Sexuality and the Adult Years
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Chapter 13 Sexuality and the Adult Years Single Living • Increasing rates, ages 30-34, “Never married” = – 1970 = 9% of men, 7% of women – 2006 = 33% , 25% • May reflect changes in societal attitudes – Many marry later • 1970 = 23, 21, 2010 = 28, 26 yrs. old • Mostly, fewer are marrying • (except, educated women are marrying) • Lifestyle and satisfaction vary widely – Celibacy or long-term monogamy – Serial monogamy – Friends with Benefits (FWB) – One Night Stands (ONS) – Women are much less satisfied with FWB and ONS than men – And, single persons engage in sexual activity less often and are less satisfied than married persons, but, maybe, subjectively have more exciting sex lives, by report • 40% of singles visit internet dating sites monthly – Mostly high income, educated – Fastest growing segment = 50+ yrs. old Cohabitation • 2010 = 7.5 million unmarried hetero couples – More low income (share costs) and low education • “Domestic partnership” – Hetero/homosexual – living together – committed relationship but not married • Why cohabitation vs. marriage – Lower income taxes, continued alimony, pension, SS etc. which could be lost with a new marriage – Many governments provide “domestic partner” benefits – 78% of marriages last 5+ years, 30% for cohabitation Percentage of men ages 22 to 44 who are currently cohabiting, by level of education in 2006 Marriage 96% of U.S. adults have entered marriage at one time • Some more than once • 1950 – 78% of couples were married, 2010 – 48% Stable families convey social norms to the next generation An economic partnership which combines: • Child rearing • Maintaining a household • Earning an income • Defined rights of inheritance • Pre 19th century arranged marriages predominated in Europe – Elites arranged political alliances, held wealth, maintained peace – Others built a labor pool, combined skills, acquired helpful in-laws • Married men earn more/promoted faster (Elder, 2005) Marriage • Regulates sexual behavior – Sex outside of marriage not supported – Marriage/Sex between different races not supported – Marriage/Sex between same sex not supported • Emotional and social support system – Married people psychologically healthier (Pew RC, 2009) • Associated with better health – Married people physically healthier (Pew RC, 2009) – Does not apply to distressed marriages • Takes different forms in different cultures On their wedding day, a groom in Kenya lifts the veil of his bride, whose face he may never have seen before. Marriage in Current Collectivist and Individualist Cultures Collectivist cultures • India, Pakistan, Thailand, Philippines, Middle East, parts of Asia, Africa • 90% of marriages in contemporary India are arranged • Moved to the U.S. with immigration • ~1500 forced marriages in 2010 in the U.S. • Emphasize group goals over individual • Marriage unites families not two individuals • Arranged marriages common • Emphasize needs of family, community, or religion • De-emphasize love between individuals • Women who don’t accept are sometimes “Honor” killed • More likely to practice polygamy/polygyny WORLDWIDE, ABOUT 60% OF ALL MARRIAGES ARE ARRANGED MARRIAGES WODAABE MEN, NIGER, SEEKING TEEGAL (for love) MARRIAGES KOOGAL MARRIAGES ARE ARRANGED AT BIRTH Polygamy is common Marriage in Current Collectivist Cultures More likely to practice polygamy/polygyny • A marriage between one man and more than one woman • Most common form of marriage across the ages • Still common in Middle East, parts of Africa • Islam allows up to four wives • Number typically dictated by wealth • Maybe cover for extramarital affairs – GF’s become short term wives – Divorce then find a new GF/wife • Ignores women’s desires – women report more depression, anxiety, lower self esteem • In the U.S. Mormons did and still do practice – Disavowed by the Church 1890 – 30K-50K still practice, Mormon, Muslim, Evangelical Christian – Individuals currently lobbying to practice openly as “Consenting Adults” HBO’s Big Love portrayed the tribulations and joys of a family with one husband, three wives, and their children. Viagra helped the devoutly religious and hardworking husband keep “up” with his marital duties. typical family tensions were multiplied by the dynamics of one man and three women, and their attempt to keep their marital arrangement secret from their suburban neighbors TOM GREEN’S FAMILY, UTAH 5 wives, 25 children Polygyny is illegal, is it “God’s will”? Convicted by the state of Utah on May 18, 2001 of four counts of bigamy and one count of failure to pay child support. This decision was upheld by the Utah State Supreme Court in 2004 ISLAMIC LAW ALLOWS POLYGYNY Most men marry only one woman Maximum allowed is four women Care for widows and orphans All must be treated equally, justly All must be financially supported POLYGYNY IS COMMON THROUGHOUT AFRICA Polygynous extended family in modern Tanzania AIDS has killed the husband, and the first two wives. The third wife remains to care for the eleven children. The Dani of New Guinea practice polygyny. Men pay a bride price of pigs and shells Number of brides Marriage in Current Individualist Cultures • Individualistic cultures – Canada, Europe, Australia, “European” Brazil, U.S. – Emphasize feelings of love – Importance of love is a recent innovation • 1800’s to current in Western societies – More likely to end in divorce • China showed a 21% increase in divorce in one year with lowered government control Child Marriage • Worldwide 60 million children marry under age 18 – Niger – 82% are under 18 – Part of Ethiopia – 50% < 15 – Nepal – 7% < 10 • Risks for child brides – Forced sex – Lack of education – If pregnant, traumatic childbirth • Yemen – leading cause of death for women ages 15-19 – Often part of polygamous marriage, increases HIV risk • Role of poverty in promoting child marriage – Marry off a girl, maybe obtain a dowry In Afghanistan this 11-year-old girl had to quit school when she became engaged to her 40-year-old husband-to-be. Child marriage is illegal in India today. But that does not apply to Muslims. However, as of 2001 no children under 10 were married Who pays for marriage? 93 205 580 Bride Price: Groom or His Kin Pays: 580 Societies No Exchange of Goods: 205 Societies Groom Purchases Bride by Working for Her Kin: 93 Societies Gift Exchange of Bride’s and Groom’s Kin: 53 Societies Small Bride Price: 53 Societies Direct Exchange of Women: 27 Societies Dowry: Bride’s Kin Pays Groom or His Family: 22 Societies MARRIAGE AND THE DINKA OF THE SUDAN Men negotiate a bride price of cows. Rich men may buy many wives. A good women now costs 100 cows. Polyandry - more than one HUSBAND • The Mosuo, China • Matriarchal society • Women carry the family name and govern • All a woman’s children live entire life in her house • Age 13, each woman is given a room • She may entertain lovers at her choosing but only overnight, in the morning the men return to their own home • Called a “Walking Marriage” • Always initiated by the woman, men may decline • Ends by her locking the door or he no longer walking over Each Mosuo house is usually a Dressed for an annual festival, home for two to three generations this Mosuo woman invites of women and their sons and men of her choosing to spend daughters. the night with her in her room at her mother’s home. OPEN POLYANDRY AMONG THE MOSUO, CHINA Matrilineal society: Children belong to the mother and her family POLYANDRY: A WOMAN MARRIES MORE THAN ONE MAN Nyinba, Nepal Polyandry in Tibet Changing Expectations and Marital Patterns • Discrepancy between American marriage ideal and actual practices – Some politically conservative areas (“Bible Belt”) have high rates of divorce and unwed mothers likely due to young age at marriage and higher poverty rates • Unrealistic expectations of fulfillment of sexual, emotional spiritual, social, financial and/or co-parenting needs • Fewer support networks for marriage than in prior years • Lack of preparation for daily issues • People live longer – Life expectancy 1800’s = 60’s – Now = 80’s • 42% drop in marital satisfaction after the birth of the first child • Acceptance of interracial/same sex marriage – 1967 – 13 states still banned interracial marriage, invalidated by the Supremes – Now with same sex marriage laws ANTI-MISCEGENATION LAWS IN THE U.S. Thirty states passed laws banning interracial marriages 1967 Marriage open to same-sex couples Recognized when performed in certain other jurisdictions Government/court legalized or announced intention to legalize Federal recognition of marriages at the state level Civil unions Unregistered cohabitation Same-sex unions not legally recognized Same-sex marriage legal Neither prohibition nor recognition of same-sex marriage Judicial ruling against same-sex marriage ban, stayed indefinitely pending appeal Same-sex marriage banned Made legal by the Supremes in 2015 LEGAL BENEFITS Social security Inheritance and taxes Child custody Joint insurance Next of kin status Immigration rights CIVIL MARRIAGE A public commitment Social recognition Equal status in society THE NUER OF SUDAN ACCEPTED SAME-SEX MARRIAGES Male-Male: The boy was the wife; the man was the husband Female-Female: One woman was the husband and official father Official, public marriages Recognized social roles Bride prices required NANSHOKU: MALE-MALE LOVE IN HISTORIC JAPAN SHUDO: LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, WITH VOWS Male-male marriage among the Samurai NANSHOKU Beautiful Way of the Samurai The (A)Zande today Historically, boy-wives were common in the Royal Court and in the military “because we like them” The Royal Court The Poison Oracle Predicting Marital Dis-Satisfaction John Gottman’s Research • Based on heterosexual couples, – have not done same sex research • >90% accuracy at predicting separation within a few years – Positive to negative comments <5:1, ie. 3:1 – Facial expressions of disgust, fear, misery – High heart rates – Defensive behaviors, making excuses, denying responsibility – Verbal expressions of contempt by the wife – Stonewalling by hubby, ie, no response to wife’s concerns – Wives use a “hard start up” bringing up issues – polarized decisions and housework Predicting Marital Satisfaction John Gottman’s Research • Conversely, to keep a happy relationship….