December 2017

ZERO FXS PLUS: Honda CRF250L Rally The 15th Dirtbag Challenge Something Special By Mr. Jensen News, Clues & Rumors

Volume XXXIV, Issue 12 Publication Date: December 13, 2017

On The Cover: Fish gives us clear evidence that clean power is what the world needs now. That, and love, sweet love. Photo: Max Klein

Contents: NCR ...... 3 Shop Rag ...... 4 Pit Stops ...... 4 Uneasy Rider ...... 7 New Stuff ...... 8 Events ...... 10 Photo: Max Klein CRFin’ Safari ...... 11 Oh, They Don’t Have A Soul . . . . 14 Dirtbaggin’ ...... 16 Mr. Jensen Is An American certainly not just a marketing figure, that the Sport Glide is based on the new For FXS Sake ...... 19 Treasure heavily managed by electronics to be Softail platform, which means we can’t Maynard ...... 21 actually rideable by mortals while still like it because the FXR / Dyna faithful Hertfelder ...... 22 After seeing Austin-based Reckless Kelly Doc Frazier ...... 23 qualifying as “class-leading.” will poke fun at us and make us feel bad, perform a fascinating interpretation of one because “Harley really got it wrong” and is Classifieds ...... 24 What we’re most excited about is that the Locals Only ...... 25 of the best motorcycle songs of all time totally “fucking the Dyna faithful.” Tankslappe ...... 26 in Oakland this fall, we asked our long- purveyors of “Italian beauty” and “soul” Last Page Photo ...... 27 suffering illustration wizard, Mr. Jensen, have finally deigned to call Whatever. Second Opinion ...... 29 to “do something” based on the tune. their motor a V. If any But… forward controls? of you have actually Find us online at: Come on, Mama As always, Mr. Jensen’s work is straight-up looked at a Ducati CityBike.com MoCo—you can’t use transcendental. We’re not worthy. Check it “L” twin… well, /CityBikeMag the word “sport” on out on pages 14 and 15. you know where /CityBikeMag a motorcycle with we’re going with To make it fun, for us at least, we’ll send a forward controls. this. /CityBikeMag CityBike t-shirt to the first person to send We can deal with an email to [email protected] with Contact CityBike: We’re pretty the haters—after PO Box 18738 the name of the song and the original stoked that the all, they’re gonna 24/7 Oakland CA 94619 artist. Ducatisti will hate—but forward HOTLINE Phone: 415.282.2790 Editorial: [email protected] But we must also warn you, we’ll send have one less controls on a 800.707.0707 Advertising / Business: [email protected] a dirty shop rag to anyone who cleverly thing to pomp and bike that is at least guesses “Born To Be Wild,” and we’ve preen about, and conceptually pretty CityBike Staff: hopefully they’ll be damn sensible is a no-go Editor in Chief & Jackass of All Trades: Surj Gish got lots of dirty shop rags. Like really disgusting, Superfund-level nastiness. able to come to terms with for us. Master of Puppets & Layout: Angelica Rubalcaba having a plain old V, although Back to Craigslist to shop for topcase- Senior Editor: Robert Stokstad I Like EICMA we can already hear some of the faithful equipped XR1200s we go! Chief of the World Adventure Affairs Desk: It’s that time of the year, when members cheerily chiming, “Ciao! Have you seen Dr. Gregory Frazier of “the industry” with international the new Panigale? That new rear-rotated Honda NC750X Staff Photographers: Robert Stokstad, L-Four is really dolce, huh?” Angelica Rubalcaba, Max Klein travel budgets get all front-row-at-a- No jokes or trash talk here. We’re genuinely excited about the updates to Artwork: Mr. Jensen Taylor-Swift-concert giddy at EICMA Harley-Davidson Sport Glide Honda’s unsung hero: 75cc bump in Operations: Gwynne Fitzsimmons (Esposizione Internazionale Ciclo Motociclo Like the suckers we are, we gasped, displacement, higher-RPM shift points Road Scholars: e Accessori for the people that complain we “FINALLY!” when we saw the press in the DCT, and more, coming to the US An DeYoung, Jeff Ebner, Fish, Max Klein don’t define these acronyms… happy?) release for the new Sport Glide, the way we next summer. Contributors: in Europe, while us stuck here in the do every now and then with press releases, Michele Appel, Dan Baizer, Craig Bessenger, J. declining US must be content with teaser before we read them and realize the bike Seriously, no jokes. We love the NC, even Brandon, Blaise Descollonges, Julian Farnam, images, moto-nip slip videos hinting at Alonzo Fumar, Will Guyan, Brian Halton, David isn’t quite what we’re hoping for. if Honda weirds us out with their “Sensual Hough, Maynard Hershon, Ed Hertfelder, Otto new motorcycles’ supposedly sexy shapes, Performance” terminology. Hofmann, John Joss, Bill Klein, David Lander, and obviously marketing-driven quotes Lucien Lewis, Larry Orlick, TJ Noto, Courtney about bikes that haven’t been ridden Everything Else Olive, Jason Potts, Bob Pushwa, Gary Rather, outside factory test facilities yet. Almost all the other announcements Charlie Rauseo, Curt Relick, Mike Solis, Ivan Thelin, James Thurber can be summed up like so: Ooh, color And of course, the across- LCD displays! We changed the name of Alumni (RIP): the-pond-ness of all the John D’India, Joe Glydon, Gary Jaehne, this thing! Neo-retro-classicism galore! Adam Wade EICMAdness and the Concept! obviously payola- For back issue and archive requests, email [email protected]. Back issues (if we have ‘em) are five bucks a pop. No, we will not mail you our last copy of an issue from the ‘80s for free, just because your buddy esque nature of the We’ll leave it at that until we get to ride was on the cover. We can find stories (maybe) and send you scanned images for $5, too, but please know what you’re looking for and the year “coverage” doesn’t some of these new machines, some of of publication… at least! If you say something like, “Well, it was about this cool bike I used to see at Alice’s and I think it was in 1988... or maybe prevent American which are still a year away. 1994, or maybe it was in Urban Moto” we will buy a cheap latex adult novelty and mail it to your grandkids. riders from engaging CityBike is published on or about the third Monday of each month. Editorial CityBike Code Of Conduct: deadline is the 1st of each month. Advertising information is available on in an epic online circle request. Unsolicited articles and photographs are always welcome. Please include a full name, address and phone number with all submissions. We jerk, posting their usual Mandatory Birds reserve the right to edit manuscripts or use them to wipe our large, fragrant bottoms. oh-so-thoughtful, well- You may have read of Juli Briskman, the ©2017, CityBike Magazine, Inc. Citybike Magazine is distributed at over In our minds, “Sport Glide” sounded like 200 places throughout California each month. Taking more than a few informed commentary. Virginia cyclist who was photographed copies at any one place without permission from CityBike Magazine, Inc, maybe the MoCo was gonna build a Big especially for purposes of recycling, is theft and will be prosecuted to the flipping a much-deserved bird at President full extent of civil and criminal law. Yeah! You can see why we skip this shit, right? Twin-based XR1200R-type thing with a CityBike magazine is owned by CityBike Magazine, Inc and has teams of Trump’s motorcade, who subsequently THE BMW R NINE T PURE. sleep-deprived, coke-addicted attorneys ready to defend it from frivolous But this year, for whatever reason, we feel topcase—like we said, “FINALLY!” lawsuits, so even if you see Fish doing one of his wheelies on the cover and lost her job because the company she Your life isn’t defined by the choices, opinions, or ideas of anyone but you. On the BMW Motorcycles of Walnut Creek BMW Motorcycles of San Francisco decide you want to do that too and then you hit a parked car and your bike compelled to weigh in on a few things. is wedged under a van and it catches fire and the Vallejo FD has to come BMW R nineT Pure, everything is about the essence of motorcycling and absolutely 1255 Parkside Dr 790 Bryant St @ 6th and extinguish the resulting blaze and four cars and your bike are melted No topcase, but the presence of hard worked for, Chickenshit Industries… Walnut Creek, CA 94596 San Francisco, CA 94107 into slag and you suffer permanent trauma including a twisted pinkie, your own. Customize it. Personalize it. Experience freedom that’s anything but ordinary. sleeplessness and night terrors, it’s not CityBike Magazine Inc.’s fault and Hail to the V: Ducati’s New V4 Panigale sidecases that look surprisingly almost- oops, it was Akima LLC, found her use of 925-938-8373 415-503-9954 we don’t have any assets so just suck on it. You know better. www.bmwmcwalnutcreek.com www.bmwmotorcycle.com Yeah, it’s red and classically Italian or BMW-esque (that’s a good thing!) the image on her Facebook and Twitter

Copyright 2017 BMW Motorrad USA, a division of BMW of North America, LLC. The BMW name and logo are registered trademarks. whatever, and it’s got an admittedly enhanced our arousal, until we realized MAKE LIKE A RIDE. amazing 214 horsepower, which is December 2017 | 2 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 3 | CityBike.com pages in violation of its ban on “obscene somewhere else anyway. We’re always have raffled off a 2018 Kawasaki KLX Verticross, and Enduroclimb—all before by a Nelsonesque “HA followed suit and pulled content.” hiring, but the pay’s shit, especially in this 110, with all proceeds of the raffle going to lunch on Saturday. HA” finger point from the into a spot calmly, both economy. support Sonoma County Fire victims. entire crowd. wheels on the ground, In our experience, these kinds of rules are While I missed the first day, I was told thinking I must have often applied inconsistently at best, and that the Enduroclimb competition was If you’re ever given the Oh Christ, Crap Custom Design Studio: Love, missed a memo about ride we think it’s more obscene that the so- This month, our always-smiling Gwynne awesome. The course was set up with a chance to climb a hill For any of our readers that missed adults Italian Style protocol. called leader of the free world didn’t know Fitzsimmons is guesting as editor of Shop mixture of traditional enduro obstacles climb course on foot, yelling at each other while essentially there were “so many countries,” or that Rag. November's Italian-themed cover and sections to show off a rider’s vertical don’t. Sure, the views Fish: Yes, it’s true, I assembling a ridable erector set, the Trump is more upset that Kim Jong-un prompted Lisa and Kirk of Custom prowess as well. Did I mention they did it are stunning, and yeah was able to lead the ride waiting is over! Yes, American Chopper Post-North Bay Fire Updates called him “old” than being called a lunatic Design Studios in Novato to show us side by side? someone who is “in shape” from the Bay Area to is back, or at least will be soon. Taking a in the same sentence—but that’s not the The motorcycle community has banded some things they’ve been working on, probably would have made Sacramento with nary a break from their lineup of sharks and all When I showed up on Sunday I decided to point we’re trying to make, which is this: together after the recent North Bay fires. and their new collection of aftermarket it up without flirting with wheelie or burnout. It may things Alaska, the Discovery channel is hike part way up the hill in hopes of getting CityBike’s code of conduct states that if Still standing after flames licked at their parts for Harley-Davidson FXR and cardiac arrest, but there be a bit sanctimonious bringing back Paul on Paul violence. decent photos. About 20 feet up I was a staffer encounters any public official doors, Santa Rosa shops Bryce Rocket Dyna motorcycles. They have suspension are easier ways. of me, but I figured the about ready to slide my way back down, that is not acting in the best interest Repping the shittiest Orange County in Cycles, The Motorcycle Shop, and by Mupo and Rebuffini, Suspension, reason for our gathering hop on the moto, and ride the back way to For example, you can of the American people, from a local America (seriously, why is there an Orange Michael’s Motorsports were shut down carbon fiber by TCB, and stunningly was cause enough to the top. I was about 15 feet off the course, enter the King of the Hill councilperson to our current Twitter Troll County in New York?), the Teutul clan for two weeks because of the wildfires that gorgeous Kineo wheels. Check it out at curtail my usual hijinks. the ground a mix of silt, small rocks, and event, hop on Photo: Max Klein in Chief, the right thing to do is to perform has given us a break for the past five years struck Santa Rosa and Napa. ItalianPerformanceParts.com. your extended Twenty riders showed the Double Deuce salute. and though the plan is to return to the familiar to me now, as are the agenda items Bryce’s shop cats managed to find swingarm-equipped, Gixxer up, eager to get involved. We managed to airwaves in early 2018, word is they might and the glacial pace at which things get If you’re not familiar, the Double Deuce shelter and happily survived the fire, 750-powered “dirtbike” shod exit Editor Mazemaker’s favorite meeting be back just in time for Christmas, as if to done in the land of motorcycle safety. maneuver is performed by flipping off but the devastation to the Coffey Park with paddles, spikes and/or spot, Middle Harbor Shoreline Park, say, “Happy birthday, Jesus, I hope you like the official in question with both hands. neighborhood is unimaginable. All three chain-wrapped tires. What took A little background: the Advisory despite the murderous snarl of truck traffic shit.” However, it’s important that the Deucer shops commented on the plight of their me the better part of an hour Committee consists of a handful of surrounding the Port of Oakland on a be well-informed and not just one of the Paul Senior has evidently turned the OCC customers—they all know people who lost to achieve, Logan Mead, the hardworking people from the CHP as well weekday morning. What kind of madman “haters and fools” influenced by “fake shop into a cafe and bowling alley, so their homes. Straight-Up Crazy winner of this particular event, as equally hardworking folks from outside picks an industrial shipping terminal as a organizations such as the AMA, ABATE, news.” with any luck he has given up and will be The two weeks of closure in the already- By Max Klein accomplished in 11.94 seconds. meeting place for motorcyclists on a group in pursuit of a 300 game and some mini DMV, BARF, and a couple MCs with an ride? We’ll send a free CityBike t-shirt to anyone brutal Bay Area business environment has When we went out to Carnegie to plant In summary, I am out of shape corndogs instead of making cookie cutter interest in motorcycle issues and safety. who gets a photo of a right proper double- really hurt these shops. Now is the time to trees (“Putting Down Roots At Carnegie and this sport is much more We did manage a smooth trip up 80 into motorbikes. Paul Junior is still working They meet bi-annually to discuss laws, deuce toward a politician, but we’re going support them, and shops across the entire SVRA” – Pit Stops, April 2017), Editor badass in person than it is on The Sac, despite the “it’s a trap!” nature of under the Paul Jr. Designs moniker, a studies, and matters that affect us everyday to ask for justification for the DD. If you’re North Bay. Surj pointed out the area that plays host TV. riders. the meetup location. name as unique as the bikes produced. to the hill climb events. As a primarily just flipping birds without some thought Around the North Bay, shops and pavement dude, I took one look at the hill, CMSP Advisory When I first attended this meeting in 2015, An: The meeting room filled up quickly, behind it, no shirt for you! We do not have faces or palms big individual motorcyclists are lending a said “Nope,” and grabbed a shovel to start there was no ride from the Bay. It was me, and though we’ve brought a lot of people enough to describe this news. hand. Mammoth Motor Sports in Rohnert Committee Fall ’17 We should state the planting. Meeting: Excuses, and maybe four other riders, all showing up several times now, I don’t think they were obvious: you might get - Max Klein Park is offering replacement gear at cost separately. Nowadays CityBike has friends expecting as large of a turnout—every seat fired for this hardcore to fire victims—all they ask is proof of Little did I know that I would be out there Excuses (no, really!) riding in from the Bay Area to was taken. patriotism, but if that’s residence and they will help you replace covering the IRC Tire Carnegie Classic, a By An DeYoung and Fish show the CMSP that riders do care about your lost gear. And by the time you read two-day event that consisted of 700 and On the October agenda: The usual overall the case, you should work An: October means it’s what’s being discussed. this, K&B Motorsports of Petaluma will unlimited Pro classes, a 450 Pro Stock Photo: Max Klein review of the CMSP, with action items time for another California My usual perfectly-timed arrival was covering the public education campaign, shrubs. Every step up was a struggle, and Motorcyclist Safety Program Advisory clearly off this time. Fish led the ride, didn’t budget and expenditures, and the CMSP once I found a flat-ish spot, I dug in. The Committee meeting. I’ve managed to get he? The lack of burnout marks leading into effectiveness study, a status update on the location was good, but the action was myself on the guest list three years in a row the parking lot led me to believe I was the CMSP / Total Control Training, and an happening just above me, so I hiked up for this gathering, with a bonus meeting in first to arrive, but nay, everyone was there, update on the lane splitting guidelines. another 30 feet, assuming that I was going April of this year. Faces are starting to look calmly dismounting and shedding gear. I to live the rest of my short life wherever my ass impacted the ground. I settled in for the second half of the 450 Pro Extended class and got some sweet pics. I’d never been to a hill climb event before, but have watched more than my fair share on TV. What the television coverage does not show is what happens when a rider fails to make it all the way up. Sure, they show the poor schmuck hucking his machine ahead of him and some tumbling, but they never show how man and machine get back down the damn hill. Some hopped on and coasted, hoping for the best, but most leaned on their machines for a long, slow walk of shame, often losing their footing and ending up back under their bike. After a few minutes of rest I spotted another perch about 30 feet up. Tired, thirsty, and feeling like I was born in the Fifties, I realized that while it was comfortable and stable, the riders were hidden by a bush large enough to have been born in the Seventies. This meant that I either kept climbing or admitted defeat and begin my own downward walk of shame. Mama Klein didn’t raise no quitter, so up I went, summit or bust. Part of me believed that, while the rest of me feared I’d take a header down the hill, only to be greeted

December 2017 | 4 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 5 | CityBike.com The highlights of the meeting were Costigan can meet with the latest acting It was fucking hot, so I wore shorts. I didn’t • Porting • Polishing • subjects that usually cause steam to emit Commissioner. know there were gonna be so many blue from Editor Why Is This Taking So F’ing blazers. So, the update was that there was no Long’s ears and nose. Budgets, and the Cylinder Head update. I imagined Editor You Have Got As we made our way downstairs I heard long-awaited lane splitting guidelines. To Be Kidding Me’s head exploding at voices down the corridor and began to Specialists The 2016/2017 expenditures left this very moment, but fortunately he was worry that I might be able to check out, In Business Since 1978 $785,948.03 of the $3,305,000 budgeted in Santa Barbara, checking out Honda’s but never leave. One block later, though, All Makes for the year after all was said and done. updated Gold Wing and thus saved from we arrived safely at MOXI, Santa Barbara’s The bulk of that spending was from Total Explodey Head Syndrome. smaller sorta-Exploratorium, where we All Models Control Training and media campaigns. ascended to another rooftop deck. There All Years After the meeting, An showed her There was another small expenditure, Fish: was much pomp and circumstance, a Ducati-biased taste and suggested lunch about $61k of $125,000 originally production befitting the unveiling of at Hot Italian. I got the feeling they kept earmarked for the CMSP Effectiveness such an important model for Honda. I soulful spare parts in the back next to the Phase 1 Study. Small because Phase 1 won’t bore you with all the minutia, but olive oil, but the pizza was pretty good so objectives were not met. Not met, because suffice to say that the event, or rather ENGINE DYNAMICS, LLC I’ll let the Desmo-centric atmosphere slide. Phone 707-763-7519 according to the CHP, the complete the bike, delivered. If you read our recent Fax 707-763-3759 • Valve Seat & Guide Replacement • Race Prep • Photos: Surj Gish • Flow Bench Testing • Competition Valve Jobs • information has yet to be shared due to Lunchtime conversation turned to the Wingalinging (“Wang Dang, Sweet www.enginedynamics.com UC Berkeley trying to secure their bid Gold Wing” – September ride up, and I commented that I have a far as I saw—the one guy who looked to complete Phase 2. This was clearly 2017) you know we loved the 2040 Petaluma Blvd. N.Petaluma, CA 94952 hard time maintaining a legal speed on the like a biker, even though that’s not how I frustrating to the CHP who in turn have previous Gold Wing with an freeway due to my FXR’s tall gearing. Pace identify or however I’m supposed to say not paid the balance of the money owed to unexpected fervor, and the new concerned, as does the reduced fuel feedback from other riders revealed that that nowadays. I chuckled when Mark Berkeley. Unfortunately, this means Phase version looks poised to straight capacity—Honda says that doesn’t hurt the recent tire upgrades may have significantly Tuttle of Rider introduced me to someone 2 stalls, and CHP is considering other up kick its ass: double-wishbone Wing’s range because the new version is altered my speedometer’s accuracy, and else as the editor of that “gritty” mag options. front end, available 7-speed DCT more fuel-efficient. what I thought was a perfectly legal, sane that “swears a lot,” and ended up talking group ride speed may have been a bit closer on the now-1833 cc engine, four A motion was made by John Paliwoda MV Agustas with Jensen Beeler from While we are about swearing a lot, we’re to Editor Fast Commute’s freeway pace. modes, and get this—it’s over 85 of the California Motorcycle Dealers AsphaltandRubber.com on the outskirts not really about press releases, so I’m going pounds lighter. Association to abandon the study No one believed I wasn’t just hauling ass. of the fanciness. to hold further opinions until we get to ride altogether, which was seconded by James It’s also physically smaller, with a one. Stay tuned! Maybe I shoulda worn pants. Lombardo of ABATE. Yes, seriously—let’s But given that the FXR didn’t require correspondingly reduced luggage not keep looking at the effectiveness of the a tow home, and there were no lost capacity which has me a little training we’re doing. Fortunately, Dennis followers, damaged bikes, or losses of Kobza, AKA Budman of BARF, amended contact between front tires and road, I’m the motion to delay and not abandon Phase considering this ride a success. Perhaps reporting as blaming 53,000 early deaths with what powers my motorcycles in the 2, which wasn’t accepted by Mr. Paliwoda, we’ll see you next time we head up to The each year on vehicle emissions. MIT is abstract, but I am concerned with things thus requiring a vote. Nick Haris of the Sac? obviously a credible source and I’m sorry like range and the speed at which I can AMA seconded, a vote was performed, Save the date: The next CMSP Advisory that link isn’t easily clickable, or clickable replenish that range, as well as the cost-to- and the study, intended to study the Committee meeting will be April 19, 2018, at all—it’s worth reading. The problem benefit ratios of my motorcycle purchases. effectiveness of California’s motorcycle presumably in The Sac, exact location and is that the mainstream media mostly For now, for me, that means electric safety training, will stay for now. time TBD. reported that 53,000 figure, but left out motorcycles are as much a non-starter as Electric Desire the second most lethal driver of premature the old, still-immobile Ducati 900SS in A planned 16/17 expenditure of about Ed Hertfelder’s Latest Book! On Wings Of Gold our shenanigans—and that’s just the shit deaths: power generation, which accounts the back of my garage. $147,000 for safety vests was bumped to This is the second month in a row we’ve we publish! for 52,000 premature deaths. the 17/18 budget year. Hi-viz safety vests, By Surj Gish featured an electric motorcycle on the Electric bikes have recently gotten thousands of them. The state of California Like An says above, I missed the fall CMSP cover, and there’s more to come: we just I can’t overstate how cool it was for Fake news strikes again. Motherfuckers. pretty exciting from a pure performance will be seen from the International Space meeting because was in SoCal checking spent a couple glorious days with a pair of perspective but there’s no version of my M BMWMCSF to loan us these two still- It’s not like any thoughtful human would Station. out Honda’s seriously updated Gold Wing, Alta’s Redshift SM supermotos, thanks current life in which it makes sense to extremely-special and rare motorcycles. argue that moving emissions from which saved me from throwing my helmet to the wonderful people at SF’s first and Thanks guys! drop ten to fifteen grand on a bike that GARAGE The vests will initially be offered free to millions of tailpipes to more concentrated, across the room at CHP HQ and shouting, only Alta dealer, BMW Motorcycles of can’t be near-instantly refilled when it new riders that take part in the CMSP more effectively managed sources “Of course you don’t want to understand San Francisco, who gave us both of their Back to the matter at hand: anyone reaches the edge of its range, whether it Vintage / Modern training under the condition that they not won’t result in at least some reductions training, Mr. Paliwoda, because higher demo bikes, unsupervised, with no real with a functional brain, which based on runs on gas or electricity or the tears of be used to enhance conspicuity in closet in harmful emissions, particularly Motorcycle & Scooter training standards might hurt sales!” conditions other than “if you break ‘em, available data includes roughly 48.2% of purple pandas. Hell, I’d ride a bike that (obviously) if that central power source space. Also added to the outreach will be you gotta fix ‘em, and if you spend the Americans, knows that the development ran on thoughts and prayers if the logic Service Specialists is relatively clean. But a lot of power in posters, much like the one you got as a When CityBike got the invite for the Wing weekend doing smokey burnouts, you of electric vehicles is interesting and and math penciled out. 80.4 Finish Check bonus gift in CityBike a few issues back, and launch, I built a bike run around the dates, important for a whole pile of reasons, America is still pretty dirty, and that Hardcover, 356 pages, 67 stories, with 8 pages of photos (Pre-1975? Come on in!!) gotta replace the tires.” These guys are a short video featuring UFC fighter Urijah and the morning of the event had dropped avid CityBike readers, after all, and are ranging from socio-political to economic looks likely to continue and perhaps even Which it never will, by the way. That shit Available via snail mail (with suggested inscription). Faber, who I’m pretty sure knows how to off our CRF250L Rally (check out page to environmental, and of course the worsen under the current presidential is worthless. Send your check for $29.95 to: therefore aware of Ed Hertfelder Moto Garage sit on a motorcycle, despite what the script 11 for our story!) at Honda and picked up almighty performance. But as is administration. PO Box 17564 If I was one of these sheltered Oasis- Tucson, AZ 85731 called for. a Harley-Davidson Road Glide Ultra (stay 415-337-1448 always the case, so much of this is It’s difficult, even impossible, to get at the dwellers, only visiting the world outside Or pick up a copy on Amazon.com tuned for more on that). I headed north to about branding, perception and Contact Ed at [email protected] 112 Sagamore St, SF, CA. 94112 Fish: While An is something of a veteran real numbers here, never mind the true The City via Google Maps virtual tours Santa Barbara in Big Vancy, Smurfberry- marketing, not fact. of these meetings, I’m new to voluntary resource cost of producing a new electric (Ooh, South Africa National Parks!), it flavored Rockstar in hand, Propagandhi on trips to visit the CHP. As An noted, the vehicle to replace an existing, fairly- might be doable, assuming I had a secure the stereo for motivation—although I have In our internal discussions process was businesslike and organized; efficient gasser—the point is that electric garage. Or if I didn’t find the notion of to admit I played Hole’s “Malibu” as I went surrounding the Zero FXS and attended by the right people. The vehicles in general, especially the tiny dropping 20 to 25% of the US’s median through, you guessed it, Malibu, just ‘cuz. I (page 19, yo!) we delved deep audience was given—or simply took— minority of electric motorcycles, aren’t the annual household income on a second arrived at the palatial Hotel Californian in into these concepts, particularly opportunities to ask questions, and panacea some want to believe. motorcycle, useful only around town Santa Barbara so vanned-out after two days the environmental component. there were some great questions being and if the power grid remains intact, an behind the wheel that I considered pulling There’s a facile, I-want-to-believe But push too hard for thoughtful asked. One that stuck out was what incredibly Bay Area bubble-headed pile of the Ultra out of Big Vancy for a ride, but mindset employed by some, discussion based on available data and the committee is doing to promote conspicuous eco-consumerist bullshit, the she had to be sent away to a remote parking that the adoption of electric critical thinking, and all the sudden you’ve motorcycling, answered honestly: the calculus might work—but that scenario lot because her roof was too high for the vehicles will magically fix the got some entitled artist wannabe-hippie program is not there to promote riding, but is so disconnected from the real world parking garage. Oh well… catch up on environmental issues caused by labeling you a climate change denier. to try to make it less dangerous. most Americans live in as to be laughably, some work, I guess. internal combustion, as if that’s even close to the entirety of the Look, don’t think I’m advocating for some stupidly sad. An: The elephant in the room was the lane The evening’s event began with a problem. A lot of this is based on kind of head in the sand, “the gas will splitting guidelines, or continuing lack We’ll get there, whether there is a world of lavish spread on the rooftop deck of the numbers from a 2013 MIT study last until I’m dead so fuck our children” thereof, thanks to multiple rescheduled vehicles powered by electricity or fuel cells Californian, where I wandered awkwardly (news.mit.edu/2013/study- approach, or that the steps we’re making meetings with the previous Commissioner. or some other thing not in the current amongst the moto-journolati, feeling air-pollution-causes-200000- with electric vehicles, whether small We will continue to be lacking formal solution set. But let’s not bullshit ourselves typically out of place thanks to being—as early-deaths-each-year-in- or big, aren’t worth making. I’m most guidelines until Assistant Chief too much along the way. Photo: Angelica Rubalcaba the-us-0829) that was widely definitely not. I’m 100% unconcerned

December 2017 | 6 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 7 | CityBike.com If that wasn’t enough, the SWP8 has side either case, headlights are helpful but it can stick to these plates, Can You Hear Me Now? Sena’s cutters built in so trimming the work of provide a limited view, and flashlights are the inside of a van, or the 20S Evo Communicator wire art you just created is simple as well. kind of a pain in the ass to keep pointed in underside of the hood of Even after trimming a handful of tire and the right direction while you’re working on the broken-down truck By Surj Gish Cruz Toolin' On A Sunday oil change safety wire applications they’ve some broken-ass piece of shit in the murky that came to pick up your One of my favorite things in the world Afternoon remained sharp. darkness of a midnight storm, knee deep broken-down bike. is listening to people talk to me while I By Max Klein in mud and frustration. ride. I don’t ride to escape, or clear my I enjoyed So it goes, right? At least head, or any of that new age, hippie-dippie No matter what pace you run, as a racer twisting wire Maybe I should have included a trigger you’ll have light. “centering my chi” nonsense. you need a good set of safety wire pliers. with these so warning for those who, like me, grew up Complaints: the rope is Oil changes, tire changes, or just creatively much that I used being berated as your pops repeatedly Just kidding! I value my mental quiet Photos: Angelica Rubalcaba semi-directional, with the putting parts back on, SWIPES are one them to fix a portion busted his knuckles in the dark you time on the bike, even if I’m piping in a LEDs arranged on one of the most commonly used tools in the of a damaged chain created by not pointing the light in the soundtrack of epic Finnish folk-metal. It’s that your secret Santa will drop a cheap white ripstop bag diffuses the light and side—so for maximum light, box. Central California-based Cruz link fence, briefly right direction while he worked. my meditation, although I refuse to get all dirtbike’s worth of cash on… auxiliary basically turns the rope into a lantern. you need to be mindful of placement. Also, Tools, probably best known in the considered replacing conspicuously woke about it. Power Practical promises to put a stop lights? But 180 lumens is about right for You can also string it over your bike, the rubbery surface of the rope seems to moto-world for their brand and my shoelaces with to this madness with their Luminoodle, a campsite or roadside repairs, and while hang it across the inside of your tent, attract dirt and other schmutz, which I But on-bike communication has its place— model-specific tool kits, set something a bit more a USB-powered, shockproof, dustproof, the ten-footer does 360 lumens, I prefer run it down the middle of a picnic table, only mention so that someone can write for CityBike, it’s much more than the usual, out to create “safety wire robust. You can be as waterproof (IP-67, to 1 meter for 30 the smaller package of the fiver for moto- even wrap it around a stunted sapling in about how a real motorcyclist wouldn’t “Bro, is your GoPro turned on? Watch pliers that rival top happy as I am for only minutes) “light rope” that can be hung, travel. Put another way, 180 lumens is for A Charlie Brown Christmas vibe. The care about such urbane trivialities. this!” banter so often followed by a cloud of professional units, $39.95, twistin’ wire wrapped, twisted or even sacked up almost enough to bother my eyes in the dark, ‘Nood comes with four Velcro straps with dust and new scratches on someone’s Field but priced for a Photo: Angelica Rubalcaba not included. Neither of the above complaints are even anywhere you need some light. although they’re admittedly sensitive, like little metal plates, and the rope itself has Armor vest. We discuss the bikes we’re much broader close to deal-breakers, of course, and at $39.95. Learn more and me and my widdle feelings. sliding magnets placed along its length so riding, toss ideas back and forth, and point audience.” It’s often easy to dismiss gadgets like thirty bux with remote, it’s find out where to buy at out things like, “Hey, I know we figured this as unnecessary and silly, but the If you remove the rope from the hard to come up with a good For those of you not CruzTools.com. that small-batch MV might be the bike to Luminoodle is well-conceived and reel it comes on, it can be placed in argument why a Luminoodle in the know about this particular tool, it have issues on this ride, but turns out the Come On Baby, executed, flexible and useful. We tested the included bag (more on that in shouldn’t be part of your kit. does two distinct things in order to give Harley’s throwing an error. Pulling off the 5-foot color version, which came with a moment) with the battery pack If you’re like, “Thirty dollars! you the peace of mind of knowing the Light My Luminoodle here to investigate.” And my most recent a tiny remote control and a compact 3400 and scarcely take up more space Why, that’s at least 60 garage- parts you routed the wire through will not By Surj Gish Locals Only piece (“Graf Holzfeuer Of mAh lithium ion power pack. PP is now in your kit than a manly fist. But sale paperbacks!” you can leave the bike in surprising, spectacular ArnoCorps” – Locals Only, November If you’re one of those crazy matching ‘Noods with a more capacious even better, you can make it take up save ten bucks to put toward fashion. 2017) was informed by a couple hours people who actually rides optional 4400 mAh pack, but the cool almost no space at all by wrapping Danielle Steel novels by getting motorcycles beyond the city it around something—hell, you of on-bike discussion, Holzfeuer laying First, a good set of safety wire pliers, thing is that since the rope is powered by the basic model without the out the story of Hollywood’s systematic like Cruz Tools’ new SWP8, put a limits, you probably have a USB, you can power it from a variety of could even wrap it around your remote, you cheapskate weirdo. light or two in your kit: perhaps helmet and turn it on so people bastardization of his Austrian people’s lore solid hold on the loose ends of the safety sources—an unswitched port on your in its Austro-ploitation films as we twisted wire. This is achieved by sliding a locking a headlight (the one you put on your bike, for example, or the larger USB pack think you’re some kind of bad $19.99 and up. Learn more and PowerPractical. out Mines to The Junction—one of my mechanism from one handle into the other head, not the one on your bike) and you carry to keep your satellite tracker astronaut and flee in fear as you roll get your own at com most enjoyable rides in recent memory. that can only be engaged by squeezing the maybe a little lantern or tiny tacticool charged when shit goes way south. into town. . handle. The locking mechanism on the LED flashlight. You may also be part of Sena’s communicators enable this stuff— Capabilities are numerous—I’m not Back to that bag: placing the SWP8 does not take as much pressure to a declining market segment, given what we mostly run 20S units, although Max’s much fun, so I just used the white light Luminoodle in the transparent get engaged as some cheaper tools, while seems like a recently renewed onslaught Photo: Angelica Rubalcaba helmet usually sports a 10C camera setting, which can be modulated in 10% still keeping a death grip on the wire. of expensive motorcycles with shit range increments using the inline, three-button Kinda important for step two. and near-zero utility, essentially expensive fashion accessories, but that’s another switch or the little remote. If you’re more Once gripped, the second step is simply discussion for another time. fun than me, which is to say if you’re pulling back on the base of the pliers to anyone but me, you may want to switch spin the whole package right round like a If you are in this segment of actual to color mode, which I call “those damn record, creating a perfect twist. The SWP8 motorcyclists, you’ve probably been raving kids” mode, which lets you stick has a very fluid motion both as the twist broken down on the side of road in the to one of the fifteen colors or cross-fade is happening and when the mechanism is impenetrable black of streetlight-less roads between them. Party time! retracting. Not only that, there is a small half a tank from nowhere. Or maybe you’ve The five-footer gives off up to 180 lumens, gap in the jaw of the pliers that allows the been blessed with better motorcycles than which may not sound like a lot of if you’ve wire to be a little straighter, for a better, me, and your experiences with darkness been shopping for Clearwaters in hopes stress-free grip. are mostly in campsites—lucky you. In

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December 2017 | 8 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 9 | CityBike.com While just a few years ago Sena seemed Like the OG 20S, the Evo includes environment-specific, but even in relatively By Surj Gish with Fish should—the price difference shrinks to like an underdog, in recent years their everything you need to install the system open areas I’ll lose connection with & Max Klein $350. product lines have expanded quickly to in a variety of applications. Modular whoever I’m yapping with well before I’m Photos by Surj Gish There are tons of other beginner options Tell ‘Em I’m CRFin’ near-dizzying levels of complexity. Their helmet? Use the separate boom mic. Full- 1.2 miles away from them, like probably no ur love for Honda’s beyond dual-sports, of course: any of the website currently features sixteen different face? Use the small, wired mic and place more than .5 miles. CRF250L is well- 300s, Honda’s own Rebels, and so on. communicators, five cameras (the 10C it wherever you want using the included Also, I imagine that talking to seven other documented, if not It mostly comes down to aesthetics—if lives in both areas), five remotes, a handful hook ‘n’ loop patches. Or just install it Owell-understood. Seriously, go to Honda CRF250L Rally people while riding would be even worse a new rider wants something dirty- of specific-application devices like their with the I’m-too-flexy-for-my-helmet mic than a typical conference call, all choruses CityBike.com/back and search looking and actually plans to ride off- SR10 two-way radio adapter, and their new that comes on the universal clamp, and of “can you hear me now?” punctuated by for “CRF.” Our extremely well set road, the long-travel Rally (and standard helmet line. It’s a lot to take in. go riding. There are spacers to bring the occasional crashing sounds. Ugh. up project CRF has made more L) are compelling, capable options, even speakers closer to your ears, a stick-on Earlier this year, Sena released an upgraded appearances than good judgment, if a few bucks more. version of the clamp mount, a cigarette But I’m mostly a solo guy, so the quick version of their standard-setting 20S, the correct grammar, or accurate charger, and an audio cable for your… connectivity of the Evo’s there aren’t 20S Evo, featuring aluminum cylinders math, although admittedly none of Inexpensive dual-sport: Bluetooth 4.1 (same as the a lot of real options here, unless you’re with iron liners, for better those are strong suits for us. Point original) is my primary comfortable cruising Craigslist for heat management… hang being, despite the fact that Honda’s concern, and the Evo never-stunted, never-raced motorcycles on, that’s a different Evo. simple, cheap CRF loses nearly still delivers the goods, every comparison on paper, it’s… that often look like they weren’t raced The 20S Evo is identifiable connecting almost well, simple, cheap, user friendly, or stunted because they’d fallen off by its fixed shark fin immediately upon power- good looking, and seemingly a truck at freeway speed. Ignoring antenna where the old- up. Battery life seems unbreakable. Believe me, we’ve larger displacement, old tech options timey 20S’s pop-up antenna unchanged, which means tried. like Honda’s XR650L and the used to be, and Sena says that I never run out of aforementioned DR, Yamaha’s still- the Evo offers “improved battery because I tend to So you can imagine our excitement strong WR250R is the standout here— intercom functionality and charge the Evo every night. at the prospect of getting our it’s more dirt-capable out of the box and stability.” For long days on the road, hands on the new Rally version of not much more expensive at $6,699. In I’ll charge it when I stop the now-venerable L, which adds fact, the only ways blue loses to red in I’m a long-time 20S user, for lunch or afternoon seriously cool, rally-inspired looks, this scenario is the lack of ABS. so I’m happy to see that the coffee—but one of the including a surprisingly functional pre-vo clamps on my helmets But Kawasaki has just announced the cool things about Sena’s windscreen; a bit more suspension will accept the Evo. In fact, return of their revamped KLX250, a intercoms is that they can travel; a larger 2.7 gallon fuel tank, Sena shows the same part bike that can’t trade on the cool factor charge while running, and other miscellany like plastic numbers for clamps under of the Rally’s bitchin’ looks but does meaning I can run a USB “handguards.” It shares the 250L’s both the 20S and 20S Evo Photo: Angelica Rubalcaba offer adjustable suspension and lighter cable to my helmet and updated-for-2017 engine, which on their website, although weight, at a claimed 304.3 pounds wet. keep on kickin’ the Korpiklaani Honda says offers better low and they’re almost all currently Walkman? There are enough Based on looks and price $5,349 (no on the road if I forget to plug in while mid-range power. Oh, and the out of stock, which if I put my tinfoil hat other bits ‘n’ bobs in the box that it feels ABS available here, either), it’s more practicing my pinky etiquette over a tiny most important bit: bold new on could lead me to believe that there are like a hell of a deal, opening it up, even if I’ll comparable to the standard L, but coffee cup. graphics for both versions! new, upgraded versions coming. Suffice never use the majority of this stuff. anyone looking at inexpensive dual- One of the CRF’s biggest to say for now, sans metalhead, that all the The improved functionality feels the same, If you’re currently riding with a 20S, I can’t key parts in the Evo’s box look to my weary really recommend upgrading to the Evo, strengths—its low price, which which is also a good thing, although it has crept a bit eyes to be exactly the same as the stuff that but if you’re using an older system or just Kerri of Motobird Adventures rallies the Rally. / comms combo. Our complaints are leaves me feeling just a little deprived— to $5,149— came with my older 20S, minus a year or so shouldn’t the new hotness have at least shopping for a comms system, the Evo is a generally few and far between—I mostly kinda goes Roundtown runabout: pretty that it’s hard to imagine leaving it of grime. one or two new tricks up its sleeve? Like solid candidate. just wish I could still hear—certainly not away with the almost any motorcycle can outside some of the places we frequent (or Sena’s other systems, the EVO can connect Sena’s fault, but rather due to decades of my That’s a good thing: the 20S is in my $299 and up. Learn more and get your own Rally, which meet this requirement if reside). This must be why Ducatisti are so to other brands’ systems, and like the own stupidity regarding hearing protection opinion the gold standard for intercoms, at Sena.com. lists at $5,899 you try hard enough, but weird about parking their motorcycles in first version, the Evo works with Sena’s on-stage, behind the mixing board, in and the only thing I’d like to see from it (add $300 there’s no denying the middle class and below zip codes. app, employs Sena’s Advanced Noise the pit, on the bike, and pretty much and all intercoms is better speakers—a for ABS on joy of splitting lanes and Control, and connects to up to eight riders, We wanted to put our Rally through a everywhere else—I just like loud stuff. tough goal, given space and cost either version), slicing through the city on although in my experience the claimed compressed version of what our project L constraints. making the a lightweight motorcycle range is extremely optimistic—it’s certainly has been through—minus the crashing, on-paper with enough suspension of course. So while Fish and Max focused comparisons we travel to soak up gaping on more local pursuits, I did some actual all love to jibber- potholes and curb drops off-road riding and also rode it to the jabber on about with equal proficiency. EVENTS suit (well, it used to be white…), you January 13, 2018: Easyriders Bike Horizons Unlimited Travellers Meeting in a little tougher, The Rally serves well in can get your own when Dainese’s North Show (Sacramento Convention Center, Lodi Cycle Bowl Fall & Mariposa (“Overlanders Unite! Horizons never mind the this capacity—we all wish December 2017 American Custom Works Tour stops in 1400 J St., Sacramento, CA 95814, Halls Winter Marathon Schedule Unlimited Travellers Meeting California” always-thoughtful it was a little snappier San Francisco. For more information A thru E) – November 2017) with Kerri Dougherty November 24, 2017: Ride Friday Give The Lodi Motorcycle Club kicks and well-informed off-idle, and as most of us are approaching and booking, give the good folks at the The biggest, baddest capital B Biker bike of Motobird Adventures, for some real-deal Back (The East Bay) off its 2017 / 2018 Fall / Winter online forum sports will be looking hard at the old- “real dirtbike” weight ourselves, we’d D-Store a call at 415.626.5478 or send an show in North America, featuring top lightweight adventure touring cred. Also known as the “Fuck Black Friday marathon schedule on November discussions. As a 250, the Rally new-again Kawi. beef up the boingy bits as we did with our email to d-store.sanfrancisco@dainese. bike builders and the latest products, th Ride,” our third annual, post-Turkey Day 26 , with racing at the home of the arguably fits into a few potential project L. Unlike a bigger ADV mount, the Rally com. which as far as we can tell from last year’s The Honda’s weight it what ride will benefit Alameda County CASA. blue groove through the new year use cases. Let’s look at some of offers no factory luggage options (yes, I just December 3, 2017: 34th Annual Dudley photos seems to include a lot of scantily hypothetically hurts it in this category. The only downside to the Rally as urban Last year, we raised over $2,000 for this and into February. Get details at those before we hit the road. said that) so I reached out to Giant Loop, Perkins Toy Run To General Hospital clad women hocking t-shirts and novelty Its 346.1-pound wet weight (with utili-bike is its good looks. It’s so damn wonderful organization. LodiCycleBowl.com. the Bend, Oregon-based maker of “go light, (Dudley Perkins H-D, 333 Corey Way, helmets. Since you asked, yes, it is 2017. Beginner bike: the Rally’s 35.2” ABS) makes it an easy target for loud- th Yeah, we’re still working on the route since South San Francisco, CA 94080) EasyRidersEvents.com/bikeshow-2018- Sunday, November 26 seat height makes it a bad choice mouthed, know-it-all online throttle pieces of the roads on last year’s route are Sunday, December 17th for short-legged beginners but a Meet at DPCHD for coffee at 9 AM, sacramento.php jockeys who claim that it’s impossible to missing, thanks to the return of actual Monday, January 1st good option for taller folk, while kickstands up at 10 AM. Ride to breakfast have a good time on the dirt with such rain, we’re still working on our route. But Sunday, January 7th the mellow power delivery is after hospital activities. Run pin: $7 porcine poundage. They said the same the ride will hopefully still involve coffee st good for everyone. Larger riders in advance, $10 day of ride. Run pin + Sunday, January 21 about the standard L, and we haven’t run at the beginning and pizza at the end. th interested in starting out on a dual- breakfast: $25 in advance, $30 day of ride. Sunday, February 4 into any issues riding the shit out of it in Save the date and stay tuned for details at sport might look at bigger bikes DPCHD.com Sunday, February 11th real-world dirt. Getting down to “real Facebook.com/CityBikeMag/events. too, for example Suzuki’s DR650, dirtbike” weight in a dual-sport means January 1, 2018: 37th Annual Dudley which offers more power for just December 9-10, 2017: Dainese Custom adding several thousand dollars on top Perkins New Year’s Day Run & Tom over a 10% bump in price, but is a Works (D-Store SF, 131 South Van Ness of the price of a Rally, and yeah, it’d be Perkins Memorial Day Run (Dudley Send Us few pounds heavier; uses old tech Ave, bad ass, but that price increase takes us Perkins H-D, 333 Corey Way, South San Your Event like carburetors and an old school well beyond “inexpensive” territory and San Francisco CA 94103) Francisco, CA 94080) [email protected] fork; and doesn’t offer ABS. The also radically changes reliability and If you’ve ever eyeballed our man Max PO Box 18783 first two aren’t a big deal, but ABS maintenance intervals, and not for the Meet at DPCHD at 9 AM, kickstands up Oakland, CA 94619 Klein’s sweet custom white Dainese at 10 AM. More info at DPCHD.com is a boon to new riders, and if you better. Seems backward, right? add ABS to the Rally—which you

December 2017 | 10 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 11 | CityBike.com go fast, go far” off-road oriented luggage. an included dry bag and on-and-off zipper unable to walk away from the bike for thirty Editor Surj knows that he should just ditch his They sent us a Coyote saddlebag and attachments to make it easy to remove minutes, thanks to an unending stream of big bike and stick to the 250, but like many Fandango tank bag, along with some clear from the main mounting harness. Both are people inquiring about the bike: “What is American men, can’t quite bring himself to do plastic film to make sure that if we were end-of-the-world rugged, and both served that?” “Just a 250, you say?” “Looks cool!” that, woke as it might be. gonna fuck up the Rally, it’d be thanks to me well while also adding to my “this guy Like I said, it’s a looker. an epic crash, not preventable scratches must be serious” cred. Fish: Urban Hooligan from the luggage. Thanks to some unplanned Before Editor GS Aerostich went on his exploration on my way out ADV-cred quest, I absconded with the Our in-house long-distance of Mariposa, which in some Rally and subjected it to some city living. If dirt travel expert Gwynne Giant Loop’s bombproof Fandango and Coyote. cultures is known as “getting he was going to explore responsible small Fitzsimmons describes Giant lost,” I made the last couple displacement touring, I thought I’d better Loop as having “off-road hours of the trek back to balance our fact-finding with new and riding totally figured out,” The Bay in darkness, and I’ll exciting ways to defile traffic laws. and the design of the Coyote admit this is the only time saddlebag reflects this. It’s Swapping bikes at CityBike World the Rally’s lack of ponies the freeway—some freeway, anyway. Max: Photographer / I never actually rode up, as I am a stupid which involved rejoining the molasses horseshoe-shaped, wrapping Headquarters is always tricky. Sometimes was cause for concern. I In typical Honda fashion, it’s devoid of Commuter person and decided to climb alongside combination of evacuees and the around the seat behind the I have to wait for a charge because our had it wound up the whole bad habits. The riding position is classic the entire course on foot instead. usual commuters. 101 south out of rider, and uses attachment fearless leader has left a bike on and killed While Surj and Fish were off doing all way, and between the dirtbike, with just the right amount of Slow-noma County always sucks, points on either side and at its battery, other times I’m just forced into things dual-sport with their jumps and Monday I was supposed to go back to increased vibes present at wind protection; the brakes are totally and factor the ambulances and other the rear of the seat. It’s easy a game of motorcycle Jenga in order to camping, I used the Rally primarily as Sears Point to cover another car day. I near-redline engine speeds reasonable for the weight and power of emergency vehicle blasting up one to secure in a way that made extract the bike du jour and find a home for transportation to and from a variety of knew I had to leave at least an hour early and the lack of headroom the bike; the fueling is spot-on. or more breakdown lanes into the me confident the bag would one of my turds. race / track events. to arrive on time because of the slower equation and you can imagine the for high-speed evasive But I do have a few suggestions. remain with the bike, even if I weekday pace while splitting and the fact hellish level of lane splitting difficulty. maneuvers, it was a little By “one of my turds,” I mean one of my First, I rode to Sears Point to photograph that nobody can figure out why Highway tossed the Rally into a gulch. A few months back, I used our project nerve-wracking. shitty motorcycles. a combo car / bike track day. The 37 is always at a dead stop both directions Given their frequent use I found the The Coyote utilizes three CRF250L as a chase bike at King Of The Look, it’s not really fair to fault a 250 for at 7 AM. non-ABS brakes on our CRF to be internal compression drybags, This time, as the garage door slowly Hammers / Motos (“Majestic Kerri and I stuck to secondary roads where its inherent inability to engage in good, and the clutch pull was very and the packing process involves ride fast raised, I was greeted by the obviously Madness : King Of The Motos I took my super-secret route through we could, taking the long way to Mariposa. maneuvers, and it’s not like forgiving even in my third hour of distributing your stuff between these three take chances Dakar-inspired fairing and asymmetrical 2017” – April 2017). In that Mare Island to beat the clusterfuck that In this context, the Rally’s diminutive my “if they’re going 80, I better go 90… or splitting and fifth hour on the bike. bags (one for each side, and a barrel-shaped headlight. Captain Bike Parker Extreme 10 days, the mods applied to is the bridge prior to where 37 drops to displacement was a non-issue, a good so” methodology for ensuring my safety on bag along the top), compressing ‘em, had backed the CRF in! that bike made it a fantastic that single lane of dead stopped traffic, What was not forgiving was the seat. traveling companion for her well-traveled the roads is universally accepted and well- companion for desert stupidity, but 37 was closed in both directions. I It must be stuffed with death metal slipping ‘em into their respective spots, and The Rally makes a strong visual statement F650GS Dakar. My only criticism: my ass supported by science and data, never mind with the most helpful upgrade checked Google Maps for alternates, and lyrics or something equally harsh. closing the roll-top of the Coyote. There and I had to remind myself that it hurt on the long, straight stretches where law enforcement. And fantasies like “this being the suspension. The stock it chose 29 to 121—so I decided to do Probably fine for shorter trips, but I are external straps that let you further was “only” a 250. Frankly, the upright I wasn’t naturally moving around on the bike would be perfect if it just had firmer Rally is adequate, but our project the opposite. was well into my third tank of gas for compress and secure your load, and the windshield and broad radiator scoops are bike—we all universally hated the Rally’s suspension and three or four times the bike’s Race Tech Gold Valves, the day and can tell you that was 1.5 whole thing ends up rather tidy and stable. really goddamn cool-looking. seat, probably because our project CRF-L’s horsepower” don’t really belong in a review revalved shock and uprated I spent the next hour splitting traffic too many. Worse, Honda chose to I jammed a few days’ worth of crap into the on 80, surface streets, 580, over the upgraded seat has spoiled us. of said motorcycle. But this was the only After pushing the bike out and walking springs had a profound effect place the Flatbill Holder strap right Coyote, strapped it down, and had room Richmond Bridge and even a little bit time I felt like I couldn’t live with the Rally around it, the entry level bits came to on the bike. The underdamped in my ass groove—if I slid in front of left for more junk in my soft-luggage trunk. At the HU, the Rally was the star of the on 101. As I stopped for gas I pulled my as an only bike, and it made me a little light. Basic but serviceable foot pegs, and undersprung Rally, even it, my hips cramped up, and behind it The Fandango offers similar utility, with show. One morning, I dismounted and was phone out to let the trackday provider sad. Just imagine… a modern, reliable, handguards lacking real substance, and with 0.9” more travel out back the front wheel left the ground all the know I was about 10 minutes out. I had ABS-equipped dual-sport with real-world plastic skidplate. The upside? Typically and 1.2” up front, offers a bouncy time. missed a call, a text, and a Facebook maintenance intervals and say 60 HP… for excellent Honda fit and finish. The controls ride interrupted by suspension- message from them all telling me that Seat aside, the Rally was almost $6,199, of course. have a high-quality feel, the wiring is bottoming clunks, while our L is a the day was canceled due to a fire. great right out of the box. Better routed cleanly, and the LED headlight is very composed tool even with my Back to reality. There’s really nothing handguards and a proper skidplate definitely not what I’d expect on a small 200 pounds aboard. like the Rally. It offers a level of cool not Yeah. That fire. will be needed, and I suppose I’d have displacement, entry level dual-sport. found in other entry-level options, and The softer side of that 200 It was 7 AM and dark. I had all day to beef up the suspension or drop 40 while we’re certainly going to get a bunch I finished walking laps around the bike, pounds feels like our project and a dual-sport, so I headed north pounds to get the ride perfect. But the of the usual hate mail for selling it short as saying “this thing is really cool” out loud to bike’s upgraded Seat Concepts instead of splitting all the way home, bike looks legitimately rally-ready to a “beginner bike” the reality is that’s the no one and got underway. My route home seat is also a necessity. The grippy relatively short freeway jaunt was done planning to cut through Santa Rosa the untrained eye, and Honda may most likely use case, and a sensible one. usually involves a little freeway and some material is helpful, but the wider pad and in the predawn hours to avoid rush hour and take 12 over to Berryessa for some have a low-buck winner on its hands. East Bay twisties, but I was in a hurry so better foam would be required for me shenanigans. If I were a new rider, I’d buy the Rally, traffic… on a Saturday. Part of me was Max is the SF chapter Director of the freeway-only route was the order of were I to put a Rally into daily service. It relieved that there was no serious splitting upgrade the suspension, seat, and a few At this point I thought the fire was only the AFM, and measures all things the day. I knew this wouldn’t be the most doesn’t have the worst stock seat ever, but to be done, but another part was hoping other bits over time, and then keep it as by Sears Point. The sun was just coming motorcycle with the universal metric fun ride home, but the Rally package it works best when you’re standing on the for a slower pace—Editor Surj had me my sensible, sentimental value dual-sport up and the smoke was billowing in that of how they compare to a beat-to-shit made the freeway more bearable than the pegs. convinced that the Rally vibed like an when I over-upgraded to a soon-to-be- general area. I was unaware KLR. standard CRF—the windshield and wider out-of-balance Oral-B at 70 and above. salvage-titled 214-horse sportbike six Speaking of the pegs, the factory jobs are that not only had sections of bodywork are much more effective than I must be more aerodynamic because it months later. not bad, but our project bike has Fastway Santa Rosa been devoured one might suspect. didn’t start to feel like a KLR until I broke Evolution III pegs on it and while they’re by flames, but that the fire 80. Even better, unlike “My Life With Our overall plan for the Rally was to take it not a required upgrade, if you improve the was moving the exact same the Thrill KLR Cult” I had no concerns to Carnegie SVRA to compare against our suspension you’re need gonna need better direction I was. about oil consumption induced by “high project L, so I felt the need to familiarize grip for the jumping that will follow. speeds.” myself with its off-road capabilities by After riding down Highway I was initially drawn to the Rally by 12 for some time without exploring urban off-road opportunities, At Sears Point, the Rally was put on pit its aesthetic—the first time I saw one, encountering flames I was such as the frequently haunted demolition bike duty as I traveled from corner to I didn’t even realize it was a 250. It turned around by CHP at / construction sites around Oakland, corner taking arguably the best photos presents as a do-all enduro, but in stock Trinity Road. Backtracking, assorted dirtpile jumps, concrete wall rides, ever taken at a car / bike event. It was here form it’s more like do-most, or all if you’re I rode through new fires severe potholes, and the occasional loading that I first took the CRF off the beaten not in a hurry. It’s good, and really user that in less than five minutes dock. This environment revealed what I path, through a small section of the friendly, the foundation solid enough completely engulfed a small was looking for in the CRF: it’s secretly a infield. While not much of a challenge, that minimal upgrades can transform valley and at least one house. pure criminal. the long and squishy suspension soaked it into a real off-road bike, and its small Before these fires could up every little bump. Hooligan dirtbikers terrorizing cities displacement makes it a nice “learner” be contained yet another isn’t new, but the CRF manages to do so bike too, at least for the long-legged. Way Sunday I was off to Carnegie SVRA for neighborhood would be with style and grace. Something about a to cover a broad spectrum, Honda. a little hot hill climb action, or more turned to ash, including the windscreen and quiet exhaust add an air of fire station less than half a Fish is CityBike’s resident V-twin expert, accurately, taking photos of the action. I’d respectability to the bike that seems to spill mile away. which makes his love for the little CRF that planned to climb the lower hill on foot in over into the rider. the morning, take some photos and then could both confusing and compelling. I made the decision to ride up the backside to shoot from the top Hooning aside, the Rally is a genuinely GTFO of Sonoma county later in the day. great bike to ride around town or even on by the most direct route, December 2017 | 12 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 13 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 14 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 15 | CityBike.com The campsite is two miles away, at the end it—its builder failed to secure a strap, which When all riders were accounted for, I of a gravel road. I pitch my tent in found its way into the chain and wrapped started to set up camp as talk circulated approaching darkness, lay out my around a lug that mounts the sprocket about towing the wounded Honda up the bedroll, and fold my ‘Stich into a cover. No auto parts store to be found, we hill. A search for a strap yielded no results, pillow, then unpack my actual pillow scrounge some flexible repair tape with an so the next idea was to go down to the bike from its travel bag. “As Seen on TV” logo on it. It’s enough to two-up on the Buell with a shitload of lights By Fish keep the bike from spewing oil all over the and tools. I opted to hand the bike over to I keep this last item low key as I am the Photos by Fish, Justin Martens rear tire and on the ride. Justin Martens, so he loaded up a victim only one carrying such luxuries. & Max Klein and took off down the hill, another rider Our destination is Hopland, where we’ll I emerge from my well-appointed following. ou know the Dirtbag Challenge, pick up a small group of riders that couldn’t corner of the campsite to a properly- right? The SF-born phenomenon is make the Friday departure. A doable goal Thirty minutes later, the rider returned, th built fire and celebratory atmosphere. I now in its 15 year, and there’s even so long as we keep our cargo straps securely asking if I had a tire pump, which I did Ybeen a New York version. Recent years have wouldn’t call it a party, but we’re having fastened. not. I did have a can Fix-a-Flat and a plug a damn good time and this is our first bought forth evolutionary changes: builders kit, which I sent down the hill. So much opportunity to get to know each other. were previously restricted to one month of for the rescue bike. The dreaded can did The mix of occupations is varied: a few build time and a $1,000 budget, including its job and the Buell returned. I checked blue collar guys with construction and the cost of the bike, but last year the budget the pressure, a whopping 15psi. I added carpentry backgrounds, one veterinarian, was increased to $2,000, and this year the rest of the can and got to 18psi. Good one lawyer, and even an architect. Photo: Justin Martens builders got two months and $2,000 to enough, or so I thought. I sent Justin back Dirtbags come from all walks of life. build a non-Harley chopper. down the hill. With that additional time and money, The campsite is secluded enough that I almost got away with it. Around the same time, an airhead rider we’re visited by some wildlife. As lights there are more challenges. An overnight by the name of Moose departed back to seek out the rustling in the bushes, the camping trip was added last year, meaning We regroup on pavement, head SF, having not intended on camping out. visitor is first identified as a fox, and the that instead of a simple morning run, bikes north to a planned breakfast This was quite fortuitous as the Buell quote of the evening comes out: “You can had to be able to carry a bedroll and some stop five miles up the road, but had succeeded in completely losing the get $10 for a fox pelt on eBay!” staples. No chase trucks, no support team. still-single Suzuki Savage has bead on the rear tire. On the upside, the This year, the camping trip was extended Photo: Max Klein a very leaky carb. The group The fire consumes all the wood we’ve 400 Honda had been repaired. Justin to two nights and 300 miles of riding. Still splits, the bulk headed to of derelict cars and motorcycles hinting that of craftsmanship and design is standard for capable of getting to the designated stops gathered, and we retire. No alarm clock, Photo: Justin Martens proceeded to ride the Honda up the hill no chase truck, and no artisan cocktails breakfast in Guerneville. I join these bikes could have been born from the him. One problem, many solutions. and campgrounds: “If you need to be led no scheduled departure time, just sleep. I using a taped-on flashlight and headlamp awaiting you at the campsite. Self-reliance carcasses surrounding us. As I arrive, one the whole way, this probably isn’t the ride a few others who stay back with for illumination, at enough of a pace to is the underlying theme here. You’re Departure time nears, but Poll’s bike the wounded of the Dirtbags is already seeking use of a for you.” The short stint up 101 is painless and we break the right footpeg while jumping. responsible for your own food, shelter, isn’t even within sight. He makes a quick Savage. Nothing like a welder—not a promising start. Poll is happy find ourselves at Hopland Tap House in safety, and sanity. announcement that he’s behind schedule, We tear out of Hunter’s Point, Poll leading roadside repair to follow The next task was to try to re-seat the to oblige, and Justin Martens is assisting time for lunch and a good rest before the but he’ll be getting his shit together shortly, us on the outskirts of the city at a pace a crash, right? Buell’s tire. As luck would have it, a couple the builder with the mission-critical task of intercepting riders show up, time filled Poll Brown is the mastermind behind the and soon the “Copper Chopper” comes somewhere between a Harley Owners’ of dirtbikers camped nearby had a bicycle repairing a broken sissy bar. with laughs, a little bit of graffiti on the challenge, an idea born from a drinking into sight, non-working lights and all. A Group ride and a Sac2Bay stunt ride. We A quick clean out of the pump. Hilarity ensued. session during which the custom sticky carb float needle means gasoline is stop for fuel in Mill Valley, where Poll float needle seat solves temporary wall in the Tap House, and a motorcycle scene of the time was dripping from the overflow vent on the decides that he does need to address the the Savage’s fueling bit of impatience as we wait for one more The countless attempts at rapidly pumping discussed. Big buck chopper shows were carbs. Stepping out of “observe and report” steady drip of fuel coming from his bike. issue, and we head build bike, a previous builder, and another the tire up to seat the bead were predictably at their peak, inspiring Poll to comment mode, I walk over and shut off the petcock He makes a stop at a friend’s shop for float south toward 116. We associate to join us. fruitless. We tried to use a ROK Strap to that the same thing could be done faster wind along the Russian hold pressure, but it simply couldn’t hold and tell Poll of the leak. He’s not exactly needles, and we head north on Highway When the group arrives, there’s a and cheaper. River—my first time enough tension and we were afraid to use concerned, and after a bit more bustling, 1, one of my personal favorite roads. The great reaction to what instantly and riding this very scenic the old starting fluid and match trick, due The original premise was $500 and expertly lashes his bedroll to his bars with washed-out section at Stinson Beach affectionately becomes known as the route, and I’m glad of the to the high fire risk. two weeks. That netted four completed a length of cord. I glance at my Rok Straps means we detour over Panoramic Highway, “Dickbike,” the only two-up bike on the reasonable pace, which builds, three of which ran. As the event and luggage, bemused that we’re both on settling into pace back on the coastline Photo: Fish ride, and also the only bike with a penis Finally, a ratchet strap borrowed from lets me take it all in. has matured, that number has increased, the same trip. north of Stinson. attached to, not just riding on it. the dirtbikers, combined with five sets of often seeing 10-25 builds, with an after We catch the group With bikes re-welded and bedrolls tied In Tomales Bay, Poll announces he’s getting Our last stop on Saturday party of 1000+ onlookers at its peak. almost feel a little guilty as I rest my head in Guerneville, and we’re a sight to see: on, the pre-ride speech is given. Poll a sandwich for dinner, a reminder to make was at the intersection of For 2017 there were 12 builds present, on my pillow stack, burrowing into my twenty-plus camp-fresh bikers in a mom- doesn’t mince words: he’s out for a ride, sure we have food sorted as well. The one Highways 29 and 20. Time and while there were a couple veterans in sleeping bag. I’m not the only one in a tent, and-pop small town diner. we’re welcome thing I didn’t load into my cavernous side to fuel up and procure attendance, first-timers comprised the bulk but a few guys are out under the stars in the cases was food, so I heed his whatever dinner and beer of the crew. 40-degree night. I gear up ahead of the group, departing early advice and get myself a French in hopes of getting pictures of the group would be needed. I make That is what makes this worthwhile for dip. Morning brings the frightening discovery as they pass. The timing doesn’t work and room for a couple cases on Poll and company: getting people to stop Photo: Fish The next leg is only 25 that there is no coffee, adding a sense of I end up riding the next leg solo, through the Buell after deciding staring at Instagram pictures of custom miles—44 minutes of travel urgency to breaking down this caffeine the fringe of fire-ravaged Sonoma County. on canned corned beef bikes and inspiring them to build their own. according to Google. With two slave’s camp. It’s a “pack it in, pack it out” The ever-present airborne fire-fighting and smoked oysters for Adding the campout was a move intended dinner. I use this time to examine the of the bikes lacking functional site, so the Buell becomes a pack mule, the equipment and hint of smoke is a stark to make Dirtbag more about the build, and night’s evidence loaded into a bag that we reminder of what’s happening just over the bikes. The builds for this year lighting systems, it becomes a It seemed like a good idea add some exclusivity to the event—only strap to the bike. hills. include two XS650 choppers, race to the last meetup point: a at the time. builders get to join the ride. Photo: Max Klein one in fitting gold glitter paint. A fuel station in Jenner where we’re The gravel road out is on my mind and I set I head towards Hopland on 101 and catch At the turnoff for This year’s expanded ride is a step farther Suzuki Savage-based build catches told to fill up our tanks and get out with an aggressive twist of the throttle the group in Cloverdale, where a KZ750 has the last four miles of in that direction. CityBike invited itself my eye for a moment before I see beer. Really, what’s a campout in order to get in front of the pack. My ego holed its case. Actually, the bike didn’t do dirt leading to our into tagging along on the campout but another Savage-based bike, this without beer? overrides my talent and campsite, a 400cc Honda twin with an we of course weren’t allowed to bring one re-powered by a 1000cc I4 Photo: Justin Martens I enter a turn too hot. I hands and shampoo poured As I’m leaving the fuel station, already- failed electrical system succumbs Vancy Drew, so my $2,000 Craigslist engine. The stock brake sends look for an escape, and around the rim did the trick. I spot Justin Martens’ XS650 to carburetor troubles, with darkness Buell Ulysses was pressed into service to a small shiver up my spine. I’m my options include a chopper on the side of the road, approaching. After some discussion, we We found the puncture, but my trusty follow the Dirtbags. The Uly may have no stranger to underbraked ten-foot cliff, so I decide to follow. Should we find ourselves in tools out. The electrical system park the bike at the bottom of the hill. I Dynaplug kit had just one plug left—a do or been a bit out of place with its tamale-cart machines, but I don’t long for the days of to lay ‘er down. The bike conversations with law enforcement is dead, but blessedly simple, with one ride up and drop my cargo, come back for die situation. With a little spit, the plug was sidecases, but I wrapped my sleeping bag in drum brakes. ends up with the rear he’s not likely to concern himself, and switch in the entire bike. Justin has expertly the builder and his gear, and the bike can inserted and the hissing stopped. a garbage bag to fend off potential ambient wheel over the edge of the A few paces away from the crowd of breakdowns aren’t high on his list of torn into it and is bypassing the 30+ year be fixed tomorrow. Having already tested moisture—not exactly real-deal Dirtbag, road, perched on my left It took another 30 minutes of pumping to traditional-ish choppers is Julian Farnam’s concerns. Again, no chase truck or support old switch as I roll up. He also discovered the Buell’s off-road prowess at Bungee bedroll on the bars, but not Touratech sidecase, front wheel in the get the tire to 41psi, enough work to help me EX500-based dual sport. The Spondon- vehicles. No one’s likely to be left in a loose ground, raising uncertainty to Brent’s Backroad Bash, I was excited to catalog material, either. air. I’m adrenaline-rushed, get a good night's sleep. Who needs a party esque steel frame, laser cut, TIG-welded peril, but the group isn’t going to spend whether the switch is bad. Before I can haul ass up the dirt forest service road and so picking the bike up is with that kind of excitement? The weekend started at Turk’s Shop in brackets, cast-off Öhlins snowmobile shocks all three days on the side of the road to grab the multimeter in my sidecase—ADV drop my bags and topcase off, even more easy. As the pack rounds Hunter’s Point, San Francisco, a fitting and ultra-sano build quality are a stark repairing your haphazard build. We’re bro!—Justin is re-assembling the bike and enthusiastic about the ride back down, and the corner, I’m throwing industrial backdrop for the assortment of contrast to the back-alley bastard-bikes. reminded to ride our own ride, because preparing to kick. Magically, the XS returns even back up with a passenger. my leg over the bike and home-built machinery on hand. Collections Julian is no stranger to Dirtbag, and this level we all have directions and we should be to life. Photo: Fish checking the shifter. December 2017 | 16 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 17 | CityBike.com Artwork by Mr. Jensen Sunday morning brought a different wounded Honda to the waiting end the life of the TKC that had caused us atmosphere. We divided up into a couple Julian Farnam wins another trophy. portion of the group, topped my all so much grief. I handed my Buell over to groups and packed up at different paces. I tank and departed for the party, him again and he let loose with all the bike By Max Klein was thrilled to find my rear tire still had 41 hoping to be able to take photos of had, and in third gear, at 90mph indicated, Photos by Max Klein The Bike Electric PSI, but settled for a more subdued pace the arrival. the TKC80 that had tried to strand me on a hen I picked our FXS up down the dirt road as I was carrying part of mountain met its death. I managed to beat the group to from Zero, I asked the only the Dickbike crew for the downhill. the party on Treasure Island by Fortunately, the party was at Moto question that really mattered Regrouping in Lakeport for one last about an hour, which gave me time Guild, so I simply spooned on some new Wto me: “What’s the range?” breakfast, we burned up any spare time to reflect on the event and how The guy looked at me like we were at a capacity gets the 3.6 another 5 miles in the thanks to a bit of slow service at the diner. the partygoers had no idea what carnival and he was the guy who guesses city, while the 7.2 gains 10 miles of range. This might have burdened Poll a bit… they were missing. The band was people’s weight for a living. I picked up on loud, the crowd was lively, but the My research indicated that our 3.3 Rolling The Buell’s his mental calculations and said, “I’m about modular could do 45 miles in the city, feeling paled in comparison to the TKC meets 210 in full gear.” onward, the Photo: Max Klein with that dropping to 18 miles if you tickle trip I had just been on. its maker, group got into 70mph on the freeway for a combined apparently His reply was quick and scary: “With you a good groove, Poll had mentioned during the average of 26 miles. Not as bad as I’d Justin Martens. on it? 40 miles, give or take 20. Less than making to some equipment. Friday night campfire chat that 20 if you are on the freeway, probably less feared (and been warned). reasonable He approached us there won’t be a party for 2018—if people than 10 actually. That’s Eco mode. Don’t I have a specific, secret route that I take time—until the in a slow, unnerving want to party, they need to build a bike be that optimistic if you are in Sport.” Honda 400’s way in his truck, and come on the ride. At the time, I from CityBike World Headquarters to our carbs started then he got out and dismissed his statement as posturing, but With the range anxiety of electric bikes satellite office in Pittsburg. I try to take backsliding. As offered to help, by Sunday morning, I got it. past still haunting me, I thanked our Zero every bike on this 50.6 mile, one-way the pack rolled claiming to have rep for his candor. You might remember journey to establish a baseline. The route I had just lived a scene from a David farther away, a couple dirtbikes the last Zero we rode (“From Zero To includes zero freeway miles, but lots of Photo: Fish Mann painting. I may not have had a I followed the himself. He Hero” – June 2016) and how I was a elevation changes, a couple stretches where bedroll tied to the handlebars of my 400 at a reduced attempted to choke sweaty bundle of nerves when I attempted the speed limit is 50mph, and several chopper, but I knew why people would pace until it the carbs by hand, a typical Bay Area commute on it. By stretches where I ignore the speed limit. travel that way. For those three days, I finally quit, about 20 miles short trying to “suck through” anything stuck in “typical,” I mean an hour-ish ride one way, was just a biker, a title I’ve never wanted Photo: Max Klein of Cache Creek. Some fiddling with the the jets. While not exactly effective, it did not the neo-Neverland tech bro longboard to earn, but that earned meaning for me carbs and another push start got it rolling, get us moving enough to instill hope that somewhere between fighting the tire on and modulating the petcock would keep it we might make it after all. He offered to my Buell and picking up Honda parts on running enough to move. weld the broken exhaust back on, but time Bridgestone T30s and started a new, less- Highway 16. dictated that we politely decline. knobby chapter in the Buell’s life. …until the left exhaust pipe fell off. I was at a loss for how to punctuate the The Honda died again a few miles later, Fish rides a Harley, and now he’s gonna I dug around in my tool kit for wire to fasten weekend when the traditional burnouts this time simply out of fuel. The group was start calling himself a biker? What’s next? the recently-freed pipe to the other, still- started. While the hijinks were a bit still at the fuel station, and we were just Overwrought custom motorcycles and tits on attached pipe. We were so close. subdued from the golden years at Hunter’s five miles away, so someone’s water bottle the cover, folks. See you at the bottom of the Point, Dirtbags did punish a few tires. I The little Honda had broken near a became a gas can, and enough fuel to get slippery slope. decided that Justin had earned the right to driveway where a local farmer was tending to the station was delivered. I followed the I set off from World Headquarters and much but when backed by 78 pound feet watched as the battery dropped three of torque at basically 1rpm? percent in the first 10th of a mile. It was Stupid tons of torque. Always available, down nine percent 2.3 miles later. always tempting me. I started getting nervous, but reminded It didn’t help that the bike changes myself that I’d been going uphill the directions with the ease of a butterfly entire way so far and that I would have a knife wielded by someone that can few downhill sections to coast and regen actually wield a butterfly knife. Flickable a little. I tried to remain confident that On paper, it looked like I was probably is an understatement, thanks to the I’d have enough juice for the final push hosed. light weight and better-than-budget jaunts swiftly becoming the norm for those up Kirker Pass… hopefully avoiding suspension. The inverted 41mm that live and work in The City. I ran that I sent the wife a text, letting her know to physically pushing the bike up Kirker Showa fork features adjustable preload, bitch down to double zero on the range have the van prepped, and called a couple Pass. compression, and rebound. Showa is also meter and finished the last 3 miles on friends who live along the way to figure out That confidence dropped faster than responsible for the piggyback reservoir hopes and dreams. who was making the best dinner. the battery on a Zero FXS doing 60mph shock and its similar adjustability. These Back to the FXS. I immediately realized that the FXS is uphill when I accidentally did 60mph bits deliver 7” of travel in the front and definitely not comparable to any of the uphill… No matter how hard I tried 8.94” in the back, handling even the For 2017, Zero offered three versions of other Zeros I’ve ridden. It weighs in at to go slow and manage my electrical worst East Bay sinkholes with minimal the FXS: the 3.3 modular that we were a feels-lighter-than 251 pounds wet or expenditures, I ended up doing stupid complaining. bringing home, a 6.5 and a 6.5 modular. dry—a full 200 pounds lighter than the stuff. The FXS’s motor produces just 27 The Bosch ABS-assisted brakes work The number signifies the maximum last Zero we rode, an SR. horsepower, which might not sound like battery capacity (3.3 kWh in our case) and quite well, featuring a 320mm rotor the “modular” descriptor means that if you up front and a 240mm disk out back. find an extra $2,895 between your couch Regenerative braking also helps to put a bit of juice back into the batteries—a BMW of Tri-Valley cushions and don’t want to sock it away for your 2018 Dirtbag build and a couple sets concept I pondered as I pushed the bike 952 north canyons parkway of tires, you can buy an extra battery and towards the limits of its range. Livermore, Ca. 94551 hot-swap a freshie in without waiting for a The old adage, “It’s more fun to ride a slow 925-583-3300 recharge. www.calbmw.com bike fast than a fast bike slow,” is still true, Zero has just released their 2018 model but once I couldn’t take any more slow, I info and the FXS line has been simplified switched from Eco to Sport mode. I was to two bikes, both with improved range. about 38 miles into my baseline run when California BMW The 3.3 has been bumped to 3.6 kilowatt I made the switch, and the “fuel gauge” 2490 OLD MIDDLEFIELD WAY hours and remains modular, while the 6.5 showed 4% remaining. At this point I was MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA 94043-2317 has had what we’re gonna start calling its walking distance from my friend that was 650-966-8340 battery displacement bumped to 7.2 kWh, smoking ribs for dinner, and a short drive www.calbmw.com and is now available only in non-modular for my wife if I needed a rescue. form—no swap for you! The 2018 bikes Remember “40 miles, give or take 20?” are otherwise unchanged, the bump in I got to 00% battery remaining at 42.2

December 2017 | 18 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 19 | CityBike.com maynardmaynard HERSHONHERSHON Artwork by Mr. Jensen

miles. The strange thing about the double 15 miles away from my destination. round trip. Visiting my zero showing on the power meter was that wife’s office for lunch? 28.2 ast month I wrote about the Four “I find myself braking mid-corner,” he At this point I was equal parts pissed and the bike still ran seemingly unaffected by miles. Stroke Singles National Owners said, shaking his head. “I’ve certainly lost its empty electron tank. confused. I swapped over to Sport, rode Club lunches on successive days in something over the years. I love my riding hard and again, somehow, I was able to While all those numbers LMissouri, Arkansas and Oklahoma. At the as much as ever,” he said, “and, mind you, So I wheelied away from every stoplight, put the kickstand down in the garage after fall under my average range third lunch I sat with a friend from Tulsa, the changes time has brought would not be and it wasn’t until I was most of the way up silently hooning a depleted battery. on the FXS, I have to travel a guy I know through the club. He’s been visible to an onlooker, but they’re there.” Kirker Pass that I felt the bike beginning at a faster speed with few riding since he was a teenager, so his riding Well, almost silently. Because the bike is I remember that conversation because it’s to bog. regen opportunities. The life may be closer to 60 years than 50. so damn quiet I found myself making two- roads that I travel to get to uncommon. We’re proud, we riders. And I made it home thanks to almost two miles stroke exhaust noises as loud as I possibly all three places have speed Like me, he spent his formative not just us old guys. Lots of motorcyclists of downhill. That stretch of gravity at the could as I ripped past bicyclists. As an Four hundred miles was enough in the ‘60s limits of 50mph for some motorcycling years on British bikes. Fewer are proud of their riding and unhappy to end proved not only that Zero’s claimed aside, the FXS also brought “conversational too. Our bikes did not coddle us. Most of stretches, and there are and fewer of us, even many who have been hear criticism of it. 85mph top speed can be broken but also burnouts” back to our repertoire—Fish riding for decades, recall those BSA and us on non-Harleys were out in the wind, hills. When the speed limit We could ask track school instructors: Are that there’s at least 8.4 miles in an FXS’s even executed a 1mph indicated burnout (Coventry) Triumph days. After all, the and you didn’t feel you could cruise at drops into a range-friendly we as good as we think we are? Probably empty tank. on our way back from the photo shoot. Honda 750 four, the death knell of the highway speeds for hours. Oil would seep 35mph, I still have to do at some of us think that, given a few lucky British bike industry, was introduced in out, bulbs would blow and parts would fall The next day I rode it back to World I was fortunate that my first two rides on least 45 just to avoid getting breaks and a wealthy sponsor, we too ‘68, as I recall. By the time you read this, off. Headquarters on the same route. the FXS were planned as one-way trips, run over by Timmy Text- would have MotoGP contracts. Hey, we 1968 will be—gulp—a half-century ago. because like it or not I was not going to Reader. A Bonneville might be called a T120 Fun fact: Oakland, despite being closer to ride great! make it back to my destination, at least not Fifty years ago, your British bike because one of them went that fast once— the sea, is actually farther away from sea So I could do only one We old-timers certainly hate to admit to without charging for a few hours. demanded frequent, intensive but your own Bonneville couldn’t tolerate level than Pittsburg. I was not aware of of those tasks at a time our riding friends that we’re watching Those of us who never quit riding have maintenance. You loved it despite that. 80 mph sustained. Not that you loved it this until after I completed my ride back to Without a quick charger, the FXS 3.3’s without the dash telling me ourselves grow less adept, less reliably perhaps quit improving. We’re fortunate Many of today’s riders, in contrast, have any less. World Headquarters. I took the same route, depleted battery takes about 5 hours to the battery is flat. Actually, perfect, in the saddle. We’d rather not if we’ve maintained the skill levels we had never bought a can of chain lube. Few have using Eco mode… and saw the power get back to 100%. If you have the cash you if I charged the thing while admit it to ourselves, thank you. Just as we’ve learned to study traffic back when. My friend from Tulsa and I gapped points or set ignition timing. We meter hit double-naught at 35.6 miles. can get that charge time down to about my wife and I ate lunch, I’d around us, we’ve learned to monitor our trust each other enough to admit that we no longer have to do those things. 2.5 hours with a $600 quick charger, or an be able to pick up a loaf of But some erosion of our skills is inevitable, own riding. We know we’re not always at fear we have not. bread from the store on my right? I’m not talking about gross losses optimum sharpness, at least some of us even-better 1.5 hours with a second quick We certainly did back when, and there Maynard started a Facebook page for way home… that is, if the that would keep us from passing a skills do. We hope that even our sub-optimum charger connected. The 3.3 (or the 2018 were many other crucial, tedious jobs. motorcyclists and road cyclists that use 3.6) maxes out at two chargers, but Zeros additional wind resistance test. Or would make us feel we should efforts will be enough. Eventually, even photoshoots, the larger-capacity FXS How did we learn how to do them? Our blood thinners, but have continued to with bigger batteries can utilize up to four of my backpack didn’t dick buy trikes or bigger, clumsier, slower our best seems less than we remember. doubles your range for the costs of a riding friends showed us. We watched ride despite the added danger. If you ride quick chargers at once—as long as your with the mileage too badly. motorcycles. reasonable 42 pounds. Oh, and another two them work on their bikes or they helped us Thousands of us have returned to despite it all, please go to facebook.com/ home’s electrical system can handle the Don’t get me started on how long my fun thousand dollars. work on ours. My friend and I also agreed that a riding motorcycling after years of family-raising. WarfarinRangers and post something: a draw. routes are. day for us has grown shorter, that we no We conveniently forget that we haven’t story or a photo. And be careful out there. But I if you’re thinking of dropping a Because there were fewer of us then and My average range of 38.9 miles on the longer want to ride from dawn to dusk as been on a bike in decades, that we’re not For those not residing in never-neverland, few KLR’s worth of cash on an electric because our bikes genuinely needed FXS before indicated empty is short of any we did in the past. Four hundred miles is a the Hailwoods or Spencers we imagined it’s clear that the average rider cannot make supermoto, bumping from the low-capacity fussing-over to survive, we were more round-trip commute I’ve ever had in my satisfying day of travel. we were in ‘76 or ’86… or even ‘96. do with the Zero FXS as an only bike, at modular bike’s $8,495 to the big dog’s likely to bond—with our bikes, with adult life, and well shy of any of my go-to least not without being a nervous wreck. $10,495 for double the miles is a no-brainer. our riding friends and with the guys fun rides. But what about for running All. The. Time. who worked at (and hung out at) “our” errands? Back to the 3.3: while it won’t work as a motorcycle shops. It really was a fraternity. Range anxiety is a given with electric daily use machine for me, I was impressed: Due to the FXS’s lack of freeway viability, motorcycles, but I would worry every the almost “real dirtbike” light weight We made friendships that lasted… well, getting to and from any of my regular damn night about a tripped circuit breaker coupled with its predictable, impressive, longer than those motorcycles. If you rode destinations includes a lot of uphill both or a neighborhood power outage. At least and silent acceleration made it a lot of fun. with a guy who handled his bike well and ways. My grocery store is a 12.2 mile with the other Zero models, I’ve been able whose bike did not present problems, that round trip. Favorite taco spot? 21.2 miles to get away with missing a charge, but the If you’re a nouveau riche city slicker, your guy was the real thing and would probably FXS? Not so much. Sure, if you have a neighbors are Rufio and Peter Pan, or be a good friend. modular model you could invest in extra you’re looking for a giggle-inducing short distance toy, then the FXS just might be My buddy from Tulsa is like that. He batteries, but at $2,895 each? For that owns several bikes, small ones, large ones you could buy one of those supposedly the bike for you. Even if you live this side of reality, you know, where things are and some in the middle. He loves singles, never-raced, never-down cheap-o KLRs especially SRX-6 Yamahas, and signs his that always show up on Craigslist, a year’s more than a couple miles apart, it’s still a solid purchase for silent, nocturnal jaunts emails, Thump, Thump! That’s devotion. Repair & Service We Ship Worldwide worth of gas, and the ability to sleep well We connect as if we’ve known one another at night. through golf courses (not that CityBike condones such activity) and so Tinker Bell all these years. This inability to quickly “top off” the range will have something to ride when she visits. As we chatted, I asked him if he senses in remains the primary limitation of electric 2016 Tuono V4 Factory. Max is the SF chapter Director of the AFM, himself any erosion of riding skill. Only one left in stock! bikes—even if completely out of gas, that busted-ass Craigslist KLR would be good and despite his ongoing attempts to actually “I feel,” I said, as he thought about his CALL US FIRST! $14,599 + fees. to go again in just minutes—or at least as run out of juice on an electric bike, has so far response, “that I cannot consistently 2017’s Also In Stock! good as it was before it ran out of gas. not quite pulled it off, although he has gotten approach a curve, lean the bike over Salvaged & New Parts! stuck on gassers that have inexplicably given just-so and hold that angle of lean clear But the extreme range limitation of the up in well-to-do ‘hoods, making for a lot of CALL 510.594.0789 through the bend. As I used to do. Instead, lightweight FXS is model-specific— quizzical looks from passing Tesla drivers. I correct mid-bend and feel like a damn Tue–Fri 10–6 Sat 9–5 © Piaggio Group Americas, Inc. 2017. Aprilia ® is a U.S. and worldwide registered unless your riding is limited to skate novice. I blame my age.” trademark of the Piaggio Group of companies. Obey local traffic safety laws and always wear a helmet, appropriate eyewear and proper apparel. parks, sidewalks, and staged police chase

December 2017 | 20 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 21 | CityBike.com eded HERTFELDERHERTFELDER dr. gregory w. FRAZIER Chief, World Adventure when they hauled out a Honda XLV750 I missed five out of the first Affairs Desk across the counter and said, V-twin Paris-Dakar model—and all I could five turns and never even “Put in the username and see was Paris - Forest Lawn. saw the five-mile check passwords.” which was supposed This time, they trotted out a '61 Triumph “Just a minute please,” to be painted right on Cub that looked better than any Cub the receptionist said, Osborne Street! Artwork by Mr. Jensen I'd ever seen without a rubber band to and added, “I’ll be done rewind the kick-start lever. I was a little Would you believe I had a Artw here first, then can assign the username ork he Dakar Rally was on our radar I gave his suggestion a second or two by apprehensive about the left-side foot brake kilometer-based odometer? Mr to your room number.” im Pilon, the District 37 dual-sport . J screen for the following year, to of wonderment, before saying, “Si, and right-side shift because it had taken me Would you believe someone en s tag along for a few days and then When finished entering our data, she maybe you should post that idea to your workaholic who engineered the 18 months and 400 crashes just to forget this dumb actually checked e n Tloop around South America. I’d advised asked, “Do you want a complimentary key Facebook and the State Department in two-day LA to B-to-V event, had two that system. to see if gas was in the my accountant, a wannabe motorcycle card for our business center?” reply to all the alerts and warnings you Jturkeys at his last Thanksgiving dinner. tank? If they'd had a handful of Woodruff keys adventurer that was to go along, to subscribe to from them every night, show One had been stuffed in an oven for eight “Okey-dokey,” answered the and a good file to go with it I could get it Nothing to do but take some time to learn a few Spanish them you’ve got a good handle on how to hours and one had been stuffed into airline accountant, and then added, “Why to Vegas, though not necessarily this year, wait for another words like si for yes and gracias for thank straighten up what you see as loco, how economy class for eight hours and was aren’t these boys getting our bags?” so jet-lagged he was thinking of buying a mind you. group of riders you. I also told him not to refer to his a good English speaking democracy can and just tag along, motorcycle as a bike, that the Spanish The receptionist looked at the concierge work.” Packard. But the little Cub was just a teaser; what so I joined Lynn word was moto. and said to him in Spanish, “What is he they had me scheduled to ride was a real Reflections of Dr. G’s current They told me later that I was the only one Wineland's bevy saying?” honest-to-gosh test bike: a Cagiva T4 dual- Instead, he remained his ignorant, adventures while circling the globe who sat down to dinner fumbling for a seat behind a well- sport model. They said it was the only one arrogant self, saying, “Why? I’m the on a motorcycle can be found at belt and looking out the window to see if matched couple. The concierge looked at my fellow in the country. customer in their country. I’ve got money. RTWMotorcycleAdventureRally. the flaps were down before we took off. He went down on traveler and said in excellent English, “Sir, If they want my business they should she wishes to know if you would like a blogspot.com. You may also find a free taste Putting the world's worst dirt rider on a the first graveled Pilon might dispute the workaholic handle, learn English.” key card to access our 24-hour business of his next literary adventure, titled “The but only a terminal case would walk away pre-production model and aiming him at right turn and she Lost Man - Motorcycle Traveling The World Ahhh, another “I Wish I Had A Swiss center?” from a marvelous Thanksgiving dinner to Pilon purgatory has to be the ultimate bike went down on the With A 21st Century Ugly American.” Or Canadian Passport If Traveling With sit in a parking lot and sign up riders. He test! Cagiva had a lot of courage asking me first graveled left. The accountant said, with a lost look on Or, just get a copy of his all-color coffee to ride two days, 200 miles each, across Him” moment for Dr. G. asked me to go with him, but I OD’ed on The 350 had more than his face, “I already told her that. What table book, “Down And Out In Patagonia, both the Mojave Desert and Foothills cheesecake and Coronas because I knew I'd enough power for me to keep But my accountant had booked the doesn’t she understand?” Kamchatka And Timbuktu,” available at Boulevard, but I just took my vise grips, need the energy for the next day's ride. the group in sight all morning; hotel and was paying for upscale meals, MotorBooks.com. set the foot brake to match my gimpy At this point I stepped forward and said the gear spacing seemed to be perfect. not wanting to eat at my usual roadside The next morning came way too soon and ankle and spun the clutch adjuster to put in my broken Spanish to the receptionist, I still didn't know what motorcycle I was eateries. Part of my role in his adventure “Si, uno key card por favor.” the freeplay where it would do more good, Then, just beyond Mojave—HOME was to serve as his wingman if he got going to ride. I just hoped they didn't plan pointed it away from the parked cars and OF THE VOYAGER the sign said— She quickly cut him a on giving me a heart attack like they did himself into trouble, his having never fired it up. It took three kicks. Wineland turned up the wick to get us been to South or Latin America key card, handed our in before dark. On a really atrocious sand before. Unsaid was my being passports back and said road, Paul, 50 yards in front of me on a connector then strapped all the switches to the bellman, “See to the against the handlebar. like Job as he put on his superior BMW R80GS, got four feet off the ground American fat cat airs. bags, please.” before losing his airspeed and stalling. When Paul turned the key, the engine The concierge asked my accountant in When he hit it looked like an eight-inch started at once. Parking the motorcycles at the naval shell! entrance to a Hilton in South America billionaire English, “Would you like me to see that Because the T4 felt so nice and smooth on the big money accountant strutted to Edward played by Richard Gere), so your helmet goes with the baggage to I don't like to embarrass a rider when the road sections, I bailed out after another the reception counter where he took off instead of answering her question he your room?” he's down, so I wandered around picking sand wash crash as the sun was setting. I his bug-splattered helmet and set it next slapped his credit card down on the up expensive-looking BMW mirrors, “Yeppers,” replied the accountant in his didn't hesitate to ride 91 miles of highway to the sign-in pad and pen, while loudly counter, pointed at his name so she would instruments and plastic pieces as Paul got best American farm boy lingo, to which into Las Vegas. proclaiming in English, “I’m here to check have to read it, and said, “You got Wi-Fi? to his feet and made sure that everything the concierge turned to me and politely in. Two rooms.” If you don’t have working Wi-Fi I’m not that was supposed to bend did and Paul was the only rider to get a mention asked, “What does he mean, please?” staying here.” anything that wasn't supposed to didn't. on TV that night. The announcer said: The concierge had approached the I replied, “He means si, gracias.” "A government seismograph relay station reception counter with two cold bottles of I had seen his front desk game several The BMW's instrument cluster had reported a minor aftershock this afternoon water on a tray. The accountant grabbed times before, so backed several feet As we locked the motorcycles and unclustered itself and looked like a pinball near Riverside." one, twisted off the plastic top and gulped behind him while holding my helmet and covered them near the foyer, the bellman machine that had been shoved through down a couple of swallows while spilling trying to not grimace, but stayed close and concierge were whispering back and the sixth-floor elevator doors when the Nice going, Paul. some on the counter because he was enough so I could overhear what was forth. I understood about half of what elevator was on the seventh floor. I used all Get Ed’s latest, 80.4 Finish Check on struggling with his other hand to pull up being said, to step in if needed to help they were saying but pretended not to my duct tape to cover every bare electrical Amazon.com! his Depend underwear inside his loose with my limited Spanish. hear anything. motorcycle pants. He’d unbuckled the top During dinner in the hotel restaurant my after dismounting the motorcycle, saying The receptionist said, “May I have your accountant asked, “What were those two he had to “give the monster some air.” passports?” Reliable, timely service at dagos talking about when they loaded the The receptionist, concierge and I all My accountant started unzipping pockets luggage cart, what they could steal off our reasonable rates on all stepped away from the flying spittle and and pulling out plastic-wrapped packets motorcycles or maybe our riding gear?” water droplets, afraid of more blowback. that he spread out on the counter while I should have told him what they really makes of motorcycles After his Miss Manners’ Do Not Do I handed my passport over his shoulder said, “The bellman called you a pendejo, display of noisily gulping the water, he to the smiling receptionist. After some but the concierge said ‘No, he’s a gringo said to the receptionist, while pointing searching he finally located his passport puta.’” Instead I replied, “Oh, they were Visit our new shop: to the concierge, “Have this boy here go and slapped it down on the counter, talking about how nice it was to have two 990 Terminal Way, San Carlos out and start bringing in the bags off our closed and upside down so she would have gringo tourists staying in their nice hotel.” bikes.” to open it to read his name and numbers. From 3:14 Daily

OLD COUNTRY The receptionist said, “Thank you,” and My accountant thought about that for a INDUSTRIAL HOLLY The concierge beckoned to the bellman few seconds, and then said, “You know, Valencia @ 25th over while the young and pretty began entering our names and numbers into the hotel computer. if these people are going to cater to us 101 receptionist asked, “What names, señor?” American tourists the hotel should While she was keying in our data my TERMINAL My accountant lived to have people have a rule about them not speaking wait on him (his favorite movie was accountant slid his two smart phones Spanish when around us so we know BRITTAN 415-970-9670 Pretty Woman; he viewed himself as the what the hell they are talking about.”

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Our staff includes a Master I can’t identify but I know there If you’ve got a European motorcycle—or 2012 Yamaha YZF R6 - $7,495 REDUCED Certified Technician and personnel each with over 25 years experience. because its are some around, a Motus—that needs some love, check 2016 Yamaha YZF R6 - $8,695 REDUCED Nearly all scheduled motorcycle maintenance can be completed within a SUPPORT one day turnaround time. All bikes kept securely indoors, day and night. bodywork is and they gotta be out LGMotoPerformance.com for 2009 Yamaha YZF R1 - $7,995 Come see us! 2013 Yamaha YZF R1 - $8,995 LANE SPLITTING elsewhere, maintained, right? contact information and more info. 2013 Yamaha FZ6R - $5,195 Michael’s Motorsports a ’70 Moto I ask how many 2005 Yamaha FZ6 - $2,495 BMW Motorcycle Service, Repair, Restoration STICKERS - NEWS - RESOURCES Guzzi, a KTM he’s worked on in Air heads, Oil Heads, Hex heads, K Bikes, F Bikes LaneSplittingIsLegal.com supermoto, an the few months USED MOTORCYCLES: 880 Piner Rd. Ste 46 Santa Rosa, CA 95403 Aprilia, another since becoming 2008 Harley Davidson Sportster Roadster XL1200R (707) 575-4132 BMW K-bike, Motus-legit: an SuperTrapp 2 into 1, Progressive 440 shocks, Ness Big Sucker aircleaner, Stage 1 download, LePera solo seat. Also have quick a Multistrada impressive four detachable windshield, 2 into 2 S & S exhaust, stock shocks. 2 up seat, sissybar with backrest & rack, crashbar, new battery and recent tires. on the shop’s bikes. Bike has 21k miles always Mobil 1, etc $6800 or close offer. Email second [email protected] or text to 925-683-4219 Thanks! workstation, and “I had three HELP WANTED: SUBSCRIBE! a bunch more, here all once, including two when I’d just child-size Yamahas, which Lawrence come back from Moto Tire Guy tells me he’s planning to work on that the training. It was pretty cool… cool www.MotoTireGuy.com to see and have ‘em around.” Motorcycle Tire Services evening: “family dirtbike maintenance.” San Francisco - Bay Area We talk of tire choices; the RS, (415) 601-2853 C’MON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. The mix is almost 100% Euro, other than Cycle Gear Order your tires online, Zero CA sales tax plus Free UPS Ground, then C’MON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. the dirtbikes and another small Honda Lawrence’s long-serving do-all bike; Cycle Gear is hiring all around the Bay! have a Preferred Installer in your local area do the installation and save! and the last truly beautiful Ducatis, We’re looking for PT (15-20 Hours+) Sales Associates, Assistant Store Please visit www.MotoTireGuy.com for details. near the Guzzi, which turns out to be Managers, and Merchandisers. Visit one of Lawrence’s own bikes, along with before our conversation shifts to how San Francisco, CA – Assistant Store Manager the RS and the Ural. It’s reflective of the the motorcycling community has San Jose, CA – Part Time Sales Associate and Merchandiser uniquely diverse blend of bikes we’re really stepped up after the recent fires Hayward, CA – Part Time Sales Associate and Merchandiser CityBike.com in the North Bay, helping other riders Redwood City, CA – Assistant Store Manager and use PayPal accustomed to in the Bay Area, a blend Pleasanton, CA – Assistant Store Manager Lawrence intentionally limits himself to. and the community in general, from Pacheco, CA – Part Time Sales Associate Or kick it old school and mail us a $30 check to: people to cats to cattle. Lawrence Apply today at CycleGear.com/careers PO Box 18738, Oakland, CA 94619

December 2017 | 24 | CityBike.com December 2017 | 25 | CityBike.com Tankslapper

Issues & Roadsters Issues with MV Agusta My motorcycle has been in an authorized we urge you to re-read what we actually service facility for over 135 days and I have printed about MV Agusta. Someone named Anthony, who signed his Joseph emailed with some harsh words never gotten a call telling me that the active email with the name XS650 presumably regarding our take on MV Agusta: We spoke with MV at length about your fly by phone adjustable suspension on my in an attempt to confuse us, emailed to ask specific situation. As you said, they’re I read with interest your sidebar on ''wanting" oh so beautiful 800cc darling (in white, with about our Roadster lust: buying the bike back, happily—they Turismo Veloce. I'm the guy who attended hideously large bags, oh my, I blush) was reiterated this fact, and emphasized that Which Roadster are you in love with, mid- the Coalition meeting in Sac, in my M/V ready. they’re doing buybacks and make-goods as 2000's or current? Will you resume delivery of Italy can't figure out why my bike rides like necessary, in hopes that these customers issues to Issues off Piedmont? a '41 knuckle head...yes I rode one of those will eventually return to the brand. Thanks, XS650 too. The rear suspension is “MV Agusta USA has been far from locked up. The prime feature perfect over the past 18 months, but there We like ‘em both, XS, but the for buying the bike in the first have been a lot of improvements and we current version is measurably place... better and a bit cleaner looking. seriously expect 2018 to be the best year Lately, though, we’ve started The after sales support is in a long time for both the model range, lusting after FXDP police worse than abysmal. Telling quality and service.” models too. your readers that M/V is We’re not going to get into the middle somehow """serious this time""" of he said, he said, but it sounds like the As for Issues, we’ve talked is complete poppycock. You do dealer may have played a role in the pace of about it (both our numerous your readers a serious disservice resolution. At the same time, your assertion issues and the mag shop), and by presenting that >M/V is that the dealer itself should have bought the also about other non-moto mag ready for prime time<, they are bike back two months in is ridiculous. As shops. We’d say “stay tuned,” certainly not. Sure stuff does go someone who sold bikes, you surely have but our pace on these things is wrong with complex machinery... enough insight into that business to know similar to the CMSP’s pace on Photo: Max Klein but their inability to fix it...??? better. the lane splitting guidelines, No Surj. Don't recommend this which means print might truly be dead by Turismo Veloce Lusso, the most expensive bike product. I used to sell motorcycles the time we figure it out. Issues With Roads M/V makes... and sincerely thought, that one could NOT Mike emailed about the route for our Right now, we think motorcycle shops buy a 'bad' bike today. Machine technology While your assertion that MV makes upcoming Ride Friday Give Back and moto-related businesses are the places and instant support...easy right? NO. M/V some really tasty machinery, enough so for fundraising ride for Alameda County to be, mainly because when readers stop has proved this truth to have more holes in me to part with my hard earned dough--- CASA, AKA the Fuck Black Friday ride, off somewhere to get the latest issue of it than swiss cheese. I don't have the time to resonates...sadly, they still live in the stone age. which if it hasn’t happened by the time you CityBike, we’d like that somewhere to be a chronicle the myriad of bullshit, face to face read this, you should totally join us for— motorcycle shop. conversations at WSBK with the tech rep and all the numerous (20+) calls to M/V. These more info at CityBike.com/RFGB guys are clowns. Hey, you know last winter's rains caused I am in the process of a lemon law buyback. multiple road closures in the E Bay hills, And they are happily paying. right? I think all of these roads are still closed: Alhambra Valley Rd, Redwood Rd and Look at M/V in 5 years, after the Russian Calaveras Rd. As far as I know, the only Money has done some good, in the meantime, backroads that are open are Palomares Rd/ stay away. I asked the dealership what they Niles Canyon to Sunol and the Livermore/Mt would 'give' me to just get out of the bike this Hamilton roads: Mines, Del Puerto Canyon, was before it was obvious M/V couldn't find San Antonio Valley, Corral Hollow. their ass with both hands...errr...themselves technically to fix my machine...about 2 Thanks Mike. Yes, we’re aware—we months into it, I was done...and they* didn't actually ride motorcycles, you know! As want to buy it...at any price. NO OFFER noted in the ride announcement, the route WHAT SO EVER. I didn't even get a chance will be a little different this year thanks to to think over how much it would cost me road outages, but the reality is that of the to walk away. Telling? You bet your sweet list you sent, Redwood is the only one that bippy it is. Oh yes, she's pretty and when you was part of previous years’ route, and we’ll are riding her, yummy. But you show me a work around that pretty easily. beautiful woman...I will show you a man And by the way, Alhambra Valley Road is tired of taking her shit. After 1500 (! only) fixed now—new bridge! miles and 1 year of ownership...I'm done. First, that sucks. We’d be immensely frustrated as well. We can understand your anger, but redirecting some of it towards CityBike as you’re doing here is, to use your Your word, poppycock. s U S We didn’t “present that MV is ready for t

prime time,” we said we like what we’re d u f

hearing, and we “hope that MV USA n f

succeeds in revitalizing their presence in e

the US market,” because while there were S Download the Catalog now! some real issues with parts availability and dealer support with the previous US aerostich.com/cb organization, and those will take time to resolve, the bikes themselves are truly [email protected] unique machines that are a joy to ride. PO Box 18783 Photo of Michael Campos, by Clint Graves -2015 ©2017 We’re not going to get into a pedantic online forum back and forth here, but Oakland, CA 94619

December 2017 | 26 | CityBike.com aero cb 12 2017.indd 1 11/1/17 10:46 AM The 2018 Honda Gold Wing launch at MOXI, The Wolf Museum of Exploration + Innovation in Santa Barbara. Photo: Surj Gish OVER 125 STORES NATIONWIDE CYCLEGEAR.COM FOLLOW US

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