MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS A SIDDHA YOGI: VOLUME III
Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia
Copyright 2000, Patrick V. Suglia INTRODUCTION
This is the third of an ongoing sharing of personal meditation experiences and teachings that personally affect my life as a devout yogi of the Siddha Yoga teachings and practices. Continuing with the actual emails that I have sent to a chosen few people over the past several months, the Spiritual path unfolds further. This is no way intended to be a “teaching”, in the true sense of the word, of the philosophy that comprises the Siddha Yoga practices, although, some of the teachings are discussed in relation to the experiences that I share. None of the contents of the emails have been edited in any way, not even in grammar. Therefore, some material may not be suitable for all people to read. I would even be surprised if the Guru who I am so devoted to, Swami Chidvilasananda, who is referred to here as “Gurumayi,” would be pleased to read all that is contained in these writings. Without judgment or concern, I have freely shared these experiences with a few select people by email, and I continue to do so to this day. You will learn more about me, and about what brought me on this most enlightening path as you read through these letters. I hope you find these revelations helpful in your quest to deepen your understanding and realization of the inner Self.
VOLUME III INDEX
1. FEAR OF LOVE – 12/11/00
A major hidden subconscious fear is exposed and eliminated. Dealing with other people on a personal level had always been a major fear – until now.
2. THE KRIYA OF SELF EXPRESSION – 12/19/00
The Guru offers the opportunity to blow off steam while in meditation over feeling inadequate while talking to others. The Guru also gives instruction on how to change all this and bring people to a higher state of awareness.
3. WHEN THE EGO DIES – 12/24/00
When the ego dies, one realizes, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he IS God.
4. THE WORLD AS A MIRROR – 1/6/01
Everything that happens around you and to you is a direct result of how you feel about yourself within.
5. EMOTIONAL RELEASE – 1/30/01
Emotional release during meditation is a very good way that the samskaras can be washed away.
6. THE BIGGER PICTURE – 2/8/01
A crossroad is reached where the energies of the society as a whole are looked on. Does it lead to staying put or moving to another part of the world – India?
7. THE MEANING OF “INDIA” – 2/12/01
There is a distinct difference between what an ordinary person sees and an enlightened being. The difference is described here.
8. PREPARING TO LEAVE THE UNITED STATES – 2/21/01
Several opportunities arise during the search for employment in all parts of the world for living and working in other countries.
9. SUBTLE SURGERY – 3/1/01
In this deep meditation, the sensation of actually being “cut upon”, in a subtle sense, is experienced after which an awakening with light occurs.
10. PAYING ATTENTION TO THE KARMIC MAP – 3/18/01
The importance of obtaining your birth chart to look at your life events, and the fact that life events are determined by karma, are discussed.
11. KRIYAS OF CHANGE – 3/28/01
During this meditation, certain kriyas indicate that great inner releases of negative emotions are giving rise to greater expressions of the Self.
12. LOGISTIC REALIZATION – 4/3/01
“Logistic Realization” is a description of contemplations that arise through jnanayoga.
13. THE GREATEST “EGO-CHALLENGE” – 4/10/01
The challenges that the ego must face are harsh in order for all samskaras that make up the ego to be cleared away. This is the only way enlightenment can be achieved.
14. MY DREAM OF LORD KRISHNA – 4/21/01
Many dreams point out where some of our deepest samskaras lie. Seeing Lord Krishna in a dream proves to be a most auspicious event.
15. DECEPTION IN THE TANDRA STATE – 4/29/01
During the tandra state of meditation, not all that is experienced is the truth. It takes strength to determine what is true and what is not true.
16. THE TRUE MEANING OF YOGA – 5/4/01
While most Westerners believe that yoga is an exercise, it is, in reality, a method to come to know God.
17. THE NEED FOR PHYSICAL STRENGTH IN YOGA – 5/14/01
Physical strength, while practicing yoga, is a requirement in order to hold the purifying Shakti. It develops as one progresses in their practice.
18. MY FIRST VISIT TO THE ASHRAM – 6/7/01
A world of beauty and of personal enhancement greets those who visit the ashram, especially for the first time ever.
19. BHAGAWAN NITYANANDA’S TEACHING – 6/28/01
After a vision during meditation of Bhagawan Nityananda, the oneness of all that exists became intuitively obvious.
20. THE PRIMER; MEETING GURUMAYI – 7/8/01
This is an account of the first meeting with the physical Guru.
21. KEEPING THE FOCUS – 7/23/01
In order to keep on the path to Siddhahood, one must keep up with the practice that the Guru prescribes on a regular basis.
22. MOVING ON AND MOVING UP – 7/30/00
Revelations received in dreams tell that it is time for a change in life circumstances, while revelations during meditation indicate that a state of enlightenment is near.
23. DIGGING DEEPER – 8/15/01
During recent meditations, many subconscious and forgotten samskaras are unearthed to be exposed and expelled.
24. MY LETTER TO GURUMAYI – 8/28/01
Immediately upon writing a letter to Gurumayi, awakenings and realizations concerning certain samskaras take place.
25 THE WRATH OF KALI YUGA – 9/19/01
In the wake of recent tragedies brought on by terrorists in the world, this writing focuses on the reality of darkness and ignorance in the world and how we should respond to it.
26. CONTEMPLATING THE SELF – 9/30/01
This writing is a simple, concise, statement of who the Self really is, and when this concept is held in contemplation, it becomes manifest with the Guru’s grace.
27. MULTIDIMENSIONAL TRANSACTIONS – 10/29/01
This writing explains that everyone experiences their existence on multiple planes and in multiple worlds every night during their dreams and in meditation.
28. “VIOLENT” SHAKTIPAT – 11/13/01
Shaktipat can come in any form, including what seems like a physical “assault.”
29. CHANGING VISION – 12/3/01
The way the world is seen, and how one sees him/herself, literally changes as one progresses in their sadhana. Samskaras become consciously evident, and indicators make one aware of the presence of other planes of existence.
30. DREAMS OF FELLOW YOGIS – 12/12/01
Dreams in which fellow Siddha Yogis appear are great ways in which the Guru’s Grace touches our lives with lessons to be learned.
31. THE PAIN OF SEPARATION – 1/2/02
When you have the feeling that you are an entity separate from God, there is pain which gives rise to the longing to be one with God.
32. THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH – 1/28/02
Here is a recap of the life-changing events of the past seven years with a ray of light being shed on a much much brighter future from this point on.
33. THE KRIYA OF SLEEP – 2/25/02
This writing goes in-depth with the dreams and visions encountered during the times when my sleeping illness is at its worst.
34. THE MYSTERIOUS VISITOR – 3/8/02
The power of the Guru can be relayed to us through the Shakti present in other people, particularly unexpected guests.
35. THE POWER OF BHAKTI – 3/24/02
By recognizing God within all things and as all things, the feeling of God’s love naturally arises within us and is not dependent on anyone or anything.
36. ENJOYING THE PLAY – 4/23/02
When you realize that the world you live in is merely the Play of Consciousness of the Self, you have realized everything there is to know.
37. THE NEXT PHASE; MOVING BACK TO ATLANTA – 5/9/02
With the guidance of the Guru’s grace, the plan to return back to the starting place of the Spiritual journey now begins.
38. ON BEING A SAINT – 5/19/02
When you can separate what is divine from what is human and remain detached from the expectations of the ego, then you are living the life of a Saint.
39. UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF THE BLUE PEARL – 6/17/02
The Blue Pearl appears to the disciple at key times, during waking hours and sleep, to guide one in thought and action.
40. A NEW AWAKENING – 7/6/02
Another visit from Kundalini in a dream, plus other revelations, points towards a new direction in life.
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
This email starts Volume III of My Personal Experiences As a Siddha Yogi. To view Volume II in its entirety, please see http://Dr_Sugi.tripod.com/MEVolII.pdf. Hail to the true Guru that reveals the Truth to me!
As I was preparing Volume II for conversion to PDF format, I saw that I repeated many of the words of my Guru, Gurumayi, and her Guru before her, Baba Muktananda. I was somewhat disappointed in myself for doing this. It is not my position to be reverberating the highest teachings of the Gurus. Only they can give people the real meaning AND the experience of their words. On the other hand, when I type these emails, I go into that place, that domain of the Self, where the words that my Guru has given me ARE the experience. When the Guru says the word, the word and the experience are one and the same. Speaking of the word, I once wrote about matrikashakti -- the inherent power of words. Baba Muktananda once said words cannot affect you unless you identify with them. He also said that the world is as you see it. These two powerful experiences (as opposed to mere words) came to life for me just in the past couple days. These two teachings merged their meaning, and their experience, into one. When I realized what had happened, I realized my own worst fear – the fear of love.
When you come to the realization that the world really is as you see it, you start to wonder where your own misery comes from. By that I mean that you begin a journey of self-inquiry (jnanayoga), guided by the Guru's grace, into why you might be reflecting an image of suffering onto the world. The world is not suffering; the one who sees it as suffering is the one who is suffering. My suffering comes from the feeling of lack. The way I projected this onto the world is by feeling paranoid about others not seeing me as an approvable human being. Although this has proven itself to be highly untrue, the reason why it was so real in my mind was because I was the one who felt like I was undeserving. Nobody "out there" was making me feel this way. Although, that's the way, in years gone by, I saw things. As a result, I struggled with everything in life. I struggled with illness, I struggled to finish school, I struggled with personal finances, I struggled with relationships, and I now struggle with wondering why I am having more trouble than the norm in getting my business off the ground. It has ALL been due to a feeling of lack in the first place! Keeping in mind matrikashakti, words don't have to be spoken to be identified with or to make things manifest. They only have to be experienced on a subtle level. The words within the thoughts are what manifest the world as you see it.
My recent experiences all began two nights ago, as I was chanting and meditating in my private meditation room here in my apartment. I was chanting to the Bhupali raga of "Om Namo Bhagavate Muktanandaya." Nothing at all significant appeared to happen during the entire chant and meditation that followed with one exception. Halfway through the chant, I felt a wave of energy pass through my head, and a cool breeze followed. It was as if someone suddenly opened a door that had been rusted shut for a long time. It was not a very pleasant feeling at first. I moaned with pain as the wave passed through me. I knew that the dark crevices of my mind, where many samskaras still lie, had just been exposed. This is the purpose of the Guru -- not to give one a "feel good" experience, but to clean out the mind and purify the ego, which give rise to many unpleasantries along the way. Many very strange dreams followed in the next two nights, none of which had any mention of the Guru or Siddha Yoga but had everything to do with exposing deeply-rooted subconscious fears. The next day (yesterday), I got into a discussion with a retired chiropractor about chiropractic-related topics. He jokingly said something about making a lot of money and retiring early because of it. I took this to be a horrendous comment and lashed out against him for it. He then said to me, "You obviously are overly concerned with money because that's all you got out of what I said." I then realized that I fell to the identification with my own sense of lack -- by seeing the world as I see it and by identifying with the words that triggered that particular samskara, that particular feeling of lack, within me. My Guru's words became very vivid and very real at that moment. The experience was profound, and the lesson was learned very well. Last night I chanted to the Dhani raga of "Om Namo Bhagavate Muktanandaya." I meditated afterwards. Again, it seemed that nothing profound occurred -- until I lied in bed to go to sleep for the night. What occurred there left me in such a state of fear that I began to wonder if the Guru damned me to hell or something. Afterwards, I realized that it was the very love of the Guru delivering me FROM my own subconscious hell. I had a vision while lying in the tandra state. I don't remember the entire vision. I saw myself standing in front of my office, looking at the emptiness inside and my apartment just upstairs from the office. When I first moved here to Hazleton, my parents played a major role in cleaning and preparing the office and the apartment. In my vision, I saw my mom opening the door to the office and taking down an old sign that I forgot was even there. I suddenly felt that I was being robbed of something very important, and I became very frightened. I woke out of this vision feeling very scared and shaken. It was even more frightening as, just a half hour later while I was sleeping, I had a continuation of this vision as I was once again looking at my empty office and my apartment above it, and my apartment suddenly filled up with people who were looking out the window, waiting for me to arrive. I suddenly came to from this dream in a state of panic. What was it that I was fearing -- suddenly having the capacity to love people? After I thought about my fearful reactions to these visions of being filled with prosperity, I realized that my fear certainly was of love itself. I must have been telling people, subconsciously, that I am not in a position to be taking care of them because I have my own inadequacies that need attention. It seems quite clear now that this is what I have been seeing in the rest of the world as well. I've been blaming other people for not responding to my words of care and concern because I MYSELF didn't take them seriously. This proved to be quite apparent during a conversation I had with one of the waitresses in the restaurant across the street who never took me "seriously" when I said I could help her. I approached her today with my new conscience, and I talked to her. This time she listened. In fact, later in the day one of the other waitresses in the restaurant came to the wellness center to receive care. Om Namah Shivaya!
Fearing love is common in this world. There are so many people that are disgruntled with "the world", always gossiping, always causing trouble, always suing someone for a stupid reason, and always doing self-destructive things. Why? If they felt love for THEMSELVES, they would have absolutely no reason to project their fear of love onto the rest of the world by identifying with word (matrikashakti) of destruction!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out if something that pops into my mind during meditation is a revelation or a conscious thought. In any case, I got the urge to type this email at a most unusual time because of what I just experienced. I had no intention on typing this right now, but as I emerged from my meditation just a few minutes ago, I got the urge to do so. Lately, the concern that has been on my mind is about what way others see me. I don't mean in a "paranoid" way, but in a presenting kind of way. When I introduce myself to people and tell them what I do and try to market myself and my wellness center, what message am I REALLY giving people? I wonder about that, especially since after being in business for 25 days now not a single soul has walked into my wellness center to receive care, with the exception of a couple neighbors. This concern led to a very strange dream early yesterday morning and a very strange meditation just a few minutes ago. In my dream, my older brother was driving the two of us to some beach island to do some repairs to the docks. All of the work that was to be done was in the water while there were mobs of people around us. My brother did most of the underwater jobs, while I stayed above water to guide and direct him and a couple others that were helping. Every now and then, I would have to dive under the water for a brief moment. However, when this would happen I would become extremely terrified to the point where holding my breath was impossible. In the in-between times, I met up with some of the beach- goers who were gathered on the docks, and I started talking to them. They all looked at me like I was not to be taken seriously. I was just a peon, someone with no credibility or stamina whatsoever. I awoke from this dream feeling that this is really what I'm portraying to other people. Speaking of water, the events of the past five days around here have been very strange indeed! To make a long story short, two totally unrelated and major water leaks occurred in my office at the same time on Thursday, two major roof leaks caused the heavy rain on Sunday to come right into my apartment, and now the toilet in my apartment is spewing water all over my bathroom floor! It is indeed an interesting omen. This morning I was chanting to "Om Guru," a chant that had produced some very strange kriyas for me in the past. My mind was more active than usual, and it eventually fell completely silent. At that time, I started having a couple brief unintelligible visions. Suddenly, I saw an energy force descend upon me. It was like an ominous cloud of negative energy, and the energy was female. It was as if it suddenly appeared to smother me and affirm that I had no significance in relating to other people. At the same time the cloud was descending upon me, I was thrown back in time to a conversation I had in a coffee shop with a woman while I was living in Kentucky. After a rather well- versed conversation on chiropractic and how I run my wellness center, the woman simply said "Good luck with your ideas." While I simply walked away at the time, I was full of rage inside, feeling like I had just been thrown onto a pile of garbage. Suddenly, I found myself yelling, "Say what you want to say." From that moment on, I went through a series of kriyas indicating that a lot of steam was being released. Finally, when this was all over, I returned to my asana (cushion) and continued chanting.
I had a couple more visions, and these were very significant. In the first one, I was approaching someone that I knew to talk to them. Instead of talking to them on the surface level, I immediately began to seek their replies to how they really feel about life. I then saw myself telling them how what I have to offer can improve their entire Being. Next, I saw myself in my adjusting room caring for a patient. I heard Gurumayi's voice showing me what I need to do as I'm caring for a patient, and she showed me with this vision as well. She said, "In order for you to give people the optimum benefit, you must combine the adjustment, the Reiki treatment, and a meditation exercise all in one session. You can still do them individually, as you are, but you must do all at once too." This was indeed significant because I saw myself doing just that -- combining all three into one session -- in meditations that I had a very long time ago, which I wrote about back in Volume I.
The Guru's teachings were very important to me tonight. And what I want to point out to each and every one of you is just what is going on here at The Center for Innate Wellness. It's not just a chiropractor's office. It's not just a place where you can get a "feel good" experience. It is a place where people come to experience a life-transforming awakening. That is what it was designed to be. That is what the Guru told me it should be so long ago. It is nothing LESS than this! People will come from near and far, from across the country, from across the globe, to experience what goes on here. They will come to EXPERIENCE who they really are. They will come here to "re-establish that communication link between Man and his God" (which is the philosophical explanation of what chiropractic REALLY does). This isn't some sort of over-glorified medical facility where people come to get pain relief. Sure, pain relief happens too. But the REAL goal of The Center for Innate Wellness is to uplift each individual to his/her highest potential. It will not fall short of this goal -- EVER. And it is all located right here in the coal regions of Pennsylvania, only a 140-mile drive from where my Guru lives.
Speaking of where my Guru lives, if everything goes as planned, I will be driving there on Wednesday to see the Shree Muktananda Ashram in South Fallsburg, NY for the first time and to, hopefully, catch a glimpse of my beloved Guru.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Ever since the last email I wrote, drastic changes have started to occur. After a hopeless search, I finally found someone who was willing to work on a commission basis to help me get my wellness center off the ground. She is quite ecstatic to see that I am here in this town. She thought she would never find someone so in-tune, so Spiritual, in this part of the country. When I heard this, I said, "The collective Conscience of who we really are is spreading."
I just awoke from another amazing meditation. I was wondering why I wasn't having quite the profound meditations that I once had. Then, just last night, I had a dream that I should set my cushions that I sit on for chanting and meditating in a certain way. The dream was that I was in a huge outdoor setting where thousands of peoples' personal asanas were prepared for a satsang, facing a stage where the Guru would be seated. Just a handful of people were walking around. I reached my asana, which was set up the way I had been setting it up. It felt too high and too bulky. So I saw myself rearranging it in a certain way. So tonight as I sat for chanting and meditation, I set my asana up in that way that I saw in the dream. The result was astounding. During the early days of my chanting and meditating, while attending the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center of Atlanta, I would be suddenly drawn into deep and profound meditations just minutes after the chanting began. The same thing happened tonight. It wasn't so much what I saw that was profound but my reaction to it. Kriyas are physical reactions to the awakened Kundalini energy as she is travelling through the nadis of the subtle body, purifying it. Whenever I saw myself reaching a new Spiritual "height," I would go into quite a verbal yelling session. I hope I didn't wake my neighbor. This yelling was quite interesting. What I was yelling at was the sudden notion that I was no longer me but the great Divine, God Himself. I would also yell again when I saw myself slipping back into the awareness that I was this finite human being, Patrick V. Suglia. The purpose of the kriya was to hold onto that realization so tightly so I could never again be influenced by the chains, the malas, of illusion -- illusion of the small, pitiful, human creature that I am without the realization of the God within me. It is when I KNOW that I AM God that the absolute feeling of bliss and freedom emerged. When I was lowered back into this body again, the yelling would start again. No way do I EVER want to suffer from the illusion that I am Patrick V. Suglia. I AM the great Self. I AM the Divine. I AM Shiva, and I even saw this in my vision. When Shiva Himself showed me that I AM Him, I simply nodded, laughed, and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I KNOW!"
When you have been there, when Kundalini has showed you who you REALLY are, you never want to come back to this lowly state again. When you realize that you ARE God, your suffering finally comes to a complete halt. One other part of what I was experiencing was the fact that there are many paths leading to this awareness, as long as the ego does NOT get in the way. The ego MUST die. It IS the ego that creates these chains, deluding us into thinking we are this body and this name that we have been given. Shaktipat destroys the ego at once. But it is up to you to get rid of the illusion once you receive it. All you have to do is let it go, stand up, see what the Guru shows you, and dance with great joy, shouting, "I AM GOD! I AM THE GREATNESS OF THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE! THERE IS NOTHING OTHER THAN ME! I EXIST IN ALL FORMS! I AM SHIVA! I AM INFINITE! I AM DIVINE!"
At the end of my meditation, as I saw myself emerging back into this body, I automatically began to AFFIRM that I AM the great Muktananda whose name that I chant. I am the great freedom that people seek, and it is already within me. I exist in everyone, and all people have to do is go within and find me there. I am no longer who I thought I was, as this doctor who wants to have a great wellness center and heal the world; I am working THROUGH him as him.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
It has been said that the Guru is a mirror. When you look into her eyes, you eventually see your own state reflected back at you. This is because the Guru has no ego to speak of. She has been completely purified. She is perfectly one with God, and she is a divine manifestation of God's great love. When a person is around such a being, their own true nature is what is revealed to them. Whatever is in their hearts and in their minds will come forth. In addition to this principle are the words that have been repeated by great saints throughout the ages, including Baba Muktananda, "The world is as you see it." Everything around you, everything that happens to you, every situation that you find yourself in, is a reflection of yourself. Thus, I add to this, "The world is as you see YOU." During last night's meditation, I once again saw fantastic light displays, and waves of Shakti poured through me. However, I realize now that these are not high events. When I experience them now, I realize that what is really happening is more junk is being pushed out of me; more samskaras, manifestations of the ego that give me the illusion of being a "sinner" and a finite being, are being washed away by the Kundalini energy. Just before sitting for meditation, I asked the Guru, with all my heart, to bring me closer to her state. I realize now why it is that all the events in my life have not been the best. It is because the way I see MYSELF has not been the best. People often ask me why I am 38 and still single, why I am still struggling 10 months after earning my degree, why it took me so long to decide where to go, why I still suffer from this strange sleeping illness. The answer is quite simple, really. Now that I understand the mirror principle, it is all VERY clear to me. First, it is because I haven't fully come to appreciate my own place in this world (which only in the past couple days has become a conscious realization). Back in the days before I met my Guru, my life seemed hopeless. I was pathetically lost. The end of school was nowhere in sight and my financial struggle seemed to be endless. I was very lonely and very bored, and I hated who I was. After I met the Guru through Siddha Yoga, my life improved dramatically. I met people and became involved in situations that helped me financially and to finish school quicker than if I had never met the Guru. My chronic sleeping sickness improved from what it was. The situations in my life became much better because I saw myself in a much better light. Nowadays, that light has become even brighter. I look at where I am now and say "Gee, I'm still in the struggle mode, and now I know that it's all because I don't see MYSELF in as bright of a light as I should." When you see yourself in this bright light, you AUTOMATICALLY seek out good company. You AUTOMATICALLY stop feeling bored. You AUTOMATICALLY have great fortune come to you. YOU don't have to do a THING other than love YOURSELF wholeheartedly. How do you know you are loving yourself wholeheartedly? It's just something you "know", much like knowing when you've reached the point of enlightenment. Your urge to judge others and to turn them over to your way of thinking disappears. You love the world as it is because you are not affected by whatever "misery" is in it. You have a natural tendency to be more outgoing and active. All of this happens when you give up the notion that you are a victim of the world and you become one with the principle that the world is a reflection of YOU. There is yet another thing to understand. You can move and direct this energy that comprises you and the world. This world is not JUST a mirror of you. It is yours to direct and to make manifest! This can only be done, however, if your intentions are the purest of pure. This means that your ego must die. It means that you must, beyond the shadow of a doubt, love and respect yourself and the world around you. People can perform austerities to develop "magical" powers. Baba Muktananda always poopooed people who do these things for their own egotistic gains and who do NOT place the focus and the credit on God. Once the ego dies, once you love yourself and all that is, unconditionally, the ability to move the energy simply comes to you. These are two great principles that my Guru, through the practice of jnanayoga, has taught me about recently. During last night's meditation I was breaking through to a new plane of understanding. I said to my Guru just before I sat for meditation how discontent I was with life the way it is now. I felt that my sadhana was useless at this point -- that I came as far as I possibly could with my present understanding the way it was. I needed to reach a higher level. I was quite disgruntled, actually ANGRY, at the fact that I can still see how strongly my ego attaches to me and influences how I think, feel, and act. I prayed with all my might for the Guru to take this all away and to bring me to her divine state. I certainly feel that some progress was made.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
One of the most significant music videos I ever saw was to the song "No Rain" by the group Blind Melon. One who feels very out of place with their position in life can identify with it so well. When the little girl dressed as a bumble bee dances around the hairy- looking characters and homeless people in the streets, trying to bring them some joy and sunshine, she only suffers more and more despair and hopelessness when no one responds favorably. Finally, at the end of the video, she unexpectedly stumbles upon a whole field full of other people dressed like bumble bees, dancing around, enjoying life. She suddenly is filled with the happiness that she was seeking all along and joins in with the other bumble bees, finally having a place to call "home". I try to remember this video every time I wonder if I'm really in the right place or not. It seems that I go about my day, telling others what I do, only to be greeted with strange looks and even arrogance by some. There still is an awful lot of ignorance out there in the United States about what chiropractic is and other natural healing arts. Many people are still lost in the quagmire of brainwashing that modern medicine has dumped upon us. They are caught up in their own pain and hopelessness, hanging onto the only thing they know, which isn't going to help them anyway. At the same time, I often wonder if going to another country all together would be the thing to do. There are opportunities to do just that within my profession. Where is my place? This afternoon I read in the weekly Siddha Yoga email contemplation these words by my Guru: "Wherever you put your heart, that is where you end up." Could it be that I am STILL unable to open my heart to others because I myself am in a miserable state, or am I like the little bumble bee who just hasn't found his place yet? In any case, my meditations and dreams as of lately have been very strange indeed. A lot of emotional release, and emotional "awakenings," have taken place. During the past two weeks, the chronic fatigue that I suffer from has been devastating. I'm back in the same rut I was in just over 3 years ago, when I was sleeping all day and staying up all night without the possibility of being able to get up after a decent amount of hours in bed. During this time, whenever I was in my meditation room chanting and meditating, I fell asleep. I would actually doze off and feel myself falling over. During these times, I'd have very strange visions. All of my visions led to some sort of emotional release. I'd find myself yelling out loud on top of my lungs, sometimes shouting obscenities, at the fact that I was being duped and lied to and made fun of in my visions. This led me to believe that there is so much work to be done yet before I can begin to approach a state of perfection, of Siddhahood. In one vision, I was in my wellness center having the rug replaced. The new rug was blue-gray in color, and the installer kept telling me "How do you like this new orange rug." The more I kept saying it wasn't orange, the more insulting he got with me. This certainly described how I feel in life at times! One dream that I had that was significant was of the Guru. It wasn't of Gurumayi or any of the other Siddhas I know and love. It was of seeing a glimpse of MYSELF as the Guru. I was standing in my living room. There were two beds facing each other. The wider one was mine, and in the smaller one was a young lady who was very much a part of my life (a real person I know but playing this role in the dream). She was acting like a whiny little child, and when I suddenly came to this realization that she was immature and not someone I needed to be associated with anymore I felt really horrible about the fact that I was even with her. At the same time, my mom was sitting in the room, criticizing my decisions in life. I glanced through the doorway into the next room. All of my belongings were in boxes and piles, as if I was about to move to another place. On top of one of the boxes was what appeared to be the picture of Gurumayi that I have sitting on my puja. I wanted to get a glimpse of Gurumayi's picture, to keep her in mind during this particular time. When I looked closer, I saw that it wasn't Gurumayi in the picture at all. It was ME. When I saw myself as the Guru, I was startled. I walked into the next room and looked around at my belongings. My 18-year-old niece, Stephanie, was in the room. She was looking out the window at the beautiful scenery outside. She started preparing to leave to go somewhere, and was searching through a bag for something. She then said aloud, "Now where is that key?"
I glanced around the room and caught sight of a studio portrait of a person on the wall I never saw before. He was a man about my age with black wavy hair. I was confused as to who this person could possibly be. I don't even know of anyone in real life who looks like that! But a most amazing thing happened. When I looked at his picture, I suddenly became filled with both knowledge and the courage to express this knowledge. I suddenly had a vision of a beautiful home that my niece likes to go to with a brick pathway going by an old wooden door. I saw the key that my niece was looking for in the lock of the door. I turned to my niece and said, "Remember that old wooden door along the path near that house?"
She replied that she remembered. I then told her that she left the key in the lock of the door. She thanked me wholeheartedly, smiled, and then we hugged each other. The shakti that flowed through us at that moment filled us with a tremendous feeling of love. There are two symbols in the dream that I can probably decipher. The person whose picture was on the wall that I never saw before may have represented the fact that the Guru's shakti can come to us through the most unexpected person or event in life. They don't particularly have to know of the Guru. We just have to be receptive to the Guru's shakti to notice it. The other symbol is the fact that the room where I was with my niece was so much more beautiful than the room that I was in before with the girl and my mom. The fact that all my belongings were there too probably meant that a sudden change in my direction in life was about to occur for the better. If any of you have any thoughts on this dream, please feel free to share.
During one of my meditations, Gurumayi told me to stay put where I am. That would be the most logical thing to do, given the fact that I still have another nine months to go on my lease. Did I mention that the whole reason why I moved to this part of the state was to be close to both family and the Shree Muktananda Ashram? Perhaps whenever I finally get the chance to go to the ashram I will not feel so lost and lonely. Perhaps then the answers I am looking for will come to me. I wanted to be part of the goings-on at the ashram, but between money, the weather, and chronic fatigue problems, things aren't looking too promising at this point in time. Staying put will definitely be aggravating. I KNOW that I could find a place for me, just like the little bumble bee did in that music video. Come to think of it, I wonder where HER heart was at the time?
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Inside I even wonder if I should be writing this very email or if I should just ride out the storm that has come about lately. I know some reasons why my wellness center has not had any significant amount of business yet. It isn't JUST a matter of being a newcomer here. There is a much much bigger picture. You will be surprised as you read this email what I have been experiencing these days. Was the meditation I just had simply a projection of my recent thoughts, or was it really the inner Guru pulling me in a direction my heart really wanted to go in all along? In any case, this coming Saturday I will be having my first public spinal screening at the local K-Mart department store. If it brings in business, that would be great. However spinal screenings have never been a strong point of mine. Marketing, in general, has never been a strong point of mine. Now, in just the past couple days, I know why. The answer is not upsetting at all.
Throughout my life, I have ALWAYS been CONSCIOUSLY in tune with the energy around me. I can tell a person's true thoughts and feelings just from being around them. This gift naturally became stronger after my Guru awakened me. If I "feel" the aura of a person in psychological pain, or one of arrogance, or one of ignorance-by-choice, I tend to hide myself from those people. If I "feel" the aura of a loving, open-minded, accepting person, I can sit and talk with them for hours about anything under the sun, on an innately intuitive level too. What is unfortunate is that people in the United States, as a society on a whole, are ignorant and choose to be that way. When you try to bring a little light into peoples' lives, they shy away or get angry. Very very few people are approachable for me, especially when I bring good news about what I have to offer them as a chiropractor. This causes me to not be able to market myself very well. This has brought me to the very recent wonder over whether or not I should go to a country that IS receptive and open -- a society that is not stuck in its own rut. The most probable country that I could think of in which I could be around like-minded, respecting, loving people most all the time, and still be able to follow my sadhana diligently, is India. My search had already begun for a sponsor, which is needed, when I made contact with a computer engineer via the internet just two days ago.
During last night's (early Wednesday morning) meditation, I simply sat in my meditation room and was quiet. I didn't chant, I didn't light any incense, and I didn't even sit on my wool asana. I thought that I would sit just for ten minutes or so and then go to bed for the night. Instead, Kundalini reared herself and threw me into many interesting physical kriyas and visions. This lasted for an hour and a half. I do not remember all my visions except for the last one. I saw myself in a world full of green light, however I was blue. Everywhere I walked, the blue light followed me. Everything I touched suddenly became filled with this blue light. Soon I awoke from this and then went to bed. During the day yesterday, I noticed a habit of mine that I've always had all along. It was as if it suddenly dawned on me, out of the blue, that this habit of mine is there. When I am marketing myself, it is a devastating thing. I was in conversation with someone at the print shop I had to go to get copies made of my survey for Saturday's spinal screening. I started telling the person who was helping me about my wellness center. After the conversation was over and I had left, it dawned on me that all I talked about was my wellness center and what I do. I never did mention how what I have to offer could help HER. This is certainly a great downfall to anyone who has a business of any kind! During this morning's chanting and meditation, I was once again drawn into a very deep meditative state in which I saw visions. Not only did I see these visions, I physically interacted with them. This is something that had occurred in the past, however this time it was more profound. I didn't just say a few words here and there when I'd "come back", in a sense. I interacted in full gestures and sentences as if the worlds of visions and the physical realm were one and the same. What I saw, and what was revealed to me, was profound. It was confusing to me to see all that I saw. During the day yesterday I prayed to Gurumayi to tell me what the REAL story was with me. I had thought about wanting to go to India several times in the past. But why? Is it a fascination I had because of what I read and experienced through Siddha Yoga? Or is it all an afterthought to things not working out here in the U.S. just because I don't know how to market myself? After all, I would much rather be in a place where people appreciate my wanting to love and serve them rather than in a place where I have to attend marketing seminars just to learn how to pull ignorant peoples' hair in a nice way. The visions that I had led me to believe that I have really been focusing on the bigger picture all along. After a few odd, unintelligible visions, I suddenly saw myself in India. It didn't dawn on me right away where I was. I saw myself travelling all over India, meeting crowd upon crowd of people, placing my hands on everyone, and healing them. At one point I saw myself walking through a village being surrounded by overjoyed children, much like Bhagawan Nityananda used to do. I saw myself being invited into hospitals to heal people there. I saw myself breaking down geographic barriers that would have otherwise limited where I would be allowed to visit. Even more interesting was this -- that I am ALREADY there in the form of a deity of healing whom people in India are praying to NOW. When I arrive, they will see me as this deity incarnated! Lastly, I was told where it was I had to go at first. I had to go to Bhuj, Gujarat, where the devastating earthquake occurred just a week ago. However I wasn't to go there yet. I was to wait until the city starts to rebuild, which could be months from now. It seemed that I was in meditation forever. But when I came back to my meditation room I realized that only about a third of the chanting CD had finished playing. Immediately after I awoke from this vision, I started to feel even more torn. What if I DO have a successful weekend at the local department store and people suddenly start filling up my wellness center? Will it change my mind? Will it cause me to put my heart undividedly HERE? What about other plans in life, such as being close to family, perhaps one day finding a significant other and settling down, or even becoming more involved in the local community as a way of getting my name out there? On the other hand, I AM still very young and unattached to anyone or anything. Ever since I was a young boy, I had always wanted to travel and see other parts of the world. I can still do that now as I am carefree, basically. This is such an interesting crossroad to be at in this point in life. I can go either way. One thing I DO know is that "the bigger picture", the awareness of our Oneness as God, the fact that the people of India on a whole use "modern medicine" as a LAST resort, and the fact that my Guru also has an ashram in India, makes India sound very very inviting!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
As you read the words of the great enlightened beings, sometimes you have to scratch your heads to understand what they mean, right? This is the way it is for people who have not actually EXPERIENCED what it is that they are talking about. To the blind person, who goes about her life in the ordinary world thinking she is a finite, mortal, human being, the words of an enlightened being are jibberish. I am coming to learn how VERY true this is, because it was once this way for me too. As the Guru gives me more and more experiences, I realize how very simple to understand it all really is. For example, take the words "The seeker, the one that is sought, and the action of seeking is all one and the same." It is a REALITY, as you can easily see when you have been gifted with the Guru's grace, that we are not small beings trying to gain oneness with God by chanting and meditating. Instead, we ARE God affirming that we are God, paying homage to our Self through the play of our own Shakti. Because we are God, where can we possibly go where God isn't? This too is repeated throughout the scriptures of the Truth. Even Jesus said, as it is written in the Dead Sea Scrolls, "The Kingdom of God is already within you and all around you." Therefore, there is no place where God ISN'T. Why "search" for him? There is nothing to search for. There IS, however, something to EXPERIENCE, and this experience comes to you when you receive the Guru's grace. This is what is needed in order for the world around us to appear as God and not as the finite world. In all these writings that I have shared with you, and will continue to share, I describe my experiences of how the knowledge of the Truth manifests in my life. It isn't just in visions I see in meditation, flashing lights, travelling to other dimensions, or even in having profound dreams. It is in the world as it is right now all around US. Why is it that you breathe? Why is it that the innate intelligence of your body knows how to make new cells, circulate your blood, digest your food? Why is it that electricity exists and knows how to bring power to inanimate objects? How is it that inanimate objects even exist? Everything you see around you, including yourself, is nothing other than the Shakti at play taking manifest form! Therefore, what is in India that is not here? Absolutely nothing. True, I would like to travel and work there. In fact, I even wrote a letter that I am busy mailing out to potential sponsors. This same letter I even emailed to the ashram to have Gurumayi give me her blessings. Here is that letter:
It is with great pleasure that I write this letter. I have always considered myself to be on a "spiritual journey", of sorts. Now this journey has brought me full circle to where I want to give back to the source that brought me on this most fantastic journey. 19 years ago, I first entered the world of healthcare. I always felt as though it was my calling. It has certainly lived up to that and more. I started out as a volunteer ambulance attendant. Over the course of the next 12 years, I enjoyed helping people in many facets of healthcare, including home health care, nursing home and hospital staffing, teaching cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and becoming a Respiratory Care Practitioner. Throughout the years, I gradually came to the awareness of how much the body, mind, and Spirit are all connected. Then, as I went on to study to become a Doctor of Chiropractic, the term "Spiritual journey" took on a whole new meaning. While attending chiropractic college, I started practicing meditation, and I also became attuned to the 1st and 2nd degree levels of the Usui Reiki System of Manual Healing. During this time, I also met my Spiritual Master, Swami Chidvilasananda. These events led me to a greater vision of what it was that I was doing as a healthcare professional, and it allowed me to see the reality of how connected we all are. As I learned about Kashmir Shaivism, Vedanta, Siddha Yoga, and took part in many of the customary practices of India, I became more and more fascinated with the rich culture and Spiritual history of this country. At the same time, I have become more and more interested in bringing chiropractic to parts of the world where it is not yet known or recognized. These interests now bring me to express my interest in living and working in India. While chiropractic is not seen as a form of medical practice, and is not formally recognized as a profession in India, it is directly related to health and wellness. Its philosophy is quite simple - that people can experience optimum function by having the nervous system regulating all the organs and actions of the body without being compromised by subluxations of the skeletal framework. The hands-on adjusting arts correct these subluxations. Many scientific studies now show how this can help people with faster healing, achieving higher goals, and resolving mental stress without the aid of external substances or therapies. My request is to bring this great profession to the people of India, while at the same time enjoying the many wonders that the people and cultures of this country have to offer to my Spiritual journey. I am now seeking a sponsor who could help me to travel there, to find housing, and to provide me with the opportunity to help people as a Doctor of Chiropractic. Advisors have told me that I should first go to Bhuj, Gujarat to help give care to the survivors of the earthquake once the rebuilding efforts have begun, and then from there I can work elsewhere in the country, perhaps for years to come. If you would like to know more about me, what chiropractic is, the education process of a Doctor of Chiropractic, or have any other questions, please feel free to contact me. Please see my website at http://www.TCFIW.homepad.com/ for more information. Thank you.
But when you come right down to it, why go there at all when there is nothing else to know, nothing else to see, nothing else to experience once you have directly encountered the Guru's grace? So, if it is true, you probably wonder, that we and all around us are God in manifest form, why all the fighting? Why all the hate? Why all the natural disasters? For one thing, when God created the physical world, he created physics along with it. How could there possibly be a physical world without laws to rule its actions, such as gravity or weather phenomena? Likewise with people, what need would there be for God to manifest as a human being other than to take on a role in Her play of Consciousness? It is when people finally realize who they are – God playing a role -- that they "wake up" and see the world the way it really is. This takes Guru's grace. Otherwise, we really don't know who we are, even if we take on this paradigm as a BELIEF, we still don't have the full vision of God's light until we've received the Guru's grace. We don't have to look any further. We only need to receive grace, do our sadhana as a way of AFFIRMING who we are and to purify us from the delusion we've been living in for many lifetimes, and play the role we manifested as. That's all there is to it. It's just that simple!
To my last email, I received many replies. Some were discouraging while some were very encouraging. The truth of the matter is that visions sometimes represent those samskaras, past habits, being cleared out to purify us. Going to India, in this sense, may mean that I have discovered the perfect union of all things in and as God in this lifetime. This doesn't mean that I am not going to actively pursue going to India. There may very well be a need and a karmic destiny for me to be there!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
When I first came to Hazleton, Pennsylvania on November 11, 2000, I thought that I found what I was looking for -- a town that is big on chiropractic and is just a couple hours' drive from the ashram. Now, just three months later, I must leave. It's not merely because business did not pick up (AT ALL). It is moreso because being here in this weather has totally ruined my health. I had the flu three times in three months, and the chronic fatigue has become a hundred times worse, causing me to mix up my days and nights. I still haven't had a chance to get to the ashram, even though it isn't so far away. Another thing that has dawned on me is that since moving here, I have had the LEAST amount of contact I have ever had with other human beings. I don't mind being alone at all. I do mind not even having the chance to live up to my full potential as a servant of "others". Just yesterday I met with a very principled chiropractor in Jim Thorpe, PA. She said to me, "You're nuts for opening up in Hazleton. People there are set in their ways and will certainly never respond to the wellness principles of chiropractic, let alone the new person in town!" What she said was EXACTLY what I was saying in my second-to-last email, where the mindset of the people was so closed that opening them up to the wellness concept is near impossible. It's not that I was judging people, as some of you think. It is that I was making a general statement about the society on a whole. This outlook of an entire society is the big push behind my looking to go elsewhere. Even if I were to stay in the U.S., I would still have to learn how to gently pull people by the hair to get them to THINK about what chiropractic is and why they really NEED it. This is not something I want to have to do. My idea of being a chiropractor is being of service to the people, meaning giving them what they know they need, not having to try to kick-start their brain into being able to think! Other chiropractors say that I could do very well to find a small town where there are no other chiropractors and open up there. This very well may be the case, as I know people who made a 6-figure income in less than two years by this very scenario! But I have seen what's out there in the rest of the world. And I don't want to feel like I HAVE to be stuck here in a bubble, like many people do feel with their lives. As I said before, I am young and unattached. Why should I limit myself? After all, I am putting myself into binds just by having a limited way of thinking. I certainly have not been ALLOWING myself to live up to my full potential by not having considered the possibility of working in a different chiropractic role or going overseas. I wanted to do my own thing and get my own little center off the ground. It didn't work. I am glad. I am glad because my potential really is much GREATER. I have been limiting myself to something I could not do anyway! Now my attention has shifted to looking elsewhere -- overseas, to be exact. My search for sponsorship to go to India has gone in a different direction. Seeing that there is next to nil possibility of working in India as a chiropractor, I broadened my horizons to include ALL countries of the world. My shift in attention has led me to some very surprising and very pleasing open doors. After having talked to some of the contacts I've made just in the past few days, I realize that I could easily be placed in an eastern European country, Russia, or Central or South America RIGHT NOW. These places are screaming for chiropractors. They want what we have to offer. The people there know what it is. It's no wonder why the chiropractic mission trips to Panama and Peru yield hundreds of people who line up in stadiums waiting their turn to receive the life- enhancing touch of a chiropractor. At the present moment, my eyes are turned specifically towards the country of Costa Rica. Chiropractic has been recognized there as a profession for only the past four years. There are 24 chiropractors and 3.1 million people there. From the people that I spoke with there, when you tell people you are a chiropractor, they just line up in front of you. Now THAT is the mindset of a society that knows what chiropractic is and knows that it is a necessity! I will hear back from my contact by Friday, after which the ball should be well on its way towards my living and working there. There are a few things that have me deciding on going there. The clinic I would be working in already has an interpreter. I would be only 1,005 miles from my parents (flying over the Ocean), whereas I am 1,355 miles from them now (by car). And, above all, in the city of San Jose, Costa Rica is the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center. This past Thursday night I chanted the mantra "Om Namah Shivaya." For the next couple days afterwards, the white flashing strobes that I occasionally see in front of me increased tremendously. As I lie in bed that night, I prayed to my Grandmom Suglia, who has appeared to me a couple times during my meditations, to help me find what I am looking for, if this truly is not the place I need to be. Two nights later, I had an interesting dream of Gurumayi. I dreamt that I was in the house I grew up in. I walked into my bedroom. Gurumayi was sitting there in a chair, dressed in red. There was a man who looked similar to me, sitting there talking to her. When I listened in, I heard that she was really drilling him with lots of stern questions. All the questions were about how he was going to be handling things in life. One by one, he systematically answered each question in detail and without hesitation. I tried not to get too close to them, since I could feel the "tension" in the air. I gazed around the room while waiting my turn to talk to Gurumayi. I looked up at the Venetian blinds hanging in the window. They were open but tilted upwards. The sun was shining through them, and the sky outside was clear. However, I have a pet peeve about tilted Venetian blinds. To me, they aren't fully open unless the slats are perfectly parallel to the floor. I cringed as I looked at the blinds because my instinct was to go over to them and open them more. I cringed even moreso at the fact that I didn't want to do anything to distract Gurumayi or to have her scold me for being such a perfectionist or for disturbing something the way she might have wanted it. It was shortly after this dream that all the doors started opening up to finding new opportunities in my search for a place to go. Last night (Monday night) I chanted to Shree Gurudeva Sharanam. I went into a myriad of visions during a silent meditation afterwards. The last meditation I remembered was so strange, yet it mimicked something out of my typical dreams at night. I was standing outside my office, looking up at the clear night sky. I saw a small white beam of light standing in front of me, and I heard a voice explaining what it was. It wasn't anything constructive, and it had an evil presence about it. This white beam of light then shot off into the sky above and started flying about the universe, destroying the Heavenly bodies it would come in contact with. I was startled by this, and soon it disappeared from view as it continued on its destructive path. One random star in the sky came down from the Heavens and stood in front of me for a moment. As I was still looking up at it, I awoke from meditation. When I woke up for a moment this morning (Tuesday morning), I called my dad in Florida to tell him of my plans for seeking international work. I was very very amazed to find how supportive, and even ENCOURAGING, he was! My dad is usually always criticizing everything I think and everything I do. There was none of that this time. He said that he would help me get to where it is I want to go, as he too knows that my having come here to Hazleton is wearing me thin. This one encouraging moment is enough to make me realize that I really DO have my family backing me up in more ways than just financially. Also, this makes me look forward all the more to going to where I need to go. It is not definite that I will be going to Costa Rica. I am still thinking about the rest of the world too. What makes everything so very hard to choose between, but yet so very inviting at the same time, is knowing that everyone, no matter what part of the world one lives in is a manifestation of God to be served!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
This is my last email from Hazleton, Pennsylvania. I will be leaving to go back to the Florida Keys where my parents live on Friday. I'll be taking my time to get there, as I'll be making a couple stops along the way. First, I'll be spending a couple days at my older brother's house near Harrisburg, PA. Then, I'll drive to my sister-in-law's mom's house in Georgia, just south of Chattanooga, Tennessee. I'll be spending a couple days with her as well. While at my stops, I'll be checking the chiropractors in the immediate areas to see if any of them might be looking to hire an associate doctor. It's worth a shot, but it's something I'd rather not be doing. If it were up to me, I'd just drive straight down to Florida as quickly as I can. But because of the belligerence of my dad with my direction in life lately, I have to keep the peace as much as I can. What seemed like it would be a nice stay in Florida is turning out to be a potential living nightmare. Where my dad once seemed supportive, he is now worse than I've ever known him to be with his anger. This is what I will be up against, and I'd rather not go to Florida at all now. I am all packed up and ready to go. This computer is the last thing I have to take apart and put away. My older brother will be helping me to move out of this place Friday afternoon. I will be happy to say goodbye to this area. When I first moved here, I had such high hopes. Those hopes faded away into nothing very soon after I arrived here. I should have done my homework first on the area. Then I would have realized how destitute this area is. There are a lot of low-income and retired people, blue-collar workers, and people just looking to survive, let alone think about their health at all. The people who DO go to chiropractors do so because their insurance pays for it and they all have aches and pains. There is no wellness concept around here, and people are not open to it either. Put on top of this the fact that I've been sick almost constantly since moving here, and you have one very miserable situation. I'm very happy to be leaving all this behind. In order for me to not make the same mistake twice, tomorrow I will be ordering my own astrocartography reading kit. I'll receive it in the mail sometime after I arrive in Florida. This is something I really should have done before I ever finished school almost a whole year ago. I'm finally doing it now, since I saw so much frustration in the past year. Even thought there was a lot of frustration, I still see that there was need for all that has happened in the big karmic picture. Nothing EVER happens that is not supposed to happen! I believe that dream I had the other night of Gurumayi talking to the guy in my bedroom was meant to be a message that I better have very firm plans from now on in order to avoid having more complications in life. Even though I already packed away my entire meditation room, and tonight is the last night I'll have this computer up and running, I figured it would be a good time to chant and meditate. This time I did it sitting in my rocking chair, instead of sitting on the floor. I put the CD "Samba Sadashiva" into the CD-ROM drive. What happened next was the most intense and painful awakening experience I've encountered since the night I received Shaktipat over two years ago. If there way ever a doubt that it is the Shakti that overcomes me, gives me visions, takes me on fantastic travels, or causes things to happen to me, this meditation took it all away. When I listen to music, I like to rock in my rocking chair. This is how I chanted. During the first several minutes of the chant, my mind was reeling from all the frustrating anguish I am now encountering with my dad. How I would ever deal with his anger and his ego seemed like a hopeless situation. Halfway through the CD, the Shakti became so thick that I just stopped thinking and stopped rocking and let it do its thing. What happened during the rest of the time was very very frightening. I began interacting verbally with the visions that I was seeing. The first vision I saw was of a man standing over a room-sized map of Florida. He had a bright ball of white light, about the size of a basketball, in his hands. He walked over to where Miami and the Florida Keys were on the map, and he dropped the ball of light onto the map. The ball of light continued to shine brightly as the man walked away. This light then filled me completely, and I felt warm and peaceful all over. I interpreted this to mean that all I had to do was let my own inner light shine brightly and all would be okay. But the visions themselves were about to get even more bizarre. I must have drifted all the way to the causal body. I lost all awareness. When I would come back into having another vision, the eeriness and fright associated with it led me to wonder if I was in hell or something. The Guru couldn't possibly have let such harm come to me! I could see people pulling things out of me, as if they were ripping my organs out of my body. I looked at this in a positive sense, at first, because I figured they were excising those negative blocks and samskaras within me that cause me to not see my own perfection within, that which led me into such misery. But it all became even stranger. I could feel things being pulled from me, even if I didn't see anyone around me. That's when it actually started becoming painful in a psychic way. I even saw a vision of someone stuffing a small innocent dog into a suitcase, and then the suitcase was transported to an alien space ship where the dog would be mutilated. After this, I felt as though I was completely surrounded by people with knives, cutting and tearing into my psyche, surgically removing bits and pieces of me. I didn't feel any actual physical pain, however the sensations that ran through me were unbelievable! I finally fell to the floor in front of my chair, allowing this "subtle surgery" to continue. While it continued, I saw small flashing white lights in front of me This barrage of unknown, unseen attackers continued on for several minutes. It then slowly subsided until I was lying on the floor motionless. I felt as though there were definitely things taken away, as I felt much lighter and freer. I then got a glimpse of what it's like to have a heart that is completely open. I FELT my own light pouring through my heart! After experiencing this, I wondered how I ever survived in this world being such a closed-off person. As I was feeling my heart opening up more and more, Gurumayi said to me, "ALL you have to do is let your light shine to other people and to help them see who they really are. They WILL come to you!"
I then asked Gurumayi, "How do I show people who they really are?!" She then showed me a hand position to use on people that I will not reveal here. This is something I must do. And so I shall follow the command of my Guru as she has instructed me. When it was all over, I bowed with much gratitude to the picture of my beloved Guru. I chuckled a bit, and I said to her, "You certainly did a number on me tonight!"
This is the goal of the Guru -- to do WHATEVER it takes to bring us to the awareness of our own perfection within, our own divine state, our own oneness with God, our own identity AS God. However frightening or evil it may seem, the Guru ONLY comes from the position of unconditional love. She never harms, and she only ever gives you what you can handle at any point in your sadhana, your Spiritual journey. I can say that after this meditation I feel a lot more clear-minded -- so to the point where my ego is beginning to yield to the pure manifestation of the divine power of God, the Shakti, that flows through me.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
I once had a conversation with one of the most notorious, PRINCIPLED chiropractors on the planet today. His name is Dr. Joe Accurso. He practices in Miami, Florida, and his son Joe and daughter Amy were classmates of mine. We were walking in front of Life University, sometime during the closing days of my time as a student there. At one point in our conversation, he said to me, "You seem like you would be happy no matter where you go." He was indeed correct, of course as long as I succeed as a chiropractor. This one thing that he said stuck with me to this day. Because of how true it is, I am STILL undecided as to where I need to go. Therefore, I turned to astrocartography for the answer. You can go to an astrologer with your birth record to have your birth chart done, or you can go to http://www.astronumerics.com/ and have them do it for you. That is who I ordered mine from. What resulted was amazing - not so much because of what it revealed, but because it was all right there: the karmic map of what could happen to me during this incarnation on Earth. I figured I'd better pay attention to it if I am to do the dharmic thing. Throughout our existence, we go through many lifetimes, experiencing what we karmicly need to experience, to gradually come to the realization of who we are. Of course, once you receive Shaktipat from your Guru, this awakening takes place at a greatly accelerated pace. People who suffer from tremendous illness and misfortune would find it hard to believe that it is all karma and would rather think they are victims of worldly circumstances. This belief IS the illusion that keeps us on an unfortunate downhill slide. A good way to get out of this rut, short of receiving the Guru's grace, is to look closely at our karmic map, our birth chart, and then take the steps necessary to go to the place on this planet that is most conducive to the life that we want to live. My birth chart was waiting for me when I arrived here in Florida. I got right down to work, looking at the lines and reading their interpretations. The birth chart is a world map full of lines. Each line represents how a planet, the moon, and the sun were aligned at your exact minute of birth into this incarnation. It is important to keep in mind as you have this done that it is no accident that we are born at the EXACT time that we come into this lifetime. What we need to experience in this lifetime is already pre-determined, and we are born into the world at the exact minute that the astronomical alignments of our solar system would create such a karmic situation. When you read through what each line represents, you must ask yourself what it is in life you most want. Is it success in business, as it is with me? Is it romance and family life? Is it living in a risky environment for the adventure? Each line on the chart points out to EXACTLY where you need to be to have any one of these things. There are also lines that point out places you must avoid if you want to be free from danger to your safety, health, or mental well-being. What I found to be in store for myself was something totally unexpected. The lines that represent the alignment of the planet Jupiter are most representative of success in business and prosperity. These are the lines I paid the closest attention to as I deciphered my chart. Within the United States, the best places for me are in certain parts of California, Nevada, Utah, and Arizona. I have no particular interest in going to Utah, but I looked at California's and Nevada's state laws and application process for chiropractors, and then decided not to pursue them. Now I am looking at Arizona. I should be receiving information in the mail on their license requirements any day now. Ironically, Arizona is where TWO of my ex-girlfriends moved to in order to start a whole new life! I also discovered that under the line of Saturn Ascending is where I would be very subject to self-esteem problems and identity conflicts. This line goes right over the place where I spent the first 30 years, and the past 4 months, of my life. It is no wonder why I felt so all alone, somewhat depressed, and had no success in business here. Looking at the lines around the rest of the world, I found more interesting things. The Jupiter lines around the world go through these areas: certain parts of Russia, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Micronesia, the Atlantic Ocean, and Greenland. There are a couple other areas they go through which are either too dangerous for Americans or do not hold my interest. I already have a contact that could take me to Russia and a cousin that lives in Guam (right near Micronesia), and this past week I applied for jobs, as a chiropractor, to every cruise ship line that crosses the Atlantic Ocean. I will be looking into the other countries in the days to come. Unfortunately, one of the WORST places on Earth I could possibly be is the very place I was hoping to go - Mumbai, India. While most of India is "average," Mumbai poses serious threats to my safety, my relations with others, and my state of mind. It sits directly on the zenith (strongest point of planetary influence) of Pluto in Midheaven. Since one of the ashrams where Gurumayi lives is right under this line, and the other is under Saturn Ascending, I wonder if going to the ashrams with a desire to meet my Guru is such a safe thought. But then again, if I were IN the house of my Guru, what difference would it make? Besides, if Gurumayi herself were to tell me, in person, to go to a certain place, even if it was in some of the most horrid places on Earth, you can bet I would go without hesitation.
Now my meditations have always followed through in revealing some aspect of the Truth or giving me direction EXCEPT when the topic was meeting the Guru in person. This has always led me in a stray direction. One of the things that made me look at going back to Pennsylvania was the fact that I would be living very close to the ashram in South Fallsburg, New York. I figured since Gurumayi was going to be in the United States for a while, I would get lots of chances to meet her. But then, as I was making my final plans to move, Gurumayi suddenly up and left for Ganeshpuri, India. I moved to Pennsylvania, nonetheless, because I figured I would be in a good state for my profession, be near family, and still be close enough to make day trips to the ashram. Then, the revelations of going to India started, as I had already written about. I became excited, and started looking for contacts that would take me there. But when I finally saw my birth chart, I became dismayed. I certainly would have put myself in the worst of situations I could be in, if I were to live and work in Mumbai, India! Now last night I was at the Saturday night satsang at the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center of Miami. During a meditation I had there, I heard Gurumayi say to me, "You could always come to the ashram in India just for a month while your other opportunities are coming through." It certainly was a nice thought. Then, after the satsang, I casually mentioned to a person I met there the last time I was at the Miami center my thought about going to India. She said to me that Gurumayi wasn't going to be there anyway. She will be touring Europe next month, and in June she is coming back to the ashram in New York. If any of my "Jupiter-line" opportunities pan out soon, I will be thousands of miles away from my Guru once again.
During last night's satsang, we chanted to the Bhimpalasi raga of Om Namo Bhagavate Muktanandaya. The last time I chanted to this raga, I had a profound experience, where Kundalini washed away many samskaras at once, so it seemed. I wrote about that experience previously in one of these meditation emails. During the chant, and before my conversation with Gurumayi, I had a rather interesting, and sort-of humorous, vision. At the time, I was thinking about all the "stuff" in life that I needed to be concerned with. Baba Muktananda came and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up, and he said, "Come, I want to show you something." He took me off into a dark but peaceful place. I stayed there for only a moment, and then I saw myself in the middle of the ocean in a little skiff that was rapidly sinking. Just ahead of me was a submarine with a few crewmembers standing on its deck. I thought to myself "this is only a vision," and I continued to think about all the happenings and concerns going on in my "real" life. Baba appeared again, standing over the water behind me. He said to me, "You better pay attention to what is happening here." And at that moment the boat started listing, and the cold, icy ocean water was splashing in my face. I brought my undivided attention to what was going on in my vision, and I began rowing frantically towards the submarine. The crewmembers reached out and grabbed hold of me. I was soon in the safety of the submarine. The vision continued. I saw myself sitting in that dark but peaceful space again. I had towels around me to help me warm up and dry off. Baba appeared once again, sitting on his chair in front of me. I said to him, "I have no concerns about what is going on. I know that it's just the role I'm playing." With that, I saw a smile come across his face like I've never seen before. Next, the submarine surfaced. Where I ended up was par for the course for the coldness of the ocean. I found myself somewhere on the west coast of Greenland. The vision then ended.
Whatever is to happen in the future for me now is totally up to how much I open up to the love of my Guru, to receiving her grace. I know that by following the map which has been outlined for me, I will be making the Shakti, the divine power of the Universe, manifest in my life in the most productive, and dharmic, ways possible. I have feelings that only good things lie ahead, now that I have my karmic map in hand.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
In the past couple days, I've made the most detailed analysis of my birth chart yet in order to determine where the best place in the world for me to go would be to enjoy prosperity. I looked at the areas where I might want to go. Greenland, Russia, and Russia's neighbors were not on that list because there was too much crossover between the lines of prosperity and the lines of hardship, and because they seemed like desolate areas anyway. Within the United States, that one place, that one city, is San Diego, California. The problem with California is that, if I started the process now, it could be about another six months before I ever see a license to practice there. Outside the United States is the city of Kolonia on the island of Pohnpei in the Federated States of Micronesia. Luckily, I have a cousin who has contacts in Pohnpei, thus also making this a probable place to relocate to. I mentioned these areas and about my search to a friend of the family who came to Florida to visit my parents last week. She asked me, "Where does your heart tell you where to go?"
Without hesitation, and without thought, I answered, "India." Just yesterday I received word from the most promising contact that could take me to India yet. It is a fellow chiropractor who is part of the clinic faculty at Palmer College of Chiropractic. He wrote me an email, telling me that he just returned from India on March 12. He knows of my interest, as I once wrote about it on a chiropractic bulletin board, and he told me that he would put me in touch with the right people. We shall see what happens.
Some people have asked me lately if I am walking such a Spiritual path, why prosperity is such a high priority in my search for a place to go in this world. This search isn't about money itself. It IS about bringing this great healing art, this boon to humanity, to people who will be the most receptive to what it really is and will accept it into their lives. THEY will be the ones blessed to experience how the touch of a chiropractor will change their lives. That is what my search is all about. That IS the "prosperity" I seek. On the same note, I do have a $150,000 student loan to repay, and I would someday like to be self-supportive, instead of living on loan money and what my family gives me. I guess you could say my sadhana right now consists of getting myself off the ground financially while helping people in need who are most receptive to what I am offering. The dear friend of mine who started me on this path of sadhana in the first place called me by phone a couple days ago. Her greatest words of wisdom were just what I needed to hear at the time: as it says in verse 144 of the 182-verse Guru Gita, the holiest and most powerful of all prayers in existence:
“It (repeating the Guru Gita) accomplishes unfinished tasks, delivers one from fear of harm from the nine planets, puts an end to bad dreams, and makes good dreams come true.”
This doesn't mean that one is delivered from their karma. It means the true seeker is detached from it, since her entire focus is on the bliss of the Self. I had written about my experience with the power of this great chant, the Guru Gita, in one of my very first meditation email writings. Several things went wrong during a cardiac ablation procedure I was having done at the time. But because I kept my entire focus on the Guru Gita, which I requested to be played during the procedure, I lived through the most astonishing events that should have killed me outright. Faith in the Guru, faith in God, faith in the Self, is THAT powerful! I do have faith that wherever the Guru sends me next will be another step of progress on the path of sadhana. Om Namah Shivaya!
Just two nights ago, I resumed the practice of chanting and meditating before going to bed. I've been away from it since March 1st. During the chant, I started to have visions of being filled with the Guru's love. It didn't last long at all before visions of all the most regretful things that ever happened in my life started flashing before me. These visions included the terrible sibling rivalry I had with my younger brother when we were in high school and younger. They included all the ways in which I seemed so far out in left field that it was no wonder why I was always teased by peers, both as a child and an adult. They included all the times that I never smiled because I took things too seriously. After the visions, I went into a swaying kriya. It felt rather nice, as I felt myself "shaking it all off." I just went with the flow. In a few minutes, though, I went into a most uncomfortable kriya. This one was a "making it all up" kriya, so to speak. I was forced to smile, even though I didn't feel like it. The muscles of my face contracted into a rather exaggerated smile, and they stayed there for a long and tiring time. During this smiling kriya, my focus shifted from what had been a lifetime of inner darkness to a sincere effort to outwardly express the light of the Self that I truly am. During this time, I tried and tried again to generate a genuine feeling of love from deep within. I found it difficult to do with my own self-effort. When I reached the point where I thought I was doing my best, another realization hit me. In the past six years during which I've been suffering from chronic fatigue, I've felt most of the strain in the ability to project a true smile in my eyes. My eyes seemed to be the point at which I was "stuck." Oddly enough, people have always been able to notice the difference between my bad days (of chronic fatigue) and my good days just by looking at my eyes. In fact, I've never really seen my true look in the mirror ever since the day I woke up with all this on April 4, 1995. All I see are droopy, glassy eyes that try to force a smile. I guess this is just the way it will always be until someday, somehow, this chronic fatigue problem all leaves me. During my meditation, when I reached the point of my eyes, I prayed to the Guru and said that this was the best I could do, given the usual run-down, drawn feeling that is commonplace these days. I then thought that perhaps the fatigue was all due to my "giving up" emotionally. I've had it with trying to be happy in this life, at that point in my life. The kriya then ended. My mind then stood still for a moment, and I was in that space of perfect yoga, perfect union with God, in the causal realm. I suddenly saw the Blue Pearl stand still in front of me for a second and then speed away from me at the speed of light. It was so comforting to have seen it again. It's been such a long time since it appeared to me. Even as I lay in bed afterwards, I saw another fantastic light. It looked like the Blue Pearl, but this one had a distinctly green hue to it. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful sight to behold! Experiencing the Blue Pearl is something that cannot possibly be described in words. As the true meanings of the words "love" and "bliss" cannot be described in words but only experienced, so too is an encounter with the Blue Pearl.
Wherever my search takes me, I know that I will continue on my path no matter what happens. I am not trying to escape karma. That is an impossibility. I AM wanting to offer something to the world in the form of my profession, and I AM looking for the most likely culture or mindset that is willing to accept it. Ironically, my birth chart indicates that Mumbai, India is one of the most dangerous places on this earth for me to be. My mental aptitude and my safety could both be in grave danger there. Nonetheless, I want to go there for two reasons: my Guru's ashram is just 50 miles from there, and the people of India are so very receptive to the chiropractors who have traveled there for temporary mission trips that they literally beg to receive chiropractic adjustments now. These people know that the power of the Self can be expressed freely from within simply by balancing the nervous system, that master system that corresponds to the nadis of the subtle body upon which Kundalini breathes her life force. THAT is chiropractIC!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
After reading my birth chart most thoroughly, calling the company for advice on reading the lines, taking into account what some of you had written me, and, most of all, listening to revelations in dreams, I came up with a final decision on where to go next. Palm Springs, California is just over 100 miles northeast of San Diego. That is what I am planning to be my next destination. What awaits me there is perhaps the most prosperous situation in the whole world that I could possibly find myself in. What is also unique about Palm Springs, astrologically, is that it located JUST inside the borders of the most prosperous lines on my birth chart and also JUST outside the borders of the least desirable! Now I am starting the application process to obtain a license to practice in California. The unfortunate thing is that it takes at least 4 months for the license to be processed, after which I would then need to take a state jurisprudence exam. The fortunate part about that is that it gives me some time to figure out how I'm going to get enough money together to move out there. In the meantime, I will be contacting some friends of mine, one of them a former roommate, who had gone to California to practice.
One of the ways I came up with most all of the decisions I've ever made in life was by logistic reasoning. "If not this, then this, because of this." I am sure this sounds funny to those of you who THOUGHT you knew me very well! The thing is, my Spirit has ALWAYS been so carefree that I never attached myself to anything or anyplace. Therefore, logistics has always been my method for figuring out where to go and what to do in life. Not even my ego played a role in anything. The "ego" simply followed along and then developed afterwards. Thus the reason for the title of this email being called "Logistic Realization." Realization of course refers to the RECOGNITION of all that is seen and unseen, and all life force that brings all into being, as Shiva, Guru, Self, God, who is all-pervasive. If a Jain and a Hindu can both become enlightened, both receive the divine vision of the Blue Pearl, how can God belong to one religion and not the other? How can God manifest as a person who is Jewish and not a manifestation of someone who is Islamic? How could he manifest as only Jesus Christ but not as Lord Krishna? The SAME life force, the same Kundalini, the same Shakti, occurs in ALL. How does one come to this realization logistically? Through jnanayoga. To the Siddha Yogi, once the Guru grants you her Grace, yoga happens spontaneously in the most appropriate way to the individual seeker. It's not that jnanayoga is going to be the thing for you to do. Japayoga may be what occurs within you spontaneously. It may be hathayoga. It may be kriyayoga. Jnanayoga is the ceaseless contemplation of your own individual self and all that exists around you as the form of God. It is self-inquiry. HOW does God manifest, and if she does manifest as all that is, why does there APPEAR to be duality and suffering? I keep the answers to these questions, which I receive through contemplation and meditation, within the realm of my awareness every second of every day, night and day. I will now attempt to put into words my contemplations. Those of you who have ever seen the short video entitled "Powers of Ten" will be able to identify a bit closer to what I am about to describe. This video was presented at one of the most notorious speeches on what chiropractic is that was given by Dr. Chris Kent. Whether you are a yogi or not, it certainly makes you sit back and think of where everything came from. It starts out in outer space, and then shows all of God's creation in powers of ten, finally zooming in on a single tiny atom. When you look at the molecular makeup of the entire Universe, you realize that the physical world within our bodies is greatly more vast than the physical world in outer space! All is made up of molecules with atoms, protons, neutrons, and electrons. The question is what is it that makes the atoms, protons, neutrons, and electrons arrange themselves in such a way that they actually form the air, water, a flower, an insect, a human being? THAT is Kundalini. That is the Shakti, the all- pervasive power of God to manifest the entire Universe, also known in Sanskrit as srsti. It is the intellect, God's own Play, God's own Consciousness, that brings all this into being. Now that we know that we are manifestations of God, composed of His own energy, created in His own image and likeness, through His Consciousness, what on earth makes us think that we are limited individual human beings? The answer is the mind. Another question is why God even created all this in the first place. The answer to that, according to Vedanta and Kashmir Shaivism, is simply for God's own enjoyment, His love, His bliss. It is when we break our cycle of illusion of smallness that we begin to see a clearer picture of who we REALLY are - God in all His glory. The mind is our individuality. It is what gives us our personality. It is what gives us the sense of what is right and what is wrong, including our religion. It is by purifying the mind, through contemplation, meditation, and performing the actions of sadhana (spiritual duties) and dharma (what the Guru prescribes) that we go beyond the mind and revel in that state of realization. Realization doesn't mean that we have achieved something; it means that we've REALIZED something. Imagine looking into a pond. When the water is still, you see your own reflection very clearly. When you throw a stone into it, all you see are ripples and no reflection. This is how the mind works. When you sit for meditation, all you see are your thoughts and your worries. This is why many people give up meditating. When the Guru gives you the gift of Shaktipat, you then have the ability to see past the ripples and notice that there really is a reflection there. That reflection is the REAL you - the Self, God. If you participate in different types of yoga, meditation, or reading the scriptures, it could take years, perhaps lifetimes, to begin to see glimpses of the fact that you ARE God. But when the Guru grants you Grace, the process begins without effort. These are the teachings and contemplations that I have come to flood my mind with over the course of the past 2 years and 8 months that I've been practicing Siddha Yoga. I live constantly in this state of awareness. It never leaves me, even for a moment. Even though these are truths, it is sometimes hard to accept the fact that human emotions are also real. I still feel physical anguish with the chronic fatigue and becoming ill at times. I still feel sad and angry at times. Lately I've been feeling flustered at the fact that I'm not "out there" making a living for myself right now, still planning where I will go. It is the constant jnanayoga that allows me to see past these ripples within the mind to keep a firm vision of that which I truly am – God playing this role.
Two nights ago, as I was chanting and meditating, I came to the realization of something peculiar. Everything was going as it usually goes. I would chant for a while, be "taken" into another state, converse with beings from another world while still being aware of the physical world, and then come back again. When it happened this time, I thought to myself how nice it would be if I could always be in this state in order to be in constant contact with the worlds beyond the purely physical. It would also be nice to be able to remember what it was that was discussed while I was in the other dimension. This is what it's like to be fully realized – to be firmly established in such a state of existence. Here I will add one more contemplation that should be kept in mind. All of creation exists in four different dimensions, the physical simply being a manifestation, an arrangement of atoms, protons, neutrons, and electrons, of what God has brought into being within the first three. Also, all sound originates within the first three dimensions, finally being heard in the physical realm (all starting with the sound "Om" in the supra- causal, the primordial, realm). Throughout the course of these emails, I've described, in detail, how I've seen sound and objects manifesting first in these non-physical realms and then eventually becoming the physical. It is when we focus on these other realms, the subtle, the causal, and the supra-causal, as well as the physical, that we come to a full understanding of what the words "ALL of God's Creation" mean. There are indeed worlds beyond our own. I've been there. I've seen them. I've interacted with beings from there. There are many worlds that are far worse than ours. Likewise, there are many that are living paradises. All of this REALIZATION can be yours if you receive the Guru's grace and REALIZE who and what God REALLY is!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
To this day, I maintain that my next destination will be Palm Springs, California. Tomorrow I will be mailing in my application for a California license, and I am currently searching for work in the Palm Springs area. My planned moved there, however, seems like it will have to be completely out of my own effort alone this time. The disgruntlement of my dad makes it obvious that he is not willing to help me in my next venture. He IS willing, however, to support me financially if I made the effort to stay right here in Florida and become licensed here. That is not something I am looking to do. It's not even something that feels right to me. Florida is not where I need to be. At this point in time, I am looking for employment in Palm Springs to fill in the four-month wait it takes for California to process my license application.
When climbing the ladder of "Spiritual" development, it is so easy to feel so blissful when everything seems to be going well. When I was still in chiropractic school in Atlanta, it was so easy for me to have wonderful visions during meditation, enjoy the company of fellow yogis at the meditation center, relax among likeminded people at school and in the coffee houses, and to feel an overall satisfaction with life in general. Feelings of bliss, of true awareness of the Self everywhere, were commonplace. But then the real challenge began - trying to maintain that peaceful state even when things are not going well. Just before I left Atlanta in the Spring of 2000, that peace and contentment started fading. My financial situation was worse than ever before. I spent the last five months in the Atlanta area with a roommate who had a grudge against life itself. I then left for a very unfulfilling and unrewarding job in Kentucky. Then spent time with my parents in Florida. Then went to Pennsylvania only to be greeted by rock-bottom health and an office that never saw a single person walk through the door. Now I am back in Florida, once again at the drawing board. Although all these seemingly "negative" situations occurred in the past 16 months, one teaching kept going through my mind - that the Guru tests those who call themselves "true" disciples to see how true they really are. All during this time, I kept chanting, meditating, reading Baba's books, watching Gurumayi's videos, reading the Correspondence Course, and attending satsangs wherever and whenever it was possible. Never did I ever turn away from the Guru. After all, how could I possibly blame what was going on in my life on something other than my own karma? (Yet SO many people do exactly that!) While I was in Pennsylvania, things started turning around for me. I did feel quite upset with my life situations. Even though Hazleton, Pennsylvania was a drab and dreary place to be (which even my sister-in-law agreed on the first time she ever saw the place), a tiny spark within me developed to once again bring back the feelings I once enjoyed in my earlier days of living in Atlanta. Even though my situation wasn't any brighter, the feeling of peace and contentment was there again. I saw the Self in everyone as everyone. I realized that this was a place on Earth where all these souls with a similar karma came together to live. And with that realization, it was time for me to leave. Back here in Florida, though, the challenge wasn't over. Still to this day, I am working through what I call the greatest "ego-challenge" – butting heads, so to speak, with my dad. If it weren't for my dad, I wouldn't know where I'd be right now. He has given me and my brothers so much financial support over the years. We would all be in a bind without him. However, his financial supportiveness makes up for his loud barking which makes him seem like nothing in the world could ever make him happy. One of the Siddha Yoga teachings says that the true challenge is to continue feeling blissful in all situations. It is true that constantly dwelling in that blissful state of the Self is not possible unless the ego has been completely eradicated. I don't see my dad achieving an "enlightened" state in this lifetime, however stranger things have happened, but I do see myself somehow being able to relinquish my own ego while in his presence without becoming his doormat. I feel that it is because my ego needed this challenge, needed to work out this karma, that I returned here to Florida. Life had never been easy up to this point when my dad and I were under the same roof together. I guess it's time for all that karma to finally be dealt with before I can move on.
The ego is not what people commonly refer to as something that an "egotistical" person has. The ego is actually the sense that we are limited, individual, human beings, separate from God, powerless. It is referred to as the "I" consciousness. It is what experiences karma. It is what suffers when our body is in pain. It is what feels anger and grief when our thoughts are in turmoil. Baba Muktananda once said that even though the ego is our own worst enemy, we treat it as our best friend whom we couldn't live without. The ego is comprised of our thoughts, those ripples that distort the image of our Self in the still water. The ego is full of samskaras, thought patterns and habits, both "good" and "bad," that give us our individuality. It is by doing sadhana, the Spiritual practices, that the ego is cleansed so that we are brought to the awareness of who we REALLY are - God in all His glory. Simply put, Siddha Yoga is the path, the process, of purifying this ego so that we can discover that which we really are, the Self. The Guru is the one who awakens this vision within us. The rest is all up to us. We don't suddenly disappear into oblivion once we get rid of the sense of "I." We simply come to the understanding that we are God playing the role of the soul whose eyes we are seeing through at the moment. God simply APPEARS to be many souls experiencing many different karmas, having many different egos, seeing through many different eyes. Just last week I had a vision, while lying in the tandra state, that I was in a friend of mine's kitchen. We were getting ready to cook a meal for some guests. He was frantically looking around for a bowl that he couldn't find. Then, something interesting happened. I saw my Consciousness leave my body and enter his body. I then saw through his eyes, thought his thoughts, felt his feelings, and I saw myself across the room going about my own business. Soon I came back into my own body. This experience was conviction enough that there is absolutely NO difference in the life force, the Shakti, that fills each and every body, animate and inanimate, in this entire Universe. The only difference IS the ego, that which makes us believe we are separate entities. Siddha Yoga is a process that happens to us spontaneously, once we receive the Guru's Grace, in order to silence our ego. It is not something we "do." This process takes shape for the individual person in many different ways, as I had explained in my last email. No matter what avenue or specific practice we are most drawn to, there is one thing that is common to all of them. It is the Kundalini energy, awakened by the Guru's Grace and kept alive and moving by our sadhana, that purifies the ego spontaneously. Within the subtle body (the "Spirit") are nadis. Wherever these nadis converge there are energy centers known as chakras. It is within these nadis that samskaras, our thoughts and our habits, accumulate, lifetime after lifetime. As the Kundalini energy rises upwards through the nadis and through the chakras, all those samskaras are cleared away. When Kundalini reaches and merges with the sahasrara, the topmost chakra, which is the ultimate goal, enlightenment is reached. This process could take years and years, and perhaps even lifetimes to complete. It took Baba Muktananda 9 years of rigorous and diligent practice, from the moment he received his Guru's Grace, to reach this state. Along the way, the yogi and yogini will experience "kriyas." Kriyas occur in many different forms, both physical and mental. Physical kriyas could be in the form of feeling odd sensations or even shakiness. Mental kriyas could be in the form of sudden and inexplicable surges in thoughts, emotions, or strange dreams. This is a very brief description of Siddha Yoga and how it works. It is a Siddha Yoga teacher's job, and the job of one of the books written about it, and the Guru, to go more into depth. I feel that I have reached a new level in my sadhana. Of course these emails will continue, and they will be taking a new form. I am not sure what that means yet, but I will know when it happens myself. I do know that life itself is about to take some VERY interesting turns. I can't say that they will be "good" or "bad" because there are no such terms; there is only karma, that which we have attracted to ourselves by our own samskaras over many lifetimes. One major factor in my decision on where to go next is the fact that there is a Siddha Yoga Meditation Center in Palm Springs. I vowed to myself that wherever I go next, there MUST be a community of seekers, if possible. The path to becoming a Siddha, an enlightened being, is that important to me. It will certainly be interesting to discover what lies ahead in the very near future!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Much of my sadhana has been progressing during my sleep lately. My dreams have been very revealing to me. Either I'll notice a samskara appearing to me in an obvious form, or I'll receive a message point-blank. Most of my dreams have been telling me to slow down and not be so hasty in my decisions. True, my search for work in California, as well as my wanting to go there and practice, seem to be things that I'm jumping at quickly, just as when I had decided to go to Hazleton, Pennsylvania without too much thought beforehand. In my dreams, I would see myself being "carried away" by my out- of-control car, speeding recklessly through traffic and unfamiliar streets. The dreams always ended with me finally regaining control of the car, bringing it to a halt, and then assessing what happened. Although my focus is set on California, particularly the immediate area around Palm Springs, this does not mean that my desire to go to India is a dead subject. India is STILL my primary choice. It's just that nothing promising has come along lately to give me much hope of going there. Another type of dream I've been having lately reminds me of how my life used to be back in Reading, Pennsylvania. I would see myself in odd situations involving old friends of mine from the fire companies, ambulance service, and particularly the fire police. I was a fire policeman for over 6 years, holding the rank of Captain during the last two years. A fire police person IS a police officer when he/she is called to duty during a time of emergency or special function. They usually function in volunteer roles, but they can also be paid by private companies to work at special functions. It was so unusual to see myself wearing the fire police uniform again and being with the "old crowd." One thing that occurs to me when the dreams are over is that I could never go back to being among that crowd of people again. Between tamasic (dullness and laziness) and rajasic (self-righteousness and belligerence) actions on their part, being around them is certainly not considered "keeping good company." One of the golden rules that the Guru gives us is to keep good company to remain on the Spiritual path. Otherwise, we shall surely fall. One dream in particular keeps replaying itself in my mind. It happened Wednesday morning just before I woke up for the day. I had a dream that I was walking along a road in a historical setting that was very busy with pedestrian traffic. It seemed that everyone was preparing for some sort of festive occasion. Suddenly, I heard and saw a few men dressed in blue costumes, similar to the Philadelphia Mummers, starting to walk through the crowd. On top of the shoulders of one of the men was a dark figure with wide eyes and what appeared to be angel-like wings. It was very much alive, and at first I thought it was the devil himself. But as I looked closer and saw the figure acknowledge the crowd and noticed how he was dressed, I knew exactly who it was. It was Lord Krishna! My heart was suddenly filled with so much joy. Lord Krishna wore a golden cone-shaped hat and a long, lustrous blue robe. The "wings" were actually some kind of adornment he was wearing. Lord Krishna walked right over to me. Soon, He and I were standing at eye-to-eye level. Lord Krishna then spoke: "PATRICK, I WANT TO ASK YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING."
I was absolutely stunned that Lord Krishna would be speaking to me, let alone asking me for advice! I looked down at the person whose shoulders Lord Krishna was standing on top of. This person was completely dressed in blue, and his skin was the color of the blue sky. His eyes were closed, and I could sense that his life force was somewhere else; he was totally oblivious of the world around him. I thought that this person was doing a good job of animating Lord Krishna's figure, but since he didn't seem to be “there", I turned to Lord Krishna and instead. My emotions fluctuated from one extreme to the other. I felt the ego swell. "Wow! Lord Krishna is asking me for advice! How fortunate I am!" Then, I sunk very low. "Why on Earth would Lord Krishna be asking me, a lowly mortal in comparison to Him, for advice on anything!" Then, my frame of mind became dispassionate. "We ARE all incarnations of God playing all these different roles." I then acknowledged within my own mind and heart that Lord Krishna already knew what I was thinking. With an even mind and a blissful smile, I said: "Lord Krishna, you know how I feel about these things!"
Lord Krishna spoke again: "GOD IS ALL-POWERFUL. HE CAN MANIFEST AS ANYTHING HE WANTS!"
I continued to feel blissful, ecstatic to be in Lord Krishna's company. The dream then ended.
I recently read lessons in the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course on "sadhana of the mind," ways to bring the mind under control. Now I have been practicing meditation of different types now for three years. I've even taught meditation classes. Still, controlling my own mind is quite a task. It DOES require the grace that the Guru so generously gives us if we but ask for it. Last night while I was chanting and meditating, my mind was going a mile a minute. Then, I was having visions of my mind going a mile a minute. It was as if I was thinking, but I wasn't. I was being shown visions of things that I would normally be consciously thinking of. It was as if my mind was on "automatic pilot." Next, something so wonderful and exhilarating happened. On the same token, it was also quite horrifying, especially to one who would be firmly attached to their own mind. I saw all those visions of thoughts suddenly be swept away, drifting on a barge down a river into oblivion. What was left was the pure bliss of silence and yoga, union with God. But I wasn't ready to merge myself into it yet. It was much more comfortable to possess a mind which thought it was in control of things. I didn't want to give that up yet. I no longer felt that I was an individual, that I had an ego. This was truly a frightening concept! As I watched the doomed barge full of thoughts and visions plunge to its demise over a waterfall, I said to myself, "That is where the thoughts themselves would have led me anyway!"
Then I accepted the fact that the state I was left in was the REAL me - God is all His glory. I also realized that this is who each and every person REALLY is when they give up the ramblings of the mind. It's not that we give up our own mind; we simply cleanse it and purify it so that we become pure expressions of God's divine love, Her Shakti, which comprises the entire Cosmos. When I came back to the physical plane, I saw all those old thoughts, worries, and samskaras within my mind again. Now, I have a renewed interest in separating myself from all of that, including a "know-how" to make it all the more possible.
As I had written in a recent email, it is not hard to grasp the knowledge that one really is God in manifest form. It is made so much easier with the Guru's grace, as it is grace which gives us these visions and revelations. It is a matter of seeing our reflection in a pond of water. We cannot see it clearly because of the ripples being created by our own thoughts. It is when the ripples have ceased, when the mind is still, that we see who we really are. First, though, it is a matter of seeing our life not as what we think but seeing what we think as the Play of Consciousness, the divine Shakti playing the role of our life. The REAL you is beyond the thought. Your thoughts and your actions are just part of the karmic play. It is when you come to know this that managing your own mind becomes so much more feasible, and also so much more enjoyable!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Here is an update on my travel plans: My first choice is India. My second choice is Palm Springs, California. However, the early bird gets the worm. Also, as of just two days ago, my first choice has two strikes against it. The clinic I would be working in has always taken several weeks to answer my emails, and their last email proved to me that they do not know what “principled” chiropractic is. I would have to teach them about chiropractic principles, since their father who started the clinic 40 years ago went to National College of Chiropractic, a facility that is notorious for bashing the very principles upon which the chiropractic profession was founded! (If any of you are interested in seeing what chiropractic REALLY is, just go to http://www.planetchiropractic.com/. There are many audio broadcasts you can listen to that are given by some of the greatest chiropractic speakers today.) I addressed them on these two points quite tactfully. Still, I am making plans as if I were surely going there in July, unless their next response is not agreeable. In the meantime, though, I am not sitting around to wait, given the first strike. I am also going ahead with my second choice and will soon be going to Palm Springs, California to do some job hunting. In fact, for those of you who read these emails that are in the area or know of anyone who is, I would like to ask you if you can be of any help to me around the week of May 7 in being able to put me up during my trip. Recently, because of dreams I have at night, I’ve been wondering if I am looking in the right direction. My dreams have always been good indicators of “red flags” throughout the years. I just never paid them any attention until after I ended my last romantic relationship back in 1995. The relationship was a nightmare that never should have happened, and my dreams warned me beforehand. I just blew through the “red flags” that I saw in my dreams at night, and then regretted not listening. These “red flags” appear in my dreams to warn me of things whenever I am contemplating something, for example where I should go to live and work. This is why if I mention an area I am interested in and then soon forget all about it, it is because a “red flag” in my dreams at night warned me that that would be a bad move. I haven’t had any outright “red flags” in regards to California or India, but I certainly have seen enough yellow ones!
The tandra state of meditation is something that everyone is familiar with. We have all experienced it at some time or other. It is that in-between state, when you aren’t fully awake or fully asleep. I’ve noticed, during my meditations, that I dwell in the tandra state, just before the profound visions, travels, and visitations begin. The unfortunate part about being in the tandra state, for me personally, is that there is so much that goes on that is untrue. If I see a vision, have a conversation with someone, even the Guru, or receive a revelation, it is usually too off the wall to believe or an outright non-truth. This fact just occurred to me over the course of the past couple days. I first noticed the “non- truth” in the tandra state back in 1995, when I first started suffering from the chronic fatigue. I had a vision of a deceased friend who told me not to worry because I’d only have the fatigue problem for 4 months. Now, 6 years later, it is quite obvious that the chronic fatigue is still very much a part of my life. Not everything that happens there is untrue, however. I’ve received useful information that was right on the money. Although, it was while I was in the tandra state that I received the messages telling me that I would be going to India. Nowadays, I have a clearer understanding of what is really happening in the tandra state. The tandra state may be described by some people as a doorway through which both good and evil travel. I believe it is simply a reflection of what is going on in the subconscious mind being revealed at the conscious level of awareness. I believe we are dreaming; we’re just not asleep. It is a manifestation of the subtle realm. I’ve come to realize now, as a Siddha yogi, that I need to have very strong discrimination to dwell in this domain of the mind to discern between that which is beneficial to sadhana, to spiritual growth, and that which needs to be cleared out or ignored. This is not an easy task to the untrained mind. It takes much discipline, a very keen sense of recognition, and discrimination. It takes a lot of strength to face what is going on within your own mind!
Last week I chanted and meditated for five nights in a row. That’s probably a new record for me. I didn’t have any of the profound vision I used to have, and I take that to be a good sign. Seeing visions, lights, and having physical kriyas are all “lower chakra” events. When you become more established in a state of yoga over time, in a state of dispassion and recognition of the Truth in all things and events, all the dramatics and theatrics cease in “vision” form and becomes the entire world around you, including you. You BECOME the revelation as the ego dwindles. Nowadays when I chant and meditate, I go into that period of total yoga, absolute bliss, that is beyond the mind, beyond the subtle realm, and I just stay there for a few moments. Occasionally I will have physical kriyas or visions. Every now and then I’ll see the Blue Pearl flash in front of me for a second or two. All in all, it is still a fascinating process. The goal of meditation has yet to be reached, of course. It may take several more years of going through the tapasya, the “burning away”, of old samskaras and purification of the mind, before enlightenment, realization, Siddhahood, is reached. I do not keep these goals in mind when I meditate. Instead, I enjoy the journey itself, knowing that the Guru is always showering me with her grace. If I have revealing visions, they usual occur after the meditation, when I am asleep and dreaming. They aren’t always very comforting though. People who are serious about Spiritual development need to realize that the Spiritual path is not pleasing to the ego. It is designed to relinquish the ego by exposing us to all those things that we don’t like about ourselves, about things that happen to us, and to the ways we think and feel about things. All of this needs to be “burned away” before we can be truly free. At night I would see things that are so deeply hidden within my subconscious mind that they are truly frightening. One dream I had this past week showed that I have a hidden fear of enlightenment itself! I wondered to myself “How could I be afraid of becoming a Siddha?” In the dream, I was going about my daily routines when I was suddenly stripped of my ego. My mind no longer existed. I didn’t know who I was. I lost my identity. I didn’t know where I was. I saw myself being drawn up into the darkness above me where nothing existed. I thought I was being kidnapped by aliens or something. It was truly a mind- boggling experience! Throughout the past few nights, I had several similar dreams too.
It’s been quite some time since I’ve been part of a sangham, a community of Siddha Yoga seekers. Now and then I’d visit the centers in Cincinnati, Ohio and Miami, Florida, when I lived in those parts of the country. I even had an enjoyable social evening in January with the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Siddha Yoga community. But there is no place I called “home” since I left Atlanta eleven months ago. If not for the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course and the few chanting CDs I have, I’d be out of touch with what’s happening in the world of Siddha Yoga all together. I read only one of Baba’s books since October. I really feel the need to find a place where I can settle down and be part of a community once again. There is a center in Palm Springs, California. In Mumbai, India, I would be within 50 miles of the main ashram. Being around likeminded people is certainly very important to maintain the course. Sharing experiences with others, taking part in workshops, and performing seva (selfless service) for a meditation center are paramount to the Spiritual path, unless one has the extreme amount of self- discipline that the ancient sages had. But this is 2001. We aren’t hiding out in caves in the Himalayas. Gurumayi makes the point, time and time again, that Siddha Yoga is about living life in the present day and age. It is about realizing the Self not in a dreamful way but in the practicalities of the world around you. It is about doing your work and living your life no matter where you are or what your role is. It isn’t about running away to be part of some cult or escaping into the wilderness. It is very very pragmatic. After all, why “run away” from the world when God can be seen just as easily as a tree in a forest as he can as the people you interact with in your work and home environment on a daily basis? What is there that exists that is NOT God?
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
After writing my last meditation email, I saw a clear and distinct red flag in a dream in regards to India. That leaves Palm Springs, California as the sole survivor of my search for a place to go. I know that something awaits me there. I don’t know what. I even wonder what on earth could be there. It could be just a place just like any other place. I could be in for a real struggle, and the people could probably care less if I was there or not, just like in Hazleton, PA. I could be harassed for being an “outsider” like I was in Maysville, KY. When I make phone calls to potential employers who I will be interviewed by when I am there, and to hotels to make arrangements for staying there, I don’t get any indication that there is anything particularly profound about the area. I continue to see “yellow flags” in my dreams at night. Nonetheless, I am going there because my birth chart says I should. When I’ll be going there to do some job hunting isn’t clear, but it should be sometime this month. If all else fails, then I will simply use my chart in a different way. If a job opportunity within my profession comes up first during my search, then I will look to see if the planetary influences of the place in the world where that job is are suitable or not.
One of the most frustrating things about being a devout yogi is that once you’ve had amazing visions and revelations, and once you learn what samskaras are and how they affect you, you just want everything to be different. You suddenly want to be a Siddha, a perfected being. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy. It may take a long time to undo what you’ve been doing for thousands of lifetimes. This is why the practice of yoga must be done diligently. It’s not something you can just do for a while and expect things to change. Repetition is the key. This is why I repeat myself a lot in these emails. This is why chants are repetitive. This is why I see many of the same visions over and over again when I meditate. This is why a lot of my dreams repeat themselves. You can’t expect to get up to bat your first time ever and hit a home run off an ace pitcher! It takes much practice, much perseverance, and much self-determination. Some people practice yoga as a way to relax the mind and strengthen the body. This is the Western view of what yoga is. When I explain yoga to people, I tell them about how it all started, way back when, in ancient India. The word yoga actually means “union”, and that union is with God. Yoga was, and still is, the way devout yogis guide and direct their Kundalini energy to clear out all those old samskaras, to quiet the ego and the mind, to achieve perfection. Whatever form of yoga you practice, it MUST be done under the supervision of a certified instructor. In Siddha Yoga, we have the direction of the Guru, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. Siddha Yoga does not involve any strange or difficult exercises, mental or physical, that need to be mastered. Siddha Yoga is something that happens TO you when you receive the Guru’s grace. It is this grace that awakens and directs the Kundalini energy to bring you, eventually, to a state of perfection. I once had my Kundalini energy awakened without any guidance at all. It was a horrifying experience. It was late 1994, long before I ever heard of Kundalini or Siddha Yoga. It was right after a “network” chiropractic adjustment. Network chiropractic is not mainstream, and it can be dangerous if not done properly. About an hour after the adjustment, I was sitting at home in my apartment watching TV. Suddenly, I found myself cramped up and rolling on the floor, having muscle contractions all over and roaring like a lion. This is an extreme example of a physical kriya, and when it occurs without the proper guidance, such as the grace of the Guru or the instruction of a qualified master, it can be a very frightening, and even harmful, experience. Now and then I hear the story of a Siddha Yogi back in the days of Baba Muktananda who thought he knew enough to awaken Kundalini in others. He ended up almost killing someone, and the only person who could correct the situation was Baba himself. With the right techniques, and with the right guidance, Kundalini experiences are the most fantastic events one will ever experience in life.
Tuesday night I chanted and meditated. It was one of the only times I can remember slipping into a state of samadhi, perfect “union”, in a matter of minutes after starting the chant. I could tell things were progressing quickly as the top of my head started vibrating rather dramatically. I reached nirvikalpa (perfectly thought-free state) without effort, and I sat in a well of perfect bliss. I momentarily forgot that I even existed, and it is at this point at which I usually see the Blue Pearl flash before me. I saw a blue flash that seemed different from the Blue Pearl. It looked like a doorway opening to a new dimension. The light coming from the “other side” was a brilliant blue light, the color of the sky. It was quite evidently something that was not of this world. It was as if I could have walked right from the physical world into this other world, disappearing all together from the physical. The light stayed there for only a couple seconds, and then my awareness returned fully to the physical plane. The feeling I had from that point on was one of perfect content. To actually SEE the door to the “other side” opening before your eyes is truly awesome! It is also proof enough that it is this physical world, in which we are right now, that is the dream. What is over there, in the other dimension, is what’s real. This became an innate awareness when the experience was over. During the rest of my meditation, I saw a vision of a figure sitting in deep meditation. The figure was a shadow with no particular face or appearance. Innately, I knew that the figure represented me. As the meditation progressed, many great Siddhas who lived throughout the ages were superimposed upon the figure. Buddha, Jesus, Lord Krishna, Baba Muktananda, and others, all were pictured within the figure. I saw the figure in darkness, and I also saw the figure among the activity of the world. It sat in perfect meditation the whole time. No matter what was going on in the vision, the figure did not stir. The power that emanated from the figure completely filled me as I sat in meditation in my bedroom. I was one with the figure, and I was also one with all the Siddhas who were superimposed upon the figure. It was truly an exhilarating experience! When I awoke from this meditation, I interpreted the figure to be the buddhi, that part of us that is the intellect. It is the buddhi that is always aware. It is above and beyond the mind. The mind itself merely experiences; it is the buddhi that understands. There are many levels of existence and manifestation, described in Vedic scriptures. I’m certainly not a scholar of them, however their truths reveal themselves to me in visions such as this one. Bringing it all down to earth, it is when we “think” with the mind that we react from our samskaras – personal feelings about things, emotions and habits. It is the mind that causes us to think we are the individual person we appear to be. In reality, it is buddhi that is Consciousness, is able to make intelligent decisions and reacts appropriately to things. Buddhi is a vehicle for the Shakti which flows through us and creates and manifests our own world for us. Buddhi expresses itself THROUGH the mind, and when the mind isn’t pure the Shakti does not manifest what is in our best interest. Through yoga we purify the mind. We remove the samskaras that are obstacles to the pure and perfect expression of the Shakti working THROUGH us. This is how God manifests the world, as us, through us. When we are perfectly pure in mind, established in buddhi, a laser beam of Shakti, then we are a Siddha. How do we know when we become Siddhas? Simple – you just “know.” And when you know, it’s not something you reveal to other people. Therefore, it’s impossible to know from outward appearances who is a Siddha and who isn’t. With the exception of the Guru, there is no reason for a Siddha to tell anyone he or she is a Siddha. What purpose would the Self have in telling itself that it’s the Self?!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Some interesting turns of events happened in the past week. The “yellow flags” of California warned me to not be hasty, to take my time before making any moves. While I was planning on taking a trip out there to do some job hunting, it became evident that the people who I thought I could depend on for assistance didn’t come through. It’s funny how people say they will help you, until you actually ask for something. Anyway, I heard back from the clinic in Mumbai, India. Despite the “two strikes” against them that I pointed out, they are still inviting me to come there in July. Despite the two strikes and the “red flag” dreams, my heart still has an interest in going there. Now, a brand new opportunity came up, and this is the one I have chosen. It takes me back to Pennsylvania and a lot closer to the Shree Muktananda Ashram than where I was before. Despite the fact that the planetary influence over the area isn’t very favorable, I had two very big positives going for me now – being only an 89-mile drive from the ashram, where Gurumayi is living right now, and being coached by Dr. Sharon Gorman, one of the leading chiropractic motivational speakers in the world. During the past week, I’ve also come to look at “red flag” dreams in a different way. When I look back through the years, I thought about all the situations I was in that “red flag” dreams have warned me about. They were situations that brought much anguish into my life. However, I was always able to get myself out of them on my own accord, and there were certainly positive things that happened in life that resulted from the negative. I thought to myself having “red flag” dreams, now that I have the strength to fight back, should be looked at as indicators of what to expect, not final determinants of what I should do. I feel that my progress in yoga has given me the inner strength to face whatever challenges lie ahead in life from this point on.
There is a definite need for physical strength in yoga, particularly Siddha Yoga. By physical strength, I don’t mean being able to lift a ton of weight or being able to run a marathon. The physical strength I am referring to is the capacity to contain the Shakti when it fills you. As physical strength develops, so does mental and emotional strength. I realize that at this point in time my sadhana has become focused on developing physical strength further. In the very early days of practicing Siddha Yoga, particularly just after I received Shaktipat, the Grace of Spiritual awakening from the Guru, I would experience feelings of extreme bliss whether I was driving my car, working in the clinic where I was doing my internship, or sitting in coffee houses reading a book. I wrote about many of these experiences in my earliest writings. In those days, I had fellow Siddha Yogis and Yogini by my side to tell me what I was experiencing and how to handle things. Sometimes these feelings of bliss were so strong that I couldn’t do a thing. I could only sit there and enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, if one does not know what to do during these times, it can be more damaging than fruitful. As Kundalini is moving through you, creating these feelings of bliss through her work, you need to be physically prepared to contain the energy. For those of you who have experienced such an event, the best thing to do, I learned, is to eat something with a lot of sugar in it. This gives Kundalini something to use for fuel besides your own body. Then, it is easier to function despite what is happening. As time went by, these feelings seemed to have subsided. Perhaps they just seemed to have subsided because I was really building the physical strength to function despite them. After all, back then I experienced this several times a week! While I would chant and meditate, either at home or at the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center of Atlanta, I would keel over in a daze and experience the flow of Shakti, and then go off into some fantastic voyage or vision or experience a fantastic light display. The kriyas were plentiful back then, and I would always have to eat like a horse when meditation was over so I could contain the energy that was flowing through me at the time. Since those days, my experiences have become less dramatic overall, although my awareness of the Play of Consciousness is unshakable. Nowadays when I chant and meditate, I’ll still go into a quiet state where I stop chanting, and I sit there and experience a still mind and a well of bliss. I am still perfectly aware of the physical world around me. I’m perfectly still, physically and mentally. This past Wednesday night I chanted to the Siddha Yoga mantra. As I went into the state of stillness, the thought finally occurred to me that, since I no longer experienced the fantastic voyages I once enjoyed, I should be more concerned about holding this state of stillness throughout my daily activities. This is where the requirement of physical strength comes in. From then on, I forced myself to chant and remain aware. It took a lot of self-effort to do this. In fact, it really tired me out. If you watch Gurumayi as she gives her discourses, you will see her close her eyes now and then and become completely still. This is a state that she constantly dwells in, and yet she is able to function in this world to do what she must. Becoming an enlightened being doesn’t mean you become oblivious to your responsibilities and the world around you. It means that you function with the awareness of the divine nature of everything that exists, and you know that there is nothing that is separate or other than the Self, God manifesting as many forms. You are perfectly purified through yoga; Kundalini has done her work. You are no longer bound by your karma, yet you still experience what is left to be lived out. In other words, the whole reason why we even take on a physical form is to experience the samskaras we carry within our subtle bodies, and when these samskaras are burned away through yoga, we no longer need to incarnate again. Becoming a pure being means merging your entire being, on all planes of existence, with the pure awareness of yourself as the great Self. If I have profound experiences these days, it is usually while I am asleep and dreaming or while perfectly awake. In my dreams at night, I see clear indicators of what is transpiring in life, for example the “red flag” dreams. During the past two nights I had dreams telling me that this job I just accepted in Pennsylvania will help me to “rediscover” the fact that I’m a very good doctor, and that unexpected leaps and bounds in my sadhana are about to occur. While I’m awake, I’ll sometimes have these “aha” moments where I suddenly understand a teaching that either Gurumayi gives or that is written in the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course. Also, while I’m awake, I enjoy the feelings which were so new to me back in the earlier days of my sadhana that are now are commonplace – “feeling” other peoples’ samskaras, looking into one’s eyes and seeing the same Self experiencing a different karma, innately knowing the connectedness of all life force in the entire cosmos, etc. It really brings the Siddha Yoga teachings to life when you EXPERIENCE them, rather than simply read about them and agree with them. This is what is developed when you do the practices that the Guru prescribes. No matter which practice you are drawn to most, whether chanting, seva (selfless service), jnana (reading and contemplating the holy scriptures), or even hathayoga, the practice that connects them all together and bears the most fruit is meditation, particularly silent meditation. You don’t need to have a Guru or be on a particular spiritual path to derive benefit from meditation. Meditation is powerful for anyone who is willing to wholeheartedly commit to it. When I teach people how to meditate in a class setting, I don’t talk about any particular form of yogic practice or spiritual discipline. Instead, I explain how the many different practices are all similar and can bear fruit, and I teach the fundamental that is common to all the practices, meditation itself. If a person wants to study any one form of yoga, Zen meditation, TM, or any of the other practices out there, that is something for a qualified instructor to teach. With the basics that I teach, one has a brief introduction to these other formal techniques and a better practical know-how and experience of how to meditate the proper way.
Shortly after I started writing these email in June of 1999, I decided to stop writing them. At the time, my experiences were numerous, and many of them were very personal. I had decided then that the best thing for me to do was to not write anymore of these emails simply because I wanted to enjoy the experience instead of trying to decipher it with my mind, and explaining things from the ego’s point of view. Many of my readers back then were disappointed that I wanted to stop writing. So I continued on. Now, almost two years later, I’m glad I kept writing. As I read back through my collection of emails, I see how my understanding of life events has blossomed, and how my understanding of the Guru’s teachings has taken new forms. I will continue these writings, of course, and I hope that each one of you derives benefit from my sharings. I will for the Guru’s blessings to reach you through these words. After all, the Guru does work through those who are true disciples. It is important to keep in mind that the physical Guru, Gurumayi, is the means by which we come to know the Sadguru, the TRUE Guru. The TRUE Guru is the principle, the fact that each one of us, both individually and collectively, and all that exists in the physical plane and all other planes simultaneously IS the Self, IS God. While we chant in Siddha Yoga, we mention many different names for God – Muktananda, Nityananda, Narayana, Krishna, Kundalini, Ram, Lakshmi, etc. It is important to know that they are ALL one and the same. They are not separate gods. They are all “aspects” of the same God, and that God IS YOU. THIS is the Guru principle, and when we purify ourselves through yoga, the Guru works through us in the highest manner. In the few months before I moved away from Atlanta, Georgia, I was a regular visitor of the Hindu Temple of Atlanta. Now by no means do I favor one religion over the other, but I figured it was a nice place to go to pay homage to the deities whose names we chant. One particular Friday evening, I met a young lady named Lakshmi and her husband and two sons. I sat with them for the chanting of the Durga Puja. As the long and ritualistic ceremony began, Lakshmi asked the Brahmin priest to explain what the ceremony was all about for her children. The priest explained it in exactly the way it really is, using basically these words: “Everything you see around you (the different deities in the temple) is a different representation of God who IS you. Each deity represents a different aspect of God, whether it be prosperity, love, duty, etc. Their appearance represents how they might look to you if you were to actually see the physical form of each deity in your dreams or meditations.” When he said that, I came to understand that there really is no difference whether I chant the name of Ram or Shiva or Krishna, or even Jesus for that matter. It is the opening of the heart, through meditation, to receive the Grace of the Guru that matters. Even Jesus was a Guru in his own right – giving discourses to people wherever he traveled, healing the sick, and filling people with the Holy Spirit (Shaktipat). Jesus was a Siddha! The one thing to keep in mind is, once again, that there is no person or thing, whether on the physical plane or elsewhere in the cosmos, that is separate from God, Shiva, the Self, and that Self is YOU as you already are. You don’t have to believe you are a sinner or that you have faults. In fact, it would be much more beneficial if you don’t. All you have to do is ask for the Guru’s Grace, first and foremost, and KNOW that you ARE God. In Siddha Yoga, it is the living Guru, Gurumayi, who we focus on as our means. Meditating is how you come to know this. You come to know this through what you EXPERIENCE. If you merely agree with it, then you still live in a dualistic mindset. There really is no duality, no separation, between God and the individual soul. There only appears to be a separation because of the mind, and the way to purify the mind is by meditating. Although I say it again and again, it is not my position to teach such things. But what can I do when I become so filled with the Guru’s love? How can I keep silent to those who say they want to hear it and continue to receive my writings? As I go about my day, I certainly don’t express such things. I have a sense of discrimination about whom I share these things with. As I sense others’ samskaras, I know just what to say to whom. It is something I developed along the way. Thanks to the patience of the Guru, I’ve learned to develop great inner strength and physical strength to keep me going in this world. I often wonder how my life would be right now if I never met the Guru, if I had a different karma. I guess I already knew what it was like in previous lifetimes to not have such a powerful knowing and connectedness to the Universe. Sri Ram jai Ram!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Jaya jaya Shiva Shambo! Hail to the great Nityananda, whose boundless love exists in all things, in all people, in all places, at all times! Not for the smallest fraction of a second does Nityananda’s great love cease to exist; it can only be unrecognized by the ignorant mind. Hail to the great Nityananda who great saints throughout the ages have recognized as none other than their own Self!
The date was Wednesday, May 16 when I left the Florida Keys to return to Pennsylvania. I was hired by one of the most principled chiropractors today to be the primary doctor at one of her three offices. The office is located just 7½ miles from my apartment. The office is in Pocono Summit, and I live in Tobyhanna. One of the main reasons why I looked to the north of where I worked for a place to live is because it brings me a lot closer to the Shree Muktananda Ashram in South Fallsburg, NY. It’s only an 80-mile drive from the ashram, and now I extend an invitation to stay at my place to any travelers to and from the ashram who wish to stay somewhere for the night . I couldn’t ask for a better job situation, as it is TRULY chiropractic that is done in the office. There are no gimmicks such as prescribing vitamins and herbs or physiotherapy treatments. It is pure, unadulterated chiropractic, the way it was always meant to be. It gives me great joy to see the people whose lives were at the mercy of the unproductive medical world now enjoying optimal health because of chiropractic care! Just four days after starting my new job, I had a most fantastic dream. I dreamt that I was in the auditorium of the elementary school I attended. There were several people gathered there for some kind of event, including my Reiki Master. I walked among the people, and I shared a few words with my Reiki Master. Suddenly, out of nowhere, appeared an old Indian man with long gray hair and a long gray beard. He was wearing the saffron clothes of a Swami. He looked exactly like Maharishi Yogi. He stood there, looking out over the crowd with the biggest smile. I was glad to see such a great being among us. The aura about him was magnificently pure. I approached him and asked who he was. He said his name was Uddha Pradesh. He then held up a clear plastic bag full of round, coin-sized pictures. All of the pictures were of Baba Muktananda. Uddha showed me the pictures, and he told me of the good times that he and Baba used to have together. As he was showing me the pictures and talking, the scene around us suddenly changed. The same crowd of people was around us, but we were no longer in a building. We were in a beautiful outdoor setting in a field with trees here and there. This is as much of the dream as I can remember. I never did find a literal meaning of the word “Uddha,” however with the help of a friend I found one, and only one, reference to the word online. In this reference, the word appears to mean “to lift” as if to elevate. Two days after this dream, on Saturday, May 26, I visited the Shree Muktananda Ashram for the first time ever. When I first drove up to the place, I thought of how it looked kind of ordinary – not the flamboyant place I was expecting to find. While I was there, the Guru’s Shakti knew exactly what to do with me, though. The whole time I was there, I was feeling one of the most horrible feelings I’ve ever felt in my life, and I didn’t know where it came from. In my earlier years, I always felt so darn out of place, no matter where I went, that I was so afraid to even so much as breath for fear that I would embarrass myself and make someone angry. This feeling welled up all over again. True as the feeling was, I did do some embarrassing things, such as parking in the wrong parking lot and entering the Bhagawan Nityananda temple through the wrong door, causing a commotion while people were meditating. The whole time I walked along the “silent path,” I kept a lookout for fear that I would go off into some restricted area. It was most interesting to feel this self-devastation all over again! It was thrilling to be at the ashram, nonetheless. It was thrilling to know that I was only a few feet from my Guru, and the chance of meeting her face-to-face was very real. That didn’t happen, though. I may have keeled over or panicked if it did, given the way I was feeling. It was good to have made contact, once again, with likeminded people. It was good to have the chance to honor the many forms of God that lined the pathway between the main entrance and the Bhagawan Nityananda temple. These forms included Shiva, Lord Ganesh, Lord Krishna, Jesus Christ, and even the Blessed Virgin Mary. I paid homage to them all as I walked along the “silent path” through a lightly falling rain, stopping only for a moment to look at the breathtaking, serene view of Lake Nityananda. No place was the Shakti any stronger, any more alive, than in the Bhagawan Nityananda temple. Immediately upon walking into the place, you could feel it. It was the kind of feeling you get when you’ve been chanting to the mantra for hours along with other great yogis. It surrounds you and permeates you as you sit in front of the murta of Bhagawan Nityananda. People were having kriyas just being there. Immediately upon sitting down to meditate, I was overtaken by a floating feeling. When I closed my eyes, I saw the same vision I saw the very night I first received Shaktipat. I watched as the stars and planets whizzed by me as I drifted endlessly through space. It was a most exhilarating experience! I chanted along and participated in the arati honoring Bhagawan Nityananda that started a few minutes after I arrived. During the arati, the feeling of fear left me completely. It was as if the Guru’s Shakti completely consumed this samskara. After the arati, I met with two old friends of mine from the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center of Atlanta. Then I headed back to my car, walking along the “silent path” once again. As I approached a field behind the living quarters, I saw a patch of high grass off to my right. I saw something jumping around in the grass. I stopped to get a better view. It was the cutest little kitten I’ve ever seen. He looked around as if he were in deep wonder. I called to him, and he continued to look around as if he was wondering where to go next. He looked sort of out of place, though – such a cute little creature wandering around in such a high patch of grass. He seemed to be lost, but at the same time he was right where he could get out of the high grass. After admiring the kitten for a minute, I continued on my way.
Just a few minutes ago, I was at the local supermarket doing some shopping. As I was standing in line, waiting to check out, I looked around at the people. A feeling suddenly hit me – one I haven’t felt for a VERY long time. The door once again opened to the state of enlightenment, the bliss of Nityananda. The smile that ran across my face was one I haven’t experienced in a long long time. Several people noticed, and they wondered what on earth I was smiling so largely about. It was all so simple. I was simply enjoying the Play of Nityananda, the Self delighting in its many roles, seeing Itself everywhere. It is just that simple, and that is the way it really is.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
During my second visit to the ashram, on Saturday, June 16, I felt more at home, and yet I could just “feel” hidden samskaras oozing through my pores. Again I did not meet my Guru in person, however I received a most fantastic visitation during meditation from Bhagawan Nityananda. It was my first time in the meditation “cave.” The cave is a very dark room where the only lights present are the ones shining on the pictures of the three Siddha Yoga Gurus. You have to sit in a foyer area to let your eyes adjust before entering the place. While I was seated in the hall, meditating, my mind went into meditation quite effortlessly. It was the usual type of meditation, where I would first have conversation with an unknown person and then see many unintelligible visions, none of which I can remember, pass before my eyes. One vision stuck out as a lesson to be remembered. During the rambling of the visions, Bhagawan Nityananda approached me. I saw a vision of myself as a transparent being. I could see all my body organs right through my skin. Bhagawan Nityananda pointed at my transparent body and said, “Where can you find any physical connection between your body and its life force?”
These were not the exact words that were spoken, however I knew what he was implying, and I carried this lesson with me from then on. There really IS nothing PHYSICAL about who we really are. The only reason why your body functions, the only reason why you appear to be alive in a physical sense, is because you, that magnificent “God energy,” occupy it. There is no physical reason why you are alive. There is no physical source from where your thoughts and feelings come from. It is your life force, your thoughts, your feelings, and your samskaras, that give life to the body. It doesn’t work the other way around!
One concept that is the most difficult for Siddha Yogis to grasp, including myself, is the oneness of all things. This lesson that Shri Nityananda reminded me of made it easier to understand this. Life force never dies. You never die. What seem to be birth and death are simply our taking on a body to continue working on our samskaras more, to experience another role through which we come to know who we are. When we realize that we really are God just playing these roles, we also realize that everyone else is really God playing those roles too. The only thing that thinks we are anything other than God is the mind itself, our ego playing games with us. The events that happen in our lives, and the people that come into our lives, are simply part of the Play according to the karma we have developed for ourselves over the course of our lifetimes. It is very important to let go of the ego, to stop thinking you are who you are, and realize that you are REALLY God’s own Shakti in a physical form, animating an otherwise inanimate lump of dirt.
As I continue my work, my doership, as a chiropractor, I keep these lessons in mind. I see this Truth in the people I work with, in the lessons I learn from my boss, in the lessons I learn from my patients, in the lessons I teach my patients, in the perceptiveness I have of their life situations when I lay my hands on my patients’ spines, and even in the circle of friends I am now forming. It is important to keep in mind that you are not here to judge another person. You are not here to remove the splinter from your neighbor’s eye; you are here to remove the log from your own eye. Baba Muktananda once said, “If all you see in this world is misery, then you only have to change the prescription of the glasses through which you see the world.” God’s love is everywhere. God’s energy is everywhere. It is important to ALWAYS remember that you ARE That!
I recently made friends with a man named Fred. Fred is a very spiritual person who works as a non-denominational minister. He reads Deepak Chopra and studies Vedanta, one of the philosophies upon which Siddha Yoga is based. He is very familiar with Siddha Yoga and its practices and principles. We have great conversations together. I am glad to have met such a likeminded person with whom I can sit in the restaurant and chat with over a cup of coffee. Still and all, he has his own set of samskaras to deal with, as I do too. I feel that the reason why he entered my life at this time was to teach me to have discrimination even with “likeminded” people. Last week, a new chiropractic assistant was hired for my office. She is a young lady who has a lot to learn. I see the things that I need to teach her, about how to relate to people and handle decision- making situations. These are areas in which I was once terribly lacking. I feel that the reason why she entered my life at this time was to teach me that I really do not lack that which I thought I lacked. In these two examples alone, we can clearly see that the world is but a mirror – the Self seeing the Self, God playing this Play, to learn through the perceptions of individual souls, who the Self really is. There is, after all, nothing other than the Self!
With the blessings of my Guru, the lessons continue.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From: "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
All that has ever been shown to me in meditation and in my dreams was just a beginning. Everything that I ever felt and experienced because of the Siddha Yoga teachings was just a preparation. On Thursday, June 5, at 3:00 PM EDT, I met my beloved Guru, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. In that meeting, my Guru gave me everything I could ever ask for and so much more. It is exactly a 78.0-mile drive from the front door of my apartment to the main parking lot at Shree Muktananda Ashram. There was a special program for the entire day at the ashram to celebrate Guru Purnima. I arrived for the afternoon satsang, which began at 3 and lasted until 6. As soon as Gurumayi entered the Shakti Mandir, you could feel the air in the place change. The emcee gave a little speech and told us what we would be doing during the satsang. The whole time, Gurumayi was looking out over the crowd. Even though I was sitting near the back of the hall, I felt like I was sitting right next to her. When I first looked at her, I didn’t even think it was her because her aura was like that of an innocent little child. It was so pure and so clear. Not only that, it was all-pervasive. She wasn’t just sitting in the chair. She was everywhere simultaneously! As the emcee continued his speech, and Gurumayi continued to look out over the crowd, it felt like a giant jet of subtle air was whirling throughout the auditorium, clearing away any impurities that were being thrown into the air by the auras of the people. We were suddenly being cleansed of our ignorance and our limitations. Just at the mere sight of the Guru, people started having kriyas. The Guru’s Shakti was just that powerful! The satsang began with a play about the great Indian saint Kabir. It was beautifully done, and the lesson in it was so powerful. It was about a devotee of Kabir who was a skeptic but then became a true disciple after receiving the Guru’s grace. The Guru’s Shakti was so strong within the words and the actions of the actors in the play that many hearts began to melt like butter in the hot sun. Some people went into more physical kriyas and then left the auditorium, never to return. It is so amazing how even a play that is enacted could be so powerful. It is because EVERYTHING that happens with the Guru’s intent is completely saturated with her Shakti. Those who are worthy of experiencing the Truth will receive it. After the play, Gurumayi spoke for about a half hour. I can’t remember everything she said because of how much in rapture I was while bathing in her endless sea of Shakti. The love I felt from her was something I’ve never experienced before. She spoke about the power of the word “om” and the importance of discipleship. Then we chanted “Om Gurudev” for about one hour and 50 minutes. It was the most incredible satsang I’ve ever been to, and it wasn’t merely because Gurumayi was there. About five minutes into the chant, I had a vision. The vision lasted only a split second. But in that split second, I received everything that I ever wanted and needed in this lifetime and in all my previous lifetimes put together. I drifted off without even noticing, and I saw Gurumayi force-feeding me an extremely large meal, larger than any one person could possibly eat on their own. I felt fuller than I ever felt before, yet it did not hurt. Within this feeling of fullness, I felt like I was more alive than I’ve ever been before. When the vision was over, I remained still for about five minutes. I then joined in with the chanting again. When the satsang was over, I bowed to Gurumayi before leaving the hall. As I drove home, I had the feeling “what hit me?” Since then, I’ve been seeing just a glimpse of what it was the Guru really gave me. In the past two days, my life has gone on exactly as it always has. Only one thing has been different. I have an even greater awareness that I am not the one doing what I do and saying what I say. In reality, I am only EXPERIENCING this. I, the REAL me, am looking through the eyes of this jiva, this particular individual soul, experiencing the world from this particular angle and mindset. In reality, I am many, as I am Muktananda. I am you who are reading these words right now. I am Nityananda, that love that is in your heart that you don’t always feel. I am still there, though. You only have to silence your mind to experience me. You only have to look around you, at your significant other, at your children, at your family, at your pets, at your plants, at your neighbors, at the earth below your feet, at the sky and heavens above you, and there I am. I am you experiencing yourself as you. There is no difference between you and me. Difference only exists as part of this play, and in your limited understanding. I am Muktananda, and so are you. You only need to wake up and EXPERIENCE.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
The “high” that I felt after meeting my Guru in physical form lasted for a few days. Then it was “business as usual.” Keeping the focus (on the Guru Principle) is hard to do if you rely solely on your own mind to carry you. This has certainly been my experience in the past couple weeks. One reason why it’s been so hard for me to keep the focus is because I fell out of the routine of chanting and meditating on a regular basis. I’ve been reading Baba Muktananda’s book “Secret of the Siddhas” lately, which is by far the most intellectual book I’ve ever read. Reading that has kept me in the bliss of jnana, which I so much enjoy. But to carry such an enjoyment with you all day long takes a conscious effort as well as keeping up with the practices of sadhana. It is VERY obvious how life is when you don’t follow through with this course for a while. When the initial “high” wore off, I found myself feeling bound again by limitations. Then I realized that what I was feeling was how my life usually is anyway. The contrast was that obvious. I was irritable. My mind wandered a lot. I worried about things I usually don’t worry about. Plus, the chronic fatigue became even more of a burden. As I was feeling these things in the past couple weeks, I knew it was time to get back to the practices of chanting and meditating. I’ve been away from it for over two months! This past Friday night I chanted and meditated right before I went to bed for the night. Right before the chant was over, I had a very simple vision. A golden triangle appeared in front of me. It just sat there for a moment, and then the vision was over. That night I had a rather strange dream of Gurumayi. There were about 100 people gathered in a meeting hall to hear Gurumayi speak. The men and the women were not divided, as they usually are. The odd thing is that we were sitting in perfect rows, one behind the other and next to each other too, with plenty of space between us. I sat just to Gurumayi’s left and about three or four rows back. I was seated directly behind a young lady. I was so overjoyed at Gurumayi’s presence, yet at the same time I was confused by the orderly arrangement of rows and the fact that the men and the women weren’t separated. Then Gurumayi started chanting “Jay Jay Vitthala.” In just a short amount of time, I was filled with such bliss that I wanted to get up and start dancing, as they do at a dancing saptah. The girl in front of me did just that, and I followed her. Soon, the whole room was dancing around, chanting “Jay Jay Vitthala.” We didn’t get very far with the dance when Gurumayi stopped us and told us to sit down again right where we were. We all sat down, and this time we weren’t in the neat rows that we started out in. This time, I was in the front of the room, seated next to the girl who was previously in front of me, and Gurumayi was seated in the back of the room looking at us from behind. I glanced over my right shoulder to see what she was doing. She just started talking again. The dream then ended. Last night I chanted to the Siddha Yoga mantra just before going to bed. During the day today, I felt lighter and more energetic than I did in a long time. The reason for this was because I felt that my focus was returning to where it should be. I didn’t feel so bogged down by every little thing in life. These past two months of not keeping up regularly with the practices taught me a big lesson. You can’t transcend the mind by using your mind alone. The mind IS a limitation itself! You absolutely NEED the Grace of the Guru, which can only be obtained by showing worthiness. You show worthiness by keeping up with the practices the Guru prescribes. Baba Muktananda once said that you can only uplift yourself as far as your own state. To go further, you need the guidance of a Spiritual Master. That is why I have a Guru, and that Guru is Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. A misconception that people have is that the Guru will give people what they want and their lives will be lived happily ever after. This kind of “focus” gets one nowhere except to a big disappointment of their ego. The correct focus to have is that the Guru will show you the way out of the trap of desire and mental promiscuity. With the Guru’s guidance, you will see, very clearly, that you are a manifestation IN this world, not of it. Jesus once said, “Greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world.” That “he” that is in you is YOU. That “he” who is in the world is merely the role you are playing in this particular lifetime. When you have this awareness and are established, focused, in this knowledge, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Right before I left Florida to come back to Pennsylvania for my job, I had a dream that revealed to me what would be transpiring over the next few months. The dream indicated that some fantastic and life-changing events were about to happen. However, conflict and turmoil with the job itself would bring everything to a disappointing end. I knew this before I came here. Now, the end of this chapter is near. Every so often I would have “red flag” dreams indicating reasons for the approaching end. Last night, after a night full of “red flag” dreams that left me feeling distraught and unrested, I made my decision to begin the closing of this chapter in my life. I handed in my 30-day notice that I was leaving. My employer required 30 days so she could hire another doctor to take my place, and it also gives me a chance to seriously pursue some other opportunities that have presented themselves recently. The life-changing events were indeed rewarding and uplifting. I found a greater ease in relating to people on all levels. I acquired much needed experience in my chiropractic adjusting skills. I learned the ropes of running an office. But best of all, I finally met my Guru in physical form and had the opportunity to visit the ashram on several occasions. Meeting the Guru gave me everything I need to go onward and upward in my continuing sadhana and search for my niche as a chiropractor.
In recent months, sitting on the floor cross-legged while chanting and meditating has been a burden. I get pains in my feet and my hips, and I am unable to relax enough to have a truly enjoyable experience. Just last night I finally made the decision to switch to sitting in a chair instead. I was pleased to find that the experience was not only much more comfortable but also just as productive in my visual experiences as back in the early days of my meditation practices. I chanted to “Govinda Jaya Jaya,” and the visions that I enjoyed were quite fascinating. In my first of three visions, I saw a pond full of lotus flowers that were not yet open. They sat there peacefully, getting ready to blossom. In the second vision, I was walking through a heavily wooded forest and came up to a treehouse. I looked inside the treehouse, and there I saw Gurumayi chanting the chant I was listening to. Gurumayi was looking out the window at the forest. Along with her was an elderly Indian lady, standing in front of her looking out the window too. She was chanting and clapping along. Next, I was inside the treehouse having a conversation with the lady. We spoke briefly on several topics, including what I need to do to boost the business at my clinic. All she told me was to have patience. The third vision was the most bizarre of all. I saw a fantastic display of red and blue light, rising up from the ground into the air. The higher up the beam of light rose, the more it looked like a form of a person emerging from within the light. The words “Uddha Pradesh” ran through my mind, as I remember this character that appeared to me in a dream a few weeks ago. When the light and the figure within the light were fully extended upwards, the figure raised one of his arms, in which he had a corn cob-like cone of yellow light. He placed the light on top of his head. Suddenly a giant flash of white light appeared from the top of the cone, like a flashbulb going off. I suddenly came back to the physical plane and joined in the chanting again.
Saturday, while I was reading a passage from Baba Muktananda’s book “Secret Of The Siddhas,” moksha, liberation from the bondage of ignorance, stared me in the face. His words summed up everything I wrote about in my meditation email entitled “Logistic Realization” and was taught by Bhagawan Nityananda during one of my trips to the ashram. It suddenly all came together, and my eyes were opened. The contemplation that ran through my mind at that instant was this: If all that is manifest, including this body of mine, is merely particles of energy being arranged by Consciousness itself, then of what use is my ego? Of what use are samskaras (thoughts and habits)? My life force IS that Consciousness experiencing itself in manifest form just for its own enjoyment. I am none other than That, therefore any of the concerns and worries I have are all for naught. And what about karma? Of what use is it? There is no use for it, now that I can clearly EXPERIENCE who I really am. Therefore, I turn to the Guru to burn all this illusion from my contracted mind so that I can enjoy the world as it really is. And when my karmic destiny has been fulfilled during this manifestation, let me return to mahasamadhi, the ultimate perfect union with God.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Three days after giving my employer my notice that I was leaving, I received confirmation from the Board of Chiropractic Examiners of the state of California that my application for licensure was approved. The next step is for me to take the state law exam, which will be held on October 27 in Sacramento, CA. I am now planning on going there to take this exam, and if any of you know of anyone in the Sacramento area who would be willing to accommodate me during that time I would greatly appreciate the help. Since receiving my confirmation, my dreams at night have been key indicators to what my next course of action should be. Although I already have temporary office space lined up in downtown Stroudsburg, ready to go for after August 31, my dreams are telling me that I should be looking for work in California now. According to my dreams, whatever I attempt to get started here will not be very successful anyway. My dreams have ALWAYS been accurate in the past, yet I need to do something in the meantime before the whole California thing becomes a reality.
On Saturday, August 4, I visited the Shree Muktananda Ashram for the 4th time. On the way there, I realized I shouldn’t have ventured on this trip. The weather was bad, and so was the chronic fatigue. I felt like I was fighting to stay awake behind the wheel the whole way up and the whole way back. While at the ashram, I once again met an old friend from the Atlanta meditation center. Also, once again, I had a profound occurrence in the meditation cave. When I sat for meditation, all I could do was fight to stay awake. I kept drifting off to sleep. Each time I started drifting off, I could feel the Shakti penetrating deep within me, pulling out and exposing a lot of hidden garbage. I felt as though the Guru was standing right next to me, Bhagawan Nityananda to be exact, and reaching his hand inside me to pull out a lot of subconscious samskaras. It was tough to be facing all the pent-up, self-defeating emotions that are most likely contributing to all this chronic fatigue that I suffer from. I saw it all being lain out in front of me. When I walked out of the cave again, I felt much lighter and freer, although I was still quite tired. During the past week, I chanted and meditated a couple times. This past Sunday night, just after I went to bed, I had a vision of my Consciousness being uplifted (uddha) by a great force, as though it were being blasted off into outer space. I suddenly transcended the physical plane all together and experienced myself as everything within everything in the entire Universe. The feeling was quite astounding, but it only lasted a moment. Suddenly, I had a vision of a box being unearthed from the depths of my mind. It was Bhagawan Nityananda who brought this box to my attention. I thought that this might be a good sign. Suddenly, the top of the box flew off, and once again I was inundated by all the pent-up, self-defeating samskaras that lie deep within my subconscious mind. Within just a couple seconds, I went from being Shiva to being the most low creature. The contrast from one state to the other was as distinct as day and night, as heaven and hell. The lesson I learned from this was regarding the necessity of keeping focused on who I really am, to become established in that state. It is not something that is easily obtainable when I am still so very much attached to my feelings of hidden inferiority, of not being “good enough.” I really thought I was over all of that. The Guru showed me, quite clearly, that it is still there. It was just buried away so I could just forget about it.
It is interesting how some people come into our lives at the right time. Just in the past couple weeks, I became a regular customer to a local coffee house in downtown Stroudsburg. After work, and on my days off, I’ll go to the Sweet Pamala Jean’s coffee house at the corner of 8th and Main Streets to talk to the owner. Pamala is a 27-year-old divorcee who I came to trust quite well. She has helped me to focus on some of these hidden negative emotions I’ve been carrying around for a while. She is also my “sounding board” when I talk about the plans I have and the ideas I’ve come up with lately. She’s also a good source of information on whether or not my feelings towards having a significant other are rational or not. Best of all, she grew up near San Diego, California and is very familiar with the Palm Springs area, which is where I hope to settle if the Universe takes me in that direction. As long as I keep focused on what it is the Guru is showing me, and what my dreams are telling me at night, and the feedback I get from everyone and everything around me, I should do all right. Times like these can cause even the most faithful yogi to careen a bit as he travels along the path of sadhana. The Guru is ALWAYS testing one who considers himself a true disciple. The road is never easy because you have an ego to deal with – that which causes you to believe that you are powerless and separate from God. When this ego, and the samskaras that comprise it, are finally eradicated, then one can live in the constant awareness of the Self. I enjoy those times when I see my life from the Witness point of view. It is frustrating, though, when I see my life from the point of view of the bound soul that believes it is insignificant and is separate from God.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
The quixotic thing for me to be doing now is plan to go to California, Palm Springs to be exact, and prepare to take the state board exam in October. For now, though, I am being diligent in my Siddha Yoga practices, and I am preparing to open an office again right here in Pennsylvania. As of Tuesday, September 11, at the latest, I will open my own office at the Pocono Plaza truck stop in Bartonsville, PA. For the past week I’ve been doing surveys to see if a chiropractic office would be successful there. Over 50% of the people surveyed said that they would use the service. Of course most people say one thing and do another, but I figured I’d try things out for a month and see what happens.
Just yesterday I mailed a personal letter to Gurumayi. I asked for only two things – to guide me to an answer regarding this chronic fatigue that has been plaguing me now for almost 6 ½ years, and to tell me where I need to go in this world to be most successful as a chiropractor. As soon as I mailed the letter, I could feel the Guru’s Shakti moving within me in a most intriguing way. She probably hasn’t received the letter yet, and I am already feeling less burdened by life events and the projections I put out into this world. I suddenly became aware of things that I didn’t even notice within myself, such as arrogance and impatience. These two “negative” traits have always been commonplace within my family. I suddenly realized that I had them too, and that they didn’t suit me at all. So when I feel these things welling within me now, I am suddenly made aware of what it is that makes me feel this way, and then I switch to the dharmic response instead. Also, instead of feeling like I had nothing to offer the world, which had always been a rather pronounced samskara, I realize that I haven’t been using the gifts that I’ve had all along. All this happened just within the past 36 hours. A lot of this change is due to the fact that I am less focused on my own head and more focused on the energies that surround me. Saturday night I had a strange dream (although my dreams are never NOT strange) that had a little Siddha Yoga intonation to it. I dreamt that my paternal grandfather, my mom, and I were in the living room of the house I grew up in before it was remodeled. I was sitting on the sofa watching TV. My mom was sitting next to me. My grandpop was sitting on the recliner. He got up and said that he was getting ready to leave. I figured I better turn my attention towards him, since I felt that his time on this Earth was soon over, and I didn’t know if I’d see him again. (In reality, he passed from this physical plane in 1992.) My mom asked if he could pray over her. So my grandpop, who wasn’t into any type of “spiritual” practice whatsoever (he was a devout Roman Catholic), placed his hands on top of my mom’s head, closed his eyes, and began to pray silently. Somehow, innately, I knew that the prayer was meant for me too. I turned to look back at the television. What I saw was quite interesting. A group of armored knights were ceremoniously preparing a battering ram that they were going to use to break down the giant door to a fortress. The music that was playing in the background was the opening chorus of the chant “Om Bhagawan.” The dream then ended. Last night I listened to the CD of Gurumayi’s 2001 New Year’s message for the fourth time since I bought it in May. During the last 15 minutes of the talk, she sings “Naranjani,” which means “the fourth state,” the Turiya state in which every Siddha is established. Naranjani is the final goal of meditation, perfect and pure Being. As I listed to this song, I heard for the first time the tamboura playing the same “Om” melody that plays while we are in silent meditation at the meditation centers. When this realization came over me, another interesting event happened. I suddenly felt an explosion take place within my chest, pushing a heaviness upwards and outwards. The feeling of release that followed was incredibly exalting and peaceful. Just before I started writing this email, I was chanting and meditating to “Om Guru Jaya Guru.” During the chant I went off into some rather deep meditations. They were all so strange, and they made no sense. One example of something I witnessed was my older brother, an air cargo pilot, controlling his airplane by telephone while he stood in a classroom teaching student pilots. Another scene I witnessed was myself working as a private duty nurse, which I did part-time until 1992, in a hospital room at the hospital that stood at 6th and Walnut Streets in my home town. I walked over to look out the window. I looked across the street and saw the very hospital that I was supposed to be in! When I returned to my living room, I felt much lighter and freer, as if there were no more samskaras to be dealt with.
The final goal of meditation is Siddhahood. When we have the Guru’s Grace, we can reach this state in the blink of an eye. When we don’t, we can exist for thousands of lifetimes, never even coming close. Meditation, in its true sense, is not just for relaxation purposes. Its goal is to bring us to the RECOGNITION that we really are God in manifest form. We don’t need to be freed from the “problems” we seem to have in life. We just need to be freed from the problem of identifying ourselves as someone who has problems. We are really one single drop of water experiencing ourselves in a tangible form as an individual. And when this story ends we merge back into the ocean again, awaiting the next time we have a human experience.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Might we be afraid of the terror that has befallen us in recent times? Indeed! How could we not be worried about the state of the world we live in, especially when we never would have expected such a massive destruction to take place. I live less than a 2-hour drive from where it all happened. My own brother was right there, stepping off the subway train underneath the World Trade Center at the exact moment the second plane plunged into the building above him. Luckily he survived, but then witnessed the great collapse as he took the long walk back home to Brooklyn, where he lives. As for me, I witnessed all the horror on the faces of the truck drivers and the employees of the travel plaza where my office was open for business for the first time. During the past week, I heard several first-hand accounts of what happened in New York City from people in the area who were there the day America’s New War began. Such is the wrath of Kali Yuga. Indeed we do live in the darkest, most ignorant times. Knowing this, I can truly say that I do NOT fear. Knowing this, I can only have forgiveness in my heart for the terrorists – forgiveness for their not recognizing who God REALLY is and what God REALLY wants. All the same, I agree with the necessity for going to war, killing the enemy, as a means of justice. Such is Kali Yuga, and when we pass from this world we can only hope that we incarnate again into another age of the cycle. By that I mean an act in God’s play, Shiva’s great dance, in which we are more aware of our own oneness with God. Many of the Eastern Philosophies speak of this cycle, and living in the world we live in now is simply a point in existence on the wheel of cycles. Since this is the time of Kali Yuga, we are already experiencing the greatest darkness there is: the illusion of being a separate entity from God.
It doesn’t seem as though my plans to go to California will materialize. At least I’m not putting much emphasis into all that now. It’s not because all this terrorism is occurring now. It’s simply because I don’t have the finances nor do I have the contacts. I will be staying here in Pennsylvania for now to see where my new office in Bartonsville goes. I am still with my employer until October 5. After then, I am on my own. I will be living in this apartment only until September 30. I don’t know where I’ll be going after that. I don’t even know if I’ll be online after that, until I find another place to live. I’m not fearing, though. I brought it all on myself by making the decisions and declaring “this will be my last day,” and then surrendering to the Guru for the next step to happen. Also, if you noticed my signature in this email, something is now brewing that will be official around the middle of October. My friend Fred, who I wrote about a couple times before, is an inter-faith minister, a Reverend who performs wedding ceremonies. After finding out for myself how incredibly simple the process is to become a minister (yet the responsibilities can be enormous), I decided to go ahead with the process myself. As a Reverend, my main ministry will be a healing one. I have yet to see where that will take me, as it is a newly opened door. Also, because of that, the nature of these emails may change a bit. Not only will I share with you what great changes the Guru has brought into my life, and the fabulous revelations that come to me in meditations and dreams, but I will also write thought-provoking short sermons. Changes are definitely on the horizon!
Lately, there haven’t been any fascinating meditations or dreams. There haven’t been any sudden awakenings. There haven’t been any bizarre “metaphysical” events. My earlier writings were full of that stuff, since that’s the stuff I was so thrilled to experience and write about. Now, I walk in a world where there is absolutely no separation between what is physical and what is beyond, between what is worldly and what is Spiritual. You absolutely cannot separate them. The physical is merely a manifestation of that which is beyond the physical, and if you open your mind, heart, and third eye you can perceive that which is beyond the physical quite clearly, The worldly is merely a manifestation of that which is Spiritual. If we are experiencing Spiritual unrest, then our “worldly” situation will reflect that in our life situation. We’re simply here to experience the play, and once we know that the play doesn’t affect us. Once the lessons that we incarnated into this body to learn are experienced, we move on into another incarnation to experience the play anew. We move on in cycles with the rest of the Universe, but when we reach the state of enlightenment the cycle is over.
Who is God? You are God. I am God. Jesus Christ is God. Buddha is God. Your neighbor is God. Your Priest or minister is God. The street person you look disgustedly at is God. Osama bin Laden is God. President George W. Bush is God. Your new grandson is God. We are all God experiencing what it is like to be a jiva – an individual soul playing a different role. As Jesus said, “When you failed to do this for the least of my brethren, you failed to do it to me.” Yet the ignorant mind didn’t understand the words. Look around you and laugh with delight, not because you see God within everything, but because you see God AS everything!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
I just came back from doing some shopping at the local Wal-Mart store in Mount Pocono, PA. One of the patients I used to take care of when I was working at the Gorman Chiropractic Life Center works there as a night-shift cashier. When she saw me, she couldn’t believe how much healthier and happier I looked. I notice the difference in myself too, ever since I left my old employer, opened my own office, and set my hours so that I have a chance to rest. Yes, I gained some much-needed experience by working for another doctor, even though it was psychologically difficult working for someone whose own life is in disarray and also physically difficult for me to force myself to function through the chronic fatigue. Now I’ve stepped back out into unsure territory. Will my practice at the truck stop, and my new side career as an ordained minister, be successful past October? One good sign is that I had 9 patients and several inquirers walk through my door in the past 12 days. People who I’ve cared for in the past wondered how it is that I know right where to place my hands and how they are feeling. The truth is that I DON’T know. When I am in the presence of someone who has come to me for help or guidance, I basically shut my mind off and allow the Guru to work through me. None of this is my doing. In the past month, I’ve been doing a lot more surrendering to the Guru to allow her great Shakti to work through me. My reverend friend Fred said to me the other day, “The sun doesn’t try to shine. It just shines. Birds don’t try to fly. They just fly.”
Therefore, I act as the great philosopher Yoda once said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” (It’s amazing what correlations between yogic teachings and everyday life you’ll find when you actually make a study of films produced by George Lucas.) Just a week ago I gave my landlord the word that I wasn’t staying here. Tomorrow is the day I’m moving out. I had no plans to go anywhere, nor to store my belongings, nor a way to establish a phone number. All of these somehow panned out AFTER I gave my notice and with very little effort. Surrendering to the Guru is a powerful powerful statement of unwavering faith!
As I stated a while ago, my main avenues of sadhana (spiritual growth) these days are reading the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course and jnanayoga, contemplation of the knowledge and recognition of the Self. While I miss being part of a sangham (community of fellow yogis), I know that sadhana does not require a sangham. Once you receive the Guru’s grace, you simply continue to live your life with the proper PERCEPTION of the Self. Chanting, meditating, doing seva (selfless service), reading holy scriptures, attending yogic functions, going to the ashram, meeting the Guru in person, etc. all mean absolutely nothing and bring you no closer to recognizing the Self if your PERCEPTION is wrong. The right perception is to see this world and everything and everyone in it as God in manifest form, including you. Our actions and the movements of the universe are merely God’s Shakti (power) in motion. It is a good perspective to have and to contemplate, but it becomes an awesome EXPERIENCE to enjoy once you have received the Guru’s grace. Imagine what it is like to be talking to someone, knowing that this someone is your very own Self, seeing the world through his or her own set of samskaras. They still perceive the same things you perceive through your senses, which are merely the instruments used by the Self, God, to experience the world in manifest form. It is the mind, manas, the ego, the samskaras, that make us all APPEAR to be different people, individual souls. God has manifested herself in this way merely as a play. Being established in this awareness, in this experience, we go on living life and loving the world as it is. After all, WE appear as the OTHER to the other person. This makes none of us different in any way. The same “I” is shared by all. The same Consciousness is shared by all. And, as was revealed to me in many meditations, we can move the energy, which we are all manifestations of, to manifest the world in the way we see it. This is why I surrender to the Guru, to God. I am an instrument for the Shakti to work through, untainted by the ego, which gives me the illusion of being a limited individual.
Since I am moving tomorrow, I do not know when I’ll be back online. I am sure I will find someplace locally that has internet access, such as the local library, that I can go to for the time being. Keep this contemplation going, which I have written in this email. Please refer to http://www.SiddhaYoga.org/ for information that will help you in your spiritual journey. We are all on the same path – discovering who we really are. It is why we are here in the first place! Until next time…..
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay! Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay! Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
During the past month I’ve learned two very important lessons. First, you have to experience the karma you came here to experience, and you can’t escape it. Second, there is always plenty of help the Universe gives you when you need it, if you recognize the source and take it for what it’s worth. While I struggle financially, which is nothing new, I live for the moment instead of worrying about the future and fretting about the past. My office, now located at the AmBest Travel Center in Bartonsville, PA, is also my home. At night I put the adjusting table aside and blow up the air bed. With a private shower in my bathroom and a restaurant and store downstairs, I have no complaints. I DO, however, wonder, with amusement, how I ever ended up in this karmic situation. Instead of complaining about it, I just laugh and say to myself, “Well. I must have had a lot to learn.” Despite the fact that I now live in the middle of a 24-hour truck stop, I still make it a practice to perform my sadhana. I recently visited the ashram where I bought more books by Baba Muktananda. Not being online anymore has given me more incentive to chant and meditate. It’s a good thing that the hallway outside my office is not well traveled at night! During this past month, I met a local chiropractor who is also a truck driver. He became my “guardian angel” in a way. While giving me great advice about patient care, he is also giving me great insight as to the needs of the over-the-road drivers and great ways to advertise to them. Also, my services have expanded, thanks to his encouragement, to include DOT driver physical exams, which are mandatory for obtaining and keeping commercial drivers’ licenses. The big thing that his presence has to do with Spirituality is that I HAD to throw away many of the egotistical ways of thinking and doing things that I came to know as the way things “should” be done. Gurumayi once said that in order to achieve true knowledge of the Self, of God, you MUST throw away all your egotistical notions. “Ego” doesn’t mean arrogance or self-righteousness here; it means anything and everything that causes you to identify with yourself as you think you are and should be. Come to think of it, if you want to REALLY challenge your ego, go to school and obtain a professional degree and then become homeless in a truck stop!
A few days ago, I read in one of the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course lessons the words: “Siddhas don’t think of the waking, dreaming, and deep sleep states as people usually do.” Coupling this with a very interesting occurrence I had while I was sleeping just two days ago, I now look at things differently too – MUCH differently. Every now and then I’ll get what’s known as a scotoma in one of my eyes. This is when you have a flashing band of light that bothers you for a few minutes and then goes away. I was asleep and dreaming this past Thursday morning, and in the dream I was having a scotoma. When the dream ended, I woke up, opened my eyes, and saw the same scotoma! I wasn’t dreaming the scotoma. It was really happening. I was seeing the world I was in during my dream, and then the physical world, through the same eyes. This brings back the point of there being multiple planes of existence which each one of us experiences every single night. We experience the physical plane every day during our “waking” state, of course. It is our karma that brought us here in the first place. If we had no karma to live out, then we wouldn’t be here. We experience the subtle plane, the plane in which we live outside the body, while we are dreaming or in deep meditation. Here we travel to other worlds and have vastly different experiences. During deep sleep and samadhi, we experience the causal state. It is sleep without dreaming, or meditation without movement. This state is known as “perfect yoga”, or union with God. After all, God is existence itself, bliss and awareness (sacchidananda). These states of being are experienced by everyone, whether you see it this way or not. (Siddhas dwell in the fourth state, the Turiya state, or Niranjani.) Keeping this in mind, you DO travel to other worlds and experience complete union with God whether you know it or not. You do it every night when you go to sleep! Meditation is the process of awakening awareness of your existence in these states all the time. This is what is attained by stilling the mind through meditation. It’s not that we attain oneness with God. We already ARE God experiencing manifestation on different planes of Consciousness.
One day two weeks ago, I chanted and meditated before going to bed. During the chant, I had some fantastic conversations with people on the subtle plane. Interestingly enough, I can never remember with whom I speak or what transpires. After my conversation, I started seeing scenes from the past, mainly my childhood. I saw good and bad moments that I had forgotten all about. The whole time I was seeing these events, I was speaking out loud to someone about something totally unrelated to what I was seeing. I remember this sort of thing happening many months ago while I was meditating. It definitely leads me to marvel over the fact that we can exist on and interact with more than one plane at the same time. The only time the worlds seemed to converge was when I was seeing a scene of myself in third grade when my low self- esteem was quite evident. There was a festive time going on at the elementary school I attended in which we were to go to the gymnasium and play games and have fun. I had no concept of interacting with the other kids on a “fun” level, so I sat in the corner of the classroom and faced the wall for a while, throwing a pity party for myself. (Oddly enough, I would do similar things in high school too.) When I saw this scene, I blurted out with a laugh, “Wake that f---ing kid up!” It is interesting to discover how the Shakti, God’s divine energy, moves within you as you open up to its awesome power. When you surrender to this power and keep it moving with the practices of yoga, it does whatever is necessary to break you free from your illusions and limitations. During the process, in order to break free we must face what limits and deludes us. This automatically happens to someone who practices Siddha Yoga with true intent. This is why Siddha Yoga is not a practice that everyone can stick with.
Last Saturday, October 20, I visited the Shree Muktananda Ashram for the first time since August 4. This was my 6th visit ever to the ashram. Each time I visited the ashram, I could feel my entire mind being scrambled. Thoughts and feelings ran through my mind at the speed of light. During the first couple visits, I was actually very fearful and anxious for no apparent reason. This is how the Shakti purifies a person who has a lot of pent-up emotions. This time, I felt more calm and at peace, even though the mind-scrambling process went on. It wasn’t quite as intense this time. Even still, I could feel the Guru’s presence within me. After buying some books in the bookstore, I walked around the courtyard area for a little while. I must have looked like a lost puppy as I looked around because a couple people stopped to ask me if I needed help. I’m not quite sure what that was all about since I felt quite fine. I was just reading some of the signs outside the bookstore and Amrit Café areas. I finally went inside the Amrit Café and bought a piece of chocolate cake and some Siddha coffee. (It’s important to load up on simple carbohydrates before meditating in order to fuel the Kundalini energy.) I thought that I’d head off to the meditation cave next, but that never happened. I saw some people outside chasing some bees away from them as the got up to leave. One of the ladies came inside the Amrit. I laughed and said to the lady, “That’s why I didn’t sit outside.” Next thing I knew she sat down with me and she and I were having a very interesting conversation about Mexico City, where she was from, and about Siddha Yoga. It wasn’t so profound that I got involved in this conversation. The profound part was what she said at the end of our conversation. She said that she was incredibly shy. I laughed and said, “What?? You’re the one who sat down and talked to me!”
A puzzled look came across her face as though she was suddenly experiencing her own moment of awakening. Then she got up and left to continue on with her seva. I then went to the quiet area in the Atma Nidhi building, and I unintentionally fell asleep. When I woke up, I realized I was in trouble because taking a nap always causes the chronic fatigue to become much much worse. I looked at my watch and noticed it was soon time for the evening arati, the ceremony that honors Bhagawan Nityananda. I then walked to the Bhade Baba Temple. The Shakti is always so strong at the temple. You can feel it encompassing your entire being upon walking into the place. After the arati we sit for a moment of silent meditation. Because of how strong the Shakti was, I was immediately drawn into the causal realm, that space where you lose all awareness of being and you merge completely with the Absolute. When I came back to the physical world, I browsed around a bit before going to the Muktananda Mandir for a Navaratri program. Navaratri is a 9- day celebration honoring 3 different Indian deities. Usually day visitors are not allowed to stay at the ashram past 6 PM, but they opened the Navaratri programs to day visitors as well. On this particular night, we honored Shri Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and abundance. I figured I’d take part in the program, since I could use as much of her blessings as I could get right now. Gurumayi wasn’t there for the program, even though she is still residing at the ashram. After the program I enjoyed the nighttime walk on the silent path back to the Atma Nidhi building, and then I went home.
I chanted and meditated again last this past Friday night. I chanted to the Siddha Yoga mantra. Chanting the mantra always produces profound meditations as the Shakti surges like an endless ocean of bliss. Halfway through the chant, I fell silent and traveled off again into the subtle world. I visited with many being and had many conversations. The only one I remembered was the most profound of all. I was standing with a man talking about something, which I can’t remember. The sky around us was growing dark, as if the sun had just set. The sky was a dark green color. The man pointed up into the sky and told me that I needed to see something. When I looked up, I had the most spectacular vision of the Blue Pearl I ever experienced. The Blue Pearl stood motionless above and in front of me. Its blue brilliance shone through the dark green sky. It wasn’t just a vision. It was really there. I let go a yell of excitement, and the Blue Pearl began to fade. I saw myself reaching out for it. I never wanted it to leave. When the vision was over, I came fully back to the physical world again. This vision was an indication that my path has indeed changed somewhat. Usually I would only ever see the Blue Pearl as it would suddenly flash in front of me for a moment while I was in the causal state. This time I was in the subtle state, and a person I was talking to pointed it out to me. This was definitely unusual and hard to figure out.
It really doesn’t matter how long or shortly one has been practicing Siddha Yoga. It doesn’t matter how much you chant or meditate. It doesn’t matter how many books you read on Siddha Yoga. It doesn’t matter how many times you meet the physical Guru. What DOES matter is your frame of mind and intent within your heart. THIS is what makes you worthy of the Guru’s Grace, of the awareness of your oneness with God. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, as it didn’t for St. Paul, the persecutor of Christians or Kanupatra the prostitute. One’s karma doesn’t determine one’s worthiness of God’s love. The only thing that matters is that you wake up.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
One thing that you need to remember is that God's Grace comes to you in the most unexpected way, even if the method seems to be rather harsh or violent. The Guru that bestows Grace does so in the most appropriate way for the one receiving it to derive the most benefit and understanding from it. Imagine when Bhagawan Nityananda was still alive, and people came for his darshan. If someone disturbed him, he would cuss at them or throw rocks at them. These actions were not done out of hate or disgust but as a means of transmitting God's all-loving Grace to the individual. He even bestowed Grace upon his most beloved disciple, Swami Muktananda, by beating him with a stick at times. The result was always the same - Shaktipat. Shaktipat is the most profound gift that a person can ever receive. It is the direct transmission and reception of God's Grace, the infusion of God's own divine energy, that begins the process of awakening to one's own yoga, one's own awareness of perfect union with God.
This past weekend there was an Intensive at the Shree Muktananda Ashram. Intensives are programs specially designed by the Guru for the bestowal of Shaktipat on its participants. I didn't attend the program, but I did go to the ashram on Saturday as a day visitor. Nonetheless, I received something from the Guru. I arrived at the ashram just before 1:00 in the afternoon. After getting my day visitor's pass, I sat outside in the Atma Nidhi courtyard for a few minutes. The place looked quite desolate since the weather was cooler and the bookstore and Amrit Café were closed. One thing I was glad for was that my mind wasn't racing a mile a minute like it usually did in the past when I'd visit the ashram. Soon I decided to go and spend some time meditating in the Mukteshwari meditation cave. The meditation cave is very quiet and very dark. This is just the environment I personally love to meditate in. You can't hear any sounds from outside the room at all, and there are no sounds inside either, not even the buzzing of a light. You can literally hear a person breathing from across the hall. This was exactly the setting I needed to experience what I went through that afternoon in the cave. For a 35-minute period of time, from 1:15 until 1:50, I saw and heard the doorway open to supra-body consciousness. As soon as I sat down upon the asana on the floor and closed my eyes, I fell almost immediately into a very deep meditation. Without hesitation, I began traveling to other worlds and had many conversations with beings from these worlds. I cannot remember what was discussed for the most part. I remember that for most of the travels, I was accompanied by a woman about my age with black wavy hair and blue eyes. The most fascinating part of the whole thing was what was simultaneously occurring within my physical body. From the top of my head, at the sahasrara, came a medium-high-pitched vibration, much like the ringing tone of a tuning fork. The deeper I could feel myself drifting off into meditation, the louder the tone became. Sometimes I could hear it louder in my left ear, and sometimes it was louder in my right ear. The tone would last only for a second, but the rate at which the tone was struck was almost constant at times. I thought to myself, "What a beautiful nada!" Nada are sounds that are heard during very high states of consciousness. After sound for a while, I drifted off to one last vision. This one I remember in detail. I was talking to the woman who accompanied me for much of my travels. She was telling me about a dual-pointed energy center located on the forehead directly above the midpoint of each eyebrow. I asked her if it had anything to do with the third eye, the ajna chakra located directly between the eyebrows. Just then, something totally unexpected and frightening happened. I saw a man that resembled Bhagawan Nityananda approach me from out of nowhere. He held in his hand what looked like a curling iron. I could feel the heat and hear the buzzing of electricity from the metal rod as he approached me. Suddenly the man whacked me across the forehead with the electric rod, right above my eyebrows! The burning shock of electricity was so intense that I could feel it ripping through my skull. With that I was suddenly pulled from my meditative state back to the physical world. The surprise at the horror of what just happened stayed with me for a while as I sat there covering my face with my hands. I soon regained my wherewithal and left the meditation cave. Ever since this "attack", the flickering and flashing lights that I see on a routine basis (which I describe in Volume I, Issue 25) have become more noticeable. Next, I started walking to the Bhagawan Nityananda Temple. Along the way, I stopped at Lake Nityananda and sat on a bench in the woods overlooking the lake. I figured this would be the last time I'd get to spend a great deal of time outdoors at the ashram before the cold weather set in. I enjoyed the scenery around me, and I looked around to see a few other people sitting in contemplation along the edge of the lake. Other people walked in pairs as they talked and walked along the trail going around the lake. One thing I always thoroughly enjoy every time I visit the ashram is acknowledging people with eye contact and a smile. We know that we are all there for the same reason, having more or less the same experiences, and gaining knowledge of the same Truth. This makes it all the more fulfilling to be in the company of fellow Siddha Yogis and Yogini. This is what it means to "keep good company," which is a commandment that Gurumayi gives us. As I sat there, I realized how alone I feel, in this sense, when I am not around fellow Siddha Yogis and Yogini. Even if I meet people who claim to be on a Spiritual path, they are not on THIS path. They do not have the same understanding, nor do they have the same experience, unless they too received the Guru's Grace. I soon got up and walked the rest of the way to the temple. Just down the hall from the temple is the Muktananda Mandir, where the Intensive was being held. The people were entering the hall after a break when I arrived. I could hear Gurumayi's voice as she resumed the program. I went into the Bhagawan Nityananda Temple. While I was there, I experienced another profound awakening. I sat for a moment in silent meditation. Every now and then, a person would come into the temple to pay homage to Bade Baba's statue. At one point during my silent meditation, something told me to open my eyes. When I did, I saw a very attractive young lady dressed in a white sari paying homage to Bade Baba. (Bhagawan Nityananda is often referred to as Bade Baba, which means "elder father," since he was Baba Muktananda's Guru.) The usual feeing of attraction that I feel when I see such a woman ran through my mind (but I guess that's just a "guy thing.") Next, she turned to the male standing behind her, and they walked out of the temple together. What happened next was totally unexpected. My heart suddenly felt heavy, and my mind was suddenly flooded with every feeling of loneliness because of lack of a partner and of not being good enough to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman that I ever had in my life. It wasn't even that it was conscious - it all just suddenly welled up from the subconscious. I figured that it was time for the Shakti to finally deal with this deeply-rooted samskara. After all, it's been with me for just about my entire life! As the feelings became heavier and the thoughts more vivid, I looked up at Bade Baba and said, "Baba, please help me." Bade Baba helped, but in a most peculiar way. Suddenly, I was pinned up against the wall with my head locked in extension. While this strong kriya took place, I could feel a surge of energy rushing through my body like a warm electric current. The kriya lasted only about a minute, and the current of Shakti continued to flow through me for a few minutes more as I sat there. It was then that I knew it was time for me to leave. It was only about 3:00 in the afternoon, and I headed back home.
The best was yet to come, and it came to me during the night when I went to sleep. The first two dreams I had were clear indicators of how I might appear to other people. Basically, the dreams depicted me as an effeminate pacifist. Not only do my actions and words indicate a feminine nature about me (which is why some people wonder if I am homosexual, which I am not), but the way in which I present myself, especially as a Doctor of Chiropractic, is not done in a proactive or assertive way. When I saw myself as a pacifist in the dream, I was merely walking among the crowd, wishing people well with kind words and nothing more. I wasn't out to lead them or educate them or even help them. I was just there to be pat on the head and told I'm a good boy. In reality, the reason why I take more of a "pacifist" approach these days is because when I get talking to people about how I can help them with chiropractic care, they seem to be less than enthused and seldom follow through. I often feel like I'm just wasting my time. I had another dream that I moved into a house with a roommate only to discover that the house was dilapidated and infested with the type of crickets that look like spiders. While two maintenance men were doing repair work in the basement of the house and my roommate was just looking at all the crickets, I drove myself completely insane looking for a can of bug spray. In another dream, there was a deranged man who was stalking and assaulting women at random. He was finally caught and sentenced to 28 years behind bars, but not before permanently maiming a girl I was familiar with (in the dream, but no one I know in "real life.") She had worked as a waitress in a restaurant I frequent (again, in the dream but not in "real life"), and when I visited the restaurant I saw her sitting in a wheelchair. She was paralyzed from the waist down because she was shot during the assault, and the bullet severed her spine. This girl didn't know me personally, and I didn't know her personally either. She had long brown hair and dark eyes. I walked right up to her and greeted her with the same exuberance I would have greeted Gurumayi if I had seen her. Not only that, but I kissed her on the lips, and she enthusiastically returned the kiss. In the final dream that I could remember the details of, I was merely going about my daily business in the highest state of bliss. Love poured from every fiber of my being. There was no event in particular that made me feel any happier or less happy. The whole reason why I was in such a state of bliss was because I was completely and unshakably aware that I was the Self, I was God, experiencing myself AS this person and this world around me simply for the experience. I, as God, am merely playing within my own Consciousness simply to experience myself in manifest form, to play many roles, to act upon a stage, to dance around the Universe. In reality, this is the way it really is.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m falling away from the Siddha Yoga path. I still read Baba and Gurumayi’s words on a regular basis. I chant and meditate several times a week. I still have relevant dreams at night. I visit the ashram at least once a month. Yet, I feel so far away from it all. I partly blame that on not being part of a sangham, a community of fellow Siddha Yogis who meet at a meditation center on a regular basis. This is the most significant thing I miss about Atlanta. Since moving from Atlanta 1 year and 7 months ago, I’ve been well over an hour’s drive from any Siddha Yoga meditation center to really feel part of it all. Everything I’ve done in my sadhana since leaving Atlanta has been done alone, for the most part. Still and all, I imbibe the teachings and apply them to my practical life every day. I know, from all that the Guru has taught me, that I am the Self, and that “I” is everyone and everything that exists on all planes of existence. Still, I am a human being. I experience the dance of maya before me. Along with maya come feelings and emotions, reactions, and interactions. I feel the effects of the samskaras that have made me feel so small and insignificant for so much of this incarnation. They still run through my mind, and I still rationalize their existence. I know that I am “different.” I know that I am not someone who can go out into the crowds and easily make a new friend or stimulate peoples’ interest. I am not a shy person, but my conversations end up missing the mark of being a social event. I keep to myself a LOT. But I know that this is just the way I am, and this has nothing at all to do with my connectedness, my union, with God. I don’t beat myself up anymore for being different, but I DO have one concern: the fact that I STILL feel as though I am not fulfilling the reason why I even came here to this Earth in this lifetime. I feel like I’m stuck. So what happened to all my plans I was contemplating the past several months? Well, the number one reason why going to India fell through was because I knew I would be compromising the principles of my profession in the setting where I would have been working. Plans on going to California have been put on hold until April. My application for licensure in California was approved, and the next step is to go there to take the California state board exam. I would have done that in October if I had the finances to do it. And, if I am doing quite well with the office I have now at the truck stop, I just might decide to stay right here where I am anyway. Last week was my busiest week at the truck stop office yet, and I hope that this is the beginning of something good. Two significant changes within my family got my head reeling lately. First, my parents are considering moving back to PA. My dad is tired of living in Florida, and he is now looking for a home near Lancaster, PA. They plan on moving back to PA next Spring, around April or so. My dad told me that he is looking for a home that has an office area attached to it so that I have a place to set up an office if I need to. I am happy with that, but I don’t plan on leaving the one I have now if it is doing well by that time. Secondly, my younger brother and his girlfriend are now engaged. His girlfriend is someone he dated about ten years ago and is now back in touch with. She now lives in Orlando, Florida. On December 26, my brother will be moving from Brooklyn, NY to Orlando, and the wedding will be April 6. Now I know that I’m not the only 39-year-old male who has never been married and who is perfectly available now. But when my own patients say to me, “Man, you’re such a nice guy. Why aren’t you married yet?” I begin to wonder. It goes back to what I just wrote about the feeling of being “stuck.” It is so real, and yet I just have to smile because I hold the Guru’s Grace in my heart. Maybe I was never meant to be married. Maybe I was never meant to find romantic love. Maybe my life is meant to go in another direction. Maybe I’m not supposed to be overly successful. Maybe I was never meant to be physically healthy, as I still do suffer with the mysterious sleeping illness. But I do know one thing – I was never meant to be lonely. THIS (loneliness) is the samskara that is deeply rooted, that needs to be yanked from its depths and burned in the fire.
The past few times I sat to chant and meditate, something significant took place. Usually, my mind will race for a while, and then I’d fall into a blissful silence where I encounter other beings and worlds. Lately, immediately upon beginning the chanting, I slip immediately into a blissful state. I feel every thought on my mind and burden in my heart being lifted away. I experience unconditional love for myself the way I am, and I radiate this same love to everyone and everything around me. I see myself in different life situations, never wavering in the feeling of total peace. It is after this initial, sudden occurrence that I am suddenly bombarded with all the samskaras trying to grab hold of me again. It makes for quite a contrast in how the mind can go from total peace to total agitation in no time. The rest of the time, and even during my wakeful state, it becomes a matter of reminding myself, remembering, and contemplating that return me to a state of inner peace. One thing the Guru teaches is that becoming a great being is not so much a matter of experiencing the bliss of the Self but of becoming ESTABLISHED in that state. Yes, folks, this is the hard part. It is something that, in this day and age, is bound to take years to develop for most of us. One significant event that took place was during my sleep this past Friday night. I had a dream that I was standing in a field, looking at the world around me. Suddenly, the scenery around me became very dark with the exception of a tiny, sky-blue pinpoint of light at the center of my field of vision. I could still see the scenery around me through the darkness, but very faintly. It was only when I looked directly into the blue light that I could see everything clearly. Ever since the attack with the electric rod that I experienced in my meditation during my last visit to the ashram, I still continue to see the scintillating, flashing, and flickering lights a lot more. Lately, I’ve been wondering what their significance is. Gurumayi once told me in a meditation that they were “spirit guides” making contact with me. Well, there really is no teaching of any such “spirit guides” in Siddha Yoga (nor in traditional Reiki, for that matter). But that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. I guess someday I’ll know the answer to the mysterious lights that I marvel at. These lights are a constant reminder of who and what I really am. I know that I am Shiva playing this role as the world made manifest. I just experience the movement of the restless jiva playing the role of this lonely, single, 39-year-old chiropractor-reverend.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
I am surprised to see how many people read the previous email I wrote and thought I was depressed. I can’t honestly say that I am. I do feel loneliness, though. There was indeed a time when I was lonely AND depressed. The year was 1996, and I was going through a lot of remorse over a relationship that didn’t work out. Being depressed is the worst pain I ever felt, and I am thankful that it’s all over with. To this day people tell me that the whole reason why I suffer from a sleeping sickness is because I am depressed. Well, maybe I am. But in comparison to five years ago, that is far from the truth. What I shared with you in my last email was not a pity party. There was once a time when it was. Now it is simply “stuff” that goes through my mind as I watch from a distance, laughing with delight because my beloved Guru opened my eyes to the truth that it’s all just a play anyway. Yes, I still have human emotions. Becoming a Siddha doesn’t mean becoming a Vulcan who feels no emotion! Becoming a Siddha doesn’t mean you throw away your responsibilities and sit back and watch your karma float by you. Becoming a Siddha means you interact with this physical world, still feeling your emotions and taking care of your responsibilities, from the perspective of the Self as opposed to the perspective of the individual ego.
Lately I’ve been enjoying a nightly chanting and meditation satsang by myself right before going to bed each night. The calm that I feel during it all is much more profound than the calm that I feel while I’m in bed afterwards. It seems I’m doing a better job at falling asleep while meditating than when I’m trying to fall asleep! Some of my dreams during the night have been quite interesting indeed. They are filled with much symbolism and require a whole lot of deciphering. They don’t always directly relate to Siddha Yoga, however I sense that the meanings behind some of them do relate to the Guru’s teachings. I will mention a few of these dreams I’ve had lately, since they involve very close friends of mine who made appearances in the dreams. These very close friends are key figures in my recent growth within the realm of Siddha Yoga. About the time I wrote my last email, I had a dream in which my friend Ellen and I were at a picnic. Ellen is THE person who brought me on this particular Spiritual path. She befriended me during that time in 1996 when I can say I was truly depressed. She told me about Siddha Yoga back then, almost two years before I ever even started going to the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center in Atlanta, GA. If it weren’t for Ellen, I would have never met my Reiki Master, I would have never met one of my dearest of friends I ever met, Nadya, nor would I have ever set foot on the Siddha Yoga path. In my dream, Ellen, her husband, me, and several members of my family were on a farm with a large lake where a picnic was being held. We were all sitting in an open area along the lakeside, and there were many more people on the other side of the lake near the farm and cabins. The weather was perfect, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Soon Ellen got into a small motorboat that was docked in the water. She started up the engine and drove the boat along the shoreline. I decided to hop in the boat with her. Ellen sat in the back of the boat where the motor was, and I sat in the front of the boat looking out over the water. I would direct her where to steer the boat to at times. We talked about many things as we took laps around the lake. At one point in time, I looked out into the distance, past the field where our families were gathered. I saw the sky blacken with thick clouds. Suddenly a tornado touched down. The tornado was miles away. I casually made mention of it to Ellen. We continued our joyride around the lake. When we came back around to where our families were, I saw that the tornado was approaching us very quickly! I knew we were in trouble when I saw leaves being thrown up into the air from nearby trees. Next, the tornado ripped right through the field where our families were gathered as it kept heading our way! I frantically directed Ellen to drive to the other side of the lake where the other people were gathered near the farm buildings. I figured we could ditch the boat there and run for cover somewhere. The tornado was just a few feet away from us when we ran the boat aground and ran the rest of the way for cover. The dream then ended. This past Saturday night I had two very unusual dreams of my friend Nadya. I met Nadya on July 21, 1998, during my Reiki Level I class. I immediately became interested in her as something more than a friend. However, at about the same period in time she met her husband too. During the rest of my days in Atlanta, Nadya remained a confidant. She came to see me as a patient while I was doing my internship as a student chiropractor. We enjoyed many lunches together, talking about everything under the sun. One of my last great memories of being in her company was the night I attended her wedding. I was overjoyed to see Nadya so beautiful and happy and so blessed to have found a terrific husband. (I must admit, though, I felt within their auras their hidden fears about what lie ahead, which I guess is a normal thing for any couple on their wedding day!) In my dream, I saw Nadya wearing nothing but a black bikini. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her to give her a big hug. I rested my hands on her abdomen. She grabbed my hands with both of her hands as if she was feeling uneasy. In reality, I would have never done anything to put either of us in a compromising position. I have the utmost respect for Nadya. To tell you the truth, I felt sort of uneasy about what I dreamt, but this wasn’t even the interesting part. This dream ended without anything else happening. However, there’s more to the story. Later that same night, I had a dream that my mom and I were talking outside a grocery store. Just then, Nadya walked by me with a female friend of hers. (I half think that she was intending to introduce me to her friend.) I said to Nadya that I had a very strange dream about her last night. I then told her about the dream I had earlier of her in the black bikini! Quite strange indeed. Then there’s Alicia. I dreamt of her this past Monday night. I met Alicia when she was 14 years old. She is now 18. Even though we met in a chatroom online, she lives very close to where I grew up. I had the pleasure of meeting her in person with her mother in 1999, and she stopped by the office a few times when I lived in Hazleton. Together with my Reiki Master, I helped this young lady out of the dumps enough to see that life is worth living. She may have been another statistic of teen suicide if not for the many evenings she and I spent talking about life and the way things are. I also shared with her many of the teachings of Siddha Yoga. The reason why I identified with her so perfectly is because everything she feels and thinks is a splitting image of what I felt and thought when I was her age. I haven’t had any contact with her since the end of September when I went offline from home. In the dream, I was at a female friend’s house (nobody I know in “real life”). She had invited me over to chat for the evening. She had two children, a son in his early twenties and a teenaged daughter. The daughter was to have some friends of hers over for a party. The first of her friends to arrive was Alicia. Alicia barely noticed my presence, which is understandable since she was with her friend. At one point I stopped her just to say “hi.” When we looked at each other for that brief moment, we both went through a period of recollection of all that we shared together since we’ve known each other. We kissed and then went about our separate ways. In a few minutes, I found myself in the kitchen doing something. I saw my friend’s son go downstairs into the basement to help get the place ready for the party. My friend’s daughter and Alicia soon came into the kitchen. They started joking around with me. My friend’s daughter grabbed a container of lemon juice and proceeded to squirt me in the face with it while Alicia tried to hold my arms. We were all laughing and having fun as I tried to get away from them. I then woke up from the dream, and that is when the most spectacular event took place. I giggled as I awoke from the dream. I realized I was awake, but I didn’t open my eyes yet. With my eyes still closed, I watched a most beautiful sight – the Blue Pearl danced around in front of me for a few seconds, and then it faded off into the distance. What a divine vision to be greeted with! Just before I woke up for the day on Tuesday, I had a dream involving only myself. If anyone is willing to take a chance at interpreting this one, it would be most appreciated. I walked into a bedroom, and in the far corner of the room was a twin-sized bed with white sheets. Directly over the bed was a shower head pointing straight down from the ceiling. I climbed onto the bed, turned the shower on, and proceeded to take a shower. I let the water run down over my face as I wiped over my face with my hands. At one point I felt as though I had pulled a scab away from the area between my eyebrows (the ajna chakra). That’s when I noticed I had blood all over my hands. I kept letting the water run over my face until all the blood was washed away. That’s when I noticed that there was a radio playing in the background, and it had been playing the whole time I was in the room. The song that was playing was “My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison. When the chorus got to the part where they sung “Hare Krishna” I started singing along. Then the dream ended.
Having seen the Blue Pearl upon awakening is significant. It is proof enough to me that the Siddhas are with me as I travel from world to world within the subtle realm and beyond. It is proof enough that my Guru’s Grace IS with me and is doing what it needs to do to bring me to a state of perfection. The Blue Pearl is the vehicle by which the Siddhas travel from world to world, from realm to realm, from dimension to dimension. It must be a vehicle through which I travel as well?
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
In addition to my regular subscribers, I am sending this writing to several groups related to Siddha Yoga that I recently found out about. For the people in these groups, if you are interested in receiving these emails on a regular basis, or if you wish not to receive these personal sharings, then please respond to me directly at the above email address. You can find the first two volumes of these emails online at http://Dr_Sugi.tripod.com/MEVolI.pdf and http://Dr_Sugi.tripod.com/MEVolII.pdf. Each volume contains 40 of my personal experiences based on visions I encountered during meditation and dreams and how the Siddha Yoga teachings and practices have changed and enhanced my daily life. This email that I write to you today is the 31st writing of the third volume. If you would like to receive the third volume in its entirety up to this point, I will gladly send it to you as an attached Microsoft Word document upon request.
You can add another meditation center to the list of those I have been to at least once. In addition to Atlanta, Miami, Cincinnati, Lexington, and the Shree Muktananda Ashram itself is West Orange, NJ. It was the first time since April that I've enjoyed the company of others during a satsang, with the exception of having been to the ashram several times since June. I was at the West Orange center on Wednesday, December 19. That center is one of the only original centers left that is located in someone's private home. I enjoyed the company of the four other yogis that were there. I plan on soon visiting the center in Mahwah, NJ. If I see that things are going well for my business here in Northeastern PA, I may AGAIN consider starting a chanting and meditation group. Remember it is something that I considered doing last summer when I lived in Maysville, KY, where the closest center was 55 miles away. The center in West Orange is the closest one to where I am now, and it is 64 miles away, just 10 miles closer than the ashram itself. During this time of year, we celebrate the birth of one of the most noted Siddhas ever to walk the face of this Earth. Jesus was definitely a Savior - saving those who longed to know God from the pain of separation. When you feel that you are someone separate from God, there is pain, and this pain leads you to get caught up in the Play of Consciousness as though it were real. This past Friday night (December 28), my meditation and a dream I had during the night were totally based on the pain of separation. Going from being a jivatma (an individual soul) to a jivanmukti (a liberated being) is simply a matter of overcoming the pain of separation. THAT is what takes effort. It is one thing to believe and live your life as though you are one with God. It is another thing to EXPERIENCE yourself AS God. Before I talk about my meditation and my dream, I will share with you how I felt during my get-together with my family for the Christmas holiday. Usually, the "pain of separation" always meant that I looked at myself as being "different" from everyone else, including my family. I always felt like I didn't fit in quite right. Things were very different this Christmas. Instead of feeling as though it was a "bad" thing to be different, I felt at peace simply because I was consciously aware of the flowing of the Shakti. Being able to perceive the flow of energy, know where the blocks were in certain people, and actually "feel" the vibes of others on a conscious level made the whole Play very enjoyable. One of the most enjoyable of all feelings I had the whole time I was with my family was the energy I felt from my younger brother. My younger brother is the lawyer from Brooklyn, NY who just got engaged. The day after Christmas, he moved to Orlando, Florida to be with his fiancée, and on January 15 he starts his new job with a law firm in Florida. Because of the energy that was flowing through him, it was quite enjoyable to be around him. Another joy to be around was my ten-year-old niece. Her energy is becoming more and more like mine, from the standpoint of creativity and Spirituality. At one point while we were talking, I told her that I would one day teach her how to be a healer of people. She smiled and said, "Oh cool!" Being around my family always used to leave me feeling empty. This time things were VERY different. My heart was much more open since I saw everything in a divine light, instead of seeing it all from the limitations of the mind that kept me in the dark. While I was meditating Friday night, I did the usual traveling and interacting with beings from other worlds. Usually I forget a lot of what happened upon returning to the physical plane. This time I remembered quite a bit. I also realized that there is a lot of crossover between things I recently thought about or experienced here in the physical world and what comes to me in meditation and dreams. I used to think that things like this happened simply because it was a mental impression my mind could call upon. Instead, it is really all because you cannot separate the physical and the subtle worlds because the physical is merely a manifestation of the subtle. For example, in one of my visions, I saw myself walking around a Wal-Mart store, and I had just been to a Wal-Mart a few hours before. The Wal-Mart store represented something very distinct in the meditation. When I thought back to my experience of actually being in the Wal-Mart a few hours earlier, I finally realized what the lesson was all about. In that vision, I was feeling all the waves of Shakti flowing through me as I walked around the store. Just like when I was with my family, my awareness of the flow of energy was on a conscious level. I felt "good" vibes and "bad" vibes from individuals who would pass me by. Then these words came to me: "The store represents your world that you live in, everyone you interact with, and everything you do." I then walked outside to the parking lot. Outside the store, there was no "world" per se. I walked out into the black of night, and then I looked up to see a brilliant white light that was many times larger than the full moon. I was chanting to "Om Namo Bhagavate Muktanandaya" in the bhakti raga. Soon after beginning the chant, I drifted off into many spectacular visions. The first few visions all had to do with the illusion of separation from God. I could see myself being bound by chains or repeating a pattern of a way of thinking over and over. I finally got fed up with the heavy feeling I was being dragged through, and I blurted out: "Just cut the damn chains already!!" The longing for liberation was at its peak during this point in time. For the whole rest of my travels, I never saw another vision of being bound in any way. I enjoyed the company of Siddhas who brought messages of great things to come. One of the visits was from Mary, the Blessed Mother who gave birth to Jesus. When I first caught sight of Mary, she looked like the typical mural that she is depicted in, although she was certainly life-like. She didn't look directly at me. Above her head was a small but very beautiful flower. I reached up and took the flower in my hands. It had six petals that were deep blue in color that surrounded a bright yellow center. I asked Mary, "What is the significance of the flower?"
She said to me, "Plant it in the ground, and watch what happens."
I found myself in the middle of a field of dirt. I crouched down, dug a small hole, carefully placed the flower in the ground, and covered the hole again. At that instant, everything around me became pure white. Not only was what I saw white, but also what I FELT was white too. It was as if all of my samskaras were suddenly gone without a trace. Immediately after that, I had a vision of Jesus. The vision was rather astonishing. I was shown all the times in my life when I was sickly, at home in bed or in the hospitals. This happened quite frequently throughout my childhood and several times in my adult years. In every single scene, it was Jesus who stood there by my side the whole entire time. Jesus was the reason why I always pulled through, even when things seemed hopeless. Also checking in on me during those times was my great-grandfather Vincenzo Suglia. He passed on from the physical world when I was 13 years old. I saw him making reference to me in my vision, telling me that everything in life is okay and will always be okay. Now I never really was "religious," even though I grew up in a Roman Catholic family. Understanding now what a Siddha is, and knowing that both Mary and Jesus ARE Siddhas, made their visit all the more fulfilling! In another vision, I saw myself finally meeting a significant other. She was borne from the white light of the Divine that stood in front of me. When she emerged from the light, I knew she was a gift from God. I knew she was perfect. I verbally acknowledged, "There really is someone for me. And she is a Siddha!"
Next, I saw a young boy in our midst. Innately, I knew he was the first of our offspring. What was so fascinating was that our son was not only a Siddha, but he was destined to become a great leader of people.
In another vision, I saw Baba Muktananda as he traveled around the world bringing Siddha Yoga to all parts of the world. I saw many people becoming filled with his Shakti. I smiled and exclaimed, "Baba - the modern-day Jesus!" After the chant was over, I meditated to the sound of the tamboura. As the tamboura plays, the sound Om emanates naturally and fills the air. As I sat there with my eyes closed, I eventually lost body-consciousness for a moment. I felt the Om vibrating not only around me but also AS me. The vibration I felt course throughout my being was the Consciousness of the Om vibration, causing this body to appear real. I was one with the Consciousness that creates this body to be manifest amongst the characters in this physical world.
When I was asleep and dreaming during the night, I had a dream of my Guru. Like most other dreams, she never talked directly to or looked directly at me. I was in a room with a small gathering of devotees. They were all gathered there for a meeting with Gurumayi to plan some events. When Gurumayi arrived, everyone greeted her enthusiastically. I felt so far away from her, yet my enthusiasm over her presence was just as visible. Without further adieu, Gurumayi and the group of people sat around the table and began discussing business. I had so many things I wanted to say to Gurumayi. I thought that MAYBE I could get the chance to finally speak to her since the group was so small. But when I saw that this meeting was going to go on for a long time, I went into the other room and immediately began to feel the pain of separation. The pain was so intense that I sweated profusely as I pranced around the room. The thoughts that ran through my mind were so self-demeaning: "How foolish of me to think that I could have had a chance to speak to Gurumayi. I am no one important compared to these people, and she didn't even know I was there. Even if I tried to approach her, I wouldn't have a chance because I would surely be turned away. I know that the Guru knows what we are thinking and feeling, but it is impossible for her to know what is going through my mind." My thoughts continued in this fashion for a few minutes. Then I finally left the building, walking through the room where the meeting was going on. I didn't even look at Gurumayi or the group of people, and they were not disturbed by my presence as I walked by them. When I awoke from this dream, I thought about how very real this situation seemed. In real life, I may never get the chance to speak to Gurumayi in person. For those of us who are devout yogis, I am sure we all have this same desire. But the actual pain that I felt during the dream was excruciating. The pain of separation that comes from the notion that we are separate from God, separate from the Guru, is a very difficult samskara to erase. Why? Because when something so tangible as the physical world exists, the ILLUSION of separation seems so very real indeed. Then there were the dreams I had during the night Saturday night. They indicated that there are still hidden fears inside of me, inhibiting me in subconscious ways. In the first dream, I was at the truck stop walking around like I do when I am not busy in the office. I had a hard copy of this very email with me. I noticed a female friend of mine nearby, but we didn't have a conversation. Instead, I started heading back upstairs to my office for something and left this email sitting on a pile of boxes. Two truck drivers were walking by and happened to pick up the email and start reading it. They said to me, "Is this something important for us to read?"
I felt a bit afraid to let them read it, since they certainly didn't seem like the "Spiritual" type. Actually, I think I was more afraid at the fact that the female friend of mine would see me in a non-approving way for letting the truck drivers read it. I let them read it anyway as I continued on up the stairs to my office, feeling the fear, and a bit of sweat and embarrassment, inside of me the whole time. In the other dream, I was being held hostage at the wheel of my car by a woman with a gun in the passenger's seat. She was accompanied by the hugest snake I've ever seen, which sat coiled up in between us. It was much larger than any snake I've ever dreamed of in the past. The car was parked in a parking lot, and I am not sure what her demands were. Suddenly the whole scene changed. I was the one holding the gun on her, and the snake turned against her. It bit her right between the eyebrows. Her forehead swelled up like a balloon, then she passed out from the pain. I sat motionless, fearing that if I made a move the snake would bite me too. That was the whole dream. Whenever I dream of a snake, I share it with you because it makes me wonder if it has any direct correlation with the movement of Kundalini.
In regards to being consciously aware of the Shakti, I will share with you something that happened Friday afternoon. It was a replay, of sorts, of a scene from the original Star Wars motion picture in which Obi Wan Kenobi feels a sudden "disturbance" in the Force the moment the planet Tatooine was blown to pieces. Although he was thousands of miles away in outer space, he knew that some great tragedy had happened. I felt this great disturbance myself as I was eating lunch at my favorite "fast food" place, Boston Market, just off Interstate 80 in Stroudsburg. It was right around 1:00 in the afternoon. Everything appeared to be normal. The weather was clear but cold, there was plenty of traffic passing by, the radio was playing in the background, and I was enjoying my lunch. Suddenly, a feeling of extreme sadness came across me. After feeling this, I said to myself under my breath as I looked around, "Something devastating is happening right now or is about to happen!"
When I returned to my office at the truck stop, I learned that right about the time I had that feeling, there was a 40-car pileup on Interstate 80 just 60 miles West of where I was. A sudden snow squall passed through the area causing blinding conditions. In the accident, a tanker truck carrying hazardous materials exploded engulfing 23 cars and killing five people instantly. I heard the news later on in the afternoon when the truck stop filled up with truck drivers wanting to know which alternate routes to take since the entire interstate highway was closed. The highway remained closed for about 30 hours due to that accident. The power of the Force, the Shakti, is THAT palpable that you can actually EXPERIENCE its shifts on a conscious level if you just become attuned to it.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
The date was Monday, January 16, 1995. I was enjoying the MLK holiday to start off the second week of my second quarter in chiropractic college. Life was so typical and so seemingly simple, even though I had a rather strong negative self-image. Life at that point consisted of getting up late for afternoon and evening classes, and then hanging out at Cabana Joe’s restaurant and bar with classmates and the Waffle House at night. I had a cozy studio apartment which I highly enjoyed living in. Life was so easy. But at about 2 PM on that Atlanta afternoon, life changed forever. My phone rang. It was the woman I met at a school party the previous Friday night, who I never gave my phone number to. It was the beginning of a relationship that lasted only ten months, yet the effects of it and the events that resulted from it changed the course of my life. Debbi is now married and living in Arizona, finally experiencing the life, love, and happiness she always wanted. At least I hope she is. What I learned during our relationship is how unprepared I was at the time to be in a relationship with anyone. I also learned where my inner weaknesses lie. I learned the ups and downs of sharing a household with someone I love. And, just two weeks after we started living together, I started suffering from the mysterious sleeping illness that I still have to this day. Even though I haven’t dated anyone since dating Debbi, I’m really not complaining. The reason is because I figure the more time I spend without a significant other, the more personal growth I will go through in preparation for that time when I finally do meet someone. Naturally, the amount of personal growth I have been experiencing, complete with severe growing pains, ever since I began practicing Siddha Yoga in August of 1998, has been far superior to any amount of maturing I could have accomplished on my own. I was the one who ended the relationship with Debbi. We continue to this day to be on very good speaking terms. In fact, we remained roommates for two months after I ended the relationship. At the end of December, 1995 I moved into a house that I shared with three other people. For the first eight months of 1996, I suffered tremendously both physically and emotionally. It was the deepest, darkest time of my life. While Debbi went on to date other guys, I slumped into a debilitating depression. I missed her, even though I was the one who wanted to get away from her. Also, my physical health declined rapidly. This was the time during which the chronic fatigue became its very worst, the internal bleeding I suffered from due to colonic polyps was at its worst, and I discovered I had a potentially life-threatening heart condition known as Wolf-Parkinson- Wright Syndrome. Adding to the problem was the fact that two of the three roommates I shared the house with were absolute pigs and were totally disrespectful. The roommate that I was friends with before we looked at the house together and I did our darnedest to have the other two roommates removed. In September of 1996, the chronic fatigue was still quite debilitating, and the Wolf- Parkinson-Wright Syndrome was not very bothersome at that point in time. I returned to school after taking the summer off and having an operation to correct my internal bleeding problem. The two old roommates were out, and the two new roommates we had were great people. All four of us got along perfectly! At the beginning of December, though, I decided that I would be much happier having my own place. Even though I got along great with my roommates, I decided I just wasn’t a “roommate” type person. It didn’t matter anyway because the landlord decided to sell the house. Therefore, we all had to move out at the end of December. Thanks to the very nice elderly lady who ironed my clothes for me, I was able to get my own apartment in a complex that I really liked. That apartment in Smyrna, Georgia is the longest-lasting place of residence I’ve ever had on my own. I lived there for two weeks short of three whole years. That is where I was living at the time I started writing these emails in June of 1999. During 1996 I met Ellen, the one who eventually opened the door to Spiritual growth for me. It was because of Ellen that I met my favorite chiropractor while in Atlanta, Dr. Philip Hurd. It was because of Dr. Hurd that I met my Reiki Master, Betty. And it was because of Betty that I came to know Gurumayi and the teachings of Siddha Yoga, something that Ellen herself wanted to introduce me to two years earlier. During most of 1997, I spent my time alone in my apartment, hanging out online on those days I couldn’t make it to school, wondering if I’d ever live a “normal” life. On October 31, 1997, I began taking amino acid replacement therapy, which is what brought me from being totally debilitated by the chronic fatigue to at least being somewhat functional. I was on the therapy for only five months, yet its benefits have helped me up to this very day. In January of 1998 I started participating again in school functions. On May 1, 1998, my fascinating Spiritual journey all began. It was three months before I started practicing Siddha Yoga. On that day, I started attending a meditation group that was held by a “Spiritual Master” who was also a chiropractor. The group met at an office in Sandy Springs, GA that was shared by several chiropractors who all graduated from Life University, the same school I went to. They said that the form of meditation we practiced didn’t exactly have any name to it. It did help me to relax more and to feel refreshed to a degree. During my meditations, I would occasionally have a vision or two, but nothing even closely profound to what I experience with Siddha Yoga. On May 1, 1998, I did have one peculiar vision while I meditated that evening. I saw an angel perched on top of a mountain. It was only when I looked harder at it that I recognized the angel as myself. I thought that was pretty neat. But it wasn’t until after receiving Reiki initiation in July of 98, and then attending the Siddha Yoga meditation satsangs, that Niagara Falls started flowing inside me. The rest is history.
In the past couple weeks I’ve been enjoying a regular chanting and meditation session right before going to bed. The profound visions have seemed to subside for now. I notice they seem to come and go in cycles. I have been experiencing some mind- boggling dreams at night, though. My adventures to the inner worlds have been quite revealing as of lately. The most significant dream was on Friday night. I had a dream that I was in the house my Grandpop Suglia lived in. I was shaving in the kitchen. In the living room, a CD playing the chant “Om Bhagawan” was winding down to the end. What was most strange was the layout of my hair. The top of my head was bald, and there was a rim of hair going around my head, much like you see in pictures of medieval monks. The rim above my forehead grew down to the bridge of my nose, completely filling in the space between my eyebrows. This is the hair that I was shaving away as I was listening to the chant. Even stranger yet was the fact that my parents and my brothers were home, none of them liking the music I was listening to or the strange situation that I was in with my hair growth. Every now and then I will dream of being back at Life University, either as a student or a visitor. Saturday night I had a dream that a small group of people that were my classmates were all gathered in the clinic where we did our internship. We were all wearing those god-awful blue blazers we used to wear to indicate that we were student doctors. One of them even wore the long blue coat, which is worn by students who have advanced placement and can act as supervisors of other students in certain situations. I thought to myself “why are we wearing these blue coats again when all of us already graduated and are just here to visit?” A couple minutes later someone brought out our white coats. White coats are worn by the licensed Doctors of Chiropractic who supervise the students in the clinic. One by one, we all took off the blue ones and put the white ones on. When I put mine on, it finally dawned on me that “I have arrived.” Ever since I had this dream, I am constantly discovering more and more ways that I’ve been sabotaging my own progress during the past 22 months since becoming a chiropractor. I guess it all ties back to the whole “self worth” issue. I’d inquire about putting on a health presentation or posting an ad, and then I’d never follow through with it. I’d conveniently forget to contact someone I’ve been meaning to get back in touch with about my services. I constantly rejected ideas for the office (that do not compromise the principles of the profession) that are ways to boost business. It was all subconscious before, and it no longer is now. A big reason why I titled this email “The Seven Year Itch” is because now, looking back at all I’ve learned and all I’ve been through, I’m ready to ACCEPT success into my life. I’m ready for a growing, thriving practice. I’m ready to show people how much I care about them. I’m ready to help as many people as I can. I’m ready to be healthy again. I’m also ready to love again, and hopefully have a family of my own someday.
It is VERY important to note that the practices and teachings of Siddha Yoga are NOT to give you a “feel good” experience where you will have visions of greatness and become all spaced out and blissful. When you receive the grace of the Guru, you are firmly planted on the journey of Self-discovery. To live in the constant awareness of the Self, of your own oneness with God, you MUST be cleansed of all those dregs that collected for many lifetimes that give us the illusion that we are something less than the Divine One. When we think lowly of ourselves and think we are not worthwhile, we separate ourselves from God in awareness, even though we are NEVER different from God. Wherever the illusion of persecution comes from, whether it be us being harmed by another or us looking at the world through unfocused glasses, this must be dealt with and eliminated before we can see the true light of God, which we already are, in its full brightness. The ripples in the water must be stilled before we can see our own reflection in it. Siddha yoga is the process by which all of this happens. It is all a CONSCIOUS process. To put it mildly, it separates the men from the boys.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Quite some time ago, I had written that kriyas are not only in the form of physical movement but can be in the form of illness, dreams, and sudden upsurges of thoughts and feelings. Lately, I’ve been viewing my chronic sleeping illness as a kriya in itself, especially because of all that I am experiencing while in the middle of the suffering. The sleeping illness itself all started on April 4, 1995, as best as I can remember. It might have been April 11, though. When I woke up for the day, I got out of bed and noticed that I had to drag myself into the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself. I saw a glassy-eyed, droopy-eyed, distant look that only begged to go back to bed again. Since I had no energy to move any further, I did just that. I went back again for another two hours of sleep, after already having a rather normal 9 hours. That look I saw in the mirror, and that feeling I had when I got out of bed, have been with me every single day of my life since. Eight and a half months after that day, I became COMPLETELY bed-ridden, sleeping between 12 to 14 hours every single day. 22 months after that, I finally became somewhat functional again when I started on amino acid replacement therapy. Nowadays, I have experienced a downturn, of sorts, back to the days of being bed-ridden. This time, things are more dismal because I have a lot more to lose out on. I’ve learned to work around all of this. Even though I list a starting time of 2 PM for my office, many days I’m only waking up at that time. What I experience before then is quite different indeed! Sometimes what I experience directly relates to my Guru, and sometimes I learn great lessons about what lies within the depths of my subconscious mind. One thing in particular that has become commonplace these days during my stays under the covers is having dreams and visions of being in bed. When I see myself in bed, I am not at peace. I am ALWAYS suffering somehow. One dream in particular that stands out is a dream I had about two weeks ago. I dreamt that a friend of mine’s wife was scheduled to have some sort of abdominal surgery. Seeming like it would be a humorous dream at first, I told my friend’s wife that I would have the surgery instead of her. So I volunteered to be the patient for what seemed like a simple procedure. When I awoke after the surgery, I was being wheeled back to the hospital room. As soon as I was transferred from the gurney to the hospital bed, the chant “Shri Gurudeva Sharanam” started playing. I thought how nice that was that the hospital staff would play that for me. But then I noticed something terribly wrong. I saw and felt wires sticking in me in the strangest places, including in my mouth under my tongue. I began to panic because I knew something went terribly wrong during the operation. I no longer felt comfortable. In a tandra state vision that I had just yesterday, I saw myself in a hospital room, supposedly taking care of someone as a nurse aid. (The tandra state is that state of consciousness between being fully awake and fully asleep.) The hospital room had only a bed in it, and it was a comfortable bed as opposed to a hospital bed. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, and even the top sheet of the bed were sky-blue in color. The fitted sheet on the bed and the sink and the toilet in the bathroom were white. I was wearing the white trousers and sky-blue smock top I used to wear when I was in nursing school back in 1985. I was in the bathroom, and it appeared that I was helping someone to stand up from being seated on the toilet. I was wrapping a blue hospital gown around someone, but it turned out that I was putting it on myself! I was both the nurse aid AND the patient. Next, I saw myself practically crawling to get back into bed. Finally, I crawled into bed, snuggled up under the covers, and drifted off to sleep again. These are just two of many examples of dreams or visions I had lately concerning being in bed and suffering somehow. Whenever I return to the physical world, though, I am reminded of how very real this situation is. On many days, I can only open my eyes for a moment and feel the sleep overtake me again within a few seconds, even if I’ve already had ten hours or more of sleep. I do feel that there are lessons within the dreams. What is even MORE strange than having dreams of being in bed are when I have dreams that I am dreaming. This too has become more common in the past couple weeks. In a dream, I will “wake up” and recall a dream I just had, and then I will wake up from that dream back here in the physical world. Interestingly enough, when I “wake up” from the dream that I was having within my dream, I see myself in bed, suffering from the fatigue.
If there is any one thing that I miss about Atlanta, besides the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center, of course, it is the Caribou Coffee House. I spent many evenings there, especially if the chronic fatigue was so bad that I couldn’t do much else. I read almost every book written by Baba Muktananda while I was there. Not so ironic is the jingle I would always read on the wall there: “Life is short, stay awake for it.” Nowadays, I see all the traveling I do while being held down by the illness AS being awake – awake in realms other than the physical. I experience so much, and I learn quite a bit. I always seem to have something handed to me that is worth contemplating. One thing that I enjoy experiencing while lying in bed in the tandra state are the moments when I become as vast as the Universe. I close my eyes, and I suddenly lose the boundaries of the physical body. I am no longer simply that body lying in that bed; I am everyone and everything everywhere at all times simultaneously. I can see people elsewhere, doing their daily routines, knowing what they are thinking and feeling, knowing that I AM them. I enjoy my all-ness elsewhere in the night sky, seeing new stars being formed, being an entity from another planet or another dimension. My energy will continue to be in all places at once, and then will contract again into this seemingly finite physical form, lying in this bed, suffering from this “illness,” experiencing this particular karmic destiny. It is when I have such experiences that I have no fear of dying, and I feel that death would be a much welcome thing if it just so happened to present itself anytime soon. There is so much living I do even when this particular physical form is unable to be “awake” and functional in the physical realm. True enough, it is in this realm that I MUST function in order to remain here, eat, pay my bills, and live out my karma. There may be a day when this illness comes to an end so that I can live in good health during this lifetime. I do not give up hope. I do not see myself suffering for years and years and years like so many people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, and Multiple Sclerosis. I just don’t feel that that will be me. It brings to mind a dream I had a long time ago in which I was standing in an elevator. As the doors opened, a person who was getting off on that floor handed me an article to read. The title of the article was “Why Healers Can’t Heal Themselves.” Well, it was just a dream, so, naturally, I couldn’t read the entire article. It let me know, though, that I cannot overcome this alone. I often feel that my own self-efforts only lead me down dead end streets. I even wrote to Gurumayi asking for her to fill me with her Grace. But then I often feel as though I’m just another one of those devotees out there in the world for her to even pay me any mind. I did, however, experience periods lasting for several days in which the fatigue was almost completely gone right around the time I first received Shaktipat. It was a magnificent time in life! Now, it’s all a matter of fate, I guess. Time will tell, as always!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
It was the early morning of Sunday, February 24, at almost exactly 12:30 AM. I was sitting right where I am now at my computer in my office. What happened next changed my life forever. A strange-looking fellow walked into my office and stood in my doorway. He had a gray beard, glasses, wore a ski hat, and he was carrying a duffel bag and a walking stick. Before he even spoke a word, I could feel the air in the room settle to a quiet hush. It was as if Baba Muktananda himself had arrived. The man's name was Richard. I don't remember very much of our conversation, but his words sunk deeply into my soul. Samskaras of mine were suddenly emerging to reveal themselves. Richard's presence truly had a profound effect on me on a subconscious level. Before he left for the evening, he said to me that people he meets have sudden life changes for the better after talking to him. Over the course of the next four days I enjoyed his occasional visits to my office. He was here while his car was being fixed in the garage here at the truck stop. Just a couple hours before our final meeting, I experienced MY sudden life change for the better. Her name is Biancagelia, and I am happy to say that we are very much in love with each other. Bianca and I met online in a yoga chatroom. We've known each other now for only 8 days. She lives in Romania. In the past 8 days we've exchanged about 50 emails, several photographs, and two phone calls. This surely is the beginning of something fantastic. She is young and free-spirited. She is only 24 years old and is already a scholar. While I was sending her Reiki energy, I sensed that she has a pure Spirit, free from stain, yet traumatized by the feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The ONLY other time I have ever felt that pure of an energy in anyone while using Reiki energy is when I sent Reiki energy to my Guru, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. Over the course of the first couple days of knowing Bianca, I had some very strange dreams. I can say that one dream was a "red flag" dream, but as time progressed my dreams receded back to their usual level of "normalcy." One dream I had, amidst all the strange ones, was of me in a living room with a woman. I never had contact with the woman. All around us was electronic equipment of all types, including elaborate stereo systems. Strange things were occurring with the equipment, such as dials turning themselves, etc. I do not remember all the details of the dream. One detail in particular was peculiar. The chant "Om Bhagawan" started playing on one of the CD players. However, instead of it being Gurumayi singing "Om Bhagawan, Muktananda Bhagawan," it was Baba Muktananda and company singing "Om Bhagawan Nityananda Bhagawan"! Strange indeed!
Just last night I sat to chant and meditate for the first time in a few weeks. I chanted to both the fast and slow tracks of "Om Guru." What happened during this time was by far the strangest interaction with both the physical and subtle realms simultaneously I've ever had. Perhaps it was because I went on a rare eating binge of Swiss cheese sandwiches right before I meditated? Baba always said that eating lots of dairy products and carbohydrates right before meditating greatly enhances your meditative state. It was VERY peculiar, and I realized something very important during my interactions. I went through the usual “slipping” into meditation after which I interact with spirits and beings from other dimensions. Usually when I go into this state, I do not remember any of the interactions, and my physical verbalization of some of the conversations occurs in short burst of phrases or single words. This time, though, the ENTIRE interaction was verbalized, and this allowed me to come to a realization of what was really happening when I am in this state. The reason why I could never remember who it was that I was talking to is because these beings usually never appear to me, nor do they usually ever speak verbally. They speak to me in feelings and pictures. I see visions that indicate what they are trying to say to me, much like John Edward experiences on the TV show “Crossing Over.” It is no WONDER why in the past I found it unusual that I was verbally interacting with visions that were totally different than what I was reacting to. Innately and subconsciously, I knew what the visitors were trying to say to me. This time it was all occurring on a CONSCIOUS level! During my interactions, I could tell that at one point Baba was standing right next to me. I acknowledged his presence, after which he started walking around me in a circle. At another point, I asked a visitor how long I would have to suffer with the chronic fatigue, and what was the key to getting my business off the ground. In return, I was told to be patient and not worry about these things because they would take their own course and handle themselves. There were some seemingly-comical moments too, including my chanting to a totally different chant than “Om Guru.” On several occasions, if someone else were in the room watching me, they would have been calling someone to have me committed for a psychiatric evaluation. In my conscious mind, I could see myself using this power of interaction with other beings in order to help other people make contact in this physical world. But then I prayed to the beings to never EVER allow me to put my ego in the way. THEY actually encouraged me to build this bridge for people and to utilize this ability to help people. Towards the end of the CD, I was pushed back into the physical world. I cried out, “No, don’t do that just because the chant is almost over! What about reaching a state of enlightenment?” Again I was answered in a feeling and a vision. I was standing in front of a gazebo-like structure that was connected to a larger building, perhaps a Hindu temple. The roof of the gazebo was high and conical, and it extended all the way down near the ground so that I would have to crawl to get under it. I became innately aware that crawling underneath the rood and then standing up inside it signified a state of enlightenment. The “feeling” that ran through me said that I was surely so close, and that I would be there soon enough. Now I have contacted spirits and people who have crossed over in the past using Reiki. I even performed an “exorcism,” if I may be so bold to use that word. But this interaction really took the cake. Baba always said that to use one’s gifts as a livelihood is not a sin. But to show them off egotistically IS a sin. This is why I never tell anyone about the full spectrum of what I can do using energy and meditative techniques. I never want to be lumped together with all those other “psychic” advisors and healers. I am me, and may my Guru strike me dead if I ever use these abilities to make a name for myself! After all, it is BECAUSE of my Guru that I give of myself to others. I do not give myself. I give my GURU. It is GOD who does the work. I am a mere piece of flesh standing in the way. I shall forever humble myself to the power that flows THROUGH me to do great things. If I were to even attempt to do what God does, I would be committing a grave sin. My ego should never get the better of me as I continue my Guru’s work. My Guru speaks to me, and speaks to each one of us, through the people and events that come our way in life. When we show our worthiness of being the Guru’s instrument by bowing to her feet, then great karma comes to us. Why would anyone want it to be any other way? There is enough suffering in this world. Why would you WANT to suffer? Well, people who WANT to suffer I cannot help. The Guru cannot help. Remember the saying, “God helps those who help themselves?” This really is the way it works.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
It is now three and a half weeks since my girlfriend in Romania and I met. If there is any one thing that has kept us together this whole time, it is bhakti. By bhakti, I do not only mean love for each other. I mean love from RECOGNIZING God within and AS each other. This is a key element to the ever-increasing depth and strength to our bond. I feel it is safe to say that this is indeed the woman I will be spending the rest of my life with. She feels the same about me. Right about the time I met Bianca, I had a dream very similar to one I recently wrote about. I was in a room full of strangely functioning electronic equipment. Finally, one of the stereos started paying a chanting CD. This time the chant was “Shree Ram Jay Ram.” This is the chant I like to listen to when I want to develop and maintain the feeling of commitment to a work detail, particularly my healing ministry as a chiropractor. This past Tuesday night, I had a dream that clearly demonstrated the power of bhakti. In my dream, I was at a small outdoor gathering of people, much like a picnic or social event. The weather was warm and the sky was clear. I do not remember any of the dream until the point when I was seated at a small round table, much like the ones they have at my favorite coffee house in Stroudsburg, PA (Sweet Pamala Jean’s). Seated to my right was Gurumayi, and we were facing each other. For the first time ever in my dreams, Gurumayi spoke DIRECTLY to me, one on one. It was an ecstatic private darshan! Gurumayi was explaining something in a book to me. She kept pointing to the words in a book, and she would only occasionally glance up at me. At one point I suddenly became overly-filled with such joy, with such love, with such bhakti, over the fact that I was having a private conversation with Gurumayi. The strong urge to reach out and hug her welled up from deep within me. I have never felt such a feeling of love before! But then the thought crossed my mind that if I actually did that, her protectors would come and take me away from her and never allow me to see her again. I tried with all my might to contain myself as I simply basked in her presence and her sweet words. In reality, it wasn’t her that was transmitting anything to me. It was ME suddenly realizing that I had such tremendous love inside of me. You see, nobody can make you FEEL love. You do not fall “in love” WITH someone. You simply come to recognize love within yourself and can share it with someone else. Nobody can give you something that you do not already have. Likewise, nobody can take anything away from you. Everything is simply a matter of RECOGNIZING what is within you. That is where the Guru comes in, to give you divine vision of your own identity as God. I know that my darling fiancée has been touched by an enlightened Master at some point during her existence. Words like abanghas flow freely from her heart, ceaselessly, and without hesitation. She is FILLED with bhakti at every moment of every day. She is so full of joy that I never thought that anyone could possibly exist like her in today’s day and age. Her songs of love for God rate right up there with Llaleshwari, Janabai, Rumi, and the Gopis. I have been blessed with the presence of such a great Saint in my life. In the beginning of our relationship, I could not see bhakti within myself. But then it all magically appeared, much like it did in my dream of Gurumayi. When you suddenly become aware of it within you, your life instantly and magically changes!
Everything you see suddenly becomes filled with God. Everything you do suddenly becomes worship of God. Ever word you speak suddenly becomes praise for God. While contemplation was always my path to realization ever since I started practicing Siddha Yoga, it is BHAKTI that gave me the actual feeling and experience of God’s love. It is more powerful than any force in the Universe. When it hits you, be prepared for some PERMANENT life-changing events! If you still feel that you need to derive a feeling of love and happiness from others, then you can surely lose this feeling. But when you find it within yourself, it can never be lost. This feeling is what drives Bianca and I to traverse the miles that separate us right now. We’ve already spent countless hours talking to each other by internet, by email, by postal mail, and by telephone. The only thing I am waiting for now is some financial help I will be receiving any week now to make the trip overseas and bring her back as my wife and life partner. When I look into Bianca’s eyes in her pictures, and when I hear her voice on the phone, and when I read her words in the chatroom and email, I feel the love within springing forth effortlessly. Yes, I was quite amazed and afraid at the same time that I could be feeling this. But all doubts have subsided, and now I am ready to proceed with making our relationship permanent. While she showed such love for God and for life from the beginning, I was very cold at first. I could not find it within myself to express such love. I thought it was rather “pushy” and hasty. What finally caused me to open up was my dream of Gurumayi. It opened the floodgates. Suddenly I saw it all right there within my own Self. It flowed through my body and my mind without fail and without obstruction. Now I recognize God’s divine love not only in my wife-to-be, but I also see it within myself and everyone and everything around me. This feeling is not new. I experienced this all at the time I first received my Guru’s grace almost three and a half years ago. I believe that in the dream Gurumayi was reminding me of it once again AND telling me that this relationship with Bianca is for real. Biancagelia Gheorghioiu is a gift from God. I will not let any human shortcomings, especially the egotistical badgering of the mind, destroy our love, our gratefulness, our bhakti! In meditations I wrote about long ago, the Guru showed me exactly HOW God manifests as all beings and objects of the physical world. There really is only one force in this physical world that holds all matter together, including our human bodies, and that is bhakti – love. Without these bodies, we are beings of energy. Without our samskaras, we ARE unconditional love. When we can love something or someone unconditionally, bhakti flows like and endless stream, without beginning and without end. When we taint this love with the conditions of the mind, it is finite and flawed. The practice of yoga, the directing of the inner Kundalini energy, brings you to the eventual awareness of the true nature of yourself AS God, AS love, AS divine energy, both with and without form. Narada once said that love cannot be defined, but it definitely can be FELT and EXPERIENCED as bhakti. Because of the shared bhakti between my dear Biancagelia and I, we sing God’s praises to each other, recognizing God in each other and as each other. Such a love is possible, and it doesn’t just exist in books on yoga or in abanghas or in chants. It exists in real life too.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Last night my fiancée Bianca and I were talking online, as we usually do for hours and hours. A very interesting realization about her struck me. She and I BOTH have the exact same view of this world – we are merely Spiritual beings having a human experience. Now, to think of the world in this way is one thing. To actually EXPERIENCE it is another. This is why I am so very grateful for the grace that I have received from my Guru and the fact that I now have someone in my life who actually lives the same experience that I do. In one of the first postal mails that Bianca ever wrote to me, I realized that at some point in time during her existence, she was touched by a Spiritual Master. She was the one who pointed out the ABSOLUTE NEED to have a Spiritual Master along the path. One cannot achieve perfect yoga, union with God, on their own power because of the influence of the ego working on the mind. In Siddha Yoga, the whole purpose of the Guru’s grace IS to create this split between the ego and the true Self. We can then easily recognize the difference, and by focusing entirely on the fact that WE ARE THE SELF ALREADY, we can enjoy this Play of the physical world that we are in. Now and then, an old friend of mine would ask if I had any “mystical” experiences lately. Lately, I have come to understand this word in a different context. “Mystical” to me meant that, during meditation, I would experience fantastic light displays, travel to other worlds, visit with beings from other worlds, and even sometimes see events happening elsewhere as they were happening. Sure, these things still happen. It has been a while, though, since I sat for chanting and meditating, since I’ve been spending my nights talking to Bianca. But because I found not only my life partner but also my Spiritual TWIN, I find it much easier to focus on the world AS IT IS as a mystical experience in itself. Those who have read my previous meditation email entitled “Logistic Realization” will know what I mean. The realization that there is NO physical substance to our life force, that our life force is what animates and livens the physical inert matter we dwell in called the body, IS the mystical experience itself. The whole reason why we are even here in the first place is simply so that we, THE SELF, can play within our own Self by taking on the form of “other.” So, if there is only one of us here, no “other” out there, then what determines which role which one of the “others” will play? That is KARMA. That is what we carry with us in the form of samskaras, ego, the mind, and these things never die. They go with us when we leave one body and enter another in another “lifetime.” Therefore, we continue the Play right where we left off, from one lifetime to the next. This is why, when I am looking into the “past lives” of people, I can see a continuum of events that exist in this lifetime starting in previous lifetimes. The thing to remember is that IT IS JUST A PLAY. When we realize this, when we willfully let go of our ego, we return to the pure state of awareness of the Self, which we are, which we always had been, and which we always will be. This is our primary goal in life – to come to THIS realization. After all, that is why they call enlightened beings “REALIZED!” When I look around me, I do not see individual people interacting. I see the Self playing karmic roles. When we meet certain people in life, it is because we have earned the merit in our karma for such an event to take place. The “mysterious visitor” I wrote about, another friend of mine named Richard, my fiancée Bianca, ALL are gifts that the Universe brought to me just within the past couple months. I earned these gifts through my diligent devotion to my Guru and the constant contemplation of the Self, jnanayoga, that takes place within me with every breath I take. Because of this awareness of the world around me, I find that my interactions with this world take on a new form. I used to think that people had no respect for me or for what I do, and I carried this feeling of self- inadequacy around with me for many many years. It still makes its presence known in my life to this very day at times. THIS is an example of a samskara, a way that the ego can throw daggers. Now, I realize that karma had led me to be in such a situation, to set up my life around people who feel this way about THEMSELVES. Certain people are now entering my life to show me that there really is a “world” within this physical realm where people do have respect for themselves and others and are more than willing to partake of the services that I have to offer as a healer. I just have to put myself there instead of here to where my previous ways of thinking brought me. Keeping this in mind, I am now working diligently at looking at my astrocartograph again, for the sake of both myself and Bianca, and I am ALSO pursuing yet another “idea” which has the potential to become a reality because of people I now know – starting my own church. I am sure that there will be more on these topics to come in the near future! On May 15, I will be traveling to Timisoara, Romania to meet my darling wife-to-be. We will wed sometime between May 25 and May 30. Then, we will return here to the United States to start a new life together. Whether we will remain here in Northeastern Pennsylvania, just 74 miles (119 kilometers) from the Shree Muktananda Ashram, or go elsewhere, according to the astrocartograph, remains to be seen. In either way, this life that I, as two, begin anew will be synergistic in every way. And the grace of the Self will flow freely from us.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Now the plan is for me to go to Romania on May 22 to be with my fiancée. Our marriage will take place during the first few days of June. We plan to return to the U.S. together at the end of June or the beginning of July. After that time, we will make preparations to move from this area. Because of her profession and her interests, it would certainly be more prosperous for us to live elsewhere. Also, for my business to live up to its full potential, I certainly need to be in a more populated, open-minded area. Bianca desires to live in a city with a population of more than 300,000. I desired to live in a city that has a Siddha Yoga meditation center. After consulting with my astrocartograph, and also looking at cities that matched our criteria in general, we came up with five different cities in the 48 contiguous United States. While Palm Spring, California and Las Vegas, Nevada came out to be the best as far as the astrocartograph goes, Minneapolis, Minnesota and Atlanta, Georgia came out to be the two favorites overall. Omaha, Nebraska ended up being the most “neutral.” When all was said and done, we agreed that the most beneficial thing we could do together was to move to Atlanta. Provided that all goes well after our marriage to bring her to the U.S., we will be moving to Atlanta in July. If you would like to see a picture of this living angel of God who I will be sharing the rest of my life with, you can see the photo album of her I put together online at http://Dr_Sugi.tripod.com/Bianca. The Spiritual journey will continue back where it all started. Returning to Atlanta will be like returning back home for me. I am looking forward to coming back to the place where I first received my Guru’s grace. I am looking forward to re-establishing old ties while forming new ones at the same time. Before we leave Pennsylvania, I will be taking Bianca to the Shree Muktananda Ashram. Then, we will attend satsangs in Atlanta together at the meditation center there. Bianca is already quite familiar with the Guru’s teachings, as she is already a living incarnation of the Guru’s words! It is like having Gurumayi with me all the time. Now of course nothing is ever fully perfect. Early this morning, we were talking about some doubting and fearful situations that face us as we plan to marry and relocate. After our conversation, I went to bed for the night. As I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I was having visions of all my doubts and fears being alive in front of me. Suddenly, the Blue Pearl flashed in front of me. It stood there, directly in my field of vision, for only a moment. During that moment, all of the negativities were absorbed into the Blue Pearl. The Blue Pearl then disappeared again. All that was left was a feeling of complete love and peace within me. I knew at that very moment that there was never ever anything that needs to be feared or doubted in my relationship with Bianca, or ever with ANYthing for that matter. Coincidentally, at the EXACT same moment I had this vision of the Blue Pearl, Bianca was typing an email to me in which she was mentioning the power of the Blue Pearl!!
Two nights ago I was chanting and meditating to “Mere Baba Muktananda.” I felt that I was drifting off to sleep instead of enjoying a nice vision or travel. Still, what I saw in my “dreams” was pretty much the same. When I came to again, I felt refreshed, as if I did have a nap. Perhaps it was a sleeping “kriya” of some kind. I never did have the notion that I fell completely asleep, though. It was strange but interesting. I am thinking that when I return to Atlanta and enjoy the power of the satsangs and being part of the community of Siddha Yoga disciples again, I will feel like I am back where I belong. I’ve felt like a “fish out of water” ever since leaving Atlanta in May of 2000. Perhaps the karma I was supposed to have experienced during the past two years is the reason why my Guru told me back then that I needed to leave Atlanta. I needed to be subject to all the disappointments that my ego has plagued me with throughout this lifetime. I needed to find the source of all my fear. I needed to work on these samskaras of mine in the worst possible scenario. Now that I have done that, the Guru has gifted me with a living Angel by my side and a most-likely return to Atlanta, where I felt most at home. It just goes to show you that when you put your WHOLE HEART AND SOUL into the love of the Guru, the Guru does everything and anything possible in order to bring you to a state of perfection. Perfection is never given to you; it is EARNED through the working- through of samskaras and the living-out of karma. The Guru never GIVES you anything other than grace, Shaktipat. The rest is up to you. I am very very happy at the thought of returning to Atlanta. I have already begun inquiries into reactivating my license to practice in Georgia. As Bianca looks into studying for her Ph. D. and becoming a teacher, I am looking for work as an associate doctor, or to perhaps open an office again at a travel center in Atlanta. We will also be looking into the possibilities of starting an institutional church of healing. She is excited about going to the place where my Spiritual journey in Siddha Yoga all began. Now with a life partner, I can surely say that I have someone I can SHARE my sadhana with, my progression in this physical world, and I can be there for her on her Spiritual journey too. This relationship has opened my eyes to the fact that you attract to you what it is you put out into the world to begin with. Today has been a perfect example. When I felt like my business was struggling, I felt lost and insecure. When I awoke this morning, feeling like I had EVERYthing I could ever ask for in this world, after reminiscing about my vision of the Blue Pearl and thinking of my Bianca, my office became a busy place. So, in reality, it is what you feel inside FIRST that attracts to you what you receive in return. Can I succeed as a Doctor of Chiropractic here in Bartonsville, PA? Yes, certainly. Could Bianca and I live here and fulfill both our goals? Yes, certainly. Bianca can always take the daily bus to New York City or teach at a local University here. New York City is only 82 miles from where I am right now. However, we both NEED to be in Atlanta. It is just obvious.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
It is now three days until I leave for Romania to be with Bianca. Plans have changed, however. As we were making preparations for my return back to Atlanta, I found out something that changed our direction completely. In order for me to reactivate my license to practice in Georgia, I would have to spend four times more money and time in continuing education classes than it would cost me to go to any other state! Therefore, our “plan B” city came to life in our immediate plans. That city is Minneapolis, Minnesota. Now, even this city has a “plan B.” That city is Pula, Croatia, where I have already been offered a job in a chiropractic clinic there. In the past ten years, I have changed my residence 13 times. I have also done things without any definite plans for my moves. People wonder how I could possibly be so “unattached.” In reality, I have come to see this detachment as being a blessing in disguise. I read about the lives of my Guru’s Guru and other great Saints who have walked the face of this earth. They never really had a place they called “home.” They went wherever their “ministry” took them. They were carefree, being fed and housed by people along the way. Their hearts and minds were totally emerged in the awareness of God, not in what people thought about what they were doing with their lives. They weren’t here to please people’s egos. Being a Saint doesn’t mean being pious. When I was a Roman Catholic growing up, I read about the lives of the Catholic Saints. I thought to myself, “Gee, if people only knew these people in real life, they never would have considered them to be Saints but fools instead!” That is the way it really is. It is because of the AWARENESS of their own divinity that Saints were noted for being great. But the thing that most people forget is that they were totally HUMAN too. They had “faults.” They made seemingly unwise decisions at times. Some were actually considered to be mentally deranged, such as Zipruanna, the great Siddha-Saint who counseled Baba Muktananda on several occasions. As I go about my life, I see areas where I can identify with the thoughts of Saints, and also be one with the same hardships that they went through. Figure on right now how foolish I seem to many people, especially my family, for picking up and leaving yet again – this time going overseas to be with the woman who fills my heart, and to bring her back here to the U.S. to go to a city where neither of us have ever been before. Yes, it is strange indeed. I agree. A big question I have been asking myself on a hypothetical level these days is how strong my identity as God is. If you have not yet begun to identify yourself AS God and you are practicing yoga, then you are missing the whole point of yoga. It is clear that I identify VERY strongly. In fact, it is so strong that I have come to REALIZE the Truth in words I have read in the Siddha Yoga Meditation Correspondence Course some time ago: There is really no “one” here. When you look at the world around you, all you see is YOU. When you speak to another person, you are actually interacting with YOUR SELF in a different karmic role. What you are reacting to is YOU, not the other person. When you are telling someone else about your feelings, or being angry with another person, or being happy, or sad, or enjoying a moment, you are merely expressing YOU. You are merely reflecting your own state into this world. There is no one else “out there” to make you feel a certain way or to do a certain thing. Other people are merely our MIRRORS. When you have this understanding of the world around you, being detached is so very easy. You know that there is no one else to please, no set of “rules” to conform to, no friends nor enemies to be made. There is just YOU. That’s it. “Enough said.” This does not mean we can go around impinging others with our samskaras. It means that if we can truly identify ourselves as the Divine, we know that we can always be appropriate in any situation. One thing I have been doing lately is acting as the mirror for OTHERS. When I am walking around the travel center where my office is located, when I am walking around the local mall, when I am visiting the local coffee shop, when I am caring for a patient, when I am sitting in a chatroom online, I mirror back to people what energy I feel WITHIN THEMSELVES. I give people what they NEED. I am not particularly here to please others. I am here to SERVE others. It is so interesting to see how many people NEED and WANT rejection. They show this by displaying prowess over their samskaras, over their pains, over their limited understanding of things, over their own ignorance. When they lash out at others from within a box full of limitations, I strike back to give them what they need. One can never say that I am “pious” in such a situation! It would be foolish for anyone to think that because I have such an awareness of and love for the living God that I walk around with angel eyes and folded hands. This certainly is not the case at all. Let’s take for example the people who come into the chatroom saying that Jesus is the only path to God because the Bible says so. Now all of you know, from having read several of my past emails, that my love for Jesus is very strong. Of course, Jesus is one of the greatest manifestations of God to ever walk the face of this earth. He appeared to me many times in visions. But when people use Jesus’s name in this way, they are using him as a sword, as a shield for their own egos. I generally lash back with some interesting attacks that get those people in a heated frenzy. I give them exactly what they came looking for – a fight. I mirrored back to them what was in their own heart. That’s what they needed, according to their karma. I certainly cannot be mistaken for an old soft shoe, and I know that both Baba Muktananda and Gurumayi have done the same with people. To be a Saint, you must realize that you are not only a divine manifestation of God on Earth yourself, but you are also human. You will still get angry. You will still have bills to pay. You will still have work to do, and in fact you will be better at what you do. You will still have aggravating people nagging you from time to time. And you will still have thoughts cross your mind that you will wonder where on Earth they ever came from. The key is to SEPARATE what is in your mind from what is in your heart. Bhagawan Nityananda said that the heart is the hub of the Universe, and that this is where God dwells. It is also true that God dwells in the individual as the mind. When you can separate that which is God from that which is a human limitation, you can see past the samskaras and know your true identity. It is the grace of the Guru that causes this separation to become so easy, so evident, so that you can DETACH yourself from any expectations of the ego or the egos of others. Then, and only then, can you realize that you too really ARE a SAINT!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
Now as a married man, I continue my sadhana hand in hand with a very likeminded person. She sees the world as a manifestation of God. During my stay in Romania, I would occasionally become disgruntled with things the way they were. My wife Bianca would simply look at me and say, “It’s just the play within the Play. Don’t worry about it.” For those of you who would like to see our wedding pictures, please click here: http://Dr_Sugi.tripod.com/ In the past couple weeks, the Blue Pearl has become very significant in guiding me, making actual appearances in front of my eyes when I was fully awake, and bringing me meaningful dreams while sound asleep. Its guidance has been timely and perfect. Its appearance has been nothing short of a truly divine experience. The Blue Pearl first appeared to me during one of my first nights together with Bianca. We were lying in bed, side by side, enjoying a moment in silence. I was admiring her beauty, and I knew that she was the person who appeared to me in a vision I wrote about just a few weeks before I actually met her back in February. I wrote about that vision in my meditation email entitled “The Pain Of Separation” on January 2, 2002. As I was looking into her eyes, the Blue Pearl suddenly danced above her hair for a moment. My eyes lit up as I perked up to enjoy its dance. Bianca wondered what could have caught my attention so much. I told her that I saw the Blue Pearl dancing above her hair. It was an amazing sight to say the least! It was as if the Blue Pearl was saying to me that this woman IS the fruit of all my prayers, all my chanting, all my meditating, all my seva, in the name of the Guru. From then on, I knew that this marriage, this life I will spend with this woman in this lifetime, will not only be completely fulfilling, but will be a Spiritual adventure in the play within the Play. A few night later, Bianca and I were settling in again for the night. She was lying in bed, and I was in the kitchen eating. While she was lying there, she started having some concerns over near future plans. As I was eating, I suddenly saw the Blue Pearl streak across the kitchen wall. I watched as its blue radiance open a doorway from the physical world around me to the unmanifest cosmos beyond. I knew that there was something on Bianca’s mind that needed attention. I immediately returned to the bedroom to talk to her. It was as if she was communicating with me on a level far beyond the purely physical. We do that very well, I must say. The Blue Pearl also made its presence known in a dream I had last night. There were a couple other dreams I had which were significant too. One of them was early in my three-week trip to Romania. I had a dream in which I was asked which fictional TV character I felt that I was most like. Now I am not a TV watcher, with the exception of a couple shows. Naturally, my favorite fictional TV character is in one of those shows. My choice surprised me so much that, after the dream was over, I lie awake wondering what is really inside of me that has not bloomed yet. The character is the Admiral A.J. Chegwidden, played by John M. Jackson, on the TV show J.A.G. Admiral Chegwidden sees fairness and chooses the best possible solution in every single decision he makes. He acts with dignity, and he stands firm to his commitments. He may seem like a hardnosed military officer, but in reality is thoroughly empathetic on the inside. Above all, he respects himself, his duty, and other people more than any character I have ever seen. Somehow, in my dream, Admiral Chegwidden was me, through and through, way down and deep inside. During my last good night’s sleep in Romania, right before I began my marathon trip to return to the U.S., I had a dream that was very much like the visitations I receive while meditating. Many beings from other worlds came to visit me and show me what things were to come in the future for my wife and I. I don’t remember details now, but I do know that what is to come is far greater than anything I had ever expected or could have planned by myself. All my encounters as a healer and a minister will involve calling upon higher powers. All of my successes and prosperity will be fruits given by the Universe itself, much like my wife has already been. Now, with Bianca as a major part of my life, my ministry as a healer can start to take root and bloom. Also, during the same night, I had a rather unusual dream. I dreamt that I was walking among a crowd of people in a room. There were many mothers there who had their infants and toddlers with them. As I walked through the crowd, the adults all went about their usual conversations while the children looked at me with great awe, as though they were looking at Santa Claus or something. I felt my aura reach out to touch these children. As I passed by one child in particular, I looked right at him. Just by my glance and my highest intent for this child, his spine adjusted itself back into alignment. I never laid a hand on him, but the power that flowed through me was that great. The child became surprised by the sudden movement within him, and he started to cry a bit. I kept walking on, knowing that those who accept my Guru’s great power as it works through me will be reformed by it. In last night’s dream, I found myself in the living quarters of the ambulance station where I enjoyed ten good years of my life. As a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician from 1982 until 1992, this place was my home. In my dream, many members of my family were gathered in the TV room of the ambulance station. My dad was sitting on the rocking chair watching TV. I was talking to my cousin Bernadette as she sat on a chair in the middle of the room. I was telling her about the vision I had the moment I first received Shaktipat from my Guru. The story I told her was not how it happened really, but it was pretty close. I told her that I suddenly had a vision of the entire Universe at once, after which everything went dark with the exception of the Blue Pearl, which stood in front of me. Suddenly, all my family members, with the exception of my dad and I, went into the next room. My dad looked up at me and asked me, “What is the Blue Pearl all about?” I didn’t quite know what to say because my dad has no interest in knowing about anything “Spiritual,” let alone the fact that the entire cosmos IS the Blue Pearl contracted to a single pinpoint. In my silence, I turned around to see what he was watching on TV. He was watching something like what he usually watches – shows about mobsters shooting at each other and stuff like that. I wondered to myself, “How can I possibly explain to someone who is so full of tamas and is so closed-minded what the Blue Pearl is?” The dream then ended.
This coming Monday night, June 22, I plan on going to the Shree Muktananda Ashram for a satsang to celebrate Gurumayi’s birthday. I am sure this will be another significant event during the course of my journey here in this lifetime. Since I have come to experience the oneness of all that is, and the fact that every “other” person out there is simply a reflection of myself with his or her own karmic role, I don’t feel so out of place in this world. I am RIGHT where I belong. Yes, I do feel “different,” as I always have. I have come to learn that this feeling of being DIFFERENT, and this is the case for every youngster who feels estranged from his or her peers, is the result of being blessed with higher vision. Such a person is very worthy of receiving the Guru’s grace and enjoying the dance of the Blue Pearl before them. NOW is the time when such people need to become known in this world. THESE are the angels of God who have yet to spread their wings. When WE COLLECTIVELY spread OUR wings TOGETHER, we shall lift this world to a new level of awareness, to a new level of meaning. Let’s be humored by the play within the Play as we rewrite the Play itself with the power of God that flows through us and manifests AS us!
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!
From : "Rev. Dr. Patrick V. Suglia"
This writing is the final issue of Volume III. My next meditation email will begin Volume IV. The first two volumes can be read online at http://dr_sugi.tripod.com/MEVolI.pdf and http://dr_sugi.tripod.com/MEVolII.pdf respectively. I will have Volume III of my meditation email writings in pdf format online for my next writing. As I look back through all of my writings, I realize how much my Spiritual growth through the Siddha Yoga practices has been a very GRADUAL awakening. My earliest writings were still very much full of a misunderstanding and judgmental ego. Now, I see the transformation that the Guru has made in my life over the past three and a half years.
It is a blessing to wake up next to a pure being every day. The glow in her eyes and the love in her heart are in unison with many songs of praise that have been written for God. Recently, my own Siddha Yoga experiences have been fascinating, yet I haven’t been to a regular satsang in so long. The time that I will rejoin a sangham, a community of fellow yogis, is soon. At the time of this writing, Bianca and I are on our way to Florida to visit my family there. While we are there, we will attend functions at the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center of Miami, especially the Guru Purnima events on July 23. It will be so nice to attend a Center on a regular basis once again, when we complete our journey to the Twin Cities area of Minnesota. Gurumayi’s birthday celebration was Monday, June 24. While she was in San Francisco, California, several ashrams around the world held a live audio broadcast of the celebration. I went to the Shree Muktananda Ashram in South Fallsburg, New York for the festivities. I arrived at the ashram at about 3 PM. I walked around the grounds, took part in the evening arati, and at 6:30 PM the birthday celebration began. It went on for 4½ hours. During that time, we all joined in with the chanting and presentations, and we listened to a phenomenal talk given by Gurumayi about having a focused intent in all our thoughts and actions and about giving others’ our blessings. I was thoroughly ecstatic to be hearing the live words of my Guru for only the second time ever. Shortly after her speech began, I found myself in a very focused and attentive state. At one point, I suddenly felt the crown chakra become ablaze above my head. It actually felt like someone had placed their hand on top of my head and was pressing down. I even put my hand on my head to see if anything was there. It was a most enjoyable, warming sensation that lasted for the entire evening. On Thursday, June 27, I enjoyed my final day of having my chiropractic office at the travel center in Bartonsville, PA. After my last patient left my office, I packed up the rest of my belongings, and I anxiously started counting the hours until Bianca was to arrive in the U.S. She came here on Sunday, June 30. The first leg of our journey took us to a friend of hers on Long Island, NY. During our three-day stay there, I had a most amazing dream in which the great Kundalinishakti appeared to me. The dream itself was bizarre, as most of my dreams are. I was at the home of one of my aunts, and I went into her bathroom. In the bathroom were piles of dirt and garbage in bags that were destined to be flushed down the commode. The piles were sitting around the floor and on shelves that sat directly above the commode. Above the shelves was a sink. I figured I would do a favor for my aunt and unwrap the bags and flush the contents down the commode. In one of the bags was some kind of wild animal that had escaped once I opened it, and for the rest of the time I was in the bathroom, it was trying to attack me. When I reached a bag on one of the higher shelves, a snake suddenly popped out of it as I was opening it. This snake was bright green in color and had red eyes. At first, it didn’t appear as unfriendly and aggressive as the other animal that was after me. Soon I found myself being cornered by both the snake and the other animal, as now the snake was snapping at me. I grabbed a can of bug spray and started spraying at them both. All it did was temporarily distract them. The fear that ran through me was enormous. After I awoke from the dream, I felt somewhat sad. I knew right away that it was Kundalini who had appeared to me, and I felt sad that I would be fearful of her and would try to harm her in any way. I do know, from past experiences, that the appearance of Kundalini in my dreams indicates that I will soon reach a new height in Spiritual development. During our stay in New York, we had spent some time walking around downtown New York City. At one point, we were sitting on Times Square looking around at all the people, the traffic, and the flashing billboards that lit the sky. I said to Bianca, “Just think – we are not merely these two bodies; we are everyone and everything around us. We are Consciousness itself!” In New York City, it is easy to grasp the feeling of merging with the Universe around you and forgetting all about being an individual mind in an individual body. The awe that I felt while I was there was not of everything that was around me but of everything “else” around “me” being ME. Becoming established in such a divine awareness is the goal of yoga. It is the function of the Guru to direct all our meditations, our thoughts, our intents, our actions, to this awareness. Such an awareness comes with a state of bliss, of complete joy, and of detachment. I can merge just as well with the Universe around me when I am interacting with my wife Bianca. I see Bianca as a fruit that has manifested from all my labors of devotion and love for my Guru. All that I have given to my Guru she has given back to me not only in divine awareness but also in a physical form of tremendous beauty and purity. When I hold Bianca in my arms, I see my own soul within her Being. I see my own beauty being projected out into this world in her form. Likewise, I reflect and project her very form in turn. We are Spiritual twins, beyond the shadow of a doubt. The SAME divine love of God flows effortlessly from BOTH of us simultaneously – not as two different people but as ONE manifestation with great power. It is BECAUSE of us that yin and yang now have balance. It is BECAUSE of us that Shiva manifests as Shakti. It is BECAUSE of us that Lord Rama and Sita Devi can relive their greatness in this lifetime!
During the night after our walk around New York City, I had a dream that changed the outlook of my healing ministry. It was as if the Guru was telling me EXACTLY what I needed to do once I reach my next destination. I had a dream that I was in a hospital visiting many sick people. They all felt rather glad to have someone to be with them as they endured so much pain and suffering. Suddenly, the dream changed. I was in the hospital looking at the same scenario but from a different point of view. I was not there, and there was no one there at all to care for the people who were suffering and in pain. Not only that, I, Consciousness, WAS their pain and suffering. I WAS their mind, and I WAS the darkness that they felt. Feeling that I was completely abandoned and very alone was devastating. I felt as though God had completely forgotten about me and left me for dead. I awoke from the dream with a tremendous cry of sadness and despair. My cry woke Bianca, and she wondered what my outburst was all about. I told her about this dream. Then some things dawned on me. First, I myself have never ever felt such a pain of separation in all my trips to the hospital as a patient I ever had during my life, and there had been many. My own Spiritual awareness, that I apparently have had my entire life, is what brought about rapid healing and kept me going despite it all. What I felt in this dream, that pain of a feeling of abandonment by God, was something I had never ever encountered. Secondly, I innately, instinctively, took this to be a sign from the Guru indicating what direction my healing ministry must take. I must be the one to reach out to these people who have such feelings, as I saw in the first part of the dream. This must be an organized effort on my part to create such a ministry. True, there are ministers and volunteers who visit people in hospitals all the time. But this is different. I remember what transpired between my patients and I during my days as a Respiratory Therapist, how my very presence in their midst brought about healings. I must travel this road once again to be a light for the “abandoned” to follow, for them to see that God really IS there for them – in me and them, AS me AND them.
Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!