R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Itʼs likely youʼve heard this song, even if you donʼt know who Aretha Franklin is. And while I donʼt know the exact words, I recall a pastor once said as children we are not commanded to love our parents, but to honor, or respect, them.

What I find interesting here is that, while we are commanded to respect, but not to love, our parents, we are commanded to LOVE God. Quite frankly, it would think the opposite would be true, for there may be times we donʼt feel love toward God, we fear God. Proverbs tells us that the “fear of God is the beginning of wisdom,” so fearing, or “respecting”, God is the first step towards becoming wise.

Either way, it seems that love for a parent is a given, for the first feelings a child has towards her parent, especially the mother, is trust and devotion. Devotion may not a word we would use for love. Sanskrit has several words for love. Sneha may be the closest to the feeling a child has for its mother and it is used as such. Sneha means means affection and may be compared to the craving a child has to be held by her mother.

As I said, Sanskrit has several words for love: Sneha, which we mentioned; Kama, which means a sensory craving or physical desire, not unlike the Greek eros or erotic; Shringara, which refers to a rapturous intimacy; Maitre or a feeling of generous compassion; Bhakti, which means “impersonal devotion” and Prema, which is like Agape in that it means unconditional love.

Bhakti is the closest to the kind of love we are to have toward God. The word “impersonal” may be troubling here, but for the devotee it means that one does not take Into consideration personal attributes in loving God. Judaism warns against attributing physical or even personal attributes to God so in this respect it might seem closer than any of the other words in this language for the way we should love God.

But we are getting way ahead of ourselves here. The basic question is: are we required to love our parents or simply to respect them? And is this a wise decision, considering that not And is this a wise decision, considering that not every parent is fitting for the role? Is a child, for instance, expected to honor or respect an abusive parent? What do we do when we know our parent is clearly in the wrong?

The Dr. Seuss book, “Horton Hears a Who” is a story about an elephant who hears a faint sound from a speck of dust which he has on his nose. Convinced that this speck of dust is alive, he is intent on preserving it. He is determined to follow through with his quest even when his mother insists he destroy it or wash it away. What no one knows is that this speck contains an entire city of miniature beings, who are trying somehow to get through to Horton and others that they are alive and need to be preserved. As I said, no one wants to save it except Horton who is convinced it is alive.

Horton is defiant and stands up to his mother, saving the speck. In the end the residents of the miniature city mange to build a huge megaphone and communicate with the giant creatures on whom they depend for their survival. Horton triumphs. Horton reminds me of todayʼs reading. Jesus knows his time has not yet come and tells his mother so. His referring to his mother as “woman” is not disrespectful. In chapter four, Jesus addresses the Samaritan woman at the well as “woman”. He does it again after his resurrection, when he confronts Mary Magdalene. We also shouldn’t forget Jesusʼ words from the cross, when again he addresses his mother as “woman” and instructs her to turn to the apostle John for support and think of him as a son.

So clearly, we canʼt say Jesusʼ use of the word “woman” is disrespectful. What is surprising perhaps is that he doesnʼt refer to her as “Mother” or “Mom.” He is respectful. He speaks to her firmly, though without condescension or anger. His words, “What concern is that between you and me,” seems like a mild rebuke. It may simply be a way of telling his mother that his own destiny is not her concern. She was still his mother, yet she was not, for he was now immersed in his ministry as a teacher, or rabbi, to his disciples. His time had not yet come, yet to a certain extent it already had come, for he was no longer beholden to her only but now to his Heavenly Father. but now to his Heavenly Father.

This incident stands in contrast to the passage in Luke where Jesus is in the temple with the elders. Here, Jesus’ mother scolds her son for not being present in the party of people returning from a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Jesus, we are told, returns with his parents and, as the bible says, “is obedientʼ to them.

Another noteworthy passage is in the synoptic gospels, where we read:

Then his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside, they sent to him and called him. A crowd was sitting around him; and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers and sisters[c] are outside, asking for you.” And he replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.” Mark 3: 31 - 35

Again this may seem unkind, but it was an explicit statement that he had moved on to embrace his students and friends. We know from the later passage in John where Jesus assigns John to look after his mother, that he had not totally look after his mother, that he had not totally abandoned his mother, but Jesus was now engaged in bigger business than immediate family.

There has been a lot of speculation about Jesus’ family. Did he have brothers? Were his brothers the children of Mary or were they the brothers of Joseph from a previous marriage? Were they, as some claim, not Jesus’ brothers but his cousins?

Some of this controversy revolves around the teaching that Mary remained a virgin throughout her life There are scriptures that many think contradict this, like the one in Matthew which says that Joseph did not “have relations with Mary until she had brought forth her firstborn son”, implying that he did after Jesus was born. The belief in the eternal virginity of Mary, some argue, revolves around a tradition that developed in the church near the end of the second century when sex was viewed as a result of Original Sin. Another idea is that since Jesus was God’s “only begotten son” so too he should be the “only begotten son of Mary.” Thomas Aquinas said “it was fitting”, but not necessary, that Mary remain a virgin throughout her life.

A similar controversy surrounds Jesus’ sibling. The church in Biblical times had issues, not about Mary’s church in Biblical times had issues, not about Mary’s virginity, but with James, who in his epistle identifies himself as a “brother” of Jesus. (By the way this is not James the apostle and brother of John.) James, the brother of Jesus who is sometimes referred to as James the Just, was the leader of the Jerusalem church, as it appears Peter did not assume this role after the first few chapters of Acts. Tradition says Peter fled Jerusalem after Herod Agrippa sought to have him killed. In Galatians, Paul mentions James, along with Peter and John, when he visits the church in Jerusalem. Referring to the fact that the Jerusalem church gave Paul their approval to continue his work among the gentiles he writes:

James, Cephas (i.e. Peter) and John, those esteemed as pillars, gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship when they recognized the grace given to me.

So returning to Jesus in today’s passage, it is noteworthy to point out that Jesus also had family issues. Some have even said that Jesus came from a dysfunctional family, and while that might be a stretch, it is clear his family commitments occasionally conflicted with his work as rabbi and Messiah.

His statement to Mary, “my time has not yet His statement to Mary, “my time has not yet come”, most believe refers to his crucifixion, though not all agree on this. The issue of “my time” comes up again in John, chapter five, where Jesus’ brothers (again the issue of Jesus brothers and whether they were related to Jesus by blood) urge him to go to Jerusalem and spread the news of his ministry there. Jesus replies:

“My time has not yet come, but your time is always here. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify against it that its works are evil. Go to the festival yourselves. I am not going to this festival, for my time has not yet fully come.” John 7: 6 - 8

Again most would argue here that Jesus is referring to his crucifixion. However, there is reason to believe that Jesus was referring to his resurrection or even all the events of Holy Week, beginning with Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday through his crucifixion and then his Resurrection. Either way, in today’s passage at the wedding Jesus tells his mother his time is not come to make known his identity as the Messiah.

If, as many assume, Mary expected Jesus to miraculously turn the water into wine, then it miraculously turn the water into wine, then it appears she had some inkling that he had a special role in God’s plan. We don’t hear the story of the Annunciation in John, but in Luke when the angel Gabriel visits Mary, she is told:

He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David. Luke 1: 32 Now just about any pious Jew in the first century would realize that the expression “son of David” is an allusion to the Messiah. The story in the gospels of the blind man on the road who stops Jesus and asks that he receive his sight, calls Jesus “son of David.” So too on Palm Sunday the crowd said, “Hosanna to the son of David”, again a reference to Jesus’ role as the Messiah. So Mary likely knew that her son would be special, even the promised Messiah. To sum up, today’s scripture gives a glimpse into Jesus’ family life and in particular his relationship with his mother. It may be just a small peek, but it reveals that even the son of God had to come to terms with his mother, particularly as he moved out of his home and into his public ministry.

Every child, every son or daughter, arrives at a time when they need to move out of their home and become what they are called to be. It is shown not only here but in the first chapters of Genesis where it says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” Even if his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” Even if one isn’t called to greatness, there comes a time when one has to cut the apron strings.

This isn’t easy, for mother or child, for it has been said that the mother-child relationship is the strongest bond a person forms in their lifetime. And while not all mothers are ideal, this bond has profound significance for just about every human being, whether it be an ordinary person with an ordinary life or the Son of God. It is difficult for both mother and child, yet is is a necessary part of a person’s development.

Eagles are often described as pushing their young from the nest to them to fly. A website on healthy family development and the trials of adolescence points out that as many as 40% of eagles die while learning to fly. It compares this to the failure of drop-out rate of college students. While ornithologists, or bird experts, say this depiction isn’t exactly true, they do admit that mother eagles will taunt and coax their young to leave the nest and try the terrifying experiment of flight.

We too as mothers and as fathers, must someday let go, or in some cases force, our children to leave the nest and learn to live life on their own. It is not easy but we can be consoled that they are in the hands of a loving and caring God who eternally is like a parent to them. We can also be encouraged that our children, usually and after some time trying life out on their own and raising their own children, will appreciate us and love us. We see this in the children, will appreciate us and love us. We see this in the life of Jesus and it is thankfully true for most of us.

On this day when we honor mothers, and as the founder of mother’s day said, the “Christian home”, find comfort in the care of a loving God as we learn to let go and let our children learn to fly through the hazards of life.

AMEN