2 Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 news Southampton Doing What?

meals, either. “The ladies yell at you for taking more, like if you try to take By Colleen Harrington an extra sandwich or something. I’m like, ‘I’m stocking up for when I miss Imagine shelling out hundreds of dinner!’” dollars for meals that you may never get For the more than a dozen stu- to eat. It’s not a charity or a food drive. dents, the experience was the same: It’s a fact of life for many resident stu- all had missed out on paid-for meals. dents at the Stony Brook Southampton “Seven o’clock is way too early to campus. close,” said Michael Geddes, a fresh- All students who live at the small man who’s studying sustainability at satellite campus are required to pur- Southampton. “There’s no where to chase one of three meal plans each se- go for food if you don’t have a car.” mester. Prices range from $1,739 to Marine vertebrate biology major $2,487. But there’s only one dining hall Joe Baillargeom, who reported miss- on campus, and it closes every night at ing meals a couple of times, said 7 p.m. Worse, there’s no breakfast on many of his fellow students complain weekends; instead, brunch begins at 11 about the dining hall hours, but just a.m. On the off-hours, hungry students deal with it. “Sometimes people will are stuck to choose from eating snacks make Easy Mac or Cup-of-Noodles out of campus vending machines, in the microwave downstairs, or hoarding groceries in their dormitories, they’ll just go off campus for food” or traveling off campus for food, despite when the café is closed, he said. having already paid for a semester’s Some of Southampton’s more ac- worth of meals. Students who work or commodating professors have been have classes that overlap with the 5-7 known to allow students to eat in the p.m. daily dinner slot say the skimpy classrooms, or to briefly pause a lec- schedule of the Student Center Café ture so students can dash down to leaves them hungry. the dining hall before it closes. “I miss dinner all the time,” said The Student Center Café’s website at The Press.” He referred questions to challenges coupled with a small student Candice Gersch, sophomore at includes a mission statement which says Angela Agnello, Director of Marketing body are what limit the café’s operating Southampton. “Sometimes I just don’t that “…the dining services program will and Communications for the Faculty hours. He also said that the dining hall eat because I don’t have a car.” Gersch rely on extensive involvement of the Student Association, who did not re- receives no money from the SUNY sys- said she once complained about the campus community to continuously re- spond to repeated requests for com- tem or New York State to operate. dining hall to a Stony Brook dining fine menus and practices.” But dining ment. Previously, dining officials have “Obviously, we cannot have our services official, who directed her to a hall officials were largely unavailable to said the café’s schedule was crafted with café open 24-7, as supply versus de- website to fill out a formal complaint. discuss the issue. students and money in mind. In an in- mand isn’t there yet,” Southampton “The times are all messed up. It’s ridicu- After initially agreeing to an inter- terview about the café’s hours last year, spokesman Darren Johnson said in an lous because we already paid for three view, Assistant Services Manager Aaron Dining Operations Manager Joseph email. He said the campus’ current res- meals a day.” Persaud later reneged, saying he had Glorioso said, “As with most small col- idence of about 200 students doesn’t Gersch says that the cafeteria work- been instructed “not to talk to anybody leges, meal hours are set by when stu- justify an always-open dining hall, but ers don’t let you make up for missed dents normally eat,” and that financial that hours would expand in response to the growing student population. “As it is now, our café hours almost exactly match those of the previous owner of this campus, Long Island University, which served up to 1400 students, 800 of which were residential,” he said. “We feel that we have been very flexible thus far and will continue to put student concerns foremost as we continue to ex- pand our offerings, hours and services.” But the students who have pre-paid hundreds of dollars for meals they con- sistently miss feel that an extension of café hours is already overdue. Several students suggested that staying open until at least 9 P.M. every day and open- ing earlier on weekends would be a vast improvement. “I could understand why they have to have short hours, but we have to eat, too,” said environmental sciences major Joshua Gelbwaks. “There has to be

NOT FOR EATING!!!! some sort of compromise.” TheStonyBrookPress News 3

How NYPIRG Got Its Groove Back

to its website. On 20 college campuses said Khan. NYPIRG is obligated to “We can’t consider a vote on the across the state, NYPIRG promotes and send their original receipts to the IRS, contract,” said Senator Syed Haq, a By Natalie Crnosija teaches students how to become ac- not to the USG, which also requires member of the drafting committee. tivists. original receipts from its clubs. Khan said the committee’s extensive The USG Senate approved its con- With the approval of the contract, “We want to make sure our money efforts to create a comprehensive con- tract with advocacy group NYPIRG by NYPIRG will receive $32,000 to fulfill is going to us,” said Khan. “We should- tract with NYPIRG were the reason that a unanimous vote after nearly two years its mission statement for the year, as n’t be paying for someone’s salary up in an agreement had been reached, effec- of negotiations. The contract, drafted well as pay an on-campus program co- Binghamton.” tively ending the two year stalemate. by a budget subcommittee, stipulated ordinator and increase recruitment. The committee that drafted USG’s Though the contract does have to be re- that the USG would be able to audit Though NYPIRG’s mission state- contract with NYPIRG discovered newed every year, Khan said efforts NYPIRG’s spending and demand requi- ment on SBU campus was not in ques- NYPIRG had not distributed USG were made to make sure the contract is sition forms from the organization. The tion, its financial structure was suspect. funds statewide, said Khan. as thorough as possible so it will not USG previously did not have this right, As a statewide organization, NYPIRG is Had NYPIRG used USG funds out- have to be revised. which led to the Senate’s removal of completely unlike any other student- side of SBU, they would be subject to Colling echoed these sentiments NYPIRG’s USG funding, said Senator run entity funded by the USG, said legal action. and added that NYPIRG will be re- Moiz Khan. Khan. Though NYPIRG at SBU acts Established on SBU campus in cruiting students at SBU soon. Until the November 19 Senate like a club in that it must follow the 1979, NYPIRG was funded by various A week after the contract was first meeting, NYPIRG had not received USG constitution, pay for office space incarnations of SBU’s student govern- brought to the floor, some amendments line budget support from the USG since and receive USG funding (in theory), its ments, including Polity and the USG were made to clarify the language of the 2007. “I am glad we can get to work,” ultimate authority is in Albany, not in before it lost USG funding. During the contract by the sitting Senate and the said NYPIRG’s Board of Directors SAC 202. November 13 Senate meeting, contract was finally put to a vote. Chairperson Patrick Krug. “Consider- Two years ago, NYPIRG’s USG NYPIRG’s On-Campus Coordinator “After extensive talking with our ing what’s going on with the tuition funding was withheld because the USG Brendan U. Colling argued for the ne- lawyer, we addressed every single con- hike, I’m glad we’re back.” was unable to ascertain whether cessity of approving the contract as cern,” said Treasurer Matthew Ander- NYPIRG is a non-profit, student- NYPIRG was spending USG money at soon as possible. son. “They are a good organization to directed, environmental and govern- SBU exclusively or if NYPIRG was At the time, the sub-committee had have on campus.” mental reform organization, according using USG money on other campuses, not finalized the contract. The Cartwheels Seen ‘Round the Tubes

1 after Hartford forward Carlos Villa and Stony Brook would end up winning touching the cross bar. scored against Stony Brook goalie An- the game, going on to face the Univer- “I didn’t want to try to impress peo- By Najib Aminy thony Rogic. However, Cudic did the sity of Maryland Baltimore County in ple with the beauty of my cartwheel,” unthinkable—he did cartwheels. the America East Championship. They Cudic said. “I tried to make [Gobeil] To many, soccer is a sport that is The six foot two inch Serbian would win that game too. feel uncomfortable. Make the goal seem only popular when the World Cup dressed in a bright yellow jersey and Yet, a video of the shootout posted a little smaller. It was just a mental floods the programming on ESPN 2 black shorts performed four cartwheels, on the Internet became a sensation, game. I was close to saving that goal. I every four years. But when Stony Brook the first two of which could actually with more than 1 million views. The picked the right side. If the ball had University’s match against Hartford pass for good form. The third and video found its way onto ESPN’s Pardon gone a little lower, I would have gotten University came down to penalty kicks, fourth cartwheel lacked consistency and the Interruption program, a half-hour it.” all that changed, at least for a brief mo- would make Olympic gymnast coach sports program that covers current Gobeil went on to score and so did ment. A sport that everyone around the Bela Karolyi livid. events in sports. Senior Oscar Leis, who solidified the world adores caught the attention of But that didn’t matter. This was soc- Later in the week, the video would win against Hartford. Gobeil, an Arts many Americans, and better yet, gave cer after all. be shown again on ESPN, only this time and Sciences major from Montreal, recognition to Stony Brook University. For roughly 10 seconds, Stony on Sportscenter’s “Not So Top 10 Plays,” Quebec, was unavailable for comment. On November 11, the Stony Brook Brook freshman Berian Gobeil stood a segment of the show that highlights The Stony Brook Men’s soccer team Men’s Soccer team faced off against the there watching Cudic dance around obscure events in the week of sports. ended their season losing to Brown Hartford Hawks in the America East from side to side before getting the sig- The cartwheel warm-up was number University, 1-0, in the second overtime semifinals in a game that would be de- nal from the referee. Gobeil shot to the one. The video was also hosted on in the first round of the NCAA tourna- cided by penalty kicks, one of the more upper left corner of the net and imme- Deadspin, a sports blogging website. ment. exciting parts of soccer. diately after watching the ball go in, Cudic, who said in an interview Though their season ended, the win Stony Brook senior Collin Geoghe- Gobeil performed some of his own cart- with The Hartford Courant, had trained over Hartford remains an internet sen- gan scored against Hartford goalie wheels. in gymnastics for two years and saw sation. Nenad Cudic, a senior from Novi Sad, Gobeil’s cartwheels were both con- what Rogic was doing to warm up, Serbia, only to have the shootout tied 1- sistent and better in style than Cudic’s, which involved jumping up and down 4 Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 Editorial Board editorials Executive Editor Andrew Fraley Managing Editor Najib Aminy The Woes of Champions Associate Editor Natalie Crnosija In only their second year of confer- sity and the teams on campus is broken. ognized for its athletics is through an Business Manager ence play, the Stony Brook Men’s Foot- The attendance at the football and unsportsmanlike, though humorous, Erin Mansfield ball team won a very close game against soccer games has increased, sure, and cartwheel, or a highlight game of pity, Production Manager Liberty University to become co-cham- the basketball games seem to be packed, such as the case between the Men’s Tia “Quark Ate My Soul” Mansouri pions of the Big South. but these increases are not representa- Football team versus the University of News Editors The Men’s Soccer team, after cart- tive of the larger student body on cam- Maine Black Bears last year, then one is Raina Bedford wheels and such, defeated the Univer- pus. For one, the basketball stadium is left to question how much attention and Laura Cooper sity of Maryland Baltimore County, a only filled up because it is much smaller recognition the Athletics department is Features Editor team that usually dominates the Amer- than a high school gymnasium. Add to bringing to the University. Ross Barkan ica East Conference in most sports. that the fact that security forces all the In this economy, where Albany is Arts Editor The Women’s Cross Country team students to sit in the crowded and expected to cut SUNY funding and af- Doug Cion ran their way to their third consecutive packed student section where roughly fect the way students enroll and learn in Sports Editor America East championship earlier this 300 hundred sit in a space designed for this university, where does an athletic Jason Wirchin year. 150. That may be an exaggeration, but program belong? But are Stony Brook students even that’s surely what it feels like. While student apathy is a recurring Photo Editor Eric DiGiovanni aware about any of these feats? For an Regardless of how the Athletic De- problem at Stony Brook, both the Uni- Liz Kaufman Athletic Department that is able to gen- partment spins the successes of these versity and the Athletic Department Copy Editors erate funds for a new scoreboard and three teams, as well as other programs, need to look beyond the small yet grow- Kelly Yu lobby for a new basketball arena, which these are huge accomplishments for a ing crowds they attract and target the Katie Knowlton is taking longer than expected to build, young Division I program. entire campus before they can start call- Iris Lin the connection between the more than But when the only time the pro- ing any of their championships victo- Webmaster 20,000 students that attend this univer- gram, let alone the university, gets rec- ries. Roman Sheydvasser Audiomaster Josh Ginsberg Ombudsman James Laudano Friday Night Lights, Please! Minister of Archives Alex H. Nagler We have a rag tag group of cham- things for them to do. This question switch if people want to play after dark, Layout Design by pion softball players, and we meet every may seem like a self-serving complaint why can’t the softball and soccer fields? Jowy Romano Friday—weather permitting—to play from us, but it’s really indicative of There should be switches you can acti- softball for as long as there’s enough larger problems on this campus. The vate that automatically turn off after an light to do so. But it’s getting later in the seeming lack of any regard for student hour or two, just to make sure nobody Staff year, so we’ve had to quit earlier and entertainment during the weekend—or leaves them on all night. Or maybe Kotei Aoki Matthew Maran earlier. We usually see groups of other during the week, for that matter—is one something sensor based. It can’t be that Vincent Barone Chris Mellides Laina Boruta Justin Meltzer students playing soccer, rugby, football of the reasons this campus becomes a difficult. Matt Braunstein James Messina Michelle Bylicky Steve McLinden and other exotic sports. One week, we ghost town with the departure of the Ultimately, yes, this is a selfish re- Alex Cardozo Samantha Monteleone were lucky enough to have the lights on! 4:17 train on Fridays. quest. But I’m sure we’re not alone in Mike Cusanelli Roberto Moya Caroline D’Agati Daniel Murray They left them on until 9pm, and we got If the issue is money, then let us ask this. Many other groups of students use Krystal DeJesus Frank Myles Joe Donato Chris Oliveri to play well into the night. It was awe- another question: why were the flood- these fields, and there would be more, Brett Donnelly Ben van Overmeier some. But this led to the question: why lights kept on for construction of that if they were more available. And that’s Lauren Dubinsky Laura Paesano Nick Eaton Grace Pak not leave the lights on every Friday? new Geometry Physics building when just one small step in increasing overall Michael Felder Tim Paules Caitlin Ferrell Rob Pearsall People would be more encouraged nobody was working on it? And not student happiness. So do us a favor, and Vincent Michael Festa Aamer Qureshi to stay on campus if there were actual only that, the basketball courts have a leave the lights on! Joe Filippazzo Kristine Renigen Ilyssa Fuchs Dave Robin Rob Gilheany Jessica Rybak David Knockout Ginn Joe Safdia Evan Goldaper Natalie Schultz Jennifer Hand Jonathan Singer Stephanie Hayes Nick Statt Andrew Jacob Rose Slupski Liz Kaempf Lena Tumasyan Jack Katsman Marcel Votlucka Samuel Katz Alex Walsh Yong Kim Brian Wasser Rebecca Kleinhaut Matt Willemain Frank Loiaccono Mari Wright-Schmidt Kenny Mahoney Jie Jenny Zou

The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and twice during summer session Write for e P! by The Stony Brook Press, a student run non-profit or- ganization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The opin- ions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as a whole. Advertising policy does not necessarily reflect editorial policy. For more information on advertising and deadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. Additional copies cost fifty cents. The Stony Brook Press Suites 060 & 061 Meetings Every Wednesday at 1PM, Union Building 060 Student Union SUNY at Stony Brook Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 (631) 632-6451 Voice (631) 632-4137 Fax Email: [email protected] TheStonyBrookPress 5 E-mail your letters to [email protected] letters

Good Evening,

I would like to address some misconceptions and poor reporting rampant within two articles recently published in your 5th issue (dated November 11, 2009). The opinions in this e-mail are wholly my own and do not reflect any other department, agency or entity.

The article ‘E-Lack-Tricity at Stony Brook’ by Daniel Murray states that the ‘residents living in Roosevelt Quad were hit espe- cially hard... They had no hot water, heat or electricity for two days.‘ Power to Roosevelt and Chapin Quads was first lost on Monday night. However, this power was restored within three hours as, from what I understand, each building is normally served by more than one feeder. When the primary feeder is compromised, a secondary, or backup, feeder is activated in its place. The second outage occurred the following night (Tuesday), where power was unable to be restored and emergency genera- tors had to be ordered. These generators were operational by 5AM Wednesday morning. Therefore, it is incorrect to state that residents of Roosevelt Quad were subject to conditions of hardship (power, water, heat loss) for a full two days.

It is interesting to note the contradiction between the above and below article, as the Murray piece states “two days” and the edi- torial piece puts the October 25 outage as “two hours”.

Secondly, the article ‘Campus Residences Takes You to the Cleaners’ presents an inaccurate assessment of the situation, going as far as to assume that Campus Residences is responsible for issuing an apology to students. I will address each issue in chrono- logical order:

1. “...unlocked buildings without fire alarms. Resident Assistants confirmed that they had to spend the night patrolling the hall- ways for fires.“ If I am not mistaken, numerous University emergency response agencies were on-scene assessing and supporting the situ- ation. The safety of residents was quite secure.

2. “Campus Residences has made no form of apology to these students...“ How is this the responsibility of Campus Residences? Campus Residences is not charged with the maintenance of electri- cal transmission lines on this campus, especially in the location where the failure occurred. Further, when you lose power at your home, does the local utility company issue an personal apology? I know mine doesn’t. Unfortunate incidents like the outage are prone to happen, especially when infrastructure is aging. It is inappropriate to blame any specific Univer- sity department for such incidents.

3. “..scoff at the incessant construction, that can’t finish one project before starting another...“ Clearly, the author(s) of this article are unfamiliar with the procedures of Capital Planning.

Despite these issues, I admire your approach to lobbying the prevalent issue. There are far too many ‘arm-chair warriors’ today, and at least The Stony Brook Press attempts to discourage this act by providing contact information for those wishing to express their dissatisfaction.

Thanks for your time.

Good Evening,

First off, thank you for your feedback. It’s always good to hear from our readers, even if it’s criti- cism. About our ‘E-Lack-Tricity’ article, you got us. Our oversight will not soon be forgotten, and all re- sponsible parties will be beaten severely. Regardless of that, however, we hope you can understand our mistake. While the power did not last for two days, the occurrence of problems did, if we’re not mistaken. Regarding your point about what we said in our editorial about Resident Assistants, the point we were trying to make was that they were put through the additional burden of patrolling dark hallways for safety hazards. But yes, we are sure that it was quite secure. Thanks for the heads up. In terms of an apology to the students for this, to whom would you suggest we go to demand an apology? Campus Residences still falls under the jurisdiction of the SUNY system, so we could suggest taking it up with them for not using student funds to maintain the school’s inadequate infrastructure. And yes, Con Edison did apologize for the power outages of the 2006 blackouts around New York City. They even gave $100 to those affected by it. If the money students pay for housing doesn’t go to its maintenance and upkeep, where does it go? The money people pay in rent for houses and apartments goes to the upkeep of those residences. It’s not unreasonable for students to expect the same of their dorm rooms, especially with the amount they’re paying. Lastly, when we said they scoff at the incessant construction, we probably should have instead said, “They scoff at students’ frustration at the incessant construction.” Thanks for clearing that up. Again, thank you for your feedback. Keep reading The Press, and we’ll keep writing. We’ll even work on our editing, too.

Request an ad packet: [email protected] 6 Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 features

The Devestating Power of the Corporate Lobby

When law- In our society, money talks. Cam- ers are equally susceptible to the corpo- Lobbyists and politicians often makers hollered paign contributions shape the way our rate lobby. Lawmakers from both sides trade places. Before becoming vice pres- and wrangled over representatives create and reform poli- were guilty of quoting directly from ident, Dick Cheney was a member of the historical cies. Politicians will argue from the Genetech. Anyone thinking critically the oil lobby. These two groups of peo- health care legisla- heart and rely on fact and instinct to about their representatives in govern- ple are interwoven and, as evidenced by tion in the House make decisions, but they will also rely ment should be concerned. When law- the Genetech revelation, speak as one. several weeks ago, on dollar bills. There is a reason that the makers aren’t even willing to re-word a When money becomes the impetus of Ross Barkan they often struggle for universal health care has statement dropped blindly into their policy decisions and good sense is sounded like a cor- been far more difficult here than in hands, something is amiss. thrown to the curb, we have a stagnat- porate echo cham- other industrialized nations. Recent events only further under- ing, ineffective government. ber. Turns out, that’s exactly what they In Britain, the National Health score the disturbing amount of influ- We have the wealthiest nation in were. Service is a way of life. In Japan, even ence corporations wield in the U.S. the world with the 37th best health care According to the New York Times, the poorest citizens can expect good Bailouts went to corporations first and system in the world. Washington lobbyists working for health coverage. In America, the drug not to the desperate homeowners, un- Genentech, one of the world’s largest industry holds sway. In America, the employed, and scuffling middle class. biotechnology companies, ghostwrote lobbyists, for better and worse, can plot Employees of Wall Street banks like statements for more than a dozen law- the future course of our nation. Goldman Sachs and Citigroup received makers. Simply put, they regurgitated Do not interpret this as purely a the swine flu vaccine before millions of facts fed to them by Genentech without screed against the power of the Ameri- New Yorkers. Despite the 100,000 lives even bothering to analyze or edit the in- can lobbyist. Lobbyists are capable of lost from medical-hospital negligence formation. They spoke with one voice, profound good. Look no further than per year and the World Health Organi- the voice of the lobbyist. the Civil Rights movement, women’s zation rating U.S. health care the 37th This story is a microcosm of how rights movements, and labor reform best worldwide, privatized health care is politics have come to work in the movements in the 20th century as ex- championed and defended here because United States. Lobbyists, people who try amples of what a powerful lobby can do. the lobby has the dollars to fight. And to influence politicians on behalf of a Lobbyists ensured everyone would be fight they will. special interest group, now dominate equal in the eyes of the law. “Town hall” meetings, planted with U.S. politics in ways that were unheard Today the power of the lobbyist has representatives of the corporate lobby, of even thirty years ago. Today, all po- been taken to new levels. The power will continue to create the illusion that litical debates (including the current grows from the corporate lobby, an en- the masses disapprove of more afford- health care clash) are driven by money tity with nearly unlimited funds and an able and universal health care. “Cen- and information from the private sec- unwavering interest in self-preserva- trist” senators like Democrat Kent tor. According to OpenSecrets.org, a tion. The health industry, which has Conrad of North Dakota will continue non-partisan website that tracks money seen its premiums jump from 1.5 per- to oppose a public option even though in U.S. politics and its effects on elec- cent of the GDP in 1970 to 5.5 percent industrialized capitalist nations around tions and policy, the strongest lobbying in 2007, will not be willing to pave the the world offer this same option. They industries are finance, insurance, real way for more affordable health care be- will continue to paint it as a radical plan estate, and health. In 1998, a total of cause their bottom line is at risk. They for something called “socialized medi- $1.4 billion was spent on lobbying. In will infuse Capitol Hill with their ver- cine.” Conrad and other lawmakers are 2009, that figure ballooned to $2.5 bil- sion of the truth to defend their coffers. increasingly thinking with their wallets, lion. Democrat and Republican lawmak- not brains. TheStonyBrookPress features7 Big O Wants You At the Top

ucation Arne Duncan says, “We’re look- covery and Reinvestment Act, even Fund, $315 million for the expansion of By Evan Goldaper ing to drive reform, reward excellence more grant money will be distributed grade tracking programs, and $3.5 bil- and dramatically improve our nation’s through other programs. These include lion to help the lowest performing schools.” $297 million for the Teacher Incentive schools across the country. Even more These days, America has plenty of Like any good reality TV show, the money is being distributed for im- problems. We have a terrible economy, judges have a select set of criteria for de- provements like technology. terrible health care, terrible ecology, and termining who will be crowned the Here at Stony Brook, there are terrible war troubles. One issue that has winner. The goals have been set as mixed feelings about this plan. been plaguing America for years reaching “internationally benchmarked “I think producing an extra incen- though is our educational system. Other standards,” in preparation for careers, tive for educational institutions is a countries race ahead of us, especially in training better teachers, creating better good idea, but incentives seem to work math and science, and many feel the ed- methods for tracking students’ grades better on smaller scales; the state level ucational system does not properly pre- using computers, and generally improv- is too large. Perhaps applying them at pare students for a career. But with all ing the performance of schools where the institutional level would be better” of these other problems hurting the na- marks have traditionally been low. The said freshman Rafael Lizaralde. tion, how can Obama possibly get states deadline for the first round of entrants Writing professor Patrizia Benolich to start thinking about education? is the end of 2009, with prizes being dis- expressed different doubts, but doubts Pretty much the same way Fox got tributed in the beginning of 2010. nonetheless. Her problem stemmed in Americans excited about singing, CBS The goals remain the same for the part from the sense of competition. “It’s got Americans thrilled about deserted second round (unfortunately not too much like business,” she protested. islands, and NBC got Americans to love dubbed Season Two) that has already “Business has no place in education.” eating gross bugs and worms. Complete been planned for June. Duncan stresses However, the feeling that money with a cheesy name and a competitive that this gives states “plenty of time to needs to be given to education is wide- bent, the Department of Education has learn from the first-round winners, spread on campus. Whatever Obama is set up a brand new plan that bears a change laws where necessary, build doing is certainly better than doing slight resemblance to reality TV. partnerships with all key stakeholders nothing, but the question of whether or Obama’s new education plan, called and advance bold and creative reforms.” not this is the best way is still prevalent. the Race to the Top (or the less catchy The program also allocates $350 Nevertheless, both winners and losers State Incentive Grant Fund), challenges million to provide for new tests that are will see what happens when the deci- each state to make creative improve- standardized across the country, an ef- sion is made next year. Chances are it ments to their education systems. fort the White House hopes will limit will still attract less press than the finale Whichever states make the best changes the differences between states’ educa- of American Idol. win a portion of $4.35 billion in grant tion systems. Additionally, thanks to the money. The tagline? As Secretary of Ed- FY 2009 budget and the American Re- Terrorists, Not Criminals

September 11, 2001 chance to live? No, they weren’t, and it’s sickening to these people are terrorists. What they did on that hor- was one of the worst realize that these five terrorists, especially Mo- rible day was an act of terrorism. They are not crimi- days in American his- hammed, will use the courtroom as a way to mock nals, they are terrorists. They were arrested for war tory. Almost 3,000 inno- America. crimes, and were arrested outside of the United States. cent people lost their The scary part of this all is that there is a chance It’s not like they committed a robbery at the local con- lives in the heinous acts that they could be released, because a few of them venience store. The proper way to handle these ter- that were carried out by were tortured for information. Khalid Sheikh Mo- rorists is a standard military tribunal. That is how Daniel members of Al-Qaeda. I hammed was waterboarded numerous times in order America, and the world, handles acts of war against Murray know that you most for Americans to find out pertinent information about their country. likely already knew this, terrorists and to keep American lives safe. Is that a South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham summed but sometimes it seems as though people forget. crime? I’ll let you decide. Also, once the trial begins, it up best during the hearing on whether or not these The Obama administration can’t seem to American secrets about the “War on Terror” will have terrorists should be brought to America to face trial. wrap its head around the fact that these were terrorist to be released to the five being held, and may become He repeatedly questioned Holder on what he would acts and not criminal acts. Attorney General Eric public knowledge, and that will only serve to help the do if Osama Bin Laden was caught today. Graham Holder refuses to call what were doing over in Iraq terrorists around the world. asked, “Would you try him? Why would you take him and Afghanistan the “War on Terror”. He claims that We all know that the Obama administration someplace different than Khalid Sheikh Mohammed? what happened at the World Trade Center, the Penta- wants to distance themselves as far as possible from Would you read him his Miranda Rights?” Holder gon and in the field in Pennsylvania was a man-made the Bush administration. They’ve shown this by at- didn’t have much of a response, but said, “Bin Laden disaster. He can’t seem to understand the concept of tempting to close down Guantanamo Bay, by refusing is an interesting case, in that he’s already been indicted terrorism, and he may be putting the country in dan- to call this the “War on Terror”, and by going after the in federal court. We have cases against him.” ger. C.I.A., which may have used torture techniques to ob- This is a huge mistake that the Obama adminis- Now he’s bringing five of these men, including tain vital information. What this may turn into is a tration is making. Just imagine the families who lost Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the self-proclaimed 9/11 trial of the Bush administration, even though Presi- loved ones that day, and how it must make them feel mastermind to New York so that they can get a fair dent Bush and his advisors kept America safe over the to know that these terrorists will be getting a trial here trial. Are you kidding me? Were the innocent people past eight years. in New York. who lost their lives on September 11 given a fair The Obama administration needs to realize that 8 Features Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

A Plan For A Dream

couraging side to the story, many stu- By Amanda Douville dents go down a different path when faced with these struggles. Another fea- Imagine going through 14 years of tured student talked about giving up your life as a pre-college student. You and joining a gang when told about his work as hard as you can in the hopes of citizenship status. A lot of students lose getting into the college of your dreams motivation to do well in high school in order to receive an education that will once they find out that their chances of one day unfold into a successful career. attending college are slim to none. Now imagine taking the same steps, “[Underclassmen] are not as affected as working just as hard for just as long only you see with juniors and seniors be- to find out one day that your hopes and cause of the question of what they’re dreams of higher education are almost going to do afterward,” Montanez said impossible. To Monica, this is her real- when asked about his personal experi- ity. ences with the subject. “Those questions Monica is your average 17-year-old matter a lot.” zenship status. Having emigrated from brought to the Supreme Court by Texas teenage girl. She attends high school, And in fact they do. Not only are Colombia as a child, he is currently officials who were against the funding visits the mall frequently with friends, many people standing up for and sup- awaiting his immigration papers to offi- of public education for undocumented and has a boyfriend she hopes to marry porting immigrant rights—various pro- cially be an American citizen. “It’s dif- students. The law, eventually passed in someday. You would never be able to tell grams and efforts are also on the rise. ferent for a lot of people; little things 1982, made it illegal for states to deny that she is any different from anyone Many social justice organizations offer make a big difference,” Montanez said funding for education for illegal chil- else. But in actuality she is an undocu- scholarships and opportunities for un- regarding his opinion on immigration dren. Although many argued against mented student, an illegal immigrant documented students struggling finan- and legal status. If it wasn’t for his pend- the decision, the court reinforced the that has spent her entire life in the U.S. cially. Long Island Jobs with Justice is an ing papers, his admittance to SBU might fact that many of these children are Monica is amongst the nearly two organization that supports the rights never have been granted. brought to this country unknowingly or million undocumented students cur- and justice for all workers regardless of Regardless of state or legal status, unwillingly, and pleaded that it was a rently living in the United States today. citizenship. Charlene Obernauer, an or- the decision of acceptance is solely up clear violation of the Fourteenth She and four other students were fea- ganizer for LIJWJ, talks of opportunities to the school. In certain states, mainly Amendment. Not only that, but without for these struggling students. tured in a presentation of the movie Pa- along the west coast, it is against the law education, these children will likely “We started a scholarship program both pers, the untold story about to deny illegal immigrants in-state tu- grow up to add to unemployment and undocumented youth and the situations to highlight the struggles that undocu- ition. Others, like South Carolina, ban welfare costs, as well as the crime and and circumstances they face every day. mented students go through and also to illegal immigrants from attending poverty ratio. The Social Justice Alliance in affiliation highlight the DREAM act.” Applications schools that receive state funding. Yo, a student featured in film, re- with Long Island Jobs with Justice held for this scholarship covered a table in High school, however, is a different calls being denied acceptance to every a pre-screening of the film here on cam- the back during the presentation. story. As illegal immigrants, these chil- school he applied to despite graduating pus. Now what exactly is the DREAM dren are allowed to attend high school at the top of his class and taking nu- The goal of the film is simple: to in- Act? DREAM stands for Development, in any state they desire. It is actually il- merous AP courses. After countless form those unaware of these problems, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors. legal for a school district to deny admit- rounds of resubmitting his applications, while also giving hope and inspiring The act, introduced in the Senate on tance to an illegal youth. A case in 1975, Yo was eventually accepted into college. those who are faced with this issue. March 26, 2009, will do basically two better known as Plyler vs. Doe, was Although Yo demonstrates the en- Each of the featured students came from things. One would be granting immi- different countries and faced different grant youth a temporary citizenship hardships. The one thing they did share where they will be eligible to attend two was the fear and paranoia of deporta- years of college or military service. If tion, along with the struggle of contin- completed successfully, immigrants will uing their education after high school. be granted a full citizenship in due time. All five students of the film, as well It would also get rid of laws that prohibit as most undocumented youth in the in-state tuition for immigrants. For un- United States, came to this country documented students this would be a under two common circumstances: miracle, to say the least. “A lot of people they are either brought here by their would be affected by it,” Montanez said. parents unknowingly at a very young The DREAM act is certainly some- age or they flee their country of origin thing to keep an ear open for. due to adverse conditions. Regardless of “It set on the Obama Administra- their situation, background or status, tion’s radar to be attributed in 2010,” they are all nonetheless illegal citizens. Obernauer said. Immigration is said to However, their immigration status and be the next thing dealt with after the whether or not they are able to obtain health care issue gets resolved. And citizenship will determine their chances there’s no doubt that the DREAM act not only to pursue higher education but won’t be looked at and decided on dur- also to prosper in this country. ing this discussion. Like Monica, undocumented stu- “It’s going to be a really big fight.” A dents are everywhere and blend in with big fight but one that can change the lives of millions. everybody else. Nicholas Montanez, a Meynardo Garcia Stony Brook junior, is just like you or me, the only difference being his citi- TheStonyBrookPress Features 9

Paterson Destroys School Forever

school year. I might literally die. Plus, By Ross Barkan I sorta miss class, ‘cause I could look at “big tit” Stabler’s (freshman Mar- Gov. David A. Paterson took the rare garet Stabler) big tits.” step of addressing a joint session of the Though classes are gone for the Legislature during its traditional off- foreseeable future, President Stanley season, underscoring the need for deep has proposed alternative educational cutbacks to the state budget. Gov. Pa- methods to ensure Stony Brook terson’s plan—already approved by law- doesn’t slip in the U.S. World & News makers—will effectively cut school college rankings. He is encouraging from the State University of New York students to “read more books with (SUNY) budget. big words” and “watch arty films or Stony Brook University, a flagship something.” Rather than play Call of university of the SUNY system, is serv- Duty 2 nine hours a day, President ing as a testing ground for the budget Stanly suggests “five to six hours of measures by phasing out education mayhem.” In order to supplement the from the university. Beginning in Feb- lack of science and mathematics ruary 2010, all classes will be cut from being taught, President Stanley has the Stony Brook course bulletin. Noth- urged students to smoke more weed. ing will replace them. “It stimulates the something or other “It’s a real shame, you know,” said in the brain, I think. They can see all philosophy professor Hymland Dink- sorts of metaphysical shit,” he said. ins, one of every single Stony Brook Educational psychologist Lauren professor who will no longer have a job. Obberman agrees. While she under- “It’s gonna be tough having a philoso- stands why “traditionalists” would be phy department, or any department re- upset with the demise of school, she ally, without classes. But what are you believes that alternative, cost saving going to do? The economy’s rough.” measures are the right way to go. After the decision to cut school be- “They made the right decision to came final, Stony Brook President cut the SUNY budget completely,” Samuel Stanley immediately took addi- said Obberman. “Research shows tional cost-cutting measures. He began that most college students barely care Go go Gov Pat! closing down every eating establish- about college anyway and spend ment on campus, turning off electricity, most of their time trying to score and converting the Melville Library into and winter courses would be discontin- surd amount of free time. With no chicks, chug 40s as fast as possible, a hotel complex for eccentric and inde- ued. classes, every student will have an smoke marijuana, and half-assedly read pendently-wealthy big-game hunters. In The drastic cuts were met with empty five day a week schedule. This novels to add a sad amount of intellec- addition, the bookstore was immedi- mixed reactions from the student body. ample amount of partying time terrifies tual depth to their lives. College stu- ately burned down to earn the school Some students bemoaned the lack of Junior Tim “Party Time” Grubberstein, dents will be better off digging holes insurance money. class offerings (zero) for next semester who now fears for his own life. and sleeping inside of them until they “We have to do what it takes to en- while others celebrated a reprieve from “I mean it (expletive deleted) rules hit their mid 20’s. Wet holes build char- sure Stony Brook is in sound financial the academic grind. Sophomore Andy that there won’t be any annoying classes acter.” shape,” said President Stanley, draped in Tortelino cheered after the announce- next semester,” said Grubberstein. “But Gov. David Paterson expressed no re- a cape cobbled together with the hopes ment, glad not to take anymore calcu- I already party hard on thirsty Thurs- grets about cutting school from the and dreams of every student. “Though lus courses. days, ferocious Fridays, sick Saturdays, SUNY budget because he “hadn’t seen there won’t be as many electives next se- “It’s about time this school did some- and beer Sundays. I need like a day or any progress anyway. You know, be- mester—or any electives for that mat- thing good,” said Tortelino, while rock- two to recover and sometimes go to lec- cause I’m legally blind. That’s the joke. ter—we are encouraging students to eting down an empty hallway on a tures. Now, I can basically drink beer Get it? I fucking have terrible eyesight. take winter and summer courses to swivel chair. “Now I can finally realize out of little red cups and tag myself in Har, har.” meet any major requirements they are my dream of masturbating in an empty drunken Facebook photo albums called having trouble meeting.” President Javits Lecture Hall.” “Party All The Time” or “College Rulez” Stanley later announced all summer Other students fretted about the ab- every single day until the end of the 10 Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 arts & entertainment We’re Not So Different, You and I

ancé. Eventually she found one; a Pales- look inside of themselves and realize vant Muslim, this was fine by him be- tinian man who had been arrested in Is- that they’re all just people, even if they cause it was close enough to halal. Zayid By Alex H. Nagler rael on numerous occasions. This was a are physically divided by a massive wall. chimed in that they’re not normally man, she mused, who could point to The third comic, Dean Obeidallah, booked by organizations that are anti- The Charles B. Wang Center’s night various scars on his head and go “First had the most interesting personal story. of comedy, “Yes Arabs Can” put on a Intifada, 1997, 1999, Second Intifada” He is half Palestinian, half Sicilian. He show of “brown” comedy that was and yet was scared to death of rats. looks white. A former lawyer, he started meant to entertain both those similarly It was at this point that something his comic career doing clearance work situated and those who were, to quote began to become evident: brown jokes for Saturday Night Live and managed to the comics, “the token white folks in the and Jew jokes, though possibly ideolog- write some jokes for Weekend Update. audience.” The show was comprised of ically opposite in their nature—like Su- His jokes dealt with the fact that up three comics, Saad Sarwana, until September 11, he was an ob- Maysoon Zayid, and Dean Obeidal- server to the Arabic world, but after lah. They were there to prove that that day, he chose to become a part Arabic comics have their own voice of it. He also blamed the Mets most and should be listened to. And to recent catastrophic season on Al make us laugh. They succeeded on Qaeda. both counts. Following the sets, there was a Saad Sarwana served as the question and answer session where opener. Saad, a native Pakistani, is a the first question was simply, “What graduate of Stony Brook with a mas- does ‘brown’ mean?” Those assem- ters in Superconductivity. Physicist bled took it to be a term of endear- by day, he’s a comic by night, noting ment; a word that, when used that as a male Pakistani who came to properly, signifies that those to the United States on a student visa to whom it applies are part of a mutual study physics, he’s suddenly consid- struggle and should be empowered ered to be dangerous. And with that by it. Obeidallah noted that, to him, gift comes the ability just to stand Brown was something he had to find there and look suspicious enough to out, as he was someone who could freak people out, despite the fact “pass” for white, but chose instead to Maysoon Zayid that, given his research, “he’s as dan- fully immerse himself in his father’s gerous as Pikachu.” His best bits may culture. have come at the expense of Stony One of the more interesting Palestine, and that progressive Jews love Brook, pulling out the manual given questions came from an audience their sets. They also admitted that a to foreign-born students who are member as to the relation between good deal of all modern comedy shtick being thrust into the position of the brown comedians and predomi- comes from the Borscht Belt and Jew- Graduate Assistant. Among other Saad Sarwana nantly Jewish audiences. From their ish comedians. things, this manual details English experiences, older Jews see the situ- The evening ended with a call for phrases and how to use them, or, in ation Arabs are going through as peace on all sides and a rattling off of the more comical situations, when not perman and Lex Luthor—are not that reminiscent of their own during the charities to donate to and organizations to. different. This evening was the equiva- days when Jewish businessmen would to get involved with. The comics as- Maysoon Zayid was next. A Pales- lent of the part in the movie where the travel under assumed names in order to sembled urged the college students in tinian woman with cerebral palsy, she champions of the opposing sides realize appear non-Jewish. Sarwara joked that the audience to become active, noting detailed the trials and tribulations of they’re essentially the same. Humor is he loved playing temples because the that this may be the only time in their both and the difficulty of finding a fi- one of those forces that makes people food was always kosher. As an obser- lives they can spend time on a cause. A Review of What I See In My Room

sarily an unpleasant view – it is not nec- either at the closet (fully visible) or the tedly, he has taken any hope of intellec- essarily offensive – there is something television (visible from the side), which tual pleasure with him. As stated before, By Henry Schiller to it that I find very redundant, of other, juts out into the doorframe; though I I do not count myself as an elitist in older views of a similar nature. I don’t suppose where the view succeeds most these matters, and I am content to give commisioned by Ross Barkan count myself as an elitist when it comes is the small collection of books above myself up to the lowbrow pleasures of The television is not even on. Ross to views of rooms (and partial views of the desk. From my bed corner seat, one my now empty room. I recline and the (who sits on my roommate’s bed) living rooms), but there is certainly could spend up to a half of an hour television tries to orbit in typical half- laughs, his voice rings across the far wall nothing about this one (at least in terms guessing at the titles and authors of assed fashion, around the music stand like in hollow tin, and I resent him se- of what lies beyond the periphery of the these books, as the full spines are not being used as a table. I find that if I cretly. I slam my hand down on the ra- doorframe) that strikes me as particu- fully visible. The cover of Thomas blink my eyes fast enough for several diator and find that this angers me too. larly unique. Kuhn’s The Structure of Scientific Revo- consecutive minutes I can give myself a To begin with what is visible of the Coming closer to the bed (my side lutions is almost fully visible from the small seizure. living room: the couch extends from be- of the doorframe) one finds a greater bed corner, but the chances of this being 7.5/10 hind the doorframe and a sliver of re- number of points of interest, and this is the cornerstone of any lengthy conver- A review of this review: frigerator is visible between the two where the view most readily succeeds. sation are small. I am told it is not funny enough. (couch and doorframe). It is not neces- My ocular panorama is most accessible Ross has at this point left; admit- 4.0/10 TheStonyBrookPress 11 arts & entertainment David without Goliath A Review of These Shining Lives ing the strong. A woman battles the sexist argument to the women’s quest for inde- David’s act, but from the contrast between system, an individual against the corpo- pendence, “the masculine beast,” is pre- the reputation of Goliath and the status of By Samuel Katz rate giants. The David and Goliath story is sented by a meek man lost in a David amongst his people. Without the one of literature’s favorite themes. The Kafkaesque world who possesses little image of a giant powerful Goliath, David “My story is not a fairy tale, though it image of David walking down the valley complexity. He is a figure few people appears to be little more than a slingshot begins like one, it’s not a tragedy, though it of Elah, as it is described in the book of would find threatening, let alone identify swinging school boy playing in the valley ends like one.” This is how Catherine Samuel, while swinging his slingshot, is a with. Catherine’s husband Tom is a man of Elah. It is the towering frightening fig- Donohue, the heroine of Melanie Mar- storytelling favorite. easily dismissed as simply insecure and ure of Goliath that makes David’s charac- nich’s play These Shining Lives begins her One can guess why such a story unaware. ter so appealing. With its villains reduced story. would be compelling nowadays. With the When the story turns to the struggle to simple minded inarticulate beings, the These Shining Lives, which was pro- general public’s outrage against Wall of Catherine against her company, the environment that the characters in These duced by the Stony Brook Theater De- Street’s behavior, a individual versus cor- company is represented in the play by a Shining Lives find themselves in appears partment at the Staller Center, is a play poration story would seem fitting. As pri- supervisor named Rufus Reid. While we to be significantly less threatening and situated in the 1920s and 1930s. The story vate interests threaten to shape public don’t learn much about Reid in the play even a bit friendly. chronicles the lives of women who began legislation These Shining Lives If there is a lesson to be working in factories that used radium in seems to touch on an area of learned from this play, it is their products. As news of the dangerous contemporary anxiety: the fear that if the feminist and social effects of radium became known, the of the individual being op- rhetoric want to remain vi- companies denied the danger and had pressed by powerful system. able in today’s age, portray- their workers exposed to what they knew However, the play is weak when ing their opponents as where harmful conditions. The employ- it comes to portraying the vil- simpletons runs the risk of ees eventually sued the company. By then lians that make such a story so relegating the discussion to it was already too late, and many of them compelling. The villains in the the archives of irrelevance. were dead or dying from the lethal chem- story are either nowhere to be David is only David so long ical. seen or lack sufficient nuance. as there is a Goliath he is up The story is told through the eyes of Take the first half of the against, and the more people Catherine Donohue, a young and ener- play, where Catherine and Tom realize how much Goliath getic woman happily married with two argue about her wanting to pur- isn’t really the giant he pre- children. Donohue wants to go to work at sue a career. Tom is portrayed tends to be, the less there is a a local watch factory to help out with the as a simple-minded young chap need for a David. If the He- family finances. Tom, her husband, does- who is horrified at the prospect brews were to pretend that n’t like the idea. Catherine tells him that of having to cook dinner. Later, Goliath is no giant, a person she will quit once the money is no longer when Catherine tells him about of lesser strength than David needed. As Catherine begins to develop the news that the radium she would have taken to the val- strong bonds with the other women in the works with is potentially harm- ley and the story might have factory, she discovers the world outside ful, he is surprised that she had a different ending. It is her kitchen. Catherine starts to hang out thought that a job she gets paid only through the acknowl- with the other women of the factory while for would be safe. After all, he edgment of Goliath’s power leaving her kids to the care of their grand- claims, “This is why people like that the story called for mother. And as her life begins to seem them pay people like us. It’s David to take on the giant. more and more like the kind that would called work.” Tom is portrayed as indif- he seems like a simple and ambitious man Likewise, only an acknowledgment of the make Betty Friedan proud, her husband ferent to her struggle and is easily ap- trying to climb the corporate ladder by complexity of our social injustices will call Tom certainly isn’t. peased by a box of chocolate. impressing his superiors. The play points for the continued discussion and need to Catherine calms her angry husband Tom’s character seems like it was a finger at Reid after Catherine dies when counter it. by bribing him with a box of chocolate, taken straight out of a 1970’s feminist her husband Tom tells him “Every morn- In issues of gender, the same thing which he gobbles up like kid in a candy pamphlet. At one point Tom says to ing I wake up I want to kill Rufus Reid.” holds true. Sometimes by simplifying and store. With that problem out of the way, Catherine, “Your coming home late is not Yet it is hard to tell what Reid did wrong. downplaying the opposite side, the argu- the play’s focus shifts to the new villain: like my coming home late.” While this He always appears to be saying something ment seems so simple as not to need any corporate CEOs. As news of the danger of quote might be what went through many his superiors told him to say. Reid appears mentioning or internalizing. The story of the radium used in the factory becomes men’s minds at the time (and even today), to be way more lost than the workers he Catherine Donohue would be much more known, Catherine begins to feel weaker. it fails to convey the enormity of the chal- supervises. Even during the court case for important if we got to see what giant she While the company doctor tells her that lenge that accompanied the shift of the lawsuit against the company we don’t had to take on. We identify with the David it’s OK, Catherine learns that the effects of women into the workplace. What women see a prosecutor. All we get to hear is and Goliath story not because we know the radium are irreversible and she only in the 1930’s were up against wasn’t just Catherine’s testimony, which while what it is like to be a hero like David; we has a limited amount of time left to live. basic preconceptions about gender roles. painful and sad leaves you wondering identify with the story because we can feel With her body degenerating, Catherine What was challenging was a social struc- who you should be angry at. Reid, like what it is like to stand in front of Goliath begins a legal battle against the company. ture designed around the assumption that Tom, seems like a weak and lost person, and be afraid. If for just one moment in Catherine wins the case, yet her body is a women’s place is in her home. A woman with too little power to be called evil. These Shining Lives, we were to be chal- not something she can get back. In a slow in the 1930’s didn’t just have to struggle These Shining Lives is a story that in lenged by the views of one of Catherine’s and heavily stylized scene, Catherine with her husband’s sense of masculinity its attempt to glorify its hero undermines opponents, just her struggle would have slowly dies alongside her grieving hus- or femininity; working against her was a the enemy it is up against. As a result, the resonated much more. In the absence of band. social paradigm that “demanded” her to heroism of its protagonist is underscored. that, Catherine appears as a mere princess The story attempts to follow a David comply with a larger plan. The David and Goliath narrative gets its in a fairytale she claims never to have and Goliath plotline with the weak fight- Yet, in These Shining Lives the counter appeal not just from its portrayal of taken part in. 12Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

Your Mouth And Open Your Eyes called “Triple Zero.” The rest of the songs were a mix between their three latest al- AFI: bums. They also played an iTunes ex- clusive song from Decemberunderground entitled “On The Arrow.” The sound quality of the per- formance was inhuman; you would is Past Weekend have sworn you were listening to the studio recordings if it wasn’t for gui- by Kenny Mahoney tarist Jade Puget’s minor slip-up during “Medicate.” Havok’s vocals were truly astonishing, and his ability to go from all-out screaming to a soft vocal melody is one of the many reasons the band is still popular today. Now here’s my chance to sound like way more of a badass than I am in real life. About halfway through AFI’s set I noticed a man pushing his way through the crowd, doubled-over and groaning. At first I thought that he needed med- ical attention, and I asked him if he was alright. He responded with slurred speech, “I jus wanna jump off the front of the stage, brah.” “Fine,” I told him, “but you’re going to have to go behind me.” Like hell was I letting this guy smash his elbows into my girlfriend and screw up my place in the front of the crowd. The incessant pushing contin- ued for about another minute until the other people in the immediate vicinity grew tired of his antics. They called for security, and as they guards began to grab him from over the barricade they shouted “grab his legs!” so that he would make it over the barricade. I then reached down and grabbed him by the ankles and began to lift. At this point he began to flail wildly, ripping at my shirt, knocking off my glasses and land- ing a punch on my right eye. I was eventually able to toss him over the bar- ricade and he was hauled away by the security guards. Everyone around con- gratulated me, and I was given many high-fives and thumbs-up from my neighboring concert-goers. And for the next few minutes, the pressure of the crowd pushing on me was relieved, al- most as if everyone in the audience had When I told our Executive Editor- Skater 3, and their song “The Boy Who singing from the audience. After the a newfound respect for the tall, dorky In-Chief Andrew Fraley that I had seen Destroyed The World” was one of my first song he just jumped off the stage guy with glasses. AFI this past weekend, he responded favorites on the soundtrack. Skip ahead and never looked back. He spent most All in all, it was the experience of with, “Isn’t that the band that sang that to 2003 when they released Sing The of his time inciting mosh pits and a few going to a punk show without the in- song ‘I like girls that wear Abercrombie Sorrow, the album that launched them pretty respectable circle pits. Unfortu- tention of seeing a punk band. Maybe & Fitch?’” No, Andrew, that was LFO, a into mainstream popularity, which is nately, he was using a corded micro- AFI has lost some of their punk credi- crappy boyband from the mid-nineties. when I began listening to them exten- phone, so every now and again you had bility after making it in the mainstream, AFI is a punk band from the early sively. Three years later they released to duck as a mic cable whizzed over the but that doesn’t mean they don’t put on nineties turned slightly-less-punk band Decemberunderground, and have re- top of your head. one hell of a good show. Here’s to hop- who recently released their new album, mained quiet until the release of their After Gallows was finished, AFI ing I don’t have to wait for another new Crash Love. Like most bands, with a latest album, Crash Love in late Septem- took the stage. Lead singer Davey album to see them again. new album comes a new tour, and see- ber. Havok looked like an effeminate Elvis ing as my girlfriend is absolutely in love The opening band was a British Presley, donning an all-white glitter- with AFI and they very rarely tour, we punk band by the name of Gallows. covered suit complete pompadour hair- went to see them on Friday the 13th at They put on a pretty good show, lots of cut. To my dismay, they only played the Roseland Ballroom in New York yelling, lots of power-chords, pretty two songs from their “punk days,” one City. standard fare. What really stood out off of 1995’s vinyl edition of Very Proud I first heard about the band back in most about their performance was that Of Ya called “Love Is A Many Splen- 2001 while playing Tony Hawk’s Pro the lead singer spent 90% of their set dored Thing”, and another from Shut TheStonyBrookPress Arts & Entertainment 13

Minus The Bear: The Crazy Donkey by Nick Statt

It’s not very often you get to attend some. So was the rest of the set. The a concert at Farmingdale’s Crazy Don- whole band was having a blast during key venue without fearing for your life their unfortunately short stay and it ra- or having to prepare yourself to see peo- diated from the stage. Although they ple beat the living hell out of each other. played a set that was equal in length to But on Sunday, November 15, Minus the much lesser known Twin Tigers, the Bear and supporting act As Tall as they had the whole crowd reverberating Lions rolled through to present indie with applause and cheers. kids everywhere a chance to see what Finally, at roughly 9:30 PM Minus the inside of the Crazy Donkey actually the Bear took the stage. Following al- looks like…oh and enjoy some music most a year long break with some scat- too. tered shows here and there, the Seattle Whether it was some purposeful five-piece emerged from the studio with joke or just a wild coincidence, the their fourth LP recorded. They decided opener for the two main acts also had to plan a fall tour that skipped over the an animal in their name. Before starting big cities and focused on smaller ven- the show, the venue proceeded to blast ues, which brought them to the Crazy house music from their speakers until Donkey. the curtains opened up. Twin Tigers When you listen to a band like from Georgia played a thirty minute set Minus the Bear, you have to wonder if that started at roughly 8:15 PM, despite they can pull off all of the musical the venue opening their doors nearly an prowess and complexity that goes into hour before. Despite that annoyance, their studio work. Lead guitarist Dave Twin Tigers were actually pretty solid. Knudson and lead singer/rhythm gui- Their sound set-up was plagued by an tarist Jake Snyder are known for incor- inability to hear the lead singer’s guitar porating pedal boards so vast that it’s and an annoying reverb effect on his almost comical to think they actually mic. That left much of the crowd turned use them all until you see them live. It off, but it was easy to see they were a tal- turns out they can actually replicate ented group that could have fit right in their songs beautifully and with every Because they were the headliners, ports of several of the people near the at a cheap Brooklyn venue. single element working at full force Minus the Bear played a fulfilling two- back, this man was dragged outside As Tall as Lions, who hail from thanks to the array of looping and hour set with a good number of brand where he proceeded to try and fight two Long Island, played a rather amazing sound manipulating pedals. new songs from their unreleased album. of the security guards. The guards set. Having never seen them live before, In between songs, Knudson will They even came back for two extra fought back, far too aggressively of I was shocked at both their appearance swell his volume down and record a tracks when the crowd chanted, “One course, and members of the band As and incorporation of different musical looped backing track to be played over more song” for a seemingly-long two Tall As Lions actually got involved. You styles that’s utterly absent on their stu- his and Snyder’s leads and keyboardist minutes. As to be expected, the show gotta love the Crazy Donkey. dio work. For one, their albums are Alex Roze utilizes a number of pedals was littered with some exciting Crazy If you’ve never heard As Tall as characterized by all the traditional indie and even a Mac laptop to assist the gui- Donkey moments. An overweight guy Lions or Minus The Bear, treat yourself elements – fast, hihat-heavy drum tarists. It was an astounding spectacle to who had way too much to drink pushed to some highly satisfying music that will beats, melodic guitar with a number of watch them play one of their best songs his way to the front and apparently got push your boundaries. If given the op- effects thrown in, and lulling vocals that of the night, “The Fix,” which involved right in the way of an extremely diehard portunity to see either of them live, es- reach a crescendo during the chorus. both guitarists utilizing a Line 6 DL-4 fan’s girlfriend. Little did he know that pecially given the circumstances of the However, the group got on stage, all pedal to speed up and harmonize an this would quickly turn into a pushing absurdly cheap show that just passed, donning suits, and began with a straight intro solely with the rhythmic stepping fest. As myself and a few of the people do so for the sure fact that both bands jazz jam. They had one of their key- of their feet. As always, Knudson’s sig- around me tried to diffuse the situation, are simply amazing on stage. If you’re boardists soloing on the trumpet and nature two-hand tapping guitar tech- a borderline psycho security guard with lucky, you won’t have to seem them in a their bassist wiggled up and down the niques and Snyder’s ability to sing and a shaved head hopped down from the place that regularly holds blood-on- stage like he was purposefully making play complex rhythm parts were de- box he was standing on to drag the your-shirt death metal. fun of the 1950s. Either way, it was awe- lights to both musicians and fans. drunk man away. According to the re- 14Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

Why You Shouldn’t Hate Pop Punk

Teenage Bottlerocket - They Came just the sweaty, dirty sounds of bands lead on two of the sixteen tracks, but it’s from the Shadows like Screeching Weasel and The Queers, difficult to convey just how much the By Andy Polhamus bringing back the sound that prepared listener should avoid these. All the the world for Green Day and Blink-182. same, the entire rest of the album is a In the years following 1977, the spectacular glimpse into the life of an bands that didn’t collapse in on them- The Steinways - Gorilla Marketing endearing, stoned 24-year-old loser. selves after punk broke were forced to change direction. The revolution never We Are the Union-Who We Are got off the ground, and barely a year after The Sex Pistols released Never Mind the Bollocks, most serious music fans considered the entire genre dead. By the 1980s, the only bands left were those who had done something differ- ent. This shift occurred in two different directions. The birth of hardcore came with the rise of bands like Agent Orange Ninety-nine percent of the time, and Minor Threat; these musicians bands who write to a formula are writ- played an angrier, faster, more focused ten off as predictable, bland, and gener- form of punk. On the other side of this ally shitty. This is most noticeable in the revolution-within-a-revolution was the new school of hardcore: intro, annoying first incarnation of pop punk, which melodic verse, growled chorus, break- The Steinways’ Gorilla Marketing is took its roots from The Ramones and down, verse, etc. Another dozen or so a slightly cuter take on the traditional continued with bands like The Descen- prime examples include all those horri- pop punk sound, but this does not in This Michigan based ska punk dents. ble bands on your local “alternative” sta- any way detract from their appeal. Each band plays horn-driven anthems over Nowadays, the names of both sub- tion that are sixteen years late for song ranges from about fifty seconds to 80’s hardcore percussion. This blend genres have been sullied: hardcore has grunge: vaguely bluesy guitar riff, at- two minutes, and the singer’s high voice forms a nicely familiar hybrid between largely degenerated into skinny guys tempted Eddie Vedder vocals, acoustic is pleasantly raspy. Lyrical content Lifetime and Less Than Jake. While it with straightened hair and eyeliner, bridge, rinse, repeat. ranges from slightly immature to bla- may seem strange that they’ve been playing super heavy (and super awful) But what happens when a band tantly juvenile, as seen in lines like “In lumped into this article, the nature of faux-metal songs. Newer pop punk comes along who finds a formula that other words, I’m jealous of guys to get their debut album, Who We Are, reveals bands wear the same clothes, but have works every single time? This is exactly to have sex with really really really hot an independent sensibility that could shifted their attention to nasal whining what four chord pop punkers Teenage girls” and “I’m feeling all emo since I only belong to a full-on punk band. Just and drum machine driven interludes. Bottlerocket have been doing for years, ran out of weed,” which makes this a like the other two albums mentioned This has unfortunately led to many ca- and their newest release, They Came perfect listen for fans of skater bands of here, this album is loud, fast, and short. sual music fans to eschew “punk” alto- from the Shadows, proves once again the late nineties. Except, of course, that But unlike the other two, this album is gether, with legions more that the formula that made The Ra- The Steinways don’t suck. far more serious in terms of subject misinterpreting this trend as their only mones great holds true even today. One of the only downsides to matter. Most songs are closely related to option in contemporary punk. But fear These Laramie, Wyoming natives this sweeter, more tongue in cheek style the trials and tribulations of being in a not, would-be punk rockers. Put down play short, fast, unabashedly catchy is an all-too-common pitfall of pop hardworking band. Others convey anti- that Underoath shirt and start going to songs that break away from the current punk bands. Subpar female vocals was corporate and workers’ rights messages. shows in basements again because I’ve crop of pop punkers; each of these two committed by The Bouncing Souls, and Every chord strummed drives home the picked out three recent punk albums minute denim clad tunes are punk it’s been committed by a thousand ska conviction and careful optimism of a that will renew your faith and get you songs influenced by pop, not pop songs bands looking for a way to stand out. bunch of guys who care about nothing throwing up all over your Doc Martens influenced by punk. You’ll find no chin Thankfully, these mediocre tracks are else. By the time the album comes to a once again. length blonde hair or ironic pink t- few and far between. The token girl in close, you have no choice but to want shirts on They Came from the Shadows, the band (a bassist of course) only sings these guys to succeed. Don’t Know Why I Didn’t Like This Album

grown to love and expect. lyn holds you /and holds my heart too bit from Jones’s usual lyrical style, using In it’s entirety, the album is decent, /What a fool I was to think /I could live poetic metaphors. Before, her songs By Kelly Pivarnik but nothing to get too excited about. in both worlds.” The sincerity is clear in were more of a depiction of real life ac- There are a few standouts including her voice, and that is what really makes counts. One could argue she is pushing Norah Jones released her fourth “Back to Manhattan,” which was also the lyrics meaningful to the listener. her jazz-pop boundaries in this sense. album, The Fall, earlier this month to featured in the MTV reality show The “You’ve Ruined Me,” actually lives The album is a good buy for those some mixed reviews. The common City. The song allegedly chronicles up to it’s ambitious song title, delivering who are already Norah Jones fans and consensus amongst music fans is that Jones’s break up with her former bassist an image of someone remaining both maybe jazz/folk lovers, but otherwise it’s this album is relatively darker and more Lee Alexander. The lyrics essentially re- strong and nostalgic in the midst of a probably best to put away your wallets depressing. In all honesty, the change in veal a love affair, in which Jones leaves break up. The music is fairly upbeat, and save your money. Jones’ tone is not that drastic. The lis- her male paramour to go back to her contrasting the sadcore lyrics like, “You tener still finds Jones lovelorn with a boyfriend and life in Manhattan. The ruined me now, though I liked it, now jazz piano in the background – the lyrics are not incredibly profound, but I’m ruined/Your child-lit eyes like but- same stylistic lounge music fans have sweet and honest nonetheless. “Brook- tons of lies.” This song does stray a little TheStonyBrookPress Arts & Entertainment 15

Animal Collective - Fall Be Kind

seems exhausted and urgent for some tentedness is the best one. Also, hearing stoneresque lyrics punctuate this song, kind of release. The song ends with Phil Lesh sing alongside Tare and Bear overtly referencing smoking hash to By Josh Ginsberg shouts for “comfort” over a medieval is pretty cool. calm himself down. melody, suggesting where Avey’s From a glance at iTunes, “Bleeding” The one song on the EP that seems Animal Collective kicked off 2009 thoughts still lie. would be the pop-track. It is the EP’s to be a “Panda song” is “I Think I Can.” by releasing what may have been their Most of the song has a most instantly appealing album and twisted-sounding what was undoubtedly the most com- processed guitar riff and pelling hour-long stretch of music re- a series of drum tracks leased in over a year. Merriweather Post that are quintessentially Pavilion eclipsed other innovative al- Lennoxian. The guitar is bums in the 2000’s hallowed canon. particularly interesting Merriweather Post Pavilion felt (and still because it is something feels) as if it had combined everything that was essential to great about the past ten years. It’s aural many earlier AC albums aesthetic was as mesmerizing as it’s and was more or less en- cover art. It’s eleven songs were in- tirely absent from MPP. tensely hooky, earnest and fascinating Panda seems sorrowful with most of the lyrical matter focused for most of the song, but on warm, domestic matters such as fa- leads in an especially therhood, brotherhood and tender, happy sounding end monogamous romance. Merriweather part. If there’s one thing flawlessly combined the surreal, exper- that Panda Bear always imental aspects of Kid A and Drums Not makes good on, it’s a big Dead with the colorful bombast, pro- finish. Songs like duction and bottom-end of Kala or I “Chores,” “Derek,” and Am Sasha Fierce, while owing neither “Brothersport” are all album any real debt and surpassing punctuated b∑∑y a final them both by light years. section that blows its Almost a year later Avey Tare, preceding movements Panda Bear and Geologist have thrown away. “I Think I Can” together a collection of songs that runs its course for five should feel like a collection of B-sides minutes as a dark ca- and weaker cuts and dubbed it Fall Be lypso, but finally opens Kind. The beautiful joke is that Fall Be up into a really saccha- Kind’s five tracks stand alongside Ani- rine melody, in which mal Collective’s best works. Fall Be Kind he assures himself that is easily their best EP and feels deeply he will “get to move on cohesive. From the Disney-esque The logical single of the bunch is shortest song at under four minutes. It soon.” Like all great Panda Bear songs, strings that kick off the first track, the second track, “What Would I Want? opens with an eerie sample, one that Panda urges us to do our best and be Sky,” a song already beloved by fans and evokes the horror movie soundtracks happy. famous for featuring the first licensed the band has been listening to since It is likely that Fall Be Kind is the Grateful Dead sample, despite the fact their youth. “Bleeding” is very sparse, last we are going to hear from Animal Animal Collective the song is nearly seven minutes long. consisting mostly of Avey and Panda’s Collective for a while. Their visual By the time the sample kicks in, the spooky vocalizations’, a brooding low- album has been in the works for several throws out their song has been building for three min- end drone and some sound effects. The years and while I hope to see/hear it by samplers and buys utes on a phenomenally crisp drum song is cinematic and is akin to old Na- 2010, I don’t know that I’ll have the loop and ethereal guitar chords that tive American music. pleasure. It is also worth noting that a Gibson SG and Fuzz more or less epitomize everything that “On a Highway” is the fourth track outside of the Fall Be Kind songs AC, a makes Avey Tare the most important and almost as dark as “Bleeding.” It fea- band notorious for playing exclusively Box to excellent guitarist of the past six years. The song tures a disconcerting, jagged guitar that new songs at live shows, hasn’t debuted results! is beefier than it is live, with Panda Bear is sort of like “For Reverend Green” but a new song since the first MPP songs contributing some vocals and a more without the sense of searing heat. were debuted on the 2007 tour. Either nuanced rhythm track. Avey Tare is car- Panda’s chorus in the song is ominous way, Fall Be Kind is a really welcome ing and inquisitive and the hazy inno- and eerie, which is a good way to artic- bookend to a year punctuated by great “Graze,” to its sad, trickling middle- cence of the questions he poses during ulate the mood created with this two releases. This won’t be the end of AC or eight and back again to an ebullient the verses endears the listeners. He song stretch of the EP. Avey describes their great records, but for the first time pan-flute barn-burner. The course doesn’t exactly tread new lyrical terri- feeling blinded by sunstroke and it is since their career started they are leav- taken during “Graze” alone is more in- tory as he muses over how to best de- possible to see the song as a response to ing their fans in the dark with respect to teresting than the trajectories of any tach from intellectuality to enter a the busy touring schedule they have the sounds they will come to explore. I previous AC EP. The lyrics are about transcendent state. Again Avey Tare taken up in the wake of Merriweather’s just hope that Panda’s final vocals to “I waking up, “opening up [Avey Tare’s] seems concerned with “floating”. The success. The members have gone on Think I Can” are an indicator that the eyes and letting the light in.” He thinks great line, “Then I got on the river, re- record many times citing dissatisfaction band will continue to find new paths about “old ideas worth doing” and not ally can’t make it change,” reminds the with touring, which is a prominent and “move on” to something as truly being worried until Panda Bear begins listener that sometimes a passive path theme in the lyrics to songs such as “In transcendent as their past few LPs. to sing a sorrowful melody, which to some sort of enlightenment or con- The Flowers.” Avey’s particularly 16Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 Differing Opinions: It has Has Call of Duty Gone Too Far? Nick Statt alarmingly realistic and gruesome display, that re- In a world where anyone can pick up a con- ally makes gamers wonder if this is going too far. troller and beat a pedestrian to death, or noncha- Numerous opinion-littered message boards lantly execute lines of soldiers with bullets to the and YouTube comments have amassed around head, it’s hard to think that any form of video this controversial mission and there is no distinct game violence is taboo. verdict on whether or not it’s pushing the enve- But the recent installment in the Call of Duty lope too far. But the factors are there for anyone, war series, Modern Warfare 2,has achieved what even one who doesn’t play violent video games was thought impossible–exhibiting game play that often or at all, to assess the content. It hasn’t that is controversial enough that even the most By making the character an American, the Kenny Mahoney feel something, and the fact that so desensitized gamers are questioning their virtual game is putting players in a moral dilemma. If this Modern Warfare 2 has been on many people reacted with such pas- actions. situation occurred in real life, which is not hard store shelves for a few days by now, sion shows that they were doing When you pop in the game for the first time, to imagine given the game’s intense realism and and as one of the most anticipated their job. developing team Infinity Ward issues a warning heavily researched geo-political back story, titles of the year, there’s no doubt Another question that keeps message that lets players skip a mission later on gamers are forced to wonder if they would let all that many of you have played it. popping up runs along the lines of the game. It mentions the controversial content, these people die for the sake of not blowing their There’s also no doubt that many of “why didn’t they just do this instead but doesn’t tell you which mission or why exactly cover. This decision held so much weight in fact you have encountered, or at least of that?” If you think that develop- it’s been deemed controversial. That’s the best, and that Infinity Ward pulled the mission completely heard about, the controversial “air- ment of this scene went over with- only, option they had to keeping the mission out from the Russian version of the game. port scene” in which your charac- out anyone at Infinity Ward or of the hands of children. Essentially, it’s the realism that makes this ter and a group of Russian terrorists Activision batting an eyelash, then For anyone who hasn’t played the game yet mission different from the games of the Grand attack a populated civilian airport. you’re out of your mind. Develop- and wants to preserve the element of surprise, Theft Auto series, which has become the prime While on some level I can under- ers have multiple meetings to sim- don’t read on. The mission begins with a black defense for supporters of the mission’s inclusion. stand the outrage many people ply decide which corner of the screen and the player has to sit through about Now, Grand Theft Autois realistic all right, but its have about this scene, there are screen your health-bar should be thirty seconds of rustling bags and ammo clips violence has a comedic demeanor. The civilians in many points that I feel are being ig- displayed in, and I can’t imagine being stuffed into automatic weapons. The pic- those games don’t really react like they’re experi- nored. that this whole scene was decided ture flashes into view as elevator doors open and encing a mass murderer’s wrath. Sure, they run Modern Warfare 2 has done the in one afternoon. The bottom line your apparent associate on the left whispers, “Re- away and scream and yell, but the game never at- exact same thing that films, books, is that there is a reason the scene member, no Russian,” the quote that the mission tempts to assess the seriousness of its own capa- and television have been doing for plays out the way it does, and I as- title derives it’s name from. bilities. It’s littered with undermining events like years. It saddens me to think that sure you that it was not a decision The player then follows the leader of gang the absurd jokes of the police during gunfights or through all of the progress video made carelessly or in passing. and three other men out into what is quickly rec- the blaring fake radio stations that attempt to con- games have made as a form of Most importantly, when the ognized as an airport full of civilians. The auto- stantly poke fun at realism. What this means is mainstream media that they’re still airport scene is taken out of con- matic weapons you’re all holding pop up and the that you don’t have to be a sadist to enjoy the viewed as simple toys that can’t ad- text, it can seem like a display of ability to aim and fire becomes available. Then the game’s violent possibilities. In the end, it can just dress serious issues. I feel that a lot meaningless violence. So when you shocking scene ensues. As a player, you’re allowed be funny and over the top, which makes it far of this stems from the ignorant idea see it on the evening news, it makes to either partake or watch as the group you’re a from real no matter how good the graphics are. that video games are only for chil- a perfect lead in story to the rest of part of guns down hundreds of civilians in a The “No Russian” mission, on the other dren. This could not be further the night’s coverage of gruesome bloody and upsetting terrorist attack. Your move- hand, is totally different. You’re most likely a sadist from the truth. Sure, lots of video murders and apartment building ment is limited to steady walking, meaning you if you find any bit of pleasure in it. The screams of games are played by children, but fires. When put into context of the must keep pace with your partners and watch as terror from the civilians are chilling and highly many of the children who grew up events of the game, it makes perfect each one guns down a different set of civilians, uncomfortable, while the graphics engine exem- with games in the 70s and 80s are sense. In the game, you play as an taking no preference to whether one is attempt- plifies the pools of blood around the dozens of taking the hobby with them into American infiltrating a Russian ter- ing to drag a shot victim to safety or they’re jerk- bodies you pass on your smooth walk through old age. The games they play now rorist group, so when you go on the ing around on the floor with an already life the airport. There’s no dismemberment, nor should be able to reflect their new airport mission your objective is to threatening bullet wound. Cops attempt to stop physical scars of any of the bullet wounds. But you maturity level. In fact, there have stay in cover. In order to stay in you, but stand no chance against the brute force of can still watch a dying man groan and clench his been many studies that have shown cover, you’re going to have to par- your automatics. The whole attack reaches a peak stomach up against a coffee kiosk before having that the average age of a video game ticipate (or at least pretend you’re when one of your partners leans over a banister the option of putting a bullet in his head. player is somewhere in the mid- participating) in this attack. You and literally re-enacts the scene from Tarantino’s One thing is for sure - Call of Duty is at the thirties. have the option of either shooting Inglorious Bastards when Eli Roth showered a forefront of realistic war videogames and they I’m not here to start a “games the civilians, or making it appear as screaming crowd with gunfire. Then, a sailing haven’t been, and probably won’t ever, be sur- as art” debate, but for the sake of ar- if you’re shooting them by shooting grenade leaves an elevator of policemen trapped passed. Infinity Ward, one of two main develop- gument let us pretend that they are. above and around them. If you until they’re either blown out of the glass or die as ers under the main owner Activision, made huge The objective of a piece of art is to don’t, you’ll blow your cover and the elevator crashes to the ground. wakes with the first Modern Warfareinstallment, elicit emotion, regardless of what your inability to infiltrate this So some might ask, “Well what’s so bad but downright shattered the barriers of video that emotion might be. Joy, sad- group and stop a major attack will about this when games like Grand Theft Auto game taboos with this sequel. The rest of the game ness, anger, helplessness – these are result in the death of millions. It’s allow the killing of innocent civilians?” Well, prior features events that are not as gruesome or con- just a few of the various emotions meant to be a difficult decision – to the mission’s start, the player is informed that troversial as “No Russian,” but still leave your jaw that art can make you feel. I know taking the lives of a few to save the they are taking the role of undercover CIA agent on the floor. If you can’t stomach the cinematic many people were angered by the lives of many. Joseph Allen, or Alexei Borodin to his Russian scenes of films like Saving Private Ryan, then stay airport scene, but did they ever In the end, it’s up to you how comrades. He was placed within direct contact to away from a medium that allows you to practi- stop to think that maybe that was you feel about it. If you decide you international terrorist Vladimir Makarov. So in a cally live and breathe in similar environments. No the point? Game developers are don’t like it, then either skip the nutshell, you are an American undercover with a matter how controversial they become, the on- people just like you and I; they level or just don’t buy the game at Russian terrorist group who has the option to line buzz and the enormous sales will ensure that aren’t evil demons who designed all. But please, don’t tell me what partake in a terrorist attack in a Russian airport. It stepping over the line is something a video game this scene out of some sick sense of kinds of content I find appropriate is this whole setup, and developer Infinity Ward’s developer will never say no to. satisfaction. They wanted you to for myself. TheStonyBrookPress Arts & Entertainment 17

A Gentlemen’s Guide to Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

By Najib Aminy

When Call of Duty 2: Modern War- fare came out earlier this month, no one expected it to gross roughly half a billion dollars in just a week. Yes, that’s half a bil- lion. The game, which is sold on multiple consoles and PC, grossed more than $550 million five days after being re- leased and made $310 in North America and the UK in its first day alone. Simply put, the game has produced the biggest- selling launch in entertainment history. While the game offers a great story- line, however controversial or short, the multiplayer of Modern Warfare has kept video gamers glued to their couches, kept their eyes dilated, and made them ignore most of their responsibilities. Activision, the company that pub- lished the game, reported that 5.2 million multiplayer hours were logged on Mi- crosoft’s internet gaming service, Xbox Live for the Xbox 360, in just the first corpse. things you should be doing like playing machine gun with a rapid fire rate, is the day. Leave the camping for the people with toys or engaging in acts of misog- kind of weapon a Jersey frat boy would This is an alarming fact because who liked Brokeback Mountain. None of yny. use while hanging with his bros, telling among the many millions playing this that stuff belongs in Modern Warfare— them how great he is at the game. Most game on Xbox Live, there is a growing just pure male testosterone, sweaty other people would call it “spray and majority of noobs, campers, and any palms, and the ambition to win. Attachments pray.” derogatory term you can think of to Every weapon chosen in Modern While Modern Warfare introduces identify a player who lacks skill. Talking Warfare comes with a number of attach- dual-wielding weapons like in Halo 3, From using a grenade launcher, a Communication is everything. ments to choose from. These attach- some players find that dual wielding heartbeat monitor, or camping behind a Trash-talking is part of the game. How- ments usually have pros and cons to shotguns will decrease their chances of corner, the unskilled frustrate many of ever, if a gamer has a below .500 kill per them, such as a suppressor that silences a survival and increase the rookie status of the skilled and veteran players. What is death ratio and is developing a rug burn gun, making it hard for enemies to hear those who do decide to use such lacking is a set of gentlemen’s rules to on his or her knees (that’s silly, girls that you are firing at them. The con is weapons. which all should abide—a what you can should be playing with their dolls) then that it limits that gun’s firing range. Yet, the weapon that tops it all is a and can’t do, if you will. you’re right to talk is suspended. That is, But there are some attachments that sniper rifle with a thermal scope. It’s not Not any more. until you go back into the positives. have nothing but positive rewards. These so much the thermal scope than it is the If a player is on the winning team, attachments are designed for noobs. ability to combine it with camping. As The following are golden rules that that player is entitled to entice the op- Take the lamest attachment in the game, stated before, camping ruins the game, all players should follow if they are to be posing and defeated team with insults the heartbeat monitor, essentially a mo- and in this case, so does using a weapon considered respectable players in Mod- and harsh words if they choose to do so, tion-based radar that spots enemies. One that encourages it. It is very rare that you ern Warfare. no matter how poorly they themselves can only access it after getting a certain will find a sniper with a thermal scope performed. Though this does not give amount of kills for a particular weapon, move around the map. Camping. you bonus points in the game, it moti- however this presents a huge disadvan- Players should avoid using weapons Modern Warfare has a number of vates teammates not to lose to whatever tage to those without the attachment. that are noob status. Like steroids, this levels with dynamic settings that allow minorities, sexual-orientations, or fe- Combine this radar with those who taints the success one achieves and ruins players to maximize the use of their en- males are on the other team. like to camp and you are in for a multi- the game from everyone. Be a gentle- vironment. Gamers can climb up lad- For those that have headsets, but re- player game of pure frustration and man, don’t do it. ders, jump 15 feet from most ledges and fuse to talk, well, these gamers defeat the anger. rooftops, and climb their way to certain purpose in playing Xbox Live, let alone The heart beat monitor is this year’s Ultimately, Modern Warfare has one vantage points. The downside to these Modern Warfare. It’s no fun talking to noobtube, the grenade launcher attach- of the better multiplayer first-person settings is that campers ruin everything. yourself, believe me. The main argument ment that gamers use for one-hit kills. shooter systems among video games that There is no fun in chasing down an is that many people have a hard time lis- The solution, don’t be a doo-doo have recently been released. Yet, its enemy combatant when a 12-year-old tening to high-pitched 9-year-olds who head. If the attachments are too good to downfall lies not in the design but the hiding in a high patch of grass guns you just finished their arithmetic homework be true, then for the sake of the integrity way some people play it. The game caters down. Camping is simply for the cow- and, as a reward, can play video games of the game, shouldn’t use it. too much to new players and inexperi- ardly. on the weekdays. enced hacks. Nevertheless, instead of That is why if you wish to be consid- The solution—if you have not Weapons being an employee, one simply has to ered manly, gentleman-like, and a re- reached puberty or if your voice exceeds Like attachments, weapons in Mod- abide by this gentlemen’s agreement of spectable opponent, the only time you 140 Hz, then give up the headset and ern Warfare have their pros and cons. rule to reach boss status. will camp is when you are momentarily stop playing. Chances are, you are too But certain weapons are designed for the You can’t reach the top if you’re tea-bagging your opponent’s dead young or not a guy and there are better less skilled. The P-90 for example, a sub- camping on the ground. 18Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

Tom Strong is Great! in six trade paperbacks, was recently re- natives, and the science-fiction tech- coatl-9. The computational god saves released as a special ten year anniver- nologies of Millennium City helps cre- Strong from a gory sacrificial death, and By Andrew Fraley sary edition in three volumes. The first ate a setting perfect for exploring a the two work together to re-instill the volume, which collects the first 12 vol- myriad of literary and comic genres. fear of the gods in the Aztechs (haha, Alan Moore has become a house- umes, found its way into my hands The second issue continues the get it?). hold name in the comics world, and for thanks to the good people at DC genre exploration, using the reemer- And the list goes on, each as inter- good reason. Most of his familiarity Comics. Holy socks! How lucky am I? gence of one of Strong’s old enemies, esting, if not more so, than the last. comes from the various movie adapta- To start, this is no V For Vendetta or Modular Man. Our 100-year-old Sci- From super powered Nazis, to super in- tions of his comic series, from the good, Watchmen. Many of the newer series re- ence Hero—he only looks around 40 telligent primordial slimes, Tom Strong such as V For Vendetta, Constantine and leased under Moore’s America’s Best thanks to Goloka root, a mystical plant spans the gamut of genres, while creat- Watchmen (this is a very loose sense of Comics line of comics, including Tom he grew up eating thanks to the Attabar ing a unique story of its own. The story the word; I hated VFV), to the bad, such Strong, lack the fiery intensity and depth Teru natives—confronts his old neme- also contains archetypal comic ele- as From Hell and League of Extraordi- that his earlier works had, such as sis with more than just brawns, and ments, such as Tom Strong’s arch- nary Gentlemen (also that loose sense of Swamp Thing, or even Miracleman. avoids the conventional “pow, biff, bam” nemesis, Paul Saveen, an analog of Lex the word; I kinda liked LoEG). Apart That’s not to say that they’re not good; beat-up of golden age comics. Modular Luthor or The Joker, and an alternate from Hollywood’s bastardization of his Alan Moore is still one of the best writ- Man is actually a scientist who’s been Tom Strong from Terra Obscura, an masterpieces though, Moore has essen- ers in the industry. Tom Strong is still an dead for nearly 20 years. He broke his analog of Bizarro. These aren’t done in tially revolutionized the comic industry excellent comic, even if it’s not the next mind down into units of information, an overtly parodical way, but act as through his deconstruction and redefi- Hellblazer. and created a self-replicating modular tasteful homages to the archetypes. The nition of the genre, and helped bring the The first issue starts with a self ref- robot that, when it created enough of it- end result is a comic that feels familiar, modern comic industry out of the dark erential origin story of Tom Strong. self, would bring out the scientist’s per- but pushes itself to be something much ages. Strong was born on New Year’s Eve, sonality. The story is an interesting more. An entertaining mix of adventure Tom Strong is the next comic that 1900, on a fictional island of Attabar study of the nature of intelligence, and romps and superhero comics, Tom continues Moore’s tradition of experi- Teru to scientist parents. As a young the philosophy of technology. It’s remi- Strong is an excellent addition to the menting with comic book archetypes, member of Tom Strong’s own fan club niscent of Stanislaw Lem’s The Cyberiad, genre. and pushing the limits of the medium. is reading the same origin issue back in or Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker series. Tom Strong is published by Amer- First published ten years ago, Tom modern day Millennium City, Moore This technological speculation is ica’s Best Comics, and is available in a Strong follows the adventures of its titu- creates the setting of the technological continued in the third issue, which fea- collected special edition hardcover Vol- lar character, his wife Dhalua and city. This dichotomy between the Vic- tures dominant Aztec forces from a par- ume 1. daughter Tesla in the fictional Millen- torian-esque adventure story of Strong’s allel Earth that possess an omnipotent nium City at the end of the 20th cen- birth, replete with benevolent and wise supercomputing deity called Quetzal- tury. The series, which collects 36 issues Gears of War: From Someone Who Never Played it! We are then introduced to Jace, a new human sol- bush, the traumatic back story, and the lost little girl all dier, or “Cog” as they are called in game. He and the make an appearance. By Eric DiGiovanni protagonists from the games, Marcus Fenix and Dom What it does do, however, is work on expanding Santiago, are on a mission to recover squads that con- the story that the games hint at. A couple of new char- Gears Of War is a video game where you fight sub- trol had lost contact with. Everything is pretty much acters are introduced and the team visits a small refuge terranean aliens. That’s pretty much the extent of my defined for the reader, so those who are green to series village “Fucked,” which I assume hasn’t been seen be- knowledge. However, curiosity compelled me to re- can understand the terminology. fore. When the eventual Gears Of War 3 comes out, I’d view the recent Gears Of War hardcover that collects If you’re looking for anything original, look else- like to see these new elements revisited. the first six issues of the WildStorm comic series. where. The story hits on a lot of typical action movie Design Director of Gears Of War, Cliff Bleszinski I never saw the appeal of Gears Of War, other than tropes: the distress beacon that turns out to be an am- states in his foreword that the world created was sup- the fact that the games themselves are well made and posed to be “large, intricate and sprawling” Cut have a gun with a chainsaw on it. Seriously, if it scenes in the game were short to keep the focus on weren’t for the Lancer, I wouldn’t give it a second the gameplay. Such a notion goes against the look from all the other action games with gray, comic’s strengths, which are the action sequences. brown and muzzle flash on the covers. They’re gory, tense, and there are a lot of them. Any concerns about catching the back story Something about a bunch of dudes fighting chain- are immediately squashed. Right off the bat, it in- saw-shooting-spider-worm-tentacle-creatures just troduces you to the Locust, a group of creatures shuts the brain off and makes you go, “Wow.” who come from underground and kill humans Overall, the comic stays true to the games: great for… some reason. While there are references to art and great action, all wrapped up in standard stuff like Emergence Day and the Lightmass action movie fare. Even if you’ve never played Bombing (references I had to consult about with Gears Of War, it’s worth a read, especially if you’re staff writer Kenny Mahoney), those events aren’t a fan of a good “War is Hell” story. really touched upon, so if you’re new to the fran- chise, then don’t worry. TheStonyBrookPress Arts & Entertainment 19

Paradise Stormed

Danny, the Irish Priest on mission in Japan, and two shadowy German fig- By Alex H. Nagler ures who don’t seem to fully compre- hend that the Nazi Reich has J. Robert Oppenheimer famously surrendered. e bulk of the dialogue is murmured, “Now I am become Death, in English, but there are occasional dal- the destroyer of worlds” at the Trinity liances into Japanese and German. e test that ushered mankind into the Japanese portions are translated. e atomic age. Chuck Dixon’s Storming German portions are not. Paradise has him say something more Olympic could have easily been one along these lines: “Now I am become of the bloodiest conflicts in United Death, the destroy… oh, shit.” States history. Here, US forces are met Storming Paradise, a Wildstorm title, with an entire populace that has been opens in Los Alamos on July 16, 1945. whipped into a frenzy by the fury of the e war with Germany has been won, Emperor. ere are no such things as but the weapon that was meant to bring civilians, everyone is an enemy fighter. about the end of the war with Japan just It doesn’t matter if your air and naval blew up and took its design crew with power is superior when the local popu- it. ere is no chance now of ending the lace is completely against you. It also Pacific eater without American casu- doesn’t help when there are two shad- alties. President Truman is forced to owy German figures lurking in the give the go ahead on what could have background. been one of the largest theaters of war, We’ll never know what would have Operation Olympic: e invasion of happened had America attempted to in- Japan. vade Japan. Moral arguments aside, the Dixon’s story is paired up with Butch Atomic Bomb ensured the immediate Guice, Rick Burchett, Eduardo Barreto, surrender of Japan at the cost of the and Fernando Burchett’s artwork. De- lives of Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the spite the vast number of superheroes dawn of the Atomic era. Dixon takes a whose origins stem from the Second fair stab at what could have been. If World War, there aren’t any superpow- you’re interested in alternate history or ers to be spoken of here. ere are sim- World War II, pick up Storming Para- ply normal people placed in dise. Otherwise, ship out and go kiss a extraordinary situations. ere’s Jimmy, nurse in the middle of Times Square. the Japanese-American Marine, Ishi, the Japanese Grenade Boy, Father Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Review

Back Story! By Alex H. Nagler It’s good! The Comic is a One-Shot But I would love some more (sung to the Bad Horse Theme from Dr. There’s enough to be often Horrible’s Sing Along Blog) The premise does not bore

Back Story! So please, Whedon and Dark Horse Back Story! Give us more to read Back Story! Back Story! A Ph.D In Horrible The cheery folks at Dark Horse Better than a JD! Have made a comic book Signed, The Press It concerns our favorite Doctor You should take a look

It details his beginnings And why Hammer is his shnook A heinous plot, an outcast kid Some singing would be nice of course.

Back Story! Back Story! 20Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

Pick for the Fortnight: The Legend of Zelda

down. The gameplay places the skill of By Nick Statt puzzle solving at a much higher priority than actual sword-slashing or bomb As the first installment of the Zelda dropping. Even as an aged gamer, I was series for the Game Boy, 1993’s The Leg- baffled at some of the puzzles’ complex- end of Zelda: Link’s Awakening is a clas- ities and am sorry to say that I found sic in every sense of the word. It myself groveling at the feet of online introduced dynamic and influential el- walkthroughs to lead me through some ements to both the plot and gameplay of the dungeon and plot progression of the Zelda series that would later be puzzles. integral to the success of champion ti- The game is a must-play for any tles like Ocarina of Time for the N64. and all Zelda series fans. Its plot is a It broke away from its predecessors fresh break from the Zelda norms and by throwing Link into the dream-like is- introduces some of the series’ most land of Koholint where the ominous popular and important devices, like the Wind Fish, an enormous mythical crea- use of the ocarina and mini-games in- ture, lay dormant until you, the player volving fishing and comedic rooster- as Link, collect the eight musical in- use. The only problem nowadays is that, struments necessary to wake it. This the game is annoyingly hard to find. If Wind Fish lay in a deep dream that is you can sacrifice the purity of your causing monsters to sprout up on Ko- childhood gaming days, then set your- holint and prevent Link on his quest to- self up with an emulator and play it on wards the musical instruments. Not your computer. Ebay is your next best only is this plot rather off-beat, but bet if you don’t want to pay Amazon an Link’s Awakening is also devoid of the absurd $99. series’ usual components of Princess Zelda, Evil Ganondorf, and the land of Hyrule where everything usually goes Gripe for the Fortnight: Hula Hoops

and was likely asthmatic. What a poor bastard. For argument’s sake, let’s say By Chris Mellides that you had the technique down and you were the fucking hula hoop master. I never understood the hula hoop. Do you honestly think that that was Even in my youth, I failed to see its ap- enough to impress anyone? Were girls peal. Some say that this was a revolu- standing in droves around the block to tionary toy and the hours of fun it catch a glimpse of you looking like a warranted were second to none. Then tard in front of your gym coach? I think again, some people are really fucking not. The hula hoop never got anyone stupid. Here’s this oversized colored laid and it was far from a fun toy. Trying ring. It goes over your head and around to unlock its secret was bupkis because your mid section and you’re supposed even if you could get the damn thing to to gyrate your hips to get it going. If work for you, people would still think you’re successful, the hula hoop spins you were the biggest loser on the planet. ‘round and ‘round, but who really gives I say take all of the hula hoops that ever a rat’s ass. Not everyone could make it existed and melt them down to dildos. work either, take the fat kid in elemen- Now, those are toys known and tary school that you’d shoot spitballs at, renowned for their usefulness and prac- for example. Man, he had it rough. Not ticality. Sure, why not. only did he posses a weight handicap, but he was also unable to use the hula hoop properly; in part because he could barely fit the thing over his bulbous ass Toy for the Fortnight: Play-Doh claylike substance that we all know and lescent Michelangelo. But forget it if you member, eat your Play-Doh with cau- love and occasionally still take a nostal- got it stuck on your mom’s carpet. That tion. And for Christ’s sake, don’t get it By Mike Cusanelli gic whiff of as we walk past the arts and shit doesn’t ever come out. And the stuck in your hair either. crafts section of Wal-Mart. You could worst part of Play-Doh was how it got Ah, Play-Doh. Was it food or was it stretch it, you could smash it, hell, you clogged in absolutely everything. I know “You gonna eat that?” a child’s version of sculptors clay? Per- could even eat it. Play-Doh was the toy a kid, well, I knew a kid, who got it stuck haps both? Play-Doh was the colorful of the everyman, God’s gift to the ado- up his nose. He didn’t make it. So re- TheStonyBrookPress 21 opinion India As Is

Medical clinic in Bhopal and to work every person should inherently have, According to a 2002 issue of Out- And then with the people suffering from this hor- like once you reach the point where look India magazine: “Bhopal isn’t only there’s India— rific aftermath. We email at least once a you’re actually slaughtering people and about charred lungs, poisoned kidneys through all the week and they keep me posted on what’s destroying lives to make money. That and deformed fetuses. It’s also about lenses of all the going on. They keep stressing the would probably be a good place to max corporate crime, multinational skull- critics, trapped ‘awareness’ factor by relaying facts such out. duggery, injustice, dirty deals, medical and tapped by all as: Union Carbide left 100,000 people in There have been protests, rallies malpractice, corruption, callousness Aviva the truth seeking Bhopal with debilitating physical ail- and marches through Delhi for justice and contempt for the poor. Nothing else Einhorn believers and non- ments and lets countless slum-dwellers to be served for what happened in explains why the victims’ average com- believers—a coun- still drink water contaminated with Bhopal. Every authority in debt to pensation was just $500 - for a lifetime try appraised for its spiritual prophets harmful and carcinogenic chemicals Bhopal has failed them. Protesters have of misery. Yet the victims haven’t given and a historical river. How can one of like mercury, lead, chloroform, HCH been arrested and beaten by the Indian up. Their struggle for justice and dignity the world’s largest, fastest sinking na- and benzenes. police. In the words of my beloved is one of the most valiant anywhere. tions maintain such a deceitful façade? Some of the poorest, most helpless friend Dede across the seas, “Here’s how They have unbelievable energy and Is the world blind? Be aware that I’m people on the planet, sick, illiterate, you can stop supporting this killer cor- hope. The fight has not ended. It won’t, not the first to propose this question. without political influence, powerful poration…speak with your dollars and so long as our collective conscience India is full of black holes that seem friends, or funds are struggling for their simply stop buying products that con- stirs.” to hover below the radar. One such hole lives in a combat against the world’s tain Dow chemicals, here are a few: is Bhopal. During a December night in largest chemical corporation. The allies Cover Girl, Clinique, Crest, Matrix, 1984, a factory owned by the Union they do have in the Indian and U.S. gov- Pantene, L’Oreal Paris, Carbide Corporation in Bhopal, India ernments are tycoons and armies of Vive Pro, Bodycology, leaked poison gas into the surrounding hired lawyers, lobbyists and PR agents. Secret deodorant, Cop- city. Thousands of Bhopalis were killed How do we continue to let this go on? pertone, Head & Shoul- in their sleep – over 20,000 people died The grossness is it all comes down to ders, Suave, Dove, Nivea, that night. The story of the “Bhopal Union Carbide. They have insane Fresh Baked, Old Spice, Tragedy” is reasonably well known, but amounts of money and they spend $200 Johnson’s, Samsung and what isn’t so well known is that after the million on ads that portray them in this Friskie’s. event, the factory was shut down and bullshit humanitarian light. But they I have quite a strong abandoned by Union Carbide. The still aren’t even close to amending what feeling that not a single abandonment of the factory left sacks of they did to Bhopal. Union Carbide is person who reads this is poison and piles of chemicals at the site known for bullying politicians, twisting going to boycott, but I’m that have been contaminating and con- laws, attempting to debase democracy, listing them anyway. I tinuing to poison the residents of and is a company overflowing with cor- have a half full bottle of Bhopal for the last two and a half rupt officials. The dents our country suave shampoo in my decades. makes in the world with our corpora- shower but when it’s fin- Three of my best friends left this tions are mind-blowing. There should ished, I’m going to do year to volunteer at the Sambhavna be a maximum level of selfishness that my best. Too Early to Tell

There are that was before then political those who believe unknown and Illinois Senator that Sarah Palin Barack Obama came on to the will be the Repub- scene. The same could happen lican candidate for if Palin decides to run. The le- president in 2012, gitimate hurdles that will be and I say, “Don’t brought up include her resig- Kevin hold your breath.” nation of the governorship of Sabella As a conservative Alaska and the issue with the Republican, I firing of a state trooper be- think she will have a hard time gaining cause he divorced her sister. If the nomination because of her track Sarah Palin is challenged by record. She was Governor of Alaska someone who is a conserva- until she resigned in her first term, tive celebrity like Mick Huck- which raises the question, “If Sarah abee or Mitt Romney, then she Palin could not complete her first term will have a hard time. At this as governor, how is she going to handle point it is way too early to say the U.S presidency?” It is obviously too Palin will win the nomination early to tell who is going to be the re- because it has not happened publican nominee. During the demo- yet. Only time will tell. cratic primary in 2008, people expected Hillary Clinton to win the nomination; 22Comics & Games Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 TheStonyBrookPress Comics & Games 23

I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do... Go for it, Man! The Go club meets this semester every Tuesday & Thursday, 7:30pm at the Library Commuter Lounge. Check it out!

Black to move, kill Whitey! Last issue’s solution The triangle move is the key move, giving you that first eye. The second eye can be obtained by playing at 2 after white plays 1 to kill the group, or at 1 if white doesn’t play there. Bam! Victory! 24 Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009 sports Stony Brook vs. Liberty University

Seawolves Win 36-33

Congrats to the 2009 Big South Co-Champions

All Photos by Eric DiGiovanni TheStonyBrookPress 25 sports Why I Hate Liberty University

relax in your girlfriend’s room, have a least students allowed to drink and fuck. By Liberal “Haterade” beer, and watch Shaun of the Dead at 11 And listen to music with naughty Douchebag P.M. on a quiet Thursday night? That’ll words. And write this newspaper. And be $1625 and 96 hours of Catholic com- have a College Democrats organization. munity service, please. Liberty’s code of And learn evolutionary biology. Try Stony Brook beat Liberty. Science conduct is that strict. You can be fined doing any of those at LU. won. Fundamentalism lost. I hate Lib- $500 or expelled for such things as Liberty University can suck a erty University. I hate it with a burning “non-participation/disruption/non- choad. They don’t believe in fossils, evo- passion. Underneath my hoodie, I wore compliance” or “involvement with lution, or anything that would have a t-shirt with a picture of the “Rev- witchcraft, séances or other occult ac- been cool with Carl Sagan. They regu- erend” Jerry Falwell in a coffin cap- tivities” or abortion. late their student’s behavior through a tioned “Dick In A Box.” It felt good to Liberty polices the morals of its stu- fundamentalist Gestapo that makes win –almost orgasmic. I hate Liberty dents. They have a network of enforcers Footlooseseem tame. Their founder was University. to ensure that their code of conduct, one of the biggest assholes to ever walk Last time Liberty was discussed, “The Liberty Way,” is upheld. Don’t try the planet. They think homosexuality is their hatred of science and how big of a to find this code online. It’s securely be- a disease and will “pray for me” as their douchebag Jerry Falwell were the main hind their school’s students only sec- way of telling me to fuck off. topics. As a reminder, they don’t teach tion. They don’t like others knowing No, fuck you Liberty. I’m a liberal evolution or believe that man and di- about their totalitarian code. Parents douchebag. I will always be a liberal nosaurs existed simultaneously. Falwell are probably fine with it. I mean, they douchebag. You need to adhere to my also claimed that gays and the ACLU sent their kids here knowing what to ex- society, where people drink, smoke, were to blame for September 11. pect. You don’t honestly go to a school screw and live. It’s a society where a Douchebag statements one and all. founded by fundies and not expect your But these go up to 667 black woman and a Scandinavian man Today’s hating on Liberty involves kids to be regulated within every inch have lovely crème colored babies and their student code of conduct. At Lib- of their lives. They keep the kids from where Muslims are treated with dignity. erty, you can be reprimanded and fined growing up because rational thinking while the getting is good. Enjoy the bus ride back to Virginia. for doing things that any other college adults might realize what sort of bull- Stony may have some annoying Now get the fuck off my campus, out of student would think is normal. Want to shit their school is spewing and get out conduct regulations of their own, but at my city, and out of my state. It’s Real When Former WWE Champion Brock Lesnar Gets a Bacterial Infection in His Intestinal Tract

and proved that he still belongs at the try. As of now, Dan Hardy is considered top of the Light Heavyweight division. Lightweight Ultimate Fighter win- the number one contender to the Wel- By Matthew Maran He also attained a measure of redemp- ner Ross Pearson defeated Aaron Riley terweight Championship, a title now tion after his embarrassing loss to Mid- by TKO and Matt Brown TKO’d Wel- held by the dominant Georges St. The first ever Ultimate Fighter win- dleweight Champion Anderson Silva, Pierre. ner, and former UFC Light Heavy- who had moved up to 205 lbs for the Brock Lesnar was released from the weight Champion Forrest Griffin fight. hospital after having surgery for a bac- defeated Tito Ortiz by a split decision in In the co-main event, Josh terial infection in his intestinal tract. the main event of UFC 106. Ortiz was Koscheck, coming off a big win over This puts his upcoming scheduled fight fighting in the UFC for the first time in Frank Trigg, beat Anthony Johnson by a with undefeated Shane Carwin in ques- over a year and a half, after having a rear naked choke in the second round. tion, and it is possible that Lesnar may falling out with UFC President Dana 46-year-old MMA legend Randy never fight again. Couture defeated Brandon Vera by In the first quarterfinal fight on The unanimous decision in the main event Ultimate Fighter, Roy Nelson defeated of UFC 105, in Manchester, England. Justin Wren by majority decision after The show was aired on Spike TV, as op- two rounds. On The Ultimate Fighter, posed to its usual Pay Per View slot. The each fight is an exhibition that lasts two Brock Lesnar: FAKE decision could have gone either way as rounds, and a third round if necessary. Vera and Couture were pretty even. In the Nelson-Wren fight, victory was Because the show was held in Eng- terweight winner James Wilks. awarded to Nelson after two rounds in a land, several British fighters were Also, British fighter Dan Hardy fight that many felt should have gone to scheduled to fight. Arguably the most upset Mike Swick by unanimous deci- a third round. popular British fighter, former Ultimate sion. Hardy showed an improved In the second quarterfinal fight, Fighter winner and Coach, Michael wrestling game and controlled most of Brendan Schaub defeated Jon Madsen. Brock Lesnar: REAL Bisping defeated Brazilian Jiu Jitsu the stand up as well. Madsen used his wrestling game to ex- Black-belt, Denis Kang by second After Josh Koscheck’s victory at ecute several impressive takedowns. round TKO. UFC 106, he called out Hardy. “There is However, Schaub was very effective on White. Last season on the Ultimate Fighter, someone here who thinks he’s the No. 1 his back and did not give anything up. Ortiz was the longest reigning UFC half of the competitors hailed from the contender,” said Koscheck. “He hasn’t When the fight got back to the stand up Light Heavyweight champion in history, United Kingdom, while the other half fought anyone. He’s sitting over there. in the second round, Schaub knocked holding that title for three-and-a-half- were from the United States. The two His name is Dan Hardy. He hasn’t out Madsen in an overall impressive years. winners (both English fighters) were in fought anyone like me. I’m the No. 1 performance. Griffin controlled most of the fight action at UFC 105 in their home coun- contender.” 26Sports Vol. XXXI, Issue 6 | Monday, November 23, 2009

Let’s Go Phils? Phuggedaboutit

seemed more a birthright than anything October between a rock and a hard everyday life. So when the Yankees else, the club made the postseason in place. Worse yet, they were in a situa- reached the World Series, Mets fans By Jason Wirchin seven of the next eight seasons, but tion where they saw a team that stole surely felt a knot in their gut, a painful failed to win any prize beyond two back the town they owned no more tweak that screamed, “You’ve got to be They heard him everywhere - from league championships. than three years ago and one that has kidding me!” taxis in midtown to toll booths in Jer- For the Phillies, the loss comes as a recently shoved them aside like a play- But the saga continues. For every sey. They listened closely for those shock to many in the Philadelphia area ground bully face off in the biggest Queens-bound aficionado who loathes defining words, that euphoric outburst who saw their team work its way from game of the season. the Yankees, odds are there are at least meaning one thing, and one thing only. second place finishers in 2006 to Na- When interleague play began in two who cringe at the Phillies’ success. Just before midnight on Nov. 4, they got tional League East champions in 2007 1997, the Subway Series generated They remember the final days of Sep- their wish. John Sterling had made the colossal media cover- tembers past when dreams of a playoff call. age and rousing inter- spot fell as flat as Oliver Perez’s sliders. “Ball game over! World Series over! est from the city’s Like pulling teeth, Mets fans watched Yankees win! Thuuuuuuuuuh Yankees baseball lovers. With agonizingly as the Phils reigned win!” each passing year, the supreme in 2008 and nearly repeated And with that, an entire metropolis rivalry grew stronger this November. shook to the core. The New York Yan- and the debates sur- Should Mets fans have dared to root kees captured yet another title, their rounding the games for their American League counter- first since 2000 and 27th overall, beating more passionate. parts, committing what some would call the defending world champion When the teams met the ultimate treason, just to see the Philadelphia Phillies in six games. in the 2000 World Se- Phillies struggle? Or should they have Hideki Matsui won World Series ries, New York cheered on their NL East rivals, risking MVP with a six-RBI performance in the zoomed to the brink an offseason of guilt? clincher, a record Bobby Richardson set of pandemonium and Where goes the diehard Mets fan in in 1960, as a packed house at Yankee and World Series champs in 2008. With back in a playoff atmosphere unlike any times like these? Where there lies shel- Stadium watched the Bombers make a 93-69 regular season record in 2009, other. ter, there likely sits a TV, radio or even history in their new home. The team the Phillies flew past the Cardinals and Close to ten years later, the disputes a computer where reminders of both ri- opened the original Yankee Stadium Dodgers in the ALDS and ALCS re- live on. Who’s got the better catcher? Is vals’ accomplishments ring loud and with a World Series victory over the spectively, reaching the Fall Classic for Jose Reyes the new Derek Jeter? How do clear. cross-town Giants, also in six games. the second consecutive year for the first the managers compare? With free agency well underway For the Yankees and their fans, this time in franchise history. Simply put, plenty of Mets fans hate and the Winter Meetings scheduled for title represents the fruits of nearly a For Mets fans, however, a bizarre the Yanks and plenty of Yanks fans hate Dec. 7 – 10, the Flushing faithful sit idly decade of trial and error lineups and conflict of interests waved a double- the Mets. The animosity is part of the with fingers crossed and hopes set high. patchwork starting rotations. After the edged sword. Intercity rivals with the fabric of the city. It keeps people spir- So high that thoughts of another Yanks- dynasty years of the late 90s-early 2000s, Yankees and divisional rivals with the ited when the going gets tough and acts Phils World Series will seem like noth- when a perennial trip to the Fall Classic Phils, the Mets found themselves this as a release from the tribulations of ing but a distant memory. The Clusterfuck that is the NFC East

give the Patriots an even more hilarious and one win away from a Super Bowl. pared for them. The G-men still needed and pathetic loss to the Colts. Isn’t that the same philosophy they had a miracle catch from a nobody receiver By Matthew Maran I am a proud Dallas Cowboys fan. after Tony Homo forgot how to hold a now residing in the “where are they Well... I’m a Cowboys fan. They will win ball for a field goal and Jerry Jones de- now” category to win. It now appears that winning the the division. They will have a good cided his team would be better off with- Even 20 years ago, the Giants NFC East will be akin to winning an schedule the rest of the way, having al- out one of the greatest coaches of all needed Scott Norwood to miss a 47- award for being the tallest midget, hav- ready beaten the Eagles, and because time, Bill Parcells, but instead with yard field goal to beat the Buffalo Bills ing the best tasting urine sample, fuck- the Giants forgot how to play football. Wade Phillips? in the Super Bowl! For those of you who ing your best looking cousin, or living See, the Giants have been utilizing a I can only pray that the Cowboys don’t know, whenever the Bills play in a in the least disgusting part of New Jer- new defensive system known as the suffer a collapse so demoralizing that Super Bowl, they get pounded harder sey. Paris Hilton defense: Score whenever Jerry Jones has no choice but to get rid than Jenna Jameson in her prime. The Eagles lost to the Raiders. you want. of Tony Romo, fire Wade Phillips, and I Two years later, the Cowboys killed Enough said. The only thing worse than The Cowboys will win the division, don’t know, assemble a team of players the Bills during the Super Bowl, and losing to the Raiders is having to do it which will give their fans a glimpse of and coaches who can win a champi- would have scored the most points ever while playing on a team from the horri- hope, and then they’ll devastate them onship. in a Championship game if Leon Lett ble state of Pennsylvania (See “Why by losing in the first or second round of Well, my Cowboys haven’t had any had at least the mental aptitude of an Pennsylvania is the Worst” by Doug the playoffs. However, they’ll do just success in recent years, and I have had autistic fourth grader. Cion from the previous issue). well enough for “the genius” Jerry Jones to endure the barrage of sickening Gi- The Cowboys have had some of the The Redskins are the Redskins. to justify keeping “the interception ma- ants fans celebrating their nauseating greatest players and teams in NFL his- The Giants were good until they chine” Tony Romo and Wade “never Super Bowl victory two years ago. They tory, and are tied with the Pittsburgh started to suck, and their loss to the won a playoff game, should have stayed played the Patriots, who thinking only Steelers for the most Super Bowl wins, Chargers was the funniest and saddest a coordinator” Phillips! Then, manage- about 19 and 0, completely underesti- and they did not need any miracles to thing that I’ve ever seen. Then Bill Be- ment will say that the team is on the rise mated the Giants, and were not pre- do it. lichick had to go and be a dumbass and TheStonyBrookPress Sports 27

FIGHT CLUB(S): Get Ready to Smash a Bro The next edition, Super Smash Bros. Melee, came out By Eric DiGiovanni for the Nintendo Gamecube in 2001, and the latest edi- We were all gathered around to tion, Super Smash Bros. watch the brawl take place. Punches, Brawl, is available for the kicks and fire were coming from all di- Nintendo Wii. rections in a chaotic orchestra of sound My first stop on the Tour and fury. Men were falling left and de Smash was the Club Alley, right, only to come up again later. It was a hive of gamers and anime indeed a noble sight, as those fighting geeks. Every time when I shorn themselves of their items, in walk to the Press office to get order to reach that Final Destination the camera, write, or watch those of us who have been there call vic- Arts Editor Doug try to beat tory. Like foxes, the combatants darted Executive Editor Andrew’s over and around each other, such quick- high score in Tetris, I poke ness, oh, such quickness. At long last the my head in. At least one ver- game was set. Compatriots, friends, sion of Super Smash Bros. is brothers, faces smashed to all oblivion. always on the TV. Melee is Only one man remained. After this overwhelmingly the game of choice. When it was my turn to play, I usu- blood of the Commuter population. We scene of raw brutality, a voice from the That’s not the prevalence, however. ally picked Captain Falcon. Why? Two can’t have our neighbors walk in and heavens spoke with a roaring boom, as First, ninety-nine percent of the time, words: FALCON… PUNCH!!! Who pick up a game at home, so we do it if it were pleased. the level chosen is Final Destination, a would have thought that someone from here. This is our suite, this is our dorm. THIS GAME’S WINNER IS…. JIG- completely flat stage with one large plat- a racing game no less would have a The players formed a Great Wall in GLYPUFF! form, turning the whole thing into punch so awesome, he had to patent it. front of the TV. This issue’s Fight Club(s) is about sumo wrestling, but with fireballs and My teammate picked Gannondorf, and Out of the N64 games this guy usu- the gaming phenomenon known as the lasers . Also, no items. “It’s too random,” started to play. ally brings, Super Smash Bros. far and Super Smash Bros. series, where every- said Paolo, one of the players in rota- “Oh great, the troll team.” I heard away gets the most playtime. one’s favorite Nintendo characters beat tion. “With certain levels, there’s all this from the crowd Unlike the Club Alley, less people the crap out of each other. I know, I stuff that might kill you. A lot of people “Why’s that?” I asked. seemed to be interested in playing, but know, it’s not really a club, and there’s here play in tournaments” But why “Because [Captain Falcon and Gan- there was still a sizeable rotation. Most no actual fighting, but I did go around Melee? “ We don’t have a Wii. Like, three nondorf] are overpowered.” importantly, though, I saw items being to a couple of the regular groups on times a weeks one will bring it.” Any “So then why doesn’t everyone pick used! There were levels with craziness campus. Also, next week I’m going to problems with Brawl? “It’s too floaty.” them all the time?” and hazards! Someone picked Samus? review a concert, but it was just some Don’t expect any crazy matchups “Well, they’re kinda slow, and they She’s in the bottom tier! guys playing Rock Band. either. Every round at least someone have poor recovery…” Yes, playing in a competitive game The first Super Smash Bros. game picked a StarFox character (Fox or “So then they aren’t overpowered.” is fun, but why bother trying to make came out for the Nintendo 64 in 1999. Falco), Captian Falcon from the F-Zero “Well, I meant, like they have the Super Smash Bros. like legitimate fight- It was released in the US after it sold racing series, or Marth from Fire Em- strongest attack power.” ing? Fedor can’t shoot fireballs and over a million copies in Japan. The blem. This corresponds to a common “So then they’re not overpowered, George St. Pierre doesn’t pack a laser game is a bit different than most fight- system in fighting games called “Tiers”, it’s just a trade-off for balance sake.” gun. Or maybe he does, I’ll have to ask ing games in that instead of trying to which separates characters into differ- The crowd backed me up, and I felt Matt, our UFC guy. Maybe we should damage the other opponent a certain ent group, declaring some more effec- like Socrates for a brief moment. stop looking at the Smash Bros. series as amount, the object is to knock them off tive than others. It’s an arbitrary system The other stop was the Commuter a fighting game, and look at it like most the platform. As the fighters take more in a game where everyone pulls bombs Lounge basement, where someone Nintendo games: an acid trip in video damage, they offer less resistance and from hammerspace, but some hold it in brought a Nintendo 64, and was playing game form. fly further. high regard. the original version. Here was the real

NFC EAST continued from previous page The Redskins have had John Riggins, Art Monk, and Doug Williams, and won three Super Bowls. Don’t know much about any of those players? Didn’t know that they won three Super Bowls? Don’t care? It’s okay. No one else does either. Besides, right now, watching a Redskins game is more painful than watching an episode of “Keeping up with the Kardashians!” The Philadelphia Eagles cannot ever win an NFC title game, and the only time they did, they lost to the Patriots in the Super Bowl. However, they are still most known for booing Santa Claus, and Rush Limbaugh revealing to the world that Donovan McNabb is black. Back to current day, the Redskins, who suck more than a third avenue hooker, actually beat the first place Denver Broncos. The Eagles, who lost to the Cowboys, made the Giants look like a pee-wee team, and the Giants beat the Cowboys. I am losing my fucking mind! I think I speak for all NFC East fans when I say, “WHAT THE FUCK?” Death Egg Zone