Epsiode 16: Gerard Way Would Never Hurt Me

If you were an angst-riddled teenager emo kids. I’m going to be standing up at between like 2003 and 2012, I don’t a stadium show for the first time in about think you ever really grow out of being an 7 years and I am likely going to complain emo kid. I still have a collection of albums about my back hurting for two full days lined up that immediately transport me afterwards, but it’s happening baby! I to the floor of my childhood bedroom have gotten the My Chemical Romance where I am staring at the ceiling silently tickets. brooding, perhaps with the single tear running down my cheek and my dad is But I don’t want to jinx it, so I’ve decided barging through my bedroom door and to channel all of my energy into digging ignoring this obvious main character through the soundtrack to my teen angst. moment to tell me that dinner is ready. And look, a lot of people have a similar I’m Alex – this is Pop Culture Boner – the nostalgic relationship with music from podcast edition – and today I’m thinking their teen years – that’s part of the joy about emo music. of it – but I do think there was something special about emo – if you liked emo you One of the things that I don’t think I needed emo. Remember the smidge of realised about emo before I started moral panic about men in eyeliner and writing this episode was that people girl’s jeans? I bloody love a bit of moral seem to be really ornery about which panic, especially one so sexy. music is actually emo, and whether or not their own band counts as emo. I think Which is why it brings me great joy to say part of this has to do with the fact that that after the failures of the pandemic, I ‘emo’ as a term was coined in the late 80s will in 2022 achieve what I was supposed hardcore scene, where bands with a more to achieve in 2020 – an achievement no personal or sensitive bent to their lyrics smaller than seeing My Chemical Romance were referred to as ‘emo-core’ usually in on my 30th birthday. It will still be my a way that was derogatory. I know it’s 30th birthday, because I am refusing to a huge shock for everyone involved, to acknowledge the two full years that have discover that the angry, angry boys of the passed between having the prospect of late 80s hardcore scene were mad when being wine-drunk screaming “I’m not someone made up a whole portmanteau OK!” cruelly ripped away by the novel to describe them having feelings in their coronavirus, and actually being wine- songs, but here we are. That kind of drunk screaming “I’m not OK!” at the top derogatory connotation has hung around of my lungs with a bunch of other ageing forever, and even the bands that kind of define that post-2000 era I’m referring to damn sure that you can’t ever leave. when I talk about emo, and who are most You won’t ever get too far from me… I people’s first thought when they hear just wanna break you down so badly in the word, spent a lot of time shit-talking the worst way”. And this vision of love the concept and trying to disassociate presented by an emo band – where themselves from the label. two people destroy each other by sheer proximity and intensity of feeling – got So, I think it’s probably worthwhile for me me thinking about the amount of psychic to clarify which brand of emo I’m going damage I dealt myself as a teenage girl to actually be talking about throughout listening to allegedly sensitive boys sing this episode. While I appreciate emo’s about crushing the life out of me. So, I roots – I love Rites of Spring and Sunny want to take a look at the heart and soul Day Real Estate – I specifically want to of emo – why’d it happen? Were these talk about what music journalists call waifish men in eyeliner having some ‘Third-wave emo’. It’s like third wave crisis of masculinity? Destroying the feminism only much, much worse. Post- patriarchy? Were they really kissing each millennium, riddled with eyeliner, box other? Or were they being rampantly hair dye, really long fringes and skinny misogynistic and getting away with it jeans. That, for me, is the sweet spot of under the guise of being sensitive? Will I teen angst. In terms of bands, there’s the end up destroying my own love of men in kind of holy trinity of emo, who are the nail polish? Would Gerard Way ever hurt mainstream face of things – My Chemical me? The answer to the last one is no, and Romance, Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the I won’t be interrogating it further, but Disco. And then things that are kind of everything else is fair game. Let’s get orbital to that – AFI, The Used, Thursday, into it. Brand New, Jimmy Eat World, Bring Me The Horizon etc. These bands are actually There’s actually a lot of academic writing pulling from a lot of places sound-wise – on emo – possibly because every sad girl some are screamo, some are more pop who loved a sad boy grew up to get a PhD punk – but they do tend to get lumped in an attempt to unpack their misguided under similar headings. And if there’s feelings, but more likely because the one thing we should know about me by explosion of popularity in the early 2000s now it’s that I don’t know shit about resulted in a wave of alarmist newspaper music – I am simply using my Internal articles decrying emo as a cult. The Daily Sad Boy Navigation System. Any time it Mail, ever the reputable source, published pings, I tap the ‘Emo’ sign and you can’t an article in 2006 called Emo cult warning stop me. for parents, and another in 2008 called Why no child is safe from the sinister cult With all that being said, I recently of Emo. The article refers to ‘the Black revisited some emo playlists to spend Parade’ as a place emos believe they go some time in my feelings, and Taking when they die, rather than just the title Back Sunday’s Make Damn Sure came of a My Chemical Romance album, and on – in case you don’t remember, here at one point implies that emo can’t be is a lyrical sample: “I’m gonna make same as the teenage rebellion punks had in the late 70s and early 80s because at In it she uses the argument that rock least punks had a zest for life. Ah yes, music, regardless of what form its who could forget the famously zest-filled taking, provides us with a framework for lyrics of people starving to death under acceptable heterosexual expression – not Thatcher? There’s no future in England’s that it is impossible to change, but rather dreaming. Anyway, this panic was centred that because it interacts with the culture around a couple of key concerns – concern that produces it, and because that culture for young women, that they would hasn’t made significant changes to the become so overwhelmed by the sadness value it places on those structures, what contained in the lyrics that they would we’re getting is a consistent replication slip into a self-destructive depression of socially acceptable heterosexuality. (as embodied by their wearing of all Contained within that is a preference black, and lashings of eyeliner) ; and for and privilege of masculinity, even concern for young men, that the emotive if the masculinity being represented is nature of the lyricism would soften them not that kind of jock-y archetype that so that they too were infected with this supposed to represent all men. So even overwhelming sadness (as embodied by when a subculture like emo emerges their wearing of all black, and lashings of from this scene, it’s more likely to eyeliner… or should I say guyliner, since replicate the types of patterns that were we’re quoting 2008). It’s almost like no already prevalent, even if there is a shift one writing these articles had ever met a in aesthetic, sound and presentation. hormone addled teen before. Because these structures still preference masculinist ideals even when they’re What I think is interesting about both of dressed up differently, when subcultures these perspectives on emo is that they’re emerge within music, they are tend really concerned with reinforcing the to create an alternative space for gender binary through the policing of masculinity to develop rather than a feelings and emotional expression, and space that is necessarily challenging or the way those things manifesting in music rebellious. There are two good examples and clothing. Basically, conservative of this – the first can be found in the media outlets thought that the girls hardcore scene that emo sprung from. would get more hysterical, and the boys Hardcore was an aggressive reaction to would suddenly become hysterical (as Reagan-era conservatism. It was angry, opposed to stoic and calm, like they would political and claimed egalitarianism. I say normally be). And if the men are all upset claimed because it’s demonstrably not then who’s going to keep the women in the case – there are few women visible check!? But actually, they needn’t have in the bands popular on the scene at the worried. Masculinity was doing just fine time. Even though you know there are under emo, it was just wearing tighter women there because there always are, jeans than usual. you rarely see them in the crowd because the performative violence of moshing is While I was writing this episode, I read a ritual almost exclusively reserved for a book by Judith May Fathallah called men. When the documentary camera Emo: How fans defined a subculture. pans, it’s inevitably following writhing, shirtless (very white) male bodies. It’s a Essentially, even though Misery Business homosocial bonding activity, and to quote is an undeniable banger of a song, at Fathallah, “the euphoria depends on the least part of the reason for its success and absence of women”. the reason Paramore was so acceptable in an otherwise overwhelmingly male The second example is the absence of scene, was that Hayley Williams was able women in emo’s renaissance in the to adopt the same masculinist postures early 2000s. “But Alex!” I hear you cry, of her counterparts. ‘Scene Queens’ are a “There are women in emo’s big wave! common motif in emo lyricism – girls who Paramore exists! Hayley Williams is right aren’t there for the music man, they’re there!” And you’re right – I would never just sluts looking to break hearts and want to discredit Paramore and Hayley seem cool next to the band. And Misery Williams, or any of the other women Business basically gives us a woman’s who were in smaller bands writing their perspective on that, while also showing angsty hearts out. But it’s telling that how well she can fit in. Paramore’s biggest hit and breakout song was Misery Business where the Which brings me back to the big question entire lyrical premise is being not like – exactly how much psychic damage did other girls. It includes such lyrical hits as I deal myself by listening to this stuff “once a whore you’re nothing more, I’m almost exclusively from 2004 to 2009? sorry that’ll never change” and “there’s I am a pretty sad little guy anyway, a million other girls who look just like and I was definitely a sad teenager, so you, looking as innocent as possible just I think it’s probably telling that all my to get to who they want and what they favourites from this era are really just want, it’s easy if you do it right. Well, I extremely theatrical bouts of depression. refuse”. It’s a sign of the changes times AFI’s Sing the Sorrow from 2003 and perhaps, that Hayley Williams has since Decemberunderground from 2006 were made multiple statements about Misery on high rotation for me at all times, and Business’ status as a fan favourite. In I sort of tentatively looked back on them 2015 she said, “I haven’t related to it in a recently to see if there were any glaring very long time. Those words were written layers of misogyny that I missed the first when I was 17… admittedly, from a very time around because I was too bedazzled narrow-minded perspective.” And again by Davey Havok’s frosty shadow and in 2020, following the addition of one false lashes in the Miss Murder video. of the band’s new songs to a ‘Women (Miss Havok, giving us everything, in Rock’ playlist on Spotify: “I know it’s giving us face, giving us body.) And I’m one of the band’s biggest songs but it pleased to report it mostly seems to be a shouldn’t be used to promote anything lot of metaphor about being in love with having to do with female empowerment death, or being loved by death, or being or solidarity. I’m so proud of Paramore’s reincarnated only to die again slowly, career, it’s not about shame. it’s about or becoming death. All of which are the growth and progression… and though kinds of dramatic bullshit my gremlin it’ll always be a fan favourite, we don’t brain thrives on – having my body picked need to include it on playlists in 2020.” apart by a raven only to return as a raven? Yes please. But what if I was a girl who We’re vessels redeemed in the light of was into love songs? What then? Nothing boy-love. On a pedestal, on our backs. good probably. The explosion of emo Muses at best. Cum rags or invisible at into popularity was driven by women, worst.” even as the scenes surrounding it catered almost exclusively to men. Teenage girls, Now, emotional pain in love songs is once again, deserve all the credit. And not anything new. In fact, one of the the boys in the band were sold into those overwhelming thematic elements of same girls as soft – it’s in the name. They western pop music is love as intense, were emotional and in touch with their suffocating, emotionally and physically femininity. They weren’t afraid to wear painful. In order for the love to be eyeliner, borrow your jeans and kiss in satisfying it has to drain you out. the rain, or whatever. Without trying Natasha Mulvihill flags this as a way of to be overly reductive, girls in their normalising coercive control through pop early teen years love this kind of non- music, but she does this largely by using threatening boy, because the promise of female singers. I think it’s interesting to him is that he’s not going to disrespect think about where this positions you as a you, or be different around his friends, girl listening to an allegedly sensitive and or dump you on your birthday – he can’t ‘different’ emo boy sing about the pain hurt you. he’s being subjected to by a girl. It puts young female listeners in an impossible Except behind the softened image, lots position. If you lean into the gender roles of the bands were pedalling the same in the song and position yourself as the virgin/whore dichotomy dressed up in girl, you’re the bitch that’s responsible new hat. In her 2015 essay Where the Girls for all his pain. And you definitely don’t Aren’t, Jessica Hopper says, “There was want to be that, so you side with the a time when emo seemed reasonable, singer you’re so emotionally attached to encouraging, exciting—revivifying in its – on some level, you might be applying earnestness and personal stakes. These it to whatever teen heartbreak you’re new bands modelled themselves on experiencing that week, but on another bands we all liked: Jawbox, Jawbreaker, deeper level, you’re probably also Sunny Day Real Estate. The difference vowing that you would never be that was, in those bands’ songs about girl to him. You wouldn’t something so women, the girls had names, details to terrible – he’s so sad, and needs you so their lives…Girls in emo songs today do badly. You’d never leave him like that. not have names. We are not identified I know this sounds like a big leap, but I beyond our absence, our shape drawn don’t think it’s unreasonable, especially by the pain we’ve caused. Our lives, our given the amount of men in the emo day-to-day-to-day does not exist, we scene whose reputations preceded them do not get coloured in. Our actions are and who were eventually exposed as portrayed solely through the detailing emotionally abusive, manipulative sex of neurotic self-entanglement of the boy pests. Brand New’s front man Jesse Lacey singer—our region of personal power, was accused (and confessed to) serial simply, is our impact on his romantic life. sexual misconduct with female fans, many of whom were under age at the time. He watch the video for The Leaving Song Part blamed a dependent relationship with II as he unties his hair and lets it tumble sex as the cause. He’s one of many that across his shoulders and tell me that’s not I can think of off the top of my head – stirring something in you. If you have big any cursory Google will find you a myriad feelings about emo circa 2006, please of posts from girls warning their friends come talk to me about it next time you in the scene on who to avoid. I think it’s see me at the pub! Peace! pretty telling that the moral panic around emo had more to do with a softening of boys, when in reality this softening just provided them a mask to use when they were talking to women. Another article on emo by Sam de Boise called this ‘feigned sympathy with feminist anger in order to pull” labelling the behaviour “beta male misogyny”.

With all that in mind, what about the question I said I wouldn’t answer – would my boy Gerard Way ever hurt me? And if he would, was there ever really any value in emo at all? I think the answer to this question ultimately comes down to what you took out of it. Like I said, for me, watching the theatricality and camp of Gerard in My Chemical Romance This episode premiered on 9th June and Davey in AFI gave me names for all 2021 . of my big teenage feelings. Screaming the lyrics to The Leaving Song Part II or Episode written by Alex Johnson and Helena meant that the dark bits weren’t produced by Wes Fahey. scary, they just were, and they were surmountable. And while they might Theme tune by Wes Fahey. (Soundcloud: have tricked me into thinking that every lee snipes) man with a smidge of eyeliner and a fancy haircut was incredibly sexy, they didn’t Visit us: ruin me forever. They gave me space – I needed emo and emo was for me. Web: www.popcultureboner.com

Well, those were some big ol’ feelings Twitter: @popcultureboner on emo from me. I rewatched a lot of video clips for this and can I just say – Instagram: @popcultureboner Miss Davey Havok’s beauty from Sing the Sorrow to Decemberunderground might have been what made me gay? Like,