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El Pitmaster Cooks | Uncle Esel Speaks | Kelly Colby Eats "Part of it went on gambling, and part of it went on women. The rest I spent foolishly." PLUS: 7 DAY NEW BRAUNFELS/SAN MARCOS LIVE MUSIC GUIDE 830.483.9563 WITH US ADVERTISE 2 2 TX CITIZEN One copy (per person) of TX Citizen is STAFF / CONTACT PHOTO CREDITS 1111 N. Walnut Avenue available free of charge, with the prior written Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Mike Reynolds Cover: New Braunfels, TX 78130 consent of TX Citizen required to remove Director of Distribution Chase Cochran Chase Cochran Art Director Kayla Wallace 830.483.9563 multiple copies from distribution points. Editorial: [email protected] All original content is copyright Multiple copies and back issues are available Advertising: [email protected]

TX Citizen. TX Citizen is published at TX Citizen offices for $2.50 each. Distribution: [email protected] every Thursday. 1 10 table

Mr Colbyvisited ourfaircity, 14 Citizen Soundcheck How’d you liketo pay to getinto 7 The BeerHunter Prince Park? Solms The Mayor and ate hisway through it. 2 5 The ONLY guideofitskindfor PLUS: apiece Get of Walnut! Stuff todo.Godostuff. Stuff would like that very much. would likethat very we all learn something. we alllearn Got aproblem?You will. When Mitchelldrinks, Advice from the NB/SMMetroplex! Last Word 1st Word Get ajob. Help Wanted All Mexiedition! Sports and such. Karaoke, trivia,pooltourneys, Diversions Of babybacksandbones. El Pitmaster Uncle Esel Gustavo offends intwolanguages. Gustavo offends Ask aMexican Look, Mommy!Daddy’s inthepaper! Most Wanted The County’ We seemoviessoyoudon’t haveto. Spoilers occasionally havelivemusictoo. Because AustinandSanAntonio Sound OutOfTown Calendar of contents s 11 15 3 13 6 8 Texas' First Prohibition! After Bar www.rileystavern.com www.NBSTREETS.com Classic Rock–Alternative –PunkReggae-FunkSoulCountry 197 S. SeguinAve “We dig soyoudon’t haveto.” 243 N. Union Ave830-629-2662 Like uson New andVintage Vinyland Turntables Roy Heinrich&thePickups Modern DonJuans 830.629.0540 EveryEvery Saturday Saturday isNewReleaseDay! isNewReleaseDay! Saturday 10% Off AllNew Releases! 10% Off AllNew Releases! Friday Knives, Holsters, 9pm Purses, Wallets, Belts &MORE! TAVERN

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Since those are the terms by which she made her Well the1 big news this week is RAN D U C argument, those are the terms by H that Mayor Gale Pospisil has P MIKE S NOW NB LIQUOR & WINE decided to press forward with REYNOLDS which we’ve taken her to task. OPEN ON BEER • WINE • SPIRITS her plan to start charging people Anyway, sure as shootin’, the post-ban police budget came SUNDAYS! to use Prince Solms Park to 1308 Common St #207 access the Comal River. This after in even higher than the year before, 118 Common St. New Braunfels, TX instituting a disposable container presumably because we created a 830.387.4466 ban that has driven a substantial amount new class of criminal – hooligans that eat Doritos out of factory packaging. BEST of river tourism out of the City. OF THE J WURST So, just to be clear: We’re spending just PAUL . SMITH 2013 On the surface, this seems like madness, Attorney at Law as much, if not more money on the Comal given that the Mayor claimed the ban was Board Certified in Criminal Law put in place to 1) Keep litter out of the rivers, this year as we did before the ban. That’s Texas Board of Legal Specialization a massive, expensive fail for the Mayor – 830.625.3200 and 2) Save money. After we examined 651 S. Walnut 830-832-1534 thousands of email exchanges between City assuming she was truthful with her motives. Suite D #228 www.pauljsmithlaw.com New Braunfels, Tx 78130 [email protected] 382 IH 35 S. / New Braunfels Council and certain river-area homeowners, As for her environmental concerns, well, it came as no surprise to First Word readers trash still has to be removed from the rivers, because the City’s streets drain into them 1000 Business Cards $60 that the actual reason was 3) To keep non- Special 1000 Postcards $110 river-area homeowners off of the river. And every time it rains, and not a single thing has Blue Collar Welding O er! 1000 Flyers $152 4x10 Banner $140 given that, a fee to access the park doesn’t been done to mitigate that. Yuck. In fact, this WELDING • FABRICATION • REPAIRS seem so crazy after all. remains the situation even though the State PRINTING & WEB DESIGN Let’s address those Can Ban goals, and ordered the City to take action on this back 830.609.8735 / 210.701.2411 830.214.7838 in 2010. The City, rather than comply with 990 S. Seguin Ave. see how they turned out. As for keeping litter [email protected] out of the rivers, we established that the City the State’s MS-4 rules (Google that), has spent was purposely inflating litter numbers by about $300,000 on “studies”, which is what reporting properly disposed of trash – that is, they do when they want to stall on something, trash in trash cans, on land - as underwater or simply wish to funnel money to consultants. Garcia’s Services “river litter”. They further blew up the stats by counting mostly empty 60-gallon trash bags as 60-gallons worth of trash. CONCRETE WORK The Mayor responded to our findings by Driveway/Sidewalks Single-origin Espresso Brews stating that she didn’t believe that the numbers Masonry Work Handcrafted Blends • Whole Bean Coffee really mattered – but nonetheless continued to sell the ban on the basis of the false figures. Flagstone Patios Council then awarded the clean up contract Retaining Walls 2348 Gruene Lake Dr. Suite B • 830-643-1309 back to the same company they’ve always used, at the pre-ban price. Clean up was supposed FREE ESTIMATES! to be a non-issue, what with tourist litter eliminated, so it stood to reason the taxpayer 830.822.2410 should save some bucks on maintenance. Only This Municipal Trash Chute, located on Fair Lane, efficiently channels half-a-subdivision’s worth of after a massive public outcry was that contract street waste directly into the Guadalupe River. “adjusted”, and even then, in a manner that Cruising Creations & Vacations left the possibility of it coming in at the same We must consider the environmental Where Your Dream Adventure to the World Begins... amount as before the ban. Hooray. factor another fail for the Mayor, but only if Offering: For: We were also going to save some big we accept her stated reasons for banning - Packages (Las Vegas, Hawaii & more) - Anniversary - Cruises - Reunion money on police, what with less garbage in the disposable containers. Now, if we go ahead and admit that the - American & European River Cruises - Groups river and all. I know that sounds crazy, so let - Hotels & Resorts - Honeymooners me be very, very clear here: WE DO REALIZE real goal of the Can Ban was to keep people - Train Excursions - Weddings THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE CONNECTION from floating the river, which she vehemently - European, Asia, Africa Tours & more - Special Occasions BETWEEN CRIME AND SANDWICH BAGS. denied, then we have a winner, which is PAYMENT PLANS AVAILABLE, CALL ME TODAY! This was always about the contents of beer why, despite her financial and environmental failures, the Mayor has been lauded by the Michelle Clark cans, but the Mayor insisted, over and over, Dream Vacation Consultant that alcohol was not the issue, and that the Comal River-area homeowners. 830.832.8195 ban was intended to solve environmental and Continued on next page. [email protected] • facebook.com/CruisingCreationsVacations 2 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 3 The original completion date for Walnut was April 3, 2013, which has, of course, Continued from previous page. come and gone. A second completion date To sum up, if she told the truth about the was announced, that of August 8, 2013. Can Ban, she’s a massive failure. If she lied, Now, because it rained last week, a third she’s a raging success. date has been published. The current completion Now that Phase One is complete, and date is scheduled for August 17, 2013. tourists are not frequenting the river as they Since the citizens of New Braunfels have had in the past, it’s time to put the hammer had to live with this vanity project/construction down and limit the amount of locals that insist for the last three years, the TX Citizen believes on floating the Comal, by charging them it’s high time somebody other than the usual admission to a park that they’ve already paid contractors made some money off of the deal. taxes to maintain. You know who likes parks Which is why we’re starting a pool. Special more than anyone? Big Mexican families. thanks to reader Richard Buford for providing You know who likes paying admission to use the impetus to get this going. a park? Nobody. Mission accomplished. For just $5 per entry, you can buy into Council has approved the formation of a any date between July 1, 2013, and August stakeholder committee, made up of outfitters 17, 2017. Should the street open for business and park-and-riverside homeowners, which will on your selected date, you’ll win 100% of the be charged with setting the park’s entry fee. Let entry fees (or split them with other entrants who me state this: The outfitters with river access, chose the same date). like Wurstfest’s Landa Falls, would love a high Important: There are two dates at play admission price to the park. As would the local here – the day the City Engineer’s office signs homeowners. Remember, this is Texas’ Most off on the Certificate of Final Completion, Corrupt City™, and hiring foxes to guard our and the dedication date, which is when the henhouse is par for the course. Altered States Mike Crowe IPA Vinny’s ESB OktoberFaust myriad of current and former Mayors and The truth is, the entire public is the Councilmembers will show up to cut a ribbon stakeholder in a public park, not just people who or something. We’re looking for the later of the live or work near it. Council’s move puts us one HOME TO FOUR AWARD WINNING BREWS! two dates, as, for the purposes of this contest, step closer to a public river, and a public park, the job isn’t complete until both events have becoming as private as possible. The power become a matter of record. players in this city are on a roll, converting You may enter as many times as you’d public assets, be they land, water, or tax dollars, like, with entries spread over as many or few into private benefits for a privileged few. days as you’d prefer. You want multiple shares District Two’s Aja Edwards-Patino was of January 12, 2015? You got it. The deadline the only Council member that voted against for entry is June 30, 2013. the admission proposal. Sadly, District One’s Should no one pick the winning date, or George Green went along with the rest of construction continue past the summer of 2017, the gang, which was a huge disappoint to us we’ll conduct a poll to see which local charity here, because we really like the guy. We’re our readers would like to donate the money to. hoping for better from him in the future. Located in the heart of downtown New So write down your selected date(s), put (Disclosure: The TX Citizen leases its office Braunfels, the Historic Faust Hotel it/them in an envelope with the appropriate space from Edwards-Patino.) & Brewing Company is a one-stop amount of cash, and drop it through our mail Should the Mayor pull this one off, the slot at 1111 N Walnut Avenue. Then… wait. destination offering a variety of House only people with free access to the Comal will Brews, Full Bar and Tapas-Style Menu, be riverside homeowners, their friends, one or \m/ and Redesigned Guestrooms, Suites, two outfitters, and members of the Wurstfest and Event Center, which feature 1920’s Association. Phase Two is coming. The question Mike Reynolds Art Deco design while incorporating is, are we going to stand for it? Or do we even Publisher/Editor-in-Chief have a choice? modern amenities.

Fun with Walnut Avenue JOIN US FOR On September 7, 2010, construction began on the Boyer-Morrison Parkway, more commonly Trivia Night Every Thursday known as the Walnut Avenue Expansion Project. Since that time, we’ve run through two Mayors, Open at 4pm Mon-Thurs & 12pm Fri-Sun four changes at the Councilmember level, and the firing of the City Manager under whom the Find us project was started, while the Houston-Owned 240 South Seguin Ave. | Downtown New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung is on its third Editor-in-Chief. (830) 625-7791 | www.FaustBrewing.com Heck, I wasn’t even reporting news at KGNB yet, let alone writing this column. 4 AD SALES 830.483.9563 HELP WANTED

The Tobacco Haus Cigar Lounge & Bar Alpine Haus is currently taking applications for cocktail We have one position for experienced waitress. Advancement to bartender possible. waitstaff in our upscale restaurant. Knowledge Retail experience a plus, no wait or bar of German language and culture a plus. We experience necessary. Must be available are also hiring kitchen prep and dishwasher. nights and weekends, availability during the Must be reliable. Apply in person from 3 PM day a plus. Apply in person at Tobacco Haus to 4:30 PM Thursday through Sunday at 251 in the Marketplace Shopping Center. S. Seguin Ave. New Braunfels.

The New Braunfels Auction Co. Camp Huaco Springs & Gruene Flea Antique Mall It’s that time of year again! We’re Seeking a variety of seasonal temp hiring for the reservation office at Camp to hire part time and/or full time workers. Huaco Springs. Must work the 3 major Estate sale set up, sales operation, retail, holiday weekends and have excellent phone furniture movers, etc. Great fun work etiquette. We’re super flexible with hours - environment, part time, flex and full time part time or full time, and we can schedule depending on ability, availability and around your needs. Seasonal work only. experience. Great student and summer Please stop by the RV Store on River Road to jobs! Apply in person at 311 FM306 pick up an application. We would really like Bldg.#2 New Braunfels TX 78130. to hire some Scooter Store employees that have been laid off! Millennium Medi-Spa Large, busy spa is looking for a registered Mile High Yard Works is hiring full esthetician and a registered massage therapist or part time workers for fun work outside! for full or part-time employment. Must be Kick the cubical! We are looking for Labor dependable and energetic. Please call (830) and a delivery driver. Contact Tommy at 608-9989 for more information. 830-626-3455. Trim: 5.06x11.31 Trim: Bleed: none Live: 4.81x11.06 AAA Bail Bonds II Eclipse Window Tinting is now hiring. Seeking Office Staff/On-Call BondContact Aaron at 830-237-2267. Agent. Please e-mail aaabailkeely@austin. rr.com for more info. M4 Cleaning Services is hiring 6 housekeepers for residential & commercial Mountain Breeze Campground cleaning in New Braunfels. $9.00/hour. Call Publication: NB Citizen Closing Date: 5.26.13 QC: sm We are hiring office and bar staff 210-386-6429 starting now through the summer. Part-time and full-time positions. Must have a great Elite Auto Sounds is hiring for the 249290 attitude, because attitude is everything! Apply position of sign spinner. Seeking fresh faces at Mountain Breeze Camp on River Rd or call and enthusiastic personalities. Hourly + Brand: BLL/SBL Item #:PLB201310433 Job/Order #: 830 964 2484 ext 0. bonuses. Apply in person @ Rueckle & 35.

OurBlok Are you a connector? We are looking for Got a nice opening? We’ll help fill it, two professional representatives to help in the FREE! Send your job listings to gigs@ area. Salary, commission and bonuses offered based on experience and performance. If you txcitizen.com. Hire former Scooter Store ENJOY RESPONSIBLY like people and have a service mentality you employees, and we’ll pay you off with ©2013 Anheuser-Busch, Bud Light Lime® Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita Flavored Malt Beverages may be the perfect fit. Past sales experience (Flavored Ale in OR & TX), St. Louis, MO. For more information about our products call 1-800-Dial Bud, (1-800-342-5283) up to $1,500 in advertising credit! or visit us at www.budlightlime.com 6% only in ME, NH, TN. 6% and 8% in other markets. helpful but not mandatory. Email your resume to [email protected] to discuss further.

4 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 5 CALENDAR BAD DESIGN IS CONCERT IN THE PARK This Week, June 13: Arm’s Length hits the Landa Park Dance Slab at 7:30pm. Next Week: South Texas Review. Admission is FREE! 1 LOUD PIPES2 CONTEST 3 Got a loud bike? Or working ears? Come on out to Gruene Harley-Davidson for the Loud Pipes contest! Event starts at 11am, with lunch, live music and prizes from noon until 2pm. Saturday, June 15.

TEXAS CAJUN DANCE Cher’ La-bas Texas Cajun Band will be playing traditional Cajun music at YOUR BUSINESS the Geronimo VFW Post 8456, 6808 N Highway 123, Geronimo on Saturday, June 15, 8 PM-Midnight. $8 donation, benefit for the VFW. Kitchen open Call now. You can’t afford not to. at 6 PM with great Cajun foods! Always smoke free open to everyone. logos • business cards • brochures • photo editing • web design • advertisements Reservations/Info 830-379-1971.

5 BENEFIT FOR6 WEST, TX 7 Spend Father’s Day at the River Road Ice House with live music, silent 830.542.9134 [email protected] auction, live auction, and BBQ, all to benefit the West Fire Department and EMS. All day, Sunday, June 16. COUNTRY DANCE CITIZEN Live, classic country music for the VFW’s Veterans Programs at the Geronimo VFW, 6808 N Highway 123, Geronimo, on June 16, 3 - 6:30 pm. Open seating. $7 donation. Hall is smoke free and open to all. Info 830-303-9903. BEST OF THE HAPPY COW WURST OK TORNADO RELIEF RIDE BAR & GRILL 2013 The Udder Place in Hunter, TX Oklahoma Tornado Relief Gift Card Drive and Ride – Donate gift cards from CO-CHAMPION any national chain to help out OK’s tornado victims (by June 22), and ride with Gruene Harley9 staff to Moore, OK, to10 deliver the goods on June 23!11 BEST BAR! MISS TX CITIZEN Live at The Happy Cow LIVE competition at the Phoenix Saloon, Friday, June 28 at 8pm. One lucky NEW! winner will take home the coveted TX Citizen tiara and sash, as well as a massive FEATURING: Smoke free lounge upstairs! amount of prizes, at the First Annual Miss TX Citizen Contest, sponsored by The Iron Maiden’s Blaze Bayley, Phoenix Saloon, Budweiser, The Landmark Salon and Spa, Terrific Massage and The Scorpions’ James Kottak, Specializing in Spa, The Perky Peacock and Lisa on Location! Admission is FREE, with 100% of and John Moyer of Disturbed Belgian Beers all funds donated at the event to benefit New Braunfels Puppy Playland! AND Queensryche in one of their four US dates this year! 100 Import Beers VOTE FOR PUPPY PLAYLAND 24 Beers on Tap Through July 31: New Braunfels Puppy Playland (NBPP) is now a finalist in a the Sunday, June 23 @ 4pm “Bark for Your Park” contest sponsored by PetSafe, a pet-products firm! One lucky Live Entertainment city will win13 the grand prize to spend on 14its dog park, and four other cities15 will receive $20 tickets on sale now! $25,000. New Braunfels-area residents are asked to go online and bark (vote) for ONE SHOW ONLY Full Bar funding for their city’s dog park. To vote, visit www.petsafe.net. Each voter may cast Pool Tables ◊ Darts TWO ballots daily, (once via Facebook and once through the PetSafe website), so bark early and bark often! For information on the future dog park in New Braunfels Kitchen Hours: and on the “Bark for Your Park” contest, go to www.newbraunfelsdogpark.com. Tues-Fri 11:30am-10pm Sat & Sun GOT AN EVENT TO PROMOTE? 2pm-10pm We’ll get the word out for you! BLACK WHALE PUB Send the details to [email protected]. 9103 FM 1102 367 Main Plaza 17 18 19 “San Braunfels” (Hunter, TX) 512.353.0030 830-625-6605 6 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 7 Ernest Servantes lS diversions

Cactus Jack’s Baby Back Ribs Est. 1986 On the Tenth Day God Made Pork Reeeebs! Ribs have always been a summertime staple Buffalo Wings & Rings in our family, and from spare ribs to baby back, my family would love it when I made them. Karaoke Many backyard warriors are in a constant struggle to find a way to cook the ribs so that Live Music Tuesday Nights, 7:30pm they were tender enough that the bone would slip clean out. I’m often asked, ”Big Ern, we Tues & Weds @ 8:30pm found a good rib recipe, but they come out under, over or dry”. In response, I started a quest to Trivia Thursday Night, 7:30pm discover the easiest way to make a good backyard slab of baby back ribs. DJ Dance First things first, you need to buy good quality meat. I’ve found that we really like the ribs Fri @ 8:30pm Dirty’s Bar & Q from HEB, or one of our local meat providers, aka Granzin’s. There certainly isn’t much meat Sat @ 9pm Karaoke on baby backs, but they always turn out tender. Wednesday Nights, 8pm Next you need to prep the meat. Depending on where you bought it you may need to remove Saturday Nights, 9pm the membrane off the back of the slab before you apply your BBQ rub (recipe below). A secret hint Check out to making sure your rub stays on the meat is to wet them down with water and then quickly rub them Faust Brewing Company down - the water helps rehydrate all the dry spices and makes it easier for them to penetrate the meat. Happy Hour! Trivia Always season your ribs thirty minutes to an hour before cooking them to allow the seasoning Monday - Saturday Thursday Nights, 8pm to flavor the meat. As for your pit, you want your smoker at 250 degrees. Here is the key part – 11am-7pm it’s called the 2+2 method. Smoke two hours, wrap in foil for two hours… it’s that easy. Freiheit Country Store For the first two hours smoke I tend to use a fruit wood like Western’s Apple or Peach ALL Day Sunday Karaoke (westernbbqproducts.com). After smoking for two hours, I wrap each slab of ribs with foil. I like Friday Nights, 8pm to use two cups of apple juice to help steam the ribs and retain the moisture while wrapped. 1390 McQueeney Rd, New Braunfels Trivia Put them back in the smoker or oven for an additional two hours at 250. When the two 830-625-0045 or wateringholesaloon.com Saturday Nights, 8pm hours are done unwrap the ribs, slather on some of Cactus Jack’s BBQ sauce (recipe below) and Become a friend @ facebook.com/theholenb let the slab sit on a cutting board for 15 minutes to allow the juices and meat to relax. Slice the Happy Cow ribs and watch your family and friends eat ‘em up! Karaoke Thursday Nights, 8pm Cactus Jack’s BBQ Sauce Trivia • 1 tbs of salt NEW RESTAURANT HOURS! Wednesday Nights, 8pm • 1 tbs of black pepper Pool Tournament • 1 1tbs garlic powder TUESDAY - THURSDAY 11a - 9p Monday Nights, 8pm • 4 cups Head Country or Daigle’s Sweet n Sour Sauce FRIDAY 11a - 10p • 1 cup brown sugar SATURDAY 8a - 10p Old Ice House • ½ cup yellow mustard SUNDAY 8a - 3p Karaoke • 1 tbsp tomato paste Thursdays, Sundays • 2 tsp onion powder Bar is open til midnight • 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce DJ Friday & Saturday Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays Combine everything in a pot and place on stove at low heat for ten minutes. OPEN MIC Phoenix Saloon W/ FALLON FRANKLIN Burnt Bean Co Pork Rub EVERY THURSDAY @ 6 Karaoke • 1 cup granulated garlic Thursday Nights • 1 cup granulated onion KARAOKE • 1 cup of seasoning salt EVERY FRIDAY @ 8 Prickly Pear Lounge • 1 cup of black pepper Karaoke • 1 cup of brown sugar Thursdays, Saturdays • 1 cup of paprika • ½ cup of chili powder DJ KC • 1 cup of kosher salt Fridays • ½ cup of dried oregano The Watering Hole Saloon • ¼ cup of dry mustard VOTED BEST BURGERS IN TOWN! Karaoke Ernest Servantes is the celebrity chef behind The Burnt Bean Company, a competitive Thursdays BBQ team based in New Braunfels. His fire-and-meat-based skill set Country Dance Lessons earned him national recognition when he captured the 2012 COUNTRY STORE Fridays, 7:30pm - FREE Grill Masters Championship, and the accompanying $50,000 DJ grand prize, on the Food Network’s “Chopped”. WWW.FREIHEITCOUNTRYSTORE.NET Fridays, Saturdays TXCITIZEN.COM 7 CITIZEN SOUNDCHECK

Thu 6.13 Vineyard at Gruene Triple Crown Bubba’s Big Deck ISIS Only Show Rabb Rodriguez Roclaholics Black Whale Pub 7pm 6pm 3pm TBA Vino en Verde Major Major Major, Grow!, 9pm Cheatham Street Warehouse The Media Writes Taylor Louis & the Lifeguards, K Phillips & the Concho Pearls 7pm The Canvas People Dirty’s Bar & Q 9pm Steven Roloff & Friends 9pm 8pm Fri 6.14 Uptown Piano Bar Geronimo VFW 8456 Fundraiser Dance Dirty’s Bar & Q Barry Adams Freiheit Country Store 8pm Cher’ La-bas Texas Cajun Band Open Mic w/ Fallon Franklin James Pardo Band Cajun Food @ 6, Music @ 8 8pm Vineyard at Gruene 6pm Gruene Hall The Happy Cow BJ Thibodeaux Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten 7pm Wheeler Brothers Jam Night Kim Meeks & Her Bad Habits w/ Whiskey Shivers 6pm 8pm Vino en Verde 9pm, $12 Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten Brett Cline Phoenix Saloon w/ KennCentric The Pour Haus Adam Johnson MC & the Mystyx Bo Brumble 6:30pm 8pm 5pm w/ The Groove Hounds Riley’s Tavern Phoenix Saloon Sat 6.15 9pm The Groove Hounds Zakk Goodman River Road Ice House 5pm Black Whale Pub 9pm Jon Wolfe Blackwater Revival TBA 8pm AJ’s Ale House w/ True Audio Outland 9pm Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show 8pm Freiheit Country Store Tavern in the Gruene 9pm Riley’s Tavern Jason Allen Brian Keane, $5 9pm Billy’s Ice House Modern Don Juans w/ Breeland Angel Cyrus James 9pm 8pm Triple Crown w/ Hooper Brothers AJ’s Ale House The Happy Cow Lethal Smut, Sasquatch Holler, 5pm Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show Beltsander Races Motel Ball Band, The Christophers, 9pm 3pm Molly J Hayes Black & Tan Pub 8pm McClure, Sayle Bot Hell Camino & Perfect Strangers Billy’s Ice House Following Races 9pm Justin van Sant Band Uptown Piano Bar 8pm Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten John Maclean Cheatham Street Warehouse 8pm Ashley Monical The Phillip Stevens Band Black & Tan Pub 1pm 9pm DollFace Vino en Verde The Texas Saints 7pm Yesenia Trio Concerts in the Park 6pm 9pm Arm’s Length Bubba’s Big Deck Phoenix Saloon 7:30pm Empty Handed Vagabonds go to stereo Sun 6.16 6pm Gruene Hall w/ The Dirty Heat Lone Star Float House & Grill Chubby Knuckle Choir Cheatham Street Warehouse 9pm The Grant Ewing Band 7pm Bill Carter w/ Victor Holk w/ Grant Ewing & Colin Colby Riley’s Tavern 7pm The Pour Haus 9pm Roy Heinrich & the Pickups Nick Lawrence 9pm Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten 7pm Gruene Hall The Blues Buzzards Larry Joe Taylor AJ’s Ale House 2pm Tavern in the Gruene 8pm, $12 Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show Rockadillos 9pm Phoenix Saloon 8pm The Pour Haus Al Barlow Streamline Bikini Event Baja BBQ Shack 2pm Triple Crown Brent Woods Trio George DeVore Dukes of York Ike Eichenberg 9pm 8pm 7pm 6pm Chief Fuzzer, Copper Gamins, 8 Ball River Road Ice House Billy’s Ice House Baja BBQ Shack Aitken Midnight River Choir Wally West & Them Lostbound Souls The Vagabonds 10pm 8pm 8pm 7pm Uptown Piano Bar Tavern in the Gruene Black & Tan Pub Black & Tan Pub Ashley Stone 3 Man Front Skies of Fire Max & Friends 8pm 8pm 10pm 9pm 8 AD SALES 830.483.9563 CITIZEN SOUNDCHECK BROUGHT TO YOU BY

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Gordy Quist Trio 9pm 7pm Watering Hole Saloon Watch San Antonio The Pour Haus Allan Goodman Paul Rogers 8:30pm Battle Miami 7pm Baja BBQ Shack on 20+ TVs, Tavern in the Gruene Picker’s Circle grab your wings to go, or 60 Cycle Hum 7pm 8pm let Snap! deliver them to you! Triple Crown Cheatham Street Warehouse Kent Finlay’s Songwriters Circle ! everydays a holyday snap www.snapNB.com 6pm 9pm Chief & TheDoomsdayDevice 830.358.7281 9pm Gruene Hall Bill Kirchen & Too Much Fun Tues 6.18 7pm Buy 1 Meal & The Happy Cow The Pour Haus Open Jam Scott Wiggins 2 Beverages & receive w/ Uncle Daddy 8pm 8pm 2nd Meal 50% off Dine-in only, limit one per customer. Riley’s Tavern Triple Crown Text “WINGSNB” Limit one coupon per table. Not valid Emily Herring to 72727 with any other offers. Maximum discount $6.00. Steven Roloff Valid at New Braunfels and San Antonio Location Only. 9pm 6pm Expires 9/30/13 Fire in the Pines, Lonesome Heroes, FOR GREAT OFFERS Watering Hole Saloon Los Libertados & GIVEAWAYS! Buddy Boy 9pm 8:30pm 830-626-9464(WING) Billy’s Ice House Uptown Piano Bar Moonlight Social John Maclean 983 LOOP 337 • NEW BRAUNFELS, TX 78130 8pm 8pm 8 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 9 OUT SOUND OF TOWN THIS WEEK IN SPOILERS Fri 6.14 Sat 6.15 Antone’s Antone’s Big movies, ruined. Bob Schneider Honey Island Swamp Band w/ Water & Rust, The Chorderoys w/ Mingo Fishtrap, Canned Beets Biergarten The Internship 8pm, $18-$150 8pm, $12-$100 Featuring Guadalupe Brewing Co. Beers Owen Wilson and that guy from The Continental Club Special Events Monthly Swingers lose their jobs and become interns The Continental Club Club Lineup: at Google. They help a bunch of techies “find Club Lineup: Fresh Handmade The Blues Specialists, 6:30pm Sandwiches and Salsa themselves”, and in the end they all get jobs Cornell Hurd Band, 3:30pm Mercy Brothers at Google. The eros-obsessed Indian chick is Temeca Jones Private Parties- Catering a virgin and the guy with the headphones w/ The Preservation, Nicholas Ginbey turns out to be in charge of Google Search. 10pm, $10 w/ KP & the Boom Boom Wedding Facilities Available Gallery Lineup: 10pm, $10 Live Music Every Night After Earth The Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm Gallery Lineup: Never a Cover M. Night Shyamalan directed this The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5 Scarlett Olson, 8:30pm Kid & Pet Friendly Fresh Prince vehicle, and like all M. Night The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30, $5 Cowboy’s Dancehall Shyamalan films, it has a completely 1263 Gruene Road • 830.625.1045 unpredictable, ultra-surprising twist ending. Mark Chestnut Floore’s Country Store Call for Hours! Which in this case is the fact that the Fresh 8pm, $10 21+, $20 18+ Bleu Edmondson Prince brought one of those monsters that Floore’s Country Store w/ Javi Garcia omalovesyou.com killed his daughter to Earth with him on purpose as a training device for his son to Brandon Rhyder 8pm, $12 learn to conquer fear – or die trying. D’oh! w/ Aaron Einhouse Hooligan’s Bar & Grill BEST His son lives, by the way. 8pm, $15 OF THE Rock Star Riot Start Trek: Into Darkness Hooligan’s Bar & Grill 8:30pm, $4 WURST Khan gets thawed out by Starfleet. James Delgado & Friends Red Eyed Fly 2013 Robocop turns out to be a super bad guy. 7:30pm, $5 Pulse Rate Zero Khan kills Kirk, instead of Spock, this time Double Winner! around. McCoy brings Kirk back to life with Red Eyed Fly w/ Black Thorn Halo, 3Denied, Mile of Crashkill Six the aid of a Tribble. Robocop dies and Khan Dirt, Exit the Sun Best Live Music Venue w/ The Organics, Ghosts of Dixie, Knael gets refrozen. 8pm, Outside & Best Biergarten 8:30pm, Inside Fast and Furious VI Snake Skin Prison Sam’s Burger Joint Our anti-heroes keep a plane from w/ Powderburn, Wellborn Rd, Guy Forsyth Upcoming Shows: taking off by tying it to their bitchin’ cars. Capture Theory 8pm, $12-$60 Vin Diesel and The Rock live, but Han gets 9pm, Outside June 13 killed after the credits. So stay until after Stetson Bar @ 6 Jam Night the credits. Sam’s Burger Joint TBA Soul Track Mind 9:30pm June14 The Great Gatsby w/ Big Britches @ 6:30 MC & The Mystyx Gatsby gets shot and hardly anybody 8pm, $10-$50 Stubb’s BBQ shows up to his funeral. Henry & the Invisibles June 15 Stetson Bar w/ Sheer Khan, Kabomba @ 1 The Phillip Stevens Band Java Heat TBA 9pm, Inside, $8 Scary bad-guy Mickey Rourke totally 9:30pm @ 6 The Texas Saints gets killed. They make you think he’s going Stubb’s BBQ Thirsty Horse Saloon June 16 to get away, but then he gets killed. Jay Eric Band The Reynolds Number @ 2 The Blues Buzzards Iron Man III w/ The Lonely Hunter, Antiques, Aaron Peace 8pm Ben Kingsley isn’t the bad guy after all 8pm, Inside, $5 June20 – he just plays one on TV. The real bad guy @ 6 Jam Night Thirsty Horse Saloon is that freak that shows up in the elevator at the beginning of the movie. Pepper lives, and Straight Shot See you there! 8pm Stark blows all the suits up.

10 AD SALES 830.483.9563 ADVICE FROM UNCLE ESEL Uncle Esel, By the way, the Swedes are considered to start workshops on getting the private I’m sitting at the New Braunfels the cleanest in Europe. tubers and hence mostly locals to pay post office waiting for it to open and Love, K “taxes” to use the river. I’m thinking... This place sure could use Higher rivers costs created by our some sprucing up! A little TLC is very Uncle Esel, City and lower collections must be much needed here. What are your thoughts on the river hurting! Now the locals must pay as the The bushes seriously need trimming access fee that our Mayor seems to be City is no longer making good on the and all the weeds are running rampant. targeting for next year? Are we all going “business” of tourism. I’d love to see some pretty flowers to pay for the City’s mistakes or am I Paul G. around. Inside is kinda dirty, I Wonder looking too deeply into this? After all, when was the last time it had a good the City has never charged for this for Dear Paul, cleaning? There are finger prints on many years, and now the container ban Well, you’re kind of right about every seeable surface. The displays are has reduced the river problems and the customers going out of town, but it’s not the all in disarray like Ross’s Dress For Less higher costs. This can be seen in the lower tubing companies taking them. After the ban, after the Holidays. number of arrests and citations, removal many people showed up like they had for Where did the German pride go in of the crowds, no longer the need to many years, and found out that it was a huge our post office? close streets around the Schlitterbahn, hassle to bring their business here. Many of Tammy reduced overtime requirements of the them actually said that the experience was Police Department etc. Dear Tammy, not worth it and they would go elsewhere, Should local residents be paying to BEST and this year many of them are. CO-CHAMP! OF THE Let me clear up first that Germans are not use the river? That is what the fee is for BEST BAR WURST San Marcos is booming with new WINNER! 2013 responsible for creating the concept of post according to the Mayor during her Monday BEST MAKE OUT SPOT: business that we sent them, and no “that BASEMENT BAR offices and mail. The Romans are largely with the Mayor on KGNB. (Why I listen to generation” baseball player (he looks like the responsible for the development of a postal that, I really don’t know!) However they old produce guy at HEB) is going to influence system that more closely resembles ours, but are saying that they are charging to have them. Meanwhile the city keeps spending and Uncle Esel found it most interesting that the access to the river through the parks. Persians created the earliest mail system Is this to protect local river property spending even though the mayor said two years that, in an ironic twist, was used to gather owners from paying to use the river? ago that a bold decision would finally fix many intelligence and to pass out tax notices and So is charging for use of the parks but problems. Now ask her to show you the budget. bills. My how things have changed. using this money to offset river related The idea that the city wants to tax me to Strangely enough, as Uncle Esel costs legal? Hell my property value just get in a river from a public place is just commie has mentioned numerous times about the jumped 6% this year so the city can collect talk. This actually would be a walking tax as in government spying on your emails and such, more taxes. It feels like the suggested a tax for the honor of walking across a public it now comes out that each and every mail prostitution that I never personally park. Look, city people, last time we checked, it’s item is photographed and can be used to witnessed has left the river and now the public land and a navigable river and there is no gather intelligence and put angry wives in jail local residents are getting raped! authority to tax that. Losing is stupid, but losing for sending Ricin laced letters to the President. I spend a lot of time on the Comal twice is just brain-dead, awe-inspiring stupid. river over weekends with a Kayak, and But on to your question, Tammy. Uncle So to be straight, you think the mayor noticed that there are very few tourists Esel has used some of his intelligence wants to tax a long time New Braunfels on the river using tubing companies. gathering abilities of his own and found that industry that is a part of our life and heritage You can always see the locals as by the the Post Office has been without custodian going back generations because it results in type of tubes they use. Clearly more care for about a month, and has a new trash in the river, drunken behavior, urine in than 60% is by regular visitors who have custodian hired and starting soon. Of course, the river and on the banks, traffic congestion, invested in their own personal tubes. parking problems, law enforcement issues, you probably saw that on your own Facebook I have also noticed over the past two post from one of your friends, and it was sure loud music, an occasional indecent exposure, years that the Rockin R exit is empty medical calls, crowds, and more? Well, I’m nice of her to do that info gathering for me. with very few tubers from Rockin R up for that discussion, so when is the next Please thank her on my behalf. on the river. I see many Texas Tubes Wurstfest Association meeting? (See what I I would tell you that you should keep a and some from Landa Falls. This is the did there?) sharp eye out because the USPS has been opposite from 2009, 2010 & 2011. Love, K hemorrhaging for decades and they can’t So my belief is that local tubing seem to find a way to profit. Perhaps you companies are, where possible, taking 830.625.3200 and some friends should organize something the tubers outside of town where there is Uncle K. Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is Tattoos / Piercings / Tattoo Removal / Permanent Cosmetics like the public library’s “Friends of the no container ban. So now the city is not well known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. Library.” I am surprised that they’ve actually collecting as much as they should on the If you find yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, BEST OF THE WINNER! hired someone with the sequester scare from $1.50 taxes from every tuber using the send your question to Uncle Esel at: askesel@TXCITIZEN. WURST WINNER! COM. Be sure to write “Question for Uncle Esel” in the BEST TATTOO STUDIO Obama, because you know how Republicans tubing companies. No wonder the City 2013 subject line of your email. hate clean parking lots. Council is already jumping up and down 382 IH 35 S. / New Braunfels 10 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 11 COMAL COUNTY’S ! ASK A MEXICAN! By Gustavo Arellano Dear Mexican: I’m a gringa from MOST WANTED Iowa and I’ve been dating my Mexican ARELLANO, PEINADO, Dear Mexican: In Philadelphia, boyfriend for about three months OMAR DANIEL PEDRO RAMIREZ where I live, there are three Spanish- now. He knows I’m from a background Male • 5’06” • 265 lbs Male • 5’08” • 200 lbs language stations on regular broadcast that’s as white as they come, since I’m DOB: 07/04/1980 DOB: 09/27/1978 television. None of them offer English German-Norwegian mix. But he fell in CHARGE: Evading CHARGE: Driving while subtitles. I bet plenty of people of love with me because I think I shocked intoxicated with child arrest detection all heritages would like to check out him. See, I speak Spanish, I listen to under 15 yoa with vehicle Spanish language television, or the news Spanish music, and we even met at a club from Central America or whatever, if we for cumbia and bachata dancing. And could get subtitles. he is puro mexicano with no English. He ARIZA, SATTERFIELD, I called one of the stations always calls me his “sexi gringa/guera” AUGUSTINE WILLIAM DALE (Univisión) about it but they said pero, lately, he’s been calling me his Male • 5’08” • 180 lbs Male • 6’02” • 200 lbs there are no plans to offer subtitles. mexicana también when we’ve gone out DOB: 06/10/1953 DOB: 06/06/1952 Channel 35 here in Philly has Chinese, dancing or for drinks. Why is that? CHARGE: Motion to CHARGE: Possession of a controlled Melodia Confusa revoke probation for Korean, German, Russian, Polish, substance and bail engaging in organized and Italian programming, all with jumping and fail to Dear Confused Melody Gabacha: criminal activity appear felony subtitles. Your thoughts? Broad Street Broad Because he loves you — you’re no longer just ARRIAGA, JOSE VAZQUEZ, a gabacha to screw, but a mujer ready to meet the familia. Better make sure you incorporate HILDEBERTO ALFREDO RICO Dear Gabacha: Your letter has been in chorizo into your hotdish — and I’m not talking Male • 5’08” • 150 lbs Male • 5’03” • 156 lbs my ¡Ask a Mexican! archives for so long that about your hoo-hah. DOB: 12/18/1976 DOB: 09/23/1956 your question is no longer needed — but I’ll CHARGE: CHARGE: Possession todavia answer it because it allows me to raise CONFIDENTIAL TO the East Los Unauthorized use of of a controlled a great point. vehicle and evading Angeles College familia. Ustedes graciously substance Last year, Univisión announced it was arrest with a vehicle invited me to be your commencement speaker going to offer English-language captions for earlier this year — and I stood ustedes up last most of its telenovelas and even some news CARTER, VILLARREAL- week through a calendar error all my own. I programs, although it didn’t necessarily NATHANIEL TREVINO, profusely apologize to everyone at East Los have gabachos in mind. Rather, the move ANDREW JULIO CESAR Angeles College for insulting you in this way — was prompted by Univisión’s realization Male • 6’07” • 210 lbs Male • 5’11” • 160 lbs you deserve so much better., Perdóname, Profe DOB: 10/03/1987 DOB: 07/13/1977 that assimilation is inevitable in this CHARGE: Motion to Godinez, my fellow Chapman University alum, CHARGE: Two counts- country, and that if it didn’t acknowledge Motion to proceed with revoke probation for who recommended me as the commencement that English is the ultimate destiny for every adjudication for unauthorized use speaker in the first place. A big ol’ :-( to the possession of marijuana of a vehicle Mexican in el Norte, it would become as ELAC student on Twitter who asked a very relevant to the Mexican experience as simple question: “Donde estas, buey?” MARTINEZ, WHEELER, canned tortillas. I will apologize for this for the rest of my BENITO III MICHAEL WAYNE It’s not a new tale — the ethnic press life, I will never be able to live this mistake Male • 5’10” • 170 lbs Male • 5’08” • 160 lbs has long had a vibrant place in American down, and I will do everything possible to DOB: 01/10/1984 DOB: 11/06/1966 letters (the first Spanish-language newspaper try and make this up to ustedes. For starters, CHARGE: Motion to CHARGE: Theft of published in los Estados Unidos goes back to gentle readers: ELAC is an amazing institution revoke probation for property over $1500 the early 19th century), but the only ones that that has long hosted a book festival (where burglary of habitation under $20,000 survive more than a couple of generations they’ve graciously invited me in the past) and are those that understand they’re only has many amazing teachers and students. FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL temporary phenomena, and that their days Also? I’m the biggest pendejo in the world — COUNTY’S MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous. are numbered. but ustedes knew that already! $200 830.620.3400 - 24-Hour That’s why this infernal column also REWARD 830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm has a shelf life: when the Reconquista is Ask the Mexican at themexican@ The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act Code 552.001 st.seq.annotated finally complete, I will turn the burro over askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, Public Record and Information disclosure statues. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, June 3, 2013 at follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano 1:42 pm and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. For anonymous tips and rewards, to my gabacho intern so he can explain or ask him a video question at youtube. please contact Crime Stoppers at: 24-Hour Phone number 830.620.3400; Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm 830.620.3411. These are America’s largest and whiniest minority to listings of criminal warrants with the Sheriff’s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the com/askamexicano! status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law. the ruling Mexi class.

12 AD SALES 830.483.9563 TXCITIZEN.COM 13 THE

WITH MITCHELL WILBURN Magic Hat’s #9 Not-Quite-Pale-Ale topic. Magic Hat Brewing Company is based not from the nose but definitely from the taste. So after last week’s “unpleasantness” with the in Vermont, but has been picking up momentum Oddly enough, the first thing I noticed wolves and the hot dog highway and other everywhere west of the Mississippi as well. from this was the mouthfeel. It’s pretty thin, such insanity-fueled ramblings, I asked my This may or may not have something to do thinner than I was expecting from anything most normal co-workers how I could open with being bought by NAB, owners of Labatt, that wasn’t macro-brew clear and yellow. an article in a normal way. After a few ideas Seagram’s Coolers, and Pyramid. Personally, Frankly, I found that pretty nice and refreshing. being shot down for being too, shall we say, I’m glad for it. I know Magic Hat isn’t on the I just can’t get that “whet your whistle” feel “hard to grasp”, I decided on having a normal snob short-list, but I think it’s a good head and with anything too thick. The taste itself was conversation about fruit. After all, the beer I’m shoulders above the “grocery store tier” beers. similarly refreshing. Once again, plenty of reviewing is (spoiler alert) a fruit beer. #9 Not-Quite-Pale-Ale is Magic Hat’s apricot, along with some citrus tang from Let’s start with some facts. Did you know flagship year-round beer. You’ll find it more the hops. The little hoppiness was a great peaches, apricots, and plums are all related? in bottles, but I’ve seen it on tap at some compliment to the sweet fruit flavor, keeping it It’s entirely true. Chiquita Banana used to frequency. The one I had was on tap, a pint, entirely in check from being too cloying. be an actual anthropomorphic banana with and I’ve heard that it is notably better on tap. There was also a good balance with pale a fruit hat before being replaced by a lady If you see it, go for it and compare the two. malts, just enough to form a good backing with a fruit (and not animal/people) hat. And It pours a beautiful clear pale orange/ and tone down any sharp edges. It would to settle the old debate: YES: limes, lemons, amber color. There’s a bit of a white, wet be a good “not quite pale ale”, even without oranges, and grapefruits are all picked from head that retains pretty well for such a light the apricot, but adding it creates one unique the same tree at different times in the season beer. The nose is all apricot, maybe a bit and refreshing brew. An odd thought I had as they ripen. Look it up, smart guy. I didn’t. of grain. I can’t find an explicit source, but while drinking this was that it would be quite I’m being told that one of those things is I think it’s a badly kept secret that the fruit interesting to have it soured, or blended with Mitchell Wilburn is our resident bon vivant and arbiter of all things not actually true. Maybe this article is spinning component is either partially or entirely a tart lambic. An interesting prospect, and barley. Send your beer questions to him at [email protected]. towards the Twilight Zone, so let’s get back on apricot. Trust me, you can guess it, perhaps something I may have to think about trying.

TXCITIZEN.COM 13 PRICKLY PEAR LOUNGE THURSDAY JUNE 13 Steven Roloff & Friends 8pm THURSDAY *RIB NIGHT!* Ladies Night & Karaoke w/Johnny V FRIDAY FRIDAY JUNE 14 Party with DJ KC & the Pear Crowd James Pardo Band 8pm SATURDAY Kool Karaoke w/Johnny V! SATURDAY JUNE 15 GForce Karaoke 9pm SUNDAY Open Noon-Midnight WEDNESDAY JUNE 19 Specials All Day GForce Karaoke 8pm MONDAY *STEAK NIGHT!* Get your Dos XX Draft ON! TUESDAY Pares/Catering TRIVIA NIGHT! With DJ KC [email protected] • 830-379-8883 WEDNESDAY Hump Day - Free Darts & Pool COME WATCH THE SPURS WITH US! 1051 N. IH-35 | 830-625-8017 As always, we urge you to The TX Citizen's own Pitmaster, Ernest Servantes, tied for Grand Champion at last DRINK RESPONSIBLY HWY 46, 2 MILES PAST CLEAR SPRINGS weekend's state BBQ championship in Lockhart, placing 1st in ribs, 2nd in brisket, and 3rd in chicken. The tie was broken in the brisket category, with the Chopped: Grill Masters champion narrowly missing the top spot. Check out Big Ern this Saturday at Freiheit Country Store's BBQ cookoff, where he'll make another run at greatness, and on page 7 of this issue of the TX Citizen, where he'll teach you the secret to making fall-off-the-bone baby back ribs!

Chairs were ying as Block Buster Wrestling invaded the friendly connes of Alpha CrossFit last Sunday, with luchadore Santana Jr (below, middle) coming out on top in a three-way battle, and taking home a belt, in his rst hardcore match. #brutal

LONE STAR Float House & Grill Now open E ERYDAY for lunch, dinnerV and tubing! FREE day parking, Monday through Friday! Get out and enjoy the Guadalupe! CANS ALWAYS WELCOME! 830.907.3866 • 7430 River Rd. New Braunfels TX 78132 (just past the 2nd crossing) 14 AD SALES 830.483.9563TX CITIZEN TXCITIZEN.COM 15 Last Word With Kelly Colby

A North Country Yankee in Prince Solms’ Court birthplace in Southern California, I regretted Part II: Texas Food my decision in one singular respect: Yankees I’m wild about food. Calling me a foodie would know nothing about making biscuits and gravy. be a discredit to those of more discerning tastes, I found the Nirvana I desired on my first though. I don’t claim any sort of impeccable attempt at Café Comal. I would have assumed palate. My interest in food is much broader, that the name was some derivation of the and to be fair, I’m much more likely to find Spanish eat comer, of course the name is smarter something to my taste in a local greasy spoon than that as the Comal River is but a stone’s than I am in a five-star restaurant. Because of throw away. The river itself most likely refers to this, my trip to Texas needed to include ample the southern kitchenware, and again, not eating. opportunities to sample the local cuisine. Mike When I saw biscuits and gravy on the menu Reynolds started me out right with a trip to In- at Café Comal, nothing else mattered. I ordered N-Out in Dallas, but it was hardly the last of it as a side and allowed the kitchen to bring me my culinary adventures. something to go with it. Their choice was perfect, There is no question that New Braunfels is awash in small-production local brews, but in worry that my teeth might rot out of my head a skillet dish with all the typical breakfast fare. a meat-centric place. I suspect this is common to most of New Braunfels, I stuck to Shiner Bock immediately, but I liked it nonetheless. I’m told (EDITOR’S NOTE – It was migas.) I ate it with the region. Each morning when I got up, the first or Lone Star; as I mentioned before, the finer it’s a southern staple, and I know from my relish while I waited for my side to cool a bit. stop would be some place to get breakfast tacos. things are often wasted on me. travels that there are a variety of soft drinks that (EDITOR’S NOTE – By “relish” he means with Breakfast tacos are an interesting concept I found an exception to this rule at the have a regional appeal. I would gladly trade gusto and delight, not actual relish. Ew.) in and of themselves. Essentially, a breakfast Faust Brewing company. I didn’t have time to the Moxie we have here for your Big Red. In my mind little can compare with the taco is what most of the rest of the country calls question the diabolical nature of the company No trip to Texas would be complete ecstasy of a well-prepared plate of biscuits breakfast, wrapped in a tortilla. Generally name with the bewitching Dana O’Neil, but without Texas Bar-B-Que. Dirty’s Bar and Q and gravy. The creamy, hearty goodness of delicious, the tacos vary from one location to she did direct me to several of the house ales, filled the bill nicely in New Braunfels. When this dish should be recognized worldwide, the next and most everyone offers some level all of which were exceptionally tasty. I missed Mike and I first pulled up, “Dirty”, Chris Dausin, but alas it is not. of a-la-carte variety. A trips to El Nopolito the chocolate and peanut butter brew by a was at his smoker in front of the restaurant. Café Comal gave me what I craved, provides all the sustenance a growing boy few days, but perhaps it is for the best. What I Rarely have I met a restaurateur more cordial, though. As the gravy cooled, it gelled perfectly. like me needs in the morning: my eggs, meat, tasted was so well balanced that my imaginings and he met all of my expectations of Texas. It’s I poked at the gravy with a pointed finger and the occasional vegetable all provided on a of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in a bottle might nice to know that stereotypes all live out there watched it quiver without coating me. (A perfect conveniently edible plate. be better than the reality, and as it is, I can somewhere. He encouraged me to try the ribs gravy does this the moment it begins to cool.) I, no doubt, raised some eyebrows by speculate without any fear. (Notice how I deftly he was working on, and though it need to be I giggled deliriously as I watched the Tabasco tucking in the bottom of my taco to make a try to sucker a gratis sixer out of her?) a takeout order, I agreed. pool on the top and begin to eat into the blanket makeshift burrito, but everyone was elegant The Faust also allowed me to try what I Against all possible good sense, I covering the biscuits. Nothing more is needed enough not to gasp or point. During my am told is a Texas specialty: queso dip. With ordered the Dirty Sanchez Nachos as well. for a good biscuits and gravy, and nothing occasional trips to Rudy’s, I dispensed with the a name like Colby, I’m hardly one to shrink While the name has novelty appeal, I would more was needed for Café Comal’s. Each bite formalities of anything other than their delicious away from cheese, and the preparation of this suggest something else based on the images included fluffy biscuit and slid down my throat varieties of meat. It’s nice to have the occasion melted cheddar, beef and sour cream, served the name evokes. with sausage-fat-induced ease, and I could feel to go straight-caveman once in a while. with tortilla chips was both simple and tasty. The ribs were a dream. Obviously, there my arteries harden right there at the table. I had the opportunity to visit the Gruene This was just one of several Texas delicacies is great disagreement over the best regional This doesn’t represent all of my Grind on several occasions as well. (There’s I tried, and all followed this common theme of Bar-B-Que. Coming from Vermont puts me in gastronomical adventures, but it certainly that odd type of spelling again. I’m told it’s simplicity made delicious. I tried Frito pie at the the unique position of not having a dog in the provides a good overview. Vermont has its pronounced “green.”) I’m rarely a coffee Spud Ranch. I can’t say that the concoction is fight. I’m now firmly in Texas’s camp. Dirty’s charms, but the food isn’t really one of them. person, but the Grind won me over. They mix original in any sense, but I’m told that Frito pie ribs are served with a generous side of sauce In New Braunfels, I found a place my stomach up a mean cappuccino, with foam decorations can only be truly appreciated if prepared in, which is perfect but wholly unnecessary. could explore for 100 visits. Only word count that astounded the bumpkin in me and a and eaten from, the Fritos bag, preferably with I found myself devouring the ribs without holds back my praise. caffeine level sufficient to set my teeth on edge. a spork, while at a high school football game. concern for additional condiments. Next week: Texas Leisure As part of my quest, I asked to be given The deep fried pickles from Freiheit were Aside from the Double-Double I started out typically Texan delicacies whenever possible. more surprising, but quite good with a bit of my trip with and the Del Taco I had planned for Clearly, and not surprisingly, the most common ranch dip. Big Red soda is a puzzler – is that the way home, there was one thing I was intent You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug. blogspot.com. response I got was beer. The country seems bubble gum I taste? The sweetness made me on trying before I left Texas. Ever since I left my

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Who will take home the honor, the prizes, Prizes courtesy of and the coveted Miss TX Citizen tiara? LANDMARK Find out Friday, June 28, at 8pm FREE SALON & SPA ADMISSION LIVE at the Phoenix Saloon!

Vote for your favorite entrant with cold, hard cash! The contestant who raises the most money during the pageant will be named the very rst Miss TX Citizen. 100% of funds raised by all contestants will be donated to New Braunfels Puppy Playland for the establishment of an off-leash dog park right here in New Braunfels!