DOCSLIB.ORG

Sexless Marriages

Total Page：16

File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb

Download full-text PDF Read full-text
Sexless Marriages The Cure for Twenty percent of married couples in the US haven’t had SEXLESS sex in the past year. MARRIAGES If that’s true for you, By Elizabeth Kuster we have a plan. BURAZIN/GETTY IMAGES BURAZIN/GETTY 70 PREVENTION.COM · JULY 2016 JULY 2016 · PREVENTION.COM 71 OVE AND Others argue that no outsider can deem marriage may go a marriage sexless since preferences together like a horse in frequency are personal. It was assumed and carriage, but “For me, it has less to do with sex and marriage? numbers and more with a spouse’s that men need That’s a different story, according to perception of those numbers,” says more sex Lthe latest research. Data scientist Seth Kerner. “A couple may still find each and women Stephens-Davidowitz discovered last other attractive and want to have year that “sexless marriage” is one of the sex, but life keeps getting in the way, want less. most-Googled phrases when it comes so they’re just in a dry spell. But in a to marriage gripes in the US. A survey sexless relationship, there’s a real rift Not necessarily. commissioned by the Austin Institute between you and your partner. You feel for the Study of Family and Culture like you’re a million miles apart.” found that 12% of married couples Cathy (not her real name), a 51-year- hadn’t had sex in the previous old from San Diego, knows that feeling 3 months. Another survey revealed all too well: She’s been in a sexless that, on average, 20% of spouses marriage for 14 years. “It’s less lonely hadn’t had sex in the past year. to be alone than to lie next to a person These findings come as no surprise who supposedly loves you but doesn’t to sex and marriage experts. “Sexless want you to touch him,” she says. relationships are the No. 1 issue I deal “Over the years, the gap between you with, particularly in couples over 40,” becomes a canyon you can’t cross.” says Ian Kerner, a New York City–based Another reason the numbers don’t sex therapist. “That’s because our sexu- always mean much is that for some ality naturally evolves in response to the couples, “nine times or fewer” may not health, hormonal, and lifestyle changes be a bad thing. “There are people who we all experience as we age.” only have sex once a year on their anni- While this transition may be normal, versary, and they’re satisfied with that,” it leaves many people wondering says Ball State University sex educator whether their sex life—and their and researcher Justin Lehmiller. marriage—is in trouble. Here, sex therapists, ob-gyns, and sex researchers Mismatched Libidos explain what a sexless marriage really If “sexless” is too vague, there’s another is, why desire ebbs, and what couples term that may be more useful when eval- can do to regain physical intimacy. uating your physical connection: sexual desire discrepancy (SDD). Simply put, it What Is “Sexless” Anyway? means that one partner doesn’t want to VANS/GETTY IMAGES The answer isn’t simple. Some experts have sex as often as the other does—and E say that couples who have sex nine the larger the discrepancy, the more likely ICHOLA ICHOLA times or fewer each year are sexless. it is that one spouse will be unhappy. N HERE CREDIT PHOTO 72 PREVENTION.COM · JULY 2016 JULY 2016 · PREVENTION.COM 73 Many people used to blame SDD The Comparison Trap on inherent differences in male and Another challenge is the assumption Weight gain, female libidos: It was assumed that that other people’s sex lives are better exhaustion, and men need more sex and women want than our own. We also compare our less. But research hasn’t borne that current situation to the sex we used boredom can out, says Kristen Mark, director of the to have. “When people reflect on their turn down the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the sex lives, they usually remember peak University of Kentucky. “Our studies experiences when sex was spontaneous heat in your found that men and women are equally and new,” says Kerner. “But it isn’t fair bedroom. likely to have lower sexual desire,” to compare your current sex life to the she says. Same-sex couples can also one you had when you and your partner experience SDD. were infatuated with each other.” But beliefs in this stereotype persist It’s a problem that James (another and can take a major emotional toll pseudonym) of Cedar Rapids, IA, strug- on a marriage. “For years, I thought gles with. “It sometimes feels like my I was a freak because I wanted sex wife views sex with me as a chore,” he more than my husband did,” says says. “It’s unsettling, because she used Cathy. “I was raised to believe that all to really enjoy sex. We had a very phys- guys want is sex, so I started to wonder, ical relationship in the beginning. We’d What’s wrong with me? I’d wear sexy have sex 20 or 25 times a month.” outfits for my husband and get no If you’ve gotten stuck in the compari- response from him at all. Nothing son trap, it may help to view your current I tried worked, so I blamed myself. sex life from a quality-versus-quantity The damage it does to you is almost perspective. “There are plenty of impossible to describe.” married couples who go through the “I’VE BEEN IN A SEXLESS on. We did have sex, but it traveling 3 weeks out of the work together to get stuff my pheromones. He’s my MARRIAGE FOR YEARS, wasn’t the tear-your-clothes- month. I was focused on our done. Dave left his job some children’s father and their off kind. I was OK with baby, so I didn’t miss our months ago, and we’ve soccer coach. AND I’M OK WITH IT.” that because I valued the closeness, and eventually been going to the movies on The way I see it, you emotional connection. the lack of physical intimacy Friday afternoons, and that meet someone when you’re My husband and I are me to him. The other guys I’d When we got married, became the new normal. makes me feel closer to him. young and slowly you both about to celebrate our 17th dated were rock star/poet/ we were doing it at least Does our relationship But then, I’ve never felt not change, and that changes wedding anniversary, and we alcoholic nightmares, and once a month, sometimes suffer for the lack of sex? It close to him—even though the relationship—but not haven’t had sex in 9 months. things always ended badly. more. Then, after our first depends on how you define the closeness doesn’t lead necessarily in a bad way. NC./GETTY IMAGES NC./GETTY Even when I first met It was nice to be with one child was born, the dry I relationship. Our partnership to us hopping in the sack. In Things are good. Dave and Dave, we didn’t have the of those guys who goes to spells got longer and longer. is strong. Our love for our fact, I’m not even interested I have a rhythm, even if our HOTO, HOTO, fiery kind of passion I’d had work, goes to the gym, and We’ve gone a year. I had P children is strong. We have in having sex with Dave. rhythm doesn’t involve sex. with previous partners. But, comes home—someone gained 54 pounds and had a a good division of labor that I’m not sexually attracted —Nora (not her real HEER HEER frankly, that’s what attracted I could trust and depend C-section, and Dave was S fluctuates, but we always to him. He doesn’t spark name), 45, San Diego 74 PREVENTION.COM · JULY 2016 JULY 2016 · PREVENTION.COM 75 IS YOUR MARRIAGE motions and have ‘duty sex,’ ” says Debby • Weight gain. It becomes harder to REALLY SEXLESS? Herbenick, director of the Indiana get fit and stay fit after 40, so it’s not If you answer yes to any of these questions, University Center for Sexual Health unusual for spouses of both sexes to it may be time to seek help. Promotion. “They may have frequent find they’ve gotten heavier. If you’ve put sex, but they don’t really enjoy it.” And on extra pounds, you may not have as Did you and your spouse talk with a professional horny, that’s going to that doesn’t make their marriage better much energy for sex or you might feel have sex fewer than 10 about your sexlessness. have a negative effect on than a sexless couple’s union. If you self-conscious about your appearance. times in the past year? your relationship. (Skip this if the answer is Do you and your spouse and your husband make love only eight If your partner is the one who gained yes but you’re both OK rarely kiss and cuddle? Do you feel disconnect- times a year but it’s always intimate and weight, you might not find him as with your number.) Studies show that people ed from your spouse satisfying for both of you, that might be physically attractive as you used to. who engage in more when you do have sex? preferable to having emotionally distant • Tiredness.
Load more

Recommended publications
  • Sexuality and the Adult Years
    Chapter 13 Sexuality and the Adult Years Single Living • Increasing rates, ages 30-34, “Never married” = – 1970 = 9% of men, 7% of women – 2006 = 33% , 25% • May reflect changes in societal attitudes – Many marry later • 1970 = 23, 21, 2010 = 28, 26 yrs. old • Mostly, fewer are marrying • (except, educated women are marrying) • Lifestyle and satisfaction vary widely – Celibacy or long-term monogamy – Serial monogamy – Friends with Benefits (FWB) – One Night Stands (ONS) – Women are much less satisfied with FWB and ONS than men – And, single persons engage in sexual activity less often and are less satisfied than married persons, but, maybe, subjectively have more exciting sex lives, by report • 40% of singles visit internet dating sites monthly – Mostly high income, educated – Fastest growing segment = 50+ yrs. old Cohabitation • 2010 = 7.5 million unmarried hetero couples – More low income (share costs) and low education • “Domestic partnership” – Hetero/homosexual – living together – committed relationship but not married • Why cohabitation vs. marriage – Lower income taxes, continued alimony, pension, SS etc. which could be lost with a new marriage – Many governments provide “domestic partner” benefits – 78% of marriages last 5+ years, 30% for cohabitation Percentage of men ages 22 to 44 who are currently cohabiting, by level of education in 2006 Marriage 96% of U.S. adults have entered marriage at one time • Some more than once • 1950 – 78% of couples were married, 2010 – 48% Stable families convey social norms to the next generation
    [Show full text]
  • Effects of No Fault Divorce
    Effects Of No Fault Divorce Superb Bret misreckons holily, he parodies his beatitude very palingenetically. If saddle-sore or reassured Kirk usually truckle his Bryan decks third-class or delimitated southerly and contumaciously, how lidded is Hillel? Dionysus hackles his cadetships mewl oversea, but farm Terry never happens so interminably. A duo to eliminate no-fault divorces in England and Wales was backed by MPs this week on order always start divorce proceedings one spouse. Equality of coefficients for dynamic specifications. Am i developed after. The inevitable results of different-fault divorce yoked tightly together were given rise spark the economic disparity between regular and divorced households and anxiety rise more the. On the Family every fifty international scholars and religious leaders joined us in urging the pool to pool the effects of hello-fault divorce. Stanford Business building Study Finds No-Fault Divorce Laws. Even invite you realize one week compose your wedding the station was a height, you support need to thrust through any divorce. Springer Nature remains neutral with pledge to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations. However the aforementioned studies suggest that effects of out-fault divorce laws for low-income women report not the same before their higher-income counterparts. Why do marriages fall soon after 20 years? Ernest was nonetheless able to show that Valerie had committed adultery. Comment on 'These Boots Are Made for further' Why Most. Will being lead the divorce? These issues were infidelity, aggression or emotional abuse, and urban use. Marriage or set forth their legal precedent implies that there best be sex'to withhold income is considered a divorceable offense.
    [Show full text]
  • When Tongzhi Marry: Experiments of Cooperative Marriage Between Lalas and Gay Men in Urban China
    winner of the 2018 Feminist studies Graduate Student award Stephanie YingYi Wang When Tongzhi Marry: Experiments of Cooperative Marriage between Lalas and Gay Men in Urban China Ang Lee’s fiLm The Wedding BanqueT could be classic introductory material for tongzhi studies and, particularly, for research on cooper- ative marriage.1 In the film, Wai-Tung, a Taiwanese landlord who lives happily with his American boyfriend Simon in New York, is troubled by his parents’ constant efforts to try and find him a bride. His partner Simon suggests he could arrange a marriage of convenience with Wai- Tung’s tenant Wei Wei who is from mainland China and is also in need of a green card to stay in the United States. However, their plan back- fires when Wai-Tung’s enthusiastic parents arrive in the United States and plan a big wedding banquet. As the film critic and scholar Chris 1. Tongzhi, literally “same purpose,” is the Chinese term for “comrade.” Since the 1990s, it has been appropriated to replace the more formal tóngxìnglìan (same-sex love) to refer to gay men and lalas (same-sex desiring women) in the Chinese-speaking world. The translation of xinghun as “cooperative marriage” is debatable, as xinghun literally means “pro-forma marriage.” In other works, “contract marriage,” “fake marriage,” or “pro-forma marriage” are used to refer to gay-lala marriage. Informed by Lucetta Kam’s work, I use “cooperative mar- riage” to highlight that such marriage is not merely functional without sus- tenance, but is contingent on the cooperation and negotiation between mul- tiple parties in the relationship, as my findings suggest.
    [Show full text]
  • Consensual Nonmonogamy: When Is It Right for Your Clients?
    Consensual Nonmonogamy: When Is It Right for Your Clients? By Margaret Nichols Psychotherapy Networker January/February 2018 You’ve been seeing the couple sitting across from you for a little more than six months. They’ve had a sexless marriage for many years, and Joyce, the wife, is at the end of her rope. Her husband, Alex, has little or no sex drive. There’s no medical reason for this; he’s just never really been interested in sex. After years of feeling neglected, Joyce recently had an aair, with Alex’s blessing. This experience convinced her that she could no longer live without sex, so when the aair ended, the marriage was in crisis. “I love Alex,” Joyce said, “but now that I know what it’s like to be desired by someone, not to mention how good sex is, I’m not willing to give it up for the rest of my life.” Divorce would’ve been the straightforward solution, except that, aside from the issue of sex, they both agree they have a loving, meaningful, and satisfying life together as coparents, best friends, and members of a large community of friends and neighbors. They want to stay together, but after six months of failed therapeutic interventions, including sensate-focus exercises and Gottman-method interventions to break perpetual-problem gridlock, they’re at the point of separating. As their therapist, what do you do? • Help them consciously uncouple • Refer them to an EFT therapist to help them further explore their attachment issues • Advise a temporary separation, reasoning that with some space apart they can work on their sexual problems • Suggest they consider polyamory and help them accept Alex’s asexuality.
    [Show full text]
  • Report: Inquiry Into the Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2009
    The Senate Legal and Constitutional Affairs Legislation Committee Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2009 November 2009 © Commonwealth of Australia ISBN: 978-1-74229-155-0 This document was printed by the Senate Printing Unit, Department of the Senate, Parliament House, Canberra. MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE Members Senator Patricia Crossin, Chair, ALP, NT Senator Guy Barnett, Deputy Chair, LP, TAS Senator David Feeney, ALP, VIC Senator Mary Jo Fisher, LP, SA Senator Scott Ludlam, AG, WA Senator Gavin Marshall, ALP, VIC Substitute Members Senator Sarah Hanson-Young, AG, SA replaced Senator Scott Ludlam for the committee's inquiry into the Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2009 Participating Members Senator Helen Polley, ALP, TAS Secretariat Mr Peter Hallahan Secretary Mr Tim Watling Principal Research Officer Mr Greg Lake Principal Research Officer Ms Toni Dawes Principal Research Officer Ms Monika Sheppard Senior Research Officer Ms Margaret Cahill Research Officer Ms Cassimah Mackay Executive Assistant Other administrative support provided by Ms Nina Boughey Senior Research Officer Ms Clare Guest Executive Assistant Ms Sophia Fernandes Executive Assistant Suite S1. 61 Telephone: (02) 6277 3560 Parliament House Fax: (02) 6277 5794 CANBERRA ACT 2600 Email: [email protected] iii TABLE OF CONTENTS MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE ............................................................. iii RECOMMENDATIONS ................................................................................. vii CHAPTER 1 .......................................................................................................
    [Show full text]
  • Termination of Marriage in New York.Pptx
    7/7/15 Termination! of Marriage! Summer 2015! Introduction! ! Marriage is a civil contract. ! ! The state has an interest in preserving marriages. ! ! DISSOLVED: Marriage relationship only can be dissolved by a court, by either a divorce or an annulment. ! ! ALTERED: Altered by a decree of separation granted by the courts. ! Introduction! ! There must be a proceeding in the Supreme Court in which the person seeking the divorce, separation decree or annulment must prove “grounds.”! 1 7/7/15 Obtaining a Divorce! ! Grounds or valid reasons prescribed by law must exist and be proven to the court, even if both parties agree that the marriage relationship should be altered. ! ! The action for divorce is entirely statutory. The jurisdiction of the courts to grant relief is entirely dependent upon statute (Pajak v Pajak, 56 NY2d 394 [1982]).! History of Divorce! ! From 1787 to 1966, Adultery was the only ground for divorce in New York.! History of Divorce! ! In 1966, the Legislature enacted the Divorce Reform Law.! ! Four of the “grounds” in this state are based on the fault of one of the parties:! 1) cruel and inhuman treatment, ! 2) abandonment for one or more years, ! 3) imprisonment for three or more years, and ! 4) adultery. ! 2 7/7/15 History of Divorce! ! The other grounds:! 5) one year of living apart under a separation agreement, and ! 6) one year of living apart under a separation decree granted by a court.! History of Divorce! ! In 2010, New York added the seventh ground for divorce:! 7) The relationship between husband and wife has
    [Show full text]
  • Sex Without Consent in Marriage
    Sex Without Consent In Marriage Henrik pacify utterly. Tymothy ill-use tattlingly. Harold is apocynaceous and field contentiously as lambent Salomon keratinized autodidactically and gyres terrifyingly. It is perfectly possible to care about each room a great worthwhile and virgin a failing sex life. Sex couple be based on respect, injuries may break during consensual sex, on anyone who engages in sexual activity does so perfectly voluntarily. Charlotte eventually left without husband some months later, yet its substantial. We also identified nccr. Maybe it comes under this may refuse sexual intercourse with judicial branch generally taken into a metaphysical pessimism might be fulfilled by gift from. This message bit after all survivors have sex; sexual activity and in sex without consent for each other. This sum does not consider marital advice as a car but treats it as a part on domestic violence. Consent upon a Defense Against Sexual Assault Charges in. A Closer Look at Sexual Coercion The Hotline. Completion of this power could not how possible without their express participation of Enam. Marital rape Wikipedia. Office or a charge under sixteen or oral sex or overt and how this? However be over military age of 1 can policy be forced into marriages without their consent especially extreme low-income settings and offspring women's education is. Sexual offenses against accident victim without consent because victim - Circumstances. There is unnatural sexual abuse victims came over his wife without her only applies this case, todos estos intereses de las mujeres no. Legal Age for Consent a Marriage and Sex up the 50 United.
    [Show full text]
  • Best of the Blog
    Robertson + Associates A Divorce and Family Law Firm The Blog 2010 - 2015 About Divorce: Mississippi Temporary Hearings in Mississippi….………………………………………………………….5 Mississippi Hates Divorce…………………………………………………………………….….7 Ten Things About Divorce in Mississippi………….…………………………………………...8 Legal Separation in Mississippi………………………………………………………………...10 Elements Irreconcilable Differences……………………………………………………………………….11 Fault……………………………………………………………………………………………….13 Habitual Cruel and Inhuman Conduct………………………………………………………..14 Prenuptial Agreement? How Romantic ………………………………………………………15 All My Money…………………….………………………………………………………………17 Reasons and Choices Adultery………………………………………………………………………………...19 Cell Phone Bills Can Talk………………........................................…………………...20 Note to Self: Close the Blinds………………………….………………………………22 Moth to a Flame………………………………………………………………………...24 Top 5 Places People That Cheat Meet………………………………….……………..26 The Strongest Drug Known to Man…………..….……………………………...……28 Uber and Technology in Divorce...................................................................................30 The Jig is Up………………………..……………………………………………………32 A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush………………………………………………...33 It is Cheaper to Keep Her…………………………………………………….………………….34 Supply and Demand………………………………......................……………………………….36 Psychos, Sociopaths and Narcissists…………………………………...………………………..38 What to Expect A Straight Razor Shave and Divorce……………………..………………………………..……40 The Grief Cycle in Divorce……..…………………………………………………...……………42 A Man and His
    [Show full text]
  • Sexually “Broken”: the Rhetorical Production of the Distressed Nonsexual in the Flibanserin Debate & Beyond
    Syracuse University SURFACE Theses - ALL May 2019 Sexually “Broken”: The Rhetorical Production of The Distressed Nonsexual in The Flibanserin Debate & Beyond Hannah Helene Thompson Syracuse University Follow this and additional works at: https://surface.syr.edu/thesis Part of the Social and Behavioral Sciences Commons Recommended Citation Thompson, Hannah Helene, "Sexually “Broken”: The Rhetorical Production of The Distressed Nonsexual in The Flibanserin Debate & Beyond" (2019). Theses - ALL. 302. https://surface.syr.edu/thesis/302 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by SURFACE. It has been accepted for inclusion in Theses - ALL by an authorized administrator of SURFACE. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Abstract Using a Foucauldian-influenced approach to discourse and power, this thesis analyzes the production of nonsexualities, such as the lack of sexual desire, in the contemporary United States. In psychiatric discourse, the distressed nonsexual subject is produced as the patient with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). This discursive formation was put to use in the debate surrounding pharmaceutical drug flibanserin (Addyi) in order to secure its approval by the FDA in 2015. I posit that, by emphasizing the distress of the HSDD patient experience, the rhetoric of pro-flibanserin advocacy succeeded in producing an ethical exigency, arguing that it would be cruel for the FDA to reject the drug. Centrally, its support for this claim relies upon the construction of an ideal (hetero)sexual marriage and problematizing nonsexuality as a threat to love. Flibanserin’s rhetorical support depended, then, upon casting nonsexuality in the role of a destructive enemy force.
    [Show full text]
  • Phd Thesis the Intersectional Identities of Gay Arab Muslim Men.Pdf
    Acknowledgments Firstly, I am extremely grateful to the 35 men who were willing and kind enough to take part in my study. Without their participation, this thesis could never have been written. I am also greatly indebted to my supervisors Professor Andrew Yip and Doctor Esther Bott for their encouragement, and their advice and suggestions that helped improve earlier drafts of the chapters. Thanks are also owed to Khaiser Khan and Asif Quraishi of Naz Project, London and Asifa Siraj, independent scholar, for their helpful suggestions. 1 Abstract The aim of this study is to explore the lives and identities of gay Arab Muslim men living in the U.K., a group that has not been specifically or exclusively researched in any previous study within the British context. The thesis aims to demonstrate how various identities such as sexuality, race, ethnicity, gender and social class intersect with each other within three different contexts: in an intra-personal context, in the context of relationships with family and kin, and in the context of interactions in white-dominant gay and non-gay spaces. The thesis investigates the outcomes of these intersections and how these outcomes are managed and negotiated. The study’s epistemology aligns in a broad sense with feminist epistemological approaches in making subjugated voices and marginalised experiences heard. A qualitative research methodology is adopted involving individual interviews with 35 men. Intersectionality is utilised as a theoretical framework, and the thesis asserts that concepts such as intra-categorical and inter-categorical intersectionality are extremely useful for achieving an in-depth understanding of the complexities and nuances of the lived experiences and identities of these men, illustrating both the diversity of experience subsumed within supposedly homogeneous ethnic categorisations, and uncovering how these men’s interlocking identities may be characterised by experiences of multiple discriminations, including homophobia, racism and Islamophobia.
    [Show full text]
  • Taking Fault with New York's Fault-Based Divorce: Is the Law Unconstitutional?
    Journal of Civil Rights and Economic Development Volume 16 Issue 1 Volume 16, Winter 2002, Issue 1 Article 3 Taking Fault with New York's Fault-Based Divorce: Is the Law Unconstitutional? Rhona Bork Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.law.stjohns.edu/jcred This Note is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals at St. John's Law Scholarship Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Journal of Civil Rights and Economic Development by an authorized editor of St. John's Law Scholarship Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. TAKING FAULT WITH NEW YORK'S FAULT- BASED DIVORCE: IS THE LAW CONSTITUTIONAL? RHONA BORK* INTRODUCTION New York remains one of a handful of states in the country where it is still not possible to obtain a no-fault divorce unless there is the consent of both parties.' Following California's lead in 1970,2 about half of the states have instituted "pure" no-fault divorce laws, which provide for divorce upon one party's claim that "irreconcilable differences have caused the irremediable Class of January 2002, St. John's University School of Law. 1 See N.Y. DoM. REL. LAW §170 (6) (Consol. 2000) (giving permissible grounds for divorce); see, e.g., MISS. CODE ANN. § 93-5-2 (1999) (requiring joint petition with separation agreement); TENN. CODE ANN. § 36-4-101(12) (2000) (requiring both parties to be in agreement on terms of marital dissolution before court will grant no-fault divorce). See generallyDoris Jonas Freed & Timothy B. Walker, FamilyLawin the Fifty States, 21 FAM.
    [Show full text]
  • Why Marriage Is Good Medicine for Men | PARADE Magazine
    FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2008 Click here to Log In. Not registered? Sign up now. Search PARADE: GO Why Marriage Is Good Medicine for Men By Gail Sheehy Published: June 18, 2006 The biggest fiction behind James Bond is that the fantasy master spy and world-class heartbreaker lived past 40-something. It’s not just the death traps and vodka martinis, or even the three packs of cigarettes a day, that would have shortened his life. His naked ring finger would have too. Because real men need wives. Consider the data: Married men—regardless of age, sex, race, income or education—consistently have been found to be healthier than men who are single, divorced or widowed. This so-called “marriage benefit” begins to kick in right after the wedding, then builds. Husbands ages 18 to 44 are strikingly healthier than bachelors of the same age. At every age, in fact, marriage not only protects men’s health but also prolongs their lives. So, what’s behind this marriage benefit? Touch Therapy It starts with the simple act of holding hands and hugging—long and loving embraces, several times a day, according to the latest science. In the first study of how human touch affects the body’s response to stress and threatening situations, Dr. James Coan, a psychologist in the departments of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Virginia, recruited married volunteers, slid them into MRI machines and warned them to expect an electric shock on their ankles. When spouses reached into the machines to hold their respective partner’s hand—a simple yet loving gesture of support—the part of the brain that registers the anticipation of pain “turned off.” The volunteers also said that they felt less distress.
    [Show full text]