DOCSLIB.ORG

SEPTEMBER 2004 Any Persons Living Or Dead Is Coincidental

Total Page：16

File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb

Download full-text PDF Read full-text
SEPTEMBER 2004 Any Persons Living Or Dead Is Coincidental THE h o t t i e OF THE LINING BIRDCAGES SINCE 1997 FRENCH ISSUE month EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Todd Nienkerk olores MANAGING EDITOR Kristin Hillery DESIGN DIRECTOR JJ Hermes Gifter of Bibles ASSOCIATE Elizabeth Barksdale EDITORS Ryan B. Martinez D WRITING STAFF Kathryn Edwards Who is this hot Magdalenian mama beckoning me to her Bradley Jackson Fertile Crescent? Your lips, swollen with Passion, coax me into Chanice Jan Todd Mein the sizzling sinlessness of scripture. Did you spill some Holy John Roper Joel Siegel Water on your lap, or are you just anticipating the Rapture? Christie Young Press me against your virginal bosom so I can be DESIGN STAFF David Strauss born again, and again — and again! Christina Vara ADVERTISING Emily Coalson vital stats PUBLICITY Stan Babbitt Hobbies: Accepting missionary positions, being an open book, shopping at the Dress Barn, DISTRIBUTION Stephanie Bates “Bible”-beating, being on her knees WEBMASTER Mike Kantor ADMINISTRATIVE Erica Grundish Turn-ons: submission, “Dogma,” destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abel SUPERVISOR Turn-offs: Getting off the high horse, abridging, “The DaVinci Code”, polytheism, birth ADMINISTRATIVE Leala Ansari control, Cain, lap dances, Darwin, the Pope-mobile ASSISTANTS Doug Cooper Jef Greilich Sara Kanewske meeting at busy intersections to play right-of-way • People running to class look funny and deserve to Lindsay Meeks games with speeding vehicles. be laughed at. Jill Morris Garrett Rowe • Overeager returning students will continue to • The 40 Acres Buses will be renamed “40- Toby Salinger like school enough for the both of you. Thousand Acres.” If they weren’t traveling 40,000 Ari Schulman around • Captain Clueless will attempt to charm you by acres, why else would they take so goddamn long Laura Schulman turning courteous small talk into a biographical and travel caravan-style? Eric Seufert discourse about himself. • Someone at a Union lunch table will use the Stephen Short campus • Students who shake entire rows of seats with word “hegemony,” reminding anyone who might FACULTY ADVISOR John Ruszkiewicz their furious leg-tapping will sit next to you dur- have forgotten that they are indeed on a college • 80 percent of girls on their cell phones between ing written exams. campus. CONTACT classes aren’t talking to anyone. • Will idiots ever stop answering professors’ rhetori- • Freshmen who walked into the wrong classroom on PHONE (512) 471-7898 • People in cabs will scoff at the burgeoning under- cal questions out loud? No. the first day have brought upon their families a kind of EMAIL [email protected] class of E-Bus patrons. • University researchers have discovered a new disgrace that can only be undone by hari-kari. WEB www.texastravesty.com • Neo-hipsters will pay $4 for a coffee at Metro, planet, reminding all of us that they have a really • Bevo XIII will celebrate his liberation from the MAIL Texas Travesty • UT Austin even though they secretly just wanted a Coke and expensive telescope. crippling pain of being a football mascot by P.O. Box D • Austin, TX 78713 a seat at the popular table in the cafeteria. • Student organizations will increase their efforts to drooling on his hooves in a perpetual, Quaalude- EDITORS EMERITUS • Alumni who bring their young kids to football get our attention, not realizing that they turned us induced haze. games off by coming on too strong to begin with. Back • The Confederate statues on the South Mall will Kevin Butler Ben Stroud will try to convince themselves that they 1997 2000-2001 weren’t drunken hooligans in college. No, I won’t off, Rugby — I’m proud to be an American. reanimate, sneak over to the MLK statue and com- Brad Butler Trevor Rosen tone my language down, asshole. • Presidential candidates’ brothers will be disappoint- mit a third act of vandalism. Security cameras will 1997-2000 2001-2003 • The Future Dead Pedestrians of America will be ed when no one recognizes them on the West Mall. again blame it on “light-skinned” teenagers. LEGALESE The Texas Travesty is the student humor publication at the University of Texas at Austin, published monthly by the permanent and contributing staff. The Travesty is a work VOLUME 7 • ISSUE 1 of (hopefully) humorous fiction. Except where public figures are involved, characters are not based on any real person. Any resemblence to SEPTEMBER 2004 any persons living or dead is coincidental. The inthisissue It’s Zach Galifianakis! views expressed in the Travesty do not reflect the views of Texas Student Publications, the University of Texas at Austin, or pretty much FEATURES NEWS OPINION anyone. All material printed is property of the 5 John Ashcroft’s collection of 2 Support our troops with a car 3 Tilde vs. Umlaut: The catty Travesty. The Texas Travesty is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, regardless of the double-jointed skulls magnet; Unicorns having unisex subculture of backbiting foreign pretty pictures. 41 Antidecongestants 99 Bottles of beer on the wall, 99 typography SHOUT OUTZ TO... 78 The Red Baron and You: how bottles of beer #9 The importance of teaching Übermensch; Oreos (no milk); brooms that to protect your family from G7 Soft rock, business ethics and your infant to sashay look like dildos; David Byrne’s happy ending anachronistic aerial attack other clichéd oxymorons that 44 Your doctor lied to you in our office; references that no one gets; new computers and hacked Internet; the brand that 169 Inside-Out Angels will blow your mind 313 Mommy’s black-market baby isn’t a brand; suitcases that fit bodies; Jill’s con- 1.5 Texas Exes: a bunch of red- parade; Cross-dressing for suc- tortionist talents (and eating vomit); diabetes 14 Your overenthusiasm ruined and the Democrats who spread it; restraining the Pentecostal church revival nosed old farts drinking scotch cess orders; Eric the Muscle, our new bodyguard; and tucking in their shirts Building 10; Lo Mein’s voice; the New Kid; for everyone 15 Tracheotomy Tabernacle Choir not voting because you’re Canadian; leotards; 20 Zell Miller fellates Aaron Burr’s 82 Charleton Heston pries penis performs “When Doves Cry” poultry mesh; no more shit on the staircase; art parties; The Green Monster; haunted corpse; Broccoli and other shit from his cold, dead fingers 222 What the Deuce? houses that are three feet tall; stained glass and 34 A better joke, disappointment 67% Darfur for $1 a day; I heard -(8) Oh, Shoelaces! He had a beard. Jesus; parades through apartment complexes; frumpy clothes; being a dick; orgasm ghosts; XI Is your toilet prepared for Y3K? you’re getting fired Q23 A bee-stinging reindeer getting off the high horse; Mangiasaurus Rex; 34 Sneezing into handkerchiefs Dan Rather jokes; making-noises-in-response- and other pressing issues 0.5 Kidney Stone Baseball & You; to-certain-words games; 5:45 a.m.; 5:46 a.m.; 888 Somebody calls Oprah fat 4-8 Winston Smith: I Love the ‘80s Carnival Rides for idiots Yusef Islam; repairing the minibike; condom balloons; chewing milk; Pac Man and Robin; “winningest”; back sweat; Spiderman party ILLUSTRATIONS COVER DESIGN MISFIT ZOO MARCHING BAND MODELS “GIGGLES” MODELS MARCHING BAND hats; life after death; getting fed donuts in a SEPTEMBER JJ Hermes Mike Kantor Kristin Hillery LAYOUT Paul Jordan Casey Backer MODELS cage; the reincarnation of Mr. Rogers; slow Chanice Jan Todd Nienkerk Todd Mein Mike Kantor Tina Little Adam Buck Anastasia Fawcett children; the noticeable and depressing lack of Nintendos; whoop, luh luh luh; roommates who Todd Nienkerk Todd Nienkerk Todd Nienkerk Kenny Hughes Matt Gibson refuse to go away; charisma; sweat bands; wheat 2 0 0 4 David Strauss AUSTIN SCHOLAR Joel Siegel COVER MODELS Chris Modi Joseph Gonzalez grass shots; organic sugar in your organic cof- JJ Hermes David Strauss CONTRIBUTING Mike Farah Rene Pinnell Emily Podhajsky fee; jaded, bitter nights; dandruff; reading on WRITER Sukanya Misra Brad Wallentine Tom Siders the toilet; pocket PCs; sloths that give birth CREDITS Camden Gilman Richard Ybarra upside-down; hypochondriacs on speed-dial Copyright 2004 Texas Travesty Circulation: 25,000 LINING BIRDCAGES SINCE 1997 NEWS • 3 Nationwide nagging average plummets Wife-murdering trend leaves housewives fearful Ryan B. Martinez She added: “I peed a little. Just a dot.” wife from Dallas. “When that Gray has published a follow-up to his influential ASSOCIATE EDITOR The most ready response to this faded, I would nag him male-female dialectic with a new book, “Men national shift in intramarital dynam- all the time about how are from Mars, Women are Open-Season,” WASHINGTON, DC – A handful of highly ics has been an across-the-board things weren’t what while works about Zen- and Wicca-based poi- publicized murder cases in which men are reduction in nagging. Clumsy they used to be.” son antidotes are flying off the self-help shelves accused of killing their wives has caused a fashion faux pas remain uncom- She continued: of bookstores into the hands of female readers. downturn in nationwide nagging, say cultural mented on, toilet seats are left “Nowadays, I Meanwhile, Ladies’ Home Journal has begun pundits. up and relationship problems couldn’t be more to replace enlightening content about work- “All across the country, women are plastering fester in a climate of silent relieved that he place flirting and hair accessorizing with articles on smiles, primping their hair and baking apple- dread. doesn’t take my topped by slightly more cautionary headlines: peach pies like there’s no tomorrow,” said Dr. “When Rob and I first breath away.” “How to Build an Immunity to Chloroform,” Jeanette Wilkins, a sociologist at the University met, he used to lavish me Women’s preoc- “Sleeping with Your Eyes Open is Easy (and of California at Davis.
Load more

Recommended publications
  • MATERIAL SUPPORTING the AGENDA Volume Xvib January 1969
    >9 MATERIAL SUPPORTING THE AGENDA Volume XVIb January 1969 - May 1969 This volume contains the Material Supporting the Agenda furnished to each member of the Board of Regents prior to the meetings held on January 31-February 1, March 14, and May 2, 1969. The material is divided according to the Standing Com­ mittees and the meetings that were held and is submitted on three different colors, namely: (1) white paper - for the documentation of all items that were presented before the deadline date (2) blue paper - all items submitted to the Executive Session of the Com­ mittee of the VJhole and distributed only to the Regents, Chancellor, and Chancellor Emeritus (3) yellow paper - emergency items distributed at the meeting Material distributed at the meeting as additional docu­ mentation is not included in the bound volume, because sometimes there is an unusual amount and other times maybe some people get copies and some do not get copies. If the Secretary were furnished a copy, then that material goes in the appropriate subject folder. THE BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM Material Supporting i Agenda MeetmgDate: M^ch 14, 1969 4 H Meeting No.: , CALENDAR BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM March 14, 1969 Place: U. T. Austin, Main Building Meeting Room: Main Building, Suite 212 Friday, March 14, 1969--The Committees will meet in the order set out below, followed by the Meeting of the Board: 9:00 a.m. Executive Committee Academic and Developmental Affairs Committee Buildings and Grounds Committee Medical Affairs Committee Land and Investment Committee Committee of the Whole Meeting of the Board Lunch will be served at noon in Main Building 101.
    [Show full text]
  • List for August 2009 Update.Xlsx
    The University of Texas System FY 2010-2015 Capital Improvement Program Summary by Funding Source CIP Project Cost Funding Source Total % of Total Bond Proceeds PUF $ 645,539,709 7.8% RFS 2,473,736,000 29.8% TRB 823,808,645 9.9% Subtotal Bond Proceeds 3,943,084,354 47.5% Institutional Funds Aux Enterprise Balances $ 22,349,500 0.3% Available University Fund 7,600,000 0.1% Designated Funds 33,261,100 0.4% Gifts 1,107,556,900 13.3% Grants 191,425,000 2.3% HEF 4,744,014 0.1% Hospital Revenues 1,844,920,000 22.2% Insurance Claims 553,200,000 6.7% Interest On Local Funds 113,360,315 1.4% MSRDP 98,900,000 1.2% Unexpended Plant Funds 383,635,739 4.6% Subtotal Institutional Funds 4,360,952,568 52.5% Capital Improvement Program Total Funding Sources $ 8,304,036,922 100% Quarterly Update 8/20/09 F.1 The University of Texas System FY 2010-2015 Capital Improvement Program Summary by Institution CIP Number of Project Cost Institution Projects Total Academic Institutions U. T. Arlington 10 $ 306,353,376 U. T. Austin 47 1,401,616,150 U. T. Brownsville 2 50,800,000 U. T. Dallas 16 268,079,750 U. T. El Paso 13 214,420,000 U. T. Pan American 5 92,517,909 U. T. Permian Basin 4 150,239,250 U. T. San Antonio 13 152,074,000 U. T. Tyler 7 58,159,300 Subtotal Academic Institutions 117 2,694,259,735 Health Institutions U.
    [Show full text]
  • October 2014
    1 WORKING ON OUR BUSINESS FOUNDATIONS CERTIFICATE SINCE 1997 OCTOBER 2014 UT AUSTIN’S OFFICIAL HUMOR PUBLICATION 2-Contents/Calendar The SYNERGYIssue in this issue... Editor-in-Chief Chris Gilman Managing Editor Rohit Mandalapu Associate Editor Xavier Rotnofsky Contributing Editor Nick Mehendale Design Director Maryam Amjadi Distribution Director Ethan Boer Social Media Directors Neha Dubey Girl in bar very selective about Ugly student’s puppy not cute Swarm of bees ruins sting Helen Smith who she rubs her butt on enough to make him approachable operation Head Videographer Marshall Kistner Writing Sta Justin Bregman Nick Ward Colby Smith Josh “Knuckes” Brenner Vishal Jain Edward Stockwell Mac McCann Recruiter’s handshake a little God to get Jesus on Local mom 60% done de- Design Sta Hazel O’Neil Erin O’Connor too lotiony weekends stroying son’s self-con dence Administrative Elizabeth Moore Assistants Max Friedman of crushed up chips and eat it like cereal? fedoras Chloe Morris • Th e Texas gubernatorial election is between a • We accept the love we think we deserve. We Elizabeth Dubois Nathan Simmons person famous for standing a long time and also accept American Express, Mastercard, Vedant Peris someone famous for sitting for a long time and Visa Cole Gertho er Ruby Monettte-Meadow • I love you like a gay guy loves his gay • Well, technically she lost her virginity to a Olivia Berkeley younger brother Bop-It Abby Hilling • My bonsai tree can’t stop stuntin’ • Life is a highway, so adopt it Jordan Dempsey Lee Rudder • Meteorology is the creepy uncle of sciences • I was just like, “Okay, Dad, just pay for my • God commanded, “Th ou shalt not use the college, I don’t care” CONTACT PHONE 281-701-7001 • I can’t wait to have the talk with your kids Lord’s name in vain, unless in orgasm” • Boy, I sure hope Kid Rock has somewhere to EMAIL [email protected] • My father’s dying wish was to be buried in WEB www.texastravesty.com stay during the apocalypse his snakeskin onesie.
    [Show full text]
  • The DIY Careers of Techno and Drum 'N' Bass Djs in Vienna
    Cross-Dressing to Backbeats: The Status of the Electroclash Producer and the Politics of Electronic Music Feature Article David Madden Concordia University (Canada) Abstract Addressing the international emergence of electroclash at the turn of the millenium, this article investigates the distinct character of the genre and its related production practices, both in and out of the studio. Electroclash combines the extended pulsing sections of techno, house and other dance musics with the trashier energy of rock and new wave. The genre signals an attempt to reinvigorate dance music with a sense of sexuality, personality and irony. Electroclash also emphasizes, rather than hides, the European, trashy elements of electronic dance music. The coming together of rock and electro is examined vis-à-vis the ongoing changing sociality of music production/ distribution and the changing role of the producer. Numerous women, whether as solo producers, or in the context of collaborative groups, significantly contributed to shaping the aesthetics and production practices of electroclash, an anomaly in the history of popular music and electronic music, where the role of the producer has typically been associated with men. These changes are discussed in relation to the way electroclash producers Peaches, Le Tigre, Chicks on Speed, and Miss Kittin and the Hacker often used a hybrid approach to production that involves the integration of new(er) technologies, such as laptops containing various audio production softwares with older, inexpensive keyboards, microphones, samplers and drum machines to achieve the ironic backbeat laden hybrid electro-rock sound. Keywords: electroclash; music producers; studio production; gender; electro; electronic dance music Dancecult: Journal of Electronic Dance Music Culture 4(2): 27–47 ISSN 1947-5403 ©2011 Dancecult http://dj.dancecult.net DOI: 10.12801/1947-5403.2012.04.02.02 28 Dancecult 4(2) David Madden is a PhD Candidate (A.B.D.) in Communications at Concordia University (Montreal, QC).
    [Show full text]
  • The Teaches of Peaches: Rethinking the Sex Hierarchy and the Limits of Gender
    MA MAJOR RESEARCH PAPER The Teaches of Peaches: Rethinking the Sex Hierarchy and the Limits of Gender Discourse by Christina Bonner Supervised by Dr. Jennifer Brayton The Major Research Paper is submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts Joint Graduate Program in Communication & Culture Ryerson University -- York University Toronto, Ontario, Canada, 2010 © Christina Bonner 2010 I hereby declare that I am the sole author of this research paper. I authorize Ryerson University to lend this research paper to other institutions or individuals for the purpose of scholarly research. 7 / ChristinaLBonner I further authorize Ryerson University to reproduce this research paper by photocopying or by other means, in total or in part, at the request of other institutions or individuals for the purpose of scholarly research. EMlstma Honner ii The Teaches of Peaches: Rethinking the Sex Hierarchy and the Limits of Gender Discourse Christina Bonner Master of Arts, Program in Communication and Culture Ryerson and York University 2010 Abstract: The goal of this Major Research paper is an exploration detailing how Canadian Electro-Pop artist Peaches Nisker transcends nonnative gender and sex politics through perfonnance and frames the female erotic experience in a way that not only disempowers heterosexuality but also provides a broader more inclusive sexual politics. Through this analysis I focus specifically on three distinct spheres; perfonnance, fandom and use of technology to argue that her critique of sexual conventions provides an cxpansive and transgressive new defmition of female sexuality. Musical perfonnances by female artists, particularly icons such as Madonna and Britney Spears, have demonstrated popular culture's inability to legitimize quecr and non­ compulsory heterosexual practices.
    [Show full text]
  • Happy Hanukkah! Through, and Make Your Own Menorah! the DIE TOBY Issue KEITH in THIS ISSUE
    1 MAKING OILY MIRACLES SINCE 1997 DECEMBER 2017 Cut out the holes, stick your fingers Happy Hanukkah! through, and make your own menorah! the DIE TOBY issue KEITH IN THIS ISSUE... Editor-in-Chief Cole Gerthoffer Managing Editor David Higbee Williams Associate Editors Virginia Beshears Joe ‘Maryam’ Morris Design Director Kelly Smith Distribution Director Zach Morrow Social Media Director Arvind Ashok Quiet economics TA actually just suit Senator dreams of world where everyone Area bicyclist really bicyclin’ this hanging in back of classroom has equal opportunity to oppress others time Head Videographer Suzuka Sampson Writing Staff Jackson Grabois Terry Huang Ben Kelder Justin Lau Falling lone confetti piece grim portent Area cat always thought owner’s Update: Cousin still weird Aakash Saraiya Cindy Turner of Coldplay concert to come corpse would taste better Grace Gilker • Angels are just human birds. • My aunt’s Craigslist posts are Design Staff Justine Hudock • The Polar Express is, in my getting more and more disturbing Video Staff Sharmeen Somani Sadie Lidji opinion, the greatest horror • Who is the “Anonymous Steve Nick Blacklock movie ever made Buscemi” in the google doc? Cover Illustration Sonia Margolin • I bet the members of ABBA have a • Am I a cookie man or a cookie Administrative Assistants group chat monster? Max Lopez Laura Doan Sindhu Raju Zach Evans • Nick Blacklock reigns supreme at • Scott Elder (Dealer for the People) Brendan Rodriguez Andrea Fernandez Words with Friends will lead the proletariat revolt Stephen Acevedo • Maybe if everyone in the country • I’m registered to the Green Party Contact • She died as she lived: listening to can say “Happy Holidays” at once, but wouldn’t be caught dead Email: [email protected] Web: www.texastravesty.com the Fantastic Mr.
    [Show full text]
  • Parking Map for UT Campus
    Garage Parking n Visitors may park in garages at the hourly rate n All parking garages are open 24/7 on a space-available basis for visitors and students and do not require a permit Garage Parking Rates* 0-30 minutes No Charge 30 minutes - 1 hour $ 3 1 - 2 hours $ 6 2 - 3 hours $ 9 3 - 4 hours $12 4 - 8 hours $15 8 - 24 hours $18 * Rates and availability may vary during special events. Parking Meters n Operational 24 hours a day, 7 days a week n Located throughout the campus n 25¢ for 15 minutes n Time limited to 45 minutes. If more time is needed, please park in a garage Night Parking n Read signs carefully for restrictions such as “At All Times” Bob B n ulloc After 5:45 p.m., certain spaces Texas k State Histo M ry useum in specific surface lots are available for parking without a permit n All garages provide parking for visitors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week Parking Lots n There is no daytime visitor parking in surface lots n Permits are required in all Tex surface lots from 7:30 a.m. to as Sta Ca te pitol 5:45 p.m. M-F as well as times indicated by signs BUILDING DIRECTORY CRD Carothers Dormitory .............................A2 CRH Creekside Residence Hall ....................C2 J R Public Parking CS3 Chilling Station No. 3 ...........................C4 JCD Jester Dormitory ..................................... B4 RHD Roberts Hall Dormitory .........................C3 CS4 Chilling Station No. 4 ...........................C2 BRG Brazos Garage .....................................B4 JES Beauford H. Jester Center ....................B3 RLM Robert Lee Moore Hall ..........................B2 CS5 Chilling Station No.
    [Show full text]
  • Legend Garages
    A B C D E F G H SAN SCALE: FEET Legend 0 500 250 500 JACINTO TPS Parking Garage Special Access Parking K Kiosk / Entry Control Station 1 (open 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. M-F) 2700 BLVD. Metered Parking Restricted Access Emergency Call Box 300W 200W 100W 100E 400W Active 24 hours W. 27TH ST. ARC FUTURE SITE Official Visitor Parking Construction Zone AVE. NRH TSG ST. SWG NOA AVE. SW7 LLF LLC CS5 BWY 2600 NSA LLE LLB 2600 2600 2600 LLD LLA 2600 CPE GIA KIN UA9 WICHITA ETC FDH NO PARKING SSB SEA WHITIS ST. 200E KEETON 500E 2 300W W. DEAN 200W 100W 100E KEETON ST. 300E 400E E. DEAN SHC 2500 ST. LTD NMS ECJ TNH ST. CMA RLM JON WWH CMB 2500 BUR 2500 SHD 2500 800E W. 25TH ST. CS4 600E CREEK CCJ UNIVERSITY CMC 2500 AHG MBB SPEEDWAY CTB DEV BLD WICHITA W 25th ST. CRD E. 500E 25th ST 900E LCH ENS . ST. SAG PHR PAT SER SJG AND 2400 DR. 2400 PHR SETON ANTONIO MRH MRH LFH ST. TCC CREEK 2400 GEA ESB WRW 2400 WOH SAN 300W K GRG 2400 1100E NUECES ST. W. 24th ST. E. 24th 300E ST. 2400 TMM K 200W 100W 100E 200E K E. DEAN E. 28th IPF YOUNG QUIST DA PPA BIO PAI ST. 3 ACE PPE Y DEDMAN KEETON WEL IT BOT WALLER IN 2300 R HMA BLVD. T 2300 PAC 200W 100W PPL ART LBJ PP8 NUECES ST. TAY ST. UNB FDF ST. DFA 1600E GEB CS2 ST.
    [Show full text]
  • Supreme Being LOS ANGELES 11.09.14
    SCENE & HERD Supreme Being LOS ANGELES 11.09.14 Left: Jack Black with artist Steven Hull. Right: Steven Hull's Circus of Death installation. (Photos: Miriam Katz) “FUCK THIS VIP SHIT—I want some real California dick!” cried a braless Bridget Everett as she made her way toward the general admission section of the crowd. Everett eventually found an object for her affection, a masked dandy she nicknamed “Corky” (cause he was “Down’s-y in the eyes”), whom she cajoled into playing a grown-up game of airplane, bearing the weight of her significant frame right there in the middle of the stage. Soon enough she was motorboating Peaches (the musician, not the fruit), forcing a security guard’s head up her dress, and crooning gorgeously about lady parts of various shapes and sizes. The sun was still shining, but she was working on her night moves. FOMO abounded among the ten thousand attendees at the second annual Festival Supreme, a ten-hour comedy, music, and visual art event organized by Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D. Many sported elaborate costumes as we navigated the fifty-plus live acts across four stages, as well as a fifty four-thousand-square-foot art installation, all in an early-twentieth-century Shriners temple located in downtown Los Angeles. The lineup was sick (Fred Armisen, Margaret Cho, Nick Kroll, to name a few), and as if that weren’t enough, special, surprise guests included Weird Al Yankovic, who shredded the Keytar with Tenacious D, and Zach Galifianakis, who starred, along with Orange Is the New Black’s Lauren Lapkus and Parks and Recreation’s Adam Scott, in a live rendition of Scott Aukerman’s podcast and IFC show Comedy Bang! Bang! The heart of the festival lay in its focus on comedy music, a seemingly puerile medium with surprisingly lofty potential.
    [Show full text]
  • 60P0 1 CRYING at the PARTY SINCE 1997 APRIL 2017
    1 CRYING AT THE PARTY SINCE 1997 APRIL 2017 Name: 5475/The Venue/ Villas on Guada Width: 60p0 URBAN STUDENT APARTMENTS NOW LEASING FOR FALL 2017 VenueOnGuadalupe.com · 512.473.3706 VillasOnGuadalupe.com · 512.220.0200 the GOOD issue BYE IN THIS ISSUE... Editor-in-Chief Grace Gilker Cole Gerthoffer Managing Editor Abby Hilling Contributing Editor Maryam Amjadi Design Director Carolina Treviño Distribution Director David Williams Social Media Directors Nora Greene Iman Shah Area man goes to different Applebee’s Area man squeezing own bicep while Crosswalk sign just a suggestion Head Videographers nodding to self location in effort to be spontaneous for local bad boy Connor McCampbell Suzuka Sampson Writing Staff Justin Lau Andrew Badger Josh Brenner Ben Kelder Lee Rudder Sanaa Prasla Elizabeth Dubois Adam Bucheister Bluebonnets along I-35 pleasant PCL introduces new, already- Ed Sheeran just a really carefree Nick Gatz Joe Morris distraction from pro-life billboards broken water fountain dude Terry Huang Vedant Peris • I have a fetish where I can only be • It’s not called heaven, it’s called intimate with someone in front of a Toontown Design Staff Sonia Margolin green screen • I threw in a Vancouver style citation Virginia Beshears • Do you think Gerald reads this? just to fuck with him Video Staff Sharmeen Somani • This small spoon works poorly with • It’s not you, it’s me. Actually, it’s your Sadie Lidji this large soup racist grandmother Administrative Assistants Arvind Ashok Zach Morrow • Can you vape maple syrup? • I put the ‘heet’
    [Show full text]
  • Une Discographie De Robert Wyatt
    Une discographie de Robert Wyatt Discographie au 1er mars 2021 ARCHIVE 1 Une discographie de Robert Wyatt Ce présent document PDF est une copie au 1er mars 2021 de la rubrique « Discographie » du site dédié à Robert Wyatt disco-robertwyatt.com. Il est mis à la libre disposition de tous ceux qui souhaitent conserver une trace de ce travail sur leur propre ordinateur. Ce fichier sera périodiquement mis à jour pour tenir compte des nouvelles entrées. La rubrique « Interviews et articles » fera également l’objet d’une prochaine archive au format PDF. _________________________________________________________________ La photo de couverture est d’Alessandro Achilli et l’illustration d’Alfreda Benge. HOME INDEX POCHETTES ABECEDAIRE Les années Before | Soft Machine | Matching Mole | Solo | With Friends | Samples | Compilations | V.A. | Bootlegs | Reprises | The Wilde Flowers - Impotence (69) [H. Hopper/R. Wyatt] - Robert Wyatt - drums and - Those Words They Say (66) voice [H. Hopper] - Memories (66) [H. Hopper] - Hugh Hopper - bass guitar - Don't Try To Change Me (65) - Pye Hastings - guitar [H. Hopper + G. Flight & R. Wyatt - Brian Hopper guitar, voice, (words - second and third verses)] alto saxophone - Parchman Farm (65) [B. White] - Richard Coughlan - drums - Almost Grown (65) [C. Berry] - Graham Flight - voice - She's Gone (65) [K. Ayers] - Richard Sinclair - guitar - Slow Walkin' Talk (65) [B. Hopper] - Kevin Ayers - voice - He's Bad For You (65) [R. Wyatt] > Zoom - Dave Lawrence - voice, guitar, - It's What I Feel (A Certain Kind) (65) bass guitar [H. Hopper] - Bob Gilleson - drums - Memories (Instrumental) (66) - Mike Ratledge - piano, organ, [H. Hopper] flute. - Never Leave Me (66) [H.
    [Show full text]
  • Best of 2009-10
    THE issue’s BEST OF 2009–2010 ISSUE TEXAS TRAVESTY lose as many bowl games as you like, UT. cows—pink cow, brown cow, and original EEDDIItor--IN-IN-CHICHIEF MattDavid Ingebretson Strauss • Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye cow—then you’re probably a horrible, hor- MANagING Michael Prohaska contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart. rible human being. EFEATURESDItor EDItor Bradley Jackson • Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next • Batman has been spotted on campus. Austin ASSOCIate Dan Treadway ENDEIWtorS EDITOR Kathryn Edwards around semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah. has a very high Batman population. If you a see DESIGN DIrector Alyssa Peters • If you thought you could just sleep through every a Batman on campus, do not touch him, and im- DESIGN EDITOR Matt Hutcheson lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you LEAD DESIGNER Jessica Grantham mediately contact University Health Services. PHOTO EDITOR Veronica Hansen campus were right. High five. PHoto EDItor Matty Greene • Being a C-League volleyball intramural ART EDITOR Chris Friend • Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an champ won’t win her heart, bro. PUBLICITY Zak Kinnaird • The best way to sneak alcohol into a UT DIrector accent—that was a speech impediment. You did a •1/100,000th of your tuition was just spent ASSOCIate Sara Kanewske football game is to place it in your stomach. funny impression, though. WRITING Staff Matt Lester buying President Powers a pack of Skittles. EDItors JermaineStephen Affonso Short • Let’s have a moment of silence for all the top • Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on • Students well versed in the word “fail” and Malcolm Wardlaw 8th through 10th percentile of high school PUBLICITY Sabrina Abdulla whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat its best placement in conversations still don’t Marshall Dungan graduates now languishing at UTSA.
    [Show full text]