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Home , Celibacy, Rape

Relationships with and Sexual Diversities International Summer School 2014 What is ? • Not or • Not frigidity or a pathology • It’s a where to and desire for another person is absent. Kinsey sexual orientation

X Storm’s scale (1979) Questionnaire

• 310 asexuals, • 48% female and 52% male • Average age 37 • 61% never experienced • 76% realised in their mid-teens Asexual orientation? Who are you attracted to?

Female Male • opposite 41% 25% • same 7% 26% • both 18% 23% • neither 33% 26% • both and neither 1% Relationships

• Not in a romantic or amorous relationship Female 59% Male 53%

• Never been in an asexual relationship Female 61% Male 70% Relationships • In a romantic/amorous relationship • Female 41% Male 46%

40% partner not asexual 85% open relationship Difficulties • 16 cases of (more?) • Keeping secret to keep safe. • Hiding behind the relationship, work, faith, age. • Where do you find a partner? • How to negociate your asexuality with a partner? • How to have children (adoption…)? • Is any sexuality more acceptable? • No interest in or understanding of asexuality from caring profession What is ? Polyamory is wrong Polyamory is wrong

It’s multiamory or polyphilia. Mixing Greek and roots is wrong! Definition

Polyamory is the desire and practice of having more than one at a time with full knowledge and by everyone involved Definition

Amatonormativity is “the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types” Polyamorous constellation Polyamorous constellation Polyamorous constellation Polyamorous constellation Polyamorous constellation Understanding Polyamory Polyamory can help us redefine, reframe and reconsider: • Intimacy • Sex and sexual needs • Fidelity • Relationships • Concepts and Vocabulary

• Closed relationships/Open relationships • Compersion • Vee, hinge or pivot • Intentional or expanded • Non • Primary, secondary and tertiary partner • Poly fidelity • Veto On reflection…

• What are your own values around relationship(s)? • What is a healthy relationship? • What is your definition of intimacy? • How does a patriarchal and heterosexist /beliefs impact on polyamorous clients? • How does polyamory overlaps with kink, , asexuality? • What are you supervisor’s views on the points above? • Is any therapeutic school of thought more appropriate when working with polyamorous clients? Systemic, family , attachment theory? Scenarios

• Jim enjoys barebacking, he’s had six PEP courses last year and can’t wait for PrEP. His fuck buddy Jack told him he could take some of his partner’s antiretroviral drugs. Scenarios • Alice and Katy have been together for 2 years, and are in love. In this emotionally responsive and accepting relationship Alice is beginning to identify as trans. Scenarios • Sheila and Peter have been together for 5 years and plan to have children in the near future. Sheila never hid the fact that she is bisexual. She met Lena recently and she wants to have sex with her. Peter is incredibly jealous and opposed to this ‘affair’. He has come round to the idea if he can ‘participate’. Scenarios • Patrick is becoming more assertive of his asexual identity. He lives with Steve his partner of 4 years in a big . Steve is seeing their lodger as a ‘fuck buddy’. Now Steve wonders if he has feelings for the lodger. Both Patrick and Steve question their plans to have a civil partnership. Scenarios • Ahmed and Jason have been together for 3 years. They are not having sex anymore. Their relationship is closed and monogamous. Ahmed feels he can’t relate to his identity if he doesn’t have gay sex. Jason is increasingly afraid of STI’s.