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Sugar Valley Saga

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Sugar Valley Saga aALrLCP t-f/rl f l.-.$ t,H v tFt C 4 Jt, ,i,Ez--;F--/IEHl ? lfiHl By America'sMaster of LiteraryHumor GAM arr m'&'uM AUTHOROF THEKUDZU CHRON'CIES Sugar Valley Saga Carroll Gambrell SEVGO PRbSS PUBLISHERS NORTHPORT,ALABAMA QuotationstuomTHEWRECK OF THE HESPERUS,by H. W. Longfelloware used by thepermission of the HoughtonLibrary. Gambrell,Carroll, 1931- Sugar Valley SagaI Carroll Gambrell Copyright @ 1993by Carroll Gambrell All rights reserved.This book, or parts thereof,must not be usedor reproducedin anymanner without written permission of the publisher. NRST PRINTING- APRIL 1993 ISBN0-943487-42-0 PRINTEDINTHE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SEVGOPRESS, 1955 22NqSTREET, NORTHPORT, ALABAMA 35476 Dedication.. To my threreaunts, the Ritter Sisters, who never allowed me to be homesick: Bertie Mae, who loved me and gave me her sparechange. Frankie, the big sister I never had, who read to me. 'til Teener,who scrubbedme the hide was gone,and told me talesI never forgot. Etemal love and eratitude . Thanksto: The Houghton Library, Inc. for permission to quote from H. W. l-ongfellow's immorral THE WRECK Otr THE HES?ERUS. SpecialThanks: To charlie Rudder,P'ofessor of Philosophyat the local collegc,rvho sct out to help-arrd did; who mea'l lo be a fric'd-and is; iuid rvhosc words and deedsare one. And. To Rich Oliver for his timely conlnlentsiurd skillful editing. Contents Prologue ......9 I Bears,BoarsAndBlueTicks . .....10 z FloydAndElwood . .i6 3 UglyRed . ....21 A a Chico's,SaturdayNight. ... .29 ( JakeAndloney ... .39 6 GoodbyeValley, Hello VulcanCity . .47 7 TheSugarBlues .... .58 B Mr. BatesGoes To Town . .69 9 Mrs.Vandcrwort'sRoomingHouse . ... .77 l0 Tricks . .89 1l OpcrationVagabond .. .100 12 OpcrationBoardingHouscRcach . .ll0 13 SpringtimclnTheValley ....123 \4 ADayOf Discovcry .. .131 15 MorcDiscovcries . .141 16 OLrtOfThcFryingPan .....I52 17 InsideThcHcavcnlyRcst ....162 1B CauscAndEffcct ....I75 19 CopsAndRobbers . .189 20 TheMorningAftcr .....199 )1 VallcyRound-up ...207 22 Wind-rrplnThcVallcy .....218 a-)af Flcadlincs .....224 )/1 Pcace[n The Valley . zJ4 Epiloguc . 238 DramatisPersonae... In The \/alley Elwoodlarkin ....FloydBates'friend&cousin Floyd Bates .EhvoodLarkin's cousirr& fricnd Minnie Larkin .Ehvood's aur.rt JuneBates . .Floyd'smanra, Elwood's aunt,Minnie's sister Charleneand Darleen Daggett Trvins, Vamp and Victorizur Chico Alverez Y ScaliaO'Keefe . Proprietorof Chico's CharleyFoster Sawmill Owner, Bootlegger Bobby SueFoster . Charley'sdaughtcr Aarorr Ledbctter Hound Doe Miur Mitch Harris iuroth--erone Eli Watts . ParsinroniousI)eacon ReverendOssie Knowles Paslorof Saint'sDelight ReverendJ.P. Waddelston,Jr. Visiting Prcachcr Alphonse"Big Al" Scarpelli . "Collegc Prol-essor" Michael "Red Nose" O'Kelly turothcroue Duke Burton TexasOil Well Flunkcv Strortoff .Elu,ood'sltouncl Pmcilla . Ugly Rcd'sbluc tick Cyclops Buzzard'sonc-cyed goat In Luthersville JudgeHorvland M. Friday CountyJudgc Jakc Crabbe,M. D. Counlry I)oclor L,orrcyAdams, R. N. NurscMidrvifc SamHundlcy Shcril'fol'Kcowce Counly RaleighGates Chief'Dcputy Tiny Bohamon . Gcnial SlrongM:ut RoosterBohannon .Tiny's oldcrbrotlicr BoBu,'oughs, M. D. =fi= . htenrisr,cnici or'Sralr' Maggie Mae Orr Secretaryto Dr. B. Penny Parker, R. N. Nurse Mortimer Maxwell Money, M. D. Ambitious Incompetent Madame Zarelda . Gypsy Queenand Palmist Mischa Son of MadameZ Mrs. GideonVarderwort ."HouseMother" Wilfred Dillard . .Big City PoliceChief Solly Goldstein . KosherDeli Orvner Dunvard P. Hicks ex-PFC,US Armv, WWI ReubenC. Finchert "Cong".rrnrl" Sgt. Gunther"Gunboat" Wiggins .Veterar.rCop PatrolmanNorby Finch . StatiouCop Sgt.Liam O'Doul .Jailer Lt. Harry Cain .HomicideDetecrive AldcrnranJulius CaesarDorf . CrookedPolitician SonnyDorf . Alderman'sSou Angel .Thug Augie .Tlrug Bddy .Thug Rodin, The "Professor" Coturterfeiter Slick Rick Unlucky Hood Arthur Sudds . Chairman CGP MarshaFritts ...Vice-ChairpersonCGP The SwarnpBuzzards Rock Top Radley Leader,Lead Guitar- Ugly Red Wilkins . Harmor.rica,Piano BucksnortBailey Drums Nigltt Rider Robinson . Bass Mikki "The Mouse" Oshahara KamaliazeBanjo Abdul "Camel Driver" Rothchild Rhr.thnrGuitar' The Girls Valeric R.edhead Carlotta . Bmnetle Hildegard BleachedBlonde Claudelle . Copper-Blonde Nataslra . .Dark russiiur Roxanne . ShirleyTemple Blonde Preface.. Mountainshave a tender.rcy1o shapethe peoplc who live among them. This is certainlytrue of the southemAppalachians. We have had thehonor of knowing someof thosefolks, and nroving iurlongthenr. We have enjoyedtheir wit, eatentheir food, heardtheir tales,and joined in their music-making;and we might, in a weak nloment,have sippcd just a little of their white lightning-whiclr thcy assurednte was just "tuning oil." A good many adjectivescome to mind in describingthese folks. Witty, clear-eyed,hard rvorking, self-rcliant, intelligent, independent and imrocentare a few. You miglrt tlrrorvin slubbor-n,conscruative iurd "sot in their ways," if you like; horveverthese are not alwaysncgative charac- teristics.They knou,right fronr wrong,and rvhat works andtvhat doesn'1. Tlre Blue Ridgeand Smokies [ravc given us doctors,jurists, rvriters, teachers,bootleggcrs, soldiers, statesnlen, music and ar1.The nationiurd the world arericher for it. A rvord of cautiorrshould you evcr crossSlunrphouse Ridgc above Lulhersville and find yourself in Sugar Vallcy: ncver nristalielack oi lettcrsfor lack of leaming,or iur abundanceof innoccrrcefor at absencc of intellect. Carroll Gambrcll Ne;n Luthcrsville August1992 Prologue A AanON LEDBETTER'S olcl blue tick, Maggie, bayed acrossthe hollow in answer to Mitch Harris' big Plott hound, Rolly. The crisp still air carried sound well, and the neu's of a full moon rising was telegraphedup and down the valley. Hound dogs at each cabin site took up the chorus in ululating cadcncc anclscnt it on. Smoke from the cabins iurdstills hung low over Sugar Valley, reflecting in velvet tonesthe bright moonlight that outlined the Blue Ridge from Rabun Bald on the'*,estto Hogback on the emt. There would be frost in the morning. From Molly's Nosc above the valley, an observer could spot at least a doze:ncabin sitesfrom the pinpoinls of light that filtered through ',hethin layer of smoke'; and several more, hidden by trees and the undulations of the round hills, could be locatecland iclcntiliedby thc pcculiar voices of their respcctivc hounds. The brightestlight of all came from a placc wherc no hound dogs baycd. It r,r'asfrom Saint's Delight Church, cstablishcdin 1783 by the Valley's first settleni. From ils spire, piercing slightly above the haze, pealed the ancicnt bcll, announcingthe fourlh night of it.sannual two-wcek revival mccting. At this place gatheredthe most pious souls,mo.stly women, old men and reluctant children, a-swell as the guilt-ridden seeking a cleansing through public confession and thc visiting preachcr's thundering exhoflations, whioh wcrc calculatedto scarethe hell out of anybocly. Notably abscntfrom the congrcgationwere various stalwafls who found thc primordial baying of thc clogsmorc compelling than the summons of the church bell. Having alrcady either taken care of their sins at previous meet- ings,or not trcingparticularly consciousof any, thcy choscto gathcr that night at Molly's Nose. Fint to arive wa.s Floycl Bates, dark, wiry, khaki-clad, and in his t$'cntics; he was soonjoincd by a tall ginger-hcacleclyoung man his o.rvnagc. "You'rc r-unnin'late, Elu'ood," thc clarkman spokesoftly. "l'cl about drrciclecl you wcrt to Rcvival"" Sone 'em "Not rvith thatrnoon out," his friend ansu'crcd."Rcst of will bc here shorlly. Lct's gct up a fir-t'" Thcy gathcrcd up firc u,oocland had a roaring firc going by thc timc thc 'coon othcniarrivcd. It rvasa night for hunting.Not a in theVallcy coulclhop to passthc evcningunmolcstccl, Bears,Boars And Blue Ticks YI 7 la/ V V AKE UP, ELWOOD! It's gettin' daylight.Themilkin' ain'tbccn donc; you got hogs to slop, an' Floyd's donc becn by to tcll you thcy'rc Aonnarun the sawmill today." Elwoocl wanted nothing morc than to bunow into his goosc clown mattress and sleep the rest of the day--or maybe forevcr-bul hc knc*, hc couldn't. Aunt Min wouldn't let him. Shedidn't soundmuch like shc u'ould allow even ten more minutes, which u,ouldn't do him any good anlnv:rv. Outside his window GeneralJackson crou,ccl.El'*'trcd crackeclon.r cyc and sat up. The figure of Aunt Min loomcd in thc cloorvay but Elwoorl couldn't quite bring her into focus. She was a large strong woman in her early sixtics, with grcying hair that had once been flame-red, a granite jaw, a mouth that had laughecla lot, iurd frosty blue eyes with merry crows-feet wrinkles at the corncrs. Thosc eyes had a way of peering at you on a dcad lcvcl, giving thc impression shc wouldn't back away from a Russianbayonet charge. That u.ould have bccn a correct assessment. "Come on," shesaid. "Old Jackson'sdone crowccl. Sun's comin' up." Elwood put his feet on the floor and lookeclout thc winclow oncc again. It was pitch dark. The early moon had alrcady set. "How's thatdang chicken knowwhat timc it is?" hc muttcrcclto him.sclf. "Same way earthwormsknow it's dark, an' time to corne out of thc ground," shc called from the kitchcn. SugarValley Saga 11 "That woman's got eats like a fox," Elr,r'oodthought. He had better sensc than to say that out loud, but figureclAunt Min would probably hear him thinking it cLn,vu'ay.He *'as right, "lf'n vou don't wanl mc'to hearit, cion't sayit," shecalled. "Come on. Breakfa-stis n:ady." The smell of chicken frying and hot biscuits in the oven made thc pfospccrsof the day seemmaybe not quitc so bad. Elwood buttoned a flanncl ihirrover his long,johns, pulled on his overalls,stuck his feet in his brogans, anclclraggcrcl himself to rhekitchen where Aunt Min wa-sdishing up the gravy. "Grits in thc pot," she said, motioning toward thc wood-burning range' Ehvoocl clrank a tlippcr of water from the well bucket before hclping himseif to a breastand clrumstick,four biscuits ancla couple of big spoonfuls of grits. Covering it all with gravy, he sat down and began to eat.
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