youtoo,Frog, brightly fleckedwithblue; quick thrashing, black and,drying, your almostliquidtail, the clawedstarsofyourfeet, I into achlorinechamber— swept byhazardfromsummergrass dark frond at thebottomofpool’sdrain, O Rescue by MargaretPetersSchwed Two Poems thought couldn’t butadmire Salamander, sunkenleaf a journey intothegrass? same time. mental imagination isthatitallowsustosee allthreeatthe expectations andexperience. The poweroftheCatholicsacra- the samethingrefracteddifferently throughtheprismofour the exoticandfamiliar nomenon asyetanotherexample ofCatholicexoticism.But ed withher. Ofcourse, many viewtheAudreySantophe- through the“sacramentals”ofsufferingandsilenceassociat pilgrims haverealizedapowerfulrangeofreligiousmeanings find evernewmeaningsandimaginativepossibilities. constant, formalizedrepetitionandpresentations,onecan in averycircumscribedsetofritualparameters.Still,their and feeling.Sacramentssacramentalsalsotakeformwith- sitive tosubtlechangesintheshapeandtextureofthought over thesamegroundagainandagain,mindbecomessen- yourmind.Yet,it’s bygoing likewhenyoucannot“turnoff” er loopingbackonanendlessjourneytonowhere.That’s what picting antsonaMoebiusband:theywalkandon,forev- oning experience.ThereisafamousprintbyM.C.Escherde- obsessive compulsivedisordercanbeahorribleandimpris- would havenoneofthat.NorI.Likeschizophrenia, without acknowledgingitsoftenoverpoweringpain.John portraying itexclusivelyasanalteredstateofconsciousness alize” richandcomplexreligiousspiritualmeanings. signs” ofJohn’ or “accidents,”ofbreadandwine.Likewise,the“external realized, literally“madereal,”undertheexternalappearance, “transubstantiation” explainshowthepresenceofChristis ternal appearance.Inpart,theThomisticunderstandingof spirituality isanopennesstoarealitythatmayliebehindex as themessiah.PartofsacramentalqualityCatholic saw beyondtheexternalappearanceofJesustorecognizehim the world.Afterall,asJohnremindedme,Baptist yond theordinarycategoriesthatshapeourperceptionsof mean beingdis-andre-oriented:toseethingsdifferently, be- experience ofmentalillness.Butlosingone’s headcanalso To loseone’s head John theBaptist—themanwholosthishead,”heexplained. in Audreyawaybeyondthesilenceoftheirownsuffering. everyday lifeoftenbrings.Johnandotherpilgrimshavefound and sufferingalongwiththeunexpectedconsolationsthat But mostareintendedsimplytoexpressmomentsofanxiety others testifytohealingsandothersupernaturalexperiences. letters frompeopletouchedbyher. Somearepetitions,and grown uparoundAudrey, publishesanewslettercontaining munity. TheApostolateofaSilentSoul,theministrythathas ing Audreyherselfasafocalpointforacceptanceandcom- feels acceptedasafullperson.Heisnotaloneinunderstand- el totheSantohousebecauseitisoneoffewplaceshe barred outsidersfromseeingAudrey, Johncontinuestotrav- would nothaveexperienced.Althoughherfamilyhasnow s urrounding heropenedaspaceforcommunityheotherwise Audrey Santodoesnotspeakandonlyhereyesmove.Still, There canbeatendencytoromanticizementalillnessby “John” isapseudonymofhisownchoosing.“Itrefersto I s tattoos androbotcollectionhelphimto“re- is anappropriatemetaphortodescribethe , not tomentiontheholy, areoften - - Why I Stay Catholic The Bonds of Belief & Friendship

Jerry Ryan

ome time back, I got an e-mail from an ple at church. We at least know one another, however super- ficially, and we are on a similar adventure. At church, I have old friend with whom I had lost con- the impression that we are a motley crew fulfilling an oblig- Stact many years before. He was an ex- ation. There is a clique of dedicated people in the parish who keep things rolling, but I’ve never been tempted to become seminarian from Argentina who had been im- part of that group. I simply don’t have a vocation to lay min- prisoned and tortured during the “dirty war” istry. These are very good people who are trying their best. of the military dictatorship. That he had got- The worst of it is that I haven’t a clue as to how things could be improved. ten out alive bordered on the miraculous. So I can’t stand outside and throw stones. The very things His scars were real and permanent. Not the least of them that pain and disappoint me in the church exist in myself, were psychological wounds caused by the silence of most of and I don’t like them there either. Often I feel like a hyp- the Argentine hierarchy and the active collaboration of some ocrite among hypocrites—all of us pretending to live some- of its members during that period of brutal repression. So I thing we are constantly contradicting. was not overly surprised when he told me he had left the That is the nitty-gritty level. In the larger context, there Catholic Church. His faith was intact, but he had lost all is a whole litany of complaints: the church’s obsession with confidence in the institution. Initially, he found a home in micromanaging the sexual life of the faithful and imposing the Episcopal Church, but there was no Episcopalian com- its one-size-fits-all regulations; its courtship of the rich and munity where he was now living. He had also been attract- powerful (who are the laypeople who sit on diocesan boards ed to the spirituality of Orthodoxy, but there was no Orthodox and consulting committees? Are they representative of the church near him. So he was praying alone with icons—as if people of God?); the political posturing (morality must be it were only in the church triumphant, free of all ambiguity, legislated). The litany could go on and on. that he could find his community. He could do much worse. He sent me a long list of grievances against the Catholic Church—most of which are very well founded. Far be it from me to judge my friend. I understand him all too well. He made me question my own motives for remaining in the church. The most obvious and simple reason is that I’m used to it. I was born and brought up Catholic. I happen to be Catholic just as I happen to be American. It’s an empirical fact—the rather prosaic underpinning of my fidelity. 7

Because I’m a Catholic, I go to Mass on Sundays (or Sat- 0 0 2

urday evening), and I’m relatively at ease. I know when to , 3

sit, stand, and kneel, and I know the responses. I am deeply 2 y aware of Eucharistic theology, and I want to respond to this r a u

gift with all my being. Yet I often feel as though I’m just going r b through the motions. The people around me are strangers, e F the music is led by a choir singing a couple of octaves above . l

what most of us are capable of, the songs themselves are sick- a ly sentimental, and the sermon is often insipid. It has oc- e w curred to me that I feel more “at one” with the people on the n 5 a.m. bus I take to work every morning than with the peo- o “And for those of us still waiting for our ship m m Jerry Ryan, a frequent contributor, lives in Winthrop, Massachusetts. to come in, let us pray. ” o C ZASA 15