DOCSLIB.ORG

Best of 2009-10

Total Page：16

File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb

Download full-text PDF Read full-text
Best of 2009-10 THE issue’s BEST OF 2009–2010 ISSUE TEXAS TRAVESTY lose as many bowl games as you like, UT. cows—pink cow, brown cow, and original EEDDIItor--IN-IN-CHICHIEF MattDavid Ingebretson Strauss • Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye cow—then you’re probably a horrible, hor- MANagING Michael Prohaska contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart. rible human being. EFEATURESDItor EDItor Bradley Jackson • Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next • Batman has been spotted on campus. Austin ASSOCIate Dan Treadway ENDEIWtorS EDITOR Kathryn Edwards around semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah. has a very high Batman population. If you a see DESIGN DIrector Alyssa Peters • If you thought you could just sleep through every a Batman on campus, do not touch him, and im- DESIGN EDITOR Matt Hutcheson lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you LEAD DESIGNER Jessica Grantham mediately contact University Health Services. PHOTO EDITOR Veronica Hansen campus were right. High five. PHoto EDItor Matty Greene • Being a C-League volleyball intramural ART EDITOR Chris Friend • Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an champ won’t win her heart, bro. PUBLICITY Zak Kinnaird • The best way to sneak alcohol into a UT DIrector accent—that was a speech impediment. You did a •1/100,000th of your tuition was just spent ASSOCIate Sara Kanewske football game is to place it in your stomach. funny impression, though. WRITING Staff Matt Lester buying President Powers a pack of Skittles. EDItors JermaineStephen Affonso Short • Let’s have a moment of silence for all the top • Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on • Students well versed in the word “fail” and Malcolm Wardlaw 8th through 10th percentile of high school PUBLICITY Sabrina Abdulla whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat its best placement in conversations still don’t Marshall Dungan graduates now languishing at UTSA. Erica Grundish Doritos in class or get stoned all semester and eat comprehend the penis and its best placement Aaron Walther • UT’s elimination of the National Merit Doritos at home. into the vagina. C.Sara J. Cervantes Nienkerk Scholarship will go a long way in getting • Everyone on campus let out a commemorative David McQuary • Stadium event staff will be shocked when WRITING staff Mike Faerber rid of all those pesky intelligent people on “Ah fuck!” as the twelfth day of classes whizzed by Kyle Killough they find Bevo pounding the Chick-fil-A KelseyJon LNambeal campus. once again. cow in the bathroom during halftime. Megan Jackson • Students who text during class are really • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West AndreaRoss L Grimesuippold • So lame, God invited like EVERYBODY to his disturbing everyone checking Facebook. Mall. The one in your wallet from two years DESIGN Staff AnnieAustin Samuelson Presley meteor shower party. • Dude, I’m not walking all the way to the fucking ago is expiring soon. LauraSuzanne Schulman Lewis RLM. • There’s really nothing better than a UT home Josue Ramirez • Put the toaster on high. You need to burn off DESIGN staff Mark Estrada • Students in long-distance relationships will the bread mold. football game to remind you why, out of Aaron Rodriguez discover that although absence makes the • Stella Artois may have better taste, but does it 50,000 students, you only associate with .04% ADPUBMINILICIstratTY IVE HSamenry Baskin Baker Sarah Greene heart grow fonder, a creatively placed web- have fun word games on the bottle cap? Hell of them. ASSIstaNTS Kathryn Beasley • Roommate gone? Time to push the beds ADMINIstratIVE Lara Grant cam does the rest. no! Lone Star for President in 2012. ASSIstaNTS Jacqueline Fitzgerald • Greenpeace? More like Green-please-get- together! Hannah Oley • Don’t want spring break to end? Drop out. KatherineJon Swope Neal the-hell-away-from-me-I’m-not-making- Kanye West did, and now he pours Grey • Did you see the production of Pride and MichaelJim Prohaska Pagels eye-contact-oh-goddammit... Goose on people for a living. Prejudice on campus recently? We have noth- DavidRyan Schwartz Betori • Someone got a little freaked out at a co-op • Need resumé help? Too bad. The Career Ser- ing funny to say about this...it was quite good. Rohan Paranjpe Kate ErgenbrightGreg Smith party last weekend, and they really don’t vices reps are looking for new jobs too, and • Why would I buy Windows 7 when I can have CARTOONIST MargaretLesley Newman Dixon want to talk about it. you’re the competition. So go fuck yourself. Windows 98? Lawrence Peart • We should all demonstrate our dedication to • The best way to tell the PCL and JCL apart CONRIBUTING Thejaswi Maruvada green initiatives the same way UT does: by is to know that you don’t get diarrhea after EDItors Ross Luippold artificially re-sodding the same acre of the going to the PCL. Stephen Short South Mall every semester. • Don’t feel bad, you’re not the only one that’s CONTACT CONTACT • As thousands of UT students attempt to out- wondered if your whole class would get an A PHONE 512-471-7898 PHONE 512-471-7898 Whataburger one another, the streets will run if your 90-year-old professor keeled over and EMAIL [email protected] EMAIL [email protected] red with fancy ketchup. died. WEB www.texastravesty.com WEB www.texastravesty.com • UT has recently been named one of the Most • No matter how long you stare, you won’t MAIL Texas Travesty • UT Austin Stressful Campuses, which is the reason why M PAIL Texas.O. Box Travesty D • Austin, • UT TX Austin 78713 know if that Dasani bottle in your fridge is P.O. Box D • Austin, TX 78713 the administration has decided to change our filled apple juice or piss until you take a sip. EDITORS EMERITUS mantra to “It ain’t easy being a hipster.” • Thanks, plus/minus grading! I’m sure glad EDITORS EMERITUS • At least your Prius will be fuel efficient and envi- that my effort in the classroom can now be Kevin Butler KristinTrevor HRosenillery ronmentally friendly while it’s rapidly accelerating 1997 2001-20032005-2006 more accurately devalued! Brad Butler ToddDavid N ienkerkStrauss through the streets killing people. • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy 1997-2000 2003-20052006-2007 • Doppelganger week was a remarkable study in the hoarding fiend! Ben Stroud VeronicaKristin Hansenillery vast divide between how beautiful you think you • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription 2000-2001 2005-20062007-2008 Trevor Rosen Ross Luippold are versus how average you actually look in real is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory pain 2001-2003LEGALESE 2008-2009 life. Yes, I’m specifically referring to you. reliever. The Texas Travesty is the student humor pub- licationTodd Rossat the NUniversityienkerk of Texas at Austin, • Thanks, UT Safety Alert, but I don’t need an auxil- • Congratulations, Parkour. You’ve given published2003-2005 monthly by the permanent and iary reason to run screaming from the RLM. contributing staff. The Travesty is a work of Austin dudes yet another reason to take their (hopefully)LEGALESE humorous fiction. Except where • As long as you maintain your proud tradition of at- public figures are involved, characters are not shirts off. basedThe Texas on any Travesty real person.is the studentAny resemblence humor pub- to tractive young women in athletic shorts, you can anylication persons at the living University or dead ofis coincidental.Texas at Austin, The • If you got excited to finally own all three viewspublished expressed monthly in theby Travestythe permanent do not reflect and thecontributing views of staff.Texas The Student Travesty Publications, is a work theof (hopefully)University ofhumorous Texas at Austinfiction. orExcept pretty wheremuch publicanyone. figures All material are involved, printed charactersis property are of notthe In This Issue... basedTravesty on. The any Texas real person.Travesty Anyis not resemblence intended forto anyreaders persons under living 18 oryears dead of isage, coincidental. regardless The of viewsthe pretty expressed pictures. in the Travesty do not reflect the views of Texas Student Publications, the University of Texas at Austin or pretty much anyone.SHOUT All material OUTZ printed TO... is property of the Travesty. The Texas Travesty is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, regardless of the pretty pictures. Cap’n Crunch commended Cap’n Crunch accidently Cap’n Crunch receives for 30 years in the navy fires on shipmate dishonorable discharge from navy © 2007 Texas Travesty. All rights reserved. Circulation: 25,000 Barbara Crunch files for Cap’n Crunch cited for Cap’n Crunch: 1963-2010 divorce indecent exposure at © 2010 Texas Travesty. All rights reserved. elementary school Circulation: 25,000 ALMOST AS FUNNY AS THE DAILY TEXAN SINCE 1997 NEWS • 3 Poll: 29% of Boyfriends Unaware of Relationship Marshall Dungan of heated debate among both non- months. “We’re not like, dating or any- conducted the poll over the course of results have overt and flagrant biases STAFF WRITER boyfriends and sort-of-but-not-really thing. It’s just that we like to hang out a year amongst several state schools, in them,” said Akers, who has objected boyfriends, reports that nearly a third of every day of the week. No big deal.” reports 19% of men responded with most strongly to what he calls ‘stupid- WASHINGTON, DC—According men, when asked about the girl they see “Also, sex,” added Hamils. “We have “Wait, what?” while 37% chose “Define girlfriend-confusion-wording biases.’ “I to a recent poll by the Gallup Organiza- at least three times a week, denied being sex frequently.
Load more

Recommended publications
  • Emails May Violate SG Election Code
    1 COMICS PAGE 6 LIFE&ARTS PAGE 8 SPORTS PAGE 6 Serving the University of Texas at Austin community since 1900 @thedailytexan facebook.com/dailytexan Friday, February 24, 2017 dailytexanonline.com bit.ly/dtvid STUDENT GOVERNMENT STUDENT GOVERNMENT Emails may violate SG election code Senate bills By Kayla Meyertons individually” recruit people them reasonably well, in the provide him with her email running mates in January. endorse & Will Clark to their campaign before the sense that the person they for campaign purposes. Carter said he acquired the @kemeyertons @_willclark_ sanctioned campaign period, were asking to be an agent “That email was kind of student’s emails through an which began Feb. 15, but the or worker would want to unexpected for me,” Hishmeh SG database, to which he has awareness At least 16 students re- 16 individuals said they did give some of their time to said. “I didn’t know how they access because of his current ceived an email from the Isa- not know Carter personally. work on that campaign be- got my email or why I was position as SG chief of staff. programs iah Carter and Sydney O’Con- The emails were sent three cause of that existing rela- being emailed.” Carter said the database con- nell student body presidential weeks before the sanctioned tionship,” Catrin Watts, chair When asked to provide the tains more than 1,000 student By Reagan Ritterbush campaign around midnight campaign period, and every of the Election Supervisory original email, Carter said he emails, some of which were @Reagan0720 Jan. 23, the nature of which email sent was identical and Board, said.
    [Show full text]
  • The Daily Texan Diversity & Inclusion Board August 3, 2020 Statement
    The Daily Texan Diversity & Inclusion Board August 3, 2020 Statement: Demands for Reforms in The Daily Texan Newsroom To The Daily Texan and Texas Student Media (TSM): The murder of George Floyd, Mike Ramos, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Tony McDade and countless other lives lost to anti-Black violence in the U.S. has led to an upheaval of the oppressive structures that harm this country’s newsrooms. Black and Latinx journalists at news outlets such as The Los Angeles Times , The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and many, many more across the country have pressured their employers to reckon with this industry’s complacency in upholding white supremacy. And as a student media outlet, it’s imperative that we do the same. A response to “Demands for Reforms in The Daily Texan Newsroom” from the Director for Texas Student Media (TSM) The Director agrees and is committed to finding a resolution for each of the recommendations. If the Diversity and Inclusion Board would be open to meeting, we can define a path that builds structure and framework to accomplish these requests by October 1. It will require work by committee, but that achievement is possible. A committee composed of the D&I Board, the Director of TSM, and representatives from the TSM Board of Trustees, The Daily Texan leadership and the Moody College of Communication can work to resolve these requests. I also agree that the Daily Texan and all student media units at Texas Student Media haven’t always been as welcoming as they could be. I believe this to be true for the 100+ year history of the organization.
    [Show full text]
  • 2011 Topps Football 2011 Complete Set Hobby Edition
    2011 TOPPS FOOTBALL 2011 COMPLETE SET HOBBY EDITION All 440 Base Cards including 110 Rookies from 2011 Topps Football BASE CARDS • 440 • Veterans: 262 NFL pros. • Rookies: 110 hopeful talents. • All-Pro: 2010 NFL First Team All-Pros. • Team Cards: 32 cards featuring each team in the league. • Rookie Premiere: 30 elite 2011 NFL Rookies pose for a HOBBY STORE BENEFITS team photo. • Appeals to Fans & Collectors! • Record Breakers: They made the record book in 2010. • Outstanding Value at a Great Price! • Super Bowl Champions: The Packers and the • Collectors Return Year After Year! Lombardi Trophy! • Ships September - The Start of the NFL Season! • League MVP: Tom Brady • 2010 Rookies Of The Year: Sam Bradford & Ndamukong Suh ® TM & © 2011 The Topps Company, Inc. Topps and Topps Football are trademarks of The Topps Company, Inc. All rights reserved. © 2011 NFL Properties, LLC. Team Names/Logos/Indicia are trademarks of the teams indicated. All other PLUS One 5-Card Pack of Hobby Exclusive NFL-related trademarks are trademarks of the National Football League. Officially Licensed Product of NFL PLAYERS | NFLPLAYERS.COM. Please note that you must obtain the approval of the National Football League Properties in promotional materials that incorporate any marks, designs, logos, etc. of the National Football League or any of its teams, unless the Numbered* Red Base Parallel Cards material is merely an exact depiction of the authorized product you purchase from us. Topps does not, in any manner, make any representations as to whether its cards will attain any future value. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. PLUS ONE 5-CARD PACK OF HOBBY EXCLUSIVE NUMBERED RED BASE PARALLEL CARDS 2011 COMPLETE SET CHECKLIST 1 Aaron Rodgers 69 Tyron Smith 137 Team Card 205 John Kuhn 273 LeGarrette Blount 341 Braylon Edwards 409 D.J.
    [Show full text]
  • The Daily Texan Is Valued at $1.25 IRAN Continues from Page 1 Imity to I-35.” Permanent Staff an Additional Location in Editor
    1 THE DAILY ServingT the UniversityEXAN of Texas at Austin community since 1900 @thedailytexan facebook.com/dailytexan Tuesday, April 30, 2013 dailytexanonline.com INSIDE Horns, Panthers square off at UFCU Disch Falk. COMICS PAGE 11 NEWS SPORTS In-N-Out Burger An- PAGE 7 nounces new Central Austin location to be built at the intersec- WORLD TEXAN IN-DEPTH tion of I-35 and Airport Boulevard. PAGE 5 Panel on unequal McCombs food distribution Iran prisoner details arrest within Austin com- Foundation munities emphasizes By Alberto Long Kokabee, who transferred technical manager for mili- innovation techniques. from the Institute of Pho- tary and intelligence proj- profits from PAGE 5 tonic Sciences in Spain to ects,” Kokabee wrote. Omid Kokabee, a former UT as a laser physics Ph.D. Kokabee also said he was enterprises UT grad student currently candidate in 2010, wrote in a asked in 2006 to develop imprisoned in Iran, said in letter dated March 2013 that a powerful carbon dioxide Editor’s Note: This is one SPORTS a public letter he has been he has refused all petitions to laser for isotope separa- story in a series of features “persecuted for refusing collaborate with the Iranian tion, which can be used on external UT foundations The Longhorns’ class to cooperate with Iranian military before and during to enrich uranium. that will end Wednesday. of 2014 has a number of military projects,” the Na- his ongoing detention. In the public letter, NFL prospects, including ture International Weekly “Since 2005, I have been Kokabee says the Iranian By Alexa Ura Mike Davis.
    [Show full text]
  • Legislative Budget Board the UNIVERSITY of TEXAS SYSTEM
    John Zerwas Oscar Longoria Chairman Vice-Chair TEXAS HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON APPROPRIATIONS AGENDA SUBCOMMITTEE ON ARTICLE III CHAIRMAN TRENT ASHBY TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2017 7:30 A.M. ROOM E1.030 I. CALL TO ORDER II. CHAIRMAN’S OPENING REMARKS III. GENERAL ACADEMIC INSTITUTIONS, LAMAR STATE COLLEGES, AND TEXAS STATE TECHNICAL COLLEGES • Jeff Pool, Analyst - Legislative Budget Board THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM - William H. McRaven, Chancellor The University of Texas at Arlington - Dr. Vistasp Karbhari, President The University of Texas at Dallas - Dr. Richard C. Benson, President The University of Texas at El Paso - Dr. Diana S. Natalicio, President The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley - Dr. Guy Bailey, President The University of Texas Permian Basin- Dr. W. David Watts, President The University of Texas at San Antonio - Dr. Pedro Reyes, Acting President The University of Texas at Tyler - Dr. Michael V. Tidwell, President UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS SYSTEM - Lee Jackson, Chancellor University of North Texas - Dr. Neal Smatresk, President University of North Texas at Dallas - Dr. Bob Mong, President IV. HEALTH RELATED INSTITUTIONS • Health Related Institutions Summary - Emily Deardorff, Analyst, Legislative Budget Board • Baylor College of Medicine - Dr. Paul Klotman, President • University of North Texas Health Science Center - Dr. Michael Williams, President • The University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio - Dr. William L. Henrich, President • The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston - Dr. Giuseppe Colasurdo, President • The University of Texas Health Science Center at Tyler - Dr. Kirk Calhoun, President • The University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston - Dr. David L. Callender, President • The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center - Dr.
    [Show full text]
  • June 17, 1983
    mm S THE MINUTES OF THE BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM Meetin~ No. 793 May 11, 1983 Austin, Texas and Meeting No. 794 June 16-17, 1983 Dallas, Texas VOLUME XXX -E C O $ ili!i ~ i~ mm m am am mm ms ms mm mm am am am mm mm Meeting No. 794 THE MINUTES OF THE BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNI'gERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM i/ / Pages 1 - 100 June 16-17, 1983 Dallas, Texas R annam am m nn an n an nn Meeting No. 794 THE MINUTES OF THE BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM Pages 1 - i00 June 16-17, 1983 Dallas, Texas r I m m B mm i i E m I mm N TABLE OF CONTENTS THE MINUTES OF THE BOARD OF REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SYSTEM JUNE 16-17, 1983 DALLAS, TEXAS MEETING NO. 794 JUNE 16, 1983 I. Attendance II. Recess for Committee Meetings JUNE 17, 1983 I. Welcome and Report by Charles C. Sprague, M.D., President of The University of Texas Health Science Center at Dallas 2 II. U.T. Board of Regents: Approval of Minutes of Regular Meeting on April 14-15, and Special Meeting on May ii, 1983 2 2 III. Introduction of Faculty and Student Representatives 5 IV. REPORTS AND RECOMMENDATIONS OF STANDING COMMITTEES A. REPORT OF EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 5 PERMANENT UNIVERSITY FUND . Authorization to Employ the Firm of A. G. Becker, Inc., Houston, Texas, to Perform an Audit of Investment Performance and Appropriation Therefor (Exec.
    [Show full text]
  • October 2014
    1 WORKING ON OUR BUSINESS FOUNDATIONS CERTIFICATE SINCE 1997 OCTOBER 2014 UT AUSTIN’S OFFICIAL HUMOR PUBLICATION 2-Contents/Calendar The SYNERGYIssue in this issue... Editor-in-Chief Chris Gilman Managing Editor Rohit Mandalapu Associate Editor Xavier Rotnofsky Contributing Editor Nick Mehendale Design Director Maryam Amjadi Distribution Director Ethan Boer Social Media Directors Neha Dubey Girl in bar very selective about Ugly student’s puppy not cute Swarm of bees ruins sting Helen Smith who she rubs her butt on enough to make him approachable operation Head Videographer Marshall Kistner Writing Sta Justin Bregman Nick Ward Colby Smith Josh “Knuckes” Brenner Vishal Jain Edward Stockwell Mac McCann Recruiter’s handshake a little God to get Jesus on Local mom 60% done de- Design Sta Hazel O’Neil Erin O’Connor too lotiony weekends stroying son’s self-con dence Administrative Elizabeth Moore Assistants Max Friedman of crushed up chips and eat it like cereal? fedoras Chloe Morris • Th e Texas gubernatorial election is between a • We accept the love we think we deserve. We Elizabeth Dubois Nathan Simmons person famous for standing a long time and also accept American Express, Mastercard, Vedant Peris someone famous for sitting for a long time and Visa Cole Gertho er Ruby Monettte-Meadow • I love you like a gay guy loves his gay • Well, technically she lost her virginity to a Olivia Berkeley younger brother Bop-It Abby Hilling • My bonsai tree can’t stop stuntin’ • Life is a highway, so adopt it Jordan Dempsey Lee Rudder • Meteorology is the creepy uncle of sciences • I was just like, “Okay, Dad, just pay for my • God commanded, “Th ou shalt not use the college, I don’t care” CONTACT PHONE 281-701-7001 • I can’t wait to have the talk with your kids Lord’s name in vain, unless in orgasm” • Boy, I sure hope Kid Rock has somewhere to EMAIL [email protected] • My father’s dying wish was to be buried in WEB www.texastravesty.com stay during the apocalypse his snakeskin onesie.
    [Show full text]
  • 2013 - 2014 Media Guide
    2013 - 2014 MEDIA GUIDE www.bcsfootball.org The Coaches’ Trophy Each year the winner of the BCS National Champi- onship Game is presented with The Coaches’ Trophy in an on-field ceremony after the game. The current presenting sponsor of the trophy is Dr Pepper. The Coaches’ Trophy is a trademark and copyright image owned by the American Football Coaches As- sociation. It has been awarded to the top team in the Coaches’ Poll since 1986. The USA Today Coaches’ Poll is one of the elements in the BCS Standings. The Trophy — valued at $30,000 — features a foot- ball made of Waterford® Crystal and an ebony base. The winning institution retains The Trophy for perma- nent display on campus. Any portrayal of The Coaches’ Trophy must be li- censed through the AFCA and must clearly indicate the AFCA’s ownership of The Coaches’ Trophy. Specific licensing information and criteria and a his- tory of The Coaches’ Trophy are available at www.championlicensing.com. TABLE OF CONTENTS AFCA Football Coaches’ Trophy ............................................IFC Table of Contents .........................................................................1 BCS Media Contacts/Governance Groups ...............................2-3 Important Dates ...........................................................................4 The 2013-14 Bowl Championship Series ...............................5-11 The BCS Standings ....................................................................12 College Football Playoff .......................................................13-14
    [Show full text]
  • SEPTEMBER 2004 Any Persons Living Or Dead Is Coincidental
    THE h o t t i e OF THE LINING BIRDCAGES SINCE 1997 FRENCH ISSUE month EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Todd Nienkerk olores MANAGING EDITOR Kristin Hillery DESIGN DIRECTOR JJ Hermes Gifter of Bibles ASSOCIATE Elizabeth Barksdale EDITORS Ryan B. Martinez D WRITING STAFF Kathryn Edwards Who is this hot Magdalenian mama beckoning me to her Bradley Jackson Fertile Crescent? Your lips, swollen with Passion, coax me into Chanice Jan Todd Mein the sizzling sinlessness of scripture. Did you spill some Holy John Roper Joel Siegel Water on your lap, or are you just anticipating the Rapture? Christie Young Press me against your virginal bosom so I can be DESIGN STAFF David Strauss born again, and again — and again! Christina Vara ADVERTISING Emily Coalson vital stats PUBLICITY Stan Babbitt Hobbies: Accepting missionary positions, being an open book, shopping at the Dress Barn, DISTRIBUTION Stephanie Bates “Bible”-beating, being on her knees WEBMASTER Mike Kantor ADMINISTRATIVE Erica Grundish Turn-ons: submission, “Dogma,” destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abel SUPERVISOR Turn-offs: Getting off the high horse, abridging, “The DaVinci Code”, polytheism, birth ADMINISTRATIVE Leala Ansari control, Cain, lap dances, Darwin, the Pope-mobile ASSISTANTS Doug Cooper Jef Greilich Sara Kanewske meeting at busy intersections to play right-of-way • People running to class look funny and deserve to Lindsay Meeks games with speeding vehicles. be laughed at. Jill Morris Garrett Rowe • Overeager returning students will continue to • The 40 Acres Buses will be renamed “40- Toby Salinger like school enough for the both of you. Thousand Acres.” If they weren’t traveling 40,000 Ari Schulman around • Captain Clueless will attempt to charm you by acres, why else would they take so goddamn long Laura Schulman turning courteous small talk into a biographical and travel caravan-style? Eric Seufert discourse about himself.
    [Show full text]
  • THE DAILY TEXAN Serving the University of Texas at Austin Community Since 1900
    1 THE DAILY TEXAN Serving the University of Texas at Austin community since 1900 ‘CACHED CURSES’ SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT, TWO BITS HORNS REFLECT Show features eclectic art by Wooten Barber Shop offers quick, Women’s basketball looks inward Texas-based artist Eileen Maxson affordable trims on the Drag before taking on Lady Red Raiders SPORTS PAGE 7 LIFE&ARTS PAGE 12 EXPOSURE PAGE 10 >> Breaking news, blogs and more: dailytexanonline.com @thedailytexan facebook.com/dailytexan Wednesday, January 26, 2011 LOBBYINGtheLEGE GOALS: TODAY University Democrats will be lobbying to: • Prevent disproportional cuts to higher Calendar Cuts unite student political groups education • Keep guns off campus By Melissa Ayala Democrats spokesman Cameron Mic- ommendation included cutting more Safety first sity • Oppose voter ID bill A campus safety discussion Daily Texan Staff ulka. “The thing we’re going to be most in- than $400 million from student finan- hosted by University Resource volved with is watching how the Legislature cial aid programs and a proposal from the Groups and featuring UTPD University Democrats and College Repub- tackles the budget. One of the first things House to eliminate funding for at least four College Republicans will be Chief Robert Dahlstrom is taking licans may butt heads on most issues this leg- that is going to be on the chopping block is community colleges. lobbying to: place from noon - 1 p.m. in islative session, but both will lobby to fight higher education.” College Republicans President Justin May • Ensure University budget cuts target room 212 of the Main Building. higher education funding cuts. The Legislative Budget Board, a joint said the focus of the group’s lobbying will administration first “Obviously, we disagree with the College committee that recommends state bud- suggest administrative and bureaucratic cuts • Maintain levels of financial aid and salaries Music for airports Republicans on several issues, but I think get appropriations, released proposals last in the University budget.
    [Show full text]
  • At New England Patriots, Sun., Sept
    Cincinnati Bengals One Paul Brown Stadium Cincinnati, Ohio 45202 (513) 621-3550 administrative offices (513) 621-3570 administrative fax (513) 621-TDTD (8383) ticket office www.bengals.com WEEKLY NEWS RELEASE SEPT. 7, 2010 Regular-season opener Cincinnati Bengals (0-0) Sunday, Sept. 12 at Gillette Stadium at Next up: Week 2, Game 2 New England Patriots (0-0) Sept. 19 vs. Baltimore Game information Kickoff: 1 p.m. EDT. and no significant final-game injuries. Most if not all of the club’s front-line players appear ready to take their starting roles against Television: CBS broadcast with Jim Nantz (play-by-play) the Patriots. and Phil Simms (analyst). The game will air in the Bengals’ home “All the focus is on going to Foxboro, and that really has been market on CBS affiliates WKRC-TV (Ch. 12) in Cincinnati, WHIO- the focus all summer,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “We’ve TV (Ch. 7) in Dayton and WKYT-TV (Ch. 27) in Lexington, Ky. worked a long time to get ready for this. I’m telling our guys to do two things — under-promise and over-achieve. You know it’s Radio: Coverage on the 28-station Bengals Radio never going to be easy. The team that wins is going to be the Network, including WCKY-AM (1530) “Homer” (all sports) and team with just a little more gas in the tank at the end of 60 minutes WEBN-FM (102.7). Broadcasters are Brad Johansen (play-by- than the other guys.” play) and Dave Lapham (analyst). The Bengals lost their season opener last year, at home to Denver and in stunning, last-second fashion.
    [Show full text]
  • Mary Jones: Last First Lady of the Republic of Texas
    MARY JONES: LAST FIRST LADY OF THE REPUBLIC OF TEXAS Birney Mark Fish, B.A., M.Div. Dissertation Prepared for the Degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS December 2011 APPROVED: Elizabeth Hayes Turner, Major Professor Richard B. McCaslin, Committee Member and Chair of the Department of History D. Harland Hagler, Committee Member Denis Paz, Committee Member Sandra L. Spencer, Committee Member and Director of the Women’s Studies Program James D. Meernik, Acting Dean of the Toulouse Graduate School Fish, Birney Mark. Mary Jones: Last First Lady of the Republic of Texas. Doctor of Philosophy (History), December 2011, 275 pp., 3 tables, 2 illustrations, bibliography, 327 titles. This dissertation uses archival and interpretive methods to examine the life and contributions of Mary Smith McCrory Jones in Texas. Specifically, this project investigates the ways in which Mary Jones emerged into the public sphere, utilized myth and memory, and managed her life as a widow. Each of these larger areas is examined in relation to historiographicaly accepted patterns and in the larger context of women in Texas, the South, and the nation during this period. Mary Jones, 1819-1907, experienced many of the key early periods in Anglo Texas history. The research traces her family’s immigration to Austin’s Colony and their early years under Mexican sovereignty. The Texas Revolution resulted in her move to Houston and her first brief marriage. Following the death of her husband she met and married Anson Jones, a physician who served in public posts throughout the period of the Texas Republic. Over time Anson was politically and personally rejected to the point that he committed suicide.
    [Show full text]